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banannabethchase · 10 months

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Set the World Alight: Chapter 18 - also on AO3

Matt decides to dye her hair. Nick is sick of his sister. And something goes horribly wrong.

Warnings and notes [contain spoilers]: There are so many sex jokes in this chapter. And also Matt works through some gender dysphoria in the way you'd expect an 18 year old to handle it. Finally, there is discussion of underage alcohol use. The character is supported through their struggle.

Tuesday, April 15th

Matt

She gets the text right before the lunch bell sounds, and it’s the first time her spirits have gone up since the fight with Nick. “Yes!”

“You seem excited,” Mox says, sliding up next to her. “What’s with the smile?”

She turns the text toward Mox.

“Not fair!” he exclaims. “We have a conditioning practice today since we don’t have a game, and cheerleaders get the day off?”

Matt grins at him. “Cheerleaders are just better, I guess.” She stands on her toes and kisses Mox. “I get the afternoon off. Maybe I’ll do something crazy.”

Mox raises an eyebrow. “Crazy?”

“Not like that,” she says, poking him in the ribs. “Jeez, be normal for once.”

“Can’t,” he says. “Not when it involves you.”

He slides his hand in hers as they walk into the cafeteria.

He squeezes her hand when they walk by Nick. “Say hi,” Mox whispers.

Matt doesn’t want to, but she waves. Nick looks up at her. She tries a smile toward him, and he smiles back. It’s small, but it’s something, at least.

“Are you sure about this?” Willow asks, walking with Matt to her car. “Don’t get me wrong, you’ll look so cute with pink hair, but I think it’s risky to use a box dye on virgin hair.”

Matt snickers. “That won’t be a problem.”

“Oh, god, shut up,” Willow laughs. “Yeah, we know, you and Mox go at it like rabbits. Focus, you menace. How about we start off with bleaching the underside of your hair and seeing what you think?”

Matt bites her lip. “Bleach?”

Willow nods and twirls the curls framing her face around her finger. “So, on, like, Nick’s hair, or maybe Mox’s, they have light enough hair that you could avoid bleach and the color would show up. But you and me and Jamie have dark enough hair that you gotta bleach it, then dye it.”

“Okay, definitely just the underside then,” Matt decides. “Just in case something goes wrong.”

“So it’s settled then,” Willow says, clapping. “You just have to promise you won’t get mad at me if something goes wrong.”

“I won’t!” Matt promises. “Nothing will go wrong, though. People dye their hair all the time.”

Willow hops into the passenger seat of Matt’s car. “Ooh, we should invite Jamie and Britt,” she says, pulling out her phone. “What do you think?”

“That sounds fun!” Matt says. She feels bubbly. “We’ll text them to come over after we stop for the dye.”

Matt and Willow chat nonstop as they make their way to CVS. Matt nearly cries with laughter in the hair dye aisle as Willow recounts a story of the kids she babysits.

“Shh!” Willow giggles. “If you throw up on their carpet, they’ll never let us back in here!”

“Sorry!” Matt squeaks. “Just – the idea. The kid doing weird rave hands with tampons. I’ve never…” She dissolves into giggles again, but she can keep herself under control enough to scan the shelf better. The angle ends up helping – she eyes a box of neon magenta color. “Ooh! What about this one?” She pulls out the box and shows it to Willow. “What do you know about this color?”

“Splat?” Willow says. She takes the box warily. “I don’t know, Matty. I’ve never used this stuff. I’ve heard it can really mess up your hair.”

“Well, I have virgin hair or whatever, right?” Matt asks, jiggling the box.

Willow nods slowly. “That’s true. Maybe it won’t affect your hair too badly. Plus, we can strand test.”

“Strand test?”

Willow nods. “You take one piece of hair and do all the stuff to it, just to check.”

Matt frowns. “But then my mom might see, and she’ll take the box. No strand test.” She walks out of the aisle, hoping Willow follows her. She hears a sigh so dramatic it reminds her of herself.

“Alright, but it’s risky!”

“I like risk!”

Willow snorts and catches up with Matt. “You do not, but okay. Ooh, they have the cool Reese’s cups!”

The two of them take a detour to the candy aisle and each grab a snack or two, and check out without problem. On the drive home, Matt introduces Willow to a few new artists, and Willow laughs at her attempts to rap along with Lil Mariko.

“It’s cute, but it’s bad,” Willow giggles, wiping a tear away from her eye as they pull into Matt’s driveway. “Like, I wouldn’t do that for a talent show.”

“I don’t need to rap well. My talent is cheering.”

“And those big stupid eyes to make that turn every guy in the area into mush,” Willow adds. She pushes open the door and steps out. “Don’t forget that.”

Jamie and Britt show up soon after, and Matt’s sitting in an old lawn chair while Jamie and Willow bicker about the best ways to apply bleach.

“You have to leave it an extra fifteen minutes,” Jamie insists. “Otherwise it turns orange and yellow.”

“Yellow is okay,” Willow insists. “We’re overlaying it with magenta – it’ll be fine.”

Jamie huffs. “Yeah, but too much orange in the base color will turn it red.”

Matt wrinkles her nose. “I hate red. An extra fifteen minutes can’t hurt, can it?”

“Your hair could fall out,” Britt says. She holds up her phone. “Like, if you over bleach and overdye hair, it gets all weird and springy and falls out.”

“I’m fine,” Matt says, waving her hand. “I have virgin hair.”

“The only virgin thing about anyone in this room,” Jamie deadpans.

They all giggle, and get to work.

Matt chatters on the entire time they’re seated, doing her hair. She decides to ignore the way Jamie and Willow gently bicker about the time.

“Longer is fine,” Matt says. “I don’t want it to look red.”

She hates the smell of the bleach, but, when Willow rinses it out to reveal yellow-blonde hair, she’s elated. “It’s still yellow, though, is it okay?”

“Straight up your hair will fall out if we put any more bleach on it,” Willow says. It’s more firm than anything she’s said to Matt before, so Matt decides to agree.

The color smells almost as bad as the bleach, but she insists to keep the color on longer. “I want it to be dark pink!”

“Okay,” Willow says. “If you’re sure. But if we leave it too long, it might wreck your hair.”

“Don’t be such a worry-wart,” Jamie says, and that British accent of hers is soothing.

That is, until Matt shoves her head under the shower and pulls her hand away to see far too much hair wrapped around her hand.

“Oh my god,” Matt says, horrified. “Willow. Willow, what happened?!” She looks down at her hand, at the pink strands in the absolute wrong place. She turns to Willow, who looks just as scared.

“I – Matty, I’m so sorry,” she says. “I don’t know – I thought I left the dye and bleach on right.”

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave it on the extra time,” Jamie says quietly. “That’s on me.”

The room is quiet for a moment as Matt stares at the handful of hair in her hand. She reaches back again and more pulls off. A horrified pat back on the back of her head pulls off even more hair. It’s pink, sure. But it’s not on her head anymore.

“My hair is gone,” Matt whimpers.

“Only a little bit of it!” Jamie says.

“Not helping,” Britt hisses into her ear.

Matt feels the tears bubble. “Oh, my god, I’m gonna be bald!” she whimpers.

“It’s just the back,” Willow says, hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Matty, it’s just a little bit in the back, okay?” She turns the mirror so Matt can see. “See? No need to worry.”

All Matt can see is the giant bald spot on the underside of her head, something that was supposed to be pink and bright like her is now full of short, stubby little hairs. Like a boy’s. Like a shaved head. A badly shaved head.

“No,” she pleads. She blinks back tears as fast as she can, but she’s not sure how long she can hold it together. She stands up and shoves her head under the shower so when she starts crying, nobody can tell.

“Matty –”

“Hey,” Jamie says gently. “Wills, let’s – I think she needs some space.”

Matt pulls her head out, hoping her eyes aren’t too red. “I do,” she hiccups. “Just – give me fifteen minutes, okay? So I can rinse out my hair.” She fights to keep her voice steady. “I’ll be right out.”

She sobs silently as she feels the stretch and break of her hair at the back of her head. She knows hair doesn’t make her a girl, but it doesn’t matter.

“I worked so hard,” she whimpers. “I did so much to grow my hair.”

She’s careful as possible as she shampoos, trying not to pull out any more hair, as the tears fall. She considers collecting the pink hair from the drain, but it feels too sad.

When she comes out of her bathroom, Willow, Britt, and Jamie look like someone died.

“I’m so sorry, Matt,” Jamie says. “I think I – I think I forgot your hair isn’t curly.”

“We forgot,” Willow says. “We should have checked.”

Matt shrugs. “Nothing we can do now,” she says. “I, um. I think I need to be on my own for a little bit?” She’s lying, but just a little. Just technically. “I’ll see you all tomorrow, okay?”

“Are you sure?” Britt asks. She studies Matt’s face. “I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re upset.”

She shakes her head. “I’m gonna call Mox. And Nick.”

Jamie nods. “Okay. We’ll see you tomorrow.” She offers the tiniest wave. Matt returns it.

She fumbles for her phone, and dials Nick’s number.

Nick

“She’s so annoying,” he grumbles. “I don’t know how you put up with her.”

“Can you not drag me into this?” Mox pleads. “You guys were both really mean to each other. Sit down and talk about it.”

“I shouldn’t need to,” Nick grumbles.

Practice is a good reprieve, as it means he won’t have to deal with Matt for two or so hours, but it’s half an hour from the end that a basketball pegs him in the back.

“What the hell?!”

“Nick!” Claudio yells. “Your phone has been ringing for ages.”

Nick jogs over to his bag and checks. It’s Matt. “Uh. Hi?” He tries not to add, “You bitch,” at the end.

“Nick.”

It’s just his name, but the way Matt sobs it makes his heart freeze. “Matt? What’s wrong?”

“My hair,” she weeps. “I – we tried to dye my hair. And it – it fell out.”

“All of it?” It’s probably a bad question, but he knows nothing about hair and needs at least some clarification.

“No,” Matt sniffles. “But – but I’m – enough.” She lets out a sob. “Can you come home?”

Nick starts shoving his things in his bags. “Yeah, course. I – you want Mox to come, too?”

“Mhm,” Matt snuffles. “Thanks, Nicky.”

“We’ll be there as soon as we can,” he assures her. “We’ll be right there.”

“Kenny and Adam, too?” she asks. “Like when we were little?”

“I’ll call Kenny, you call Adam,” Nick says. “We’ll do everything we can.” He pauses. He doesn’t think there’s anything he can do.

“Okay,” Matt says, and she sounds so miserable Nick wants to be there right now.

“What’s wrong?” Mox asks. “What happened?” He stares at Nick. “Fuck, did somebody die?”

“No,” Nick says, grabbing his bag. “But we gotta go. Matt’s – she tried to dye her hair, but then I think something went wrong and it fell out. She’s freaking out.”

Mox nods. “You know this is way more than just the hair, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Short hair?” Mox says. Nick shrugs. “What’s short hair related to?”

Nick thinks as he shoves his things into his gym bag. “Pixie cuts?”

Mox groans. “Heard of dysphoria?”

It hits Nick like a brick. “Oh, god.”

Coach Gunn is mercifully understanding, even though he promises to make them do the two mile run the next practice.

“Okay,” Mox says. “Yeah, that’ll – we’ll do it tomorrow. Bye.”

“Jesus, this must be important if you’re willing to run, Moxley. Drive safe.”

Matt

Her hands are shaking as she calls Adam for what feels like the twelfth time and puts the phone up to her ear. “Pick up,” she pleads. “Addy, please, pick up.” She hasn’t called him Addy since they were twelve and thirteen, when Adam decided it was too girly and Matt got mad about it for reasons she didn’t understand yet. “Addy, please.” Being alone, with a ringing phone leading to no one, has created a sense of abandonment she’s never felt before. She’s suddenly gets Nick’s anxiety over the past few weeks – the fear of being left alone by everyone who matters.

“Hey, it’s Adam, leave a message.” Matt sobs at the message tag line – she remembers Adam recording it outside of the high school her sophomore year, when their mom was late to pick them up after a game. Nick kept poking Adam in the ribs to make him laugh.

“Adam, I need you to come over,” she says. “I – I’m having a bad day, and I want my favorite people, okay? Please pick up.” She wants to add more, wants to explain herself further, why it’s important, but she can’t find the words. So she hangs up and looks at her hair, and starts crying harder.

Nick

Nick and Mox half run to the car. When they get to Matt, she’s is curled around herself and sitting in a part pink, part bleach stained lawn chair.

“Oh, honey,” Mox says. Nick’s never seen this side of Mox outside of being with Matt – he slides across the still-wet floor and pulls her in. “Let me see.”

Matt’s hand is shaking, actually shaking, as she moves her hair up to let them see.

“Oh,” Nick sighs. “Oh, good. It’s not too bad.”

Matt stares at him. Mox does, too.

“It’s still a big deal!” he clarifies. “I get that it is. But, Matt, I promise you, no one else will notice it. I can do little braids or pigtails in the morning so keep it hidden.”

She breaks into the tiniest smile. The first real one of hers directed toward him in a while. “You’d do that?”

“Of course,” he says. “I’m your brother.”

She lets out a wail. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you,” she hollers. “I – I love you so much and think you’re so cool, but you’re so mean about yourself and it makes me mad.”

Nick throws a bewildered look to Mox, who steps back. Nick slides in and almost falls over as Matt dives at him, throwing her arms around his waist. “I’m not mean to myself.”

