#my CHIILD <3

[c0mmander-rudboys]

You have adult Kiieth and now chiild! Lepu2 >:3

He'2 2o 2tupiid ii hate hiim

“I don’t know about you, but in my opinion, he is just a little guy and you should not be so mean to him.”

[onestowatch]

The Best of 2020 | Staff Picks

We made it! 2020 is finally coming to an end (hopefully not along with the world). You’ve finally mastered your TikTok algorithm and only get served the hits. You’ve mastered the perfect rotation for your Zoom backgrounds. You’ve broken the Guinness World Record for consecutive hours doom-scrolling. You’ve finished reading White Fragility and have made the pledge to be a better ally. This year is going down in the history books as one of the toughest in our generation due to the tragic losses of life due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Due to COVID-19, the entire music industry has come to a stand still and a lot of our colleagues have lost their jobs and the future of our industry is going to look very different. As sobering as this year has been, we’ve all had to take a long look at ourselves and make a decision about who we wanted to be.

But there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel and 2021 is already starting to look up. As usual, music is one of the things that always helps us get through tough times and 2020 was no different. We honestly may have needed it even more this year. As we try to put the tragedies of 2020 behind us, and look forward to the return of live music, being outside, and seeing our loved ones in person, our staff would like to share our favorite things that helped us survive this year and some of the things we’re excited to hear more of in 2021.

Max Polo

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Bea Miller, Aminè - “FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: 박혜진 Park Hye Jin

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Doja Cat. From first seeing her at Echo Park Rising in 2014, it’s been a long time coming

Best Music Video of 2020: KennyHoopla - “how will i rest in peace if i’m buried by a highway?//“

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Carly Rae Jepsen, this year and every year.

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Video games without a doubt. Between crafting my own island paradise on Animal Crossing to exploring the gorgeous world of Genshin Impact, 2020 would not have been bearable without a digital escape.

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: My Chemical Romance, fingers crossed 🤞🏽

Favorite 2020 trend: TikTok finally entering the mainstream.

Artist to Watch in 2021: Keep an eye on Holly Humberstone, María Isabel, and spill tab.

Favorite Song of 2020: ZICO - “Any Song”

Favorite Album of 2020: Gus Dapperton - Orca

Favorite Artist of 2020: Jean Dawson

New Year's Resolution?: Check Facebook comments less.

Green Lee

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Soulja Boy - “Kiss Me Thru The Phone”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Su Lee

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Giveon / BENEE

Best Music Video of 2020: DJ Khaled x Drake - “POPSTAR”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Peggy Gou

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Computer Games & Anime. It’s like I’m 19 again!!!

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Duckwrth. I need to see SuperGood in action.

Favorite 2020 Trend: Non-teens dropping their ego and hopping on the TikTok train (me included)

Artist to Watch in 2021: spill tab / blxst / Ambré

Favorite Song of 2020: No Rome ft. Bearface - “1:45AM”

Favorite Album of 2020: Duckwrth - SuperGood

Favorite Artist of 2020: keshi

New Year's Resolution?: Huh?

Paige MacDonald

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Flor - “Dancing Around” (not being biased)… the accuracy of the lyrics is too on point.

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Zachary Knowles

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Tate McRae

Best Music Video of 2020: Conan Gray - “Heather”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: The bass player in Flor… Obviously

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Ugh….. Ashamedly…….TikTok

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Turnover… because they make everything better and after the year we just had… need to stand in the middle of the crowd and have a good cry/scream.

Favorite 2020 trend: Work from home clothes AKA sweats every single day

Artist to Watch in 2021: Oh… that’s a hard one to narrow down but I’d say Zachary Knowles (again) and 1990nowhere.

