#in spite of them pretending like i cant.

[snekdood]

like i really dont think ya understand the severity of the abuse- even aside from the sexual abuse-

i have bpd and come from a home where im not validated very well (obviously, bc thats what makes ppl bpd in the first place). i meet this person who validates me in every way i could possibly imagine or want (love bombing). they pretend to like me so much that they start to become like me and pick up traits of mine they like the most. they know they have a hold over me and power over me bc i didnt know how to validate myself and they were the only source of validation i had. so then they go ahead and start invalidating me and acting like im less of me and theyre somehow more of me. i knew who i was deep down but suddenly i felt unseen again and silenced and pushed into a corner. and then they act like im a horrible person (discarding phase) and serve me an entirely different version of me thats not who i am, but bc i didnt know how to validate myself and was reliant on them (something thats particularly important for this type of abuse to work), it made me question myself and who i was and what i was like and what my intentions were and what my actions were and if i could even trust my own reality all over again when i really didn’t fucking need to since i knew who i was deep down, but they somehow convinced me they knew me better. because i was reliant on them. i dont think you understand how much that fucks with you.

[gingerbreadmonsters]

oh this is going to be......... a problem actually

[why-fucking-bother-anymore]

I swear I've gone through every emotion known to man.... (And then some) today...

[itsabouttimex2]

saw the notifs that you posted and came running.. IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW CYOA LETS GOODJJRF Primal Moon was so good too!! rlly enjoyed the way Wu kong had that sort of forcefulness to him,, much love and i cant wait to see your next post!!❤️❤️❤️

Ahhh thank you so much! I hope everyone will like the CYOA- I’ve been plotting things out for a while now, and I’m super excited for it too!

And I’ve been working on Primal Moon for a long time now, so I’m really, really happy to finally get a fic of it out!

Wukong is one of the more demanding, pushy demons during the verdant lunar cycle. He’s been alone in the wilderness with his monkeys for a long time- he’s super excited to have a troop! Wukong wants to cuddle! He wants to groom! He wants to share his food! He wants group naps and shared nests!

It just so happens that this swell of love-seeking behavior comes with a severe loss of inhibitions that he’s never taught himself not to indulge in. And although he’s pretty reasonable in spite of all this… he’s still willing to severely crack down on any intentional disobedience within his ‘troop’.

Macaque is a loner, and he gets along just fine by himself- so the instincts that get brought to the fore are much less severe than Wukong’s. But he still has them, no matter how much he’d like to pretend otherwise. There’s a lot of embarrassment involved in these weeks for him, accepting and giving affection without even realizing it. One moment Macaque is trying to distract himself by reading, the very next he’s snuggled up to you/Wukong/MK, whining for scritches and pats. By the time the time he’s realized what’s happened, he’s already purring on his back, his tail sweeping back and forth in glee.

Poor, poor MK. This kiddo is going to despise himself when all is said and done. After a lifetime spent unaware of his true nature, the first Primal Moon he endures absolutely destroys him.

Usually people have a lot of time spent preparing for this event- even babies and toddlers are affected by the moon, so people can grow accustomed early. As you grow older and stronger you can resist the animalistic urges that rise inside, and some demons/celestials can even suppress their instincts almost entirely- with training and practice.

And guess who hasn’t had so much as even a day to prepare?

So MK goes from gold-hearted goofball to a damn near abuser, beating and pushing and throwing you around because his mind and body are genuinely brand new to this- he doesn’t know what else to do! He doesn’t have the years of acclimation that his friend and family have, the coping mechanism that they’ve learned to employ. And at the end of the week, the viridescence in the skies dies away entirely, leaving him free to see the entirety of what he’s done to you.

And he’s going to hate himself for it.

———————————————————————

Also I had to do a lot of research on animal behaviors for this AU- fun, because it’s my special interest- not fun, because animals are incredibly awful little things who sometimes engage in awful behaviors!

Like, male pigs engage in so much baby-killing. Just so very much. Very little in the way of parental/familial instincts. And unless I base him around an octopus, what am I going to do for Sandy? He’s a river demon- what instincts does fish even have?

