#my friend is listening for the first time nad is in the like. last ten eps of the show. and i swore it was early ish in the show

[lucifer-kane]

someone help me what ep does jacobi say his top line of i like the menfolk i forget what one it was

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 10: Rocky II

(previous notes: Rocky)

When this movie came out I was a little kid living in Northern California, and we used to go to huge drive-in movie complexes that had like six screens. No matter what movie you were watching, you could see other movies from your lot. I don't remember which movie we were watching at the time, but I remember being distracted by a nearby screen showing Rocky II. I totally watched the ending in suspense. It was eventually on cable a lot so I was able to see it for real, but still like 40 years ago.

Anyway, I wonder if this movie will have the effect of dulling the charm of how the first movie ended, so climactically and with appealing suddenness.

Also, is this the only one of the first four movies that doesn't have a rollicking hit song emerging from its soundtrack?

Stallone famously wrote each of these movies all by himself, and starting with this one he is the director of a bunch of them as well.

Same kind of intro with the fanfare, except the music sounds very clearly, to me at least, to not be playing on real horns. I think it's synths. "Modern".

We're now just watching the end of the first movie. We get to relive the intense experience of seeing Adrian's face in closeup closing her eyes for one and a half seconds. The drama.

The whole first five minutes is the whole last five minutes of the first movie. That's weak. Cheap.

Then the whole opening credits follows, and it's following the ambulance that's taking Rocky to the hospital because of all the punchplay. Not a good use of this time. But more importantly: are they going to address the eyelid situation.

Rocky and Apollo confront each other in wheelchairs in front of the press at the hospital. They're still fired up.

After Rocky gets out of the hospital he rambles a lot and it's like an amateur improv scene where he's figuring out on the spot some things to say about where they are. He gets the idea to have Rocky propose to Adrian, then when she accepts he does a Tarzan wail. What a cheeky clown that Rocky is.

His eye seems fine now.

0:18:20 - the a cappela street musicians are still at it, still not very complex with the harmonies. Isn't Sylvester Stallone's brother a singer named Frank, and does he look like the guy in this scene? I bet it's him.

I'm pretty bored of this movie so far. It's like the people were clamoring for an answer to the question, "what happened after the fight", and Stallone's enthusiastic answer was "just regular stuff like you'd guess!!!!!"

Oh my. It's their wedding night and they talk like dumb, uninspired newlyweds and then kiss, and it's like the director, who remember is Stallone, directed the two of them, one of whom is also Stallone, to perform slow, exotic lip dancing and no one told him that's a thing called kissing which is normal and common.

Rocky has some money now so he and Adrian are looking at buying a house. The realtor is all "this whole place is supported by solid steel" and Rocky is all "yo Adrian that would be a great spot for a radio". It's like porn stars that have been told to ad lib for a few minutes in the beginning of the scene. Except that we aren't about to be rewarded with porno.

0:28:05 - Adrian is pregnant! They talk about it. They talk about it in small talk. "What if it's a girl" "Oh a girl I didn't think about that can you imagine".

So one of the adventures of post-the-first-movie Rocky is that he gets to do a commercial. They show the filming of that and that it doesn't go well because of his Rocky personality. And the next scene he has realized that he needs a white collar job so he's at an employment agency office and asks for a job where he gets to sit. But he's not a good fit there. So he goes and gets a job at a butcher place. He promised Adrian he was done with boxing so now we have this boring part of the movie which isn't short enough.

Okay it's definitely going in a direction of not-boxing-is-sucky-for-Rocky, because he lost the butcher job and had to sell his car to Paulie. He said "it's a great car, buckle up for safety!" Do you think Stallone actually scripted that line or did he improvise it and the director, who you may recall is also Mr. Stallone, thought it was really good and kept it in

0:46:30 - He goes to visit Burgess Meredith at the gym. BM is not helping Rocky's morale, tells him he's washed up POI-manently. He begs for a job doing menial tasks at the gym and BM tells him everyone will think he's a loser but okay. Stallone does okay looking humble about that.

When he comes in to the gym everyone is laughing at a very stupid editorial cartoon in the local news publication, it shows Apollo doing harm upon Rocky-as-a-chicken with the ingenious caption "APOLLO CREED VS THE STALLION CHICKEN". It was clearly "STALLION CHICKEN". That does not make any sense.

BM was easily persuaded by Apollo's cockiness and so he then shows up at Rocky's nad easily persuades him to accept the rematch deal. Feels like movie formula but at least it's about to be less boring.

I like BM's voice.

They're doing a thing going back and forth between Rocky training and Apollo training. Apollo's is going better, partially because his facility is kind of luxuriously spacious. Then they stuck a scene in the middle of that of Adrian working at the pet store all preggo, but having trouble lugging a weighty thing and listen my friends, I think Talia Shire acting is not good acting.

We're in a long sequence that's about how Adrian had the baby prematurely and she slipped into a coma or something, and it's made clear that she had health problems because she was stressed out and overworked because of the heavy things at the pet shop and the husband who went back to boxing. Big old guilt trip taking up a lot of the middle of the movie. Adrian is in a coma. They don't show the baby. It's all just sadness about comatosity of Adrian.

But! She eventually wakes up! And after the first ever conversation they've ever had about what to name their newborn son, Adrian inexplicably changes her tune and tells Rocky she wants him to win. "Win!" That's what she tells him. Then she says it again. Stallone writing, Shire acting, what more could you want.

Now an upbeat training montage that's more hopeful and he's obviously high energy. He must be hitting the punching bags better because just look at how confident he looks.

1:29:35 - It is the sequel to the famous running montage from the first movie. The inspired updates include a new recording of that same song but with children singing "flying strong now" or whatever, and also children following him on his majestic dash to the steps of that municipal facility. Someone probably said "do the running scene again just exactly like in the first movie", but no. Stallone was not satisfied. "We will change it a little," he proclaimed. And lo.

Oh I hope there will be a sequel to the shot of Adrian closing her eyes for considerably longer than a blink. Do you think when people stop her on the street they're like "do the eye close thing do the eye close thing! My friends will all ask if you did the eye close thing and I need to tell them yes she did I saw it and it was even better in person"

We're at the fight now. It's about to start. It's all going as expected. I truly believe that everything will be okay.

Before it starts, Apollo tells Rocky, "you're going DOWN". So maybe it will NOT be okay after all…

Seems like the shots of this fight are not as varied or interesting this time, and they're relying more on the announcer commentary telling us what to think compared to the first movie.

Now the obligatory montage to show us the rounds moving forward and them still going at it. Not the same style as the first movie, but whatever it's working fine. I'd maybe watch a boxing match if it were shot and edited like this so that it's just ten minutes.

I swear I remember seeing this imagery from across the drive-in way back in the 70s, I don't care if you believe me or not it's the truth.

Look, I know I don't know nothin' 'bout boxin' but it seems like you're supposed to use your forearms as shields kind of, and Rocky doesn't do that like at all.

The dialogue is telling us that Rocky is maybe losing going into the final round. I wouldn't have thought so… thanks dialogue!

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN" repeats Creed. Such writing I tell you. Rocky II - A Film By Sylvester Stallone.

I will never forget the carefully choreographed climax of the movie. They both crumble onto the floor and the one-to-ten countdown all slow-like as they maybe try to get back up and Apollo doesn't and Rocky barely does so he is the new world champion. Then the last couple minutes of the movie is the same basic energy as the first movie. It's like the first movie's ending was a template and they just replaced a couple of things.

They kept making more of these movies! I'm going to keep watching them! I'm going to do this notes-about-them thing!

(next: Rocky III)

[im-not-a-joke]

Mmh... All the field

the whole- the whole field....

thank you for asking, this is going to be one long post

Alisons: Sexuality?

asexual, unlabeled/queer romantic

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

they/them or he/him, nonbinary

Amaryllis: Birthday?

february 4th

Anemone: Favorite flower?

bleeding heart

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

steven universe

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

probably offer a place to sleep overnight

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?”

