#mostly as an experiment and to remind myself that i have no graphic design skills

[endoferasandallthings]

Francesca da Rimini and Paolo Malatesta Appraised by Dante and Virgil by Ary Scheffer // Francesca by Hozier

[phoenotopia]

The Last Phoenotopia Blog Update

(Date 2021 MAR 01)

I debated how to open this blog post, but perhaps the main crux of this blog post is the best place to start. The blog is being retired.

The purpose of this blog was to be a "development" blog for Phoenotopia, and well, Phoenotopia's development is done. I'll still be doing bug fixes and maintenance on the PC and Switch versions, and playstation and xbox ports are underway (by a publisher). But I'm not going to be making any more major changes to the game. At some point, you put the paintbrush down and say it's done. Blemishes and all.

Recent Events

The game launched on Steam last month, and like any launch, it was hectic. Bugs Galore. This is our first commercial PC launch, so it was a real baptism by fire. Unlike Switch's one configuration, the PC has multiple configurations and factors to account for. The game needed to be able to handle multiple control schemes, screen resolutions, refresh rates, and more! I had a 60Hz monitor going into launch and didn't know anything about Hz (I do now). There was a troublesome stutter that some players were sensitive to that my whole team didn't notice since our eyes compensated it away. There were a few times where in fixing something at one party's behest, it introduced problems for another party. A few times, due to disorganization, I unwittingly rolled back a fix that was meant to be applied. For some, the game couldn't play at all (really glad Steam allows refunds).

It was messy. It was tiring. I.AM.BEAT.

I think the worst of it is over... I'll still be around to do the last updates and bug fixes, but I'm ultimately ready for what's next.

SO what is next?

What isn't next... is Phoenotopia 2. As you may have heard down the grapevine, the game couldn't be what you call successful. No one's earned even minimum wage on it.

Maybe there's hope in the game's long tail. A year or two down the line... maybe. I won't hold my breath though. At some point in the past few months, I finished processing (or grieving) and it's time to move on.

The game has at least earned enough for us to continue our modest operations. As long as we don't expand the team, and we don't take another monster six-year dev cycle like what Phoenotopia took, we can continue. We'll have to be smarter and faster. Perhaps the most valuable thing we gained from all this is experience.

The Experience

It is a dev blog. Here are some of the lessons I've accumulated from this game's development.

- Have a good menu design. Menus aren't just that in-between fluff before you get to the good stuff. Menus are KEY. Your menus need to be robust, expandable, and *understandable* (to you, the developer). Because once the game's out, you will invariably be asked to add more options. And if your menu design is bad, every time you have to add a new menu option, it becomes a whole new pain all over again. Support mouse from the get-go, etc.

- Focus on features that people will actually care about. For instance, I've never seen anyone praise the camera's zoom feature. In practice, people try that feature a few times and then never use it again. But that feature was a constant consideration factor for every level. Run through it multiple times to make sure the level didn't break, think about which zoom levels made sense, resize rooms because they worked at one zoom level but not the other, and so on.

- Don't do boxes that you can move around. Other 2D platformers avoid movable boxes because they're a huge headache to program and they really complicate the game space. Enemies need to respond to boxes you throw in their path and either navigate around or attack it. When you're moving the box, you have to worry about constantly changing your collision size and reconciling when the box gets snagged on the environment. The boxes were also a constant source of bugs because people can manipulate them to soft-lock themselves and more.

- More focused script. Phoenotopia's 100,000+ word script was panned more for being bloated than it was praised for being lengthy. Long scripts take a long time to write and make the game more unwieldy, increasing the costs of translation and upkeep. Every update we're addressing some textual error or mistranslation. There are some highly renowned games (e.g. Hyper Light Drifter) that do without a script at all!

- Be flashy! A bat and a lightsaber take the same amount of work to program, but the lightsaber will draw a lot more attention and interest.

- Slopes, surprisingly! Six years ago when I started, Unity was ill-equipped for 2D games. If you used the physics that Unity provided you'd have a really floaty character that wouldn't adhere to the slope when going downhill. There were a hundred different tutorials saying different things (use forces, use move position, use translation, etc). You can get rectangular collisions done in a day, but to do slopes took weeks. Meanwhile, games can actually get by fine without slopes. Most people won't even notice. Did you know the Phoenotopia flash game didn't have slopes? Neither does Hollow Knight or Rogue Legacy. You can save yourself a lot of work by avoiding slopes.

(big entities look weird on slopes. Bad slope!)

I could write enough little knowledge nuggets like this to fill a book! But I'd rather just make the next game. 

So… what IS next?

As mentioned previously, it's not Phoenotopia 2. Pirate and I are mostly just tossing some ideas back and forth right now. We'll go silent for a year (or two). Our next game's scope will be more modest in some ways, more ambitious in others. It will definitely be more smartly designed. (There will be a map!)

We'll announce it when it's ready for the public. It might be necessary for us to do a kickstarter. I've tried to avoid kickstarters having been burnt on quite a few myself and also because I worry that mismanaging a kickstarter would earn the ire of backers.

But I did keep this blog regularly updated for six years. So I've gained some confidence in my abilities to at least manage a kickstarter well.

Is it really the last Phoenotopia Blog update though?

Okay, not really. There is some news that I'll need to announce, and this blog is one of the game's main outreach channels. Here are the events that will cause me to update the blog:

Announcing the launch of the xbox/playstation ports when they're ready

If a physical edition of the game happens

If a new language is getting introduced into the game (Korean is a high possibility)

When we're ready to talk about our next game

If (BIG IF) we begin development on a Phoenotopia sequel. I do want to do a sequel one day if we have the means and the demand is there. 

Those updates will be more on a "when they happen" basis, rather than me reporting in every couple months.

Fan Art

As always, I'm very happy to see fanart of Phoenotopia. Major thanks again to Pimez for collecting all the artwork from the corners of the internet! Since this is the "last" blogpost, Sir Pimez can finally take a rest from collecting the fanart :P

ÆV made a series of pictures that tell a story. A Pooki is humanely sheared of its wool to create a hat. The Pooki is unharmed. Nice! Gotta love Gail’s expressions.

Amagoo Mazeru makes a stunning landscape shot of a full moon and shooting stars. It’s a sharp and clear vector art. I like the faint glow of the moon and the fire and the subtle gradient in the night sky. Very skillfully done!

Hah hah. I got a chuckle out of this one. I imagine this is how Gail's enemies see her by the end of the game. CaESar made this image based on TerminalMontage's famous youtube videos. Nailed it!

CrownStar drew two pictures of Gail. I'm a big player of JRPGs, so the first shot instantly reminded me of Persona 4's art style. (Hmmm... Phoeonotopia as a JRPG... there’s potential there...) Next, Birdy is shown carried off after her defeat. I really like Birdy's expression here - she just seems mildly uncomfortable.

There's a bit of a story behind the first image. As Firanka shares it, she wasn't able to defeat the Big Eye monster at the end of the flash game, so she believed a tall tale that what awaited after was a 6 armed Kobold boss. Hilarious! The second is a rendition of the lonely Anuri elder. A rare subject. The loneliness is portrayed well here. I feel lonely just looking at it!

Koo_chop draws the clash between Gail and Katash at the top of the towers. I really like this interpretation of the game's art style. It’s faithful to the in-game graphics. And the lighting, from the glow of Gail's bat, to Katash's sword, and the lightning in the background... Amazing!

Lime Hazard shows Gail with a salute pose. Very appropriate for this occasion. I also like how there's a slight tilt in the angle that Gail is portrayed. Those dynamic angles are always hard to get right, and Lime Hazard pulled it off very skillfully. See you next mission!

Lyoung0J with a digital painting of Gail posed sitting on a rock. I like how it almost seems like she was caught in a candid moment - she’s smiling, but also feeling self-conscious. Cute! The art style really pops, and I like how Gail is sporting what I call the old anime style nose. 

MyUesrNameIsSh*t with a sketch of Gail performing a skillful slingshot. I like how Gail is depicted with her tongue out in a mischievous manner, the way all mischievous people with slingshots do.

Niitsu Kentaro returns with a 2021 Happy New Year picture. That happened didn't it? A New Year... Gail's pose gave me a chuckle with how she seems to be waving the bat around as casually as one would wave hello. And "Phoenotopiyear"... Well said! One day we'll have our Phoenotopiyear...

Ochan Nu breaks all records with a stunning NINE pictures in one session :O

There's so many goodies here. My favorite would be the one with Gail staring intently at the screen - it's like she's looking directly at you. You almost feel uncomfortable.

Next, there's an Animal Crossing villager dressed as Gail and sporting her pink hair. It even looks like a house Gail would live in. Gail is a connoisseur of the arts and likes Mona Lisa. Yes :)

There are various comics of Gail pointing out Gail's weird food habits. A picture of Fran looking really cool, and even Gail rocking a bathing suit. (bathing suit image linked here in case NSFW). Wow!

Pimez didn't just collect the arts, he creates them as well! This one, which he aptly named 'The Year 175' is a depiction of when the dragons invaded the towers as told by an elderly Daean woman. Great pixeling skills! I got a good chuckle from the ice dragon leaving with its stuff slung over its shoulder.

Quo made a stunning picture of Gail playing the flute surrounded by the 5 musical notes and the Phoenix logo behind her. The theme seems to be "fire" and it works really well. Gail herself looks awesome depicted in her red suit - it's like she's leading a marching band!

Rai Asuha depicts Gail in the late game with her red suit, and night star bat, and holding a lamp. She looks ready for adventure! I really like the white outline here and Gail's poofy shoulders here - the art style feels reminiscent of Final Fantasy Tactics.

Seri also draws Gail bearing her late game equipment. Unique to Seri's drawing is how all of Gail's equipment is accessible from a pocket on her shirt. I also like how Gail is depicted with her lucky earrings - that accessory is often forgotten.

Treedude depicts Gail with a bat and wearing a funny smirk. She looks like she's ready to hurt someone!

Warotar returns with everyone's favorite Great Drake, Bubbles! It seems so happy to be featured!

I'm really grateful for all the fanart this game has received. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Closing Notes

Pirate drew a picture to mark the occasion. It shows Gail enjoying a hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pumpkin muffin. A rest well-earned...

Goodbye! Until next time!

[blastoisemonster]

Pokèmon World Magazine: Porygon Net (Various Issues)

We’ve had a very long streak of Photoset posts lately, didn’t we? Let’s have a little break from anime and tie-in games and let’s go back to oldschool Pokèmon and my favourite childhood magazine, Pokèmon World!

This summer I'm working on my own portfolio site: it's getting built from scratch and, due to the kind of art it's going to showcase, I'm designing its layout to look like one of those old personal pages a lot of Internet users used to have back in the first 2000s. This choice was also influenced by one of my childhood dreams, which was, infact, owning a corner of the Net all for myself; without the right equipment or spare money to purchase a domain, though, the idea of having my page online was only hypotetical, so all I could do was designing some cute layouts on Microsoft Frontpage and admiring what others were doing. Of course, as Pokèmon was my main interest at the time, I found the Porygon Net section of Pokèmon World mag to be extra inspirational.

Porygon Net was a very small section with just a double page: every month, the magazine's staff would choose and review an italian site dedicated to everyone's favourite monsters. These online corners were, most of the times, built by fellow readers and fans who sometimes even wrote back either by mailing the staff or boasting about it on their site's news section, thanking for the feature and the subsequent wave of new visitors. As these places were built by teens or even kids (I may have seen some online pages managed by 10 year olds at the time o.o), their quality varied greatly depending on their web-making skills: some were very simplistic, other more orderly and neat, and some... showed potential, but needed more work. Pokèmon World's staff, though, never mocked these attempts, and instead also published suggestions to make certain parts of the site more functional and pleasing to the eye. I found this very encouraging, and I wonder if many of these people have continued with a career in the online world.

I went and browsed among my mag issues to find some sites to showcase: I mostly picked the ones that stuck in my mind since reading about them, or that I actually used to visit back in the day. Wayback Machine may have not been kind to the italian community, and I fear the majority of these sites are now lost; however, I'll post links if, surprisingly, I find them still alive!

Issue 4: Pokemon Mania

The pictures have been displayed in chronological order, but I still would've chosen to display this site first as I used to actually visit it before it was featured on Pokèmon World. Due to its easy and straightforward name, Pokèmon Mania was one of the first fansites to show up on the search engine if you ever looked for more Pokèmon content. It was managed by a guy with the alias of Professor Kao, and the whole feeling of the site was that of a Pokemon lab at the start of your monster journey. Though it wasn't exactly a marvel in terms of layout esthetic, the site aimed to amaze with content: it had simple browser fangames, a section dedicated to drawing tutorials (with pictures taken from japanese sources- which at the time were very scarce and hard to get!), many sections dedicated to the Cardgame (apparently, the main focus of Kao's Pokèmon interests) and its live tournaments, and one centered on the monsters' trivia. One very interactive section even proposed quizzes given by the webmaster himself that visitors could answer via mail: Kao would then contact winners and even send out special official merch like Pokèmon Center plushies or other branded toys. Generous! This site has been preserved in the Wayback Machine with a lot of snapshots, though unfortunately without many graphics. We can still navigate and read most of the sections!

