#mortimer going from wtf to game on

[ironicscavenger]

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MG: “Agent Landgraab? The floor is yours.” G: “Thank you Mr. Mayor. You have spoken about the state of our election so far. Now, I’m sure you wouldn’t suggest we cancel it to save money, since that would be a violation of our rights as citizens of a democratic state,” nods and murmurs from the crowd. “But what I’m about to say next might make the whole point moot. Next week will be my last as Chief of Interpol, as I will be retiring,” more murmurs from the crowd. “Once my resignation is official, I intend to formally present myself as a mayoral candidate and run against Mr. Goth for mayor. I thought it was important I make this announcement now, considering there are no other candidates and our situation is precarious. I will be making an official announcement after my ties with Interpol are severed. This is one of our most important elections in years, and we must make sure it happens as scheduled. That’s all, thank you.”

[daphnethebanjolover]

Thoughts on Cuphead DLC

I'm speechless. Studio MDHR has outdone themselves in every department. The animation is even smoother (especially with that anteater and the final boss, like, oh my god), and the music is boppin' (my personal favorites: The King's Leap, High Noon Hoopla, and the final boss)

I really like the voice of the announcer in the Moonshine Mob (even though he is a little bitch)

Playing as Chalice seems more forgiving than playing as Cuphead or Mugman. The double jump and invincible dodge roll definitely make the game easier (and kind of necessary to beat Mortimer).

Chalice's shield special just sounds like a hit point with extra steps.

Fuck Howling Aces third phase. All my homies hate Howling Aces third phase. If I'm ever insane enough to actually buy this game, I'll intentionally try to get the alternate third phase. You gotta give it to 'em for literally manhandling the fourth wall, though.

If anyone makes a Waifus of Cuphead DLC video, my vote goes to the poodle lady.

The Twist-Up is kind of like an anti-Lobber. I kind of like it.

Anyone else think the Crack shot would be good for determining hitboxes?

Canteen boi's just bein' himself.

THAT BULLDOG JUST USED THE CAT FROM WERNER WERMAN AS A WEAPON!

I think the King's Leap is more interesting than the Mausoleums because it isn't just Parry Ghosts, Parry More Ghosts, and Parry Even More Ghosts.

Also the 3D castle model was sick!

Chalice in plane is babie but also has war paint.

All these years, we've been duped by Chef Saltbaker! My brothers and sisters in Christ, we've been hoodwinked!

Who's the superior final boss: Satan or 1 salty boy?

Anyone else think it's kinda morbid that Saltbaker's empty smiling body is in the background of the third phase? And then he's alive at the end?

Poor lil' Cuphead just wants out of the cage

This boss fight seems like way too much going on at once.

And also the secret boss is kinda morbid. And surreal. And looks insanely hard.

Like, wtf man?

[nikkeisimmer]

Sims 3 vs Sims 4 - or THIS IS WHY I CAN’T PLAY THE SIMS 4.

I have never liked the Sims 4. I’ll admit it. Lack of gameplay, Fisher Price/Looney Tunes graphics notwithstanding, the community itself willing to abase themselves in hopes of turning the devs in their direction. The EA devs themselves throwing shade at the Sims 3 community who steadfastly refuse to play that shitty excuse for a game (Sims 4) they produced and then proceed to drag out and prolong that shit as if they had ten $5.00 boxes of Extra Spicy Bean Burritos at Taco Bell. Enough with the Glitterturd already. Enough with catering to ADHD children who with the rating on the game shouldn’t even be playing the Sims anyways.

One of the things that struck me was how faithfully outside of Don Lothario’s time travels, that the former dev team stuck to canon continuity in The Sims, Sims 2 and the prequel to all of them, Sims 3. Sims got older when they were supposed to. We knew that Sims 3 was the progenitor of the series because the well-known Goths were children; Bella was a Bachelor and Morty was that awkward little kid.

But then along came Sims 4 which like any little change-child should have been aborted in utero but somehow managed to worm its way out to inflict it’s nauseating stench upon the community.

…and sims lore tossed itself upon the pyre to die a painful death for it was supposedly an alternate universe, a universe where age doesn’t matter, continuity doesn’t matter and surely, quality gameplay sure as fuck doesn’t matter worth sour owl shit either.

Sims 3

Bella Goth - child

Mortimer Goth - child

Nancy Landgraab - adult

Geoffrey Landgraab - adult

Malcolm Landgraab - child

Sims 4

Bella Goth - adult

Mortimer Goth - adult

Nancy Landgraab - adult

Geoffrey Landgraab - adult

Malcolm Landgraab - young adult

If the Goths were adults. Nancy and Geoffrey would both be elders, not the same age as Mortimer and Bella. This is why I can’t be bothered with the Sims 4.

