#me and infj used to run away for lunch together because the others

[tbh-entp]

ok so i don’t think we should feel bad for literally feeling our souls leave us while talking to people who we don’t find stimulating-- we just can’t blame it on them

[spicy-mbti-memes]

How the Types Dump You

ESTJ: As you walk into the room, he is sitting at an office desk. He motions for you to sit down. (This confuses you greatly, because you don’t even have an office desk in your house; did he buy one just for this occasion?) He takes out his reading glasses and pulls out a file folder that you can see is extensively tagged with color-coded index notes. He opens it up and begins reading from a double-spaced, 5,000-word essay written in size 12 Times New Roman with in-text citations and a bibliography written in APA format. His essay lists every way in which you’ve ever failed to live up to his expectations in the relationship; the report concludes that there is no other rational choice but to fire you as his companion. He thanks you for your time and writes you a severance check (aka first and last month’s rent) before leaving. You shrug casually because, well, hey, it could’ve been worse: you could’ve been broken up with the way that the ENFP girl’s boyfriend on this list did.

ISTJ: ISTJs don’t break up with you. If you end up with an ISTJ, you’re either going to have to do the dirty work yourself, or you’re going to be stuck with them until you die.

Either that, or they’ll e-mail you from work while they’re on their lunch break (because they can’t send a personal e-mail during work hours, obviously).

ESTP: You walk into your apartment to see your ESTP boyfriend in the middle of having a literal orgy in your living room. “What the fuck are you doing?!” you scream at your ESTP boyfriend (and the twelve other people in the room, too, I guess), who seems genuinely confused somehow. “But I don’t even love them!” he continues to insist, not understanding how you could be so upset about this. “It’s just sex, what’s the big deal? Here, how about this: why don’t you join us? Would that make you feel better? The bowl of condoms is over there. They’re just for decoration and we’re not using them, but I thought I would show them to you anyway.”

ISTP: Sends you a letter in the mail from a clinic advising you to get tested for STDs.

ESFJ: You’ve been talking about starting to try for a baby for a while now, so you and your partner begin to make some preparations to help protect your future family - stashing away money for the down-payment on a house, trading in your car for a family van, filling out life insurance policies; routine stuff. But then, little things started happening; things so small that you only noticed in hindsight. The new lock on her phone that wasn’t there before. How often you caught her smiling to herself as she was texting. How much more often she was suddenly going on out-of-town work trips, or going out for a lady’s night, or having to stay late for work. How irritated she always seemed to be with you, and how little you were having sex despite actively trying to get pregnant. You were in denial at first, but slowly, you’re starting to put the pieces together. You make up your mind to confront her on the weekend, in case anything goes wrong and you suddenly have to go stay somewhere else.

Except you never get a chance to, because one morning, you wake up and your world looks completely different. You aren’t in your bed; in fact, you don’t seem to be anywhere at all. And that’s because you’re dead, because your wife poisoned you so that she could move overseas to be with her new hot 23-year-old boyfriend from Spain, and the money she got from your $250,000 life insurance policy.

ISFJ: Does it the proper, old-fashioned way: by sitting you down and explaining to you why it just isn’t working out. Fuck ISFJs and their wholesomeness and perfection preventing me from shitposting about them. =/

ESFP: Sends you a picture of themselves flipping the bird while sucking your best friend’s dick. Afterwards, texts you a detailed play-by-play of everything they did, and how much of a better lay he was than you. Oh, and how much bigger his dick was than yours, of course.

ISFP: Breaking up? Us? Oh, honey. Honey, no. You’re not going anywhere. I will murder your entire family if that’s what I have to do to stop them from being able to take you away from me. The police? Lmao, that’s cute. Let them come and watch me win the Oscar performance of the year as I cry about how you beat me, and drag you away to jail instead. No, baby, you’re not going anywhere. We’re never breaking up. We’re always going to be together. Forever.

ENTJ: He’s a wildly successful entrepreneur who ended up becoming a multi-millionaire. You’re the beautiful philanthropist and socialite trophy wife and stay-at-home mom who takes care of the kids. Together, you own homes in four different countries (one for each season, and several in Aspen and Montauk - just for the weekends, of course), a yacht, multiple sports cars, an entire room just for shoes, ties, and handbags, and a chef, a housekeeper, and a full-time, live-in nanny. Everything he owns is shiny, new, the latest model - everything, that is, except for you. So he cheats on you behind your back, divorces you when you find out about it, and then replaces you with a hotter, younger replica of yourself.

