#my first impulse even though i love writing h/c is just to rush right into the comfort hehe

[hearts-hunger]

So I’m very torn about your poll, because on one hand I love angst because it makes the comfort all the sweeter, but on the other hand I don’t want the majority of our time with Sparrow and Jake to be hurt 😅 anyway we can get more angst but a lovely dose of comfort?? lol love it Maddie!!

i'm torn too!!! and right now the poll is equally one way as to the other so that's not helpful lmao!! but i think i'm gonna squeeze in a little more hurt — i wrote the bones of the apology scene last night and it was nice (i need to go back and make it longer and more emotional 😈) but i think i want to do a bit more hurt before we get to the comfort. but don't worry bestie, the comfort is going to be soooo fluffy and will make up for all the angst, i promise!!

[the-original-skipps]

Fluffy Alphabet A-Z

Sano Manjiro aka Mikey

Note: Thank you so much for 100+ followers. I wouldn't have been able to get his far without your support. I'm super overjoyed and glad that you guys take the time to read my writing. I love you all very much as promised I hope you enjoy the fluffy alphabet! 💗

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

> Mikey likes to go for rides on his CB205T and he likes to bring you along. He just loves the feeling of the wind passing and your presence behind him. Maybe sharing some snacks while you both watch the sunset or the starry night sky, talking about random things. He just generally likes being around you even if you're both just sitting in silence.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

> He admires your determination and strong will. Since Mikey is mentally weak, he admires those traits in other people. No matter what you'd always be there to scold him or comfort him. It reminds him of his older brother.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

> Mikey instantly knows if you're feeling down, he just senses it. He'll bring you somewhere where they could both be alone maybe a park or he'll drive somewhere and sit you down. Mikey won't force you to tell him what's wrong but if you do he'll be listening intently. He's not the best at comforting people but makes sure to let you know that he's here for you.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

> Now this is a hard topic to answer. Mikey has pictured a future with his s/o, living in peace after all the rush during his teenage years. However, he doesn't see it happening because he knows it's best if he keeps his s/o away from him in the future.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

> I'd say he's both but mostly on the passive side. He lets you take the lead since he doesn't know much about being in a relationship. He'll be given advice and teased by his close friends but he'll keep their words in mind.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

> Mikey is pretty stubborn and doesn't like losing. If it's a petty harmless arguement, if he's wrong then he'll muttering an apology to you and completely forget about it. It's difficult to get into a serious argument with him unless it's something concerning him or Toman. Say the things he needs to hear even if himself doesn't agree with you. Then he'll leave to give himself space and think about things. Be patient with him because eventually he'll come around.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

> Mikey is very grateful for you being by his side even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He appreciates every gesture you do for him from the big things and to the little things such as making him lunch or fixing his hair or just being by his side when he feels he's losing himself.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

> Mikey doesn't hide things, if you ask him something he will directly answer you. He has no trouble talking about a past event since it already happened. Even though he doesn't want you getting involved with Toman, he still tells you about how they're doing or what they're up to. The only things he wouldn't share are his true feelings and his dark impulsivities since he doesn't want to scare you.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

> Just by being by Mikey's side you are a positive influence on him. It will take a long time but little by little he tries to open up about his true feelings and tries to rely on you more. Everytime you sense he's distancing himself, you would have to drag him back and knock some sense into him.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

> Mikey is definitely the type to get jealous easily and his childish tendencies tend to come out. If he sees you getting too friendly with someone he'll keep staring until he's had enough and say "(Y/N) is mine, hmph!" With a cute pout on his face. Be sure to coddle him afterwards because he might give you the silent treatment.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

> Mikey has no experience whatsoever. He has no idea how kisses work. It'll be super rare to get a kiss from Mikey since he's not used to being affectionate. If you're lucky he'll peck you on your cheek or kiss your hands occasionally. Your first kiss with him wasn't planned. Both of you were alone and you were just admiring him as he talked and pressed a light kiss on his lips. He was instantly shocked by what you did as he traces over his lips with his fingers but inside he's feeling all warm. He never knew kisses from you would have this kind of affect on him.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

> It took long time for Mikey to realize that what he felt towards you was more than just friendship. He confessed this to Draken and he replied "huh, obviously you like them you idiot. Hurry up and go tell them." In which Mikey replies by telling Draken to do the same for Emma. It happened when he came to pick you up from school one day on his motorcycle and brought you to the riverside. "I finally understand what I feel, (Y/N). I like you... You don't have to give me an answer right away, I'll wait however long it takes..."

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

> Another hard topic to answer. When Mikey fell for you he fell hard. As much as he wants to spend the rest of his life in peace with you, it won't happen. That is until he goes through "certain changes" and let's say he did. You'll be riding with him on his motorcycle on Christmas until he stops at a certain place. He'll start talking about his past and the times you've spent together. Then talking about how much he appreciates you and thanks you then pops the question. The wedding will be small and privately held with only people close to him and you are invited.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

> It is known that Mikey gives nicknames to those who are close to him. It depends on what your first name is. He'll most likely you use the first syllable of your name plus -chin, -cchi or -chy. Only when he's serious will he use your real name.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

> Honestly, it can be really hard to tell unless you really observe Mikey. You would notice he stares at you longer, or everytime your name pops up in a conversation he's interested. Draken is definitely the first the notice this change in Mikey and teases him for it, while Mikey denys it. The others will slowly start to notice this too. Especially, when he bought an extra taiyaki and gave it to you. Takemichy's jaw dropped at the scene.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

> Mikey won't be announcing to everyone that he has an s/o. However, if someone asks he'll answer honestly. I wouldn't use the word "brag" but he will say nice about you to others. For Mikey, intimate gestures such as kissing are only between the two of you. If someone catches the both of you, Mikey wouldn't be pleased.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

> You wouldn't have to worry about anyone trying to flirt with you or trying to hurt you not when Mikey's around. Mikey cares deeply about you and would give his life to protect you. You wouldn't have to worry about other people trying to flirt with Mikey either since you already have his heart, he'll simple brush them off. He's loyal.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

> As I have mentioned earlier, Mikey has no experience with relationships. You would have to teach him things. Still there will be moments that might seem simple to others but to you, you know it's a way Mikey shows his love for you. For example, draping his jacket over your shoulders or buying an extra snack so you could have some too. If he's not busy with Toman matters, he would want to spend his time with you.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

> Mikey would genuinely support your dreams and passions, telling you to never give up on them. He believes in you with his whole heart, and he knows you would be able to make your goals come true.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

> He would like to try things he never experienced before with you, like taking pictures at the photo booth or going shopping for matching keychains. That being said, what Mikey likes the most is the constant reassurance that you're here for him. Routines like going riding on his motorcycle or just talking with you, it what he like most. He's scared that one day you'd leave him so these mundane routines assures him.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

> You would think Mikey is the forgetful type but he actually pays attention to things. He'll notice you eyeing a certain item in a store or if you're lying to him. He genuinely cares about you and would like to know everything about you, even the shameful parts. Mikey has a hard time with emotions, he may not fully understand your troubles but he'll assure you that he'll be there for you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

