#mediioxumate

[eijispumpkin]

‘ you’re incredible and amazing and worth so much . ’ shoreiji rights

Somewhere in Iowa, between the endless cornfields and Des Moines (a city that Shorter isn’t convinced actually exists, after how long they’ve been driving without actually fucking getting there), they stop for gas.

Max fills up the tank, Ash goes to stretch his legs--prowling like an angry cat around the perimeter of the parking lot--and Ibe decides to head to the strip mall next door to grab them sandwiches. Shorter still has no idea how he’s already memorized everyone’s Subway order. It’s either impressive or really sad. Maybe both.

That leaves Shorter and Eiji on snack duty, inside the gas station. Shorter ate the last gummy worm somewhere around Iowa City, and Ash has been giving him the stink-eye ever since. Gotta get back in his best friend’s good graces, yo.

And Eiji’s been... off, today. Gotta keep an eye on the lil buddy! He drapes an arm around Eiji’s shoulders and steers him towards the junk food aisle, where they belong. The cashier gives him a look, but he’s used to that--tall guy, piercings and shades, purple hair, not white. Everyone gives him funny looks.

Whatever. Time to test the waters. “Hey, Eiji. You wanna get sour cream ‘n’ onion Ruffles or the cheddar ones?” 

Eiji bites his lip. “Do you know which one Ash prefers?”

So it’s about Ash. “He’s cheddar all the way.”

Eiji picks up the cheddar chips without a second thought. “Okay.” He hesitates, looking around, then hangs his head and sighs. “Sorry. I am acting weird, am... aren’t I? Is--is it ‘aren’t’ there? Why not ‘amn’t’? Does that just sound too stupid?”

“It’s ‘aren’t’, because English sucks,” Shorter confirms. “And it’s fine, seriously. D’you wanna talk about it?”

Eiji shrugs, muted and resigned. “I just... feel bad that all I have really done for Ash is get in his way and mess things up. So if I can at least get his favorite snacks, that is better than nothing. At least I can be worth something.”

All he’s done...? No, that’s bullshit. This boy stared down a gun in his face and told Arthur to fuck off. For a total civvie, that’s incredible. Most wouldn’t keep their heads in a hostage situation like that.

Shorter takes him by the shoulders. “You listen to me, Eiji. Not only have you done way more than ‘get in the way’ or ‘mess things up’, but also you are incredible and amazing and worth so much, okay? You’re doing your best and you’re a good dude.”

Eiji looks startled, and then Shorter gets to see it--the softest little smile blooming on his face. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” Shorter says, and taps the side of his own head. “Knowledge. I’m full of it.”

And yeah, words won’t fix everything immediately. But, as he grabs another pack of gummy worms (and another, purely for Ash), his words do get a giggle out of Eiji, so he figures that’s good enough for now.

[willofcausality-a]

{ Things I Tell My Cat Sort Of Ex-Boyfriend | Accepting }

@mediioxumate sent:

“I love you so much. You have no idea.” Kazuichi breathes the words out, barely audible. He's visited Gundham countless times now, and every time he's asleep, back turned to the door. More and more often he finds himself curled up in the chair next to Gundham's bedside for hours, hoping the other will wake up - but he never does.

He knows he can’t go on feigning sleep every time Kazuichi is around, knows he has to face him eventually, but he’s not ready. Next time, he tells himself. I’ll speak to him next time. And when next time inevitably rolls around and he hears Kazuichi approaching his hospital room, he hastily pretends to be asleep again.

Sometimes Kazuichi sits by his bed for hours and Gundham listens to his breathing. Sometimes he thinks he can hear Kazuichi crying softly. He imagines opening his eyes, turning to face Kazuichi. Reaching out to touch his calloused hands. To pull him onto the bed beside him and curl up around him. Inhale his scent of oil and body spray and let his body warm him.

It’s not right that he should be dreaming of those days. They were different people back then and Gundham would be more than happy to wipe his Remnant self from his memory forever, if not for those moments with Kazuichi. He doesn’t remember a lot, just flashes of it. But more and more come back to him every day. The way he taunted Kazuichi when he was set the task of guarding him. The way Kazuichi gripped him by the hips, by the back of his neck, by the hair. His teeth against his neck. And the gentler touches. Kazuichi’s fingers running through his hair, stroking his cheek...

