#minor upstead

[go-to-two]

Some of it was how he wrote Antonio out but also killing Al. Losing both characters drastically changed the feel and balance of the show. I also think Eid was upset Jon came back to PD after Justice didn't work and so the choices he made in regard to how he wrote him out were personal.

As for the Burzek of it all, it is way more than Eid not putting them back together. If you watch season 4, it was clear Burzek was on their way to getting back together. And then Eid shows up and the very first episode he is in charge, he has Kim dating someone else. At the end of S5, Paddy went to him and asked for Burzek to be a thing again and what does Eid do - season 6 which was an attempt to kill Burzek for good while pushing Upstead. He could have used anyone else to date Hailey but no, he picks Adam. And it was after Paddy specifically asked him for Burzek. Eid said numerous times in interviews that Burzek was done and over. Upsteads didn't' mind S6 because the storyline was used to push their ship together but Burzek didn't get anything out of it except a very OOC Adam and Kim. He did everything possible to not make Adam the father of Kim's baby…including trying to bring Roman back. He did figure out how to get him back for the episode after Burzek lost their baby which was a dick move to the fans. He spent seasons 7-9 teasing Burzek and giving the fans hope only to wreck them at the end of an episode. He "broke" them up several times but never actually put them together first and constantly made sure the audience knew they weren't together. And then Paddy and Marina give what was probably the performance of their careers in 8x16 and it is used to get Upstead married while Burzek just got more trauma. The fact that Adam and Kim (and even Kevin) had nothing to do with the fallout from the Roy storyline is mind boggling. There were so many good storylines that could have come from all of it for all the characters and he didn't use a single one. It seemed clear that his goal was to get upstead married before he left. You could also tell Paddy and Marina were upset about their characters being ignored - it was disrespectful to them, the characters, and the fans.

Add in what he did to Al and Antonio, starting this awful centric format, removing the humor and family feel of the show (and making it really dark), and making Trudy almost nonexistent, there are a lot of reasons he is not liked by fans (and not just Burzeks). It would have been one thing if he was trying to build them back but he clearly used them for emotional storylines with no intention of ever making them a couple again. He constantly did 3 steps forward and 5 back with Burzek. So yeah...it feels like he had a vendetta against Burzek and Adam/Paddy specifically. And yes, Burzek had moments but that was because of Paddy and Marina, not Eid.

I also think some of the choices he made with Hailey's character are why she gets the hate she does...it all could have been prevented too if he had just taken a different approach to how he brought her in. But his ego got in the way. He came in acting like it was a brand new show and didn't care that there was an already established audience. He even told Paddy that the fans didn't matter (I don't think shows should cater to fans but saying they don't matter isn't right either).

Ok, I'm going to have to go point by point but if I'm being honest... a lot of this feels like it's about Kim and Adam not being together.

I've talked about the Antonio stuff. It wasn't good. I don't agree that is was vindictive and I know there was talk of trying to get him back for the beginning of season 7 and it didn't work, so it is what it is. I might be in the minority, but I understand the decision to kill Al from a storytelling perspective. I wish it had had a more lasting effect on Voight's character, but I do understand choices they made in that exit.

As for Burzek... I think we have very different definitions of what "on their way to getting back together" looked like in season 4. In seasons 1-3, they cheated together on Adam's (2nd or 3rd?) fiancée, got engaged before either were near ready, imploded, and then Adam spent a big chunk of season 4 away from Intelligence because he couldn't handle being in the unit at the same time as Kim. Sure, Paddy was filming a movie and Marina was going on maternity leave, but that's what they were working with at the time. They cared about each other, but Eid inherited a bit of a mess with them. Paddy could ask for anything he wanted, and no showrunner or writer is obligated to give it to him if it didn't make sense. Putting them back together without any development at that time would have made no sense.

You typed a lot about seasons 6-8 and again, it all feels like it boils down to Kim and Adam not being together. I personally think the term "OOC" is used too liberally. It's thrown around by all fandoms as a blanket deflection from a character's behavior we may not like, when it's really well within the scope of their character. They're flawed. I'm not saying you have to like the way Eid told the story but that goes back to my original point. There is little critique in there that doesn't come back to the idea that he didn't put the ship together.

There is a pattern that I've noticed in the Burzek fandom that fans believe Kim and Adam are "stronger than the showrunner" and somehow defeated Eid, and it's not how things work at all. No character has any story without the showrunner. The reason Kim was pregnant with Adam's baby is because Eid made that decision, even if other options were explored in the writing process. They found Makayla together because of Eid. They were still circling each other for years because he kept them in each other's orbits. He took them from where they were in season 5 to working towards co-parenting, all while giving them some of their best episodes along the way. If he wanted to end them for good, he could have. Easily. It's not fair or accurate to say that all the good moments were because of Paddy and Marina while the bad were Eid and the writers when that's simply not how writing a TV show works.

"And then Paddy and Marina give what was probably the performance of their careers in 8x16 and it is used to get Upstead married while Burzek just got more trauma." - that sentence doesn't sit right with me for a lot of reasons. First, Tracy also gave an incredible performance. I'm not going to minimize that just because her ship ended up getting married. In fact, they all did. Jason, too. Jesse and LaRoyce had a lesser presence, but they were so solid. To act like Burzek were the only ones to come out of that situation with trauma is erasing the whole other half of the storyline, which is what you are complaining they did to Kim. And I agree, Kim's role in the Roy situation should have been addressed sooner. Eid should have done it in 9A, Gwen should have done it in 9B instead of the Makayla kidnapping fallout. Kim and Adam's story was a mess in season 9, and that's at the hands of both showrunners.

I mentioned this in an ask the other day, but I don't think Eid was one who was interested in romance between canon couples at all- be it Burzek or Upstead. Was it vindictive towards Upstead when he put them together and immediately gave them nothing but angst? Probably not. Just like I don't think he was vindictive in giving Burzek angst, too. Again, there seems to be this notion that Kim and Adam were the only ones who went through shit. They all got it. It was his style, which is one of my biggest complaints against him, honestly.

Centrics aren't even my biggest gripe against him, because I saw up close how much productions had to scramble to put together Covid seasons. The centrics got bad in season 8, but I have a lot of grace for the hoops they had to jump through to get anything on screen during the pandemic. I'm more annoyed with why they're still happening now.

All that said, I don't think a viewer who has seen the whole show can objectively look at the quality of cases, involvement from each character, long-form story arcs that are actually cohesive, the development of the characters, and the dialogue and say we were worse off under Eid's leadership.

Okay, I've typed enough. I don't expect that you'll agree with everything here. It's totally fine if you don't agree with any of it, I'm just offering my perspective. I'm not saying someone has to love the way Eid ran the show but generally speaking (it's not every fan, I understand that) Burzek fans tend to villainize Eid while praising Gwen for "fixing the show". Meanwhile, she does everything they claim Eid did (centrics, dark tone, no continuity, baseless writing), only worse. That's why, to someone on the outside, it does seem like the core issue with Eid is that he didn't put the ship together.

[agent-bash]

I'm torn about how I want the season to end in regards to Upstead. Like I want them back together, but I don't want Hailey to just forgive him. I'm just so pissed off, everything they've done to Jay's character since he's left has been bullshit, everything they've put Hailey through with it, knowing Tracy is leaving at the end of the season, what even was the point?

I'm going into the finale with a quote from another show in mind:

"Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing." (Once Upon A Time)

I might be in the minority but I'd actually be very satisfied with an open but hopeful ending for Upstead.

As to what the point of all this was, especially when they've probably known Tracy was leaving for a lot longer than we have, I can't answer that, I don't think there is one.

[gins-potter]

I'm so in the minority with this hot take but I honestly do not miss Severide. I felt like last season and this season Severide has been pretty much been floating around.

