#mrs emsworth

[no-side-us]

Letters From Watson Liveblog - Dec. 6

The Blanched Soldier, Part 3 of 3

Godfrey's no good, very bad day; from getting shot, crawling through the freezing cold, only to wind up in a leper's bed of all places.

Leprosy is one of those things I've heard of but have never really learned about. Seems like lepers were treated quite harshly then based on what Godfrey's putting himself through.

What a miracle of a happy ending. I suppose it's nice, though a bit too convenient. Overall, another fine story elevated by the fact that Holmes is the one narrating and Watson's absence is decidedly felt throughout it.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

[allieinarden]

Random thought: Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry are now both the perfect age to portray Lord Emsworth and Beach, and I hope the people in the alternate universe where that's happening are enjoying it

I mean you’re completely right but I kinda see Mr. Laurie as Gally Threepwood.

[holmesillustrations]

Vote for your favourite, the top 9 will proceed in the bracket. Since theyre all different shapes and sizes, make sure to click into the full views!

Paget Eliminations // Other Artist Eliminations

Full captions and details for each illustration below the cut:

"In the light of the lantern i read, with a thrill of horror, 'the sign of the four'." HM Kerr, Sign of Four (1890 Spencer Blackett Novel) Characters: Watson, Holmes, Batholomew Sholto

[Holmes and Watson hiding on the train platform] Harry C. Edwards, Final Problem (McClure’s) Characters: Holmes

"You infernal spies!" the man cried." FD Steele, Priory School (Collier’s) Characters: Holmes

"The lady lay back exhausted upon a couch enveloped in a loose dressing-gown of blue and silver." FD Steele, Abbey Grange (Collier’s) Characters: Hopkins, Holmes, Lady Brackenstall, Theresa, Watson

"Halloa, Watson! What is this?" Arthur Twidle, Bruce-Partington Plans (The Strand) Characters: Watson, Holmes

"What has happened to the Lady Frances? Is she alive or dead? There is our problem" FD Steele, Lady Frances Carfax (The American Magazine) Characters: Watson, Holmes

"Mrs. Douglas turned, and in an instant her arms were round him. Barker has seized his outstretched hand." Frank Wiles, Valley of Fear (The Strand) Characters: Cecil Barker, Douglas/McMurdo, Mrs Douglas, Holmes, Watson

"This quiet house is the center of half the mischief in England; the sporting squire the most astute secret-service man in Europe!" FD Steele, His Last Bow (Collier’s) Characters: Baron von Herling, Von Bork

"Dog and man were rolling on the ground together, the one roaring in rage, the other screaming in a strange shrill falsetto of terror." HK Elcock, Creeping Man (The Strand) Characters: Prof Presbury, Trevor Bennett, Holmes, Watson

"In the great drawing-room a lady awaited us, demure and remote as a snow image on a mountain." JR Flanagan, Illustrious Client (Collier’s) Characters: Violet deMerville

"I gripped the old man by the shoulder, but he shrank away." HK Elcock, Blanched Soldier (The Strand) Characters: Col Emsworth, James Dodd

"There was something in the woman's voice which arrested Holmes' attention." Frank Wiles, Veiled Lodger (The Strand) Characters: Watson, Holmes, Eugenia Ronder

[funnuraba]

Modern Wodehouse (or "Jeeves get iPad")

-Ukridge canceled

-Jeeves briefly wrenched from Bertie's employment when the startup he was hired through goes belly up

-Spode super-canceled

-Ten women go viral for exposing "Tuppy from London"

-Stiffy dumps Stinker for refusing to try pegging. (Bertie: Trying jeggings, did she say? JEEVES: No, sir. BERTIE: Ah. Speaking of jeggings-- JEEVES: No, sir.) Jeeves eventually reveals a Bible verse that convinces Stinker pegging can be a god-honoring experience