Favorite Song of 2020: Zachary Knowles - “Super Sad Songs’

Favorite Album of 2020: MisterWives - SUPERBLOOM

Favorite Artist of 2020: Conan Gray

New Year's Resolution?: More time for myself AWAY FROM A SCREEN and less postmates

Malcolm J. Gray

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: N.E.R.D. - “Love Bomb”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Joesef

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Blxst

Best Music Video of 2020: Disclosure - “My High” featuring Amine & slowthai

Favorite 2020 Distraction:  “Focus on Yourself King” TikTok Videos

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022:  

Favorite 2020 trend: Calling people you care about

Artist to Watch in 2021: Fana Hues

Favorite Song of 2020: Saint Lyor - “Big Facts”

Favorite Album of 2020: Yves Tumor - Heaven To a Tortured Mind

Favorite Artist of 2020: Arlo Parks

New Year's Resolution?: Ideate less, Execute more

David O’ Connor

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Chiild - “Hands Off Me"

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: KennyHoopla

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Jack Harlow

Best Music Video of 2020: Lil Baby - “The Bigger Picture"

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: CHLOBOCOP

Favorite 2020 Distraction: ruthless optimism besting calculated cyncism

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: fuck, yes...

Favorite 2020 trend: asking your neighbors kids how to find rare gear in Witcher 3

Artist to Watch in 2021: again&again

Favorite Song of 2020: Arlo Parks - "Eugene"

Favorite Album of 2020: Kota the Friend - Lyrics to Go, Vol. 1

Favorite Artist of 2020: Reo Cragun

New Year's Resolution?: vaccinate before ya date  

Joey Legittino

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" - R.E.M

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: badmonsham

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Gracie Abrams

Best Music Video of 2020: MGK ft. Halsey - “Forget Me Too”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: still Kailee Morgue

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Tik Tok

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Rage Against the Machine

Favorite 2020 trend: Aliens

Artist to Watch in 2021: Morray

Favorite Song of 2020: Hans Williams - “Body on My Shoulders”

Favorite Album of 2020: Babyjake - Don't Give Me Problems Give Me Wine

Favorite Artist of 2020: Fiji Blue

New Year's Resolution?: Do better than last year

Alexa Schoenfold

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: D’Angelo - “The Charade”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Joy Oladokun

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: BENEE, Jean Dawson

Best Music Video of 2020: Loathe - “Two-Way Mirror”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Tom Misch, MGK

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Nature (...and FaceTime)

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Thundercat

Favorite 2020 trend: Giving a sh!t about other people

Artist to Watch in 2021: Q, Zach Bryan

Favorite Song of 2020: Jazmine Sullivan - “Lost One”

Favorite Album of 2020: The Avalanches - We Will Always Love You

Favorite Artist of 2020: SAULT. (Also... Miley.)

New Year's Resolution?: Show up with kindness. Stay connected to those that matter most. Finally get a normal bedtime.

Jessica Thomas

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Ashnikko - “Working Bitch”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: KILLBOY (not for long)  

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Remi Wolf  

Best Music Video of 2020: ROSALÍA & Travis Scott - “TKN”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Luna Aura  

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Slightly insensitive 2020 / COVID internet memes that drag me at my core…  

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Jacob Collier 

Favorite 2020 trend: TO GO COCKTAILS  

Artist to Watch in 2021: Avenue Beat  

Favorite Song of 2020: spill tab - “Calvaire”  

Favorite Album of 2020: Gracie Abrams - minor

Favorite Artist of 2020: mazie

New Year's Resolution?: Stop falling asleep in my clothes & achieve homeostasis.  

Yasmin Damoui

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Role Model - "going out"

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: CHIIILD

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: BENEE

Best Music Video of 2020: Channel Tres - "Weedman"

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Omar Apollo (every year)

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Eating KIVA gummies and listening to anything by LEISURE or Polo & Pan

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Usher in Vegas

Favorite 2020 trend: LOTS of unexpected artist collaborations

Artist to Watch in 2021: Tycho Jones, spill tab, Payday, Hojean, Royal & The Serpent, Abby Sage, mehro (sorry I cheated - there's so many!)

Favorite Song of 2020: SAULT - "Wildfires"

Favorite Album of 2020: Holly Humberstone - Falling Asleep At The Wheel

Favorite Artist of 2020: Verzache

New Year's Resolution?: Continue practicing gratitude for all the amazing blessings we took for granted pre-COVID

Alec Wing

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Vegyn

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Caroline Rose

Best Music Video of 2020: Moses Sumney - “Cut Me”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Lianne La Havas

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Surprisingly evocative dreams

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: D’Angelo (fingers crossed)

Favorite 2020 trend: Checking in on loved ones more consistently

Artist to Watch in 2021: Athletic Progression

Favorite Song of 2020: Gorillaz - “Simplicity”

Favorite Album of 2020: Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters

New Year's Resolution?: To come up with something new

Tyler Borland

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Curtis Waters - “Pity Party”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Elroy

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: Teezo Touchdown for sure!