I'm honestly just tired of the men leaving (Taylor, Jesse, Jesse LS) which they have every right to but what I'm tired about is how the writers handle their exists since all three were tired to someone else. Brettsey, I was sad but long distance happens, Upstead I honestly couldn't tell you why they decided to go that route, Stellaride same storyline just reversed. Honestly if I was Hailey and Stella I would send the guys the boot since they are not getting anything in return. I get shippers want them back together (esp Upstead) but why would you want these ladies with guys who just up and leave and don't follow up with communication? Marriage takes two to work and by lack of communication on the husbands end is very troubling.

I also could see Stella and Carver over Violet and Carver.

Ooof this is certainly a hot take, anon.

It's not that I don't miss Severide exactly, but I have noticed that I haven't exactly noticed his absence as much as I thought I would. I think so much of his character was tied up in Stella, Matt, and arson storylines, that when Stellaride got married, and Matt left, arson was all they had left to do with him. And I'm so not interested in having an arson storyline every week.

As for the ships, I agree it's disappointing with what they've done with Upstead and Stellaride particularly. There's so many ways they could have handled the exits/absences, and it's disappointing to see them go the miscommunication/lack of communication direction.

I'm still rooting for Taylor to come back and Stellaride to be alright but if he doesn't... I'd be okay with Stella and Carver having a thing.

[kimburgess-ruzek]

Shattered

chapter one: purgatory

summary: Intelligence had been through the worst of the worst trying to get one of their own back alive. Each member has been to their own personal hell. Will everyone make it back, or will the cracks in Intelligence be big enough for the entire team to shatter?

a/n: about that s9 speculation, yeah i’m going to make a fic out of it. if you want to beat around the bush and read the plot of the fic, it’s here. definitely new to writing so we’ll see how this goes! also, don’t know how to work a tag list, but if you want to be tagged, let me know!

t/w: mentions of trauma, gunshot wounds, assault, surgical procedures (which btw i made up, i’m not a medical expert)

read on ao3.

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purgatory

“I think we should get married.”

six words. six of the most important words. Jay had the breath knocked out of him. He can’t understand what he was just asked. I think we should get married. Just a few months ago, Hailey wouldn’t even look into his eyes, much less say “I love you.” And a marriage proposal, that seemed pretty much impossible.

Jay looked into Hailey’s eyes. He saw past the tears and looked deeper. He saw sadness and fear, emotions not usually associated with an engagement. No, he saw something different. Hailey was different.

Jay cleared his throat, clearly stunned. “I—.” He tried to find words, find anything to respond. But he couldn’t. He cleared his throat and tried again to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Hailey noticed the hesitation and suddenly changed her demeanor. She tried to dry her tears as quickly as possible, wiping her eyes and running her hair through her hands. She then stopped Jay, interrupting whatever he was trying to express.

“You know what, never mind. Never mind. I— We need to go. We need to get to the hospital. See how Kim’s doing.”

Jay saw the sudden change and tried to reason with Hailey. He quickly found his words. “Wait, wait, wait. Hails. Is everything okay?” He asked while putting his hands on Hailey’s arms, stopping her from turning towards the door. He gently rubbed them, trying to soothe Hailey. However, it was to no avail; Hailey gently pushed herself away.

“No. No, we need to go. We need to see Kim. I need to see her. Let me go change and then we’ll leave, okay?” Hailey reassured Jay, nodding her head. Before Jay could respond, Hailey kissed Jay on the cheek and briskly walked to the room. She felt like she was suffocating in her clothes. She had worn them for almost two straight days, and she had been to hell and back in them. She needed to get out of them.

“Okay—“ Jay half yelled, wanting to make sure she heard him. He updated Will on his whereabouts and he let the rest of the team know he and Hailey were on their way to the hospital. Kevin replied that Kim was still in surgery. The doctor hasn’t given any updates but hopefully will soon. After about five minutes, Hailey walked out in a new pair of jeans and a different top. She quietly grabbed three granola bars, one for her to eat on the way and the others probably for Kevin and Trudy. Jay loved how thoughtful she was. She had her keys, purse, and jacket in hand and was heading for the door.

“Ready?”

“Yep.” Jay got up from the couch and followed Hailey out the door, turning off the lights on the way out.

The walk to the car and the drive to Med was really quiet. There was definitely tension in the vehicle; there wasn’t the comfortable silence that Jay and Hailey were used to. Hailey was focused on the road while Jay was focused on Hailey. She never looked back at Jay though, her eyes only on the road.

“Do you want to talk about what just happened—“ Jay started but Hailey quickly interrupted him.

“No.”

Jay took a breath and mumbled “okay.”

For the rest of the ride, you could’ve heard a pin drop in the car. No one talked and no one made any extra movement. Once Hailey found a parking spot in the parking garage, she turned the car off and took a long, hard breath, trying to gather her words. Jay was opening the door when Hailey grabbed his hand, stopping him.

“Look, Jay. I... Look I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to be short with you.”

It’s okay,” Jay replied, trying to reassure her.

“No, it's more than that. I didn’t mean what I said earlier. At the apartment. I mean I love you, I do. I love you. And I think you’re decent. But not the other stuff. I just... It was just today. We almost lost our team member. We almost lost our friend, Jay. I don’t know what I would’ve done if we lost Kim. And I can’t think about it. If we did lose her. Because I don’t know if I could’ve forgiven myself. I don’t know if I could live with myself, thinking I could’ve done more. And at the apartment, I just saw someone that helped save my friend and I don’t want to lose you either, ever. And the emotions and no sleep and everything just got to me and I.. I. I don’t know. I don’t know. But.. Just don’t think about that question I asked earlier. Okay, Jay? Okay? It’s all good, I promise.”

Jay could clearly see Hailey was rambling. She was tired, no, she was exhausted, and she was backtracking. He was scared. He was scared that Hailey would retreat back to before, turned off from love. He hoped this experience didn’t make Hailey go back to being afraid of love. Of loving Jay. Because he loved Hailey. He loved everything about Hailey, from her seriousness when working a case to her humming along to the music she was playing in her earphones while pouring her coffee in the mornings. But there was also something else. Something that Jay couldn’t explain. Hailey was different, and not different because of what she explained. No, this was more than fear, more than desperation. This was a plea, almost a cry for help. And Jay didn’t know why. But he knew that something changed in her. Something happened when Voight split them up. And Jay knew he had to get to the bottom of it. Not for his sake, but for Hailey’s.

As much as Jay wanted to tell her he enjoyed the proposal, he knew she didn’t mean it. At least, he knew she didn’t want it for pure love. This wasn’t genuine. The love was, but the proposal wasn’t. This was a reaction to something. And as much as Jay would love to be engaged to Hailey Upton, he knew she wasn’t ready for it. And he knew she would regret it if the proposal went down like this. But he knew that he loved Hailey with all of his heart, and he was going to show that. As much as he wanted to say "yes," he was afraid of saying anything would just break her. So he went along with Hailey at the moment, and he decided he was going to try again later.

Jay put his free hand to Hailey’s cheek, wiping a stray tear. “Hailey, I love you. I love you so much. And that’s not going to change. Ever. I will do whatever you want to do and are comfortable doing. Now, let’s go check on Kim. Does that sound good?”

Hailey relaxed into Jay’s hand and closed her eyes. This was the first time she had relaxed in hours. After a pause, she nodded and left Jay’s hold. She opened the car door, and they walked towards the hospital entrance to hear the fate of their friend’s life. They walked into the unknown.

.

Med was covered in blues. Police of all ranks and districts filled the waiting room. It was so packed, Kim would be embarrassed. She wouldn’t want to be the center of attention. But she needed the love. She needed the support, and when one of their own has fallen, everyone’s going to be there to help pick them back up.

Hailey and Jay quickly spotted Kevin and Trudy in their blackout gear. Kevin had his bloody vest lying on the floor next to him. His bloody vest that was Kim’s blood from where he held her so tight, trying to stop any bleeding if it would do any good. Trudy was sitting in a chair and Kevin was standing next to her, his hand on her shoulder and his phone to his ear. He wasn’t talking, but his phone was still to his ear.

Trudy wasn’t speaking either. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t find any reason to have small talk. Or deep talk. She just couldn’t find anything to say. All she could do was just think, and run her mind to the ground worrying about Kim.

