#mmmm chewy

[riant-draws]

lots of pebbs art with rot on his puppet looks simplified or cutesy (not that anything's wrong with that), so I tried the opposite

(tw for trypophobia/slight body horror, maybe)

art under the cut!

listening to the magnus archives for the second time, does it show

sorry about the low res, did this on a tiny canvas in about a half hour and didn't expect to like it lol

[advanced-shrimp]

[trans-leek-cookie]

some characters are just like. God fucking willing we will get you some chewelry

[xxx-sir-pentious-xxx]

Pentious killing and eating rodent sinners

The smaller sinners often flocked to a special bar, a hole in the wall as it were. Tonight was rodents only night, free drinks for rodents one night only.

The bar was packed to the gills needless to say, not knowing how astronomically fucked they were. Sir Pentious had paid the owner off, 60,000 dollars just to stage this event so he could "accidentally" be locked into the bar full of rodent sinners.

Once the very last rodent came inside he went inside letting the bouncer out who promptly locked the front doors. It took 5 minutes for everyone to notice Pentious and respond to the shift in tone knowing what was about to happen. He was ready, wasnt even wearing a shirt as he knew how bloody this was going to get.

Pentious lunged and grabbed rodent after rodent just ripping them in half and eating them each like bon bons.

"Ooo~ you're nice and chewy~ mmmm your crunchy and a bit nutty..~"

He happily took his time undressing them each like unwrapping a candy bar, occasionally laughing at what the shirts they wore said,

"Oh heres a funny one, 'FunSized' yeah ya all are! Hmm.. oh, I dont give a rats ass, thats a good one!"

One rodent chick was livestreaming as Pentious kept eating covered in blood and gore dripping down his bare chest. Eventually he got to the one recording everything and just dug into his meal, snatching her phone throwing it to the side still recording her as he ripped into her body and ate her alive. Even if it was just the audio of her lone screaming of pain and calling him a monster.

He was very full by the end and he almost couldn't get through the door.

Everyone would remember him as the monster that ate roughly 28 sinners in a span of 2 hours beating Alastors record or really any cannibals record.

It made it on the news forever leaving rodent sinners on edge until the day he died and went to heaven.

[itsblasttothepast]

hey! saw your post about lestappen & checo dynamic, can you recommend some fics you described?? pretty please 🥺

Oh, damn! I didn't save them, I stumbled into them when I was reading Chewis' stories, and then some of them appeared, but I'll look for them and rec them for you anon! I'm on a mission now! (just like the mission of finding Checo's pictures with the nose thing in his RBR time).

In the meantime, here, adorable pictures of these three:

Charles always in the middle... mmmm... RBR sandwich!

[theonetruegnome]

Callum's home visit

'Not much further. At least I don't think so.' Thought MunchyPup as the next sparse cluster of buildings came into view. In his hands was a cardboard box, sealed shut by a sticker of a dog head, coloured in with pink crayon by Darner. He had agreed to bring over almond cookies for Callum's dad and didn't like to disappoint his friend. The only thing was, he had barely eaten today, and was struggling to not rip open the box and stuff as many pastries into his mouth as physically possible. Normally he wouldn't dream of it, but today he couldn't help thinking about the sweet, crunchy, chewy, nutty deliciousness he held in his hands. It would be so easy to just gently peel back the sticker and sneak one or two...

'No! I'll eat when I get home, these are for your best friend Munchy!' The fuchsia dog said aloud. He fumbled in his pocket for a bit with one free hand, extracting a strip of pastel yellow gum which he placed alongside the others already within his overstuffed muzzle. 'Mmmm! Mango!'

Fifteen minutes later Munch was walking up the grassy hill that Callum lived on. 'Let's see here, 122... 124... Ah, here we are 126!' Munch had been here before to play, sleep over, deliver food for Callum's diet plan, but he could never get over how odd the house was, mainly due to It being two stories tall but with the top floor having significantly shorter ceilings and a staircase that jutted out the side of the house. The windows had boxes of lilies and foxgloves in manicured beds beneath them while the lawn was neatly trimmed and dotted sparsely with daisies and dandelions. The whole structure was cozy and seemed a nice place to live, though it seemed exactly like the sort of place a cat would live. Munch walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

There were the sounds of footsteps before the door was opened, greeting Munch with the kindly eyes of Mrs Cuddlekit. She was a beautiful coral-red and her fur was always in a slight curl. Munch was fond of her, she was kind and treated all of them like they were her own kids.