> For Mikey to actually want to establish a relationship with someone. It means he sees you as an important person in his life. However, certain things would have to come before you such as his family and Toman. It is something you would have to understand when dating Mikey.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

> Whenever he looks like he's spacing off during Toman meetings while he is paying attention to what's happening his mind can't help but wander towards you. About what you're currently doing or if you're at home safely. Before he starts the engine of his bike, or has nothing to do he fiddles with the keychain on his keys. It's the matching keychain you both have.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

> Mikey is not known to be the most showy when it comes to showing his affections. It's the little things he does for only you, that shows how much he cares about you. Mikey secretly likes the affection you give him even if he denies it. It surprises him everytime you hug him or kiss him but he never stops you or tells you to stop. Just don't do it in front of Toman. Even if he doesn't want to, cuddle him as the big spoon and it'll make him really happy. Since he's so used to keeping a strong facade, cuddling with you gives him the impression that with you maybe he doesn't have to do that.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

> Mikey will still act as the strong charismatic leader of Toman, where nothing fazes him. He won't outwardly show that he misses you but you can tell by the way he fiddles with his matching keychain or stares off into the distance that he misses you. He might even unconsciously blurt a quiet "I miss (Y/N)...."

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

> Mikey is willing to give his life away to protect you. Just you being with him is dangerous enough who knows who might be out to get him and easiest way they can do that is by getting you. If your safely is at risk even he likes you he would have to break up with you, keep you away from the danger. Because he utmostly cares about your well being and if anything happens to you, it will destroy him.

[adorerdraco]

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 1

Summary: Draco meets and accidentally falls in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP). Part 1 of a upcoming series.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of blood, crying, panic attacks

Words: 6.4K words (I made this so longgg)

A/N: my first Draco writing !!! i am sorry ahead of time if there are any misspellings, typing with long acrylics is hard omg. ALSO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SEND ME REQUESTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also i do not own this gif.

It was almost satirical how Draco managed to fall in love with someone at what might be, is, the lowest point in his life. It was his sixth year at Hogwarts, the dark mark burned into his left forearm, the restless mending of the vanishing cabinet, the impossible task of killing his Headmaster, the Dark Lord looming over him and his family with promises of torture and death if he didn’t follow through with the orders he was given.

Draco was an empty shell of what he used to be. The playful and mean remarks that would leave his mouth to anyone that stood in his path were gone. The devious twinkle in his eye and the smug smirk that used to grace his face almost 24/7 was reduced to a permanent scowl and red-rimmed eyes. He looked as if he had aged a rough 10 years since the last year he was at school. Everyone noticed it.

Everyone noticed the skipped meals, the lack of sleep, the empty look in his eyes, the falling behind in class. But no one dared say a thing to him. It almost seems as though people were afraid of him now more than ever. The sneer on his face and the reckless and impulsive attitude he held now was like a repellent for anyone that tried to come near. He was completely alone, whether he liked it or not and he decided to keep it that way.

That all changed a few months into the year, however, when you were rushing to DADA, your long house colored scarf getting tangled underneath your feet causing you to trip and lurch forward, dropping all your books, your wand, and crashing into, you guessed it, Draco Malfoy himself. There was a loud cracking sound as you both tumbled onto the ground, a yelp slipping past Draco’s lips as he held his hand in pain.

"Oh, Merlin,” you gasped, Draco shooting you the dirtiest glare. “Draco, I’m so sorry.”

Before he could open his mouth to tell you off and incessantly insult you into oblivion, you reached forward and took his wounded hand in yours, the softness of your hands and tender touch throwing him off guard. He watched you as you examined the damage on one of his fingers.

“It’s just a sprain,” you finalized after inspecting it for a couple seconds. Draco recoiled his hand from yours as if he had touched a hot surface. He moved to get up and you huffed out a “wait, hold on,” as you scrambled around the ground for your wand. When you felt the wood underneath your fingertips, you clutched it and jumped to your feet, gently grabbing onto the sleeve of Draco’s robe who was already trying to retreat.

“Get away,” he snarled, snatching his arm out of your grasp.

“Let me help,” you pleaded softly, “it’ll be quick, I promise.”

Draco looked down at you with annoyance. He was about to leave again until he felt that same tender touch from just a few moments ago. The feeling stunning him again as he looked down at his hand that was now lying palm up in yours.

“Episkey,” you drawled the wand over his injured finger, the both of you watching the swollen and purple bruise beginning to form suddenly fade away.

Draco gave you one last scowl before he snatched his hand out of yours and turned around to leave the corridor, leaving you standing there dumbfounded as he quickly walked away, his cloak floating behind him like the professor, who’s class you now realized you were very late for.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

That night, Draco lied awake staring at his ceiling he had charmed to resemble a starry night sky. His mind wandered off to think about spells he could try to help fix the vanishing cabinet and different ways he could kill Dumbledore without actually having to face him. He thought of his parents, mostly his mom, and how much he wishes he could save her and himself from this life. He thought of this school and how much he missed being an unknowing child who just did his schoolwork, played quidditch and bully the Golden Trio. He missed the two-dimensional life he used to live. Even if he used to be a complete ignorant and snobby arse, he was a happy one at that. Only now he knows that life isn’t what mummy or daddy say it is, in fact, it is so much worse.

He found his mind wandering to his uneventful day of dragging himself through his classes and failed attempts on the cabinet in the room of requirement. He then all of a sudden remembered the klutzy y/h/c girl that tripped into him and sprained his finger. He remembered how soft her touch was and how gentle she was in fixing said finger. That feeling was hard to forget. He hasn’t felt such tenderness since he doesn’t know how long. He recalled his mother’s hug before he boarded the train to Hogwarts, but that was ages ago.

In his ever growing turmoil, there wasn’t an ounce of warmth in Draco’s life since he’s returned to school. The coldness he was feeling on the inside was just as apparent as it was in his surroundings. He catches himself wishing he could feel that touch again, something about you radiated warmth, and just as quick as that thought appeared, he pushed it away. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The next day, as Draco was leaving the room of requirement and into the empty corridor, he felt the familiar ache in his chest that began to flow through his body. He had made little to no progress today on the cabinet. He felt a panic attack on the horizon, his breathing becoming staggered and tears pricking his eyes. He hated it. He hated feeling so weak.

He began rushing towards Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, his tears blurring his vision and just like the day before, he crashed right into someone. Instinctively, he held the other person in place by their biceps so neither of them would fall. But that still didn’t stop how upon impact, the other person’s head had collided with his bottom lip. He squeezed his eyes in pain as he felt the skin break and blood quickly escaping it. When he pulled back, he focused on the figure in front of him and realized it was you. The same klutzy girl he bumped into yesterday. 

“Oh no, not again,” you frown, placing your hand on the part of your head that met Draco’s lip.

“You ought to watch where you’re going, you twit,” he snarls, stepping away from you in anger.

“It was an accident,” you responded just as harshly. You take a deep breath and throw the attitude aside. He was bleeding for Merlin’s sake and you felt bad that it was because of you. “I’m sorry, please let me heal you again,” you offer, taking a step towards him, closing up the space he had made.

“I think you’ve done enough,” he backs up, eyeing you down.

