#me getting 3/4 of the way thru episode 2 and thinking hmm maybe there won't be a lot of jamie feels for me in this one

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

So I obsess a lot about how small and vulnerable Jamie looks when he goes to ask Ted to let him come back to Richmond in the second episode of season two, but today I rewatched the second episode of season one and now I'm having Feelings about how similar Jamie's whole vibe is in the “positive reinforcement” scene. They’ve just played their first match under Ted and lost, and Ted’s called Jamie into his office to try out Keeley’s suggestion on how to get through to Jamie.

There's this gifset showing how Jamie tends to look down when he's feeling vulnerable, and that's exactly Jamie's response when Ted compliments him in this scene as well. But also, now that I know what to look for, I realized that that vulnerability never goes away at any point during this scene. Everything about his body language the entire time is SO much like the scene in Lavender.

Watching this scene again also made me wonder if Jamie doesn't actually get praised that often - at least not in meaningful, one-on-one settings by people who are actually in his life. Obviously Jamie's rich and famous and he gets a lot of praise from fans, but there's a different quality to a bunch of strangers singing your praises vs somebody looking you in the eye and telling you, genuinely, that you are "the best athlete I have ever coached."

I mean, our boy is just completely caught off-guard this entire scene - you can see the wheels turning in his head, can see him trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. At the end of the scene he even leaves the room sort of looking around in bewilderment, like he can't figure out what just happened to him.

(Kinda makes you wonder how conversations with his coaches after a lost match usually tend to go.)

It’s also kind of just hit me how much Jamie's specific verbal response (not just his body language) stands out here. "Wow. Um. Yeah, I work hard, yeah." He doesn't say "well, obviously" or "yeah, I'm the shit ain't I?" or "ha, tell me somethin' I don't know" or anything else you'd expect him to respond with based on the personality he's projecting at this time in the series. He’s honest. He’s a little awkward. He can’t seem to make eye contact with Ted for more than half a second. Again, let me remind you, this is episode TWO. This is height-of-prickishness-Jamie.

It's also interesting that, despite the arrogance he’s been showing, Jamie is also very ready to be criticized - and there's no indication he's even mad about it. When he first walks into the room, Jamie looks like he thinks he's in trouble and is clearly surprised when Ted says something kind instead. And when Ted says that Jamie's truly great at everything he does "except for one thing," Jamie immediately suggests that Ted's talking about his left foot cross. Jamie is fully prepared for Ted to point out the smallest flaws in his technique, maybe because that's what he's used to. Now, it's certainly not a bad thing for Jamie's past coaches to have been nitpicky with him - I'm sure it's part of why Jamie's so skilled, along with Jamie's own level of commitment - but knowing about his dad, and judging by the way he responds to Ted's compliments in this scene, I think he's been criticized by authority figures a lot more than he's been praised.

It's also just. fascinating how INSTANT the change in Jamie's whole demeanor is. I mean, damn, "responds well to positive reinforcement" indeed. Up until this point, Jamie's been dickish and performative and over the top - but the second Ted gives him a genuine compliment? Jamie starts speaking more quietly, he looks down, he gets this fucking softness in his eyes that stays there throughout the entire scene. Seriously, look at his face after Ted ends their conversation by adding "that was a heck of a goal out there, by the way."

Just. like. the tiniest bit of genuine praise (given to him one-on-one, without any other people around apart from Beard) and his entire demeanor is completely transformed.

TL;DR: This is our first glimpse of vulnerability from Jamie, and (much like with the first genuine smile) I've realized that it came a whole lot earlier in the series than I'd previously thought because it turns out I just hadn't known what to look for, and I'm having a lot of feelings about it.