At least if they were going to alter the timeline and make an AU, there is no way that Chester and Queenie Landgraab could have had Nancy any later than he did since he died of old age and Nancy was born when Chester was middle aged and going into old age. Therefore since Nancy was a older adult in Sims 3 there is no way that she would STILL BE an adult in Sims 4 when Malcolm, Mortimer and Bella were ALL CHILDREN in SIMS 3 and we’re expected to believe Bella and Mortimer and Malcolm’s PARENTS are ALL THE SAME FUCKING AGE?!!!! And evidently Malcolm is supposed to be a young adult while his compatriots are OLDER THAN HE IS????

Like…WTF MAN! It’s CONTINUITY OF TIME!!!

It’s like EA said “Fuck continuity, we’re going to take all the characters you like, mix ‘em all up in a bowl and take a massive FUCKING SHIT IN IT! Let’s just give them any old age and call it an alternate universe. We don’t give a shit!”

Well fuck you too, EA. AND YOUR SIMS 4 TOO!

If they went the way they were supposed to

Bella, Mortimer and Malcolm would be fully adults, Nancy and Geoffrey would be elders along with grumpy ol’ bag Agnes.

I don’t know how many Sims from Sims 3 came over to Sims 4 but I’m sure others will tell me.

Update: Are they fucking kidding me? #EADevs just took a massiveshit on #SimsLore and #Continuity and died.

[connerkent-speaksinactive-blog]

Hunger Games 1

Here we can see our tributes. 

@archerartemisspeaks @chriskentspeaks @cassandra-sandsmark-speaks @dickgrayson-speaks @ray-terrill-speaks @jasontoddspeaks @kylerayner-speaks @hal-jordan-speaks @barry-allen-speaks @ronnieraymond-speaks @brucewayne-speaks @dianaprincespeaks @victor-stone-speaks @miadearden-speaks @jonkentspeaks @lexluthor-speaks @mortimermagicmonster @katekanespeaks @zatanna-speaks @locke-nd-key @timandjj-speaks

Locke giving up a bag of weapons seems off....

I expected Jason and Lena to team up, but I’m surprised Hal is there too. 

Arty and Ray wtf. 

Lex shouldn’t have a weapon... just saying. 

Why is Lena talking to Mortimer? 👀

Chris wtf? Violence has never been your thing. 

Have I gone nuts? I’m trying to kill my own girlfriend. I’m sorry Arty 😔

Idk Vic but I don’t think Lena is gonna like you scaring off her brother. 

Who the frick gave Lex a bomb? Does anyone remember when he tried to blow up California for real estate? 

Jason lost a fight to Ray? No offense Ray, but I think Jason would’ve gone all Red Hood on you. 

Little bro the heck? 

Locke doing something that I’d actually picture him doing in a survival game. 

Dick wtf! That’s straight up savage killing your little sis while she sleeps. 😯 This game always gives some unrealistic responses and this is one of them. 

Me too Ronnie. Me too. 

Stop. And I cannot stress this enough. Stop.giving.Lex.weapons. 

Jason and Ray fought and now they’re all buddy buddy? Yeah okay....

Hal is awakened by the realization that Kevin isn’t his pet anymore. 

Mortimer songs like a dying cat can confirm. 

Holy crap! I fricken killed my own grandpa. 😩 I’m sorry Jason. I’ve offically gone nuts. That’s being added to the ongoing list of things that would never happen. How’d he even die he’s an immortal zombie? 🤔 Is Red Hood gonna rise from the grave and haunt my ass now? 

See you give Lex weapons and he’s gonna go out for blood. Tisk tisk. 

Tbh I expected Bruce to do this since he hates lanterns. 

Damn Zee you are cold. 

And so is Kate I see. What a lovely couple you two make. 

Locke is finally on the hunt for people.

In conclusion Wolf mutts eat and attack a lot of people. 

Plus Diana and Mia so sixteen are dead. And it’s only day two. 

Does Vic know that Dick killed Lena? 

And Kate backstabbed her own girlfriend. Dang. 

Does this mean Kex has a soft spot? The only family he has is us (Conner and Kon) and we died already. Yeah that’s not funky fresh. 

Having a cyborg fall on you doesn’t sound fun. Rip my father. Also it’s what you get for trying to kill him I guess. 

Nothing really interesting happens. 

Locke is a savage now. Wait didn’t he also help kill Kate. Oh well. He was savage before I guess. 

And Dick overpowered Locke. -whispers- He’s working for the Court again. 

Congrats to Dick Grayson for winning the first randomly generated Hunger Games. 