Issue 20: Pokemon Museum

My second site of choice striked me with its very homely layout: even looking at the snapshot in its article feels like I'm viewing a cozy corner of the Net, in which the webmaster poured its personal thoughts and passions more than providing a service like PokèmonMania did. The issue is number 20 and quite some months have passed: online trends regarding these kind of pages had changed a bit and now people preferred to offer their own content instead of copy-pasting what Nintendo produced. Pokèmon Museum's graphics have all been drawn by the owner, Kabutops: the background texture, banner, and a lot of the graphics all around the sections! Kudos for being to prolific and precise during a period in which digital art still hadn't reached its peak popularity, and drawing tablets were only restricted to professionals. Going past the many sections dedicated to the anime, games and lore, one interesting aspect was the beginning of affiliates: fellow webmasters were starting communicating with eachother and sharing their visits by dedicating a little button to other sites. I loved the affiliates section because, once finished looking through a site, I could click on the cute little rectangle banners and find myself in another home without passing from Google searches! But webmasters wouldn't affiliate with everyone, and for the purpose of only interacting with other best Pokèsites, awards had become popular as well: graphics that people would exchange after rating a site and feeling impressed with their content, presentation, or popularity. Pokèmon Museum's magazine review focused on its affiliates and the awards, inviting fellow readers to have their site reviewed by Kabutops. Unfortunately, the site is not present on Wayback Machine. I'll never know if Kabutops came back updating its museum after summer vacations :(

Issue 35: TBPS

Let's have another jump of several months; issue 35 featured a page under the bigger domain Pokevalley and named itself The Best Pokèmon Page, rather narcissistic! This was one of those rare times Pokèmon World featured an english-speaking site. The layout doesn't impress me too much, yet the fact that the header reads "Crystal Water Version" conveys that the webmaster(s) used to periodically change aspect and palette of their site, an activity that proved to be very prolific for many page owners at the time: sites were often in construction, and people were experimenting with different colours or HTML code tricks to impress viewers and reviewers, have as many affiliates as possible and collect positive awards from other sites. Such was popularity, back in the day! The site has a long menu with many sections dedicated to the main games and movies; although, none of those pages were catching anyone’s attention anymore as everyone had the same copypasted guides and info; instead, what’s interesting is the hefty section dedicated to browser games, the big menu with pages concerning the site and staff themselves, and the oekaki board! Oekakis were very popular in that period, as it allowed fellow aspiring artists to meet eachother and show off their own skills by drawing live! If a site hosted one, they could quickly become a melting pot of creativity. Wayback Machine, sadly, doesn’t have anything concerning this site as well.

Issue 36: Arcywof

We’re back on italian sites with a page that definitely impressed even Pokèmon World’s staff for its pleasing graphics. When I first saw this among the magazine’s pages... my eyes lit up! I can’t hide that after seeing its beautiful palette, checkered background and condensed menu, teen me adopted Arcy & The Fire Pkmn as design guru: many of my subsequent mockup pages had exactly this layout, or variations of it. It’s too bad, though, that aside from the beautiful presentation, the site’s contents aren’t exactly interesting: the Pokèmon images are ripped straight from Nintendo’s official archives, and most sections are concerning the anime’s characters, episode plots, and broadcasting dates. However, Arcywof also offers a forum and a live chat, which definitely helped the staff build an interactive and affectionate community around it. Among all reviewed here, I’m most bitter that Wayback Machine hasn’t archived this site, because seriously, it’s a little jewel ;w; its pastel colours and checkered texture remind me of candy shops!

Issue 38: Pokemon Super Site

I wanted to finish this little jump in the past with a positive note and show at least one more saved address from Wayback Machine. Although not in its updated version originally featured in Pokèmon World Issue 38, Pokèmon Super Site has been archived and it’s more or less complete to explore. It’s too bad a lot of the graphics haven’t survived but hey it’s something! It’s 2003, and the trend has changed once again: forums are as popular as ever and considered one of the most successful ways to build a solid audience for one’s own page, which are now treated more like portals or an extension to the forum itself. Super Site’s sections are centered on game guides, nothing too special, but I do love the grey and white grid background on menus and header, as if we’re viewing a notebook page; reminds me of school days. I also really like the gifs section as featured in the review, all those old graphics bring back so much memories of scouting the net to save them all on hard drive!

If you stumble upon one of these sites in Wayback Machine, chances are the ever present affiliates buttons will still be working, allowing you to visit even more fansites. It’s a true trip to the past, and a never ending source of inspiration for me!

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! How are you doing today? I don't know about doing meaningful things with my life, feel like I've just been surviving this entire time lol. However I am trying to figure it out and working on building the life I want to live and hopefully I will be able contribute to this world in some way.

I don't think I've ever played a game of trivial pursuit. Have never been to a pub either, not like the ones you have in the UK anyway. Just been to very dirty bars where me and my friends used to drink as much as we could afford, shared questionable food that could potentially make us sick the next day and there were no quizzes or games really haha. So your exp sounds way more fun! 😂

I'm glad you're giving the song a chance! Only Spotify knows how many times I've listened to it lol. I reckon Hozier's going to be my artist of the year for 2021. I love attributing works of art to Dani x Jamie, have a whole ass Pinterest board full with images of paintings, poetry, music and anything that I think relates to them really (yeah I know, I have a problem).

I love everything you've said about how Dani, Viola and the lady in the lake are alike, I hadn't really thought about their similarities before, but everything you've said makes perfect sense. I always saw Viola as a narcissist, even her drive to protect her child felt selfish in a way, don't know if you know what I mean. And when she fades away and becomes the lady she's just pure (almost animalistic) instinct while on auto pilot, bc she only remembers rage and abandonment, she takes anything on her path aggressively unless they're a child. So what she sees in Dani is not processed logically, right? It's pure instinct and emotions, so what she recognizes in her when Dani invites her in is the desperate need to protect this child, so she sees her as deserving. Perhaps she also saw in Dani and opportunity to escape this nightmare. Despite all her faults she didn't deserve what happened to her either.

And don't get me wrong, Jamie is so, so strong and solid and she is my favorite mostly bc I identify with her personality more than Dani's. But we know Jamie is all that even before we learn her story, and I feel like it is expected that she'll be the strong and brave one bc she's had to be that her entire life albeit unwillingly. But Dani? We expect her to break at any given point, I mean she is reaching her limit after all that's happened, with all the weight she's carrying. I remember thinking "Jesus, this girl needs help" when I first watched the show hahaha. But she fights every damn time, she doesn't run away and that's why I find her so fascinating. That's why I thought this song was so fitting. Even if Dani would never see herself that way. But it's Jamie's perspective (and fire signs tend to exaggerate everything 😂) so it feels fitting that she thinks so highly of her baby haha. Ugh I just wanted them to stay together forever. 🥺

Omg yes! I love how you refined this idea, good thing you're a writer and I'm not hahaha. And yeah I'm absolutely here for sapphics with weapons like holy shit imagine Jamie fighting with a sword? 🤤 I'm weak. Hahaha would be cool to see them in a pirate AU too! Maybe someone's already done it? Idk. But aaaah I want to see them in every possible universe hahaha. Makes me want to get back into drawing too. 😩

Aww you two sound like you have a lovely bond going on. Your niece sounds like the coolest! I started out drawing anime too when I was a kid and ended up doing graphic design for a living! How did learning how to draw anime style go for you today?

Hey I'm doing great thank you I hope you are too? I know that feeling because I feel like that's how I have made it to 27 just surviving (barely) and taking things one day at a time to get me to this point and hopefully I can contribute in some way even it its just a small way... so I totally get that feeling but I am sure you contribute so much without you even realising it!! Oh it's great but depending on how competitive the people you're playing with are it can get pretty heated... I've been in some heated games of it before because people just refuse to believe I know the answers to some of the questions and they think I've been cheating and have all but demanded I have another question asked instead of the one I got right... and pub quizzes can be fun again depending on the team you're in and how seriously you wanna take it I have been in teams where its been a serious thing and we have all desperately wanted to win and then I've been in teams and we've just had fun with it... all the pubs I go in are dirty bars too but sometimes they have pub quizzes... I have had many nights where I have drank what I can afford... one night me on my roommate went over board though and we ended up spending ALL our money even our taxi fair and we had to walk home in the dark along country roads with hardly any lights to guide us... because of how drunk we were it too us around 3-4 hours and I fell over a road sign and ended up in a ditch... I've had a lot of fun experiences but some really stupid ones as well... your experiences sound great though!! I would love that!! I listened to the song and I loved it so much!! I don't even wanna know what my most listened to artist will be this year... my money is on it being the Six musical soundtrack... probably All You Wanna Do from that musical I'll be surprised if it's anything else. I would love for it to be someone like Hozier, but ever since I have done my Spotify wrapped thing it's always been a musical of some kind that's been my number 1 song / artist haha I love doing the same thing. If I can make something fit Dani x Jamie I will like it doesn't even matter what it is haha... I don't think you have a problem I think that sounds so cool!! I have nothing like that. I just have a head full of random ideas screaming to be let out I agree Viola is definitely selfish and narcissistic and everything she did came from a place of anger and rage over the things that happened to her she fell in love and got married and had a child and saw her sister try and take that from her while she was ill and in the end her sister killed her. Like yeah, I do feel sorry for Perdita with the way she was treated but I do think everything Viola did was out of frustration over what was happening to her. Like you said she acts on auto pilot and only knows rage until it comes to children- because all she knows is she is looking for a child so when she saw Dani so selfless sacrifice herself for a child she saw a little bit of herself in Dani she knows Dani is a good person and she can relate to that protective streak and I think she did see Dani as deserving I definitely agree with everything you've said here. Viola might have had faults and flaws and who doesn't? But I definitely think she had it rough and did deserve better than she was given. I agree, you can tell looking at Jamie that she is strong and brave while Dani comes off as the exact opposite. But I think you see fully how brave they both are when Dani sacrifices herself for Flora and when Jamie offers to keep Dani company and loves her despite knowing she won't be able to love her forever. I love Jamie but definitely relate to Dani's personality more, there are a lot of things Dani does that I see myself in her because I have done those types of things myself and the whole beast in the jungle speech resonates with me so much and every time I watch the last episode and hear that speech I am a crying mess from that point on. It's funny that you thought that about Dani when you first watched it, because me and my sisters got my mum to

watch it and she said the same thing about Dani "she needs help" but then once told me she liked Dani because she reminded her of me that was an interesting conversation to be a part of "Dani needs help... but I like her she's like you." I was like "Thanks?" I agree this song is definitely more how Jamie would see Dani, I think Dani just has a very blasé view of herself, like I don't think she's self conscious or self deprecating in anyway but I think she sort of walks around like "this is me and this is just how I am" where as Jamie just sees Dani for how brave and strong and amazing she is- maybe even if as a fire sign she exaggerates a little bit haha Jamie just thinks Dani is the most amazing person in the world and I just know that Dani saw her the same way!! I really wanted them to be together forever... I am never going to emotionally recover from Bly Manor. Your idea was incredible and I think it would be a great story to read honestly that's the type of thing I live for!! OMG Jamie with a sword is just 🤤 🥵 I am all for sapphics and weapons of any kind!! There's this pirate AU which is absolutely amazing!! I don't know if you've read it or not but iamalekza writes some really great fics!! https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631598/chapters/70179306 ^^ Pirate AU I really wish I could draw I would love to be able to draw scenes from fics I have read and even ones I have written but I just don't have the skill set for that!! I would love to see other fan arts though I think drawing is such an incredible talent to have and I am in awe of anyone that can do it!! Me and my niece have a great bond, she's like a little mini me (despite almost being as tall as me). She is honestly such a cool kid I have a hell of a lot of fun with her- I'm looking after her again tomorrow and I have no idea what we're gonna do but we will figure something out... she's such a good drawer she's only just started doing it at the beginning of the year and she's really progressed with it... I however have not so I am definitely gonna need more practice. That's so cool that you started out doing anime drawing and then ended up going into a career in graphic design. Again that's a talent that I am just in awe of because it's just something I have never been able to do!!

[metalgearkong]

Shadow of the Tomb Raider - Review (PS4)

3/25/20

Developed by Edios Montreal, released September 2018

The Tomb Raider reboot in 2013 was one of the biggest surprises during the last generation of gaming. I was so happy with the game I hoped publisher Square-Enix would continue the series. Luckily they did, and I may have enjoyed Rise of the Tomb Raider (2015), its sequel, even more. Lara was no longer a comical sex symbol running around like a tank in a blocky world. I don’t know why I didn’t play Shadow of the Tomb Raider, the next sequel, until now, but I finally got my hands on it. Shadow of the Tomb Raider isn’t perfect, but it remains another solid and mostly satisfying entry in this series, especially in terms of content, graphics, and exploration.

Lara (Camilla Luddington)  is on an obsessive quest to continue her father’s research, this time in Peru. This is as confident as Lara has ever been, as she demonstrates skills that would make even John Rambo or Naked Snake blush. However, her single-minded attitude pursuing her goals goes to the extent of being a detriment to her character. The developers spotlight this issue a handful of times, but peaked early in the game when Lara’s best friend Jonah gets fed up with her obsession (yelling at her “It’s not all about you!”). Part of Lara’s appeal in this series was how relatable and real she was, and comes off the least personable she’s ever been here. I would have liked this to be a larger part of the story, but I guess this video game series wouldn’t be as exciting if Lara was working a steady 9 to 5 at Red Cross. 

The gameplay and graphics are the best they’ve ever been. I was in constant awe seeing each and every new environment as I progressed, especially the dense jungles. I couldn’t get enough of how gorgeous this game was, as it kept me invested hour after hour. What it reminded me the most of was Metal Gear Solid 3, where you also had to take advantage of every detail the jungle provides (and stealth killing enemies from the brush, of course). Most environments are fairly linear, but are connected by massive hub areas full of things to do. I’ve never seen such a detailed and realistic primitive village as I’ve seen in this game, and exploring every cranny took hours. Whether it was a massive temple, crypt, river, pond, cave, village, or forest, every minute of the game was breathtaking. 

The stealth mechanics let me down a lot sadly, mainly in the enemy AI. I could almost never reliably know when an enemy is 100% safe to kill from the bushes. The game doesn’t indicate enemy line of sight or hearing, making way too many of the stealth kills a roll of the dice. This put a big damper on most of the stealth sections, as most of the time I resigned myself to finishing enemy squad encounters with a firefight. However, Shadow of the Tomb Raider has more emphasis on exploring than combat, more so even than the prior two games. I think I had a few instances of not drawing or firing a firearm a single time for multiple hours. I consider this a testament to the game design because I rarely missed the combat encounters and was plenty entertained by the exploration, collecting, and completing optional crypts.

