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hiemaldesirae · 3 months

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The Hazbin Graduate’s Guide to Homicide (3)

HAZBIN'S MIDSEMESTER STUDENT REPORT Student: Vox Vanhal Supervising Staff: Professor Enoch Leviathan Sponsor: Not Applicable To the Board: Vox Vanhal may be one of the most brilliant students this school has seen in decades. In all my years of teaching at Hazbin, I have never met a student more insanely ready to learn and apply their skills- due in part, of course, to said student's own possible insanity. I mean this in a jovial way, of course, but I will admit that when young Vanhal's true identity was revealed to me that my first thought was along the lines of 'is this student insane?' Whether or not my student's reason should be called into question is something myself and my fellow professor Asmodeus have discussed in length, but there is one thing that we can definitively agree on: If there is any one student in this school who I would choose to place my bets on, it would be Vox Vanhal. There is nothing more to say at this time of report evaluation. Sincerely, Professor Leviathan.

May God's blessings be with you now and at the hour of our deaths, Amen.

[ 1 ] / [ 2 ] (<- read these first for context and more murder academy radiostatic content!)

Though Alastor may have thought that Vox was much more knowledgable in how Hazbin's Institution for Homicide worked, the truth was, Vox was still fully flying on the seat of his own coattails.

He had no damn clue what he was doing still, and although it'd been two weeks since he'd arrived, part of him still felt like how he did when he'd first arrived: hesitant, scared, not knowing where to go or what to do besides the want to make his boss suffer as he killed him.

That level of animosity might sound strange to anyone not a Hazbin student or alumnus, but it was perfectly normal for any student enrolled in the academy to have such feelings. After all, there was quite a rigorous process involved in the application, and for Vox, this application process (and what led to it) was perhaps more intense than most.

There had once been a time where Vox had dreamed of becoming a Hollywood starlet, one who lit up the silver screen and was blessed by hundreds of thousands of cheering, dedicated fans who would fawn over his every move and action. He'd wanted to follow in his mother's footsteps, at one point. But after taking on his first roles in Carmine Studios, the glamour of Hollywood had shattered like fine glass.

"Miss Vesper! Would you please look over here for a second?"

"Miss Vesper, when is your next movie coming out?!"

"Miss Vesper, is it true that you and your co-star on Anna Karenina, Valentino Vega had an affair-?"

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! That- fucking bastard!" Vox rushed into the privacy of his and Val's shared apartment, slamming the door behind him as he collapsed into the couch, head cradled in his hands. He couldn't even begin to start detailing the number of ways he'd wanted to fucking butcher and rip apart his boss.

Andrealphus Goetia was no stranger to the spotlight, naturally. One of Hollywood's top directors, the man had been an influential cornerstone in the history of movie-making, a real legend to light the days. But behind that picturesque platinum reputation laid a monstrous piece of shit.

It had been a complete accident that Andrealphus had found out about Vox's identity.

Vox himself hadn't even really planned out what to do about himself at that point, only that he'd known that the dresses he wore on screen were far more suited to his best friend than they were for him. Knew that the copious amounts of makeup flattened on him everyday made him feel more like a clown than a princess, that it was the most uncomfortable feeling to have to sit and play the pretty face for the audience's sake.

But he persisted, telling himself, one more year, one more year til my savings account has enough to supply Val and I with a comfortable life and we can leave.

But of course- of course Andrealphus had to ruin it for him.

The man had found out and immediately proceeded to blackmailing Vox with the information, holding things such as promotions, media gossip and rumors over his head. And now... now... Vox stared down at the script he held clutched in his hand, his knuckles turning white as he grasped it with an iron grip.

"Dieser verdammte bastard," Vox muttered under his breath.

Though he'd never loved the spotlight that came with his first taste of fame, he had loved acting. Had loved being adored for his skill, applauded for the emotions that he could evoke in crowds of people and the way he could twist people's hearts. He had wanted to be one of the best, a household name.

And now, he stared down at the script for a movie that Andrealphus knew would tank his reputation. It was absolute bullshit. The plot was held together by thin strings and a bit of glue, despite being an adaptation of one of the past decade's best selling books. Not only that, but the moment he left the safety of the apartment once more, he would also have to contend with the rumors that were steadily piling against him and dragging his loved ones and friends into it too.

All this, because Vox had refused to sleep with his shitty boss.

He could still hear the fucker's voice- come on, don't you wanna say that you got a piece of me? I'll even leave out the part about you being a transvestite, darling, just the fact that I got a piece of you is enough.