Gundham bites his lip as a sob wells up in his throat. If just those tiny flashes of memory are capable of inducing this much pain in his chest, what will happen when he actually looks at Kazuichi?? Speaks to him??

He can’t face that yet. He’s not ready.

He wills himself to fall asleep for real. To drift off and not have to deal with this agony, and when he wakes up Kazuichi will be gone. But he’s never been capable of falling asleep so easily, and now that sleep brings him murky nightmares full of blood and violence he actively avoids it. And with Kazuichi so close to him, close enough that Gundham could touch him if only he could bring himself to turn over and reach across the gap between the hospital bed and the chair, he knows he’ll never sleep.

So he lies in silence, keeping his body still, his eyes closed, and his breathing steady through sheer force of will. He’s spent his whole life pretending, this is nothing...

‘I love you so much. You have no idea.’

Gundham’s eyes snap open. If he wasn’t facing away from Kazuichi he would have revealed himself immediately. As it is, his breath hitches a little in his throat, another sob wanting to rip itself free.

Why did he say that?? Why would he?? How could he possibly...?? After everything?? Does Kazuichi even know who he is anymore?? Does he know who Kazuichi really is?? 

Gundham’s remaining functioning eye stings and his vision blurs as tears well. He doesn’t know how much longer he can stand this. His breathing becomes uneven in his efforts to withhold his tears and he prays Kazuichi has not noticed. He bites his lower lip again, tastes blood, and bites down harder.

After an agonisingly long time, the chair creaks as Kazuichi gets to his feet.

Speak to him, Gundham’s mind screams at him. Speak to him now, before he leaves. He’s not going to keep coming back forever, if you don’t say something soon you’re going to lose him.

He remains still, closing his eyes again, just in case. Listens to Kazuichi’s soft footsteps retreating, getting further and further away from him. The sound of the door opening and then swinging closed.

He takes in a deep, gasping breath, his repressed sobs escaping his throat in one long, low keening sound. 

[offiiciium-a]

@mediioxumate said

“ we all have sins to pay penance for. ” kaji hums. he still isn't sure why the fuck some kid is an agent for seele, but he's never been one to vanquish his curiosity rather than pursue it. carefully, quietly he observes kaworu, eyes searching for any reaction, anything to delve into.

    to live was to sin. it ‘damned’ mankind, ruled their worlds, often controlled their lives. yet mankind created sin. self destructive was the easiest way to describe lilin. it was sad. they held so much potential, but were crushed by the weight they put on themselves.

    everyone was paying for their sins?? if so, what were his?? with so many loops, the possibilities seemed endless. greed, perhaps?? many would find this whole quest selfish. but in the end he was the only one who remembered any of it, the only one who suffered the consequences of mess-ups. and if wanting to create a world where shinji ikari could feel the happiness he deserved made him greedy, then so be it. he’d suffer the punishment for that sin a thousand times over. 

    perhaps wrath then. many suffered. many deserved it. his mind briefly flashes back to the seele members deaths, the countless nerv employees and to gendo. he lingers on that one, on the man’s unwarranted confidence. on how sickly satisfying it was to watch the life leave his hollow eyes--

    sometimes he disgusted himself.

  kaworu knew his strength, but hated using it. it made him painfully aware of him inhuman he really was. 

    ayanami--

    ayanamiayanamiayanamiayanamiayanamiayanami

    envy. even now, after so many loops, his chest still pangs. of course it was envy. stupid to think otherwise. rei ayanami... she was in a similar situation to him. but no matter what, shinji always cared for her. it didn’t matter the timeline, nor the situation. always rei ayanami. shinji put himself in harms way countless times for her, died for her a few times, almost started the third impact for her... 

    sometimes asuka and shinji were friends, sometimes they weren’t. a few times misato hadn’t opted to take him in and they didn’t become close. even toji and kensuke occasionally weren’t in the picture. but always her. she was kaworu’s downfall in the first loop. he had been overcome with jealousy, still not fully understanding his own feelings. he didn’t make a habit of recalling that particular loop, but it was nice to note how far he’d come.

    rei ayanami... he killed her once, to get to gendo. before he realised exactly what was going on. it was a mistake he didn’t plan on making again. wouldn’t wish harm on her anymore, but mostly avoided her when it was possible. he hated himself most when he found himself envious of her. 

    but maybe that was what made him most human. 

    crimson eyes blink slowly, as if just realising he’d actually been spoken to. luckily his poker face remained even as he pondered the statement. he allows a short laugh, a sort of apology for zoning out.

    kaji was an interesting man. despite the number of loops, kaworu had never found himself enemies with kaji. a couple times he’d even helped cover up the murder of gendo. the older man filled him with a sadness though. he usually didn’t make it. sacrificed himself for others, assassinated, a couple times killed by misato, even gendo once. how deeply unhappy he must be, how overcome with guilt, how heavy his sins must feel-- 

    kaworu wanted to help him. wanted to make sure he lived when this quest was over.