'Munchy! What a nice Surprise!'

Munch couldn't help but blush when she leant down to wrap her arms around him, though his massive grin betrayed how much he enjoyed it. 'Well come in, come in. I was just about to start on lunch, can I make you anything?' 'No thanks Mrs Cuddlekit, I'm just here to deliver these to Callum.' 'Oh? And those would be?' 'Just some cookies for Mr Cuddlekit, then I'll be out of your hair.' 'Oh... Aren't you sweet... Well... Well they should be in our room, first door on the right past the bathroom.'

Munch has only taken a few steps when he feels the cat's paw on his shoulder. He looks up into those deep golden eyes. For the first time since MunchyPup met her, she seems upset.

'Just please, don't be surprised. What happened to him was evil. But there's nothing we can do, just be grateful it wasn't worse.'

'W-what?'

'Nevermind Munch, just... Be gentle. I'll show you where it is, OK?'

She lets go and walks down the hallway. Munch obediently follows and they soon come to a thin wooden door. She motions for him to enter, and he pushes open the door...

END OF PART 1...

[whoslaurapalmer]

top 5 movies & top 5 soups!

okay i finally got tumblr to accept and post my response to this. we live in a functioning website for sure

oh top 5 movies...............what a tough call........trying to figure out if i should do top 5 as in, BEST MOVIES, or top 5 as in, favorite movies, wait i'm sure everyone here probably knows my favorite movies at this point so i will do, TOP 5 BEST

wait. i'm gonna do top 5 soups first bc i will talk less about soups bc we know i always have to Talk

-chicken and gnocchi soup. it is so creamy, which i think is ideal in a soup, not too thin, just like, the right amount of thickness, and has things to chew in it, which i think is ALSO ideal in soup. nice chicken, nice chewy potato pasta, altogether very warming (which should be Peak in soup ranking) and SUPER tasty.

-tomato soup WITH GRILLED CHEESE now the grilled cheese addition is important. also a nice thick tomato soup so probably some kind with cream in it. i think i've yet to find a good good tomato soup. anyway bc it doesn't have anything chewy in it, it needs something to be Dipped In It, which is where the grilled cheese is necessary.

-minestrone. now minestrone is kinda thin, in terms of the broth, but i love the STUFF in it. the beans! the veggies! sometimes, if you get lucky, you get like, a whole chunk of parmesan in it, too. i should make some minestrone when fall comes around again. i think i'd like to. and splurge on a big block of parmesan............oh you know pasta fagioli/pasta fazool is pretty similar to minestrone, also good but has more Things in it, that is also a worthwhile soup contender...........

-i should not be ranking vegetable ramen as #4 on this list bc, vegetable ramen my absolute beloved, but god there's just so many good soups, and i just can't forget to talk, once again, about how much i love vegetable ramen. the place i get it from makes it with a shio broth, and the veggies are so crisp and fresh (the chewing!!!!), and the noodles!!!!!!! it is my go-to Oh I'm Experiencing Sinus Horrors meal. oh god i love it so much

-wonton soup. can't go wrong with it. absolutely perfect soup. enough to chew, tasty broth to sip. mmmm.

okay. top 5 best movies. maybe not THE top 5 but certainly a top 5 because wow, movies.

-the godfather, part 1+2. now this is also a pair of favorite movies, but they are also, to me, really truly incredible movies, and michael's character arc throughout the two movies but ESPECIALLY contrasted with his father in part 2, is such a well-crafted tragic downfall. is it possible, really, to ever pinpoint the moment when michael could've turned back, or was this always his fate? i'm still not sure. the idea of 'the family' vs 'The Family' also gets me. also, so just part 1 alone is a great movie but part 2 is REALLY what makes the whole story spectacular. don't talk to me about part 3 i've never seen part 3 and i intend to keep it that way for as long as possible

-eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i first watched it in high school in the film class i took and i have been obsessed with it ever since. relationships and people are complicated and hard but you keep growing, and you can keep growing, like you have to make the conscious choice to do it for yourself first. there is nothing you can truly, truly forget. and i mean it's more complicated than that sentence, but it's also true. also the characters feel very real and dimensional, and the scenery is so nice. like, the movie really, successfully lives in its world, in this just left of true reality science fiction-y story. and there are some really gorgeous shots of this world.