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

strawberry lemonade

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

my gf? yes, absolutely.

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

i’d like to think so, yes

Baneberries: Favorite song?

currently “better than me” by the brobecks

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

a mess, i have three siblings, and two of them are currently living at home, we also have two large dogs

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

yes! my best friend anna, and her brother bryan!

Begonia: Favorite color?

purple

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

mantis shrimp

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

dog, i want the constant love and affection

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

first a botanist, then a geologist

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

i want to adopt some someday! sometimes they suck, but i want to be there for someone who doesn’t have a family to lean on.

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

abandonment, because i’m annoying

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i shared a room with my little brother until i was like 12.

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  

visiting all the people i love most, all of my friends, my gf, i’d call my sister

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

taken!

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

france

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when people take the time out of their day to talk to me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

nope, i do want some someday, though

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

yes! i got my ears pierced twice because it ripped my earlobe the first time

California Poppy: Height?  

~5′8″

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes, and if i die before any of my friends, i’m coming back to haunt them

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

a floral tank top, my favorite sleeveless cardigan, and jean shorts

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yes, my little brother was afraid of the dark and insisted on having a nightlight on

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

my mom

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

my gf

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

architect’s daughter

Columbine: Are you tired?

yes, very

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

tomorrow i get to leave the house all day to drive across the state and it’s going to be a lot of fun

Coneflower: Dream job?

language teacher! either english to people who don’t speak it or german/french to english speakers

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. i’m on tumblr all day

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

yeah, i think so

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i’d actually die for multiple people in my life

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

yes! a stuffed white dog with a plaid scarf and matching antlers! my friend got it for me because it reminded her of my big white dog.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

once i came 3rd in my age group for a 5k i ran

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

i successfully kept a frail axolotl alive for an entire summer

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

i dont care what my parents think about stuff like that, they cant tell my who i am or am not allowed to date

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

@byler-obsessed literally like, maybe 15 minutes ago as of writing this

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

i’d like to think i’m decent at singing

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

staying awake during the day

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

i saw my gf for the first time in months! i came out to the girls team for xc! i spent a lot of time with one of my closest irl friends!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

decent, i had coach practice, which was nice

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

yeah, i’d say i’m pretty happy where i am

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

learn guitar

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my best friends anna and bryan, my older brother, the girls on the team, my ukulele, my therapist, my dogs, the creek in my back yard, my grandma’s amish apple dumpling recipe, random internet memes, books

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

listening to my spotify playlist

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

reassurance and/or talking about things that i enjoy, i’m really insecure so if i’m talking about something i like, that’s me trusting you. 

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

the mental health progress i’ve made

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

i lay in bed until like 11, then, i spend the rest of the day out with my friends, we get sushi for dinner and stay up until like 3am

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

be on tumblr

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

i met them both in 6th grade, anna nad i were in the same science class and i met bryan at lunch, he didn’t talk to me for at least the first half of the year.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

bryan, he always knows just what to say, and knows that he doesn’t have to fix my problems to be a good friend.

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

like, 13?

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

my friend once told me that they couldn’t tell if i was a boy or girl upon first meeting me and it made my day.

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

i’m a mess, an anxious, depressed, gay mess

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my hair, it’s really fluffy and soft, and just about light enough to dye bright colors

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

my chest, it’s always been a huge part of my dysphoria and i want it gone please

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i would play dress up with my dog, he had to suffer through wearing all my old dresses, but he got treats so it was ok

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

my friend ry, we met in second grade, we’re still on and off friends, currently off

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

in 5th grade i used the word “suck” in class and got yelled at

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

see above answer

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

carson: christian. it’s my name because i like how it sounds, and anna really liked it too, she picked it for me.

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

white, suburban ohio. all the kids had cliques by the second day of kindergarten, and if you were knew, you generally had a pretty good chance of being picked up by the popular kids.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had bunkbeds with my little brother, i slept on the bottom.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

so far, not really. i’m just mentally ill and closeted, it’s not great

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she likes to dye her hair crazy colors, and she used to be a beekeeper, even though she’s allergic to bee stings.

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

he rides his bike almost every day, and supports my mom in whatever she does

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

on my mom’s side, the kindest boomers i’ve ever met, my grandpa used to take us on “adventures” to the park and just watch us play

on my dad’s side: my grandpa loves seeing us but doesn’t get out much, my grandma laughs hysterically at every family gathering, and has all the best amish recipes

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

when i turned 13, i went ice skating for the first time and fell and sprained my wrist

Peony: What was your first job?

mowing lawns

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

we had mutual friends and slowly ended up being close, we were in school plays and track together.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

i bite down on my finger to simultaneously distract myself, focus on something else, and hold myself back

Pink: Where is home?

my best friends’ living room at 1 am, with the golden girls playing in the background

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

i’d go back and stop current president from becoming president

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

my sister, she has always been driven and passionate and talented, and she makes everything seem effortless and still gives it her all.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

me and my spouse and my kids amd my dogs all live in a decently spacious house in europe, my job is stable and i love my work, my students think i’m cool and come to me if they need help, i am doing well.

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

i used to believe that the smoke from fireworks was where clouds came from

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my best friends

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

the sound of rain on my roof at night

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

when my sister, dad, and i all climbed to the top of a mountain in california

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

throwing up in the car on the way home for visiting my sister in new york

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?  

a hug from anna

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

it’s hard because i don’t trust people

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

the internet

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 5.5 hours

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

to run, it makes me feel better and i love cross country

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

lmao i dont have one

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my binder!

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

the record player song but a boy

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

a list of reasons why you deal with me/things you like about me

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

the fact that this is taking a lot longer than anticipated and i don’t want people to think i’m ignoring their asks

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

actual books? only 2, Catcher in the Rye and the Night Circus

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

out with my friends

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yes, and i regret it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m double jointed in my left pinky

[snickerl]

Observations of a Labor Nurse

an x-files post-season 11 baby fic

tagging @today-in-fic

I've been a labor nurse for more than 30 years. I don’t know how many babies I've helped into this world, but I've seen my share of miracles and, fortunately to a lesser degree, tragedies in the delivery room. What I've been a witness to today is unparalleled though. I'm sitting in the locker room, already changed into my regular clothes after a long double shift, but I'm not ready to leave yet. My working day has been remarkable and it's running in front of my mind's eye once again on its own accord.

This early morning, at 4 a.m., a couple came in. She was obviously in labor, he obviously very nervous. So far, so familiar. The woman, a small redhead, let out a painful groan urging the man to utter the more than superfluous remark, "my wife is having a baby." This also was very familiar. It happens all the time that men turn into complete messes as soon as their wives have the first contraction. In this case, though, I sensed something other than the mere nervousness about the imminent delivery of a baby. I would find out later some of what this couple had been through until they made it to this point of their lives.

I ushered them into one of the examination rooms, made the woman prop her lower arms on the wall and relax her back. I pushed one of the trigger points in her lower back and she sighed in relief. Once the contraction was over, she turned around and smiled at me. "Jesus, that was a strong one. Thank you, that was very helpful," she uttered breathlessly.

"My name is Rose," I told her, "I am the labor nurse on call and will guide you through this. Together we will deliver your baby safely."

"My name is Dana Scully and this is Fox Mulder," she introduced themselves. And then I noticed it. Her age. She was past the usual age range I see in the delivery room. Not that I hadn't had mothers past 50, quite a few actually. It happens time and again that women believe once they hit perimenopause they don't have to care for birth control anymore and then they are utterly surprised, shocked mostly, when they find out they are pregnant at an age they rather think of having grandchildren than another baby of their own.

