#my listening got messed up this year bc my brother was home so much I'm down like 25k minutes overall from last year

[k2ulhu]

obligatory spotify wrapped post

[canthelpit0]

“We’ll figure it out”

Pairing: Inexperienced!Matt x Inexperienced!Reader

Wordcount: 5.9k +

Summary: what happens when you hook up with your long time best friend? Except both of you are virgins.

Warnings: Smut, nasty, language, use of y/n, pet names (pretty boy, sweetheart, pretty girl, etc), reader has a cat named sun, study session, oral m!receiving, brief crying, oral f!receiving, praise kink, fingering, cowgirl, no protection (wrap it up!), she’s not on BC, creampie

(A/N: English is not my first language. So sorry for any mistakes. Feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy xx)

You have known the triplets since middle school, and you’ve been close to all of them.

Well, especially with Nick.

Everything was fine, you weren’t too popular, but you also weren’t overlooked. you were middle class, not poor but also not rich. You were pretty, but never got too much attention because of it.

Little do you know, but you’re gorgeous. If you wanted to you could easily be one of the popular girls in school. But you didn’t care for it. High school was temporary, and you knew that.

And that’s exactly what Matt admires about you.

Matt is pretty introverted, and especially around freshmen year, you and his brothers would quite literally have to force him to go to school.

Now he was more calm though. Sometimes his anxiety would mess with him, but he overcame it with you and his brother's help.

For the fact that you’ve only known them since middle school, you went over to their house quite a lot. But sometimes they’d come over to yours as well.

Matt was a virgin. Most people would think that. He’s awkward in social situations and pretty shy and introverted before you get to know him.

Though, he’s had a short-term girlfriend before. Wich, at least was something.

You never dated anyone. You never cared to. You’d much rather focus on your friends and school, than some boy.

You were a virgin. It wasn’t like you never watches porn, or were innocent really. You just never got to the point of losing it to someone. Everything you’ve done was by yourself.

Wich would be fine. But you were in senior year now, and the year was almost over. Most people around you had already lost it, and you felt left out.

You were sitting at lunch, listening to Chris drone on and on about some girl he hooked up with. You purse your lips, your apatite disappearing more and more.

Suddenly Chris looks over to you. “Y/n how was your first time?”

You tense up, Taking in a harsh breath.

“Chris! You don’t just ask shit like that” Nick huffs hitting Chris on the arm.

Matt, who was sitting next to you, puts his hand on your thigh in comfort.

You squint your eyes at Chris, judging him. Or at least you try to make it look judgy.

You lean further into Matt’s side. His physical presence was keeping you grounded.

And when matt noticed just that, he takes his hand off of your thigh and instead wrapped it around your waist to pull you even closer.

“That’s none of your business.” You huff staring back at Chris.

But internally you were embarrassed because you were still a virgin.

★ ★ ★

You had planned a sleepover and study night with matt a few days ago. Essentially, he’d come to your house on Friday, and you would study. until you got tired of it and watched a movie or something.

So after school matt drove his brothers home and then drove to your house.

You got out of the car, watching as Matt reached into the backseat to grab his overnight bag.

You couldn’t help but think back to lunch break when Chris had made that comment. Chris was a player, and you knew that.

But everybody around you had lost their v card, and you just felt so left behind.

Matt huffs snapping his fingers in front of your face. You blink. He takes the keys out of your hand, grabbing your forearm to pull you to the door.

“You back with me y/n/n?” Matt ask. He looks over his shoulder as he blindly fiddles with your house keys.

“Yeah, sorry. zoned out.” You answer simply.

Matt chuckles at the flat response. He looks back at the door and finally twists it open. You two both walk in, both of you taking your shoes on.

“Hello, we’re back” Matt says loudly into the room.

You put on your house shoes and so does Matt.

You look over your shoulder at Matt with an amused expression. “Matt they already left” you huff.

“What? I thought they were gonna leave at 4?” He asks, pulling out his phone from his jean's back pocket.

It’s 4.26 pm

“Oh.” He says flatly staring at his screen.

Your parents had driven out for the weekend to your grandparents house. It was a few hours away. You hadn’t wanted to go, because for one you had already made plans for the sleepover with Matt.

And also because you had the test on Monday and you wanted to study the weekend away.

You were probably not going to anyway, but in theory..

“Yeah. oh.” You roll your eyes. Your siblings went with your parents so the house was empty. It’d be the perfect opportunity for a house party.

But you weren’t one to party, and your parents trusted you.

You and Matt walk to your kitchen. Well, it’s just matt trailing behind you.

“You want a drink?” You ask simply while you take out a Pepsi can for yourself and then put it on the counter nearest.

Matt comes up behind you. He looks over your shoulder scanning the contents of the fridge.

“Pepsi please,” he says under his breath.

You take out another can and then proceed to put it next to your can on the counter.

You slam the fridge door shut. You feel Matt turn you around before he’s hugging you. His arms wrap around your waist as he buries his face in your neck.

Matt had always been a big softie. No matter how much he loves to deny it he loves hugs and being all sappy and shit.

His own love language was acts of service though. He’d do anything for someone he likes.

And so if he finds a song that reminds him of you, he’ll tell you. If you are hungry, he’s immediately googling places to eat. If you look slightly sad or upset, even though you just have a resting bitch face, he’s immediately doing something stupid to make you laugh.

You know each other in and out.

He knows you love physical touch. So he’d make it a point to hug you at least once a day.

The day was long and draining. It was a normal boring school day.

His hug is warm, his arms feel firm around you.

And despite not having known him since kindergarten or something, it feels like you’ve known him forever.

You can’t think of any future scenario without him in your life.

“You always smell so good” he mumbles, dramatically nuzzling his face into the side of your neck.

You chuckle at the compliment.

“Come on pretty boy, we gotta study.” You hum slightly pulling away. Matt dramatically groans in response but reluctantly pulls away.

You pick up the two Pepsi cans and start to walk back to the stairs.

Matt grabs both of your school bags and carries them upstairs with him.

Once you’re in your room you pull out your desk chair and sit down.

Matt puts both your backpacks against the wall. He walks towards the bed to sit down when he spots your cat.

“Sunny” he exclaims excitedly. As much as Matt would love to say he’s a dog person. He loves your cat.

She’s and orange Persian cat. Her hair is fluffy and long. She looks like a ball of hair all curled up in your bedsheets like that.

You look over to matt and your bed. You watch as your cat looks up at him and he coos at her. He slowly sits down and starts to pet your cat.

★ ★ ★

By now two hours of studying had passed. You were both now sitting on the floor on your carpet, the study material all sprawled out across from you.

You and Matt were sitting next to each other, your cat still sleeping on your bed.

“Matt I’m bored” you whine loudly. You throw your head back dramatically and groan.

Matt looks over at you watching you as you complain. He looks mildly agitated himself.

Before he can protest and tell you that you two need to continue studying you start to put the pages and books on top of each other.

Once no books and loose papers are sprawled out anymore you sit back again.

“Y/n” he rolls his eyes and you can feel the lecture incoming.

“Matt please, I’m literally about to die of boredom.”

“You’re so dramatic” he scoffs watching you.

And for a moment You two just look at each other. Neither of you say anything. You just stare. Your face relaxes out of the pout. Matt looks over your features like he’s admiring you for the first time. Like you’re a piece of art.

You can feel yourself start to grow hot. The tension in the room skyrockets.

“You’re so pretty you know that,” Matt says under his breath. Matt leans over on his arm leaning closer to you.

Your mind is blank, and you can’t come up with an answer. You just take in the compliment.

“So fucking gorgeous” he sighs and before either of you knew it his lips are on yours.

You freeze for a second your eyes wide. But like it’s an instinct you immediately kiss back.

Matt’s hand finds its way to your jaw holding you in place, while he tilts his head to the side to deepen the kiss.

You were sitting Chris-cross while Matt was sitting on his legs, sitting just a bit higher than you.

After a while of just innocently kissing, he pulls away. You two stay close though. His eyes instantly widen as if he knew he fucked up.

“Fuck- I’m sorry” he breaths out, taking his hand from your face.

You sit up. Uncrossing your legs. you shift to sit on them, fully facing a blushing Matt. And you’re sure you have a matching red hue on your cheeks as well.

“No.”

the statement catches Matt off guard. He immediately looks back over at you, confused.