-Ukridge re-canceled

-Lady Constance furious with entire younger Threepwood generation after finding their groupchat where they have a running tournament to see who can bait her into saying the most unhinged thing about Mr BaXtEr

-Mr Mulliner and the Oldest Member have competing 132-part TikTok stories

- Stilton threatens Bertie's life for saying "all coppers are blighters"

-Rodney Spelvin gives up on his Timothy Bobbin poetry after entering a charity livestream of Winnie the Pooh's Home Run Derby

-Ukridge debuts 4th, uncanceled alt account; Corky exposes him to Gawker

-George Cyril Wellbeloved accuses Psmith of cosplaying socialism and Psmith deflects by explaining polyamory to him

-Lady Constance takes Lord Emsworth's iPad away because he won't stop looking at his livestream of the Empress sleeping

-Sir Roderick Glossop recommends Bertie LSD, first combatively and later as a friend. Jeeves starts quoting Reefer Madness around the home ("It has been observed that if you do drugs, sir, you go to Hell before you die." "And who observed that, Jeeves?" "The late Captain Lou Albano, sir, speaking in his capacity as Super Mario.")

-Rosie M. Banks writes billionaire CEO Marine shifter omegaverse HEA romance; Lady Constance considers inviting her to Blandings but then actually picks up a book and is immensely disturbed by their taboo themes of marrying poor people

-Aunt Dahlia was really into the DIY zine scene and refuses to take Milady's Boudoir digital

-Bingo in hot water after throwing little Algernon's iPad into the fireplace over a Baby Shark incident

-Literally everyone assumes Baxter and Lady Constance are having an affair, but finally Julia hires someone to hack their Facebook DMs, and it's just the dryest, most autistically formal exchanges any two human beings have ever produced and Julia is like 😑 Connie... only you would pick a man so stuffy that neither of you even thinks of having an affair in the middle of your affair

[mariana-oconnor]

The Blanched Soldier pt 1

...however following an unhappy circumstance involving his writing hand and some amateur attempts at carpentry I have taken it upon myself to write to you in his stead.

What did Watson do to his hand? What carpentry was he attempting? Inquiring minds want to know.

And we're getting this one from the horse's mouth, so to speak. That'll be interesting. A lot of the drama in Watson's stories comes from the fact we don't know what Holmes is thinking and we have to try to work it out through context clues. I wonder how it will wor with Holmes as narrator.

Perhaps I have rather invited this persecution, since I have often had occasion to point out to him how superficial are his own accounts and to accuse him of pandering to popular taste instead of confining himself rigidly to facts and figures.

I am compelled to admit that, having taken my pen in my hand, I do begin to realize that the matter must be presented in such a way as may interest the reader.

A confederate who foresees your conclusions and course of action is always dangerous, but one to whom each development comes as a perpetual surprise, and to whom the future is always a closed book, is indeed an ideal helpmate.

An ideal helpmate for your ego, is my best guess. I'm not sure how else to take this. Also, your ability to insult Watson while trying to compliment him is, as ever, a delight. Though probably not to Watson - not that he has any legs to stand on in the matter of insulting people in his writing.

The good Watson had at that time deserted me for a wife, the only selfish action which I can recall in our association.

Wife number 2? Wife number 5? Wife number 627?

How dare Watson have other people in his life. How dare he!

“Middlesex Corps, no doubt.” “That is so. Mr. Holmes, you are a wizard.”

“Yes, indeed. But the letter was written in the afternoon, and a good deal has happened since then. If Colonel Emsworth had not kicked me out—”

Alas, a colonel. I thought perhaps after last time ACD had got over his irrational hatred of them, but we shall see. Colonel Emsworth, I am watching you!

"He was Colonel Emsworth's only son—Emsworth, the Crimean V. C.—and he had the fighting blood in him, so it is no wonder he volunteered."

Does 'fighting blood' mean that he's just super aggressive and can't control his temper? I'm worried that's what it means. But instead of being a bad thing, it's a good thing because he's in the army and his dad's a colonel?