Best Music Video of 2020: This is a tough one, but probably the slowthai "feeling away" video or "Power Freaks" by Jean Dawson

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Jorja Smith

Favorite 2020 Distraction: I've gotten super into Curb Your Enthusiasm

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Oh man I miss concerts... probably ericdoa, BIGBABYGUCCI, and Kevin Kazi

Favorite 2020 trend: Verzuz has been so entertaining. Not sure if it's a trend, but definitely one of my favorite things to come out of this year.

Artist to Watch in 2021: Elroy, 18veno, Hollow Sinatra

Favorite Song of 2020: Tycho Jones - "Don't Be Afraid"

Favorite Album of 2020: brakence - punk2

Favorite Artist of 2020: brakence, Kenny Mason, BIGBABYGUCCI, Jean Dawson

New Year's Resolution?: Finish college and get a full time music gig

Maddy Quach

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Antonio Williams and Kerry McCoy - "Changes"

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Issy Wood. She's just signed to Mark Ronson's Zelig Records & I'm so excited to see what comes of it.

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: glaive

Best Music Video of 2020: slowthai - “nhs"

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Freddie Gibbs this year and also every other year.

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Hand-sewing clothes!

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: YG, Grimes, Sharon Van Etten. I'm buying tickets to anything and everything next year.

Favorite 2020 trend: That one month at the beginning of quarantine when everyone was drawing carrots and bananas on their Instagram stories. What was that...

Artist to Watch in 2021: ICECOLDBISHOP, CoachDaGhost

Favorite Song of 2020: This one goes to "Empty Beach" by Coco (although Hotboii's "Don't Need Time" is a close second).

Favorite Album of 2020: Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters

Favorite Artist of 2020: Flo Milli

New Year's Resolution?: Celebrate my accomplishments more.

Rachael Jansky

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: Benee, Gus Dapperton - “supalonely” (the pandemic really has me missing all the homies :()

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Q

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: CHIKA - forever grateful I didn’t scroll past her Tiny Desk on my Twitter feed

Best Music Video of 2020: Amine - “Compensating”

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Halsey. My answer will never not be Halsey.

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Love Island, but the UK version ONLY

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Rico Nasty!!!!

Favorite 2020 trend: allllll the Clubhouse drama

Artist to Watch in 2021: Sally Boy

Favorite Song of 2020: Charlie Burg - “Lancaster Nights”

Favorite Album of 2020: Glass Animals - Dreamland (you literally melt into their music, perfect escape from the shit show of a year we’ve had)

Favorite Artist of 2020: Dominic Fike

New Year's Resolution?: Graduate college, land my first big girl job, and have fewer existential crises :’)

Jimmy Smith

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: “Brave Faces, Everyone” - Spanish Love Songs

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: POORSTACY

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: KennyHoopla

Best Music Video of 2020: Code Orange - “Swallowing The Rabbit Whole”

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Daydreaming about 2021. Oh and lots of TikTok

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2021/2022: Every Time I Die

Favorite 2020 trend: Pop-punk revival

Artist to Watch in 2021: nothing,nowhere.

Favorite Song of 2020: The Dirty Nil - Doom Boy

Favorite Album of 2020: The Used - Heartwork

Favorite Artist of 2020: Travis Barker

New Year's Resolution?: Don’t take live music for granted

Jenna Singer

Song That Best Describes Your 2020: bulow and duckwrth - “sad and bored”

Most Underrated Artist of 2020: Jean Dawson

Best Breakout Artist of 2020: glaive

Best Music Video of 2020: idk but “Thick and Thin” – Lany got me through some shit

Biggest Artist Crush of 2020: Justin Bieber

Favorite 2020 Distraction: Cooking

Artist you’re most looking forward to seeing live in 2020/2021: Billie Eilish

Favorite 2020 trend: hyperpop

Artist to Watch in 2021: Huron John

Favorite Song of 2020: Still Woozy - “Window”

Favorite Album of 2020: LANY - mama’s boy

Favorite Artist of 2020: can’t give that away sorry

New Year's Resolution?: less time on social media

[fictional-artist]

Songity Songs

A long time ago I was tagged by @queenofalotofdifferentworlds (love ya!)