Largely the series hasn’t changed much since 2013, but the biggest addition to Shadow of the Tomb Raider are the swimming sections. Underwater scenes are beautiful and mostly graceful. Lara has a generous amount of time between breaths, and the swimming is used frequently in side exploration and on the main quest. I like how schools of piranhas can swarm you almost instantly, and you have to play hide and seek by hiding in seaweed or around pillars. The RPG mechanics are still fairly weak however. Lara controls so well and is so skilled, I rarely wanted to buy upgrade skills with skill points. This lead me to having a stockpile of unspent points at almost all times because I didn’t want any of the upgrades (e.g. I enjoy that Lara takes a few seconds to reload a weapon, or that you have to be smarter with your arrows or ammunition). 

Shadow of the Tomb Raider has its problems, but I was thoroughly entertained among my 20+ hour experience. It packs surprisingly a lot of content in this single-player story, offering new game+ upon completion, and the chance to 100% the game if you’re into that sort of thing. The stealth mechanics need a lot more work, and the characters/story could have had another pass to make things more naturalistic or memorable. This trilogy is one of my favorite series in gaming, and I would look forward to seeing it continue with a few tweaks. If you can appreciate jaw dropping graphics and a game with plenty of do-it-yourself exploration, with the occasional firefight, Shadow of the Tomb Raider deserves your attention. 

7.5/10

[ia21136melly]

SUBMISSIONS

The above were my original submission designs, although my work have been ready to submit a few weeks before the extended deadline my gut told me to wait until closer to the deadline in case a spark comes back. I had become exhausted and ‘done’ with the project, riddled with self-doubt and exhaustion I believed this was the best I could produce. My tutor messaged me on Monday the week of the deadline, stating I could still submit my work for feedback. I was not going to bother but decided too anyway and did. In the end I am so glad as I did, my feedback was not what I was expecting and it helped to create a drive which was just what I needed to get past the hump. 

FEED BACK

Prior to a message I received from my tutor reminding us we could submit our work for feedback (something I forgot) I had given up and my work would be “good enough”. I did not think the idea was that spectacular. I was confused by what concept boards were supposed to be (all the examples seemed to be on one page). So I went for that with a storyboard. It was not until I received my feedback that I realized that putting in a little more effort would be worth it, as my idea was not as terrible as I thought it was. I have now left it too late to achieve what I wanted too but I gave it my best shot. I also did not see the message until Wednesday night as I was finishing off other bits of work ready for submission. I found the balancing act a little tricky but persisted. I am aware that I lack the technical skills to do things I wanted to do, using my newly gained 3D skills I went to use Adobe Dimension with full confidence. My previous photography skills came in handy when it came to setting up the lighting. I found it really simple to follow, it was a case of designing the designs. Because I didn’t have time to sketch ideas ahead of time I did it on the spot, which I know is not the best way to work. On Wednesday night I stayed up a little later than normal to get my storyboard drawn out. I hated it but told myself it was better than nothing and I could expand in the morning. (3rd image). I also created a paper ad design which I was also not happy with (4th image).

I decided I would re-do my main concept page and based it off some of my favorite magazine layout style which is usually used more in collage style. That wouldn’t work with the Durex brand so I used it to make quotes around some images I found. I decided I would add a moodboard of the type of feel I was going for. I read to add texture for the design but I honestly had no idea what that meant and no time to discuss with with my tutor. Once again I found finding diverse images difficult, I mostly found white, female’s in wheel chairs. I am aware there are more disabilities than this and the disability community is fed up of being represented by a wheelchair. It is an even bigger issue in the POC (people of colour) community, in which they have even less representation. To get around this I looked for fashion editorials and looked up gay/black figures that was sat down. That way it was easier to pass off as a hidden disability. Even though you are still able to stand up with one. It was a tricky line to balance.  

Unless I was to do an all night and risk not finishing other work adjustments, I ran out of time to make the pop-up shop, so I choose not to place this in. I have a rough design but I wanted to do more to it. (image 5) It was a difficult choice, but I knew deep down to pull it off I needed to be more experienced with 3D modelling than I was. Although the shapes would have been simple, I know myself enough to know that I would have spent additional time trying to make it right. This is something I will be developing over summer as I am wanting to expand a project I have been working on for another module.  I am feeling happier with my outcome. It is better than it was and although it is not where I want it to be, I am working hard to be compassionate towards myself. University has been the first time I have touched any digital tools. And reflecting I have achieved an awful lot in the 2 years of learning, within those 2 years I have not been able to consistently work on each program either as I was usually working on other project. What this experience has been doing is helping me see what skills I need to develop and which areas I enjoy. For example, I have (to my surprise) discovered that I love working with 3D in Maya. I much prefer Illustrator to photoshop. And I am a fan of video edition and creating. As much as I love to look at typography I have a hard time creating it. With this task it really felt like I was needing to wear multiple hats as I was an art director, designer, graphic maker, creator, idea generator and more. All the things I know people typically do working in a team (which is much better, easier and quicker). This experience has also reminded me how important it is for me to be more proactive with getting my work accessed and adjusting quickly to continue the cycle until it is ready or okay to abandon. I achieved this with a different module this semester and as a result I have produced some work I am incredibly proud of. I will be using that experienced paired this the consequences of this one, to help continue to develop my design process for future projects. 

POSTER BACKGROUND REFLECTION

When it came to setting up a backdrop I went to look back at previous Durex posters. It was there that I was reminded about their emoji campaign and that is what inspired me to use the peach and aubergine for the poster. I thought a simple poster with these items in the background could promote all kinds of fun poses for the younger side of the target audience. Especially the ones who are social media users. Many countries have strict laws on advertising condoms, especially when children are involved. By using emojis I am reaching a very particular type of audience who are aware of emojis and able to read them, they are the same group of people most likely to take selfies and share on social media. In terms of tackling the audience in the older range my TV advert was designed with them mostly in mind as these are the ones less likely to use hastags or take selfies to share. They are also the ones more likely to have grown-up during a time when racism, sexism and other forms of oppression was viewed as okay. They are the groups that may be struggling to adjust to a more equal society that we are working towards. By having my advert show a more delicate, human side, followed by the excitement and joy of connection/sex, I hope for the audience to be engaged. This will also help the disability community feel included, understood and represented as they are given a platform to succeed on. For additional inclusion I paired the image up with the same (e.g. peach and peach). I envious couples finding their representation and going up to it in excitement to take a pose. Additional reference is the emojis helps to show body sizes, slim and tall, wide, and short and all in between. Body diversity is another issue I wanted to touch on with this camping but not make it the center, as it is more of a cousin issue to disability. Using the emoji code felt the most diverse way to hit all my target audience group in a safe way. Even though my brief was surrounding disability, it felt important to me to acknowledge inclusion of others as disabilities can impact anyone, regardless of your gender, race, or sexuality.  When it came to decide on a paper advert, I knew I wanted it to be interactive. The first thing that came to mind was making some kind of game with it. That triggered a memory I have at college were I would play exquisite corpse. It did not seem like too much of a stretch to create a page to do this. It would encourage others to communicate together and hopefully people would be interested in what the hashtag is all about. Sharing online is something people love to do and can be a great way to connect to a community. With it being a body related game it fitted in with the tag line of “sex for every body”. Grab people to play with. Tear out this page, fold on the black lines. Then take turns to draw in secret the head, body and legs. Take a snapshot and share on social media at #gotyoucovered.      

[blessuswithblogs]

Top Ten Videocons of Twenty Seventeen, More or Less

2017 has, by all accounts, been a fantastic year for Video Games. Unfortunately for me, it has been a not so fantastic year in Having Money. So while in a perfect world my now annual game of the year list would have been a terribly contested and dramatic affair of cutting games I thought were good but just didn't make it, in actuality, I had to scramble and cheat a little to just find 10 games to slot in and talk about. I did at least manage to find them. Mostly.

10. Destiny 2

Destiny is a franchise with a troubled history, which feels weird to say about something that came out in late 2014. Nevertheless, Destiny 2's shooty looty gameplay loop finds its way on to my list. The story is tepid and the characters, with a few exceptions, are scarcely worthy of memory, but the visuals are good and the core mechanics of shooting and using abilities are a solid foundation to build upon in the inevitable flurry of DLC packages and expacs. It's all quite reminiscent of Borderlands, except without the unmistakable caustic ooze of Randy Pitchford's involvement. That in and of itself is praiseworthy.

9. Gravity Rush 2/Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze

Okay so I maybe didn't actually play this one myself. I usually try to exclude stuff that I watched and enjoyed but in this case I was sitting on the couch with other people playing it so that's basically the same thing as playing it myself right? I think I held the controller for a little bit. Anyway this game is super weird and charming and a little nauseating in parts because you sort of go flying off into the stratosphere randomly? But the aesthetic and Mood the game goes for is very unique and fun, it even has its own cute little made up language I mistook for French at first until I heard some Japanese and Spanish sounding words in there as well. The main characters Kat and Raven are dating I think? They're happy and alive girlfriends. Raven is a little broody I guess but they're definitely not the Sad, Dead Lesbians I have grown to detest. Raven is not Velvet. Just reminding myself. Tropical Freeze is just really good and while it maybe came out like years ago I only got to play it very recently on my friend's Wii U. The music is super good fuck you Jeff Gerstmann I will fucking fight you and your shitty opinions about video games you god damned grumpy old man.

8. The Surge

My Thoughts on the Surge are well documented on this very website. It's flawed and frustrating in a lot of ways, nonsensical in others, and the story never quite commits to its original conceit which is a real shame. All that said, I respect the game for what it was unabashedly trying to do: be Dark Souls but with cyborg powerloaders and robots. Like, you gotta live your bliss, right? Lords of the Fallen was utterly miserable and the improvements that The Surge demonstrates gives me cause for optimism in future games from the developer. Anything that gives me cause for optimism in 2017 has to be worth something. That said, the inevitable The Surge 2 is probably going to be kind of by the numbers and unnecessary but that's just how you make games in the 21st century.

7. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

To begin with, BotW would be much higher on this list if I had not only come into owning it and a Switch yesterday. It is by all counts extremely good, an open world game that's actually pleasant and charming and has meritorious mechanics outside of Todd Howard style "you can go fuck that mountain" nonsense. I mean don't get me wrong you can fuck plenty of mountains in this game. Link is fucking Spider-man in this game, the only surfaces he can't mysteriously latch on to are inside the puzzle shrines so you can't just cheese them. Weapon degradation is maybe a little excessive? I feel sort of like Bayonetta in the first cutscene where she keeps yelling "Guns!" when she runs out of ammo except I'm yelling "shitty wooden sticks!" when the one I'm using breaks into a million tiny pieces. I understand the reasoning behind it, I do. It establishes a certain rhythm to the game of exploring, fighting, stocking up on shitty wooden sticks, and repeating. When you find like, an actual sword or spear it feels like an occasion to celebrate, and the whole thing demands that you use a variety of different weapons and weapon-like objects. I'm not nearly far in enough to give an honest, comprehensive picture of the game. I just really like what I've played so far so I'm just compromising by putting BotW relatively low on the list.

6. Cuphead

It's Cuphead! Everybody knows Cuphead by now. It's gorgeous, the soundtrack is great if somewhat lacking in variety, King Dice is really cool but has extremely unfortunate racial undertones, the game is pretty hard (not that hard?) and Cala Maria is a babe. It's a singular game that is extremely worthwhile and hopefully paves the way for future games in a similar style of aping specific styles and eras of animation. I really want a game that goes hard on the 1950s Looney Tunes aesthetic where you just drop anvils on people forever. Cuphead isn't perfect, as a lot of the game's difficulty and length comes from bad checkpointing. It's a necessary evil, because if the game did not blatantly disrespect your time in a lot of the later fights, the game would be like, two hours long. I'm not a proponent of the "git gud" philosophy but I can't help but feel like I really want to say that to the various bad-at-games journos who got bent out of shape about Cuphead being hard. This is your damn job. You can suck it up for one game, especially when it's really very good and unique like Cuphead. Also my mom came in while I was playing it and thought I was watching a popeye cartoon so that was kind of cute I guess.

5. Civilization 6 (CHEATING AGAIN)

YEAH I KNOW THIS GAME CAME OUT LAST YEAR AND IM A HUGE IDIOT FUCKER but hear me out Civ6 is really fucking good because of the fact that Wonders take up physical space on the map and districting does the same thing. Like just this single mechanical change basically doubles the amount of thought and planning you need to put into playing the game even on low difficulties to optimize your output and production. Like it's a civilization game so there's not really anything too groundbreaking here but I fucking adore this game. Really looking forward to Rise and Fall, which will be early 2018. With the initial release being late 2016 I feel like this is like, an honorary 2017 game. Don't @ me.

4. Hollow Knight

Hollow Knight is another game I wrote about previously on the blog, but unlike The Surge I had basically nothing but good things to say about it. Hollow Knight has gorgeous hand drawn graphics and environments not entirely unlike Cuphead, but obviously goes for a much more reserved mood. Hollow Knight is a rock solid Metroidvania game with strong aesthetic and musical chops to back it up, as well as some Dark Souls-esque flourishes to give the game a bit of bite and a haunting narrative arc. A fantastic indie game and I can't wait to see what Team Cherry does next. I need to get around to doing the Halloween DLC, come to think of it. Did you know Zote actually has as many precepts as he says he does? I listened to them all. Some of them aren't too bad.