“You are,” Matt says, pulling back with a ferocity in her teary, red eyes. “You’re so mean to my baby brother. You say he’s boring and lame and doesn’t have a personality, and you’re wrong.” She stares at him. “Do you get why that would make me so mad?”

Nick exhales. “Uh. Kind of. I didn’t see it like that. I thought you were just sick of me.”

“I was sick of the way you talked about yourself,” she clarifies. “I go off to college and you get to be whatever Nick you want. That’s a good thing. You were acting like you would dissolve or something.”

Nick huffs. “I didn’t act like that.”

“You did, and you know it,” Matt says back. “I didn’t do it right, though. I didn’t – I didn’t explain why I was so frustrated.” She tears her eyes away. “I guess I was being kind of a bitch.”

Nick’s first instinct is to protect her, to deny that that’s ever an option. But then he pauses. He doesn’t have to defend her. Not in this case. Not when she’s right. “Kind of,” he lands on. “But – but it’s okay. I mean, now. Next time let me talk and then talk to me. Don’t, like, yell at me mid-prom dress talk.”

“Deal,” Matt says through a watery laugh. She reaches up and touches the bald spot again, her face crumpling. “I’m gonna need to look up a bunch of hairstyles to disguise this.”

Nick moves her hair. “There’s still some pink left,” he notices. Before he can think better of it, he reaches out to run his fingers through it. It stretches in a way that makes him want to recoil, but pulling his hand back only rips the hair off and it collects in his hand.

“Oh, fuck,” Mox says, eyes wide.

Matt whirls around to see Nick’s hand full of hair. She shrieks and dissolves into sobs again. Nick can barely discern her saying, “It’s gone,” over and over again, and thinks it’s his turn to step back.

Mox steps in. “It is,” Mox says gently. He settles his hands on her shoulders gently. “It’s – okay, it looks bad in the sink, but it’s not as much as you think.”

“I’m going to go make some peppermint tea,” Nick says, struck by a stroke of what he considers genius. “Like when you have a tummy ache.”

She looks up at him. “Thank you, Nicky.”

He nods down and smiles at her. “Of course.”

Nick

They’ve gotten Matt into the living room, explaining her misery briefly to their mother, but they still can’t get ahold of Adam.

“I’ll keep trying,” Nick promises, trying to pretend like he doesn’t have an image of Adam dead in a ditch somewhere flitting through his mind.

Every five minutes, Nick stands and makes another call to Adam. Nothing.

Halfway through the movie, when they’ve all started feeling the anxiety of Adam’s absence, Nick calls Adam again. “Dude, this is important,” he mutters. Matt’s calm on the couch in between Kenny and Mox, eating a bowl of popcorn. Between Nick and Mox they figured out a complex braid that completely covers the ruined area, but Matt’s still fragile enough that she needs all of her boys here. “Pick up.”

He tries three more times. Nothing.

“One more, and then I’m driving over there to get you,” Nick promises.

“’lo?”

“Adam!” Nick exclaims. “Oh, thank goodness. You weren’t picking up.”

Adam’s response is something messy and slurred. Nick doesn’t even know what he said. “Come again?” he says. Something settles, sour, in his stomach. “Are you okay?”

“Nick, messed up,” Adam mumbles.

The sourness curdles. “Are you okay? Can you come to my house?”

“I – don’t think.” There’s a hiccup. “Oh, this is a bad choice.”

“What did you do?” Nick asks. He’s not used to being scared for two of his people at once.

“You’re right, Nicky,” Adam slurs. “Alcohol’s bad.”

“I’m calling your mom,” Nick says, hands shaking. “Right now. I’m worried about you.”

“No, I’m –”

“You are not fine,” Nick says firmly. “Your mom will take care of you.”

Nick stands up and checks his people. Kenny, too anxious about what other people think to tell them he’s dating a guy on the rival debate and basketball teams. Matt, recovering from a dysphoric moment and dabbing at still drying tear tracks. And Mox, the guy who has stepped in and helped every time it’s been needed. The one who always knows what to say.

“Mox, I need to borrow you,” Nick says. Before anyone reacts, he reaches down and grabs Mox’s arm.

“What’s the –”

The look Nick throws at him much be pretty powerful, because Mox shuts up and listens intently as they wait out in the kitchen, far enough from the living room that Nick can be sure Matt won’t hear.

“Adam’s drunk at home and I need to call his mom,” Nick says quietly. “You need to talk to him on my phone while I steal yours to make the call.”

Mox frowns. “Your house doesn’t have a landline?”

“What?! No! What is this, 1995? Just give me your phone!”

Nick thinks he does a good job of shielding Kenny and Matt from the turmoil, but it’s probably more Mulan playing in the background. It’s always been Matt’s favorite Disney movie, and he thinks he knows why now.

“Thank you so much for calling me, Nicky,” Adam’s mom says half an hour later. “I’ve got him here. He’s okay.” She sighs. “He’s a bit of a lightweight, it seems. All this for only three beers.”

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Adam mumbles, but it’s loud enough Nick can hear him on the other end of the line. “Nick, I’m sorry.”

Adam’s mom shushes him. “Don’t apologize, Adam. You didn’t hurt anyone but yourself, and that’s an apology that can happen later. I can tell something bigger is going on here.” She sighs, and Nick thinks he can see Adam’s face in his mind: miserable, heartbroken, scared. “Again, Nicky. We’re so lucky to have you in our lives.”

“Take care of him, Mrs. Page,” he says, feeling like he’s pulled in two directions as he knows he has to hang up the phone.

“Of course. He’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nick hangs up and looks over at Mox. “Thanks, man.”

“Of course.” His smile is a little hollow, sad. “I kind of know what Adam’s going through. Anything he needs to get better.”

Nick doesn’t have the bandwidth to press further, so he and Mox walk back into the living room.

Matt looks up at them, like it’s the first time she’s noticed they’d left. “What was that guys? Where’s Adam?”

Nick and Mox exchange a look. “Well…”

Matt frowns. “What’s that look?” She sits up so fast Kenny falls behind her, flailing. “Is he okay? What’s wrong?”

“Matt,” Mox says slowly. “Adam – I think he’s going through some stuff.” He glances over at Nick.

“He was drunk, Matty,” Nick says slowly.

Her demeanor shifts drastically, turning confusion into an angry wildfire. “He’s what?!” she shrieks. “Give me my phone.”

“Matty, I don’t think -” She whirls around to Mox, who immediately pauses. “Alright, baby, you do what you gotta do.”

“Oh no,” Nick says. He steps up and wrestles Matt’s phone from her hands. Matt looks almost shocked. “Matt, Adam’s clearly going through some stuff. This – you don’t get to beat him up about it.”

“I wasn’t going to –”

“Then what were you going to do?” he asks. His hands are shaking, but he holds firm.

Matt almost immediately deflates. “Oh.”

“You’re allowed to get mad at things, but you really need to check yourself before taking it out on other people.” He sits down gently next to Matt. “You’re upset about your hair, and you’re allowed to be, but you can’t take that and launch it at Adam who’s having issues, too.”

Matt curls up on herself again. “Yeah,” she says, quieter than he’s heard her in ages. She buries her face into Mox’s chest. “I just needed him. And he’s not here.”

#moxmatt high school au #WE'RE GETTING REAL HERE FOLKS #Also Nick is finally growing a backbone thank you ya little shit #Making your arc about finding your voice and identity was very annoying to write because WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WORD #wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes #MoxMatt #HangNick #Here have some nonsense

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banannabethchase · 8 months

Note

Post high school au hangnick "adam, I think the goats are watching us"

Lightning in a Bottle - also on AO3

Nick and Adam have some time together, get interrupted by goats, have some important conversations, and eat a terrible pie.

Hello have a Set the World Alight sequel!

Note: two consenting teenagers discuss sex, very positively, with themes of trust and love and all that. It all goes fade to black :) Song title from Lightning in a Bottle by The Summer Set.

There’s a good chance Nick’s brain is leaking out of his ears.

Adam’s a good kisser. Like, a really good kisser. In the days after graduation, Adam has demonstrated a disturbingly steep learning curve with the kissing thing. He’s got the hands involved, sliding up Nick’s shirt. Some little desperate moans, when Nick slides his hands up Adam’s shirt.

It blows his mind. Nick is pretty sure he might die from all of it, might not be able to stop himself if Adam wants to keep going in this literal hay in his barn.

“Oh, my god,” Adam says, dropping his head back into the hay. Nick can barely focus on him. His blood is otherwise occupied. “Nick, wait, I gotta –”

“I know,” Nick pants. He leans backward, wishing hay wasn’t so comfortable. “God. I…” He shakes his head. “Got overwhelmed. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?!” Adam exclaimed. “Why the hell are you sorry? That was – oh, my god, get back here.” He grabs a handful of Nick’s shirt and Nick goes with a grin, straddling Adam’s hips and diving back in. It’s confusing, really, how good Adam is at this. He’d only ever kissed John Silver and Alex Reynolds from theater club, based on Adam’s own report, but that is more than enough practice. Nick’s pretty sure he can feel himself melt into Adam, like the two of them can fuse into one.

And then he hears it.

He pauses and pulls back just a tiny bit.

“Are you okay?” Adam asks. His hair has fallen out of his bun and is full of hair. Explaining that to Mr. and Mrs. Page is going to be impossible. He reaches up, tossing some hair over Nick’s shoulder. “I’m – I’m sorry if I went too fast.”

“You – what?” Nick asks. “No, not at all. It’s just…” Nick trails off, getting lost in how pretty Adam’s eyes are.

“What?” Adam asks quietly.

“Adam, I think the goats are watching us.”

Adam blinks at him. “What?”

“The goats,” Nick says, glancing around. Sure enough, Chevron and at least one of her babies are peering over their gate, weird little rectangle eyes boring into his own. “They’re staring.” Nick tears his eyes away from the voyeuristic mammals and back to Adam. “I’m not crazy.”

“I didn’t think you were,” Adam say, smiling up at Nick like he’s trying not to. “Just – you’re thinking about goats right now?” He shifts and the hay moves, dropping their hips together in a moment so overwhelming Nick is worried he may have a very uncomfortable pants situation in the next three seconds if he doesn’t figure something out.

“No,” Nick says, breathing slowly. “No, I am not. Not even a little bit.”

Adam’s smile is something new to him, something a little devious, a little naughty, incredibly different from the usual grin he’s used to seeing on his best friend – his boyfriend’s – face. “Yeah?” he asks, all breathy, like he knows what he’s doing. He waits for Nick to respond, to pull away, and when Nick nods, Adam tilts his hips up.

“Oh my god,” Nick says, the whole sentence more of a rambling string of syllables. “I, Adam, I want to –”

“Boys, this is me being very loud and obnoxious so I don’t walk in on anything I can’t unsee!”

Moving so quickly Nick can’t even prepare, Adam flips them over and shoves Nick into the hay, like they’ve done since elementary school. Though, Nick supposes as he feels hay up his nose, he’s never done this with a boner.

Adam’s laughing. “Hah! You flew!”

“You knocked me over!” Nick splutters, spitting hay out of his face. “That was on you.” He shoves Adam, who grabs at his shirt as he falls back into the hay, grinning. They both tumble down, Nick’s face flying directing into Adam’s stomach, and they laugh into each other’s clothes.

“You two haven’t changed much,” says Mrs. Page, and she’s got her hands on her hips when Nick lifts his head to see her. “Nice to see. Dinner’s ready, if the two of you are hungry.”

Adam leaps to his feet, and Nick tries not to be too obvious with the way he stares at Adam’s butt in his jeans. “Already?”

“You two have been out here for an hour and a half,” Mrs. Page laughs. She stops laughing rather suddenly. “Well, I’m not going to think about that one too much. Come on, boys, in you go.”

Adam and Nick share glances all through dinner, and Mr. Page calls them “lovebirds” in a way so fond it gives Nick a sudden vision of the two of them at a dinner like this when he and Adam are married.

He shakes his head out of it, and dives back into the pasta.

“That was awesome,” Nick says, falling back in the chair. “Like, really good.”

“We have extra if you’d like to bring some home,” Mr. Page says.

“We always have extra,” Adam says, rolling his eyes. “Last week we had to freeze six servings of meatloaf because dad got overexcited.”

“I wasn’t overexcited! I was prepared!”

“Anyway, don’t eat any more,” Adam says firmly. “I made pie.”

“You – what?”

“Pie,” Adam clarifies. “Apple pie. I figured I need a new hobby since being all stupid over you has transferred into a new direction.”

Mr. Page snorts. “You said it, Adam, not me.”

Adam rolls his eyes and shoots Nick a look like Mr. Page is the dope in the situation. “Anyway, let me go get it.” He turns to the kitchen, and Nick lingers for just a second until the door closes.

“Nick,” Mrs. Page says, voice low and hurried. “Don’t hurt his feelings.”

Nick frowns. “What?”

“The pie is terrible,” Mr. Page says. “Like, really bad. Kid must have put in salt instead of sugar with the apples, it’s all wrong. I snuck a taste when he was baking. It’s edible, but it’s awful.”

Nick wrinkles his nose. “Isn’t it better to tell him the truth?”

“Kiddo, he’s been working on it for hours,” Mrs. Page says.

“Right,” Nick says, bracing himself. “Right.”

Adam swings in with a mercifully small pie in his hands, just enough for each of them to have a tiny slice. “I figured I could try out the recipe with a mini thing, you know? Then I can try again later.”

