#mentally adding him to the list of blonde men that make me lose my fucking mind.

[blueskittlesart]

months late to this party i know but. something something babygirl

[p0tatonoah]

Couples Therapy

I got a lot of comments more like 3 or 4 on my breakup fic asking for a part 2 where Neil and Andrew patch things up and live happily ever after… This is not it. But you can read it as an alternative ending if you want. Or you can read it as a one shot, it’s up to you. 💁🏽‍♂️

I just thought: people are not always happy, and they don’t always talk, and relationships are not always perfect, so what if Andreil went to couples therapy? 😌

✨You can also read it on A03

✨Wanna read the rest of my stuff?

—-

Session 1

Sarah Barker was in her office and she could hear her 5 o’lock clients arguing outside her door.

“I don’t care what Betsy said, I will not talk to some stranger about our lives, Andrew.”

“You said you’d try. So get your ass in that office and try.”

“I can’t believe it. How can you be ok with this?”

“I… Just shut up and get inside.”

“Hi, I’m Sarah Barker” said the counselor and then, seeing Neil’s scowl, added “You must be Neil.”

“Whatever.” He said, taking a seat on the couch. Andrew wasn’t amused by this behavior, but it wasn’t unexpected.

“Hi, I’m Andrew”

“Hi Andrew, nice to meet you in person. Betsy has talked so much about you,” Andrew’s eyes narrowed instantly “Only good things, don’t worry. Anyway, what brought you here today?”

Andrew looked at his husband’s expression of fake boredom and began talking.

 He told the counselor how they’d been fighting lately over the most stupid things like when Andrew forgot to take the clothes out of the washing machine or when he bought the wrong brand of cat food.

“And why do you think these things are ‘stupid’“ she said, adding air quotes with her fingers.

“Because who even cares about that? They’re such small things. He certainly never bothered about that before.”

 And then they proceeded to perform a live show of a fight about said stupid things. Neil accused Andrew of being careless with his stuff, claiming he was tired of always having to pick up after him. This escalated quite quickly and soon Sarah was having to decide whether or not to believe in the stabbing threats she was hearing.

 When the session was over, she took a deep breath and made a mental note to unfriend Betsy Dobson.

 Session 2

 Sarah greeted her clients and asked how they were doing. All she got in return was a grunt from Andrew and  50 minutes of complete silence.

 Session 3

 “This is useless. We are perfectly capable of dealing with our own shit.”

“If that’s true, then why did you sleep on the couch last night?”

“I told you I dozed off, it wasn’t intentional Andrew.”

  Maybe this session will be more productive , Sarah thought. Only to be proven otherwise when her clients left early without speaking to each other.

 Session 4

 “Hi gentleman, how are we feeling today?”

“Like shit” was Andrew’s response. Neil just shrugged and took his usual seat on the couch.

“How was your week? Did you managed to talk about-“

“It was fine. Everything’s just fine .”

“Neil…”

“No Andrew, I told you this was bullshit. If anything it’s just making things worse.”

“How so?” Sarah asked.

There was a moment of silence before Neil sighed tiredly and began telling the past week’s events. He and Andrew had gone to a function last Friday. The whole team was there and it was supposed to be this huge fancy thing to raise money to the LGBTQIA+ youth shelter and Neil was really looking forward to it. Socializing had become easier over the years and he was excited he could help a cause so close to is heart. But Andrew had ruined everything when he pulled a knife on one of the guests . The man had asked Neil for a picture “Big Exy star like this, my kids are going to freak out” the older man had said. Everything was ok until the stranger decided to hug Neil without clearing it with him first. After that everything was just a blur of knives being drawn and the security escorting them out.

 “Andrew, what was going through your mind at that moment?” Sarah asked.

“I was just trying to protect you,” he said staring at the floor, unable to look at Neil. “When I saw that man touching you without consent I just…“

“I get it, but we’ve talked about this, Drew. Not everyone is… Fuck. Do you know how bad things are for coach right now? For us?”

“Oh your precious Exy. Shouldn’t mess that up, right?”

 “Ok, let’s take a deep breath and think for a second. I’m sure you’re not here just so you can hurt each other further.” Sarah said, trying to keep things from going south.