-sweet smell of success. you know!!!!!! the sleaziest movie. it's, like, god the kind of movie you can't wash off your hands sometimes. everyone in this movie is drowning and some of them are finding real thrill in the experience. i love the characters and their interactions, i love the motivations, the inevitability of susie having to manipulate her way out of her life bc it's the only thing she's ever watched the people around her do (it's even MORE horrifying in the short story). the soundtrack is INCREDIBLE. the shots are CRISP. it is real and reprehensible. and at the same time it's so unbelievable. he is just one (1) CRITIC. the world should not be in his hands but it IS. the world should not be in the hands of many specific people and yet it is

-citizen kane. look!!!!! the godfather and citizen kane are really, genuinely great movies!!!!!! i always feel like i gotta defend some movies. but it's bc they're like, The Downfall Of One Specific Man, and like, the movie IS ABOUT the downfall. these movies are not, by any means, glorifying these men?? these movies are hard tragedies, and i can also say 'where could he have turned back? or was it inevitable?' about citizen kane, too, which is why i love it. i really do love stories about the question of fate and destiny and inevitability and, building that narrative and story, the character himself also participating in it...........anyway. citizen kane knows what it wants to do and it does it. i love the reporters as the framing device. i love the loneliness of the staging, the emptiness against the collecting of Things. it really is a perfectly crafted movie. rosebud is, at this point in the world, obvious, but i don't think knowing about rosebud makes the movie any less impactful. i think if you go in willing to interact with this story, instead of thinking you've been robbed of the ending or you become dismissive of it for knowing the piece it's turning on, if you go in to experience its story then it keeps its power.

-i should like, put in a comedy here, and this isn't to say comedies cannot be top movies but sometimes god i just love movies i get to chew on (.............same with soups........................). so it's anatomy of a murder. danhan's right, the soundtrack is also incredible, and i think the story is too. it's an excellent courtroom drama, it's very long but by no means FEELS long or overstays its welcome, every movie should have eve arden and her gorgeous beautiful snarky voice and self, james stewart's character pushing so hard to get the court to acknowledge that the whole reason they're there is because a woman was raped, laura manion standing in a tradition of fictional film lauras.........i am still not entirely sure what i think happened, actually. i have a bunch of different theories, sometimes, of, did x really happen, did y happen instead, and i think the movie leans into that, too, in parts.

[chknbzkt]

Mmmm very crumchy art :³

*insert gif of that cat crunching the SHIT out of its food gah DAMN*

I always feel like my art is chewy, this is a pleasant surprise :0!!!

Cronchey like chips or DND dice 👌🏽

[eyeofnewtblog]

Mama Mia getting fat and happy. My youngest sibling has renamed her to Mini (fair, not only is sibling the new owner, but also the mechanics that I work with named her after a porn star [mia kalifa]) but renaming her was actually a really cute thing.

So, in my moms house, there are four animals and a teenager…

Teen: Em or M

Fur dog sister 1: chewy

Fur dog sister 2: cherry

Mama: Mini

Baby kitten: Maraschino

So you have a “mmmm mini chewy maraschino cherry”

I didn’t make the pun, and no, I’m not sorry.

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex, Ch. 14: Date Night

You didn't really think that yours truly could write this much of a story without some flat out tooth-decaying fluff at some point, did you?

I mean, who do you think I am??

But don't worry, @baelpenrose definitely did his part. Don't let his angsty ways fool you.

Hang my coat up in the first bar

There is no peace that I've found so far

The laughter penetrates my silence

As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises

Ghosts with just voices

Your words in my memory

Are like music to me

Snow Patrol, “Set Fire to the Third Bar”

Lash

              At six forty-five on the dot, I spotted Nils from across the parking lot behind the comedy club. His expensively worn-out leather pants made me feel a little better about having braved the kohl eyeliner and mascara, along with wearing clothes that actually fit instead of the baggy cargos I wore day to day.  It looked like I overshot, though, because he started to walk right past me. 

              “It can’t be that bad,” I joked, grabbing his arm and startling him into turning around. I forced down the self-conscious feeling that tried to bubble into my throat.

              He started and then turned and stared, pale face flushing. “I uh…I’ve never seen you dressed up like this before.” His eyes flicked up and down my outfit, then fixed on my face. “You look amazing.”