[starjunkyard]

House thinking that he has cuddy and wilson wrapped around his finger is so funny bc ...like Yeag .He kinda does but also House will smugly smirk to himself like "Tch........ They have no idea that i just manipulated them into letting me do (Insert insane thing)............. Im like kira from Hit anime death note....... tch.......... Hah..........." When in reality wilson and cuddy have put up with house for so long They know exactly how his fucked up ratmaze of a mind works so they exploit it to make him . U know. actually Do his job butHOUSE THINKS HES WINNING

Like they know house so well they Have him on a leash . They have him so whipped But House thinks hes soooooooooooooo smart he doesnt even realise it Its so

Its like when yr trying to get your fucking . Dog to eat some medicine but yoy cant let him know you WANT him to eat the medicine because then he FUCKIG N WONT So u have tolike . Pretend u dont even want him to eat the medicine like Whatever . I dont even want u to eat the medicine actually . This medicine is sooooooo good waow so delicious i want it all for myself If u eat it i will be soooo sad .I'll be so upset Dont eat it.......... Omg stop dont eat it................. And then yr dog will eat it out of spite and youll be like "NOOOOOOOOOOO.... OMG I CANT BELIEV E U ATE IT U ARE SO CRAZY.... WTF...." And he will feel so smug and proud of himself Like hes some evil little creature rebelling against nature and law when really he i s just. so Stupid

[wallbeatjournal]

keeping Kevarchie ALIVE. kevin ships dont get talked about nearly enough what about kevhead. personally i think jughead would rather kill himself than admit he's sexually attracted to kevin & it'd be incredibly amusing to watch them psychologically torture each other in an "ugh this is the guy i like???" kind of way. i cant tell if their specific brand of pretentiousness would clash or make them the most annoying power couple to ever exist

oh my godddd they would be atrocious. can you just imagine them writing/directing a play together?? bickering over kevin's vision for some theatrical adaptation of jughead's original comic or short story until they're so mad their only choice is to work it out nasty? (it's NOT homoerotic, kevin, stop calling it homoerotic. this story is about FRIENDSHIP that's practically me and archie right there!!)

and yeah jughead wouldn't want to acknowledge it bc it's so on-the-nose and beneath him and that would infuriate gay kevin who has endured so so much repressed closet case bullshit in his gay lifetime. i don't think they could stand to actually date. jughead would ultimately write a mean play about their liaisons and kevin would write a spiteful score/musical book for it and they'd pretend it was all so veiled in metaphor that nobody would ever realize what had happened (everyone would realize. it would be so blatant and cringe).

...or something like that.

[cavefairy]

so my brain was certainly. braining. on the way home tonight. we were having cyn discussion and how i think she is still semi-aware inside of her own head after the solver takes over, and she can see whats happening but is powerless to stop it (most of the time. we will come back to that). SO i had a theory that the reason the solver took over is bc they kept locking cyn in the basement and how that went was she messed up once, they put her in the basement, solver is able to take over a lil bit. messup again (bc of the solver), basement again, more solver. its a cycle until the solver fully takes over and cyn is forced back into her own head to watch the solver puppet her body and pretend to be her for a little while. and then she gets to watch the solver turn her friends into monsters. probably crying and screaming inside her own head to not hurt them, not do this to them, to not hurt her big brother. id like to think that she is able to gain enough control that the solver cant put any of itself into n, that cyn protected him just that little bit. theres enough control that she can minimize the damage the solver does to n. obviously he is still murder-ified but theres still.... yknow. less. yeah. he is still more 'himself' than the others. example, v is completely different than in the short episode 2 flashback. that being said, i have no idea rn what kind of shit the solver put the murder squad thru. i think v's ultra-violent tendencies are kind of a coping mechanism, or a result of the what the solver did. either way, she is very not okay. putting that aside, back to cyn for a sec. pre-solver i think she was kind of like uzi, but less,,,, angsty, i guess. less angry, less outright trying to be different, less killkillviolencedie yknow. sure, she couldve had a little bit of spite, bc of her situation, but ultimately i think she wouldve been trying to be good, to be nice, to make the best of her circumstances. and i think she found refuge in n. i think j would have constantly gone out of her way to terrorize cyn. v would either politely refuse her or outright ignore her, depending on situation. n wouldve been the only one to have been kind, to have paid attention, to have cared. and the solver-cyn calling him 'big brother n' ? i think she started doing that pre-solver, and it carried over bc the solver, while imitating her, picked up that mannerism. she would still call him her big brother in her head, after the solver took over. and after he was murder-ified ? she would laugh, still crying, and probably think 'well he is certainly my big brother now, hes so tall'. id like to think that if we see solver-cyn again, that if solver-cyn met uzi, that cyn would immediately take a liking to uzi. that she would see that uzi is good for him. she would be happy her brother had a person, someone close to just spend time with, to talk with, that loved him. granted, uzi has the solver, so cyn probably already has a sorta-link to her, but i also think that it would be nice to have solver-cyn meet uzi face to face. OOH actually, if cyn already has a link to uzi via the solver, i think cyn already knows of uzi and proabably already likes her. oh that would be so cute actually. theyd be besties once they get rid of the solver. cyn gets her brother AND a sister. a sister who is coincidentally her brothers gf but WHATEVER siblings who actually care :D yippieee

