#morose little guy int he?

[the-stove-is-on-fire]

Aurora Borealis Crown has been haunting my thoughts…..

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[mingot-studios]

Invader Zim: GA83 ^3

PROF. MEMBRANE: (CALLING) Kids! Get ready. Prof. Neon and Dr. Cler will be here any minute!

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – FOYER – CONTINUOUS

A panicky Gabe looks for a hiding place. 

GA83: (PANICKED YELP) Oh no. Better ride this one out in the closet.

He OPENS the coat closet. Dib and Gaz are already huddled inside.

GAZ: Sorry, Gabe. This is our spot.

GA83: Oh yeah? Well, It’s my house too, so it’s also my spot.

DIB: Nu-uh because we called it.

GA83: (DEFIANT) Did not.

GAZ: Well, we’re calling it now.

GA83: (ALARMED) You are?

DIB: I’m afraid so.

GA83: (MOANS) They got me with their legal mumbo-jumbo.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – A SECOND LATER

Gabe looks around desperately. He lifts up the rug but FOODIO 3000 and CLEMBRANE are there. They GROWL at him as he cautiously lowers the rug.

SFX: DOORBELL. 

PROF. MEMBRANE: (V.O.) Just a second!

GA83: (PANICKED SOUND)

Gabe sees a tall bookcase, pushes it out from the wall, and ducks behind it.

GA83:  Huh. I never looked behind this whatchamacallit case before.

Gabe CHUCKLES and leans cockily against the wall. Strangely, his elbow passes through the solid wall.

GA83: Huh? 

(Gabe stares in disbelief as he slides his arm in and out of the wall. The wall shimmers slightly and there are occasional blue sparks around his arm.)

GA83: It's like something out of that show where Mr. Membrane does weird experiments on stuff.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – FOYER – CONTINUOUS

Prof. Membrane opens the door and DR. CLER and PROF. NEON barge in.

DR. CLER: How are you doing, Prof. Membrane, sir?

(Prof. Neon starts to take off his heavy overcoat. It’s raining outside.)

PROF. NEON: Ugh. I’m melting like a metamorphic geode under this wet wool.

He OPENS the closet door, revealing Dib and Gaz. They attempt to look casual. 

DIB: (COVERING) Uhh….May I take your coat, Prof. Neon?

GAZ: (STILTED) I...would..also like to take your coat.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – A FEW SECONDS LATER

The morose-looking kids enter, followed by Prof. Membrane, Dr. Cler and Prof. Neon. Dr. Cler carries a large RATTLING sack.

PROF. NEON: Have we got a fun, sciencey activity for you!

DR. CLER: A pillowcase containing seashells from our expedition to Sulfur Bay.

PROF. NEON: You can help us clean, organize and label them.

DR. CLER: And remove all of the deceased crustaceans from within them. Go get a screwdriver.

Prof. Neon heads toward the bookcase where Gabe is hiding.

BEHIND THE MACHINE

Gabe's eyes widen in horror as Prof. Neon heads right toward him.

GA83: (STIFLED YELP) I’ll take my chances in the mystery wall.

Gabe steps through the wall and into… 

THE THIRD DIMENSION

We see a shimmering wall (a la Stargate). Gabe gradually emerges from it – first his groping hands, then his stomach, his face, and finally his entire body – all rendered in stunning 3-D COMPUTER GRAPHICS. Gabe steps toward the camera and looks around in awed disbelief at a wondrous landscape we can’t yet see.

GA83: (AWED) Holy macaroni! What is this place?

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – SAME TIME

Newspapers are spread out on the floor and the rest of the family sits glumly prying hermit crabs, etc., out of the shells.

DR. CLER: (SLURPING SOUND, FOLLOWED BY SPITTING SOUND) Hey! You can just suck ‘em out!

GA83: (ECHOEY) Hello? Can anybody hear me?

Everyone looks around in confusion. (Note: All of Gabe's voice-overs have an unearthly quality.)

DIB: Gabe? Gabe, Where are you?

GA83: (V.O.) I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am. 

GAZ: Do you see beakers? If you see beakers, you’re probably in the chemical closet again.

