#those top 5 songs are the 5 songs I made myself play along to on guitar almost every single day for months

[k2ulhu]

obligatory spotify wrapped post

[nicoscheer]

Miles Kane, What It's Like to Play as a 'One Man Band'

We met Miles Kane as a founding member of important bands such as the Last Shadow Puppets with Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys and the Rascals. In the last several years, the Liverpudlian has been on a solitary path, as the name of his recent release suggests. We spoke with him shortly before his long-awaited return to Athens, at "Arch Club", on Friday 5/17.

How has your tour been going so far?

The concerts so far are incredible. I'm excited to play by myself, so I'm very happy. I think people are relating and connecting with the songs on my new record and it's taking me to places I haven't seen in a long time. And Greece is one of those places.

Can you tell us a few words about how you wrote "One Man Band", your most chart-topping album to date?

The album was created in Liverpool. We worked on it with my cousin James Skelly, who used to be a member of The Coral. We went back home and that gave birth to the desire to make a completely straight album. Writing songs is what I do best, not thinking too much, just talking about my feelings, my worries and how I want to be better. I guess life in general is what "One Man Band" is all about, stomping on some rock'n'roll, surf music. We had a clear idea of ​​what the album and its sound should be and we followed it to the end. This is also the reason why it is my favorite work of all that I have released so far. I feel very proud!

You started a great career by participating in various bands, such as Last Shadow Puppets. What motivated you to follow a more solitary path in recent years?

I've been doing solo stuff since I was 22 and I'm 38 now. I learned so much from the bands I was in, the Rascals and the Little Flames. Being on my own and free to work with whoever I want and do whatever I want – even if it sounds selfish – I think suits me best.

And what's the biggest lesson you've learned from playing as a "One Man Band"?

Not playing with a band is completely different for me. It's a huge challenge and not many could pull it off to be honest. It has made me improve my performance as a guitarist, as a singer and as a performer.

What is the most important experience from this journey?

It may sound cliche but I really had a lot of good times in my career. But I feel that who I am today as a person in life and on stage gives me new meaning and life. At all these smaller concerts where I meet new fans, I realize that the younger generation brings a whole different energy to it all. I feel that the phase I am in now is the happiest of my life. I feel more connected and hope to stay on this "path".

Are you excited to be back in Athens ("Arch Club", 5/17)?

Yes! I think I can't remember the last time I visited Greece because it's been so many years. I hope people come because I plan to give you the best night of your life.

What constitutes a successful live?

A great outfit, some "golden" dance moves and an audience! I need to feel like people want to be involved as much as I want to be. This is the only way we can go to the next level.

What are your plans for the future?

I'm trying to write something new and prepare a new album, but I'm having a hard time doing it right now. I don't want to stop the flow of things. I'm quite a simple person and I know what I like in life... Music. Maybe next year I'll be ready for a new release.

Is there another side project in the works?

We're not working on anything with Alex. [Turner], like Last Shadow Puppets. But I have this new little side project going on called The Evils and it's an instrumental surf idea. We'll see how this goes... [s.s. In the time between the interview and its publication, Kane along with Oscar Sholto Robertson and Dave Bardon released the E.P. "Miles Kane & The Evils".]

Miles Kane's albums in his own words

"Colour of the Trap" (2011)

"The beginning of the adventure, when I was still searching for who I am. This album opened the way for me. You can hear all the different sides of me in it."

"Don't Forget Who You Are" (2013)

"Probably one of the best songs I've ever written [inc. the title]. Something keeps me coming back to it. It's like coming home to the roots for me. Sometimes in life you can get sidetracked and forget who you are. This song defined me as an artist and as a person."

"Coup de Grace" (2018)

"An intense rock'n'roll, punk period! Coming out with such an aggressive album is not as easy as you think."

"Change the Show" (2022)

"My chance to show my love for Northern Soul and Motown...Growing up I listened to everything from Diana Ross and the Four Tops to whatever was on the radio."

-

Full Greek article

[maditalksmusic]

"WE'RE BIKINI KILL AND WE WANT REVOLUTION!"

is the opening statement of feminist punk band Bikini Kill’s song “Double Dare Ya”, one of their most famous songs challenging girls to always be unabashedly themselves. It’s a line that resonates through every song they’ve ever put out and every show they’ve performed.

Last Sunday, after finishing a horrible calculus assignment, I needed to find something to do with myself before I lashed out at anyone who crossed my path, some sort of way to diffuse my anger at the stupidity of simplifying 42 useless radical inequalities and difference quotients. I saw an Instagram ad for a Bikini Kill show at the Brooklyn Paramount in three hours. I texted every one of my new, cool college Instagram mutuals who I’d maybe met once who I thought may be a fellow Riot Grrrl fan, but nobody could go. I knew going alone was risky, but the ticket was $30. It was too good of a deal to pass up. I went back to my apartment, changed into my plaid skirt and Docs, threw my hair into the coolest claw clip style I could pull off in 5 minutes, and got on the next train to New York City. 