3. Nioh

Geralt the Witcher's moonlighting adventure as a samurai came out quite early in 2017, but remains one of the best games of the year due to its complex and rewarding combat system, beautiful Warring Kingdoms era Japanese architecture inspirations, fun mythological monster designs, and genuinely well done historical fiction backdrop. Coming into it, I fully expected "Dark Souls except the bosses are like Tengus and Nues and shit", but that description does the game a pretty big disservice. It's much more than that, both from a narrative standpoint, which is a fantastically tinged retelling of the Warring Kingdoms period, and from a gameplay one. The combat in Nioh is much more technical than in Dark Souls, with more pretensions of a combo based character action game than the deliberate, heavily customizable experience of the Souls games. Nioh is still quite hard and has the whole death-recovery mechanic, but it makes sense diegetically due to Guardian Spirit system and remains distinct. There are times when it tries to have the best of both worlds and just kind of ends up feeling like it doesn't do a good job at either, but for the most part, Nioh is tremendously fun, and at times infuriatingly difficult, especially in some of the post game optional battles that pit you against multiple bosses at once. Also, finding Kodamas is extremely rewarding because they are so damn cute. I love them. Find them at all costs.

2. Nier: Automata

Nier: Automata, Yoko Taro's latest brainchild, is, well, what it is. It's a hauntingly weird story about what it means to be human, and if that definition is really even adequate. It's a game with a lot to say, which is why I regard it so highly. The core gameplay is fun and serviceable, which is much more than I can say for its predecessor, the first Nier, which was memorable and affecting but played kind of like butts. 2B's android adventures are much more fluid and stylish, and you have a surprising amount of customization options available (though some arguably make the game a little too easy at points, like regenerating health) and there's enough variety in the little Machine Life form enemies (and the big ones, too) that fighting never felt like a chore to me. Of course, others have disagreed, but I think that the tedium really only sets in when you play as 9S, who has a much reduced arsenal of fighting moves in favor of his hacking skills. I liked the little shmup minigames that hacking entailed, so even 9S's story never felt too dull in the actual mechanical execution of it. People tend to have a misunderstanding of how the game works, that you need to complete it 4 times to get the whole experience, but that's not actually true. The 4 endings separate the game into acts more than anything. While 9S's story has a lot of overlap with 2B's story, endings C and D are just entirely new content where you play as A2, who has some tricks of her own distinct from 2B and 9S. It's not perfect, but it's not like you have to play the same game 4 times. It's a very story focused game, so much so that I would say experiencing the narrative is the main draw, but it has the decency to also be varied and fun to play. I love the parts where you get in the transforming flying robot and shoot the dudes. Especially the big dude. You know the one.

1. Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood

The latest Final Fantasy XIV expansion, Stormblood, is super good. I wrote a bit about it earlier, and how it has improved upon Heavensward in almost all respects. Stormblood is a superlative MMO expac, with well designed and amazingly presented raids, dungeons, and trials. It's full of "holy shit that's dope" moments, like when you get into a blade struggle against the primal Susano's gigantic Ame-no-Murakumo in an active time event or storm the fortress city of Ala Mhigo. Ultimately, though, what really makes me evaluate Stormblood as my game of the year is how surprisingly thoughtful it is. FFXIV has, since the relaunch of 2.0, been a game that has not shied away from complexity in its narrative conflicts. The juxtaposition of the mythically strong Warrior of Light and the surprisingly mundane issues even she cannot seem to fix has always been the game's most interesting element to me, and as you spearhead revolutions against the Garlean Empire in two different countries, you learn a lot about how imperial colonialism has made things too complicated to be fixed simply driving out the oppressors. You do, eventually, of course, but the story is quick to remind you that this is only the beginning, and a lot of key issues remain unsolved, both in the newly liberated provinces and back at home. Also the Dark Knight questline from 60-70 is basically the best the game has to offer. It feels to me like that Dark Knight is the unofficial Job of Stormblood, despite the promo material and opening movie having you believe it to be about Monks. Monks, as usual, are boring. The themes explored in the Dark Knight questline, about regret, about shades of gray, about self-destruction, all align perfectly with some of the subtler narrative arcs of the main story. It's just really good and I love it. I still really want to write a piece about it on its own. I probably will soon. But for now, I name Stormblood my game of the year, for reminding us that we are still heroes. That we are still good people.

[daquantshell]

Writing out my Thoughts

Daquan’s Notes #2 - Wednesday, October 23, 2019 - 11:50 PM

Poetry is a part of my artistic process. When I was younger, I would keep companion books to all my artworks. They would books of raw emotion, detailing my vision for the future. I would frequently use poetry to emphasize the emotions, and sometimes to describe the artworks in detail.

The passage above is from the first part of a poem, featured in my newest book of poetry. I've started collecting poems in a composition book. My poetry skills are still developing.

I'm a big fan of poetry in the sense that emotional writing is necessary to write sales copy.

Part of my big picture has always been advertising. The whole reason I studied graphic design in college was that I wanted to gain the skills necessary to succeed in the advertising industry.

While poetry itself might not be necessary, being able to write compelling text is required to be a copywriter. Based on my current career path, there might be a point in time where I can follow through with my dream of being in advertising.

Once I open my own sales company, I'll have to write ads for the sake of recruiting. I figured I could use practice writing ads, so I started this blog to both get practice and build good writing habits.

Another benefit of poetry is it motivates me to sketch.

I'm thinking I'll start using more illustrations in my advertising.

After putting a lot of thought into it, I decided my advertising campaigns are going to go like this:

Personal Brand (Daquan Shell)

Legacy Brand (XAU Magazine)

Art Brand (Art By Theodore)

You have to focus on one thing at a time. As much as I want to do all three blogs at once, it seems like a bad idea. I have a real easy time writing about myself, so I'll continue to write about myself while I build my first blog.

I hope that people can learn a lot from this blog focusing on self-reflection and personal development.

I have a hard time keeping people updated about the things going on in my life. This blog makes it easier to communicate. I can write about my experiences and feelings freely. If anyone ever wants to know how I'm doing, they can read this blog to find out.

I'm still actively working on my communication skills in real life.

It's hard. Most people think I'm very social, but the reality of the situation is that I'm still a recovering recluse. There was a full year where I didn't go outside at all. It wasn't even that long ago.

That year I read a few books, but I mostly read a lot of manga and studied Japanese culture extensively. I also spent a lot of time studying music and finding out what types of music I liked the most. I found out that I enjoy vaporwave and lo-fi music, somewhat esoteric genres of music. Generally, I prefer ambient music. I wouldn't play those types of music at a party or a social gathering, but it's the music that I enjoy the most when I'm alone.

I also want to write about these things. I want to write about the process of healing, a process I know a lot of other people are going through.

Last week I wanted to make my next post about the masked lovers series of artworks, but I think I'm going to postpone that article.

I figured I should write more blog posts that help people get to know me better, like this one. When I do start writing about my artworks, I'll start at the beginning, with volume one.

I want to save writing about artworks until I'm successful in business.  

I've felt this way for a long time, but I get so overwhelmed by emotions that I can't help but draw sometimes.

I'll have to practice delayed gratification for a little while. The thought of just drawing my emotions reminds me of my past relationships. I can tell I've grown, now that I give in less easily to the temptations of the moment. My art is usually a reflection of my love life, and my goal now is quality over quantity.

I'll bottle my emotions up, at least for a little while, if it allows the quality of my artworks to improve. In the meantime, I'll continue to write these blog posts, write poems, and draw these little sketches to improve my drawing ability.

I'm not sure what I'm going to write next week's blog post about, and I think that's okay. I'm just going to write whatever is on my mind and let the words flow freely.

Maybe it will be about emails?

I don't know.

Until Next Time, Daquan

[aion-rsa]

Is Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart the Best Looking PS5 Game Yet?

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

As the first major PS5 exclusive released since the console launched last November (with due respect to the incredible Returnal), many fans hope that Ratchet & Clank Rift: Apart will show us what the next generation of gaming technology is capable of. 

That’s a lot of pressure to put on any game (even the latest entry in a proven franchise from an incredible studio), but considering that it could be a while before we get another major PS5 exclusive from a PlayStation Studios team, it makes sense that so many PS5 owners (and prospective PS5 owners) are treating Rift Apart as our clearest look yet at the future of console gaming.

Does Rift Apart live up to those lofty expectations? That’s the question we’ll try to answer as we dive into some of the game’s performance accomplishments (and a few shortcomings) to see whether or not this is indeed the best-looking PS5 game yet. 

Ratchet and Clank Tests the PS5’s SSD Like No Other Game

The PS5’s SSD is arguably the console’s most important piece of hardware. While even a basic SSD offers a significant improvement over previous-gen hard drives, the PS5’s SSD could theoretically change the way studios think about game design. 

The problem at the moment is that studios have had relatively little time to explore the potential of the PS5’s SSD. That’s what makes Rift Apart so impressive. While I strongly suspect that the next batch of PS5 exclusives (the 2022 lineup) will outclass anything we’ve seen so far from a technological perspective, Rift Apart is most certainly ahead of the curve when it comes to showing us what the PS5’s SSD is capable of. 

I previously talked about how the PS5’s SSD may eventually be used to create massive worlds free of loading times but filled with new exploration opportunities. That’s not really what Rift Apart goes for, though. Its levels are comparatively smaller than the areas in open-world titles, and the paths through those levels are significantly more linear. 

However, Rift Apart does prove that the PS5’s SSD allows for the kind of on-screen chaos that used to make consoles sweat. When your gun is spitting out the most impressive particle effects you’ve ever seen in a video game while you’re using rapid movement mechanics to dodge an equally technologically impressive onslaught of projectiles and enemies, it’s easier than ever to appreciate how the PS5 technological advances eliminate so many previous design compromises.

Yet, it’s the game’s seemingly quieter moments that eventually impressed me most. Many of Rift Apart’s levels feature a stunning amount of activity that’s easy to overlook if you don’t stop and smell the roses. Again, we’re not talking about thriving cities packed with NPCs that follow their own schedules, but just check out the number of things happening in the average Rift Apart moment and then consider that all of those background actions are still happening when you’re in the middle of those aforementioned intense action sequences. 

The game’s use of rifts is also fascinating from a visual perspective, if again sometimes quietly so. As we noted in our review, Rift Apart’s most ambitious uses of the rift mechanic are largely limited to somewhat scripted sequences. However, the way that the game uses rifts to zip you around a level or change the environment in an instant clearly showcases what the PS5 can do. They remind you that the biggest advantage of the PS5’s SSD is how it will raise our expectations for how “fast” a game can look and feel.

Whenever I’m talking about how technology can fundamentally change video game design in a way that benefits gameplay, I always reference 2006’s Dead Rising. While only a preview of what the Xbox 360 could do (and a sometimes janky preview at that), Dead Rising was one of those games that made us rethink what a game was capable of. You couldn’t see that many enemies on screen at once and not start dreaming of the possibilities.

Rift Apart isn’t quite as big of a revelation, but I will say it’s likely that Rift Apart will leave you feeling like other games are moving in slow motion. Some of the game’s accomplishments should absolutely be attributed to Insomniac’s skills, but the power of the PS5 is definitely allowing them to explore new ideas.

Ratchet and Clank’s Performance Modes Showcase a Fascinating Future for Graphical Options

Heading into the PS5/Xbox Series X generation, people debated whether or not the move was to emphasize 4K/ray tracing gameplay or 60 FPS action. Both are theoretically possible to feature at the same time, but for the moment, most developers may have to choose between one or the other in order to ensure an ideal gameplay experience.

So far, we’ve seen some next-gen titles experiment with offering different performance mode options designed to emphasize either gameplay speed or visual details. While the results have been impressive so far (Insomniac’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales is actually one of the best examples of this concept I’ve seen), there’s still this sense that those options are still sometimes covering for previous-gen games that are being upgraded to next-gen consoles and can’t quite offer “everything” just yet. 

At first, I was limited to Rift Apart’s Fidelity Mode (a 30 FPS option that emphasizes pure visuals), which was honestly not an ideal experience. The game looked good (especially in screenshots), but you really felt that framerate loss. I also experienced quite a bit of slowdown during heavy action sequences, although the game’s “Day One” patch seems to have addressed the most egregious examples of that issue.

Performance Mode was a little more interesting. That option sacrifices some visual flourishes to ensure consistent 60 FPS play. As you may imagine, that greatly enhances most action sections and some of the more intense platforming moments. At the very least, this is the option that will show even doubters that there’s a clear difference between 60 FPS gameplay and 30 FPS gameplay with more bells and whistles. 

Performance RT mode ended up being what you could call the “Goldilocks” option. Essentially a middle-ground between the other two modes, that setting aims to offer both ray tracing and 60 FPS gameplay. In the process, you lose some of the visual details seen in Fidelity Mode and the FPS consistency you get from Performance Mode.

Much as it’s been with nearly every PS5 game that’s offered similar settings so far, I find myself gravitating towards Rift Apart’s performance-based options. While the game’s Fidelity Mode is impressive, this is a game that just feels so much better when it’s consistently running at 60 FPS. Rift Apart does a pretty good job of making an argument for the “Fidelity” experience, but it still seems like that option is mostly for photo mode fans or those who truly do not care about high FPS gameplay.

I ultimately parked the game in Performance Mode, but I do have to give a shoutout to the Performance RT option. It works better than the equivalent option offered in Miles Morales, and while I’m not convinced that the occasional ray tracing effect is worth making the PS5 work harder to maintain 60 FPS+ gameplay, it’s the closest I’ve come to seeing a PS5 game that offers the best of both worlds.

Rift Apart Competes With Demon’s Souls as the Most Impressive PS5 Photo Mode Option

I mentioned the idea of Rift Apart’s photo mode viability earlier, which is really just another way of saying how good the game’s screenshots look. Simply put, if you were trying to sell someone on the PS5’s power and could only use one screenshot to do it, would you show them a picture of Rift Apart?

So far as that goes, I’d actually still recommend Demon’s Souls over Rift Apart if you were trying to showcase the power through images alone. Rift Apart certainly doesn’t look “bad” in photos, but as noted above, this is a game that showcases the benefits of its next-gen technology when you’re actually playing it. At a glance, I don’t know if Rift Apart’s character designs, textures, and more obvious visual details are quite as impressive as what we saw in Demon’s Souls. 

