#most people don’t even know that i really dislike Luka and that I’m defo not keen on fanon Chloe

[xhanisai]

People should be more like me and pretend that the character(s) they hate or really dislike just doesn’t exist at all. Just scroll past. Just block out the names. And create my content how I like it.

[borisbubbles]

08. France

Haaaaah, it’s great to enjoy the off-season, so now that the Academic year has started, I’m able to fully FOCUS on my bachelor thesis/teacher training internships..

...

...wait? I still... have to write? Eight, you say? *gulp* k FINE!!! (but I won’t force myself to do footnotes unless I need to. Sorry if you enjoyed those eek.

Anyway,

08. FRANCE Madame Monsieur - “Mercy” 13th place

Let us dive in, in medias res, for “Mercy” is nothing less than a fantastic song. Even if “Mercy” weren’t an original, fun, captivating song with a clever, mature take on a hot, politically, sensitive topic and was instead about breaking glass teapots with overheated camomile tea or the joys of yodel therapy, it still would’ve ranked high!!! Well okay, perhaps not *eight*, but you get the gist of it. 

Fortunately for all of us, “Mercy” really was way more than just a pretty sounding-melody. During the preshow, I labelled it a “harrowing humanitarian hymn” and that assessment still stands. Now let me get out of the way that I don’t REALLY care all that much for the topic at hand. War, Peace, Death, Loss of a Family Member, Political and Humanitarian Themes, etc, all fall under the moniker of “Charity Songs” and I generally do NOT like those type of  messages!! “Are you kidding me? This isn’t, like, wellfare, it’s not our fault that you, like, suck at life.” -- Courtney Yates -- me. 

The reason for my dislike of the “Charity Song” runs two-fold. One, the intentions: Often such songs are written specifically for the contest, with the idea of drawing in sympathy votes. Sanitizing (or trivializing) the problems at hand, and not raising awareness are merely collateral damage. In other words, they’re a fucking SCAM. Most Charity Ballads in this group are deliberately vague and rhetorical (remember “What if?” my sympathies if you do.) Second, the way the message is brought is also important: Even if you are well-intentioned you can’t be condescending (”Wars for Nothing”), aggressive (”Wars for Nothing”) or obnoxious (”Wars for Nothing”) (or heaven forbid, all three.) This is why I don’t like “Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente”, as you may remember. MetaMoro had good intentions, but I could do without the incoherent yelling, no fanks. 

“Mercy” passes both of these checks with flying colours. “Mercy” is a really brave entry.  It doesn’t shun confronting the issue with lyrical imagery. It’s not *that* noticable because the song is performed in French and the message hollered down our ear canals alongside an obnoxious PowerPoint overlay, but... translated lyrics such as “I am all the children that were taken by the sea” conjure up the image of dead toddlers washing up on desolate beaches and that’s some seriously real stuff to be addressing in a camp circus such as Eurovision, man.

Providing SOME levity to all of that heavy thought porn is the act, which I found simple but effective. Standing together in the the midst of smoke wearing a trouser-skirt(?), transposing into THIS

which is easily my favourite moment in the entire finale? Brought by sweet Goblin princess Emilie and her half-Elven paramour Jean-Karl, “Mercy” is bathed in maternal warmth. It’s elegant, stylish and graceful. It’s a huge pity Europe wasn’t feeling it, because I don’t think Europe will come up with such a clever entry in the next few years. 

So why do I rank them 8th and not higher? Well,... for me nothing has changed since November last year, when I first heard the song. There hasn’t been any evolution in sentiment and other entries I either already liked more or have grown on me. There was no French journey, you know? It would’ve been different had “Mercy” won in what would’ve been an EPIC and 100% deserved victory, but alas, people just weren’t feeling it all suppose. 🙄 Praying that they develop better taste before they mindlessly hand Kristian Kostov the trophy in eight months from now. 🙄

RANKING SO FAR:

08. France (Madame Monsieur - “Mercy”)

09. Hungary (AWS - “Viszlát nyár”)

10. Finland (Saara Aalto - “Monsters”)

11. Bulgaria (EQUINOX - “Bones”)

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente”)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We got love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Josef - “Lie to me”)

FOOTNOTES

1) I suppose I can’t spare some time to discuss the one thing I couldn’t fit in the write-up: “Eva” and how well it could’ve done. Well, I personally don’t really care? Like, I loved “Eva”, just like how I love “Mercy” (actually, I loved “Eva” as much as I love “Mercy”? 🤭🤭🤭) and neither would’ve won anyway, so who the fuck cares. I do think “Eva” would’ve finished where Cesár would have (3rd) and no, NOT because Lisandro and Csár are both black guys, but because Lisandro defo would’ve won the jury vote, but still not by a wide enough margin to beat Eleni, let alone Netta once the televotes are added to the mix. Having said all that, picking “Eva” would’ve just been more of the same GENERIC SAFE SHITE that’s polluting this Eurovision Era and no fanks. So while I don’t like “Mercy” THAT much more, it holds my pref as the French entry because it was different and out there. We will have plenty of “Evas” in the next few contests. Will we ever have another “Mercy”, thought? I doubt it. 

2) However, let’s face it they should’ve just picked Emmy Liana (IDGAF THAT EUROPE WOULD’VE SPAT HER OUT BECAUSE SHE’S NOT WHITE/CHICKEN/CONFORMIST ENOUGH, SHE’S FREAKING OSSUM!!!!!).