As soon as he looks back over at you, you reconnect your lips with his. He sighs into the kiss. His open mouth grants you the opening you need as you swiftly slip your tongue into his mouth.

You’re a virgin. That doesn’t mean you’re fully inexperienced tho.

You two make out heavily for a while. Making out like you’re trying to feel every part of each other.

Somehow you ended up in a position with you straddling Matt, as he has his legs sprawled out.

You pull away, both of you breathing hard.

“Y/n..” Matt starts his voice shaky.

He averts his eyes, the blush on his cheeks and even deeper red than before.

“I’m a virgin” he admits under his breath.

You thought for sure that Matt wasn’t. You were. But you also never dated anyone. Matt used to have a girlfriend though. But he’d never done it?

“Like fully?” You ask out of curiosity.

But it wasn’t like you wanted to use him. You liked him for being, himself. His presence made you flustered, feeling butterflies in your stomach, and all giddy.

“Yeah” he breaths out. You watch him close his eyes as if willing his embarrassment to leave. “I’ve never, done anything..”

You pause thinking of the best way to reply. “Neither have I.” You say softly, feeling mildly flustered as well. But both of you were inexperienced. You were in the same boat.

He pauses for a second at the reply. It was obvious that he thought you at least had one body. He didn’t think you were a virgin too.

“You… you wanna try?” He questions. Now he looks a lot less embarrassed than he did just a few seconds ago.

You bite the inside of your cheek. “If you want to?”

He pulls you back in for another kiss by the back of your neck. The kiss is shorter and more reassuring.

Matt pulls out of the kiss his hands going to your waist “We can figure it out?” He asks hopefully.

You nod in agreement. You could feel Matt’s bulge through his pants with the way you were sitting. And you could feel yourself aching.

What’s the harm in trying. He’s your best friend after all. Besides you’d finally lose it, and to someone you trust.

You peck his lips briefly before you get up off of his lap.

Matt gets up off of the ground too. You pick up your cat and wake her in the process. She meows at you in annoyance before you chuckle and put her on the ground.

Matt opens the door as Sunny finally but reluctantly leaves the room.

You pull off your shirt tossing it away. Matt turns around to see you sitting on your bed with your top discarded, your bra in full view. His eyes widen.

He licks his lips, his eyes shamelessly tracing your body.

Matt comes to hover over you while you sit there. “You’re such a tease” he chuckles. He leans down to capture your lips in a brief kiss again.

It was like he couldn’t get enough of your lips.

“Get on the ground,” Matt says, his tone more demanding and rough with lust.

You obey. You slide off your bed, getting on your knees on the ground.

Matt tugs his shirt off throwing it off to the side. He unbuckles his belt and undoes the button and zipper on his jeans before finally sliding them off and tossing them away.

You curiously watch. The only men you’d seen in this position were in pornos. This though, was your best friend since middle school.

Sometimes you forgot he was an actual man with a dick and all.

And right now, seeing the imprint of his cock through his boxers felt surreal.

He starts to tug on his boxers. Your eyes go up to meet his. “Ever gotten your dick sucked?” You ask sarcastically to cover up how nervous you are.

“No.” He breaths out. While continuing to look down at you he finally pulls down his boxers. He tosses them away too.

Your eyes trail from his eyes to his lips, over his jawline and his chest, down to his dick. The dick that was rock hard and right in front of your face.

Your eyes widen, as you sit back your hands staying on your knees as you just stare.

His tip was the same red he had on his cheeks, leaking pre cum. He had a vain running up his shaft. You always thought that male body part was rather disgusting looking.

But the way Matt’s looks right now…

You don’t know if it’s just the burning lust running through your body. But you actually really wanted to taste that.

Your hand goes to cup his aching cock. He lets out a sharp sigh at the feeling. You touch it gently. You don’t move your hand and stay careful of your manicured nails.

“I don’t know what I’m doing” you breathe out. While you do, you gently start to move your hand up and down your length slowly jerking him off.

“I don’t either,” he tilts his head forwards closing his eyes for a secound. “Keep going we’ll figure it out,” Matt assures you.

His hand goes to the back of your head. His hand starts to smooth down your hair.

“C’mon baby, don’t be shy” he coos staring down at you. Matt looks down at you like he’s done this a billion times before when he claims he never had.

But you guess one of you at least had to pretend that you were understanding what you’re doing right now.

You lean forward leaving a tender kiss on the tip. You do what you think someone would do in this situation.

The way he shudders at the simple touch though, shows that he is in fact, not experienced.

In hindsight, you don’t know why you thought that he was experienced. You just assumed.

“You think this will fuck up our friendship?” You ask while still slowly jerking him off.

Matt’s breaths are slightly shaky, but he chuckles at the question.

“No. I won’t let it.” He huffs.

“So..” you pause your movements. You glance down at his dick and the way your manicured hand wraps around it. And how huge it looks.

You then look back up at him through your lashes. “How am I supposed to do this?” You ask uncertainly.

“I don’t know.” He pauses to lick his lips. The way you, his best friend, look up at him through your lashes like that, was making him even more aroused.

“Just do what you feel like. But be careful of your teeth.” He says slowly. he wasn’t even sure himself.

You raise your eyebrow at his vague response. Neither of you knew how to do it, so you might as well imitate the porn that you’ve watched.

You drag you tongue up his shaft, keeping your eyes locked on his. When you’re at the tip you lick up all the pre cum leaking. You keep eye contact with matt, and it was driving him crazy.

He lets out shaky breaths. He was clearly enjoying this.

You kiss his tip again, before wrapping your lips around his tip. You slowly swirl your tongue around it trying to see how he’ll react.

You watch him to see if he likes it or not.

“Yeah, like that,” he says under his breath staring down at you.

With his praise and encouragement, you start to take him further down your throat. Slowly and carefully.

Matt whispers praises into the quiet room. All of them go right to your core and boost your ego.

You eventually feel comfortable enough to bob your head. You were jerking off what you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You were bobbing your head at a rhythmic pace and hollowing out your cheeks occasionally.

“I’m close-“ Matt whines. He actually whines.

And that sound. The power you had to make him sound like that was making you feel even more confident.

You don’t slow down your pace. You just keep going.

Until matt puts your hair in a makeshift ponytail. He tugs on it hard, to keep you still. He starts at a gentle but fast pace.

You feel your eyes fog up. The constant hit to the back of your throat makes you gag slightly.

His pace starts to become more and more sloppy as the seconds pass though.

You feel his dick hit the back of your throat before you suddenly feel your mouth be filled.

You feel his sticky load shoot down your throat. He pants, pulling at your hair to pull you off.

You swallowed what you could. But still, you feel a bit of it roll down your chin.

“Sh, sorry no don’t cry.” He immediately panics cupping your face in his hands. He looks down at you, worried. As if he thinks he went too far.

He wipes away the tears. The tears that you hadn’t even noticed had fallen.

Sighing, you can’t help the smile that forms on your face. “I’m okay Matty” you breathe out softly. His facial expression visibly relaxes at the statement.

“I’m sorry if that was too hard”

“It wasn’t, you’re good.” You stand up.

You immediately go to undo your own jeans. You slip out of them, throwing them off to the side.

His eyes roam over your body. The air is thick, both of your bodies pulsing with pure lust and awe.

You watch as his half-hard dick gets hard again.

You chuckle at the reaction. You teasingly take your bra off. And once you unclasp it, it’s Thrown across the room to the rest of your clothes.

His eyes trail your body again. He can’t help himself at the way your boobs look. He’s always admired you from afar. He never thought he’d ever be able to see you like this.

Sure he had imagined you two together like this before, but he never thought he’d actually get to see it. Besides, the real thing, the euphoria, it all felt better than he could’ve ever thought.

“So pretty, baby” he sighs. His hand goes to your chest. you could tell he’d never done this before just by the way he touched you like you were fragile.

But neither of you knowing what you were doing only made this more thrilling.

His hands go to your waist as he pushes you back onto your bed. He hovers over you for a moment, before crashing his lips back onto yours.

You kiss back, but you mostly let him take the lead. After he breaks the kiss, You feel him start to trail his kisses down your jawline and neck, while needing your breast in his hand.

He sits up again putting his other hand on your chest and needing it too, watching the way his hands look wrapped around your tits.

He sighs getting off of you and between your legs.

“Tell me when it feels good, sweetheart, alright?” He hums. He pulls at your panties, taking them off and half-heartedly throwing them away.

