#monkeybutt

[lexaknoxville]

party lover boy - Chris Pontius

“𝘄𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗲, 𝘆𝗼, 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲” - 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗥𝗲𝗱 𝗛𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗶 𝗣𝗲𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀

pairing(s) | Chris Pontius x reader

summary | just some headcanons of being Party Boys gf 😚

warnings | kissing, blood, the usual jackass stuff

REQUESTS OPEN!!! MASTERLIST!!

—————————————————————————————

• this could be me being delusional but, i think he’s actually a really gentle man

• well you know how he is normally, but i see him being an absolute sweetie to you

• plays with your hair 😫 i can see him running his fingers through it, helping with a curl routine if you have one, and he LOVES if you get it done all nice and pretty (definitely a sucker for braids)

• will randomly show up to your house as bunny the lifeguard, just to get a laugh out of you

• IMAGINE TRAVELING WITH HIM FOR WILDBOYZ!!!

• def the type to throw bugs and random shit at you, then feel bad if he actually upsets you (it’s best to act upset, if not he’ll keep doing it 😟)

• secretly a sucker for the cheesy shit like sharing a milkshake, matching bracelets, etc

• jokingly he’s not joking flirting with steve-o just to mess with you

“y/n you’re great and all but, me and steve-o have a special connection” - chris with that goofy ass smile on his face

• will see a pretty flower while he’s out wondering around and brings it back to you

“ i saw it and thought you would like it, here you go!”

• he’s so cute omg

• BEGS you to get your nipples pierced with him, i can see it now omg

“babe we should totally get matching nipple rings”

• will pull some random fun fact out of his ass, and then be shocked when you didn’t know

“chris, honey, what are you talking about…”

“YOU DIDNT KNOW?”

15 minute rant follows

• randomly pops into your room with your bra and underwear on

(constantly scolding him for breaking the clasps on your bras, so he buys you new ones)

• a REALLY GOOD KISSER

• i feel like he’s a gentle, slow kisser, really likes to take his time with it

unless he’s drunk, then it’s sloppy and fast

• comes home bloody and you have to clean him up, yall are STOCKED UP on first aid stuff

• calls you nicknames like baby, babe, angel, and the random shit like monkeybutt, and pumpkin 😭

• loves pop music, don’t play with me

• i KNOW he blasts Britney Spears in the car if you want him too 🤷‍♀️ i don’t make the rules sorry

UGHH THIS IS ALL I HAVE RN, BUT I KNOW MORE WILL COME TO ME SO BE READY FOR MORE OF THESE 🙏

CHRIS PONTIUS MY KING

for @tonymarias 🫡

[sending-wishes]

highlights from lunch:

grandma: [makes joke about me not having friends]

me: that's more true than you would assume

dad: one of my passwords at work is one of the first compound words you ever said.

me: I feel like I'm not going to like whatever it is.

dad: monkeybutts!

me: I was correct. you could really tell I was a normal child.

grandma: yeah. super normal. [dead stare into my eyes]

me: between that and me watching godzilla everyday.

grandma: you want some meat sauce?

grandpa: yeah sure.

me: the normal conversations that come out of this family.

dad: [staring at my phone]

me: it's Minnie from I-DLE. I have a problem.

dad: yeah.

[acommonloon]

Friday evening patio chilling. The doggo is a sweetie when she isn’t trying to savage a ground hog. Now she’s hunting lizards. They are speedy, she got no chance but is entertained.

<sigh> will have to check her for ticks. Have pulled 4 off her so far. Can’t wait to miss the little monkeybutt!

[bigeggeaterjustsaying]

Monkeybutt ur holy smokes and lowkey are you okay ngl

[patrik6090]

I don't want one!!....

But dad :(

I'm getting one anyway I'm gonna name her monkeybutter the 1st😊🥰

I....

NO!!!

That's bad!!¡!!!

[swaglet]

i'm gonna be so real with everybody. i think it should be completely illegal for these to be sold. there's no benefit to them at all. they don't actually make you smell good. putting any harsh chemicals, especially fragrances and detergents, anywhere NEAR your vagina disrupts its pH balance, which in turn disrupts its ability to clean itself (yes it really is a self cleaning organ which we all are aware of but apparently the majority of the world is not for some reason) and increases the risk for yeast infections and UTIs. i'm fairly convinced that one of the reasons so many women get frequent UTIs could be related to how they handle vaginal hygiene and what products they use, specifically ones with fragrances and detergents.

just use mild, unscented soap!!!! or even just water and a clean washcloth!!! i promise you you don't need anything else, you are clean down there if you are using water and washing it, it does a large part of the work for you. that's what your discharge is for. just wipe your vulva with a washcloth and wash it off with water (and mild unscented soap if you're particularly worried) and you are good to go, squeaky clean. whatever smell comes out of you is, with 99% certainty, most likely meant to come out of you. first of all, it's an organ. second, it sits very snugly between your thighs and both of your buttcheeks all day long while you go about your business. you're probably going to sweat at some point throughout the day, you could be on your period, you are going to get discharge. all of those are normal things that happen and come together to make smells that aren't going to be the most pleasant thing on earth, but they came from the body of a living animal that secretes waste while she does her thing. a man in your same situation (who doesn't even menstruate, by the way) probably took a shit and didn't completely wipe his ass and also took a piss and left a little droplet of it in his underwear when he pulled his pants back up and didn't give a shit. and you're worried about YOU being gross. ok. men literally leave piss in their underwear and shit flakes in their ass hair but i have never seen an aisle full of male hygiene products like we have for women. at most, i see dude wipes for poopy sweaty asscrack hair and monkeybutt powder for sweaty nutsacks. AND MOST OF THEM DON'T EVEN USE THAT STUFF THEY JUST DON'T GAF.