God. If only.... if only he could see that bastard's face when he crushed his fucking skull in between his hands. He wanted to see Andrealphus' stupid face contort in revulsion and terror when Vox finally did the deed, wanted to bathe in the the fotze's inbred blood. He'd do anything for the chance to just kill that piece of shit-

"Amorcito?"

Val's voice makes Vox jump on the spot, quickly shifting to hide the script from view. His friend comes around the corner, eyebrows furrowed with concern, and it's this that makes Vox break his composure, a single tear falling down his face as Val frowns, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Voxxy, amor... tell me what's wrong."

And because he can never keep his mouth shut when it comes to his best friend, Vox tells him everything. Val nods along, pauses at the right moments, all of that stuff that friends do when they're trying to let you know that they'd rip apart your shitty boss if not for the law.

But- and perhaps this is something that Vox knew deep down to be true anyway- Val was a bit different in that aspect. He'd met the man under... less than legal circumstances, after all, and he knew that Val was the heir to quite the illustrous cartel career.

So when Valentino stops him with a firm hand on the shoulder and hands him an application paper for Hazbin, telling him to think it through, Vox barely takes even a second glance at it before filling it out.

Now, two months later and sitting in the auditorium of Hazbin's famed Music Hall, Vox doesn't find himself regretting the decision. Sure, it's a bit lonely without Val's supporting presence by his side, but the students he's met so far have proved to be some of the friendliest people he's had the pleasure of knowing: ironic, considering the kind of school they're studying at. And he's even managed to make a friend! Not that bad a start, altogether.

Vox absentmindedly doodles on the edge of his notes as Professor Leviathan's soothing voice lectures them on the importance of a proper alibi. "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, but it has an airtight alibi, it is...?"

"Not a duck," the auditorium echoes back to the professor, who nods, looking satisfied with the class's response. "So, then! The first step to alibi making is...? Miss Velvette, perhaps you'd like to answer this one for us?"

The girl sitting beside Vox shoots up in her seat, looking as if she'd just fallen asleep and was awoken by the professor's question. "Uh... the..."

After a moment of silence and stuttering, Vox takes pity on the girl, sliding Velvette over a slide of paper that she squints at before reading. "Make sure you're in a different place from the crime?"

"And how would I do that?"

"I... uh. Use an accomplice...?" Velvette stutters.

Professor Leviathan shakes his head, looking disappointed. "Not quite. One thing you will have to learn at Hazbin's is that you should never rely on any other person to carry your deed out for you. No hiring accomplices- after all, paid personnel's loyalty is shaky and they have no honor code preventing them from taking you to the police- and absolutely no committing crimes as lovers, unless you can guarantee that neither of you will be snitching. Would anyone else like to take a try?"

Vox raises his hand hesitantly. "Move the crime scene or otherwise obscure the culprit?"

Professor Leviathan snaps his fingers, "Yes! Absolutely. One of the best ways to make yourself an iron clad alibi is, if the pope is shot in the church at midnight, make sure that you are seen halfway across town in the bar at midnight; so drunk that you cannot even leave until your wife comes to pick you up at two- and no one will suspect you, even if he was actually killed right outside the pub and moved to the church instead. By moving the crime scene, you can make yourself an ironclad alibi. Obscuring the identity of the perpetrator and making it someone who couldn't possibly be you also works splendidly. After all, if the police believe the murderer to be a six foot tall adult man, then the actual perpetrator, a four foot tall young woman, would be able to pass by completely unnoticed. Thank you for that input, Vox. Now, onto the actual creation of such an alibi..."

When class ends, Vox is the first to leave his seat and head for the door, intending on leaving and getting to Track with Professor Satan as quick as possible when someone stops him in his tracks with a firm grip on his shoulder.

"Hey. Vox Vanhal, right?"

"That would be me, yes," Vox turns to face the person he's talking to, only to be met with the young woman that Professor Leviathan had called out in class earlier. "You were... Velvette?"

"Yep, that's me," the chipper young woman responds. "Listen, I know you don't know me at all, but I really need to get through this school year. Like- look, okay, I'm in a little bit over my head right now. I still want to go here and do what everyone here does, of course, I'd love to just go and plunge a damn butcher's knife into my cunt of an ex-friend's neck, but... well, you saw how I did back in class- look, what I'm trying to get at is I need someone to help me. And you're like, Leviathan's star student. So- I don't care what I have to do, I'll-"

Vox holds up a hand to stop her.

"I don't need you to do anything for me, unless you've got any tips on how to kill my boss and make him suffer during it. But I'll help you with whatever you need to study during your courses. Just..." He pauses, taking a moment to think out what he's about to ask. "Could you teach me how you did your makeup on your own?"

Velvette blinks, clearly not expecting that response. She laughs, a shrill, sharp bark and grabs his hand to shake it firmly. "Yeah, 'course I can. So, do we have a deal?"