His eyes stay locked on your pussy. He admires it, like it’s the first time he’s seen it, which it is.

He puts your legs over his shoulders to give himself a better angle. He uses his middle finger to brush through your folds experimentally, watching you in awe.

You sigh at the contact on your folds. You’ve never been touched there. But Matt’s touch felt so incredibly comforting and good.

Your core was aching, pulsing around nothing. And Matt watched.

After a moment he kissed just above your clit. Kissing a trail down to your clit, before harshly starting to suck on it.

Your moan tears through the room. You were startled by how bold and confident he acted.

He groans into your core at your taste on his tongue. The groan sends pleasure coursing through you and chills down your spine.

“Fuck- matt” you whine. Your thighs clench around his head trying to get him closer. Your hand finds its way to his hair tugging on it slightly.

Your other hand berries in the sheets, trying to find something to hold onto. “God- have you done this before?” You ask rhetorically not expecting an answer.

He licks a stripe up your folds and starts to move his tongue against your sensitive nub. You whine and he chuckles.

“No.” He mumbles against you in answer. You throw your head back in pleasure your eyes briefly closing.

You feel Matt pull at you, tilting his head slightly for a deeper angle.

He was eating you out like you were his last meal. But beyond that also like this would be the only time he got to taste your sweet juices.

“Matt, fuck yeah- just like that.” You keep praising him. You notice how it boosts his confidence and in turn, makes this even more pleasurable for you.

You feel a finger brush at your cunt. Before you feel it slide in. Your hand immediately tugs harder at his hair. Your back arches slightly as you throw your head back in pleasure.

He thrusts his middle finger in and out of your tight cunt. He was turning his hand slightly, twisting it and turning it to get a feel for your body and how you react. And to also make you loosen up a bit.

You whine in discomfort. Matt detaches his lips from your clit still hovering close though.

“You okay sweetheart?” He says lowly under his breath.

Your moaning was loud and echoing through the room.

You sit up in your forearms staring down at him and the way he was fingering you like that. Watching the way his finger disappeared in your tight cunt.

“I’m good”

The words come up a bit slurred. The pleasure of him finger fucking you like that, was making your head feel all fuzzy.

“Never fingered yourself, baby?” He asks teasingly. You watch him and the way he steadies himself on his other arm.

He readjusts his finger, curling it up roughly hitting your sweet spot right on.

The touch sends shivers of pleasure down your spine making you shut your eyes and throw your head back.

“Matt, matt-“ you chant his name like a prayer. It’s the only thing you can think of. Him. And only him. That’s all that’s relevant right now.

He slips his second finger into your soaked core with ease. You barely even notice the second finger added. Until he starts to scissor them apart to stretch your insides even further.

He keeps thrusting his fingers in and out of you harshly. Curling them at just the right spots to make your vision blur.

You lay back down fully, as he is now sitting up more.

“Yeah pretty girl, that feel good?” He asks. Your back arches and your mouth falls open in a silent moan.

He leans up further, your legs fall from his shoulders as he hovers over your lower body. He puts his whole hand on your lower stomach applying gentle pressure on it to keep you down on the bed.

“I’m close-“ you breathe out between loud moans.

“good girl, come for me.” You shudder at the pet name. Your thighs shake slightly at the burning intensity of his gaze and the way his fingers curl at just the right spots.

You squirm under his gaze. And suddenly you feel the intense knot in your stomach snap. You feel him continue to finger fuck you, while your entire body feels burning hot.

You feel so warm and overwhelmed by the euphoria flowing through your veins. It feels better than any high you have ever experienced. Not that you’ve experienced a lot.

Once you ride out your high you breathe hard. Your eyes stay closed as you lay back on your bed.

Matt gently pulls out his fingers, making you whine at the loss of contact.

He lays down on your duvet next to you, turns to his side, and watches you.

You also turn to face him after a moment. You two just look at each other.

Matt looks at you with such intense adoration and love, it’s crazy.

“You actually wanna loose your virginity now?” He asks gently. Ignoring the fact that he was rock-hard.

You two so far had only given each other pleasure, but you hadn’t lost your virginity yet.

“Yes” you breathe out. You feel ready now more than you ever have before. Especially if you get to lose it to matt.

He licks his lips looking over your face.

“I don’t have a condom.” He says simply looking back at you. He knew you weren’t on the pill. He’d be fine doing it some other day.

“That’s fine.” You say though , catching him off guard. How desperate do you have to be to let him raw dog it?

“You’re not on the pill tho?” He questions.

“I’m not” you confirm simply. He raises an eyebrow waiting for further explanation. “You can pull out or something.” You shrug.

“That sounds tacky.” He huffs a laugh at how ridiculous that sounds.

“Doesn’t matter, we’ll deal with that tomorrow morning. Just please fuck me?”

You think he’s going to refuse Until he suddenly pulls you on top of him. You sit on his torso for a moment before you get the memo.

“You want me to ride you?” You ask slowly.

“If you’re not comfortable we can switch?” He offers. But why would you decline to ride him?

You shake your head no, before starting to slide down on his torso feeling his length glide between your soaked folds.

“Can’t be that hard?” You question rather skeptically.

In your opinion matt didn’t seem small. Though you had nothing to compare it to. All the girls in porn seemed to struggle with something that looked as big as Matt.

So either this would be really hard or easy for you. But either way, you wanted to try.

“You’re okay, we’ll go slow” he chuckles at your nervousness but is secretly just as scared. “And I’ll help you.” He assures.

You lift yourself hovering over his crotch area. You take in a harsh breath grabbing his dick and hovering over it.

Matt’s hand goes to it too holding it up. While your hand goes to your cunt as you gently and slowly sink down on it.

You both moan at the contact. Getting in the tip was hard. But once that was in you felt like you could easily slide down the rest of it, not that it wouldn’t hurt.

Matt’s free hand goes to your waist, guiding you like he said he would.

“Doing so good, princess.” You whine at the praise, but ultimately slowly skink down further..

Matt keeps your movements steady as you keep doing your thing. His second hand also goes to your waist using it to steady your movements further.

“Fuck so big.” You moan. Your thighs tense as you pull it out slightly. You could feel the stretch burn.

“It’s okay sweetheart. you only got a couple inches left.” He assures you as he starts guiding you back lower on him. Your cunt was aching around him harshly.

“Fuck-“ you sigh. You can’t help yourself when you take one of his hands from your waist and interlock your hands. You need the moral support.

“Such a good girl,” Matt says as you start to gently bounce on what you have fit so far.

He was occasionally groaning. Your moans filled the room, the air in the room staying hot.

He squeezes your hand. You close your eyes at the mixture of pleasure and pain. When you close your eyes he lets his eyes wander down to where your bodies meet.

He’d never done this and this felt so incredibly good. The sight alone could make him come right then and there.

Matt wasn’t dumb, he knew he had quite the dick. It wasn’t small by any means. And he knew that. It was amusing Watching you struggle with what you had, knowing there were at least still 3 more inches to go.

“You okay?” He asks again just to make sure you are okay.

The pain had subsided and you felt the pleasure. Sure you could take more but you were nervous to. This wasn’t as easy as it looked or as You thought it’d be.

“I’m okay” you sigh. You keep yourself gently and slowly bouncing on the upper half of the length of his cock.

Matt knows you really well. And matt just knows you can take more than that, Despite being a virgin himself. It was just a gut feeling. “Baby, I’m gonna need you to bear with me alright?”

Before you can respond, his hand on your waist tightens, and he squeezes your hand that’s intertwined with his. He rams you down on his dick harshly, making you take it as much as you physically could.

Your legs tense up at the harsh treatment. Your eyes close as a moan is ripped out your lungs. You clench so unbelievably tight around him. And just the sight of himself buried so deep inside of you could have him come at the spot.

He groans at the feeling of it as well. “Good-“ he breathes out. “Such a good girl.”

He keeps his hand intertwined with yours for moral support. His hand trails from your waist over your side soothingly.

You sigh at the feeling of him being completely in you. It’s a foreign feeling. It just feels so full.

“I feel so fucking stuffed” you groan dramatically. You let your head hang forward your mouth open in a silent moan.

“Oh, you’re so gonna be stuffed” he huffs. And somehow, even though pregnancy and birth scares the hell out of you, this type of dirty talk was extremely hot to you.