An hour and a half, one face-plant in Penn Station, an out of service Subway line, and a sprint through Manhattan in platforms to the next stop of the D train later, I made it to the venue. It was only 30 minutes before the opener, Sweeping Promises, came on, and I assumed there would be a line out the door. When I just walked right through security without waiting for a single second, I was shocked. I figured I would be squeezing into the middle of that standing-room-only space like a canned sardine, but I waltzed right up to the barricade. Watching people fill in behind me was fascinating. I was under the impression I’d be one of the youngest people there, until I started seeing waves of 13-16 year old girls coming in buzzing with excitement, followed closely by their fathers in vintage punk merch who probably played basement shows every weekend in their late teens and early twenties. 

Kathi Wilcox on bass guitar during "Alien She", shot by me

I started listening to Bikini Kill when I was 13. They were one of the first bands that played “real music” (essentially anything that isn’t top 40 radio pop) that I started listening to. Hearing Kathleen Hanna singing, or more accurately melodically screaming, these songs about everything from feminism to political activism to standing up to sexual harassment over a gorgeously aggressive drum beat from Tobi Vail while Kathi Wilcox shreds on bass, made something in my brain click into place. Suddenly I realized that even at my age, I could be aware of what was going on in the world, and I could start to challenge these issues, even if it was only on a personal scale. Hearing “Double Dare Ya” live, standing five feet from the stage, hearing every girl in the room singing along, feeling the physical energy radiating from all of those people who felt the same, while making eye contact with Kathleen Hanna was possibly the most impactful moment of my life thus far. It’s easy to forget how important it is to let your frustrations out not only by yourself, but in a public space sometimes. In May, Hanna spoke with NPR on the subject. It’s healthy to cope with emotions on your own, but the experience of letting it all out with other people who are right there with you is unparalleled. This public release of anger is one of the things Bikini Kill prioritizes, and it’s highly evident in the electric energy of their shows. 

Throughout the show, the band took moments to reflect on their history, and to appreciate each other, their friends, their inspirations, the people who have supported them, and their fan base. Hanna told stories that have inspired songs and albums, from her experience trying to join church choir as a young girl to the realities of experiencing assault and harassment on the basis of sex to the ways that losing friends too soon has affected her. A moment that particularly stood out was when she spoke on her late friend Mikey, who both she and Tobi Vail had known since they were teenagers. They fondly reminisced on the times they had together, and the shenanigans Mikey often enjoyed causing. Hanna then produced a neon pink fanny pack, and revealed that when Mikey passed five years ago, his mother gave her some of his ashes. This fanny pack goes to every show that Bikini Kill plays and as it turns out, is the vessel for Mikey’s remains. At first, this seemed rather morbid, and was clearly disturbing to some people in the crowd. There were gasps and nervous, shocked laughs around the room. But as Hanna explained why it was that fanny pack, it turned into a heartwarming moment, realizing that this way of honoring Mikey’s legacy, bringing his ashes on tour and keeping him with them not only in spirit but physically, is exactly what would have brought him happiness. This is highly reflective of Bikini Kill’s philosophy as a band and serves as a reminder for why they continue to do what they do. 

Over 30 years since their inception, Bikini Kill has stayed entirely true to their origins. Their sound and the messages they seek to convey haven’t changed since the 90s. Some might claim this is a sort of resistance to change, or a marker of being “behind the times”, but judging by the number of people under the age of 20 at that show, it couldn’t be further from the truth. This July, they made their television debut with a performance of “Rebel Girl”, one of their first songs, on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. 

Authenticity is the defining characteristic of Bikini Kill. It’s their unbridled authenticity that makes it so powerful for them to play a song written in 1993 as their first televised performance 31 years later, because their style and their messages still ring true. It’s that authenticity that makes the environment of their shows so incredible. As an eighteen year old girl who was alone in New York, I had never felt safer than I did in that ~2500 person crowd. Bikini Kill continues to use their music to create spaces where women, queer people, or anyone else who goes against the status quo can come and be themself with utmost support. This is a band that has always catered to the youth with their punk-rock anthems of rebellion and empowerment, and in today’s political climate with reproductive rights and LGBTQ+ issues being at the top of the ballot, that’s more important than ever. They embody the true punk spirit, entirely unafraid to stand up for themselves and what they believe in, without regard to whether or not it’s deemed “socially acceptable”. Concerts like this are the reminders that all of us need to be the “rebel girl” in our community that refuses to be a bystander to social ills, remains honest to a fault, and is uncompromising in her values. These cathartic spaces are a necessity for everyone, and Bikini Kill’s commitment to ensuring their continued existence and the importance of expressing your anger is what fuels their ongoing success and solidifies their place in music history.

