#my life is shit rn (all due to myself) and this is the only comfort i have so thank you thank you thank you

[despairing-disaster]

Literally nobody is thinking about this rn except for me, but fuck it. Here’s some food for the Arturo enjoyers ig.

Since ep 10, I’ve seen a few people try and speculate on what the exact situation was with his home life and sister, why he left and why this apparently drove her to suicide. Maybe it’s a weird thing to speculate on, but I’ve been thinking about it myself after coming across a few theories shortly after the episode aired and mostly disagreeing with them. Namely, I saw a few people speculate that Arturo’s sister may have been abusive to him and he left because of that abuse, but with his sister being younger than him (not that a younger sibling can’t abuse an older sibling, but it seems less common than the inverse due to age and power structures) and having killed herself as a result of him leaving, it feels unlikely. Not to mention the implication that would leave if it were true: a victim being blamed for his abuser’s suicide. Even if MonoTV were that cruel in the phrasing of it’s motives, it just seems like it’d be a bad call for a fangan creator to imply that in any capacity.

My first thought bouncing off of it though was that both he and his sister may have been abused or neglected by their parents. Arturo, being older, may have been able to get out sooner, but may have done so without any consideration for his sister, not taking her with him, not informing anyone about the situation at home, possibly not even telling her he was leaving. Essentially, he may have abandoned her, and with him out of the house, his parents may have ramped things up with her alone, driving her to suicide. If this were the case, it would make sense why he would blame himself, but I've actually thought about things a bit more and I think there may be another possibly likely scenario.

Arturo, despite his young age, is incredibly medically knowledgeable. He’s prodigious enough to have presumably been working as a surgeon in high school, so he’d have to be even if his specialty is in cosmetics, and he’d have to have learned what he did somewhere. Additionally, he seems to have a strong aversion to being forced to take care of people. Granted, he’s an asshole to almost everybody in the cast, and you could chalk it up to that, but we also know that J’s aversion to femininity seemed to have deeper roots to it after her full name and backstory was revealed so it could be indicative of something more significant. All this to say Arturo may have been in a position where he was forced to spend his childhood and teen years taking care of his sister because she may have had some kind of chronic illness. If his parents didn’t have enough money, expertise, or empathy to take care of her or get her necessary treatment on their own, or shit, even if they were just busy all the time, he may have been stuck looking after her, developing feelings of animosity towards her as a result of being forced into this position all the while she depended upon him. With him leaving, she may have not only felt abandoned but may have been unable to get the treatment she needed to live a more comfortable life, and that could have been what drove her to suicide. And of course he’d feel guilty if that was the case. Even if he didn’t exactly like her (and with what we’ve seen so far, I really think he doesn’t) he’s very acutely aware that leaving a situation like that could only end badly for her. He said in his outburst to Eden “how is it my fault that I wanted to live my own life” and I think this may further bolster the idea that he had some kind of obligation to do something he didn’t want to be doing.

[torusmochi]

JJK Spoiler / pretty much just me venting-ranting(?)

This is mostly me ranting about my mental problems and what happened in the manga with Gojo. If you’re alright with that keep on reading, if not- there‘s the door.

I Wonder if anyone of my moots / non-moots feels the same or how u guys cope with this shit. (Or relatable shit, just stop reading if this seems cringe to you or something, I’m mostly just venting because I’m interested if anyone experienced the same/similar things.)

Honestly I should’ve known that JJK ends this way or better said I knew he‘d die- though I didn’t think this way, idk how to feel about it, it feels like there is something missing, though we got a little bit of aftermath or „explanation“ or whatever the fuck u call it but at least to me it still feels off.

Im probably delusional if I say I still hope we‘ll see him again though the signs are pretty bad, for someone that attached a lot to him, for example taking him as comfort character, due to real life being a bitch too I‘m really struggling with enjoying stuff again, like fanfics-Art and everything related.

It pisses me off and I feel number as days go by, I feel sad I can’t enjoy the fanfics of my fav authors like before anymore, sad that Art doesn’t do anything to me anymore and annoyed to be back in this stupid mindset I tried so hard avoiding.

I Wonder if any of you guys dropped JJK for good after shit went down?

How do you cope with something that took away all your happiness as it left? (Not particularly only in regard of the manga, life in general.)

On another note: I‘m trying to find stuff again to help me get tru this state I’m in rn, sometimes I read fluff and it gives me a little bit of happiness that feels nice but as soon as reality hits again everything’s dark again, I know I should go to therapy but I don’t have the funds for it right now and honestly I don’t even know if this is worth it at all but I like to try and be happy again or at least get myself fixed enough so I can somewhat enjoy life again without crying every 5 minutes if something reminds me of stuff that happened in the past that I can’t change anyways, this is so damn tiring and I’m so sick of this. Why is mental health a thing and why are feelings even real.

Maybe I‘ll do a second blog for shit like this in the future because it’s quite… different >.>

[uglypastels]

okay getting to the other stuff now that i’ve said my piece about the heart-wrenching cliffhanger you’re going to keep me up at night with lmao

- he was scared of losing her and was just gonna go be sad in his room by himself🥺

- even though he’s a good pirate (can’t believe i’m a pirate apologist now) he’s killed people before but what sits heaviest with him is that he’s hurt her!!! stfu that’s so pure

- as soon as he said to just call him eddie… oh babeyyy i knew shit was abt to go down in a sinful way. but no! poor eddie was blue balled, reader had a terrifying dream, and us (actual) readers were on the edge of our fucking seat

- the crew said they’d miss her!!

- hellfire shot first, right? (i kept getting interrupted trying to read that part so it’s fuzzy to me) WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE RED TAIL SANK I NEED THIS BACKSTORY OH MY GOD

CAN WE TALK ABT THE SMUT JFC. cause you rly fucking delivered on that

- ‘Really? The princess had thought of me, a filthy pirate?’ ‘I’m not a princess.’ You rolled your eyes playfully. ‘Out of all the things to dispute, you argue my words of affection?’

- ^fucking swooning over these lines

- ‘So you can be good for me.’

- ^this one too

- him admitting he lost his control due to jealousy!!! idec if it’s toxic (only cause this isn’t real life) jealous eddie is so hot

- as a tit (wo)man myself, i have to give my thanks for including boob stuff *chefs kiss*

more comments of after the smut cause i apparently have a million fucking thoughts abt this chapter i’m sorry😭

- they comforted each other after their nightmares that is so goddamn sweet im SICK

- ‘I had honesty considered just locking you away and keeping you forever, but I am a man of my word, am I not?’ HE SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT HER THERE FOREVER. TURNED TF AROUND AND NEVER LOOKED BACK

- reader writing the ransom note and changing the whole story to try to spare eddie/hellfire was so smart oh my god u rly had me fooled that they weren’t gonna get in any trouble and be seen as fucking heroes or smth

- the comment abt him not having carpet fr cracked me up

- he read her mind and shut the idea of staying with him down:(( that son of a bitch (still love him tho)

- and he didn’t tie her hands tight so she could start swinging at any moment!! (c o m e o n reader…we’re fucking waiting! punch ur dad in the face!)

- ‘governor, i see we meet again’ again!!! AGAIN?!!?!

amazing fucking chapter. ur updates always make me so excited, and i’m eagerly waiting for more<333

Dont mind me just giddily giggling over all of this 🤭 but its really hard for me to reply bc i am just rereading your comments and kicking my feet with joy. You really know how to butter me up lmao and i wish i could write rn but i'll be at the beach the whole day so i will have to do with daydreams and the notes app- which, btw, do not ever again apologise for sharing your thoughts!! I as a professional attention whore absolutely thrive off of this so please do not stop

Well, ya know the title of the fic, and it is eddie so you know he's a sweetiepie at heart. He's just been through stuff (and yessss we will find out what. All questions will be answered i hope (unless people have questions to things i did not even consider but so far i dont think that has been the case???).

And listen, with [fan]fiction, there is no such thing as red flags 🫤🙄 only black ones with skulls on them 🏴‍☠️ and toxicity is what makes everything that extra bit spicy.

I am a bit sorry for blueballing yall at the beginning, but if i hadnt then we would not have gotten the rest of the chapter as it is now?? And that counts for something suuurely

plus, i tried to hold off on the smut as long as i could bc i really really do not like writing it, as much as i am an avid lover of it, which brings me to my next point of i really appreciate all the comments on the smut bc i honestly dont know what in doing most times and it was probably the main reason why it took so long to write this chapter because i just freeze up at the mention of genitalia lmao. My brain just becomes that cymbal monkey.

Hehe i was really proud of that pirate/princess line. And the carpet one. Just gotta break up the heaviness sometimes ya know. And you just know these two have that kind of "deprication as love language" affair. Is that a even a thing? Well i made it a thing. Especially since its basically canon for this au that eddie has a major degradation kink.

In a perfect world, they would have been welcomed as heroes, but in a perfect world they also would never have kidnapped her so 🫠

And yes Again 😌

[maxxieal]

Day 1

[ 1/1/2023 ]

Today is a new me, changing my personality i didn't like. Like being too loud, laughing too much and chatting too much, i wanna be so quiet for a while.

Somehow, i feel off about them and i don't know why. This feeling is same as what happened last December 2021 too like staying away from everyone and stay to that special friend who's been there for you all those times. I wanna be with her too, i wanna enjoy those times we can't do due to pandemic. I ain't comfortable with my "friends" right now, it's just i can't vibe with them. Sometimes they rely on me which is tiring too, why always me? I really regret to be with you guys when we became a trio like my life become hell. Why the fuck i helped you for that? WHY THE FUCK NA TINULUNGAN KITA, IPAGTANGGOL KITA? FUCK THIS SHIT , WHY IM WITH YOU GUYS ? I WISH I WILL HAVE A CHSNCE TO GO BACK IN TIME SO I CAN RESTART EVERYTING I MADE A MISTAKES.

Im a type of friend who gets tired with all of your shit.. too:(

I kept overthinking.. mostly of him.. Im being uncomfortable and annoyed for some reason. Istg, if i didn't answer him i'll never be in relationship again. ITS TOO ANNOYING TO UPDATE EVERY SINGLE THING IM DOING, CAN YOU JUST FUCKING TRUST ME? CANT YOU SEE IM TRYING TO HAVE FUN WITH MY RELATIVES AND MYSELF TOO!? HOW IMMATURE YOU ARE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER THAN US? Bro you aew almost 2 years away from being an 18 years old yet you still act like a fucking child. All i want for this vacation is to enjoy my life alone without any classmates of mine in this school. All i want is my old friend and my family in this break. And not all the time i have time with y'all shits so get the fuck outta here and let me have my peace.

Anyways so, i still want to drink but wala ng beer 🥲 This was the beer btw, it taste like a softdrink. Inubos ko isang bottle but this bubbles there? I accidentally did smthng i didnt know, i was quietly enjoying it lmao

About Kpop, PLEASE LMAO GALAW GALAW NAMAN JAN KASI PUTCHA NA DRA-DRY AKO . Please bring back the old me na super addict sa phase na to even sa Anime lmaossosiso

But is this the sign na.. am i getting older? Like... there's a time na i wanna.. nvmd

I also finished Alice in the borderland S1 so in S2 , im already on ep 3 or 4 ig? I forgot cause i feel like im gonna throw out in any minute rn 😭 Btw, bye. HWHAHAHAH

Edit :

So i already finished the whole series right after 4pm , Its was so good! I cried at the end though, the only thing i could say is every person cards is so damn insane! unlike the number cards. ITS FUCKING INSANE THOUGH, Thanks god to Usagi , she's the best! She knew Mira manipulating Arisu to quit the game so she did her best to tell him na don't listen to her. Bitch this Mira is getting on my nerve like SHE SO ARTE WHEN SPEAKING AND SHE EVEN PINAHAHABA UNG KWENTO DI PA DIRECT TO THE POINT. I WANNA STUB HER TO DEATH LMAOEJSIWBJSJA.

After i finished the whole series, lets move to the other point. I opened up to my mother earth since i really don't want to feel nervous eh, i wanna end everything to the both of my friends hahaha, but need ko talaga makisama 'til the end hahahhaa.

I also tell that na he is courting me, but i don't want though. I find something i don't like haha, it feels like he can't do anything what i wanted to achive for life. So i'll be independent and not leaning to others though, men is shit btw hwhauwhwh.