[thespoonplayer]

(DJ) Spoon’s Review of 2018

This year I haven’t listened to much music at all, at least not in comparison to previous years and I certainly haven’t been to many gigs. I’m sure this won’t last but this year I’ve been busier at work so less likely to plug in, I’ve stuck to the radio in the car just to keep up with how messy Brexit really is (ooer a bit of politics) and my runs have been 100% fueled by podcasts so music has just taken a backseat. However, I couldn’t let the year go past without some kind of list...so here is a pot pourri of my favourite discoveries of 2018.

1. Podcasts

Seeing as these have been so important this year I’ll start here...and cheat slightly by bigging up some oldies, but good enough to bang on about again.

Old favourites : Running Commentary (Comedians Paul Tonkinson and Rob Deering take you on their runs and chat sometimes about running, but always about life, kids, comedy and anything that pops into their heads), Adam Buxton (always entertaining ramble chat from Dr Buckles whoever is on, I’ve learnt stuff and I’ve laughed a lot), My Dad Wrote a Porno (Sheer filth as ever but genuinely caused me to LOL during my runs, wondering if people can hear that I’m listening to chat about vaginal lids).

New entries : Off Menu (Ed Gamble and James Acaster opened their genie run fantasy restaurant a month ago and it has quickly become one of my favourite podcasts ever. Eclectic guests pick their fantasy 3 course meals, simple premise and it works. The Scroobius Pip episode was a perfect clash of two excellent pods), Blank (another late entry into 2018 from Jim Daly and Giles Paley-Phillips ostensibly about blank moments in life but just rammed with infotaining chat from ‘non standard’ guests including a jaw dropping episode with Michael Rosen and fun with Gary Lineker and Susie Dent), Poddin’ on the Ritz (sadly now finished with maybe its only series) this pod recorded backstage at Young Frankenstein by Hadley Fraser and the sublime Ross Noble made me laugh more than any other in 2018, it might be about musicals but their search for Kenneth Branagh’s snowglobes and Lesley Joseph adoration was a joy.

2. Board games

They say a family that plays together, stays together. Well we are together more than you can imagine. We’ve played over 220 games this year! Here are our favourite new games into our collection:

The game of the year is Azul, a seemingly simple tile grab and place game, building up a mosaic prettier than anyone else, is full of strategy and a little (but not too much) shafting of others. If you really want to shaft your fellow players though then pick up Unstable Unicorns, a card game where you aim to grow your stable of unicorns, whilst stopping others filling theirs. SO many different cards, tactics and ways to mess it up, you will swear at some point. Discovered in the excellent new board game cafe The Dice Box in Leamington, we bought Meeple Circus before we left, it’s that much fun. Rehearse and perform the best tiny wooden meeple circus performance, accompanied by a bespoke playlist. Stack the acrobats, balance the lions and raise the bar. Another board game cafe, Chance & Counters in Bristol introduced us to the frantic game of Klask, a cross between air hockey, pool and table football. Slide the magnets around to flick a ball into your opponents hole, avoid the magnetic biscuits and don’t KLASK! When is a game not a game? another game of the year has been played a lot in our house, and it’s The Mind. 100 cards numbered 1-100, no words between players and a tense task to lay cards in ascending order. Simple? yes? possible? nope! but it’s sure to cause fun and arguments. The final two of MY favourite sadly aren’t quite as loved by my family, but I’ll get them there. Sagrada is a similar game to Azul with you attempting to build a beautiful stained glass window with coloured dice. More variations and thinking needed than Azul which adds to the challenge. And finally and lovely chess like 2 player game which transports you to the sun dappled Greek island of Santorini. Take the powers of a god and build the traditional blue domed white houses of the island whilst trying to stop your opponent climbing onto a roof. A lot of ‘aha, you’ve stopped me’ moments.

3. TV

It’s been a long old year at work, and in the world of parenting so we’ve found ourselves flopped on the settee many evenings just soaking up great drama, comedy and chilling ;o)

We are very late to the party with Suits but that means we have 8 series to wade through! Really neat writing, bants and relationships between characters, a ‘don’t worry they will always win’ calmness about it and you get to see the Queen in her knickers...ish. Another Netflix treat this year was Magic for Humans with Justin Willman, a hugely likeable and funny magician pulling off tricks that constantly make me smirk with a huge dollop of WTF? amazing. A huge recommendation. A late entry to my TV highlights of 2018 is from the warped warped mind of Charlie Brooker...of course with Bandersnatch. An interactive choose your own adventure TV ‘event’ (I know) that had us hooked for the full 90 minutes (only if you want to see how much bloodshed you can invoke!). Completely on the other end of the spectrum was the sublime and minimalistic Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing. I don’t like fishing and why would I find two old mates just teasing each other for half an hour entertaining? No idea but it was beautiful. Like Radio 4, comforting and perfect. Then a few suspenseful dramas that got us on the edge of the settee, Killing Eve (quirky AF), Bodyguard (did they really kill Keely Hawes that early?) and Informer (bleak bleak bleak) and sweaty bullocks in ‘should be in the next section really’ Bird Box (made Informer seem like a giggle fest).