    “i suppose so,” he muses, keeping his eyes on kaji. sin was manufactured. living was to sin if no one could escape it. and no one should punish themselves for being what they were. humans. “and what are your sins, kaji-san??”

[excutient]

closed birthday ask for @mediioxumate

“Are you sure he’s gonna like ‘em?” Fuyuhiko furrows his brow, nervous as hell as he lays the multicolored cupcake wrappers in the gift box, ��I’ve never even made these before, what if they’re shit?” All Fuyuhiko wants is his best friend to have a good birthday, it’s what he deserves after.. well, everything. And if Fuyuhiko manages to fuck up something this simple, he’s never gonna forgive himself for it. They’re brothers now, after all.

Peeking over Fuyuhiko’s shoulder, Nagito watches the other stress over the placement of the small wrappers, “Of course he’ll like them! You really don’t need to worry as much as you are about this, Fuyuhiko. Hajime always raves to me about your baking, and why wouldn’t he? You’re incredibly talented!” Ultimate Baker wasn’t exactly Fuyuhiko’s given talent, but he’s proven again and again he sure is super high school level at it! Nagito watches in awe as Fuyuhiko carefully places the clover shaped kusa-mochi onto the carefully assorted wrappers.

“Remind me again why you insisted so hard on making these clover shaped?” Fuyuhiko asks to distract himself from just how fucking terrified he is to give these to Hajime. He’s so convinced they’re gonna be bad, that he’s gonna ruin Hajime’s favorite dessert for him. The would be the most god damn soul crushing thing, now that baking really is just Fuyuhiko’s whole thing. 

“Ah, yes,” Nagito rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment at having to explain this to Fuyuhiko again. He was more than happy to help the other with making this gift, it was an honor someone like Nagito didn’t deserve. Still, Nagito wanted to add his own personal touch to it, “It’s just a nickname Hajime has for me, his way of making my cursed luck into something affectionate I suppose. This way when he sees them, he’ll think of me. But when he bites into them, and they’re absolutely the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted, he’ll think of you!” Nagito can tell Fuyuhiko is nervous about gifting him something this special, and frankly Nagito is rather nervous too, but he knows it wouldn’t help if he showed that. 

A blush burns in Fuyuhiko’s cheeks and travels to his ears at Nagito’s compliments. He’s sure as hell not unused to Nagito going on and on about how talented they are, but it’s a whole different thing when it comes to Fuyuhiko’s baking, a talent he actually feels invested in. Finally, he finishes perfectly placing each kusa-mochi on the wrappers, and closes the box, “Yea yea, sounds sappy as hell to me. Just go ahead and wrap the ribbon and let’s go.”

As soon as Nagito wraps the ribbon prettily around the box, he leads the way out of his cabin and down a couple doors to Hajime’s. Fuyuhiko steps ahead of him to pound on Hajime’s door, “Open up birthday boy, just because it’s your special day doesn’t mean you can keep us waitin’ out here!” 

[tricksheart]

Munday! Send me some stuff!

( not accepting )

@mediioxumate​ said:  🍡 - share your favorite recipe with your followers !!

It’s not really a recipe per say but more like an alternative to Smores. Since I don’t like chocolate ( kinds that contain cocoa ), I use either white chocolate baking bars or strawberry bark bars that only contains vanilla or white chocolate in them. I would add in yogurt ones but I am not a fan of yogurt either but it may turn out to be good as well. ( also I know some of my mutuals aren’t from the States so a smore is basically putting a few bars of chocolate and a roasted marshmallow from an open fire in the middle of two graham crackers. It’s like a sandwich but without bread. It’s mostly a desert / treat that’s popular where I am from ).

[shadowsboxer]

@mediioxumate​

The man, the myth, the legend sanada akihiko is a genius.  He’s a genius and a kind, loving, STRONG soul.  And at the moment, he’s hiding under the SEES dorm’s communal dining table.  

now, you’re probably wondering how he got into this situation.  the answer simple as basic algebra: blender plus meat equals trouble; equals a still running appliance and chunks of ‘the good stuff’ still raining down in the kitchen.  and before the man, the myth, etcetera can clean up after himself, shinji returns home.

‘stay cool, sanada, play it chill and don’t blow your cover,’ he thinks, blowing it immediately with a startled “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?” and a high enough jolt to hit his head on the bottom of the table.  

[musaeon]

@mediioxumate​ asked: ❔ :3c / multimuse ask meme

jo!! it’s really not that much of a surprise but! i will glady give you my v3s and my p5s (and my ocs if you want to but it’s not required!) to you! i know we’ve talked about ann + goro before and i still want that at some point! also i think we talked about saihara + kaede before as well? but regardless i want your v3s for my own and the same goes for your p5s for my own! but also maybe your p4s as well? and maybe your other dr muses as well!!

[leloupsoliitaiire]

@mediioxumate

He thought he was over his whole mechanic thing. He really did. But of course when that mechanic happens to have pink hair, muscles, and an overall sense of awkward hotness, all bets are off.

Seth now finds himself hoping that his car will break down more just so he can take it back to the garage. It’s bad enough as it is, but he wants more excuses to talk to Kazuichi. He could just go to the garage and ask him out. Maybe. But he’ll say no and it’ll be awkward and Seth will have to find a new mechanic who may or may not be as hot and cute as the one he has now. 

When the car does break down, Seth has a brief moment of you’ve got to be fucking kidding me before the possibilities start to occur to him. Kazuichi gave him his number in case of just such an occurrence. Seth has contemplated many times calling or texting him just to talk but, again, awkward. What if Kazuichi doesn’t like that?? That’s not what he gave him the number for.

But now he has a valid reason to call, and he does it with a small feeling of giddiness.

‘Heeey,’ Seth says when Kazuichi answers. ‘Guess who?? My car broke down.’

[glrchmp]

        He has to play it cool, he’s been complimented on his looks plenty of times! And yet...

        “Ah! Ahaha! Thank you all so much!”

[apocalypticgenocide-archive]

🎯 🎯 🎯 !!!

In a lot of the romance novels she wrote, Fukawa actually pictured herself as the main heroine and would write about all of the love that she wished she could have had, a lot of the time writing about her ideal men in a variety of different settings. 

Along with a fear of the dark, Fukawa’s also debilitatingly claustrophobic since she was locked in a closet for three days because of her cruel classmates. If she were to be in an enclosed space, she would more than likely either shut down completely or have a full blown panic attack.

Fukawa’s vision is so bad that without her glasses she and Syo would be legally blind, not being able to see properly for more than five or six inches in front of her face.

[falsehoped]

‘ so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again. ’ /froooom kazuichi!

“i’m sorry?” you have no idea what he’s talking about, and you can’t help but wrack your brain trying to think of what it could possibly be about. you were not mad at souda yesterday. you have not been mad at souda in a good while, and yet you are quite curious to hear this supposed list. he is a good friend. if anyone else said something like this to you, you would shrug it off, call it implausible. you believe it, coming from him. he’s anxious like that. 

of course, you don’t let him explain further. “i was not mad at you.” you state, very clearly so that he can’t misinterpret it. you rest a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it gently because he’s done that to you before and it might provide some levity. “i will not pretend to understand why you thought i was, but i was not. do not waste your time.” 

you think that maybe you’re squeezing him a little too hard from how he looks at you, and you move your hand away as if you’ve been burned. this... friendship, thing, or whatever it is, is so needlessly complicated and full of unspoken rules that you are almost certain you will never understand. you cross your arms. “...anyway. we should move on.” 

[shujinroyal]

Send me “MUSIC” and I’ll pick a song that reminds me of your muse.

( accepting from mutuals )

@mediioxumate​ said:  music - for maruki!!

DEAD INSIDE | MUSE ( more like Maruki’s connection to Rumi and how the incident shaped him before and during the game’s events but I still am reminded of Maruki when this song plays ).

