#my date cancelled last minute and i’d gotten all dressed up cleaned my whole apartment washed my sheets…

[pjharvey-moved]

it’s soooo cringe when i experience an adhd or autism symptom that everyone posts about on like pop psychology instagram or tiktok (or tumblr too let’s be honest) i’m always like nooooo… anyway rejection sensitive dysphoria has me literally unable to get up from the couch rn

[winchester-purgatory]

Summary: Sam finally proposes to Jess

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo

Square Field: Christmas proposal

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Jessica Moore

Word Count: 1703

Warnings: None needed 

The alarm went off, blaring and beeping, echoing in their bedroom, stirring Sam from his sleep. He groaned, but didn’t move, still tired.

He and Jess had gone to bed late last night due to an office party at the law firm where he interns. It was kinda boring, most employees being in their forties and up, but Jess was there to make it better - and report about the two employees she caught having a drunken affair on her way to the bathroom. He even had managed to win one of the prizes of the night, a bottle of expensive whiskey, which he'll give to Dean as an additional Christmas present, not being a whiskey drinker.

As tempting as it was to hit snooze, he already hit it two times which meant it was around 10 o'clock.

''Make it stop,'' Jess sleepily complained from behind him, facing the opposite side of the alarm clock. She tried to tug at the comforter in hopes to hide underneath and block the loud noise, but it was hogged by Sam's weight, being a blanket hogger. ‘’Sam!’’

Forcing his eyes open, he reached out to turn the alarm off, making them both sigh in relief. This alarm might do a good job at waking them from a deep sleep, but its sound is damn annoying when it’s a day off.

Sam rolled over and kissed her shoulder tenderly, wrapping his arms around her, not ready to leave the bed yet. The blonde hummed, leaning into her lover's touch. ‘’Five more minutes,’’ she mumbled, eyes still closed.

A chuckle rumbled from Sam’s chest. Okay. Five more minutes.

‘’I’m so glad we got out of hosting the Christmas dinner - again. No need to wake up early and stress with the food or setting everything up,’’ Jess declared, feeling very cosy.

''This apartment is way too small for a Christmas gathering anyway. Where would the guests sit? We don't even have a proper dinner table.''

‘’We could put Cas and Charlie in the living room and Dean and Claudia on the balcony. The patio set should still be there,'' Jess suggested with amusement.

‘’I can already hear him complaining about the snow falling into his beer or that his ass is starting to feel numb from sitting on the metal chairs in the cold.’’ Sam chuckled, imagining the scene perfectly. ‘’It’s better at Dean’s place. He always gets way too drunk and I wouldn’t see Claudia hauling him in the car and to their house. He'd crush her with his dead weight.’’

Although they've been living together for four years, slow mornings like this were rare. Morning where they could sleep in, be lazy in bed and cuddle. They always had to rush to get to class or work - and sometimes even on the weekend on Jess' end, a perk of being a nurse.

Whenever it would happen, they liked to cherish every minute and sometimes even have breakfast in bed. It was a guilty pleasure.

Not today though, as ringtone went off, blaring through the bedroom.

''Ugh, it's mine.'' Jess detached herself from Sam to grab her phone on the right nightstand, checking at the caller ID. ''It's my mother,'' she announced with mild annoyance, a picture of her and her mom at her 40th birthday taking the whole screen as it kept ringing.

Their laughter was cut short when a ringtone went off, blaring through the bedroom.

''Ugh, it's mine.'' Jess detached herself from Sam to grab her phone on the right nightstand, checking at the caller ID. ''It's my mother,'' she announced with mild annoyance, a picture of her and her mom at her 50th birthday taking the whole screen as it kept ringing.

That interruption was the signal that morning cuddles were officially over and they should get started with their day. ‘’I’ll go shower while you talk to her.’’ Sam got up, fetching some clean clothes from the top of the dresser.

''I'll join you if you finish before you,'' Jess said with a smile and a wink before answering her phone. ''Hi, Mom, how's the preparations going? Has Dad started early on the eggnog again?''

Sam looked down and smiled. How did he get so lucky?

.

When Sam returned to the bedroom, Jess was finished with her call. She had opened the curtains and snow was falling outside, dusting a light coat of white in the streets.

She pouted, seeing him half dressed with a towel over his hair. ‘’Already? I was about to join you.’’

''Sorry... How's your mom?'' he asked while dry toweling his hair.

''She's doing good. She's pretty disappointed we won't be joining them for Christmas this year - again. Plane tickets are just so expensive during this time of the year and, no offense babe, but your car wouldn't last the trip.''

Sam chuckled, throwing the towel in the laundry basket. ''It's okay. I know it's crap. Dean reminds me every single time he sees my car and its damaged bumper.''

''She wishes us a jolly christmas eve...and not-so-subtly asked if she has a wedding to plan.'' Jess huffed a laugh, still hearing the echoes of her mother wondering how they weren't engaged after being together for five years. ''At least she didn't ask if I was pregnant.''

''Maybe she does.''

''What? Sam, I’m not pregnant. I’d know if I were-’’

‘’No! Not that.’’ He shook his head. ‘’The part about planning a wedding.’’

‘’I think you skipped a step here: we need to be engaged first.’’

‘’Let’s do it now.’’

‘’Sam-’’

‘’I'm dead serious, Jess! I've been thinking about it for a couple months already. I even got a ring...''