He painstakingly serves all four of them, and, with the lock of it, it can’t be bad.

He is so wrong.

“Oh,” Nick says, resisting the urge to make a weird face at the bizarre taste, “it’s – good?” He throws a quick look to Mrs. Page, who nods so tiny that he almost misses it.

“Hmm,” Adam says. “I feel like it could use more…maybe cinnamon?” He takes another giant bite, chewing with a careful concentration on his face. “Something. It needs something.”

Nick does his best not to look at Mr. or Mrs. Page, deciding instead to shovel the weirdest dessert of his life in his face.

He thanks Jesus and everybody else for the fact that the pie was tiny. “Okay,” he says. “Um, Adam. Mox and Matty should be back at my house soon for mini golf.”

Adam nods, swallowing a gigantic bite of pie. “Right!” He puts down his fork. “God, Matty’s the worst with us being late, but she’s allowed to take an hour on her hair.” He rolls his eyes. “Let’s go.”

Nick climbs into the car and grins over at Adam. Technically, they aren’t lying. But Midnight Mini Golf doesn’t start until 9, Mox and Matty will be on their date until at least 8, and Nick and Adam have at least an hour to kill.

“So,” Nick says, sliding his hand across the bench seat of Adam’s truck, once their discussion over the best coffee flavor is finishes up. He hooks his pinky with Adam’s, who flips his hand and takes it. “We have a bunch of time alone.”

“We do,” Adam says, and Nick wants to paint the pretty blush across Adam’s cheeks.

“I was thinking,” Nick says, and he wills himself not to mention the deep clean of his bedroom he did, “we could hang out? My mom and dad are still on vacation, so it would only be us.” He clears his throat. He doesn’t know why this is so overwhelming, why he feels so nervous. This is Adam. Adam, who has seen him cry over dropping ice creams. Adam, who curled up in bed with him as he cried over Jude. Adam, with whom he has had so many farting contents it’s probably a problem.

It's Adam.

That’s why it matters.

Adam turns to him at the stoplight before Nick’s road. “Really?” he asks, and Nick thinks he looks hopeful.

Nick nods. “Not – I don’t want to pressure you.”

“Pressure me?!” Adam asks. “Nick, I need you to understand this is something I’ve been hoping for since we were, like, eleven.” He grins, and the car starts moving as the red light flips to green. “Pretend I never said that.”

“Oh, you’ve had a really big crush on me forever!” Nick says, suddenly losing all of the anxiety. “You like me. You think I’m cute, don’t you?”

“We made out at prom, Nicholas, that is not news.”

Nick is giddy, the excitement and anticipation turning into a sparkling in his chest. “We did, didn’t we.”

Adam pulls into Nick’s driveway, and Nick is too stupid and seventeen to keep himself from launching into Adam’s space and kissing him within an inch of reason. Adam laughs at the kiss, cupping Nick’s face in his hand. “If we have sex here, we’re going to get caught.”

Nick immediately goes back to the mild anxiety from before, peppered in with the excitement. “Right,” he says, leaning back. “Good point.”

They’re weirdly formal as they walk down the driveway to the door, and Nick is acutely aware of Adam’s presence behind him as he unlocks the door. All he wants to do is get inside the house and – well, just the idea of it makes him blush.

“Let’s get inside,” he says, words breathy.

In the past, Matty’s always been the talker. She’s always been the one to ramble, to start talking and not be able to stop. Nick would jump in from time to time, dropping some hilarious one liners, and then sit back and watch Matty chatter on.

Right now, he has never been more like his big sister.

“And if there’s anything you don’t like, you have to tell me. I don’t want to hurt you but I also want to make sure you talk to me, okay?” He chances a look at Adam, where they’ve made it halfway up the stairs before Nick had to pause to emphatically insist on the importance of communication. Adam is gazing at him with a sweet little smile, biting his lip.

“Nick,” he says gently. “Are you nervous?”

“What?” Nick says. And then he takes inventory of himself. “Oh. Yeah, I think so.” He breaks eye contact, unable to keep the intensity. “It’s been almost a year, okay? And you’re important.”

“Aw,” Adam says. “You’re important too.” He reaches out his hand, and Nick takes it. “Come on, let’s get upstairs. We can keep talking while we’re sitting, okay?”

Nick nods, and when they get to his room, he takes a deep breath to open the door.

“It’s clean,” Adam says, and Nick wishes he didn’t sound so surprised.

“You shut up,” Nick mumbles, grabbing Adam’s hand again and yanking him to sit next to him on the bed. “I didn’t want anything to go wrong.”

“It won’t go wrong,” Adam says. He cups Nick’s cheek. “I trust you, Nicky.”

That’s when it hits him.

Nick didn’t trust Jude, not the first few times anyway. And not now.

“You trust me?” Nick asks, and it’s so hesitant he almost feels pathetic.

“I’ve always trusted you,” Adam says. His hand hesitates, but Nick nods, and he rests it on Nick’s thighs. Nick exhales. “You hear me, right? I’ve got you, and you got me.” He leans in and kisses Nick on the forehead, and it’s so sweet Nick almost melts.

“This is your first time,” Nick says, almost a giggle. “Aren’t I supposed to be telling you cute things?”

Adam shrugs. “We can both take care of each other.”

“Take care of each other,” Nick echoes, eyes flickering to Adam’s lips. “Yeah.”

Adam leans in and Nick’s mind turns to jelly. His body feels glued to Adam’s like it’s just natural for him to fall on top of Adam, to feel his steady legs underneath his own, to grab at his strong arms.

“Lifting all that hay has done wonders,” Nick says, sliding his lips down Adam’s neck. Adam lets out a strangled sound, and Nick freezes. “Are you okay?”

“Okay?!” Adam exclaims. “That was – do that again, the neck thing.” He looks at Nick. “Please?”

Nick grins. “Oh, you like that, huh?” He licks his lips. “Good to know.”

Their clothes disappear with gentle touches and delighted gasps, and Nick can feel him hurtling toward the point of no return before he remembers something.

Nick pulls back, head spinning with how good it all is. “Baby,” he says automatically, “before we do this, I – I need to tell you something.”

Adam freezes, searching Nick’s eyes with something next to panic. “Is – is something wrong?”

“No,” Nick says. “No, just…your pie was horrible.”

Adam throws his head back and laughs so hair his hair falls out of his ponytail. “Jesus, Nicky, you’re awful.”

“Am not! I’m honest.”

Adam sighs, staring at Nick in a way that is almost too much. “It was that bad you had to tell me? Before we…before…” He trails off and clears his throat. “Before we have sex?”

“It’s not that,” Nick says, and he runs his thumb along Adam’s skin as he tries to work out why he interrupted when things were getting really interesting. “I just – I don’t even want to lie, or hide things from you, okay? Not when you matter so much.” He finally lifts his head and sees Adam’s eyes as soft and sweet as still ocean.

“Nick,” he says, “come here.”

And Nick does.

Set the World Alight universe playlist

#Sarah this is your fault #MoxMatt high school AU #in which Sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now???#HangNick #Anxious millennial dreamboat #Nicrowlas

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banannabethchase · 11 months

Text

Set the World Alight: Chapter 9 - also on AO3

Matt gets her appointment with her doctor about HRT, Nick gets mildly smothered by his big sister, and Matt and Mox have a very overdue conversation.

Note: I'm writing this fic in a much kinder world that we live in right now. Matt is given the opportunity to meet with a doctor relating to HRST, and it goes, well, better than most meetings go for most trans people. I'm giving Matt the medical experience she and all trans people deserve in this fic, which may not directly reflect the reality many people are facing. However, I'm putting this in the universe as a hopeful future for trans people.

Additional note: In this chapter, high schoolers in a committed, loving relationship discuss sex and their preferences! They are awkward and dorky about it.

Monday January 20th

Nick

Matt’s jittery the whole drive to school, and Nick worries about her the entire time. He catches Matt as she makes her way to the front office to sign out.

“It’s going to go great,” he insists to her. “You’re going to get your medicine and things are going to go well.”

“Maybe,” Matt says, frowning. “I mean, switching to HRT sometimes requires months, if not years, of consultation. They might want me to go through specific therapy for a few weeks.”

“You’ve been doing the virtual therapy though, right?” Nick asks. “Like, you told Marcia about this?”

Matt gives him the most annoying know-it-all look. “Nicky, if you think I didn’t start talking to Marcia about this back when I started seeing her freshman year, you’re stupid.”

“Hey!” Nick says, elbowing her in the ribs. “I’m trying to be supportive here. Just asking”

Matt nods. “I – I also showed them my journals.” Her smile goes a little hidden. “I don’t think I ever told you this, but I’ve been writing about being a girl for the past, like, three years. Apparently that helps them know I’m ready.”

“Look at you, being prepared,” Nick says. “For once in your life.”

Matt socks him in the arm. “I thought you were gonna be nice.”

“Nope!” Nick says grinning. “I’m the asshole brother. You should expect this by now.”

Matt huffs as she walks away, but she’s got a bit of a pep in her step that Nick hadn’t seen earlier.

He makes his way through school and practice, driving the car home carefully and also in a mild panic, but settles almost immediately when he walks in the house and realizes he’s the only one there. His mom is with Matt at her appointment, Dad is still at work, and Nick doesn’t have to listen to anyone talk for a few hours, at least.

He blares his music while he showers and dresses in pajamas with all the doors open, skipping his way through the rooms while singing poorly to Hot in Herre when no one can judge him. He tries to get some good selfies in the mirror – he’s finally getting something that looks like abs – and texts one to Adam with the message, is this a good shot?

Adam doesn’t reply for a while, and when he does he says, warn a dude before sending nudes fuck.

Nick ignores the butterflies he gets at the thought of what Adam may have looked like when he opened the text. it’s not nudes!!!!!

You are shirtless and your shorts are out of frame. It’s basically a nude!!!!!!

It’s 5:00 before he gets a text from Matt, when he’s lying on the couch watching college basketball without anyone interrupting him.

I have a prescription! I get HRT!

Nick sits up. He didn’t want to tell anyone, but he was scared and, honestly, pretty sure they were going to refuse to do anything for Matt. Ever since she’d come out to him, Nick had been secretly compiling research. Transphobic laws, cruel words thrown at people even more vulnerable than Matt, medical professionals who let their own opinions overtake logic. He has a file on the computer of safe states, of laws he’s afraid of, of people he knows in his life who will take care of Matt in any situation. There’s an email drafted to their Aunt Marilyn up in Massachusetts, just in case they had to get Matt out of there in an emergency.

But he didn’t need any of them.

He mutes the TV and calls. “Do you get to pick it up today?!”

“I do!” Matt says. Nick thinks he can see the smile on her face. “Mom and I are on the way – CVS is open until six so we should get there in time.”

Matt goes on to review the entire doctor’s appointment, in excruciating detail, but Nick’s not going to complain. She’s talking more quickly than Nick’s heard her in a long time, the excitement bleeding through every word, and he allows himself to relax his fears for her.

“I’m really happy for you, Matty,” he says. “This is awesome.”

“We’re at CVS,” she says. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Later,” Nick says. “And, um. Matty?”

“Yeah?”

“I really love you.” They don’t say it a lot, saving it for big events. And this feels like one of them.

“I love you too, baby brother,” Matt says.

Sunday February 3rd

Nick

Between games and a new semester and a sister whose hormonal shifts are causing some slightly intense crying jags that interrupt him in the middle of the night, Nick is exhausted. He pulls off the prior day’s Saturday game with mediocre attempts, but they still lose. His goal for all of Sunday is to just sleep.

He is not given that opportunity.

Based on the way the light angles in through the window, he can guess it’s probably around 11:30 in the morning when the door to his bedroom slams open.

“Nick!” Matt says. “Nick, I think I’m getting boobs!”

Nick rolls over. “Mm. Sleep. Goo’ job.”

“Nick!” Matt yells again, and she shakes his shoulder enough that Nick has no choice but to roll over. “Look!”

“I really don’t want to,” Nick mumbles.

“Not – gross, don’t be weird. I mean, like, in the shirt!”

Nick rolls over, opening his eyes with the knowledge he may regret it instantly. “Um.”

“Look!” Matt says. She’s bouncing on her toes, almost jumping. She pulls her shirt tight against her.

“Well, would you look at that,” Nick says. “You have the beginnings of boobs.” He thinks that the right answer. He doesn’t exactly see something, but he knows there’s something there because Matt’s excited, and he refuses to be the one to ruin her moment.

Matt spins around while making this high pitched scream, something weird and giddy and so Matt that it makes Nick want to shove his head into a pillow. “I’m a girl!”

“Boobs don’t make you a girl,” Nick grumbles into the pillow.

“You’re talking to a pillow, dumbass,” Matt singsongs.

Nick rolls over, glaring at Matt. “I’m trying to be supportive and you’re being a bitch.”

Matt grins. “I like when you call me a bitch. It’s better than when you’d call me an asshole. I like being called a bitch.”

Nick pushes himself up to sitting. “I can’t wait until you move into the garage office.”

Matt sighs. “Me either. It’s gonna be great. We’re almost done!” She bounces on her toes for a second then finally settles, looking at Nick with this hopeful little smile. “Anyway, you really mean it?” Nick gets a good look at her face, at the apprehensive excitement, at the hope in her eyes.

“I do,” Nick says. “And the shirt, like, works, you know? It makes it clear what you’re going for.” He frowns, wishing he knew how to help better. “Like that part around the – your ribs? It looks really girly.”