“Well, when the war was over, and we all got back, I wrote to his father and asked where Godfrey was. No answer. I waited a bit and then I wrote again. This time I had a reply, short and gruff. Godfrey had gone on a voyage round the world, and it was not likely that he would be back for a year."

OK, so we presumably have another case of a father covering up some 'shame' or 'scandal' that requires him to place his reputation above his child. Something's very wrong with Godfrey.

"I wrote to the mother, therefore [...] In reply I had quite an amiable answer from her and an offer to put me up for the night."

So the colonel is apparently keeping this scandal from his wife as well. The other offence of poor communication with your romantic partner is also in play. A classic Holmes tale.

“Tuxbury Old Hall is inaccessible—five miles from anywhere."

Look, I may be from Britain where distances are smaller, but even I don't think 5 miles is that far. Even if you're walking it. If you're a slow walker that's still 2 hours at most. Mr Dodd was in the army. You're telling me that an army guy thinks a 5-mile walk is inaccessible?

"...and there was his wife, who might have been older. She had been Godfrey's nurse, and I had heard him speak of her as second only to his mother in his affections, I was drawn to her in spite of her queer appearance."

You didn't describe her. What about her was queer? You can't just say that and not describe her. Does she have an elephant trunk instead of a nose? Three eyes? Do her earlobes droop to touch her shoulders?

“He glanced at the two which I handed him, and then he tossed them back. “‘Well, what then?’ he asked. “‘I was fond of your son Godfrey, sir. Many ties and memories united us. Is it not natural that I should wonder at his sudden silence and should wish to know what has become of him?’"

I know this is't going to be, but the vibes of 'son joins army, gets boyfriend, then comes out after leaving the army, but his strict military father is a homophobic jackass' are strong with this one.

He's 'on a voyage around the world'. He 'doesn't want to talk to you'. He needs 'a complete rerst and change'.

"The lady questioned me eagerly about her son, but the old man seemed morose and depressed. I was so bored by the whole proceeding that I made an excuse as soon as I decently could and retired to my bedroom."

You were bored? You cam here telling the woman you'd tell her about her son - who you claim to love - and then when you do the thing you promised her you would, you're too bored so you go to bed early. Clearly this woman is upset about her son and wants to hear about him. You damn well talk to her about him.

"...after a year of sleeping upon the veldt, Mr. Holmes, one is not too particular about one's quarters."

But 5 miles with a suitcase is still too far to walk and talking to one unhappy woman for one evening is too boring to endure. You must have been a terrible soldier, Mr Dodd. Apparently the only thing you managed to do in the army was sleep. Though, I suppose if all soldiers slept as much as you seem to have done, the world would be a better place.

I bet Watson wouldn't quibble at walking 5 miles. And he hurt his leg... or his arm... or some body part or other.

"'Is Godfrey dead?’ “He could not face my eyes. He was like a man hypnotized. The answer was dragged from his lips. It was a terrible and unexpected one. “‘I wish to God he was!’ he cried"

Dun dun duuuuuuuun!

A fate worse than death. Oh dear, what would be considered a fate worse than death in 1903? I mean, it obviously won't be that he's gay. I hope it isn't disability, scarring or mental illness.

It's going to be disability, scarring and mental illness, isn't it? I mean he's a man so at least it's not likely to be rape in literature of this time period, as it would almost certainly be for a female character. But I have a sneaking suspicion Godfrey's got PTSD or something like that and they're locking him up in the cellar. The title does imply some sort of physical aspect. Le sigh.

[thefisherqueen]

“At this I lost my temper, Mr. Holmes, and I spoke with some warmth. “‘I have seen your son, and I am convinced that for some reason of your own you are concealing him from the world. I have no idea what your motives are in cutting him off in this fashion, but I am sure that he is no longer a free agent. I warn you, Colonel Emsworth, that until I am assured as to the safety and well-being of my friend I shall never desist in my efforts to get to the bottom of the mystery, and I shall certainly not allow myself to be intimidated by anything which you may say or do.’