Jess' eyebrows pulled into a confused frown, trying to process all this new information. ''What?'' she asked, eyes rapidly filling with various emotions.

Sam stood and went to their closet, fetching the old box filled with memories from his years at college from the back, and pulled out the blue velvet box where the ring was perfectly resting. He opened the small box and stared at the dainty, simple band with diamond in the middle and nodded. It's time.

His palms were getting sweaty as he returned to the bed, feeling nervous. He wasn't nervous about Jess possibly saying no. He knew she'd say yes, she already made that clear. It's just that Jess deserved the best and Sam wanted the proposal to be perfect. He was afraid of messing up and getting his on-the-moment speech wrong.

Sensing his nervosity, Jess took his hand and tugged him back on the bed. She looked up at him and smiled, sparkles of joy already in her eyes even though he hadn't popped the question and she hadn't seen the ring yet. The beaming look on her face told him this was the rightest thing he'll ever do. He was gonna marry this girl.

''Jess. Since I got that ring, I kept practicing how to present the question and trying to find the right way to propose, the right moment, but I think this is it.’’

10 o’clock on Christmas Eve morning wasn’t your typical ‘perfect’ proposal, but Sam didn’t want to wait anymore. Dean had suggested he’d do it tonight at his place, but Sam didn’t like the idea of a crowd - even his closest friends and brother - watching them. He liked privacy and, what’s more private than between your four bedroom walls? 

‘’This might sound cheesy and overused in proposal speeches, but I wouldn't be who I am today without you. When we met, I was in a bad place. I had gotten into a really bad fight with my father about my future and moved all the way to california to follow my dream. I was miserable and lonely, but there you were in that diner, golden curls and sparkling blue eyes, serving coffee to pay off your tuition. I came to this diner every day for weeks although I was short on money solely so I could see you.'' Sam paused, realizing how stalker-ish his behaviour sounded. ''Unlike the guy at table seven, I wasn't there to ogle your body in your waitress uniform. I was there for the bright smile on your face and to hear your laugh because it was the only thing that would brighten my dark grey sky.''

The blonde reached out and squeezed Sam's hand, remembering the tough times. Freedom hadn’t tasted sweet the first couple months. It was very dark and lonely and difficult on every end. Sam had been long tormented by his past, always thinking about his brother and father he left behind, the absence of support from them.

‘’I remember when I first brought you to my dorm. Collin couldn’t believe I caught a girl like you, so...out of my league. The nerd doesn’t get the hot girl in our world,’’ he said in an attempt to make a joke. ‘’It’s been the two of us since college. Can it be the two of us forever now? You pull me out of my comfort zone and make me do things I would never do on my own without forcing me into anything. You motivate me when my hopes are down, you make me smile when I feel down, make me feel special when I feel alone and misunderstood. You were my home when I had no home to go to. You’re the first girl I loved.’’

There had been girls before Jess. Amy Pond when he was twelve. It didn’t last long, barely over a month, but it still counted. Penelope Svenson, the girl from the café in his hometown. They never went past the first date. She was too self-centered for him. And Rachel Nave, his prom date, who hooked up with his brother on prom night. Thanks Dean. 

Looking back, those relationships were insignificant. 

‘’Remember the night I reserved us a table at this fancy restaurant? I had been saving for weeks to take you there on our anniversary, But when the day came, I couldn’t get myself out of bed and had to cancel. You showed up to my dorm, all dressed up and excited for our date. I felt so bad. I thought you'd be upset and slam the door on your way out, but you just smiled and said we'd go another time. You even stayed in my dorm and we cuddled and watched movies on my busted laptop. That’s when I knew you were the one for me.''

A small frown creased on the blonde’s forehead, remembering that night in Sam’s crusty dorm perfectly. ‘’Sam, that was over four years ago.’’

He looked down and nodded. ‘’I know. You stayed when others would’ve left and that meant a lot to me. It showed me you weren’t only with me for the good and that I could be fully myself with you - no holding back.’’ Sam paused, the velvet box feeling warm and kinda sticky in his clammy hands. ''Jessica Lee Moore, will you marry me?’’

[trashfor-imagines]

The Music Series: Haikyū Edition! | 2

21 ft. Oikawa x Reader

Summary: You were always on and off with Oikawa in high school, but it was clear you were in love. However, it was hard knowing you would barely make the top three in his life. Warnings: None, really. A seasoning of angst, for taste. Spoilers: If you’re only caught up on the anime, this story mentions what happens to the characters in the manga after high school and their professional lives.

-

“Toru! There’s a difference between putting volleyball first and just not calling me to say you needed to cancel our date. You straight up didn’t show!” you yelled, tears welling in your eyes. You willed them not to fall. “I know I’m not your number one priority, no one is, but for once can you at least act like you mean it when you say I’m - a - priority?”

He stood there silently in the living room of his apartment feeling small and terrible. He left you waiting in the rain for a date that he wasn’t going to show up to. Again. The coach had extended practice and it didn’t cross his mind to tell you, simply excited to play more. This was the same old fight since high school and he knew he should have known better by now. He had always made volleyball a priority and you honestly didn’t mind - he knew that, but being young and dumb and incapable of communication, he’d always tell everyone you broke up with him because you thought he was obsessed with the sport and not because he was incapable of thinking of others’ needs. Iwaizumi had always told him he was a fool when it came to you and honestly he wished his best friend was there to remind him of what to do to fix this.

“You’ve had so many chances. You don’t respect me and I can’t do this. Call me when you figure out how to dial my number. Or don’t. You probably won’t.”