GA83: (V.O.) Just a second…No, no, it’s a place I’ve never been before.

PROF. NEON: Ah, the shower! (LAUGHS)

GA83: (V.O.) Hey!

IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

Gabe stands on an endless grid of glowing green lines. In a sweeping 360-degree tracking shot around Gabe, we see a sparse landscape of standard 3-D shapes, columns and the like, in various colors and textures. [ANIMATORS NOTE: The following equations appear on background objects: 1 + 1 = 2, e(fi) = -1, P = NP, 1782(12) + 1841(12) = 1922(12), m0 > 3H0(2)/8piG, 46 72 69 6E 6B 20 72 75 6C 65 73 21] Gabe gropes around looking for the entrance he came through.

GA83: (NOT ECHOEY) I don't wanna freak you guys out, but I think I might be trapped in here.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – SIMULTANEOUS

PROF. MEMBRANE: Son, you better call Ruby. She has a ladder.

IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

Gabe marvels at his three-dimensional body, running his hands over his bulging armor and his puffy limbs. 

GA83: What’s going on here? I’m so bulgy. My armor sticks way out in front and my…

He turns to see his rear end.

GA83: (SMALL SCREAM)

SCENE 8

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – A FEW MINUTES LATER

Ruby stands atop her stepladder in the middle of the living room looking all-around at the top of the room.

RUBY: Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack – I’m stumped.

PROF. CLER: Hmm. It's like he disintegrated into CARBON dioxide. (LAUGHS)

GA83: Hey! Quit it!

IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

Gabe begins exploring this strange new world. He strolls curiously past the marble temple from the game “MYST”, then kneels at a reflecting pool. As New Age MUSIC plays, a school of hauntingly beautiful golden fish swims by and leaps into the air. Gabe continues on, passing a three-way street sign marking the intersection of X, Y, and Z streets. The chrome sign gleams with the standard 3-D shimmer effect.

GA83: Man, this is a once in a lifetime thing. I feel like I'm wasting it just standing here. (STARTS HUMMING) Better make the most of it. (BEAT, THEN) (YAWN)

A cone comes rolling across the ground like a tumbleweed. It bounces and jabs Gabe in the butt.

GA83: (RUBBING BUTT) Ow! Watch it, coney!

Gabe hurls the cone, sending it spinning towards the camera. It flies through the air, falls, and TEARS a small “black hole” in the grid (where the lines bend down into darkness). We hear a faint WHOOSHING SUCTION sound.

GA83: Oops...

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – LATER

SARG. SLAB WRANKLE, MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES HOST, COUNTESS. VON VERMINSTRASSER, and ZIM have arrived to help.

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES HOST: (CALLING OUT) Do you see a light, Gabe?

GA83: (V.O.) Yes. 

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES HOST: Move into the light.

GA83: (SIZZLING SOUND) Ow!

COUNT. VON VERMINSTRASSER: Gabe, this is Countess von Verminstrasser. Can you tell us what it’s like in there?

IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

Gabe looks around at the glittering landscape. The black hole has gotten slightly larger.

GA83: Um, it’s like, ahm… did anyone see last night’s "Mysterious Mysteries"?

IN THE LIVING ROOM

COUNT. VON VERMINSTRASSER: No.

GAZ: No.

SARG. SLAB RANKLE: No.

PROF. MEMBRANE: No.

DIB: No. 

DR. CLER: No.

SARG. SLAB RANKLE: No.

RUBY: No.

PROF. NEON: No.

ZIM: No.

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES HOST: No.

SARG. SLAB RANKLE: Yes. I mean no. No.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – A LITTLE LATER

The machine has been moved aside. Zim has drawn a chalk circle around the dimensional door in the wall. 

PROF. MEMBRANE: Well, where’s my son’s metal friend? 

ZIM: Well, it should be obvious to even the most dimwitted human worm baby– who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology – that Genocide Automata Unit 83 has stumbled into… (DRAMATICALLY) the Third Dimension. (LIGHTS GO OUT)

DIB: (TURNS LIGHTS BACK ON) Sorry.