              I kicked one foot playfully, looking down at my jeans and boots. “Usually I’m trying to avoid being noticed.  Pretty sure these boots were made to grab attention - they’re vintage. Borrowed them from Mama, and don’t ask why she owns them, because I don’t want to think about it.”  Thank god she did, though - cavalier boots were expensive, and these were actually real leather.

              “They look good on you. So does the sweater.” Nils took my arm. “I believe I promised you a drink?” 

              “Yes, sir. One cherry bomb, let’s go!” I tugged on his hand, leading us to the door. Without batting an eye, I handed my ID and cover to the door guy, knowing he wasn’t going to look hard enough to do the math.  Sure enough, he took the cash, handed back the card, and slapped a wristband on to show I was old enough to buy alcohol.  Nils just arched an eyebrow at me as he did the same.

              Once we were in, Nils let me lead him to the bar and delivered the orders - a cherry bomb and a Malibu sunrise. “You a fan of standup, or just the headliner?” 

              “Mmmm, bit of both,” I answered carefully. “Not a fan of the kind of standup that goes for the cheap jokes, but the headliner tonight is really clever. You don’t really expect the punchlines, it’s smart.”

              “Gotcha. So, uh. What the fuck is a cherry bomb? I’m not like. A mixed drinks expert but I know my way around a bar and I’ve never heard of that one…”

              “Ooo, you’ll have to try a sip,” I teased. “It’s cherry vodka and Redbull, kind of a big girl cosmo.  Tastes like those sour cherry candies, the bright red chewy ones.” I paused for a second before remembering. “If they’re mixed right. Some places add grenadine, and then it tastes like cough syrup.  They should be clear if they’re made right.”  Our drinks were set down right then, and I grabbed mine, taking a sip before holding it in front of his face. “See? No color.”

              Nils raised his eyebrows. “Swap sips? Thing I ordered is peach, rum, and coconut. Tastes like a melted smoothie, mostly - strong though, but it doesn’t taste like it.” 

              I reached for his, game for a little challenge. It was smooth, as promised, kind of like a fuzzy navel if it weren’t for the coconut.  Not my jam, but not bad at all.

              He took a sip of the cherry bomb and smiled. “This is excellent. Not quite my taste for a mixed drink, but amazing. Doesn’t taste like alcohol at all.”

              “I know, right? Yummy.” I turned to scope out the room before settling on a table roughly mid way back on the left hand side.  Without a word, I grabbed the first thing my hand landed on above Nils’ waist - either a pocket or a belt, I wasn’t sure - and started dragging him behind me. “Gotta snag the heckle-free table before it gets taken,” I explained when he yelped. Something wet sloshed on my arm, and I mentally promised to replace the drink I was probably now wearing.

              “Sorry!” he grabbed a napkin and started dabbing at my sleeve as we sat down. “I did not mean to splash that on you.” 

              “No worries, it’s my fault. And it’s wool, don’t worry about stains or anything.”

              “Ah.” He sat down. “How did you find out about this place originally?” 

              “Really bad day, and I wanted cheering up?” The look he gave me made it clear he wasn’t buying it, so I relented. “They actually found me.  Needed some advertising done and some security cameras set up, paid me half cash and free tickets to a show.  We’ve been loyal business partners ever since.”

              “That makes sense. So you did some art for them and did the systems for the security cams? That’s pretty awesome.” He gave me a strange look, very obviously forcing himself to keep his eyes on mine. “So you take all your shady hacker friends here, or just me?” 

              I stretched, waving at one of my favorite servers with a grin. “Nah, this is my sanctuary, kind of. Somewhere I can just be young and normal, do completely legal work for legal-in-two-weeks pay.  Please tell me you guys have poppers tonight? You were out last time, and it made me sad.” I pouted at the server with the biggest doe-eyes I could manage without laughing.

              She scowled at me for all of three seconds before cracking a smile. “Double order, extra ranch?”

              Nils pulled out a card. “Whatever she says. She’s just showing me around.” 

              I bit my lip to stifle the laugh when the server rolled her eyes and flipped her hair in mock arrogance. “Lashy-love does not pay for food.  Anything but the drinks are comped.” She looked at me and rolled her eyes again. “New guys. What are you gonna do?”

His face! “I told you it was cute when you thought you won.”

              He recovered with reasonable game. “You, Lash, are a genie and not the nice kind. Side note, you get better ‘free stuff’ contracts than I do - best I have is a nerd hobby shop that gives discounts.” He paused as he took another sip. “Though it is nice to finally get actual confirmation on your age. You’re 21 in two weeks, huh?” The lazy grin was back. 