 “I’ll give you a task,” Neil’s scowl was so deep Sarah thought he’d hurt himself. “It’s pretty simple. I just want you to write down what’s bothering you about your relationship. Doesn’t matter how small  or insignificant you think it might be, just write. This should help organizing your thoughts and once the problem is ‘visible’, it’s easier to find strategies on how to deal with it.”

 As Sarah walked them to the door, she said “It goes without saying, but please don’t read each other’s lists.”

 Session 5

 Of course they read each other’s lists.

 “He doesn’t say ‘I hate you as often’” Andrew read the list out loud. “What does this even mean?”

Neil threw his arms in the air, exasperated. “It means stay out of my business Andrew” he finally said, snatching the list from his husband.

 Sarah had to admit she was curious about that one. “What does it mean Neil?”

 Neil groaned and threw himself onto the couch. “We used to talk more, about all kinds of things. And you used to be funny and I’d pester you because I knew that when you told me you hated me, it only meant that you hated how much you loved me.” Neil spoke the last part like it left a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

“That’s why,” Andrew said quietly. 

“Why what?”

“Why I don’t say it anymore,” He sat down to look his husband in the eyes. “I love you Neil, and I don’t hate any part of it.”

  Aha, Sarah thought, it was worth it. Am I not the best?  

 But damn her and her stupid thoughts, because two minutes later they were at it again.

 “Once after sex you said it was fine .”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“We all know what that means, Neil!”

  Oh Boy, this was going to be a bumpy ride.

 Session 6

 After the list fiasco, Sarah thought she’d have to take things slow if she wanted these men to talk about their issues without storming off.

 The session started off ok, Neil was the first to talk and said nothing had happened that week. Suspecting the look on his face, Sarah asked “And how does it feel, having an uneventful week?”

“It’s fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Andrew snorted at that, but didn’t say anything.

“Last week you said you guys used to talk more. What changed?” Sarah continued.

“I don’t know. At first we just fell into this comfortable silence. Being around each other was enough and then we became so busy with the team…”

“uhm. I see. Do you agree with that Andrew?”

The blond was in silence for a while, and when he spoke his voice was almost a whisper. “I thought I was losing you. To the team… Let me finish” he said when Neil made to speak. “All those people were so brand new, no ghosts, no dead mothers and you looked so happy just to be around them. I thought I was losing you, Neil.”

 Sarah sat in silence waiting for the other man’s response, but he just ran a hand through his hair and breathed loudly.

 “Neil…” Sarah goaded.

 “You are losing me Drew.” Andrew reacted with his whole body. It was almost like he had imploded, his heart in a million pieces. Sarah saw then how much he cared about his brooding husband.

 “You are losing me… not because I have new friends, but because you refuse to move on,” Neil’s voice sounded strangled. “I know what you’ve been through, hell I was there for some of it, but I thought we could grow out of it. Together. Only you refused to let that happen.”

 “I didn’t. It’s not just like that and you know it. You of all people-“

“Yes, me of all people. I know it’s hard. But I trust you Andrew. I trusted you with my life as soon as we met and I still trust you now. But I don’t feel like you trust me .”

“Don’t say stupid things.”

“Is it stupid though? Cause I don’t feel like you trust me enough to let me decide when I’m uncomfortable, or to tell me when you are not feeling safe. Instead you just lash out. That night… Yes that man didn’t ask if he could hug me and, yes, it was awkward, but I wasn’t scared .”

 There was a silence before Neil continued to speak. “I need you to trust me Drew. I need you to know I can protect myself and that I’ll tell you when I can’t. But more than anything, I need you to understand that I love you. Scarred and glued together, just like you are.”

 Sarah was not crying cause that would be unprofessional of her.

 Session 7

 “Well, last session was very emotional. I believe you have talked about it throughout the week…” Sarah said expectantly.

The men sitting in front of her exchanged a guilty look.

“All right… Let’s talk about it now, then.” She rubbed her hands together preparing herself. “Andrew, what do you think about what Neil said, you not trusting him enough and all that?“ 

The surly blond man didn’t answer.

“Neil, have you ever expressed those feelings to Andrew before?” She tried again, but only got a shrug in response. 

  Baby steps, she thought. We’ll get there. Even if I have to kick them all the way there.

 Session 8

 Sarah waited for her 5 o’clock appointment but they didn’t show.

 Session 9

 She was starting to get worried.

 Session 10

“Hello Neil, Andrew. Nice to see you again.”

 “Hey” they answered in unison. Huh 

“So, how have you been?” Sarah said seating on a chair across from them. She couldn’t help but notice how close they sat to each other, their knees touching.

“Fi- Good,” Neil said, and then added “We talked about all the… stuff.”

“Oh I’m glad to hear that.” Sarah was irrationally scared that this was a prank. That they had teamed up to make fun of her one last time. “How are you feeling now? Andrew?“

The man looked at his hands and then up at his partner’s eyes. “I’m good.” Was that a smile on his lips?

 They explained how they finally stopped avoiding the subject and just faced it head on. Neil had already said his piece during the session, but Andrew had a lot stuck on his throat. He trusted Neil with everything except with his own well-being. “Cause lets face it, you were never good at saying how you actually felt.”  He’d said. 

“I tell you that I love you”

“But not that I’m hurting you, and that’s the thing. You need to tell me Neil. How am I supposed to trust you like that?”

 That had gone on and on until they reached an agreement. Neil would always be honest about his feelings if Andrew let him deal with things by himself. 

 “That sounds like a good deal.” 

Andrew’s huff was barely audible. 

“What was that?” Sarah asked.

“As a part of our agreement, he’s not allowed to wear knives at social gatherings anymore.”

  I don’t think anyone should be allowed that . Sarah thought as she smiled pleasantly. 

 Session 11

 “I have to admit, I was surprised when you called, Neil. Thought you’d want to be done with it.” Sarah said at the end of that session.

“Yeah, so did I,” he said as he scratched the back of his neck. “I just wanted to thank you… Guess it is good to have someone to help us see things clearer or whatever.”

“Well, I’m honored.” Sarah was quite pleased with herself. Two happy clients leaving her office holding hands, sharing secret smiles and soft kisses when they thought she wasn’t looking.

 Maybe she should have given Betsy more credit…

—

Lots of words, I know…

But if you made it here, please let me know what you think.🥰 

[rikumorimachisgirl]

Hi! Supposing MC and her boyfriend are trying to get pregnant. How do you think each of them (if they are her boyfriend), is going to react when she says she wants to do the deed right at that time?

Hello! This ask had me imagining so many different scenarios, but stuck with this one. I've had such a busy Sunday and wanted to end the day on a light note, so let's get on with the reaction of these four gorgeous guys. I hope this lives up to your expectations…

Victor

When you first brought up the idea of having a baby, the twenty-eight-year-old CEO thought it was such an easy task, even Goldman could do it - NOT THAT HE WILL EVER LET HIM… but six months and sixty various Kamasutra positions later, you were still not pregnant. Each month you'd get your period, he felt less and less confident that his swimmers were not competent enough. 

You consult a specialist and were given a kit to use to test when your fertility was at its peak. The specialist said that you need to do the deed within 24 hours before you ovulate because that increases the chances of getting pregnant. Easy right? Except, you've got irregular cycles. 

Victor waits patiently for your call, day in and day out, all while maintaining a good diet, staying hydrated, working out (for more stamina), and reading up articles on the best position to get your girl pregnant (or something to that effect)  in various Men's Health magazine.

Since you hadn't given him "The Call", he decided to bury himself at work, randomly auditing his company's account receivables against expenditures. He's gone through tons of ledgers and reports since he came to work that day, he hadn't noticed he had fallen asleep on his desk. Then at exactly one in the morning, he woke up to the sound of his mobile ringing. He picked it up and saw 50 missed calls and 100 messages all coming from you. Flustered, he called you back right away. 

"It's about time you called, Victor. Do you know you kept me waiting for so long? Where were you? " you didn't bother concealing your anger the moment you heard him on the other line. 

"You're getting braver, " he would reply, sounding slightly annoyed at having been told off right after waking up. "That's quite a mouth you have on you."

"My mouth would have been ON you if you'd picked up sooner. My test shows I'm fertile and that we've got another 18 hours to get busy or we try again next month. You've got ten minutes to get here."

Victor straightens up as soon as you ended the call. He phones a sleepy Goldman and orders him to cancel his appointments that day, adding, "don't call me, I'll call you." 