PROF. MEMBRANE: So THAT’S where that went! I was wondering where that portal had gotten to.

ZIM: SILENCE WORM BABY! Zim shall explain.

Zim draws a square on a blackboard.

ZIM: Here is an ordinary square…

SARG. WRANKLE: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Shorty!

ZIM: But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe, along the hypothetical Z-axis there.

Zim extends his chalk square into a cube. The onlookers GASP in astonishment. 

ZIM: This forms a three-dimensional object known as a “cube” or a “Zimahedron”, in honor of its discoverer. (CHUCKLES)

GA83: (SCARED) Help me! Are you helping me, or are you going on and on!?

ZIM: (AFTERTHOUGHT) Oh, right, and of course, within we find the doomed automata.

He draws a crude picture of Gabe trapped within the cube. Gabe's expression is one of unmitigated horror.

SARG. SLAB RANKLE: Enough of your yappin’, Haffpint! A bot’s life is at stake! We need action!

Rankle draws his gun and FIRES six shots into the portal.

SARG. SLAB RANKLE: Take that, you lousy dimension!

IN THE THIRD DIMENSION SCENE 9

Gabe cowers as the bullets zoom at him. At the last second, however, the bullets are pulled off course by the black hole, which is growing larger by the second. The bullets orbit around a few times, then spiral down into oblivion. Gabe peers into the black hole, scared. 

GA83: Oh, there’s so much I don’t know about astrophysics. I wish I'd stayed awake for Mr. Membrane’s 9-hour lecture on it.

Suddenly, Gabe's face starts to stretch and twist down the hole, becoming many meters long.

GA83: (DISTORTED SHRIEK)

He quickly yanks his face back. He backs away from the hole as it continues to widen. The WHOOSHING suction increases, pulling in objects, including the MYST Temple and the golden fish. OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The spectators mill about in consternation. Aikirita enters, wearing an old-fashioned deep-sea diving suit.

AKIRITA: I’ll save Gabe-san. All I need is four stout men to work the bellows.

Dib wheels out an old-timey hand-cranked generator, which is hooked up to Aikirita. Aikirita closes the porthole on her helmet and heads toward the wall. Membrane stops her.

PROF. MEMBRANE: No, Akirita, it’s too risky. For all we know, there could be cubes in there the size of gorillas and other large…

GA83: (V.O.) Help! I don’t have much time!

GAZ: That does it. I’m going in!

Gaz has tied a rope around her waist. She rushes toward the wall.

DIB: Gaz, no!

Before he can stop her, she vanishes into the wall.

IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

We see Gaz becoming three-dimensional as she steps through the portal. She looks around in wonder.

GAZ: Cool.

GAZ’S POV

The ROAR OF THE WIND is deafening as the black hole sucks in most of the remaining objects. Gaz sees a terrified Gabe on the far side of the vortex.

OVERHEAD SHOT

The black hole now takes up almost the entire universe. Gabe stands on a narrow ledge, trying not to fall in.

GA83:(CRAZED) IMGONNABESUCKEDINTOTHEBLACKHOLEIMGONNABESUCKEDINTOOBLIVIONIMGONNABENOTHINGANDWHATSWAITINGFORMEONWHENICOMEOUTTHEOTHERSIDE I DON’T KNOOOOW!

GAZ: I’ll save you, Gabe!

The sign for X, Y and Z streets is bent over the black hole like a palm tree in a hurricane. Gaz shimmies out to the end and extends her arm toward Gabe.

GAZ: Oh, I can’t get any closer! You’ll have to jump! 

GA83: (CONFIDENT) Piece of cake, Gaz!

Gabe attempts to fly over to Gaz but his turbines give out and he falls straight down the wall of the vortex and disappears breaking up into his component spheres, cubes, etc. On the way.)

GA83: (AS HE DISAPPEARS) CRUDCRUDCRUDCRUDCRUDCRUDCRUDCRUD!

The CREAKING street sign reaches its breaking point. It SNAPS off and falls into the black hole.

GAZ: (SCREAM)

Gaz tumbles into the darkness but is suddenly yanked out of frame by the rope as the entire grid COLLAPSES in on itself.

INT. MEMBRANE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Wrankle, Verminstrasser, etc., jerk on the rope, pulling Gaz back in through the portal with an electric SPARK. There’s a beat of silence as Gaz shakily stands up and turns to Prof. Membrane.

PROF. MEMBRANE: Gazlene, what happened?!

GAZ: Well, we hit a little snag when the universe sorta collapsed on itself…. but Gabe seemed cautiously optimistic.

GA83: (DISTANT) CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!

DIB: Oh, Gabe… 

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES HOST: Be strong, Dib. I’m sure he’s gone to a better place.

EXT. All – LIVE ACTION

There is an electrical CRACKLE, and a live-action CGI Gabe falls from the sky and lands in a dumpster.

GA83: (FALLING NOISE, PUNCTUATED BY ANNOYED GRUNT)

He dusts himself off, climbs out of the dumpster, and looks around.

GA83: Aw! This place is even worse!

He cautiously begins making his way down the sidewalk. PEDESTRIANS (including our regular voice cast members) pass by gawking and pointing at Gabe.

GA83: Omigosh… (TERRIFIED WHISPERS)

Under the closing credits, a frightened Gabe lumbers down the street past more wary pedestrians – a stranger in a strange land. As the credits close, Gabe looks in a store window.

GA83: (HAPPILY) Ooh, 50% off on comics!

Gabe perks up and confidently strides into the store.

FADE OUT:

THE END

[smokeybrand]

Into the Wild

When i was a kid in the 6th grade, we went on a field trip to Sly Park. It was one of those overnight, weekend, excursions into nature for hands-on learning. Being a poor ass black kid from the ghetto, this weekend trip was the closest thing to summer camp I'd ever experience. I hated it. I hated every f*cking minute of it. I'm not an outdoorsy kind of guy. I don't know I you know this about me, but I'm a little bit anti-social and a lot bit anti-nature. I hate fishing. I hate camping. I hate hiking. I hate hunting. I hate pooping in the raw. If there's no indoor plumbing or PlayStation, I don't want anything to do with it. I don't care for any of that. Also Bigfoots. These are my experiences trapped for three days, in my personal hell.

Sly Park is in the mountains of California. We all had to pile on a bus at, like 9 am and drive for three hours to this desolate as place in the middle of an old growth forest up there. It was cougar country. I know that for a fact because, when we got there, we had to sit on the bus for an extra hour while the sheriffs hunted down and shot one in the f*cking face. That was day one, hour zero. We hadn't even made it to orientation yet and mountain lion murder. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is.

That night, we shuffle into our cabins and choose bunk-mates or whatever. It was weird because there were f*cking sixteen-year-olds in charge of us. Who does that? Where the f*ck were the actual adults? I don't know if you know this about boys but, if you gt a bunch of us together, we kind of devolve into this Mad Max-esque, might is right, violence based society. Anyway, it was a bunch of dudes in this cabin running around playing grab ass and punch out. It was the gayest sh*t ever and I was done with it before it started. If you're going to tease a dude for wearing tight-whiteys, I feel like you got some sh*t to work out, yourself. I just sat in my bunk, drowning out the noise with the tacit tones of Az Yet and No Doubt, on my off-brand Walkman,.

Eventually, when it was time for lights out, the teenage overlords of our little lord of the flies troupe, told us not to the leave the cabin for the girl's hut or whatever because of the wild animals. No sh*t, dude. We all watched a mountain lion get it's sh*t pushed in the second we pulled up this morning. I didn't plan to go outside during the day, let alone at night when I can't even see sh*t. The f*ck is you saying? And, as if to drive my int home, our cabin got swarmed by bats that night. N*gga, wat.