              “For the record, I’m still trying to find volume seven of Battle Angel Alita,” I pointed out. “But yes. Lash Dalita is twenty-one as of a month ago. Elakshi is twenty-one in two weeks.”

              “That’s your name? It suits you. Thank you for telling me. Still can’t use it, right?” 

              “I would prefer you didn’t, yeah.  It’s… kind of the line in my mind that keeps my parents and sister safe.  For them, I’m Elakshi. For everyone else, I’m Lash.  Lash Dalita can get arrested without hurting my family.”

              He nodded, somberly. “I won’t use your real name. Not unless you tell me I can.” he let that sit between us. “Question though - why Dalita? I’m not an expert on Indian or Pakistani culture, but isn’t ‘dalit’ the term for…low-caste, often discriminated against?”

              Ooo, not so dumb after all. “It means ‘outcast, untouchable, undesirable’, yeah.  It’s kind of a private joke - who chooses to work with the ‘poor, discriminated against girl’, and who steers clear.”

              Nils visibly thought about saying something. “No One, apparently.” The tone made it clear that the word was capitalized. “I like your alias. Good signal for solidarity with people who need it.” 

              I winked as the plate of deep fried goodness hit the table. “You aren’t the only one with clever jokes.”

              “Clearly not.” He gestured at the guy who’d taken the stage. “Warm up acts here normally good?” 

              “He’ll either make us laugh, or make us laugh at how bad he is.  Worth finding out, right?”

              “Oh totally.” Nils leaned back. “If I can ask, and you can tell me to fuck right off, how are your family doing since…” He left unspoken the obvious. Since the liens released. Since debt stopped hanging over their heads. Since we rewrote millions of people’s financial situations. 

              I lowered my voice as the opener started what looked to be a truly poor patter. “He’s being Baba - I promise that will make sense eventually. But he doesn’t fully trust good things, so he is putting what he would pay on the car and my student loans into a separate account, just in case he has to end up paying. He says worst case scenario, he has the money to pay, best case scenario, he has extra savings. Truly a win-win, insert self satisfied expression here.  For him, that means he is happier than a pig in shit, honestly.”

              “And, if i can ask, how are you feeling about no more student loans?” There was something urgent there. His gaze snapped back to the stage and he chuckled. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about win-win with comedy. Latter option, here, but hey, it’s a warm up act.”

“Poor guy, yeah,” I chuckled, snagging a jalapeno popper and drenching it in thick ranch. “Student loans weren’t a huge problem, for me, thankfully - I got lucky. Only had a loan for my first semester, so it was something just north of seven grand.  I gave Baba the principal, he insisted on paying the interest because ‘usury is theft’, but it was something around seventy-five a month. I still give him the money, he sets it aside in savings, and I draw a couple more yaoi to make up the difference, just like before.” I took a bite of food and pointed at Nils with the other half. “By the way, South Park yaoi, real big right now.” 

“I’d say ew but my most profitable artistic side hustle was Avengers Mpreg A/B/O garbage paid by the page, so…actually, fuck it. ‘Ew, but I’ve done worse’.” He shrugged. “Amazing what internet perverts will pay for.” 

“Aww, A/B/O Mpreg not your jam? More of a tentacle guy?” I teased before giving an exaggerated shudder. “Don’t get me wrong, I have drawn entirely too many ovipositors and feet. But those so-called perverts pay really good money, so I refuse to judge them.” I did a mock toast before draining what was left of my drink. “Hmm. Water or another? The dilemma is very real.”

“I’m more of a ‘dangerous women who could kill me’ and ‘cute femboys and/or barra’ guy, which you almost certainly could have guessed from my everything, but that’s hardly the point. Also, I generally space drinks with water because it makes it take longer to get wasted and we’re gonna be here a while. Figure water first, then another?” 

“I think we do both, since the water will get refilled automatically, whereas we have to get up to get drinks. Sound good?” I pointed at the plate between us. “Besides. While I am fully capable of eating these by myself, I have no intention of doing so.”

He laughed. “I appreciate you. And yeah, sounds good.” He picked one up and took a slow bite. “Oh, holy shit this is amazing. I love this.” 