You huff in response starting to grind into him. You grind on his dick, his Hand on your hips helping you as you slowly try to get used to the size.

You sigh pulling all of your hair back out of your face again. You readjust your legs, taking your hand out of Matt’s. You shift, leaning on your arms to lean back slightly.

You start to carefully ride him your moans and whines still audible. Your head is thrown back in pleasure.

Matt watches the way your body moves in awe. Groaning every so often when you clench around him.

His hand goes to rest over your lower stomach, his thumb goes to rub on your clit gently. “Matt.” You gasp at the sudden added pleasure.

You can’t help yourself when you lean back forward. You just really want to see Matt’s face while you ride him.

“So good for me baby, keep going” he encourages. And with his words, you readjust again now pulling out more and ramming yourself back down.

You feel the knot in your stomach get tighter. You feel really good riding him like this, listening to his mumbles of praise and encouragement.

You continue to bounce on him, now chasing your high. And the harsher you slam yourself down the louder you and matt get. The room is filled with your noises as well as skin clapping loudly, and your lewd wetness.

After a few seconds you feel the knot snap. You lean over him, your arms on either side of his head catching you. Your high feels incredible, the heat washing over you like a wave.

Matt’s hand on your waist gets bruisingly harsh. He holds you in place while he thrusts up into you. You whine at the way he fucks you through your high. He was chasing his own now.

“Where do you want it.” His breath is harsh. He choked out the words in his lust-filled voice. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding to know.

“Inside.” You grit out. You bite your lip harshly, feeling your high subside and overstimulation slowly take over.

Matt grunts an agreement and you feel his thrusts get more sloppy and harsh. Until he gives you one last thrust, finally stopping his movements. He pulls you down to sit on him while spurts of his release shoot up into you.

You were pulsing around him, practically milking him for all he’s got. “Such a good girl” matt breathes out. One of his hands goes to trail over your stomach slightly.

He feels the slight bulge in your stomach from his sheer size.

The idea that this is how you make children is crazy to you. And the fact that you just did that with your best friend.

“How’re you feeling?” He asks softly staring up at you lovingly.

“Warm” you respond truthfully. His sticky seed inside of you makes your core feel all warm, along with the fact that you haven’t gotten off of it yet.

“Do you regret it?” He asks gently. After all, you two were best friends, and he had just lost his virginity to you and also taken yours.

Despite being terrified of the fact that you let him raw dog this, you didn’t regret it. In fact, you felt content, you love matt dearly.

“No” you don’t hesitate. You never realized how much you love Matt. He was just always there with you, he was always your best friend. You couldn’t imagine a future without him.

“You’re paying for the plan b pill tho” you chuckle.

He huffs a laugh. you carefully lift yourself off of him feeling your combined juices leak. You can see Matt watching, his eyes focused on your pussy. Watching the way you’re filled to the brim.

You kneel next to him, as you watch him sit up. “Come on sweetheart let’s get you cleaned up.”

Masterlist

A/N: I know this isn’t the most original idea, but I haven’t read any ffs where both of them are virgins. But if there is one that’s similar to mine, just know it was not intentional. In that case, If someone gives me the @ I can credit them.

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturnioloos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangepepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo

[ofthehands]

Had the idea of a TCM vampire AU stuck in my head for quite some time now, and while I've got a fic blocked out for it and will probably draw some sketches for it soon, I wanna work on other stuff at the moment, so under the read more is a collection of ideas I've had for it that I'm throwing into the nether.

Sawyer Colony

Grandpa-

Literal 1000 year old vampire

Supposedly super powerful (younger Sawyers hype him up so much)

Not very active (for now)

Passes on vampirism to other Sawyers either genetically or by biting them "when the time is right"

Nubbins-

Born human, turned by Grandpa when he was pretty young bc he fell off the roof of their house and almost died

Super proud of this fact ("I'm g-grandpa's favorite!")

Survives getting hit by truck bc vehicular manslaughter can't really kill a vampire lol

Chop Top-

Born human as well, turned by Grandpa before he went to Vietnam "just in case"

Good call, he took a swinging mace straight to the forehead, would have died if not turned

Really enjoys taking part in human life/ music/ just hanging out with humans he doesn't plan to eat. Nubbins will do it with him, but isn't really social otherwise.

Drayton-

Hasn't actually been turned as of the start of story

Incredibly salty about this fact, is a dick to brothers in part bc of this, and is way meaner when he's been worrying about his own mortality/ potentially never getting turned

Started selling human meat as a side hustle to get rid of all the bodies his vampire brothers brought home.

Very anti-social and disconnected from his humanity despite being a human much longer than his brothers.

Bubba -

Only Sawyer brother born a vampire

Was his parents' pride and joy bc of this.

Parents didn't leave, ended up killed. Long story lol

Really wants to socialize with humans/ the outside world, but brothers have convinced him he can't.

Does self-expression (masks + little outfits + makeup + hair), listening to radio, and watching movies to simulate interaction he craves.

Vampire Hunters

Lefty-

Usual obsessive Lefty things.

Got fired from job bc he was constantly pursing vampires.

Only person who believed Sally when she reported vampires killed her friends.

Dying of heatstroke at all times bc he wears a turtleneck everywhere

more scared of being bitten/ turned than he is of dying (fairly confident vampires don't have souls/ can't go to heaven, and so being bitten = L + Ratio + ruined soul + no place in God's kingdom)

Stretch-

Got dragged into this the usual way (though a little different)

Overall the most successful hunter. (Don't worry about that lol)

Confident she can bring an end to the vampire colony and avenge those they've lost.

Only vampire hunter to actually work with all the other hunters at some point. (Don't worry about that either)

LG-

Stretch's emotional support

Has no idea how tf to deal with vampires

Beats the shit out of them in bat form with a stop sign stolen from their lair (not effective but kind of funny to watch)

Mad as hell at Lefty for dragging them into this

Sally-

In psych hospital after talking about vampires killing her friends/ brother

Gets out of hospital after accepting the "truth" that vampires aren't real.

Trying to live her best life when dragged back into vampire nonsense by Lefty.

Has a service dog named Leo who helps with mental health symptoms and later with smelling/detecting vampire bats (they're stealthy little bastards)

Determined to avenge brother/ get her uncle out of the huge mess he's made

Other notes

Been working on vampire lore and making sure it all adds up. Currently they can turn into bats bc that's fun, and only the very old/ powerful vampires like Grandpa are weak to sunlight. Also a bite anywhere on the body can turn someone if they're not killed, so the Sawyers mostly cut people and lap up the blood, kind of like real vampire bats.

Also Franklin isn't on either list but he's going to be uuhhhh involved so to speak

[deepdonutkid]

Hi, I'm so sorry it took me so long, I wanted to make it short as possible but always failed so...I have one that is somewhat short (this hurt me so much because when I'm describing something, it is LOONG) and second that is LOONG (that is why I warned you that I actually wrote horribly written "one-shot" or what it is actually, it would be much better, if you have time, to read both...when I tried to make it short, I maybe cut out important things...).

Like I said the girl is my OC, and her name is Sinon (given by Poll), but she is actually Maya (given by her real parents). And I gave names to her parents. But yeah, you can read it, consider if you will write it and change anything you want. Surely there are mistakes, holes and things that don't make sense.

I completely understand if you don't want to write it like "You wrote it yourself, what do you want from me, go to hell." But hey, I'm not a writer, I hate writing and I'm dead sure you can write it 100% better. To me, it looks like a grocery list. If you don't want to write it, just tell- JUST TELL ME TO F*CK OFF. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 (my apologizing must be annoying, welp, sorry once again).

So yeah.

I will send both, if you have any question, or if you don't want to write it, feel free to tell me.