You slammed the door shut and it absolutely destroyed you to go home alone that night.

 “‘Hit it until it breaks.’ Huh. Just like your relationship,” Takeru snickered at you as he looked at an old sports magazine in the dessert cafe you were at. He found an old interview of Toru in it. “My uncle’s an idiot. I’m sure he’ll call you soon, big sis.”

It’d been two weeks since you broke up with Toru and you’ve heard nothing. Not even a blip on social media. Feeling bad about yourself, combined with the fact it was summer break, you went home to Miyagi for some R&R. You had a few things for Toru’s mom that you’d been collecting so you stopped by to drop it off. Takeru just happened to be staying there for the week and asked if you’d take him out to do something. Now you were sitting at a cafe having kakigori and honestly his company was incredible, despite being almost 11 years younger than you.

“I can’t believe my only friend right now is Toru’s 9 year old nephew,” you sighed softly. Your college friends were busy with their jobs, internships, and extra curricular activities that they hardly had time to sit on a phone call let alone come over to watch you cry over Oikawa Toru for the hundredth time. You weren’t even going to try calling Iwaizumi about it. Last time you asked his childhood best friend to knock some sense into the man, he simply replied back with an upside down smiley face emoji. What the hell did that even mean?

Takeru’s cheeks puffed up and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Hey! I’m almost 10! And I can leave if you’re going to be like that. I swear, you’re just as bad as uncle.”

“Hey. No swearing of anything,” you reprimanded him. “And don’t go.”

“Fine, but only because I like you.”

“So... got a girlfriend yet?” you teased, changing the topic.

“Big sis, I know we Oikawas are good looking, but aren’t you a little old for me?” he deadpanned.

Your face lit up red. “You little brat! I wasn’t asking for me!”

School was starting up next week so you went back after a couple of days home. The Oikawa family actually cried when you told them you were going back, having missed seeing you almost every day like when you were in high school. They were an incredible family with their own quirks who loved each other so much. It was similar to your own.

It was Sunday afternoon and you were cleaning your apartment when you got a phone call from Toru’s mom, asking if you’d talked to her son today.

“No, I’m afraid we still haven’t spoken. Is something wrong? Do I need to get to him?” you asked, panic levels rising in your voice.

“No, no, my sweet daughter. Nothing like that,” she sighed softly. “He should really be the one to tell you this, but Takeru said not a chance. He was drafted as a setter for Club Atlético San Juan today. My son’s going to Argentina.”

You dropped your phone in shock, the noise of it clattering to the floor interrupting your short meltdown. Quickly picking up the phone, you apologized before asking questions. “When is he going? W-what about school? And you and the family?”

‘And me?’ you wanted to ask.

Carefully, you listened to every detail she could give you. Your heart was so heavy you were sure you’d sink to the bottom of the ocean.

Time passed painfully. Days turned to months. Soon it was a new year. Then it was graduation. You started a job as a graphic designer that allowed you to work remotely and you did freelance photography, often shooting for travel magazines. You moved home to Miyagi to live with your parents when you weren’t traveling, cutting out unnecessary expenses. It wasn’t smart to have your own place when you weren’t going to use it for 3/4 of the year. The truth was, life was lonely without Toru around. Sometimes you found your vision blurring with tears whenever your phone pinged as a new article featuring the setter was published, or when you let your mind wander to old memories.

You were in Australia when June came around. Life had been pretty exciting for you since April, picking up a photo journalism job for National Geographic touring Southeast Asia and Australia. You’d briefly gotten away from thoughts of Toru when you received a photo late one night from Iwaizumi of Toru and that cute little tangerine from Karasuno on the beach by a volleyball net. Apparently they ran into each other in Rio

(Y/N): Thanks Iwa. Iwaizumi: Np.

After Australia, you went home for a few weeks before you were on a flight to Bolivia to capture the Uyuni Salt Flat. It didn’t take too long to complete the job and you found yourself sitting in your hotel room and scrolling through Toru’s social media. Selfies on him throwing up peace signs, his teammates, sunsets, food, nothing out of the ordinary filled his feed. You didn’t scroll for long though; photos of the two of you would start appearing.

A notification pinged on your phone and your brows furrowed. It was his birthday tomorrow. Setting down your phone, you packed your bag. You were going home in a few hours.

While waiting for your flight, you wondered if that notification was a sign to call him. You stared at his number, unsure. Was it even his number still? You probably locked and unlocked your phone thirty times before setting it to airplane mode. It was time to board. The almost the entire flight home was sleepless as the need to call him grew and grew.

By the time you made it to Japan with over a day and a half of flying due to inconveniently timed layovers, his birthday was over. You wanted to look at his Instastory to see what he did. It was his 21st birthday. He’d been excited for that one because it meant he could “drink anywhere in the world.”

When you got home you unpacked and went about your day. It was midnight when you went to the rooftop terrace of your parents’ house and sat on one of the couches. You called stared at Toru’s contact photo for thirty minutes before you called, pressing the phone to your ear and waiting.

“(Y/N)?” You bit your lip, words suddenly leaving you. “(Y/N), are you there?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m here. Happy birthday, Toru. Sorry I’m a day late.”

“That’s okay, and thank you. It’s good to hear your voice.” His sounded sweet and gentle. There was a hint of a sleep as well, making you laugh quietly. Definitely partied. Definitely just woke up.

