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#my bills are eating away my savings
transmechanicus · 1 year
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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david-watts · 1 year
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maybe my earlier outburst was more indicative of my mood
#I want to fucking die that's all#I'm ending my fourth year of studies. in a two-year degree. and I'm still doing first-year subjects.#and I never actually wanted to study in the first place I'm literally only doing it for the money#$366 a fortnight plus the measly five bucks they add on top as 'rental assistance' in a state I don't live in#not that I'm complaining about that mind you $5 is $5#but I can't wait for the moment the cunts realise and bill me for ten times the amount because robodebt hasn't ended it's just#rebranded.#I nearly became the only male in my family over the last few months and honestly it's killing me that I can't be seen as that if it were so#and i know it's selfish to say it because I know people have it far far worse but#genuinely lost any chance of being myself with covid being a thing.#lost any chance at running away I know I have some sort of stockholm syndrome even though ik that was a made-up term#I should've. saved up over 2019. made money with commissions worked myself to the bone with that#since school nearly killed me anyway#what's even changed since 2018! I still spend every day on my bed and get yelled at for I have nowhere else to go#I still get shamed for not eating what my grandmother wants. she still yells at me if I don't eat her cooking.#don't really want to be in the world to be honest.#if I'd just. left at the start of 2020. not taken my flight home that day. left to go somewhere else#I've wanted to run away and leave since I was thirteen for fuck's sake#not that i knew it. but#there's a common theme in my writing and it's the moment the character has to leave home. the start of the hero's journey.#but I don't have a hero's journey I'm not a character I'm a person who can't even. I can't even function half the time#if I'd just left and if I'd just focused on actually being good at things instead of pretending to keep up appearances#I should just let myself die. wouldn't that be better for literally everyone
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https-yeonjun · 3 months
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oh, baby (c.bg)
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wc. 1149
genre. smut
request. trying to get pregnant w beomgyu so y'all have been having sex nonstop everytime you're ovulating
tags. husband!beomgyu x fem!reader, breeding kink, pet names (baby), implied kitchen sex, implied shower sex, unprotected sex (lol duh), impreg kink, pussy drunk beomgyu, (slight) marking, manhandling (if you turn your head to the side and squint), mommy used twice non-sexually
a/n. repost; i was thinking about this nonstop since i saw the request anon i need to kiss your brain. you sent this over almost two month ago i'm sorry it took so long but i hope you enjoy <;333 thank you to @sunnylovespickles and @huenation for helping me read this and organize my thoughts
more of my work
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you and beomgyu had been married for a year and a half when he finally brought up the idea of having kids with you. you were scrolling through your feed in bed one night when you stumbled upon a post from an old classmate at her baby shower. beomgyu absentmindedly responded, i bet our kids would look cuter, prompting the very serious and incredibly long overdue conversation about one day growing your little family. and after that night and some doctor’s appointments, he was determined to get you all pretty and round before the end of the year.
one thing about beomgyu is that he genuinely cannot keep his hands off of you. so on a sunday morning, when he wakes up to an empty space in the bed beside him, he searches for you all over the house before stumbling into you in the kitchen. he sees you making pancakes and can’t help but think about your kids one day running around, helping you cook, and setting the table. he wraps his hands around your waist from behind, his hard cock prodding your ass. nuzzling his head into your neck, he mumbles, good morning, baby. you hum in response, melting into his touch. he takes this as an opportunity to slyly turn off the stove. you whine his name, protesting for him to let you finish cooking. but that doesn’t stop him from pulling you towards the island and hoisting you up on the counter. he looks up at you with a smirk. you’re the only thing i wanna eat this morning, baby.
a few days later you find beomgyu sitting at his desk when you come home from the gym, he glances up at you but his eyes can’t help but stop at your chest glistening with sweat, your boobs spilling out of your tight sports bra. and of course that naturally leads him to fantasize about what your boobs would look like when you’re pregnant, so swollen and so so beautiful. going to take a shower, then we can figure dinner out. you tell him as you retreat to the bathroom. it’s not up to five minutes later when you hear the shower curtain open, your husband slides in behind you. if we’re gonna have a baby, we should start saving on our water bill, don’t you think?
but beomgyu wasn’t the only one who was entirely insatiable. some days, like today for instance, when you spend the entire work day thinking about your husband and how much you need him to fuck you, the last thing you want to see when you come home are his friends sitting around your living room. internally groaning, you wave to them while signaling to beomgyu to follow you into the bedroom.
“your friends.” you state one the two of you are in the privacy of your room.
“what about them?” he asks, his face marked with confusion. you give him a look that conveyed frustration and yearning and the realization dawns on him.
“aww,” he coos. “does someone need me?”
“please can you just tell them to go home?” you whine and without hesitation he leaves the room. you sink into the bed for what feels like an eternity until beomgyu saunters back into the room towards you.
“took you long enough.” you mumble as you pull him closer to you.
“i was gone for five minutes.” he chuckles in response.
“felt like twenty.” you reach up to kiss him passionately, your hands trailing up his torso, taking his t-shirt up with it.
“can we–” he tries to break away from this kiss. “can we slow down?”
“need you so bad.” you mumble against his lips.
“yeah?” he asks coyly.
“yeah,” your hands race to unbutton your work pants. “need you to fuck a baby in me.” beomgyu’s eyes widened. sure, you had both agreed to try for a baby but to hear you say this so explicitly just confirmed for him that his desires to start a family with you weren’t one sided. beomgyu joins you in taking off your clothes, his hands swiftly unbuttoning your shirt, nearly ripping the buttons off.
you’re laying in bed clad in nothing, with beomgyu hovering above you. his gaze falls upon you, tracing your form, as if you were the most alluring thing he’d ever seen.
“you’re so beautiful,” he breathes out before leaning down to kiss you. “i know i joke a lot,” he confesses between kisses. “but i want this so bad. you, us, our family. everything.”
he slips his throbbing cock between your warm folds causing you to let out a soft gasp. “me too. i want you. everything.” you parrot his words. he steadily grinds his hip against yours as he stares into your eyes and for a moment it seems like it’s only the two of you in the world.
loosely wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him down into a kiss. your hands explore the contours of his body trying to find the best way to keep him in your grasp, to make sure that this was not an eerily realistic dream and he was actually here with you, in you. “i love you.” you moan out clenching around him.
his eyes close shut and a groan erupts from his throat when he feels your walls tighten around him. “fuck, your so… so tight baby.”
beomgyu accelerates his thrusts, his movements becoming sloppier and messier by the second. your hands find themselves resting on the nape of his neck, playing with his hair. he hides his face in the crook of your neck, taking this as an opportunity to paint your skin with marks in between the sloppy kisses he was leaving.
as he inches closer to his climax, you feel his movements slow down as he fucks deeper into you. he’s trying to prolong his orgasm, trying to feel you around him for longer. “m’gonna cum, baby. gonna get you all pretty and pregnant for me. gonna make you a mommy tonight.”
his eyes clouded over as his movements became weaker and hips began to stutter. you let out a loud moan, your eyes fluttering closed when you felt him pumping his load deep inside you, filling you up with his seed.
still inside of you, beomgyu rolls over so you are laying on top of him. he caresses your hair, whispering i love yous between kisses on your forehead. you rest like that, tangled in each others’ arms, for a moment before you convince him to take a shower with you. when you actually get pregnant, you make it a routine to look at your baby bump in the mirror every morning. beomgyu sitting in front of you, tenderly caressing your round belly before pressing a loving kiss and murmuring something about you being the prettiest mommy in the world.
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heavenknowsffs · 2 years
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my mom: "you should open a savings account and every month when you get some 100 or 200 euros left after paying bills just put 50 euros in there and then you'll be good in a couple of years"
me, thinking who the fuck has 100 euros left in the bank after paying bills:
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yutaholic · 4 months
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the show must go on (M)
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PAIRING: Haechan (NCT) + reader (female)
SUMMARY: Your best friend, your ride or die, Haechan has never once left your side, but all good things must come to an end.
WARNINGS: strong language; brief mentions of alcohol and drug abuse; explicit sexual content
NOTES: 7.9k words; this is part three of a rose and her thorns, but can be read as a standalone one-shot
Seattle, 1991
We met in detention. Eighth grade. Not to be cliché, but I knew Lee Haechan was trouble when he walked in.
Takes one to know one.
What I didn’t know was the role he would come to play in my life. I doubt many people meet their soulmate in middle school. I was pretty lucky in that.
The two of us practically lived in detention that entire year. Ninth grade was a little better; we just hung out behind the school instead of inside it. A silly pair of dumb kids wearing matching leather jackets and passing a cigarette back and forth, coughing up smoke and thinking it made us cool.
We thought we had it all figured out. But only Haechan turned out to be right.
He was the one that started the band. Haechan threw us all together and made music out of our chaos and trauma. He was the glue and without him, we would fall apart.
You clambered quietly into the passenger seat and whispered, “They’re asleep.”
Haechan was behind the wheel, but the van was parked on a grassy knoll just off the main highway. “Finally, some fucking peace and quiet,” he mumbled, sitting in a cloud of smoke that poured from his lips. The thick scent of marijuana filled the van from stem to stern.
You followed your best friend’s gaze. His eyes were firmly planted out the window at the black curtain of nightfall painted with billions of little lights. “The sky looks so pretty,” you said in awe.
“I know. It’s crazy seeing stars this bright.”
There was a tiny lull of silence. You were thinking. It wasn’t often you got to be alone with Haechan lately and it was making you crazy - not getting to confide in your best friend.
“I let Mark raw me,” you blurted out.
Haechan snorted. “I heard, but clearly your birth control did its job.”
“I snorted cocaine with Jeno… and fucked him in a dressing room.”
Your best friend looked at you, arching a brow. “So?” Doing crazy shit with Jeno wasn’t new, to be fair.
“What the hell am I doing?”
“What you do best - loving everyone except yourself.”
You frowned. Nail hitting the head every time, but you quickly realized you didn’t want to hear it. “Don’t do that,” you said in a small voice.
Haechan smirked and put the joint to his lips, taking another long drag. “You know me better than to think I’m going to be your conscience and scold you,” he said a moment later. “It makes sense you’re trying to get in as many rounds of fun before the summer ends.”
The summer was winding down. August was half over.
I didn’t want it to end. I couldn’t. Because I knew in my heart when we went home, we would go our separate ways. Forever.
There would be nothing holding us together anymore.
“Haechan?”
“Yes, my love?”
You fought back tears as you asked, “What are we going to do when it’s all over?”
Haechan slapped on a playful grin for your sake and said, “We’re going to get scouted at a concert and get a huge record deal and I’ll eat you out over a bed of hundred dollar bills.”
You snorted. “God, that would be a dream.” You quickly sobered. “What’s the reality?”
Your best friend’s grin melted away and his voice turned to frost. “Go home. Find a minimum wage job. And try not to turn into raging alcoholics like our parents.”
“I thought so,” you sighed, hanging your head.
Haechan reached over and rubbed your arm. “Save the major depressive episode for back home. Let’s just enjoy these last few days.”
“I don’t want to give up,” you said, meeting his eyes again. The fire inside you lit itself with resolve. No matter how small it was. “I want something more for us in life.”
“I know you do, baby,” Haechan crooned, touching your cheek affectionately. “But some things are just out of our control.”
You blinked with the urge to cry. You couldn’t fight it anymore. Regardless of his gentle tone, Haechan’s words sounded final. You slipped out of the seat and to the floor to lay your head on Haechan’s thigh, closing your eyes as he stroked your hair.
After a moment, Haechan whispered, “I’ll never forget you for as long as I live. No matter what happens. I hope you know that.”
The tears slipped down your face as you smiled and said, “I love you too.”
Haechan’s lips twitched. He wanted so badly to not let it bother him, but he couldn’t. He knew damn well when the summer ended and the band came up empty, there would be a permanent wedge of broken hearts and crushed dreams between you.
So, so lonely. That was Haechan’s biggest fear. Losing his best friends would destroy him beyond repair. He would go through life jaded and bitter, like his parents.
Maybe it really was unavoidable. Fighting fate sounded great in songs, but reality wasn’t kind. He knew that better than anyone.
The next morning, you woke in the bed with Jeno’s arm tucked around your waist, his body molded to yours keeping you warm. There was no telling which boy scooped you off the floor and put you in bed, but your money was on Mark. He was having a hard time looking at you and Haechan was mysteriously quiet.
But you knew why.
Tension had settled over the van, the worst of the worst. After the show in Seattle, there were no more gigs to be played. Now, the long drive home would begin, shadowed by defeat and failure.
You resorted to doing what you always did; trying to alleviate the pressure and raise everyone’s spirits. Once the boys were up and actually keeping their eyes open, you had Jeno drive to the nearby state park.
As he did, you drifted between them. They were like strangers, devoid of energy and hope. Mark hadn’t touched his guitar since the final gig. The gentle strumming of his acoustic and the beauty of his softly whispered singing didn’t fill the van anymore, to your dismay.
Haechan curled up in the bed and didn’t say a word. Jeno drove silently, smoking one cigarette after another and blowing the smoke out the window. You started with him, running your hand over his shoulder as he held the wheel. Jeno glanced at you briefly, offering a weak smile that even he couldn’t keep. You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple.
You went to Mark next and curled up next to him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck and holding him tightly. Mark was a little surprised, seeing as how the two of you had been working hard to keep your hands off each other, but was over the moon to have you in his arms again. He kissed the top of your head and ran his hands up and down your back.
“Won’t you play a little something?” you asked gently.
Mark shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you assured him, closing your eyes to fight the tears.
Finally, you went to Haechan and sat on the mattress next to him. He just looked at you, his stare vacant and blank. You brushed his long hair from his face and leaned in to trace a few kisses from his cheek to the corner of his mouth, just to see if you could spark a reaction.
Haechan pushed you ever so slightly and said, “That’s not going to work this time.”
You frowned. And gave up. The three were inconsolable and it broke your heart.
Sidling over to the cabinet, you found your notebook and began flipping pages, going to where you’d left off. Your brows stitched when you didn’t find it and that was when you noticed the torn remains of paper in the metal spiral.
“Okay. Which one of you ripped the page out?”
Mark met your eyes and said, “Don’t look at me.”
You called, “Jeno?”
“You know I wouldn’t touch your shit,” he replied calmly.
Leaving you to turn to Haechan, his eyes closed. “Haechan?”
“I don’t give a fuck about your memoir,” he said, hissing your name.
That made you flinch. You understood his anger, but not the vitriol toward your story. Your eyes fell to the notebook and the missing page, and your hands began to shake.
You threw the notebook at the cabinet and it landed in a pitiful heap. Tensing with frustration, you bent your legs, wrapped your arms around your knees, and hid your face, crying as quietly as you could.
Mark moved slowly, grazing against you to pick up the notebook and tuck it back into its place neatly, but he didn’t have the courage to comfort you. Too scared he would make it worse.
It was Haechan that slipped to the floor and enveloped you in his arms, cradling your head to his chest and dabbing at your cheeks with his sleeve.
When Jeno pulled into the park, you breathed in relief. The van was too stifling, suffocating you in all its misery. You hopped out of the van without a word and started marching for the scenic overlook advertised on a giant sign like you couldn’t get away fast enough.
One-by-one, your bandmates whined and huffed, but inevitably followed. They could wallow in their own disappointment, but they couldn’t stand seeing it hit you.
That’s how the four of you came to sit at a lone picnic table, silently staring at the Pacific Ocean, watching the waves ebb and flow in all its unwavering glory.
The tears had dried on your face. Breathing in the sweet, salty air grounded you again, clearing your lungs and your head.
You were the one to finally break the silence. “I need to come clean about something.”
“Go ahead,” Jeno replied, yawning as he still struggled to shake off sleep.
Wringing your hands in your lap, you began, “I’ve been mailing pieces of the memoir to Cassie.”
“That explains the trips to the post office,” Mark said offhandedly. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to be glib or not.
“And?” Jeno pressed.
You took a breath. “She submitted it to a publisher for their… consideration, I guess it’s called.”
Well, that woke everyone up.
“Are you serious?” Haechan asked, his eyes wide.
“Yeah?” You were befuddled by the reaction, glancing around at them. All three of your boys were sporting similar looks of shock. “You knew I was writing a memoir.”
“We knew you were scribbling in a notebook to toss in a bin and find it again twenty years later and laugh at all the dumb shit we did…” Haechan’s tone of disdain was not lost on you.
Jeno’s gawking increased. “Babe, are you insane?”
You felt small on that picnic table between them, utterly confused, and snapped, “No. I’m trying to get us out of this hell!”
Grimacing, Mark asked pointedly, “You wrote about all the very illegal shit you’ve been doing?”
Oh. That’s why they were freaked out. Underage drinking. Marijuana. Cocaine. All very punishable offenses. You shrugged and plastered on your cutest, most innocent smile. “A little?”
“Fuck,” Jeno swore, sliding off the bench to his feet and running a hand through his hair.
Haechan shook his head and chuckled. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”
You rubbed your arms awkwardly.
I was so determined to make it work. It was tunnel vision, so intense I could see nothing else.
“What did the publisher say?” Mark asked, touching your shoulder in comfort. The awkwardness was killing him too.
“I don’t know,” you said, leaning into him a little, desperate for warmth. “I call Cassie at every stop to check on the dogs and she promised to update me on any replies from the publisher.”
Jeno looked to Haechan. “Can they report us to the cops?”
Haechan waved him away, looking more amused the longer he thought about it. “No. She can just say it’s all fiction. Very embellished fiction.”
Mark bobbed his head. “Good thinking.”
You almost laughed. Haechan could lie his way out of almost anything. In this case, it would be in your favor. You glanced around at your boys again. “So…, is everyone mad at me or are we good?”
“We’re good,” Haechan said, patting your head. “For now.”
“Fuck.” Mark sounded exhausted. He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know if I could handle losing our music career, but being notorious in a fucking book.”
It was your turn to comfort him, running your hand across his shoulders, feeling the tense muscles under your fingers.
Jeno kicked at a pinecone, watching it skitter across the rocks. “We’d be the fucking losers just known for banging bitches at every stop,” he sneered. Then, the drummer had a thought and raised his brows. “Actually, whatever gets us paid, I don’t really care.”
“Yeah, how does that work?” Mark asked curiously. “You technically wrote the book, but it’s about all of us.”
You made a face. “It’s our story. Of course I’d split everything fairly with you guys.”
Haechan smiled at you ever so faintly.
“I can’t believe our story’s almost over,” Jeno mumbled bitterly.
You perked up. This was as good a time as any. “It doesn’t have to be.”
“What do you mean?”
You got up and spun on your heels, so you could face them all at once. “I was thinking…,” you said, shifting your weight. “We could get a place together and we’d work odd jobs to pay the bills, but we would play gigs here and there. Whatever we could get.”
Jeno simpered. You weren’t clinging to the band. You just didn’t want to let go of them.
“We’d be scraping by a living forever,” Mark pointed out.
“But we’d be doing what we love,” you argued.
“Try loving something that never loves you back,” Haechan said harshly. “You become bitter and miserable. Just like my parents. And yours.”
You scanned their faces. Each had the tiniest bit of hope in their eyes, but their expressions were firmly rooted in defeat. “You guys just want to go home after everything we did this summer and…,” you trailed, a tremble creeping into your voice. “Pretend like it never happened?”
Jeno softened. “Of course it happened. We’ll always look back and remember this as the best days of our lives.” He talked to you like he was soothing a fussy baby. “But best days don’t last. That’s why you look back on them.”
Your eyes burned. More tears would come any moment now and you weren’t ashamed of them. “I just don’t understand why you’re all giving up. Why am I the only one trying to keep us together?”
“Because you’re the dreamer,” Mark sighed.
Haechan snapped, “Stop being so gentle with her,” and Jeno was quick to warn, “Don’t be a dick.”
Your best friend jumped down from the picnic table and approached you. You knew by his tone and his gait that he was about to dress you down and you readied yourself for the blow.
“This is how it’s going to go,” Haechan started, pointing at the guitarist. “Mark’s parents will blow their entire retirement savings to send him to a good college to recover their reputation. And they will never let him date someone like you.”
You flinched.
“Fuck you,” Mark hissed, every muscle in his body tensing for a fight.
Haechan continued, “Jeno won’t be able to hold down a job. He’ll be a regular customer in rehab, then jail.”
Jeno held up his middle finger. “Go to hell.”
Haechan set his eyes on you and a chill ran down your spine. “And you,” Haechan said through clenched jaws. “You’ll meet some guy you can barely stand, but he’ll keep a nice roof over your head. He’ll put a couple babies in you after some miserable missionary and your entire personality will center around the screaming kids you never wanted. Just like your mom.”
Your blood turned to ice in your veins. Planting both hands on Haechan’s chest, you shoved him back and screamed, “You son of a bitch, I hate you!”
Jeno was suddenly caught in a very precarious position. As you stomped off, his first instinct was to go after you, but in the next second, Mark was off the table and charging toward Haechan. So, Jeno had to decide whose life was in the most imminent danger.
And he correctly chose Haechan.
Mark grabbed Haechan by the collar with both hands and crowded into his face. “I’m gonna fuck you up,” he roared, but Haechan didn’t fight back.
He was numb. His face was blank, his eyes cold.
Jeno did his best to wedge himself between them, but he was too defeated. All the thunder was gone from him. “Why did you do that to her?” he asked sadly.
“She has to let go of us,” Haechan replied, looking from Jeno to Mark. “Make her hate you. It’s the only way.”
Mark shook his head in dissent, clenching his fists even tighter in Haechan’s shirt.
You put plenty of distance between yourself and the boys, and the moment you found a solitary bench between trees, you collapsed onto it, buried your face in your hands, and wept.
We have no secrets, Haechan and I. He knows the darkest depths of my soul, and I know his.
I never thought he’d use that as a weapon, but I should have known.
He was the only one that dreamed bigger and harder than me. With it all ending, his heart was dying and pain makes us do horrible things. Especially to the ones we love most.
Because he knew I would still love him anyway. No matter how much he broke me.
Time lost all meaning as you cried on that bench. It wasn’t just Haechan’s words that crushed you, it was the cruel reality of life. You didn’t want to live without your boys. The four of you were too interwoven and connected. Being parted from them would be like tearing at the fabric of who you were.