4. Films

Really haven’t been to the cinema much in the last 12 months and only once to see a ‘grown up’ film I think but kid’s films are SO good at the moment that’s ok. A few stand out films for me were:

Ralph Breaks the Internet, much better than the first one, lots of #lolz internet jokes and more than a little heart. Wrap me up in a duvet and give me a hot cocoa and Paddington 2 any day, tears at the end. A little more sighing but just as much emotion in Christopher Robin, not sure why Eeyore had an American accent but the characters were spot on and nicely faithful to the original concepts. The one time I did venture out for an adult (it’s a 12 so almost ;o) and saw Ready Player One I was delighted, yeah it might not be a) as good as or b) anything like the book but a visual treat and an enjoyable romp.

5. Books

I read A LOT, until my Kindle donks me on the head in bed anyway...literally a tiny selection of books that have kept me awake. 

The Secret Lives of Colour - Kassia St Clair. They say never judge a book by its cover. Well that didn’t work...I bought this purely because it is a beautiful package, the hardback a lot more pleasing imho. Simply 2 coloured pages about how each colour was discovered, invented and introduced throughout history. I never really gave it a thought that colours were...made. Weird and fascinating.

This Is Going to Hurt - Adam Kay. A hilarious ‘secret’ diary of a junior doctor that horrifies at the same time. I think we all knew it was a hard life but bloody hell, if you didn’t love the NHS before you will after this. A thoroughly enjoyable and insightful story of Adam’s journey through medicine. And that ending...wooof.

Moose Allain - I Wonder What I’m Thinking About. I love Moose, I love his colour-me-advent calendars, I love his tweet threads that show the best in Twitter, I love his cartoons and this book is all of those wrapped up in one. And a certain Mr Spoon is to thank for the publication, find me in the back of Unbound funders! An inspiring book for anyone who loves art, creativity and childish humour.

Factfulness : Ten Reasons We’re Wrong About the World - Hans Rosling. A brilliantly clever and educational book about why the world is NOT as shit as it might seem some times. It’s all backed up by real data and lovely lovely graphs!

Lee Child and Ian Rankin. A highlight of the year is the next Reacher and Rebus novels and these two didn’t disappoint. Rebus’ latest adventure Past Tense, is a self-contained story that could introduce anyone to the man machine that is Jack Reacher. Rebus however is back, retired but won’t lie down, in In A House of Lies, an old case comes back to haunt him and will this finally be his downfall? I doubt it!

6. Music

As mentioned, I haven’t ‘been into music’ as much in 2018 for various reasons but I’ve still enjoyed some great new discoveries:

Barns Courtney - The Attractions of Youth, discovered via the use of Glitter and Gold for the theme tune of Netflix’s Safe. An album of ‘cheesy, commercially viable blues and folk rock’ apparently. I just liked the visceral nature of some of the tracks and it always fired me up at work on slow days.

Isaac Gracie - Isaac Gracie, a rare listened to recommendation from my wife. Isaac is everything I claim to like, fragile thin sensitive boys with acoustic guitars....and I do very much with this. Painful screeched out tales of heartbreak. Sublime.

R.E.M. - Live at the BBC, 104 rare and live tracks from arguably one of the best bands ever. Some of the tracks I haven’t heard since my bootleg cassette buying days at Sheffield Uni, when the world was in black and white. Not all tracks are of the greatest audio quality but bliss for a fanboy like me.

Creep Show - Mr Dynamite, a spin off project for Mr John Grant and even from the eclectic crooner this is an odd one. Glitchy electronica with vocoders all over the place. Weird and very Marmite.

Public Service Broadcasting - Every Valley and everything else. The latest offering from the other PSB was a trip through the miner’s crisis and Thatcher years. Bleak? yup but fascinating snippets of well, public service broadcasting and guest stars including the obligatory Welsh rockers the Manics. This album is perfect by itself but it ‘forced’ me to go back and really discover all the PSB albums. The Live at Brixton release is a huge recommendation, I wish I was there.

Rex Orange County - Apricot Princess, maybe I just added this in to seem cool as Rex, aka Alexander O’Conner, was ‘one to watch in 2018′ from the BBC. A multi-instrumentalist that dabbles with hippity hop, R&B and piano pop. The first track alone contains about three musical styles if you wait. 

7. Food & Drink

I run, because I really like food. And thankfully I’ve run a lot in 2018 so I got to enjoy a lot.