“The only place I know that makes their own,” I shook my head slowly in disbelief. “Fresh peppers, cream cheese, bacon wrapped, breaded, and fried.” I pointed to the ranch. “Don’t miss out on that shit, either. Extra garlic, extra salt, extra dill. Amazing.”

He dipped the popper in it and took a small bite, his eyes popping. “Oh my god. Lash. How did you..?” 

“I will eat jalapeno poppers from any gas station or drive through… this is all the cook in the back. Who I joyfully would one day marry, sight unseen, if he weren’t already married.” I took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. “Wife’s pretty cute, though. You saw her.”

Nils raised his eyebrows. “Damn. Just a husband-wife team run this place, huh? Love it.” 

I waffled a hand back and forth. “Sort of. Bartender isn’t family, and I don’t think they’re related to the owner. But if there is a good show, those two are always working.  You can imagine she cleans up on tips, between the food and - I mean, you saw her.” I gave him a sardonic look, knowing good and well the man wasn’t blind, no matter how much he was trying to make a good impression. Michelle plus pulse equaled crush, it was just physics.

“I can imagine.” He seemed to decide to take a chance, after weighing his thoughts for a second. “If I may be so bold, though, my attention was rather occupied by another young woman.” 

Thank fuck the lights were dimmed, I thought as my face heated up. “Glad to know the effort hadn’t gone to waste,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.  A hand immediately flew to my mouth and my eyes widened. “I - I didn’t mean…. Oh, god, I said that out loud…” I groaned and covered my face with both hands.

Nils was smiling, but it wasn’t his usual, something-far-away, private-joke smile, with something else he was thinking about. It was a sincere expression, with an amusement entirely in the moment. “Apparently I’m not the only one who trips over my own words sometimes either? But no, Lash.” He blushed. “I’ve noticed for a while. Hard not to when we did all that together and I got to see firsthand how brilliant you are, how hard you go for…everything.”

Applause erupted around us, and I was relieved to see the poor opener had finished his set. I felt so bad for him, but right now I was too embarrassed to do more than clap enthusiastically that neither of us had died of humiliation. “Hold that thought, I am going to get our next round of drinks. You flag down Michelle and order waters. No lemon, they don’t wash them.  And if she asks, tell her tap water. It’s the only kind they have, but she asks sometimes to figure out if people are going to tip or not.”

Nils nodded, face flushing, hopefully harder than mine. I took off to the bar, holding up a twenty to get attention. “One shot of vodka, neat.  Then a cherry bomb and a… shit. Malibu sunrise! That’s it.”  The shot was delivered first, and I downed it immediately to calm my nerves. When the other drinks appeared, I stuffed the twenty in the tip jar and paid with my card before heading back to our table.             

              “One Malibu sunrise, as promised for spilling the first one,” I proclaimed, setting the drink down with a flourish before taking my seat.  Two glasses of water and an empty shot glass were already there, and I barely set my drink down before tipping my head back with laughter, tears coming to my eyes. “Same brain, I see.  I had one at the bar.”

              “What’s your shot of choice?” The grin was back, even if the flush was still sort of there, as he, seeming to act almost by instinct, had stood up as I’d come back and sat down. 

              “Stoli,” I gasped, carefully dabbing tears from my eyes to avoid smudging my makeup. “Just the right price point that I don’t feel bad throwing back, but doesn’t burn or taste foul like the cheaper stuff. You?”

              “Jack Daniels. Cheap whiskey, you know. My grandfather was the first one in the family to make any money, said he really liked the kind of cheap stuff he grew up with. Kind of a soothing thing, and he and I were close.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but shrugged.

              “My family doesn’t drink except for holidays that require it,” I confessed. “We aren’t Muslim, by the way. A lot of people seem to think that, like I’m some black sheep or something. Baba just doesn’t get the point of drinking, and Mama is too much of a control freak. But Holi…. Hooo, you should see them.”

              “Hindu holidays then? Tell me about some of those. Google only gets me so far and I want to know more about you. What’re they like?” 

              “We’re… culturally Hindu, I guess you could say.  On Baba’s side. Mama is culturally Jewish, actually.  It’s a weird mix when it gets to holidays - Holi, then Passover, that kind of thing.  Funerals are very emotional. Beef and pork are pretty much just out of the question at home, in general.  Mama isn’t observant, so fermented foods are okay, and Baba would die without yeasted bread, I swear.  But both sides are very family oriented, so any excuse to get together is always an unbelievable amount of people.  I gave up keeping track, honestly.”