You were expected to walk around with a gaping hole in your chest forever?
Sure. Most people did. It would account for all the hate and anger in the world.
“My love?”
You lifted your head at the sound of his voice, roughly wiped your wet cheeks, and growled, “Go away, Haechan. I swear to god, I will slap the shit out of you.”
Haechan dragged his feet over to you and said, “Go ahead. I deserve it.”
You refused to look at him as he sat beside you. Your eyes focused on the ocean.
We had the same biggest fear. Becoming our parents. As time went on, the more it seemed inevitable. A cycle that couldn’t be broken. We were fools to think we could be different.
That’s what I was hanging onto. I had to avoid that fate at all costs. Part of me thought that as long as I had my boys, they could save me from it.
“How could you say my worst nightmare so casually like that?” You were still shaking.
Haechan hung his head. “I was trying to hurt you.”
You scoffed, deadpanning, “At least you’re honest.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, like all the air was sapped from his lungs. When you didn’t respond, Haechan said, “Look at me. Please.”
“No.”
Your best friend sighed loudly and slouched into the bench, resting his head on the back. The two of you sat there for what felt like hours, watching the world pass you by.
“You’ll prove me wrong,” Haechan said tenderly. “You will be the one that breaks the cycle. The rest of us will just watch.”
Still, you said nothing. You hated him.
Because Haechan always ended up being right. It was a gift and a curse.
Mark and Jeno came looking. The latter was the only one brave enough to approach you, holding out his hand without a word. You peered up at him and let your hand slip into his, and Jeno led you away.
Haechan blinked and the tears escaped. He held them back until you left, refusing to cry in front of you. Keeping his hands in his lap, Haechan didn’t bother to dry his cheeks.
Mark blew out a pained breath. “What do we do?”
“You know what you have to do,” Haechan said, cutting his eyes at Mark. “If you don’t stand up to your parents, they’ll make you give her up.”
“I won’t,” Mark started.
“They will wear you down. You know they will. She’s not who they have in mind for their perfect boy. They hate her.”
Mark nodded.
“If you grow a spine, the two of you can at least live happily ever after,” Haechan joked, but there was a bitter edge to his voice.
“What about you and Jeno?”
Haechan stood. “It is what it is.”
The cloud in the van darkened. Jeno and Mark were miserable, and predictably stoic about it. Neither knew what to do with you. As it turned out, you were the rock, not Jeno.
Curled up in the bed with your back to them, you closed your eyes, but had no intention of sleeping. You would just lay there and wait for something to break or change. You’d done the heavy lifting so far. Now it was their turn.
Haechan couldn’t take the silence anymore. He trudged out of the van and slammed the door behind him.
You didn’t bat an eye. At this point, you didn’t have the energy to ask or care.
That wasn’t true. I always cared. Nothing could ever make me stop caring. We are all cursed and that was mine.
When the doors wheeled open, Haechan was sweaty and disheveled. You wondered how much time had passed as he sat on the mattress beside you. “Come with me,” your best friend said, holding out his hand.
You smarted, “Or what?”
“Or I’ll drag you.”
You looked over your shoulder and gave him an obstinate glare, but your curiosity was piqued. The hell had he been doing that got him so shiny with sweat? It didn’t take him that long to jerk off.
A defeated sigh left your lips. He was still your best friend, even if you hated his guts at the moment.
After batting his hand away, you got up and followed Haechan outside, rolling your eyes at the looks Mark and Jeno were sporting.
Gravel crunched beneath your shoes as Haechan led you into the trees, not too far from the van. When you saw what he was bringing you to, you couldn’t help but smile a little.
A camping tent was set up; the one Haechan had insisted on strapping on top of the van in case he found a nice spot. And it seemed he found one.
This was a habit of ours. When the yelling at my house got to be too much, when I couldn’t block it with my locked door or the blankets over my head, I would sneak out the window.
My parents didn’t notice. Hard to notice if you don’t care. Haechan would always be waiting to run off with me to the park. There were safe, secluded areas to set the tent up without fear of being interrupted.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten laid in that pathetic little tent. I’d probably mourn the damn thing when it finally fell apart.
Just as I mourned my relationships.
“How about a night not sleeping in the van?” Haechan asked, unzipping the front flap and holding it open for you.
“I’m not going to fuck you,” you barked, narrowing your eyes at him and crawling inside.
Haechan bit his tongue. Any witty remarks would not be appreciated at the moment.
But given Haechan was allergic to quiet, he wasn’t going to keep enabling your cold shoulder for much longer. Watching you lay on your back and make yourself comfortable over the sleeping bags, Haechan sidled up next to you as close as humanly possible.
“I’m still mad,” you huffed.
“I know.”
Well, with that out of the way, you relaxed. He knew you were upset. Now the groveling could begin.
Haechan rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand, staring at you and how intensely you were ignoring him. He reached over and stroked your cheek tenderly, and said, “I love you. It’s gonna hurt so much when you leave me.”
You closed your eyes, your heart clenching in your chest. “Then why are you trying to make me leave?”
“To give myself some control over the pain. Maybe.”
You turned your head and looked at him. His hair had grown longer over the summer, its natural jet black. It was cute; falling into his eyes, hiding them behind fluffy strands. You brushed some back with your fingertips so he couldn’t hide. Then you reached for his hand and laced your fingers through his.
Haechan smiled softly.
“I’m not going anywhere,” you told him. “You’re my best friend. I’ll be next to you in a nursing home.”
“Will you still kiss me if I have no teeth?” he asked with a chuckle.
“Heck yes. That would be hilarious.”
Both of you laughed at the sudden mental image of you and Haechan as two little old people sucking each other’s faces.
The rest of the world melted away. Your summer wasn’t coming to an end. It was just another night spent from home inside Haechan’s tent. If you didn’t think too hard, you could convince yourself nothing had changed.
Nothing was over.
You talked for ages, about everything. Like always. The light beyond the tent died and everything went dark, prompting Haechan to light a familiar lantern beside the sleeping bags. Soon, the ambience shifted from birds chirping to crickets singing.
When the atmosphere changed, so did the gravity inside the tent.
He was good at talking you away from the edge. Haechan made you laugh hard enough you forgot your anger and sadness, and he started stealing kisses between words. His hand occasionally traced patterns on the bit of your exposed stomach until it slipped under your shirt and got comfortable palming your breast. That’s when you began initiating kisses and running your fingers through his hair.
Kissing overtook conversation. You were immune to all the pain when his lips were on yours and you wanted more, wanted to overdose on the feeling until your heart was made of stone.
Haechan was my family. He was the only home I’d ever known, the only person who loved me unconditionally like my parents were supposed to. Soul mates aren’t always romantic. Maybe they’re just the person that loves you despite everything.
There was a little hitch in his breath as Haechan deepened the kiss, his arms heavy around you. He needed it too, needed to feel loved again before it was all over.
Your lashes fluttered as Haechan settled on top of you, abandoning your lips to suck and nibble at your neck. Your hands were on his shoulders, having been pulling him to you impatiently. His leg wedged between your thighs, pressing against your sex.
Haechan tugged at your clothes, undressing you while he bruised the base of your neck with his lips and teeth. When you yanked off his clothes and finally felt his naked body against yours, you moaned into his mouth and tangled your fingers in his long hair.
It was so familiar and comforting. With Haechan, everything was okay. Nothing could hurt me here.
He seemed in no rush to touch you where you really wanted him to. Typical. Haechan always dragged things out and made it last. He knew you had all the time in the world and was in no hurry to plow through it. Pun intended.
Haechan sucked your nipple into his mouth and pinched the other with his fingers. You bit your lip and squirmed under him, feeling his hard cock against your thigh. You hooked your legs on his hips and flexed, bringing him flush against you for good measure.
You flipped your positions and Haechan let you, holding your waist as you rolled onto him, straddling his lap. He kissed you even deeper, running his hands up and down your back while you cradled his face and tried to snatch all the air from his lungs.
Haechan broke from the kiss to ask playfully, “Have you been writing about sex in the book?”
You were breathing heavily, flushed and dazed from his kisses. “Yeah,” you rasped, running your hand through your hair to get it out of your face.
Haechan tugged you back down and trailed kisses over your jaw before whispering in your ear, “I need to give you some new material.”
“As if you haven’t given me plenty already.”
“I have competition,” he retorted, brushing his hands to your breasts. “Jeno is a slut with a dragon dick. You have a fat crush on Mark and he railed the shit out of you.”
You snickered. “Who are you then?”
Haechan steered you up and shuffled down until his arms were around your thighs and his mouth was inches from your sex, and purred, “I’ll always be the one that gave you your first nut.”
Though you were about to laugh at that, the next sound out of your mouth was a whimper as Haechan tongued at your folds. You were mindful not to put too much of your weight on him, but his hands on your hips said otherwise, bringing you down to meet his lips.
The sight of his face buried in your pussy, between your thighs, was so arousing you felt your walls clench on nothing.
“Fuck.” You let your head fall back and closed your eyes. Reaching for his hands on your hips, you held on tight and joked breathlessly, “The book will give us more groupies than the band ever did.”
Haechan stopped sucking on your clit long enough to retort, “God, I hope so.”
An involuntary shudder shot through you when he latched back onto your bundle of nerves. You squeezed his hands even tighter, eyes winching closed. Another moan tumbled off your tongue. Haechan didn’t play when he was sucking you dry.
It was probably one of the few things in life he took seriously.
“Mm,” you hummed, trembling when his tongue swirled around your entrance before returning to your clit. “So good, baby.”
Haechan made a noise against your cunt. “You know, you only call me baby when I’m getting you off.”
“Do I?”
“I like it.”
“I like when you touch me,” you said in barely a whisper, biting your lip lest you go into juicy detail.
Haechan would have loved that.
You were so far gone already. Your hands found his hair, your hips bucking against his face. Little nothings mingled with your moans. Haechan kneaded your hips, but as you got closer, he reached up to grab and squeeze your breasts instead.
It felt so good you felt guilty that you weren’t touching him. Releasing his hair, you lilted back and wrapped your hand around his hard cock, feeling it twitch the moment your fingers made contact.
Haechan broke away from your pussy and scolded, “Don’t touch me.”
“Why not?”
“Only think about yourself right now. Be selfish. You’ve earned it.”
You swallowed and let Haechan guide your hands back into his hair, and he bit the inside of your thigh as a warning to do as he said. Your body tensed when he lapped at your clit again and you decided to obey. You would be selfish.
Haechan smirked when you arched away from him, propping yourself over him on your arms and riding his face. He reeled a hand back and slapped your ass, the best way he knew how to convey to you that you were giving him exactly what he wanted.
He lapped at the arousal between your folds, his tongue teasing your bundle of nerves again. Haechan knew that was your weak spot, where you were most sensitive. If he played his cards right, he could have you screaming for mercy from the overstimulation.
“Right there,” you panted, voice pitching higher. "I'm close."
For once in his life, Haechan said nothing. He ate you out like a man starved, suddenly grabbing your waist to keep you in place. He sucked on you until your legs shook and you whimpered his name.
And when orgasm hit, you went higher than where the cocaine took you. Your eyes rolled back in your head and your body shuddered, and you chanted, “Fuck,” like a mantra.
Haechan kept going until you pushed frantically at his head.
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” you begged, fisting his hair and finally earning yourself a reprieve.
Haechan chuckled, slipping his arms under your legs and tossing you to the side. You gladly rolled to your back, staring up at the ceiling of the tent, waiting to come back to your senses.
You felt his hand smoothing its way up your thigh before cupping your sex, feeling all the slick he’d gotten out of you and muttering, “Fuck,” under his breath. His fingers prodded into your pulsing pussy, hooking at your sweet spot, and you writhed, sensitive.
“Put a condom on,” you told him hurriedly, still trying to catch your breath.
As you came down from the high, Haechan crawled over to the other side of the tent and returned with a packet, tearing it open with his teeth. You watched him fit the condom on his hard cock and you spread your legs invitingly when he moved between your legs, grasping your knees and pushing them toward your chest, bending you in half.
You rested your hands on his hips and drew him toward you when he slipped his cock into your entrance and stroked in slow. “Mm, baby, you’re so good,” you mewled dramatically. “The biggest ever.”
Haechan, whose eyes had been on his cock sinking into your tight cunt, tossed his long hair out of his eyes and said, “Fuck you,” with a tiny snort.
You grinned and sank your fingers deeper into the flesh of his hips, tugging him toward you in tandem with his movements. He loved when you left scratches and bruises in his skin. A reminder of you he got to carry around with him for days after.
“Kiss me,” Haechan whispered, rocking into you harder.
Without missing a beat, you lifted your head to meet his lips, but his hands wrapped around your wrists and pinned them to the ground. A noise of frustration left you, because you couldn’t close the rest of the distance with him holding you down.
Nipping at your lips, he taunted, “What’s the matter?”
Rather than answer, you moaned as his cock bottomed out in you again. Your face tensed with pleasure, every thrust making your toes curl. You were still raw from orgasm and his cock hitting you right made a shudder race through you.
Haechan went still. When you peered up at him in confusion, he smirked and said, “Fuck me.”
You hooked your thighs higher up his hips and started grinding into him. Haechan looked down to watch you bouncing on his dick, sucking in a breath when your pace grew more hurried and desperate.
“Please move,” you whined, eyes closed. Sweat formed at your back with the effort, your body burning.
“You’re doing fine without me.”
“I’m never okay without you,” you said breathlessly, out of your mind with lust and emotions. The two were colliding.
Haechan draped over you, slipping his fingers into your hair, and fucked into you at a ruthless pace for that, making you slap a hand over your mouth to keep from crying out.
The last thing you wanted was his name echoing through the woods. You would never live it down.
“Oh god. Oh fuck.” You clawed at his back, trying to find purchase.
Haechan gathered you in his arms and you sat up face-to-face, straddling his lap. Haechan kissed at your neck, crushing you in his arms. You rode him, his hips matching your rhythm.
“Come for me,” Haechan purred in your ear, saying your name silkily. “Again.”
It wasn’t fair that he could snap his fingers and your body would answer. You were so close and had been together for so long, your skin knew his touch. Your heart gave in to his every desire and whim.
Ecstasy spilled over and a moan caught in your throat.
Haechan held you even tighter as you came, biting his lip as he felt you clamp down on his cock, holding his breath to stave off his own orgasm until you sighed his name and slumped against him.
You buried your face in his shoulder and whimpered as his thrusts turned ragged, his groans pitching higher until he released into the condom. You rubbed his back and kissed his neck while he came down, lowering you to the floor gently and landing at your side.
The two of you breathed heavily. Sex broke something in you both that you needed. It felt final.
Like it was the last time.
Haechan discarded the condom and crawled back to you, getting a blanket out from one of the sleeping bags to drape over your bodies. You nestled closer to him, ready to doze off in his arms. Haechan settled a hand on your thigh, the other behind his head. Your eyes fluttered closed as his chest rose and fell with his breaths.
“I’ll never stop fighting,” you whispered with resolve. “And you shouldn’t either.”
He said nothing, but pressed a kiss to your temple.
The next day, the van was on its way home. You sat in the passenger seat as Jeno drove, just as you had when summer - and the trip - started.
When Jeno parked at a rest area, you ventured inside to look for a payphone.
Haechan leaned back against the van, arms folded.
Mark wandered over to him, asking in a soft voice, “How is she?”
“Ask her yourself,” Haechan retorted.
Mark frowned. “You know her better than anyone.”
Haechan’s eyes darkened as he said, “You hurt her and I’ll kill you.”
Mark opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Jeno, who had been hovering close by, smirked at the exchange and murmured, “Says the one person actually capable of hurting her.”
Haechan shot him a glare. “She loves Mark more than she ever loved us,” he started.
Jeno was quick to cut him off, “You know damn well that’s not true.”
“Maybe she’s right about us,” Mark spoke up, glancing between them. “Maybe we should stay together and try to make it work.”
Haechan let his head fall back and groaned. “Pussy power strikes again.”
“Are you done?” Mark snapped. “You are the biggest hypocrite, you know. You’re hoping and praying she’s right. That she makes something happen. You’re trying so hard to look like you don’t care, but you don’t want to lose us.”
Tears filled Haechan’s eyes. His lips pursed.
Jeno cocked his head. “We know that, Mark,” he crooned cutely. “Our Donghyuck cares the most. That’s why he tries so hard to hide it.”
Haechan quickly wiped his cheeks. The tears had escaped too fast. After a pause, getting himself together, Haechan said, “I’m sorry for yesterday. I didn’t mean it.”
“We know that too.” Jeno reached over and squeezed his shoulder.
The two looked at Mark expectantly. His anger faded and he huffed a sigh.
Your voice broke the moment. “Guys!”
“What?” Jeno barked, turning to see you racing across the parking lot toward them.
You could hardly breathe, panting like you’d run a marathon. “They want to publish the book!”
All three of them gaped in perfect sync.
“Are you fucking serious?” Haechan wheezed.
“Yeah,” you said in disbelief, chuckling to yourself. “They want me to keep sending in chapters and they’ll assign me an editor to help organize everything. And then I’ll have to fill in the gaps, but… it’s gonna be a book. An actual book!”
In the next second, you were the meat in a boy sandwich and you couldn't have been happier about it.
Once everything calmed down, Mark shook his head and exclaimed, “This is insane!”
Haechan took your face in his hands and planted a big kiss on your lips with a loud, “Mwah!” Which made Jeno whine, “I was gonna kiss her and I can’t now!”
“I’ll kiss you too,” Haechan taunted, wagging his tongue and reaching for Jeno, making the drummer turn on his heels and run for his life.
You giggled as Haechan chased after him and Mark took the opportunity to wrap you in his arms and bury his face in your neck, enveloping you in a hug. You held him tightly and closed your eyes, breathing him in.
“You did it,” Mark whispered, saying your name in reverence. “You made this summer count for something.”
Tears pricked your eyes.
Haechan and Jeno traipsed back over, pushing and shoving each other with big grins on their faces.
With the celebration winding down, you looked at your boys one-by-one and said, “There’s a couple of conditions.”
Jeno grumbled. Haechan arched a brow.
“I won’t write the last chapters and send them in until you get clean,” you said, pointing at Jeno.
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on.”
“I’m serious.” You planted your feet and stared him down. “You think I’m going to risk this book being a hit and us getting a huge payday just for you to blow it all on blow?”
Jeno sulked.
“It’s a fair condition,” Haechan said lightly.
“I know it is!”
You waited patiently.
“I’m not an addict,” Jeno insisted. “I am a casual user.”
“Then you can casually stop,” you smarted.
He made a face. After a tiny lull, Jeno handed you the bag from his back pocket and you didn’t hesitate to cram it into your own. Its next destination was the nearest toilet.
You turned to Mark. “There’s a condition for you too.”
Mark grimaced nervously. “I’m listening.”
“You have to do what you want with your own life. Not what your parents want.”
Mark visibly relaxed. His eyes went soft. Something happy and content washed over him. “But I don’t know what I want.”
You shrugged. “You have time to figure it out. Change your mind as many times as it takes until you find what makes you happy.”
“Okay,” said Mark, smiling.
Finally, you turned to Haechan. “And you.”
He tilted his head and puckered up his lips.
“You’re not your father, Haechan.”
“You sure? I was pretty quick to cut you down.”
You scoffed. “Last I checked, I’m still standing. Bitch.”
Haechan chuckled.
“She’s right,” Jeno said, draping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to press a kiss to your cheek. “We shouldn’t give up on the band already.”
“The book could make some people check us out,” Mark added, optimistic again.
All eyes were on Haechan. He smiled bashfully and said, “And if it doesn’t - if it all fails - at least we’ll know we tried.”
“No regrets,” you finished with a nod.
Haechan suddenly reached into his pocket and handed you a balled-up page.
The missing chapter of your memoir.
You gaped when you realized what it was. “I should have known you took it.”
“I couldn’t handle someone talking so highly about me,” he said under his breath.
“Oh. Only you’re allowed to speak highly of yourself?”
Mark and Jeno laughed.
Haechan did too. Then he sobered and tucked some of your hair behind your ear. “Thank you for believing in me.”
You gave him a puzzled look. “Haechan, you started the band. Don’t you remember?”
“No?”
“We met in detention in eighth grade,” you reminded him, to which Haechan bobbed his head. “You noticed Jeno drumming his hands. You said you saw Mark playing acoustic by himself during lunch. And you heard me singing under the bleachers when I skipped gym.”
“I forgot all that,” Haechan mumbled, his eyes twinkling like they shone with stars. “Damn, I really gotta quit drinking.”
Mark moved to your free side and said, “Yeah, dude. We’re all here because of you.”
Haechan looked at his three best friends, his family, smiling at him, and it almost broke him on the spot. He slid his hands into his pockets and shrugged.
Jeno laughed loudly. “I’ll be damned. All you’ve ever wanted is to be the center of attention and now that you’ve got it, you don’t know what the fuck to do.”
“Yep,” Haechan said with a sheepish grin.
You closed the distance and hugged him, patting the back of his head. “It ain’t over till it’s over,” you whispered for his ears alone and Haechan let go the breath he’d been holding, releasing all the tension and pain in his chest.
Once you parted, Mark reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze. You melted into his familiar arms and flushed when he said, “You are, by far, the greatest person I have ever met.”
“Stop it.”
“Okay.”
“Wait.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and lifted to your toes. “Maybe a little more.”
Mark smiled as his lips met yours in a chaste kiss that he poured his all into.
A kiss that was dramatically interrupted by Jeno, knocking into Mark enough to jostle you both. “It’s not your job to save us, you know,” he chided sweetly.
Yes, it was and it always would be. Because they saved me first.
“Hey, I’m just an instrument of the power of rock and roll,” you said, putting a hand on Jeno’s chest and giving him a playful shove.
“I take back every compliment I’ve ever said to you,” he joked, tickling your sides.
You laughed.
The four of you gabbed and teased each other for what felt like an eternity. The air was lighter. The sun a was a little brighter. Your boys were smiling again and you felt the pieces of your heart snapping back into place.
Hope is a powerful thing. A gentle promise that maybe - just maybe - we could all be happy and whole.
“We’re burning daylight,” Jeno eventually said.
You exclaimed, “Let’s hit the road,” and it was the first time you said it without dread.
Hopping into the van after you, Mark stuck his head out and called, “Don’t forget the trash.”
Jeno proceeded to scoop Haechan up in his burly arms and carried him to the van.
“Very funny,” Haechan deadpanned, but he couldn’t help but grin.
Smiling till your cheeks hurt, you got in the driver’s seat and fired up the engine, pulling out of the rest area and onto the highway, toward the new life awaiting you and your boys.
Everything would change for us. The drive home wasn’t some miserable journey we’d been fearing. It was the final chapter of our summer, but only the beginning of our story.
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Copyright 2020-2024 © yutaholic (formerly zenyukhei) All rights reserved do not copy or translate without my permission!
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entitled-fangirl · 2 months
Text
Two idiots in love. (P10)
Joel Miller x anemic!reader
Summary: the reader gets taken by David. And Joel will do anything to get her back.
Warnings: bruises, creepy comments, kidnapping, manipulation, name-calling, cursing
Author's note: I think 3 updates in one day is enough lmao
Masterlist
Part 1 and 11
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.............................................................
Y/N woke up with a labored breath.
In fact, all of her breaths were harsh and painful.
And now that she had truly came to her senses, she couldn't remember taking her medication since Jackson.
She left her medication in Jackson.
"I started worrying you wouldn't wake up."
She sat up slowly, now realizing she was laying on cold tile in a fenced in area of the room.
And she knew that voice.
David.
She hummed, trying to collect her thoughts. 
Her shivering frame no longer had her winter coat.
Her torso was just left in a tank top and Joel's flannel.
She finally managed to look up at David.
He smiled, "Tess… is it?"
Her eyebrows furrowed. "…Tess?"
He shook his head, "Apparently not." He held up the piece of paper again, "…Y/N?"
She couldn't stop the small instinctual light up of her eyes.
He smiled again, "There she is… pretty Y/N."
In David's hands was Bill's note to Joel. She remembers Joel keeping the paper, and it must have ended up in her backpack. 
"So, is Tess the girl?"
"Stop saying that fucking name."
His eyebrows rose, "Alright. Touchy subject." He set the paper down, "I just want to get to know you. Understand you? Is that alright?"
"L…Let me out."
"Well, that's certainly the goal." She saw him grimace, "Sorry for that bruising. Can't imagine it feels nice. I talked to James about it, and I truly apologize on his behalf."
The struggle to breathe.
It was the bruising on her neck from her attempted escape.
"Are you hungry?"
"Wh…why am I in a cage?"
David shrugged, "Have you ever had a pet bird, Y/N? You have to make sure it'll stay before you let it out. Otherwise, it may fly away-"
"-Fuck you."
"Or," he continued more harshly, "More realistically, a dog. You're wild. But don't worry. We'll domesticate you. Make you obedient and respectful. Let you eat the scraps off of the table. The others want to kill you. But I saved you. I can help you. Let me protect you."
She shook her head, "We both know I'm not really on my own."
"Right," he nodded, "your family. Your husband, how is he?"
"He's not my fucking husband."
"Well, I can see how much you care about him, so I know it hurts. But that part of your life, it's ending. And what I'm offering you is a beginning. But if you can't find a way to trust me, then yes. You are alone."
Y/N let out a breath, pushing herself against the wall.
"Can I ask about that?" David asked.
"About what?" She replied coldly.
"That bruise on your arm. Is that… from him?"
A bruise in the shape of Joel's fingers laid around her wrist in a deep purple. It was from cleaning his wound only yesterday, and at the time, she didn't think anything of it.
She looked up at him.
"I see." He said, "You know, people that love you- truly love you- they don't hurt you."
"How the fuck would you know about love?"
"Well, I wouldn't hurt you, Y/N."
"The same bruises are on my neck."
"Those are from James. Not me. I would never hurt you. I think you're beautiful. And beauty is meant to be treasured."
"Joel wouldn't hurt me. He's not like that."
David scoffed, "Did you see what he did to Alec at the university? Snapped his neck. You think he wouldn't do that to you?"
"No. He wouldn't." She reasoned. 
"Be serious with yourself, Y/N. That man is dangerous and cruel. You deserve someone kind and protective."
"And you think that person is you?" She scoffed.
He let out a laugh, "Of course, I wish the pretty girl likes me. Who wouldn't? But, I think that's up to you to decide."
And he left her alone with her thoughts. 
Joel was livid.
He could barely see through the red that clouded his vision.
In the scheme of things, they had somehow taken Ellie, too. 
And Joel didn't like it when people touched his things.
He continued to punch the man taped to the chair.
"Please," the man pleased, "I don't know any woman."
Joel stabbed a blade through the man's knee.
"Marco-"
"No, no, no, no" Joel said softly, "He can't help you. You focus right here. Or I'll pop your fuckin' kneecap off."
The man took a deep breath, "She's alive."
Joel nodded, "Where?"
When the man wouldn't answer, Joel twisted the man's kneecap with his bare hands.
"Fuck, fuck! The town!"
"WHAT TOWN?!" Joel yelled.
"..S…Silver Lake."
Joel pulled out a map, setting it on the man's lap.
The same map Y/N had used in Bill's truck.
"It's not a real town name," the man said out of breath, "It's a resort."
"A resort?"
Joel sighed and pulled the blade from the man's knee, shoving the handle of it in the man's mouth harshly.
"You're gonna point to where we are, and where your "resort" is. And it better be the exact same spot you buddy over there points to."
The man did as Joel commanded, then he spit the blade out, "Go ask him. He'll tell you. I'm not lying."
Joel nodded, then shoved the knife into the man's stomach with no mercy.
The other man held hostage yelled out at the violent act. "Why did you do that? He told you what you wanted! I won't tell you SHIT!"
"That's okay," Joel said calmly as he walked to him and grabbed a bat, "I believe him."
Joel swung the bat with no remorse.
Y/N was sat on the floor in a panic.
A human fucking ear laid on the ground not too far from her cage.
They were cannibals.
David came in with a plate, setting it on the ground and sliding it to the hungry woman.
But the last thing she could do was eat after seeing what laid on the ground.
He noticed her gaze and followed it, then looked back with a clenched jaw, "For what it's worth, this is just deer meat. I swear."
She let out a small cry, "Are you gonna fucking eat me?"
"I'd rather not."
"How… how could you do this?"
"There are only a few of us that know." David said, "but, I would've told you. Sooner or later."
She let out another small cry.
"It was a last resort. You think this doesn't shame me?"
She sniffled lightly and looked up at him.
David grinned slightly at the eye contact, "Your friend is no different. Didn't he take another man's life to save yours?"
"He…he was defending himself."
"No, he was defending you."
Her eyes left his as she took in his words.
"Can I tell you something? Be honest with you, Y/N? I'm just a shepherd tending to my sheep. And all I want… is someone to share it with. A friend."
"What about my friend?"
He nodded, "I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They'll spare him."
"W…what?"
"If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. They do what I tell them to do."
"What about my daughter?"
He smiled, "About that…"
Her heart dropped, "Where is my girl, you sick fuck?"
"JAMES!"
James walked in with Ellie in tow. Her hands were tied behind her back and she fought against the man's movements until she saw Y/N.
David smiled, "A happy reunion, indeed."
Y/N stood and approached the bars as close as she could to Ellie. "Ellie! Are… Jesus, are you alright?"
Ellie nodded.
"Let her go, David. She didn't do anything. I'm the adult here. Blame me. Just… let her go, please. Don't touch her."
The preacher sighed, "Well, I really want to, sweetheart. But… I have to domesticate the dog, remember? So, I take something that the dog loves, like…. Ellie, you said?… and I dangle her in front of the dog's nose. The dog will now do anything I say to ensure it gets what it wants."
"I'm not a dog, David."
He smiles, "No…?"
James pulls on Ellie's hair, making her cry out.
"STOP IT!" Y/N yells, "STOP! Fine! I'll do anything. Anything, please. Don't touch her!"
"C'mere then."
She approached where David stood on the other side of the bars.
His hand wandered to her cheek.
It made her remember Joel's touch.
But they were nothing alike.
David smiled, letting his voice drop to in intimate volume due to the proximity, "And now, the pretty bitch bows to her master."
He turns around, "Put the girl in there."
When Ellie is thrown into the cage, Y/N immediately takes her in her arms.
They watch the men leave the room.
"Where are you hurt?!" Y/N asked frantically.
Ellie shakes her head, "I'm fine. Just… scared."
"And Joel?"
Ellie shrugs, "I heard voices, so I did what I could to lead them from the house. Got the horse shot. I'm sorry."
She shakes her head, "I don't give a shit about the horse. You're okay, and that's all the matters."
A few hours later, the two found themselves a little more relaxed.
David had left them alone for the last 4 hours.
"Y/N?" Ellie asked. "I have something to confess…"
The woman nods, "Okay."
"It's really bad…."
"Bad as in… you killed someone? That's not exactly considered bad anymore."
"No…I… I read the note."
Y/N froze. "What note?"
"The one Joel left for you in Jackson."
Y/N didn't know what to say, "How… when did you… Ellie…?"
"I saw it when I went to the bathroom before we left. I just… I don't know. Part of me hoped that Joel had left it for me. I understand why he left one for you, but…. I couldn't help myself. And I'm sorry for reading it."
"It's fine, Ellie. Really."
Silence.
"Did you want to know what it said?"
"Well," Y/N shrugged, "that depends. Is it something I have to know?"
Ellie considered the question, then shook her head. 
"Okay then. Is it something I'd want to know?"
Ellie immediately nodded.
"Hmm. Would this information change what I have with Joel? And with you?"
Ellie frowned in thought, then nodded, "Yeah. Big time."
Y/N sighed, "Well, I don't care then. I like what I have with you and Joel. I don't want to change it. I'd rather live life not knowing anything and having you two, then to know everything in the world and live without Joel and my daughter."
Ellie let out a shuddered breath at her response.
"Joel also said he loves you."
Y/N's head shoots up, "…what?"
"I won't get into details but… it was all mushy about how much he loves you and how you ground him… all the shit he'll never say out loud."
Y/N nodded. "I see. I hope Joel is out there looking for us then."
"Me, too."
If only they knew.
............................................................................
Tags: @lover-of-books-and-tea, @pedropascalfan221, @lottieellz101, @bambisweethearts, @hiroikegawa, @elliaze, @littleshadow17, @n7cje
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chvoswxtch · 9 months
Text
stakeout
pairing: frank castle x fem!reader
summary: going on a stakeout with frank doesn't go anything like you thought it would.
warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of guns, a lil steam ;)
word count: 9k
a/n: fun fact: I originally started writing this specific idea as a standalone fic months ago & then when i started doing this series, i knew it would be perfect for it, & i've been excited to finish it & share it with y'all ever since. grab a snack & a drink, get comfy, bc this is almost 30 pages of yearning & pining for our favorite soft bad boy frankie. thank you so much to my darling angel @spoodermain for being my wonderful beta reader & offering your genius feedback that really made this part shine. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!
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How you had managed to talk Frank into letting you join a stakeout with him, you still weren’t sure, but it was nothing like you thought it would be. The entire three hour drive upstate was nearly composed of pure silence, only interrupted by trivial questions on your behalf, and answers in the form of monosyllables and grunts on his. The two of you had been sitting in his truck for almost six hours now, parked off on the side of a dirt road a good distance away from what looked like an abandoned warehouse that you hadn’t seen anyone enter or leave from.
You were going absolutely fucking stir crazy.
“Why can't we just go in?”
Frank let out a deep exhale through his nose, glancing over at you out of the corner of his eye in pure annoyance before returning his attentive gaze back to the warehouse.
In his defense, you had asked this question at least five times already.
Letting out an impatient sigh of your own, you turned your body slightly in the passenger seat to face him while gesturing loosely to the warehouse with your hand.
“Frank, we haven't seen anyone in hours. We could go in, take a look around, and probably be back before anyone even-”
“Hey hey, no. Ain’t no we. Alright, you’re stayin’ your ass right here. And I already told you why. It’s too out in the open. I got no way of knowin’ if there’s anyone in there watchin’, and I can’t tell if they got some kind of security system ‘round the place-”
“So call Billy. See if he knows-”
“Bill ain’t the head of security for the entire goddamn world.”
Frank’s snappy quips and his irritated tone had you throwing your hands up in exasperation, and you dramatically sank back into the passenger seat of his truck, glaring out your window as you crossed your arms over your chest.
“Fine. Then I guess we’ll just keep sitting here in fucking silence and you can keep brooding.”
Frank let out another heavy exhale from deep within his chest, and you could practically feel his intense stare against the side of your face.
“Look, I know this ain’t the most excitin’ thing, and you can’t sit still to save your goddamn life, but this is how we do this smart, and it’s how I keep you safe, alright? I ain’t takin’ any risks with you. I know patience ain’t your strong suit, but I need ya to try for just a little longer, alright? We don’t see any movement in the next hour, we’ll call it, and try again tomorrow. See if we can come up with another plan. Yeah?”
“Fine.”
Frank let out a tiny chuckle at your bratty response, and all of a sudden you felt something land in your lap. You glanced downwards as a crease formed between your brows, seeing an extra large version of your favorite candy bar. When your eyes flickered over towards Frank in curiosity, you noticed that he was already eyeing you with an amused smile. He shook his head slowly, returning his line of sight to the warehouse with another soft chuckle.
“Eat that and quit poutin’.”
A light scoff left your lips when you picked up the candybar and tore open the wrapper, suddenly noticing the way that you had been ignoring your body’s alerts of hunger. 
“I’m not pouting.”
“Whatever ya say, sweetheart. Just remember, you asked to come along.”
“And you let me.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Frank shook his head again in response to the pure sass dripping from your voice, and you caught the way the edge of his mouth tugged higher upwards into a wider grin.
“Thought this would be the one time you were quiet for some reason.”
Letting out a dramatic scoff of bewilderment, you reached out to smack your palm against his broad shoulder, which only caused laughter to bellow from deep within Frank’s chest. You doubt he even felt your feeble smack through the black denim layer of his jacket. Rolling your eyes playfully, you looked away with a tiny victorious grin after noticing the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed like that. 
He looked so carefree; like that usual heaviness he carried around wasn’t weighing him down, just for that small moment. Frank had such a beautiful smile, and it made you feel like the luckiest person in the world every time you got to witness it. 
Taking a small bite of your candybar, you muttered under your breath, making him snicker.
“Asshole.”
»»———  ———««
Forty five minutes later, a police car silently pulled up behind Frank’s truck, and your heart started to hammer wildly in your chest. The flashing of bright red and blue was almost blinding in the opaque darkness surrounding the empty dirt road he had pulled onto. The truck was parked far enough away from the property that the flashing lights shouldn’t have alerted anyone that could be inside, but the explanation as to why the two of you were here in the first place was a whole other problem.
Especially considering that you were technically “missing”.
“Shit.”
Frank hissed quietly as he stared at the patrol car in the side view mirror, his full lips settling into a hard line as he reached underneath his seat to retrieve a pistol that was hidden. Your eyes immediately widened as the silver metal became illuminated by the faint moonlight, and you glanced frantically between Frank’s stoic face and the cop car in the rearview mirror.
“What are you doing?”
Frank hastily brought his index finger to his lips when you whisper-yelled at him.
“Preparin’ for a problem.”
Frank’s eyes remained narrowed on the reflection in the side view mirror as he pulled the hammer back on the pistol, the sound of it cocking in place only fueling the speed of your tumultuous heart rate.
“Put it away!”
Scrunching up his dark brows, Frank turned his head slightly to stare at you incredulously as if you had just said the most ridiculous statement in the history of the English language. 
“What?”
“Frank-”
“You got a better goddamn idea?”
Great. You’re not even supposed to be here, and now you’re about to either go to prison or die in a shootout.
Your eyes frantically searched around Frank’s truck for something that could help the two of you out. As Frank rested the gun against his chest with a firm grip on the handle and his index finger pressed along the barrel, an idea suddenly popped into your head that made your stomach flip.
“Put it away.”
Frank turned his head and stared at you curiously when he heard the firm tone of your voice, but his confusion quickly morphed into pure annoyance. He scoffed, opening his mouth to protest before you turned in your seat to face him.
“You asked if I had a better idea and I do.”
Frank stared you down for what felt like an eternity. His features were set in a harsher version of their normal broody appearance, and the hardness in his eyes sent a shiver down your spine. A muscle feathered in his jaw as he ground his teeth, stealing one last glance at the side view mirror before stashing the pistol back underneath the seat, grumbling a string of curses under his breath.
“Now what? What’s this grand fuckin’ plan of yours, huh?”
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the door to the patrol car swing open. Quickly dashing across the truck bench, you ungracefully climbed onto Frank’s lap. His entire body immediately went rigid, and he looked absolutely stunned as he stared into your eyes. 
“What-”
Before he could finish his sentence, you grabbed onto the back of his neck and leaned in to firmly press your lips against his. Frank stilled completely beneath you for a good thirty seconds, and you could feel the tension practically radiating from his body. You started to worry that maybe you should have at least given him a snippet of your plan before-oh.
Oh.
A warmth suddenly spread across your thighs and it took a second for your brain to register that it was from Frank’s hands. They experimentally roamed up the expanse of your thighs until they slowly climbed up your hips, settling on your waist in a firm but delicate grip. All the previous anxiety that was buzzing in your veins seemed to be drowned out by the sensation of the tender pace of his lips finally responding to your chaste kiss.
God, his lips were as soft as they looked, and so warm. There was a bitterness to the way he tasted from the copious amounts of freshly brewed black coffee he had consumed, but it was cut through by lingering sweet mint from the gum he had spat out earlier. 
The gentleness of his touch and his uncertain kiss was surprising for someone who was so rough in so many other aspects of their life. You couldn’t help but grab a small fistful of the collar of his gray henley while you melted into his strong chest, your fingernails lightly scratching at the back of his neck with your other hand, holding him as close as physically possible. A low groan sounded quietly in the back of Frank’s throat when you dragged your nails against his skin, and it traveled straight to your-
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Jumping at the sudden intrusion of noise, you turned your head to see a young officer staring between you and Frank awkwardly, the end of his flashlight hovering over the glass of the driver’s side window. When the window was slowly rolled down, the seriousness of the previous situation broke through the haze of lust you had found yourself in, and you suddenly remembered why you were in Frank’s lap in the first place. Before you could scramble out an explanation, Frank’s rough voice cut through the timid silence and startled you.
“What?”
The young officer jumped backwards immediately from the way Frank practically barked at him, and you turned your head to stare at him in surprise. His chest was rising and falling quickly, his thick brows were knit together in pure frustration, and you could see that familiar flame of rage burning in his eyes.
He looked pissed.
Looking back at the officer, you let out a nervous laugh as you pressed your palm flat against Frank’s chest in an attempt to calm him, flashing the young man a soft smile.
“I’m sorry, is…is there a problem?”
He gulped as his eyes flickered from Frank’s unwavering hardened glare to you, nodding slowly as he uncomfortably gestured behind himself with his thumb.
“I…sorry to uh…interrupt. It’s just…well…this is private property. You’re…technically trespassing.”
Hearing the aggravated grunt that sounded from Frank as he opened his mouth to speak, you quickly covered his mouth with your small palm and let out another nervous laugh, trying to keep the officer’s attention on you.
“I’m very sorry, that’s um…that’s my fault. It’s…it’s our first night with a babysitter so, we got a little…carried away. I’m sure you can understand?”
There was a hopeful tone to your voice as your lips parted into the most convincing charming smile you could muster at the moment, hoping he would take the bait so that you and Frank could leave without a scene being caused. When the young man’s lips parted into a light smile, you felt a sense of ease wash over you. 
“Of course, I can definitely…understand.”
But that ease was short lived when you caught where his line of sight went, and felt Frank’s grip on your waist tighten possessively.
As the young officer spoke those words, he made the mistake of letting his eyes wander over your chest in a shameless way, and you panicked when you felt Frank lean forward, reaching with one hand underneath his seat while also shielding your chest from the man’s prying eyes with his large body.
“The fuck are you lookin’ at?”
The officer instantly took another large step back, holding his hands up in surrender and mumbling a string of apologies as Frank started going off on him, reaching for the handle to the door. You quickly grabbed his jaw in your hand and forced him to look at you, staring into his furious glare with wide eyes as you whispered frantically through gritted teeth.
“Frank, stop it.”
Glancing back over at the young man, you let out a soft laugh as you waved your shaky hand dismissively. 
“I’m really sorry, we’ll just…leave. We’ll leave. Have a good night.”
Quickly rolling up the window, you scurried back into the passenger seat and swiftly put your seatbelt on. When Frank didn’t move an inch, you turned your head to look at him, seeing a twisted up concoction of anger and confusion on his features. You hysterically gestured towards the steering wheel as you gawked at him.
“What are you doing? Drive!”
Frank’s jaw hardened as he let out a heavy grunt, turning the keys in the ignition and flashing the officer one final death glare before peeling off onto the dirt road in the opposite direction. Once the patrol car was out of sight, you let out a deep breath of relief and held your face in your trembling hands as you tried to calm your nerves.
Your mind was racing with all the worst possible case scenarios. What if that officer was with the Defenders of Freedom too? Is that why he was on that road? Did he get Frank’s license plate? Is he telling the others that the two of you found their base of operations? What would-
“That was good quick thinkin’.”
Frank’s gravely voice cutting through the silence made you realize that neither of you had spoken in the past ten minutes. Turning your head to look over at him, your brows knit together in puzzlement.
“What?”
Frank’s eyes darted over to you timidly, only for a moment, before settling back on the road in front of him.
“Your…plan.”
His voice sounded somewhat strained, and you noticed his features were blanketed in an expression you couldn’t fully make out from the faint glow of the street lights. He almost looked…shy?
Shy was not a word you would ever normally use to describe Frank Castle.
There was suddenly a feeling of heat nipping at the tops of your cheeks, and you were swiftly aware of the lingering sensation of your lips tingling from the kiss. 
Is that why he couldn’t hardly look at you?
“Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.”
Frank arched one of his thick brows as his eyes flickered back over towards you once again, his full lips pursing slightly as he nodded.
“Yeah…I s’pose they do.”
There was a layer of questioning in his tone, and you leaned back in your seat as you looked anywhere but at him while clearing your throat.
“It usually makes people look away, or want to get as far away from it as soon as possible.”
A quiet grunt of agreeance sounded in the back of Frank’s throat.
“That’s…smart.”
An uncomfortable silence settled between you and Frank, and the small unoccupied space in the middle of the truck bed suddenly felt like an ocean separating the two of you. Tension hung thick and heavy in the miniscule space of the cab like an awkward fog that you couldn’t have even sliced through with the sharpened hunter’s knife on Frank’s hip.
For the next half hour, the quiet thrum of the truck engine was the only sound disrupting the tense silence.
»»———  ———««
Stepping past Frank’s large frame into the motel room he had rented for the night, your eyes immediately landed on the bed in the middle of the room.
The bed.
The one. 
Single. 
Bed.
Glancing over your shoulder at Frank, he caught where your gaze had gone, and there was a sheepish expression on his face.
“Last room they had.”
Doing your best to appear nonchalant about the situation, you gave a slight nod of your head in understanding as you surveyed the room. The dingy wallpaper was beyond faded and peeling where the torn edges pulled away from the top of the wall. What had once probably been a tasteful shade of tan looked more like a muted shade of gold. The queen size bed in the middle of the room was covered in a multi-shade paisley quilt that the word ‘ugly’ couldn’t even begin to describe, and contrasted sharply with the hunter green carpet beneath your feet.
“You didn’t make a reservation?”
The joke you attempted to make to lighten the mood fell flat as Frank eyed you with an unreadable expression, dropping his black duffle bag onto the floor with a slight thud.
“Wasn’t expectin’ company. It ain’t the Ritz, but-”
“Frank, it’s fine. I was joking.”
“Right.”
The uncomfortable silence and awkward tension were absolutely killing you. 
Things had never been this weird with Frank, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. So you did the one thing you always did when you didn’t want to deal with an unpleasant situation.
You ran away from it.
“I’m gonna take a shower.”
About halfway through rushing towards the bathroom, you abruptly halted in your steps when you realized that you couldn’t shower because you didn’t have anything. You had slept at Frank’s last night, and you couldn’t go by your place this morning since it was an active crime scene. 
You had no clothes. No toothbrush. No nothing.
“Shit.”
“You alright?”
There was a cautious tone to Frank’s deep voice, but it was clearly laced with concern when it nestled in your ears. You turned around to face him, your lips pulled into a tight expression that was supposed to resemble a smile, but probably looked more like a grimace.
“I just realized I don’t have anything.”
Frank cocked his head to the side slightly while he looked over at you, curiosity and confusion swirling around in his deep brown eyes.
“We couldn’t stop by my place this morning…and we left kinda in a hurry…so…”
All of a sudden you could see realization dawning on Frank’s face. His features softened considerably, and he quickly glanced at the small analog clock on the nightstand by the bed. It was late, and you were nearly in the middle of nowhere in some small town upstate about twenty miles from the location Frank had been given. There was nothing around the motel except a rundown gas station and a little twenty-four hour diner.
Frank turned his attention back to you, and his dark eyes wandered over you for a second before he met your gaze again. There was an apologetic expression on his features as he reached down to grab his duffle bag, walking over to set it down on the edge of the bed while he unzipped it and started to rustle through it.
“Here, I got some stuff you can borrow-”
“It’s okay. I can just-”
“Ain’t a big deal. I got extras of some things. Can’t promise anythin’ will fit or smell pretty.”
Frank glanced up to flash you a tiny smile as he held out a small pile of things towards you. As you reached out to take the items from him, your fingers lightly brushed against his, and you felt a spark shock through your system. Looking up at him, your lips tugged into a tight timid smile while you nodded.
“Thanks, Frank.”
Without waiting for a response, you dashed into the small bathroom for some privacy, hoping you’d be able to get yourself the fuck together.
Any attempt you were going to make to try to push that kiss from earlier out of your head was completely ruined when you began to lather his body wash in your hands to rub it into your wet skin, being careful to avoid getting any suds in your hurt hand, and comb it through your hair, since Frank was apparently a two in one kind of guy. Even though the temperature of the water was a degree short of scalding, the areas of your body that had been caressed by Frank’s large hands burned hotter.
He had touched you, really touched you, beyond the point of just trying to sell your distraction. He didn’t have to kiss you back the way he had. He could’ve just let his lips stay modestly pressed to yours until the officer walked up.
But Frank seemed to have lost himself in the kiss just as much as you had. 
So why was he acting so strange now? If he wanted that kiss as much as you did, why was he acting more reserved with you now than he ever had before? Was his perceived passion blown out of proportion by your greedy and selfish imagination? 
Or did he simply regret it?
The whirlwind of questions and convoluted doubt only got worse when you slipped his clothes on. 
His clothes.
Frank had given you a long sleeve black t-shirt that was ridiculously soft and comfortable. You had recalled seeing him wear it on several occasions. While it fit him snugly, the sleeves hung comically off your hands, and the bottom of it reached the middle of your thighs. Your eyes had momentarily widened seeing that he had given you a pair of his black briefs, but they fit you somewhat better than the sweatpants he had offered. 
It felt strangely intimate to be in Frank’s clothes. Granted, wearing someone else’s underwear is kind of intimate, but it also made you feel…comforted in an odd way. You were completely doused head to toe in the familiar scent of Frank, and that made you feel safe in a way that you had only ever felt with him.
When you stepped out of the steamy bathroom, Frank was sitting on the edge of the bed with his phone in his hand, staring down at it intently. He perked up when he heard the bathroom door creak open, and his eyes instantly snapped over to look over at you. His dark brown eyes roamed slowly over the sight of you in his clothes, and when he finally met your gaze, there was a look there you hadn’t seen before.
But it made your knees weak.
Trying to dispel the thick layer of tension in the air, you cleared your throat as you slowly walked over towards him and handed the pair of sweatpants back with a soft smile on your lips.
“I gave them my best shot.”
Frank’s eyes softened slightly and he let out a light chuckle, taking the sweats from you to place into his own lap.
“Everythin’ else work alright?”
“Yeah…yeah, um…thank you.”
“Sure. We’ll find a store first thing in the mornin’, get ya some stuff. How’s the hand?”
Frank held one of his large hands out towards you expectantly, and without even thinking, you placed your injured one on top of his.
“It’s fine. I wrapped it.”
He pushed back the sleeve past your wrist to inspect your handiwork, delicately turning your wrist from left to right to examine the placement and tightness of the layers of gauze covering your wounded palm and fingers. He made a subtle expression of pride, his dark eyes flickering up to meet yours with a nod of approval. 
“Not bad.”
“I had a good teacher.”
Frank looked up at you with slightly raised brows, and then a quirk of a smile curled at the edge of his lips when it clicked that you had learned by watching him tend to your hand last night. 
“S’pose you did.”
When Frank let go of your hand and rose from the bed, he moved to step around you, and you watched him toe off his boots by the door before starting to rummage through his duffle bag again. He had ditched his black denim jacket, and it looked like his shirt was straining against the expanse of his large back. When your eyes wandered upwards, your breath caught in your throat seeing a faint pink vertical line on the back of his neck.
The one you had left with your nails.
A surge of heat instantly spread across the tops of your cheeks, and between your thighs, as the phantom touch of Frank’s firm grasp on your waist burned once again on your skin. You had fantasized so many times about sitting on Frank’s lap and kissing him like that, but your imagination could never compare to the real thing. Your lips started to tingle again at the memory of his warm and soft lips responding eagerly to your kiss, and your ears rang loudly with the echo of his low groan that had sounded in his throat. 
You were all of a sudden painfully aware of the fact that you were getting wet in Frank’s underwear. 
You had never been so affected just from kissing someone before. Not even when you made out with a boy for the first time. Or…any boy you made out with for that matter.
Hell, Steven couldn’t even get you that worked up with his hand in your panties and detailed fucking instructions.
But Frank…Frank just drove you absolutely fucking wild.
“What happens now?”
Frank turned his head to look at you over his broad shoulder when your soft voice cut through the stillness. You could hear the faint desperation in your own voice, and you knew it heard it too. Frank never missed anything. There was a hesitancy to his features, and irresolution swimming around in his eyes, like he wasn’t sure what exactly you were referring to. 
What happens with the investigation?
What happens tomorrow?
What happens next with us, Frank?
Frank carefully turned around to face you fully, and while his face appeared neutral, there was something glowing in his eyes.
“With what?”
His words were laced with pure curiosity, but there was a coveted challenge concealed within them. You didn’t have the courage to ask the question you really wanted the answer to, and you had a feeling Frank wouldn’t answer it unless he was prompted. Even then, there was a good chance he would avoid it. A sobering thought washed over you that you might not be prepared for that answer anyway, so you decided to play it safe.
“Well…we can’t go back there, right?”
Frank’s lips pursed into a somewhat thin line. He almost looked like he was disappointed by your choice of question. His pensive eyes studied you silently for a moment before clutching that same pair of sweatpants he had offered you in his large hand and stalking off towards the bathroom.
“I’ll figure somethin’ out.”
When the door to the bathroom firmly shut, you flopped back onto the stiff mattress with a heavy sigh and closed your eyes. 
It was going to be a very long night.
These sleepovers with Frank were not going the way you had fantasized about previously at all.
»»———  ———««
Ten minutes later, Frank quietly emerged from the bathroom, and your eyes doubled in size as your jaw nearly became fully unhinged. The dark gray pair of sweatpants that he had offered you were slung dangerously low on his hips, and a delicious white sliver of the waistband of his briefs were peeking out above them. His cropped dark hair was tousled in damp curls, and droplets of warm water cascaded down the expanse of his lean and toned figure. Frank’s skin looked so smooth, like an exemplary chiseled piece of artwork carved into tan marble; a Greek god perfectly immortalized in impenetrable stone.
Your rapacious eyes were particularly interested in a droplet that was leisurely making its way down one of his deep cut v-lines, only to become absorbed by the fabric of his sweats. While you were marveling at the view of the unveiled Adonis before you, a sight abruptly caught your attention.
There was a faint pink scar above his right hip.
In an instant, you were no longer staring at him through cherry tinted lenses of desire, but with a slight pang of sadness cutting through your chest. There were numerous scars marked on Frank’s body. Some were faded, nearly blending in with his normal flesh tone, while some were opaque, a clear striking contrast of pain endured in comparison to the untainted color of skin that had never known affliction. Some were deep indentations nestled in his skin, almost to the bone, while others casually crested above the sea level of undisrupted ripples of flesh. 
“I was a Marine.”
Frank’s deep voice cutting through the silence of the motel room swiftly redirected your line of sight to his face. He had a gray tank top in his large hands, and he subtly seemed to be wringing it with a twinge of nervousness. There was an unrestrained expression of aversion in his eyes, as if he didn’t know whether to hide the evidence of an unforgiving past, or allow you to consume this rare moment of vulnerability completely.
For a moment your eyes dropped to the chain around his neck. 
The gold wedding band.
You hadn’t seen a glimpse of it since that night at the bar, when you’d caught sight of him in your guest bathroom with a few of his shirt buttons undone. You still didn’t know if it was his or if it had belonged to his wife, or what happened to her, but it was hard to look at now.
You didn’t like seeing him look so uncomfortable, so you did your best to put him at ease with a tender smile on your lips as you looked up at him in genuine understanding and grace.
“That…actually makes a lot of sense.”
Frank glanced down at the shirt in his hands for a moment, an apparition of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as a dry and short chuckle escaped his mouth.
“I’ll try not to take offense to that.”
The elusive, light-hearted tone of his voice made you wonder if you could try to dismantle at least one of the many walls that he seemed to have up within him. You didn’t want to pry too much, but you’d had so many questions about Frank for months, and it seemed like he was finally giving you a rare window to get a few answers.
“Is…is that where those came from?”
“Most of ‘em.”
Frank kept his gaze averted downwards on the shirt in his hand as he spoke in a hushed tone, like his admissions couldn’t be uttered above a certain decibel level. It almost appeared as though it was easier for him to be vulnerable with you if he didn’t have to look at you. 
Was he nervous to see your reaction to his rare divulgence? Or was there something lurking in the shadows of history that he couldn’t face?
Was he thinking about your lips as much as you were thinking about his?
You had to focus. You weren’t sure how grand or miniscule this window of opportunity was with Frank. This moment could be just as magnificently fleeting as a shooting star escaping across the cosmos, and if you blinked at the wrong second, you would miss it. 
This could be your one chance to finally break through those meticulously crafted barriers of his. To unravel the chains of mystery that seemed to weigh him down, and finally erase that invisible line separating him from everyone else that he never seemed to let you cross. 
But, you couldn’t push too hard. If your curiosity was too intrusive, he’d immediately shut down. If you misstepped over the delicate minefield of his own temper, you risked an explosion. It had to be the most graceful balancing act you’d ever done.
You had to treat this like the most important story of your entire career. Carefully pose the questions as innocent conversation, instead of an interrogation, and give him the space to answer as generally or as detailed as he wanted to.
Billy’s advice seemed to echo in your ears at that moment.
You gotta let him come to you.
“How long were you in the Marines?”
“Did four tours.”
When you didn’t speak for a moment, Frank finally lifted his head to meet your gaze. There was a twinkle of amusement shining in his warm brown eyes at your evident confusion, and he let out a light chuckle as a crooked smile tugged across his lips.
“All in all, little over ten years.”
A faint blush layered over the tops of your cheeks at your own ignorance. Normally when you interviewed someone, you had the benefit of being able to research them beforehand. With Frank, you were having to make up everything as you go with the extremely limited knowledge you had of him, and of his experience. You knew virtually nothing about the Marines, or the military in general, but seemed to be feeling generous in offering explanations.
“Did you enjoy it?”
“I was good at it.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Frank glanced around the motel room for a moment, seemingly lost in his own thoughts while pondering the question that lingered between you. After a beat of silence, he sat down on the edge of the bed with a heavy exhale, just a few inches away from where you had been sitting cross-legged on the middle of the mattress, and turned his head to the left to look at you. 
“Did you always wanna be a journalist?”
Frank’s question took you by surprise. He didn’t often ask you personal questions about yourself, but you decided if you answered his questions honestly, maybe he would do the same.
“I’ve always been nosey.”
The corner of Frank’s full lips quirked up into a knowing smile, and you couldn’t help but let out a huff of air through your nose in a quiet snort.
“That don’t surprise me.”
Giving Frank a playful roll of your eyes in response to his comment, you lightly shrugged your shoulders, looking up at him with a faint smile on your lips.
“I’ve always liked story-telling. I’ve never really had the imagination to come up with my own, but I like other people’s stories, and I’ve always enjoyed writing. I thought a club would look good on my college applications, and I wasn’t very athletic or talented in anything else, so I decided to join my high school’s paper. That’s where I really fell in love with investigative journalism, which I realize sounds ridiculous given I was reporting high school ‘news’ but-”
“It ain’t ridiculous if it was important to ya.”
The sincerity in Frank’s tone coupled with the depth of his alluring gaze almost made you forget what you were talking about. It also made you suddenly aware of the fact that every time you downplayed yourself, Frank was quick to cut off your self-deprecation with a genuine sentiment. For a second, all you could do was stare into his eyes, until you decided to bare your soul in front of him.
“It was the first time I really felt like I was good at something. Like I…I had a purpose. I had something that was…mine. I could do something meaningful…something that mattered. It could be something I was proud of.”
Frank stayed silent while he soaked up the candor of your confession, like he was taking the time to commit every piece of it to memory. Sometimes you felt like he could see right through you when he stared into your eyes, and you felt incredibly small under his undivided attention. His head dipped slightly between his broad shoulders when he turned his head to stare down at his clasped hands for a moment.
“I never knew what the hell I wanted to do. I was a…bit of a troublemaker when I was a kid. My parents…they were older, ya’know? Couldn’t really do nothin’ to control me. I knew that, and took advantage of it. I was a real…”
“Asshole?”
Frank’s lips parted into a crooked smile, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye.
“I was gonna say prick. But…yeah. I was a little asshole.”
“Well thank God you grew out of that.”
Frank dropped his head slightly to stare back down at his hands again with a light chuckle. Your eyes followed his gaze, and you noticed a few scars covering his knuckles, resembling jagged designs carved into a tree trunk.
“I enlisted when I was eighteen. Thought…what the hell, ya’know? Was never any good at school or anythin’ like that…and I didn’t wanna get stuck at some…shit job. Thought it was my ticket out, ya’know? Get to travel, play with guns and tanks, that kinda shit.”
The light smile that had been on the edge of Frank’s mouth dissipated slowly, and his thick brows slowly drew closer in together while he rubbed his right thumb over the back of his left hand.
“Bein’ a Marine…it was the first time in my life I felt like I was worth a damn. Like I was really doin’ somethin’, ya’know? Somethin’ good…somethin’ important. I was good at it, damn good at it. Felt like I…like I finally found-”
“A purpose.”
Frank’s eyes flickered up to meet yours, and there seemed to be a shared expression of understanding between the two of you. You knew exactly what he meant, and he could see that reflected in your eyes.
“A purpose.”
He repeated those two words in a more quiet and contemplative voice, like he was repeating them more to himself than to you.
“So, how do you go from being a Marine to a bodyguard for a high maintenance journalist?”
“Just that goddamn lucky, I s’pose.”
The edges of Frank’s mouth twisted up into a sardonic smirk when he turned his head to look at you, and you were about to retort with a smartass comment of your own when you noticed something you hadn’t seen before.
Without even thinking, your hand reached out to trace a circular shaped scar on Frank’s left temple with your index finger. He didn’t go rigid when you touched him this time, not like he had in the truck. The smirk swiftly vanished along with the playful crinkles beside his eyes, and his full lips parted slightly while he stared at you intently as you lightly traced your finger over the mark. 
It was indented slightly, and you could feel the faint dip beneath your fingertip. The edges of it were tinted more of a blush shade, making it obvious this wound had been made more recently than some of the others adorning his skin. It almost looked like a bullet hole…and that idea had your stomach twisting into tight knots.
“What’s this one from?”
All of a sudden, Frank’s large hand wrapped around your wrist to push your hand away at the exact same time he turned he pulled his hand away from your delicate caress. His lips were now pressed in a line and that familiar hardness was back in his gaze. 
And just like that, whatever moment you two were having was clearly over. 
Frank suddenly stood from the edge of the bed and silently pulled his tank top over his head, slipping his large arms through the sleeve holes and covering his body with the dark gray fabric.
“We should call it a night.”
Frank’s voice was flat, and you felt a surge of frustration burn in your bloodstream. Every time you felt like you were getting somewhere with him, he pulled back. It was like you were constantly trying to carefully navigate your way up an unclimbable mountain, and as soon as the peak came into view, you lost your footing and fell to the bottom. 
He grabbed one of the pillows from the bed and tossed it onto the floor, and a crease of confusion settled in the middle of your forehead.
“What are you doing?”
“I’ll take the floor. You can have the bed.”
You looked down at the queen size bed you were sitting on top of, a bed of which you barely took up any space, and then looked back over at Frank, who was in the middle of making a pallet on the floor.
“Frank, you don’t have to sleep on the floor. This bed is big enough for both of us.”
“Slept in worse conditions.”
You pinched at the bridge of your nose in pure irritation at both the insensitive implications behind his remark and his unrelenting stubbornness.
“So you’ve told me, several times. Thank you, by the way, for telling me that you think sharing a bed with me is worse than whatever the hell your setup was in the military. You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet, Castle. I had no idea you were such a poet.”
Frank’s face twisted up in puzzlement and aggravation at the tone of sarcasm dripping from your clipped words.
“That ain’t what I-”
“I don’t want to hear a single complaint in the morning when you’re stiff and sore from choosing to sleep on the fucking floor.”
As you vexingly tugged back the thin and somewhat stiff quilt on top of the bed, you slid beneath it, the scratchiness of the cheap sheets against your bare legs only souring your mood even further. While you turned onto your side away from Frank and harshly smacked your hand against the button to turn off the lamp on the nightstand, he stared down at you with furrowed dark brows and a heavy frown in complete exasperation and perplexity.
“Oh for fucks-why is it always a goddamn argument with you?”
“Why are you always such an ass?”
“I’m an ass for tryin’ to be a gentleman and make sure you’re comfortable?”
Dragging your palms down your face with an irritated groan, you furiously sat up in the bed to look over at Frank with an exacerbated expression while the two of you raised your voices at each other in yet another argument.
“How are you making me uncomfortable if I’m offering, Frank? This bed is big, so big that you wouldn’t even have to breathe the same air as me. We could even put pillows down the middle just to make sure that we don’t accidentally touch in the middle of the night, because God fucking forbid-”
“Oh Jesus fuckin’ Christ, fine.”
Frank ripped the pillow off the ground and angrily tossed it onto the bed, tugging the covers back from the other side of the mattress to slip underneath angrily. He turned his head to glare at you as he harshly gestured towards himself in the bed.
“There? Happy? You gonna stop fuckin’ givin’ me shit, now?”
Returning Frank’s fuming glare with one of your own, the two of you seemed to be locked in an angry staring contest until you conceded and turned over again, dragging the unpleasant quilt up to your chin. You grit your teeth as you squeezed your eyes shut, letting out an aggravated exhale through your nose. 
As hot as your blood felt in your veins, there was also a nauseating feeling of disappointment settling in your stomach.
Frank wasn’t thinking about your lips. He wasn’t thinking about your kiss at all. If he was, it was him wishing it didn’t happen.
Maybe that was part of the reason he wanted to sleep on the floor and seemed so pissed off at you. He didn’t want to be near you. He was mad that you kissed him without his permission. 
You’d made him uncomfortable.
On the other side of the bed, Frank stared at the back of your head in the dim amber light of the room coming from the other bedside lamp. Turning his head to stare straight ahead blankly at the wall in front of him, he closed his eyes for a moment and let out a slow and heavy exhale as he grumbled a string of curses under his breath. 
After a few terse minutes of deafening silence, you could feel Frank shifting underneath the sheets, and his gravelly voice filtered in through the dense quiet.
“Look, I wasn’t tryin’ to hurt your feelin’s-”
“You didn’t-”
“Yes, I did. I wasn’t implyin’ that sharin’ a bed with you was such a bad thing, alright? I only meant I slept in worse places than on a floor, s’all.”
Frank genuinely sounded apologetic, and you felt a rush of guilt wash over you from the way you had twisted his words, jumped to conclusions, and reacted poorly. He let out another heavy sigh before speaking again.
“I just…wanted you to feel comfortable.”
The hushed tone of his voice made it sound like he was entrusting you with his deepest secret. Swallowing down your pride, you turned on your side to face Frank, looking over at him silently for a moment before letting out a soft sigh.
“Frank, you’ve never made me uncomfortable.”
He was laying on his back, his head slightly propped up against the headboard, but his face was turned towards you. He seemed to be searching your eyes for any thread of faultiness in your words that he could unravel. 
“I…I’m sorry I called you an ass.”
“You’re sorry for tellin’ me the truth?”
Frank arched one of his dark brows, and you could detect a faint smirk on the edge of his lips, even in the dim light of the room. You rolled your eyes as you laughed quietly.
“Can you just let me just apologize to you for making an ass of myself?”
Frank eyed you for a moment with a sly tug at the corner of his mouth.
“Aren’t good reporters s’posed to reserve their conclusions ‘bout somethin’ ‘til they got all the evidence?”
The low, hushed tone Frank spoke in to not disrupt the quiet peace that settled between the two of you made his voice sound sultry. That twinkle of amusement was shining in his eyes again, and you fought the grin that threatened to take over your lips.
Playful Frank was your favorite Frank.
“Are you implying that I’m not a good reporter, Mr. Castle?”
A low chuckle rumbled in Frank’s throat as he moved his right arm behind his head, closing his eyes while he turned his head to face upwards with a faint smirk on his lips.
“Considerin’ you’re trigger happy, and there’s ‘bout three guns within your reach, no. Absolutely not.”
“I am not-”
“Did you not just jump all over my ass a second ago over a misunderstandin’?”
Frank opened his eyes to look over at you, his thick dark brows raised slightly while that faint smirk remained subtly on his full lips.
Narrowing your eyes playfully, you poked your tongue against the inside of your cheek and lightly shrugged your shoulders beneath the quilt.
“Well, you gave me the conclusion that you were an ass the first day I met you, and you’ve only reinforced it since then. You also did just admit on record that you’ve been an ass since you were a kid, so.”
Another chuckle sounded from Frank as a grunt of agreeance sounded in his throat.
“I reckon you’re right ‘bout that.”
A few moments of tranquil quiet passed by between the two of you, but you were buzzing with questions on the inside. However, something he said abruptly clicked in your brain, and your eyes widened as you looked over at him.
“Frank?”
“Yeah?”
“Are there really three guns in this room?”
“Three on your side.”
Blinking a few times in dumbfoundment, your brows knit together as you stared over at him incredulously.
“What…what do you mean ‘three on my side’? How many are on your side?”
“Two, and a knife.”
“Jesus Christ, Rambo. Anything else?”
Frank let out a deep and amused chuckle at that, placing his left hand on his chest as he shifted slightly on his back to get comfortable.
“In the truck, yeah.”
“What? There’s more?”
“Go to bed.”
There was no firmness in Frank’s voice, just complete entertainment. You glanced around the dimly lit motel room cautiously, wondering where he might have placed them.
“Where are they?”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it.”
Letting out a scoff, you turned your head to look at him in minor annoyance.
“What if someone tries to break in?”
“I’ll handle it.”
You narrowed your eyes at the mirthy smirk curling on the edge of his mouth.
“What if…five people break in?”
“Highly unlikely, but both guns on my side got a clip that hold 12 rounds. You done?”
An exasperated huff left your lips as you turned to lay on your back and crossed your arms over your chest.
“Isn’t it proper safety protocol to let someone know where loaded firearms are stashed?”
“They ain’t loaded.”
“You just said-”
“The ones on my side are loaded. The ones on your side ain’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“You said it yourself. You’re nosey, and you never even held a gun before.”
You opened your mouth to retort, but to your irritation, Frank had a point. Not that you would admit that out loud to him. 
A few minutes of silence passed by before you spoke up again.
“You could always teach me.”
Frank opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at you, staring at you in a mixture of interest and confusion.
“Teach you what?”
You turned back onto your side to face him and lightly shrugged your shoulders.
“How to shoot.”
It was Frank’s time to stare at you in dumbfoundment. He arched one of his thick brows while he eyed you.
“You wanna learn how to shoot?”
“I mean…people are only trying to kill me.”
Frank didn’t return the playful smile that you flashed him, and it quickly fell from your lips. This was not going to be something he was going to agree to easily. You were really going to have to fight for this one. You had to show him that you were serious.
“If you hadn’t shown up last night, those men were going to kill me, Frank. I don’t ever want to feel that helpless ever again.”
The devout honesty in your voice was unmistakable, and Frank let out a deep exhale as he turned his head to look up towards the ceiling and closed his eyes again.
“Let’s deal with this shit first, then we’ll talk.”
There was a tiny surge of victory that coursed through you at that. It wasn’t technically a yes, but it also wasn’t a flat out no. You just needed to keep proving to him that this was something you were serious about.
You wanted to bring up the kiss, but you weren’t sure how to approach it. You didn’t want to ruin the peace your playful banter had brought about with Frank, but you couldn’t leave it alone. 
Why was he so goddamn hard to read?
Why was he still being so hot and cold with you?
Even if he was still your bodyguard, the two of you were way past the point of professionalism.
“Frank?”
“Hm?”
“I…I’m sorry…if I made you uncomfortable.”
The thin material of the pillowcase rustled loudly in the quiet as Frank turned his head to look at you inquisitively, like he had no idea what you were talking about.
“Earlier…when I…kissed you.”
There wasn’t a desert on any continent as dry as your mouth right now, and your heart was pounding so relentlessly against the sturdy ivory of your ribcage, you swore he could hear it a few inches away.
The cloudy ignorance seemed to dissipate from between his brows, and his features migrated to an expression of recognition. For a moment he didn’t say anything, and it made you realize you found his silence far more unnerving than his unwanted answers.
“You didn’t.”
There was such a confidence behind those two words that it nearly knocked the breath out of your lungs. Those two little words held so many portals of possibilities.
You didn’t; it just caught me off guard.
You didn’t; everything is fine between us.
You didn’t; I wanted to taste you.
Staring over at Frank, words seemed to completely vanish from your brain. You didn’t know what to say. You had no idea how to respond to that. The intensity of his piercing gaze sent a slight shiver tumbling down your spine despite the blazing warmth you could feel radiating from his body a few inches away from you.
The amber glow from the bedside lamp lit up his eyes like the golden hour of sunlight shining through a glass of whiskey. You wanted to get lost in him again. You wanted to take your rightful place on the throne of his lap, tangle your fingers in his hair like a crown, and let him rule over the kingdom inside your body.
“Frank.”
Was the delicate whisper of his name a desperate plea, or an enticing invitation? 
It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he answered it.
For a moment, his mesmerizing stare dropped to your lips, and you swore you saw him start to lean in-
But then at the last second, he cleared his throat and turned over onto his side away from you, moving as close to the edge of the bed on his side as he could get. Frank’s voice was rough when it reached your ears, no trace of the warm and playful tone he had used just minutes ago.
“Get some sleep.”
That hopeful ember of desire that he had ignited in you had been completely snuffed out by his own hand before the flame could even catch, and the ambient light in the motel went out along with it leaving you in dumbfoundment and darkness.
tags: @twoshields @day-dreaming-goddess @messymissy @itwasthereaminuteago @strawberry1042 @queenofthenoobs @wanda2themax @xcastawayherosx @ferns-fics @stevenknightmarc @ponyosmom35 @babygal-babygal @wellwwhynot @oldermenaremyreligion @combustiblemeow @tired-night-owl @fairykiss32 @danzer8705 @calkissed @fxckahs-blog @lemon-world1 @yeah3459 @collaps3r @polskiperson @imperihoe @v4leoftears @harperdoodle @spideyvibez @joalslibrary @cherry-berry-ollie @annalism @sorrowfulfragmentation @kdogreads @sumo-b98
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jordanemb · 1 year
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joel miller - our little secret
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summary: you begin a secret relationship with joel while living with bill and frank
joel miller x female reader
warnings: making out
word count: 1553
---
It had been around 3 years since you started living with Bill and Frank and in those past 3 years, you have felt the safest that you had ever been.
Ever since the outbreak began, your life had never been stable and you were constantly losing the people you loved. You deeply missed the mundane things you would do in your life before such as running errands, going to class, and even doing laundry. 
You were ready to end it all until one day, Frank had found you trapped inside of one of Bill’s many traps and saved you. He always told you that he had been trapped the same way. 
At first, Bill wasn’t very fond of you. He didn’t trust you and believed that you would overtake his base camp one day due to your young age, although you would never think to do such a thing.  
Frank had always been welcoming and kind to you and it took Bill a little longer to warm up to you. 
Now, you felt as if you, Bill, and Frank were a little family. 
You followed the same routine everyday: Wake up, change, eat, do your various chores around the neighborhood, eat, and go to sleep. 
Not much had changed over the past few months until Frank had announced that he had been talking to a woman over the radio. 
This made Bill livid. 
He did not want to be in contact with anyone else. When he had planned his base, all those years ago, he planned for it to be just him. Then Frank. Then you. 
Bill didn’t want a random woman finding the location to his base and bringing trouble. He did not trust her one bit. 
“Come on, Bill,” Frank pleaded, “She could have the resources that we desperately need.”
“I don’t want to hear it, Frank. This is my home and I don’t want any outsiders coming in,” Bill said sternly. 
“We were outsiders once too,” Frank said softly, taking Bill’s hand. 
“That’s different,” Bill looked away. 
“Please, Bill, all I’m asking is that you consider it. This could be very beneficial to us. Think of Y/n, she hasn’t seen anyone besides us in a very long time,” Frank said, having the last word. 
A few weeks passed by and the day had come for the two outsiders to make a visit to your home. 
Bill had been reluctant to let them visit, but after Frank's endless pleading, he agreed on one condition. That condition was that they would not know of your existence. 
Bill did not know these people’s true intentions and he desperately wanted to protect you.
From what you had gathered from eavesdropping on Frank’s radio conversations with the two, there is a man and a woman coming to visit. The woman’s name is Tess and the man is called Joel. You were pretty sure that they were in a relationship from hearing the way they talk to each other, but it was never confirmed. 
Frank and Bill had set up a nice table in their front yard, aligning it with your window so that you could watch the exchange.
Even though the two were not going to see you, you still put on your nicest outfit which consisted of a simple black dress and a jacket to keep yourself warm. You put your hair back in a braid and put on some old lipstick that you had once found in one of Bill’s drawers. 
You waited patiently at your window until you heard the sound of two unrecognizable voices. 
Outside of the window, you could see a woman with long, light brown hair walking with an older man who also had brown hair. 
They all sat down and began discussing things which you deemed boring such as where their camps are and what they had to offer. 
You were about to get up and go find some other way to entertain yourself until you looked out of your window and made eye contact with the man, Joel. 
Your heart dropped as he looked up at you with a blank stare. You weren't sure if he even registered that you were there but you prayed that he didn’t.
You saw him open his mouth to say something, but then he looked back up at you and decided not to. 
His eyes stared straight into yours and he was not breaking eye contact until the woman he was with, Tess, tapped him on the shoulder. 
“Is everything ok, Joel?” She followed his gaze and you immediately ducked down. 
“Yeah, sorry, I just thought I saw something,” He said, shaking her off. 
“Anyways,” she broke the awkward silence, “We really appreciate this, Bill and Frank. I do hope we are able to help each other, but Joel and I need to get going before curfew.”
“Of course, please keep in contact on the radio, we are looking forward to it, right Bill?” Frank smiled at Tess, nudging Bill. 
“Sure,” Bill mumbled, not making eye contact. 
The two of them left as Bill and Frank began cleaning up the table. 
As soon as you were sure that the two were truly gone, you made your way downstairs and asked Bill and Frank how it went. 
Frank went on and on about how much he enjoyed the company while Bill stood there silently. 
You smiled at Frank's enthusiasm as you helped them clean up. 
A few months later, Joel and Tess had been regularly trading with Bill and Frank. It was a great help to you because they brought different foods that you never thought you would be able to eat again. 
Even though Bill and Frank were beginning to completely trust Joel and Tess, you were still not allowed to meet them. 
You kept asking them when you could, but they would always brush it off, going on about how unsafe it was for a young woman in this time. 
One day, Bill and Frank had taken a short trip to the paint store across town so you decided to go to the garden in the front yard to help out with the crops. 
“I knew I wasn’t buggin,” you jumped at the noise. 
You held the shovel that you were using in front of you to protect yourself.
“Don’t come any closer!” you tried to sound intimidating, “I’ll hurt you, I swear it.” 
“Darlin, if I wanted to kill you, I already would have,” the man stepped closer, his hand on his gun holster. 
“Joel,” you said, recognizing the man. 
“Now, what’s Bill and Frank hiding a pretty woman like you for? What’s your name?” he asked, taking another step closer. 
“Just wait until Bill sees you. You’ll be in trouble then,” you tried to sound threatening. 
Joel started laughing at this, “I ain’t scared of Bill. Now, answer my question, darlin.” 
“Y/n.”
“When I saw you, I thought I was goin crazy. But here we are,” he took another step forward. 
“Bill is coming back and he will hurt you,” you threatened again. 
“I’m not here for trouble, darlin, I just came to pick up my supplies,” he put his hands up. 
“What do you think you’re doing?” You saw Bill approaching behind Joel with his gun up. 
Joel gave you one last look and then put his hands up, “I swear I’m not lookin for trouble, Bill. I just need my supplies, as we discussed last week.” 
Bill inched closer to Joel with his gun raised, “Stay right where you are and I’ll get it. If I find out that you have done anything to Y/n here, you and Tess will be dead.”
“I know, I know, Bill. As I said, I just need my supplies,” Joel tried to sound calm. 
Bill grabbed the supplies for Joel and he made his way back to the QZ. 
A few months later, you were braiding your hair when you heard the very familiar voice of Joel from your window. 
It was another scheduled day for Bill and Frank to exchange supplies with Joel and Tess. These days had soon become the only things you were looking forward to because it was your only chance to see Joel. 
“Hey, darlin,” you heard from behind you. 
“Joel!” you exclaimed, walking over to him. 
Joel wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. 
“I can’t get you out of my head. I had to see you,” he said. 
You blushed and looked up at Joel, “How did you get away?”
“I told them that I had to use the bathroom,” he laughed. 
Tess was still oblivious of your existence and Bill and Frank were becoming suspicious of you and Joel’s relationship. 
You kept denying it, but they still were still doubtful. 
You were envious of Tess because she got to be around Joel so much while you only had minutes with him once a week. 
“What are you thinkin about?” Joel asked, leading you to your bed. 
“You,” you smiled at him, sitting down on the bed. 
In response, Joel softly kissed you as you got on his lap. 
He pulled you in and a smile formed on your mouth. 
“I wish we didn’t have to hide,” you pulled away. 
“I know, darlin, I know.” 
1K notes · View notes
gojomamashouse · 5 months
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I certainly can. And I did. Well, sort of. I took some creative liberties with this one. Crossposted on Ao3.
Warnings: 18+ Content Vaginal sex, Praise kink, Loss of virginity (both reader and Mike), soft!dom Mike.
Pairing: Mike Schmidt x Reader
Summary: From the name written on your sneakers to the hickey on your neck, Mike had left his mark on you in more ways than one.
Words: 5.8k
According to fandom wiki, Mike is 25 in the movie. The timeline of this story is based on this fact.
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In Permanent Marker
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1995
Mike has a problem. An even bigger problem than his annoying younger sister, or the bills he cannot pay that keep piling up. That problem is you, his new next-door neighbour.
It all began when he had been unloading the boxes from the car, calling out to Abby as she disappeared to explore the new house. The place was small, but enough for the two of them. More importantly, it was as affordable as it could get, given the savings his parents left behind, the money from the government, and his new job. That was all he really needed.
"Need help, there?"
A voice broke him from his thoughts, a voice belonging to you. He did a double take as he looked to his side towards you, nearly dropping the box in shock. He blinks as if you're nothing more than a hallucination, induced by his lack of sleep, dehydration, and the summer heat. Because there was no way that you were standing there. Someone his age. Someone so attractive. Someone exactly his type and talking to him. You take notice of his shocked expression.
"My folks and I saw you from the window," you point to the house left of his, "thought I could lend a hand.”
"Yeah. Yeah, uh," he nods eagerly, breaking eye contact as he fumbles over his words. He looks back towards the house, "If you could watch my little sister while I unload these. She’s somewhere inside…”
“You’ve got it,” you flash him a smile.
He’s sweating and close to passing out as he places the last box down in the front hallway, bracing himself against the wall as he catches his breath. He then looks around. There’s no furniture yet. He couldn’t afford movers to help move the couch or the kitchen table from his parent’s old house, instead opting to sell the furniture and find cheaper options once moved in. That meant he’d be eating on the floor until he had time off work again. This also meant he’d have to take Abby table-shopping and listen to her complain every time she picked something out of his price range, then cry the whole drive back home. He groans to himself, annoyed by his endless stream of thoughts. He supposes that’s just adulthood, now. There’s always something to think about.
He hears giggling from down the hallway, grabbing his attention enough to raise himself from the wall. He creeps towards the sound, peeking past Abby's door. A box was open on the floor, toys and crafts scattered across the carpet. You sit cross-legged in the middle of the room at Abby’s side and she’s pointing to her drawings, chattering away.
He wonders how you make it look so easy.
"I don't like it here." Abby tugs on the leg of his jeans, "Can we go back?"
It’s the last thing Mike wants to hear the morning after moving in, his back and arms still sore from all that he carried. He looks down to see her lips were pulled into a frown, her brows furrowed. He's leaning against the kitchen counter, drinking instant coffee from a mug he'd managed to dig out from one of the kitchenware boxes, staring at all the shit he has left to do. And, of course, his sister could never let him do that in peace.
"This is where we live now."
"Why?"
"Because it is."
"I don't want to live here."
And I don't want to work shitty hours for shitty pay just to afford this dump, he thinks to himself.
Still, he can't blame her. The place is a downgrade. The toilet in the main bathroom doesn't really flush, her room is half the size of the one at their parent's old place, and he’d discovered more than a few suspicious stains on some of the walls and carpeting around the house.
"Well, that's just too bad."
"I want to go back!" She shouted, her little fingers digging harder into the fabric of his jeans, now trying to tug his leg. He tries to nudge her off, shaking his leg just enough to make her lose her grip, but she doesn't budge. He sighs to himself.
She's at that age. Five years old, and a complete menace. She was smarter than she looked and had begun to realize that sometimes creating a fuss could get him to bend the rules for her, which now meant she was constantly defying him. Constantly picking a fight. Constantly whining about something. And as much as he loved her he could not stand to hear another tantrum, especially not this early in the morning.
"Stop it, Abby. I'm not dealing with this today."
"Nu-uh!"
She screams when he tugs her away with his hands, lifting her in the air while she tries to kick and shove him away. He knows he's bound to have bruises from where she kicks his torso and scratches where her nails dig into his skin. Had he any energy left in him, he might have been tempted to raise his voice at her. That's one good thing to come out of his restless nights, at least.
The doorbell rings and she's still whining when he places her down on the floor. He kneels to her level, hands on either of her little shoulders.
"We can talk about it later, okay?" He lowers his voice, desperate for her to be quiet. Anything for her to be quiet. "Behave. And quit being such a baby."
His words were enough to render her silent, by some miracle, and so he goes to the door, only to see you standing there. You . He knows he's ogling again and he hates himself for it but he can't help himself, not when you're so pretty. He leans against the doorframe, clearing his throat.
"Hey, uh. What are you doing here?"
"Good morning to you, too. Thought you might need more help," You lean forward, taking a peek inside the place and noting all the boxes, "Judging by all this, I guess I thought correctly."
"Guilty as charged," he holds his hands up, cherishing the sound of your laugh.
The moment doesn't last long. He fails to notice that behind him, his sister is teary-eyed, her lower lip quivering. You furrow your brows, about to say something, but the little girl beats you to it.
"You— you jerk!" Abby finally lets out, and you stand dumbfounded at the door, watching the crying girl. She turns to Mike. "I hate you!"
She runs off to some room somewhere and slams the door, the distant sound of sobs easily heard from down the hallway where you two stood. While you stood there in shock, Mike had grown used to these outbursts, but it didn't leave him entirely unfazed. There was still a tug on his heart like there always was.
"She's just having a moment right now," he sighs, his fingers rubbing his temples, "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"You're not going to go and talk to her?"
"She hates me. Didn't you hear?"
"You know that's not true," you shove past him, your hand lingering on his shoulder for a moment longer which certainly did not go unnoticed, "come on."
"What do I even say?"
"You're going to go apologize, dumbass."
That's how he found himself standing outside his sister's door. He was about to simply walk in, until you stopped him, your hand on top of his as he reached for the knob.
"Knock first."
He would've asked why but he's too distracted by how your little touches keep making his face grow hotter, so he simply nods and does as you say, raising his fist to the door. He hears Abby's sobs halt the moment he does. He looks to you, and you nod, as if to signal him to start talking.
"Abs?"
There's a sniffle. "Go away."
"Look, I'm sorry for hurting you. Just open the door." You toss him a glare, "Please?"
There's a pause.
"Liar," she hisses, "you're only sorry 'cause they're making you."
Mike is about to retort, but you raise your hand to silence him.
"Abby, we both want to make sure you're alright. Could you please open the door so we can talk?"
There's a pause and then a shuffle, the sound of her moving from the floor to go and open the door. She's red in the face, snot-nosed and teary-eyed. Mike's heart can't help but break at the sight. He's an idiot. A complete and utter idiot.
"I-I'm not a baby," she blinks at Mike, lifting her arm to wipe her snot on her sleeve, "Y-you're always s-so mean to me. I hate that."
"I didn't mean it. I just, uh... I say stuff sometimes." He frowns, a trembling in his voice. He speaks softly as if it will compensate for all the harsh words spoken prior, "I promise I won't say mean stuff anymore. Honest."
"Pinky promise?"
She raises her pinky finger.
"Yeah. Pinky promise."
He raises his own, letting her little finger curl around his. She quickly wipes her tears away.
The rest of the day is spent doing whatever Abby wants. Mike discovers quickly that you seem to love spoiling her. You take her to the park, let her unpack all her toys and leave them tossed all around the house. You end up ordering pizza at her request, as well, and by the end of the day, she’s saying she wishes you were her older sibling instead. Though it’s said jokingly, it still pierces him through the heart.
The day ends with a tired Abby curled up in her sleeping bag on the floor of her room. Now he's with you, you sitting atop the counter at his side while he places the leftover pizza slices from the takeout boxes into ziplock bags. If he had it his way, the day would have ended with all the moving boxes being unpacked, but he supposes a happy Abby makes his life a hell of a lot easier than an unhappy one.
"She's a lot easier than most her age."
"You're kidding, right?"
"I'm the oldest ' kid ' in this neighbourhood. I've babysat for practically every family around here," you sip your drink, "she was very quick to forgive you. Not just any kid does that."
Garett had been the same way. Every prank he played, every cruel joke, he forgave him for because that’s just what older brothers do. The difference being that he was a child back then, not an adult. He may be Abby’s older brother by blood, but he needed to be more than that now. She needed him to be more than that.
He finishes packaging the last slice and throws the leftovers in the fridge. He's now fidgeting with the sleeve of his hoodie— a poor choice of clothing for the midst of a summer heat wave, but he didn't exactly have lots of options. He supposes he should add clothing shopping to his already long to-do list.
“What am I doing?” He says aloud, “I can’t do this.”
“Don’t say that.”
"This always happens. I get annoyed, she gets hurt, and it’s going to happen again.”
"Nobody's made for this at our age,” you gesture around at the house, then at him, “You're bound to fuck up, that's just inevitable."
"Yeah, thanks,” he deadpans.
"That’s not what I meant. You live and you learn, that's what you do. No one's perfect but we can always try.”
“What if me trying isn’t enough?”
“It’s better than not trying at all.”
He looks back down the hallway, at Abby’s door. Does she care that he's trying? Does she know how much he has sacrificed to give her a semblance of a normal life? He scoffs at himself internally. She's a child, of course she doesn't. That's not her fault. It’s not her responsibility either. She’s the kid, and he’s the adult now. It’s unfair on both sides but that’s the way things are.
"Thank you. For all the help, and everything," He finally says, turning to you.
"That's what neighbours are for, right?" You’re hopping off the counter. It was dark outside now, and fair to assume you’d be on your way home. Only, you halt in your tracks for a moment. "Wait, one more thing."
You pull out one of those disposable cameras from the pharmacy. It’s scratched and beaten up, evidence of its use. He freezes up when he feels your arm draping around him to pull him into the frame and snap a quick picture. He blinks from the flash, and you laugh at the way his eyes squint, shoving the camera back into your pocket.
"The hell?" He raises a brow, "that's going to be an awful one, just so you know."
"I don't care if photos look good. It's about the memories and all that." you roll your eyes, "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early. We're going to finish unpacking.”
You're out the door before he can even reply.
He starts to learn who you are, piece by piece. He learns that you don't know a single thing about keeping your curtains drawn shut and that you're completely oblivious to how he's seen you in your room in your pyjamas at night, talking on the phone while you twirl the telephone cord around your finger. He learns that you go to college out of state, which is why you're so insistent on taking photos of everything you can because you get homesick so easily. He learns, that because of that, he won't be seeing you after the summer for many months and struggles to figure out why that thought leaves a dreaded ache in his heart.
The ache only grows the more time he spends with you, whether it’s with Abby or one-on-one. He thinks he’s going to die when he sees you packing up your car at the end of the summer, but offers to help you out regardless.
"Have fun," he says to you, hating how disingenuous the words feel on his tongue.
Your car is now packed, and you're on the steps, him standing on the stone path below. You look up at him with a smile while you're lacing up your shoes. It's those damn shoes you always wear, always torn up and dirty and desperately in need of being replaced. He's not one to talk when it comes to proper footwear, but he swears they are only a thread away from being torn apart.
"I'll try."
You finish doing up your laces, and pull out a permanent marker from your pocket, handing it to him. He gives you a confused look.
"Sign it."
"What?"
"My shoe," you repeat, and he takes notice of your sneakers, varying names written along the white rim already, all in different colours and sizes. "It's something I've been doing since high school. Just to remember."
Knowing how you treasure your photos, it only makes sense to him now. He kneels down and signs it in the black marker, his handwriting atrocious, but evidently an effort to make it appear more legible than normal. He lets go of your ankle when he's done and you smile, raising it to look at his handiwork.
"I tried."
"Hey, it's not that bad."
"It's pretty bad."
You both laugh, and you stand up finally, stepping down to his level. He tries not to show his shock when he feels your arms wrap around him, pulling him tightly towards you. He happily accepts the embrace, soaking up the affection like a dried-out sponge.
"One last thing," you whisper to him, and he feels your hand slip something into his pocket. “Look at it later, ‘kay?”
"I'll miss you."
"I'll be back."
And though he wants to believe you will, he can't help but stare into your dark windows that night, counting down every day until your return. Not everyone in his life has, after all.
He checked his pocket the moment you left earlier that day. It was the photo of the two of you in his kitchen, from one of the first days you met. It was blurry and dark but he could make out the sight of your smile and his face of confusion. The back side has the date written.
He places the photo on his nightstand and rolls over on his back, staring at the Nebraska poster on his ceiling. He took his meds not long ago, his eyes drooping, but his mind unable to stay focused, his thoughts drifting towards you.
1996
The last time you called his home line, you said you'd be home in a few weeks, but he still hasn’t seen you yet. The light in your bedroom window remains turned off. He wishes the thought of seeing you again didn’t have him so restless.
Today is his birthday. A whopping twenty-one years old. If he were a normal person, he'd be out with friends, pouring liquor down his throat until he couldn't drink anymore. Instead, he went to work, then returned home late to greet the babysitter on the couch, her middle school textbooks sprawled on the coffee table and Abby already in bed. She’s gone the moment he hands her a twenty-bill, peddling away on her bicycle.
Though the house now has furniture, it still feels so empty. He sits alone on the couch, the sounds from the TV turning into a soft humming. He doesn’t want to think about the dirty plates in the sink or Abby's toys and crayons that littered the living room floor.
His heart skips a beat when he hears a knock on the door. He tentatively gets up, swallowing dryly. It couldn’t be you. You would have called him or said something, right? He’s never been so thankful to be wrong in his life because when he sees you standing there on his steps, in those torn-up sneakers with his name on them, with a six-pack of beer in your hands, he’s immediately grinning like a child.
"Where the hell have you been?" he looks down at the alcohol in your hands, "what's this?"
"A gift for the birthday boy," you grin, "twenty-one. That's a pretty big age."
"Are you twenty-one yet?" He raises a brow.
"You want the beer or not?"
"Alright, alright," he looks into the house, the place dead silent save for the TV. "Let's go out back. Abby has school tomorrow. I don't want to wake her."
Sharing the company of another had become so foreign to him at this point that he forgot how nice it feels to be human. To feel the summer breeze through the fabric of his t-shirt, to feel the condensation from the cold can drip down his fingers, to feel the warmth of the alcohol sitting nicely in his stomach. Hell, he doesn’t even mind how shit the beer you bought tastes, though the initial shock causes him to cough the moment the first gulp is downed.
"Don't tell me you actually waited until now to have your first drink," he hears you say.
"I didn't, but I don't drink that much. Especially not this," he eyes the brand name on the can.
"I was tired of college parties and all the watered-down shit alright? I needed something different."
"Must be exhausting . Getting invited to so many parties."
"Oh, shut it," you shake your head, "trust me, college is lonelier than you think."
He stares down at your sneakers, noticing that not a single new name has been written. One part of him wonders how anyone could not want to become your friend. The other part of him is proud that he’s the last person to sign it, his name standing out compared to all the other old, faded-out ones.
"That's one thing we have in common."
"I take it life's not so great, either?"
"Abby has been acting out less but now she barely talks.” He sighs, “It's... another thing to think about."
There’s a pause.
“Then don’t think about it. Not tonight.”
“Easier said than done,” he rolls his eyes.
"Come on, it’s your birthday and we’re out here moping on your back porch. That's no way to celebrate."
"What do you suggest we do?"
"Something. Anything. I dunno, you're the birthday boy. What do you wanna do?"
"I..." his eyes trail down to your lips and stop. He knows he's being obvious but he's tired enough to where he doesn't really care anymore to hide it. He sees how your brows knit together, and he looks away. "I'm fine doing this."
"That's not what I asked." He feels your hand creep over to his, flat against the porch. Your touch is electric. He allows himself to look at you again. Your eyes are determined and your touch is intentional, he's sure. "I asked what you want ?"
Hesitantly, he lets his hand intertwine with yours. He's barely able to meet your eyes, embarrassed by his cheeks which he knew were most likely pink by now.
"I want you."
His other hand raises to your cheek, his cold hand against warm skin. His eyes speak to you, though his mouth says nothing, asking for permission. You lean in yourself, tired of his hesitation. You can taste the alcohol on his lips, his mouth so tender and sweet against yours. He's gentle and endearingly clumsy but above all else, he's desperate and he kisses you like you'll disappear the moment he lets you go. His hand is tighter around yours and the other that had first been against your cheek drifted to the back of your neck. You hear him let out a sound when your hand runs through the back of his hair and you're both pulling away, still craving something more.
"How much of me do you want?"
"So much," he gulps, "so much more."
There's a grin on your lips as you drag him by the hand, abandoning the half-drank beer cans as you enter the house. Careful not to alert Abby, who was sleeping next to his room, you both tip-toe down the hallway, unable to help the giggles that escape your mouths. Then, the moment you're in his bedroom, you're pushing him against the door, seizing his lips. You feel his abs under his T-shirt, realizing just what he had been hiding under all those hoodies last summer. You feel the warmth radiating from him, drawing you in like a moth to a flame. You smile against his mouth when you feel his hand at your waist, slipping under your top to fit right into the arch of your back. He's holding back, you can tell, and it only makes you want to fan the flames and let him burn even brighter.
You tug him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him towards the mattress until his legs hit the edge and he’s sitting, your body crawling on top of him. And, for someone who had been concerned about not waking his sister, he sure allows himself to make so many pretty noises. He pulls away for air once again and looks up at you like he worships you, his hands on either thigh while you lean your forehead against his own. He then lets out a laugh, still genuine, though hushed.
"What's so funny?" You murmur.
"This is the best birthday gift I've had in years."
"But you haven't even unwrapped me yet," you quirk your brow. "You said you wanted more, didn't you?"
"I did," he hums, his eyes dragging down over your body, shyly. "Still do. If that's what you want, too."
"You already know I do."
He brings his fingers to the hem of your shirt and slowly lifts it, your arms raising to help him slip it off. You feel yourself shudder under his analytical gaze, even though the night is sweltering. You feel the goosebumps rise under your skin as his fingers brush over your body as if to memorize every curve and texture with his fingertips. And though you had done your best to mask your inexperience all night, it became obvious to him, the moment you were squirming before him— topless— the truth.
"I've never done this before," you admit before he can ask you, feeling more vulnerable than ever as he stares up at you, the most anyone had ever seen of you beneath your clothing.
"That's okay," he tilts his head, big brown eyes looking right back at yours, "if it's okay with—"
"I've already told you it is. Everything is okay with me. Please. "
He nods, his hands reaching behind you, and you feel his fingers at the clasp of your bra. There's a flush on his face as he fumbles with it, brows scrunched as he tries to pull it apart. Then, it hits you. The look in his eyes, the uncertainty in his actions, the constant need for reassurance. He's been trying to hide it just like you were. Had your own mind not been so clouded, perhaps you would have noticed it far sooner. You reach behind yourself, hand brushing past his own to unclasp the bra yourself, before letting it slide down your shoulders. There's a glimmer in his eyes as he takes in your half-naked form, mouth parted slightly.
"You've never done this either, have you?" You ask, hands looped around the back of his neck as you seat yourself better in his lap. You try not to make a sound when you feel his erection through his gym shorts, pressed right up against where you need friction the most.
"Never," he manages to say, somehow. "I don't know what I'm doing."
"We'll figure it out."
You're kissing him again, and this time you're the one fumbling to remove his shirt, unable to properly admire his exposed body as his mouth is pressed against yours the moment the garment is removed. You feel yourself start to crumble at every little noise he makes, every little touch and grinding of his hips into yours. Then his mouth is trailing down your neck and his hands are on your breasts, his touch gentle but his lips hungry. You feel his lips suck on a particular spot on your collarbone and hiss, your fingers threading through his hair.
"You're gonna leave a mark.”
He pulls away, not quite sporting a grin, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s proud, regardless.
"Is that a problem?"
"Bastard," you retort.
With that, you're pushing him down until his back is against the mattress, leaving your own trail of kisses down his neck and chest, a flurry of butterflies in your stomach every time you hear his noises, and whispers of praise. You reach down for his shorts, tugging them down, this time you're able to get a better view of him beneath you. Your hand traces the outline of the muscles on his abdomen and chest, feeling your face heat up, again reminded just how built he was. As if he couldn't get any hotter, you notice the trail of hair leading from his belly button, disappearing beneath his boxers. You suck in a breath, your pupils blown wide.
“I'm gonna go insane if you don't touch me right now,” he says, allowing you to realize just how long you had been staring him down.
The words go straight through you, reminding you of your arousal between your legs, and how you were currently sitting right on top of his dick, the only barrier between you being each other's underwear. You rock your hips against him and hear him whine, your hands flat against his chest. It almost scares you how good it already feels, without having done much of anything at all.
"You have any condoms?" You ask.
"Yeah, think so," he stammers, his eyes darting towards his dresser.
You get up, feeling his eyes on your ass as you dig through the drawer, sifting through clutter. Momentarily, you smile when you find the photo you gave him last year— before returning to the task at hand. You find a condom buried at the very back.
"Were you prepared for this?" You tease.
"I don't think that far ahead. They’re free handouts from sex Ed, senior year."
"If you actually paid attention in that class, you'd know that condoms have an expiration date."
"I did pay attention," he says as you settle yourself back on top of him, the foil between your fingers. "They're not expired yet ."
"Yeah? What else did you learn?"
You suppress a yelp when you feel your position forcibly switched, your back now against the mattress with him hovering over you. The condom had disappeared into his hand.
"That you probably shouldn't be on top for your first," you feel his hand at your panties, brushing your clit over the fabric, "and that you're gonna need more foreplay than just dry humping."
You notice how he looks at you for approval before tossing your underwear aside, admiring how your slick coats his fingers. You'd touched yourself enough times before to know what this feels like but somehow, when it's him doing it instead of yourself, you already feel you'll fall apart at any moment. Your clit is swollen and your hole flutters around nothing as his fingers continue to tease you. Fortunately, he slips his middle finger in before you can scold him for being a tease— and fuck it's so much more than you're used to. His fingers reach inside you better than yours ever did you feel your mouth go agape, your hand reaching to clasp over your mouth out of fear your noises will echo through the mostly silent house.
"Mike," you plea, but to no avail, one hand still desperate to muffle your sounds while the other gripped the bedsheets.
“Is it… am I doing it right?”
“Yeah,” you nod, “please, don’t stop.”
You’d heard horror stories before from others, about how aggressive some men were with their first times. But you think Mike is the opposite. So gentle and considerate— uncertain and awkward, sure, but with a willingness to learn and try.
“Doing so well,” he whispers sweetly, “you’re so perfect.”
You're so close to reaching your high that you almost wish you could strangle him the moment he pulls away, leaning down to capture your lips into a kiss. You then hear the sound of the foil being torn apart and the feeling of his dick rubbing against your centre. Despite his smile, you notice the worry behind his eyes. He's terrified. So, you bring your hand to his cheek.
"I want this," you reassure once again.
He nods.
He slips the tip in and your body spasms, the intrusion feeling so foreign. He watches your expression change with each passing moment he spends pushing into you. He loves the way your lips part, how your lashes flutter shut. Loves how your brows scrunch together. All because of him. You’re so soft and warm around him and he’s struggling to cool himself down.
"So much," you comment, your eyes half-lidded when he finally bottoms you out, your bottom lip pulled by your teeth. He tries not to let the compliment get to him, otherwise, he knows he’ll be finishing faster than he wants.
"You're doing so good," he whispers, his hand intertwining with your own, "taking me so well. Can you keep doing that?"
You nod, and he whimpers, taking another thrust. Your nails are digging into his shoulder blades but he doesn't care. It’s another distraction, helping him hold himself together while you take him. He takes another thrust and nearly loses it when he watches you whine, tilting your face to the side.
“More,” you let out.
You feel every inch of him inside you, pressing against your most sensitive parts and though the initial discomfort hadn’t fully yet faded, you start to feel yourself getting lost in pleasure the more you accommodate him. You continue to drag your nails down his back, the knot inside of you growing tighter. You reach down to touch your clit, aching for more stimulation, but he’s quickly replacing your hand with his own, rubbing circles into you.
“So good.”
“Yeah?” He stammers out, finding it difficult to string words together in the moment.
“You feel so good, Mike.”
He didn’t realize how fucking hot it would be to hear you say his name while you’re fucked out like this until you do, and he feels himself losing a grasp on himself.
The feeling inside of you starts to snap and your body is thrashing around as you approach your high. He feels you grasping onto him like he’s your lifeline, shaking through your cries, which are muffled by your hand on your mouth. He, too, reaches his limit, and he’s burying his face into the crook of your neck in the hopes that he isn’t too loud.
All that’s left is the sound of both of you breathing when it’s over, and you hear him get up, throwing the rubber away. The bed dips at your side and you feel him on top of you again, head buried into your neck as he holds you. You can’t help the smile that forms on your lips, your fingers raking through his brown curls.
It's different from all the times you've touched yourself beneath your sheets in the dead of night. Instead of coming down from your high and laying your head against a cold pillow, your head is against him. You can feel every beating of his heart, every rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. You can feel the stubble on his chin and jaw tickling the crook of your neck. You're shaking, sweating and your whole body aches, yet you want nothing more than to lay here with him. And though you could have given yourself to some other person in college, you know it would not have been the same with anyone else other than the messy-haired brunette who lay atop you.
"Missed you so much," he whispers, "please stay?"
You stare at your house through his window, choosing not to think too hard about the view he has into your bedroom from this angle. Your family wouldn’t care.
"I'm here," you respond, pressing a kiss to his head.
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vampiriccreature · 3 months
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Dmc 3 Dantes design is AMAZING in a storytelling aspect but does NOT work outside of dmc3 AND I’M SICK OF SEEING IT USED IN CROSSOVER MEDIAS !!!!!!
Long ass yap under cut
Dante has always been one for over the top outfits and designs. In the dmc1 novel one of the first sentences is talking about how Dante is flamboyant. At the end of dmc3 we see he has his dmc1 outfit on with all the layers and vest and everything. NOT shirtless.
At the start of dmc3 bro was getting out of the shower, like you hear the water and the shower faucet. You see the water droplets and steam coming off of Dante. And when he answers the phone he says the shop isn’t open yet. Dude was having a lazy day.
Dante did not have time to put on a shirt, he wasn’t planning on going out anywhere or doing anything, he was just eating pizza and chilling. I see SO MANY people (including cannon media like the dmc3 manga) just assume he regularly does not wear a shirt…. like he does! he just didn’t have time to put one on before Arkhams bitchass showed up with his demons.
Don’t even get me started on those pants…. light brown has never been a part of Dante’s color scheme so light brown pants definitely seem weird right? Also he had no belt despite clearly needing one.
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Like look at this render, you can see how far his hip is from his pants. He probably just threw on some old pair without thinking about it. And with no belt too, every other version of Dante has at LEAST one belt. So seeing Dante in light brown pants, alone with no belt is definitely strange.
Yet it WORKS SO WELL for the overall design in 3. Reducing the amount of black in his color scheme to better focus on the red and establish him as a much lighter character compared to Vergil ties in perfectly with the dark reflection trope Vergil and Dante play into.
The most iconic thing about Dantes design has always been that red coat. No argument there. So taking away the rest of Dantes more extravagant parts of his design to better focus on the coat is perfect especially for dmc3. Another thing that ties back into the dark reflection trope of Dantes and Vergil is that cutting down on Dantes design makes Vergil and Dantes personalities reflect in their designs so much more. Vergil is very well kept, with a much more complicated outfit and slicked back hair. So Dante being the opposite of that with a lack of shirt, pants that don’t match, no belt, etc. (while still being flamboyant with that red coat) shows their differences in maturity.
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You look at this guy and you KNOW he put so much time and effort into his look. He exudes elegance and effort. Meanwhile Dante’s just thrown on a coat and called it a day.
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My point is. This design is great for the storytelling aspect of dmc3 as well as the symbolism and metaphors in dmc3. However, we know Dante doesn’t usually dress like this. He wears shirts. So I get personally annoyed when I see Dante portrayed as that one dude who never wears a shirt. I head cannon that around the shop when he has nothing planned he won’t wear a shirt (saves money on the water bill cuz less laundry) but if he plans to go out or have the shop open or whatever, he’s putting on the full fit. Shirt, belt, coat, and plenty of other accessories.
Also here’s the second paragraph from the dmc1 novel cuz I just love how he’s described not only as flamboyant but also adorned with a lot of jewelry:
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imaginedreamwrite · 20 days
Text
Like No One Does
Part 3: Take Me By The Hand
The pitiful image was burned into your mind, the statement that was such an anxiety producing point in your life. The account number that was on the top of the statement might have well been ash and dust—there was no need for it to be as mocking as it was. The bare bones of your bank account had rendered a familiar feeling of you struggling to comprehend and take care of your parent's house.
At least when you weren’t in the hospital, or when you weren’t in Danah’s house pretending like you weren’t one additional bill away from being flat broke. Your parent’s terminal sickness had already been the starting point of anxiety for you, but then to add insult to injury was your extended family’s inability to care.