i cannot preach to you just how NATURAL the smells coming out of you are. and i cannot tell you just how much nobody cares. matter of fact is, you are worried about it in your own head, but most other people most likely can't smell it at all. i have had friends tell me "omfg i need to go to the bathroom right now do you have a wet wipe i'm so scared my coochie stinks" and i'm like "? i smell nothing how could anyone even smell that unless they were directly looking for it" and my friends would always get kind of upset at my for saying that but I'm being so honest how could anyone even smell that. i've never been in a situation where i've smelled someone's vagina odor unless she was pantsless and her crotch was in my face

and if you DO have a smell coming from your vagina that is worrying you, please do not be embarrassed to call a (FEMALE, IF POSSIBLE) gyno and ask her about it!!! you may have some kind of infection that can easily be treated by prescription medication, NOT harsh fragrant chemicals from the drug store 😡 PLEASE TREAT YOUR PUSSIES KINDLY 🫶🏻 THEY LOVE YOU

i'm mostly talking about these things, like soaps and wipes and deodorants specifically designed, labelled, and packaged to be used on your vulva and inside your vagina.

please reblog for the largest sample size possible i Want answers. why is that aisle even in the store

[aucklanzd]

Baboons

Trousers optional

[windingdongs]

"..my inventory?" He said around a mouthful of monkeybutter. "Magic. An innate magic monsters have..." He looked to plover for a confirming nod, getting a so-so. Interesting. "Kind of like a personal pocket dimension. Small pocket dimension, but..." He could go into expanding it to technology and dimensional boxes later.

Surface

@fear-my-giggles Legacy. In accordance to the monsterkind, this was his legacy. The core. His “magnum opus.” The geothermal and magic powerplant had provided the underground with light and energy for the centuries they were down here, cobbled together from what resources they could muster and the human’s trash. It was one of his greatest works. And now, it was almost unneeded…almost. 

They were free from their prison, and he, from his. He was back from the place between worlds, from the void, from the dead…almost. Monsterkind was now free, able to feel the breeze and the sun once more and mingle with the humans. And he was down here. But, now, by choice. The core still needed maintained. It was the truth, but sometimes he just came down here to think. The world had changed much since they were sealed down below. It wasn’t the middle ages any more, and after years of nothing but darkness, it was even more hectic and loud. 

The humans hadn’t changed much. They had progressed and no longer carried weapons and staffs, the knowledge of magic and souls had to be re-learned, but that ever-present fear was still there. Dangerous, but still amusing. Some still flinched at the fuzziest monster, much less an almost 12ft spikey thing such as him. He agreed with asgore on this, the mass wasn’t ready, not for him. 

And so he stayed mostly out of sight, roaming the shadows, staying between homes and down here, keeping up maintenance with the core and the few monsters still down here. 

[bahhumpug]

In The Time of The Blue Ball by Manuela Draeger is one of the weirdest books I've ever read. Ever. It's written with the crazy logic and settings of dreams where time is counted by different colored balls, a woman who invented fire keeps them in jars, a tigerlike cat or a tiger lives in a stairwell, a dog plays in an orchestra of flies, & motionless baby pelicans litter the streets as they wait for mother pelicans to be created. I scoffed at first & thought I'd dnf, but somehow I got caught up in the rhythm of these strange stories. If you're looking for weird & something that'll test the limits of your imagination, check this out. * #funaekreads #funaekbooks #instabooks #instareads #pugsandbooks #bookreview #dorothyproject #smallpress #booksintranslation #translatedfiction #translatedbook #monkeybutt https://www.instagram.com/p/B_V8aIcAEFy/?igshid=3nv4ltvkye3x

[blizzardbeaches]

Aim like a #jedi not like a #stormtrooper • #justsayno to #monkeybutt (at Dolsot House) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cmz8wYWLvLr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[dexterfrench]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Grant French (@dexterfrench)

Eight month ago… #grantfrench #puppylove #monkeybutt #tbt #throwbackthursday https://www.instagram.com/p/CRoGJ6uJ9pG/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ritarigs]

Joints, orients, and monkey butts. Come check out my stream! Live in 15 minutes!! #rigging #monkeybutt #streamer

[stevehatguy]

#APEril #apes #apebutt #monkeybutt #monkeyshines #cartoonapes ##cartoonists #cartoonistsofinstagram #artistsoninstagram #ipadpro #ipadproart #procreateapp

[midsherlock]

Lessons from the weekend... stop and enjoy the now... oh and monkey butt!! #day5 #now #monkeybutt #cuteness #outdoors #family #smile (at Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/CF9koS0niNU/?igshid=87xze3p1hlb5