She handed me her maternity log and there it was recorded: she was 54. She looked younger, I would've put her in her early fifties, maybe even late forties. Her good physical condition helped her later on when it got really tough. An amniocentesis had been done at week 20, a common procedure for high-risk pregnancies such as hers. It hadn't shown any abnormalities. The frequent ultrasound scans were also recorded NAD. Her blood pressure had been a bit high during the last trimester, the iron content in her blood a bit low, but other than that, it had been a complication-free pregnancy.

"You're a medical doctor?" I asked when I saw what was written down as her profession.

"Pathologist," she winced as another contraction hit her. Her husband, who had been standing silently in the corner holding on to a duffel bag, dropped it unceremoniously and was at her side in the blink of an eye.

"Already another one, Scully?" he asked, trying but failing to keep his concern for her at bay.

"I'm fine, Mulder," she hissed between two deep inhales to breathe the pain away.

They called each other by their last names, one more interesting feature to add to the list. I should learn some more during the following hours, many more hours. I would work way past my scheduled shift because I didn't have the heart to leave them to another labor nurse in the middle of a delivery which had become prolonged and difficult at a certain point.

After a gynecologist had taken a look at her, she was still in the first dilation phase, the cervix dilated to three centimeters, I got them settled into our nicest room. After a series of strong contractions in quick succession labor slowed down significantly. At some point, I offered an ecbolic IV or an epidural which also sometimes helps initiate dilation, but she refused resolutely. "I want it as natural as possible. No medical intervention, only if it's for the baby. My body has been manipulated enough, I don’t want to be injected with anything I don't really need," she supplied.

"This might take a long time, Dana. You might be running on empty at some point if we don't accelerate labor a bit."

I had her age in mind and expected her to deteriorate quite quickly, but she would prove me wrong. She was an impressively hardy woman. She showed a high tolerance for pain and breathed herself through one contraction after another. Her husband with the peculiar first name, Fox, who didn't know what to do with himself when they first came in and was of no use, came to be a great help to her once he had settled himself behind her. He coached her through her breathing technique, they had obviously been to Lamaze class together, he uplifted her mood when she was about to lose her strength and determination, he massaged her back and dabbed her sweaty forehead with a cooling cloth.

They were a perfect team. I'd never seen anything like it before. I was used to women yelling at their husbands to leave them alone, to husbands not knowing what to do to help their wives, a pair so much in sync mesmerized me. Fox seemed to know exactly what Dana needed at each and every point in time. He either cheered her on or calmed her, he told her she was strong or to lean on him. He knew when to keep quiet or when to distract her with one of his weird stories. He even engaged her in banter at one point. I expected her to go wild, women in labor are usually not really susceptible to joking, but she just threw a witty remark back at him and a funny chit-chat arose between them which was quite entertaining, to be honest. I even had to suppress a laugh when she returned one of his quips with telling him her older brother had ample resources as a Navy officer to make him pay for knocking up his baby sister.

Dana was in such good hands, she didn't need me around all the time. So I left them alone but checked on them regularly. I had a look at the fetal monitor, listened to the baby's heartbeat, evaluated the progress of labor and Dana's physical condition. Everything was going well, albeit slowly. But slow didn't necessarily mean bad, so if she didn't want any medical relief, she wouldn't have to accept any. Then labor slowed down even more to a point where Dana didn't have any contractions for extended periods of time. When I popped my head into the room once again to offer oxytocics, exhaustion had taken its toll on her and she had fallen asleep with her back leaned against Fox's chest. He was gently stroking her damp hair with one hand, the other rested on her protruding belly, his fingers splayed out as if he wanted to protect the baby inside. For a man in his late-fifties, he was also very persistent. He had been slouched behind her for many hours now, his back must've ached terribly, his legs had to be asleep. I told him to take a break himself, to have a coffee at the cafeteria maybe, I would call for him as soon as she woke up, but he rejected out of hand.

"I'm not leaving her alone, Rose," he told me, "not for a second. I missed the delivery of our first child, you have to know. I owe her."

That was how I learned that they had a son named William who had just turned 18. I instantly knew something was wrong. The way Fox spoke about him, the way he pulled sleeping Dana a little closer let me surmise the boy wasn't waiting for them to bring home a new baby brother or sister. As much as I had become curious, I also noticed this man badly needed some caffeine, so I left it at that until I came back with two mugs of hot, strong, black coffee from the machine in the nurses' lounge. When I handed him his, I asked, "where is your son now?"

"We lost him. We lost him before he turned one," he answered flatly and confirmed my foreboding assumptions. He told me how they believed they couldn't have children, that Dana had been told she was barren. Her pregnancy had been a miracle, especially after an unsuccessful attempt at IVF. He didn't elaborate on what they lost him to; an illness, an accident, or if anything, a crime. It doesn’t matter anyway. Losing a child is the most brutal thing parents can experience in their lives. I happen to know first-hand.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said to him. "I know what it feels like to lose a son. Mine was killed in a car accident. He had just gotten his license and was too fast on a slippery road. It happened 8 years ago and I still miss him every single day."

Fox looked at me, his eyes compassionate, and nodded. He understood, knew exactly what I meant. I sensed their story was different, that there was more to it than the mere loss. Why had he missed his son's birth? Why wouldn't he let go of Dana if only for ten minutes to grab himself something to drink? Why wouldn't Dana grant herself the relief medical technology offered her? He didn't want to talk about it and I didn't pry any further, it wasn't my business anyway. "Have you tried for another baby since then?" I asked instead.

"Well, we never really talked about having another one. The hole William left behind was so big, the wound so painful. Plus we had a lot of other things to deal with."

Fox spoke of how after years of being on the move they had finally settled down in hopes that the steadier lifestyle would make it easier to cope with the loss of their son, but that exactly the opposite had happened. That they had even been separated temporarily but had remained friends and work colleagues. The man was emotionally so on edge, I doubted he realized he was saying all of this aloud, but as the physician-patient-privilege also applies to labor nurses, I let him talk because I thought it was doing him good. So I also learned that they had only gotten back to an intimate relationship shortly before she had conceived the baby we were now waiting to come into this world.

"We never thought we would be granted a second miracle. An even bigger one. I mean at our age. Honestly, who thinks of propagation while making love in their fifties...mid to late fifties? I suppose we will be the oldest parents at the playground. People will mistake us for the kid's grandparents, for sure." He chuckled slightly and broke the spell of sadness with it. Fortunately so, I must say, as we were expecting something wonderful to happen which was the arrival of another one of God's creatures.

As if on cue, Dana stirred and instantly moaned. Labor had started anew and this time it proceeded fast. When I examined her after maybe five or six more contractions, the cervix was already dilated to eight centimeters. The transition phase had started. I expected another hour at longest before the baby would be born. Poor Dana was in constant pain as her body worked hard toward full dilation. The moment one contraction was fading, the next already started. I feared the baby could be in distress at some point because of the ongoing intense labor, so I cautiously mentioned the possibility of an emergency c-section.

I had anticipated some kind of resistance thinking back to Dana's brusque rejection of medical intervention earlier, but I most certainly had not expected the almost hysteric one I got. "No! Please, no!" she cried out, "I need to know the baby is mine. I can't be under full anesthesia when it's born, I simply can't! Please, Mulder, don't let them narcotize me!" Fox flinched when she grabbed his bicep and dug her nails into his flesh. "Scully, if the baby's life is in jeopardy, or yours, they might have to do it. I promise you I won't take my eyes off of you or the baby. I'll make sure the baby is ours. Trust me," he tried to reason.

I didn't understand what they both were so afraid of. Did they really believe babies were mixed-up in our hospital? I found myself forced to calm everyone. "I just wanted to point out that it's remotely possible we have to consider a c-section. We try our best for a natural childbirth but like your husband said, Dana, if your or your baby's lives are in danger, we have to act quickly. We won't risk losing either of you. Right now, everything looks fine, so just relax, okay? Nothing will happen to your baby."