“It’s good to hear yours as well. So how was it? Turning 21.” You pinched your thigh out of nervousness.

“It was nice. My teammates took me out to a club. Definitely drank too much and stayed up later than I should have. Iwa would have been pissed.” There was a playfulness in his tone.

“Wow, wish I had been there.”

“Me too, (Y/N). I’m sure you would have done something cooler though. You’re really good at that stuff.”

You laughed lightly, “Well, you know me. I definitely already had a plan for your 21st when you turned 20.”

He laughed as well, boyish and familiar. “Really? What was your plan then?”

“I’d have thrown you a surprise party; invited Iwaizumi and your old teammates, our friends from college. The theme would have been Around the World. I would have set up a photo booth. We’d have drinks from different countries to try, play different drinking games, and dress like tourists.” Your vision began to blur and your voice wavered. “We’d stay up so late that-” You stopped mid sentence, covering your mouth with your hand as you tried to swallow your sobs.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” He sounded so concerned it killed you.

Sniffling, you wiped at your eyes furiously. “No. I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too. My whole family’s been on me since we... You know. They call me all the time to tell me what you’re up to and where you’re going next. They really love your postcards and little souvenirs. Seriously... Thanks for looking over them.”

“Of course. I mean, your mom calls me daughter,” you laughed sadly.

“Yeah, she does, doesn’t she.” He paused and the conversation lulled for a moment. Clearing his throat, he spoke up again, “I’ll be home next week if you’re in Miyagi. It’s just a quick visit.”

“I’ll be here.”

“Great. I’ll see you then.”

“Okay.” You had so much more you wanted to say, but you wished him good night instead.

“Good night.”

Days passed and you wondered when he’d be home. You hadn’t heard from him since that phone call and you weren’t going to bother the Oikawas over this. His original plan was probably to come home and see his family. You only became a part of it because you called him. You had to be patient. If you fit into his plans, then you fit into them. You couldn’t force it.

It was Saturday morning when the doorbell rang. You were still in your pajamas when you answered the door, speechless to see Toru standing there with your favorite flowers in his hand. He smiled wide. “Let’s go out, (Y/N).”

Letting him in, you told him to make himself at home while you got ready. It didn’t take you long as you put together a cute new outfit you’d gotten the other day in town. Applying light make up, you checked your hair before heading downstairs.

The two of you walked into town, going to a cafe that you both often frequented throughout high school. He ordered your usual and it was a small crumb of relief to know that he still remembered something as trivial as a drink order. The two of you sat quietly, hands cradling cups, observing each other and taking your appearances. You'd both evolved in over a year. Toru had always been capable of being serious if need be, but his default settings were usually stuck at high school drama queen levels. He was definitely more mature and he’d always been attractive, but he oozed sex appeal right now and you wondered if it was because you were already biased towards him. No, you knew what it was. He had more confidence.

“I guess I should explain what happened. I called Iwaizumi that night after you left. He was pissed it was so late. He called me an idiot, told me stop wasting your time and grow up. I hadn’t told you about it, but I was struggling with a few things. Remember Jose Blanco?”

You nodded, sipping from your cup. He and Toru connected in high school when Toru wasn’t sure about what to do with volleyball anymore. He’d helped so much and was a great mentor.

“I was talking to him about a few things that were on my mind. Then you and I broke up. He ended up talking to some people and I got a call that I was going to play for San Juan. I got swept up with interviews and press statements and moving. The next thing I knew, I was half way across the world with no idea how to tell you I was starting my overseas career earlier than planned. I decided it was best I didn’t call you. I mean, we broke up because I didn’t know how to include you in my life the way you deserve.”

Sliding your hand across the table, you let your finger tips brush against his hand. Instantly he held your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles lovingly. Tears welled in your eyes. You’d waited for so long for Toru to finally see you completely and acknowledge what it was that he spent so many years of your youth apologizing for.

“Not having you there with me this past year was so hard. It felt like not breathing. I still love you, (Y/N), and if you can forgive me, I’d really like to make it work this time.”

Nodding your head, you sniffed, a teary but happy smile on you face as you wiped the corners of your eyes. “I love you, Toru. Let’s make it work.”

-

tag list: @hihiq​

[fluffyunicornofdanger]

Safe in Your Arms

A/N: I meant to post this right after posting Love of My Life but I was exhausted after babysitting twin girls all day. Babysitting has really made me realize that as cute as children are, maybe I don’t want any. Anyway, I have gotten quiet a few requests which I hope to be getting to this next week. I’m not sure if that will happen, though, as I’m going to a church camp all week. But those requests will get done either way. Requests are always open even if I don’t have the time, so send in whatever, I swear I’ll get to it. I hope you guys enjoy this one-shot!

*~~~~~*

Masterlist

Steven Adler x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Mention of Assult, Language??? (Can’t even remember and I’ve read through it too many times to want to do it again)

*~~~~~*

The cold night air bite at Y/n’s cheeks, almost freezing the tears that fell like a waterfall. With her arms wrapped around her middle, she was practically running to her apartment. It was a hard task to manage, her head swimming from all the alcohol and her heels trying to give out beneath her. Even with such obstacles, she reached the building with little trouble, not paying any mind to the few onlookers on the street.

It seemed that in the blink of an eye she was in front of her door, looking for her keys. Time needed to pass, so she thanked God that everything was going by so fast. She needed the past to really be in the past and it seemed that she was getting just that as she raced through her actions. Going through all her pockets, she pulled them out of a bundle of keys and unlocked the door. Once inside, she rested her head against the wall as she pried off her shoes and jacket, breathing out a sigh of relief.