Rules: list 10 songs you're currently obsessed with then tag 10 people

1. Mad World - Tears for Fears

2. Ooh La La - Goldfrapp

3. Ohio is for Emo Kids - Canadian Softball

4. High Hopes - Panic! at the Disco

5. On the Bordeline - Thomas Sanders

6. SMILE - Lil Phag

7. Never Enough - The Greatest Showman Soundtrack

8. Zombies Have Come - Gorillaz vs Childish Gambino

9. Younger Now - Miley Cyrus

10. Finding You - Kesha

Those were just the first 10 going through my songs lmao I'm obsessed with way more

Tagging: @nikarte @deusbex @reptilian-phalanges @nocreativityforusernames @korra-is-love @incorrectzodiacquotes @funhousefreak @thecyrin @starr-chiild @missvisibleninja

[artificialqueens]

Alaska's Christmas Extravaganza ~ Hobnob

AN: You know, i love this time of year but people seem to really miss the true meaning of Christmas. I felt obliged to put it into context for the lovely folks at home. Lets have a look at some reviews shall we?

“The spelling was ok.”- Daily Mail

“There was a good attempt there.” -The Sunday Times

“I think i need to watch the show before getting any of this sweetie.” -My Mum

I hope Shangela reads this and finds the strength to win AS3~ Hobnob

–The scene sets in a small living room, adorned with various Christmas ornaments strung up around the mantlepiece. A crackling log fire fills the air with a certain smell akin to the time of year, and occasionally spits the odd ember onto the beige carpeted floor. An artificial tree in the far corner emits a low hum as it partially lights the dim room. Three individuals inhabit the area, sitting on a rather worn looking sofa whilst watching BBC news in ugly Christmas sweaters.–

Jinkx: Alaska you little shit.

Alaska: Hiee.

Jinkx: The nextdoor neighbours said you smothered their Christmas tree in faeces and ate their dog.

Alaska: (Gnawing at a bone) I can’t help it. Christmas is shit.

Jinkx: (Getting up and turning the telly off) You’re gonna have to go get it together before we go to my nans Christmas party on Saturday.

Alaska: If you make me go i’ll set her milky eyes on fire!

Jinkx: Jesus christ Alaska thats messed up.

Alaska: Yeah well you’re jewish. You don’t even celebrate Christmas.

Alaska: Christmas can suck my wang!!

Roxxxy: (Speaking up with a mouth full of mince pies #thickandjuicy) Sounds like you need…the spirit of Christmas.

Alaska: The spirit of Christmas?

Roxxxy: Didn’t you know? Legend says Shangela has the ability to grant unlimited holiday cheer with a single holy halleloo.

Alaska: Gay.

Roxxxy: (Sobbing, but continuing to eat) Its not gay Alaska!

Roxxxy: And you’d better find your Christmas cheer before Jinkxseses nans party.

Alaska: I don’t see it for me but ok.

Jinkx: I won’t have you ruining it like last year.

Alaska: Wasn’t that bad.

Roxxxy: You killed 5 salvation army workers with a decorative star.

Alaska: And I’d do it again!!!

Alaska: I couldn’t care less about that party. I don’t care for Christmas. Tiny Tim can contract ebola!!

Roxxxy: (Checking her casio sports watch) I’m late for the bus guys gtg. Bingo is in half an hour.

Alaska: Hmmmm…the spirit of Christmassssss🤔🤔🐍sssounds gay…

–Alaska gets up and walks to the window. The snowfall isn’t all that heavy as small flakes are illuminated by a street lamp with lewd drawings carved into the side. She could drive around to find the Shangela, except she owned a BMW, and rear wheel drive is shit in winter so she’d probably crash into some schoolboys on their way home.–

Alaska: Jinkx i need a lift.

Jinkx: I can’t, my cars in the shop.

Jinkx: you keyed the entirety of Aja’s Valentina speech on it last week.