I realize its not worthy to be in relationship so fast, its so kadiri na somehow. Im making him hate me for that shit

[calehenituse-brainrot]

Do you think Cale would be able to impregnate an infirtile woman? I was thinking that because of the Vitality of the Heart, not only had his blood become so full of life, but even other fluids from his body. So, basically, Cale now having magical balls.

So, I was imagining... Female Reader who is infertile could only dream of having a child of her own. She even told Cale before their marriage about it, but Cale had no problem. Then, after a passionate night, a year after their wedding, Reader starts feeling ill in the morning. After a week of the repeated sickness, Cale forces Reader to see a doctor.

"Congratulations! Your due date is in August!"

(Did their coupling happen in November? Yes it did)

Reader couldn't believe it. She looked at Cale with tears in her eyes.

"We're gonna have a baby..."

Cale kisses Reader's head softly, a soft smile on his face.

"I'm going to have a baby growing INSIDE ME!"

Reader was crying. She couldn't believe it. She and Cale were going to have a baby!

anon babe YOU ARE A GENIUS???

I never even thought about it and I can see it actually happening??? lowkey kinda teared up reading this lol

He might be physically weak but that man is literally full of vitality and every single drop of bodily fluid of his is probably enriched with some sort of immortality shit that could go against the laws of biology.

I love this concept of infertile reader so much omg. i cant write a proper story abt this since im supposed to be doing my assignment rn but i cant help myself okay :( this is brilliant

Cale sees how you were so gentle — so affectionate and caring to the kids and he remembers how much you longed to have a child of your own, one that perhaps could look like Cale and have some features of your own.

Oh, it's not like you disliked the children that you and Cale have right now — they're your children and you never wished for it to be any other way — but there are times when you look at other pregnant women and how they caress their stomach with a smile on their face.

Sometimes you were allowed to feel their baby kick and your heart jumped a bit because you want to experience that too. It might not be a good journey, but to give birth to a creation between you and the love of your life has your heart racing.

But you knew of your condition.

You couldn't find a partner during a young age because of it — after all, a wife is useless if she cannot bear a child to her husband.

You lamented in the fact that you could not have a child of your own and how you would probably never have a significant other due to your condition.

But then Cale came in to your life.

He bursted into your life like that of a hurricane that overwhelms everyone wherever it goes. However unlike a hurricane who brought over destruction and sorrow, he brought you warmth.

He brought you comfort.

Love.

He loves you despite knowing about your condition and despite how you always heard the nobles talk about "what a damn shame" it was for Cale Henituse to have chosen you as his wife, Cale had always made sure to remind you that your value does not equate to whether or not you'll be useful to him or not as his wife.

He loves you as of whole and never once did he made you feel like he doesn't.

So when you experience vomitting in the early mornings and being uncomfortable in general for the last couple of days, Cale pressures you to let a doctor to examine you.

"All these symptoms..."

Even the doctor sounded unsure. They knew of your condition and thought this is an impossible thing to have happened.

"What is it?" Cale asked. He looked worried, frowning a bit with a hand placed around your shoulders as a way to calm you down.

"Madam [Name], there's a possibility that you might be pregnant."

Both you and Cale went quiet out of shock. You let out a small laugh, somewhat light headed. "N-no, that's—that's impossible. I can't—"

Even saying it felt so heavy.

"I can't bear any children."

"Madam, missing your menstruation cycle, experiencing vomitting in the early morning, fatigue, and the other symptoms you have told me are the early symptoms of pregnancy," the doctor continued. "They're symptoms that appears one or two months after you've become pregnant."

Cale began to retrace a bit of your coupling history, able to hear his heart pumping quickly in his ear. "I, I think it might be during November. That, that's when you got pregnant."

You blinked owlishly because even Cale sounded to be in disbelief.

"Cale, no, I couldn't be pregnant," you reminded him again, voice soft and weak because damn it, you do not want to have hope and get disappointed.

"If what Young Master Cale-nim says is true, then the Madam's due date might be in August," the doctor piped in and you rubbed your temple. "I—How can we be sure that I'm pregnant?"

"We would do a monthly checkup," the doctor answered. "If the Madam keeps on getting symptoms after this, then we can be sure that the Madam might not be experiencing phantom pregnancy."

Cale thought for a moment before nodding, squeezing your shoulder. "What do you say, [Name]? We'd have to go through a monthly checkup. Is that okay with you?"

You felt faint, rubbing your temple. "Okay. Okay, we'll go with it."

After having the doctor to keep quiet about your condition, the man left you and your husband alone. You leaned back to the couch while Cale stared at your pale face.

"I thought you'd be happy with the news," Cale murmured, tucking a few stray strands of your [h/c] hair behind your ear.

"We can't be too optimistic," you replied, eyes watering. "What—what if it's just phantom pregnancy like what the doctor said?"

"Then that's fine," Cale said, caressing your head lovingly.

"Won't you be disappointed?" You murmured, beginning to sniffle.

"What are you talking about?" Cale asked, a small frown appearing on his handsome face. He saw a tear escaped from the corner of your eye. As he reached out to wipe your tears away, he began, "I married you for you, [Name], not to have you pop out a kid. Whether you're pregnant or not will never change my feelings for you."

You sniffled again, tears running down your cheeks. "And if I am? Pregnant, that is."

Cale stared at your bloodshot eyes, knowing that to have such a huge bomb on you after years of believing you could never have your own child would definitely do some damange to your mind. "And if you are pregnant, you'll be an amazing mother. I'll try my best to help you all the way and be a good father to our child."

You smiled, lip still trembling. "Will you be happy if I'm pregnant?"

"What kind of question is that?" He asked, voice soft and full of affection. "Of course, I'll be happy."

Cale leaned down, kissing your head. "You're going to be a mother. I'm sure of it."

When he pulled away, you kissed him on the lips before hugging him. "We're both going to be parents."

Cale wrapped his arms around your waist, swaying you a bit from left to right with a smile.

"Oh, Gods, Cale, we're going to be parents," you repeated, letting him go to stare at him with wide [e/c] eyes. "Cale, I—I might have a baby in me."

"Mhm." Cale hummed with a small grin. "Guess we have to start preparing, huh?"

You smiled at him, eyes watering again with tears before hugging him tight. "Oh, Cale, we're having a baby!"

Cale smiled, returning your hug, warmth spreading throughout his whole body as he thought about how he had never considered about having another child but the thought of holding a baby that was proof of yours and his love made him excited.

He honestly couldn't wait and he was sure you were even more ecstatic than he is.

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey buisness - john shelby x reader (part 2 of ?)

read part one here!

a/n: hey loves! i'm finishing up school rn, but i had to get this out and i'm about to start working on a tommy request immediately after i upload this. anyways, i'm so excited to post this series, it's incredible and i can't thank my bestie @stxdyblr-2k enough. she is a fucking genius :)

prompt: you can't get john out of your head. lo and behold, here he is.

warnings: fluff, mentions of smut, angsty af, soft john (ugh my heart)

Despite your best efforts, you'd been unable to stop yourself yearning for John Shelby. Your pokey flat now often lay empty; you were far too busy to mope at home due to your career as a personal assistant to a local solicitor who was allied with the Shelby's, attending rallies and lectures with Ada and the drunken nights you'd spend at various mansions, galleries and club openings with the "razor chasers" you'd become friendly with due to their refusal to leave Ada alone. Yet still, in those odd seconds of calm you seized over a cigarette, the first seconds after a bump of Tokyo, when you carefully applied your makeup, styled your hair or bathed, you'd think of him. The way the pads of his fingertips felt on your skin, how he’d muttered in your ear how pretty you looked.

But this was different to when you were dreaming about John at 15; he was no longer the allusive older brother of Ada who had a string of beautiful girls on rotation. He wasn’t a fantasy anymore. He was true flesh and blood, and for a moment he had wanted you.

It would be delicious if the whole situation hadn't left a bitter taste in your mouth. Of course you came back to Brum to only immediately fuck it up. The first night, and already you were so close to ruining everything? Looking back, now that you were so close with Ada once more, now that you knew who John had grown to be, that night was cringe inducing. Luckily, no one had seemed to catch on. Luckily, you thrived in the Small Heath rumour mill once again. All the gossip about you was mainly about your substance use, the lads you were seen curling up with outside nightclubs, your intelligence, your helpful nature, sometimes your questionable politics but that was all. John's was far darker, stories of blood, death and gasoline. Recently, the tales of his conquests had quietened, but only due to the lurid delight taken by the factory workers in talking about the recent blinding of some poor fucker who'd crossed the wrong person. Obviously, a lot of the detail had to be exaggerated for shock value and to boost the Shelby status, solidifying them as notorious throughout Birmingham city and its rural surroundings. There were murmurs everywhere about the violent John Shelby: ruthless, cocky, vengeful. It seemed impossible that the same man who cracked shit jokes just to see you smile, kissed you with so much desperation, and prioritised getting you off first could cause such harm without an ounce of guilt or shame to slow his swagger.

Whispers of war were far more constant, but then again, people would say anything for a reaction. You didn't bring it up with Ada. You refused to (openly) partake in mindless gossip on principle, yet you were hungry for information about him.

***********

You'd long forgotten whose wedding you were at. Some loyal blinder, a close friend of the Shelby's, the occasion calling for a large white marquee to be built onto one of Tommy's gardens, fully staffed with the best chef and service team money could buy (from a London restaurant at short notice; when Finn told you the extortionate figure Tommy had paid, your jaw had dropped). The cake, dress and decorations were stunning; you weren't sure exactly what the groom had done for the Shelby's but you could only assume the worst for what they'd splashed out on him.

However, thinking like that only spoilt your night: you'd realised at your fifth club takeover, now you repeated it like a mantra constantly. You'd quickly learnt every excess the Shelby's granted to those outside their circle were due to some perceived sacrifice for being associated with them. Well, that's what you chose to believe after John had sent a junior blinder to your office with a bouquet, the Monday morning after he turned you down. So, it was best to smile and take the shit, get paid, and get out as soon as possible. You were to keep your head down until then.

Yet, keeping your head down was difficult tonight. Ada had treated you to a shopping trip to London for the occasion this morning, Arthur forcing the junior blinders to tag along next to you on the train and trailing less than two metres behind you for hours. You missed the days when it was just you and Ada. It was far more simple without the stares whenever the two of you stepped out. Ada had gotten used to it, she'd devised her own methods of being completely alone; complex plans involving leaving a window open, knotting sheets into a rope and twisting her ankles. Not that she minded, she reckoned the suffocation of being a Shelby was much worse than a few bruised ankles.

You were wearing a clingy emerald green dress from some fancy French boutique you couldn't even pronounce, the diamond necklace sitting along your collarbone and the jewels dangling through your ears were on loan from Ada. You felt eyes unpicking you the moment you entered the after-party. Your arm was linked through Ada's as per usual, she looked equally stylish in a peacock blue number that set off her eyes, her delicate features perfected with makeup.

You'd quickly found your gaggle and began drinking and dancing the night away. Whispers about snow arose from your table, people disappearing to the toilets to rail a line on the bathroom counter, then to the dance floor or to the lap of the poor fucker who'd hold back their hair while they vomited in just a few hours. At least the Blinders were polite about it. Isaiah would kill them if they weren’t. You'd let your arm be tugged on various bathroom trips, treated among your group like secret missions although you weren't entirely subtle about it.

What you weren't aware of was across the marquee, you were being watched by the three men in your life who you'd never want to see you in this state: the Shelby's.

"Looks like Finn's taken your spot, John." Arthur yelled in John's ear over the loud music, gesturing to the youngest Shelby sat at the table next to you who was staring up at you in complete adoration as you chatted across him to Michael, seemingly arguing with him. By the looks of it, you were winning.

John pulled a face at Arthur. “Fuck off, old man. That'll never happen. Finn’s too young for her." He immediately regretted the words that had fallen out of his mouth, revealing far too much for his comfort.

"It's not impossible."

"He's just not right for her, yeah?"

"And you are?"

John didn't bother to bless him with a verbal response, instead flipping him off and downing the rest of his whiskey. "It's not like that."

"What's it like then? Because from where I'm sitting, it's pretty fucking clear, John." Arthur slurred, glass of whiskey sloshing onto his sleeve.

"You're too gone to even know you're chatting shit." John sneered, standing up, "I'm off for a smoke and some fresh air. Try not to fuck anything in my absence, both of you."