[maschotch]

If you could write a backstory episode for Hotch, what would it look like?

ah.. the age old question

truthfully im not much of a writer, so id have a hard time condensing everything id want out of his backstory into a 40 min episode (or a 2 part special). i think the simplest way would be something similar to profiler profiled where they take a case close to hotch’s home and he knows the people involved but doesnt want to admit it

tbh i think itd be difficult enough to set up a case like that. jj might have to bring it in—maybe she was surprised when hotch turned down her suggestion to consult and got passionate about it. (hotch can claim to be by-the-book, but when it comes to something he cares about, he caves pretty fast, so i think he’d be too concerned about avoiding reliving decades old trauma maintaining his composure around the team to let them dig around too deep). but jj goes behind his back (well intentioned, not well thought out) to assign the team this case anyway

ive given it a lot of thought and i think itd be funniest for hotch to just pretend not to recognize anyone. he likely hasnt been back since before boarding school, so he’s probably relying on no one recognizing him either. but some of the older folks at the precinct cant help but think of that hotchner fellow when they see the name. hotch does relatively well, but the team begins to notice he’s more tense than usual. theyre not really sure what to think until the sheriff (or someone idk) tells the story of the lawyer hotchner (spittin image of this fbi guy!) and his troublemaker son, and they start putting the pieces together

i think itd be fun to have the team forcibly dig around into hotch’s life. for one thing, it seems like the only way they’d get anything out of him about his past. and two, even if none of them are consciously aware of their own spiteful vindictiveness, it’s lowkey payback for all the times hotch has crossed their own personal boundaries “for the sake of the case.” anyway they find out about what went down in the hotchner household, and suddenly all the pieces come together: all the red flags theyve kinda just ignored until now form an ugly picture of abuse.

god forbid anyone gets closure on this fucking show. inevitably they dont really talk about it and after the case is over its basically never brought up again (unless morgan is mad about something or reid is losing an argument). itd probably end with hotch looking at a picture of his son or some cheesy shit like that. in true criminal minds fashion: hotch gets his trauma dragged up for no reason and then they never deal with or acknowledge it ever

[toxicanonymity]

Ref: Stepdad Master List

Anonymous asked (Before Fandango, after hypothetical drabbles):

i think the social media stepdad!joel things you put out are so indefinitely juicy

like, personally im a bit of a silent grudge holder, and ikik he’s technically with the mom, but if that was me, id make the man sweat/feel as shitty as him fucking the mom made me feel if u get me??

like the first thought that crossed my mind was that id send a video of ME getting fucked. but then i was like.. no, bc then he’d know that i was still thinking of him AND i fucked the guy because of him out of spite and sent the video to piss him off and get him off (even if Joel was thinking abt me while he fucked the mom, it doesn’t matter).

