#minorities. then theyd be the same person. but im not gonna sit here and pretend thats the case. they're similar to him in so many ways but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snekdood · 1 year

Text

like i really dont think ya understand the severity of the abuse- even aside from the sexual abuse-

i have bpd and come from a home where im not validated very well (obviously, bc thats what makes ppl bpd in the first place). i meet this person who validates me in every way i could possibly imagine or want (love bombing). they pretend to like me so much that they start to become like me and pick up traits of mine they like the most. they know they have a hold over me and power over me bc i didnt know how to validate myself and they were the only source of validation i had. so then they go ahead and start invalidating me and acting like im less of me and theyre somehow more of me. i knew who i was deep down but suddenly i felt unseen again and silenced and pushed into a corner. and then they act like im a horrible person (discarding phase) and serve me an entirely different version of me thats not who i am, but bc i didnt know how to validate myself and was reliant on them (something thats particularly important for this type of abuse to work), it made me question myself and who i was and what i was like and what my intentions were and what my actions were and if i could even trust my own reality all over again when i really didn’t fucking need to since i knew who i was deep down, but they somehow convinced me they knew me better. because i was reliant on them. i dont think you understand how much that fucks with you.

#vent #this is why i kind of find it hard not to cling to the term 'narcissistic abuse' since this is verbatim what happens in that type of abuse.#based on everything ive read.#again. i dont personally think it necessarily has anything to do w ppl with npd. narcissism as a term existed before the diagnosis.#it means someone whos selfish and only looks out for themselves and will do anything for themselves even at the expense of others.#and literally EVERYTHING ELSE people online have said about this type of abuse happened.#the smear campaign. the sending people after me to stalk me and get info out of me. the apparently never leaving me alone as evidenced #by that anon recently.#oh and- cant forget accusing me of everything they did but 10x worse somehow.#if a certain type of abuse can be predicted so well and so many people have had the same experience or similar enough experiences #i dont see why it doesnt deserve its own term. we just have to divorce it from the idea of npd. maybe give it a different name.#because its really not *just* emotional abuse. sorry.#its so much more than that and so much more strategic.#and this is why even though i didnt think of them as being exactly like zero before i still thought of them as being vampiric.#bc they tried to drain me of my energy and who i was.#but nowadays i can really see the similarities. if only they were rich and had institutional power and paid politicans to oppress #minorities. then theyd be the same person. but im not gonna sit here and pretend thats the case. they're similar to him in so many ways but #theyre not the same person. im obviously able to fucking recognize that.#in spite of them pretending like i cant.#now if that ends up secretly being the case... well....#might be harder for me to divorce them from being similar lmao.#but so far i dont have enough evidence to confidently say that.

1 note · View note