But hey, at least you got half of everything in the divorce. At least he was gracious enough not to have you assassinated, I guess.

INTJ: Calmly and rationally explains to you why it just wouldn’t work in the grand scheme of things. I mean, for one thing, having a wife (or even a serious girlfriend) just wasn’t a part of the life plan that he created for himself in the first grade; hell, it wasn’t even a part of the ten-year plan that he drew up for himself on the first day of high school. He’s not trying to be rude or insensitive, but he just doesn’t have the time to waste on pursuing empty, meaningless pursuits like social relationships or having a girlfriend. How is he going to meet his goal of becoming the youngest PhD holder in his state if he has to waste time doing things like talking to you?

Joke’s on him, though, because this is exactly how the movie Legally Blonde started, and doesn’t he know how that movie ended for someone like him?

ENTP: ENTPs don’t break up with you, because ENTPs don’t date anyone seriously in the first place. If, by some stroke of (horrible) luck, you actually did manage to get an ENTP to agree to hang out with you often enough under a context that could reasonably be construed as the two of you being “in a relationship”, they would probably get bored and cheat on you within weeks. But hey, if you’re a masochist and getting your heart broken repeatedly is your thing (lookin’ at you, INFxs), then do what makes you happy, man. I’m not judging.

INTP: Meh. Doesn’t really bother to break up with you. Continues to co-habitate with you while ceasing to continue putting any effort into the maintenance of the relationship, and just kind of letting it die a natural death. By the time it’s over, neither of you have cared for months.

ENFJ: Leaves you a length, caring, compassionate, “It’s not you, it’s me” goodbye letter on your bedside table in an attempt to soften the blow of gently explaining that she has decided to leave you and your life together in order to pursue her dream of cultivating relationships with multiple wealthy Sugar Daddies who fund her extravagant, globetrotting lifestyle.

INFJ: INFJs never truly break up with anyone. They keep the door open just the tiniest sliver, so that they can keep you around as their potential back-up plan in case their current relationship falls apart. After all, where are they going to get their identity and sense of self from if they’re alone?

ENFP: You come home after work and she isn’t there. None of her stuff is missing, so at first, you aren’t worried - she must just be running late, or made an impromptu decision to go see a friend. By 10 PM, you’re riddled with anxiety and the fear that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. You call her friends. You call all the local hospitals and jails. You file a police report. But nothing ever comes of the investigation, and no one can figure out what happened to her - it’s like she dropped off the face of the Earth. The whole ordeal is emotionally devastating for you, but eventually life goes on, as it inevitably must.

Years later, you turn on your computer and have a new friend request on Facebook. It’s your ex-girlfriend. You find out that she’s been living on a hippie commune in the Costa Rican rainforest for the past three years. She felt “stifled and trapped” by her old life, she tells you, and felt like she “needed a change from the oppressive grind of daily life”. She can’t understand why you’re so upset about it; shouldn’t you be happy for her for finally getting to live out her dream?

You hang up the phone and never think about her again.

INFP: Ghosts you.

That’s it. That’s literally it. You’ll never hear from them again. It’s like they just never existed. After a while, you start to wonder whether they ever really did, or if they were just a figment of your imagination.

(If you’re an INTP, then this is probably true. Your caring, squishy uwu INFP senpai girlfriend was all a product of your lonely imagination.)

[retvenkos]

Hi! Congrats Olive! That's amazing! 🔥 please? Okay Part 1: Im an ISFJ/INFJ, 6w7 and 4w3(i know i know you are only suppose to have 1 but i swear I’m both lol), And a slytherpuff! Straight female. I am very smiley and bubbly but am an introvert(or extroverted introvert) and can be super shy. I am extremely ambitious and loyal My friends call me optimistic and the happy one of the group but I actually suffer from chronic depression, OCD,  and major social anxiety.

Part 2: Also have abandonment issues due to my dad leaving. Can be overly emotional and sensitive. But I I love to laugh and find the positive in situations!  I am a very determined person, if I want something I won’t stop trying until I psychically can’t. When Im in expert in something I sometimes get a slight superiority complex, mainly when someone questions me on it, trying to work on that.I’m a Christian and my faith is very important to me!

