#most recent blorbo ive tried to trans the gender of. i think ill be able to finish this fic though lol. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

realbeefman · 7 months

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i'm a cis woman, but in the past few years i've developed a habit of headcanoning any male character i relate to as a trans women, beginning a fic trying to explore that, and then miserably falling short as i can never figure out how to end the story. i've recently joined a new fandom and started my most recent attempt at writing this ever-elusive character interpretation i've been trying to explain for years. and it occurs to me that maybe the reason i keep trying to interpret these characters i relate to as women and failing to, is because i'm trying to project the wrong experience. because i think that conclusion i can never fully bring myself to write isn't one about coming to terms with womanhood and embracing that identity, but about coming to terms with being a man.

so tldr im a trans man and this is a coming out post.

#shaking a little bit writing this but like. i dont know.#ive felt. alone a lot and ive been very scared of actually doing anything to make myself happy for a lot of my life #and ive felt a lot of shame about particularly. i dont know.#i feel a lot of shame in general #but about my gender. about feeling like i cant transition because i dont want to do it the way you see in media #and that its cool for other people to be gnc and trans and present however they want but #that itd be wrong for me. that id be faking #and i dont know i think im tired of running from it #im acting like this is some terrible truth. like this is an unspeakable evil i would inflict on the world by doing something that could mak #me happy. make me feel comfortable #i dont want that shame anymore #i never deserved it #anyways. i like the name angus. please call me angus from now on although autumn is actually still fine i do fw that name. always have #but i need to say this and put it out into the world and not take it back #this is my experience. this is my starting point. and fanfic and writing have been a big part of that #anyways. shoutout to #james wilson #most recent blorbo ive tried to trans the gender of. i think ill be able to finish this fic though lol.#trans #coming out #fandom #fanfic #personal #queer #lgbtqia

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