Kim held a very special place in Trudy’s heart. She was different from any other officer that Trudy has had. Kim has this pluckiness to her. She had a different attitude when it came to policing. And as much as Trudy berated her in front of the 21st, as much as Trudy picked on Kim and made her work overtime and made her run the extra mile, she loved Kim. She loved that green rookie with big brown eyes that walked in on the first day with a smile and a donut. She loved the woman who stayed in the district despite her failed relationship. She loved the woman who kept fighting when she kept getting knocked down. Kim had to have the biggest heart Trudy had ever known a police officer to have. Whether that be because of all of the hardship she has dealt with in the police academy or the lack thereof while growing up Trudy didn’t know. And to be quite frank, she didn’t care. All she knew was that she wanted to protect that big heart of Kim’s. She had to because Kim was the reason why a city like Chicago has hope. Kim brought light to a city of darkness. She brought ambition to a city of despair. No matter what the case was, Kim put all of her knowledge and energy into that case. She not only did that, but she cared for the people in the case. Hell, she even cared for some of the suspects, damn it. That’s how big Kim’s heart was. That's how big Kim's heart is. And now, that big, gullible, genuine heart has to fight for its life. It had to put itself in a position to be saved and it has to endure hours upon hours of surgery. So no, Trudy could not find any words to say.

Hailey and Jay walked up to Kevin and Trudy and gave solemn grins. Trudy found the strength to stand up and hug both Hailey and Jay. She held onto Jay a little longer, whispering ever so quietly “Thank you.” Jay patted Trudy’s back as a welcome, trying not to cry from the images of Kim handcuffed in that Buick resurfacing. After what seemed like a century, Trudy let go and sat back down. Hailey hugged Kevin and she and Jay stood with them.

Hailey then dug into her bag and pulled out a portable phone charger and handed it to Kevin.

“I thought you might need this.”

“Thanks, Hailey. Ruz would appreciate it.” Kev kindly took the charger and plugged it into his phone. He was glad because his phone was surely dying but he wanted to give Adam all of the updates as that were coming in.

“How’s Makayla?” Jay asked, crossing his arms.

“Uh, she’s good. She’s good. Adam told her that Kim had to work late, so she’s good. She remembered Adam and wasn’t scared. She fell asleep on the couch but Adam moved her to her bedroom.” Kevin tried to find any facts to answer Jay's question. He replied before listening to Adam say something over the phone.

“Yeah, Hailey and Jay are here... No, no updates yet... Yeah, man... The docs said the surgery would be pretty long.” Kevin answered over the phone.

“I spoke to the Commander. Intelligence isn’t getting any new cases until Kim pulls through.” Trudy stated, looking up at Jay and Hailey who nodded. They both thought it was rather respectful of the commander.

Trudy turned her attention towards Hailey, asking, “Did you or Hank find anything about Roy?”

With that question, Kevin looked at Hailey too. He chimed in, “Yeah did you catch any leads? Do you know where Voight is? Trudy has tried calling, but it goes straight to voicemail.”

All eyes were on Hailey, who quickly became flustered and at a loss for words. Does she tell the truth? Hell no. Not right now at least. Not until she gets to the bottom of what Voight did with the body. What does she tell them? She hung her mouth open, not knowing what to say. Jay noticed Hailey’s nerves and tried to calm her by putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. This made Hailey refocus, and she mustered up an answer.

“I, uh. No. No. And I don’t know where Voight is.” Hailey could barely get her Sergeant’s name out of her mouth. She tried her best to sound casual and honest, and it must’ve worked. Either that or everyone was so exhausted and stressed that they didn’t press any further.

Will Halstead pushed his way through the waiting room and joined the team.

“Hey, no word yet. I just talked to one of the nurses. Just said they’re still in surgery.” Will said. He tried to press for news. Anything, but he was shot down. Hopefully, this was just because they were in a rush and not because they had bad news, which is what Will does but didn't want to believe was the situation now. When Jay told him of Kim's injuries, Will, as a doctor, was shocked she even had a pulse. Her injuries were severe and traumatic, and she spent almost 24 hours bleeding. But Will dare not say his thoughts to Intelligence. No. He didn't want to break any of their hope. And Kim was going to need all of the hope she could get if she was going to pull through.

The team just nodded and settled in. Not one of them was going to leave until they received news about their member. So they waited.

.

It was 8:03 am. The sun was peaking through the blinds covering the windows. It has been 10 hours. 10 long hours. Some of the police officers left for their shift. Most stayed, camping out in their chairs. Some slept on the floor. Some were called to a scene where they handled it and immediately came back to the hospital. Hailey, Jay, Kevin, and Trudy rotated between two seats, allowing each person to catch a little bit of sleep. But in reality, none of them could get more than a few minutes of rest before the memories of the previous 36 hours crept into their minds, jolting them alert and awake. But they all stayed in that waiting room. In purgatory. No matter how scared, how sad they were, they all remained brave. Trudy and Jay tried calling Voight a couple of times only to realize he wasn't coming. They passed it off to be overwhelming. They thought Hank couldn't fathom hearing any bad news about Kim in person. Either that or he was somewhere, swallowing down liquor like he did when Al passed. But they didn't leave. They couldn't leave. They just had to hope the Sergeant wasn't doing anything he shouldn't be doing. 

Kevin stayed on the phone until about 3 am before Adam told him he was going to try to sleep so he could take Makayla to school the next day. Adam woke up at 6 but got the same luck as the rest of his team. He didn’t really get much of actual rest. But he woke up, got ready, fixed breakfast, woke Makayla up, got her ready, drove her to school while singing her favorite songs, and was back on the phone with Kev and heading to Med before 7:45.

Will kept coming in and out of the waiting room. He would periodically try to get information but was shut down every time. Nevertheless, he kept trying. He kept pushing for Intelligence. For Kim.

Suddenly, a doctor scrubbed and dressed in surgical gear stepped foot into the waiting room and everyone immediately woke each other up and sprang to their feet. Kevin told Adam the surgeon was here and put his phone on speaker. The surgeon walked straight to Intelligence and the other officers turned towards the team, waiting for the news. No one moved. No one blinked. Everyone studied the surgeon, trying to pick up on any cues before he spoke. Everyone held their breath. Everyone waited for the update.

After a long breath, the surgeon started pouring words.

“Officer Kim Burgess experienced severe head trauma, assault, shoulder strain, and two shots to the abdominal region. It was clear she lost a lot of blood, and when we got into surgery, it was much worse. She had a dislocated right knee, so we set it in place. The through-and-through shot didn’t do any internal damage so we patched it right up. The other one that never exited was lodged two inches to the right of her left kidney. If it were to hit it, she would have experienced kidney failure and gone into shock shortly after getting hit. Luckily, that didn’t happen. We were able to extract the bullet with as minimal damage as could be done. She had some pieces of glass lodged in her arms and we were able to get them out. She experienced head trauma. We checked, and she was bleeding internally in the brain. Left untreated, it could have lead to developmental setbacks, blood clotting, or death. However, it must’ve started only a little before she arrived here. This was likely due to her staying calm under pressure and subconsciously keeping her head in the correct position. She lost a lot of blood and had a low BP. She lost a pulse after we tried to stop the bleeding, but she was resuscitated after the first try. We did everything we could, and we did a lot. She made it out of surgery. She’s critical, but she’s stable.”

With that, everyone let out the breath that they were holding and erupted with such emotion. Some celebrated, hugging and shaking hands with each other. Some clapped and yelled in happiness. Some stood there in awe, in shock, in disbelief. Hailey dropped her head in her hands and started sobbing. Kim’s alive. She’s alive. Jay let out an excited expression and high-fived Will before engulfing a shaky Hailey in a huge hug. Trudy just let out a loud, deep sigh of relief. She immediately pulled the surgeon in for a hug. She knew Kim would pull through. Kim’s a fighter. She was going to push through. Kevin had big tears in his eyes. He couldn’t believe it. As much as he tried to be optimistic, he saw Kim with his own two eyes. He saw her and could only imagine what kind of torturous hell she went through. He knew Kim was strong, but this. This situation looked bleak. And as much as he tried not to believe that he held on to Kim during her dying breaths, he just didn’t know if Kim could pull through. He didn’t know if anyone could have pulled through with those injuries. But she did. Kim’s alive. After Kevin caught his breath he put his phone to his ear and checked on Adam.