              “Big family get togethers. That sounds awesome. Complicated, but beautiful. Energetic, amazing.” 

              I wanted to ask Nils about growing up Catholic - a kind of sterility I couldn’t even fathom, honestly, in my messy, emotional family - but the headlining act came on and wasted no time in doing her audience work.  “Hands up if you’re married!  Keep them up if you came without your spouse!  And whose spouse has already messaged or called…”

              I took a long chug of water before I started laughing, knowing that I had about thirty seconds before I would start choking otherwise.  Sure enough, the first person in the crowd was called upon and Nils’ drink went spraying on the floor as some poor woman called out that her husband had texted asking where the ketchup was.

              “Okay, yeah, see why you love her.”

              “They asked if we had any clean towels!”

              I nodded, my face hurting too much from laughing to give a good response.  The second an older man shouted out that his male partner texted to ask if the partner had already had a hysterectomy, I knew any conversation was done for the rest of the set.

[sleepis4theweak]

Ooohhh nooo, not the plastic!

Here, have some rubber chew toys B)

mmmm chewy *bites in half*

[loominggaia]

Life with a Lycanthrope

Isaac: Why do you keep digging holes in the yard?

Evan: Just gotta dig

Isaac: Bro it's 3AM, why are you running around the house?

Evan: Zoomie time

Isaac: Can you take a piss without spraying everything in the freaking bathroom for once?!

Evan: It's my bathroom now

Isaac: Did you eat all my snacks?!

Evan: Didn't smell your piss on them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Isaac: What happened to my new boots? They're all mangled!

Evan: Mmmm delicious leather, so chewy

Isaac: Those coyotes howl for hours every night, it's driving me insane!

Evan: Yes...coyotes...

Isaac: Please stop throwing hands with the mailman--

Evan: NO

[non-fantasy]

YAYAYAY!!!!! okay i grew up with lots of old people so my idea of dessert can be a little skewed at times but lets goooo.

the most mild of my favorite desserts would be fruit i really like fresh apple peeled and slice, with other fruits too it can be really good (plain banana is exception to me, unless you cook them combine them or cook them) dried fruit is also so so good.

jelly pouches (not regular jelly though) are so good i don't like the caffeinated ones though because they usually have too much caffeine for me with my low caffeine tolerance.

i personally consider coffee a kind of dessert because i add a lot of milk and a lot of sugar and sometimes even caramel or chocolate if i can get my hands on it, i don't have it often though.

i really like fruit preserves, which i could just eat with a spoon or on PANCAKES!!! PANCAKES ARE SO GOOD ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ADD BLUEBERRIES!!! BLUEBERRIES ARE SO GOOD TOO JUST IN GENERAL.

I LIKE HONEY LEMONADE, AND I LIKE MILK TEA WITH LOTS OF SUGAR AND SOMETIMES PUDDING IN THE MILK TEA AND ALSO BOBA.

AND I LIKE FLAN AND CARAMEL PUDDINGS AND CARAMEL WITH FRUIT AND CARAMEL IN MILKSHAKES AND CARAMEL APPLES AND CANDY APPLES AND ALL KINDS OF DONUTS, ESPECIALLY APPLE DONUTS OR BLUEBERRY DONUTS OR GLAZED DONUTS. AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE TIRAMISU. AND I REALLY LIKE LYCHEE SODAS WHICH ARE GOOD. AND I LIKE COLA SODAS WITH VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM TO MAKE SODA FLOASTS. AND CHOCOLATE CAKE (ONLY A LITTLE BIT, IT'S SO RICH) AND I LIKE CHOCO CORONET (I MENTIONED BEFORE) AND PIES. I LOVE PIES. AND I LOVE FRUIT TARTS, THE KIND WITH CHOCOLATE OR THE KINDS WITH PUDDING. AND I LOVE CROISSANTS WITH CHOCOLATE AND SUGAR COATING AND NUTS. AND THERE'S EVEN MORE.

my favorite kinds of pie are blueberry, but also cherry is so good, and lemon meringue, and lime pudding pie, and pumpkin pie, and yam pie, and apple pie, and pear pie, and cranberry pie, and peach pie, and i can't think of more pies immediately but i've had even more pies and i love them too.

oooooo dorayaki (with and without nuts) and taiyaki and zenzai and mochi and daifuku and all kinds of wagashi and creampan and melonpan and anpan and dango!!! MITARASHI DANGO!!!!!