Dana's answer was a guttural moan as another contraction hit her full force. I was relieved when my next examination showed a fully dilated cervix. The c-section wasn't up for debate anymore, Dana was ready to give birth. I called for a practitioner as she was already experiencing expulsing pains and had to work hard to resist the urge to push.

It didn't go quite as smooth as I had hoped. The baby's head wasn’t perfectly positioned in the birth canal, so whenever the urge to bear down faded and Dana stopped pushing, the head slid back again. But there was only so much power the poor woman had left after almost 18 hours of labor. The practitioner looked at me and mouthed 'episiotomy' but I shook my head. I pictured how Dana would jump off the bed at the view of someone approaching her with a scalpel even if it was with the best intention of helping the baby and her by widening the vaginal opening. The practitioner, fortunately, relied on my evaluation of the situation and tried a different technique. He positioned his flat hands on her belly where the baby's bum pressed against the uterus wall from the inside and pushed downward along with the next contraction to give the baby the decisive impetus on its way out. It didn't work on the first try although Dana was pushing so hard a bursting vein in her nose left her with blood splattered all over her chest. It wasn't a big deal, it happens all the time when mother's push too hard, but Fox got terrified and yelped in shock.

"Jesus, your nose, Scully! It's bleeding!" His voice was trembling and his hands shaking when he wiped the blood off her upper lip. I didn’t know where Dana took the presence of mind from, maybe it was her doctor's persona talking, but it was her instead of one of us who explained the completely harmless pathological phenomenon to him. "It's okay, Mulder, it's not what you think it is. The pressure went into my head instead of my womb, that's why some blood vessels burst in my nose. It's a harmless nosebleed, nothing elsssssssooooohh, there's another one."

Still wondering what her words exactly meant, I helped her lift her upper body off the bed and cheered her on to put all the strength she had left into bearing down, and this time the pressure went to the right place. The baby's head emerged and with the next final push, the body followed. The baby was out in the world. Dana sank back into the pillow, completely exhausted. Fox was cemented to his spot behind her and only stared at the bloody, smeary bundle between her legs. Like so many other fathers he was thunderstruck and speechless.

It was a girl. She seemed fine at first glance, cried the second I lifted her up. Usually, I clean the babies before I give them to the mothers. Just a little, to take away most of the blood and the goo, to make them look more comely, but with Dana, I departed from my usual MO. I had learned she was frantic about her baby's identity, so I wanted to give her the security she so desperately needed and placed her daughter on her chest right away.

"It's a girl, Dana. A beautiful girl. Well done," I said.

"Is she alright? Is she healthy?"

"The pediatrician will have a look at her later, but she seems pretty fine to me. Ten fingers, ten toes, and a strong chest." Of course, the baby stopped crying the moment she was placed on Dana's chest, as the familiar sound of her mother's heartbeat calmed her. The cute little thing even opened her eyes and blinked at her.

"Oh my god," Dana breathed, totally in awe. "Hello, little one," she welcomed her newborn daughter and gently cupped the tiny head with her hand. Fox observed the scene, still petrified and obviously unable to utter a single word. It came into my mind that he hadn't been there when their first child was born, so this was all new to him.

"Fox," I tried to pull him out of his trance, "would you like to cut the cord?"

"Uh, what?"

"The umbilical cord? There are no nerves, so cutting it is not painful. Would you like to do it? Your daughter doesn't need it anymore now that she's breathing on her own."

"My daughter. Right. The cord needs to be cut. Sure. I can do that."

What an adorable bundle of nerves he was. This hunky man so humble all of a sudden at the sight of the miracle of birth. His hand was trembling when I handed him the scissors. He hesitated, looked at Dana as if waiting for her confirmation that he could proceed. She eased his mind with the same amount of intuitive sensitivity as he had shown while she was in labor.

"The umbilical cord is made of something called Wharton's jelly, Mulder, not ordinary skin. There are no functional pain receptors present in it, so just go ahead and cut it, we won't feel any pain." She might be a pathologist, but she knew a hell of a lot of the anatomy of the living. This woman amazed me.

This couple amazed me.

This whole experience today was one of a kind. I'd seen a lot of beautiful moments in my delivery room, emotional, heart-wrenching moments full of happy tears and joyful sobs, but the way Dana and Fox gazed at their daughter and at each other, their faces so full of incredulity and disbelief, hit me to the core. There wasn't the usual crying and sobbing because of the hormone-overload released after hours of tension. It was ghost-like silent, everyone seemed to hold their breath, including myself. It seemed to be a huge moment for them like it is for every couple, but for them, it seemed to be so much more than just the arrival of a baby in their lives.

I started filling out the maternity log and the forms necessary for the authorities to create the birth certificate, and I usually mind my own business doing this, but in this case, I couldn't keep myself from listening to their conversation.

"This is really happening, Mulder, isn't it? We're not stuck in a joined hallucination like when we were on that case with the underground fungus?" Dana asked Fox in a hushed voice.

"No, Scully, far and wide no fungus. This is really happening. You...made it happen, only you. You carried this perfect little being in your womb for nine months, you nurtured and protected her, you brought her into this world in an unbelievable feat. I'm in total awe. You were amazing. I can't believe what childbirth demanded from you, what you went through to deliver her safely. You're my hero, Scully."

"Well, Mulder, it's not like you haven't played a part in this."

"Me? I only had a few minutes of fun, but you went through a high-risk pregnancy and so many hours of labor and bearing down pains that gave you a nosebleed."

"If I remember correctly, you lasted more than just a few minutes."

I had to smile at the sexual allusion and especially the mischievous grin tugging at Dana's mouth. I've always refused to believe that middle-aged couples had to abjure fun in bed just because they weren't wild twenty-somethings anymore.

"Yeah, maybe, but still, I'm one lucky sonofabitch," Fox replied and placed a gentle kiss on Dana's forehead, then on the tip of her nose, and eventually on her mouth. "God, I love you, Scully."

"I love you too, Mulder."

"This is perfect. She...is perfect."

"She is, isn't she?"

"She's got your beauty."

"Oh, come on, Mulder. How can you say that? Her face looks still squashed from being squeezed through the birth canal."

"It's already visible how beautiful she is. To a maven's eye."

"And you are a maven."

"When it comes to her mother's beauty, yes, I am indeed."

I was almost relieved to finally find them in a more than stereotype moment for new parents: totally awe-struck by their baby and totally devoted to each other. I groaned when their sweet intimacy was brutally disturbed by a short knock at the door and the appearance of the pediatrician. He nodded at me curtly, then bellowed insensitively, "how are things going, Rose? Any unusual incidents in here?"

"No, Doctor Miller. Natural childbirth of a girl at week 39 of a high risk but complication-free pregnancy. Slow, prolonged labor, normal expulsive phase, and vaginal delivery. Mother and child are both well," I summarized.

"Good, good," Doctor Miller, one of the most experienced pediatricians in our hospital, mumbled. "Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. ...umm," he looked at the name tag on Dana's bed, "...Scully. I'm Doctor Miller, the pediatrician on call."

He wasn't on call. I knew because I had checked the duty roster when I asked for running another shift to be able to stay with Dana for the birth of her baby. And he hadn't looked into the medical file apparently because he didn't know the mother's and the father's names weren't the same. Doctor Miller had rushed in unprepared, and I wondered if the medical director had purposely called for him on short notice because of Dana's age. He probably wanted to make sure nothing would be overlooked to prevent legal complications later on, no birth defect, no congenital deformity or illness. The minds of clinical administration personnel are used to think in economic terms rather than humanly compassionate. I sighed inwardly.