“Draco, please, just let me heal your lip and i’ll be out of your way,” you ask again, your soft and guilt ridden e/c eyes peering up at him through your lashes. Draco’s heart flutters, his anger subsiding for a second and he nods.

You step towards him once more and unexpectedly place a warm hand on his face while the other brings your wand up to his lip where it hovers. It was a non-verbal spell you used this time and he felt the pulsating pain in his lip subside to nothing. 

Even though he was healed, you both stayed in that position, your hand still on his cheek and his eyes gazing into yours. He didn’t realize it at that moment, but the pain in chest had also subsided, just a little. The tears had gone. His breathing was drastically slower.

“What’s your name?” the question tumbled from his lips before he could stop it. You gave him a small smile, your hand falling from his face and he frowns when he feels the cold on his skin from the loss of contact.

“It’s Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N” you answer. “We have potions together this year, actually.”

Draco thought back to that class, now that Slughorn was teaching it he hardly paid attention, especially since he felt he was skilled in it anyways so he would let himself slip into his thoughts and let the whole period pass by in a haze. He feels as though he might have heard your name here and there, but he wasn’t so sure.

“Hm, funny, I’ve never noticed you,” he says, not intending it to sound rude but it did. He watches your face fall and he feels a slight guilt poke at him.

“Well, like I said, I’ll be out of your way now,” you mumble to him, brushing past him softly as you continued your path out of the corridor and out of his sight.

He didn’t know why, but he felt a little sad to see you go. He shook his head, shaking the thought from his mind and instead of the bathroom, he decided to go to his room, no longer feeling like he did before your little encounter.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

As days went on, Draco ended up paying more attention in Slughorn’s class. Not to the chubby old professor, but to you, who he shared subtle glances with throughout classes and half-hearted smiles.

You wanted nothing more than to continue talking to him. To be in his presence. He was like a magnet to you, while everyone else thought the opposite of him. Even Pansy, who usually was up his ass, distanced herself from the ghost of the boy she once obsessed over. You couldn’t lie, the small crush you harbored on Draco had only grown more and more each day. It started about three years ago, during your third year when you had seen him in the hospital wing after his run-in with Buckbeak.

You remember the sheer shock you felt when you had seen him for the first time that year. The slicked back hair was gone, he had grown several inches taller, maybe even a foot taller now that you thought about it. His voice had deepened into that haughty tone you somehow couldn’t get enough of. But just like you, many other girls noticed these changes too and began pursuing him. Something you’d never had the guts to do.

Until now.

The feelings you had been suppressing for the past 3 years had come back in overflow the second you bumped into him the other day. Even worse this time since you’ve actually had a conversation with him now and the fact that he won’t stop looking at you.

Slughorn pulled you out of your thoughts when he announced to everyone to partner up to brew the potion he had been lecturing us on all week. Draught of Peace.

“This is your chance,” your friend besides you sings to you as you looked longingly in Draco’s direction who hasn’t moved from his spot.

“No, he usually works by himself, I don’t want to bother him anymore than I have,” you sigh, slumping down in your seat.

“Y/N, you’ve been in love with him since third year,” she huffs, “besides, maybe he only works alone because no one can stand being near him.”

“Shhh, someone might hear you,” you hiss, slumping even lower into your seat. “I am not in love with him, it’s just a stupid crush,” you whisper angrily to her while she only rolls her eyes.

“Okay, well, have fun working alone,” she smirks, getting up from her seat and scurrying across the room to join another classmate. You gape at her in distress, she returns the same gesture, mocking you. She then points over to Draco and smiles, giving you an encouraging thumbs up.

You rest your head in your hand for a second, feeling the hot blush that had made its way onto your face and focused your gaze onto the table in front of you. You mentally hexed your friend, who thought it’d be a good idea if she were ditch you so you would be forced to look for another partner. Jokes on her, you’re not getting up from this seat.

‘I can’t go up to him,” you thought, ‘he probably thinks I’m some annoying creep who won’t leave him alone. I’ll just work by myself.”

Draco looks over at you, noticing the empty space beside you and the frown on your face as you pushed your Potions book to the side and sat up to get your cauldron ready. You were alone, and so was he. He fought himself on whether or not he should join you. It was a bold move, especially for him. He was used to working alone, but the longer he looked at you, the more he found himself missing the sound of your honey sweet voice and soft eyes. Before he had any more time to argue with himself about it, he gathered up all his things and walked over to the empty spot next to you.

“Do you want help?” Draco asked awkwardly, immediately regretting his decision to move. Your eyes shot up from the potion book, not expecting to see the blond next to you with a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Um, yes, actually, that’d be nice,” you mutter out to him, moving some stuff around on the table so that he would have space for his. You could hardly contain the deep red blush that was already on your face from intensifying at his presence. You swallowed thickly as the realization set in that your longtime crush was right beside you and even offering a helping hand. Which in Draco’s case was extremely rare, almost unheard of. Matter of fact, this is something the Slytherin Prince has never done.

He sets his bag down and his supplies and takes a seat, rolling up his sleeves so that he could get started on crushing the porcupine quills into the moonstone powder. The amount of times he has made this potion by now for himself was sad, but good in this case since he would be able to impress you with his skill.

He worked diligently and quietly and you watched as his long slender fingers worked everything with attention and precision. You were looking up at him every now and then which you now realized was a terrible idea considering you were in the middle of cutting ginger root and you weren’t exactly coordinated to begin with. You felt the sharp blade slide across your finger and a small gasp left your mouth when the pain instantly began once the first drop of blood fell.

Draco looked at you in confusion, his eyes widening slightly when he saw the blood dripping from your hand and your face contorted in pain. You ignored the looks Draco was giving you, afraid that he might be looking at you with contempt for being sloppy.

“Y/L/N, perhaps you should go to Madam Pomfrey,” Draco suggests, now seeing that the cut was very deep as you inspected it. In fact, it was so deep he swore he could’ve seen bone.

“No, it’s fine, I can heal it,” you ignored the sharp pain and placed your hand on the table and pointed your wand at the cut with your uninjured hand. You focused on the cut and closed your eyes, letting your wand do its magic with your unspoken spell. When you opened your eyes, the cut was gone, just a small scar in its place and drying blood around it. “You see,” you smile, turning towards Draco and waving your finger, “brand new.”

“You don’t want dittany for the scarring?” Draco asked with an eyebrow raised.

“No, I don’t mind them and this one is small anyways. They’re like memories to me. Some come from good experiences, some bad. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a little clumsy,” you explain, a small smile on your lips.

“Trust me, I’ve noticed,” he sighs, “so you’ve managed to become your own healer because of that?”

“Exactly that,” you hummed. “That’s actually what I’m studying to be. I plan on being at St. Mungo’s once we graduate. I’ve been studying for it my whole life.”

Draco was silent for a moment. He watched as you carefully threw ingredients into the cauldron and stirred them with caution. He noticed that despite your clumsiness, you handled everything you touched with a care and gentleness. It was a calming sight to him for some reason and he faintly smiled.

“I think you’d be a great healer,” he complimented quietly. You looked at him with one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen and his heart swells at the thought of it being because of him. He feels a smile mirroring yours that tries to break through, but he fights it.