–A shadowy figure in a Santa hat approaches the window and taps the glass with a skeletal finger.–

Ru: It’s me, God!

Ru: Wait.

Ru: It’s me, Rupaul!

Alaska: Rupaul? I thought Miss Fame set you on fire for eating meat?

Ru: (Neck rolling) My body is an illusion chiilde. My existence is merely a string of conscious decisions ive made prior to this mortal realm.

Alaska: Party.

Alaska: Please mawma. Help me find Shangela so I won’t be a cunt to my loved ones all the time.

Ru: Well…i suppose I’m all out of queens to block on twitter…

Ru: Aight lets make this quick, i have a bingo game in half an hour.

–They both get in Rupauls Toyota Camry and speed off whilst remaining under the speed limit. Road safety is important at this time of year as 70% of road collisions occur at Christmas.–

Alaska: (Shedding her skin) Where the bloody hell would Shangela be?

Ru: In todays maxi challenge, we’ll be traveling to the happiest place on earth!

Alaska: Lapland?

Ru: Close.

Ru: Scotland!

Alaska: Oh.

Alaska: (Hissing at the radio) Change the station rupaul this is making my ears bleed.

Ru: Oh? But this is the latest hit off my smashing Christmas album, ‘The beggining of the realness glamazonian peanut walk-the rumix.’

Alaska: Well turn it off. Its upsetting Jinkxes nan.

–The pair of them turn around to see Jinkxes nan having a Christmas seizure.–

Ru: If you don’t like it Alaska, get out. I don’t have to put up with tomfuckery. I’m God!

Ru: Wait.

Ru: No yes thats right.

–Alaska ejects the CD and throws it outside at a schoolboy. She takes a CD from her bra and pops it in as one of her many compelling songs begins to play.–

Alaska: Anus now available at your closest pound world.

Ru: Get out.

–Alaska is thrown out the car into a pile of snow.–

Alaska: Fuck you Rupaul you saggy bastard!!

Ru: See you at all stars 17 lad.

Ru: (Neck rolling) Oh you…forgot this.

–Rupaul throws Jinkxes nan into the pile of snow and speeds off.– Alaska: Shit.

–Alaska spots a warm glow in the distance. On further inspection it’s a humble pub. She approaches it, stepping over Jinkxes nan along the way. Once inside she spots a booth of old geezers.–

Alaska: Mrs. Kasha Davis? Tempest Dujour? Why you here?

Mrs. Kasha Davis: Us old folk have a hard time finding a place to stay during winter, and you know what they say!

Alaska: There’s always time for a cocktail?

Mrs. Kasha Davis: No. Mrs. Kasha Davis: (Tearing up) I have no grasp of my drinking problem and I’m sadder than I’ve ever been help me please.

Alaska: Lol hiee.

Tempest: Your aura is jacked. What’s troubling you?

Alaska: I need to find Shangela. Legend says a single halleloo can light a soul on fire with Christma-

Tempest: Dont talk to me about legend you lanky shit. I invented that story.

Tempest: Besides, that’s just a myth i created.

Alaska: But why Tempest?

Tempest: To get those kids off my danm lawn!

Charlie: (Raising her pint) Here here!

Alaska: Then that means…I’m doomed to hate Christmas forever…

Mrs. Kasha Davis: Yeah looks like it.

Alaska: I think I’ll go watch the Sherlock Christmas special.

Alaska: Thanks for literally nothing.

–Alaska hangs her head and pushes a pint glass off the table sadly :( She begins to exit the pub.–

Charlie: Wait!!! You have passed the test.

Alaska: (Turning back around) Pardon?

Charlie: Most people prefer the Doctor Who Christmas special, but the Sherlock Christmas special is far superior. You have passed the test.

–The seniors huddle together and whisper amongst themselves before turning back to Alaska.–

Tempest: Shangela is in fact real.

Tempest: We were only goofing you before because you’re sort of a dick.

Alaska: So Shangela is in the happiest place on earth Scotland?

Mrs. Kasha Davis: (Guffawing) Dont be silly.

Mrs. Kasha Davis: Scotland doesn’t exist. Shangela lives in Sheffield, up in the block of flats behind Lidl.