Part 3 I LOVE to cuddle and hold hands and hugs but innocent otherwise. I have danced and done theater my whole life and love it and being on stage so much but ultimately decided to into video editing. I LOVE broadway and musicals but can’t sing for crap. I love pink and Disney(worked there twice) and nerdy stuff. Child at heart and old soul at the same time.  Oh and for Disney, Marvel, and Harry Potter please! Thanks so much!

Disney:

I ship you with Flynn Rider!

alright, we already know that flynn has a secret soft side to him, and i 100% believe that you unlock it without trying, on like, the second time you meet flynn.

i want to say that you met flynn fairly early on in his life - when he first got out of the orphanage and was still a thief in training. he probably made some dashing rescue when you were cornered by some thugs, and you thanked him with some coin and maybe a dinner? who knows. both of you are young and neither of you well off financially, so you share what little you have. when he leaves, you noticed he let you keep your money. so he’s a gentleman, huh?

he continues to find reasons to stop by your village, his excuses getting increasingly worse over time. on all of his visits, flynn seems to have the mission of getting to know you better - and you’re not going to easily reveal your secrets. after all, a girl’s gotta look out for herself, doesn’t she?

flynn learns that you are a very ambitious person with a lot of smarts that you’re proud of, and he likes your confidence - it’s something he’s had to build over a lifetime, so he loves the fact that it comes so easily to you.

he also loves your optimism. he used to have it, once, and it’s refreshing to find someone who truly and honestly believes in the world.

getting to know you is slow going, but it also takes time to get to know him, so fair is fair. and the more you learn about each other, the more you want him to stay. you, of course, know about his life on the run as a master thief, and he has hidden in your house plenty of times before.

what’s most interesting about your relationship is that flynn talks about the future with you. you know what you want to do with your life and are working towards it with all the tenacity in the world. you are headed in one direction and nothing can stop you, and that inspires flynn and reminds him of himself. and both of you are going to do all you can.

(if you want to get some angst in this headcanon set, maybe your ambitions take you to the castle - maybe you want to be a healer or someone who offers intellectual council, idk. anyway, your ambitions put you in direct opposition of flynn, and the two of you probably have a few run ins. and while there isn’t animosity and you always let him run free, there is a distance between the two of you. BUT, your time at court doesn’t work out and you have to go back to your roots - to flynn.) 

or! maybe you’re an actress in plays! you know that if you were, flynn would sneak into your shows to watch you and would leave you a single flower after your performance. 

you’re relationship is a lot of fun! it involves a lot of sneaking around, a lot of stolen, soft moments, and then talks at the kitchen table, with the candle burning low and all the world between you two.

ugh, i just love this concept.

Marvel:

I ship you with Peter Parker!

you and peter are the sweetest couple ever, two nerds who probably had feelings for eachother for a long time, but were too shy and awkward to mention them. 

since you mentioned video editing, can i propose the idea of you taking videos of spider-man, not knowing it’s peter? may i propose the idea of you making youtube videos about spider-man and kind of being his hype man in the early stages? may i suggest the idea that you are the reason why spider-man blew up online, and it stresses peter out to no end?

i really want peter to bring you into the fold and tell you that he’s spider-man because you’ve been bringing him a lot of attention and have started making theory videos on who he is and how he got his powers, and the stress of you possibly figuring out and telling the whole world is literally killing him.

then you can work to steer the evidence away from peter and to someone else, lol.

alright, but back to basics - you and peter both have altruistic goals! peter wants to make a difference and you do, too. you’re both kind of quiet in your goals but work toward them with a fervor, and it’s good for both of you to find someone with so much drive and willingness. 

also, the two of you are nerds! you can be nerds together! you would never have to hide your interests from peter and that is honestly such a relief. you definitely geek out over harry potter and all sorts of movies - you’re still trying to sell peter on paying attention to the full lore of star wars, but he really only listens for you and ned.

you both are a little sensitive, but you are able to work through that together. you both are unafraid to lean on the other and be vulnerable with each other, and that’s an exceptional trait to have, so the fact that you employ it so early on is good. 

peter, too, has that young at heart yet old soul vibe to him, and that’s because he’s had to struggle in life. he’s lost a lot of people and is poor, all of which ages him (mcu peter doesn’t really have this vibe, but other spideys do), and yet he is still a teenager! he’s still trying his best and wants to see the world! he has wonder in his eyes, and that makes him young again. you understand how he can be simultaneously both, which is good, because explaining that can be rough, and he also understand that in you. lots of mutual understanding is good for you - esp. since his life is so complicated, being spiderman.

oh! peter also loves watching bootl*gs of musicals with you. the two of you will hang out at his place, eating microwave popcorn while trying to enjoy the shaky video. peter talks a lot through movies, but it’s all good, because if you kiss his cheek, he gets flustered and goes very quiet for at least 10 minutes.