“You know, you’re a lot nicer than you let on,” you say quietly, waiting for his reaction from the corner of his eye. Draco wants to give you a snarky remark, just to uphold his cold reputation he’s given himself since his first day back at Hogwarts, but he doesn’t.

Instead of saying anything, he just shrugged and gave you a small smile, turning his attention back to the task at hand. You do the same, choosing to enjoy the comfortable silence that had settled.

When Slughorn came by to check when you finished, he eyed you and Draco and smiled.

"Ahh, Mr. Malfoy, I’m glad you’ve finally decided to partner up with someone,” he gleamed. “Miss Y/L/N here is an excellent potions student such as yourself.”

“Yes, she is,” Draco responded, keeping his eyes trained on the professor. He didn’t want to look at you, feeling embarrassed that he has now complimented you twice in the last 20 minutes. You smiled to yourself, something you’ve been doing a lot of since the slytherin boy sat next to you.

“Well, I suppose you’ll be pleased to know the two of you have brewed an outstanding potion,” Slughorn grins, “both of you will receive perfect marks on this. You can be excused from today’s class now.”

“Thank you, Professor,” you begin gathering your things and turn towards Draco. “I’ll see you next class? Or maybe somewhere around the castle when I accidentally bump into you.”

Draco chuckles and shakes his head, “perhaps. I’ll see you soon, Y/L/N.”

With that, he strides out of the class, you staring at the back of his platinum blond head with a stupid smile on your face.

“You’re welcome,” your friend suddenly appeared next to you, playfully slapping your arm. “I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen Draco look so... calm.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Weeks had gone by, and several Potions classes. The seat beside you now belonged to Draco and the two of you had in a sense, become friends. Or acquaintances. You couldn’t quite say. 

He was still brooding and mostly kept to himself, but he would converse with you here and there about things, almost always school. The two of you continuously getting outstanding marks on everything you produced much to Slughorn’s delight.

Sometimes he would come to class looking disheveled or angry and those were the days where no matter how much you tried to talk to him to at least maybe get his mind off things, he would ignore you. Wouldn’t even look at you. You couldn’t deny how it had hurt your feelings, but you would brush off the hurt and remind yourself that it wasn’t personal. He was obviously going through something, you didn’t know what, but you had to respect that sometimes he just didn’t want to talk. That was hard. Especially because you just wanted to hear his voice or see him give you that rare smile when you would say something he found amusing or you would accidentally drop something off the table with your elbows or knocked over with your hands. 

You were rounding a corridor when you saw the flash of blond zoom past you. He didn’t see you, but you saw the pointed look in his eyes and the tears that were pooling in the stormy gray eyes that you adored. You mentally fought yourself on whether or not you should follow him, he looked so upset and all you wanted to do was give him a peace of mind. So you followed him, all through two corridors until he disappeared into Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.

Your heart broke at the sobs that filled the bathroom. They were full of pain and despair. The sound of his rapid breathing mixed in with his cries was more than enough to let you know that he was having a panic attack. You pushed open the door slightly to see him hunched over a sink, his robe discarded on the ground along with his vest and tie leaving him in only a white long sleeved dress shirt. 

You wanted to run in and help, but stayed back, realizing that this was something that was extremely personal. You knew he would be livid if you or anyone saw him like this, so broken and emotional. You were about to leave, all of a sudden feeling very ashamed for even following him in here. You watched as he looked up into the mirror, an anger flashing in his eyes as he stared at the reflection looking back at him. Not yours, but his. All he could see was a monster staring back at him. A failure. A weak man. He was disgusted and angry with what he saw and before he knew what he was doing, he had pulled his fist back and you watched it collide with the middle of the mirror where he had been. The glass shattered upon impact, the shards now flying in all different directions and embedding into his knuckles. He fell to the ground on his knees, in pain and clutching his fist as his cries only got louder. 

That was when you threw open the door, rushing in to help him, not caring that you were going to have to put up a fight in order to even get near him. Draco’s eyes shot up to meet yours, and just like you thought, he was beyond pissed to see you. 

Draco has never felt such humiliation in his life. The beautiful and kind y/h girl he had acquainted himself with, was now looking at him with pity. He grabbed his wand from his pocket, pointing it at you with such quickness that you faltered in your steps.

“Get. Out!” He yelled, his wand shaking violently in his uninjured hand. He would never hex you, but he figured you would fall for his bluff and leave. But you didn’t. You only sat yourself down a few feet away from him and felt your own tears begin to fall. “Y/L/N, I swear to Merlin, if you don’t leave, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” you challenged. “I just want to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” he sneered, his wand still pointed at you.

“You’re bleeding, a lot, Draco,” you point to his bloodied hand that curled to his chest. “You know I can save you a trip to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey’s interrogation.”

After a few moments of silence and a wand still pointed at you, you slowly scoot towards him. Your hand encloses around the one holding his wand and you lower it for him while he watches you. He was still crying and breathing heavily. His panic attack somehow getting worse now and no longer having the energy to fight you. You finally reach him, now knee to knee with him and you place a hand on his shoulder.

“Draco, just breath with me,” you say calmly. “In,” you took a long exaggerated inhale, and after a few seconds, “out,” and let out an equally exaggerated exhale. You did that with him for a while, his pained gray eyes focused on yours the whole time, never breaking eye contact. Once he was calmed down enough and was just left with the post crying hiccoughs, you took his injured hand in yours. There was shards and particles of glass stuck in his reddened and bloody skin.

You reached into your robe pocket and pulled out a set of tweezers you kept with you. You often found yourself getting splinters or tiny rocks stuck in your skin when your hands hit the pavement when you’d fall you try and catch yourself.

“This might hurt,” you warn, starting to remove one of the biggest pieces. He sharply inhales as you try your best to do take it out carefully.

It was quiet the rest of the process, just sniffles and gasps from Draco when you had removed a piece that especially hurt. When you were done, you waved your wand over the gashes and watched as they faded into faint pink scars. You got up, pulling him with you and took him to the sink where you rinsed off the blood from both your hands and his. 

He couldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what. He just stared at you, dumbfounded and confused. You turned your body to face his and he did the same, eyeing you carefully and still very cautious to any move you made.

“I can leave now, if you’d like me to,” you offer quietly. He stayed silent, wondering if he should just send you off. But he didn’t want to. You had already seen him at his worst, and he was terribly alone, so he just shook his head ‘no.’ You looked up at him and decided to risk it all. “Can I give you a hug?”

Draco was stunned at the question, his heart pounding against his chest. “I suppose,” he managed to let out in a strained voice.

You slowly stepped closer to him and slid your arms up his biceps until your hands met behind his neck. You stood on your tippy toes and pulled him into you, his chin now resting on your shoulder as your hand smoothed the back of his head. You felt him stiff under your touch and as he got comfortable in your embrace, his arms raised from his sides and snaked around your waist, pushing you flush against him. You stayed like that for what felt like forever, and he held you tightly, not wanting to let go.

This was the first time in a long time that he had felt any type of relief. It had been such a constant uphill battle for him, day after day. He took a deep inhale accidentally, but the smell of your perfume and shampoo filling his nose and his mind made him feel at ease. The warmth of your body from underneath his fingertips brought him peace and succor.