"We do," Vox smiles. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

#it would probably have made more sense for val to be the mean boss but i couldnt make myself go there #valvox friendship is still so dear and true to my heart im sorry villain val enthusiasts i couldnt do it #sorry andrealphus im sure youre not as bad a guy as im making you (i still have not watched hb)#there's not really much radiostatic in this installment sorgy #but on the brightside: i get to write vox and hes batshit insane and only keeping it together by the flys of his pants soo #Oh right. final thing to address voxs inner dialogue is VERY different from how he speaks proper bc hes used to covering up his feelings on #screen already so its really just like playing the role with everyone around him. but yeah he curses a lot and speaks german quite a bit #vals the only one (So Far) who he actually lets the mask down around and the relationship they have is soooorta weird cause vals gay but in #the way where he doesnt see vox as a 'real man' even tho he accepts and affirms his gender. so yeahhh thats complicated but it is the 50s #they do love each other but its not romantic. its like a qpr except one of them (val) sees it more as a lavender marriage #radiostatic #hazbin hotel #chai writes #ran rambles #EDIT FUCK I FORGOT TO TAG IT #the hazbin institution for homicide practitioners

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lolzitop · 1 year

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Aikatsu Stars is cool but I have the hubris of a god and I think I can do better so I decided to rewrite everything about it lmao (this is for you @arabella-pink)

Season 1

Main characters are Yume, Koharu, Rola, Mahiru, Ako, and Haruka Ruka (I can’t help it her wide eyes and cute character design has captured me)

Pre-Season 1 Yume is someone who had a decent amount of fame as a child star and lost it (idk how I came up with all this a week ago and forgot) and now is doing everything she can to regain popularity again

Yume and Koharu are still childhood friends they are a package deal and you cannot and will not separate them

Four Star Academy is a highly prestigious idol academy that’s super duper competitive- especially considering that you have to be the best of the best to be in S4

Speaking of S4, in Season 1, S4 only consists of Yozora, Tsubasa, and Yuzu

Before the school year in Season 1 started, Hime completely disappeared from the spotlight due to the pressure she has felt as the top idol (she’s the most favorited out of S4, every brand she promotes sells out in seconds, she is bigger than life itself, think of her as the Taylor Swift (popularity wise) of Aikatsu)

Yozora, Tsubasa, and Yuzu are the only ones who know where she is, but refuse to disclose, to the point that Moroboshi almost disbands S4 because of it

We find out where Hime is like,,, end of S1- beginning of S2 (Hime plays a bigger role in S2)

Erasing the whole dress-make system that Aikatsu had because I am sick of idol designers I want regular designers back please

For a while, Yume had left her old star life before seeing S4 performs (and being hit with the classic Aikatsu moment™ where she realizes that this is what she wants)

The only problem is… Yume’s not very talented in the idol field… she struggles with dancing and singing and practically has two left feet

So imagine everyone’s surprise (including Yume) when she absolutely kills her debut performance (this is where the magic rainbow power comes in)

The rainbow power is one of Aikatsu Stars’ biggest mysteries because??? What are you??? Where did you come from?? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS AND WHY DO YOU TARGET RANDOM IDOLS??

In the rewrite, the rainbow power is something that is a “gift” from the Aikatsu System (which idk I might make another post about with my ideas) in which it amplifies abilities of idols: gives them the most beautiful voices and powerful auras to the point it overrides any other auras nearby; however, it does have its cons: it causes the idol to lose their voice (like in canon), become more fragile, and forget their memories the more they use the power

Anyways, Yume’s feeling great and then the partner performance thing comes and she’s paired with Rola and does absolutely horrendous

Even then, her confidence is still high because she proclaims Rola as her rival (who agrees but doesn’t really take it seriously)

Oh, I forgot to mention, Rola and Mahiru are prodigies from really rich families (*gasp* nepotism…) and have been child stars- they’re also rivals who are constantly at each other’s throats

Rola doesn’t really think Yume’s a threat so most of the time she’s quite dismissive of Yume, but Mahiru respects Yume a lot after her debut performance

Mahiru and Rola had planned to be in Flower Song Class together (and whoever won the selection would win their “little” rivalry) but Mahiru switches classes after seeing Yume’s performance (who has made it very clear that she’s going to go to Flower Song Class)

Also Flower Song Class has a reputation of pushing out the biggest top idols of their age (ex. Hotaru Yukino, Hime) and is a highly competitive class

Anyways, Yume and Rola make it to Flower Song (Yume’s power activates again), Mahiru and Koharu are in Moon Beauty, Ako is in Bird Theater, and Haruka Ruka is in Wind Dance