Matt rolls her eyes. “It’s called an empire waist, dumbass. It gives me a waist.”

“Yeah,” Nick says, squinting. “Sure. You look great. Can I go back to sleep now?”

Matt sighs. “Fine. Thanks, though. I feel pretty. Go back to sleep.”

“Trying to,” Nick grumbles. But Matt closes their bedroom door, and Nick falls back to sleep.

Matt

She half dances out the door when Mox says he’s in the driveway. “Guess what?”

“What?” Mox asks. “Hi, by the way.”

Matt vaults up into the truck and slides over to kiss Mox. “Guess what I have?”

Mox frowns. “Um. I don’t know?”

“I have boobs,” Matt says. She can’t contain her excitement, can’t be normal about it. “Look!”

“Are you about to flash me?”

Matt rolls her eyes as she unzips her coat. “No, dumbass. I’m just showing you.” She pulls the shirt taut. They’re not big or anything, but they’re there, and they’re hers.

Mox nods. “You got boobs.”

“I did!”

Mox’s grin goes a little dirty. “Can I see ‘em?”

“Not here, but, yeah, eventually.” Matt grins back. “Once I move into the garage apartment, I’ll think we’ll have a few more opportunities.” She winks.

Mox swallows hard. “Yeah. Right. Um.”

He’s a little twitchy during their date, through the movie, through dinner, but Matt thinks it’s because he can’t stop looking at her boobs. It’s charming, in a way, the way he keeps dragging his eyes away and whispering in her ear how pretty she was the whole time.

“What even was that movie about?” Mox asks. “Like, do we know? Did you get any of it?”

Matt giggles, weaving their fingers together. “Well, there were multiple dance competitions, and somebody kissed in the end. So I’m thinking somebody fell in love.”

Mox’s eyes flickers over to her. “Yeah? You do?”

Matt shrugs, “Maybe.” She swings their hands. She wants to say it. She thinks she feels it.

But all she can think of us what Cody expected when she said it last time.

Matt recounts as much of the movie as she can remember as Mox drives her home, talking about it as much as she can so she doesn’t accidentally say something else she can’t take back. She knows Mox is different – he’s proven it a million times – but she’s just not ready to say it. Not yet. Not after last time.

The first thing Matt notices as Mox pulls into the driveway is that all the cars are gone. “Well would you look at that,” she says. “Looks like we’re home alone. Want me to show you what my new room is going to look like?”

Mox nods. “Yeah!” He pauses. “That was too excited, wasn’t it.”

“No,” Matt says. She hops out of the trick. “It was cute. I like when you get all eager like that. It reminds me of a puppy.”

“Why does everybody say I’m like a puppy?” Mox says, following her to the door. She pushes the door connecting the breezeway to the garage. “So, there’s a little bathroom down here,” she gestures to the corner, “which will be mine. It’s already done. We have a little more work to do on the bedroom, but it’s almost done.”

Mox follows her up the stairs, and Matt can practically feel his eyes on her.

“And here,” she says, “I’m thinking I’ll put the bed over here, and put the -”

“I got into State with a full scholarship,” Mox blurts out at the top of the stairs.

Matt turns around. “What?! You did?!”

Mox nods, relaxing. “Oh, my god. Sorry. You’ve just been talking, like, so much today, about your boobs, and then it was the movie, and then you were talking about the movie, and I was, like, sure you weren’t going to stop talking. So I wanted to make sure I got a chance to say it.”

Matt runs at him and yanks him into her arms. She hugs him as tightly as she can. “I’m so proud of you,” she murmurs into his chest. She pulls back. “That’s amazing! Early admission really means early, doesn’t it.”

Mox nods, then kisses Matt’s forehead. She feels warm. Comfortable. Safe. “I, um. I wanted to tell you. Since I know you applied there, too, but regular admission.” He pauses, then his eyes widen. “Not to tell you to go there! I want you to go wherever works best for you! But, um,” He pauses again. “I – one of the reasons I like the school so much is they have a really great queer club. And they’re really good with their trans students – they discipline anyone who does anything transphobic with names or genders.”

Matt lets herself smile a little bit. “You looked that up for me?”

“Of course, baby,” Mox says. “I want to make sure anywhere you go you’re taken care of.”

Matt’s resolve crumbles. She launches herself at Mox, arms around his neck, and he stumbles backward into the wall across from the stairs. He makes a weird little noise as he grabs at her back, her hips, her ass. A hand slides up to her stomach and she grabs his hand to push it up her shirt. She’s on fire as his fingertips graze across the fabric of her bra. Matt’s head is spinning with it, and she’s hard already, and she wants, she wants, she –

“Hold on,” Mox pants, dropping his head back against the wall. “Wait, babe, we haven’t – we haven’t talked about this.” He steps to the side. “Fuck.” He giggles and looks at her. “God, I.” He exhales and squeezes his eyes shut, bouncing a little. “Sorry. Trying to – trying to get my shit together, you know.”

Matt nods, lightheaded herself. “I know.” But she can’t exactly fight the feeling of rejection. “Do – do you not want to?”

Mox’s eyes widen. “Do I not – oh my god, of course I want to! Jesus, Matt you’re…” He trails off and looks her up and down. He looks hungry. Matt shivers under his gaze. “But we need to talk about – about what – words. Words need to happen. I don’t want to do anything either of us regret.”

“Oh.” Matt lets it sink in. “Talk? Like what talking?” She wonders if Mox is about to give her the same speech Cody did. “Like, how it doesn’t count unless you’re, like, having real sex?”

“What?” Mox asks, looking befuddled. “No. We – what?! God, you sound like Seth’s brother. No, about what you want, and what I want, and what you don’t want, and what, like. What…ways? You want to have sex?” He winces. “I know you and Cody were together for a while, and that you guys broke up bad. But, um. Have you – done – things?”

Matt nods. “Yeah. Cody, uh. Cody said the only thing that counts is real sex. Like, hand jobs and blow jobs? Don’t count.”

Mox gets the weirdest, pinched look on his face. “He said what?”

Matt shrugs. “I don’t know. He said it wasn’t real unless,” Matt tries to recall the words she’d been blocking out for almost a year, “‘somebody’s dick was in somebody’s hole’.”

“Ew,” Mox says. “Jesus. What a douchebag.”

Matt shrugs. She knows that now. She didn’t back then. “Yeah. He, uh. Yeah.”

“How about this,” Mox says. “How about we – we’ll talk about this later, more, right? Because clearly Cody wasn’t – Cody was a dick. And I don’t want to do anything like that.”

Matt smiles at him. “If it helps, you aren’t like him at all. He never made me feel the way you do.” It’s close. But Matt’s still not all the way ready to say it.

Mox opens his arms and Matt walks into them. Cody never made her feel like this either. Cody never stopped them to talk. It’s strange. “I’m glad,” Mox says into her hair. “I never want to make you feel anything but – but loved.” He pulls back. “And I’m not saying this to do anything or get anything, okay? But I love you. I don’t need you to say it back. I just need you to know.”

Matt tears up. “You do?” she asks, heart racing.

Mox nods. “Damn it. Now I made you cry.”

“I’m always crying lately,” she squeaks. She presses her face back into Mox’s chest, feeling warm and soft and loved. “These are good tears.”

They’re downstairs tossing popcorn in each other’s mouths while Great British Bakeoff plays in the background when Nick slams the door open, singing some horrible song.

“Oh, hey!” he says. “You look like you’re in a good mood. What’s up?”

Matt blushes. “Nothing.”

“You two are such nerds,” he says, chucking his backpack in their direction. Mox bats it away, then catches popcorn in his mouth. “I bet you watched TV the whole stupid night, huh?”

“No!” Matt says. “We also saw a movie!”

Mox sends a little grin over to Matt, something quick that only she could see. “Catch,” Matt says, chucking a handful of popcorn at Nick’s face. He drops his basketball and his phone as he dives to catch three in his mouth. “Yes!” he yells through the popcorn.

“That’s, like, a 40% catch rate,” Mox scoffs. “Matty, baby, let’s show him how it’s done.”

Matt and Nick’s dad shows up about twenty minutes later, silent as he takes in the scene. Matt is covered in popcorn, as is the floor. Nick has created a structure using his hoodie to launch the popcorn into his mouth. And Mox is on the floor, catching some of the popcorn Nick is missing.

“What on earth are the three of you doing?” he asks. “I hope you all know you’re in charge of cleaning this up.”

“Dad, catch!” Nick yells.

It takes ten minutes before the three of them stop laughing at the popcorn that catches in his beard.

They're all so DOPEY and I want them to be happy forever. Except for Cody. This Cody sucks.

#moxmatt high school au #in which Sara writes #Here have a chapter where I inserted nonsense right at the end because it Needed Tomfoolery #wtf i like wrestling now???#Matt Attrackson #madly in love with leather daddy jon moxley

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banannabethchase · 10 months

Text

Set the World Alight: Chapter 19 - also on AO3

Adam, Nick, and Matt have breakthroughs, and Mox shares a little more of who he is.

Content note [chapter spoilers]: There is discussion of alcoholism in this chapter.

Wednesday April 16th

Nick

He almost cries when Adam walks into class the next morning, looking sleepy and exhausted, but there.

“Adam!” he almost weeps. “Come here.” He wraps Adam in a fierce hug. “God, you’re okay.”

“Hi, Nicky,” he says quietly. “Thanks for taking care of me last night.”

“Always,” Nick promises. They stand there, breathing each other in for a few minutes. He steps back, sliding his hand down to grab Adam’s. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Later,” Adam says. “I – I wanted to be here for my APUSH review. And to see you.” He offers the sweetest smile to Nick, and Nick almost falls over then and there. He squeezes Nick’s hand again. Neither of them let go. “Thank you. For calling at the right time.”

“Thank you for being a lightweight,” Nick quips back. “You hungover or anything today?”

Adam shakes his head. “No, but last night sure didn’t feel good.” He wrinkles his nose. He opens his mouth to say something else, to maybe answer anything Nick’s been dying to know, when the teacher starts talking and they jump apart.

Later he promises himself. You’ll talk to him later at lunch.

But lunch is crazy. Adam seems fine, at least right now, and Kyle and Cole don’t have a clue what happened, so Nick doesn’t bring it up. The questions churn in his stomach, but he holds back.

Willow’s reenactment of the way her biology teacher described artificial insemination is funny enough that they’re all still laughing as they walk out of the lunch room. Only to run into Matt.

He clenches his jaw, willing Matt to be kind, to be gentle. Maybe, if he’s lucky, to shut up.

“Hi,” she says gently. But she can’t meet Adam’s eyes.

And he can’t meet hers, and instead tries to walk around her.

“Wait!” Matt says. “Wait, don’t leave me again!”

Adam freezes, and Nick can see Matt didn’t think through what she said.

“What?” Adam asks. “Matt, I’m sorry.”

“No, I know,” Matt says. “I – are you okay?”

He shrugs.

“Adam,” she says gently, “could you just look at me? I need to know you’re alright.”

Adam’s mouth is pinched in a thin line, and Nick doesn’t know what happens next. “I’m fine.”

Matt relaxes. “Okay, I’m glad you’re alright. I was worried – ”

“I screwed up,” Adam continued. “I – I’m a bad friend. I’m sorry,” Adam says. Nick thinks this is the first time he’s ever seen Adam fight tears like this. He never gets this way. Never tries to fight back what he feels. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Matt, I – I talked to my mom and we’re working on it.”

“I know,” Matt says. “And I believe you. I just – ”

“Can we pretend it never happened?” Adam interrupts. “Just erase it and start over?”

Nick watches the way Matt sorts through her feelings. “No,” she says softly. “Not – not because I hate you or anything. I need some – some time, okay? You’re still my best friend. Always. But…” She trails off. Nick hates it, but he’s proud of Matt for at least being honest. “Just a couple days, if that’s okay?”

Adam opens his mouth. Like he’s going to try and fight, but it leaves him. “Yeah,” he says, voice choked. “Yeah, I get that. I wouldn’t want to be around me, either.”

“Adam – ” Nick says.

Matt throws a panicked look at Nick, who doesn’t know what to do.

Adam throws one last sad smile over his shoulder, but his shoulders shake and Nick knows he’s crying.

“Should I follow him?” Matt asks. “No, I asked for space. I don’t know what to do.” She turns to Nick. “Did I make it worse?”

“No, no,” Nick says. “I don’t – I think this is something else.” He frowns. “I’ll give him a few minutes then – then, if he’s not in World Lit, I’ll find him.”

Matt bites her lip and nods. “Yeah, okay. Come get me if you need me, okay?” But Matt keeps going to play with the ends of her hair and flinching any time she brushes the short part, and Nick decides he’ll take care of Adam on his own.

“I will,” Nick promises. He reaches out and squeezes Matt’s hand. “Go have fun at lunch. Where’s Mox?”

“Might be on the court,” Matt says, shrugging. “He has a physics test and he’s a little nervous.”

Nick makes it five minutes before he gives up. He texts Adam. No response.

He stands up and the teacher nods at him. It pays to do all his homework and ace the past three essays, he guesses. Nick’s hands are shaking as he walks down the hall, and then he spots a familiar figure up ahead.

“Mox,” Nick says. He didn’t know how much he needed backup until seeing one of the only people he can trust walk down the hallway. “Mox, help.”

“What are you doing?!” he asks, looking around. “Why aren’t you in class?”