“Thank you,” he whispered into your hair so quietly that if you weren’t so focused on him, you would’ve missed it.

“Anytime.”

That was the day Draco Malfoy became your friend.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Potions class was no longer the only place you would see Draco. Now that the two of you were comfortable with one another and he trusted you more than anyone else, he found himself hanging out with you every day during his free time when he would be done messing with the cabinet.

It would be taking walks around the castle. Sneaking out at night and meeting behind statues to talk. Sitting together at a bench in the courtyard. Skipping stones along the Black Lake. It’s been months of this. Months of friendship he so desperately needed. You had helped him through several more panic attacks and meltdowns, each time coming closer together. He never told you about what caused them. The worst ones were when he found he had almost killed Katie Bell and Ron Weasley, and as much as you begged him to tell you, he kept his mouth shut. 

He had spent so much time with you that it was affecting him. But for the better. He found himself eating again at the Slytherin table and his friends were more than excited to have him back. He still wasn’t too buddy-buddy with everyone as he once was, but he joined conversations and shared a couple jokes. He was even sleeping a little more. He was still beyond stressed, but it wasn’t as gut-wrenching. He enjoyed Potions again and even started paying a little more attention in his other classes. His new found energy even helped him greatly progress in mending the vanishing cabinet, finally making a breakthrough in fixing it.

He would lie awake at night sometimes and thank Merlin you crashed into his life, literally. You were like an angel to him, healing his heart with every word and smile and touch you sent his way. It was easy with you. He tried his best to keep his emotions at bay, reminding himself that when he would have to follow through with his task, he would lose you and that thought pained him to no end. But he was selfish, and he adored you with every fiber of his being so he couldn’t leave you alone. And especially not when he needed you most.

Today, you lied in the grass, shoulder to shoulder and staring up at the sky and watching the clouds. You were a little ways from the castle, away from all your other classmates and teachers and it was nice. Finally being able to enjoy time with the Slytherin Prince without people gawking at the two of you.

“My mother used to do this with me when I was a small,” Draco trailed off, his eyes following a particular funny shaped cloud. “She would take me out to the garden behind the Manor, usually when father was doing some work at the ministry. But we would sit against this tall oak tree and I’d be on her lap and she’d have her arms wrapped around me and she would point out the funniest shaped clouds and try to pinpoint what they resemble. Sometimes she’d even joke around and say the weirdest shaped cloud looked like father.”

You giggled at that last part, your heart swelling at the story. He rarely talked about his family, but when he did, it would always be of his mother and a happy memory he had with her, never his father.

“Draco, can I ask you something?” you turn onto your side, your elbow holding you up as you gazed down at him.

“What do you wanna know, darling?” you blushed at the nickname but brushed it aside, knowing he only meant it in a friendly way.

“Forgive me if it’s rude, you don’t have to answer,” you begin, “but do you miss your father? I know it’s none of my business and I’m so sorry the Daily Prophet put your family business on blast like that. I can’t imagine how that must have felt.”

Draco frowned and followed you in turning onto his side and propping himself up with his elbow to face you. You remembered the image of Draco and his mother on the newspaper, bright lights flashing across their faces as all the press tried to get picture of them after the sentencing of Lucius Malfoy to Azkaban. You remembered seeing Draco look so sad, yet strong beside his mother as he looked from her and then into the camera with disdain. 

“Sometimes, I do,” he answers, eyebrows furrowed as he thought of his father. “My whole life, he’s expected nothing short of perfection from me. There were no room for mistakes, and if I made any, I would be punished for them. I remember coming to Hogwarts was like an escape, a place where I could finally sort of relax and be a child. I don’t miss his scolding or his coldness. But I miss having a father, I miss going home on that first day of summer and seeing both my parents even if he was going to reprimand me for something later on in the day. He’s been with me my whole life, and now he’s gone, stuck in a cell in Azkaban. He’s never going to be the same. Home is never going to be the same.”

You felt tears prick your eyes as you listened to the boy beside you, a distant look in his eyes as he turned back over on his back to look at the sky in the middle of his explanation. You sat up and he did the same, looking at you with a frown when he noticed you were about to cry. You took your hand in his and held it tightly.

“I’m sorry, Draco,” you mumble. “You don’t deserve any of the bad things you’ve been through.”

“I do,” he shrugs. “I’ve been a real git since I’ve been at Hogwarts, you know.”

“You’re different now,” you say. “Sure, you still haven’t lost a little bit of the Malfoy snobbishness and you’re still a bit of a git, but you’re kinder and more gentle. You’re a lot more empathetic and perceptive. I mean, I’ve never spoken to you prior to this year, but your reputation follows and the Draco in front of me doesn’t seem anything like the Draco you were.”

“How you’ve managed to insult me while complimenting me is something I’ve never seen anyone be able to do successfully is astonishing,” he laughs, a smile growing on his face as you laughed with him.

“I’m serious, Dray,” you giggle, “I think you’re a good person.”

“I’m not good,” he thinks to himself. The compliment leaving your lips made him feel foul. He didn’t deserve to have such a kind soul complimenting him to be something he’d never amount to. He frowned and harshly stood up, and you quickly followed. Suddenly afraid that you might have overstepped your boundaries.

“Where are you going?” You ask, fear trembling in your voice. He begins to hurriedly walk off and you chase after him, stopping in front of him so you could place your hands on his chest to stop him. 

“Y/N, let me go,” he pleads. “I’m not who you think I am.”

“I think I’ve been around you long enough to know who you are.”

“Not long enough.”

You stare up at him, but he refuses to look at you. His body feels rigid under your touch and it pains you to see him beginning to shut down again.

“I know something has been bothering you this year, and I know it’s not just because of what happened with your father,” you start. “I don’t know what is hurting you so deeply enough to make you hate yourself, but I’m here to tell you that whatever that thing is, it doesn’t define you.”

Draco swallows thickly, the tears already falling down his cheeks. “It does, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t,” you cry with him. “Even if you don’t see your goodness, I do.”

Both you and Draco are crying, the tree you were now standing under was swaying violently in the wind, as if it was picking up on your guys’ emotions. You placed a hand on his cheek, and he leaned down, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I’m not good,” he whispers to you, “and once you see that, you’re going to hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Draco Malfoy,” you promise, a complete sincerity in your voice that it makes his heart jump.

Draco lifts his head up and sniffles, he watched you do the same, peering up at him through your wet lashes. He brought his thumb up to smooth the crease in between your eyebrows, letting it fall down to your cheeks where he wiped away the stray tears that had stilled. His hand then landed on your mouth that was pulled down in a grimace that matched his own. His thumb grazed over your lips, the softness of them nearly driving him mad. He wanted nothing more than to feel them against his own, but he couldn’t bring himself to kiss you. He didn’t want to drag you into the darkness of his life more than he already has.

“Kiss me,” you said to him, so softly but it rang loud in his ears. You had seen the way he looked at you and how he seemed so focused on your lips. You knew what he was thinking because it was exactly what you were thinking. You wanted this just as badly as he did. “Kiss me.”