His brothers cursed him out as he left. John took a second to figure out his route, purposefully having to cross your path, gesturing for you to follow him subtly. He was surprised you came trailing after him, telling Michael that you weren’t done yelling at him and you’d be back. When you were both only metres from the marquee, he knew you were fucked. You were instantly bored, begging him for a cigarette, which he lit for you, shaking his head at your state.

"You're a fucking mess, love." He said, mouth sloping attractively to one side.

"Takes one to know one, John-boy. Where are we off to, then?"

"Somewhere fucking quiet, can barely hear myself think. Plus, you need to sober the fuck up, lass." He said, softly, as he walked across the dew soaked grass. You followed, heels in hand, holding your dress up as not to ruin it. He sighed, taking the shoes from your hands and wrapping his blazer around your shoulders, linking your arm through his for stability. He kept the distance respectful, but there wasn’t any denying the thick tension in the summer air between the two of you. Ahead, there was a small stone bench sat at the foot of one of Thomas' manicured gardens, and John offered his hand to help you sit. You made small talk and caught up on each other's lives, and you noted John only seemed to glow when you asked about his kids. He talked at length, the drink seemingly unhinging his jaw. There he was again, the John you knew and had admired for so many years. You could sit here forever, watching his blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight. Yet, it just wasn’t meant to be. You wished you could stop time just for a bit, give you enough moments to memorize the freckles on his skin.

"You know the night I first came home?" The alcohol and snow had loosened your lips. You were teetering on the edge of your boundaries, but you couldn't care enough to hold back.

"The night where absolutely nothing happened?" He joked, raising an eyebrow at you, cautious that you'd randomly brought it up in your state. "Sweetheart, this can wait."

He was warning you. For a second you managed to bite your tongue, but curiosity tipped you over the edge.

"But something nearly happened, right?"

"Y/N. Don't." He warned, his tone icy, suddenly distancing from you, hiding between an emotional boundary which he didn't wish to explore.

"John, it's just us. Can't we even talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about, though. You were off your face then, and now. That's fine. We know where we stand. It can't happen."

"I wanted to. I do want to."

"You don't. Trust me. You need a nice lad who'll marry you and look after you. Just need to keep your nose clean long enough yeah?" He teased, trying to lighten the mood, blue eyes begging you to move on.

Your head turned to face him, your face contorting in a mixture of confusion and irritation. "You don't get to tell me what I want or need. The last thing I want is to marry any lad, nice or not."

"I didn't mean it like that, right? Look, I just meant you deserve better than Shelby scum. You're going places you know? Don't settle for Small Heath." John responded with a pained sigh. He didn’t want to get into it with you; not here, not like this. He'd thought about it, naturally. You were constantly on his mind, yet only problems ever seemed to appear, never solutions. It was best for him to avoid you. Why the fuck did he drag you out here? Horrible idea.

"Your family isn't scum. Where the fuck did you get that from?" Your face was screwed up in genuine rage. "I-"

"Y/N, fuckin’ leave it."

His face had hardened completely now. He'd snapped at you. His voice hadn't raised, it was just the power he spat his order out with. You held up your hands in mock surrender, pointedly taking a cigarette from his front pocket and light it silently, not saying a word.

"Why are you so bothered, anyways?" He asked, breaking the silence like you knew he would. John always had to ask questions.

"Fuck off with that, John. I'm not in the mood."

"What do you mean?" He looked completely lost.

"We nearly had sex. Just sex, nothing else right?"

John remained silent.

"Would it be the worst thing in the world?" You asked, your voice wavering. It was hard enough to get the words out, let alone imagine the response.

"You're far too wasted to chat about this, love."

"John, I’m not-"

"I'm serious. You're fucking mashed like my brothers aren't you? Like all those other fuckers in there." He sounded genuinely angry. In the glow of the sunset he looked so much younger, so hurt and lonely. Why hadn't you noticed before?

He turned to you, eyes widened and shocked at his own outburst. "You're not the only one gone yeah? Ignore me, I'm fucked, sorry."

You reached out your hand and linked your fingers through his in silence, the warm evening wind ruffling your hair and dress, blocked from your skin by John's suit jacket which was wrapped around your shoulders. Not that anyone would notice or care. As long as Ada wasn't with you, you could disappear for hours without any alarm. There you sat in the tranquil last few moments of the day, your hand linked with John's, both beyond tipsy. You weren’t thinking properly but it felt right. You felt safe. You didn't want to have to return to the chaos of the party, to have to catch up on who your friends were currently trying to screw. None of that seemed to matter anymore.

Was it too much to ask for something to be simple? Maybe you didn't have to fuck him. Maybe just these small moments were enough. You laughed at the thought when it crossed your mind; neither you nor John were known for consistency or stability in relationships, you being admittedly rather inexperienced, only having been with a few men, and he had his fair share of escapades. But he was just so different. You wouldn't admit that he'd gotten your attention in any way than purely sexually (which surprised you to admit) and for fun, but you genuinely enjoyed his presence.

He was right though. It wasn't a good idea at all to hook up. There was far too much baggage for both of you to make it worth it.

Just once?

You glanced over at John. He rolled his eyes at you, but the edges of his lips were slightly upturned, his dimples faintly peeking through his defined cheeks.

Just once couldn't hurt.

***

The sky was streaked with shades of gold, amber and blood. John could feel the friction from your knee barely knocking against his, the pressure putting him on edge. In fairness, he had drunk heavily, and that's what happens when you let your guard down around beautiful women. He couldn't believe you had told him you wanted to have sex with him still. He'd chalked the whole situation down to a drunken mistake that would have progressed into a far more significant drunken mistake. Ada would never forgive him if he went for another of her mates. Especially Y/N. No matter if he said that Y/N could be different, that you wasn't just another conquest. But who'd believe him?

Far better to keep his mouth shut.

Far better to play safe.

As you were called back to the party by the gaggle of girls John vaguely recognised from hanging off the arms of other blinders, he realised (despite his state) that you were right. Having sex with you wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. In fact, it might be one of the best.

Just once?

He watched your figure disappear back into the marquee, waiting for you to turn back and look for him. You do. He would have done the same if it was him.

Maybe just once wouldn't hurt.

***

to be continued!

[brawn-gp]

Oh don't get me wrong, I think Mick is lovely and a good driver too. But I haven't seen enough of him to actually connect with him, he seems very bland to me most of the time. He almost feels robotic sometimes, with his nice smile and professional answers, almost never showing his raw emotions (except a few times - which I kinda liked lol) it's very sad because this man is only 22 years old, he's sooo young and he acts sooo mature and well behaved (which is a good thing) but I can definetly see why he's so liked in the fandom, he seems very smart, nice and educated. But for me idk we barely know anything about him. I would totally love to hear more of your thoughts about his persona or see videos of him showing a little bit more of his personality, because I am sure he has some of his dad's fire (even tho I feel bad that everyone compares them all the time, Mick is his own person) hope that makes sense, I still think he's very lovely and pretty ofc!! :)

and that is totally fair and valid! i see no reason why everyone should like mick :-) we are lucky to have many drivers -from different series- who have such vastly different personalities, and for the most part each one of us connect to these drivers for different reasons (well i say for the most part because there's also the good list-bad list phenomenon in f1blr that i wont explain rn) but it's nice to know that you wanna know why we like mick!

[ok quick sidenote... that was all i wrote back when i got this ask, but since then, my mental sanity decided to go rogue. so uh... this answer will be a bit more personal :-) if you're not comfortable with that lmk and i'll write a more level-headed reply]

so i had some days to think, well... what do i like about mick schumacher. i mean thinking about personal biases it could be because he's an attractive man of my age who has good manners and is the son of one of my favorite drivers of all time, with a side of gatekeepy emotions because there were very few of us mick fans when i started this blog (i made this blog right after his flop f2 season, so you can understand that while he had many people that generally liked him and wanted to do good, he wasn't the most popular feeder series driver out there). but diving deeper i don't think thats all of it.

i think the most honest answer i can give you as to why i like him is because i relate to him. a lot. i’m shy and sociable in the spaces i know, but i feel the most comfortable in my own home, with my cats (in his case with his dogs, but you know what i mean). i’m cautious and a perfectionist, i like to keep my thoughts to myself. however, and in spite of that, i consider myself a very complex individual. and my biggest fear... is being perceived as boring. simple as that.

so maybe i’m just projecting, giving him a personality that may not exist, because i need people to also know that i’m more than i show in casual spaces.

does that make sense? like i just don't think that being quiet and keeping things to yourself makes you have 0 personality... maybe it just means that you need more of one on one conversations to let your true personality shine through.

the other answer is that maybe i just like bland people to balance out the more heavy personality-wise drivers like charles, lewis and seb sdkjhf

ok and to try and back-track this conversation and not make everything about me lol, i do think that part of his robotic mannerisms comes with being media trained since forever, specially with a press as shark-like as the motorsports one. he's had to be careful all his life, because the second he gets his guard down, he could face awful personal questions, like the state of his dad.

so yeah, i think thats something he could change giving the right environment and with due time.... but let's not forget that last year was his first season in f1 and couldn't prove much in the dog shit of a car that was the haas in 2021 lmao. so all of his questions in were along the lines of "do you think you're improving" "is haas a good team" "do you get along with ___", yada yada yada. and there aren't that many different ways you could answer those without sounding like an automated answering machine. hopefully the car will work a bit better this year and answer some questions about racing and points from time to time!

[also sorry for taking so long in answering i promise this was always on my mind ♡]

[velvetyh]

i forgot to answer your answer that day 🥲

nah you don’t get it, i feel so relieved to know i’m not the only who covers EVERYTHING that could potentially reflect me… but in my case, the problem is my body, no my face… yeah, no mirrors in my room.

a few years ago, when i was struggling with mia i literally stopped going outside so i won’t see myself reflected in any part — other way i would have a panic attack and how fucking cute is that (´･_･`)

y’know? the whole world felt torture having to lock themselves in their homes because of... well the stupid pandemic 🙄, but in my case, it was a fucking relief to know that i wouldn't have to go back to school as planned and decided... i was SO relieved to know that i wouldn't have to start working on overcoming the fear of going outside like we had planned with my psychologist.

confinement brought mental problems to many due to the lack of interaction with the outside world (which sucks) but i already lived that way, the only person i let into my life was my best friend 🥲 — who’s now my ex-best friend lmao

two words, bucket and hat !! i’m able to go outside thanks to them, my beautiful saviors <33 i own quiet some, thanks to them i go out without worrying about accidentally seeing myself reflected in a random window of some random building… the best part??? i look cool and nobody really think i wear them to somehow deal with my problem with self-reflections…

i’m working on this shit tho 😮‍💨 i can’t hide and protect me with a bucket hat my whole life… wish i could, but i can’t </3

sigh… let’s be tragedy buddies <333 sorry for oversharing btw lol

anyway, i hope you’re doing ok — i know life can be a really cruel bitch so… 🥺 yeah, take care!! ♡

oof i don't have mirrors in my room as well 💀 at some point my insecurities were so bad that i had to cover my bathroom mirror and draw the curtains, so i feel you 🥺

i'd say that what i see in the mirror is a solid 4.75/10, but since i know what ppl see is not the same face you see in the mirror, i am absolutely mortified and i am beyond disgusted at my 'inverted' face, my face rate would be -100000000/10 LOL

rn im wearing my mask at every occasion possible bc

im a responsible adult

im scared of covid

i am ✨INSECURE✨

so i feel you when you say you were happy to not leave your house bc SAME!! i was also relieved to wear something that covered half of my face omg did you also loose your best friend during the panoramic?? bc same, they stopped talking to me as soon as i left uni 💀 i am a magnet, i attracted bad ppl because they constantly leave me after a while LOL

im so glad you found an item of clothing you feel comfortable in, me it's casual, long dresses. i feel cute in them and they cover all my insecuritites, i feel good if i pair them with a jacket, so my arms are covered!

don't worry, this blog is a share place to overshare, im actually moved that you feel comfy enough with me to share your feelings :D i wouldn't be in the best place to judge you because i can relate to most things you say ❣️

take care too !