"I'm going to abduct your daughter now for her first medical check-up," he said, stretching his arms out in anticipation of Dana handing the baby over to him, but she had gasped at the word 'abduct' and did nothing of that sort. Instead, she pulled the girl closer to her chest. Her reaction to Doctor Miller's announcement fits in with her rejection of ecbolics, anesthesia, and a possible c-section earlier.

"You're going with her, Mulder. Don't let her out of eyesight, stay with her at all times. Make sure she isn't injected with something, that no blood is drawn from her and that she isn't mixed up." It's wasn’t a favor she asked of Fox, it was a command.

"Uh, this is not the common procedure around here, Mrs. Scully," Doctor Miller informed her. "You'll have your daughter back as soon as I'm done examining her."

"It's Doctor Scully, and I don’t care what the common procedure is. Either her father is going with her, or you have to perform the check-up here in this room where we can see you."

The pediatrician was clearly annoyed and not ready to give in. "May I ask for the reason of your mistrust?"

"No, you may not," Dana replied with steadfast determination and I felt I had to step in. The situation threatened to get out of hand, and Dana had just been delivered of a child. I pulled doctor Miller aside and whispered to him, "please, doctor, let her be. I don't know why she worries that much, but I think it has something to do with how they lost their first child. This woman has just given birth, she needs to rest and not to tense up. Can't you make an exception just this once? Please?"

"Hmf," he grumbled, "since when do patients decide about medical procedures? But in God's name, if it's so important to her." He turned around, looked at Fox and said,"okay, Mr. Scully, you can come with me." He moved to take the baby from Dana but Fox preempted him. He gently cradled the tiny bundle in his long arms and replied, "thank you for your understanding, Doctor Miller, we really appreciate it, but I'll carry her. And," he paused a short moment, "my name is Mulder, not Scully. Which you would know if you had cast a glance at my wife's admitting form before rushing in here and demanding to take our daughter away from us."

Doctor Miller had nothing to say to this. Leaving Fox's remark unanswered, probably because he felt caught, he turned around and rushed out of the room.

"I'll bring her back to you as fast as I can, Scully," Fox breathed into Dana's hair before he kissed her temple and followed the pediatrician into the hallway.

The door slid shut behind them and Dana sank back into the pillow. It was the sign for me to bring the whole thing to a close.

"Let's deliver the placenta, Dana, so you can enjoy your baby girl and rest when Fox is back with her."

I gently massaged my patient's abdomen to stimulate the placental separation and when I felt a light contraction under my fingertips I told her to push one last time. Afterward, I cleaned her up and put a fresh hospital gown on her, the opening on the front because as soon as the baby was back she would be put to her mother's breast.

"Have you decided on a name yet?" I asked to distract Dana as she became increasingly jittery the longer Fox and the baby were gone.

"Hetty," she answered lost in thought, "Hetty Melissa Samantha Mulder."

"The names have a special meaning to you and Fox, I assume?" It wasn't so difficult to get that from the way Dana had pronounced them, her voice thick and herself close to tears.

"Melissa was my sister's name, Samantha Mulder's."

"And they are both already..." I trailed off, afraid of the answer I would get.

"Gone. Yes."

"And Hetty?" I prayed to God that I would be spared hearing of another loss this pitiable couple had suffered from.

"The name Hetty is of African origin and means star. That's what she is, our little star."

I was relieved, and even more so when the door opened and Fox reentered the room, in his arms a bundle covered in a pink blanket, on his face, a wide smile.

"She passed every test with flying colors, Scully. She's perfectly healthy and the most beautiful baby of the entire neonatal ward."

He placed his daughter in her mother's outstretched arms and his smile got even wider gazing at them. This was what I wanted to see in my delivery room: the joy and love and awe and puzzlement at the wonder of a new life on this planet. The wonder soon made herself heard which was my cue to help Dana latch her on. "C'mere, sweetheart, mommy has something for you," I cooed at little Hetty as I peeled her out of Dana's embrace who then opened the front of the gown to expose one of her breasts. I placed the baby chest to chest with her mother, brought her upper lip in contact with the nipple and when she opened her mouth wide, I pushed her gently onto the breast. Hetty instinctively closed her mouth and instantly started sucking.

Dana had clearly done this before, she held the baby perfectly in front of herself with one arm and supported her breast with her free hand to make it easier for Hetty to drink. She was relaxed and enjoyed this special mother-child-moment. Fox had been watching the whole procedure in total awe, and when his daughter was sucking, slurping audibly, he voiced his amazement. "This is incredible. I have missed all this with William," he hiccuped. Dana cupped his face when she answered, "you're here now, Mulder, that's all that matters. You're a father."

"I'm a father," he repeated with a melancholy in his voice I couldn't quite understand. The conversation that followed left me absolutely confused. I wasn't eavesdropping, they just didn’t mind me hearing them, or they had completely forgotten I was there. It was impossible to not realize that they were talking about a crucial moment of their lives.

"Mulder, what I said on the dock-"

"It's okay, Scully, I made my peace with it."

"No, I was wrong, Mulder. I think I was trying to distance myself from him in order not to shatter into a million pieces right there. What Skinner told me...what I had to listen to...the idea in and of itself is so sick...what that nicotine-addicted piece of shit did to me...to us..."

"He's dead, Scully. I emptied my clip into him and threw him into the water. He can't harm us anymore."

I have to admit, at this point, the blood ran cold in my veins. And it didn't get better.

"You are William's father, Mulder. You loved him, you mourned him, you tracked him down to protect him. You would've given your life for him. You are a father in the best sense of the word. The Cigarette Smoking Man never was a father. Not to you, not to Jeffrey Spender, and most certainly not to William. I won't let him take our son away from us. William is ours. He's always been ours."

Fox hung on every word Dana uttered. One could literally observe how every single one soothed his battered soul.

"If he was telling the truth-" he started.

"He was not telling the truth!"

"The thought in and of itself is so monstrous, so disgusting and horrifying. We'd be half-brothers, Scully!" Fox disgorged the words like a cat disgorges a hairball.

"Mul-"

"And it gets even better," he continued undeterred, a sour chuckle now escaping his throat, "it'd mean that instead of carrying my child you carried-"

"Mulder, stop! I don’t want to hear it. The bastard was a liar through and through, he wasn't telling the truth. You are William's father. He is our son, and nobody tells me otherwise."

My ears were burning. I felt so uncomfortable hearing this, so utterly aghast, that I wished a hole was opening to swallow me. The words spoken didn’t make any sense to me, the subject matter they were talking about was so disturbing, so angst-inducing, I began to fathom where their paranoia concerning their newborn had been coming from.

"She's his sister," Fox murmured eventually. He had calmed down. His face, which had been strangely contorted for the time they had discussed Fox's fatherhood to their lost son, reflected the adoration for his wife and daughter again. He was a handsome man, one of the kinds that ages well. "Do you think he would've liked to have a sibling?" he asked her.

"He's alive, Mulder, I know he is."

"Another vision?"

Dana shook her head. "I just know."

"Will he come back to us? One day? Maybe to get to know his baby sister?"

"I don't know, I hope. Right now, he doesn't want to be found. That's why he let himself got shot."

"It was the second time he played that trick on us."

"Only that this time he retreated from us for the time being."

"I held him, Scully. For a short moment, he let me hug him. And he told you he knew you loved him. He isn't done with us. And he knows how to find us if he cares to. We have to leave it to him. There's nothing else we can do. All we can do is keep loving him."

It seemed Fox and Dana had lost themselves, as they were mingling the past and the present. One moment, they spoke of their son like he was gone, the next, it seemed he was still present in their lives. I asked myself how the birth of their baby daughter had brought all this to the surface. Maybe the birth of a new baby does this to parents, lets them strengthen the bond to their lost child as well as loosen it at the same time. I can't tell, I didn't have another after I had lost mine.

I got lost in my own thoughts for a moment, my heart heavy with my own grief, before I was catapulted back to the reality of the delivery room when I heard Fox yelp.