“Hey, Y/n? Steve called about 20 minutes ago, he said he’ll be recording all day tomorrow so dinners off,” her roommate, Rose, yelled from the living room. The book in her hand, causing her to not even bother looking up.

“Okay,” she croaked, trying to find her voice.

Placing the keys on the side table near the door, she pushed herself off the wall and walked to the bathroom. With the door shut behind her, Y/n leaned against the counter, looking at herself in the mirror. It was a good thing that Steve had canceled dinner, after looking at her reflection, Y/n wasn’t sure how presentable she’d be come morning.

The mascara that was once on her eyelashes, was smudged under her eyes, staining her cheek. The skin on her right cheek was hot red from where it had scratched along bricks and her hands had the same marks. Her hair was out of place and sweat caked the hair meant to frame her face. Even thinking about it made her shutter, just looking at what stood before her made her want to hide. Y/n didn’t even bother looking down, she knew there were scraps and bruises on her legs and dirt on her dress.  

She didn’t look like herself, that she knew.

Y/n turned the faucet on, running her hands under the cold water to rid them of the dirt that had collected under her nails. Turning the water off and wiping her hands on a towel, she stepped into the bathtub and laid down. Her will to get out of her filthy clothes was gone. The idea of cleaning herself up and sleeping in her own bed was too much. It would make everything that happened either too real or as if it hadn’t happened at all and Y/n wasn’t sure which one she wanted.

Laying her head against the cold, porcelain tub, she stared at the ceiling. “It could have been worse,” she told herself. “It could have been much worse.”

Whether she believed it or not didn’t matter, she knew that it, as a whole, was worse. It was worse than anything she could have ever imagined. God, she felt so dirty because of it. It wasn’t the dirt that littered her skin and clothes or the sweat that covered her body from running home. Nor was it the makeup that was smeared across her face. It wasn’t anything that could simply be washed away. She felt dirty inside and out, every inch of her disgusting.

How presentable she was in the morning was the farthest from her mind as she processed what Rose had told her. Steve didn’t need to see her in such a state. He didn’t need to know, it would be better that way, she thought. She loved the drummer, as they had been dating for 2 years, but she was afraid that he would find her just disgusting as she was feeling. It was a stupid thought, she knew it, but as she laid in the tub covered in grime it made complete sense.

*~~~~~*

Steven glared as Axl nudged him up the stairs.

They had been in the middle of recording when the singer had got the bright idea that they all needed to go out for lunch. As hungry as Steve was, he just wanted to finish the songs they’d been working on, not spend hours eating and drinking. His complaints went unheard as Axl forced everyone into Duff’s car. The place they decided to eat at was near Y/n’s building and as everyone loved her, Steve had called to invite her but the phone went unanswered.

“You know she probably isn’t even home,” he turned to his friends as they came upon her door. It wasn’t like she waited around all day for them to invite her to lunch.

Axl scoffed. “You don’t know that. You said she doesn’t work on Wednesdays and you owe her anyway since you canceled dinner,” he pointed out before knocking on the door.

Steve shook his head. No matter what he said, no one was listening.

After a few seconds, the door opened, Rose behind it. She looked like she hadn’t slept, small black circles collecting under her eyes and her long brown hair thrown in a messy bun. “I’m guessing you're looking for Y/n,” she didn’t even bother saying ‘hi’, there was no point, though, as she knew why they were there.

Steve nodded, pushing his blonde hair behind his back. “Is she here? There was no answer when I called earlier.”

“I’d lie and tell you she’s not here, but that’s not fair to any of you,” she confessed, rubbing under her tired eyes. “She’s here. She’s just not in the mood for visitors.”

The boys looked at each other. That was not the answer they thought they’d be receiving. Y/n was always up to hanging out with them. It didn’t matter if it was just Steve or all the guys, she could never say no to spending time with them. So, the answer Rose gave them left them standing like a deer in the headlights, unsure how to process the information given.

“But I’m her boyfriend,” Steve stated as if the fact would get him through the door, folding his arms over his chest. “Are you telling me that she doesn’t even want to see me?”

She didn’t even need a second to think it over before she nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” she confirmed as she tried to shut the door, but it was no use. Steve blocked it with his foot.

He wasn’t going to leave without a fight. Y/n was always eager to see him even on her bad days and he could say the same. They were both each others ray of sunshine. They brought out the best in each other and Steve knew Y/n well enough to know that this wasn’t normal. And it wasn’t like he would stay for that long if she didn’t want him to. He just wanted to make sure she was all right.

The woman sighed, her brown locks falling in front of her face. “Come back later, okay?” She gave him an apologetic smile, her eyes pleading for him to leave, before shutting the door.

All eyes were on Steve as they stood in front of the closed door. He didn’t know what to tell them, he was in the dark just like they were. Running his fingers through his hair, he shook his head. Something was wrong, he knew it. He wasn’t sure if he had done or said anything to cause her to keep him away, but whatever it was hurt. It hurt that something wasn’t right in her world and she wasn’t letting him fix it.

“Are we going to lunch now?” Duff asked, leaning against the railing of the stairs. “Cause I don’t think anythings gonna change if we keep standing here.”