“I’m – Adam’s – and Matt.”

“Oh, god, what now?”

“Matt ran into Adam,” Nick says. “She was okay, but – but he heard her wrong, I think. I’m worried he’s going to do something stupid.

Mox’s expression goes worried. “I have an idea. I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but…” He starts off down the hallway, and Nick follows.

Nick is impressed at the way Mox bursts into Mr. Regal’s classroom at the start of a class period.

“Excuse me, Mr. Moxley, my apologies for allowing my instruction to interrupt your free period.” Mr. Regal is scary. Like, really scary. Nick is man enough to admit he’s half hiding behind Mox. “This better be an emergency.” Mr. Regal’s stern blue eyes make Nick want to apologize for accidentally looking at Mark’s paper that one time during a test two years ago, but Mox presses on.

“It is,” Mox insists. “Like last time emergency.”

Mr. Regal’s eyes widen, then he returns to his impeccable composure and looks at a student in his class. “Mr. Taylor, you are in charge. Keep the group under control. I will be back as soon as I can. My lesson plans are on the desk.”

Chuck, looking confused, nods. “Um. Okay.”

Mox recounts the past few days in quick, frantic tones. Nick can barely keep up with the two of them as they make their way down the halls to Adam’s independent study room. His heart beats so fast he worries he’s going to throw up.

“Adam!” Nick says, sprinting into the room where Adam is curled in on himself. There’s a bottle on the desk. Mox takes a sniff while Nick slides in next to Adam and pulls him into a hug. Mox gives a happy thumbs up to Nick and mouths, it’s just water. “Oh, Adam, I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m not,” Adam mumbles into his arms. “I’m a bad friend and a bad son and a bad student.” He pulls his head up, eyes red-rimmed and wet. “I keep screwing up.” He takes in Mr. Regal and Mox, and the misery is replaced with panic. “What – what are you doing here?!”

“Mr. Page, I assure you, I will not be reporting this to anyone unless you refuse to come with me,” Mr. Regal says in a calm voice. “I have been in your shoes, dear Adam. I wish to help you through this, not to punish.”

Adam’s glances are panicked and fraught as he looks between Mox and Nick.

“You can trust him,” Mox says gently. “I swear.”

Nick curls up next to Adam. “You’re okay, Adam,” he says quietly. “We got you. I promise.”

Adam starts talking so quickly Nick can barely pick it up, but he gets the gist. The past few weeks, in preparation for AP exams and finals, one of the seniors (Jake or Jack, Nick’s not sure) slid him a flask that would help him “calm down.” He’d been sipping it, trying to get over how much he hated the taste, but it wasn’t working.

“I only brought alcohol a few times,” he admits, miserable. “And – I didn’t really like it? But Jake said it would help, so I thought I wasn’t – I didn’t have enough.” He pulls himself even more into a ball and Nick scoots into his space as Adam presses up against him. “That’s why the other night happened.” He turns red, watery eyes to Nick. “I’m so sorry, Nick. I wasn’t there when Matt needed me because I was…” He trails off.

“You’re alright, Adam,” Mr. Regal says quietly. “These mistakes happen, and you didn’t hurt anyone.”

“I did, though,” Adam sighs. “I wasn’t there when Matt needed me.” Nick watches his eyes fill with tears again. “And she’s never gonna forgive me.”

“She will,” Nick insists, fiercely. “She will. I promise.”

Matt

She’s pretty much stomping outside the basketball court, waiting for Mox to be done with practice. Athena had full on yelled at her to chill out during the routine, she was so angry, but it’s her only way to get out the anxiety and frustration she’s feeling. She needs to know what happened with Adam.

“Hey,” Mox says, looking tired but happy to see her. “What’s going –”

“What happened with Adam?” Matt demands. “Is he okay?”

“You’re really scary for being concerned about someone,” Mox says, pulling her in to kiss her forehead.

“I’m mad at him and worried about him,” Matt retorts. “I can be two things.”

“You’re far more than two things, baby,” Mox replies. “He’s okay. He’s convinced you’re never going to forgive him for messing up.”

“I will, eventually,” Matt says. “But, like. He should feel bad, right?”

Mox stops in his tracks. “You think he got drunk out of panic on a random Tuesday afternoon during AP test prep because he feels good? Matt, he’s miserable right now! He needs help!”

“You’re on his side?!” Matt glares at Mox.

“I – no, Matty, breathe,” Mox says. He settles his hands on her shoulders, and it grounds her. “I’m saying Adam’s going through some shit right now, and so are you. But he’s in a really bad place and he needs big help. That’s what I’m saying.”

She pouts. “So, what, this is a priority thing?”

“This is a ‘if I didn’t talk to Mr. Regal and help Adam with Nick, he might go down the same road my dad almost went down five years ago’ thing.” Mox stares at her, and she lets it sink in for a moment. Then another. And another.

“Your dad?” she asks quietly. “You – you never told me.”

Mox nods. “It’s one of the reasons I repeated eighth grade. I didn’t go to school for weeks because – because Mom was sick and Dad was kind of also sick, and I was the only one left.” He exhales shakily. Matt wants to go back in time and hug little Mox. Tell him it’s not his fault, that he’ll be okay. “I know it’s weird, but I don’t want to see Adam do the same.” He exhales again, eyes closed. When he opens them, his eyes are wet. “Matt, I don’t want you to have to watch Adam suffer the way I watched my dad.”

Matt searches his face, trying to figure out where she missed the signs. “Oh,” is all she can say.

Mox nods and squeezes her hand, and she steps into his chest and hugs him as tightly as she knows how. Mox comes over to her house and they talk for hours, studying for tests and reviewing childhood memories until late enough that they both fall asleep on Matt’s bed covered in paper and notebooks.

“Hey kiddos,” Matt’s mom says. “Dad and I are okay with Mox staying over, as long as you two actually sleep. And let your parents know.”

Matt watches as Mox rubs his eyes, and it’s so cute she almost collapses. “Kay,” Mox mumbles. “Can sleep on the couch, if you want.”

“Up to you,” Matt’s mom says. “As long as it’s just sleeping.”

Matt’s pretty sure Mox doesn’t actually wake up as he text his parents and collapses back into her bed. She takes the moment in as she changes into her pajamas – this could be their future. Falling asleep together while studying, maybe in the same bed. In their bed.

She thinks she may have decided where to go to school. All of them are good, but only one has this specific perk.

Friday, April 18th

Nick

Adam’s out of school on Thursday, but texts to let everybody know he’s just meeting with a psychiatrist to get him on some anti-anxiety medication and he’d be back on Monday. It’s a new group chat: Besties. Adam, Nick, Matt, Kenny, and Mox. Nick feels like this is a good sign, that he’s able to talk about it.

When Adam walks through the door of their first period classroom, Nick feels the world right itself.

He grabs Adam’s hand under the desk. Adam smiles at him, a cute little blush on his cheeks, and Nick feels whole again.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe it,” Adam says. Nick can’t stop watching him – he hadn’t noticed the weight of the world on Adam’s shoulders before, but, now that it’s gone, Adam’s like a whole new person. “Chevron ate a giant hole in his pants in the middle of the show, like it was nothing.”

“Did you win?”

“No!” Adam cackles. “Of course not! She ate a judge’s pants!”

“I don’t know,” Kyle follows up. “I’ve never met a goat before. Maybe having a good digestive system is, like, a bonus or something.”

“Met a goat,” Nick mutters, laughing. “Jeez, Kyle.”

“It was a fair question!”

Nick almost misses the ring in his pocket with the way Cole is cry laughing into his chicken nuggets. “Hold on, my phone is going off.” Nick frowns as he looks down at his phone. He recognizes the number but he can’t remember from where. He answers and steps to the lobby, where it’s quiet. “Hello?”

“Hi, Nick.”

His blood runs cold. “Jude?”

“Yeah,” Jude says. “I, uh. I wanted to say hi.”

“Well, you did,” Nick snaps. “Why else?”

“I saw the team is headed to regional championships,” Jude says. “Wanted to say congrats.”

Wanted to say. Wanted to do. God, Nick has never been this easily annoyed by someone before. “Why are you really calling?”

Jude exhales. “Can’t I just miss you?

“You could,” Nick says with a bite in his tone, “but I don’t think bailing on me for almost a whole year counts as missing you.”

“I was scared!”

“You think I wasn’t?!” Nick half yells. A few girls on the basketball team, Skye and Trish, look over at him. He smiles, his best attempt at an apology. “You chose college over me.”

“Look, college is hard.” Nick’s pretty sure Jude is whining. “I miss you. And I’m coming back for the summer in a few weeks.”

The statement hangs for a moment. Nick lets it sink in. Jude’s asking for a second chance. Jude’s offering to get back together.

“After how you dumped me?” Nick asks. “You’ve got to be joking.”

“I messed up!” Jude says, sounding miserable.

“You dumped me over the phone on my birthday,” Nick hisses. Skye and Trish seem to be absorbed in their own conversation, though. “And haven’t talked to me since. Why the heck would I take you back?”

“Because I love you,” Jude says. “Isn’t that enough?”

Nick thinks about it, lets the words sink in. And waits. And waits. “No,” he says. “It’s not.”

Jude is quiet. “Don’t you love me?”

“Not anymore,” Nick says, and it’s honest. “You don’t even realize how awful you were, do you?”

“It was the opportunity of a lifetime!”

“It was my sixteenth birthday!” Nick fires back. “I turned sixteen and, not only were you across the country without telling me, you didn’t even pick up the phone when I called you. It’s been months, Jude, what did you think was going to happen?” He shakes his head. “I deserve better.” He glances over and catches Adam watching him, and he gives Nick a little wave and a smile. “I deserve someone who’s always there.”

“I will be there,” Jude pleads. “Come on, I’ll be there this summer. It’ll be like before.”

“It won’t be,” Nick says, and he feels something shift inside his soul. “Jude, it’s over. That was your decision. I can finally see it was the right one.” He wants to hang up on him without another word, but figures kindness could be worth it because of Jesus or whatever. “I hope you have a good summer.”

“I’ll miss you, Nick,” Jude says quietly.

“Clearly not enough.” Nick hangs up and exhales. He feels good. He feels brave and badass and worth it, and slides back into the cafeteria next to Adam.

“Who was that?” Adam asks. “You looked mad.”

“That,” Nick says, “was Jude. Begging me to take him back. And I said no.” He exchanges a quick glance with Adam, who takes his hand under the table. “Because he’s not worth it.”

Matt

She’s jittery through the last pre-game practice of the season, overshooting her jumps and landing nearly a foot out of place every once in a while.

“Matt, for the love of fuck, could you take a goddamned breather?”

Matt nods. “Yeah, sorry. Over excited. Last game and all.”

Athena eyes her. “Sure. Just don’t get so close to stepping on my toes again. I’ll kick your ass.”

“Noted,” Matt says. She focuses her concentration on precision, which helps, but she’s still excited. It’s a decision that’s been long coming, but she thinks she’s figured it out: she knows where she’s going for college. It was ages of pros and cons lists, cost comparisons, and confronting the fear of what might happen if she and Mox break up.

Mid jump, she grins at her own answer to that question: what if they don’t.

After practice, she’s jittery and excited and can’t wait any longer once the final plates are put away.

“I think I’ve decided on my college.” She exhales. She’d convinced Mox to come over for dinner, using the excuse of a pasta party before tomorrow night’s game, but she knew she was doing this the whole time. Nick grins at her, like he knew, too.

“Go ahead, sweetie,” her mom says, her smile knowing. “Where did you choose?”

“I’m going to State,” she says. “I’ve already sent in the acceptance.”

Mox leaps to his feet and nearly tackles her with a hug. “We get to go to school together!” he murmurs in her ear. “I get to keep you with me.”

“You do,” Matt says, feeling more arms circle around her.

“Well, isn’t this a coincidence,” her dad says. She pulls away to see a big cake on the table. “It’s almost as if we know you well and had a feeling you’d decide to tell us today.”

“Or tomorrow,” Nick pipes in. “Technically, Mom and Dad were thinking you’d do it tomorrow.”

“Way to blow my cover, kid,” their dad laughs.

“I knew you’d do it today,” Nick says, folding his arms and leaning back on the couch, pleased with himself. “You’d want the moment to stand on its own.”

“I hate how accurate that was,” Matt mutters. Mox slides his hand in hers.

“Think of all the things we could get up to in a dorm room,” he whispers in her ear, and a shiver floods through her whole body.

“Alright, cake time,” her mom says. “Who wants a corner slice?”

#moxmatt high school au #We are 4 chapters from the end including the epilogue #I am actively procrastinating writing the epilogue because it Stresses Me Out #wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes

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banannabethchase · 1 year

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I have made the mistake of reviewing the high school AU for editing and posting purpose and I am Concerned.

#HOW DO I CONNECT THESE BITS OH NO #MoxMatt high school AU

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banannabethchase · 5 months

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New Traditions - also on AO3

Adam is hiding a gift from Nick on Christmas Eve, and Nick is too impatient to wait until family gets there on Christmas Day.

For December prompt challenge day 25: Christmas morning, but also for my own self indulgence because I will never let go of the Set the World Alight universe. The first part of this fic is the day 24 fill, but adapted to fit what I wanted. Again. Purely self indulgent.

Adam yawns as Hercules sings about going to distance. “Can we go to sleep now?”

Nick turns to him, looking horrified and also very surprisingly awake. “Sleep? No.”