Tempest: I hear the Lidl fruit cake is very good this year.

Mrs. Kasha Davis: Yes Ive heard that too.

Tempest: Mmm very good.

Charlie: Bit too dense for me. Gives me diarrhoea.

–They all look around to Alaska who’s disappeared.–

Tempest: Shit.

–Around an hour later and Alaska finds herself outside a large council estate. She travels up the flight of stairs to a door with a Christmas wreath. She rips it off the door and knocks. A Christmas present rolls out the door and Shangela pops out.–

Shangela: Haleoo?

Alaska: Hiee are you…

Alaska: (Looking down at her hand) Shanjello?

Shangela: Maybe i am. maybe i arent.

Shangela: I just huffed an entire tube of paint i genuinely don’t know anymore.

Alaska: This entire holiday is aids.

Alaska: I got frostbite on the way up and i left Jinkxes nan to die in a pile of snow.

Alaska: I need some Christmas spirit.

Shangela: (Taking out a fat blunt and taking a massive chong) Listen here you lanky shit.

Shangela: Many before you have tried, and most have failed.

Shangela: Just like on drag race, consequence for failure…is death.

Alaska: I’m not sure that’s correct.

Shangela: Yeah sorry its the drugs.

Shangela: Alright go get me some Lidl fruit cake and i’ll give you my sweet Christmas goo.

Alaska: Ok but i never want to hear the phrase ‘sweet Christmas goo’ ever again.

Alaska: Biee

Shangela: (Waving and grinning) No problem giant purple rat.

Shangela: Is the sky melting?

–Alaska makes her way inside Lidl and grabs a big ol fruit cake. At the counter she couldn’t help but feeling she knew the cashier dressed up in a reindeer costume. She pushes a schoolboy over and places her baked Christmas goods on the counter along with a litre bottle of tizer which was only a quid insane bargain.–

Raja: 3 quid mate.

Alaska: Raja??? You work in Lidl???

Raja: Aye.

Raja: You know how it is. Crippling debt and all that.

Raja: Turns out 75,000 pounds goes quickly if you spend it all on grey hair dye.

Alaska: I didn’t ask but ok, werk.

Raja: What are you doing here? You hate Christmas and seasonal foods.

Alaska: it’s not for me, Shangela is exchanging Cake for Christmas spirit.

Raja: (Gasping) That idea is a boot from me. Shangela is a very vengeful and evil spirit!

Raja: OI RAVEN.

Raven: (From across the room working another counter) WHAT.

Raja: THE CUNTS ONLY GONE AND MADE A DEAL WITH SHANGELA.

Raven: WELL GET HER OUT THE STORE I WONT BE CLEANING UP BLOOD OFF THE FLOOR.

Raja: (Turning back to Alaska) Would you like a bag for an extra 5p?

Alaska: Vengeful spirit? What are you on about?

Raja: Well, back on our season there happened to be a Christmas challenge…

Raja: All was going well. The room was full of seasonal cheer! That was all until a large box was rolled out and we were all proper gagged.

Raja: Shangela popped out of the box after being eliminated from last season. She was ready to snatch the crown by any means necessary.

Raja: As it turns out she did so badly in the challenge, she landed herself in the bottom 2 once again.

Raja: Fuelled by her hatred for tulle fabric and Mimi Imfurst, she managed to stay in the competition. But at a cost…

Raja: Ever since, she’s hated Christmas! And steals the souls of those who cannot bring her Christmas cake!!

Raven: RAJA DID YOU TELL HER THE STORY?

Raja: I’M TELLING IT NOW FUCK OFF.

Alaska: (Hands over the money) Sounds fake.

Alaska: See you at Jinkxes nans party!

Raja: Bye.

Raja: Daft cunt…

–Back outside Shangela’s door, Alaska knocks three times. Did she have anything to worry about? Was Raja’s warning true?–

Shangela: Haleoo?

Alaska: I brought you fruit cake.

Shangela: Who are you?

Alaska: We met 10 minutes ago.

Shangela: Ah! Giant purple rat!

–Alaska hands over the cake and Shangela observes it for a moment.–

Shangela: This…this i-is not Christmas fruit cake…

Alaska: Oh man really? Haa i must’ve picked up partytime gyozas by accident my bad.