That’s another argument “against” Rift Apart’s Fidelity setting. While Demon’s Souls’ slower style makes it a bit easier to argue for playing the game at 30 FPS (even if I’d still recommend that game’s performance equivalent). Rift Apart practically demands as many frames per second as possible in order to properly convey the things it does so well. 

Having said all of that, Rift Apart is obviously a beautiful game, and its robust photo mode options make it pretty easy to grab some beautiful pictures. In fact, taking the time to explore Rift Apart‘s photo mode is one of the best ways to appreciate some of Fidelity’s more impressive visual effects. You don’t really notice things like the reflections in a character’s eyes while you’re trying to survive another battle, but it’s hard not to be impressed with those kinds of details when you’re able to take the time to construct a perfect snapshot.

Is Rift Apart the Best Looking PS5 Game?

While acknowledging that any discussion about a “best looking” game is subjective and that Demon’s Souls may still be the impressive at-a-glance showcase of the PS5’s potential, I feel pretty confident not only calling Rift Apart the best looking PS5 game yet but probably the best looking PS5 game that we’ll be treated to until Horizon Forbidden West is released (hopefully) later this year.

In a way, it’s not really a fair argument. Rift Apart is the first triple-A PS5 exclusive created by a first-party studio that isn’t based on an existing game. I know that’s a lot of qualifiers, but that’s really just another way of saying that there’s a reason that some consider this the first “true” PS5 exclusive. As such, Rift Apart looks as good as you’d expect a game to look.

Yet, it’s the way that Rift Apart feels and plays that really sets it apart. If the best thing that upgrades in video game technology can do is open up new design possibilities, then it’s really a testament to what Rift Apart does so well that its most impressive technological accomplishments reveal themselves while you’re playing the game rather than just looking at it. 

What Insomniac has accomplished with the PS5 this early into the console’s run shouldn’t be overlooked, but if nothing else, the lasting beauty of this game may just be the way it so clearly showcases a path forward that the next round of PS5 exclusives will hopefully be able to follow. 

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Title Shantae and the Seven Sirens Developer WayForward Publisher WayForward Release Date May 28th, 2020 Genre Metroidvania, Platformer Platform PC, Apple Arcade, Nintendo Switch, PS4, Xbox One Age Rating E for Everyone 10+ – Fantasy Violence Official Website

I’ve been waiting to play Shantae and the Seven Sirens since WayForward first revealed the game. I’m a big fan of the series, and have been since I first played Risky’s Revenge. It has grown and changed dramatically over the years, sometimes being more of a pure platformer, and other times closer to a Metroidvania. I personally felt the series reached near perfection with Pirate’s Curse, both due to the structure and plot of the game. It really gave more development to several characters, as well as expanding the game universe in fascinating ways. Then we got Half-Genie Hero which, though a definite step up visually, also felt like a step backwards in other ways. So when I heard Seven Sirens would be another Metroidvania-styled outing, I got really excited. If it could successfully mix the gameplay elements of Pirate’s Curse with the visuals of Half-Genie Hero, it had a outstanding chance to cement itself as best in the series. Keep reading to see if I feel it succeeded.

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The story begins when Shantae and company head to a tropical island to participate in a genie exhibition. It takes place in Arena Town, where the mayor is pulling out all the stops to have an outstanding ceremony. Shantae is excited to relax for a change, as well as meet a few of her fellow half-genies. After you introduce yourself to each of them, a fancy and thrilling dance show starts, only for the lights to suddenly go out. When they pop back on, all the genies except Shantae are suddenly missing. Overwhelmed with guilt as the sole survivor, Shantae nevertheless musters the courage to hunt down her new missing friends, and get to the mystery of the island in the process.

Though I want to say more about the story, it’s probably best to experience it yourself, especially to enjoy the curve balls the game throws at you later in the experience. That said, I do wish we got a bit more character development. I realize that’s trickier since there’s several new characters introduced. It would be difficult to balance revealing and sufficiently developing many new characters, but I can’t help but remember how in Pirate’s Curse, many of the included characters got some great development, especially Rottytops and Risky Boots. Nevertheless, I’m not disappointed by the plot here. I just wish there were a bit more to it, especially since I was hoping for a deeper dive into Risky’s character, as well as her possible connection to Shantae.

Thankfully, you don’t necessarily play a Shantae game for the plot so much as the humor and gameplay. I am happy to agree that Seven Sirens is great in both regards. If you love games that poke fun at the industry silliness, Shantae is your girl. Tons of characters make fun of her lack of clothing as well as her bouncy nature, but in a way that isn’t offensive or cruel. There’s also an utterly hilarious sequence of events featuring Shantae, Sky and a couple other characters I won’t reveal. It reminded me a lot of a classic Simpsons Halloween episode involving Comic Book Man, but that’s all I’ll say. Just get ready to laugh frequently as you play through Shantae and the Seven Sirens.

Like I said above, the gameplay in Seven Sirens is also pretty great. It’s definitely more reminiscent of Pirate’s Curse, in that there’s lots of interconnected maps to explore with new abilities, and hidden treats to unearth. It’s also less of a hardcore platformer than I felt Half-Genie Hero was, so you won’t be swearing as you keep falling into deadly pits or run from dangerous creatures. That’s not to say there’s no challenge, just that it comes more from the enemies than the environments. And I’m fine with that. Pretty early in the game I invested heavily in Shampoo and Cream so my genie was a merciless hair-whipping machine, so much so that I worried I was too overpowered for most of the game, though the last few bosses were still a hefty challenge. Thankfully there’s a New Game Plus mode after you beat it once, and I fully intend to play through again but restrict myself from overpowering my genie, just so things are a bit more challenging.

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One thing I loved about Seven Sirens is how WayForward streamlined the transformation process. You no longer have to dance, select a form and then transform. Instead, all your animal transformations are relegated to various buttons, so you can instantaneously turn into the right form. As examples, you can press ZR to turn into a newt that dashes at and climbs walls, or press ZL to turn into a turtle and smash through rocks. There’s some really wonderful forms you can transform into, and in typical Shantae fashion, they’re all adorable. But it wouldn’t be a proper game in this series without dancing, and I’m happy to say they improved this aspect as well. As you recover your missing half-genie brethren, they will eventually reward you with a portion of their magic. These are called Fusion Magic, and they let Shantae do some spectacular dances. Some provide support, others are attacks, but they all serve a purpose. Take the Seer dance. It reveals hidden items and secrets that help you progress. Or the Nourish dance, which not only heals Shantae, but also causes flowers to bloom and give you treats, or even turns murky poison water into clean springs. Best of all, when you finish each dance, it reveals a cool hybrid form of Shantae based off the genie you got it from. I wish I could show some here, but trust me, they’re all fantastic-looking.

What I really appreciated in Seven Sirens is how each transformation really opens up your exploration skills, much like in Pirate’s Curse. Each one lets you explore more and more of the island. My only minor complaint is that it all felt really linear, especially since you can always get a nudge in the right direction by talking to any villager with an exclamation mark over their head. Granted, you are allowed to wander, and there’s some big areas, but there’s just not that much to do outside of the main story. I really wish there were some huge bonus area you could only access after the credits roll, but alas, it all takes place on or near the main resort island. I also have to admit, I did get lost a few times early on, but mostly because I wasn’t thinking clearly and trying to rush. Once you have two or three transformations, there’s not much you can’t do. By the time you get the last one, things are totally opened up, if you have the inclination to hunt down every last scrap. And while most of what you’ll find hidden away are either Heart Squids or Nuggets, there’s one new element in Seven Sirens that makes the game more interesting: the Monster Cards.

I feel like WayForward really took inspiration from the Castlevania Sorrow games with this mechanic. Basically as you defeat foes, they’ll occasionally drop Monster Cards. Once you have enough of them, you can equip up to three cards at a time, providing passive bonuses to Shantae. Some examples are making food more nutritious or increasing the range of subweapons or even making dances cost less magic. There’s a lot of these cards, and I haven’t even found all of them. The most powerful are of the titular Sirens themselves, and it seems these can only be acquired by trading Nuggets to specific villagers. While you certainly don’t need to actively use the Monster Cards to beat the game, they offer a nice little distraction to broaden the experience.

Shantae games typically have really fun bosses, and that’s also true here. Each of the Sirens is well animated and fights you very differently. Take the Water Lily Siren, a beautiful flower that tries to smash you with vines, who needs to be coaxed into a pool of sunlight to reveal her weak spot. Or the Tubeworm Siren, a deadly Gorgon that attacks you with snake-like appendages. They’re all equal parts creepy, cute and dangerous. That said, I wish we got some personality from them other than how they attack you. Give me a line or two of dialogue. Anything. You’ll only really get to know one Siren, and the rest are just there to block your progress. Also, I can tell that WayForward toned down the bosses from when I last demoed Seven Sirens at PAX West. Then I was barely holding my own against the first boss, but now they all seemed to have less life and be more relaxed. Honestly I felt that Risky Boots was more difficult when you face her in various mini boss fights here. I guess I just wanted a bit more of an obstacle from the bosses overall.

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Visually, there’s a lot to enjoy. Shantae games are always pretty, with bright colors and vivid designs. Each of the new characters has a distinct style and the new foes are also pretty creative, such as serpentine mummies. I loved the animated introduction by Studio TRIGGER, as well as several spectacular cinematics, many of which that take place right before major boss fights. I didn’t realize how much I needed these animations til I saw them, and they’re all wonderful, so much so that I almost want an animated TV show for my favorite genie now. That said, while this is a very visually attractive game, there’s one area it’s inexplicably a step backwards: some stage designs. I double-checked my review of Half-Genie Hero to confirm, and it’s true that there’s less visual complexity on display. Some areas look downright barren, much to my surprise. HD graphics are best when they’re trying to flex their muscles, and I just feel like several layouts here needed a shot in the arm. They’re not all bad, but some were very underwhelming. Just giving us more action happening in the background would have helped a ton. I still remember sights like the conveyor belts carrying would-be mermaids or rioting Tinkerbats attacking Scuttle Town in Half-Genie, and wanted more of that here. Musically, Seven Sirens is pretty great, with lots of jaunty, upbeat tunes. They do a good job of matching the theme of an island resort, without too many ominous or threatening tracks. And as I’ve grown accustomed to, the voice work is also really spot on. Each character has a distinct voice and personality, especially during the aforementioned cinematics. Overall, the aesthetics were pretty enjoyable.

Honestly, it’s hard to stay mad at my favorite genie. There’s just a lot to smile about in any of these games, and Shantae and the Seven Sirens is no different. Sure, I would have liked more to do, and a bit more challenge, but it was still a fun ride. It successfully cut out the irritating elements from past games while adopting elements I enjoyed from others. And for $29.99, it’s still a pretty good deal. I spent nearly eight hours to beat the game, and had about 70 percent item completion. Once you’re done, you can still tackle New Game Plus, as well as trying to unlock game clear screens. This might not have been the entry that took the crown from Pirate’s Curse for me, but it came damn close. I just hope that WayForward continues to improve on and iterate their formula for these games, and hopefully the next one will be the very best. If nothing else, the ending of Seven Sirens provides a good starting point for whatever comes next.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4″]

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REVIEW: Shantae and the Seven Sirens Title Shantae and the Seven Sirens

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Its 11:15 pm dark

A little while ago I was lucky enough to have interview the fantastic artist Louie De Martinis whose drawings of The Shadow just blew my mind. Ever since that interview I have been looking for more artists to talk with but I found out that is easier said then done.    My old friends in the music business will get a laugh about how I met Meaghan C. Kehoe…I found her completely by accident. See,I have been a follower of a small art community center in Oshawa called The Living Room which was founded by the lovely Mary Krohnert for a couple of years now. Once in a while Mary will post on YouTube about community center and upcoming events.    When I saw the Taskmaster Art Challenge video which featured 5 very talented artists creating a project in just 5 minutes and then raffling it to raise money for the center,I knew I had found my next artist to chat with Meaghan.     But securing a interview with a very much in demand artist is no easy task either as Meaghan and I played email tag for while before she able to get a little time to answer her questions.    But the wait was so worth it because Meaghan is pretty damn amazing and I sure am blessed to landed this chance to ask her 8 Questions!!!

 Please introduce yourself and share a little of your background.

My name is Meaghan Claire Kehoe and I am a human, feminist, amateur environmentalist, and some would say artist. I’ve always been excited to create things- things that are visually appealing. From drawing pretty pictures when I was a kid and into my teen years, I started to ask myself where I wanted these pretty pictures to take me in life. I went to Sheridan for Illustration, but dropped out after a year and a half when I found I was bored by the direction the program took me in. After months of deliberation, I decided to go safe and do my undergrad in French at Laurier (choosing this university only because my younger sister was applying there for Business). It turns out I loved the structure of university. I loved the critical thinking of dissecting literature and I loved learning about different cultures across the globe. I took German and Italian as well and was hopeful for a future of globe trotting to fill my life with cross-cultural understanding and meaning. In third year, I was finally allowed to go abroad on exchange. I worked full time for a semester as a barista while on a full time course load and was able to afford one semester in France. I went to Tours (for no other reason than our schools had partnerships for course equivalence), and it was beautiful. A small University city overrun with mostly students, shops, cafes and cobblestone (and of course our late-night shawarma place for post-cheap-wine-and-cheese snacks. But it was a single evening that was pivotal in my life’s direction and probably the reason I am where I am. I had managed to get into a figure-drawing class (really had to fight for that one since it wasn’t a normal elective at Laurier) and I remember surprising my stereo-typically snooty french art prof with my skill in the class- he even stopped me after class to ask about my history in figure-drawing (which was an accumulation of Arts York HS and the stint at Sheridan). Anyway, the experience woke me up again. I felt alive. I remember after the class ended, it was already dark out- a late January evening- I literally skipped back to the cafe where I was to meet a friend. Rolled newsprint underarm, blackened charcoal fingers, and a silly grin, I felt weightless flying over the cobblestone. I knew then, or maybe in the days to follow, that it was time to take this thing seriously.