And he freezes time to get to your place and spend what seemed like an endless 18 hours completing all the positions in the Kamasutra, in the hopes that one of them will get you pregnant. 

A month later, you test positive and he's changed his reading material from Men's Health to Parenting weekly. 

Lucien

It was a warm and sunny Saturday morning when you had visited his apartment armed with his favorite cream puffs and his favorite tea. The neuroscientist almost choked on the cream puff you lovingly made for him when you told him you wanted to have a baby together, but immediately recovered and processed your emotions. In the end, he agreed to do this the right way - complete with menstrual charts, an eating plan, and a list of vitamins and supplements you need to take to get your body ready to carry his baby for the next nine months. 

Every month, during your fertile window, he'd turn his apartment into a spa of sorts to help you relax - he'd give you a massage, and make sweet and gentle love to you the whole night through. Unfortunately, after six months of trying, he hasn't succeeded in his quest to get you pregnant, and he starts doubting himself. 

After consulting with a  specialist (and your lover actually went through all the tests he needed to take), it was clear that you were both perfectly healthy. His colleague, a psychiatrist, advised you both to spice up your sex life. 

Lucien was working on a medical journal entry supporting the study that the brain is wired to procrastinate and hasn't been home in the last three days. You were down to your last twenty-four hours before ovulation, and you desperately needed to get laid. Fast. Taking matters into your own hands, you visited him in his research center and saw him typing like a madman on his laptop, with a few cans of energy drink on his desk. 

He looked up the moment you stepped in, and you locked eyes briefly. "What are you doing here?"

"It's late and you haven't been home in three days, Lucien, " you said, pouting. When he explained that it shouldn't bother you by now since there had been times in the past that he hasn't gone home, you held up your hand to silence him and said, "We've got less than 24 hours to get pregnant. Are you up to the challenge or not?"

Your words sank in immediately, and you see his eyes flicker and turn dark. Downing his energy drink, he tossed the empty can aside and stalked you like a predator locking down his prey. 

That evening, you did the deed in every possible surface in his office, and you were so loud, he knew he had to bribe the guard the next day not to spill the beans. After all, that night was an exception, you were never gonna fuck in his lab again.

A month later, you came to him straight from your doctor's appointment and showed him the ultrasound picture of your little bean. And on that very day, he made a mental note to bribe the guard again, because there was no way in hell he wasn't going to keep his hands off you. 

Kiro

You were chilling out with Kiro at the studio just before his new album launched when you both started talking about the future. When you said you wanted to start a family early, the blond superstar was more than happy to comply. Too happy in fact, that he insisted you start trying right at that very instant - inside the soundproof studio, with an unlocked door separating you both from Savin and his staff. 

Since Kiro had to go on his worldwide album tour, your plans had been put on hold. He was more disappointed than you were when you got your period the following month. 

He wanted to start a family so badly, he went behind your back and spoke with Anna about the possibility of you taking a brief vacation to join him on the Japan leg of his tour. Having gotten the necessary approvals, he flies you to Tokyo and you arrive an hour before his concert. 

Not having seen you in weeks, he corners you backstage and leads you to his dressing room. "I missed you, Miss Chips, " he said as he peppered you with kisses. 

"I missed you too, " you replied. 

"Is that all you have to say to me after not seeing you for weeks?" 

You smiled at him and whispered, "I'm fertile." To which he responded smugly, "That's great… because I'm horny. But we gotta keep it quiet in here or they'll hear."

While his concert front act was performing and the audience were having fun banging their heads to the music, your twenty-two-year-old boyfriend was busy banging you against the wall. 

He performed exceptionally well that night (in his concert and in private), and a month and a half later, he penned a new song dedicated to your baby. 

Gavin

Gavin had just arrived at his place after a long day when he saw you pacing back and forth in his living room. When he asked you what was wrong, you fidget nervously and tell him that you had actually been thinking a lot about having a baby. Immediately, the Police Officer stared at you with his jaw hanging and it took him several minutes to process what you had just said. You were so scared he would reject your idea, but all that was going through his mind was the excitement of fucking you bare and how Minor would react if he gave him the boxes of condoms he kept in his apartment. 

Gavin's missions kept him away most of the time. The two of you would have quickies in between missions, but of course, those weren't enough to get you pregnant. As you track your fertile window month over month, you start to see a correlation between your ovulation and depression especially when Gavin wasn't around during those days. 