I was introduced to the weird fermented tea monstrosity that is kombucha by my sister-in-law. Vinegar tasting drink that may or may not help your gut that grows in your living room. WTAF? However, health benefits aside the LA Brewery Strawberry and Black Pepper drink is something, alongside my pilgrimage to Leon, worth going to London for. I’ve heard it’s also for sale in Solihull but I don’t often travel that far beyond my class ;o) I’d say, try it...but I suspect 9/10 people with hate the flavour. 

I suspect 10/10 people that try the Aldi Black Forest Mince Pies would love them, but you won’t get a chance as I’ve bought them ALL. Aldi are a bugger for getting you hooked then never restocking. I only managed 10 boxes in 2018 and we’ve rationed well so have 12 left to get us through the bleak January weather. Cherries, Dark Chocolate, Chocolate pastry and a smidge of mincemeat. Perfect!

There are many ingredient delivery services available and I’ve only tried Gousto but I don’t know why you’d go anywhere else. 33 recipes tried and 32 of them I’d have again, with the one not so good one was still far better than anything I’d cook by myself. So easy, so tasty and if you want to try it I can give you a big discount that will help us buy another box, a tad expensive without a discount but worth a treat every so often.

Genuinely I traveled to London just to visit Max’s Sandwich Shop...kinda. It was certainly the deciding factor in a day out at the Summer Exhibition (see below). I downloaded the Kindle version of this book when it was promoted in an email, I bought some Scampi Fries and made a Fish Finger sandwich, I crumbled up some Ginger Nuts into a Mascarpone and Jam sandwich and I made a Fried Egg, Shoestring Fried and Gammon sandwich then I NEEDED to go and see how it’s really done. Amazing over the top sandwiches in a rough little hipster cafe in Stroud Green (no me neither and it’s a long walk from the tube!). So good I had to a) buy the hard copy of the book and b) carry half the sandwich home as even I couldn’t manage it all...not with deep fried macaroni balls filling me up ;o)

8. Places

A family that plays together, stays together as a great man once said. And we don’t just play inside, we love adventures so adventures we had.

I’d never been to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition, as it’s in that there London which often seems hundreds of miles away...but I’m so glad that I visited this year. A trip with a good friend with neither of us knowing quite what to expect. We saw, and laughed, and marveled at, paintings, sculptures, videos, photos, models, and weirdness by Banksy next to Joe Lycett next to Grayson Perry next to Harry Hill, next to me mate Lorsen Camps from Coventry. The SA allows ANYONE to submit artwork for consideration and anyone can be accepted. I think this has to become a yearly visit, awesome.

My parents have been wanting to take our kids, and their big kid, to The Forbidden Corner in North Yorkshire for a few years now...and I’m so happy we finally got round to going. Started as a folly to entertain his children this huge labyrinthine site is crammed with strange sculptures, mazes, tricks and squirting fountains. Many hours were spent squeezing through holes, getting lost and getting wet. Beautifully eccentric.

A family holiday to Brittany meant we could visit the loopy city (it’s their phrase!) of Nantes and more importantly Les Machines d’Ile. Ostensibly the workshop of  a group of engineers and artists that make huge animatronic machines and animals...that you can ride on! Needs to be seen to be believed, the Elephant brings out the big kid in everyone...and we can’t wait to go back in a few years when they’ve built a huge forest over the river with ride on caterpillars and dragonfly. Incredible. The city itself is dotted with crazy art and interactive pieces encouraging play, I know a city closer to home that should be the UK Loopy City of Culture!

Luckily Tilly is a Harry Potter obsessive AND it was her birthday last year so it gave us the excuse we didn’t need to visit the Warner Brothers Harry Potter Studio Tour. Wow, just wow. The incredible detail in everything made for the film, the engineering, the amount of artists involved and the presentation of the exhibition blew us away. I’ve enjoyed everything in this list but this maybe was the most magical in the best way.

Many many amazing experiences warrant a mention, but I just don’t have enough words, include Talking Birds - Walk with Me, Print Manufactory Darkroom Workshop, Ludic Rooms Random String Festival, Go Karting with Tilly, some dancing balloons in Broadgate, Godiva Festival with Tony Christie et al, Bristol Gromit trail, Disc Golfing with my girls, Edinburgh Fringe with Dick and Dom and with another wonderful dick from Coventry starring in Bon Jovi musical We’ve Got Each Other, Pandas! at Edinburgh Zoo, Matilda the Musical with Tilly at last, running the Coventry Mile with the girls’ school, Dippy the Dinosaur in Brum, Wicksteed Park (amazing family fun theme park like what they used to be), Cycling on Stratford Greenway in the sun, Autotesting at MotoFest, Bourton-on-the-Water (it’s just a shame 3 million other people know about this gorgeous village), Giant Pac Man in the city centre, Pork Pie making with a good friend, CET several times, Novelty Automation in London and being on The One Show, a couple of Hope & Social gigs and much much much more fun with my wonderful fam and friends. Roll on 2019!