If it wasn’t for the Levinson’s you would’ve been homeless at 16. You were already an orphan at 16, with no extended family who cared. And adding homelessness to your decrepit standing wouldn’t have been a far fetch. But the Levinson’s, they saved your life. Danah was your best friend, Mrs. Levinson was your second mother, Mr. Levinson your second father.
And Ari…
Ari Levinson was a stronghold you didn’t know you needed, he was a stalwart support system that you didn’t deserve but received anyway.
Maybe that’s why you were so nervous as you waited for him to pick you up. You’d accepted a job offer from him to become his new assistant/secretary, and you had quit your jobs like he wanted you to. You had completely freed yourself to be his assistant and accepted a job that paid enough for you to not just survive, but thrive. This job would give you incredible benefits and health insurance that you wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise.
Of course, Ari insisted that you required more or better clothes for this job. And you couldn’t have even pretended to argue with him because you knew it was true. You had no appropriate clothes for this job, even if you hadn’t been struggling as you were, there was a certain expectation he had. Or likely had.
“Empty bank account would be better than this.” You crumbled the paper in your hands and tossed it aside, the wrinkled and discarded statement landing somewhere in your dismal place.
With it departing you by your hand, you had turned your attention to the window on your right. You had been watching the window for Ari’s vehicle, not only not wanting to keep him waiting, but knowing that this neighbourhood wasn’t the greatest. And Ari’s didn’t deserve to spend more time in this hellhole than necessary.
“You should move in with my sister, princess. Or move in with me, I’d be a good roommate.” Ari had brought up that particular argument many times over when you would talk, and every time you would let your stubbornness get in the way.
“Danah has her dance studio, and even if she didn't, I’ll be fine.” You denied Ari and you denied Danah, as often as you could.
Your bank account may have been in the red, but at least you had paid rent, insurance, and utilities for your apartment. You might not have had any money, currently, to your name, but you had necessities in your place to eat and not go hungry. However, there was the increasing desire to want more, and that desire pushed you to accept Ari’s offer.
At the very least, you would be able to pay off your parent’s medical bills easier, you’d have good health insurance, and you could save enough to move to a new place. You could potentially afford to get a newer car that didn’t seem like it was running on it’s last rusted bolts. At the very least, this job would be able to give you more of a financial pillow.
“Princess, let’s get going!” Ari’s voice filtered from the street below, and it was a look out the thin glass that made your heart race at the sight of him.
Wearing a plain white v-neck shirt with a leather jacket and a pair of dark wash jeans, he looked like a massive yet ethereally gorgeous runway model. It was unjust how attractive Ari Levinson was, and how easy you could get irritated at him—for seemingly just being beautiful.
“Don’t make me come up there!” He had leaned against the side of his car, something sleek and black, with his arms crossed over his chest. Covering his eyes was a pair of mirrored aviators, which you wouldn’t have liked on anyone else, but on him, they looked good.
Through the thin glass you waved, once, and then stepped back. You grabbed your cheap second hand purse and your phone, on the verge of breaking and couldn’t hold a charge. Once you had your things, you slipped your shoes on and left your apartment, locking the door behind you, before you headed down the stairs.
You pushed on the main door to the building and stepped onto the sidewalk, watching him watching you from across the street. Your feet carried you with purpose, and your fingers tapped against your palm in a rhythmic dance to quell your nerves.
“Baby,” Ari spoke to you, his voice deep and husky, and his blue eyes fixated on you with wholehearted anticipation, “I was about to come up and grab you. Get in the car, hertzeleh.”
You paused and looked at Ari when you were just a foot away, your neck craned to be able to look into his eyes. With his casual yet striking clothing choice and his endearing smile, it was almost impossible to understand why he was currently single. The women he had spent time with and slept with in the past had all been flings, by his account and his claims, yet none had managed to win the bachelor over.
“What does that mean?” You asked him with a soft voice, walking around the front of the vehicle to the other side and as you got into the passenger seat, you took notice of the box on the centre console.
The food distracts you from Ari not telling you what he called you, although given his track record, it must be something sweet.
“Food, sweetheart. For you.” Ari climbed into the driver’s seat and lifted the glasses from his face to set them on the dashboard. “Ma sent your favourite and I picked up coffee for you.”
“Ari, you didn’t have to.” The iced coffee sitting in the cupholder came from one of his parent’s Jewish bakeries, and it was your absolute favourite combination.
The hazelnut blend mixed with a dash of cinnamon and whipped cream was your go-to whenever you and Danah went. And as for the breakfast, you could only imagine what food Mrs. Levinson made Ari bring you.
“We have a full day ahead of us.” His cordial smile and pleasant tone were nothing new to you, nothing you hadn’t expected from him. It was only natural for Ari to be the kind of man who was firm and levelheaded, yet tough when it came to business, and a giant teddy bear when it came to family and friends.
“A full day? How long can it take to go clothes shopping?” You scoff and turn away, biting into the delicious flaky Jewish pastry. As you get a few pieces of the sugared crispy top stuck to your lips, Ari’s laugh fills the void—and his thumb brushing the pieces off sends shivers down your spine.
“Princess, your ass is mine from right now until I drop you off at your new apartment.” The sudden bombshell announcement nearly makes you choke on your food, and you find yourself sputtering to catch your breath.
You turn your head and stare at him, eyes wide and lips parted in shock. You seemed completely mind blown by this revelation, although to your shock, Ari simply cups your chin and closes your mouth.
“Buckle up, hertzeleh. I mean it.” He leans away from you and his broad shoulders touch the driver's seat, and then he winks at you. “Your sass-pot ass isn’t dying today.”
“You don’t get to slide by the fact that you said new apartment, Ari Levinson.” You set the pastry down and wipe your hands, steeling your gaze.
He’s ignorant to you, or maybe just ignoring your stare and your tone. Whatever he’s doing, it doesn’t bother him and more than that he seems to smirk. Even though he’s not looking at you, and he's slipping a pair of aviator sunglasses on, you can tell he’s rather pleased with himself.
“Ari Levinson—“
“Cut the attitude, baby girl.” His smirk only grows, and he reaches out to tap your knee. “You eat first, and then we’ll talk.”
“No, we’ll talk now.” You shift in the seat to face him more head on, as far as the buckle allows, and then you tuck your chin to your chest. “What the hell are you talking about? New apartment?”
He doesn’t answer you immediately, though you doubt he’s at a loss for words. Rather, it's all part of his ploy, of his plan to control the conversation, simply because he can. After a moment, Ari finally speaks and when he does, he tips his head, conveniently stopped at a red light.
“It’s part of the contract, sweetheart.” He flashes you a grin, one that’s convinced countless women to fall into his bed—but it just annoys you.
“I didn’t sign a contract, Ari.” You enunciate his name with force, your jaw ticking as you briefly grind your teeth. “And I don’t need a new apartment.”
“It’s part of your benefits, Y/N. You don’t need to be so stubborn all the time, little bug.” Damn him and damn the way his voice eases you, regardless of how much you want to smack him. “It’s got everything you want.”
“Oh yeah? Like what? What does this new apartment have that mine doesn’t?” You want to challenge him, you want to fight with him because if he thinks he can tell you what to do with your place…
“For one, honey….” Ari’s hand reaches for yours, and he squeezes lightly, drawing out a soft huff from you. “…no one’s been shot in the building. Or stabbed.”
You roll your eyes and almost wish you could have defended the building, but you couldn’t. Truthfully, it felt like every time you went into that place, or even near it, you were risking something. You knew it yourself that you needed a new apartment, but the fact that you couldn’t afford one was holding you back.
“Ari—“ you start to protest again, finding yourself unable to raise much of an argument when his hand touches your leg. His fingers spread above your knee as he squeezes lightly—telling you nonverbally that you don’t need to be so stubborn and let him do this for you.
After a minute of silence, he speaks, like what he says would be the final nail in the coffin. “It’s in the Lexington, sweetheart.”
And you suppose it is. The Lexington was a building you’d always wanted to live in, a place inside the city that seemed to be so improper. The building itself was brick and mortar, but there were these marble-esque pillars that stood outside the front entrance. They were like guards over the building, and it had given it such an aged yet fresh feel to the place.
The apartments inside were just as beautiful as the exterior with rich dark hardwood floors, private balconies that overlooked the park. Each apartment had onsite laundry, which would’ve been a selling point on its own; however, the bathroom would’ve been your convincer.
You’d seen pictures of the bathrooms on the rental site, and you’d been amazed from the beginning. Each apartment had a large two-person soaker tub with clawfoot details and had a seamless view to the outside world. The window let in natural light that made the whole room seem otherworldly. It was a big draw to why you’d only wished to live there, meanwhile the causality of being unable to always boiled down to money.
The rent alone was more than you’d make in 6 months, and it never seemed to be in the realm of possibilities for you. The Lexington was always unreachable, it felt as far from you as the castle you’d dreamed of as a child. It was a noble or even tender dream, but it was never within any realm of reality.
“Ari, you can’t just get me an apartment, or pay for an entire new wardrobe. Or…” you wanted to continue listing off reasons why he didn’t have to spend all this money on you, or why he didn’t have to put in the effort.
You were a grown woman, and he was your best friend’s brother. He didn’t owe you anything, and you weren’t going to take advantage of his time or money. You knew the entire Levinson family was generous, they’d taken you in when you had nothing, when you had nowhere to go. But that was over now, yes Ari had offered you a job, but he didn’t owe you more.
The job was enough. The job would make you capable of paying off the debts from your parents' hospital bills and funerals. You’d be able to pay it off on your own, you didn’t need him to do anything for you.
“Ketzeleh,” he squeezes your knee again, briefly splitting his attention between the road and yourself, “I’m not asking, I’m telling.”
“I’m not sleeping with you.” It slips from your mouth before you can stop it, the irrevocable sentence unable to be retracted. You feel stupid for a minute, like a fool for saying what you had. At least until you hear Ari’s deep rumble, the husky laugh that fills any minute slip of silence.
“Ari, I mean it, I’m not sleeping with you.” You cross your arms over your chest, your lips pressed firmly together. “I’m not going to be one of those girls that falls into your bed.”
“Of course not, baby.” He removes his hand from your knee and rests it on your cheek. “You’re too strong for that, right?”
You roll your eyes and smack his hand away, huffing poignantly. You retain the silence and draw your attention back toward the pastry Ari’s mother sent for you. It remained half-unfinished during the conversation, and you pick it up again to finish it. You shift away from him back to your original position and sink your teeth into the flaky dessert, ripping a piece off.
Ari has leagues of women falling at his feet. He’s Boston’s most eligible bachelor, and no one woman has been able to hold him down. Although they’ve tried, all he seems to want to do is sleep around and have everything be temporary. You’d seen some of the women he’s messed around with, all of them beautiful and striking and modelesque.
You, on the other hand, had few relationships. You didn’t have an opportunity to have relationships, not when you were made an orphan. Not when you were saddled with a suffocating amount of debt that you had to pay off.
“Ketzeleh, look at me.” Ari had finally stopped the car, parking in a private and gated lot for a series of expensive boutiques he was taking you to. “Ketzeleh…”
You raised your head and looked his way, your eyes searching his blues. He had unbuckled and turned to face you, the car still running and the faint sound of the radio in the background. Once you had faced him, Ari had reached out and brushed a piece of the fine sugar from the pastry off your cheek. His thumb grazed your skin and his eyes were solely on you. His voice was quieter than expected yet no less husky.
“You don’t need to ask, you don’t need to feel like this is an IOU situation. This is a gift, there is nothing you have to pay back.” His husky Boston accent had drawn an illicit shiver down your spine as he slowly leaned in and kissed your forehead. The moment was tender, and you were easily distracted by the feel of his plush lips on your skin.
It felt like you were 16 again, sitting in your dark room with nothing but candlelight. It was as if Ari were comforting you again, whispering to you that everything would be okay. You felt like that 16-year-old, scared and frightened for the future.
“You’re okay,” one hand wove into your hair at your nape while the other cupped your cheek, “you’ll be okay.”
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thefallennightmare · 7 months
Text
Miracle-two
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(gif created by me, the fallen nightmare. feel free to use, simply give credit)
Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader
Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.
Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.
Authors Note: Tags are open if anyone is interested!
Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13
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"How is she?"
I clutched my phone between my shoulder and ear as I carried the box of merch to the table that was set up inside the venue.
"This morning was rough, but we managed."
"Yeah it was like that the other night," I sighed.
Three days ago, after I came home to the lingering smell of gas in the house, I decided that no matter how much it cost I would hire a live-in nurse to stay with my mom while I was on the road. It would only be for one month then once the tour was over, I would quit and find a job that let me be home with her. That night, I woke up in the middle of the night from screaming coming from the front yard and that's where I found my mom only wearing her underwear standing in the middle of the yard. It was cold and her blue lips were trembling, guilt ate away at me because I didn't know how long she was out there. I think she must have been in a catatonic state and woke herself out of it with her screams.
Then the night before I left for tour, I woke up to my mom looming over me in my bed with a bat clutched tightly in her hands. She didn't recognize me and threatened to beat me with the bat if I didn't get out of her house. It took a soft voice and calmness but I coaxed her back into bed, the fear of my life eating away at my insides.
Of course, when I hired the nurse, I was one hundred percent upfront with her about all the bad. The nurse, Lana, never cringed or ran out like I thought she would. She was a few years younger than my mom and worked with Alzheimer's patients for longer than I'd been alive. She was used to patients like this; it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Which is why in one week, I needed to send her first paycheck.
$850.
Every week, for five weeks.
It may have not seemed like a lot but for someone who struggles to pay their bills already, it was a lot. My pay for being a merch girl barely covered it and I didn't get paid until the tour ended. To say I was stressing about how to pay Lana was an understatement.
"She's resting in her room right now." Lana's voice brought me back to our conversation.
I chewed roughly on my bottom lip. "Is the door locked?"
"Don't worry, dear. I'll take good care of your mother while you're gone. Enjoy the time away."
"Please call me for anything, no matter the time," I stressed while letting the box fall to the floor at my feet.
The sound echoed through the room and I waved off the stares from Davis and Matt, who looked at me with raised brows. Lana and I talked for a few more moments before I reluctantly hung up, knowing I had to get to work. Noah was already upset with me being late getting to the venue, the last thing I needed was to get caught slacking off. It took me a long while to gain the courage to leave my mom, much to the pushing from Lana, and I ended up missing the call time for the bus to leave. I texted Davis an emergency came up and I would take a cab to the first city. It was only two hours away but the hole that burned in my wallet because of how much it cost continued to gnaw away at me.
So instead of dwelling on it, I focused my attention on getting my area set up. The table with our credit card machine, a jar for tips, and then the fence-like wall where I'd hang up every merch that we had while the boxes lined the floor at my feet. I set my area up on the other end of the ballroom where the guys would perform in which meant I could watch their set. It was like that sometimes but other times, I would be placed outside the room and wouldn't get to watch; not that I ever cared too in the past. It was our first show of the tour and I wanted everything to look perfect, not giving a reason for anyone to get upset with me being late.
No one cared, I knew that, but the nagging voice in my brain wouldn't shut up.
"Need any help?"
Turning on my heels, I gave a small smile to Bryan and shook my head. "I'm all finished, thank you though."
He returned my smile with one of his own, his camera slung around his neck. "Mind if I snap a few pics?"
"Not at all," I shook my head. "Just don't get any of me, I haven't showered yet."
Since I was late, I had the cab driver drop me off at the venue, not having time to check into the hotel we would stay at tonight to shower. Our next show was in two days about ten hours away so we weren't in a rush to get there.
Bryan chuckled while snapping a few pictures of the merch area.
"Well, I'm sure you can sneak away for a bit."
I groaned, the thought of a shower making me smile. "Tell Matt if he needs me to text me?"
With a quick wave goodbye, I gathered my things and quietly slipped away from the hustle and bustle of everyone setting up for the show.
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With the two trays full of coffee in my hands, I entered the venue through the back way and made my way towards the ballroom where I knew everyone would be. I was only gone for less than two hours, using that time to get a quick nap and freshen up for tonight. Davis texted me a long order of coffee, almost everyone wanting some sort of caffeine. Thankfully, he also sent me the money to cover paying for it.
I made some small talk as I handed Matt, Bryan, and Davis their coffee. Ruffilo and Folio came by to grab their orders while Jolly, who opted out of coffee with a shake of his head.
"Who's the last coffee for?" I asked.
"Noah," Jolly answered. "He's up on stage if you want to bring it to him."
I'd rather pour this hot coffee over my head than go talk to him.
I haven't seen him since I got the call from the fire department. He over heard the conversation, knowing something happened with my mom, but I didn't know if he would bring it up. Hopefully, he'll take his coffee and go back to whatever he was doing.
"Sure," I forced a smile on my face.
With his coffee in hand, I walked up onto the stage where I saw Noah standing looking over to the empty floor. Hearing me walk up, he peered over his shoulder at me. I did my best to not to gawk at his bare tattooed arms; the muscles tensing under his white tank top.
"Your coffee," I raised it towards him.
As he took it, our fingers brushed and the spark that shot through me made my toes curl. If Noah felt it too, he gave nothing away. With my back turned to him, I was about to walk away when his voice halted me.
"How's your mom?"
That's a loaded question.
"Uh, she's fine," I did my best to have a straight face, not wanting to give anything away. "She locked herself out of the house the other day and tried getting in through a window. A neighbor thought she was breaking in."
I was shocked in myself at how easily I came up with that lie.
"Good," Noah nodded.
Silence fell between us for a few beats and deciding that the conversation was over, I walked back over to the merch stand doing my best to ignore the burning gaze at my back as footsteps followed close. Noah was following me not stopping when we reached the merch stand.
"What are you doing?" I asked when I saw him riffling through one of the open boxes on the floor.
His eyes roamed over me, taking in every inch of me with his static gaze then pulled out a shirt and handed it to me. When I didn't take it, confused on his actions, he let out an annoyed breath.
"Either you change into this shirt or I'll do it for you, angel and I don't think you want others to see you," Noah said nodding to the group of guys a few feet away from us.
My cheeks burned hot as the blush spread everywhere over my skin because of that damn pet name. But I still didn't take the shirt from him, unsure why he wanted me to change.
"You never cared before if I wore one of your shirts during a show," I pointed out.
He shrugged. "Be a good girl and go change."
The way something rushed straight to my core shocked me. I never thought being called a good girl would turn me on the way it just had.
Licking my lips, something Noah watched intently, I carefully took the shirt from him and stalked over to the bathrooms to change.
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Holy shit.
The ballroom was fucking packed, and I was running around like a madwoman at the merch stand for the last two hours. The openers finished their set, Bad Omens coming on soon, which meant everyone wanted to grab the last bit of merch before. I was so busy I barley had time to stop for two seconds to take a drink of water, something Jolly dropped off undetected by the fans before he went to the green room in the back.
"Here ya go. Enjoy the show tonight!" I gave a smile as I handed two shirts and a sweater to the couple in front of me.
With the few seconds I had between customers, I took a large gulp of water then made work of grabbing a ski mask and a shirt. It went on like this for another twenty minutes until darkness cascaded over the room, the opening sequences of Bad Omens set echoing around us. Finally, having more than two minutes for a break, I sat down on the table and took a deep breath. I pulled out my phone to send a quick text to Lana.
She didn't call which meant good news but that didn't stop me from checking in.
Your mom is fine, dear. I'll have her call you in the morning. I think hearing your voice might help her remember you.
After I responded, I shoved my phone back into my pocket and busied myself by cleaning up around my station as Bad Omens played their set. I didn't bother packing up because I knew once the show ended, more people would line up for merch. Before and after the show is the busiest time for merch. Every once in a while, I would watch Noah stomp, dance, and come alive on the stage as he sang or screamed his lyrics. By now he had lost the ski mask and jacket, donning his black cargo pants and black tank top. As much as seeing him in that mask made my pussy clench, seeing him in this outfit practically made me whine with want.
I'd been attracted to guys in the past, hooking up with a few but had nothing serious. Noah, however, was different. I'd never been this infatuated with someone even though he could be a dick to me sometimes.
No, don't think about his dick.
I shook those thoughts out of my head, not wanting to go down that dark tunnel of thoughts, and texted Davis wondering if he could cover me for a few minutes so I could go to the bathroom. Instead of responding, he showed up two minutes later with a smile.
"I'll even give you five minutes for a break," he said.
"My hero," I called out over the sudden screams while rolling my eyes.
Once in the somewhat quietness of the hallway, I stood there for a few seconds taking a deep breath. My ears rang from the screams and loud music so this bit of solace was nice; until I saw the line for the bathroom. Even with Bad Omens playing, it didn't stop people from rushing to the bathroom.
I knew there was one in the green room so turning around; I followed down the long hallway before slipping behind a door at the end. It was way quieter back here, a soft thump of the bass banging against the wall as I walked into the green room, feet halting when I noticed Noah in there alone, throwing back a water bottle in one large gulp. It was at the point of the show where they had a few minutes intermission.
"Who's at the table?" He asked breathless.
Ignoring how his skin glistened under the light, I pursed my lips. "Davis. I just need to use the bathroom but the line for the one in the hallway is insane."
Noah nodded before tossing the bottle in the garbage and I walked passed him towards the bathroom but his fingers grazed over the inside of my wrist, stopping me. I stared down where our skin touched then back up to his face. He said nothing, simply brushed a strand of hair away that fell into my eyes, his fingers lingering on the skin behind my ear. Having him this close to me was enveloping my senses; I could think straight and his scent was deep in my bones. My breath hitched at how close we were and if I didn't know any better, I thought he was going to lean in to kiss me until a persistent knock pounded on the door.
"Noah! Let's go, we're going to miss our mark!" Jolly's voice rang out as he opened the door.
The speed that Noah pushed away from me made my stomach drop. He clearly didn't want to get caught touching me.
Jolly looked between Noah and I. "Am I interrupting-."
"No," Noah shook his head, not letting Jolly finish. "I was grabbing something to drink. Ready?"
As fast as Noah moved away from me, I was alone in the room just staring at the ground below my feet.
"What the fuck was that?" I grumbled, forgetting the whole reason I came in here.