Rola and Mahiru have a big fight about how Mahiru is a coward and is backing out of their rivalry, blah blah blah some sapphic fighting idk guys they just have a big fight

Also Ako and Haruka Ruka are friends as well

Ako became an idol similar to canon,, she liked a member of M4 and wanted to get close to him (except its Kanata she likes and not Subaru because I like Kanata more)

She basically calculates and plans to trick him into liking her lmao (except it turns out Kanata knew the whole time and liked her for her true self)

Guys I swear I’ll come up with more stuff for Ako and Haruka Ruka I WILL I PROMISE IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK

I may pull a Bandai and abandon M4 because I do not know how they could impact the plot they’re just,,, standing there and looking pretty (I only have stupid headcanons)

Back to Yume, she finds out more about her power somehow and instead of trying to get rid of it,,, she uses it more to her advantage

Girl is DEAD set on being famous- she finds out a way to use the power frequently, which sets her at the top of her class and actually makes her popular with the general public (she probably got an album out i dunno)

She’s been warned by Moroboshi, who has seen how this power has hurt his own sister. But won’t stop, she can’t stop, because she’s climbing up and up. She’s made a name for herself, she’s made new friends… and she’s losing them even quicker than she made them

She can’t remember much about herself anymore: what songs she hums when she can’t sleep, the food her mother used to make for her when she was upset, the games that Koharu and Yume used to play when they were little. But it’s fine, it's perfectly fine because Yume is famous now. She has everything she wants.

Yume’s been thriving in Four Star’s competitive environment. Koharu, on the other hand… hasn’t been doing the best. Koharu has always been more of a designer than an idol, and she’s always behind everyone else. She doesn’t have many friends outside of Yume, and even Yume has been too busy to hang out with Koharu. The pressure and stress is too much, and she decides to leave Four Star Academy to be better. (*Episode 30 flashbacks*) Yume comes back to their dorm with all of Koharu’s things gone, and only some candy and a note left for Yume. It’s only then that Yume realizes all that she’s lost, that in the search for fame, she’s lost who she was, her friends, her family, everything, just to get her name to the top.

Yume struggles a lot with fame, where she barely gets an ounce of privacy, and the pressure is crumbling her (along with the guilt that this isn’t her, it’s the magic power). She’s been used by many people, who use her name to be more famous, and then immediately leave her.

Yume realizes why Hime left. Hime had a midas touch, everything she would touch would turn gold. However, what good is a midas touch if all you wanted was to wear silver jewelry? And Yume thinks of how lucky Hime is, to have taken her dignity and left the idol world.

A big part of Yume’s arc is how she isn’t idol-worthy. She doesn’t really have the star quality in her. Everyone around her is naturally talented and good at everything and Yume… isn’t. Everyone is sort of the chosen one… except Yume. Yume is a person who knows she isn’t special, but makes herself special. There will always be queens and princesses, but what about the girls without magic in their blood? They have to hold their heads high, as if they are the ones who are adorned with crowns (that’s a Six of Crows reference I love Six of Crows)

I also had an idea where Yume actually stole the magic power from someone but I also have NO idea how she would do that… guys this is still a work in progress and I’m sorry its so messy its so late and I didn’t get much sleep

Additional ideas I had that I didn’t know where to put

Koharu is basically a personification of Yume’s childhood and everything that makes Yume… well Yume, so her disappearing is just symbolism for how Yume has lost herself and her childhood

Mahiru and Rola are gay and they like each other in the rewrite because I think their dynamic is cool (they’re also lacy by Olivia Rodrigo coded you guys should listen)

FSA still puts an emphasis on individuality so students are encouraged to customize their uniforms as well as their school coords (so their Star Coords all have different silhouettes)

Hime is sort of someone who “haunts” the narrative in Season 1

Ako gets her own brand (that isn’t FuwaFuwa Dream nor Shiny Smile but a secret third thing (I don’t know yet))

Haruka Ruka may have a Pop Brand with a decora concept called “DECO●LOUR MY WORLD” but I don’t know yet

Koharu is also a cute type idol

Anyways the Season 2 post (if I ever make one we’ll see) will have Hime getting an SPR and Yume NOT getting an SPR but she gets Koharu back so I think that’s a fair trade

Also some songs for the rewrite would be The Lucky One (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift, making the bed by Olivia Rodrigo, You’re On Your Own Kid by Taylor Swift, and Castle’s Crumbling (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift

#aikatsu #aikatsu stars #rewrite #guys i wrote this when it was late and i was half asleep but it was kinda funny so i refuse to edit it #anyways i hope you enjoy!!!!!!#please be nice #ALSO I'M SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE #I also left out a lot my bad

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