#my best friend got on hinge and found a bf in like. 2 days and i hate her bf but that’s not the point

[saturnsuv]

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[charpository24]

My ex-partner found out I'm on Hinge.

I'm pretty freaked out about it. A lot led up to make me feel this way or think these thoughts, but earlier I was driving after walking out on my bible study group and a huge part of me wanted to wrap myself around the incoming lampposts or trees. Though I already texted my friend I'd be coming over.

So, I'm safe.

It's 11:36 pm so I don't really know how much detail I'm gonna get into or how sound I'm gonna be, but whatever. Here goes.

How did it all go down?

PART 1:

> show up to bible study

> two members come in, they're tense about something

> one of them is ex-partner's protective cousin and used to be my bff, heavy shit there

> atmosphere is kind of uncomfortable

> ex comes in

> conversation is happening, generally lighthearted but I'm internally freaking out cause he's avoiding eye contact and ignoring me

> I'm an anxious genius so of course I'm stewing.

> I finally just speak up and throw a "I'm sorry, I have to go"

> leave.

PART 2:

> I'm getting into my car and I saw that ex has run after me, door is open and he + cousin comes to check on me.

> TALK TLDR:

cousin:

- we're here for you

- how can we help

bf:

- wants to talk with me privately

PART 3:

> ex gets into car with me

> TALK TLDR:

- r u ok

- he's ok, some days good some days bad.

- he wasn't avoiding eye contact cause he hated me, just unsure what to do

- found out from someone that I was on hinge.

-> can't police me, ofc it threw him but he's worried I might continue my toxic relationship cycle again

- I explain I'm not looking for a relationship. Just did it cause I technically could.

- do you love me still? miss me?

- maybe there will be a second chance in the future? -> (I do not confirm this.)

- are you in anguish cause you regret breaking up with me and miss the relationship? -> no

- why? -> I feel like a horrible person (more on that later)

- can we hug? -> sigh

-> hug is long. there's something behind it. he loves me still and I can feel it.

PART 4:

> I ask if I can leave. I don't want to go back to the bible study group after exiting so abruptly.

> exits the car with another hug.

> impaired driving (CRYING)

> drive to bestie -> talk -> pet stupid dog -> fill gas -> profit

---

Here are some thoughts.

- I'm feeling quite suffocated living in... the lower mainland surrounded by people who've watched me grow up. People watch closely. Should I move away? How?

- I left my old church community. the news of the breakup is spreading like wildfire. I hate being perceived.

- extra anxious about exposure. Deleted hinge cause I know people are gonna spread shit.. news got to him so fucking fast. It really made me think of k*lling myself because I felt like I couldn't do anything

- first "adult"/mature relationship

- other exes gave me a reason to hate them, moved on fast

- i still love and care for him. he's a really really fucking good person.

- I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON

- ex is still in love with me. I can tell he still wants to continue the relationship. I don't deserve it.

- I hooked up with someone on Hinge (he doesn't know that... I wouldn't disclose it)

- he's been giving me so much grace given that I broke his heart and initiated the breakup.

- he wanted to get married and I'm sitting here being a hoe

- I've just made a mess of myself.

- He's sat through the worst mental health episodes I've had and loved me through it. Still does. I ended the relationship cause I'm selfish.

- our relationship started shortly after my previous one ended. people were quick to point out it was a rebound on my end. Funny how things turned out, I've broken his heart.

- I did all this to him. and he is genuinely the best natured and well-intentioned person I've met. It's insane to me how hard I fumbled the bag and there is so much fucking wrong with me and my mental state.

Here is the combined rebuttal of myself and bestie after talking:

- hinge

- still exploring. I broke up bc idk what I want, and by going on hinge im exploring

- I'm technically allowed to, + it's none of his business or his friends

- extra grace from my ex is something I should be thankful for so I have room to grow

- you have to 'like' the person + their company more than you love them to sustain a relationship forever

- near the end of the relationship, it looked like I was living and in it for him and not for myself to be happy with him (? if that makes sense)

- I tried really, really fucking hard to make it work

-> felt like something was wrong with me the whole fucking time. it's painful.