[blackdogpanopticon]

Oh football!

So, I realise for people who aren’t into football this will clearly be quite bookish. However, I have recently been reading “The Promised Land” by Anthony Clavane. Its basically about the history of Leeds United post World War 2 and also semi-autobiographical in respect of his life as a Jewish Leeds United fan and the city as a whole. It’s brilliant. I’ve just got to the part where the Premier League starts (1992/1993) and Leeds sell Cantona to Man United for £1.3 million; a transfer described by Clavane as “the worst transfer decision in the history of football.

This got me thinking; there is loads about football history (specifically English) that I don’t know about (obviously) purely because I either wasn’t born, I was too young to be aware of the information or that its been consigned to the annals of time because it’s considered generally too boring or not relevant to recall by fans and media outlets alike. Therefore, when I was looking for something to do last night I noticed MOTD Top 10 FA Cup moments was on BBC1; in lieu of any real football due to the COVID. Oh how I miss football...

Anyway, I thought I would give this a go because I hoped it might fill in some of my gaps in knowledge and at the very least entertain me. Oh how wrong I was. I’m being over dramatic. The goals and clips were all fabulous clearly; however between the 50 year period they seemed to cover and Alan Shearer’s dull commentary (sorry Alan, you’re a Magpie Legend/Martyr but you are extremely dull) the programme just lacked any cohesion, sense of narrative or general bite or Va Va Voom (”Thiery, woah oh!”).

Yes Ian Wrights commentary on his own career is always extremely interesting because of the character that he is and the adversity that he had to overcome; but Gary Linekar? I am sorry but it is time that smug bastard got off TV and gave some one else a go. And I am sorry, but there was literally no discussion of the on going COVID preparations for the Prem’s mooted behind closed doors return. How about discussing and commenting on this rather than relying on the fact that the presenters are using Zoom, to create any semblance of relevance to anything at the moment?

That got me thinking. With, the Bundesliga (an un-competitive league at the best of times) behind closed doors looking like a series of bad training games gone wrong, and the Championship and Prem not coming back for at least another month (?); I still need to fill my football fix. Enter the above video. I have watched Premier League Season reviews before; and they are un-ashamedly great! I think I am going to try and watch every season up till the current one when I have nothing to!  

I tried to start from the first season of the Premier League 1992/1993, where Man United win the league for the first time under Fergie from the afore mentioned Leeds United; who the year before won the last season of the Old Division 1 proper in 1991/1992 with the infamous French man (his last season for the club and ironically the last time Leeds conquered the English Football Pyramid). Alas, there was no review available on YouTube (?). So I had to start here at 1993/1994.

Whilst the review is in 3 parts and its not the most exhilarating season (the commentary provided throughout does its best to reduce any excitement anyway), it’s worth a watch for some of the highlights I have detailed below! And bringing me back to my earlier point, there are loads of interesting snippets and forgotten pieces of trivia that have been lost to the football fan trivia annuls of time (or at least that a late 80′s lad such as myself won’t necessarily know anyway!). So without further a do, here are some of the more interesting highlights (and low lights!) i picked out incase you are too busy getting pissed on the semi-locked down bank holiday (!):

Part 1

The review begins with a blatant double footed tackle that would have easily been deemed a red in the modern game!

Roy Keane signing for Man United.

Old shots of Old Trafford looking tiny!

Glen Hoddle (a Chelsea Legend and eventual bigoted hate monger) becoming player manager of Spurs!

Aston Villa with an Opera Singer in the dressing as they are presumably getting ready for a match?! (Who knows?!).

Advertising boards with “Street Fighter” and “Sega” on them!

John Fasanu brazenly assaulting the Spurs captain Gary Mabbutt (breaking his face) and the English FA running an “anti-elbow” campaign! 

Peter Reid being sacked as Man City Player/Manager (in his first managerial role!) after 6 days (!) and Man City fans rioting in front of Maine Road and the Rozzers turning up on horse back to control said riot! Oh English football!

The emergence of 2 icons in football; Andy Cole (who goes on to have a 41 goal season; 34 in the Prem) and Ian Wright on his way to becoming an Arsenal legend.

Part 2

Tony Adams heading it into his own net! Never gets old!

A young Alan Shearer being interviewed after a Blackburn game and still managing to bore the pants off you.

The death of Sir Matt Busby during January of 1994; the man credited for putting Man United on the map.

Various Matt Le Tissier and Ryan Giggs pingers!

Souness resigning from Liverpool with the Reds 5th in the table and 23 points off first; oh how times have changed these days!

Oldham, Sheff United and Swindon in the Premier League! Spoiler alert - it doesn’t last long.

Blackburn Rovers playing in their AC Milan-esque away kit! Classic.

Paul Ince showing his class at Man United before he goes on to betray the club.

Part 3

Peter Beardsley scoring for his beloved Newcastle. I am sorry but any time any one mentions him these days I just instantly think of Bob Mortimer’s imagined impressions of him every week on Athletico Mince. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqwLFGMHiy4

Mark Hughes scoring for Man U and being recorded in the music studio singing a Man United song I have been unable to find (?!).

Cantona being sent off twice and banned for 5 games and being criticised by Alan Hansen in the MOTD studio in his very 90′s suit.

Vinnie Jones and the crazy gang beating Man U (eventual winners) and Blackburn (2nd place and next seasons winners).

Steve Bruce leading out Man United (to defeat!) in the top of table clash vs Blackburn.

An Eric Cantona homage and montage to the tune of “Isn’t she lovely” by Stevie Wonder!! Yes this actually happens!! Big WTF from me there.

The last season of standing and terraces on the Kop at Anfield.

22 teams in the Prem.

Man U lifting the trophy and saying goodbye to Bryan Robson after 13 years.

So there you have it, if you are missing football and want to fill in some of your gaps in knowledge of the English Game/obtain a load of useless facts; season reviews are my recommendations! For now anyway!

[spacedadpicard]

TOP 3 CHARS for SHERLOCK (remember,, u love me), ROGUE ONE, INKHEART, LOTR

...what did i do to deserve--

Sherlock: (FOR THE RECORD, I’M ONLY THINKING OF S1-2 BC ONLY THOSE ARE CANON TO ME)

James Moriarty

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: i mean, listen. if we’re talking CANON Jim, then, like.... tbf they’re few and far between lmao. but ima go with his PASSION. i can’t think of one more more passionate about. “games”.worst quality: i mean the whole murdering people thing is a little off-putting.ship them with: is “myself” an acceptable answer? i also shipped him with sherlock for a while ngl.brotp them with: sherlock. uh. that’s pretty much it.needs to stay away from: guns. bombs. stupid people.misc. thoughts: i love him?? like ik he’s super evil and whatever according to canon, but, listen. when have i ever cared about canon? he is my beautiful lil snowdrop whom i adore.

Sherlock Holmes

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (once upon a time, he was def my type. not so much anymore, sorry sher)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s a real smarty, that one. also his growing humanity. i dig it.worst quality: he can be a real douche, that one.ship them with: irene? a bit? idk.brotp them with: john. but also kinda not because he can be really mean to john, and i don’t dig that at all. jim?needs to stay away from: stupid people. high buildings. anderson.misc. thoughts: my feelings on sherlock are honestly so conflicted. like. s2 sherlock is my fav, honestly, because he’s mellowed out. he’s more human. i remember seeing a post on here that points out that in TRF, he gives a lady a blanket at one point and makes sure she’s okay. you wouldn’t catch him doing that in s1. but then, he can also be very horrible to his best friend and it’s like. okay. i get it. but...

Greg Lestrade

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (thought i was 100% over greg, and then realised that i’d still probs describe this silver fox as gorgeous... sigh)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his patience, probably. like. the amount of crap that guy puts up with, and he just knuckles down and does his job, and understands that people sometimes suck. and that’s okay; you can still do you, in spite of them.worst quality: like, tbh, i honestly can’t think of one.ship them with: molly? also myself.brotp them with: john.needs to stay away from: his ex-wife. misc. thoughts: i love this guy? he’s just a Solid Dude and like. idk he has a nice voice. anyway.

Rogue One (okay so... it’s been a while since i saw R1, and i only saw it once so just. take all my comments on the chars with a pinch of salt)

Cassian Andor

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: what i loved about cass was his dedication to his cause. his dedication to the rebellion. you can’t beat some good ol’ passion. and like, one of my favourite bits of the film was when he was like “you’ve just showed up and decided to care! i’ve been in this fight since i was six years old!” @ jyn and i’m like “get it”.worst quality: dude needs to have a laugh now and then.ship them with: tumblr user @brietopia​.brotp them with: bodhi? idk man. i mean, if they’d been around at the same time, then cass and poe for sure. i wanna see them kicking butt together. poe can make stupid jokes, and cass can be his straight man.needs to stay away from: things that go Boom, or Pew Pew :(misc. thoughts: idek i just love the guy. tbf i kinda have to or brianna might kill me lmao.

K-2SO

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (i just feel it’s kinda weird to judge a droid by human standards of beauty u kno)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: snark. SNARK.worst quality: snark. SNARK.ship them with: no one.brotp them with: cass.needs to stay away from: things that go Pew Pew :(misc. thoughts: i just love him, man. every single one of his lines made me laugh, p much.

Chirrut Ímwe

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his faith in the Force, man. like. “i’m one with the Force; the Force is with me” ? i’m gone. also his sense of humour.worst quality: i can’t even think of anything.ship them with: no one.brotp them with: BAZE.needs to stay away from: ALSO things that go Boom, or Pew Pew :’’’(misc. thoughts: i just love him? the scene where he goes over to the switch repeating his mantra is one of my favourite scenes in the entire film

Inkheart (it’s been roughly 1000 years since i read the books, so, again, forgive any mistakes)

Mortimer Folchart

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: tbh, how much he cares for his family. i love him so much. mo is Dad goals.worst quality: i can’t even think of anything?ship them with: teresabrotp them with: dustfinger? i suppose? i barely remember anyone anymoreneeds to stay away from: capricorn and all his dudes. all the baddies in the inkworld. death in general.misc. thoughts: ? i love mo. like. he’s so wonderful. he’s a great dad, who brought his daughter up surrounded by books, and then becomes a really awesome robin hood-esque character, and like? he’s wonderful.

Elinor Loredan

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: tbh i just loved that she was grumpy all the time and really loves books?worst quality: girl needs to lighten up, especially in book one. iirc, she was unnecessarily mean to meggie at times?ship them with: DARIUS.brotp them with: fenoglio tbh.needs to stay away from: nasty people who want to burn her books >:(misc. thoughts: i have Always loved elinor. and then i saw the film, and saw that they’d cast HELEN FKN MIRREN in her roles and i was like “good” and then loved her ever more.

Dustfinger (oh boi)

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s my fire-breathing, fire-eating darling and i love him. he’s so soft, with all his little fairy friends? ALSO the fact he starts off kind of a coward, and then becomes so brave, iirc? like. swoon.worst quality: his cowardice in the beginning, and his selfishness, which kind of goes hand-in-hand with that cowardice.ship them with: MEEEE. and kinda resa for a while tbh.brotp them with: FARID.needs to stay away from: just. death in general.misc. thoughts: i love this guy so much. the Fire-Dancer, with the sandy blond hair, and the scars, and. HIS RSHIP WITH FARID kill me.

LOTR (going off the films for this, since i haven’t finished the books yet)

Aragorn 

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: he’s so brave and honourable and noble. like. man. whenever i think of aragorn, two scenes come to mind. firstly, when boromir has just passed away, and i remember aragorn standing and giving this small, sad, determined smile, with the sun shining on his face and catching in his teary eyes and. sigh. AND also “my friends... you bow to no one” LIKE DAMMIT MAN.worst quality: guy needs to just TAKE THE GAL.ship them with: arwen. always and forever tbh.brotp them with: legolas, man.needs to stay away from: big battles. guy deserves a break.misc. thoughts: i love aragorn so much. sometimes i’ll listen to his coronation song and start crying tbh bc? wtf i love him.

Frodo Baggins

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (he’s a cutie tootie)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: his bravery and resolve. like, so many people hate on frodo for being whiny and cowardly and it’s like? tbh, i complain after i’ve been hiking for an hour, so the fact that this little hobbit, who has never once left the shire, goes on this huge, monumental journey is just. i mean, could he have done it without sam? no. definitely not. but does he deserve to be undermined because he needed that help? hell no:http://spaceprincessza.tumblr.com/post/138189499906/frodo-volunteers-himself-to-take-the-ring-tohttp://spaceprincessza.tumblr.com/post/127985283201/6-tolkiens-hero-was-average-and-needed-helpFIGHT ME.worst quality: i mean the one part in the film where i was like “frodo dammit WHY” was when he sent sam back. but even then, that wasn’t him. that was his paranoia, resultant of the ring, and of gollum’s stirring the metaphorical pot. so like. he doesn’t have any.ship them with: no one.brotp them with: SAM. SAM SAM SAM SAM SAM. BROTP TO END ALL BROTPS.needs to stay away from: magic rings; gollum; ring wraiths.misc. thoughts: i love him so much, and if you call him a coward, you’re gonna have me to contend with. also “i’m glad to be with you, samwise gamgee. here at the end of all things.”

Samwise Gamgee

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (he’s also a cutie tootie)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: HIS LOYALTY. HIS BRAVERY. SAM, MY DARLING. worst quality: literally none? sam gamgee is perfect, pass it on.ship them with: rosie cotton... “rosie cotton dancing. she had ribbons in her hair. if ever i was to marry someone, it would’ve been her. it would’ve been her.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOnhBKPSuWAbrotp them with: FRODO. FRODO FRODO FRODO FRODO FRODO. BROTP TO END ALL BROTPS.needs to stay away from: gollum. anything bad at all ever.misc. thoughts: I LOVE HIM. his entire speech kills me. it kills me, i tell you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlyYBtASteQ