#milfsincrimeposts

[milfsincrime]

part one: pre therapy appt

jj: emily, why do we have marriage counselling booked this weekend? we aren’t fighting??

emily: oh i forgot about that. it’s for me and derek

jj: derek is not your wife

emily: we thought it would be fun to see how long it’d take the therapist to work out that we’re not married, i’m a lesbian, and all the problems are fake

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gideon: i was best man at rossi’s second wedding, i started my speech with “welcome back everyone”

gideon: he was not happy

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*the bau’s annual psych eval season*

the doctor: a hypothetical scenario for you. you pull a car over for speeding and find out it’s your son. how do you handle the situation?

emily: well first i’d be like.. sergio!? what the fuck!? you can drive???

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rossi: family dinner at my mansion tonight, attendance is mandatory

derek: is this really just therapy where we sit and eat pasta whilst talking about the shared trauma of that case?

emily: or as i like to call it, penne for your thoughts

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spencer: actually, doctor pepper is the guy that created it. what you’re really drinking is pepper’s monster

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veterinarian: don’t forget, we offer law enforcement discount too!

emily: sergio, are you a cop?

[milfsincrime]

part two: at therapy appt

emily, crying: he always calls me such odd nicknames

therapist: what do you mean?

derek, arriving late: what’s wrong my little hovercraft?

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hotch: can someone pass those clowns a message?

hotch: *makes neutral face*

hotch: they’ll know what it means

*later*

spencer: oh, hotch asked me to pass on a message

spencer: *makes neutral face*

derek: oh no

emily: the neutral face of displeasure

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penny, after several shots: fuck the feds! eat the rich!

jj, glancing towards emily: i’m trying pen

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emily: i may not have six friends to carry my casket, but i do have a penelope who will flirt with six men to do it for her

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emily: someone peer pressure me to go for a run

derek: do it or you’re straight

emily: i said peer pressure me not THREATEN ME

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hotch, in a scolding tone: is there no height of stupidity with you two!?

emily & derek: *simultaneously turn in the same direction*

derek: hey pretty boy, how tall are you?

spencer: fuck you derek morgan, fuck you.

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elle: hope all women have a good day today <3

elle: men.. you think about all the problems you caused

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unsub: you’re hot for a fed

emily: i know

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elle: wait, you two are using a knife to spread that!? i just use the spoons ass??

jj & emily: thE SPOONS ASS???

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derek: aww babygirl, why so sad?

penny: emily said i’m not allowed to listen to music while cooking anymore..

derek: how come?

penny: ..i got too into it and turned the stove knobs like a dj..

emily, appearing like a wild pokémon: ..and almost blew up the house