so my second thought: bringing a guy back home, but actually acting a little shy/coy, like a little flustered with him (maybe both Joel and the mom are home and greet them etcetc), and THEN fucking upstairs. the delicious torture that’d be for Joel. like pretending ur trying to be quiet, making it seem to Joel like u are too type of thing.

like he’s getting no pictures or videos. no attention. not even a glance. then fucking some guy that, in Joel’s head, actually makes u blush/feel good. and the best thing?? how can he be mad? he has the mom sat next to him :] every line that he swears can’t be crossed with you isn’t even a line that exists anymore because you’ve made it so he isn’t even in the equation anymore. he kept insisting that u both cant be sexual with eachother, that it’s wrong and shouldn’t happen. he was always the one who refused to touch you/do anything, so he can’t be mad for so many reasons when you find someone who can, and that wants to, and that won’t touch anyone else (and I think that last little bit would kill Joel - knowing this guy u brought back would touch you and no others. it’s a ‘luxury” Joel cant have in any way you look at it. he can’t not touch the mom, he won’t let himself touch you. and now that you’ve taken yourself off the table completely, what exactly can he do abt it?? would he be able to come onto you at all? idk, maybe no, cus how could he come onto you when before, he was always “can’t touch, cant fuck, even just watching each other is too much”)

------------

You make some great points!

[belog-grada-crna-princeza]

even if i do recover from my illness and even if things ever do get better and i survive this and don't k1ll myself in the near future.. even if i stop being depressed. even if all my dreams come true by some miracle. i will never. EVER. forget. because i thought i knew hell but i didn't before this. this world we live in is hell. believe me. no matter what social media shows you with the gummy lollipop pinky pink rainbows and unicorns. nope. there is so much evil, injustice and cruelty that can never be forgiven.

like that quote: “If there is a God, He will have to beg for my forgiveness.”

i can never unsee what i've seen and unknow what i know and it has forever killed my innocence and changed me as a person. i have seen how "loved ones" leave you at your worst. how people abandon you because you cant do anything for them anymore. how they say you're not alone and they're there for you but it's just pretty words. how medical professionals and mental health system and every institution hurts people and can't be trusted. how it's every man for himself. how people avoid you when you're in pain because youre "bringing them down". how society turns away their heads from everything unpleasant and just pretends it's all good. how all fights for justice don't amount to any sustainable progress and millions suffer every day for no reason. how full of spite and envy and ill-will people are. how most of them judge you too easily if you dont fit some rulebook they've invented for you. how no one actually has empathy for one another even though it's the most popular f*cking word these days and everyone is an Empath. how people say things that make them sound good but never actually follow through.

i am sick of talking. i googled a step by step how to successfully un1liv3 myself (i even have to censor these fuck*ng words now) bc i failed in the past and i don't want to be stopped this time and they gave me.. su1cid3 lines to call. i laughed. what a joke! talk to who?????? tell them WHAT????? be put on some sh*tty ass drugs or in some stupid institution just to go back to this hell. i dont want to be brainwashed. even if things get better i can NEVER forget what the world actually is and what society is.

i will never forget and i will always know. f*ck your fake positivity and brainwashing with nicely wrapped up lies. the world is f*cked up

[darkbluekies]

stupid son noah who went to kry and got us trapped again mf we shouldve just thrown him to the wolves (kry) bro i cant i cant.

like ur writing is so amazing but i absolutely hate the type of yandere that’s infantilizing and pretends they’re on your side when they’re just playing mind games with you and want you all under their control. its so frustrating reading stories with dr. freak bc he makes me so angry like. bro if i was his patient i would just go nonverbal or something idk i would rather die than give him the satisfaction of … like. anything!!

anyways this was not meant to jab at your writing i absolutely love everything you post!! including stuff about kry (but hes just soooo not my type HAHA) i just feel lots of emotions reading your content (a good thing!!) and being angry is one of them HAHDH i’m petty and spiteful.

anyways anyways KRY i HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU i hope you d word ALONE GRRRRGFRRR grinding my gears i gotta get hedwig to bail me outta jail after im done BEATING IN HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so, tell me if I'm wrong, this is just a feeling I get ... you like Hedwig. Again, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm just guessing.