“You heard that, brother?”

All he heard back were deep breaths and sobs.

“She’s okay. She’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna be okay.” Kev heard Adam whispering in between his cries. He didn’t hear a direct answer from Adam but he knew he heard the surgeon. Kev followed suit and replied, “She’s gonna be okay. She's gonna be okay, bro.”

The surgeon cleared his throat and the waiting room quieted down, listening to what else he had to say.

“They’re wrapping up on Officer Burgess now. She will have a brace on her knee to keep it in place. She’s cut and bruised, and she’ll likely have a concussion. We’re giving her blood and we’ll continue for the next few days along with antibiotics to treat any infections from the warehouse. She’s sedated. We’re going to try to ease her awake but she’s a fighter. So she’ll probably wake up by tonight. She’ll be transferred to a private ICU after she’s out of surgery. She’s been to hell and back, and she has a hell of a recovery to go, but she’s alive.”

The waiting room erupted again in relief and celebration. The surgeon hugged and shook hands with all of the officers, including Intelligence. He then left the room to allow the policemen to celebrate.

Intelligence just looked at each other. They didn’t jump up and down or screamed to the rooftops. No, they were too tired for that. But also it was a different kind of energy. 48 hours ago, they were at each other’s throats. Each one of them had a different idea on how to solve this case. On how to get Kim back. Each one of them had hit their breaking point. Each one of them had been to their own hell. And some of them hadn’t made it back yet. And while Kim was fighting back from her hell, while she was fighting for her life, the team came together. They rallied together for their team member, for their friend. They had to come together in order to give Kim that energy. That strength in order for her to make it out on the other side. But that was temporary, and the team knew that. Now, after Kim has made it, the team doesn't know how to feel. They didn’t know what to do. And just because they got what they wanted — they got Kim back and they got her back alive — it doesn’t mean everything that just happened is dropped. It doesn’t mean everything, every word can just be forgotten. No, it just means things get taken off pause.

Intelligence had a lot of work to do. It had a long road ahead of them. The question is: will everyone make it out unscathed? Or will someone crack, leading Intelligence to be shattered?

[justmypartner]

In your opinion, what is the most underrated Upstead moment?

These aren’t so much moments as much as they’re details, but I love that they keep photos of the other when they were younger on their bedside tables (seen in 9x04). That and 9x10 when they have each other’s mug on their desks. These two details are super minor and underrated but they’re so sweet and some of my favs

[spiridakos]

Not sure if you've seen the pregnancy theories, but there's a lot of comments about Jay being a girl dad and I find it really frustrating. It gives no consideration for Hailey at all, and basically suggests she exists solely to provide Jay with a daughter.

i mean these theories are everywhere so they’re hard to miss lmao. personally, i'm not into the upstead!baby thing right now. i'm a firm believer in the idea that neither hailey, nor jay need a child to be complete individually or in their marriage, but i get that some would consider this the the “next step” for them or whatever and that's probably why people are speculating. 

we haven’t even seem them discuss having kids. do they even want that? nothing has been explicitly said in canon - so, assuming it’s going there so quickly after they got married is just a little weird to me. i also hate unplanned and surprise pregnancy storylines, so i’d rather this be a planned out thing or at least brought up on screen to some degree before it happens. (if it happens.)

the girl!dad thing is another thing entirely, i think. because i would agree with you, it does seem that some just want to see jay have a daughter and hailey is merely the way to make that happen. i've seen pretty much no speculation on how hailey would handle a child or how she would handle having a daughter, so it is frustrating when reading these theories because it feels like it's just jay who is being considered.

anyways. i'm not for an upstead baby right now. i know i'm probably in the minority here, but they just got married. i want them to enjoy each other. i want them to navigate married life together. they deserve that. everything about this relationship has been rushed and i want to see how their marriage works with just the two of them for a while. there’s so many possible storylines they could explore with the two of them before tackling a baby. 

[girlsfromoz]

Hear me out

I know some of us are very keen on a pregnancy for UpStead. So what if after the explosion, Med releases Hailey after a full examination with a stitched cheek, minor burns and concussion and only she knows about being pregnant and is a little off, when asked if she’s all good. Going into s10 Jay feels like she’s not being honest about the affects of the explosion. His concern heightened because the Escano case and The rape initiative etc playing on Hailey. Hailey choosing the case before telling Jay, because he is so deep into it with Voight, that she doesn’t want him to worry, until a few episodes in, it all comes to a head. Being married, Jay leading the Unit, professional conflict, internal investigations….Leading to a quiet night at home, where Hailey tells him he will not have to worry about it, about her. And he asks her what does that mean. Because I’m pregnant Jay. This was not what he was expecting, his emotions replay everything. But she can read him. I wanted to tell you, but then I’m me. Can I do this?, too soon? What if you aren’t ready? Work, this case, Voight. I couldn’t add another level of concern, worry. Jay pulls her to him and kisses her breathless, lingering as a lonely tear falls down his cheek. Jay? She whispers softly, His eyes meet hers, Always thinking of me and putting me first, from the beginning’ he smiles Trailing kisses down her cheek and neck. ‘I have loved you for the longest time Jay Halstead’. He Mets her eyes. He doesn’t need words, it’s there in his eyes, his touch. His fingers sweep her hair, removing the band from her ponytail, his eyes never leaving hers, she covers his hand and places it under her shirt on her stomach. Jay smiles. ‘What? She asks seeing the sparkle in his eyes. I can see I’m going to have all sorts of problems keeping you safe, from running down suspects, sliding across cars, explosions…

[sylvies-chen]

#33 on the prompt list for Upstead✨💗💗✨

All I’ll say about this one is: yes, I wrote this. Because the world doesn’t have enough fanfic talking about how short Hailey is. It’ll never be enough #heightdifferenceFTW

33. “I’d like to see you try.”

"I think you're out of flour," Hailey calls out to him from his kitchen.

It's their day off. Finally. They haven't had a day to themselves in forever. And since Hailey ruined their last one with a more-than minor freak-out over Jay telling her he loved her, she feels extra obligated to make this one fun and special for them. So, Hailey gets up and wants to start making waffles.

She rifles through his cabinets as he slowly gets up out of bed, and starts looking for ingredients. Milk, check. Eggs, check. Baking power, check. But no flour.

"I don't think I'm out of flour," he tells her from the bedroom with furrowed and quizzical brows, pulling on a pair of jeans. "Check in the top shelf of the cupboard."

"Oh." Hailey looks up at the top shelf of the cupboard. Lo and behold, the flour is there at the top, far out of reach for someone her height, and sours her face. Dammit. "You know what? I don't see it, I'll just go by some at the store," she fibs.

Jay gets up, his jeans and shirt finally on as he makes his way over to the kitchen. He looks in the cupboard and spots the flour almost immediately. Double dammit. "What are you talking about? The flour's right there."

"Right," she nods awkwardly.

He's confused at first. They stand there for a beat, Jay trying to piece it together. When he does though, a shit-eating grin spreads on his face. Hailey really doesn't like where this is going. "You can't reach it, can you?"

"I can reach it," she lies. At this point, he can see straight through her. But it's a matter of pride, self-preservation. Her height is a bitch like that sometimes. "I can reach it perfectly fine."

"I'd like to see you try," he scoffs amusedly. He has that stupid smirk on his face again. It's annoying; it's handsome.

She sticks her chin up at him, turns to the cupboard and gets on her tiptoes. The bag of flour sits just an inch or two away from her fingertips as if it's mocking her. She's so close and yet she stand there, unable to reach it. "Ok fine, I can't reach it," she admits after a while.

"Aww, that's cute," he coos mockingly, still grinning.

"Hey," she warns. "I can tackle a grown man to the ground, how's that for cute?"