Shangela: (Fists trembling as she goes red) YOU HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE..

Alaska: Omf the look on your face right now…priceless.

Alaska: Hey what’s your wifi password?

Shangela: IM-IM.

–Shangela begins to transform as she morphs into a disgusting snowman creature. Finally she lets out a blood curdling screech and lunges at Alaska.–

Shangela: HAAALEEELOOOOOOOOOOO

Alaska: (Dodging Shangela’s punch) Hmm i think Raja may of been on to something…

Alaska: I’d better get out of here huh.

–Alaska begins to boot it down the stairs, Shangela hot on her heels, throwing glasses of Absolut cocktails at her. Alaska’s lanky knees give way as she clatters to the floor. She was at the mercy of Shangela, who towered over her menacingly.–

Shangela: I DONT HAVE A CHRISTMAS CAKE IVE NEVER HAD A CHRISTMAS CAKE IF I WANTED CHRISTMAS CAKE YES I PROBABLY COULD GO OUT AND GET ONE BECAUSE I AM WHAT? HUNGRY. YOU COULD NEVER HAVE A CHRISTMAS CAKE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL BABY EVERYTHING I HAVE EATEN IVE WORKED FOR AND GOTTEN MYSELF I HAVE BUILT MYSELF FROM THE GROUND UP YOU FUCKING BITCH.

Alaska: (Cowering and shaking in fear) IM SO CONFUSED IS THIS A REFERENCE TO SOMETHING?

–Suddenly a Toyota Camry screeches to a halt. The door opens and it’s Rupaul!–

Ru: Alaska! Get in!

–Alaska picks herself off the floor and hops in the car. They speed away as Shangela runs after them, her snowman body gaining power in the heavy snow.–

Alaska: Rupaul? Why did you come back?

Ru: Ive been listening to Anus!

Ru: I relate a lot to the message of nails.

–Shangela lets out another roaring halleloo as she continues to throw acid cocktails. Alaska cooks up an idea stew.–

Alaska: Ru! Drive back to Jinkxes house!

Ru: What? Why? She’ll destroy the place!

Alaska: Trust mawma.

–When they arrive at Jinkxes house Ru does a sick tailspin and stops in the driveway. They leg it inside as a confused Jinkx is setting out party foods and drinks.–

Alaska: JINKX! DID YOU BUY CHRISTMAS FRUIT CAKE FOR THE PARTY?

Jinkx: What? Yeah it’s my nans favourite.

Alaska: Your nan is dead Jinkx!

Alaska: Go get the fucking cake!!

Jinkx: Wait what?

Alaska: No time to explain go grab the cake!!

Jinkx: Did you say my nan-

Alaska: Jinkx really gurl priorities. Get the fucking cake.

–Jinkx goes into the kitchen and comes back with the baked goods in hand. Alaska hurries to the front door and swings it open to find a now 50 ft tall Shangela running towards the house. She readies her throwing arm into Shangela’s agape mouth and takes aim.–

Alaska: Merry Christmas.

Alaska: motherfucker.

–She throws it with her massively lanky arms as it lands in Shangela’s throat. Shangela munches for a bit before nodding her head and returning to her original size.–

Shangela: Bloody good cake that. Aight you’ve earned your Christmas spirit Alaska.

Alaska: Thanks.

Alaska: But you know, i don’t think i need it.

Alaska: I’ve learnt that Christmas isn’t about Holiday spirit, or even our loved ones.

Alaska: It’s about food. I get it now.

Ru: Good job chiiilde. You figured it out.

Ru: Looks like my work here, (Winks) is done.

Alaska: But where will you go?

Ru: Wherever I’m needed.

Ru: Plus i hear Michelle got in trouble with the feds for smuggling coke in her boobs, so i’d better go help her out.

Alaska: Bieeeee.

–People start arriving for the Christmas party. Tempest Dujour, Mrs. Kasha Davis, Charlie Hides, Raja, Raven and even Roxxxy take their places at the table and begin to chow down on the delicious munchies. Just before Alaska goes inside Shangela lets out a small cough.–

Shangela: Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. You’ve taught me the true meaning of Christmas, and I’m forever grateful for that henny.