➡ Short one: Ada brings to Polly a baby girl after the woman stopped her, gave her to her and quickly left. Ada discovers a small book, with the letter and a note with the name "Shelby" written on it. Polly thinks that the woman was a whore and the baby is his due to having also blue eyes. Polly decides to not saying anything to Thomas and adopts her herself. The girl grows and is known as an angel among demons. The Shelby's brothers love her, but Thomas...he lives for her. She loves him and he loves her (just...ugh 💝💗💘💓💖💕💞). They play, dance, everything. She is helping him with nightmares, bad moods, not hearing shovels, etc. Life goes by and Thomas loses his wife and brother. Polly and Ada want to cheer him up by telling him that the girl is maybe his daughter but he gets angry and says nasty things about the girl, she hears it and runs. After some time he wants to apologize but Ada stops him. She tells him she contacted the girl's family to pick her up. Thomas is devastated, not only because she leaving, but because he was just a dick to her and can't properly apologize. The Shelby's say goodbye to the girl and she leaves. After years (S5), Thomas is not himself anymore, regrets everything, etc. One day he is closed in his office sitting on the floor, mess around him and hallucinating. Then he hears knocking on the floor and is met with the blue eyes of the much older girl. He thinks she is the only hallucination and wants to shot himself, but she throws stuff into his face, launches at him, hugs him and pushes him and herself to the floor. She tells him that despite everything she loves him and that she missed him. He just hugs her tightly, begging her to forgive him and to never leave him alone ever again. They'll fall asleep and after a few hours when Tommy wakes up, his sister comes in and tells him she and her father are back and he will buy a house here. The girl never left Thomas's side and helped him heal.

➡ Disgustingly long one (it's funny how much of a useless words/sh*t Tumblr allows you to write): Ada brings the baby to Poll after a weak-looking woman approaches her and asks her if she could look after her baby because she needs to check something. When they take a look at it, their eyes meet with two beautiful big blue ones and an adorable smile of a baby girl. After washing the baby Ada discovers a note saying the name "Shelby" wrapped in the blanket. Polly immediately thinks the woman was a whore, got pregnant, then fell ill and now threw fruits of karma back at where it belongs, to Thomas Shelby. Ada asks Polly what they'll do now, but Poll doesn't say anything, Ada look at her and see Polly with a sweet smile and tears in her eyes. She wants to keep it. Why give this sweet little being to the most dangerous man in Birmingham when she can say nothing to him and rise her like her own? Ada agrees but is unsure at the same time...what if that woman wasn't a whore? What if she never had something with the Famous Thomas Shelby? She looked weak, ill, but stressed and maybe...sad? She remembers her crying and kissing this baby's head when leaving, that is not what unloving mothers do...

Polly rising this baby as best as she could now was the most beautiful, kind, clever, brave girl that ever ran through streets of Small heath. She had honey-blonde hair, similar to Ada's in style and length with long curtain bangs on her face and beautiful blue eyes, similar to Tommy's. She never liked girl clothes, always wearing boy clothes after Finn. Shelby brothers loved her so much, she never was problematic, never wanted to know things about the business, only have her little happy life and do fun things with her family when they made time for her, and oh boy they made it plenty. They played with her, danced with her, sang with her. But Thomas, a man who was drawn to this little girl like no one, was everywhere she was. She loves him and he loves her, she was something beautiful to him, peace in mind and heart, always melting how she treated him like a normal person, not thinking about all the bad things he did and just loving him for not so many good ones. He wants her to feel loved like she is one of them, not allowing her to question herself because somebody said she is not Gray, nor Shelby, that she is different and too good for Gypsies like them, like a real diamond among cheap bijouterie, an angel among demons. She helped him to sleep after every nightmare, with bad moods, stop hearing shovels against the wall.

Life goes by and Thomas experience the worst days of his life...he loses his wife and brother. The girl wants to soothe him everything will be fine. She was almost there when she heard Polly and Ada in his office, so she stayed behind the doors and listened to what were they about to say, maybe they trying to soothe him too. Little did she know what she'll about to hear. Ada and mainly Polly tells Thomas a secret about a girl Ada brought home, that Poll didn't find her in front of her doors, that in reality some whore approached Ada and pushed her her baby with a note saying the name "Shelby", and left. She didn't want to take care of a bastard child. And, our girl has the same eyes. But Tommy only scoffs and slams his hands on the table. After everything he's been through, they come up with this shit? They thought they are helping him, that his sweet girl is actually really his, that it will give him new hope for a new beginning, Thomas thought they can't be serious. His wife died, is now a single father, his brother died and now this?? He starts to shout he's not the father of good for nothing, any whore belonging, an odd, snotty and annoying child he never loved. Polly wants to beat him, strangle him but hears behind the door sobbing of her " daughter"...Polly is cursing his nephew before running after her girl, Ada following right after her. Thomas is unable to move, doesn't know what to do...He regrets every word second after but being stubborn cretin in his whole gory, he doesn't follow them but sit into his chair and let silence eat him alive.

After a few days of not facing his family and overthinking what to say and do, his sister stops him in his tracks. He's forced to sit and she starts to explain why is she here. She pulled out of her coat a burned sheet of paper, a small book and starts reading:

"Dear Thomas Shelby,

If you receive this letter...I'm begging you, please, to help my daughter. My name is Bella Rogers and I got separated from my husband, Scott Rogers when we were running from America to England. I heard about you from people in London. (Some people told her Thomas Shelby, so she went somewhere he likes to go in London, to his sister. And bc he never stayed long, she gave the baby to Ada.). I know I can't expect anything but please, contact this person (her husband's mother), tell her you saved my daughter, Maya Rogers. Tell them our names. You are my only hope now. Please help my daughter, please help me...

Thank you deeply,

Bella Rogers.

(Adress or number of her mother-in-law)

Ps: Please tell my daughter I love-"

And stopped.

Flashback: When the girl was growing, Ada confronted Poll with a small book in her hands.

Present: She handed the burned book to Thomas and he took it.

Flashback: She told Polly that the girl belongs to someone else and they deserves to know what happened to her and her mother.

Present: He carefully opened it.

Flashback: Polly knew it was selfish to keep her here, but she loved her so much she ignored every word.

Present: He started to spell the girl's name, date of birth, her parent's names, their date of birth...

Flashback: Ada begged Polly to think about this, she felt bad for a father and family that they didn't know what happened to them, but Polly had enough, she grabbed the book and a letter Ada was holding and threw it into the fireplace and with teary eyes left, Ada immediately took a piece of wood and got both things out of the fire, hoping that everything wasn't lost.

Present: Ada knocked on the table, drawing Thomas's attention from his thoughts. She swears she could see tears forming in his eyes when she told him she already contacted Rogers family and they are coming from America to get her back. He felt betrayed, he wanted to vomit. Ada tells him Polly already knows it and hesitantly agreed and that maybe it's better he said what he said, she wouldn't miss him that much and he made it easier for her not to think about him, which made him snap his eyes from the ground back to Ada. He asks her when they will arrive. An hour. Instead of getting up and do something he just sat there, sharply inhaled, and started crying. He cried, with his sister by his side, hugging him, crying as well.

When an hour was about to pass, they took all courage they had and get going to meet their girl's family and say goodbye. He wasn't ready. He never wanted to be ready for something like this.

Now they were standing there, in the uncomfortably big room, face to face with their Rogers family, two grandmothers, one grandfather and one father. He looked more beaten up by time than Thomas himself. They on the one side and Thomas, Poll and other Shelby's, Ada not with them but with the girl preparing. They greet each other, had a glass of whiskey, awkwardly debated about stuff, business, America...when then a young man asked where his daughter is, not willing to wait anymore. They called and there she was, hiding behind Ada's leg after coming into a room full of people she knew and didn't know. Her father immediately started to cry, slowly kneeled and opened his arms. She was looking at him and after a minute she starts to cry too...she maybe was the baby, but she remembers him, his face, his voice. She lets go of Ada's skirt and runs into his arms for the warmest and tightest hug she ever received. All members of Rogers family are immediately around her, introducing themself. And she's smiling, hugging everyone like she knows them for years. Thomas can't bear the sight of them so happy, especially her. He wanted so much to be in their place. He doesn't know why but asks Ada if they are really who they may be and Ada looks at him, understanding from where this is coming from. She shows him a slightly burned photo of their girl and her parents. "I remember how her mother looked like," Ada says. "And I remember her." Tommy is pointing at the baby in the middle, and Ada chuckles. "Yes, me too." "And now she about to be taken away from us and we can't do anything about it" ". Ada tries to hide her tears. They now looking at Arthur and Polly with Finn behind him hugging the girl and begging her to visit them every summer and Christmas. They kiss each other, Polly goes into a loving bear hug and kisses the girl on the cheek like million times. Uncle Charlie, Shelby's wives, even some of Peaky Blinders members themself like Curly. Now it was Ada who hugs the girl and then looks at her lovingly. "I'm gonna miss you, we all will." The girl softly smiles but looks at Thomas with an apathetic expression. Ada looks at him as well but Thomas is ghostly absent, just staring at the girl with glossy eyes, happy moments with his girl running in front of his eyes. He couldn't bear it anymore, he never ran from things, but now...He snapped into reality, quickly shaken with hands of the other side, wished them luck, TOO quickly ruffled the girl's hair and left, Ada following right after him. Rogers family just stared. Eventually, Rogers family said goodbye with the girl in their arms and left. They promised they will visit them.