After 6 months travelling Europe, I returned to finish my final fourth year at Laurier and did so with honours, all the while setting myself up to begin the risky journey of being an entrepreneur and self-employed artist.

 What drew you to art? Was there a defining moment where you knew this is what you wanted to do?

My mum is an incredibly talented artist. When I was growing up, she went from working as a graphic designer for an agency to starting her own business from home so she could spend more time with us. She has always had an incredible eye for composition and a refreshing use of negative space. This seemed to alway translate to her paintings as well. She created gorgeous watercolours with expressive vibrancy, colour and edge. She was obviously a strong influence in my life and I followed in her footsteps though I did not always want to. I knew I had the natural passion and all the learned skill she’d taught me through the years, but I had watched her struggle with the classic entrepreneur hangups: getting clients to pay her, getting clients to respect her choices and knowledge and experience, and… getting clients. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. I was shy and insecure and I didn’t think I had anything original or meaningful to share with the world.

That moment in Tours, France on my exchange really helped me remember why I painted in the first place. It was enough to do it because it made ME happy. And if I couldn’t do that then what else was there?

 What are the pros and cons of getting a art education at a university or college? Some say a “formal” education restricts artistic freedom,how do you respond to that?

This one is tough for me to respond to since I never finished my post-secondary art program. All I have to say is that it is likely like any other program. It has to be the right one for you, but also there is no program out there that is going to satisfy your needs %100. It takes a lot of guts to go against the grain or the prof and take from the experience what you need as opposed to what is provided, but its worth it to do some digging and soul-searching to make sure you don’t conform for the sake of conforming. There are a lot of opinions out there about what constitutes “real” art, but they are all just that. Opinions.

 What does “mixed media” mean? 

Mixed media means you are no sticking to strictly one medium in your work. For example, you are not using just oil paint or just acrylic paint. There are some fantastic contemporary artists using mixtures of paints, pastels, papers, photography, and even found objects. (Anya Mielniczek is a great one for this- she’s a good friend of mine who is also an environmentalist and up-cycles trash to create beautiful works).

 What is your typical day like as an artist? How do you get your creative ideas?

I’d like to say my typical day is a romantic sepia-toned dreamy sequence of me in cute overalls with a smear of paint on my nose, a brush through my messy bun that I’ll continually be losing and looking for, and a giant canvas on my wall splattered in passionate marks that somehow emerges as a perfectly balanced masterpiece. And it is. Is the lie I’ll tell Spielberg when he interviews me for the biography he’ll shoot about me one day.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of stuff I have to do that sucks my soul (like in any job). I usually start with a to-do list, then emails, any phone calls I need to make to clients, sometimes brainstorming/conceptualizing/sketching designs for corporate murals, sometimes cleaning up the mess of spraypaints I’ve dumped in my studio the night before after a project. There’s taxes, invoices (which reminds me I still have a couple to do today), and walking my dog. I actually get a lot of my best ideas this way. A walk alone with my thoughts, 50 minutes or so, gets a great creative brain-flow going and puts me in a better mind set to get work done when I get back in the studio.

 What is your take on “art critics”? 

Well, I’ve never been critiqued by one yet- I suppose my work isnt legitimate enough for them. But thats the thing, isnt it? My art isnt for everyone. Nor should it be. Like I said, opinions are opinions.

 Do you ever go to museums or art galleries yourself? If so,do you look as a fan or an artist?

I do go to museums and art galleries, though I feel most compelled to visit them in Europe. They’ve put a lot more value into their arts and culture than we have in North America (as well as a longer and richer history) so there’s a lot more to see. Plus, they’re usually way cheaper or FREE! It’s like they actually want their citizens to appreciate art!

 What was your first drawing and what was the first piece that you sold?

I really couldn’t tell you what my first drawing was. My mom says I was drawing perfect circles before I could talk. But my first piece I sold was probably when I was 16. I was commissioned to create the cover of Salvation Army’s ‘Faith and Friends’ Christmas zine. Though my mom will tell you that I painted a piece in grade three that all the teachers tried to buy off her. She had it framed and it hung in our dining room for a couple decades.

You have done art in over 50 Starbucks in Canada,how did you get that gig and do you have complete freedom in what you paint?

I got the Starbucks gig through a connection (my sister’s friend’s then-boyfriend was an interior designer for Starbucks and looking for more muralists at the same time I had decided I wanted to get into large-scale wall-art). It was a match made in heaven. I honestly have never had so little control over my work than I did with Starbucks- they are very particular about their branding, but they were really professional and respectful and compensated me well. I had so many jobs with them over the span of a few years that I was able to do things like quit my part time job, buy a car and put money into savings. I owe them a lot.

 Are graffiti taggers artists or vandals?

Yeah this one is a tough one. I have to go with both. It’s funny because a certain few street or graff artists have become famous internationally (e.g. Basqiat and Banksy). Their work questioned societies norms in a way that was clever and beautiful and spoke to people. If that isn’t art, then I don’t know what is. But were they vandalizing property? Sure. But many graff artists would say that property is a societal construct and imposition that should be challenged. Personally, I can see it from both sides and its a constant dichotic conversation for me.  

   You do a LOT of charity work, what drives you to give your gift to others?   How did you get involved with Mary Krohnert and The Living Room?

I think one of the most universal human struggles is finding meaning in one’s life. That doesn’t change when you become an artist. In fact, it is only amplified. Everyone has their own gifts and talents and for me it is crucial to find out why I ended up with mine. The answer is that I still don’t know, but if I just keep helping out where I can, I’m sure I wont get further from answering that important question. Or maybe its just the childhood catholic school guilt… Who knows?!

My introduction to Mary from The Living Room was another serendipitous moment in my life. My partner and I moved to Oshawa two years ago and one day I was sitting on my porch and a pretty lady with a cute dog walked by. So I chased her down to meet her pup (a shy hound named Alice), and found  out they were my neighbours from a few doors down. Mary was really excited to find out I was an artist and the friendship bloomed from there. I really believe in what Mary is doing with The Living Room. Any way I can help out, like in the latest fundraiser event where I got to be a part of their very own ‘Task-Master’ episode (a spin off form a British series), is the least I can do.

What is a art battle?

Art Battle is an event that was started around 8 years ago by two guys, Chris and Simon, that began with a competition of two artists painting live and being judged by audience vote and has evolved into a world-wide organization with monthly contests all around the globe between 16 artists at a time. There are three rounds: 1) 8 artists paint for 20 minutes; 2) another 8 artists paint for 20 minutes; 3) the top two painters from each round voted by the audience paint a new painting for 20 minutes and the audience votes for the final winner. There’s a DJ, a bar and a lot of excitement. The winner goes onto the regional competition and the winner of that goes onto the Nationals. I’ve won the Toronto regionals twice in the couple years I painted at art battle only to be beat out at Nationals twice.

 The cheetah and I are coming to see a exhibit of your latest work but we are a day early and now you are our tour guide,what are we doing?

Oh my goodness! Okay! Well we’d have to go the the Robert McLaughlin Gallery for sure. If it was the first Friday of the month, I’d take ya to the RMG fridays event where they also feature some local live music. That would be after grabbing dinner at Spicy Affairs (my favourite Indian restaurant in Durham and its right near my house). Before that might be an afternoon at the Botanical Gardens. Oshawa Creek runs through there and in the right season you can see the salmon racing upstream to spawn. They’re huge! Theyve also got cool sculptures and some playgrounds for the kids around there. Before that we would go to Isabella’s for coffee and snacks or to Berry Hill for brunch/lunch. And at the end of the whole night, we would end up at Riley’s for a pint and a couple rounds of pool.

 THE END.

I like to thank Meaghan for chatting with me. I think you have a true gift and that you share it with the world is tremendous. You are definitely doing what you were meant to do here,never doubt that for a second.

You can follow the wonderful Meaghan Claire Kehoe by visiting and bookmarking it by going to her website here.

Thank you for your continued support and I hope you enjoy these interviews as much as I do. I have many more in the pipeline that I think you’ll really enjoy.

Feel free to leave a comment below and I’ll make sure to pass it on to Meaghan.

8 Questions with…………..artist Meaghan Claire Kehoe Its 11:15 pm dark A little while ago I was lucky enough to have interview the fantastic artist Louie De Martinis whose drawings of The Shadow just blew my mind.

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It is important to know how much your car is worth on the used car market to determine an asking price that is fair for the buyer and seller and try not to argue too much on the price if your vehicle is well-maintained stand firm on your price and only negotiate if you feel that's the only way your vehicle will sell. Include as much information about the vehicle history as possible. Including offering to purchase a plus size shapewear  carfax or autocheck report. Vehicle maintenance history is critical as well. These articles of documentation give you the relevance to remain firm on your asking price. Detail the vehicle being sold. If you can't have it detailed it is important to be able to show the vehicle on short notice to a potential buyer. Clean the vehicle thoroughly enough to avoid questions of why your trying to sell a vehicle that looks poorly kept. Take some nice pictures. One luxury cars houston  picture from each corner of the vehicle is the norm but if you want to take it further include interior pictures, engine compartment, and any noticeable damage to give the potential buyer a better idea of the actual condition the vehicle is in. Be professional as possible. This is important because most people buy larger ticket items based on their experience. Be upfront about any issues or potential concerns and unless you are planning to warranty anything on the vehicle be sure to clearly communicate the vehicle is being sold "As Is". Which simply means that once you sign the title and liability form along with receiving the cash no further liability is to be assumed by the previous owner.Using the tips listed above will allow you to be more affective at creating an automotive posting using craigslist. Craigslist is a good way to list your vehicle for sale because it is free but one Houston SEO Expert  thing to watch out for is scammers. A good way to avoid untruthful and misleading people on craigslist is to examine the type of offer that has been made. If your vehicle is listed for $4500 and you receive an offer for $5500 and the buyer is far away it is no doubt a check cashing scam and should be avoided and or reported to local law enforcement.The other day, I was discussing robotics, one of my all-time favorite topics, with an Internet acquaintance. We came up with an interesting application for an automotive service robot, something that could help auto shops and auto technical schools near me  businesses compete with rising labor costs, and health care mandates - all of which will affect the bottom line, ROI and profit potential. Let's talk shall we? You see he asked me a very interesting question, really cutting to the chase, he said of my concept that I had; "Very exciting thoughts on the robotics! How much experience do you have in robotics?" Good question and how much robotic know-how and experience do you need to engineer such a device, "hmm," I thought to myself, then replied, well, I guess I have a greater knowledge base and experience than a 17-year old who has built robotic Lego toys all his young life. And, while SEO Company Toronto  that might not sound like a lot, think about how much engineering experience a young adult would have if they played with robotic Lego kits throughout their teens? Okay so, I reminded my acquaintance that I was previously in the car washing and truck washing industry, which is mostly all robotics - tunnel mechanisms - instead in this case the car or object to get the oil change becomes the box to sense and your robotics move around the box rather than the robotics being the box itself. Same sensors, different strategy - but in essence it is all the same. I am fascinated by robotics. Is that enough to design a new innovation in robotics for a particular sector? Before you answer - remember the Wright Brothers were only bicycle mechanics, in essence they used those engineering skills to build an aircraft.As far as advanced robotics, I went to the first DARPA Grand Challenge and what career is right for me  have pictures to prove it. I spend a good deal of time thinking on robotics, and I've written a good deal on the topic. Plus, as a fabricator, manufacturing car wash guys equipment, I can design and build anything of course. So, would that be enough? Well, it will have to do, and I believe it is, therefore I am undeterred in building the next generation of robotic whatever - whether it flies, drives, goes underwater or floats, or even goes to space - maybe some of all of the above. Think beyond your limits, dream and make it happen because the future of robotics will be a great place for engineers to be. Think on it.Many dealers spend millions of dollars in a lieu to capture the maximum number of automotive leads. However, most of them remain unsuccessful to capture enough number of them. According to critics, poor marketing techniques are one of the prime reasons for the fallout. The dealerships need to know and implement the latest promotional methods to gain immediate and long-term success.The area where the dealers fail to business analyst certification  create an impression are focused and researched well by the professional lead generation companies. These companies are known for using a host of marketing methods to produce the desired business result. They have a team of professionals who have years of experience in generating highly effective automotive leads in quick time.The lead generation companies develop multiple websites to attract a maximum number of online traffic. The A+ certification training  sites are well optimized to easily fetch a top ranking on the various popular search engines - Google, Yahoo, Bing, etc. The team does an intense research to find out the relevant keywords for optimization purpose. Appealing content is uploaded on the web pages to attract a greater number of eyeballs plus create repeat visitors to the car lead sites.Apart from the websites, a lead generating firm also develops landing pages and plus size shapewear  create and manage blogs for maximum online visibility. The landing pages and blog posts are made attractive enough with the correct use of colors and graphics to let interested people take a call to action. A soft-copy inquiry form is uploaded on each landing page for anyone to fill up the same and submit. On the form, sections including name, address, contact numbers, email address plus the query box is given for the inquirer to enter the details.A person who takes the time to fill up an online inquiry form is regarded as a lead. After submission the data gets stored in the lead generating company's database for access of the same. The task of a lead generator is now to establish a contact with the lead either by personally calling up at his number or emailing him for a quick response at his end. If the concerned person answers or takes the call, he is used appliances houston  regarded as an effective lead, if he doesn't he is held as a bad lead who is not interested anymore to buy a car due to some reason.The hunt for good leads continues through advanced marketing strategies and in this way a long list containing the names and contact numbers of new sale opportunities is prepared by the lead generating company. The list is then sent to the dealer via email or fax for further follow-up purpose. It now becomes the responsibility of the dealer's sales team to eventually convert the prospects into customers.It is worthy of remembering that automotive leads generation process is time-consuming and requires utmost patience. Only a professional company dedicated to this sphere can successfully generate a number of effective leads per day. It is because of this fact that we are seeing a rising number of car dealers taking the assistance of car leads websites to increase sales over time. Matthew S Barredo is a market research analyst in the automobile industry, who early childhood development  insists that it is not tough to get automotive leads if you choose the right service provider who guarantees to get your loan approved. In this article, he educates readers about choosing car lead sites.