omg and horchata drink, i live for some good horchata ohhhhh ohhhhh my god.

oh and sweet potatoes, delicious sweet potatoes.

and caramels!!! hard caramels and the chewy caramels and and

OMG AND S'MORES, I LOVE S'MORES AND TOASTED MARSHMALLOWS (so hard to find good ones without animal based gelatin... sometimes i pretend to myself that it's not animal based when i'm not Sure.)

oooooo, oooo and i'm missing so many, i love marzipan.

did i mention brownies? ohhhhh brownies. brownies how i love you. mmmm chocolates. oooo chocolates, i like chocolate bars and plain chocolate, and chocolate with mint or chocolate with coconut or chocolate with almonds or with wafers or with pretzels.

CHURROSSSSSSSS CHURRO!!!!! CHURRO!!!!!!! OMG CHURRO!!!!!

the mochi that my baba cooks in soysauce and sugar and gives me with seaweed. it's very savoury but also sweet and it's soooo good. it's so good. i love it, it's been at least like 8 months since i had it i should ask her for it when she's feeling well.

waffles are also sooooo good. mmmm i mentioned pancakes already but seriously pancakes too.

muffins and other sweet breads are sooooooo good. and especially when you add fruit preserves and HONEY!!!!!!!

blake this is almost a new kind of torture. all i have are chocolate candies but now i'm mentioning all these different fruits and baked goods and fried things and ohhhhh ohhhhhhh they're all sooooo good. sooooo good.

DID I MENTION CREPE? CREPE!!! CREPE!!!!!!!!

tamagoyaki is dessert if you believe. and i do.

rice candies ooooo, they're mild but good. mmmmmm. delicious.

seriously ice cream can be so good and ice cream bars and paletas and and ice pops and just frozen fruits aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

;w; i love dessert, i love sweets, i love candy, i love fruit, and i love nuts, and

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

your excitement is palpable, your energy is contagious, and your love is immense. i am filled with a desire to either eat or feed u as many of these as i can manage and i have a new bucket list. also i want to bake u things now

i love you by the way!!!

[toughtink]

i had a wonderful trip to europe!! i had some very delicious pastries and bread and crêpes and pasta (mmmm carbssss), unfortunately still have yet to find any decent bacon in europe. 😩 it’s all floppy and chewy and undercooked which is made weirder by how thinly it’s sliced. thinner should be easier to get a properly crisp edge + rendered to that melt in your mouth texture!!

[gay-trashcan-cat]

Valentines day chocolate? Why not try Valentines day Poop instead? Now hear me out! It's much healthier than sugar, it doesn't make people hyper, and it can have pieces of corn in it! Who doesn't like corn?

Valentine's Day poop also comes in a multitude of different flavors, such as sweet, salty, sour, unami, bitter, and even spicy!

Sometimes you can even get a free wormy pet from it! Did I ever mention that it melts in your mouth BETTER than chocolate??? OH and the aroma…. MMMM DELISH 🤤🤤😤

Here's a little tip the pros use! They sprinkle a little corn on just for good bite and sweetness, extra points if it's chewy. You could substitute the corn for popcorn shells for extra crunch and for the extra stuck in your teeth factor!

All you have to do is freeze the poop in little heart shaped containers, and you can buy a pound of poop from your local poop store for a WHOPPING 5 cents!!!

Trust me it's worth it! 😊😊😊💩🤩

yes officer that's the guy

[m0use-brained]

Valentines day chocolate? Why not try Valentines day Poop instead? Now hear me out! It's much healthier than sugar, it doesn't make people hyper, and it can have pieces of corn in it! Who doesn't like corn?

Valentine's Day poop also comes in a multitude of different flavors, such as sweet, salty, sour, unami, bitter, and even spicy!

Sometimes you can even get a free wormy pet from it! Did I ever mention that it melts in your mouth BETTER than chocolate??? OH and the aroma…. MMMM DELISH 🤤🤤😤

Here's a little tip the pros use! They sprinkle a little corn on just for good bite and sweetness, extra points if it's chewy. You could substitute the corn for popcorn shells for extra crunch and for the extra stuck in your teeth factor!

All you have to do is freeze the poop in little heart shaped containers, and you can buy a pound of poop from your local poop store for a WHOPPING 5 cents!!!

Trust me it's worth it! 😊😊😊💩🤩

STOP YOURSELF!! HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT????