#my cats are sooo. sad face. heart emoji

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hi hello my anglest angel!!! now that i have uh caught a breath from the knight!sugu fic (i went insane btw) i am here to talk about the songs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE SO GOOD!!!!!! i know you said that you have Thoughts about them and now i am beggggging to hear more about those!!! please please please more knight!sugu n brat!reader crumbs i loved them so much

THE SECOND GOODBYE MY DANISH SWEETHEART STARTED PLAYING IT JUST CONJURED UP THE PRETTIEST CASTLE AND I WAS ALREADY IN THE STORY I LOVED IT SO MUCH

there’s nobody better than you // it took me a while till i knew // but you knew from the start it was us, didn't you? // it just took me a while till i knew

sad face emoji sugu the all-knowing-one sighhhhh oh i adore him so much ari i nEED TO HUG HIM

I LOVE RISES THE MOON AAAAAAAA I LOVE IT SO SO SO MUCH i think it fits the reader so fucking well. it's such a good pick for them. the little lamb the little fox. sigh they're very dear to me already.

btw i just realized that i asked moss a while ago for their knight!sugu songs and "tongues and teeth" was one of the songs!!!!!! idk if u happened to see that but if not then this is a very cute little coincidence it's the knight hivemind!!!!

i’ve grown a mouth so sharp and cruel // it’s all that i can give to you, my dear // and when you come in quick to steal a kiss // my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear

THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH THIS FITS THEM SO WELL WHAT

no but overall all of these songs were perfect for them i listened to the playlist multiple times and then i listened to classical music lmao don't ask it fit surprisingly well OKAY BUT NOW DON'T HOLD BACK ON ME!!!!! (THREAT!!!! VERY SERIOUS THREAT!!!) I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE HIDING IN YOUR BRAIN ABOUT THEM LAY IT ALL ON ME SWEETHEART I'M GIDDY I'M EXCITED I'M READY!!! LOVE YOU ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS<33333

- @softgirlgonehaywire

MICKEY I’M HERE I’M HERE I’M FINALLY HERE 😭😭😭 pls ignore the fact that i’m many months late ok my brain refuses to cooperate with me sometimes but i’ve been soso excited to answer this properly!!!! this got . Extremely long. like. actually. i got VERY carried away . i’m sorry i genuinely can’t stfu when it comes to them <///3

anyway !!!!! knight!sugu & bratty royal!reader our beloveds :333

first off!!!! i’m sooo glad to hear you enjoyed the songs 🥺🥺🥺 and that you got knight!sugu/royalty!reader vibes from them too!!!!! i’m just gonna get right into it bc we have . a Lot to discuss 😭😭 i really didn’t hold back in the slightest AND ON THAT NOTE pls just know that there’s literally zero pressure to reply to this at all, esp since it’s so late!!! i’m so happy just knowing you think of these silly little guys 🥺 i love you soooo much my sweetest little kitty cat mwah MWAHH <333

goodbye, my danish sweetheart

MY FAVORITE MITSKI SONG EVER EVER EVERRR and honestly i think it fits the fic more than any other song on this list . like. just the vibes + instrumentals alone are sooo perfect for a royalty au…. it sounds nostalgic and bittersweet and very tender . and the LYRICS 😵‍💫😵‍💫ohhhh my fucking god mickey . i’m gonna need to go through them one by one but they just … make me think of royalty!reader so much . how they just want to be accepted. the feelings of inferiority …. the belief that nobody can love them as they are . :(((

there's nobody better than you // it took me a while 'til i knew // but you knew from the start it was us, didn't you? // it just took me a while 'til i knew now i lay as i study a blank wall // would you spare me your voice if i call? // ’cause you waited and watered my heart 'til it grew // you can see how it’s blossomed for you

THIS IS SOOOO READER @ SUGU. he’s the one who keeps pushing and fighting for a connection between them and reader keeps resisting until they just . can’t. and they really do think there’s nobody better than their knight !! nobody stronger or kinder. they love him sm :(((( every time they call for him he’s there. and he waters their tiny little heart until it’s not afraid to flourish anymore…..

there’s some kind of burning inside me // it’s kept me from falling apart // and i’m sure that you've seen what it's done to my heart // but it's kept me from falling apart

AND THEN THIS . oughhh . :(((( this is both royalty!reader AND knight!sugu…… they both keep their true self at arm’s lenght to protect themselves. and they both cling to something rotten to keep themselves intact. in reader’s case they cling to the idea of themself as a spoiled, bratty, scummy royal — cling to the anger and bitterness they feel . and suguru clings to knighthood. it burns him but it makes him feel alive. it’ll turn him to ashes but he doesn’t mind. etectc.

strawberry blonde

aaaand then another mitski banger :33 i picked this one mostly based on vibes !!! the instrumental just sounds like it could fit into this au … the more peaceful scenes between the two . but the lyrics are also just brimming with devotion and adoration..

i love everybody because i love you // when you stood up, walked away barefoot // and the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape // i looked over it and i ached i love it when you call my name // can you hear the bumblebees swarm? // watching your arm // i love it when you look my way

IT’S PERFECT BECAUSE . i think the lyrics work both ways !!! i can see both sets of lyrics being from reader’s pov; loving suguru makes it easier for them to love the world . they want him to call them by name. but it also works well from sugu’s pov…. he aches for them and yearns to follow them . he loves it when they call his name, too. they’re both yearners…. what can i say…..

rises the moon

ANOTHER VIBE-BASED SONGGG i also love this one mickey … it’s so beautiful and soothing :((( i imagine it playing during the scene where suguru shares a bit of his past with reader . sitting by the windowsill in their room as the moon glows….. and then he carries them to bed and tucks them in :) i can picture him humming them to sleep with this song.

oh-oh, close your weary eyes // i promise you that soon the autumn comes // to darken fading summer skies you’ll be visited by sleep // i promise you that soon the autumn comes // to steal away each dream you keep breathe, breathe, breathe

and the lyrics are just ???? soooo incredibly soothing. i think knight!sugu brings a lot of peace into reader’s life . they feel very safe with him. and the mentions of dreams and seasons feel fitting, since those are motifs in the fic :3

honestly !! i associate a lot of my character/reader pairings with seasons …. especially this one though. i’m also always thinking about your little knight and prince and how he’s the summer to their spring :3 in my case i think suguru is probably reader’s autumn!! a bridge that softens the gap between summer and winter…. he gives them stability and comfort. and they give him both summer and winter. he meets them right in the middle <33

tongues & teeth

HEAVY BREATHING …… this one is a Must for any knight character or pairing . any character who views themself as a monster . I DID SEE THIS ON MOSS’S PLAYLIST TOO AND THEY’RE SO BIGBRAINED FOR THAT !!!!! it’s just… oughh. i think i mostly associate this one with suguru’s rampage after reader gets kidnapped but the lyrics are more readercoded !!!!

i’ve grown a mouth so sharp and cruel // it’s all that i can give to you, my dear // and when you come in quick to steal a kiss // my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear oh, i will ruin you // it’s a habit, i can't help it // i know that you mean so well // but i am not a vessel for your good intent i will only break your pretty things // i will only wring you dry of everything // but if you're fine with that // if you're fine with that…

IT’S ABOUT . the violence . and tenderness. a person who thinks they’ll bring this brighter, kinder, more ”pure” person nothing but pain . reader assumes they’re too much for anyone to handle so they keep everyone at arm’s lenght . i think they view the people they admire as paintings. and they’re convinced they’ll smudge the canvas if they get too close . but deep down they want to be accepted, claws and all :(((

and suguru does!!! they both accept each other as they are . a fox and a wolf. suguru will let reader bite and hiss and claw at him as much as they need. he won’t love them any less . and reader sees suguru covered in blood, manic and frenzied, and still only thinks about how beautiful he is . how nice their name sounds when it’s falling from his lips . they don’t love each other despite their flaws or because of their flaws . they just like each other. scratch marks and all . i’m normal abt them btw

the garden

THIS ONE 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 MICKEYYYY HOLD MY HAND. this one is almost TOO perfect . i love the crane wives and so many of their songs would fit super well into this fic …. but this one is just . insane . the album cover even has a little fox 🥺 BUT AAA JUST . the instrumental and the LYRICS … i’m gonna need to really pick them apart because they’re so unbelievably perfect for royalty!reader i’m going to. scream.

the crows in the garden are laughing at my expense // drowning out all the lies that i might have told instead

OK SOOO . crows . are a bit of a motif in the fic. crows remind me a lot of suguru maybe that’s why. then there’s also the garden, which is mentioned a lot in the fic too!! all the flower imagery…

but . here’s the thing. royalty!reader is a Liar. they lie. they wear a mask. they’re not honest with their own self and not with anyone else either. and they assume everyone is looking down on them. i can picture them looking out into the garden, seeing those free crows, and imagining their cawing as mocking laughter . it drowns out the sound of their own lies . (crumbles to the floor)

my stone // my shield, my steady hand // hold your light // to the darkness in my head

AND THIS ONE . THIS ONEEEE

mickey ….. grabs your shoulders. i know you’ll see the vision. this is royalty!reader @ knight!sugu and it makes me . Ache . very deeply. he’s their stone. their shield, their steady hand. he holds a light to the darkness in their head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oughhhh they make me insane 😔😔😔 i think reader holds a light to suguru’s darkness too though . it’s more subtle with him but i wrote the fic with the idea that reader saves knight!suguru from his destined doom. he grows to care more for them than knighthood, which saves him from his fate, which is. breaking under the pressure of knighthood. you Get me. you must choose love Every Time.

put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat // give me something pretty to wear beneath my blood-stained clothes

this one is just . really fitting right??? i guess this one is more knight!sugu coded though . i can imagine him returning to the castle after a bloody duel and getting patched up by a worried little reader :((( they give him a clean blouse . maybe bite his throat a little . who knows .

…. i think they also really love the sound of his heartbeat. it helps them sleep :3

get on your knees and // dig up the garden // won’t you throw down that spade and // dig up the garden, darling? // get your hands dirty and // rip up the garden // won’t you cut down that apple tree for me?

and finally This …….. i think the garden is like. a Metaphor . you know how it is . something something reader is a flower growing under the soil…. suguru has to dig their heart up…. etcetc. but i also love the devotion of it all . the loyal knight gets on his knees and digs and digs at his lord’s request. he’s eternally devoted to their joy.

my love is sick

dies . explodes .

mickey this song …. this goddamn song….. oughhh i love madds buckley sm :((((( she’s so good!!! i adore this song and i think it fits very well for both of them but especially royalty!reader…. it goes back to the whole thing where . they think they’re unloveable. their love is ”sick.” but they still crave tenderness and companionship……

my love is sick // it’s messy and wrong // but i pray for a bit of contagion // hands without fingers // like spoons at the source // coat evenly // oh, won’t you touch me? you’re an infection // i am keeping // no matter the sepsis // you are staying my love is sick // it’s taken me whole // i’m simply a host to a haunting // ghosts without corpses // still linger in flesh // holding on to a love they keep wanting

THESE LYRICS ARE JUST . soooo good. so good. the idea that they view their love as messy and wrong but still want him to touch them . they view him as an infection because intimacy scares them so much but they still don’t want him gone.

and then the final line ….. ”holding on to a love they keep wanting”…….. yeahhh . suguru and reader are both afraid to bare their hearts to one another but they keep holding onto that love anyway.

anything, anything, anything

aaaand then finally!!! another madds buckley song :33 this one is ADORABLE and it’s just . dripping with devotion and adoration !!!! i guess i see it almost as a post-fic song ??? like. after the final scene. the culmination of their relationship. it encompasses their love for each other really really well and the lyrics are just so sweet 🥺🥺

honey, i hate wine // but i’d gladly down a bottle of your name // just to get another taste of you // a single drop not on my tongue would be a waste and i hate mornings // but i like waking next to you // you always wake up before i do // so i can sleep in your embrace and i hate time // the minutes shared will never last enough // no amount of time will ever be too much // and parting leaves a bitter taste

THESE LYRICS ….. soooo royalty!reader. they’re a little sap but they don’t want to admit it!!!! i think their love comes down to making Exceptions. like. suguru is their exception. they hate wine but they’d drink some if he brewed it for them. they hate mornings but wake up early just to get a glimpse of his sleeping face . they hate time, but cherish the clock-ticks they spend with him. they’re a little softie and i love them :(((((

we burn like gentle firewood // we yearn like vines and leaves // and we settle in the comfort of // the bones that rest beneath // and i’d stop staying home and wasting time // to keep your soul with mine

THIS IS BOTH OF THEMMMM. they burn and yearn and settle in the comfort between each other…… they’d stop staying home and stop wasting time to keep each other close .

i’d do anything, anything, anything // anything, anything, anything…

this is really like . the Core of the fic i think. especially on knight!suguru’s side . he’d do anything. there’s something very gentle and tender about this repetition and it makes me wanna cry. sniffle . i adore them mickey :((((( he’d do anything for themmmmm

BUTTTT OKAY . songs aside…… the reason it took me so long to answer this (faulty brain aside) is that i really wanted to include some siken poems for you too :’3 since his poetry inspired me sooo much when i was writing the fic!!! and so many of them are knight!sugu +/ royalty!reader coded….

i’m just gonna go through the ones that remind me of them the most !!!! :33

the way the light reflects

title of the fic was snatched right from this so ofc i had to include it 🫡🫡

the paint doesn’t move the way the light reflects, so what’s there to be faithful to? i am faithful to you, darling. i say it to the paint.

i think this. encompasses the fic. i really do. the paint and the light. the Faith. what’s there to be faithful to? well, the knight by your side has something to say. if reader is faithful to the paint then he is faithful to Them. he’s made out of it. and all reader wants is for someone to have faith in them. they’re the paint, and suguru’s the light.

i paint in his face and i paint it out again. there is a question i am afraid to ask: to supply the world with what?

and this … royalty!reader is really . confused i think. to supply the world with what? what’s their purpose? what good can someone do when they’re stuck in a castle? they don’t know, so they keep painting. and maybe that’s enough.

…. i can’t remember if i mentioned this to you before but. i imagine that reader paints suguru a Lot once the events of the fic are over. as in…… eventually a corner of their room is dedicated to him and no one else . he’s very embarrassed about it. cutie <333

portrait of fryderyk in shifting light

THIS POEM . richard siken when i fucking catch you. it’s one of my absolute favorites of his and it…. really really REALLY helped me write some scenes 😭 especially the one where reader is painting. the writing is just so beautiful and flows so well. and it fits the themes of the fic perfectly !!

i sussed the gesso into foam and white roses, stalling. i troubled the shadows and silvered his edges. what can you know about a person? they shift in the light.

silvered his edges …. something something royalty!reader @ knight!sugu . BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING …. what can you know about a person? they shift in the light. that’s another quote that really gets to the core of the fic i think….!!! both sugu and reader aren’t what they seem to be. they shift in the light!!!

i find the parts that overlap with mine and light them up in clayd and creams, yellow music singing pink, the flicker of his mouth a purple rust. his face congeals as he settles in. his hair is bronze in here, not gold: walnut, bark, and cinnamon, chipped brick tipped in ink.

OUGHHHHHH AGAIN I’M JUST . so . enamored with the way he writes 💔💔💔 the colours…. the paint……. this is what goes through reader’s head when they’re painting suguru

difficult, to be confronted with the fact of yourself. opaque in the sense of finally solid, in the sense of see me, not through me.

SEE ME NOT THROUGH ME 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 yeah. reader wants to be Seen but not Discovered. suguru does both. he sees them and sees through them and stays anyway. it’s difficult to accept yourself but he does it for them. he sees the wolf and the lamb and the little fox beneath !!!! and reader sees him for the kind wolf that he is :333

litany in which certain things are crossed out

h … heavy breathing …. another of my favorite siken poems . this one was my absolute fav for a while….. it’s a really long one and there are just . soo many lines that reminds me of them!!! :((((

of course, she wakes the dragon. love always wakes the dragon and suddenly flames everywhere. i can already tell you think i’m the dragon, that would be so like me, but i’m not. i’m not the dragon. i’m not the princess either. (…) okay, so i’m the dragon. big deal. you still get to be the hero. you get magic gloves! a fish that talks! you get eyes like flashlights! what more do you want?

THE DRAGON/PRINCESS IMAGERYYYY. LOVE ALWAYS WAKES THE DRAGON !!!!!!! reader views themselves as The Dragon while suguru views them as The Princess . he’s The Hero obviously. i think reader is bitter towards suguru at the beginning for a Lot of reasons but one of them is jealousy. knights are domesticated creatures so they aren’t exactly Free but . they have more freedom than a chained royal . they get to run around in the forest and by the sea and they get to see the world :((( what more could he want?

you said i could have anything i wanted, but i just couldn’t say it out loud.

throws up blood . yeah . the knight offers his lord anything they wish for but they can’t say what they truly wish for . they can’t push the words out of their mouth .

forget the dragon, leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness.

EXPLODES !!!!!!!! one of my favorite siken lines Ever. idk it’s just the vibes . i know you’ll understand mickey!!!!!!!! forget the dragon, this has nothing to do with happiness……

i want more applesauce. i want more seats reserved for heroes. dear forgiveness, i saved a plate for you. quit milling around the yard and come inside.

🥺🥺🥺 this line is so…. pretty. and hopeful. it makes me think more of knight!sugu than reader because i think he’s done many things he can’t forgive himself for . but the forgiveness he yearns for is just within reach . all he needs is a push. and i think reader more than anyone wants the better things in life — for themselves and for their knight.

suguru is passive in his suffering, but reader is willing to reach for what they want. and i think that inspires him. quit milling around the yard and come inside!!!!!! stupid silly knight >:((

unfinished duet

this is knight!suguru’s anthem . boy oh boy do i have thoughts about this ……

he wants to be tender and merciful. that sounds overly valorous. sounds like penance. and his hands? his hands keep turning into birds and flying away from him. him being you.

heavy breathing …. he wants to be tender and merciful. sounds like penance. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i have …. soooo many thoughts about knight!suguru but the center of his character really is Guilt. shame. he wants to repent for things he can’t remember doing. knights are meant to be ashamed . it’s the catholic in them i think

then there’s the bird line ….. as much as he pushes and pushes for that connection, he’s just as scared as reader is when it comes to intimacy!! his hands turn into birds and fly away from them . he’s afraid of crossing a line or boundary. i tried to show it in the fic but like …. he’s very particular about certain things . he’s willing to bend certain rules (esp later when his devotion starts sticking more to his lord than his knighthood) but he’s Very firm about other things . like not calling them by name at first . it’s a little… too much for him. knights really have to tiptoe that line.

…. there’s this one arthurian work that i love. that you’ve definitely heard about bc it’s so popular + they made a movie out of it and i don’t think it was a good adaptation but it was soooooo so good as a movie . gawain and the green knight….. I DON’T WANNA RAMBLE TOO MUCH BUT UM. i love the arthuriana :333 and i’m mentioning this story because gawain is tested on his value as a knight right. there’s a whole thing about how he kisses a man’s wife because it’d be impolite to deny the lady’s wishes (rejecting her would go against his honour as a knight), but he can’t sleep with her because that would go against … his honour as a knight. it’s a whole. purity thing. you need to be chivalrous but also chaste. so knight!sugu acts all charming and flirty but when reader wants him to cross the line between them he’s like 😳 yeah. he’s . a silly little guy .

what did you really want? someone to pass this with me. you wanted more.

cries . throws up . this is both knight!sugu and royalty!reader actually …. they limit themselves because they don’t think they capable of / allowed to have the thing they really want :(((( just having somebody by their side is enough for now….

was there no one else? his hands keep turning into birds, and his hands keep flying away from him. eventually the birds must land.

…. yeahhhh . 😔😔 yeah . sorry this poem is wrecking me a little . eventually the birds must land!!!! knight!suguru can resist and royalty!reader can resist in kind but one day that distance Will be breached. they’re doomed to fall (positive).

snow and dirty rain

and finally …. this beast . it’s the final poem of siken’s crush collection and it goes…. insanely hard. soooo many lines here remind me of them mickey :((((( it’s sickening actually . just a little push more and then you’re free 🫂🫂🫂 here is a drink for u to sip while reading i made it just for you ☕️

we can do anything. it’s not because our hearts are large, they’re not, it’s what we struggle with.

OUGHHH . yeah . knight!sugu and royalty!reader both have pretty small hearts but they’re kinda…. overfilled . i think . they both struggle with kindness despite wanting to Do Good .

my dragonfly, my black-eyed fire, the knives in the kitchen are singing for blood, but we are the crossroads, my little outlaw, and this is the map of my heart, the landscape after cruelty which is, of course, a garden, which is a tenderness, which is a room, a lover saying hold me tight, it’s getting cold.

….. i just realized every single one of these quotes is gonna wreck me entirely . I’M JUST???? THIS IS THEM?!????? IT WAS MADE FOR THEM?????? MY DRAGONFLY MY BLACK-EYED FIRE. MY LITTLE OUTLAW. the landscape after cruelty which is OF COURSE a garden which is OF COURSE a tenderness which is OF COURSE a room of sleeping lovers. tenderness is a garden . etcetc.

we have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven, which brings us back to the hero’s shoulders and a gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it.

just kill me actually . i wrote some of these lines here wayyyy back when you first sent this ask so being forced to read them again is . hurting me mickey 😭😭😭 FOR THE RECORD. this one is extremely knight!reader/prince!toru coded. the gentleness that comes not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it… yeahhh. you get me.

you said tell me about your books, your visions made of flesh and light and i said this is the moon. this is the sun. let me name the stars for you.

🥺🥺🥺 reader asks about his life and visions and dreams . and suguru tells them about the moon and the sun and the constellations ….. ”let me name the stars for you.” <- SUCH a sugu thing to say. i can’t stand him . he’s so devoted it hurts when i think about him

we were in the gold room where everyone finally gets what they want, so i said what do you want, sweetheart? and you said kiss me.

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😵‍💫😭😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KISS ME . this is literally the final scene between them . under the stars. suguru asks what they want and all they want is a kiss. THE SWEETHEART …… lowkey his favorite petname. i’m partial to it. they go through all the suffering and growing together and finally arrive at the gold room. where they get what they want. and all they want is each other . (sound of muffled sobbing)

we are all just trying to be holy. my applejack, my silent night, just mash your lips against me. we are all going forward. none of us are going back.

and finally …… this 💔💔💔 it’s just . perfect. it’s so hopeful and it makes me so emotional. just mash your lips against me; none of us are going back. even though they were both born for doom there’s a bright future ahead of them :’3

OKAY I’M DONE . FINALLY . if you read all this then just know i’m smothering you in kisses…. i’m doing that regardless though . i love you!!!! thank you for loving them with me!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 i hope this was a fun read despite the wait </3

[kkoct-ik]

i love having a cat because there is just a little guy in your home and he loves you. he also hates you a little bit but most of all he loves you

[sometimesambroswrites]

I'd love to read anything about Magnus' cat eyes if you want to write it! Not specific at all lol, do what you want with it

Sooo I kind of went off prompt with this one; in my defense, in my head Magnus’ eyes were more involved D: Also, I think this isn’t what you had in mind at all *eyes emoji* But I hope you like it anyway! :DAlso, apparently no one is awake so no one beta’ed this or even read this, so. uhm.(LOOK AT ME FILLING TWO PROMPTS IN ONE EVENING WHAT IS THIS)

Read on AO3

“Wait – what?”

“Yeah, man, I’m sorry.”, Alec can almost see how Simon isscratching the back of his head, “You need to come pick them up,it’s the rules.”

“I – ”, he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nosefor a second; his desk is a mess and he’ll have to bring some of hiswork home if he wants to have any time off in the foreseeable future.“Yeah, alright, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

*

Simon has no idea what happened and neither Max nor Rafe have said aword since Alec’s picked them up from Simon’s all inclusive daycare,but Rafe has a swollen knuckle and Max looks like he’s  been cryingand no-one will talk and Alec is so close to a panic attack his handsare shaking.

Max runs to his room without a word and Rafe actually stops Alec fromfollowing him, plants himself in front of him, hands balled in littlefists against his thighs: “I think you should wait,” he says, andAlec’s chest aches in remembering that Rafe has already seen toomuch, has already lost most of his childhood, and sometimes he’ll dothis, he’ll act like an adult and Alec doesn’t always know how todeal with it.

He crouches down and Rafe is now taller than him, all of his elevenyears. “Did something happen with the other children?”

Rafe hesitates before nodding. Alec sighs. “You won’t tell me whathappened?”, he asks, but he already knows.

Rafe shakes his head: “Max would get mad if I told you.”

“Okay,” Alec takes a deep breath, brushes his face with his hand,“Okay,” he repeats, trying to organize his thoughts; he stands upagain: “Let’s put some ice on your hand. Can you move it?”

Rafe cautiously flexes his fingers, wincing a bit; he nods.

Alec sighs in relief: “At least it’s not broken.”

He gets some ice from the refrigerator and wraps it in a towel beforepressing it gently on Rafe’s bruised knuckle. He takes a deep breathbefore asking: “You punched someone, didn’t you.”

Rafe nods.

“Because of Max?”

Rafe nods again.

“Do you think I could go talk to him now?”

Rafe seems to think about it for a moment, head bent on his shoulder:“I think Magnus could help.”

It hurts and it doesn’t, and Alec nods.

*

Magnus comes home as soon as Alec calls him.

“Rafe said it’d be better if you were here and I didn’t want toleave Max in his room for too long when I don’t know what’s goingon,” Alec says, breathing fast, and Magnus gently places his handson his cheeks, breathes slowly, invites him to do the same: “Youdid everything perfectly. You know if something had been seriouslywrong Rafe would have told you. Now let’s go find out what happenedand then we can decide what to do now that Rafe is punching people.”

Alec closes his eyes for a brief moment at the reminder, but he takesa deep breath and nods.

Rafe is in his brother’s room – he usually is –, on Max’s bed,he’s watching with exaggerated fascination as Max conjures flowersbetween his fingers. He looks up as soon as Magnus and Alec enter theroom, and Alec doesn’t miss the way Max’s expression turns into afrown.

Rafe slips off the bed without a word and quickly nods at hisbrother, like they’ve decided on something that’s now going tohappen, and Alec raffles his hair as he leaves the room. Rafe sendshim a quick smile. He doesn’t have the ice wrapped around his handanymore – in fact, his knuckle isn’t even bruised anymore, and Alecsuspects Max has something to do with it.

Thereis silence after the door closes behind Rafe, for long enough thatAlec starts to wonder if maybe they should say something, but thenMax says: “Can you teach me how to change my skin?” withoutlooking at them, and Alec’s heart stops painfully in his chest.

Hecan see Magnus is still, so very still beside him.

“AndI want to hide my horns,” Max adds, voice small, one of his handsreaching instinctively for the little white horn near his temple,“But I want to keep the hair,” he says, “It looks cool.”

Magnusis the first one to take a step forward, sit gently on the bed: “Whydo you want to hide them, sweetpea?” he asks, voice soft.

Maxkeeps his eyes on his hands, but something breaks in Alec’s chestwhen he sees a tear running down his cheek, when he hears the littleshiver in his voice as he says, whispers: “Lucas Martel said I looklike a freak.”

Alec’sfirst instinct is to punch the kid himself. But he can see thestillness in Magnus’ back, the hurt  running down his skin, he feelsit on himself and knows that it must hurt ten times more for Magnus.He opens his mouth to say something, anything,but Max’s gaze is sudden and sharp on Magnus: “You cover youreyes,” he says, like it’s proof and accusation at the same time,and Alec feels his heart break, doesn’t know how to protect themboth, doesn’t know what to say. He takes a step forward and place hishand on Magnus’ shoulder, squeezes, wishes he could take away hispain.

Magnus’shoulder shakes almost imperceptibly when he says: “Come here.”

Maxcrawls in Magnus’ lap, curls up there, still hurt, and Alec sits infront of Magnus, searches his face and finds sadness and anger anddetermination; he places his hand on his knee.

Magnus’eyes turn golden as he brushes his fingers against his son’s back.“You are right,” he says, brushing his palm against Max’s cheekto wipe away his tears, “I cover my eyes because someone saidsomething very mean to me once, and I haven’t been able to forgetit.”

“LikeLucas Martel,” Max mutters, and Magnus’ fingers slip in Alec’s onhis knee.

“LikeLucas Martel,” Magnus confirms, “And I never had the chance toshow that person that they were wrong about me, that just because Ilook different it doesn’t mean that I am a – freak.”

Alectightens his hold on Magnus’ fingers, behind Max’s back. He hears theslight tremor in his voice, his hesitation before the word freak.Heknows what he was about to say was monster.

“ButI never did anything to him.”

Magnuscloses his eyes and takes a shaky breath: “I know, sweetheart.”

“Somepeople just don’t understand what’s different from them,” Alecsays, whispers,“Because we live in a very imperfect world, where different isoften associated with wrong.But they are never right, okay? Especially about you. If they thinklike that, theyare wrong. Not you. Never you.”

Max’seyes are bright when he whispers: “But I have horns.”,like he’s just found out that he’s not supposed to, and Alec has justdecided he’s going to kick a nine year old’s ass for this.

“Andthey are the coolest freaking horns I’ve ever seen,” Alec says,with as much strength as he can, and Max giggles and Alec feels likea rock has just been moved from his chest.

“Youand your dad,” he says, glances at Magnus and his bright eyes, “areperfect just the way you are. If anyone ever tells you otherwise,they don’t even deserve to be listened to,” he brushes his fingersagainst Max’s cheek, “And they definitely don’t deserve your tears.Okay?”

Max’svoice is still small but less shaky when he says: “Okay.” Heseems to gather himself for a moment and then he throws his armsaround Magnus’ neck, burying his nose in Magnus’ throat; he whispersthere: “I like your eyes a lot.”

Magnuscloses his eyes, hard, Alec sees a tear catching the light on hischeek: “AndI like your skin and your horns and your hair and your everything,sweetpea.”

*

Aleccrouches down in front of Rafe: “You know punching people is wrong,right?”

Rafeis very close to rolling his eyes, Alec can see it. But he doesn’t.“I know.”

“Andyou won’t do it again.”

Rafebites his lip: “And I won’t do it again.”

“Because…?”

“Becauseviolence is never the answer,” Rafe says, rolling his eyes thistime.

Alecshakes his head with a smile. He hugs him as Rafe pretends toprotest.