[asaspro-blog]

Survey Results & Recruitment Picks (Also Apology)

New Post: https://fortnite.asas.pro/survey-results-recruitment-picks-also-apology/

#fortnite #game #fun #esport #news

Survey Results & Recruitment Picks (Also Apology)

TL;DR: Sorry for the delay of results and recruitment, was a crazy week for me. The survey ended as expected, with many people having negative feelings towards SBMM. There will be future surveys.

If you don't care for a wall of text, please leave now! I felt this post was unavoidable to keep short. Sorry not sorry.

An Apology

Hello everyone! I would like to start off by saying sorry for the delay of results. The previous two weeks were extremely busy and consumed most of my time. I appreciate all of you that have been messaging me to remind me to get this stuff done.

Furthermore, I would like to apologize to all the people that applied to my previous recruitment post and have not heard back. Rest assured, I have made my picks. (Spoiler: You can see them further down)

Survey Results

You can view the original post here

Brief Summary

I am sure everyone had a general idea of what to expect from the survey, and this definitely did solidify what most people already believed. Most people really do not like the idea of any Skill Based Matchmaking (SBMM) implementation. Rest assured, Epic Games has heard your fears and I have been told they would never consider such a feature without first strongly considering the myriad of variables it takes to get it right.

Noteworthy Results

Even after reiterating it many times, many people still believe I work for Epic Games and that the survey was somehow Epic related. Regardless, I enjoyed reading how much you think Epic is ruining the game with their "bullshit updates and emotes".

One thing I noticed coming up in discussion a lot is the type of player the average Redditor represents. Most people were under the belief that the average Reddit user was not casual, but in fact there is an almost 50/50 split between players that consider themselves to be a casual and competitive player.

In terms of the actual implementation of SBMM, there was definitely a common theme. Of those that believed it could work, the most common (and basic) answer was for it to exist as a separate mode. I personally believe that if any sort of ranked mode were to be implemented, that is how it would be.

Surprisingly, 15% of you think that a SBMM implementation should not be a separate mode! This (rather high in my opinion) percentage may be due to misinterpreting what the question was asking, but otherwise would mean that the community is wrong in how much everyone hates the idea.

Overwatch, Counter Strike, and the token (ticket) system. Many respondents who felt like being more passionate tended towards a couple categories. Overwatch and CS:GO were common games cited as doing matchmaking well. A token/ticket system was also a common suggestion that seems to have a lot of favor among the subreddit.

Another thing to note, you guys play a lot of Fortnite. Of the 15,028 people that answered, I'd estimate you all play in the high tens of thousands of hours a week. (Many of you answered 15+ hours, if all of you just played one that would still be 15k hours a week!).

I'll leave the interpretation of everything else up to you guys. But as an added bonus, I've generated

Raw Data

As promised, everyone now has full access to the survey data. You can view the spreadsheet here. If you find anything interesting feel free to make note of it in the comments below (I tried to go through all 15,028 responses but it is quite a daunting task).

You can view some more fancy stats here.

Future Surveys

I think we'll definitely be doing future surveys on what we consider to be topics of the week, as well as monthly "check ups" on where people believe the game is at. As a result, if you think there are any pressing questions that deserve data, shoot me a message.

Future surveys will be more planned out and last a week (until the next survey is posted). Upon closing, all data and a summary will be released.

Recruitment Picks

Programmer(s)

Please welcome your new code slaves /u/DaJuukes and /u/bcb67. They will be assisting my takeover of the world. We will begin by making a bot that doesn't break, doesn't have ugly code, and does my taxes. Perhaps also a Discord bot for everyone as well (mainly going be for us mods though).

Here's a little something about each of them:

/u/DaJuukes Hi! I'm a Node.js specialist and work in Discord and Reddit bots, along with Ethereum stuff. You can find more info about me here: http://dajuukes.codes

/u/bcb67 Hey Reddit squad! Just wanted to introduce myself, I'm /u/bcb67 and I'm going to be joining the /r/fortnitebr team to hopefully write some cool moderation tools / bots. I'm 21 years old and am a Senior at NC State University in Raleigh NC. I actually work as a part time Information Security Analyst @ Epic.

CSS/Designer(s)

Please welcome your new fashion designers /u/scorpionmechanic , /u/Ullaakut, and /u/Mastergoat. Two of which I've seen some brief initiative taken to help out, but I look forward to new ideas and new eyesores for everyone to look at! Being serious, I hope to tackle some long wanted features such as night mode, a proper filter, and a fancy sidebar.

Here's a little something about each of them:

/u/Ullaakut I'm a French software engineer working in Luxembourg (just fresh fired one week ago, my whole project team along with a few others have been trashed). I'm 99% backend but I still have some old skills in design and frontend so it should be fine for the job here. I'm 23, I like making video games on the Unreal Engine, playing tennis, and working on open source projects!

/u/Mastergoat Hey I'm MasterGoat (damn I wish I made a new account before this!) I'm a 20 year old FortNiteBR Addict from Darwin, Australia. My days consist of working for the government for 8 hours then another 8 hours of trying to get those Victory Royales! I've been creating my own video games and websites for a few years now and am happy I can finally apply that experience properly to a community that has been a big part of my life the past 6 months. Look forward to help make this site snazzy and pretty for you all!

/u/ScorpionMechanic Ok, my name is u/ScorpionMechanic, I just joined the FortniteBR Mod Team as a CSS Designer. IDK if my age will be a problem, but, I recently turned eighteen. I've been doing Graphic Design for almost ten years, mostly doing personal works or commissions from friends of my parents. I'm the designer of the FortniteBR subreddit. Both the Valentines and the Normal version. Also, help me to git gud. I haven' won in weeks.

[doodlewash]

Hello dear Doodlewashers! I am honoured to be included among other amazing guest artists here at the vibrant Doodlewash community and I hope you will enjoy my artworks and perhaps learn something useful from me as well. My name is Michaela Istok and I am from Bratislava, Slovakia though I’ve managed to live already in Kuala Lumpur, Prague, Helsinki and Tampere.

The Beginnings

How did my art journey began for me? Honestly, I don’t really remember; I’ve been drawing ever since I could hold a pencil in my chubby little fingers. My mum, having noticed my leaning towards artistic expression (including on walls, floors, important documents and receipts…) registered me at art classes led by academic painter Ms. Sona Herenyiova since I was about 7 years old and I kept on going there until I left my hometown Bratislava for university, aged 18.

Ten years later, I have my a BA (Hons) Graphic Design degree, about 7 years of experience in the design industry and a rather impressive stash of watercolour illustrations, doodles, sketches and filled up sketchbooks in various places in various countries (Slovakia and Finland, to be exact).

Paint Cheap, Have Fun

Though I see many artists, hobby painters and art course attendants striving to use the best paints, the best paper and the best brushes they can afford, I’ve always had a different approach here. See, I believe that if my skills and technique are underwhelming, even the best paper and the most expensive super premium brush will improve it only up to a point, if at all.

However, if my expression, use of line, colours and composition are good (in my eyes at least – though I always nitpick my work!), the artwork can look charming even drawn with a basic pencil on a random sketchbook paper found in a drawer.

This is just a long-winded way to say this: I didn’t care about the quality of my tools for quite some time when beginning.

Instead, I practiced often with mediocre tools because it was well, just practice where I explored myself as an artist. The results varied and once I started to get satisfied with the progress I was making in my art journey, I started using better tools and better papers as well. Now I am in a place where I am mostly using high quality paints, papers and brushes but I don’t make it a rigid rule. You will see two paintings made on the worst and tiniest sketchbook ever in this guest post. I went into it knowing it’s a bad paper but it was fun anyway.

As for my favourite tools, usually I use Koh-I-Noor pencils, Micron fineliners and St Petersburg White Nights or Van Gogh watercolours. Papers vary – I hadn’t yet found my preferred brand, but I do gravitate towards less textured, cold-pressed ones with at least 300g/m2 weight.

Illustrator in Progress

My favourite topics tend to be animals (including beloved pets), people, silly characters, mythological beings, landscapes, flowers and picturesque village houses. I value traditions (though I don’t adhere to them much – but knowing about them makes me content) and so traditional architecture and old crafts are a big inspiration for me as well.

For illustrations, I work both in vectors (digitally) and in ink and watercolour, though I have to say that so far I have had far more clients for my digital illustrated work than for the watercolour ones, probably due to more focus on marketing the digital work. We are currently discussing a range of dog behavior books for children with a dog behaviorist friend, so let’s see where this takes us – in a not so far off future I might be very busy with a lot of watercolour illustrations too!

The Process

I have always been a fast artist (as in, fast in painting) and I consider this an advantage when it comes to watercolours (and acrylics) – they just dry so fast, I must be fast too! I rarely paint wet on wet, so painting wet on dry is a speedy process for me.

The preparatory stage takes me longer than painting itself – usually I gather some research material (photos, illustrations of the subject, simplified pictograms, etc.) to get to know my theme well and draw a couple of rough sketches on some basic papers. Once I am happy that I seem to know what I am doing, I take an actual watercolour paper and either first sketch it lightly with a pencil or draw directly with the Micron fineliner.

When painting pet portraits I need to be fairly accurate, so first I sketch the pet very lightly on a paper with a B or a 2B pencil (it can’t be too soft or the sketch is too dark and difficult to remove or cover by the watercolour wash). Then I take my Micron fineliners, drawing the subject itself. A moment to dry, and I can start applying watercolours.

Firstly I apply lighter colours in bigger areas and after that I move onto more details in darker colours. This lets me control the values and hues of the painting well, not overdoing it – I strongly believe that an overdone watercolour painting is a mortal sin!

For other illustrations, I don’t always feel the need to sketch first by pencil, so I don’t always do that. In that case it’s a drawing with Micron fineliners first and then the watercolours on top of it. This is, of course, quite risky and scary as I can’t remove or alter the fineliners but I like taking this risk. Painting this way is similar to calligraphy – there are no steps back; once you dare to paint the wash, it is there to stay. Doesn’t that remind you of life with no Ctrl + Z?

Useful Tips For Other Artists

I am not, by any means, an authority on painting but I have learnt some tips and tricks over time, so maybe some of them will help you in your artist journey too!

● Don’t stress too much about your tools if you are just starting out – you can practice with anything, not spending too much money on your art at first. Instead, dedicate your heart, time and imagination to your art!

● Also, don’t fret if you hadn’t developed your style yet – it will come! And it might change over the time too as you will be evolving as an artist and as a person (in that case, don’t fret as well, this is a good thing to happen).

● Paint and draw everyday, even if for 5 minutes while drinking your morning espresso. Practice makes perfect (and creates you that elusive ‘style’ over time)!

● You will gravitate towards some themes – should you focus only on them? Should you enjoy working on them but also develop your skills in other areas? Food for thought!

● Don’t feel self-conscious about your art and if you honestly feel it sucks, take a pencil and focus on the most basic basics – still lifes, portraits, nude bodies. By getting better in these basics you will get better in everything else!

● Leaving a bit of an empty paper (not covered by any paints) in the painting will let it “breathe” and prevent the ‘overdone’ look.

● Most of all, have fun and create art. The world needs more artists like us!

Michaela Istok Illustration portfolio Design & digital illustration portfolio Women Who Draw Behance LinkedIn Society6 Shop

#WorldWatercolorGroup - GUEST ARTIST: "A Tale of Many Faces and Flowers" by Michaela Istok Hello dear Doodlewashers! I am honoured to be included among other amazing guest artists here at the vibrant Doodlewash community and I hope you will enjoy my artworks and perhaps learn something useful from me as well.

[amarcasportfolio]

The United Nations International Day of Forests is observed annually on the 21st of March. This year, our ESS class decided to use this opportunity to spread awareness about deforestation amongst the younger students of our school, specifically those of the 6th grade. The first of our three assignments was this: design posters that clearly convey the message while maintaining a certain aesthetic. We each had to collaborate with our partners to decide an aspect of deforestation to focus on and had to work as a team to design the layout and text of the posters. Instead of making paper-based posters, we decided to make digital ones. Not only was this in keeping with the theme of conservation, it also allowed me to work on and improve my graphic design and creativity skills – something I have been trying to focus more on recently.

After we displayed our posters, we were each given a potted plant to take care of. Since I had never undertaken any form of gardening before, I was afraid I would not be able to keep my plant, Sasha, alive. Unfortunately, my fears were well-founded. After forgetting to water my poor plant for over a fortnight, I discovered Sasha’s leaves had wilted and turned yellow. My plant was dead. I was a plant murderer. After a short pause to mourn my poor Sasha and to come to terms with the fact that I was to be blamed for her untimely demise, I went and got myself another plant (named Sasha II), whom I was determined to keep alive. I am proud to say that in the 4 months since I made the decision to be a successful gardener (despite lacking a green thumb), I have not left my plant without water for a long stretch of time. Not even once.  ( Mostly due to the reminder I set on my phone haha).

The final part of our assignment required us to work with our juniors and guide them on the basics of gardening. The intention was to foster peer learning and a greater interest in conservation. However, with the 6th graders largely uninterested in the task at hand, and the IB-1s too busy to go check on them regularly, one could safely say that unlike the preceding activities, this one was not a success.

On the whole, this event permitted me to collaborate with my partner, Tiffany, while getting to engage with two crucial global issues- global warming and deforestation. I was able to participate in something new- gardening and was able to gain a new skill (albeit one I don’t plan to use). I even received the chance to show perseverance and commitment in watering Sasha II at regular intervals.