- still have to love yourself and put yourself first

-> who else will be there for you if not you first????????

-> priority avenue to explore over pouring all my love into a relationship and neglecting self

---

Anyway I summed it up in note form cause I have no fucking finesse. I'm tired and sad and feeling better, grounded and not trying to k*ll myself now.

Figuring out how to proceed without cutting every single tie I have.

The opinion I have on myself being a terrible person runs really deep. I'm not really proud of myself or my achievements or the things I worked hard for. The feelings of pride or happiness don't really register, and I don't have it in me to celebrate when others tell me to. Because of my mental health, lacklustre functioning, relationship issues and my struggle to maintain friendships, I genuinely felt like a curse on the earth. I really really thought and felt like it would be better off without me. I know it sounds dramatic as fuck but I can't tell you that the earth is better with me.

[prorevenge]

Dropping a bullies self worth to 0 in secondary school

Sorry this is a long one.

So some back-story,

I've always been good at dealing with bullies, and just not letting them bother me, I found it really easy to disassociate from the usual playground bullying. I'd make a joke and move on. When I was about 9 years old I had to move house and schools due to my father losing his job. And in my new school I made a couple of friends but this focuses on 1 in particular, my future bully. We got on really well, he helped me get through junior school. As we moved into secondary school now at age 11, a new kid joined and remembering what my friend (bully) had done for me, I wanted to return the favour and showed the new kid around helped him, and became good friends, he got me into Army Cadets in i different town which is where I met my (now ex) girlfriend (this story basically hinges on her). This is where my story starts.

Me and my GF were together a year and a half (roughly) through that time we'd gone back and forth visiting each other meeting each others friends usual BF GF stuff. Well my friend (bully) took a particular shine to my GF made all sorts of disgusting comments about her. "look at her tits, she'd produce more milk than a cow" "how have you not shagged her yet?" At 11 this was kind of shocking for me to hear.

I'd asked him to stop numerous times. It made me uncomfortable. She never heard some of things he'd said. Didn't want her to. Whenever the 3 of us were together he started pressuring us into "going further" as apparently everyone had lost their virginity at age 12 we weren't having any of it. Said we'd do stuff like that in our own time. he kept this up for the last 3 months of our relationship, due to that and a few other stresses at the time. we mutually decided to end it. (we are still best friends and I'm happy with that). this is where the bullying really started.

This was a bit after i'd turned 13 and he started making comments along the lines of: "You'll never get someone like her again" "Shame you never 'hit' that" "You're always gonna be a virgin now"

"You're going to die alone" etc. etc.

He did this every couple of weeks for 3 YEARS (As I said I can take a LOT of flak) he could always do this as we walked to school together, he'd helped settle into this new town. part of me always saw him as friend right up until the end. We also usually walked as a group as we'd both continued to make more friends and all lived close by.

To begin with I just said, "yeah yeah whatever, we ended it on our terms, were still friends. we just couldn't deal with all this pressure we have at the moment and want to focus on exams" or words to that effect, or just ignored him. after a few months I realised he wasn't gonna stop so I stopped asking him to stop, and started telling him. "you need to stop this. otherwise I will go to the teachers and say something" he didn't stop at this point I just keep silent. Maybe 8/9 months after us breaking up i go to the teachers say blah de blah is bullying me, saying about how I'm gonna die alone. they asked where it was happening I said on the way to school.

"i'm afraid we cant do anything about it then"

So on our walks to school now I just keep silent. Put music on, low enough to still hear the conversation. But loud enough I could selectively drown him out. after a couple weeks of this, he starts tapping me on the shoulder to get me to remove my headphones thinking Id missed a bit of the conversation. and he uses that opportunity to say the same shit again. at this point I stop taking the headphones out and just keep walking. only takes a week for him to catch on. and he starts pulling my headphones out. so I start walking on my own. away from my friends, this makes me a bit of a recluse at school. To this day I still only have 1 friend from that school (His ex who realised he was a waste of space).