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

hi again 🥺🥺 this is for the match ups you are doing :))

appearance :: i am 5'4 and have brown hair and eyes, though my eyes are a little green with sunlight too. i can say i have a curvy body(? and i was told i have a cute and bright smile.

personality :: when i first meet someone i tend to be very shy, sometimes i even barely speak. but once i get to know someone i open myself up a little more (still, i find it very hard to open up to things that are personal or make me sad). i could say im calm, positive and patient but i tend to be jealous a lot and sensitive over not so important things. i do have a tendency to put others before me way too much which causes me to forget about myself.

hobbies :: i love to read ! i usually use my savings for buying new books or mangas :)) i also like painting and drawing but i dont know if i should count those as hobbies now bc they are very related to what im majoring in. I love playing the guitar and listening to some calming music while laying in bed.

aesthetic :: my favorite aesthetics are cottagecore and goblincore. however in my daily life i use a combination of both + a little bit of light academia <3

likes :: greek mythology, conspiracy theories, kdramas, romance and adventure books, fantasy, mushrooms 🥺, cats, guitars, picnics, inceses, meditations, study dates, libraries, watercolors and relaxing//acoustic music.

mbti + zodiac sign :: with my mbti is kinda difficult to say because i took different tests and i had two different types as results:: INFJ and INFP. i relate to both in a lot of ways but i still find myself relating to more people or characters that are INFP. my zodiac sign is virgo, my rising taurus and my moon leo.

type :: i dont know if i have a type? i would love to date someone who understands me and makes me feel loved. who's love language are words of affirmation or/and physical touch. someone who, if he does not share interests with me or preferences in dates, can adapt and be willing to learn about the things that i like. someone who will cheer me up. maybe a little dorky? i dont mind if they are not extroverted as long as we help each other to get out of our comfort zone :)) in appearance maybe just not too beefy ah 😅 lol but other than that, someone who will respect me and will make me smile

i think that is it? sorry for making it so long and thank you sooo much for taking your time to do this 🥺🥺 have a great day 💛💛💛

@budibbly

Romantic Matchup

Tendou Satori

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐘𝐚'𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐭

Ok picture this...

Shonen Jump just came out with a new LIMITED EDITION magazine

These things are just disappearing off shelves

BUT

There is one. Singular. Copy in the store you are currently at

Obviously you see it

And OBVIOUSLY your gonna go get it!

However when you reach to grab it your hand touched the hand of the one and only

Tendou Satori

Both of you had a deadly tight grip on this magazine rn

Neither of you are backing down

You look him dead in the eyes

“I’m sorry sir but I do believe I touched this first”

He looked right back at you

“I’m sorry ma’am but I’m pretty sure I was the one who touched it first”

You both went back and forth bickering about who should get to have the magazine

And that’s when Tendou came out with the GENIUS idea of...

Rock. Paper. Scissors.

Simple, whoever wins gets the magazine

Thus the match began

Long story short Tendou lost 2-1

Seeing his sad face you decided to be nice and offered to read it together at the nearby park

Of course he was gonna agree this is SHONEN JUMP WERE TALKING ABOUT

So you both headed to the park to read

Honestly you busted out the entire magazine within an hour

And after you finished it you two talked about it for about another hour

And shit since you we’re both at the park, why not have a little fun

You guys spent the rest of the day messing around on the playground

You know... harassing kids and shit

And when it was time to go home you both agreed to meet back up next week to discuss more manga

This became sort of a routine for you two

Every Friday you guys would meet up somewhere and talk about or read some manga

And then afterwards you two would go find something fun to do

And over time he started having feelings for you

But poor boy was to scared to tell you

But lucky for him, you also grew to have feelings for him

So YOU where actually the one to confess :D

And he obviously said yes :)

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Omg cheesy moment real quick

He loves your smile

Absolutely fricken adores it

Like he will do ANYTHING to see you smile

He loves how positive you can be!

Sometimes Tendou can get a little down on himself

But you can always pick him back up and get him smiling again!!

And he gladly does the same for you :)

Honesty

He likes the fact that you get a little jealous 👀

To him it just shows that you care a lot about him

Annnnd last one

He loves the fact that you enjoy manga as well :D

Because you both have something to do together that you both enjoy!

𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐨 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

Ok so he obviously likes reading manga with you

HOWEVER

One of his favorite things to do with you is

🥁 🥁 🥁

Exploring mythology with you!!

Honestly tendous kinda into that witchy type of aesthetic

So mythology, crystals, spirits, he’s ALL for it

One time he even invited you ghost hunting ❤️

Fun times

But I’m pretty sure y’all have a ghost tied to you 😀

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐜

Tendou loves taking you to haunted places!

He genuinely thinks he can talk to ghosts...

He always links your conspiracy theories to paranormal activity

He loves to meditate with you

Especially before a game 😁

He says it “grounds” him

Ever since y’all met you take turns buying weekly shonen jump magazines and snacks

Ok Tendou likes painting

But he ALWAYS makes a mess

Why?

Because he specifically likes FINGER painting 🥲

𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲

When Taurus and Virgo come together in a love affair, it’s a union of innate practicality.

Both of these Signs employ practicality in their daily lives as the most efficient means to most problems.

They can be quite sincere and devoted to one another; as people, both have a great deal of integrity.

Virgo likes Taurus’s strength and dedication while Taurus appreciates Virgo’s quick mind.

Due to Virgo’s naturally cautious nature, this relationship can take awhile to develop, but once it’s established that both partners are in it for the long haul, it’s like a runaway locomotive, running on its own power and difficult to stop.

These two Signs have much in common: They highly value common sense and practicality; they’re both materialistic but work hard for the creature comforts they so enjoy.

Taurus is more sensual and indulgent than Virgo is; Virgo tends to be the inhibitive force in the relationship, tending not to get involved in the chaos of life in favor of analyzing all available options.

Virgo’s analysis leads to criticism, which Taurus can tend to take too seriously. Conversely, Taurus’s stubborn nature can get on Virgo’s nerves, causing Virgo to criticize even more!

This pair must take care not to take one another too seriously.

The good thing is, they’re similar enough that they can learn to be patient with one another, especially Virgo, who loves to indulge Taurus’s penchant for fine treatment and good food.

Their dedication to working toward the same goals.

Both partners enjoy luxury and nice things, and Virgo likes helping Taurus achieve their goals.

Their common interests and desires make theirs a highly compatible relationship.

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜

𝓜𝔂𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓼 ✨ 🔮 ✨

[andypantsx3]

hi there !! i hope you're doing well :) ever since i started reading ur fics i've just been really impressed with how u keep the quality of ur content very consistent. do u take breaks in between writing each fic? i think u mentioned this in a previous post when u talked about editing fics, but i guess i'm wondering how u keep urself from being burnt out/if u get burnt out! i'm going thru a slump rn so i'd be curious to hear about ur experience!

Omg thank you so much!! That is literally so sweet of you to say, much as I doubt the quality is all actually consistent—I'm looking at you, in cinders chapter two.🖕🖕🖕

Also please excuse how long this got, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject in particular!!

Personally yes, I do get burnt out, and I do find it very necessary to take breaks—from writing overall and from a fic if I'm having difficulties with it. In general, I try to write a little bit every day, but that’s not always possible, and there are times when that’s not the right thing to be doing.

If you were following me late last year, you may vaguely be aware that I disappeared for two months straight between December and February. Like, just let the queue run through and did not answer a single ask, post a single original thought, or even look at my ao3 comments. While I was gone I barely wrote a thing. I think at like 1.5 months into it, I started drafting the outline for subtle, but before that, I didn't do shit except focus on my personal life and hang out with my dog.

At that point I was just tired and I thought I could use a little recharging to get excited about writing again. I read a bunch of books and other people's fics, and reread a bunch of my old fave comfort ship fics. That break from my own work really helped me get inspired again. Since then I've been consciously trying to strike a balance between writing all the time and chilling/consuming the things that keep me inspired to write.

When it comes to taking a break from fics, I do that too. My Hawks fic lay low has been ongoing since December of last year, when I normally finish fics in under a month. I actually really love this fic, but I got a little frustrated with some plot holes and then again with the pressure I was putting on myself to characterize him (like, relax, Andie it's a fuckin fanfic) so that's been on hiatus like multiple times even though we're only three chapters in.

I think it was important, though, for me personally to take a step back from it until I had the energy to address the things that I wanted to, and until I was excited to write it again. I'm actually finally working on chapter 4 (!!!), but it really took a long time to let that bad boy marinate, and I hope the fic will be better for it.

And I did that with statistically significant as well. This was more due to my workload at my job at the time, and I worked on this one over the course of five months when prior to that, I had been finishing fics in 1-2 weeks. But slowing down and writing this fic over like ten times the amount of time it took me to write other fics was a really good learning experience for me. It taught me that it's totally fine to step away from a fic for multiple months, and that you can always come back and finish it later.

I think that's also going to be the case with the new Deku fic, and I'm happy I already know it's completely okay to take my time. I'm sure there will be new wrenches that life throws into my path, and I'll have to get hit by those and figure out how to get back up and learn to duck next time lol.

Anyway, I definitely get where you are coming from, and if I've learned anything in the year and a half I have been writing it’s that it's totally normal to hit slumps, be they long or short, fic-specific or related to writing overall. Burn-out/slumps are actually not a big deal at all if you don't psych yourself out about them.

I feel like every time I'm asked advice on anything I say this (but I mean it!!): listen to yourself. You know best what you need. If you don't feel like you have the brain power for writing right now?? You're definitely right, and you should take some time away to chill, just consume things without producing, or do other stuff in life that makes you feel good.

If you're two months into not writing and you get excited about a project outside of the one you abandoned?? There's probably a reason. Work on that instead, and maybe let your enthusiasm for that project remind you of what you liked about the other one you put down.

And if that enthusiasm doesn't return? Then let the damn thing sit until it does. There are literally writers I follow who stepped away from fics for YEARS, only to come back and post a new chapter like half a decade later. They are always, always better for it.

So literally just listen to what you are telling yourself, and ride out the slump however you need to. Please try your best not to feel guilty for it, or think that it is any reflection on you or your work. They're just a natural part of the process, and honestly you will be the better for having had this experience.

[sparkles-and-trash]

South Park Main 5, Headcanons Masterpost  ~

Stan Marsh 

Looks: 

hair is actually nice and somewhat floppy naturally, but because he wears a hat most of the time, it’s usually flat and a little greasy kshdhsd

hair is that blue-ish black color

eyes is piercing ice blue 

skin is light, kind porcelain like, but he also tans really fast?

soft sweaters are the only thing he’ll wear from early autumn to late spring

in summer he’ll literally only wear band shirts and flannels lol 

Personality and General Trivia:

totally cares more for animals than most people let’s be real 

sometimes he struggles with seeing things from others point of view and ha can come across as a little self centered 

he is aware of it tho and tries to be better at it 

his instagram is filled with Sparky haha 

let’s Sparky sleep in his bed every single night even tho Sharon tells him not to 

likes reading and writing, has a tiny obsession with dark themes and Lovecraftian stuff 

he and Kenny volunteers at the local pet shelter and homeless shelter together 

the pet shelter was Stan’s idea, and the homeless shelter was Kenny’s 

wants to be edgy but is really just very soft

“Kyle said...” 

believes everything Kyle tells him lol 

enjoys video games a lot, prefers single player, story based ones tho 

also still enjoys boardgames a lot, and when the big group isn’t up for hit, he, Tweek, Jimmy, Butters and Cartman groups together to nerd it out 

has clinical depression, but is managing it with help of a therapist, his mom and friends

sometimes things gets pretty dark, but he is getting better at reaching out and asking for help in those times 

Friendships:

like I mentioned above, he struggles a bit with seeing things for other’s point of view 

but he is aware of his flaws and is trying to be better

can get a little bit caught up in his own drama, but listens when his friends tells him he needs to get over himself 

will always stand up for his friends, especially if they’re not there to do it themselves 

when he starts getting closer with Butters in early high school he gets really upset when he realizes how much he gets shit-talked 

enjoys spending time with his friends individually, probably the most of the group, and takes initiative to do so a lot 

which is very important to Kenny, since he tends to feel a little overlooked sometimes, and it makes their friendship really strong 

same with Butters, except Butters doesn’t usually doesn’t mind mainly being in a group, but the first few times and Stan hangs out alone it’s obvious he really appreciates it 

Family:

daddy issues 

sorry I don’t make the rules lol 

has a decent relationship with Sharon tho

she’s a good mom 

and he wants to be a good son 

Shelly is still kinda angry and scary

she keeps the “only I can beat you up bro” attitude and there is secretly mutual respect there

but we don’t talk about that!!! 

Ships and relationships:

okay so my main ships for him are stutters (Butters), stenny (Kenny) and Style (Kyle) 

my fav is stutters tho 

I usually head canon him as bi or pan, but as with everyone in SP, I’m open to different interpretations if different Au’s and stories! 