[willofcausality-a]

{ Birthday Things | Accepting }

@mediioxumate sent:

Objectively, Sonia cares much more about Gundham's birthday than he does, but she can't help an excuse to celebrate her best friend. While he's at his internship, she sets about baking a cake - having the vegan recipe down to a science after making it for any occasion. By the time he gets home, dinner is nearly finished, the cake is decorated, and Sonia greets him with a smile. "Welcome home! Your gift is in my room once you're comfortable. Happy birthday, Gundham." The table is set for three.

His birthday has never been of much importance to him but Sonia has always made sure to give him a gift, as do his foster parents, and he usually gets something sent from Celeste too. His mother usually forgets. His foster parents used to give him gifts claiming they were from his mother, but he never believed them even as a child and they’ve long since given up the practice, although they do try to remind her when his birthday is approaching. Gundham doesn’t mind. His mother already gave him the most important gift he’s ever received; the puppy that first sparked his love for animals.

Therefore, he’s expecting something when he returns home from the clinic. He smells dinner as soon as he enters the apartment, and spies the cake on the counter, before Sonia speaks. He wraps his arms around her as she speaks, giving her a small kiss on the cheek. It’s only from this vantage point that he notices the extra place setting at the table. He pulls back a little to look at Sonia, sees the knowing smile on her lips.

Hope lights in his eye. ‘...Kazuichi??’

[offiiciium-a]

munday q’s on tuesday bc || @mediioxumate​ 

😁 ; Have you made any friends since creating your blog??

    nope!! none at all on this blog which is so sad to admit. i made pals on dearleader tho!! 

😳 ; What is something or someone you have always wanted to write with?? i.e. a particular plot, a character, etc.

    i’ve always wanted to write with a shinji so that’s checked off the list now oderfngvijdfvo other than that, i’m not super sure. i’ve never been one for wishlist stuff. i usually get really into plots when i talk them out with someone else so... i don’t really build them up on my lonesome.

😂 ; What are some similarities between you and your muse??

    fuck idk... why did you pick the two pure ones?? they’re pretty much both angels sefnksenrfvese i guess the three of us are pretty loyal?? i’d kill for my bros. they would too. kaworu and me both love shinji!! does that count?? courier and me both love red scarves??

🤔 ; What are some differences between you and your muse?? (courier oooor kaworu!!)

    okay much easier.

    courier

somehow puts up with people, i could never

can fake a smile even when he’s uncomfortable, i could also never

sword skills, i’ve got very basic knife skills

    kaworu

so fucking determined it’s frightening, i’m determined in a sense but not like him

he’s pure angel boy, i’m pure evil demon person

piano skills, me tone deaf

[fogclearer]

@mediioxumate​ asked: makoto shifts nervously, faith in his ability to give a good gift dwindling by the second. to say life is stressful right now is an understatement, and kyouko may think he's making time for trivial traditions, but he's really hoping it will make her smile. in the package there's a pair of soft, suede gloves, and a warmable neck wrap with lavender and euclyptus. "happy birthday, kirigiri-san." he smiles softly.

birthday girl !

In the throes of an aftermath, the significance of today’s date had nearly slipped her mind. It’s fitting, in a way, that Makoto would be the one to remind her — he’s been a grounding force for her since the first game, keeping her from delving too deep into her own thoughts, reminding her that she is human before she is a detective.

She does little to hide her surprise, violet eyes widening as a halfhearted chuckle slips past her lips. Although she’d never been one to draw attention to her own birthday, deeming such celebrations trivial, it’d never slipped her mind quite like this before. 

“I’d nearly forgotten,” 

A soft shake of her head, as if waving off those thoughts ; she instead turns her attention to the package, a soft smile slipping onto her features as she carefully unwraps the contents. The gifts are clearly thoughtful, a faint warmth blooming in her chest. 

“Thank you, Naegi - kun. I truly do appreciate it.” 

[blueveines]

@mediioxumate​ commented on this post:

Ryuji smashes confess–

                        “ sakamoto - kun ?! ”  the surprise is audible in his voice,  eyes wide,  before he takes a moment to clear his throat and put a more neutral expression on.  there  is  a deep blush across his cheeks,  though.

                         “ i,  ah,  had no idea you -- ”  he’s still trying to recover from being blindsided,  still clearly flustered.  “ ah ...  would you like to ...  get lunch? ”