Anyways lol, I'm glad I can make you angry. I was grinning like crazy while reading your messages. I love reactions like these. I don’t care if you love or hate my characters as long they give you any type of feeling.

Thank you for your (rather aggressive) love, I'll make sure to continue keeping your feelings in a constant Rollercoaster <333

[snekdood]

can you even bring yourself to see things from my perspective? can you even bring yourself to imagine i didn’t do anything? can you even bring yourself to imagine im innocent??

or does everything come collapsing down when you try?

[brambleghastblast]

i find it kinda interesting to look into why nintendos taken down fangames and i couldnt help but notice the few fangames taken down really fall into two categories

-monetized in some way. you have to pay for them, they have a kickstarter, or they're on a website with purchases, such as roblox

-they are a pokemon fangame

and. with that. i cant help but realize "huh most of this is actually the pokemon company making nintendo do it huh"

meanwhile theres so many games that dont fit into this category that are alive and well. super mario bros x 1 and 2, super smash flash 1 and 2, super smash bros crusade, a lot of kirby and fire emblem fan games that have never faced any sort of issues like this

did you know OSU is a nintendo fangame? its a fangame of osu tatakae ouendan, a REALLYYY good and underrated rhythm game. it was localized as an entirely different sequel game, elite beat agents, and then japan got osu tatakae ouendan 2 which is the peak of the series. super SUPERR good ds games id highly recommend

idk, when nintendo is actively making indie directs to hype up indie devs and making games like super mario maker, maker 2, game builder garage, warioware diy, and whatnot, i have a hard time believing this is malicious

heck, toby fox literally started out making earthbound rom hacks. then he made a game inspired by earthbound and gave it a bunch of extra content in the switch port. then he made its sequel avaliable on switch before all other consoles. and now he gets to help make pokemon.

who knew making games out of love for nintendo rather than spite would be a great thing (sarcasm)

it kinda feels more like "dont use our ocs to make money, use your own". and like. yeah i dont think anyone here would want someone else using their ocs to make money. i kinda get it actually. and when most of the anger at nintendo comes from twitter or twitter users who moved to this site.... yeahhh nintendos awesome sorry

plus its not like sega pretending they love fan games because they know theyre beat by them, id Never wanna play a mario fan game over the real deal lol. sorry sega ily

[celestie0]

ok i thought i would like kai and god how wrong i was ahhaha

when that thing with soccer ball happened i thought that satoru tried to intentionally kick it in kai’s face to create some distance between them💀 him being jealous and overprotective the whole chapter was so hot omg how do u make him so hot. 

i really don’t understand what kai’s goal was with that whole “interview”?? i mean i do but couldn’t he just tell her directly hey you’re just going to need to suck someone off if u want to succeed and not have her go through all of that and embarrass her?? or was the embarrassment the point?? also can we talk about how scary it is to go to a bar with 3 men that are basically strangers and shady asf, like i knew something was going to happen the moment that guy made a remark “you’re going to learn so much under him”. if i were her i would have went with satoru after he had pulled her over lolz but u can see how angry she was at him that she decided to ignore the red flags just to spite him

and the end with satoru saying that he’s going to help her and that she’s enough really shows the difference between him and kai. i hope the last 3 chapters are full of fluffff cause our girl has been going through itttt but i also hope she does make him beg and grovel just because of how bipolar he has been acting.

overall great chapter and definitely worth the wait!!! 

omg dear reader i love how fkn real u keep it always 😭🤣 AND THE LENGTH of ur asks im always so sobbed to see it 😭💕 thank u for taking the time