"It's okay, Mulder. She just spit up a bit of milk. Her stomach is tiny and I guess she enjoyed sucking and had a little too much. It's no big deal. She's going to spit on you countless times over the next weeks, believe me. You better get used it."

Thank God for experienced second-time mothers, I said to myself. To Dana, I said, "give her to me. I'll dress her in one of your onesies. I take it you brought some. Then, we'll get you settled into your room. I've got you a nice one with a v-"

"Oh, they're not staying," Fox interrupted me quite resolutely, "I'm taking them home as soon as Scully is cleared to leave."

"What? You had this planned as an outpatient birth?" Were you out of your mind, I wanted to add, and to my horror, Dana confirmed with a determined, "yes."

"Dana," I said to her as if to a child I wanted to convince it was important to eat all the veggies, "with all due respect, you've just given birth after 18 hours of labor at the age of 54. The fact that your high-risk pregnancy ran smoothly and without major complications doesn't necessarily mean your puerperium will. I highly recommend you and your daughter spend at least one night here for observation. Better two."

"Rose, I appreciate your concern, I really do. You've been a great help through this, but I'm a medical doctor, I can take care of myself from here."

"You're not supposed to take care of yourself, Dana," I almost shouted at her, "it's important for you to rest, both physically and emotionally."

"I can do that best when I'm home," she replied so composedly and calmly, I almost believed her. Almost.

"But why not here where there's a medical staff at service at all times?"

"I need to keep them safe, Rose," Fox threw in eventually, "and it's easier for me to do that at our house."

"What makes you think they are not safe here?"

"My experience," he answered flatly and stole my thunder completely with it. What arguments could I have used to convince Fox to place his experience in the back seat? His bitter experience from what I got from their conversation. So I gave in. I didn't have any means to keep them anyway. They were free to leave the hospital at their own risk anytime, and if I understood them correctly, they assessed the risk higher if they stayed than if they left.

I looked intensely at Fox, while I gave him a list of dos and don'ts. "Make sure she lies down for at least the next 24 hours. No household duties whatsoever, no nappy change, no making coffee, no folding laundry, no nothing. You escort her to the bathroom and back. If you notice the slightest anomalies with either of them, like forehead sweat, pale skin, elevated temperature, you give us a call. If your wife suffers from persistent nausea or bleeding, you give us a call. Immediately. No matter what time of day or night. Are we clear?"

"Perfectly," he answered compliantly.

"I also happen to be a free-lance midwife, so I will come to your house the day after tomorrow to check on both of them. I have to make sure your daughter puts on some weight and that her navel heals well. I have to monitor the involution of your wife's uterus and whether breastfeeding goes well. I will drive a red Nissan, by the way, so don't shoot me when I'm pulling into your driveway." I simply couldn't bite back the sarcasm.

"Well, I can't promise you anything, Rose, because you know how it is, you can take the man out of the FBI, but you can't take the FBI out of the man.”

If he tried to sound intimidating, he failed miserably. He couldn't even keep the corners of his mouth from twitching. He had spoken about how he'd emptied a clip into a man; not into a man though, into a piece of shit, sonofabitch, pathological liar. I guess that was why it didn't really bother me. I simply brushed it aside and told him, "your insurance will charge you extra for midwife home visits."

He feigned to be shocked for a second, then smiled. "That's okay," he said in the smoothest of voices.

"Very well then," I huffed, "I'll fetch a doctor for a final examination. After that, I'll get the discharge papers ready and you can take them home."

I was already on my way out, stampeding toward the door when I felt Fox's hand on my shoulder. His voice was warm again, bereft of the rigidity of a few moments ago.

"Rose, please don't take this the wrong way. You've been wonderful. I know you volunteered to stay with Scully until the end. You've been nothing but a blessing. You're an amazing labor nurse and I promise I will make you coffee and welcome you to our house when you come to us for the home visit. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't want anybody but you to take care of my two most precious treasures."

My heart melted and my anger and incomprehension went phut. Once again, these two people impressed me. They voiced their sincere gratefulness, acknowledged my part in the drama of this birth, but also followed an unswerving way when it came to their very own interests. Fox simply acted like a mother bear taking care of her cubs. How could I have been mad at him? I showed him a smile. "Do you have a milk frother?"

"You bet. I can even offer you a variety of flavor shots. Hazelnut, vanilla, caramel."

"What are you? A trained barista?"

"No, just a coffee connoisseur who happily welcomes everyone to his house who appreciates a freshly brewed cup of coffee, because my better half here," he quirked an eyebrow in Dana's direction, "prefers organic green tea."

I had to chuckle when I saw Dana roll her eyes. They were really simply adorable.  

I fetched the gynecologist and pediatrician to examine Dana and Hetty. They were both perfectly well, so after another two or three hours, they would be free to go.

Now that I'm in the locker room, after I wrote the report about my shift, scheduled my home visit with the Mulder-Scully family, and changed out of my scrubs into my clothes, I have to say my long working day has been absolutely remarkable. Should I ever write a book about my experiences as a labor nurse, this day would get mentioned as one of the most interesting ones of my entire working life. Not so much because of the sequences of this delivery, it had more or less been a textbook example despite the mother's advanced age. It was this extraordinary parental couple who made it so special. I supposed, they not only made it through this together but through many other challenges life had thrown at them. I am really looking forward to walking a little way on their roads.

I'm on my way out and there they are, heading toward the main gate. Hetty is securely buckled up in the car seat Fox is carrying, cocooned in a hat, mittens and a warm blanket. His other arm is curled around Dana's waist, supporting her as well as keeping her close. I told him I would rely on him to make this ambulant birth thing work, that he was responsible for both his wife's and his daughter's well-being and what I'm seeing right now tells me my confidence in him is justified. He has them both under his wings and anyone with the intention to get at them has to get past him first.

Who wouldn't want to have a Fox Mulder in their lives?

[pledis-17-trash]

You telling them to ‘suck your dick’ during an argument

This are going to be little scenarios, they are shorter than the last one I posted but I hope you like it :3

_Maggie_ 

Kim Seokjin 

You knew that your cooking skills were not that good, you knew that your boyfriend does not want you near his kitchen at all. But knowing all that, you still wanted to try making something for your hard working boyfriend and you worked hard on it.

‘’(Y/N)? What is this?’’ Jin asked after taking a bite of a curry you made. ‘’It’s curry-‘’ ‘’It’s awful.’’ Jin said spiting what he had in his mouth out and a sharp pain when through your chest. ‘’Did you really think that I am willing to eat that?’’ You bite your lip, trying not to cry. ‘’I-I am sorry-‘’ You managed to say through clenched jaw. ‘’I was almost poisoned.’’ When those words rolled down his lips, you smashed the glass you had in your hands on the table and it shattered, some pieces went in your palms and you looked Jin in the eyes. ‘’Suck my dick Jin.’’ You growled leaving the kitchen. Jin blinked several times before he followed you.

‘’I am sorry love; I overdid it.’’ You ignored him, crying and trying to pull the glass out of your hand. ‘’Let me do it.’’ He whispered taking your hand in his. ‘’I am really sorry.’’ He apologised once more bandaging your hand. ‘’I am really sorry.’’ He repeated again kissing your forehead and brushing the tears away. ‘’It’s okay.’’ You said and he smiled. ‘’Let’s go, I will make you something to eat.’’ He said with a smile and you followed him, forgiving him in less than ten seconds. 

Kim Namjoon 

It was almost three in the morning when you bumped into Namjoon’s studio with food and drinks in your hands. ‘’Joonie!’’ you said happily as your raised shopping bags up. Namjoon gave you a glance and continued with his work. You sighed and decided to prepare everything so that you two can eat. ‘’Joonie?’’ you called gently, he responded after several seconds with a small ‘’Yes?’’ ‘’Can you stop for a second and just come to eat?’’ ‘’I can’t (Y/N) I am working.’’ He simply responded and you got up.