I just really like the idea of them learning to balance facing their issues AND celebrate the good things in life together 

I def think he can be a bit insecure in relationships, struggling with feeling like he’s not enough, and would need a partner that naturally will be affirming and positive 

that’s not to say he’s super needy or clingy, he’s just a bit insecure 

but I really think he would truly be a good partner 

he’s caring, kind and very appreciative 

which is again why I really like him with Butters offh 

Kenny McCormick 

Looks:

sandy blonde hair that’s always messy and floppy/softly curled 

teeth is kind of crooked due to lack of funds for braces 

his front teeth are kinda big and has a significant gap 

lots and lots of freckles man 

all over his face, shoulders, back, hands and arms 

tans fast 

I actually really like him with brown eyes? like, soulful deep brown eyes 

but also very, very clear blue ones, like almost unnatural (yes that’s a mysterious thing) 

medium tall 

wears his hoodies, usually with the hood up, no matter if it’s freezing or a heatwave

not conventionally attractive, but charming looking lol 

likes to wear some eyeliner every now and then

and nail polish, but it’s like super clumsily put on and always chipped

Personality and General Trivia:

falls asleep in class a lot, but always seems to know the answer if the teacher asks him something

also has decent grades

I think he’s way smarter than he gives himself credit for, both socially and school wise 

the therapist of the groups 

actually, the therapist of the whole school 

knows a lot of secrets due to this, but he always, ALWAYS keeps them 

I see him as very friendly and approachable, but terribly hard to get close with

lots and lots of walls, man

very much an observer type? 

quietly stays in the background if that’s an option

but if he is talked too, or feels like he has something to really contribute to in a conversation he’ll jump in and be comfortable talking and taking up space if he is with friends or people he knows 

if not, he’ll just stay in the background with that.... look on his face that just makes you know he knows more than he says 

works at Tweek’s parents coffee shop, is kinda close with Tweek because of this 

zones out a lot 

“…what?” 

can fall asleep anywhere

Friendships:

is pretty close friends with Butters! 

Butters used to have a little crush on him, but Kenny didn’t find out until years later lol 

he also has a lot of patience with Cartman compared to the others

which is why Cartman actually cares when Kenny sets him in his place 

likes learning new things, and does that with Kyle a lot! 

both school and homework stuff, and things like cooking and other homey stuff, the two of them really bond with this 

him and Stan volunteer together, and I already mentioned, and that time means a lot to Kenny 

since he works with Tweek, the two of them are pretty close and good friends 

is the one of the main boys who gets along the best with Craig and those guys

actually hangs out with them from time to time, so does Butters

it low-key drives the others crazy

Family:

I often like to think his parents would keep having these bursts where they try to get their shit together? 

and it’s slow, and one step back and two backwards, but the fact that they’re trying at all means a lot to the kids after years of them... not 

I can also see Kevin stepping up and taking more charge, Kevin get’s way too little love in this fandom! 

Kenny usually never fights with his sibs

but when he does it’s with Karen, usually because he’s worried about her and it’s nor pretty

none of them can stay mad at each other for long tho

Kevin trying to be all “big brother” and kinda failing because he is chaotic, but he really wants to do right and Karen and Kenny knows that and appreciates it 

Ships and relationships:

ohhh kay here we go, unpopular opinions ahead! 

first, my main Kenny ships are Tokenny (Token x Kenny) and Stenny 

rn Tokenny is my main, I love the potential dynamics, both with their personalties and backgrounds and families 

I tend to head canon him as pan or bisexual, and demiromatic 

I know the demiromantic part is... controversial, at best 

but hear me out! 

I see him being very comfortable with discussing sexual stuff, and being attracted to someone physically is never something he feels awkward or bad about 

but when it comes to more emotional connections, he is way more awkward and fumbling 

for those who doesn’t know, a demiromatic person (like myself! surprise!) won’t have crushes or romantic feelings for someone they don’t already have some form of emotional bond with! We can still feel sexual attraction tho, and some of us are comfortable with casual sexual encounters (like me!) and others are not, and both are very valid! 

I usually have two ways of writing him 

either him being comfortable having casual sexual interactions, but struggling with the romantic aspect and having to figure out how this works for him 

OR 

him having some trauma related to debating sexually very early, thinking he was all ready and it was just sex, but getting his emotions caught up in it and being very heartbroken and confused, and therefore having issues with being intimate with people for a while 

I mix them up depending on the story, but the first one is usually my go-to! 

Kyle Broflovski 

Looks:

he still covers his hair a lot, either with hats or hoods? 

because I really see him being insecure about it 

it’s a medium sort of red, and like, really curly and fluffy 

not frizzy, big like... big 

I usually give him green eyes, but I also could see him with a light brown or hazel! 

some light freckles on his face that only really shows up if he’s spent time in the sun 

pretty tall, kind of lanky 

d i m p l e s 

Personality and General Trivia:

big nerd energy

in every way, board games, video games, loves school, like genuinely, enjoys studying for tests, loves fantasy books, the longer and more complicated the better 

co-captain of the debate team with Wendy 

is good with arguments unless he gets too passionate on the subject, or if someone knows his weak points and uses them to tick him off

it’s usually Cartman  

his mom wants him to go to an Ivy League but honestly he just wants to go to the same one in Denver as Stan, Butters and Cartman are planning on, and now that Kenny is also considering it he seriously think he’ll die if all his friends go to the same college without him

he struggles with FOMO, which is kind of an issue since he’s a busy guy, and some of his friends are not lol 

if any one of these kids become a jock, it’s def Kyle with his basketball change my mind- 

but not like, a letterman wearing fuckboy type of jock, but like, is obsessed with his sport and his team and works really hard to do well type of jock

Friendships:

very loyal 

he and Stan walks Sparky together at least twice a week, just to be sure they’re always caught up with each other even when they’re busy with school, sports and dating

yeah they’re still super best friends 

when they started high school he got closer to Wendy as she’s also on the debate team, in all of his AP classes and they share a lot of the same interests  

they’re still good friends, but nothing more

the first time Cartman got really drunk was at a party freshman year, and at the time everyone was pretty fed up with him, and he ended up crying and Kyle found him, and Cartman thinks Kyle doesn’t remember, but he does 

that was the first night Kyle really kinda understood why Cartman was the way he was, and even though he still thinks he’s a dick at times, he tries to remember everyone have a story, and to give people time 

but he often gets too riled up to remember that lol 

good pals with Jimmy, they share a lot of interests in fantasy stuff and have the same humor 

he also start to go along well with Craig when they are around middle school age, but they’re both kinda too stubborn to admit they’re friends until a year later lol  

Family:

even tho Sheila is pretty overbearing and can be too much, he is a mommy’s boy deep down 

tense relationship with his dad 

enjoys cooking, so that’s where he spends a lot of time with his mom! 

tries his best to keep up with Ike and his life

sometimes he is a tad cringy when doing so, but Ike appreciates the gesture 

Ike is pretty confident and strong in himself so he doesn’t care if Kyle is a bit awkward lol 

the type of brothers who genuinely enjoys spending time together 

Ships and relationships:

I like Style, Kyman, K2 and Kyvid! 

I think he’d be a late bloomer when it comes to love and dating

struggles with opening up and letting himself feel these things 

I often think of him as biromantic asexual, but I’m not always set on it! 

he’d enjoy traditional dinner and a movie type of dates a lot, such a nerd 

Eric Cartman 

Looks:

keeps his hair cut pretty short and styled

has heterochromia iridium (different colored eyes), one blue and one brown

also he has a real nice smile when it’s a genuine one

which is rare but like 

it happens 

is kinda insecure about his weight and tries to compensate with always having the newest stuff and pretending not to care

sometimes tries to diet in secret

he isn’t huge anymore, but is still sort of broad, and isn’t skinny, but like..

kinda bulky, if he wears the right type of clothes it’s hard to see if he’s chubby or buff

but he is def chubby 

Personality and General Trivia:

spends way to much time on reddit arguing with randoms

angry gamer, will call you a slur on voice chat 

after almost getting dropped by his friends in middle school he tries a little harder to be a more decent person

still an asshole at heart, but like, an asshole who sometimes cares about some people 

always tells people that’s he’s seen that meme before, even when he hasn’t 

nothing is ever his fault and the only ones who can get him to admit he’s wrong are Kenny and, very, very rarely, Kyle

he wears supreme hoodies for a full year of High School and stands in line all night for the new ones and never shuts up about how he is the first in South Park to have the new stuff 

Kenny finds it hilarious to buy the fake supreme stickers and put then on his own worn out hoodies

Kyle makes it his main goal in life to put things (everything from used gym socks to old food he finds in his locker) in Cartmans hoods and see how long it takes for him to notice 

can’t handle alcohol, is constantly being teased for it

sloppy drunk lol 

one of the main reasons the other bothers with Cartman trough middle school, when he is at his worst, is because of his big basement, the old Coon Lair, who got a big renovation around 7th grade and is an awesome, private hangout spot with a big TV and wifi and gaming systems

Friendships:

constantly says he hates his friends but would die if everyone left him 

is secretly terribly jealous of Kyle, both his closeness to Stan, his basketball skills, his grades and his family

but they had that thing in Freshman year when Kyle found him drunk, alone and sad, and Cartman himself barely remembers it, and doesn’t think Kyle does because he never mentioned it 

but he does

so much tension there, but also co-dependency 

sees Kenny and Butters as his best friends, and knows deep down neither of them feel that way about him and it secretly kills him 

is in the same board game group with Stan 

is low-key terrified of Tweek lol 

Family:

big mommy issues 

but also very protective of her

I really enjoy the AU/headcanon that Liane marries Clyde’s dad 

it’s not like, the only version I like, but I put it in as many au’s and works of mine as I can 

I def think both boys would be mortified right away 

but Clyde comes around first, because he really wants a brother, even if that brother have to be Cartman 

Cartman would never admit it, but after some time he really starts to see Clyde as a brother and genuinely cares for him 

Ships and relationships:

I mainly see Cartman as gay 

sometimes I start of AU’s and stories with him not being out to himself or anyone else tho, I think that whole journey for him will be very interesting and help him grow as a person 

I def think he’d have a few girlfriends before he comes out tho? 

he can be very charming when he wants too yanno 

my only Cartman ship is kyman atm, but I’m def open to explore more of

Leopold Butters Stotch 

Looks:

I really really really like T A L L Butters??? 

like tall and gangly and adorable 

I know it’s very popular to head canon that he bleaches his hair, but I like to think he has very light blond air naturally! 

keeps it short on the sides and longer on top, with cute ass curls 

soft sky blue eyes 

also dyes his bangs light blue in high school!! 

Pete the goth helps him because he is a pro of dying bangs 

I like to think he’d be into pastel grunge, and keep his love for Hello Kitty and Sanrio etc, but still be a bit more... edgy? 

Personality and General Trivia:

one of those people who’s friendly with almost everyone

but that doesn’t mean he’s friends with them, yanno? 

gets drunk from one wine cooler 

loves the theater and is in the drama club, but likes to be behind the stage, not on it 

wants to be a director one day 

watches Netflix on his phone every single time he has any time to spare, because he’s always binging a show

is usually pretty positive and kind, gives people the benefit of the doubt 

but can be very stubborn, and if he has decided he dislikes or doesn’t trust someone, it’s almost impossible to change his mind 

Friendships:

Butters put up with Cartman for so long because he genuinely thinks he can be fun when he’s not horrible, and he really tries his best to believe in people

he was also the first one to forgive him after the others cut him off 

a very loyal and fun friend

takes a lot of initiative to do stuff, and loves hosting movie nights 

thinks of these boys as his closest friends, but is also real close to Wendy, Bebe, Jimmy and Tweek

Family:

I just hate Stephen so much you guys

so tbh I usually like to just... have Linda leave him, or straight up kill him off oops 

I know Linda is terrible too, I do, but I think she could possibly have a moment of realization if something happens like Butters potentially being taken away? 

idk I’m not gonna go too deep into this, I know it’s such a heavy topic and I don’t wanna seem like I just ignore it, but I personally don’t usually include Stephen directly in my stories, and this is why, I hope y’all understand and respect that! 

Ships and relationships:

my main Butters ship is Stutters (Stan x Butters) 

I mentioned a lot why in Stan’s headcanons? 

but idk, I just really think they’d balance each other well, and could have a very interesting and cute relationship! 