Everyone nodded, even Steve. There was nothing more they could do at the moment. Steve would have to come back later to talk to her and it would be a lie if he said he wasn’t fearing the worst. Without an ounce more of information, his mind was left to wander and it wasn’t going anywhere nice and pleasant. Anything could be wrong with her, anything at all. Someone could have died or was dying. Hell, she could be dying for all he knew. The whole world could be wrong and he was left to wait, burying himself in worry.

“Yeah, let’s go. I’ll stop by later.” He moved from the door, walking down the stairs, leaving everyone to follow behind him.

*~~~~~*

Y/n sighed, stretching her limbs out on the bed. It was odd how comfortable the tub had been compared to the soft surface she was stretched out on. She had long since moved from the bathroom, leaving after Rose had come in and spent a few hours with her. She couldn’t remember much of it as she had become numb to everything. All she remembered was being under the cold water, the filth that once caked her body washing away. It was a nice feeling, the cold water against her skin, she wondered why she hadn’t showered, to begin with.

Sitting up on the bed, she looked around. The sun peeked through the curtains, it was probably late afternoon. The apartment was quiet as Y/n took in her surroundings. Any time she needed to get away, hide from the world, she always went somewhere else, recently it had been Steve’s place. She never liked staying in her apartment, Y/n wasn’t sure what it was, but something about being there didn’t distract her from her worries. But at the moment, she didn’t want to leave. It felt like the only safe place.

Y/n stood from the bed, going to the kitchen. She hadn’t eaten all day and her stomach was stating it loud and clear. Opening the fridge, she pulled out leftovers from a few days before. She set it on the counter, pulling out silverware.

She paused, looking down at her food. The place was quiet. It normally was, Rose and her never could create the same level of noise as Steve and the boys, but the last 12 hours had been anything but quiet for her. If it wasn’t her own voice driving her crazy, it was Rose’s. Of course, the woman meant well, trying to soothe her friend, but it didn’t help much. So her presence wasn’t missed.

Y/n was about to dig into her food when a knock came from the door. She sighed, setting the fork on the counter. Who could it be? She wasn’t expecting anyone and Rose had a key. Whoever was behind the door would have to come back later because not only was Y/n not in the mood to talk`` to anyone, but she was hungry as well. Her hunger was more important than being social.

She picked the fork back up, piling food on to it. The food had barely made it to her mouth when she heard another knock.

“Oh my god,” she groaned, setting the fork back down.

She waited a second, unsure if the knocking would continue. When there was another one, she decided that if she didn’t answer the door than it would never stop.

Marching to the door, she yanked it open, already having all her words prepared. Ready to make whoever it was leave. But as she looked at the person in front of her, all her words disappeared.

“Steve.”

He brought his hand up to her cheek, hovering before the roughed skin as he took in her appearance, careful of the scraps. “Oh, Y/n. What happened?”

Y/n swatted away his hand before it could make contact. It hurt to talk, to move her jaw, there was no question that it would hurt if he touched her cheek. “It-it’s nothing,” she stated, her lips quivering. “I just… I just fell.”

It wasn’t a lie. She had fallen. It just wasn’t the whole truth. She left out the reason why she fell, the reason why she ran home the night before.

Tears started rolling down her cheek at the thought of what had happened. Before they could reach her chin, Steve wrapped his arms around her. Everything came crashing down once again as she buried her head in his shoulder. All her fears and worries that she thought had washed down the drain had suddenly reappeared. The weight of what had happened was back with vengeance as she sobbed against him.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he cooed, rubbing her back as he lead her back into the apartment. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

Y/n sniffled, pushing away from him. This was the last thing she wanted to do. She wasn’t even sure how. Rose didn’t need an explanation, she just wanted to comfort her. But Steve was different. He was more than caring than her friend could ever be. He was protective, always making sure that she was at her best and when she wasn’t he went to lengths that no one else had to get her back on top.

It just wouldn’t be easy.

She walked back into the kitchen, stopping in front of the food she was going to eat. Now it seemed that she’d lost her appetite as she shoved the food away.

“Y/n.” He came to stand behind her. “Whatever happened you can tell me. You can always tell me,” he assured her.

She sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “I went out with my sister last night and on the way home…” She wiped a fear stray tears away before they could roll on to the counter. “I-I got pulled in-into an-” She couldn’t continue as sobs racked her body. Steve turned her around and pulled her into his chest, resting her head on his shoulder. “-ally and… It could have been worse, it could have. I was just roughed up, that’s it,” she rambled as she tried to wipe away her tears. She didn’t want them to soak up his shirt, not when it wasn’t his problem.

Steve pulled away just enough to look at her, tears pricking the corner of his eyes. He hated to see her in such pain. “Is that why Rose wouldn’t let me see you earlier?”

Y/n nodded, taking a deep breath.

Her boyfriend shook his head, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” He pulled her back to his chest. “But you’re safe now, darling. Nothing like that is going to happen to you ever again, I’ll make sure of it.”

At that moment, Y/n felt safe against Steve’s chest as she listened to his heartbeat. A polar opposite feeling to how she felt curled up in her bathtub the night before. She knew, without a doubt, that she was safe in Steve’s arms.

[waitinginthedarke]

It Consumes Me

A BTS/Kim Namjoon Fanfiction

Summary: The minute he laid eyes on her he knew she was the one. But love is a battle of the mind and the heart, and when the voices in your head start winning, how can your heart possibly compete with a choice that consumed you before the very start…

Type: Angst/Love

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

‘Come on, Namjoon! We’re done, we can go home now!’