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thatlovinfeelin · 7 months
Text
He Don't Like The Lights | Bradley Bradshaw Actor AU|
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Waiting tables wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t your favorite job either. Not that you hated it, because you didn’t. For the most part you liked your coworkers, your roommate Celeste being one of them. Your bosses weren’t horrible, and the pay was alright. You were able to pay your bills and stash some extra cash away for savings. Soon, or at least you hoped it would be soon, you would be able to move out of the somewhat shitty place with Celeste and get a better apartment. Maybe even leave Virginia altogether. 
“Hey, I need you to take table five.” 
“But it’s not in my section tonight,” You argue with your manager. 
“Just take it, okay? It's a single and you’re better with singles than Celeste,” He replied, shooing you away with his hands. 
You let out a dramatic sigh, rolling your eyes as you grabbed your waitress book and headed towards the single guy sitting at the table. You never sized up tables before you started serving them, never tried to write people off before they had a chance to show their colors. 
But you could tell that this guy was hot just by the way he was sitting with a baseball cap tugged low. He at least knew how to wear a damned hat unlike some of the guys who came in with it halfway on their heads. 
“Hi, welcome in, can I get you started with anything to drink?” You asked cheerfully as you stopped in front of him. 
The bar was relatively empty, which came as a surprise since it was a weekend and the weather was fairly nice. Maybe everyone was still out at the beach and would be in before dinner ended. Maybe you would get lucky and end up having a good tip night to make up for the shitfest that was last night. 
“Uh, just a Bud on draft if you have it.”
“Bud lite?” You question. 
“No, Buswieser, the real shit,” There’s a hint of a laugh in his voice. 
“I’ve got it in a bottle, is that okay?”
“Yeah that works,” He replies, tipping his head back to look up at you. 
It takes you a second to register who’s actually looking at you. You’ve seen those dark hazel eyes on screen plenty of times, because Cele is obsessed with his movies. However, what really takes you back is how normal he looks in an old beat up t-shirt and shorts. He doesn’t look like the glamourous actor that you’ve seen.
“I’m sorry- are you,” You stop and lick your lips. 
You aren’t nervous, because you aren’t obsessed with him. His movies are okay, and you have to admit he is more attractive in person than he is on screen. But you’ve never been one to fall face first over someone who’s in the industry, not that you’ve ever had the chance to before. 
“Are you Bradley Bradshaw?” The question comes out as a whisper as you lean down, trying to be as quiet as you can. 
He pales for a moment, waiting to see if you’re going to fully freak out on him before smiling sheepishly, “Caught that easily, huh?”
“You’re lucky it’s just me and not the other girl over there,” You inform him, “She’d be on the floor, and I know that because I live with her and share a TV with her. But since it’s just me,” you smile at him before backing away a step, “A bottle of Bud coming right up.”
He smiles and relaxes into his seat before looking back down at his phone on the table. You can’t help but smile as you make your way towards the bar and the POS system to start his ticket. 
Bradley Bradshaw is eating in the bar and no one but you knows. He just happened to be lucky enough that Celeste had the one big table and was therefore too busy to take him, even though it was her section. 
“Thanks for taking that table,” She sounds out of breath as she sets a drink tray down next to you, “I’m swamped with those fuckers over there. Tourists on vacation who want everything at that very moment. Including three Virgin Strawberry Daiquiris for the kids. I want to shoot myself.”
You smile to yourself as you make your way around to the beer cooler to grab a nice cold bottle of Bud, “Oh don’t worry about it. He shouldn’t cause any trouble anyway.”
If only she knew. 
“Here you go,” You say, sitting the open bottle down on his table, “Do you need a minute to look over the menu? Or do you have any questions?”
“What do you recommend?” He asked you, looking back up. 
“Pulled Pork Mac’n’cheese, easy,” You replied almost instantly, “Hands down my favorite dish here, after our Crab Dip appetizer, but I also eat that for a full meal.”
He smiles up at you and closes the menu before handing it back to you, “I’ll try that Pork Mac then.”
“Sounds good, I’ll get that right in!” You smile triumphantly before backing away once again, “Holler if you need anything, okay? I’ll be back to check on you before the food comes out.”
Back at the bar, Celeste is finally able to stop for a minute and catch her breath. She looks miserable and it makes you want to laugh a little. Her night would be very different if she just took Table Five instead. 
She’s hunched over her phone reading an article, which normally you would call her out on being on her phone but tonight you can’t be bothered. It’s slow enough and her phone is hidden anyway. 
“Hey, Bradshaw is up for a bunch of awards,” She grins, “He so deserves them. You remember how great he was in that war movie, right! That’s what’s being nominated.”
“Hmm?” You question before your brain seems to catch up with you, “Oh, yeah. No, he was great in that movie. Whole cast was, honestly.”
“Exactly! I hope they sweep at the Oscars, they all deserve it so much.”
You have to hide your smile as you type away on the POS to put in the order. In the back, you can hear your kitchen jamming out to some sort of heavy metal meets classic rock mix which isn’t all that unusual for them. There are some days you’ve come to work and they’ve been listening to Disney music. At this point you can’t even try to say that you understand what their playlists consist of. 
It takes ten minutes before you’re walking back over to the table with another beer in hand. You noticed he was starting to run low and you know better than to let a drink ever go empty. That was one of the first things you learned when you became a waitress. 
“Brought you another one,” You announce, setting it down. 
“Thanks, appreciate it,” He replies, “And uh, thanks for not freaking out on me. Would’ve been a bitch if I got swarmed in here.”
“No worries, I’m not a rabid fan or anything,” You laugh, “But I am curious as to why you’re here of all places. I thought you lived in LA?”
“I do,” He nods, “But this was home long before LA was. I was born here in Virginia, I like to come back and visit family from time to time.”
“Oh,” You’re taken back by his honesty. He could’ve easily told you that it was none of your business, which is what you expected, “That’s really nice actually.”
Celeste calls you, saying the kitchen wants you. Reluctantly you force yourself away from the table and towards the set of double swinging doors in the middle of the bar. Something about Bradley Bradshaw is drawing you in and you aren’t sure if you want to resist it or not. Surely he wouldn’t remember your name in a few hours. He’d forget about the server from Virginia the second he got on a flight back to LA and the way of the world would take back over. 
“Here’s that pork mac,” Chef told you, nudging the dish in the window, “Get it out of my sight.”
“Sir yes sir,” You reply, grabbing the hot dish, “Thank you!”
“Yeah yeah, fuck off,” He grumbled, which only made you smile. 
You made your way back towards Bradley’s table with a smile. You could see why Celeste was so enamored with him. There was just something about him that made you want to sit down and hang on his every word. Plus, he was hot as hell. He still had the mustache from his previous role, and was trying to hide behind his ball cap. He looked normal, almost.
You wondered how other people here saw him? Were they even paying attention to the bonafide star that was hiding out in the corner? Celeste would piss herself if she knew he was here, hell, you might even piss yourself if he smiled at you again. The thought made you a little weak in the knees. 
“Your pork mac,” You said, sitting it down on the table in front of him, “Be careful, it’s actually pretty hot.”
“Mmm, looks fantastic,” He nearly groaned, “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet, you don’t even know if you’ll like it!” You laughed, “But I hope you enjoy, and let me know if I can get you anything else.”
You hop away from him again, taking a deep breath as you go. Maybe the night wouldn’t be as bad as you thought.
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aristotlecoyote · 6 days
Text
Nah but my guys.
This shit
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Is inexcusable. Any of you supporting them when those attached to them say *this* after gloating about a 115 dollar bag *for their honey moon*
And saying they are barely surviving and having trouble making content
Dont deserve your respect as a viewer.
This comment is a glimpse at their true natures whether you like it or not.
This isnt a hate attack. I have an inherent respect for life and the humans that live it. I respect that they are humans that do whatever they want of their own free will. Like yeah spend money. Do things. Live your life buy a house eat good healthy food.
But that is all a privilege. A privilege not many people have at the moment??
I am privileged. I work for my family as a caretaker(paid for by the state btw. My parents can not afford to pay me other wise). I cant buy my own food. I make "too much" to have food stamps. I live off of what my parents, who are also struggling, can provide. I live with my parents at 27 because working conditions and living conditions are so bad and i am so mentally ill i cant be on my own for my own *safety*. Just because i am able to live in relative comfort by the grace of my safety net doesnt mean ive always had that grace. And many *many* more people in the world dont even have the safety net that kept me off the street. I stole food from my old roommates because i was hungry and couldnt afford food. I was feeding my dog *my* food because i couldnt buy his food. I am 5,000 dollars in debt because i couldn't afford health insurance and went to the ER because i was going to end my life. I couldnt pay the 260 dollar bill i was sent so i just hoped and prayed it would go away and now its eating me.
I am also bad with money even when all my bills are paid.
I bought merch. I bought tickets to the live show. I did that because i paid my bills once and had enough to feed my addiction to solving my depression with buying tiny useless things. I know its not a good fucking idea. I know it is but im sure someone out there understands that you cant always control yourself when you arent fully present in your own life. I cant even leave the house because i *know* ill spend money and i *know* i cant.
And i thought i was supporting people who cared about their fans enough to atleast not say stuff like this.
I was staying subscribed to the youtube channel out of the hope that they would change their mind, see reason? Maybe?
But they wont.
This shows that they wont. That they refuse. That all good faith worries and criticisms mean nothing to them because We cant pay them to care.
So yeah. @wearewatcher @watcherfans these are the people you want to be and support, huh? Positivity is nice when you arent eating ramen. When you arent skipping meals to make yourself feel better for living off your equally struggling family. When you have enough around you to feel safe and secure enough to pay for something that isnt even worth the money you put in.
This isnt a post to get pity. This is a post to put in perspective the reality working class people face. What poor people face. What disabled people, who cant even marry or grow savings, face.
Please. Just think of humans as people and not just money and art.
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tomssexdoll · 26 days
Note
a nsfw aplahbet with bill kaulitz please 🫶🏻🫶🏻
HEYYYY OK IM EXCITED
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NSFW ALPHABET BILL KAULITZ structure creds: @angelll135444
A=after care: Bill is amazing with aftercare, he is so loving and gentle with you, makes sure you feel ok, makes sure you're cleaned up, tucks you in to bed after teehee, makes you something to eat or drink if you want it
B=Body Part: his favourite body part on you is DEF your tits, he loves playing with them, sucking on them, literally doing anything with them, especially squeezing them while you ride him hrbwehjnfwe
C=Cum: I feel like Bill is def a fan of cum, his or yours, he loves cumming in you and on you. He also LOVES when you cum in his mouth when he eats you out
D=dirty secret of his: he secretly likes being a sub and likes slight pain
E= Experience (how well experienced they are) I'm very 50/50 on this, one half of me says he's shy and doesn't have much experience but the other half tells me he knows how to please a woman so well
F= Favourite position: def doggy and cowgirl, he loves squeezing your tits in cowgirl obvs and LOVES to grab onto your ass in doggy
G= Goofy (Are they serious during sex?) mostly, i feel like he will joke now and again maybe at the start and the end but when its getting STEAMY he is very serious
H= Hair (Do they trim?) YES. OMG. Bill hates being hairy down there, he will always make sure he is clean shaven, as for you he doesn't care as long as it's not a lot of hair cause he loves eating you out
I= Intimacy (Are they intimate during sex?): HELL YESSSS! Even when he's balls deep in you he will kiss and praise you (thats if you haven't pissed him off)
J= Jerking off: he def does, I feel like he'd do mutual masturbation with you but when you're away he def does it over the phone or will BEAT HIS MEAT to photos or videos of you, he has some cheeky photos saved of you teehee
K= Kinks (one kink or more) he def has a degrading kink, whether its you doing it or him, also a praising one too, he likes pain too
L= Location (Favourite places to have sex.) def the shower or bedroom
M=Motivation (turns them on what gets them really going etc.) usually seeing you naked or you teasing him will make him feral
N= No (something they definitely wouldn’t agree too) he wouldn't agree on hitting her (except her ass) at all, even if she asked
O= Oral (receiving giving) he loves when you suck his dick but HE WILL DEVOUR YOU AT ANY CHANCE HE GETSSS, he is literally soultied to ur pussy, he loves it so much
P= Pace (Slow and sensual or rough?) it depends on the day, time, what has happened, his mood, etc. usually he will be slow and sensual but sometimes he can get roughh
Q= Quickie: in my opinion he's not as sex mad as tom, I feel like he can go without a quickie for a while but he LOVES them when he agrees to them
R= Risk taking: Bill is very conservative about public sex I feel like but maybe once he'll take the risk if he needs it
S= Stamina (How long can they last?) usually 3 or 4 rounds, after that he is EXHAUSTED.
T=Toys (would they own any?) yes def, he loves using vibrators on you
U=Unfair (teasing) You mainly tease Bill and it makes him sooo mad, he loves it but he isn't that much of a teaser
V=Volume (how loud they are) he's quieter then you but he will def make noises, I feel like it's not yelling but it isn't like normal pitch ifyk
W=Woman (what type of woman he would date) mmm, idk i feel like he isn't super picky with his women, maybe he'd prefer his women with a more alternative look?
X=Xray (what’s packing down there) IT'S LIKE 9 INCHES DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED, HE IS PACKING BUS, HE IS PACKING BUILDING.
Z=Zzz (how fast they would fall asleep) he would make sure you are comfortable and then fall asleep
TYSM FOR THE REQ THIS WAS SO FUN TO DO
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ccbunnv · 3 months
Note
villain!bill x y/n, joker and harleyquinn trope but it’s flipped so like the HERO is joker, and it’s all angsty and the hero knows about y/n and bill meeting so he kills them as revenge
i got a glock in my rari (foreshadowing)
˖°🦇ִ ࣪𖤐 villain! bill x fem! reader angst
being the hero's sidekick had never been rewarding. he was a slob who loved to mistreat you, who loved to scold you over the slightest things possible. he made your life a living hell.
but you remained loyal to him. what for? because you fell in love with him. his charismatic persona, this facade he'd put up in the public eye. maybe you liked that he was showing his true self to you.
well, save for the times he'd pull on your hair, yell at you, hit you, for the sake of releasing anger and stress or just because he was a sadistic twat who liked seeing you suffer.
being his sidekick meant you had to follow him up and down, abide his every request. in multiple occasions against his arch enemy Bill Kaulitz, he had forced you to act as a human shield for him.
he shamed you every day. what you ate, what you wore, the amount of makeup. but you were a fool in love, you remained ignorant and blind than confront the truth that this man loathed you.
the night was cold and petrifying, your only source of warmth being the heat that escaped your lips everytime you exhaled. why were you outside rather than being in your own apartment, where there was heating and cozy blankets to submerge in?
because the hero, for some miraculous reason, had lost the keys to his house despite it being the 15th time you've had to get him a new one. so he forced you out of your own home, took your bed, and is most definitely eating your food right now.
you try to find an excuse to back him up, pathetically. your mind skimmed through every single idea; maybe someone pickpocketed him, or he lost it during battle. yeah, that could be it.
you sought rest under a street lamp, sitting on the ice-cold bench, breathing hot air into the palm of your hands to keep yourself warm.
you weren't even dressed for this weather. you were in a pair of comfortable shorts and your house shirt, not anything suitable for this frigid weather. you were beginning to regret a lot of things now.
how could you be now if only you never met him? maybe you'd be more financially stable than you are now. maybe your mental stability won't be in shambles like right now.
as you stared blankly at the empty street, someone stopped beside you. you turned your head and looked up, your eyes widening upon seeing the man that the city loathed.
Bill Kaulitz.
he had his slick back, black hair, the eyeliner and eyeshadow framing his pretty brown eyes, his all-black ensemble. your heart stopped as fear overcame you.
"what are you doing out here?" he suddenly asked.
that wasn't what you were expecting.
"pardon?" you responded.
"I said, what are you doing out here?" he raised an eyebrow, "it's 15 celsius out here."
you froze up, "I...er...I kinda got kicked out of my apartment."
"how do you get kicked out of your own apartment?" he asked, "that's kind of stupid."
"no, see, Danny needed a place to stay because he lost the keys to his place, so you know, I..." you trailed off.
"you should know when to say no, girl." he sighed, taking his black velvet coat off and covering your body with it, "follow me."
"how can I trust you?" you asked, wary of his intentions.
"unlike your obsession, I'm not as cruel as him." he said, turning around and beginning to walk away.
you, with nowhere to go, stood and ran after him. you expected him to bring you into a warehouse of some sort, but in actuality, he brought you to a...coffee shop?
he ordered a hot black coffee for himself and a hot cocoa for you. once his orders arrived, you both sat near the window and casually sipped your respective drinks.
you didn't know what to say, what to do. he was meant to be a horrible, rude, mean person, but here he was, lending you his coat and treating you to hot cocoa.
you hesitated, wondering if you should truly say it. but you swallowed your pride and said, "thank you, um...Mr. Kaulitz."
"it's no problem," he shrugged, "that obsession of yours,"
"don't you think he's a horrible man?" he asked.
"what? no!" you responded, "he saves the city from you every single day!"
"and?" he raised an eyebrow, "what else does he do? does he donate? does he treat you fairly?"
you swallowed thickly, unable to think of something to reply with. you breathed in and out, "I...I don't know."
"why are you so obsessed with him?" he asked, taking another sip from his hot coffee.
"because he's nice!" you said, "he's kind, he helps others in their time of need, he's--"
he cut you off, "but what about you? all I hear is 'others, others, others' but where's you?"
that silenced you real quick.
"oh, I see what's going on with you," he murmured, "he shows you his true self, an abusive asshole. and you believe that he's only ever showed it to you."
"you feel special." he leaned forward in his seat, "well, let me tell you,"
"you don't need to be abused to feel special."
𓆩♱𓆪
since that night, his words lingered in her heart.
you don't need to be abused to feel special.
it felt comforting. the hot cocoa tasted sweet and delicious that day, more than any other cold morning or frigid night. his presence was warm, and you never felt more alive.
suddenly, someone hit you on the head with a rolled up, thick newspaper. you looked up and locked eyes with the blue-eyed blonde saviour of the city.
"were you fucking listening?" he spat, glaring down at you.
"er, s-sorry, sir." you responded, finding all of his expressions now ugly.
"er, s-sorry, sir," he mocked you, "when will you do something right in your entire goddamn life? you're so fucking pathetic sometimes I ask myself why the hell do I even keep you around."
"you're useless," he said, "get out of my sight! just your presence is making me have a migraine."
you bashfully stood and left the room quickly. you quickly left his place, and bumped into a redhead with a pretty face who was entering. you apologised with a slight bow and she rolled her eyes.
you looked away, continuing on your way back home. you couldn't believe you were letting such words from the villain get to you! well thought out words, actually...
you blushed slightly, thinking back on his words. it felt like a wake-up call that you were worth more than what the hero was giving you.
as you walked down the streets, you eventually bumped into someone. you gasped, "agh! sorry..."
"it's alright," you heard his voice yet again. you looked up, noticing he was wearing a mask and a pair of sunglasses. he recognised you instantly, "oh, it's you."
"yeah, it's me." you laughed awkwardly.
"where are you headed?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
"home." you responded, "not much for me to do here."
"oh," he hummed softly, "well then, if you're not too busy at home, do you mind going out with me for lunch?"
𓆩♱𓆪
since then, you and Bill had multiple outings together, and they slowly grew into dates. he didn't want to give up his place as a villain, and you were working until your contract ended, which was in a few months. though it was weird, facing eachother on the battlefield, you both made it work nonetheless.
but it didn't take long for the hero to find out, and he didn't take the news very kindly. you were supposed to be his, devoted to him and only him, love only him and worship the ground he stepped on, so what the hell was this?
he watched from the window of his car, why the hell were you in a cafe with the villain, chatting and holding hands? you were meant to be his, to kiss his feet no matter how filthy it was.
his anger piled up, his hand dug into the leather of his car seat. swallowing down his jealousy, he backed away and drove off back to his place.
the next day, Bill had planned an attack. you stood beside Danny, preparing yourself for an attack against the love of your life. it felt tense, unlike every other battle. in fact, it felt like you were the main focus.
you noticed that Danny's breathing was ragged, his fists were clenched as Bill looked at you. you definitely weren't expecting it when he brought a revolver to the fight.
your breath hitched in your throat. he snarled, "I've never been able to defeat you, Bill."
"Dan, put the gun down." Bill responded, slowly taking a step back.
"I've lost so many to you, my pride, my respect, everytime I'm unable to kill you, I hear ridicule from every angle of this fucking city." he said softly, removing the safety from the gun.
"now I've lost the bitch that worships me to you!" he shouted, "I'm sick of it, and you're going to fucking pay!"
"put the gun down, Dan!" you said, backing away.
but he pulled the trigger and the bullet went through his body, beneath his shoulder in the subclavian artery. blood began to drip out, the pain searing through his body.
"Bill!" you shouted and ran over, kneeling beside him as Bill fell onto the ground. his hand tightly gripped yours, trying to comfort you even when he was so close to death.
you slowly stroked his cheek, tears beginning to pour out of your eyes as you begged, "no, no, no no no...hang on, please..."
"you love him, don't you?" Dan whispered, pointing the gun at you.
you turned to face the man you once loved.
"you'd die for him, won't you?" he asked, a toothy grin spreading his lips.
Bill tried to bring you into his arms to protect you.
"then die with him." he said softly, pulling the trigger.
this time, the gun pierced right through your carotid artery in the neck. you coughed out blood, your eyes widening as you finally understood the pain of a gunshot wound.
he held your hand tightly, and you felt your own vision blurring on you. taking all of the strength left in his body, he pressed a kiss onto your lips.
it tasted metallic, but it was nice.
it felt nice.
and even when your body began growing cold, you could feel warmth from yours and his hand locked together.
𓆩♱𓆪
"how's it going, Ollie?" one of the people working in the morgue asked, leaning over to watch as Ollie tried to pry two cold bodies apart.
he mumbled, "I can't get their hands apart, man."
"serious? but it's been days! they aren't in rigor mortis anymore, right?" the person said, rolling over in his chair.
"they aren't!" Ollie grumbled, "god, this sucks."
𓆩♱𓆪
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