For a month everything was fine. I was happy. Then he changed the time that his group of friends of walked to catch up with me. At this point I started getting physical i'd been doing army (cadet) training. But he was faster and stronger than me. so I stopped that real quick. as it just ended with me on the floor his friends laughing at me stepping over or sometimes on me. I just put up with it.

By the time I was 15 I knew something had to be done, his words had sunken in, they started rattling around my head at night.

The teachers won't / can't help, nothing I said had helped, nothing I could do would help. I got on with my work. and kept my head down. a couple people had started talking to me, one in particular (his ex) and we were chatting on MSN one night. she'd had a couple drinks with her folks in her home. we got onto the subject of my bully

His ex: "He thinks hes gods gift to women, well news flash, he's not, he's wayyyyyy too pushy, just wants his way no matter what, got cold hands, no idea what to do with his tounge, and a dick like a maggot, its tiny and he never washes it, it's disgusting"

And several other slants against his sexual prowess (something he is very proud of) well during this time we had an internal school e-mailing system, and you could send emails to EVERYONE in school, including teachers. A couple people had used this system to message the usual chain mail (like what you get on Facebook now "like this puppy in 5 seconds or your heart will explode, PLEASE COMMENT AND SHARE"). Now i was pretty computer savvy, and had used that to help people with IT work from time to time, even using their login to see what they'd done.

See where i'm going

One of these people i'd helped was my bully. (back before the bullying started) I'd just hoped he hadn't changed his password. Id taken a screen shot of the conversation with his ex, blanked out our names on Windows Paint. Logged into his account from a computer in an unused IT room and sent an email to everyone in school, saying: my name is Blah de blah, i have sent you an attachment about how truly disgusting a human being I am. I have been bullying people for years and I am finally getting my comeuppance.

It took 2 months for them to find out it was me.

​

They only found out, because I went up to my bully and told him. I wanted him to know it was me.

The punishment I got: a chat with the school police officer about what slander is and that i could go to jail for it. along with 3 dinner time detentions about 150 minutes of break time (i'd never set a foot wrong through school and had A*- B grades so my punishment was reduced a lot) I still got my dinner, I just had to sit outside the heads office during break and catch up on homework. I then had to have a meeting with my bully to try and "sort it out"

As i went in he was crying. All i said was "thats what you fucking get, for driving me and ex GF apart, for rubbing it in my face FOR 3 YEARS, I hope, no I PRAY that every woman in this school has read this and will stay away from you. I'm going to quote YOU here: 'You will die alone' " and I left.

They didn't punish me for swearing, didn't punish me for shouting. I think they were so shocked by the change in me, I am usually a very quiet timid guy. but that day I dropped my voice about 3 octaves and drove all my hate for him into what I said.

To this day (about 7 years after) he still hasn't had another girlfriend (i like to keep tabs on him through facebook) He hasn't spoken to me since. I haven't been bullied since. I've also had several relationships since. And each one has helped me realise his words were vacuous crap, born from jealousy as she stopped talking to him altogether after we broke up.

(source) story by (/u/kurekren)

[kohiimakesmehappy]