He doesn't respond and instead gives her a look, his smile switching to a more genuine and supportive one. His hand reaches up and effortlessly grabs the flour from the top shelf of the cabinet, placing it on his island with the rest of the ingredients. "Your flour, Detective Upton," he replies.

"Thank you," she offers quietly, returning the smile.

He moves to press a sound kiss to her lips. Hailey sinks into it slowly until things start heating up again-- just like they did last night. His breathing gets heavier, her hands flying to his chest.

"Mm," she hums in between kisses. "I... I have milk out, it'll go sour if we do this."

"I'll buy new milk then," he shrugs, pulling her back in quickly as his lips find hers again, his tongue swiping the inside of her cheek.

It heats up to the point where he picks Hailey up, her thigs wrapping around his waist as they head back to the bed. The waffles are forgotten, the morning becoming another frenzy of tearing off clothes.

Hailey feels his arms steadying her back as he carries her to his room and thinks maybe a height difference isn't the worst thing in the world.

[go-to-two]

Maybe all the focus on ships/romantic relationships within the team is what made the seasons worse? Because S6 only had Upton/Ruzek hookup (not a deep relationship) but otherwise not much focus on romantic relationships right? As a huge Jay fan (he’s the reason I started watching the show, went back and watched all of it and also the reason I stopped watching), I felt like his storylines were hurt/weakened when it was about his romantic relationship and he’s probably the character that had the most storylines revolve around a romantic interest. And I’m sure I’m in the minority but knowing the path of destruction the writers chose, I wish upstead never got married because then at least my fav character could have left in a way where he wasn’t ruined/made out to be the villain.

Honestly, I think season 6 had even more focus in terms of Jay and Hailey- they just weren't actually together yet. I can think of pivotal ship moments in 6x02, 6x07, 6x10, 6x12, 6x15, and 6x22 just off the top of my head. That's not even touching the other characters, who also had stuff going on. So personally, I don't think it was that ships had less content, I think it was that the content was spread out more and not jammed into a few centric episodes in a season. The same thing is happening with Kim and Adam now. They don't exist as characters outside of their relationship because there is only so much screen time given, so that's all we see.

And not to speak for you, but I feel like that's probably why it felt like all of Jay's stories revolved around romance in the later seasons (I don't think I fully agree, but that's perfectly fine). Rather than checking in with him in every episode, we are forced to see all aspects of their lives in only a few episodes. A big aspect of Jay's life definitely became Hailey, so that felt amplified.

Obviously I'm a fan of Jay and Hailey. I like that they got married. I don't know, even if they hadn't, we aren't guaranteed that they would have written him any better of an ending. I think the big common ground we'll find there is that they did a massive disservice to his character and the development he had as an individual.

[agent-bash]

Man, I have nothing against Burgess or Adam (don't love them either) but their fans seem like horrible people. Next thing they'll want is for them to fire all the cast and just have Burzek drama (the same thing every season)

I refuse to lump that anon in with Burzek fans. I really do. I mean just look at what they’re threatened by. But I’m friends with actual Burzek fans on here, and they’re lovely. They feel our pain, they sympathize, they’re hoping for the best possible outcome for us. I think it’s important to realize that there are small camps of idiots amongst all parts of fandom life, for fans of ships and even individual characters. Upstead is not immune to them, we certainly have our share of morons as well. And legit no one comes for Kim’s throat like an Adam stan. But they are the minority. They just come out of the woodwork en masse a couple times a year.

[blris96]

Do you think #upstead are over their fights? They overcame so much to finally get to being married but is the trust there?!

Hi lovely anon!

I think they are. Every couple has fights though, so there may be some minor ones along the way. It's expected that no couple is perfect.

In terms of trust and Upstead, I firmly believe it still is there. Jay and Hailey would follow each other to the ends of the earth no matter how bad things are. Has it been shaken, yes/maybe as we saw laid out for us in 9x04. But, shaken trust isn't enough to completely break a relationship in my opinion, especially with these two. They still repaired things, they still went forward and got married and they didn't break the engagement. They sorted everything out, and those two are stronger than ever in my opinion.

Is there more fallout coming for Roy's death? Maybe, I'm not sure. But, you can be certain that Upstead will stick together throughout. For better or for worse.

[imjustwritingg]

Just wanted to pop in and say that I’m so proud of Tracy in this episode this week she did amazing! Also I feel these episodes keep getting better along with the storylines. Gwen has been serving us this season. I also have a question you’ve probably answered this already but which seasons are you favorites? And do you have any specific storylines you love? (ex. Booth and Haileys storyline)

Have a good day!! enjoy your upcoming weekend❤️‍🩹

Tracy absolutely crushed it in her big episode last week and we are all so, so proud of her!! She’s truly a force to be reckoned with. And bestie Gwen has definitely been serving us this season. It’s all been so, so good!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

As for favorite seasons, that’s a tough question because I love them all for different reasons. I think overall, I might love season 6 most, especially for pre-canon Upstead. The moments they shared were phenomenal in building their story and relationship. I also loved most of the storylines in season 6 with everyone (still think they did Antonio dirty with that drug storyline though), but the season long arc with Kelton and Brennan, and Hailey and Kim being kidnapped, Jay’s Sergeant Halstead moments, Kev’s undercover gigs and dealing with racial injustice, Kim’s story with Blair, that finale?? Ugh. It was all just so damn good.

Specifically for Upstead, I gotta say season 8 and 9 for post-canon goodness. We have been served full course meals for those two so far.

My favorite storylines are Booth in season 5 of course, the season long arc in season 6 with Kelton and Brennan, the infection crossover in season 7, Darius Walker in season 7, Kev’s storylines with the blue wall of silence over three seasons and the continuation with Doyle, Kim and Makayla’s story, and Jay’s episodes with Marcus West and Angela Nelson in season 7. I also might be in the minority here with this, but I’ve really enjoyed the Roy Walton storyline. I would enjoy it even more if there had been or will be some sort of final closure moment for Kim, or a conversation with her and Hailey though. Something. Anything.

Thanks for the fun questions Anon! I hope you have a great weekend too! 💕

[kimburgess-ruzek]

shattered.

chapter two: a mustard seed.

summary: burzek/upstead/whole unit. Intelligence had been through the worst of the worst trying to get one of their own back alive. Each member has been to their own personal hell. Will everyone make it back, or will the cracks in Intelligence be big enough for the entire team to shatter?

a/n: so one idea led to another and then I found myself down a rabbit hole of Adam and Makayla. this chapter is heavily focused on adam and it’s a little slow, but I think it sets up for the rest to be fast paced. Reply if you want to be tagged in future chapters! 

word count: 4.6k

masterlist here.

read on ao3.

.

a mustard seed.

all adam could think about for the past 36 hours was Kim. all he cared about was getting Kim back, and getting her back alive. he didn’t care what lines he had to cross, who he had to hurt. no, he just wanted Kim back. and to be honest, he didn’t want to do it by the book. he didn’t care if he hurt anyone, what lines he had to cross. because he already went through this with his ci, Tommy. he tried that “keep it by the books” mentality, only for his friend to die in his arms, holding him as he took his last breath. and like hell he was going to let that happen this time. because this time it was Kim. and because adam saw what happened with Tommy, he wasn’t going to let that happen to Kim. Kim, the woman who, upon the first day of holding a conversation with, had given him advice on his precious engagement. the woman who did everything she could to prove herself to everyone at the 21st that she belonged as a cop. the woman who stood by Antonio when he was going through his drug problem, who didn’t stop until she saw justice for al, who risked her life by staying with Hailey in that basement when they were kidnapped, who helped raise Kevin's brother and sister. this was Kim. and no one, no one, he thought, was understanding that. no one got it. but how could they? they didn’t watch their friend bleed out on the pavement two months ago. they didn’t have the love of their life kidnapped, missing, going through god knows what. but still, Kim was missing, and adam was going to do whatever it took to get her back, even if the team didn’t understand.

yeah, that was his mentality in the beginning. and then Hailey said the one word that changed the game. she mentioned the one person who made him stop in his tracks, stop in his path of destruction.