Harry Potter:

I ship you with Draco Malfoy!

okay, you gotta stick with me here, because i promise you i have some thoughts about this

i mostly get post-war vibes. i imagine the two of you didn’t interact a lot at school, and if you did, it was in passing - partners in charms once or twice, nothing that could make the two of you especially hate each other later in life.

i’m going all out and saying you both work in the ministry - in the same or similar departments, both of you working late into the night. you, because of your ceaseless ambitions and draco because working clears his mind from all the horrors of his past.

it first starts out that the two of you pass by each other at night, almost shutting off the lights on the other because you thought you were alone. i imagine that draco approaches you first - he has a problem that you can help him solve, and he’s pleasantly surprised by your pride in what you know and the vehemence with which you state the facts. he didn’t know you were so strong willed. it vaguely reminds him of himself, and that’s where the interaction ends.

after that, though, he’s bridged the gap. now, he’ll come over to you for advice on how to do some of his ministry work - you’re really good in a lot of areas, and you’re incredibly concise. when he comes over to your desk, you now ask him about some of your own challenging problems, and the two of you are work friends, now.

it’s a slow burn to end all slow burns, but eventually draco brings you a cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate one winter's night when the two of you are working late - his way to say thank you for all of your help. he’s not used to this - reaching out and being nice, but you inspire it in him.

one night he helps you walk some paperwork back to your house - some work you still have to do over the holidays - and he offers his help, if you need it.

i imagine that you don’t exactly want to call draco malfoy over to your apartment during the holidays, so you don’t, but when you realize how far you are behind, you call him over on a saturday and the two of you work all day. it’s mindless filing, mostly, so the two of you have time to talk, if you want to. draco’s pretty silent this whole time, but you are talkative and you eventually get him to crack. you talk about your earliest years at hogwarts. draco rolls his eyes at how dramatic he was and groans at some of his actions. (”remember when you made those “’potter stinks’ buttons? you had a button press in the slytherin common room and gave them out to everyone. i can’t believe snape let you keep a button press!”) the two of you have a lot of tea and you go to get lunch at a restaurant nearby, and when you’re walking back after your meal (where he laughed - actually laughed at something you said) he turns to you and sincerely apologizes for all that he was in his hogwarts years. and because there was never too much bad blood between you two, you shrug off his apology.

and it takes a lot of time for both of you to open up - and i mean a lot of time. you guys steadily become friends who tell each other everything, and it’s you who drags draco to parties with other school mates whom he reconciles with (although he still gives apologies to the main trio, quite often). because you’re a little more extroverted, you bring draco out of his shell while still being introverted in your activities.

you also take draco to your favorite muggle places - the theatre being one of them. i want to say that you go to see les mis or hadestown, because i feel like draco would actually really like those musicals. you also do a lot of movie watching, which draco loves. he gets to set aside his troubles for a few hours or so, and it’s nice.

a few more ideas - you teach draco to cook, you realise draco has a love for poetry and find it very sweet (but you lord it over him, of course), you gossip about your coworkers together, and you star gaze.

EVENTUALLY the two of you get together, and it’s just really sweet. draco’s not big on pda, but he will always give you his arm, or he will hold your hand, and the love is in the gentle stares and soft smiles.

[axther]

for a matchup: i’m a ravenclaw, infj, straight female that values authenticity and intelligence overall. i absolutely love learning more things. i am known for being accepting and easygoing but i’m also more blunt too. my favorite thing is when i can just be around someone and not worry about what to say. and once you get to know me i’m also known for having a dark (unique?) sense of humor! thank u so much

I am such a sucker for dark humour lmao i always feel bad but hey don’t we all (please say yes) 

#1 is...Todoroki! 