“Why not?” Adam asks, fighting another yawn. “It’s ten at night and I’m fuckin’ exhausted.” He tries to look as pathetic as possible. “I worked at my parent’s farm for eight hours today and that doesn’t even include the two hours of driving to get there and back. I can sleep, can’t I?”

Nick rolls his eyes. “We have to do the Christmas Eve present. Duh.”

Adam sits up, suddenly very awake. He’s never been with Nick on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning – usually, they hang out on the 26th and bake cookies until they’re sick. Or, at least, that’s what they done before they started living together. He feels some sort of fuzziness build in his chest, knowing that this is what he gets forever. That is, if the biggest gift he’s ever purchased goes the way he hopes. “You guys do that?”

Nick nods. “Of course. That’s why we’re eight hours in to a Disney marathon.”

Adam’s jaw drops. “That’s not true. We’re eight hours in to a Disney marathon because we love the movies.”

Nick kisses his forehead. “Cute. Come on, I’ll grab your gift.”

Adam stands and grabs the first gift with his name on it from under the tree. “Don’t I get to choose my Christmas Eve present?”

“Absolutely not.”

Adam stares up at Nick, but he puts the gift down slowly. “What? Why not?”

“We can’t just open any present,” Nick says. Adam’s even more confused, if he’s honest. “It has to be the pajamas.”

“You open one thing of your choice the night before,” Adam says slowly. “Why’s it gotta be the pajamas?”

“Because,” Nick says, “you put on the pajamas, you sleep in the pajamas, they’re full of Christmas magic or whatever.”

Adam fights a smile. “Christmas magic?”

Nick groans. “I knew you’d make fun of me. But tomorrow Matty is bringing Mox over, and Kenny’s bringing Kota, and then our parents will be here, and we’ve all done the pajamas Christmas Eve into the morning our whole time knowing each other.” He looks beyond sweet as he tries to level sky blue eyes in Adam’s direction. “Please?”

Adam sighs like it’s hard. “I guess,” he says. “But I had an idea.” He shakes his head and pulls out the small wrapped box from in between the branches. He has to keep it on him overnight, for safety. “Thought I could convince you to pick this one.”

Nick blinks over at him. “What the eff is that?”

“You don’t get to know,” Adam says, grabbing the box and keeping it out of Nick’s sight. “Only pajamas tonight!”

Adam wakes up the next morning to rustling, and sits up.

Nick has his hands in the pockets of the jeans Adam wore yesterday, bent over in a way that makes the matching pajamas surprisingly flattering on his ass. But that’s not what he should be focusing on at the moment. Adam just knows he has his fingers curled around the box.

“You,” Adam says, stretching, “are a terrible sneak.”

“Am not!” Nick says. He drops the pants, but Adam doesn’t miss the way the small box is still between his fingers.

“Terrible.” Adam stands up and walks to the end of the bed, sitting down on it. “You got a reason for digging through my dirty laundry?”

“Maybe I do,” Nick says, breaking into a grin. “Maybe I’ve got, like, some big boner for your dirty clothes. Maybe seeing your pants on the ground gets me hot and bothered.”

Adam grins. “Oh, that’s all it is? Then you won’t mind if I take this,” he grabs the box out of Nick’s hands, “back.”

Nick reaches out to grab for the box, but Adam wiggles it in his fingers just out of reach. “Uh uh uh,” he singsongs as Nick dives for it.

“Just give me the damned thing!” Nick pleads. “I can’t hang out with my friends and my brother knowing I don’t know what this is!” He dives at the box again, but Adam leans back and ends up pinned to the bed by Nick.

“Hello,” Adam says, curling his fingers tightly around the box. “Oh, no. You’re on top of me in our bed.” He flutters his eyelashes. “Whatever shall I do?”

“You – stop it,” Nick says, and it’s authoritative enough to give Adam shivers down his spine. Four years together and Nick can still give him butterflies. “Tell me what it is.”

“You’ll have to get off of me,” Adam says, but he can already feel his heart racing. “I can’t tell you. I have to show you.” He thinks of Matty, who insisted she had to be there when Adam proposes. He thinks of Mrs. Jackson, who said that, if they’re getting married, she hopes to be the first to hear about it.

And then he thinks of Nick: eager and anxious in front of him, looking somehow stressed on Christmas break. And he knows: that’s his priority.

“Nick,” he says, and his voice sounds weird, “Nick, give me, like, two seconds.”

Nick scrambles off of him and sits crosslegged on the edge of the bed, looking as nervous as Adam feels. “Okay.”

Adam stands, box tightly in his fingers. “Okay – you comfortable?”

“I – yeah?” Nick asks. “Do I have to be?”

Adam shrugs as he walks toward Nick. “I’d like you to be. Makes it a little less stressful.” His heart is racing. His entire body feels lit up, like there’s a live wire taking the place of his spine.

“What are you doing?” Nick asks, eyes following Adam as he drops to a knee.

“You know,” Adam says. He can’t fight his grin. “Nick, we’ve known each other since middle school.” Nick nods at him. “I’m best friends with your sister. We’re best friends. You – your mom’s given me Pepto Bismol when I was throwing up at after your birthday party.” He exhales, trying to get back on track. “What I’m saying, Nick, is we know each other.” He looks up, only to meet Nick’s wet eyes. “You’re part of me, Nick. I don’t want to ever be without a part of me. Not ever again.”

Nick exhales slowly. “Holy crap.”

“Nick,” Adam says, keeping eye contact as he carefully unwraps the ring box. He snaps it open, revealing the relatively modest platinum band with sapphires and small cubic zirconium around its circumference. “Nick. Last year, when you were abroad, was the hardest time I’ve ever had. I don’t ever want to be without you that long again.” He holds up the box, ignoring the ache in his knee. “Nicholas Jackson,” he says, hearing his own heartbeat in his ears, “will you marry me?”

Nick lets out a weird little squeak. “You are so – how did you –” He cuts himself off with another one of those squeaks as he dives at Adam, knocking him to the floor. “Yes!”

“Hi,” Adam laughs. He holds up the ring to Nick. “Yes, you’ll marry me?”

“Yes,” Nick says again. He’s shaking as Adam slides the ring onto his finger. “Oh, you’re – did you talk to Matty?”

“Yes,” Adam says, “and you better prepare to fake surprise later, because she said she had to be there when I propose, but you were impatient.”

“Matty can deal,” Nick says before leaning down and kissing the breath out of Adam’s lungs. Adam’s glad they’re in their dumb little one bedroom apartment, because then everybody else is locked out until they’re ready.

Adam slides the ring onto Nick’s finger, and thinks that death by infuriated Matty would be worth all of this any time.

No mini playlist because this entire universe has developed its own playlist.

#HangNick #Set the World Alight #MoxMatt high school AU #wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes #Nicrowlas #Anxious millennial dreamboat #december prompt challenge 2023

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banannabethchase · 11 months

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💬 and Matt please. I love the way you write dialogue so am looking forward to reading these 😃

figfuigfuidg I'm all aflutter this is so sweet. My Matty girl. She's such a dork. I love her so unbearably much. She has the subtlety of a flamin' hot Cheeto, though.

“Look, if you like – someone, you have to tell them,” Matt insists. “He – they might be too stupid and obtuse to realize you like them back, so you’ll have to make the first move. Because that other person is dumb.”

#Matt baby you calling someone else dumb is rich and adorable #You dorky like goof #Three guesses who she's talking to and who she's talking about #You will probably be right #wtf i like wrestling now???#in which sara writes #moxmatt high school au #angelkitty32001 #Matt also is incapable of saying anything kind about anybody without also adding an insult #Sincerity is vulnerability and vulnerability is Hard for her

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banannabethchase · 9 months

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Set the World Alight: Chapter 23 - also on AO3

It's graduation for Matty, Mox, and many others.

Epilogue: Saturday, June 7th

Nick

“Why do I have to dress up?” he whines, batting away the dress shirt Matty keeps trying to foist on him.

“Because it’s my graduation and I say so,” Matty says, glaring. She adjusts her hair, soft curls tumbling down her back, and Nick has never been so tempted to yank her hair in his life. He resists, though, because he’s a good brother and Matty might just kill him for messing with her hair. “Plus, you look handsome, and don’t you want Adam to jump you in the car on the way home?”

Nick feels himself blush. “You don’t have to say it like that.”

“Like what?” Matty asks. “Put on the shirt.”

“Like – you’re my sister, okay, you don’t have to be weird.”

“I’m always weird!” Matty beams at him. “Please? For the pictures?”

Nick nods and leaves his bedroom for his bathroom, which is still something he’s getting used to. Having all this space to himself is disconcerting, as it reminds him of the boxes he and his father picked up earlier in the week to help Matty start packing things she wants to bring for college. He tries his hair in a half up bun, a style Matty’s mostly given up on since she’s figured out how to curl her hair and use bobby pins. It works, he thinks.

He takes it out and ties it back in a low knot.

“Perfect!” Matty says as he walks out the door. She claps her hands together, swinging her hips in her pale blue dress. “Now we match, like when we were little.”

“You were less annoying when we were little,” Nick mutters, but he smiles to let her know it’s all good. “Let’s get downstairs before Mom melts down about being late.”

Matty nods and skips down the stairs before him, the skirt billowing around her like a cloud.

She doesn’t stop talking the entire car ride, and Nick wonders if he’ll eventually grow to miss that, too.

“You okay?” she asks as they park. He’s thankful that she’s quiet. Their parents are talking about how to meet up with Adam’s and Mox’s parents, so they aren’t even paying attention as they get out the car.

Nick nods. “It’s a reminder you’re leaving, is all.”

Matty’s face crumbles, just a tiny bit. “Oh, Nicky,” she says. “I’m always coming back, though. You know that?” She grabs his hands. “Look, I know I’m your annoying big sister, but I promise I’m always gonna be here when you need me. I can come home for Saturday games if you want.”

“No!” Nick says. Matty blinks. “Not – not that I don’t want you there, duh, but I want you to have your own life, you know?”

Matty’s smile is kinder than he’s used to, at least when directed at him. “I will. But I want you to be a big part of that life.”

Nick dives across the set and wraps his big sister in the hug of a lifetime. It feels a little like a goodbye somehow. But it matters. And Matty hugs him back just as tight.

There’s a knock on the door and Matty huffs as she turns around. “We need a – Adam!”

Nick scrambles out of the car so quickly he hits his head on the door frame. “Ow!”

“Whoa, calm down,” Adam chuckles. He steadies Nick and adjusts his hair. “You two okay?”

“We were being sappy,” Matty says, sliding out of the car with far more grace. “Did you park around here?”

Adam shakes his head. “My parents drove me.” He nods over to where a few vaguely parent-shaped blobs are making their ways to the stadium.

Nick pulls back to slide a hand into Adam’s. “Matty, you good?”

Matty nods, pulling her phone from her pocket. “Mox said he’s walking over here from where his parents parked.” She shoves her hands back into the pockets. “Did I tell you my dress has pockets?”

Adam giggles. “We can see!”

The three of them meander their way toward the stadium when a whirl of excitement rushes toward them.

“Hi, Jamie!” Matty catches her by the arm before she flies to the ground.

“Fucking pavement,” Jamie says, oddly cheery. “I was calling to you but you didn’t seem to hear me. Had to sprint to catch up.” She smooths her flowy blouse. “Britt told me to wear this shirt. Does it look okay?”

“You look great,” Matty assures her. “Where is Britt, anyway?”

“Already over there.” Jamie rolls her eyes. “Been there since seven thirty or something.”

“Ew,” Matty says. “Why?”

Jamie sighs. “Sometimes when your girlfriend is valedictorian she needs to rehearse her fancy speech in the stadium eighteen times.”

“I’m so glad I purposefully got all B’s and C’s then.”

Nick barely catches it when Matty turns and runs into Mox’s arms. “Hi!”

“Oh, here they go,” Adam chuckles. “Y’all get ready, okay? We’ll find a space to cheer you on.”

Nick blushes, thinking about the last time he and Adam snuck behind the bleachers after finals the week before. “Uh, yeah,” he says. “We – you go off to where you have to be.”

“Mom was right about your poker face,” Matty calls after them, and Nick and Adam giggle as they sneak away.

Matty

The speeches are torment. She understands their importance, of course, to give Britt and Keith their valedictorian and salutatorian flowers, to give Principal Khan the chance to applaud them, to give Coach Gunn the time to impart one last glimmer of knowledge before he retires and they’re off to college. But she knows she was a little late sending in her name change request, and the anticipation is killing her.

They start calling students and she watches as people stand and file in, starting with Taylor Aaron. Her heart races as they get to H’s, cheering on Jamie with all her might as her row of J’s file in behind. She’s the first of the J’s. She’s the first of her row. She slides in behind Alexis, and hopes this goes well.

She’d sent in the form for the name change on the diploma, for the announcements. She was a few weeks late – the Matty revelation happened later than convenient – so there’s always a chance something went wrong.

But Principal Khan says he put in the form to the superintendent with an extra note, so maybe, just maybe, it will work out in her favor.

She catches Adam’s eye, and he gives her a thumbs up from way back in the crowd. Mox is in the second row back and blows her a kiss. Her shaking stops, and she gets up to the stairs.

“Alexis Hyland,” calls Principal Khan.

Matty is next. She holds her breath as she steps up the stairs to the waiting position, crossing her fingers. She glances out again to see Mox, who mouths, you’re beautiful, and Matty thinks she could do or be anything right now.