Makayla.

at first, adam didn’t even think about Makayla, which sounds awful, but it’s true. in honesty, he was too focused on finding Roy, getting Kim back, and not having to worry about Makayla, because Kim would be there and Makayla would still have a mom, someone who she trusts and she loves. he didn’t want to think of the alternative. he didn’t want to believe that the impossible could very well become possible. that Makayla would never see Kim again. and while it was hard enough to think that he would never see Kim again, he knew it would be worse for Makayla. no, it would be worse than worse. he wouldn’t know how Makayla would recover. so as much as he wanted to continue down the bad path, he knew he couldn’t. he couldn’t because he had to be there for Makayla. and more than just physically be there for her. yes, he had to be there for her when the babysitter left. but he had to do more. right now, he was all Makayla had. so he had to be all the way with her. to comfort her, to encourage her, to reassure her, to protect her. and that meant he couldn’t go in guns blazing, ready to break every law there is for Kim. because he would’ve done that. he was ready to do that. but with Makayla now in the picture, with being her custodian, he had to protect her. and that meant protecting himself. not out of selfishness. but out of quite the opposite. he couldn’t go off the books because he had to get home to Makayla. he had to rest assured, knowing he wouldn’t be thrown in jail or on the streets because of his actions. so he did what Hailey told him to do, what Kim would want him to do, what he knew was right. he did the right thing. and that was to be there for Makayla.

when adam first got to Kim's apartment, he didn’t know if he could handle it. if he could step foot in there and be brave for Makayla. but Hailey reassured him.

“you can do this. do this for her.”

“you call if you have any leads?” adam couldn’t follow up on the case, he knew, but he wanted to know every detail of them coming closer to finding Kim. because it would give him the confidence he needed that everything was going to be alright. either confidence or false hope, but adam didn’t want to believe it was because of the latter.

“of course.” Hailey gave adam the best smile she could at the moment. she was scared too, and she knew adam knew she was, but she tried to mask it. she knew adam needed all of the encouragement he could get.

adam took a deep, deep breath and then got out of Hailey's car. he immediately took off his vest and his jacket, making himself as much of a "welcoming, normal, everything’s alright" guy. he gave one last look at Hailey and then went into his unknown.

adam trudged his way to the stairs and went up to the sixth floor. he made his way to apartment 2012 and gave it a nice knock on the door. he looked at the time. 6:07 pm. after a minute of silence, the door opened ever so slightly and Makayla's babysitter peeked her head out.

“hi, are you adam ruzek?”

adam gave a solemn look and nodded. “uh yeah. yeah, I'm adam,” adam showed his badge and his name in the best to the babysitter. “I, uh, Kim's not finished yet so I'm here for the night. thanks for staying longer, it really means a lot.”

when he called the babysitter (which he only got the number from Makayla's school) in the middle of the night and asked her if she could stay longer than just the night, he didn’t get into details. but oddly enough, the babysitter knew adam. or at least, knew of him. said something about Kim mentioning how he stepped up or something, and how much she saw him grow. those words caught adam by surprise. he never would’ve thought Kim would even mention adam, much less say words of praise. yet, while it was lucky and convenient at the moment, it made adam feel sad because there was a chance it would be one of the last few memories of Kim he would have. but he couldn’t think of that. not right now.

adam dug into his pocket and grabbed some extra cash and handed it to the babysitter. she opened the door more and let adam in before grabbing her things, saying goodby to Makayla, and leaving. adam dropped the vest and the jack right inside the door as soon as he got inside Kim's apartment, trying to be as discreet as he could. he looked around and saw Makayla sitting on the couch, staring at adam.

“hey, Makayla. hey, it’s adam,” he said as he approached Makayla. as he got to the couch to sit down, Makayla scooted herself back a seat, being a little apprehensive. adam quickly noted this and reassured her.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m just going to be here for a while, while Kim's working.” adam smiled, lying through his teeth but trying not to show it or fear.

Makayla looked at adam with those big brown eyes, which were full of confusion and concern. Kim, as much as she worked and was called in at random times, never sent someone else home. she always either came home and brought her work with her or asked the babysitter to stay late, but she never sent another person to watch her.

“where is she?”

adam noticed Makayla was catching on and tried his best to give the bare minimum without sounding like he was making something up. “she’s still at work, and your babysitter, she already stayed extra. Kim has a lot of work to do, so she asked me to come over and stay with you until she got back. does that sound okay?” he leaned a little forward, trying to invite Makayla in and be welcoming. Makayla must’ve believed adam because she nodded ever so slightly. adam didn’t take that lightly; even though he had hung out with Makayla a few times, it was always with Kim. and anything out of the ordinary probably makes Makayla scared and suspicious. so her trusting adam, even if it’s just a little, meant the world to him.

“I know it’s a new situation, but everything’s gonna be okay, alright? now, I don’t know about you, but I think I’m pretty hungry. how about we call in some pizza. how about that? does that sound good?”

Makayla didn’t answer, making adam ramble on some more.

“and then after pizza, we can pick out your favorite movie, and whip out the popcorn and candy, and, and we can make some movie posters, and we can watch another movie. how does that sound?”

with that, Makayla grinned and replied, “okay.”

adam took “okay” as approval. he got up from the couch and got ready to call in the pizza, only focusing on Makayla.

.

the rest of the night went seemingly smooth. distracting Makayla away from Kim went relatively okay. once the movie was popped in, she fell right asleep, which didn’t allow her to ask any more questions. adam eventually put her to bed and tried to get some sleep.

after he dropped Makayla off at school, he was on his way to med. luckily, adam had enough sense to pull over to the side of the road when Kevin told him that the surgeon was in the waiting room. he listened, waiting for the doctor to say something. say anything. but he almost enjoyed that long pause that seemed like an eternity. because at least then, there wasn’t a possibility of the doctor giving bad news. of giving the worst news he could ever fathom.

but then came the doctor’s news. and it felt like an out-of-the-body experience. it all came so fast. too fast for adam to really pick up anything other than the last two sentences.

“she made it out of surgery. she’s critical, but she’s stable.”

adam let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Kim’s alive. she’s alive.

all adam could do was break down. he didn’t have any more energy to be brave, to be strong. he didn’t care who saw him in his jeep. he didn’t care what he looked like. he dropped his phone and immediately began to sob, collapsing on his middle console. all of his fear, aggression and sorrow coming out. he let everything go. he didn’t care about anything, anyone else, anymore. he didn’t care about Walton, about the case. no, he was just so thankful that Kim was alive. that he got a second chance. that Makayla still has a mom.

“she’s okay. she’s gonna be okay. she’s gonna be okay.” was all adam could get out between his sobs. he didn’t know who he was talking to; he was reassuring himself more than less.

after about 5 minutes of this, adam seemed to have gotten all of his tears out, if that’s even possible. he stopped replaying the worst-case scenario in his mind as he didn’t have to do that anymore. he then remembered his phone and Kevin. he searched for it, looking around until he saw it on the passenger floorboard. he picked it up and saw that Kevin was still on the line.

“Kev, you still there?” he asked, his voice almost hoarse.

after a second, Kevin answered. “yeah bro. yeah, I’m still here.”

adam could hear the sadness in Kevin's voice. and he could almost feel the tension through the phone. but he put it all aside for right now and decided to figure it out once he got to the hospital.

“I’m on my way, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Alright bro, I’m not leaving. neither is the team.”

with that, adam and Kevin hung up. adam collected himself, wiping his tears with his sleeve and brushing his hands through his hair. he put the car in drive and took off from the side of the road. he decided to stop on the way and grab six coffees. he knew they all needed it and it was the least he could do right now. them saving Kim and all. after another couple of minutes, he was pulling into med and found a parking spot. he got out with his keys and his coffees and headed inside. then the pit in his stomach began to rise again and he couldn’t explain it. something about seeing the team again, about seeing Kim again. all this time, all he wanted to do was see Kim again, but now, he’s hesitant. about seeing her with all of the machines and oxygen and cuts and bruises. it brought back too many memories of the numerous times Kim has been in this hospital. sure she has been there before but this time felt different, and he didn’t know why but he just felt heavy. and all this time while looking for Kim, he took out his frustration, his anger, and his fear out on the team. and yes, now he might realize it was wrong, but he doesn’t know how the team felt. about the whole situation and about him.

adam made his way up to the ICU waiting room, which is where the team was. most of the other patrol officers had already left. once they had received the good news, they left, giving intelligence their space. once everyone spotted adam, they all stood up as he walked to them. no one immediately ran in for a hug; they just looked at him while Kevin glanced at the ground.