As expected, Gavin had been sent on a mission again, five days before your ovulation, and you once again get into a state of depression. You were down to your last twenty-four hours of being fertile, and your boyfriend was nowhere near you. Sighing, you tell yourself this was just not meant to be and that perhaps you should just break up. Lo and behold, your phone rings and you see Gavin's name on the screen. 

"Hey, babe. You don't sound too good. Are you okay?" He would ask. 

"No, I'm not, " you would respond and add, "You said you wanted to have a family with me but you're always away. For the past six months, you've been missing in action when my fertile window opens. Like today, for instance - today's my most fertile day, and you're not here. I don't think I can do this anymore. I want to break up -"

You were cut short by the sound of the glass in the window shattering. And there, inside your apartment, among the shards of glass, stood your boyfriend in full uniform. The sight made you lose your breath because he was so hot. 

"Gavin -"

He walked towards you with a purpose and each step he took made your heart best faster and faster. "I'm sorry about the glass, I'll replace that later, " he said. "But right now, I need to convince you not to break up with me and I've got twenty-four hours to give you what you want."

A lamp, a few vases, and a couple of plates joined the shards of glass of the floor in the wake of your passionate reunion. A month later, he requested to take some time off duty to spoil you and what he hopes would be a little version of you, growing inside you. 

(I hope these made sense... These were visuals I used to come up with each hc)

[queenkeeleyhawes]

REPOST: queenkeeleyhawes’s official ranking of keeley’s male character counterparts

**reposting because i added theo (i forgot him the first time), added martin (mutual friends) because i recently watched it. removed david from top tier after i revisited some things. moved sven to top tier because it’s what he deserves. and moved gene hunt lower because let’s be honest, he’s the worst.**

this list includes: husbands, boyfriends, bosses, and other male coworkers. there is some of her work that i left off because her part was too small. i started this list originally at 5 am a couple of weeks ago. these are my personal opinions. please don’t come for me. most are pretty self-explanatory too but i did list reasons anyway. if you happen to disagree with me, that’s fine, but i’m pretty set in my ways so even if we have a nice conversation, you’re unlikely to change my mind. ** SEMI(?) SPOILERS AHEAD**

Top Tier 

Spiros - hello he literally did everything for her and her family. took such good care of them from day one. literally found them a house when they got on the island. and furniture. and a maid. he got her ring back when she sold it to bribe those thugs in series 1. attempted to tutor gerry when she couldn’t find anyone else. held her when she needed a good cry after hugh nearly died and after florence could have died delivering her baby. watched her children while she went back home briefly. built gerry his zoo. the list goes on and on.

Caspar -  saw her for who she was. was impressed by her mind. “you’re beautiful as well as good. one of those things i can't change. the other i never will.” that is all. 

Fabian - *crying emojis* he literally cared so much for her. always wanted to be with her. literally put her aunt into a home and paid for it when it was not cheap. pretty much disowned his eldest daughter for her. after everything still adored her.

Samuel P. - hoo boy it’s a lot. clearly they made a connection. but he respected her and her marriage to not pursue it further when she put an end to it. was so happy for her when she found her son.

Jarvis - he just loved her so much. the lil hotel kissing scene. the way they looked at each other. ugh. we’re not even going to talk about them singing together in rehearsal. i don’t have it in me.

Dick Dewey - i mean hello. good on the eyes. sweetheart. loved her so much. the hand washing scene. the lake scene. saved her father from the bear trap and let some other dude take the credit.  made all the boys apologize to her via song after they humiliated her in church. 

Danny - let her move in with him when he saw how terrible her living arrangements were. so much more. i really wanted them to end up together.

Theo  - obviously, he belongs in Top Tier because he was always just absolutely wonderful to louisa and to gerry (duh) and he always gave her the best advice. like I truly believe they were best friends and though he didn’t include himself, he was definitely part of the “men she loved the most on the island.” also he’s an “honorary woman.” the end.

Sven - literally saved her son from dying. brought her nets for her olives. let gerry borrow a goat. eventually i liked them together and i think they could have worked...but...you know.

Good Tier

Harry - cool dad. loved their relationship. he took care of her.