I am loving this client more and more. He wants to talk about things. He wants to know the hidden away mysteries, refusing to be scared. He's an anti-Victorian in a sense

[biboocat]

Hypochondriacs & Malingerers in Literature

1. Mr. Frederick Fairlie (malingerer) - The Woman in White

2. Mr. Woodhouse (hypochondriac) - Emma

3. Lord Emsworth (malingerer) - Blandings Stories

To be continued

[bookloversofbath]

What Ho!: The Best of P. G. Wodehouse :: P. G. (Pelham Grenville) Wodehouse

What Ho!: The Best of P. G. Wodehouse :: P. G. (Pelham Grenville) Wodehouse

What Ho!: The Best of P. G. Wodehouse :: P. G. (Pelham Grenville) Wodehouse soon to be presented for sale on the astounding BookLovers of Bath web site! London: Hutchinson, 2000, Hardback in dust wrapper. From the cover: Published to mark the 25th anniversary of his death, this is the first major selection of P.G. Wodehouses work to be published for a generation. Introduced by Stephen Fry, it…

[isfjmel-phleg]

Not a flawless production but certainly an entertaining one that managed to get in as much of the book as could reasonably be expected in under two hours. Full commentary later.

[fictionadventurer]

First Lines in the Psmith Series

Mike and Psmith

If Mike had been in time for breakfast that fatal Easter morning he might     have gathered from the expression on his father's face, as Mr. Jackson     opened the envelope containing his school report and read the contents,     that the document in question was not exactly a paean of praise from     beginning to end.

Psmith in the City

Considering what a prominent figure Mr John Bickersdyke was to be in Mike Jackson's life, it was only appropriate that he should make a dramatic entry into it.

Psmith, Journalist

The man in the street would not have known it, but a great crisis was     imminent in New York journalism.    

Leave It to Psmith

At the open window of the great library of Blandings Castle, drooping like a wet sock, as was his habit when he had nothing to prop his spine against, the Earl of Emsworth, that amiable and boneheaded peer, stood gazing out over his domain.

It’s interesting that the first three books all start with an omniscient narrator, who knows what would have happened if Mike had done something differently, or who knows the future and teases dramatic occurrences that are about to happen. Building suspense by teasing the future.

The fourth book is a completely different beast. We still have a knowledgeable narrator, who knows Emsworth’s habits, and an opinionated narrator who judges his habits, but not one who knows about the future or who bothers to tease them. We are fully in this moment with Emsworth and aren’t rushing to consider what’s going to happen.

The difference comes from several things. The fourth book is part of the Blandings series. The fourth book was written much later, with a Wodehouse who had found his voice and his strengths, who knows that you don’t need to tease what will happen if your audience is willing to keep reading your story because of how you say it. But it’s also because of a different audience. The first three were written for schoolboys, who have less patience and will want to know right away that something interesting is going to happen. The first book starts with the all-too-relatable schoolboy experience of your parents evaluating your report card--the audience will keep reading because they’ve likely been there too and need to know how it turns out for Mike. The next two tease exciting happenings, and the audience will keep reading to see how Bickersdyke becomes such an important figure in Mike’s life, and what this great crisis is. The adult audience of the fourth book has more patience to just enjoy being with Lord Emsworth before launching into the plot.

The shift in the main character is also clear. The first two books are about Mike’s personal journey. The next two books have a larger scope. The third one considers a New York that doesn’t even contain Mike or Psmith at the moment, and the fourth is about Emsworth--even with Psmith’s name in the title, this book is first and foremost concerned with how the events affect Blandings Castle.

Interesting how you can see all these shifts with just one line.