“hey, I uh, I thought you all could use this.” adam greeted, extending the tray of coffees he had in his hand. though he didn’t need to say it because jay and Hailey were already eyeing the coffee. they grabbed their cups and began to sip on the needed caffeine. adam handed a cup to Trudy, who took it with a “thanks” and a pat on the shoulder. adam then took a cup and handed it to Kevin, who reluctantly took it and nodded thanks. neither of them was in the mood to hash it out; it wasn’t the right time or place. they knew they needed to talk eventually though, and Kevin did appreciate the peace offering. after a while, adam saw him sip it out of the corner of his eye.

there was one extra cup of coffee that wasn’t claimed, and once adam noticed it, only then did he realize one of their team members wasn’t there.

“where’s Voight?” adam asked, looking around for his boss. everyone looked at each other, signaling who to reply.

Trudy cleared her throat, “we don’t know. he hasn’t come by yet and hasn’t answered any of our calls.”

Adam frowned. that’s so unlike Voight. as much as he respected Kim, he would’ve thought the sergeant would’ve shown. he shook his head, confused.

“When do we pick the case back up?” adam then asked, trying to be logical, seeing when they would have to get their boots back on the ground.

“We don’t know, it’s Voight's call.” jay answered.

adam nodded. “so when can we go see her?” he asked changing the subject. he brought his focus back on Kim, who he really cared about at the moment.

“she’s in a private ICU room, doc said one visitor at a time until she’s awake and alert. we figured you would want to go.” Kevin answered, to the point.

adam sighed, “thanks guys. thanks.” he looked around the room, stopping at Kevin. he tried to get Kevin to look back at him, but Kevin brought his focus back to his coffee once he answered adam.

“hey, why don’t y’all go on home. I’ll call as soon as she wakes up. y’all deserve some sleep, in actual beds.” adam said, giving a grin.

as the team gathered their things, adam continued. “and… thanks. thanks for… for putting up with me. I know I wasn’t in my right mind, but that doesn’t give me a good reason to go off on y’all I, I just, I don’t know. I, I know I have a lot of work to do, a lot more growing to do, but I hope you let me back in with time. that’s all I could ask of y’all.”

everyone took in adam’s speech, his apology. jay put a hand on his shoulder and replied, “it’s okay.” Hailey and Trudy just nodded in agreement. adam breathed a little sigh of relief, thankful for what reception he did get. the rest of the team resumed getting their things and saying goodbye. as Kevin grabbed his bloody vest, adam held his fist out to do their brother’s handshake they always do. instead, though, Kevin just patted him on the back on his way out. adam sighed; he knew Kevin needed more time and a better apology. but he didn’t want to give it in public, so he left it at that. Trudy have his hand a squeeze and said, “when burgess wakes up, make sure to give her grief about rolling alone from me.” adam huffed out a laugh and hugged Trudy before she walked out. as jay and Hailey were the lasts to leave, adam stopped them.

“Hailey, do you have a moment before you leave?” adam asked. jay was slightly confused but took that as a cue that he wasn’t wanted in this conversation.

“I’ll be in the car.” jay said to Hailey and sauntered out of the waiting room.

adam gave a confused look, “y’all ride together?”

Hailey stuttered. she figured jay didn’t even realize the team doesn't officially know about them yet. “uh, yeah.” she answered shortly. she managed to give a laugh internally at jay’s flub.

adam quickly changed the subject back to the point. “hey, did you catch any leads? did you find Voight after you left?” adam asked in a hushed tone. he knew Voight not being there was odd. too odd for it to not mean anything.

“uh…” Hailey was trying to find the right words to lie to. she was tired of these questions and it hadn’t even been a day. “um, no I didn’t. as soon as jay called it in that they’d found Kim, I left the scene. stop searching.” she was burning up inside, her conscience eating away at her. she so wanted to tell someone the truth, and if it was adam, he might’ve understood. but she didn’t have a plan together, and she didn’t know where Voight was. as much as she now feared her boss, she wanted to see him with her own two eyes before making a judgment call.

adam, though, knew she was lying through her teeth. he had been with her before, and she never not gave a straight answer. she’s too shaky, too nervous. he just wanted to know if Roy was still out there for peace of mind, and he knew Hailey knew something.

“really? because Kevin said you didn’t show up until later. much later. and Voight is apparently nowhere to be seen. you wouldn’t be here if you knew Voight was in danger. and it’s not like him to not be here if he’s okay.”

Hailey cut adam off from asking too many more questions. “I don’t know anything, okay. Voight radioed me when jay called it in, and he told me that he was okay and to go to med. that’s all.” Hailey said, more assertively. Adam opened his mouth and was about to ask another question when Hailey held her hand up, stopping him.

“look, don’t worry about it. you should go be with Kim. she needs you.” and with that, Hailey spun in her heels and left adam there. she made her way down to her car and saw jay standing by the passenger door. she smiled at how goofy he looked. the first time she’s smiled in days.

“what? don’t wanna be seen in my car?” Hailey laughed.

jay grinned, happy to see Hailey giggle. “no, you have the keys.” he deadpanned.

Hailey realized he left jay to fend for himself. she quickly unlocked it and they both got in. during the ride back to their place jay burst out, “so what did Ruz want?”

Hailey looked at jay and reassured him, “nothing. just asked a question about earlier.”

that left jay more confused than, to begin with. but he just assumed Hailey wouldn’t say much further and left it at that. “should I be worried he’s trying to steal you back?”

Hailey let out a laugh. “no you don’t have to worry about that. if you couldn’t tell, adam is head over heels for Kim. plus, you should probably think twice before hinting that we live together, detective.” Hailey smirked as jay realized what he said in the waiting room. he blushed, embarrassed.

“did Ruz catch on?” he asked, starting to panic. he didn’t want Hailey to be uncomfortable, and he wanted her to feel okay to announce it to the team. he didn’t want that to be the way everyone found out, and he certainly knew adam can’t keep his mouth shut.

“jay, this is adam we’re talking about. he didn’t suspect a thing.”

Hailey pulled into their apartment and as soon as the car was in park, she pulled jay into a sweet, slow kiss.

“Now, let’s go to the bedroom and not think about the last 48 hours.”

“Copy you, detective.” jay said and got out of the car as quickly as he could.

.

adam looked into Kim's room through the window. Kim was in the ICU but was given a private room, so it looked like a regular room in terms of basics.

he saw Kim, lying on the cot. it was all too familiar to him. seeing her, pale, in a hospital gown. although she wasn’t really that pale for all of the bruises that covered her. on her face, on her wrists, on her forearms. adam swallowed, taking it all in. everything. every emotion. he couldn’t imagine what Kim went through in the last day and a half. and it killed him inside that he could’ve prevented all of this if he had gotten to her sooner. if he told her that it wasn’t a good idea to go to that last location alone. that she should’ve stayed out until he was closer. he should’ve done the undercover pass. he should’ve been the first one there. because then none of this would’ve happened. but it did. and seeing Kim, someone who was once full of life now looking so helpless, brought up all the pent-up guilt adam had. and he didn’t know how he was going to get over it.

after a few minutes of building up the courage, he finally made his legs move and stepped foot into Kim's room. inside, it was a different atmosphere. it was draining, cold, and suffocating. it was silent, eerily silent, except for the monotonous beeping coming from the machine next to her. but he pushed his way through and walked up to Kim. up close, he noticed and took in every detail of her. her bloodied hair, her dirty nails, her tiny dainty wrists that were purple, the two big gashes on Kim's temple. tears were welled in his eyes. but through all of the bruises, adam still saw beauty in Kim's soft skin, her slightly furrowed eyebrows, her relaxed lips. and he held on to her beauty, it was the hope he needed to be brave for her.

adam pulled up a chair and sat by Kim. the doctor who is on the ICU floor mentioned something about sedation and her not waking up for a while, but adam didn’t really fully hear him. it didn’t matter though, he was going to be there until she woke up. he gently touched her hand, being careful not to injure her anymore. it was so small, so cold.

how could someone do this to her?

he lightly stroke her hand with his thumb, trying to caress her, let her know he was there. he didn’t know if she could feel him if she could hear him. he didn’t know how any of this worked, but he had to get this off his chest, for him more than for her.