‘’Kim Namjoon you need to eat.’’ You demanded placing food in front of him and turning his chair around to see him. ‘’You have to take care of yourself and I really need a hug.’’ You said as you leaned down, trying to steal a kiss away from him, but he turned his head other way and slightly pushed you away. ‘’I told you I need to work, go away.’’ He growled turning away from you. ‘’Joonie-‘’ ‘’NO! (Y/N), GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!’’ he raised his voice and you instantly snapped.

‘’Well I am sorry. I though you missed me too.’’ You growled back at him, taking your stuff. ‘’Enjoy eating alone asshole.’’ You hissed and he instantly turned around. ‘’(Y/N)_-‘’ ‘’Suck my dick Namjoon.’’ Namjoon got a hold of your hand and pulled you close to him, pressing his lips against yours. ‘’Don’t be so mean (Y/N).’’ he whispered in your lips. ‘’Then eat with me.’’ Nodding, he moved slightly away from you and placed you in his lap as you two began to eat. 

Min Yoongi 

Yoongi was angry, standing on the one side of a road, looking at you with wide eyes. After you two got into a fight because of his absence from home and not spending time with you; he saw you smiling with another man. He was more than just angry, he was furious. Squeezing the phone in his hands he bit his lip and fought every atom in his body so that he would not end up running to you.

You came home two hours after him with a smile on your face. You haven’t seen your best friend in a really long time and spending time with him made you feel better. Your smile instantly dropped when you saw your boyfriend sitting in the living room with a furious face. ‘’Yoongi? Is everything okay?’’ you asked worried and he looked at you. ‘’(Y/N), are you cheating on me?’’ he blurted out and your eyes widened. ‘’No.’’ you answered and he got up. ‘’Who was that dude you were with two hours ago?’’ ‘’That was (BF/N), he was finally able to come and visit me.’’ You said with a smile and although a stone fell off his chest, Yoongi was not able to keep his anger under control.

‘’You can’t see him anymore.’’ WHAT?’’ you asked looking at him, you knew he was jealous and decided to provoke him. ‘’You heard me. You can’t see him anymore.’’ He hissed ‘’Suck my dick Yoongi.’’ You hissed back which caused him to get a hold of your hands and pin them against the wall. ‘’Luckily, you don’t have one-‘’ he growled in your ear, biting the end of it. ‘’But I do.’’ He looked you in the eyes and you knew what he will say next. ‘’On your knees.’’ He ordered and you listened.

Jung Hoseok 

‘’(Y/N) really does not how to dance.’’ Hoseok said though a laugh as him and boys talked about who is the worst. ‘’She is worse than Namjoon.’’ He added and boys laughed really hard which made you feel uncomfortable. Yes, your dancing skills suck and yes, you are worse than Namjoon but hearing your boyfriend saying it hurt your feelings.

‘’I tried teaching her Save me and it really did not end well.’’ Jimin said with his cute smile ‘’But she did her best and I am proud of her.’’ Jimin said patting your back and you smiled sweetly. ‘’When I tried to teach her how to dance on Not Today it looked like a fish bounding out of the water.’’ Hoseok said and you snapped. ‘’Suck my dick Hoseok.’’ You cursed and rushed out.

Hoseok was startled but got up second later and followed you out. ‘’Babe-‘’ he called and you looked at him, tears running down your cheeks. ‘’I know that I am bad but that hurt Hobbie-‘’ you cried. ‘’I am sorry I was an ass.’’ Hoseok whispered pulling you close. ‘’It will never happen again.’’ You hugged him back and several seconds later he moved you slightly away. ‘’You have to promise me something.’’ He said drying your cheeks. ‘’What?’’ ‘’Don’t ever say that again because it does not suit you.’’ He said and you smiled. ‘’I am sorry and I will not do it again.’’ Hoseok smiled leaning down, kissing your sweet lips.

Kim Taehyung 

The second you saw your pudding missing, you knew who was guilty. ‘’TAEHYUNG!’’ you screamed storming though the dorm, looking for him. ‘’Oppa, have you seen my asshole boyfriend?’’ you asked Namjoon who was just exiting his room. ‘’Yes, he is in.’’ he answered ‘’What did he do?’’ ‘’He ate my fucking pudding.’’ You hissed as you stormed in their shared room, opening the door with a loud bang.

‘’HOW DARE ARE YOU?’’ You screamed at Taehyung who was more than just confused. ‘’YOU KNEW IT WAS MINE AND YOU STILL TOOK IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?’’ You yelled and Taehyung decided to ignore you. ‘’ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?’’ ‘’Those days of the month?’’ he asked, being totally confused. ‘’WHAT?’’ You looked at him ‘’(Y/N) are you on your period?’’ ‘’WHAT? NO!’’ You screamed at him and he got up, pressing his hand on your forehead. ‘’You don’t look like you have a fever-‘’ he stated looking at you. ‘’What are you-‘’ ‘’Why are you yelling at me?’’ he asked and you pushed him away.

‘’You know what? If you don’t know what the fuck you did then you can just suck my dick just like did with my pudding!’’ you hissed and it was then that Taehyung realised what he did and he pulled you close, having a small blush on his face. ‘’I am sorry love I couldn’t resist it.’’ He said rubbing his nose against yours. ‘’Just tell me next time.’’ You said trying to wiggle out of his embrace but he pulled you even closer. ‘’One more thing-‘’ he kissed your lips and moved them onto your neck. ‘’I can’t suck your dick but I can definitely eat you out.’’ He whispered in your ear as he nibbled down your neck, making a shiver dance down your spine. 

Park Jimin 

Jimins eyes widened when he saw you walking around the dorm with his favourite hoodie on that looked hella cute on you. He watched how boys checked you out and instantly got mad. ‘’(Y/N)!’’ he yelled, making you jump on the spot. ‘’Y-Yes?’’ You asked looking at him, scared. ‘’Why are you wearing my hoodie?’’ he growled ‘’I-‘’ you started but he did not let you finish. ‘’Take it off now.’’ He ordered. ‘’But Jimin I-‘’ ‘’TAKE IT OFF.’’ He yelled and you hate when he is mad or yelling because he is really, really scary. But you did not understand why he was mad at you.

‘’Jiminie I-‘’ You tried to explain that you spilled juice all over the shirt you had and took the first thing out of his closet. ‘’(Y/N)-‘’ he growled again and you froze on the spot. ‘’Take it off. NOW.’’ ‘’Jimin, just listen to me-‘’ ‘’’YOU DID NOT EVEN ASK ME IF YOU COULD TAKE IT! I SAID SOMETHING AND DO IT RIGHT NOW.’’ He yelled and you took his hoodie off. ‘’Suck my dick Jimin.’’ You hissed throwing the hoodie at him and storming in his room.

Jimin followed you in the room, he heard you cursing him and he bit his lip, feeling guilty. ‘’(Y/N)-‘’ he called ‘’What? You came here to yell at me some more?’’ You asked crossing your arms on your chest. ‘’I am sorry, I got mad when I saw boys checking you out and I will just be honest nad say that I don’t mind you walking or wearing my stuff but you look so cute in them and nobody can see you.’’ He confessed looking down and you came to him. ‘’Nobody will take me away from you and let me prove you that.’’ You said with a smirk as you pulled him close, kissing his lips before you pushed him down on the bed and climbing on top of him. 