[no-side-us]

Letters From Watson Liveblog - Dec. 4

The Blanched Soldier, Part 2 of 3

This line made me audibly laugh. I admittedly have never looked at cheese in the dark before, but I don't recall any cheese being particularly white enough to be used as a comparison here.

Holmes is narrating to us like we're Watson. "No doubt you've already pinpointed the most likely solution to the problem, my dear Wat- I mean, dear reader."

Godfrey's face has been compared to both cheese and a fish's belly, neither of which are things I think of when needing to describe something white. Also, why "bleached" instead of "blanched."

For fun, I think if Watson were there he would describe the scene as Holmes clumsily dropping his hat on the ground and taking a bit too long to pick it up. It'd also be written so the gloves are glossed over and ignored. "Holmes glanced readily at the hall-table, for what reason I could not grasp," etc., etc.

Props for writing what I think is a very believable excerpt from a Sherlock Holmes-authored monograph on ears.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

[the-institute-gifts]

To: Sage Skye- @sage-syke​

You mentioned how much you liked those in passing. Try not to eat them all at once, or do. They're yours now, aren't they?

Happy holidays Sage, 

 Mr. Emsworth

[holmesillustrations]

Vote for your favourite, the top 9 will proceed in the bracket. Since theyre all different shapes and sizes, make sure to click into the full views!

Paget Eliminations // Other Artist Eliminations

Full captions and details for each illustration below the cut:

"The old woman faced round and looked keenly at him" Charles Doyle, Study in Scarlet (1888 Ward, Lock, & Co. Novel) Characters: ‘Mrs Sawyer’, Holmes, Watson

[Holmes entering Watson’s consulting-room] Harry C. Edwards, Final Problem (McClure’s) Characters: Holmes, Watson

"Miss Violet Smith, Teacher of Music." FD Steele, Solitary Cyclist (Collier’s) Characters: Violet Smith

Collier’s Cover FD Steele, Missing Three-quarter (Collier’s) Characters: Holmes, Pompey

"She fought her way out again." Arthur Twidle, Wisteria Lodge (The Strand) Characters: Warner, Murillo, Lopez, Signora Duranda

"The fellow gave a bellow of anger and sprang upon me like a tiger." Alec Ball, Lady Frances Carfax (The Strand) Characters: Hon. Phillip Green, Watson, Holmes

"Well, Holmes," I murmured, "Have you found out anything?" Frank Wiles, Valley of Fear (The Strand) Characters: Watson, Holmes

"He was gripped at the back of his neck by a grasp of iron, and a chloroformed sponge was held in front of his writhing face." Alfred Gilbert, His Last Bow (The Strand) Characters: Von Bork, Holmes

"A nick in the parapet, fifteen feet from the body, interested Holmes strangely." GP Nelson, Thor Bridge (Hearst’s International) Characters: Holmes

"Here you are!" he cried, waving a paper over his head." HK Elcock, Three Garridebs (The Strand) Characters: Evans, Nathan Garrideb, Holmes, Watson

"I extend the same warning to you... take your reputed talents to some other field." FD Steele, Blanched Soldier (Liberty) Characters: Holmes, Col. Emsworth, Ralph (Butler), James Dodd

"One night my cries brought Leonardo to the door of our van." FD Steele, Veiled Lodger (Liberty) Characters: Leonardo, Griggs (clown), Mr Ronder and Eugenia

[funnuraba]

I love how in Uncle Fred in the Springtime, Lady Constance is so completely gone on him that she doesn't for a second question the logic of, "My job is the most important thing in the world to me.... which is why I lied to my boss to skip work and go to a party." Like, I really think her conclusion that the impostors are after her diamond necklace was just her brain hitting the panic button so she wouldn't have to realize that nothing Baxter said in that conversation made any damn sense.