Any energy that might have been in his body four hours ago, had dispersed in the light of the intensive dance rehearsal the boys had just endured, leaving him sprawled like a rag doll on the floor, the lights above him burning into his retinas and promising a false pretense of the sweet release of death.

‘Give me a minute.’ He groans, lifting his hands up to rub at his face, needing to rid himself of some of the fatigue, but its just as the heels of his hands are about to burrow into his eye sockets, that he catches sight of the only thing that could conjure any energy left in his body.

The live wire that surges through him with the recollection of the numbers on the clock has him surging to his feet, his sudden movement shocking everyone else as he scampers over to his bag, shoving his feet into his shoes and swinging his jacket and bag over his shoulder before turning to the waiting looks of surprise expectantly.

‘Come on then! Are we leaving or what?’

‘I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen you move, Namjoon-hyung.’ Jungkook mutters in minor shock, jumping to his feet once he’d finished tying his laces, sensing the urgency that was burning within his friend, however, it was clearly not as obvious to the others.

‘Jesus, I still need to grab my stuff from the studio, and Yoongi-hyung needs to talk to PD-nim-‘

‘Well, we’ll see you guys back at the dorm then.’ Namjoon cuts Hoseok off suddenly, squeezing Jungkook’s shoulder to include him in his sweeping statement, beginning to head toward the door before his friend could even respond, and making it out of the room as his reply echoes soundlessly behind him.

‘Hyung! Wait up! Why are you going so fast?’ Jungkook shouts after him as he jogs to catch up with him, making it to slip into a fast pace beside him just as Namjoon slips his phone back into his pocket after reading the message that he knew would be there.

Y/N: Personal space is an alien concept to some people. Why have people got to stand so close to you on the subway? >.< How’s your dance practice going?

NJ: Some people yearn for a love they have never received- maybe, subconsciously, they can only find it in the closeness of strangers on the metro…or maybe they’re just creeps. xD I’ve just finished, thank goodness, have you decided if you’re studying or not tonight? Cause I’d kind of really like to see you (o.o)

...

He was cute…you couldn’t deny him that.

Although, he was also horrifically persistent.

The butterflies in your stomach were impossible to simmer down as you read over his words, only looking up at the last minute to see that the train had come to your stop, and being thankful to escape the imposing scent of your subway friend. Pulling your jacket tighter around you as the chill in the air bites at your cheeks, the train doors cutting off any temptation of heat that you’d left behind, you make your way over to the exit that lead to the street you lived on, forcing thoughts of what was going to meet you the moment you walked through the door from your mind.

Your pace becomes slow and lazy as you tap out and delete sentence after sentence that you wanted to send back, any awareness of your surroundings turning to a dull noise in the background of your mind as people scuttle out of your way before you could accidentally walk into them, muttering under their breath about the rudeness of the younger generation.

Y/N: Well, It IS a Saturday…so I suppose I could take one night off? 😉

..........

He doesn’t hear Jungkook’s tirade about the new Puma sneakers he’d bought and Jin had stolen as he feels the vibration of his phone in his pants pocket, his hand slipping to grasp it without a second to spare before it stops and the screen lights his face like the door to heaven as he sees the notification of her message.

His heart began to thunder in his ears as his eyes scanned over her words.

‘Hyung? Hyung?! Are you listening? What are you reading?’ Jungkook demands, aggravation clear in his voice from realising he’d been ignored for the past 30 seconds, but the second he reaches for Namjoon’s phone in his mild anger, Namjoon quickly slips it back into his pocket, swinging his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders that were only slightly lower than his from all the growing he’d been doing in the past year, and hanging his head back with a grin as he stares up at the stars in the night sky, his chest alive with the warmest fire.

‘Aren’t the stars so gloriously beautiful tonight, Jungkook-sshi?’ he asks, sighing in heavy happiness, looking over at the younger boy to see him staring back with a look of suspicious confusion, and only being able to laugh at him as he drops his arm from his shoulders to begin skipping and spinning jaggedly down the path, running up the stairs to their dorm building and barely holding the door for Jungkook who has to run to catch it before it can shut in his face.

‘Sometimes you’re damn weird, hyung.’

....

The chill felt like it was growing out from your bones as you walked up to the top deck of the Oliver Brown you’d arranged to meet Namjoon at; refusing to let him pick you up from your apartment, since you’d barely managed to sneak out as it was.

You had to admit that you’d gotten there ridiculously early, almost speed walking with how eager you were to get there, yet you hadn’t given much of a thought to the strange looks you’d received from passers by at your fast pace, especially once you’d come to be stood beneath the glowing sign of the café.

Its just as you reach the top step that brought you out onto the balcony that your heart grinds to a hault in your chest and you realize you weren’t the only eager one.

How did he manage to look so ethereal at 10pm in the evening after a whole day of dance practise?

You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, the sharp curve of his jaw that poked out from beneath his face mask, the sturdy line of his shoulders, and the elegant cross of his legs- which for all intents and purposes showed him to be relaxed and un-flustered. He was sporting a fluffy, soft, fringe where he’d evidently just had a shower, and his clean face made you smile in its youthfulness. However, you don’t even have to take a single step before those prince like eyes of his are darting over to where you were stood and you watch as he jumps to his feet, the features of his face seeming to light up as his eyes lock with yours and he pulls down his mask to reveal his grin.

‘You’re here!’

The second he speaks your heart begins to race three billion times a minute, your hands shaking slightly as you take light steps over to him, unknowing of the blinding smile on your face that is mirrored on his own. When you come to a stop in front of him all the two of you can do is stand there, grinning almost manically at each other.

He’s the one to make the first move; slowly reaching out for your hand and in the most cliché manner bringing it to his lips, kissing your knuckles as his eyes stay locked on yours, and for a moment you’re taken by his sincerity, finding yourself becoming lost in the depths of his eyes as your pulse thunders in your ears. However, the moment he drops your hand slightly to reveal the huge grin he was hiding, your other hand flies to your mouth and you have to smother the laughter that bubbles out from your lips, closing your eyes momentarily to try and gather yourself before looking up at him once more.

‘I figured the cringe of that move might cancel out any awkwardness.’ He offers, winking at you as he pulls out a chair for you to sit down, both actions seeming utterly natural for him, and yet you feel as though on anyone else they would have been clumsy and ridiculous.

But he wasn’t just anyone else; you’d already figured that out from the past few days of messaging him.

‘Well, I definitely don’t feel awkward after that.’ You giggle, smoothing out the skirt of your dress as you look back up at him after settling into the offered chair, seeing him sit in his own chair, his eyes seeming to be whimsically fixed on you.

‘You know, I didn’t think it was possible…but you seem even more beautiful than the first time we met.’

Wow.

‘Were you intending for that to be a cliché phrase to get rid of more awkwardness or-‘

‘No. I mean it this time.’

When you look up from your fiddling hands in your lap to see his deep brow hanging straight and serious about his gaze you become locked in his eyes, feeling your heart begin to race once more in your chest, the mumble of the city beneath you barely reaching your senses. The slow intake of breath he draws through his nose as a smile rapidly washes over his features pulls you out of the haze you’d been drawn into by his eyes, forcing you to look down at your lap in your awkwardness, and you have to attempt to conceal your smile.

‘Come on; lets go and get a drink, its pretty cold out here…I suppose I didn’t think the balcony through enough past ‘it would be aesthetic for a first date’.’ He explains, grabbing your hand and pulling you up from your seat once more, not giving you the three seconds that it takes to register the word he’d just used to describe your meeting, and so its not until you’re at the counter to order your drinks that you turn to him with an eyebrow raised and your cheeks flushing warm.

‘This is a date?’

The short chortle he lets out as his eyes change from focused on the drinks menu to peripherally aware of you and the expression you were sporting has your smile growing on your face, and you find yourself internally excited for the moment his eyes move to fix on you, not expecting the wink he shoots at you and finding your heart racing twice as fast as it had been as he gently squeezes your fingers that were still wrapped in his own, where you hadn’t found it in yourself to let go.

‘Of course it’s a date. …Unless you don’t want it to be?’ he adds on the end, his hand slightly restless where it was holding your own as a shadow of doubt crosses his features, but before he could think too much into what he’d just said, you squeeze his hand reassuringly and bump your shoulder cutely against his to get him to look at you once more.

‘I want it to be.’ You murmur shyly, biting your lip out of nervousness of his reaction, before ending up grinning for the billionth time that evening as a smile as bright as the sun lights up his face in response.

‘God, you’re so cute.’ He mutters under his breath, the comment almost not making it to your ears, but when it does you cant help but hide a smile behind your hand that he wasn’t holding, finding yourself still smiling even as the two of you reach the front of the queue.

‘What would you like to drink?’ he asks, letting go of your hand momentarily, and the move distracts you from looking at the menu as you become aware of the coldness of your palm where his had been, not noticing you’d gone quiet until you see him slip his hand slowly into yours once again, and you look up to see his eyes on you, a quiet smile playing around the edges of his mouth.

‘Triple choco-mint surprise?’ he suggests with a comically raised brow, and you cant help but laugh as a rush of heat floods through you from head to toe, forcing you to refocus on the menu and choose your drink.

‘I’m starting to think you’re a real coffee addict.’ He comments as you place your order for an americano, his eyes roaming your face after he hands the cashier some money, nodding his head respectfully at them when they hand back his change, before slipping his wallet back into his pocket and recapturing your hand once more, catching the smile that stretches your lips at the move.

‘Why do you smile every time I hold your hand?’ he suddenly asks, leaning against the counter as the two of you wait for your drinks, and the move makes you think back to that first time you met him, flashbacks of his cringey lines and laughter causing you to grin as you look back at him before you now.

‘Do I have to answer that?’ you respond shyly, pursing your lips pleadingly and watching as he throws his head back with a quiet chuckle, the profile of him almost giving you whiplash with how beautiful he was, before he draws in one of those long breaths you were coming to learn meant he was steeling himself for his next move, and turning to peer at you from under his brow.

‘No…you don’t…I can see it in your eyes.’ He says, his voice becoming quieter, and it’s the way he says it that tells you what he really means- that he could feel the connection too.

‘Americano and a Triple choco-mint surprise?’

Narrowing your eyes at him as he passes you your drink, you cant help but bite your lip to hide the smile trying to break its way onto your face, raising an eyebrow at him as he picks up his ridiculously named hot chocolate and stopping him from going anywhere until he’d answered your silent question- which, by the forced innocent look on his face, he was trying studiously to ignore.

‘It sounded too good to resist.’ He shrugs, breaking out into a grin as you laugh, before squeezing your hand and pulling you back out to the balcony.

(T.B.C)