That same day at night Thomas couldn't sleep, well, he never really slept after the girl left...

Years passed and Thomas was like a corpse, functioning only on 50%, if even. Ada and Poll tried to talk to him, Lizzie, his brothers tried too, but nothing helped, eventually all of them stopped. He regretted everything. One day was especially hard. Thomas was in his office, sitting on the floor with face in both hands. Around him a broken glass, two other chairs and papers. He was hearing his wife, crying charlie, shovels against the wall, gunshots, ghostly breathing. Everything was too loud. But nothing as loud as three soft knocks on the door. He lifted his head when a person who knocked came inside. His blue eyes met other blue ones. There she was, standing in front of him, much bigger and older, with a teddy bear he once bought for her. She still had it? How?. He couldn't believe it. He thought his mind is messing with him. You're not here, you're not real he said to her and every time he said it, she denyed that. He wanted to end this, grabbed his gun at aimed it at his head, but before he could do anything, a teddy bear hit his face. He opened his eyes and tried to process what just happened. You just threw your teddy bear into my face he asked. She said yes and that if she wasn't real, it wouldn't hit him. So...she was real? But how best to know your sanity is gone, then to welcome whatever your mind was made you see into your arms?

She ran to him, Thomas expected her to dissolve under his touch, but little did he know both of them would end up on the floor. She was giggling, saying he doesn't have any strength and fell easily, he on the other hand had eyes wide open, tears start to sting them. Thomas didn't waste a second and wrapped his arms around her warmly and tightly, proving to her even he can give this kind of hugs. He started to cry, cry like he never did, everything went out, rocking forward and backwards, face in her neck, begging her not to leave him alone ever again. He continued apologizing about what he said, for how bad he is, what he's done. She told him that despite everything she will always love him and that he missed him so much. He stroked her hair gently and she cuddled into him. He felt safe again. He finally was in peace.

When he woke up, he and the girl were covered in a blanket. He sits up. He smiled but got worried at the same time. How did she get in here? He needed to know. But before he could wake her up, somebody knocked. "Tommy?" Ada whispered into the room and walked in. She smiled, seeing Thomas with a little one sleeping in his lap, both covered in a blanket a cuddled to each other was....beautiful and cute. She carefully sits next to him and leans against his shoulder. He asked her how is she here, where is her father her, family. She said he didn't want to go back to America, his only plan from the whole beginning was to move to England with his wife and raise a child here, that he is buying a house. Somewhere nice and safe. In memory of his wife. A new beginning, new hope. And that she was sad and depressed. It wasn't fair from them to keep his daughter and it wasn't fair to just grab her and leave, promising to come back and never mean it. He put his cheek on the girl's hair and brushed it slowly. I think I can live with that he said. Ada chuckled. The rays of sunshine shined into his office. This is his new beginning, new hope. And he was willing to fight for it like a lion.

Eventually, the girl stayed with Shelby's family. The girl's father bought a house a few villages away so he could always pick her up and be with him. He made a little monument for his wife where his daughter put flowers Thomas or Ada bought. He knew who Shelby's were, but just like his wife telling Ada she trusted her when giving her baby to her, he trusted the rest of the family. Happy Ending!

Thank you for your time!!!!😍😍😍😍

Omg, you didn't lie, this was fucking long for a request... if this can be called a request at that length!

I really like the idea tho and it's super cute, Tommy with his daughter, etc.

Like you offered, I'm going to change a few things or to be percise... I will take the short version, because this already got me thinking and the long version was basically a story already.

I like to fill in the gaps myself and make this a full story, but it's going to take a while... because I have loads of other requests and I can't shut up... so I might write +10k again... for this idea.

Or multiple parts, I don't know yet XD

Gosh, I have to say it again... this is a long ass request... coming from meeee, the person who writes 12k ONE- SHOTS XD

Thank you for sending this in! 🌹

[gra-sonas]

Hiiii! What are you thoughts about RNM finale! How do you feel about it? I'm glad Alex was happy and I kind of understand why Micha walked out in the middle of the song even though I know some people didn't like it... Anyways! Hope you have a great day! 😁

Hi nonnie!

Am I having a great day, running on roughly 2 hours of sleep and sheer force of will? Debatable. :P

I’ve been listening to Tyler’s song all day tho, that has definitely improved my mood significantly. I’ll never be over the beauty that is this Malex song. WE GOT A MALEX SONG, Y’ALL!!!! And Tyler’s voice... yeah, the absolute best thing ever. I’m at peace just listening to him. 🥰

WOULD YOU COME HOME is without a doubt the best thing of this episode, the best thing of the season tbh. With that being said, I wrote down some more things.

Putting this incoherent mess behind a cut tho (I’m LJ years old, it’s a cut, not a Read More :P), fingers cross Tumblr doesn’t botch the damn thing.

Hmmmm, I’ll admit that last night (I watched live at 3am, which probably was NOT the best idea, but then I’m an adult, what else am I supposed to do other than make TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES...), I really hated it.

Nothing made sense, too many questions were left unanswered, Malex were robbed of saying “I love you” to each other first, they were also robbed of an opportunity to talk (dear god, when will they finally TALK, it’s literally all I want), Michael was made to leave IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOVE LETTER ALEX WAS SINGING TO HIM IN PUBLIC (omfg, I’m still so fucking PISSED about that, I’m FUMING) by the writers just to keep the ~drama going, Malex were robbed of a first public kiss, in one moment at the bar it looks like Michael took the handkerchief off, but there’s no way of telling whether they simply forgot to put it on him, or if it was deliberate and he actually took it off and we were robbed of that very significant moment.

Also ngl, Jesse’s death? Underwhelming. I mean, I’m glad he’s finally gone, but his whole storyline this season was underwhelming and so was his death. Oh well, underwhelming is my rating of S2 overall, guess it makes sense for this super villain to go out with a meh instead of a bang.

Blah, I'm still not super happy about the finale, and I especially wanted Michael to hear the WHOLE song, mainly the final two lines

You were the best of me You are the best of me

but since we can’t have nice things it’s not surprising that I’m not a huge fan. At least it wasn’t as devastating as 1x13, or as gross and triggering in 2x06, small mercies, I guess :P

Ngl, the Forlex kiss didn’t spark joy for me personally. I’m a mono shipper, and just like I hated seeing Michael kiss someone else, I hated seeing Alex do the same. But I understand why he did it. Michael left halfway through the song, and Alex was so relieved and proud of himself that he sang it, and Forrest was right there (wearing his Deep Sky ring 👀).

And hey, Alex asked and Forrest gave enthusiastic consent, I appreciate that very much!

I also really liked that Alex and Michael got to destroy the damn shed. I absolutely ADORE that Gregory was there when Alex sang,  alive and looking like the proudest big brother ever (like you don’t even know HOW MUCH I love him!!! ). Tanner’s such an amazing addition to the cast and I hope we’ll get to see him more often next season!

I’m glad that neither Alex or Michael were burdened with Jesse’s death, I hate that Gregory is carrying that burden now, but he seems to be better equipped for it, and I think he’ll be okay living with it.

Also a glimmer of hope for my baby Flint and a possible redemption arc? I like it (mainly bc I adore Kiowa, I just want him back).

The Echo breakup was long overdue, IDK, I haven’t cared that much about them as a couple for a long time, they’ve been lying to each other throughout most of the season, insofar it makes perfect sense that they go their separate ways now.

Rrrrosaaaaaa!!! My girl, I’m so damn PROUD of her!!!! She’s doing absolutely amazing, and I hope they’ll bring Iris back for her in S3 as a real friend. She deserves to spend time with people other than the “alien circle” at large.

M/M breakup... let’s just say I’m glad that particular nightmare is finally OVER. Time for Michael to work on himself. He didn’t get much opportunity to do that all season.

I’m a bit worried that due to the larger time jump between S2 and 3 we’ll either not get to see much of his development, or - even worse - he hasn’t worked on himself when we meet him again. That’s why I really rather hate S2 for him as a character. Oh well, that’s something to worry about in a year, I guess.