I usually headcanons him as pan or gay, and genderqueer, but I’m open for other interpretations too! 

he does date a little bit, but have never been in a real relationship and isn’t stressing about it! 

he did have a pretty huge crush on (a very unaware) Kenny during middle school, but then they started hanging out a lot more and became really close and Butters didn’t really bring it much thought?

that’s until Cartman gets jealous and throws out a “what are you guys dating and fucking and being gay huh???” and Butters mind immediately goes to “omg ew no he’s like my brother!” 

aaand that’s how Butters realized he was over his crush 

they two of them stay close friends tho, Kenny makes Butters laugh and helps him be more sure of himself and Butters helps Kenny remember that they’re still just kids and should have fun and be good

[mxnsters-by-nxture-archive]

so....

(CW: Really harsh language ahead- I will be nothing but honest here, and, trust me, fellas; this bitch is gonna go OFF. Apologies in advance.)

oh and please don’t rb

time to answer some questions. Before I abandon this blog for good and leave it decaying in a river; exposing only half its flesh for the flies, maggots, and harsh weather as its preserved, soggy, gooey half in water remains as a testament of what has become of this blog and AU as a whole.

let’s just...get this over with.

_________________________

-Are you Yorsh/Yorshs/DumbPointyAnimeShades?

No, I am not, nor am I nowhere near associated with Yorsh and the development of Heinoustuck- though I have helped with providing details and resources needed for its fanmade continuation, Heinoustuck^2: Mutation Continuation prior to falling out due to drama within the server, as well as the archival of said information on epoch-of-transmutation and a now-defunct OC blog I once had.

While I feel kiiiiinda flattered by the assumption, I also feel like I’m robbing Yorsh of the support they deserve. So, go search for their socials and give them all your sweet messages. I’m the last person deserving of it.

-What has gone down in the HS^2 server?

Short answer: Slurs were thrown by the mods, and several users, myself included, left over it.

Long answer....that’s a private one. The details of what has happened is shared between my friends and I, and I don’t know if I really do want to make this information public.

What I will say is that after one of the mods, who is evidently young, said a certain slur, another mod, whom I will call “S” came to their defense; keep in mind that, iirc, S is a 22-23 year old, while the other mod is in their young teens. S went on to berate us- claiming that we need thicker skin and that “they managed to go through life by becoming like Vriska” and that we are all a bunch of Tavroses, while spicing their rant with the N-word (S is not a black person- they have shown us their selfies). It was after they called one of the users calling them out the same N word (but with the hard “r” this time), that I packed my shit and left.

I have even more details surrounding this, but, as I said, I’m not chill rn with sharing this publicly (though I will do so via DMs towards individuals whom I REALLY trust). However, in spite of S’ actions, please don’t direct your anger towards Ivanodery; they are a 13 year old kid on the net and, thanks to S’ influence, are bound to mess up. The LAST thing they deserve is harassment and harsh words thrown at them. What they NEED is GUIDANCE. If you REALLY want to throw fling some shit using a slingshot, direct it towards S.

-What will become of HSHM?

HSHM is now officially cancelled. Discontinued. Finito. The project is deader than dead- reduced to cracked bone shards piercing the earth.

I am no longer comfortable with anything and everything Pokemon anymore; its fanbase has always been a source of strife for me, as I often found myself in drama with other users on the net- users whom are almost a decade older than me, ever since G6 (when I was barely 13 fucking years old, yikes...).

It was after BringBackNationalDex, after witnessing the harassment my acquaintances faced from the movement and the subsequent anxiety attacks and fake memories that followed - literally believing that it’s best if I was dead than be surrounded by Dexers and get “eaten” by their vast numbers swallowing me whole - that it was enough. My attacks had my friends concerned, and they even begged me to leave the fanbase and franchise in a ditch for my own sake.

While it was a sad decision to make, and it wasn’t easy trying to get over a line of video games that was there for me ever since I was a child - i felt like there were chains of memories (no pun intended) keeping my bound to the games -, I’ve managed to finally stop giving a fuck about it all over time. Every news of a new Pokemon game being released only makes me feel unimaginable, deep dread, and I don’t want this to be my fucking eternity, damn it.

They want to keep on bowing down to a Poketuber who, time and time again, showcased deep-running transphobia, racism, cop-boot-licking, and even antisemitism (DISTANTKINGDOM)? Fffffffine by fucking me! I am just gonna stop myself right here, because I know I might throw in even less-tastier words the more I talk about this. Fuck me.

-Will you still be there in the Heinoustuck community?

I don’t know.

I just....I wish I had the answer, myself. It has been a part of me, but I also feel like it’s kinda best if I try to move on? I just can’t find the words for what I am feeling rn.

The archives will still be up, don’t get me wrong. However, if S finds this post and sends their widdle goons after me....guess it’s time to say “bye-bye” to it.

_________________________

I know these aren’t all the questions that you may have, and I am ready to answer more as long as they aren’t related to the AU itself- as I said, it’s discontinued, and I don’t want to return to it for the betterment of my own mental health and out of self-respect.

Hasta la vista, ya squares.

[towerofgodscreamblogwink]

reading last chap of s2 after covering several chapters yesterday, also since it's end of the season, for once I put some bigger serious thoughts at the end

who the FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE???

OH MY GOD KARAKA IS TSUNDERE

there are OTHER slayers?? (except fucking ex white)  if they mentioned it earlier i must’ve forgot

that’s not how to talk to your daddy greatest

 -(no i don’t like jahad i’m here to bully karaka because i tend to bully my faves)

*punches table* rabbit boy. get out. i have not sighed so loud in my entire life

oh i see why people were calling them furries.

listen, you either give us catboys or leave.

please don’t say “creatures” if it’s like your furry way of talking

that guy: not to worry he has a permit

gustang: *pulls out paper* “i can get whatever i want”

i’ve read “gremlin” im dONE

you know what maybe i should just go to bed rn

also cat is destroying my door dear lord

ok so it’s the next day now

“ahahaha”

“I can’t read...”

SHIT I HAVEN’T NOTICED RACHEL GOT TELEPORTED

erh i’m dumb on this one, why have they made this parallels?

I don’t want to tell you this but he just reminded me of chara undertale...

wangan: onii-chan!?

wait what

ouch

soooo karaka believes wangan’s story even w/o ring then?

*spits tea* ow goddammit not the feels

anyhoo that’s the end of s2, siu put a note about break but yeah that was years ago, so pretty sure i’ll be starting s3 even now but i won’t be posting it rn

anyhoo well that was suprisingly long season? my usual knowledge of “Seasons” is usually from anime, and these tend to have seasons with usual 2 or 3 arcs but they usually don’t go in so many different directions 

personally it feels like half of season 2 is a season on it’s own tbh, and maybe that’s how anime could adapt it, perhaps? although 12 episodes would work best with just setting on saving bam from fug.. either anime would make the seasons in parts like aot did with s3 or have lots and lots of seasons, since probability of anime getting 24 episodes has gotten awfully small those years

As for the opinions on season 2... I see first half and season on it’s own, so let’s start from this - Bam getting rescued, and first time they enter hell train. First of all, Bam as Viole is absolutely nailing this, and I wouldn’t mind having Viole as protagonist to be honest, although it would be indeed sad as Viole is not the happiest person, but damn is he a cutie. Is he a baby. 

Wangan - oh dear I dunno if others saw the plot twist coming, but I did not - I have absolutely been viewing him as Bam’s counterpart to his Viole side, just a complete shounen protagonist who’s completely ordinary. Boy was I w ro n g. I only remember vaguely being sus about him when Viole has mentioned his ring, but that was about it, as it was never mentioned again, I forgot about it. And then it appeared Karaka has this ring. Boy was I shooketh.

I don’t think I exactly liked the further progression though until Wangan’s story was revealed - until then he kinda fell into background, and then soon again as said story was revealed. However I do know Siu has big plans with him, and at this point I know Siu’s writing enough, so I don’t have much worries about his further progression

Also sadly there was no Karaka-Wangan brother bonding

Next in mind I have Khun, naturally, as he’s my icy hot favourite. I don’t really know why even, when I saw him in anime I was quite indifferent about him. So if you want me to explain why do I like khun, I can’t really explain. Other than when he was becoming my favourite, I remember being dissappointed in myself and making a post to myself “Goddammit don’t fall for him just because he’s your type” and he’s not even really my type in terms of personality, but at that point I was jsut shrugging it off, maybe it was his childish over-dramatic posture contrasting his cold personality because I just hit that protect button

Also yes I may be basic just slap me already

And before I’ll start talking: girl’s scout outfit, really? I support my son and I can understand his edgy and k-pop fashion... But I’d be lying if I said I understood him for shit at that moment

So now that we’re past back... I was actually recently re-reading first chapters, and damn, the difference of Khun before Bam was rescued - was rather intriguing. He was laughing his ass off at silly things (his team being dressed silly) but oh sweetie did it feel weird.

Next, I keep thinking about him on the train obliberating Rachel - despite popular opinion, his cockiness was actually getting on my nerves, and only thing saving it, was his reasons were Bam - so in other words, at least he wasn’t an asshat for his own sake.

I much liked his personality during second half of the season 2 - as much as there wasn’t much khunbam content - seems like Khun has grown as a person,as his cocky aura much disappeared as he became more understanding towards his own weaknesses. Now his “cockiness” became rather entertaining if you catch my drift, because despite his jerk nature, he *is* well aware of his flaws, and I just like that. Not that he *wasn’t* considerate of that already, but the hidden floor really did wonders on him.

And dear my, his relationship with Bam. I’ll be honest, at some point during reading first half of season 2, I felt like I was reading romance story between him and Bam. It was all the little things, like playing with Rachel just to know Bam’s past, Khun noticing Bam was uncomfortable with Viole wig, Khun being near Bam as he spoke he has no reasons to live, Khun standing up for Bam when strangers tried to use him and Isu asked for his help but skipped the asking part, Khun looking back to Bam telling him he’ll be back when going to catch the fish on train, Khun trying to talk to him when Bam locked himself up in his room on train, constantly checking and finally waiting in his room when he notices Bam is gone, Khun noticing lack of Bam’s presence before going to floor of death right *after* he just said he feels like world is ending if Bam isn’t here, and then beeming when Bam does in fact appears. And that’s just all the stuff I can remember right now, and I mean the *little* things. The big things are the ones we know well - “So that I can always chase” and the famous world one I don’t have to quote.

Second half didn’t have much scenes, but there were few that did stuck to me - Bam’s line to Kiseia how he understands why she hates him, but he’ll do everything he can to stop her if she plans to harm Khun *again*. Because it seemed like Bam kind of moved on from Khun getting stabbed by his sis, but that panel did show that not only it *did* stay with him, it also stayed with him that it was *Kiseia* who hurt him.

Another scene was the one I don’t think I need to talk about much, as we all pretty understand - moment of Khun and Eduan awkward father-son bonding. Khun tries to close himself off, but Bam reaches out, and forces him out of comfort zone

But what mostly stuck out to me, was his behaviour after Khun became kinda dead. It was the way he spoke to endorsi and rest, how *he’s* going to take khun and follow the *harder* path, and anyone who *don’t want to come*, can take the easier one. Basically, he was prepared to go the harder route completely alone because it meant taking Khun with him, and he was just, prepared to go without any help, he only optionally added that others can join if they *want* to.

Another interesting scene, was Hwaryun calling him out, when few of his teammates has been captured, due to them taking the different path from Bam - but if they are meant to escape with Khun, they have to leave them, and when Bam gets steamy about it, Hwaryun goes - “I didn’t choose the teams. You’ve chosen them based on who matters more.” It’s so subtle, so cruel, yet intriguing - one of the most worst way to tell someone he cares for someone else more - she’s only saying Khun mattered to him more, but in this context, it sounds accusing, making Bam’s decision selfish. And that’s something that’s absolutely in my mind - his care for Khun, called out in “accusing” matter - as something that stopped him from commiting other decision - as something he’s willing to priotize others over.

So I can’t stop thinking about that, and truthfully? That last “take care of Khun after me.” line.

But the other line from bam’s monolouge that gets me is “Wait a bit more Khun... I’ll wake you up again.” That “again” gets to me, but I can’t really explain it. Maybe it’s the way he looks at Khun longily. 

So this covers their relationship, and I think I’m only gonna mention Bam now real quick and perhaps Eudan and Jahad, because the post’s getting long and I don’t want to make *this* post specifically long.