Day 17

Hello... Long time... no see ha. I’m back again approximately 1 year after my last post back when I was back on campus for graduation. Boy, have things taken a turn for the unexpected since then.  For starters, our world is in the midst of a global pandemic... surprise! I wish I were kidding, but COVID-19 has truly affected everyone in the world in countless ways. In my case, I was supposed to finish off February in the Ireland office with two weeks in London, Porto, and Seville, aka my first time ever exploring Europe. Unfortunately, the world had different plans for me, and my Europe adventures are going to have to wait. With that, I ended up flying home to Las Vegas to attend 외할아버지’s funeral, and then I stayed in California for a whole four months. During those four months, I started my new marketing rotation, experienced home life again with home-cooked meals and familial bickering, watched one too many tarot card readings, ventured into working out, finished Persona 5 in its entirety, and had a good number of existential crises. It was only after I found out that my roommate had been going through my room and using my stuff that I finally booked my ticket back to Boston (that is a whole otherrr story, but I won’t get into that here).  Had the global pandemic not struck, I probably would’ve been able to explore Europe as planned with some nice pictures as proof, gone back to Boston and maybe begun a romance with the guy I was talking to right before I left (who most recently left me on read and am now over), and maybe not have gained the home-cooked meal pounds that I like to blame 엄마 for. In the moment, it seemed like I was missing out on so much, but looking back at that time in retrospect, I wonder if it really was such a big deal that I missed out on those things. In return, I was able to spend (a tad bit too much) quality time with my whole family, I stayed safe and well-fed during the beginning of the pandemic, and I was still able to keep in touch with my friends through online messaging/video just fine. At the end of the day, I definitely can see that my anxiety over feeling unproductive was what affected my mood so drastically.  Fast forward to present day, August 22nd (about a month and a half since coming back to Boston), and already a lot of things have occurred to make up for the lack of movement from March-July. I guess my anxiety caused by unproductiveness really kicked into gear here. I ended up confronting my roommate about her ... actions lol... but per 아빠's request didn’t ask for any compensation from her (you know, in case she’s crazy). I was able to hang out with HubSpot friends and Sciarappa friends again! I got a fricken cat!!!! Her name is Nari, and she has a calico coat, and she is officially the sweetest thing ever. I’m still figuring out how to work with her, but at her core, I couldn’t have asked for a better 개냥이~. Lastly, I went on two Hinge dates and actually got a boyfriend out of one of them hahaha absolutely absurd. I’ve already written out the details of these two guys in my journal, so I’ll move onto some other things I’ve been thinking about. My new boyfriend’s name is Ji(hoon), and he is super sweet and kind. Really cute too, in case I didn’t mention. Most importantly, I feel really comfortable with him to the point I feel like I can talk about anything. We moved pretty quickly into being official (to be exact, after maybe 4 dates?), but it really did just feel natural and that we were on the same page. We had our first date ever on July 21st and dated for a little over 2 weeks, then as of yesterday, we’ve been dating officially for 2 weeks. Things have been really great so far, but just this week we hit a little bump. He recently heard some pretty bad news about his friend back in Kenya, so we ended up canceling our plans. I wanted to do my best to give him the space he needed and wait for him to come when he felt ready, which he did do and I really appreciated. We called the next day, and it was nice to talk a little bit about how he was feeling, and then to just talk about nonsense to get his mind off of things. During the call, we made plans to hang out one more time before Sunday, but because he ended up going out to drink with his friends and get his mind off things, he ended up asking to cancel today too. My initial reaction was annoyance at having another plan get canceled because I had been looking forward to seeing him again, I’m not a fan of uncertainty in my day-to-day, and I usually am one to stick to my commitments as a sign of common courtesy to the other person. I think I also felt a bit of trauma from the past, when I had a single place I really wanted to go with my last BF and when we just ended up not going, it felt as if my plans weren’t a priority for him.  In this moment though, I took a step back to try and think about things in Ji’s perspective. He had just heard some terrible news and wanted to get his mind off of it, and he doesn’t want to spend time with me when he isn’t invested or focused in the moment. With the plans getting canceled, those were side effects of unexpected news and his grieving process. So looking at things through this lens, I completely understand where he was coming from. When I tried to look at things from my lens, I couldn’t deny that I didn’t want to just let my feelings go completely unheard in the fear that I’d let it pile up and explode some day. In this relationship, I really want to make a conscious effort to communicate and be open, even if that means getting into uncomfortable situations or arguments. I was always scared of this in my past relationships, which may have prevented us from ever getting past the initial honeymoon phase into deeper intimacy and stability, but with Ji, I’m feel more ready to take this plunge. In the end, I told him how I was feeling in a more constructive way, and I was happy that he seemed open to hearing these kinds of comments rather than being defensive. Taking this step was not only big for my romantic relationship, but also for my relationships with friends, work, and beyond. Now that the moment has passed, my notorious inability to hold grudges has kicked in and I now can’t feel the same amount of frustration as I did just a couple hours ago. I’m really proud of myself though for being able to step back, reassess the situation, and act in the way most true to myself. Here’s to further personal development through this new relationship, learning how I am as a person currently and what that means for the future me. Also, I hope that the next time I write, COVID-19 is under somewhat better control/is over lol.