OMG pls tbvh i thought of that being the case (gojo kicking ball to kai) but changed my mind in the end loool but nah he was just distracted seein them tgthr. and aaa yea he was in overprotective mode this whole chap he just cant help getting involved w her 😭😭

yea i thought a lot ab kai’s motives in this chapter. he clearly likes/was attracted to her since the beginning, but when she rejected his kiss, he realized there’s not rly much to be built there (or in his mind she doesn’t “put out” easy 🙄),, so she lost favor w him and he pretended to look out for her just to be spiteful after that. i guess i liken it to guys that are only nice to girls if they’re attracted to them and/or provide them w something like sex or attention. i think in ch8 he was genuinely looking out for her (albeit not very compassionately), but after she rejected his kiss, he was like meh idc to be careful ab this anymore. but also, i think he himself didnt realize that she is pretty capable and actually has a decent resume/shot at the dreams he gave up on, so the more he learned ab it, the more insecure he became ab his own goals and also her rejection of him, and then bam he felt compelled to embarrass her (grade A asshole). but also, he got her hopes up w a decent sounding job, just to crush em, which he knew would add to the pain

and yea i think her red flag radar was goin off the whole time w kai and her friends but mannn i think she just was rly desperate given everything going on 😔 and yea i mean satoru was always gonna keep an eye on her for sure regardless, but she was angry w him, he was hurt by her, just not a good environment for mutual support and care to occur lmfao. ur so right tho that wld be such a terrifying situation to get yourself into

and i knowwwww reader went thru so fkn much this chapter i felt so bad 😭 but yeah there will probs be more than three chapters haha cuz i have a lot more stuff to cover, but it’s def satoru’s turn to obsessively pine over her lmao.

THANK YOU DEAR FOR THE ASK IM SORRY FOR MATCHING IT W AN EVEN LONGER ONE but your comments just spark sm of my thinking cells haha. hope to see you in the next one <333 💕💕💕

[transsexualscreamo]

my parents are as respectful and knowledgeable of my identity, both queer and otherwise, as i can reasonably expect them to be at their age, but i kind of feel like im gonna spend a lot of my life mourning how Nothing they are . everything important i’ve learned besides the importance of music has been in spite of them rather than because of them .

they do their best to gender me and my friends correctly but they’ve never asked if i want them to come to pride with me . they stopped caring about my music taste once i started thinking synthesizers and screaming were cool . they agree that capitalism is wrong but get scared when i talk about how it can realistically end . they’ll watch documentaries on how cops abuse their power and how prisons exist to subjugate people of color and then get scared when i say that neither of those things should exist .

they spent their whole lives in the church and only just recently realized that it was a bad move and now they’re husks of people having identity crises in their 50s . they let all the color get siphoned from their lives and now they cant even pretend to be happy the same didnt happen to me

[tumblingxelian]

So... I rewatched Ratatoullie and something about Anton Ego struck me as intriguing. Especially when he learns of how Gusteau's is picking up popularity again. He's basically offended that something he had condemned as having gone to the dogs is regaining its previous admiration.

As if silently saying, "You don't get to make a comeback unless I say so."

And that's the vibe with a lot of the RWDE and HTDM. They wrote of the show be it Volume 5 or whatever and have been trying to make their view of it's alleged dip in quality shared by everyone. They can't accept that something that "betrayed them" or "betrayed Monty" isn't being universally slammed.

It's no wonder they have to call all of us "RWBY apologists." They need to devalue our opinion no matter how thorough we may be about our responses to their very blatant biases. Thus no matter how many times they may say they're done with RWBY, you get the likes of some not watching Volume Nine but taking beef with Bumblebee becoming real like with Blake making a pun about Yang's stolen arm.

They have to come back. Be it for YouTube clicks or bury RWBY just to keep their worldview from collapsing.

Huh, yeah that is an interesting insight/comparison. The only distinction between RWDE & Anton is that he is at least open to trying the thing again and can change his mind. The HTDM on the other hand is too invested in their made up narrative to do anything but whine and lie about the show.

But yeah it definitely reflects their mentality well, as far as they are concerned their opinion of the series (Varied and incoherent as it is individually and collectively) must be fact, & therefore we must be lying and or wrong.

Kinda reminds me of how those some branches of Christianity frame all atheist's as being aware of god but pretending not to believe out of spite. Because they cant accept the idea that their view of the world isn't fact, and thus anyone who disagree is lying.