Every argument he had in his head vanished and suddenly he closed the small space between the two of you and gently placed his lips onto yours. It was a fluid movement, like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

Your hands found their way in his hair, holding him closer to you and he did the same by gripping onto your hips. His lips were soft against yours, filled with fervor and desire. He was gentle with you, but you could still feel the deepness of his kiss and how it intensified with each second. He had put all his emotions into it, his care, his appreciation, his want, his sadness, his grief, his love.

When he pulled away and the two of you stood there staring at each other with love stricken eyes, he realized he had made a grave mistake.

He realized he was in love with you. He realized that he would never be able to let you go, and you would never let him go. And he knew that with the direction his life was going in, one way or another, you would get hurt and he would lose you, maybe even to death itself.

So in that moment he knew. As much as he loved you and wanted more than anything to be with you, he couldn’t put you in that position where you would be staring evil and death in the face. He wouldn’t tarnish your beautiful soul like that.

“I have to go,” he breathed out. “Please, leave me alone. For good.”

And with that he turned away, leaving you standing under the tree with tears falling down your face, a sob escaping your throat and the sound of your knees hitting the grass below you. He held back his own cries and walked faster away from you, knowing you had finally done damage to yourself that you couldn’t heal, and it was all his fault.

PART 2

[sparkly-despair-imagines]

Shuichi Saihara- Alphabet Headcanons

Achievement- What is a random thing they did that they’re proud of?

He once scored 100% on a Physics test. That was a good day.

Beautiful- One or more things they like about themselves (Not necessarily physical attributes)

He’s very self-conscious and doesn’t like many things about himself.

If he had to pick anything he would probably say his intellect.

Cuddle- How do they cuddle?

Usually sitting next to his s/o, with their head resting on his shoulder.

He may hold his partner’s hand or hug them depending on the mood.

Dancing- Do they know how to dance?

Although he knows the basics about social dancing he doesn’t particularly like to partake in it.

Expensive- Do they mind spending lots of money on a single item? Do they save their money or spend it all?

He usually saves his money for when something unexpected comes up.

He doesn’t like mindless spending and usually just buys things he needs and not that he wants.

Fashion- What do they wear outside of school?

Most of the times he wears plain black t-shirts and cool-toned clothes, but sometimes he just wears his school uniform anyway.

If he has to work on a case after coming from school, he’s definitely not waisting time by changing.

Going out- How often do they go out with their s/o? What is their idea of a great date?

Even when he’s busy, Shuichi makes an effort so they can go out at least once a month.

He would be fine with hanging out at home but he knows that some people don’t consider that a proper date and sometimes he just wants to spoil his s/o with an expensive dinner in a nice restaurant.

Hand holding- Are they comfy about PDA?

It’s not that he minds it. He’s just too shy.

He gets very red, very very quickly.

He’s fine with holding hands, but anything more than that he gets too flustered.

Impulse purchase- What are some things they find themselves buying for no reason?

It doesn’t happen very often, but sometimes he does buy things on impulse.

It’s usually the candy placed near the checkout that get him.

Jealousy- What is a good way of making them jealous? Are they usually a jealous person?

You don’t have to try extremely hard to make him jealous.

He frequently worries you’ll find someone better and when he sees you being overly friendly with someone his mind fills with terror and he’s already internalized that, at some point, you’re going to leave him for someone else.

However, he doesn’t vocalize his feelings and you probably won’t even realize that he’s feeling jealous.

Kisses- Are they good at kissing? What is their preferred way to do it?

He’s decent. His kisses are soft and unsure, but they transmit so much love and care.

He likes to cup his lover’s cheek and gently connect his lips with theirs.

Shuichi prefers to be the one to start the interaction because if you do it, it doesn’t matter if it’s the hundredth time, he’s still going to be a flustered mess.

Love at first sight- Do they believe in it?

He doesn’t. It’s not possible to love someone without knowing them.

Mercy- How easily do they forgive?

Pretty easily, actually.

He just sighs and says it’s okay.

Unless it’s something important. Then he might stay sulked at you for a bit.

Nostalgic- A good memory from the past.

He remembers fondly the memory of a Christmas when he was a little kid.

It was the first one he was spending with his uncle and he gave him a toy truck he really wanted.

His eyes sparkled with joy as he opened the gift.

Obvious- How obvious is it when they have a crush?

Seriously, I’d be surprised if you didn’t realize he has a crush on you.

Once he notices his feelings he gets very fidgety near the person he likes and if you touch him, even if in a casual manner, he turns 20 different shades of pink and starts stuttering.

Pet names- Do they use any? Do they like being called by a pet name?

He doesn’t mind being called by tame ones such as “love” or “babe”. Pretty sure you’ll break him if you call him “darling” or anything more intense than that, though.

He doesn’t use pet names for his partner unless they specifically ask him to, as he loves the sound of their name.

Quiver- What is something random that they’re afraid of?

He loves dogs. He’s wary around big ones though.

Rose- What is their favorite type of flower?

White tulips.

They’re just so beautiful and versatile!

Soothing- What is a thing that s/o can do to help them relax?

Just holding his hand and talking to him is enough to make him relax.

Text- How often do they text/call their s/o? Do they prefer texting or calling?

He much prefers texting as opposed to calling as he has time to think and write a response he’s satisfied with before sending it to the desired person.

He texts his s/o at least once a day, usually before going to bed or right after waking up.

Upset- What do they do when their s/o is sad?

He gets them to sit down and asks them if they want to talk about it, respecting their boundaries if they say they don’t.

He brews his lover a cup of tea and listens, offering his opinion and advice when opportune.

Holding their hand, he tells them everything will be alright.

Virginity- Was their first time with their s/o?

His first time was with his s/o. And he was extremely nervous, to say the least.

Wedding- Would they like to get married? When, how and where do they propose?

He does see himself getting married, but he doesn’t like to rush things and wants to be sure he’s making the right decision.

It would probably be around age 25 that he would get married to his s/o, proposing to them in a fancy hotel or something of the sort.

Xyresic- Can they usually tell when someone is lying?

Most of the times. He’s clever and can usually see right through people.

You are my ___- What is their s/o to them?

World.

His s/o means everything to him, he couldn’t imagine living without them anymore.

Zzz- How do they sleep?

He sleeps on his back or on his left side.

[studioussuggestion]

.....band au

((Here is me being impulsive and typing a thing))

Leo didn't look up when Annie and Hunter walked into the library, instead focused on stamping books and forgetting they'd just made a cup of tea. That is, until the two of them walked up to the desk.

"H-hello, checking someth-something in or checking ou...." Leo started, but they never finished their sentence.

Looking up, they saw two people they had thought they'd never see again. Hell, they kinda hoped they'd never see again, because of the rush of relief from knowing both people were alive was... bigger then they wanted.

"So we did find you! I could remember that stutter anywhere," Hunter said, that stupid grin he always had making Leo want to... well, it was a cross between hitting him and something else much different.

....It had only been a few years sense the band broke up. By a few, they meant two. The band broke up on tour, all because of a stupid mistake, one that made everyone leave and go as far away as possible. At least, that's what it made Leo do.

Now though, two of the most memorable people in Leo's life were in front of them.

"We're trying to get the band back together," Hunter said, leaning onto the desk a bit.