“Matty Jasmine Jackson,” calls Principal Kahn. Her heart soars as she picks up the diploma with her true name on there, the name her mother had told her she’d loved for a girl since her own childhood right in the middle, and she cries.

“Thank you,” she whispers as she shakes Principal Khan’s hand.

His smile is genuine. “Congratulations, Ms. Jackson.”

It’s a blur until it’s Mox’s turn, and she screams as loudly as she can muster when he crosses the stage, diploma held high. Kenny points to somewhere in the crowd as he raises his diploma, and the smile tells Matty it’s at Kota.

When all the seniors, ending with Ana Zuniga, are back in their seats, Hikaru Shida and Maxwell Jacob Friedman make their way to the stage with the choir, their caps tilting to the side as they get to the microphones.

Matty immediately recognizes the song as one that played at prom. The lyrics sink into her and she feels compelled to close her eyes as the words swirl around her.

We’re gonna be birds and fly We’re gonna set the world alight We’re gonna lose ourselves tonight

A shiver runs down her spine. They will set the world alight.

Her eyes fly open as the song ends, just in time for the countdown to toss the hats. She throws hers gently on the cheers, sure to keep an eye on the carefully designed cap before it falls into the wrong hands, and clutches it to her chest as they’re dismissed. She knows she should be looking for her parents, maybe Nick, but Mox will be closest. And those are the arms she wants to be wrapped in right now.

It takes seconds, and he finds her first, pulling her in for the kind of kiss she always hopes to see in the movies. It’s magic and mayhem around her, and she wants the moment to echo in her mind forever. She memorizes it all: the feelings, smells, sounds, Mox’s hands, one on her waist and one cupping her face. No matter what, she will make this a core memory.

When they finally pull apart, Mox’s eyes are bright. “We did it,” he breathes.

Matty beams at him. “We did it.”

Nick

“Oh, they’re making out.” He’s surprised at how mildly he manages to say it. “Shocking.”

“You don’t have to say it like that,” his dad says, ruffling his hair as he pushes past Nick to get to Matty. “You and Adam are just as bad.”

“We are not!”

His parents each raise a single eyebrow, so in time he’s pretty sure they’ve practiced it. “Sure you aren’t.”

Nick hands back while their parents and Mox’s give the two of them hugs and congratulations. Adam’s hand never leaves his.

“Just think,” Adam says, leaning in to whisper in Nick’s ear. “This’ll be us next year.”

“Oh, god,” Nick giggles, a little frantic. “Wow. Yeah. Let’s, uh. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though.” He bumps Adam’s shoulder with his own. “I want to stay right here and now.”

Adam nods. “Here and now.”

They practically tackle Matty and even Mox joins in, sure not to mess up her dress.

“You guys are going to that dinner tonight, right?” Nick asks, trying to be casual.

“If this is you asking if the house is free tonight, it is,” Matty says. “Mom and Dad are acting like they’re going to be all sneaky, but they and Adam’s parents are gonna be at the same restaurant. I’ll text you when they leave.”

Nick laughs as he hugs her fiercely. “You’re the best big sister ever.”

Matty scoffs. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

They laugh and talk a bit, while Nick works up to courage to see if Adam can stay over that night. Mox was already planning to, so they don’t have to worry about dropping Mox and the Pages off after the dinner. In the spirit of fairness Nick’s banking on a yes.

“Um, while we’re talking about tonight’s plans – ”

“Yes, fine,” his dad says before he can ask. “Adam can sleep over. I can’t believe you managed to pick the one guy I would never distrust.” He frowns.

Adam’s mom pats him on the shoulder. “At least when they get married we’re officially related.”

Nick feels himself blush and sees it mirrored on Adam’s cheeks. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Adam’s mom asks. “Am I wrong?”

He and Adam exchange the quickest of glances. They’re on the edge of seventeen, their whole lives in front of them, the biggest decision what college to go to in the next year.

But Nick can’t shake the feeling that Mrs. Page might be right.

“Oh, my god, you two,” Mr. Page says, shaking his head. “Joyce, how about we let the boys have some time while we all accidentally have dinner at the same restaurant as that ragtag group of seniors.”

Nick and Adam say their goodbyes, then walk over to the Page’s car. Mr. and Mrs. Page will drive with Nick’s parents, and this way Nick and Adam get time to themselves.

Adam and Nick drive to the field by the elementary school, where the two of them met for the first time on the first day of second grade. Nick remembers it like breathing: Adam, tiny back then, curly blonde hair and timid blue eyes. Nick grabbed his hand and told him to come play Ninja Turtles, and even let him be Raphael.

Looking back at it, that might have been his very first declaration of love.

The stars sparkle gently in the summer heat, and they climb to the hood of Adam’s car and lean back, curling into each other.

“Officially seniors,” Nick says, linking his foot around Adam’s ankle. “How’s it feel?”

“Pretty good.” Adam’s smile is sweet and soft. Nick wants to keep it in his pocket. “Kind of cool to be going into twelfth grade with a boyfriend.” He ducks his head, cheeks pink. Nick can’t figure out why he already loves Adam this much. It’s been a month. One month of sneaking kisses between classes, of making out furiously before their mothers call up the stairs, of tentative hands and delighted giggles and gasps. He’s not anxious about it, either. None of it feels scary, or too fast. None of it makes him worry he’s doing something wrong.

He loves Adam. He knows it already, even if he’s not ready to say it.

But maybe that’s what love is, when it’s your best friend. The sequel to the book you loved that you thought was a one-shot.

He buries his face in Adam’s shoulder and sighs, smiling against the soft fabric of Adam’s Orville Peck tee shirt.

Adam wraps an arm around him and a hand around Nick’s thigh, hauling him into his lap. “What?”

Nick throws his arms around Adam’s neck. He can’t stop grinning. “I get to keep you.”

Adam laughs, and it’s quite possibly the most beautiful thing Nick’s ever seen. “Yeah,” he says, blue-green eyes sparkling. “You do.”

Matty

Dinner goes by so quickly she can’t keep up – pasta and sparkling cider and a cake their parents send over with a knowing smile, kisses in the lobby under soft yellow light. She’s so tired by the time they get home that she doesn’t even have the energy to tease Nick and Adam about the way they’re entwined on the couch.

After saying goodnight through yawns, Matty and Mox stumble upstairs and he gently helps her pull the pins out of her updo. She thinks this could be every night from now on, and she would have nothing to complain about.

Mox falls asleep first, holding her close against his chest, and Matty makes a promise to herself to remember this night for her whole life.

She wakes up the next morning with sunshine streaming in onto her face. Mox is next to her, fingers curled around the hem of her tee shirt. She smiles.

“Mox, scoot,” she murmurs. “I gotta pee.”

He tightens his grip around her waist and turns them so she’s on the outside of the bed. She can’t help the giggles as she gets downstairs. She brushes her teeth while she’s down there, because morning breath, and walks back upstairs to see Mox with a sleepy, sweet smile.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Mox grabs her arm and pulls her into his arms, kissing her without a single moment of hesitation. “We did it,” he murmurs against her lips. “We made it to the first day of our forever.”

Matty doesn’t care that she definitely forgot to lock her door, that Nick and Adam could walk up without warning, that her parents are downstairs in the living room. She pulls off her shirt and throws it somewhere. “How about we start our forever with something fun?”

“I fucking love you,” Mox says, hearts in his eyes. He leans down and kisses her like the world couldn’t pull him away.

“Forever?” Matty promises, like always.

Mox rests his hand on her waist, then kisses her forehead. “Forever.”

Wow. The idea for this fic was sparked by a random conversation with Sarah and me sometime back in January or February. At that point, I expected it to be around 20k, maybe 30k if I was ambitious. I was so wrong. Thank you to everyone who read, kudos'd, commented, and loved these characters along with me. I am a high school AU addict and I thank you for allowing me to feed that addiction in such a fun way. I'll be thinking of these versions of my Matty girl and Nick and Adam and Mox for a long, long time. Outtakes, followups, and extra snippets from the perspectives of other characters are not out of the question, so if you have any requests or ideas I'm happy to hear them. For the final time on this fic, thank you for reading.

#MoxMatt high school AU #MoxMatt #HangNick #I teared up #So sue me #wtf I like wrestling now???#in which Sara writes

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banannabethchase · 1 year

Text

Set the World Alight Chapter 7- Also on AO3

Nick and Mox bond over basketball, Willow Knows, and Nick and Matt's parents learn something new about their daughter.

Wednesday January 8th

Nick

Nick is practicing trick shots with Mox when his phone buzzes.

Practice is going late. Be out soon!!!!!!!!!

Nick groans. “Cheerleaders are gonna be late again today.”

Mox groans with him. “This is gonna suck.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Nick says, tossing Mox the basketball. They dance around the court like always. “I’ll take care of Matt.”

“Nah, I want to say bye before I leave,” Mox says. “As long as you don’t try to kill me or anything.”

Nick catches he pass and does an easy layup into the hoop, pushing the ball to Mox. “Why would I try to kill you?”

“I don’t know. You’re Matt’s brother, I’m dating – her.” Mox spins the basketball on his finger.

Nick trips over his shoes. “What did you say? About dating my brother?”

“Actually,” Mox says, shooting a basket, “I, uh. I think I’m dating your sister.” He looks over at Nick to gauge his reaction.

Nick’s jaw drops. “Holy crap. She told you?”

Mox nods, grabbing the basketball and tossing it over to Nick. “Yeah. A while ago.”

“A while ago?!” Nick half squeaks. The ball hits him in the arm and bounces back at Mox. “And neither of you told me?!”

“It didn’t come up!” Mox tries passing the basketball to Nick again.

“Dude,” Nick says, the ball bouncing off of his chest. “Dude, Matt loves you.”

“Don’t – Jesus, Nick, calm down.” Mox grabs the ball and shoots another hoop. “Matt just – she told me she’s a girl, and that you and Adam and Kenny are the only ones who know, and I wanted you to know I know.” He frowns. When he passes to Nick, this time Nick catches it. “You good?”

“I’m good,” Nick says, and he drains a three pointer to prove it. “Just.” He watches Mox run after the ball and grabs it, dribbling expertly back over to him. “You need to take care of this, okay?”

“Of Matt.”

“Of all of – of the – yes.” Nick squeezes his eyes tight. “Look, Matt’s scared about all of this, okay? And she told you, which is awesome, but now you have to take care of this and take care of her.”

When he opens his eyes, Mox looks confused. “Take care of her?” Mox asks. “Nick, she can take care of herself. She’s doing great.”

“I mean, yeah, she can,” Nick says. “But she –” He cuts himself off. “Matt puts herself in this places where she can get so hurt.”

“I mean, she’s not going to get herself hurt here,” Mox says, eyes hardening. “If people are shitty to her because she’s a trans girl, that’s on them, not on her.”

“Not what I meant,” Nick says. “I mean, she – she’s really fragile, okay? Not because she’s her, or whatever, but because she loves really hard and hurts really hard too.” Nick throws the ball again and misses the hoop.

Mox nods. “I know,” he says. “But that doesn’t mean she’s fragile. It just means she’s intense. That’s my favorite thing about her.”

Nick wrinkles his nose and backs up to go get the ball.

“I – god, Nick, I don’t mean it that way. I just mean she’s real, you know? She doesn’t play around or go into things halfway.” Mox shoots. A perfect swish. “Matty does everything at 100%. She doesn’t fuck around.”

Nick nods, and chases after the ball. “I know. Just. Don’t hurt her.”

“Nick,” Mox says, with a weird little smile. “I swear to you, I’m not gonna hurt Matty.” He goes a little pink around the cheeks.

“Holy shit, do - Mox, holy shit, do you love her?” Nick asks. He chucks the ball at Mox and he catches it.

“Shut up,” Mox says, “I haven’t told her yet.”

Nick flops down on the ground, face up. “I can’t believe you being a good boyfriend to my sister is what makes me decide to like you again.”

Mox dribbles the ball a little, and Nick can practically hear the annoying smirk on his face. “I can’t believe you have a sister that cute and I get to date her.”

Nick groans, rolling back onto his back. “I can’t believe Matt’s managed to one up me in the dating department.”

“I can’t believe you have, once again, been out-cooled by Matt,” Mox says.

Nick opens an eye to see Mox grinning down on him.

“What? No response?”

“I’ve been out cooled by my older sister and I’m dying about it,” Nick mumbles.

“Why’s Nick on the floor?” Willow asks. “Mox, did you break Nick?”

“He’s fine,” Matt says. Nick sits up and, yep: Matt’s rolling her eyes. “Nick, you’re alive, yeah?”

“I’m alive,” Nick says, voice toneless. “Somebody help me up.”

An arm comes into Nick’s vision, and Willow pulls him up to standing.

“I had a feeling they were busy,” she says, nodding over to the counter. Nick follows her nodding, and –

“Why are they always making out?” he whines. “Hey! You two! Stop making out?”

Mox flips Nick off.

“Oh, real nice.”

“Has anybody seen Jamie and Britt?” Athena says, peeking in. “They’re going to be closing up the high school in, like, ten minutes, and I don’t think they’ve gotten their stuff from the locker room yet.”

“Haven’t seen them,” Nick says, turning around. “Want to go check in the locker room for them?”

Willow shakes her head, eyes wide. “Um. No, I don’t want to do that.”

Mox and Matt finally separate. “What’s going on?”