I don’t have much to say about Bam, as Bam himself doesn’t have much to say about him. He didn’t have much definying features or characteristics besides the time he was Viole, but you have to hand it to him for growing after meeting after she pushed him for the first time - it was still hard to say anything about him though. For several chapters later - as well, except he did manage to develop the traits of self-sacriface, and actual resolve to save everyone - because he talks about *always* and sure fights for his friends, but who doesn’t? Where his personality shines in this regard, is in the moment of Bam saving his enemies with no questions asked, and White by the way definetely helped Bam to develop his personality for sure.

But either way I’m here roasting Bam, while my goal was to say, that it was in the hidden floor where I’ve actually started recognizing him as his own character - it was in the moment of him having final confrontation with Viole, I finally saw what kind of person he was. And I liked it, he became a solid character in that moment, accompanied by proper flashbacks and exploration. And Bam continues to be then written quite consinstely as in one of later flashbacks, he indeed says, what he said to Viole a while ago - he’s afraid of being alone. Not only that, the internal conflict was added - is he a monster? is he not? It’s simple conflict but can do wonders, and it’s not something that Bam even thinks about, it’s more of a really subtle conflict within a character design itself, rather than Bam.

So basically now Bam indeed feels more of an actual character

And before I’ll end it for now, I want to mention the meeting of young Eudan, andyoung Jahad - truth to be told, I don’t have most unique feelings towards them as anyone sees the point - the adventures with pure intentions turned evil, aka how everyone can turn evil. What makes me more interested, is how Siu has used it for storytelling... Main characters having a big meeting with the younger versions of villians? Haven’t seen that one yet, so I’m interested what direction Siu will take with it, since this is my first time seeing it, so I’m really curious how exactly you can utilize such scenes in terms of long planned story, and not only how they affect story as a whole, but how they also affect just aspects of it as well.

So, that’d be it on my commentary and small “opinion” on season 2. It wasn’t like I exactly wanted  to put it here, but I wanted the end of season 2 to have more meaning to myself. But not only to have a meaning to myself *just* for my own reasons, but because I didn’t want to leave the whole season with nothing but small comments there and there. I wanted my experience altogether to be something bigger - but not only experience, but my “legacy” as well. So, that’d be about it x2, if you’re still reading, congratulations, I appreciate that, and you get an apple

[alliesblurg]

i have so much going on in my head, i dont know where to start.

i havent written in awhile too, so hopefully this helps with everything that’s bottled in.

i cant help but feel so stressed and lost. im trying to learn how to balance two jobs, my love life, and doing things that make me happy. i went from having no job for over a whole year due to the pandemic, to this. ^^^ it’s just a huge transition that i havent gotten accustomed to yet. i know in time i’ll be okay, but for now, im still ironing out the wrinkles, let’s say.

first off, my relationship. im so confused about it. in my mind, i dont want to be with her anymore. and it’s not like i want to be with anyone else, i just prefer to be on my own. is there somethibg wrong with me? why am i such an asshole in relationships? it’s not like i mean to be… i really do love the person im with at times… the love never sticks.

so what am i still doing in a relationship that i dont want to be a part of? good question.

i dont fucking know.

i tried to leave? didnt work. i could try harder, but i dont want to. im scared to look like the bad guy once again. im always the bad guy in the relationship.

i dont think im ever meant to be in a relationship. im meant to be single forever and that’s fine by me. i enjoy my own company. there’s only so much of other people i can take.

maybe i also dont wanna leave bc im comfortable? i would have to move back into my house, for one. 💀 and i cant stand being home. everyone asking me to do shit all the time, the kids make it so damn loud, and so much negative energy from the fighting, i cant stand it.

maybe when im all settled with my jobs, i’ll leave her. everything is so stressful rn, i cant handle it.

is this wrong of me? it feels wrong. but im acting so selfishly right now, that im going to let this play on. im horrible, i know. i cant help it.

even sex is such a chore. like imagine having to think about someone else during sex just to be into it.

im such a horrible, disgusting person. i cant even be honest w myself or w her about the relationship. if you hate me right now, that’s fine bc i hate myself too.

i wish i could change.

this post has me crying and i have to go to a meeting soon.

i love her, im just not in love w her anymore. was i in love at all to begin with? with the way i was acting the whole relationship? not so sure.

i told her from the beginning i didnt want a relationship, but idk what the fuck happened, it just bloomed into something more. 🤷🏼‍♀️

should i just stick around, live with it and be like those unhappy spouses u see in movies and tv?

i can do that, right?

maybe i’ll garner enough courage one day to tell her how i really feel.

im sorry for wasting your time. im a coward for not telling u how i really feel. that it took me this long to tell u. i dont expect u to forgive me. pls dont.

fuck

[disslve]

𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐰 & 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 ! this is nai and my cowboy ass is here to throw roxy @ u and also tell u bad jokes and cry over life is strange 2 because i’m still not over this game and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. just a heads up, i came up with roxy on a whim because this rp just looked so good,  so if it seems like i don’t know what i’m talking about ... it’s most likely the case whoops . ( this is an excuse for me bringing shitty muses ). anyway, my fake cowboy ass loves to ramble so if you’re interested in plotting feel free to LIKE this post or hmu. i forgot to mention that i’m also a fake grandma so idk anything about discord at all and i still need to set it up which will happen in the next few days dsdnsdsdn. 

ps: wanted connections/plots can be find in my wanted tag ( a link is on my blog ) and i’ll also list some below !

EDIT: discord name is nai #7158

 * [ kristine froseth + cis-female + she/her ] —— have you met roxanne ‘roxy’ bailey ? they are a twenty-two year old junior currently studying romance languages and literatures. they live on decker house and word around campus is that this scorpio is compassionate + dedicated, as well as impatient + dishonest. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. 

basics.

full name: roxanne elise bailey

nicknames: roxy, rox

sexual orientation: bisexual

birth place: valencia, spain ( but only lived there for five years ) 

history. 

one could say that roxy had lived an easy life, though her parents weren’t distinguished by their social status, it didn’t mean they lacked money which was enough to support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do.

truth to be told, roxy was indeed a little spoiled, the type of kids who would try all kind of things on the expenses of their parents only to quit a new ‘hobby’ again. she could barely stick to anything. she was some twisted kind of golden child, good at many things but never had the patience to continue something for long enough to cultivate it. 

skipping over the part where she almost tried everything from arts, music etc. she finally found her passion ( and even roxy herself was surprised ). figure skating. she didn’t know what drew her in, she couldn’t explain it, she tried it and it felt right. roxy always describes the feeling as finding a soulmate if she feels extra dramatic that day. 

unsurprisingly, she was good at it. not that kind of good at something she was at all the other things she tried before, but that being good at which stemmed from genuine interest. maybe, that is why she managed to get so far. and it didn’t take too long that people even started to call her a figure skating prodigy. 

at this point at her life, she had it all, spinning the stars on her fingertips ( or warning bad pun ahead: spinning on the ice ). until, well, her parents company was in some crisis and they had to cut corners in the meantime. also oh so ‘conveniently’ roxy lived at the arse end of nowhere and getting to her practices was now even more difficult because as mentioned before they had to save their money for more necessary things. of course, there were more things , small and big, which totally threw her off ( which i am too lazy to list rn).

roxy tried to work part time, but a) the money wasn’t enough b) she didn’t want to cut more hours of training she managed to get. AND well, here comes the turning point and roxy thinking she was oh-so-smart without realizing that it would cost her career. oh-so-smart roxy came up with the idea to , well, just steal some stuff. after all, she trained with many other wealthy peers and she could just sell off their stuff or something. 

at the beginning she only did it to afford certain things she needed, but soon it somehow became an addiction. she felt in control when everyone else in her life was an utter mess. however, the more she took things away from others the more she felt comfortable, doing it more often and sometimes taking things which weren’t even worth that much. it was only a matter of time until she was caught. and as if she was lucky for too long, the person who caught her pressured her into either giving them a hefty sum of money (which she didn’t have) or to quit figure skating. she decided for the latter.

well, here she was and her sudden departure was quite a shock. but she had no choice and stated it was for personal reasons. 

skipping over her being devastated over it, etc. her parents managed to save their company (whatever this company is) but at this point it was already too late and roxy was accepted into holloway. 

right now she actually wants to pick up her figure skating career again, however, she’s too afraid that the blackmailer is going to expose her and also she doesn’t really know who they are (lets pretend they wrote her letters, txt messages >??) and also she’s kind of afraid due to the lack of practice she had .

personality.

okay i’ll keep this short bcs i wrote way too much for her background story. but to sum it up, roxy kind of has that perfect girl facade.  considering how many friends roxy has and how social she appears to be it is odd that no one seems to be able to describe her.  roxy doesn’t want people to know who she truly is, and she keeps her distance as she actively avoids conflicts that might cause her to say something wrong and exposes herself. 

she shields her feelings by only presenting polished version of herself, the facade of the perfect girl: kind, hard-working and polite. someone whose life is easy and someone who looks like she doesn’t have any worries. it doesn’t mean she isn’t anything of that, but it’s not as if her kindness has no bounds or that she doesn’t need to put effort into the things she does. nevertheless, she believes that she must be perfect in order to make people like her. and while, she is pretty good at masking her emotions and smile along, as soon as someone threatens to see past the illusion, she will become defensive and won’t hesitate to lie in order to preserve it.

plots.

best friends: although roxy pretty much keeps her distance from everyone else, this person had always stood by her side. maybe they knew about roxy’s sudden wannabe-thief phase ( which she is still in ) and well tried to talk her out of it ( which obviously didn’t work ). also adding some drama here and maybe they had a big argument over it and distanced from each othr because of it. however, my angst ass doesn’t want to ruin it and they’ll rekindle their friendship. they might meet again at holloway and it’s awkward at first, maybe they even have some arguments but they’ll get over it because everyone loves a good rekindled friendship story.

annoyance: someone who gets under roxy’s skin.seeing past the perfect girl face and constantly calling her out on it. maybe they just have fun annoying her and want to see what she really likes or they just don’t like roxy , thinking that beneath all of this act, she is a really unpleasant person. perhaps, they’re even doing it with good intentions and want to show her that she doesn’t need to hide who she is. whatever it is, they’re determined to expose to the world who she really is. 

pen pal ??:  muse a and roxy had been friends for a very long time, yet the funny thing is that they’ve never met each other nor do they know what the other look like. all they know is their name ( or maybe they only know each other by their usernames ) and their deepest secrets. maybe they already have crossed paths many times and perhaps even know each other but don’t like each other irl. or they never had noticed the other.

blackmailer: BECAUSE WHY NOT??? the person who forced roxy to give up on figure skating. maybe, they were a rival or just didn’t like her, or any other reason. they might as well, have noticed that roxy is secretly training again and might be back at their shit again. 

exes: GIVE ME THE ANGST, maybe muse a and roxy used to be in a serious relationship and as naive they were back then both of them thought this love would last forever. however, at some point roxy started to distance herself from muse a, constantly cancelling their dates because of their busy schedule. at first muse a tried to be understanding towards her, but as time passed things only got worse. roxy hating any kind of conflict just decided to ignore the problem instead about talking about it and eventually stopped replying to muse a messages. muse a never really got to know the real reason behind their break up and was left with unanswered questions. but anything works  

unrequited love: (this is just me throwing in my favourite way to make myself suffer) It doesn’t matter who is the one with the the one sided love because i just want some good angst.a)  muse a has a crush on roxy, yet they never told her about it. yet, muse a can’t hide it and it doesn’t take too long until roxy notices it. but instead of trying to talk to muse a about it, roxy just ignores it acting as she usually does and perhaps even give them false hope that she might like them back. maybe muse a even confessed to her and because roxy didn’t want to hurt them she told muse a she’d think about it.

b) roxy has a crush on muse a but doesn’t admit it. she doesn’t want to show their vunerable side and just plays it down. maybe they’re friends and roxy doesn’t want to lose another friend. but one day she confesses to muse a on accident, making everything awkward between them.

someone she stole from: idk i thought this would be fun ? maybe she confessed to them about it or maybe they caught her but decided to not confront her about it.

fan: someone who used to watch her perfomances on their tv and is still not over the fact that she quit.

i also have a connection page on my blog if these are too specific or none of these work 

i’m too tired to come up with more dsdsdnjsd but gimme everything !! THE ANGST, FLUFF, DRAMA PLS!!! 

[ne-fe-li-bata]

Aye yo CORPSE!  ...

Dead ass;

You can't convince me that Corspe was/is/does ; 

in no particular order..