This is also after the Duke correctly diagnoses Baxter with being a liar who skipped out to go drinking and dancing, and Lady Constance thinks to herself that Mr Baxter is incapable of doing that, and then he admits he did it and she instantly pivots to "And he was right to do it!!!" Like she yells at Dunstable for throwing eggs at him, after warning Lord Emsworth not to cross Dunstable in any way. What is going on in this woman's mind

[mariana-oconnor]

The Blanched Soldier pt 2

Last time in Yet Another Unintentionally Queer Tale from the Classic Unintentionally Queer Universe, Mr Dodd had gone to see Sherlock Holmes about his army boyfriend who had mysteriously disappeared and whose family and friends appeared to be treating the guy as though he were dead.

So far we've had some A+ fathering and some B- mothering (clearly she loves her son, but also she doesn't appear to be doing anything to help her son. Does she know whether her son is alive?)

I have at no point wondered if Godfrey had been sent to Victorian Conversion Therapy. Which... what would that even entail? Something terrible no doubt.

"Clearly my poor friend had become involved in some criminal or, at the least, disreputable transaction which touched the family honour. That stern old man had sent his son away and hidden him from the world lest some scandal should come to light."

Possible, but I feel like this is too generous a view of the father. I am fully prepared for it to be that Godfrey is just mentally ill and his father thinks he'll bring shame on the family through that.

"No doubt he had fallen into bad hands and been misled to his ruin."

Hey, give Godfrey the respect of believing he could go bad all by himself. He's a grown man. He could if he wanted!

"I was anxiously pondering the matter when I looked up, and there was Godfrey Emsworth standing before me.”

Huh...

Either his father is bloody useless as a jailer, or he's not locked up in the house like I thought he was.

"He was deadly pale—never have I seen a man so white. I reckon ghosts may look like that; [...] he saw that I was looking at him, and he vanished into the darkness. “There was something shocking about the man, Mr. Holmes. It wasn't merely that ghastly face glimmering as white as cheese in the darkness. It was more subtle than that—something slinking, something furtive, something guilty— something very unlike the frank, manly lad that I had known. It left a feeling of horror in my mind."

“I had a good look at the little house as I passed it, but the windows were heavily curtained..."

To keep out the SUN perhaps? Huh?

"I could not see his face, but I knew the familiar slope of his shoulders."

I'm not saying it's gay to recognise your bff by the slope of their shoulders, but I'm not saying it's not gay, either. Y'know?

As we drove to Euston we picked up a grave and taciturn gentleman of iron-gray aspect, with whom I had made the necessary arrangements.

We are indeed doing what I thought we would do in Holmes' perspective - he's just not telling us anything. Presumably in order to keep some sort of suspense. He does like a dramatic surprise, so I suppose it's not out of character. But it's very clear that he's writing for an audience here and not for educational purposes.

“I think not. It was his brow which I saw so clearly as it was pressed against the window.”

When you press against something though, your skin goes white. That's a thing. No one looks normal when their pressing themselves against glass.

I [...] contrived to bring my nose within a foot of the gloves. Yes, it was undoubtedly from them that the curious tarry odour was oozing.

So presumably he's been doing something with his hands. Medicine? Drugs?

Oh, that's 'tar-like' not 'tarry' as in a specific thing I've never heard of. That's... actually more concerning. Why has he been handling tar?

Alas, that I should have to show my hand so when I tell my own story! It was by concealing such links in the chain that Watson was enabled to produce his meretricious finales.

Lol. The lampshading is excellent.

He held our cards in his hand, and he tore them up and stamped on the fragments.

Such a respectable grown adult. Stamping his feet and having a tantrum because some people arrived at his door.

I took out my notebook and scribbled one word upon a loose sheet. “That,” said I as I handed it to Colonel Emsworth, “is what has brought us here.”

Oh my god, Holmes, just fucking tell us. Is the word the name of the illness Godfrey has?

But we do get a passage about ears... which will have to suffice, I suppose.

I think Holmes is enjoying being the narrator a little too much.