KYLE. I was happy about the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Kylex moment, but overall S2′s done him dirty. Constantly sidelined, stuck in a relationship I still don’t care about even a little bit. And now Liz even played “god” and saved Steph (which in itself is a good thing, but Liz has been doing this all season, and no one’s stopped her, and I find that worrisome.) I guess with Steph being saved she’s also going to be in S3? Meh, I couldn’t care less, but also something to worry about next year.

Isobel didn’t get to do all that much this episode, but I love her, she’s had an amazing journey this season, and I feel she’s in a really good place right now. GOOD FOR HER!

SANDERS! Not in this episode, but damn, I love him, and I’m SO glad that MICHAEL’S DAD HAS BEEN INTRODUCED TO US THIS SEASON!

Jenna & Charlie AAAAAAHHHHHHHH, I’m so happy for them! And I’m excited to hopefully see both of them again next season! They are amazing, and as a duo a force to be reckoned with! Excited for Riley’s show Hightown to be renewed, still hope she’ll find time to travel to Santa Fe to be in several episodes of RNM.

Max... Ngl, I’m not a fan of the character. Never have been. And while Max 2.0 was nicer than Max 1.0, I never really warmed up to him. Let’s see how things with “Mr. Jones” and Max will go next season.

Maria... Let’s see how things with her go next season. Maybe she’ll finally be allowed to have a storyline that doesn’t revolve around other people.

Circling back to Alex. I love him, I love him the most. He’s on par with my other favorite character of all time (Derek Hale, in case that wasn’t clear). He’s so important to me, and Tyler did the most exquisite job playing him. S2′s been a difficult season for him and I hated that for him.

The writers held him back at almost every turn, he wasn’t allowed to move on, instead Michael got to “dump” Alex every second episode. Man, it got old real fast. But Alex’s resilience finally hammered it home to Michael, that Alex is not leaving again. He’s right there, and he’ll even show up when Michael calls him. New experience for him, I’m sure.

IDK, this whole season was such a mess, so many things that weren’t resolved in the end, the lack of a main plot kept bothering me, and I hated that some of my favorite S1 friendships were completely sidelined.

I hate that an entire season was wasted on Malex being apart, especially wasted for Michael who had a lot of shit on his plate I hoped he’d get a chance at working through (at least in part) in S2, but that didn’t happen. He had some lightbulb moments, but overall he’s still pretty much in the same spot he was at the beginning of the season.

And while I agree that he’s not ready to be with Alex atm, I hate that he did not communicate that to Alex properly, and instead left halfway through Alex’s song.

IDK, I just feel like pretty much every fanfic writer in our fandom would’ve done a better job at writing them this season, they would’ve been allowed to move forward separately, but still towards a common goal.

I know, they are endgame, there’s no doubt about that, but I’m TIRED of them not talking. And especially after Alex’s performance.

Either way, I don’t think any of this makes much sense, coherent thoughts, I don’t have them atm. I’ll need more time to think things through, and maybe my overall negative opinion of this season won’t be quite so negative anymore. Who knows.

I’ve always wondered whether I’d feel like finally watching S2 once I know how it ends, and right now I can answer that question with a firm NO. Canon exhausts me. I’m looking forward to fandom getting time to take a deep breath and process this season. 

I’m excited that we get to take care of the characters for the next year. It’s time for some good development, for tons of fics where Malex actually talk to each other, where Gregory is an awesome brother, Sanders adopts Michael and a million other things.

If there’s one thing I’m grateful for is, that the finale didn’t ruin Malex entirely. I’d been really worried about that.

THEY ARE OURS AGAIN, FOLKS! \0/

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

8:35 pm

currently listening to: candles by daughter

alright, well, now i wish i hadn't described the dream bc i keep wanting to throw up from the taste of metal lol but anyway, i'm just going to keep writing until my brain stops throwing up all the words.

i really wish i could sing. like fr. when i was younger, it was literally all i wanted besides dance. i wanted to learn how to sing and learn how to play the guitar.

my worst birthday, like my most hurtful birthday ever, was when i was like ten years old. my whole family decided to throw me a surprise "party" and so i thought everyone forgot. my siblings bullied me relentlessly the entire day, and no one said happy birthday to me. it was really very upsetting. anyways, it hits night time and i'm sitting on my bedroom floor just like, crying, because i'd gotten bullied at school and then at home and everyone forgot my birthday and it all just sort of sucked.

and so then my entire family bursts into the room, and they have cupcakes for me and everyone is saying happy birthday and no one forgot. i was literally so relieved. my dad gave me my first and only guitar, and i loved it. it was a gorgeous acoustic guitar and the exact one i wanted. and so i get really excited and i'm like, "are you fr right now?! am i really going to get guitar lessons now?!" and my dad just looks at me, like super confused, and he goes "no? you're going to use youtube and teach yourself."

now, my father is a narcissist. but like i truly think sometimes he had way higher expectations for what i could reasonably do on my own than he realized because there was no fucking way i'd ever be able to do that. i'm literally 22 now and i still cannot play a fucking guitar just watching videos. piano, maybe. but even then i still need someone to physically show me.

it really crushed me though. because everyone knew how badly i wanted guitar and voice lessons, and i just like never got either. my dad heard me practicing vocal scales on youtube in my room while my siblings were out, and just thought that was enough. he'd see me try over and over to figure how chords work and what it all means and how to play a song, and he really just thought i was going to do it. i was going to be like taylor swift or justin bieber and just figure it out on my own.

the problem is that i literally have never learned like that. firstly, i'm a much more visual and tactile learner. nothing i've ever learned well has come from learning it the normal way. with ballet, i only started getting better at it once i started taking regular private lessons so i was getting one on one corrections catered to the way i learn. it's the same with math and literally everything else.

i still have that guitar somewhere. i used to just lean it against my wall and forget about it, and my dad took that as me quitting.

the really messed up part about it is that i was the only one of my siblings not allowed to get lessons for things or to join teams or anything. i wanted to be a dancer as well, but my dad wouldn't pay for anything of the sort because i "don't have rhythm, so what's the point?" but god forbid my older siblings wanted to do something

my brother wanted to try track for a season and my dad spent like $900 on him at the drop of a hat

i asked if i could be in a club helping dogs in shelters find their forever homes, told him there was just a $15 membership fee and he literally said i'd have to figure that out on my own and that he would not drive me or anything

i started getting into cooking after taking culinary at my school, and asked my dad if he could buy a few things for a recipe. he told me i'd have to figure that out on my own, and he wouldn't be paying for that. he also wasn't willing to let me use the kitchen for some time, so the only time i could cook was at school. nothing i made for him was ever good enough to warrant him supporting me. not even lemon/lavender scones. (he's why i can't cook unless i'm completely calm and alone. if someone is in the kitchen with me or people are waiting on me, i just start crying and burn everything. my dad was so judgemental. he yelled at me once for making raspberry pancakes on a baking sheet once bc we didn't have a muffin pan. it tasted really good but my dad said i nearly burned the house down, fucked up a simple recipe, and told me that i was never allowed to cook again. i only started getting less nervous about cooking over the pandemic when it was jsut my mom and i that i was cooking for.) (i should mention i was NINE when he yelled at me for that---and i had never been shown how to cook before save for a few simple things like scrambled eggs)

i wanted to be in ballet and would stare at the big, beautiful ballet academy that was on my way to school. i asked for years if i could take dance lessons and was told every year "maybe next year". my sister wanted to do dance, and he let her no problem. she did ballroom, and he supported her every step of the way.

my dad actually never knew this because i never told him, but i quit theater because of him. i think he punished me for the rest of my life for quitting his dream for me. i loved theater, and i wanted to be famous. i loved going to auditions every weekend. i loved being in plays. i loved performing, even though i was always like camoflauge or something. but i literally didn't trust my father.

he sat me down and asked me once if i really wanted to be famous, and told me everything i'd have to give up and blah blah blah, and i remember looking at my parents and just suddenly realizing that if i was ever going to be an actor, i didn't want them anywhere near my earnings.

i just got the overwhelming feeling that my father specifically viewed me as a product, and that i'd end up very similar to macaulay culkin. so i literally just lied and told him i didn't want to do it anymore.

i'll admit he worked really hard for me to have that dream. like, he drove me all over the southeast to auditions for everything. took me to rehearsals and sent me to a magnet school. but every time i spoke to him about anything, i just felt overwhelmingly like a product to him.