• Deserve to be held ( I would smother him with my chest and hold him tighter than he has ever been held) & protected from this world

• Pyro! Mans loves🔥🔥🔥 - mostly his fav elemental  (Leo is a fire sign); “WOOO... now that’s a fire!”

•  Loves knives/weapons- has a collection (quite a nifty 1, ay thank-a-you) & even knows how to use butterfly knives/ tackle combat.

      Has a collection of weapons (brass knuckle, daggers, swords, knives,etc.)

•  Highly interested in combat/training. Most likely has training in some sort of combat. Loves any form of physical combat < UFC,MMA, Boxing, any type of martial arts>

•  Absolute proper gentlemen / clearly has the utmost charm/cunning

      I.e holds the door open & will slap yo ass on the way in, moves you away from street side when walking, pulls chairs, defends your honor, etc.

• Takes A . L . O . T  to truly capture his attention- but once you have it ..%100

•  With his person; protective/obsessives/ possessive/ sensual/ affectionate .

              < mine is mine. me no share -like absolutely not at all>

             “ You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya“

• RP'er on DeviantArt/chats had his own OC. (also prob had his fav person to RP with) 

         <prob even talked to them in MSN or private chat>

•  Watched mostly nothing by anime/cartoons (nick/CN) as a kid & also mostly watched certain shows/movies as a kid well into his teens

         (could recite quotes/scenes as second nature)

•  Not a major musical theatre type of kid. But musical movies/shows was 1 of his favs- but still highly interested/ in love with theatre/musicals/preforming arts none the less.

-EYES DON’T LIE

•’staring problem’ he’d just stare at you -deep in his head (both good & bad) you’d have to bring him back to you ..”babe- eh, come *snap*back to me. What’s on your mind my love?’

•  Genuinely a really warm person- but only to certain people, but comes across cold & distance 

•  Grew up in the internet & knows the way around the 'business' & 'faceless' YouTubers/celebrities

•  His teens/ late adolescents consisted & grew up on YouTube O.G videos/ video game commentary/content;

  Cry.. <Cry was a huge part of my life & still hold a special place in my heart. Corspe just like I was most likely devastated with the shit that went down> 

Jack

Nova

Sp00n

Jontron

Smosh

Nigahiga

Shane

Jenna

Hanna Hart

Phil/Dan

KevJumba

Ray William Johnson

Pewds

Machinima

EMT

ERB

Wassabi Prod.

VlogBros, 

-etc

• Has an oral fixating (lovebites indefinitely <like dead ass ya’ll be chillan/ out & he’d attack you> & just needs something in his mouth always)

• Fidgety af, always need to be playing with something in his hands/playing with 

•  Is a goddamn absolute certified freak--but also super soft bean boi. (can't stress how this boi needs& deserves to be protected)

• Constant hand/arm touching/stroking for comfort.

• Daddy{papi} / Mommy(mamá) . Master . Sir  kink - hard control kinks- but highly sub. 

hard(er) kinks

• Lovebites = M I N E 

obvs fishnets/ crossbody straps/ lingerie

lace

collars/ restraints 

toys

     •RP

degrading/praising

sub/dom switch

showing/proving your actually/completely & utterly his/ he’s completely & utterly yours..

& of course you know it's go time when 1 - if not both of you has kitty ears on. 

over stim 

*no touchy/ don’t let me go*

“look at what I’ve done to you”

“you kno only I can do this to you”

“look how greedy you are for me”

“look at the mess you’ve made because of me’ 

“cum on my face”/’cum for me”

“who do you belong to” / “you belong to me & only me”

100% all black clothing 🖤

*that once we get home / I swear I’ll deal with you right here, right now* look 

primal play  “when you run from me, it only makes me want you more” “you know imma find you kitten”

pet names (beast< i feel like you call this man “ (a) beast”-he about to lose his absolute fucking mind> , “oh Corpse/______, you absolute fuckin’ beast- my God” kitten, babyboy/girl, baby(e), bae, my love, lover boy, my darling, slut, needy little bitch, cum slut, lil’ whore, master/mistress, king/queen”

“only yours” “just ______” “ no-one but _____” “only____” “only you” 

‘I’ll keep you so no one can find you or bother us’

“that’s my girl” / “that's my boy”

“would you like to/ I saw----”

“look at me” “don’t look away from me”

GROWLING / talking through clenched jaw

not breaking eye contact 

     • his name & ‘Corspe’ being cried out 

“cry out my name for me baby. know who you belong to”

video/sexing/teasing 

breeding kink

voyeurism

abrasions

aftercare af 

impact play 

24/7

edging 

accidental stim; “holy fuck- I’m so turned on by you rn”

rope bondage 

begging 

worships 

•  But also soft kinks; 

MEME SENDING

head on lap/chest

naps

playing with hair 

matching outfits

voice messages 

always touching (somehow)

no space between bodies

picture taking together/ just of you

body rubs, head rubs

massages

competition 

play fighting

“this reminded me of you”

“I remember you said” “I know you...”

“you know I love you”

“I can tell by your eyes”

“ugh- I swear to shit imma marry you 1 day”

“nothing really made sense until you”

“do you wanna watch”/ “WAIT!? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN?!”

“damn- you really do love/like me, eh?”/ “you are SO fucking mine”

“that’s my girl”/ “that's my boy”

pet names/ “MY_______” “YOURS”

long stares

dates- stay at home dates are his fav, as your attention/focus is just on him 

choker/necklace/ jewelry (that 1 of you bought- NOT LIKE HIGH PRICE TAG, but like seen it & was like ‘omg ____ would so wear...’) 

cuddles with movies /anime watching time

just being in the same room/on call- even in silence 

* emojis*- just some sort of communication 

inside jokes/ puns/dark humor

seeing 1 another with kids

future kink (family, travel, etc)

playing video games 

dancing/ singing with 1 another

Sitting on the ground, wrapped around his leg when he streams/edits

Nerf gun fights 

Watching him record (tracks/editing/streaming)

•  Loves- loves surprises <like dead ass would set up a surprise date/ do a scavenger hunt for you/ surprise you with your fav thing>

•  Loyalty is everything & his best attribute (& pride) 

• The music that he make is from the soul/heart. He pit everything has has/what he has left into his art

•  No one has seen the real him - a side he truly hides

•  He's both book & street smart

           Taught himself through YouTube/Reedit/online 

•  Fav actors; Jim Carrey/Robbin Williams/Will Smith (?)

•  Man’s straight up dangerous. we only know like a  quarter of him & people fall at his feet. ( h e . i s . n o t . t o . b e. F U C K E D . w i t h) 

•  Hates silence 

         ( constantly needs background noise)  <also can't fight me on this babyboi cuddles pillows/blankets for night-night time>

•  People don't understand the pain he is in every day, unless they have fibromyalgia/GERD/high functioning (sever social)anxiety/depression/ agoraphobia 

(my mom suffers with fibro/depression <I myself have GERD/ sever social amenity/depression>& I wouldn't wish those illness on my worse enemy...)

• Over all pain has changed him

• Has dealt with self harm since a young age- most likely 9- 11 yrs old. (as someone else who’s suffered with SH for years- when you become so numb it 1 of the only ways to feel some sort of anything/makes you feel like you’re alive)

• Addiction (drugs/people/things)

•  Wrote & read a lot of fanfiction

        (most likely his main source of reading in pre/teenage years)

• Is a hopeless romantic but has his guard way up

•  Obsessed with Japan / Studio Ghibli

• Doesn't think he deserves any of the recognition/ fame he's gotten--but definitely deserves it all as he's creative & inspirational as fuck. Also he’s worked so hard for it & had put himself through so much

    Contrary is highly appreciative of those that are supporting

• Doesn't do it for the fame but for the fact he know how he's gotten people through hard time (just like those on the internet got him through)

• Was a scene boy that vibe’d of myspace/ listens to a lot of  ‘scene’ pop-punk, emo/ scene band shit (band?)

•  Also is/was a major tumblr boy

•  Would be a phenomenal father

•   His love language: physical touch & words of affirmation 

• He would flinch at touch movement but would melt in your hands

• Face caresses would trigger anxiety/ tears.. but once he’s calmed/comfortable would burry his face in your touch. neck & chest

•  Still caught up in daydreams

•  A part of him is still never satisfied even if it’s exactly to the pin point detail of what he wanted  

•  Has at least 40/50(ish) songs he hasn't released

•  Mommy & daddy issues (not saying his home life was really- really  fucked - but non the less- it certainly wasn't the best).. Also wants to protect/provide for his family (especially his sister) & was prob closer to a grandparent/aunt/uncle)

•  Definitely prefers to be by himself, as every time people come around, it's like;‘"this is why I'm okay (ish)with being alone" 

• lost an important person to him due to O.D/ suicided..

•  Also most likely to of heard his "friends" shit talking 'Corpse' or something correlated with him

•  His pride is his biggest sin (next to lust)

•  Has single-handedly defined a huge part of 2020 ( in the best way)

•  Went through a fighting stage where he was ready to fuck anyone up on a drop of a dime (middle/'high school'/street fights- possibly even under ground)

          but also a stage where he cut absolutely everyone off for a solid couple years

•  Most likely obsessed with 1 of 3 creatures; lion, dragon, wolf ( 5ish- possibly bear/fox)

•  Dinosaur obsessed 

• Internet & video games raised him

• He raised himself

Quick to adapt to surroundings/situations.

•  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was his shit ( I CAN SO SEE YOUNG BABYBOI RUNNIN AROUND THE HOUSE IN A POWER RANGER SUIT) "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME MOTHER FUCKER"

              fav ranger- green 

•  Has up until next year planned out & is working on the next 'version of corpse' ( PR, vids, music, etc)

•  Also med/high key this man was most likely in a physcward (more than once) ..

•  This man deserves more than he'll ever give himself recognition for & knows in the back of his mind--people will hate just to hate

•  Rose is his fav flower  🌹

•⛈️🌧️. >🌞.  Loves storms/ rain & prefers them over sunny days

•  Loves the moon/stars/space (?) < observatorium dates = fuckin mint>

• Pixar/Disney lover

        <still believes- deep down in happy ever after ... but thorough an twisted yet not so twisted- simple(??), dedicated process(?)>

•  Fav Pixar movie.. either Wall.E or Toy Story 

    •  Pixar > Disney

         •  But fav Disney movie- Beauty & the Beast (?)

• Most likely had a Jackass obsession's (doing dumb hoodshit)

•  Fall is his fav season (?)

•  Horror/ thriller movies/shows over everything (obvs)

•   Had an escape place in town where he’d hide from the world- that absolutely no one knew about. 

•  Was really into graffiti/ street art 

•  Arested as a youth - but charges dropped- or was still considered a mirror (either fighting/ possession/ trespassing/ vandalisms)

• Arrested on heavier charges (also same as above - but not tried as an minor)

•  also-ALSO ... thou he feels like he owes people something. HE DOESN’T OWE ANYTHING TO A N Y O N E . His mental & well being is the most important.

•  On a side & major note. You can't deny that this man single handily is a (in my opinion) the 2nd biggest “C” that define 2020.

•  Was most likely really into skateboarding/BMX

• Late night drives/impulsive road trips & playlist/ sitting at lookouts, just in silence & touching 1 another. 

• Clingy af-.. but could also be distance & cold af- especially on high pain days. stormy brain days. PTSD episodes.

• Slow dancing/ dancing around the apartments. with or without music.

• Rocking out with each other- screaming lyrics in each other face.

• “hey baby- how you feelin” 

         *grunting* *shuffles over & lays on chest* 

• Huge comforts for 1 another;

      Especially when going out, being wrapped around him for comfort & reassurance. Even being at home alone together- panic attacks are shit, PTSD episodes are even more shit. helping each other with bathing & caring

     When he’d be hiding from his reflection- or stares just a little too long. Going up behind him & worship him (vise versa)

• He’d be your biggest hypeman/ #1 fan (vise versa)

• Would LOVE you wearing his clothes/jewelry & would love to wear you things.

Was probably engaged to his ex (that's why he gets offt when people mention "corpse wife"

There'd be days where he'd be so distance & cold.. & tell you to leave but wouldn't let you.

He'd sit in the bathroom with you when you shower/have a bath.

As he doesn't sleep most night. He'd be up just watching you sleep & caressing you.

Lil spoon > big spoon.

<more to be added>

I love you... genuinely . turly.  madly. deeply.