Jeon Jungkook 

‘’GIVE ME MY GAMES BACK!’’ Jungkook screamed at you as you were running around with his games in your hands. ‘’NO!’’ You said playfully, hoping to get some attention from your boyfriend who all that has been doing was playing games and not paying attention to you. ‘’(Y/N)!’’ he yelled your name and you kept on running away from him. ‘’I WON’T BE ABLE TO BREAK MY OWN RECORD! GIVE THEM BACK!’’ He screamed. ‘’GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR TIME!’’ You yelled back to him. ‘’(Y/N)!’’ he yelled ‘’I WILL AFTER I-‘’ ‘’YOU SAID THAT YESTERDAY!’’ ‘’JUST GIVE ME MY GAMES YOU FUCKING IDIOT!’’ You stopped running from him and turned around, pissed. ‘’FUCK YOU TOO.’’ You screamed at him, throwing his games at him and pushing him away.

Jungkook sneaked in your room. ‘’Get out.’’ You growled turning his back to him. ‘’(Y/N), I am sorry I-‘’ ‘’Suck my dick Jungkook.’’ You hissed but it had no impact on him, he just chuckled at your statement and hugged your form behind. ‘’I am sorry baby girl.’’ He whispered kissing the back of your neck. ‘’You really are an ass.’’ You whispered, enjoying the feeling of his hands around you. ‘’I know.’’ He whispered and you turned our head so you could see him. ‘’I won’t play games for a while.’’ He said and you chuckled. ‘’Promise?’’ You asked and he smiled as he pressed his lips against yours. ‘’Promise.’’ He whispered and your two fell asleep cuddling.

-I don’t own any of the gifs-

[pkspeaks7495-blog]

Online Dating Experience, Mistakes and Realizations

What do you do when you desperately want to have cold coffee to get through a deadline and the only blender in your house decided not to work? You dress well, grab a cab and go to Starbucks with your laptop. I am not usually fond of Starbucks but I heard there Matcha Tavana Ice is brilliant and boy, it definitely is!

 Once I settled with my order, I started thinking how exactly will I compile my two years long online dating experience in one blog post! So many conversations with men, a few offline dates, countless discussions with friends who’ve been active users of dating applications and after two weeks of trying, thinking and writing, I am glad to share this article with you. Also, this is the last post from my Online Dating series and I hope you enjoyed all the articles as much as I did while writing them!

 Why did I join a Dating Application?

 Mein phele mein bhot moti thi, nakkara thi, mere se koi flirt nai karta tha and phir meri zindagi mein Tinder aaya and mujhe Validation mili!

I joined Tinder because I have some amazing friends and they were concerned that I won’t EVER get over my ex-boyfriend because instead of erasing him out of my memory I was blocking boys who tried to approach me. Two years after the break-up, forty-eight hours of convincing and I created a dating profile on Tinder. Anyway, to describe the journey I am going to contemplate on these two:

Mistakes

Realizations

  Mistakes

 1)  Ignored  instructions: I did not read the instructions where they tell you that you need swipe right someone that you like and directly synced Tinder with my Facebook.

 What happened next will either leave you either in splits and or you will end up judging me every time someone says ‘Tinder’, 'right or left'. 

I was randomly swiping right and left like a kid who was playing Road Rage for the first time and ten minutes later my phone started buzzing and did not stop. I did what any smart person would have done, I slept! The next day I got more messages, I replied to some, ignored some and continued swiping right and left. Three days later, I could not access Tinder and no, not because of excess matches but excess unmatches. I was so confused looking at so many so many messages, I decided not to reply to seventy-five out of seventy-seven messages and ignored the eighty-two matches. Yes, Tinder blocks you when you have a certain amount of unmatches. Am I the only girl in the world who has experienced that? I am pretty and I am sure the answer is yes! 

 2) Did not listen to I, me and myself:

After I was unblocked and realized that you don’t take left when a cake shop is on the right. I carefully observed my matches and unmatched the ones who were too cocky for my sensibilities. I did get a chance to speak to some intelligent and good looking boys but I lost them because the moment they asked me to meet, like a silly school girl I asked my ‘then’ best friend, should I? The equally silly best friend convinced me that I should at least wait for a MONTH before seeing them offline and I told the guys to wait. They waited and realized that this girl is like our government, too many promises but no results and well, the boys were exactly like the impatient citizens, they unmatched me!

 Well, after four sweet, intelligent and good looking guys unmatched me, I knew I had to stop listening to her and meet the online dates offline

 3) Justified my virginity: 

Dating Applications are one place where you will be judged because you are a virgin. What? How? You are twenty-one being a virgin is not even practical! 

And I am pretty sure most of them will judge a girl who on an arrange marriage discussion table will tell him that she is NOT A VIRGIN!

 4) Spoke to too many guys at the same time: Sometimes you get lucky because instead of too many profiles like these and you get confused who should you meet first. And then you realize you are bad with time management.

 Tip Alert: One guy at a time

5) Uploaded this photo: 

 This picture was clicked right after I performed at an event in college and was not really in a mood to get clicked and hence, this expression! But when I saw the picture, I absolutely loved it! But some guys had a different idea to it. They felt it was like a tease, depicted how naughty I can in bed or was my way of showing that I enjoy ‘licking’. But I still haven’t corrected that mistake because the photo is still there!

                                                                                                    Realizations

 1) Not everybody paid attention in grammar class- Because not everybody knows that a comma can make a lot of difference.

2) People lie about their height - One guy told me he was six feet but when I met him he was not beyond five feet and seven inches. 

3) Too many broken hearts- I guess a lot of people join dating applications right after they break up. Are they trying find their ex or are they looking for people who can listen to their sob story and sob along? Trust my experience it’s the latter!

4) Everybody is scared of love- 20’s is a confusing place to be in. Most of us are sacred of a relationship because we’ve had our share of heartbreaks, we don’t want to get into a serious relationship but we don’t want to date either because what if we get serious? What if that serious relationship hampers our career growth? What if like us the other person doesn’t take it casually and is all serious thinking about a life together? We think too much! 

5) But in our heads we sing this song twenty times!

 6)  Always choose a good restaurant for your date- Because people disappoint but food never disappoints! I once met a guy and he did not speak. When I say he did not, I really mean it but I was glad that we were at All American Diner and the food like always was Y-U-M-M-Y! And since then I always make it a point to select a good place to eat food. 

  7) Only two per cent people are okay revealing that they have a dating application in their phone. No, they aren't shy they afraid of getting judged. And no, those two per cent people are not two Rupees people!

8) One look at a guy’s photo and I can tell you if he has written something in the ‘about me’ section or not.

                         E-X-P-E-R-I-E-N-C-E! 

9) Yeh duniyaa… yeh duniyaa badi gol hai- I saw my brother, four family friends and two guys I met at my cousin’s wedding on Tinder. And since then I believe in statistics nad the fact that everybody is on Tinder. 

10) Truly Madly is like U/A version of shaadi.com because everybody there wanted to marry me. OkCupid is shady and that's the reason I left it within the first thirty minutes, yes it is that shady! Tinder says you can find friends, love and everything in between. Well, they are right, you do find all of it but mostly in between! 

11) Looks matter- I hate to say this but yes, they do. How many times did you swipe right to a girl or boy who did not meet your standards of beauty or handsome?

12) I will be forever alone- I have always been very confident and no, I don't flip when I am with a guy. And you know what? That is my problem. I talk to all my dates like I talk to my friends. I laugh like a maniac and I clap my hands!

I mean how do you fake a laugh or laugh in a way that makes a guy go weak in his knees?  

If I had to summarize the entire experience then I would say yes, it’s been amazing. Yes, I felt bad when a Pilot I met did not call me back. Yes, it was awkward when one of the guys did not speak anything. Yes, it was horrible when a guy objectified me. Yes, I almost fell in love with once. Yes, I made some cool friends. Yes, that Australian guy I met was really funny. Yes, the not so good-looking guy was and is the best date I have ever had.

Yes, I have been on a lot of dates. Yes, you can judge me. Yes, men unmatched me. Yes, meeting so many different people made me confident. Yes, I am happy that I tried something new!