Leo couldn't help but just stare at him. Well, a stare that must have looked like a glare (Leo was always a sufferer of RBF, resting bitch face). The slight twinge of confusion in his eyes showed that.

"....You w-want to get the band back t-together? R-really?" Leo said, a twinge of regret going through them at how... well, angry they sounded.

"Yeah, of course we are," and there Hunter went again, with that same grin, "we need our drummer back."

"....F-find Writer. You don't need m-me when you have h-her."

That got them a look of bewilderment from both Annie and Hunter, one that honestly shocked them a bit. It was true... they weren't much of an addition when Writer could play almost anything.

"Writer's in the car" Annie was talking this time, a bit quieter than the man beside her was. Which made sense, this was a library.

"....I'll believe that w-when I see it," Leo said, sighing and going back to stamping the books.

"Hunter, would you mind getting her?" Annie asked, gaining a sigh and well... getting Hunter to walk to the door.

"Why are y-you two here? Re-really?" Leo said, not looking up

"We're trying to get the band back together," was Annie's reply, "we need you back too."

"D-don't you remember who st-started the whole m-mess on tour?" They said, "you d-don't need me back."

Annie was quiet then... she seemed to be thinking, and her trying to gather a reply was enough time for Hunter and Writer to walk in through the library doors. Writer looking at Leo with a smile they knew they didn't deserve.

"You're really here," she said, "scarf and all."

Leo couldn't help but feel something they knew they didn't deserve to feel creeping up on them. The same feeling that got the band broken up, because they were to stupid to be able to hide something right. Or that smiling girl was just able to find anything. Probably both.

".... I'm n-not joining the band." Leo stated simply, looking back down to the books.

They somehow knew the reactions of the people around them without seeing. Annie would get this look in her eye, though she was staying quiet, that showed she had more then enough to say to them. Hunter would have that scar on his nose wrinkle a bit as he started to glare at them, his hands resting on the desk. Writer would just stare with that air of knowing she always had. They knew. So it didn't surprise them when Hunter started talking first.

"Leo, come on. You're the reason we even had a band in the first place, you can't back out on us now," he said, making Leo slightly surprised when he sounded like he was trying to... actually sound reasonable.

".... I can't c-come back. I r-ruined it in the first place."

"How?! You didn't ruin anything Leo," there was the bit of anger they knew, though it seemed more exasperation. Odd.

They were starting to speak when Annie said exactly what they were going to say, but... well, like she would, "Track 52. They mean track 52."

That was when everyone shut up. Yes, the infamous song. The one that started from a poem Leo wished they never wrote, and had hid for weeks before it was found in their suitcase, in the tour bus. Writer found it when she was looking for one of the many lost pens, and well.

It ruined everything.

".... I'm t-taking my lunch break." That was the first thing said in a good minute of scilence.

"Leo, you can't just fucking leave!" Was the response they got from Hunter.

"I a-am. It worked l-last time."

They could be the first to admit, they knew that would sting. They were the first one who left the group, after an argument they refused to be a part in. Leo thought the band would go on without them, but it didn't. It could have.

They pushed their way past him, past Annie's expression that had turned sad, past Writer and her slight stare, and walked out.

Hunter was the first to follow them. Was he angry? Yes. Was he about to go get Leo back? Debatable. They couldn't just walk out again, they couldn't just leave and make everyone else not work together. He needed all four of them back, Fuck it, he needed the band back.

It was Annie's hand on his shoulder that made him stop.

"Hunter, you can't go out there and yell at them," she said, the worry in her voice clear, "you two will just argue, you need to calm down."

"Calm down?! When Leo's trying to leave us all again because of some song they wrote the chorus to?!" He was mad, snapping a bit, and instantly regretting it.

"You need to calm down or you'll make them never want to come back again!" Annie said, tense as all hell, "you know they only left because we all kept arguing after that song."

Hunter gritted his teeth, but tried to force himself to relax. She was right, and he'd been trying to get ahold of his anger more, but this... he couldn't handle being left by the people he cared about again.

"I'm going to talk to them," he said after a bit, "talk. Not yell at. I need to talk to them."

Then, he walked out, leaving Annie and Writer alone inside. He knew where they'd went, without even knowing the layout of the place. Walking into an alleyway next to the library, he saw them, sitting on some steps by a back door. They were petting a cat.

"Leo, you didn't ruin everything. You fell in love with someone from the band, that's not ruining everything." Hunter wished he didn't know why he was saying that, but he did.

.... Though he really didn't know why Leo laughed.

"one...? Y-you.... You all thought it w-was just..." they shook their head, somehow mixing laughing with crying.

"What do you mean Leo?" Hunter was trying to stay calm, and reassuring, and all the shit he'd gone through with himself about this.

".... I'm d-dumb enough to fall in l-love with three p-people instead of one," they said, now.. much more tears then laughter, "and th-then write a sappy as f-fuck poem, and rui-ruin my l-life!"

Hunter stared. They couldn't really mean...

"A-and then, I d-don't fucking answer wh-when people ask me wh-who it's about! B-bec-because I'm an idiot!"

.... He couldn't stand this. Hearing them cry and talk like that. Not when he knew it was his fault everything went down hill. When he was the one that kept asking, and felt jealous, and started trying to get their attention more.

So he walked over, leaned down, and hugged them. Just hugged them, no talking, and well. By the way they clung onto him, he knew it was helping.

[sam-mallery]

There are lots of reviews of the Canon 7D Mark II that lean heavily into its specs, but that’s not what you’ll find here. I shoot photos and videos primarily to indulge my interests. It’s a hobby, and I make purchases largely based on emotion. These are the primary forces that drove me to buy this beefy camera.

After years of looking at images from other photographers, I found that always appreciated and desired the punchiness of photos shot with pro-level Canon DSLRs, Canon L-series lenses, and high-end Canon flashes. I wanted to use these creative tools myself, so I grabbed them.

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At this point a naysayer would likely point out that they could make the same kind of images with a Canon SL1, a Yongnuo 50mm f/1.8, and a Sunpak RD2000. To this person I say: good for you. I’m the foolish amateur who spends lots of money for equipment that’s far more advanced than they are. I’m okay with that. I want to take striking photographs, and this is how I chose to pursue them.

To me, the choice of the Canon 7D Mark II was a massive compromise. I wanted the 5D Mark III at the time, in a very big way. I wanted the full-frame sensor. I wanted the more portrait-focused features. But, in the end, I opted for the 7D Mark II instead.

I bought it in August of 2015 when the 5D Mark III was a haggard three-year old. The new 5D Mark IV was due to arrive at any time. Plus (and this was a big plus), the 5D Mark III was far more expensive than the 7D Mark II. There was no way I could afford the 5D body, an L-series lens, and a high-end flash without seriously threatening my marital status and hampering my distant retirement.

Why did I wait two years to write this?

I review lots of products on my blog (the site you’re reading right now), but I didn’t feel the need to rush this particular review. There was a lot I had to learn about the 7D Mark II. It’s taken me a while to get to the point where I felt I could clearly articulate my impression of this camera. I’m there now.

Why use a DLSR?