for example, i'd tell him about a story i started writing, and he'd tell me, "hey, you know, you could sell that. i'll tell you what: if you write that book, i'll put down the money to help you get it published. you'll be rich with your talent." and it was like

what?

i don't want to be rich. i just wanted to read a story to you and now you're trying to find some way to profit from my ideas. there was no way around it. and the older i get, the more i know how many times he did this to other people and i know i was right. i saw right through him as a twelve year old and he punished me for it.

sometimes, if i'm not careful, i get really upset about how many years i wasted waiting for him to mean it when he said i could have all the lessons when i was older. he was right. i am older now and i can pay for it myself.

but it's hard when i struggle with something i really love because i think of how many years ago i could have started, and how i could already be good at this if he just would have cared even a little. do you know how hard it is to start ballet as an adult? do you know how people treat you?

not well, friend. people are assholes. i'm literally lucky that i have enough of a baby face that i can just get away with pretending to be fifteen to my instructors face so that they're just willing to at least treat me like a real dancer and not someone trying to get some fitness in. i mention that i'm a dancer to people, and they look at my plus-size body and go, "what? do you mean you teach it or something?"

i just get so angry sometimes thinking about having to start from the very beginning, having to earn people's respect and belief that i want this simply because i wasn't granted the opportunity to do these things when i was four like everyone else.

the good thing though is that i get to do it, even if people are assholes about it. it's made me so unapologetic about my dreams. my mom doesn't really get it. she supports me, but she thinks i should just work and save. that's all. she doesn't understand the money i put toward dance---the private lesson fees, the summer intensive fees, the extra classes, the recital fees, etc. but the truth is that i'd literally rather shit in my hands and then clap than let my dreams pass me by another second.

i waited my entire life to know how to do the dances i make up in my head. every song i hear, i have a lyrical or hip hop or jazz or modern dance in my head to match it but my body doesn't know how to do it yet. every year, i get closer to being able to do the dances i see whenever i hear music. you're out of your mind if you think that's going to ever change.

anyway, i say all this because i'm going to try to work at my old studio over the summer because they usually offer perks, which means that i could get vocal lessons for free and a discount on guitar and piano and dance.

i'll never be truly happy until i can speak music the way i hear it. music for me is the same as dance. i knew i'd be good if someone would just give me the opportunity to be. i know my voice isn't bad. i just don't have the training needed to really make it sound right.

this summer i really want to work toward being able to work on my voice. one of my favorite songs to sing is a sunday kind of love by etta james. i love songs where i can belt it out because that's where my confidence is and where people always go, "wait, you can sing?". To be entirely honest, i get a lot of mixed reviews. some people think i'm off key and others think i'm really good and my entire family had me believing i was fucking tone deaf for like most of my life. my friend who was a music major thought i had a nice voice and we used to sing together a lot. but i honestly have no clue at this point lol i personally think it could be better, and i know what a good voice sounds like. my voice sounds like it needs training to me. but it's good for lullabies rn lol

for like three years when i was living with my oma and taking care of her, i was very quiet ( i rarely spoke to anyone or left my room, which is part of why i got so depressed) and never practiced and now my voice doesn't sound the way it used to. i want to work on that because it actually makes me upset considering i used to do vocal exercises literally ever night.

anyways, i especially love when it's songs by older artists like etta james or frank sinatra or nat king cole. one of my favorite songs to sing is if i aint got you by alicia keys. i also love to sing whitney houston and christina aguilera. i just wish i knew if i was any good haha

i don't ever sing around people, but i do sometimes place myself in strategic settings to sing so that if someone walks past, i can hear what they think. people always comment if they hear someone singing in passing. i literally hate singing in front of anyone because i can never tell if i like my voice or not haha

so i just say i'm bad and sing for anyone except me

but not this summer!!!!!!! i'm going to practice so hard and take lessons. if i start now, who knows where i'll be in a few years? i never thought i'd actually be so close to starting pointe when i started three years ago but here i am!!

yeehaw

one thing about me is i will put my whole pussy into every single dream i've ever been cheated out of

imma get what i want lol

[aqua-harry]

hey, girl. I just wanted to talk to someone about this and I feel like you're the best person to come to - I'm going to college this fall and I'm not going to my top choice (in fact, it's one of my safeties even tho I got into target schools - they were just too expensive). I got rejected from my top choice and I got over it, but there was another school that was a reach school for me & that was my next top choice & I really wanted to go, but I got rejected & I obsess over that school (1/?)

I’d watch youtube videos about incoming freshmen/videos that people made during their first year, etc. My brother actually went to this school & we were talking about me transferring but into a different major bc it’s what would work best for me since I’m actually good at that major (does that make sense? haha). I’m going to try to transfer this before sophomore year (I’m also applying to other schools!) but right now, I’m just so upset that I’m missing out on whatever’s going on at (2/?)

the school that i want to go to. I know I should stop obsessing over it, but I guess what annoys me is that I kind of had the potential to get in (my GPA wasn’t bad, ACT scores were decent, etc.) & a lot of people in my school are going there (& some of them I know did worse than me in school but I think they’re going in as an art major). I just know that I could do better & I really hate myself for what I did during the application process bc my brother was advising me on how to apply (3/?)

and he actually told me to apply for the major that I’m hoping to transfer into because he knew that I had a very, very high chance of getting in because I’m more accomplished in that area. I just hate myself for not listening to him because then I wouldn’t be in this situation & I don’t want to even go to the college that I’m going to now. I’m SO determined to do well this year & I’ve already started my applications for the colleges that I’m applying to and I’m going to (4/5)

fight tooth and nail to get into this school because I feel like I could have done better in high school. I guess the reason as to why I’m telling you this, is because I want some reassurance because I keep putting myself down for the application process/not listening to my brother/ etc. I want this school more than anything. Thank you so much for listening. (5/5)

I’m the anon who sent you 5 asks about my college dilemma: ALSO, when I applied to this school, I didn’t apply to the school in general - I applied to a school within it, which my brother later told me has a ridiculously low acceptance rate. I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking about this hahaha 

I apologize for not replying to this sooner, but I wanted to wait until I was on desktop to do so. (Yes, it literally took me three days to get on desktop. wyd Sarah???)

Do you want some tough love? Because I’m about to give you some tough love.

I was in your boat. I knew what university I would go to when I was only three years old. My family is obsessed with this school - and I mean obsessed. It’s my mom’s alma mater and the fight song was the first song I knew every word to. That was it - I was going to that school. It’s all I’d ever wanted.

My life in high school was dedicated to getting into that school. I got a 29 on my ACT, I had a 3.8 GPA, I took all of the AP classes I was allowed, I was involved in theatre, I was the vice president of the National Honors Society chapter at my school, I was the president of the German club, and I mentored a fifth grader who went to one of the elementary schools at my district.

But I was wait-listed at my dream school.

The year I applied, the school got more applicants than they ever had before, so even though I was a remarkable student, they allowed the others who were just as remarkable and who had applied before me to get the first spots (or, at least, that’s what they told me).

My mom recommended that we tour another university. I resisted. Everything within me wanted to hate that college, wanted to spit upon its doors. But, I went, because my mom is usually right about everything. 

I ended up loving the university.

It suddenly didn’t matter that I didn’t officially get in to my dream school. This new university was my dream school without me even considering it. I eventually got officially accepted into my dream school, but it didn’t even matter anymore, because I’d found the place I was meant to be. I still consider it to be my home.

You need to make your time at your current school worth it. You need to give it a chance. Are you hating it because it’s not your dream school, or are you hating it because it’s actually a bad school? Because I can’t imagine you’re attending a horrible school, right? You may be “missing out” on whatever is going on at your dream school, but because you’re so resistant to like your current school, you’re also missing out on what’s going on around you.

Don’t beat yourself up for not doing whatever your brother told you to do. What’s done is done. But, my recommendation to you is to stop trying to make yourself miserable in your current position, simply because you’re not where you thought you’d be. You’re doing a disservice to yourself and to the school you’re currently enrolled in. When life gives you lemons and all that, right?

Hang in there. It’s tough, but if you give your current situation the chance it deserves, I’m sure you’ll be much happier. Just take your situation for what it’s worth. You seemingly messed up, but you could end up learning a lot that you didn’t know about yourself before if you’re easier on yourself. xx