“Hey, Kim. it’s me. it’s adam.” he said quietly, peacefully. “I’m here. and everything’s going to be okay. everything’s going to be alright. Trudy told me to tell you how mad she is at you. that you never need to be alone ever again, or something like that. hah, I agree… and you don’t have to worry about anything but getting better. truly, nothing. I got Makayla, don’t worry about that. she doesn’t know a thing, just that you had to work extra. trust me, I won’t let anything happen to her while you’re here. I will protect her. and you, I'll protect you… Makayla, she took a while to warm up to me, but after a couple of movies and a bag of popcorn on a school night, she was hooked. I see her in you, you know. even though it’s only been a few months, she’s yours. and I can tell how much you love her through her eyes. and she has the biggest heart, which is just like you…. you really scared me, you know that right? you scared all of us. and we fought. we fought each other. we fought against the law. we raced against time. and we found you. we found you. not, not that we wouldn’t. but you made us find you. you are so brave. you are so strong. and I know you are tired. you are exhausted, and all you want to do is rest, I need you to fight some more, just for a little while longer. just hold out. because you’ve earned your right to live. you’ve earned it. and. and.. and I need you to pull through. I know how immature I was in the beginning. and I know how impulsive I am, and how neurotic and vain I can be, and how much I hurt you along the way. but I’ve grown, and I’ve learned now. I know what it takes, I know what you want, and I am ready. I’m ready for all of it. I’m ready for the dating, the engagement, that bad banquet hall wedding. I’m ready to work alongside you, to watch you grow into an amazing detective, to grow old with you, to be a family. a real family, with Makayla. I’m ready for it. and I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you, however long it takes. and when you’re ready, I’ll be here —“

as adam was rambling, tears overflowing and spilling out of his eyes, he felt the slightest squeeze of a hand. it caught adam by surprise, being barely noticeable. but it was all he needed. it was the mustard seed. he gave Kim the smallest, most gentle squeeze back, letting her know he was there and he recognized her. and then he began talking again, this time with a smile on his face and hope in his heart.

“you won’t believe what song Makayla requested to play in the car on the way to school—“

[fighterkimburgess]

I am excited for Torres addition (is that his name?). Also because we could get to see different partnerships, like Kim and Hailey or Kevin and Hailey or Kevin and Jay or Kim and Jay.

I’m the same, I think it’ll be great!

I know I’m in the minority here, but I want Burzek and Upstead to stop being paired up in the field. They’re too connected, and having them together is going to put them at risk. Split them up! Give me All The Mixups.

Give me Adam and Hailey and their friendship. Give me Jake and Kate. Give me Kevin and Jay! I want it all

[kindredhearts13]

i found your criticisms of chicago pd very on point, fair, and accurate and appreciated that you voiced them!! i think there are a lot of problems with the show, even though i have enjoyed it for some time, i haven't kept up with it recently for a lot of the reasons you've described.

firstly, after all of the black lives matter things that happened over the past two or so years, chicago pd made a few eps that centered around the issue and... dropped it? i loved that they chose to take those steps at that time but have been really disappointed with the lack of follow-up lately.

i think kevin is severely underdeveloped and quite frankly cpd has failed at using his character's perspective to really change the show's perspectives (even though it is NOT the responsibility of the minority/minority characters to carry the burden of creating change on the show/irl)

also, this goes back quite some time, but the way they wrote rojas off was also quite cheap and took the easy way out, like it was easy to forget her character and the diversity she also brought to the show- and they failed to reflect how her friendship could have changed characters (like hailey's) perspectives on race/socioeconomic status, etc.

and, this is speaking as someone who used to intensely ship upstead, i think the way fans have started talking about hailey and upstead is also getting a little too intense. i have never liked how everyone's natural expectations are for marriage, for starters, let alone how when a woman gets married on a show (like station 19, for carina and maya) she immediately starts talking about having kids or gets pregnant.

i may be in the minority, but i do NOT want hailey/jay to have a pregnancy arc at all. i think there are a hundred more interesting storylines than having kids, and i think it's cheap for every female character's storylines to immediately be reduced to being a mother (and this includes kim).

i was also rewatching the fbi episode hailey was on and thought it was interesting how hostile was when oa pointed out the issues the chicago police department was- and although hailey is arguably my favorite character, i think people have started to gloss over some of her ignorance (as well as the ignorance of a LOT of cpd characters).

anyway that was longer than i intended it to be, but thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

Thank you for sharing YOUR thoughts! I completely agree with what you said- especially on Kevin. So many opportunities have been wasted to give him more story and development, and I just wish that the writers, show runner, SOMEONE would realize what talent and opportunity they have on their hands!

And THANK YOU! That is my main issue with people trying to excuse story-lines or characters actions based on 5 minutes of watered-down recompense. The show takes place in Chicago, CHICAGO, so why in the world do they act like tensions between its black and minority residents and the police are only heightened 3 times out of the year? Why do they act like this is a fad and not an actual call for change, and then use that to help tell their stories and better challenge these characters? It is sad because it should not be on Atwater or LaRoyce to guide this show into self-awareness; but the extreme lack of any remote diversity/inclusion in the cast makes it all fall on him, regardless. (I actually think that a sound argument can be made that bringing back the patrol officer aspect of the show could help to solve this problem a bit- but that's a conversation for another post.)

I also agree on Hailey. I find it extremely frustrating when people believe that a woman can only develop through assault, birth, or miscarriage. And while ALL of these things are real experiences that so many women have faced, not exploring nuanced ways to explore the depths of a character is beyond frustrating. That was one of my biggest issues with the way Gabby's character was treated over the seasons on Fire. While it made sense for her character to want to be a mom, it never made sense that they tried to push that as if it was suddenly her main personality trait. Or that she, after working so hard to become a firefighter, would just permanently give it up. Instead of allowing her to do what Gabby would actually do: live in that fear for a minute (most likely act out because of it), then eventually decide that she wasn't going to allow anything to be stronger than her. And use that as an important conversation with Louie about overcoming your fears and how she would fight twice as hard to come home to him every night. Or after losing Louie, going back into firefighting and really allowing her character to be challenged again.

I hope that they allow Hailey's character to develop outside of a pregnancy. And if they end up keeping Upstead together and decide to explore that world and what a baby looks like in it- they do it with two equally defined and developed characters. Both Tracy and Hailey deserve that.

[anniesardors]

Hi Annie! I can't see it happening in 9x13, or even this season, but i wondered what your take was on Hailey's dad making an appearance again at some point in the future? I feel 8x04 was such a random storyline to throw in there (as amazing as the episode was) to create angst with no follow up regarding him or even her mum. Maybe they were foreshadowing? Who knows. As much as i have a huge love/hate relationship with Upstead angst, I just need our little ray of sunshine protected at all costs! ❤

The appearance in 8x04 does feel a bit random but is also feels pretty realistic, especially if she’s not in contact with her father. If she does not talk to him and has not in years, it makes sense that he’ll pop in for one episode and not show up again.

I know I’m in the minority of people who really don’t want her father to come back. Maybe they’ll bring back her mom, or even mention her in a future episode! That I could see since Hailey actually speaks to her.

Our ray of sunshine deserves to be happy and healthy and protected! Manifesting that no matter what storylines come, we get a happy Hailey!