Au👏🏻then👏🏻tic👏🏻it👏🏻y

This boy LOVES it 

Yes he’s very passive about it and doesn’t show it a lot 

But it comforts him a lot that you won’t lie often, if not at all, and that you’re being your truest self around him 

He’s spent too much time with people that are two-faced to want someone like that 

So long that you’re genuine, you can say whatever you want 

(short of insulting him, of course) 

Especially if it’s you roasting Endeavour 

You: god what a fucking jackass 

Todoroki, internally, while externally looking uninterested: holy SHIT god THat’s My WIFE i hear weDDING bellSSS where’s the RinGGG

Also your humour?? I’m so sorry if i make it too dark but 

Let’s say mineta tries something 

And you get pissed

You spin around and just yell ‘Run before I make the Armenian Genocide look like a fucking joke!’ 

This gets the attention of everyone in class 

and also has mineta hurling himself out the door 

Since you’re the intellectual type with a penchant for dark humour, then that means dark history jokes. 

You could say the Library of Alexandria had furry porn in it

And not only would, like, three people believe you

It would go over their heads just how good that joke was 

Maybe the library of alexandria did have furry porn and we will never know 

That’s the beauty of it, yanno? 

But either way Todo thinks it’s funny and maybe he doesn’t get some of it but it’s ok bc he loves you :)

#2 is...Iida! 

Please for the love of god help this man get a proper sense of humour 

People like Todoroki have some humour, though it’s sometimes unintentional  

But this man doesn’t have any type of actual humour

So when you walk in saying something along the lines of ‘the murder failed and now someone has a concussion-caused amnesia’ he LOSES it 

‘You surely did not attempt to kill someone, right? Right?’ 

(tell him yes and he’ll avoid you for the whole day before realising you really were joking) 

Once he picks up one your humour he’ll try to replicate it

But of course it takes several tries 

(read: about a month) 

No one knows exactly how to handle it? 

But when they realise it’s coming from you they all relax

But then it poses another question

Is the class pres dating you? 

The thing about this is that the entire thing is more or less kept under wraps 

Iida has enough about reporters and fans buzzing around his family that he doesn’t want them around you too. 

So it wasn’t like he announced it to 1-A 

But one day when maybe Denki or Mineta is trying to hit on you and Iida’s doing his best to remain calm 

One of the girls tries to intervene 

‘Hey, aren’t you dating Iida, though?’ 

You just shrug 

And Iida decides that hey, maybe, fuck the reporters

And he gets up and just goes off

‘Yes, Y/N and I are currently dating, and I have full intentions of not ending it! It makes me very uncomfortable when others attempt to flirt with her, so please stop!’ 

And then he turns to you 

‘My dear, I am sorry about my outburst. I’ve just exposed us.’

And you’re just like 

‘Uh, yeah. That was the whole point.’ 

Iida.exe has stopped working 

Gonna need to boot up the whole family because? 

Who knew Iida could keep a secret so well? 

#3 is...Bakugou! 

Dark humour gang 

As we all know he has a high brain cell count for a feral bastard, so he always gets your jokes  

So after one about a man with a match to be warm for an hour versus being set on fire and being warm for life, he lets out a really quiet chuckle 

It’s really, really toned down, enough that no one should hear 

But we all know that the Bakusquad could hear it from a mile away 

Now the thing about this is that this is before you two are dating 

So when the squad puts two and two together they are so giddy 

Maybe not for all the right reasons but they are obviously going to try and help their friend 

Kirishima has cleaning duty with King Explosion Murder, but oh no, he saw a puppy on the way to school and he wanted to go check on it, but it wouldn’t be manly to leave Bakugou to do the cleaning on his own, and oh my god, you’d be willing? 

(later that night, Kiri felt like it wasn’t manly to lie to you about his chore, but still…) 

Mina had a study session between you, Denki, and Bakugou when Jesus! Denki got hit by a car! 

Okay so they knew that excuse was shit but they KNEW that you couldn’t be that oblivious 

Thankfully, they were right 

After about five times of that happening and six times that bakugou almost insulted you but instead choked on his own words, you decide to take the initiative 

During lunch one day you just walk over and tap bakugou on the shoulder 

He turns, about to fling someone out the window, but then he sees you 

He goes quiet and lets you talk 

‘Hey i heard there’s a new ramen place down the street and did you want to go with me?’

Bakugou doesn’t answer 

‘I’ll pay,’ you add

He’s dumbstruck, before howling 

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask, shitty woman?! What took you so fucking long? And what makes you think that you have to pay?! Do you think I’m broke or some dumb shit?! I’m not fucking-’ 

‘We don’t have to go.’

‘I’ll see you at six on Wednesday, if that’s a good time for you.’