You had to do some sh*t for learning or something because this was an educational trip, That we had to pay to go on. School had us hustle candy bars for a seat on that bus, it as ridiculous. I sold three boxes, pocketed the money for two, turned in the one, and was on my way. Each day was broken up into activities. I only remember two. The first was shelter building. These motherf*ckers broke us up into groups, led us into the f*cking bush, and told us to build a shelter with what we could find. I'm 11. I'm not a farmer. N*gga, i was just doing math worksheets, the f*ck you mean build a cabin? Need I remind you that, not only was there a wild ass cougar at your front door, yesterday, it had to be killed before we could even get of the bus and you got us out here exposed, in that motherf*ckers territory, talking about tepees and sh*t? Word? There were three of us in my group and we ended up just leaning a bunch of sticks on the side of a broken tree. Our shelter was whack, yo. We just wanted this sh*t to be over and back in a place with doors and deadbolts. The counselor tried to clown our effort but we were like, "N*gga we don't camp. We ain't survivalist. We sixth graders, you prick! Motherf*ckers is just trying to grasp integers and exponents, not f*cking brick work.”

Since everyone sucked at shelter building, we had to take the long hike back. That was an option that the asshole in charge decided to inflict upon us, literal children, because we're not f*cking carpenters. Tacked on an extra hour so we only had, like five minutes for lunch. It was f*cked up. The food was the only thing i liked about that place. I have an affinity for sh*tty food and it doesn't get much more sh*tty than school lunch. I miss crispitos and those round pizzas with the four pepperonis. And chocolate milk. I f*cking loved those Crystal chocolate milks. They had these catfish nuggets that were dope and unlimited chocolate milk. I was f*cking that milk up, man. They also had bomb ass cornbread and pancakes. Sh*t made me mad we couldn't get that mess at school.

The second activity was the killer hike. Now, this thing was infamous. It's infamy had been drilled into our heads for our entire elementary careers. Sh*t was seven miles, one way, downhill. It was f*cking treacherous. A dude i knew actually fell of the side around mile two. Half of it was like traversing this narrow path with sheer drops into manzanita and death, on either side. He was saved before plummeting to his oblivion, but he lost a Jordan to the cruel nature gods. Dude had gone out the day before so that sh*t made it back to us quick. We spent the entire night before trying to figure out how to get out of this bullsh*t. We didn't come up with any ideas. We resolved ourselves to death. That morning, we all lined up where they killed that cougar, and the counselors hyped everyone up with the promise of a surprise at the end of the hike. All of a sudden everyone was super hype to go on nightmare march. F*cking surprise better be incredible. It already cost one Jordan XI.

I walk this seven f*cking miles, looking at my idiot classmates and peers enjoying themselves, and I'm just straight up visibly morose. Like, quietly, aggressively, seething. Someone asks me what the f*ck was my problem and i ask him how does he think we're getting back to camp? I could see the gears in his brain clicking, slowly putting the sh*t together. Dude got wide eyed and immediately got as morose as i was. We had to walk that seven miles back, all f*cking uphill. No one had put that together. These f*cking idiots were running downhill, talking about surprise this and surprise that, and I'm just like, "Yeah, stupid, you're gonna get a surprise alright."

So we get to the end of this hike and the surprise is; a waterfall. It was a waterfall and a little stream with kind of a mild  current. Everyone was like, the f*ck? The counselors tell us we can swim and the entire f*cking class jumps in. I'm just standing there, hot. Counselor looks over and says, "What's the matter? you don't want to get wet?" No, b*tch, i can't swim. I just walked seven whole ass miles, in this California summer heat, just to WATCH someone else, have fun in the water. AND we still have the seven mile trek back, all uphill. F*ck, you! While everyone is splashing about, the counselors tell us there's gold in the stream and everyone starts looking. I can't, because of the drowning, so I just have to watch everyone engage in a literal treasure hunt. A girl I know finds an actual gold nugget. She took the deep dive and came up with the booty. We later found out it was worth about six hundred dollars in 1996 money. Bro, I blew a f*cking gasket.

I don't really remember what else happened, it was like twenty-five years ago, but I do remember having a bad time. It was the worst, for all of the reasons. Cougar murder, all of these unnecessary hikes, incredibly minimal interaction with the girls during the day, stupid boy hierarchy during the night; It's just counter intuitive to everything that I'm about. I don't know how kids do summer camp. I was only out there in a facsimile of that sh*t for three days and couldn't get on the bus home fast enough.