Alaska: You know…there is an extra place at the table since we killed Jinkxes nan…

Alaska: Want to join us?

Shangela: Well, i am out of paint to huff…

Shangela: You know what? Halleloo i do!!

–And so everyone gathered around for this most festive of holidays, rejoicing and eating those mini sausage rolls that taste better cold. Roxxxy’s bingo game went well, the old folks had a place to stay, Jinkx was sobbing into the tablecloth, and most importantly, Alaska had found out the true meaning of Christmas. Merry Christmas to one and all reading this, and i hope you go to Lidl for your shopping this festive season. Halleloo.–

[telematicsabiotrophy]

Are you worried about your hight at all

ii dont know iif worriied ii2 what ii would call iit

ii thiink about iit a lot, ii’m .. ea2iily mii2taken for a chiild at a glance, and ii’m 15 2weep2, now

we’re iin a tiimeliine where we 2tay kiind of 2hort for a whiile and then 2hoot up around the tiime we become adult2, and ii ju2t

never got that part

kk ii2 8′3″, for comparii2on

ii’m liiterally and fiiguratiively dwarfed by hii2 pre2ence eheh

there are 2ome thiing2 ii could do for iit... liike hormone therepy, but that miight leave my bone2 briittle. 

but ii’m okay, ii’m pretty happy, ii’m ju2t 2mall

[kincalling]

Hi I'm victor "sparky" Frankenstein from monster high and I'm mostly looking for Frankie Stein? Or anyone else who remembers me!! I'm open for meeting most monster high kins! (Please no doubles of me though, sorry!) please like/reblog this, if I don't contact yet my kin side blog is space--chiild

@space--chiild !

[findthebae]

Starlight Glimmer from MLP here!! I'm Looking for anyone who remembers me being in a romantic relationship with Sunburst, especially Sunburst himself!! I miss him dearly. I also Miss Trixie who was my QPP!! please like/reblog this if you remember me!! my kin side blog is space--chiild

@space--chiild

[qarthadasht-blog]

human AU where Anysus is ACTUALLY Lilli's uncle though. not adopted.

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

hughghfhgj i literally have no idea how that would happen but welcome to the family my sweet chiild

1. just as set up, in every modern au where anysus is an adult, he is a cutthroat ceo and all of the phoenicians are a family of rich assholes because i mean DUH

2, it’s take your niece to work day and anysus loses every single shred of street cred with his employees 

3. he buys her strangely expensive gifts that a child does not need like a givenchy purse when she’s five but don’t worry this is how he expresses love

4. do children like whale watching on yachts? anysus hopes so because that’s what he does in his spare time and she’s coming along

5. she can also be friends with his daughter when he has her because i’ve thought about her extensively 

[fictional-artist]

Tag Game

Rules: answer these 20 questions then tag 20 wonderful followers you’d like to know better! Tagged by: @hiyamanico (thank you!!) Name: Emilie Nickname: Em, Emmy, Fiction, Kyra Zodiac Sign: Leo Height: 5'4" (or 162cm) Orientation: Biromantic Asexual Nationality: Canadian Fave fruit: Strawberry Fave season: Fall 🍁 Fave book: The Abarat by Clive Baker Fave Flower: Yellow Tulips Fave smell: Freshly baked bread, vanilla Fave color: Dark purple Fave animal: Penguin Coffee, Tea, or Hot Cocoa: Cocoa (although im starting to warm up to coffee) Average amount of Sleep: probably like 8 hours but only because i sleep like 3 some nights and then like 12 other nights Cat or dog person: Both are great #of blankets you sleep with: if im cold like 3 but usually i just use my comforter Dream trip: Traverse the entirety of Europe Blog created: I think it was created in May 2015 ??? I tag: @funhousefreak @nekotheshipper @my-dog-is-a-chewbert @a-dirkjake-shipper @pseudo-careta @lehsoleil @korra-is-love @starr-chiild @mamadragon404 @pommery @weird-anime-girl @the-fabulous-fenn @starlit-knight @faiththezebra @boxofsoap @kittykittycat1 @eyes-as-red-as-blood @lucid--dreamer @super-magical-wizard @mr-mustache-penis @littlewichita @nemuiisa @thidwicktails