The door to the gym going out into the building shuts behind Athena as she checks outside.

And then, clothes wet and giggling, Jamie and Britt make their way out of the girl’s locker room.

“Um, what happened to you two?” Matt asks. She’s about to laugh. Nick tries to yell at her not to, but only in his head.

Jamie laughs, burying her head into Britt’s neck.

“Oh, nothing,” Britt says, grinning. “Made good use of the showers. That’s all.”

“I knew it!” Willow hisses. “I knew you two were back there!”

Jamie pulls her hair back into a bun, sopping wet and all. Nick remembers, in these moments, that Jamie is really hot and he’s really bisexual and –

“Shut up before Athena hears you,” Jamie says. She grins at Nick, nodding. “What? I got something on my face?”

“Just some lipstick,” Britt says. She’s less wet, but a lot more rumpled.

“The hell happened?” Mox asks. He steps into Matt’s space automatically, like he gravitates around her.

Nick rolls his eyes. “Were you two having sex in the showers again?”

Britt goes pink and Jamie goes smug. “Beat my record,” Jamie says.

“Record?” Matt asks.

Britt giggles. “It’s a girl thing.”

Nick flicks his eyes to Matt, fast enough that nobody else would see. The sting, the hurt in Matt’s face is almost as fleeting. But Nick catches it.

“Oh, god, not your record thing again,” Willow says, hanging up her phone. “That was Athena. They want to close up the school and we, apparently, are in the way.”

Matt grabs Mox’s hand like a lifeline, curling in on herself as they make their ways, ahead of Nick, to the parking lot

“Hey,” Willow says, sliding in next to Nick. She slows their pace so they’re a little behind Matt and Mox. Nick thinks he can hear Mox whispering something to Matt. It better be kind. “What’s up with Matt?”

Nick hesitates before answering. “It’s – a Matt thing,” he settles on. “You would have to ask Matt what’s going on.” He swallows, sure to keep his eyes forward.

“Okay,” Willow says, like she wants to push but knows better. “Matt’s okay though, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Nick says. He rolls his eyes when he sees the way Matt stands on her toes to meet Mox’s lips, the way Mox cradles Matt. “Those two are just fine.”

Willow laughs, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder. She swings her gym bag beside her, expertly missing any trees, walls, everything. “I remember that.” She sighs, looking a little sad. “You ever miss it?”

“Miss what?”

“The whole beginning of dating thing,” Willow says, sighing. “I miss Ruby so much, you know? But I miss that,” she points to the way Mox and Matt are melted together, Matt’s face buried in Mox’s chest like she belongs there. “When you like everything about each other and want to keep them forever. You know?”

Nick nods, slowly. “Sort of. I mean. Things didn’t go all that well with me and Candice in the end once she moved. And then everything with Jude…

Willow nods, sympathetic.

“So.” He shrugs. “I don’t really remember that part.”

Willow sighs. Her Disney princess vibes aren’t diminished, even when she’s wearing workout clothes and sweaty. Nick’s noticed before. He’s only halfway noticing right now. He thinks he could notice more, in the future. Maybe. “Well, I hope you get it again. It’s so nice.”

Nick’s phone rings in his pocket. Willow stares at him, looking interested.

“Oh?”

“It’s just a text.”

Willow raises an eyebrow. “That feels a bit serendipitous. Who is it?” She peeks over his shoulder before he can hid his phone. “Adam – Page, I’m guessing?”

“It’s not – it’s not serendipitous.”

“It so is,” Willow says. She grins and does a weird little stomping dance. Nick can feel the excitement from her, and wishes it was his own. “Do you like him?”

“No,” Nick says.

“I think you do,” Willow says. “Or, if you don’t yet, you will. You two are gonna happen.”

“Please don’t put it into –”

“I’m putting it into the universe!” Willow yells. Then, more quietly, “I’m also putting me and Ruby figuring things out into the universe, but I’m not as confident on that one.”

“Aw, Wills.” Nick pulls her in for a hug.

“I’m okay,” she says, wistful. “But I want to be all stupid and high school again, you know?

Nick thinks he can feel Adam’s message buzzing against his leg. “I know,” he sighs.

“Nick!” Matt yells. “Are you taking the car?”

“Siblings,” Willow says, smile soft. “Talk to you later. I’m parked over here, anyway.” She waves, and Nick thinks she knows.

“What?” Nick yells back. “Why are you yelling at me?”

“Do you like Willow?” Matt asks, peeking over Nick’s shoulder. “Because if you break Willow’s heart, Athena will kill you and she won’t apologize.”

“I’m – no,” Nick says. “That was months ago. We were just – talking.”

“You liked Willow?” Mox asks. He looks annoyingly casual leaning against the car, but the cool-guy image half disappears any time he glances at Matt.

“Only a little. Weren’t you trying to ask me something?”

“Am I driving you home or is Mox driving me home?” Matt asks.

Nick shrugs. “I can take the car. You two hang out or whatever.”

Matt thanks him, and he slides behind the seat. It’s not dark enough for his driving anxiety to kick in, but it’s dark enough that the anxiety about the anxiety is starting to happen, so he drives the ten minutes home listening to a rainstorm podcast.

He tries not to think about how Matt might have found her person, and Nick’s been single since July, when Jude was accepted to his waitlist school and high tailed it across the country without a single look back at Nick. He tries not to think about how he may have missed his shot with Willow, even though he doesn’t even like her like that anymore. He tries, especially, not to think about what Willow said about Adam. Serendipitous. He turns the word over in his mind as he imagines what that could look like – him and Adam, junior prom, the summer together with more than just summer heat burning through them, a school year left together.

He doesn’t think about it.

Sunday January 11th

Nick

“Look, I know you didn’t like the first song, but if you listen to Shiny, I think you’ll get it!”

“Who are you talking to?”

Matt pulls away from the phone. “Hold on a second, Mox.” He looks at Nick. “Mox. Obviously.”

“Well, now it is,” Nick says, “can I – can I talk to you for a second?”

Matt nods. “Babe, I’ll call you later, okay?”

Nick’s kind of glad he can’t see or hear what Mox just said, because the blush creeping across Matt’s cheeks says enough. ”What’s up?”

“So, I think I realized something,” Nick says, and recognizes that panic in a second.

“Are you coming out to me?” Matt says. “You look like how I felt when I came out to you.”

“Can you – can this be about me for once?” Nick blurts out. He knows it’s the wrong thing to say by the way Matt’s eyes widen.

“I’m sorry,” Matt says in a tiny voice. “I didn’t mean to…Go ahead.”

Nick feels strange now, a sudden need to apologize poking at him. He ignores it. “I’m not coming out. I’m still a bi guy. But, um. I think I like someone and I don’t know how to feel about it.”

Matt’s watching him with ridiculous focus, eyes intent on Nick’s in a way that almost makes him want to look away. “Can I ask who?”

Nick sighs. “You already know.”

Matt’s face breaks into a smile. “Took you long enough.”

Nick shoves at Matt’s shoulder. She flops back on the bed. “Stop it.��

“You and Adam are literally the last to know.” Matt pushes herself up on one elbow, beaming. Know it all. “So, how long’s it gonna be before you actually get together? End of the month? Valentine’s Day?” She cackles. “You gonna wait until prom?”

“Shut up!” Nick chucks a pillow at Matt, but even beaning her in the head doesn’t seem to make this any less enjoyable to her. “I’m having a crisis and you’re being a jerk about it.”

“Am not!” Matt says. “Come on, what’s the crisis. You like him. Ask him out.”

“We’re not all Matt Jackson, seducing the Coles and Moxes and –”

“Do not say the other names,” Matt says, suddenly deadly serious. “We don’t talk about them. Ever.”

“Yes, fine, we don’t talk Cody and Jay.” Matt chucks a pillow at Nick’s head, but he ducks in time. “The difference is Adam doesn’t like me. That’s my problem.”

Matt rolls her eyes. “Yes, he does. Of course he likes you.”

“He doesn’t,” Nick says. He’s not willing to argue this bit with Matt. Matt’s always loud enough that she wins. But not this time.

Matt’s smile deflates a little, like she’s fighting to keep it on her face. “Why do you keep fighting this, Nicky?” she asks, voice small. “What’s the problem?”

Nick shrugs. “I don’t know.” He scuffs his foot along the carpet of Matt’s bedroom, soft and scratchy against his bare feet. “I just – I don’t want to ruin things, you know?”

“I don’t think you would ruin anything,” Matt says. “And it can’t hurt to tell him, right?”

Nick laughs. “Can’t hurt. Sure.”

“He wasn’t weird when I told him I’m a girl,” Matt says. She freezes. “Not – not making it about me, I promise. Just giving an example.”

Nick smiles, sad and soft, and nudges Matt with his shoulder. “I know you are. But I think this is different. This involves him. This could make him look at the past few years differently. I don’t want him to be freaked out around me or anything.”

“You can’t know until you tell him,” Matt says. “Not pressuring! Just – just saying.”

Nick nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

They’re quiet for a few minutes, Matt throwing something on her laptop and the three of them watching absently, when suddenly she slaps the computer closed.

“I was watching that!”

“Deal,” Matt says, sitting up. “You need to learn how to braid hair.”

Nick blinks at her. “I need to what?”

“Mom’s terrible at it, and I can’t seem to do it right on my own head,” Matt says, like it’s a reasonable explanation. “So you need to learn, so I can have pretty braids like Jamie and Britt whenever I want.”

“That’s pretty presumptuous,” Nick grumbles.

Matt shrugs. “Like, am I wrong, though?”

It takes them seven different YouTube tutorials, four snapped hair ties, two hours, and three fights where one or both of them devolve into swearing before Matt is flicking her head back and forth, admiring two passable braids Nick twisted into her hair.

“I really like it,” Matt says, patting the top. “These are almost as good as Britt’s.”

“Why – can’t you just compliment me like a normal person?” Nick asks. He yanks on the end of one pigtail, Matt shrieking as she follows with it. “God, you’re the worst sister ever.”

“I’m the best sister ever,” Matt says firmly. “And the prettiest.”

“Um.”

Nick feels the entire room’s mood shift as he and Matt turn, slowly, to see their parents in the doorway.

“Hi, kiddos,” says their mom, looking, well, not concerned, but a bit confused. “Matt, you look pretty.” She elbows their dad.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, looking more than a bit confused. “Cool – braids, right?”

Matt nods. Nick can see the way her hands are shaking, the wide panic in her eyes. He steadies a hand on her shoulder. “Matt,” he says quietly.

“Um, guys?” Matt says, voice higher than usual. “Um. Hi.”

“Hi, sweetheart,” their mom says. She has this little smile on her face. Like she knows. Like she’s been waiting for this moment. Nick thinks he’s seen that smile from Matt more than a few times.

“I need to tell you something.” Matt reaches out and bumps his hand against Nick. Nick bumps back, solidarity.

“Anything,” his dad says.

“I’m a – daughter. I’m not a son.” She winces. “God, this is hard.” She tilts her head down and takes a deep breath. And then she lifts her eyes to meet their parents’. “I’m a girl.”

The silence in the room settles so heavily Nick feels fear begin to build in his own chest. He can’t even imagine how hard it must be for Matt. Their first born, the one with the same name as their father. If they don’t get it. If they don’t say the right thing, right here, right now…

“Oh, baby,” Matt’s mom says, smiling as tears well. “I have a daughter.”

Matt bursts into tears as their mother scoops her up in her arms, holding her and petting the braids almost reverently.

“I got one of each,” their dad says. Nick’s half startled to see him crying, just a little. “I got a little girl.”

Nick, while happy at the results, is a little taken aback. This is almost too soft, too easy.

“Wait a sec,” Nick says. “Does this have to do with the fact that you thought I was a girl before I was born?”

“It’s not about you, Nick,” Matt laughs through her tears.

“Oh, shut up,” Nick laughs back.

“No, Nicholas, it has to do with the fact that Matt is the bravest girl in the world and we’re proud of her,” their mom says. “Though it is nice to have a daughter and a son.”

“Kind of feels like a complete set,” their dad adds. “And, Matt – do I call you – is there a better name?”

Matt opens her mouth and closes it a few times, looking confused. “Um. Not that I can think of. At least not yet.”

“If you’d been a girl, you would have been named Elizabeth, if that helps.”

Matt wrinkles her nose. “That sounds like an old lady name.”

“It’s your grandmother’s name!”

“Exactly,” Matt says, smile almost bitchy. “But, um. If I choose a name, I’ll let you know? Right now I…I still go by Matt. It’s easier.”

Their dad nods, slowly. “Okay. So, is there anyone who needs to know who doesn’t? Or who I shouldn’t tell?”

Matt’s eyes widen. “What?”

“I think she’s trying to say she doesn’t want anyone to know until she tells them,” Nick jumps in. “So, don’t say anything.”

Matt nods her head vehemently, braids bouncing along her neck. “Yes! Exactly. Let me say it if I need to say it, okay?”

The night dissolves into laughter and television, pizza on the coffee table and heckling bad contestants on Survivor.

Nick thinks this is what home is. Not the place. But safety.

Willow in this chapter solidified her as my favorite tertiary character in this fic. I don't think I'll ever be able to write her, even in the background, without her being a sleeper hit.

#MoxMatt High School AU #in which Sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now???#This chapter is special to me #Matt's parents respond the way every child deserves #This fic may not be super realistic but it is warm and cozy and that's what i need with it #Also Willow is the best 2kalways

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