Tom - they were very good friends and he treated her so well. he genuinely cared for her as an employee. obviously the real chemistry was there but i'm honestly glad they didn’t go in that direction.

Ray - listen i know he’s an ass but he’s the ass that you actually love. and she changed him for the better. i loved the dynamic between him and alex and as they grew as friends. plus dean and keeley just played off each other so nicely.

Daniel - she just wanted him to call about that damn flat but he finally had his little break through by the end so he can stay and obviously matthew and keeley working together is *heart eyes.*

Richard Shaw - he had his issues but he really did love kathleen and even though he was basically in denial about their son and did some things she didn’t like...he was a good man who took care of her.

David - i mean it was literally his job to save her and he did try (we’re not gonna talk about the end of episode 3). i believe he really put her at ease and was making her change her opinions and views on so many things. but there were issues...we can’t deny that.

Mr Morley - we didn’t see them interact much...but he’s fine.

Chris - he’s fine as co-workers go. i think he definitely respected alex eventually but he wasn’t my favorite.

Will (MI-5) - he was fine. a little boring but fine and he literally was not even cute. really zoe??? he did love her. and she did end up having a good life with him.

Bad Tier

Martin Grantham - almost cheated on his wife for revenge. told her potential boss she had mental health problems just to keep her from getting the job. believed a rumor that she had hired a solicitor so he hired one out of spite. umm the bar scene with their son. everything he did with peter. enough said.

Rob Graham - he almost cheated on his wife. he was in slight denial about their son. didn’t want to get a dog. loved her and he clearly fought to stay with her. a few points for that.

Joe M*cb*th - was just kinda there? not horrible but not great.

Steve A - do i really even need to explain? he’s just so infuriating. you’re probably wondering why he’s not lower on this list...but...well just wait until you see the rest.

Mr Royal - he just generally sucks and also he ruined her dessert in that one lil scene and was just horrible. and he fucking slapped her, knocking her to the ground???? no sir.

Peter - the jealousy i mean come on and he terrorized her. nearly killed her best friend. not to mention i’m about 99.8% sure he stole her cat.

Hugh - ugh he was with her to make vasillia jealous. i don’t care what he tried to say. and i hate that he called her angel when that’s what her husband called her. also i think she just liked the idea of them and then realized how quickly it wasn’t going to work out, especially when he wanted her to go back to england when they hadn’t even been there that long and clearly corfu made her happy?!?!? purposefully hurt spiros.

Miles Mollison - it literally took him hearing his mother calling his wife a failure for him to grow a spine?!?!? and dude your wife looked like that *long sigh*

Trash Tier 

Billy - how many times did she have to ask him about getting a job. the jealousy. he didn’t do anything???? he took care of jake so he gets points for that. but he made her feel like crap for it so….bye. and he told tina even though angela didn’t want to tell anyone.

Michael - literally tried to murder her.

Othello - actually murdered her.

Dennis Hamilton  - crazy, jealous. possessive. made her get an abortion. spent all of her money. just gross.

Alec Wilson - hello he literally had another wife and two other children that she knew of. and he only gave her 5 measly fucking pounds….rude. 

Terry Leather - had an affair with another woman. kinda redeemed himself in the end but not really. 

Hallam - literally had an affair with her sister. forced her to take in lotte when she was terrified she’d lose their baby. was trash to his little sister after making a big deal about getting her out of the asylum. was horrible to blanche. was fine (?) with the staff but not really?? 

Sam Webster - had an affair. got another woman pregnant when that’s something his wife wanted again. literally never believed her about anything. blamed her for alice’s death and then later tried to tell her not to blame herself when she was depressed. horrible to their son. just an all around shitty person.

Roger - jealous of j’s power. racist remark about david. tells her something she specifically said she doesn’t care to hear. and let’s be honest he was probably bopping some blonde 20 year old.

Dryden - wouldn’t leave his wife. forced her to get an abortion. literally picked up a 15 year old at some gathering for a bj. gross gross gross.

Gene - grade A asshole. i literally do not understand why people love them together??? he was the one who saved her as a child??? but then almost hooked up with her in the afterlife??? creepy. no matter how many times i re-watch, i cannot find any redeeming qualities in him or any reason why they should be together. also he was a sexist, homophobic, RACIST pig. i don't care it was the 80s...gross. this one you definitely will not be able to fight me on.