I love mirrorless cameras. I love their smaller, lighter bodies. I love that you can use so many different kinds of lenses with them. I absolutely love electronic viewfinders. I had used my little Panasonic Lumix GH2 almost exclusively for five years. But, during that time I couldn’t help but to feel like I was missing out on something.

As nice as mirrorless cameras are, when I look at photographs from digital cameras, shots from DSLRs stand out as superior to my eye. This is strictly my opinion. Even photos from top-end mirrorless cameras like the Sony Alpha a9 don’t look as appealing to me as images from a professional-level DSLR. Call me crazy, but I see a difference.

Ever since the introduction of the 5D Mark II in 2008, I had been quietly lusting after a full-sized DSLR. I was intensely curious about owning one of these cameras for seven years. The only way to truly quell my curiosity was to plunk down the money and buy one. It was costly, but two years later I have no regrets.

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Why the Canon 7D Mark II?

Even though I wanted a full-frame camera, there was something appealing about the 7D. It was fast. It was preferred by many for shooting sports (something I was interested in doing). I truly appreciated its dual-pixel auto-focusing feature for shooting video. It was the right choice for me at the time, and it was half the price of the 5D.

What sold me on the 7D Mark II was my discovery of the Canon 17-40mm f/4L lens. Part of my deep desire to get a full-frame DSLR was to also get a 24-70mm zoom lens. I liked the versatility of that focal range, and it seemed to be the most popular bread-and-butter lens for the majority of serious DSLR shooters.

Due to the crop factor of the APS-C sensor on the 7D Mark II, the 17-40mm f/4L lens delivers an extremely similar focal range. Plus, it’s a fancy L-Series lens, which was another indulgent desire of mine. It certainly didn’t hurt that the 17-40mm is the least expensive L-Series lens you can buy. Once I found this lens, I knew I had found my new system.

As I mentioned before, I love how you can adapt so many different kinds of lenses to the mount of a mirrorless camera. The main lenses I use with my GH2 are Canon FD lenses from the 1980’s, the 24mm f/2.8 S.S.C. and the 50mm f/1.4 S.S.C. I bought both of them on eBay for a song ($75 for the 24mm and $60 for the 50mm back in 2012).

With my DSLR, I wanted to use a system-compatible lens that took full advantage of the auto-focus and cross-communication capabilities of the body. The faster versions of the lenses I want are painfully expensive. Instead of spending all of my cash on a single fast lens, I opted for the combination of the slower 17-40mm f/4L and the mighty Canon 600EX-RT Speedlite.

Goodbye fast glass. Hello speedlite!

Yup. The fastest maximum aperture on my lens is a paltry f/4. By also buying the 600EX-RT, I’d have great light to shoot with every time I picked up the camera. Shooting indoors and in lowlight would be a whole new world. Plus, buying a great lens and an awesome flash sets me up nicely if I ever decide to upgrade to a full-frame Canon body in the future. I bought a DSLR starter kit.

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Enough blah-blah-blahing. What do you think of the camera?

Owning a big, beefy DLSR with a big, beefy lens, and a big, beefy flash has been an interesting and beneficial experiment. What’s been interesting is that as much as I appreciate shooting manual, for the first year or so that I owned this camera system, I mostly used automatic settings.

There was something strangely intoxicating about getting an impulse to take a picture, taking the 7D Mark II out, turning it on, and shooting immediately. Super fast boot up time, super fast focus, super fast nearly auto settings that communicate with the flash, and BOOM. I could make a usable, nice looking photo in seconds in any lighting environment.

When I bought this gear, I did the “buy once cry once” approach. I bought everything I needed in one shot: camera, lens, flash, CompactFlash card, card reader, and an extra battery (which is probably the most important accessory). The kit I bought from B&H came with a free camera bag, which I’ve used non-stop.

Even though I had all of this great, new stuff, I adopted it slowly. I didn’t take everything out of its box, assemble it, and run around firing the shutter. Instead, I used just the camera body and lens for the first few months. After I felt somewhat comfortable, I started using the flash. The 600EX-RT flash was so easy to use and produced such nice looking images that, in hindsight, my slow approach was likely unnecessary. But, that’s what I did.

One thing that surprised me about owning this 7D Mark II system is how useful it’s been for work. I handle the marketing at a software startup, and we often need images for blog posts, a static webpages, social media, etc. My 7D Mark II became my go-to tool for work-related images. I get clean, eye-catching, usable images very quickly. There is no friction about the work required to get good pictures. It’s always fast. We need something and boom boom boom boom. Under ten minutes later, it’s done and looks great.

Similar to how it took me a while to start using the flash, it took much longer for me to truly embrace shooting manual with the 7D Mark II. One annoying foible in life is that camera manufacturers use different nomenclature for the same features and settings. For example, shutter priority has a different name if you’re using a Canon or a Nikon, even though it’s the same thing.

Suffice to say, the way that you adjust the manual controls on my Panasonic GH2 are wildly different than how they’re done on the Canon 7D Mark II. I’m the old dog who needed to learn new tricks. It took a while, but eventually I spent a little time getting to know the new manual controls, and I was instantly much happier when shooting. If you never shoot in manual mode, you must try it. It changes everything, and makes the act of shooting much more enjoyable.

What about all that other stuff that people love about the 7D?

When people talk about the 7D Mark II, they always boast about how it can shoot 10 frames per second, and how it’s the world’s best camera for shooting indoor sports under florescent lights, and stuff like that. So far, I haven’t used these features. This is my 5D compromise camera, and it’s great at it.

The slower f/4 lens and flash combination has been fun to shoot with, but I must admit, I sincerely miss shooting wide open with a fast lens. I miss the blurry, creamy backgrounds. I miss the selective focus. I miss bokeh. But as soon as I start shopping for fast L-Series Canon glass, I’m so shocked by the prices. But then I remember the humble Canon EF 50mm f/1.8, and everything is okay.

Final thoughts

The 7D Mark II is big, heavy, and it takes some getting used to, but it’s a lovely thing to own. It’s given me a new sense of confidence that I can make great-looking photographs extremely quickly. It doesn’t matter how light or dark it is, or even if it’s raining. I can get the shot.

If you’re like me, you will occasionally lust after the hottest new mirrorless cameras of the day. You’ll look at the size and love it. You’ll marvel at the design and swoon. But, when push comes to shove, you’ll look at the pictures they produce and you’ll know, deep down, that they fall a little flat. There are cameras available that take the kind of pictures you want. These cameras are oddly large, and they’re a little heavy. Get a DLSR, proudly sling its bulky case over your shoulder, take it with you and shoot amazing stuff. That’s the 7D Mark II.

If this review was helpful, support this site by using the links below…

Purchase links:

Canon 7D Mark II - Amazon USA, Amazon.uk, Amazon.de, Amazon.fr

EF 17-40mm f/4L lens - Amazon USA, Amazon.uk, Amazon.de, Amazon.fr

600EX-RT Speedlite - Amazon USA, Amazon.uk, Amazon.de, Amazon.fr

Extra battery for 7D Mark II - Amazon USA, Amazon.uk, Amazon.de, Amazon.fr

Hands-on Review of the Canon 7D Mark II There are lots of reviews of the Canon 7D Mark II that lean heavily into its specs, but that's not what you'll find here.