Total number of hours: 12

Learning Outcomes achieved:

Identify own strengths and develop areas for growth

Demonstrate that challenges have been undertaken, developing new skills in the process

Demonstrate how to initiate and plan a CAS experience

Show commitment to and perseverance in CAS experiences

Demonstrate the skills and recognise the benefits of working collaboratively

Demonstrate engagement with issues of global significance

Recognise and consider the ethics of choices and actions

  International Forest Day The United Nations International Day of Forests is observed annually on the 21st of March. This year, our ESS class decided to use this opportunity to spread awareness about deforestation amongst the younger students of our school, specifically those of the 6th grade.

[theladysmith]

Reboot.

Hiya. Happy new year. It's 2017.

After a few years of trotting out my social media efforts out as a website presence, I’ve decided to rethink, revamp and relaunch my blog. 2016 was quite the year for me, so much so that I think I might need to write about it, and I’m just delusional enough to think that as my jewelry and design and life-as-a-human work evolves, people might want to learn a bit about my process and the life that insulates it.  

So I suppose this post represents a relaunch (or a messy new launch) of my blog. I generally prefer to photo document life, and so spend a lot of time on Instagram, which in turn feeds my Tumblr, and for a long while I’ve felt that this is enough social media presence for me, that my images and captions speak enough about my art-life and my life-life. Until recently. Life-life this year has been challenging, and photo-captioning it doesn’t really allow for the deeper dive that I might want to allow myself every once and awhile. My desire to discuss what’s going down without the threat of caption limits grows daily. I can’t keep my expectations to myself anymore. I guess that’s where you come in: I’m asking for witness.

 I had originally written a long, hand-wringingly dramatic post about how I lost my J-o-b several months ago. I was aiming to be concise, but emotions got the better of me and it just started to get whiny. I may post it eventually, but I dunno. I wrote and rewrote this post over the fall, and am now revisiting it 5 months and a New Years later and I realized that I've simmered down some.  I feel like telling the story now for historical context, as the lay-off and its repercussions has completely changed my life for the better, and as result has fired up my art-life so much that I can no longer deny that my art-life is in fact my real and true life-life. I can no longer function as a human without working as an artist. That has been the biggest, hardest and most joyful lesson to come out of the shit-show that was 2016.  (Full disclosure: I had secured legal representation after my lay-off due to several human rights violations that I experienced as an employee of Sotheby's International Realty Canada's Oakville office, but a change of situation has now freed me to talk about it. I offer this as a cautionary illustration of what a skilled, experienced and friendly employee can experience working for woefully ignorant and shockingly under-qualified management. You know, 'cause the world needs another tale like this...

I started a new job with the regional Sotheby’s International Realty office in August ’15, and I was crazy-excited to be working with a world-class marketing team and historically significant brand in a new (to me) field with a short walking commute. Walking to, but mostly from work soon became the best part of the job, as the management direction became abusive, the expectations were never communicated and the high-school-level office drama emerged just a few weeks after starting the job. At lunch with my brother in mid-September I casually mentioned that I wasn’t very happy with how things were going, but maybe it was just growing pains. By our trip to NYCC in early October, I was depressed each and every night (especially Sunday nights!) knowing that I would eventually have to go back to work, and was planning a pie-in-the-sky escape plan out of self-preservation. I also wasn’t feeling very well, but I figured it was my annual late-in-the-year energy slump and the Monday-Friday frustrations feeding stress-related illness . I told myself to hang on, that the job would improve.  It did not improve. Let’s cut to the beginning of 2016, shall we?

After indescribable work stress, a suspicious lymph node infection, a total immune system crash, and 5 and a half months of unending illness (head colds! sinus infections! gastroenteritis! the flu! another cold!), I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer in February, just a week before I turned 40.

To illustrate the degree of shit to which the job had gone, I offer this story: I spent my 40th birthday sick as a dog, yet in a compulsary meeting at work where I was scheduled to make a 1/2 hour presentation with next-to-no voice, which was interrupted by the perfunctory cake and happy birthday song delivered with the energy of a funeral dirge. I finished my presentation to discover that they had eaten the entire cake without leaving me a slice while I was talking! Totally defeated, I spent the evening nested on the couch in my pjs with a head cold so terrible that I was unable to taste the lovely chocolate cake that Mike had gotten for me. I was miserable, scared and angry, and I didn't know what to do. I can't ever remember feeling more hopeless.  I wish that was the only horrible story I could tell of this recent job, but there are about 3 dozen more, most far more depressing, including the one where MY BOSS INFORMED MY COWORKERS OF MY DIAGNOSIS BY EMAIL WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. But let’s not go there right now...

By the end of March, I was finally “healthy” (in that I was no longer actively sick with something, except for cancer), and I was feeling a little more optimistic because the multiple doctor's appointments, nasal endoscopies, CT scan and biopsies had determined that the cancer was isolated just to my thyroid. I had a great new family doctor and surgeon who had managed to answer most of my many questions and my surgery had been set for early May. The daily personal bullying at work had even simmered down a bit, but this was just temporary because of yet another massive drama regarding another coworker, so my issues were briefly off the radar. Emphasis on briefly. 

I had been working with an amazing therapist (and friend) out of Ottawa via Skype for a few weeks while I navigated my treatment options, and with her support I made the decision to move to working 4 days a week for awhile, to give myself a bit more time to schedule doctor and therapy appointments. The 4 day work week, while definitely no shorter in terms of hours, felt like one of the most adult and freeing decisions I had ever made in my professional life. I was starting to feel very well prepared and almost excited for my surgery. My health was improving (as was my outlook) and it felt good.

My total thyroidectomy was on May 5. O5/05 - I felt like the numbers were auspicious, and I guess they were. The surgery, while a little longer than expect, went perfectly. When I woke up in recovery, high as a kite on morphine, I knew a moment (albeit drug-induced) of pure gratitude and love for everyone and everything. I had never experienced that before - it was lovely. Memorable. I still think of it daily. Propped up with a massive bandage on my throat, I squawked a little 'hello' to myself and beamed that the surgery hadn't taken my voice (there is a small chance of permanent change or loss of voice with all thyroid surgery, as the vocal cords run through the thyroid.)

I had some trouble with my blood calcium levels that kept me in the hospital a little longer than the overnight that I had expected, but by 8 pm the next day I was home, happy and relatively comfortable. I healed like a champ. Work benevolently (can't roll my eyes hard enough here) gave me my 4 remaining sick days to recover, and I worked from home the following week because my voice had still barely recovered and my incision line was periodically sore. I even managed to get to the Ottawa Comic Con a week after my surgery so that I could visit Mike and our friends who were exhibiting. After my stitches were removed (which was the creepiest physical sensation I've ever experienced) I spent a few days recovering at my family home. All of this time felt like such a gift. 

My return to work was tough. My voice was weak and would give out mid-sentence, which was weirdly exhausting, and my energy levels were a little all over the place because my body was still getting used to the new Synthroid thyroid medication that I was now on for life. I felt overall that I was doing pretty well, but work quickly reminded me they thought otherwise. The prevailing attitude was "wow, your illness was such an inconvenience" or "actually, we got along just fine without you."  I had started a job search during the dark days of deep winter, but after my diagnosis I just let it drop. I started to reconsider. But I I felt like I had really survived something, so the trials and dramas of work should've seemed like nothing in comparison, right? As spring continued, the job environment worsened. The brokerage manager (henceforth to be referred to as Terrible Manager/Person, as she really was both a terrible manager and a terrible person) continued to throw me under the bus, cc-ing emails where she blasted me for non-issues to the entire national management team, wasting everyone's time. I went far and beyond my job description on a few special projects, but my efforts weren't even recognized with a simple thanks. The few actual design-oriented projects that came across my desk were promptly taken away from me and weakly completed by the Toronto office, which was frustrating because my position had been advertised as a graphic designer position but had flattened into a straight coordinator position, leaving me increasingly upset with my decision to leave my former job (which hadn't been the best, but at least they had respected my skills and input.)  The professional criticism was unending, and totally unnerving - was I going crazy? Was I actually terrible at this job? You know, the same kind of job I'd been doing for 10+ years, with glowing reviews from former employers? I felt completely lost...however, when the criticism started to involve how I looked and what I wore ("hey, did you know you can lose 10 lbs just by cutting out bread for a week?" "Wow I like your blouse, oh wait, you got it at WalMart? And you wear it here!?" "I heard of a medical trial on the radio for people with skin issues and I thought of you immediately..." THOSE WERE ALL SAID TO ME WITHIN A WEEK'S TIME), I realized there was no fixing this shit show, no matter how long I stayed or how hard I tried. (Honestly, apart from a shitheaded misogynist manager once telling me "you know, you'd be a lot prettier if you smiled more!", I have never, ever been subjected to as much criticism regarding how I looked as I was at Sotheby's. I was always dressed office appropriate with professional hair and makeup and boring shoes, but nary a week went past without someone making some kind of comment about my skin, my weight, my illness, my clothes, the frequency with which I wore some things, or my boring shoes. And it's worth mentioning that it was almost always women making these statements...

We went to HeroesCon in Charlotte in mid June and had the best time (as usual) and I came back to work high on art and our amazing friends, only to be deflated and sluggish 2 days later, looking forward to the next long weekend, con or event. Something at work had changed too, I could feel it. I was left out of or uninvited to trainings and dealings with the rest of the national marketing team. My long-promised raise that had been due in November (per my contract, but withheld by Terrible Manager/Person who never felt inclined to complete my 6 month review) suddenly arrived unceremoniously by email. I was told that a new agent was taking my office and I would need to move the contents of my office to a barren corner of an unused board room where a new office was going to be built for me by mid-July. That plan got fast-tracked, suddenly I was given 2 day's notice that my office space was moving, and it was literally taken down around me as I tried to finish up work before I was due to leave for a long weekend in Montreal at the end of the first week of July. My long-developed filing system was destroyed, my organization systems were hastily thrown into boxes, all of it was moved to the empty board/storage room. I was incredulous as I left work for my long weekend - what a mess that was going to be to come back to.

While I was away, there was the usual monthly general office meeting for all the Oakville and Niagara on the Lake agents, Terrible Manager/Person and office staff. Terrible Manager/Person and 2 agents (who I had rarely worked with but who had always been terrible to me when I had to work with them) spent considerable time during the meeting slandering me to the rest of the group (which I heard about the day I was laid off.) One agent who had exhibited an absolute hate-on for me from day one (and who was tight friends with Terrible Manager/Person) apparently stood up and declared "why should my business suffer because someone is sick!?" It's worth noting she had only come to me twice in the space of 6 months for actual help, and I kept her advertising initiatives on track when she had dropped the ball...anyway... The day I returned back to work from our Montreal weekend, I was knee-deep in sorting out an issue between an agent who was away in Eastern Europe on vacation, the agent who was looking after her affairs in the meantime, and the printer who had dropped the ball on their job. I had it sorted out, and had emailed both the agent and my manager that everything was copacetic, but because of a 6+ hour time difference between here and Croatia, and the fact that Terrible Manager/Person was rarely timely in checking her emails or reading email threads, she bitched me out to the national team once again. That was is, I lost it. That afternoon, I confronted her about it, explaining that every time she cc'd the team about some issue she had with me or my work instead of speaking directly with me, she cost everyone time, especially me, and seeing as how I was constantly over-my-head busy, I was done with that kind of unprofessional bullshit. Her face went blank, and she said ok, and walked out of my office. 

I was laid off the next morning. They called it corporate restructuring, as they always do, and told me that the Toronto team was taking over the Oakville and NOTL office marketing needs. They reposted my exact job description (the same one that I had applied to the year before) the next morning - there it was sitting in my inbox at 7 am. I still find it utterly hilarious that they didn't think I'd see that...but considering the very first thing that Terrible Manager/Person asked me to do when I came on board was "to change everyone's emails so that they could somehow look like they were written in cursive handwriting font on a parchment paper background, because it's just so much nicer and elegant", I'm not fucking surprised...(for real, that was the first request that I received as a Graphic Designer/Marketing Coordinator for Sotheby's International Realty Canada. Elegant indeed. I should've run right then and there...)

So, five months later! Where's my head at? I'M SO HAPPY I DON'T WORK FOR THE RICH AND ENTITLED ANYMORE! SO HAPPY I DON'T WORK FOR A TERRIBLE MANAGER/PERSON ANYMORE! SO ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT I AM DONE WITH CORPORATE CULTURE FOR MAYBE EVERRRRRR... All caps screaming aside, I'm at a bit of a loss to describe how life changing last year was. I feel like the creative girl that I was when I was in college, full of ideas, making art on the daily and feeling happy, hopefully and resourceful. The messy breakup feels that the lay-off brought are dissolving - I can't help but note that I don't really have any lingering friendships from that job; I've had them from every job I ever had, but this one was different. I am really aware that people were only friends with me when they needed something. Human nature I guess...or real estate agent nature. Who knows(/cares)? I don't know what the next year is going to look like, but right now it looks like planning, making, organizing, selling and promoting. I may have to take a part time job eventually, I may not, I may find lots more freelance (was doing ok with it in the remainder of 2016), I may not. I truly have no idea. But considering that everything that I held as concrete and permanent this time last year has completely changed and I'm thriving in spite or because of, I'm feeling pretty ok about it all. I wish you a very happy new year. I am very happy to be here to do so.

(If you're working a job that involves you feeling terrible about yourself and your abilities on a daily/weekly basis, if you have to deal with a Terrible Manager/Coworker/Person with no one to back you up, if your job was promised as one thing but has backslid into something undesired, or worse, health-threatening, please make every effort to free yourself. I know how it feels to be locked in, desperate, scared and seemingly without options. You can at least talk to someone, be heard, and vent your frustrations, and through that you can find a path and resources to find something better. I am happy to lend an ear and/or shoulder to anyone who needs to decompress from their workplace tension, and more importantly, brainstorm ways to get out of an abusive job. It is absolutely not worth your health or peace of mind - it is time spent that none of us will ever get back.)