[idsb]

so I haven't really found the words to talk about this yet but I'm finally starting to, so here goes -

I'm finding myself with a very minimal, fringe sort of scattered friends in this town. at best I don't fit in with, nor do I have the desire to fit in with, really, any of the travelers or backpackers or working holiday visa people who inhabit this place (btw; anon who warned me not to go here.... 'bogan' isn't what I'd call it but your read on the vibe was right); at worst I'm finding myself on the borderline of being straight up bullied the way I was in high school - no one outright saying mean things to my face, but that very high school esque cocktail of snarky and condescending side comments, people always going off to talk without me, laughing, and stopping laughing immediately once they're back near me, being rude enough to know it's rude but just the right balance where if I say something about it I'm the one who looks weird. how isolating that is and how it pushes you down and down and down and down inside your head. I think as an adult, once you grow up and find yourself out in the world, and get to choose the people you're around, you forget what that was like. Working in the music industry specifically and knowing only one soul in real life with a "regular" job (hi Jo), I've completely forget what that's like. In the spirit of "emotional maturity", I've probably found a way to tell myself it's all kid shit and I made it seem worse than it all was, etc, and maybe it's just people being people.

Maybe that's true.

Specifically, though, the thing I've found myself being harassed over, the main tension point, is my music taste. I've been put into this twilight zone of a reality where everyone around me straight up hates Taylor Swift (in the year 2023 I genuinely didn't think that existed more than a few fringe rondo's, but apparently all those fringe rondo's live in this town), and the ones who don't say "fuck this bitch" out loud every time her music comes on, are, at their warmest, completely indifferent to the fact that she's even alive. I haven't met one person here who would even say they enjoy 1989 or whatever. I work around 20-25 y/o's mostly, and yet I put on Lorde and Maisie and Sabrina and Backseat Lovers and The 1975 and all the pop stuff I'm aware myself and that age group really like (with a bunch of famous Aussie artists thrown in), and I'm asked if we can stop with all the "weird music" and "play things everyone knows and likes" - another twilight zone thing because I had no fucking idea every girl ever wasn't on this type of pop. I put on classic throwback Fall Out Boy and All Time Low and Paramore or even Halsey's hit songs and I'm asked why everything I listen to is "so depressing". I get fully HARASSED about my music taste by the people I work with every single day. like, multiple times an hour snide comments about "weird people music" and shit like that when I really thought my taste was pretty mainstream. then they all put on either like, the most generic of generic Top 40 radio that I didn't even realize people willingly put on; just thought big labels decided it was gonna be successful so shoved it onto commercials and radio and a bunch of Spotify playlists until they gave up, OR music that I literally would need to be borderline overdosing on cocaine to enjoy - I'm talking blasting dubstep club beats and the like... at 5:30am in a coffee shop. And I haven’t said a word to them about it or been mean about it at all, and I try really hard to be polite to them but it just doesn’t matter how nice I am; they feast on me like a pack of hungry lions anyway. I moved here to be outside, and people only ever want to go to the club. Even people I get along with want to go to the damn club every other night at the least, and I’m weird for not wanting to be anywhere near something other than a bar we can have some drinks and laughs - I didn’t even know people still went to clubs, especially not vagabond travelers in an eco tourism hotspot.

And suddenly I am my high school self all over again; feeling completely fucking normal but not falling in, not able to make myself fit no matter how hard I try. I talk to people and people laugh at what I say when we have to make conversation, because, well. I'm fucking likable and I can chat up anybody. and then, for no real reason, 20 minutes later they remember they're supposed to be bullying me and go back to it. just like how it was for me in high school, where I won the “most talkative” superlative and yet when I walked on stage to graduate half the class shouted at me that I was “scum” (lol).

So anyway. That's all to say, I photographed full-band live music last night for the first time in 3 months. And suddenly, doing that, too, I was back in high school. Living in a normal world that everyone else is at and is aware of, but in my own secret pocket of it I've carved out: a pocket where I fit. where I'm still a loser by the standards of everyone around me, but a loser who is doing something objectively cool and objectively impressive, something I thrive at that no one can talk shit about because I'm GOOD. someone I knew but have nothing in common with came up to me last night and said, “I got that you took pictures but then I saw you on stage and was like OHHHH”. and I might not belong anywhere else, might not get along with anyone else, but the second a camera is in my hand and I'm crawling behind a drum kit and jumping off a stage an artist is playing a show on, and the band who I’m acquainted with is smiling at me and they love it, and everyone sees me doing it... I belong there, and I know I belong there, and no naysayer can do or say a word about it... that's what it's all about. like the loser theater kid who comes alive on a stage in front of people when they perform and no one can argue with it anymore. I remembered why I do what I do last night. How I found it (or maybe how it found me) suddenly makes sense all over again; not some poorly made impulsive choice by a girl who was too influenced by wanting to be around the boy bands she liked, committed too hard and got stuck - which is how I've seen it in adult hindsight. live music is the faction of the world that I am just the perfect puzzle piece for. somehow the most niche thing in the world - and it does seem niche once again when surrounded by people like this - is my only solid ground in this life. I am my truest self when I am running around with a camera while someone's singing; a self that anyone can see and immediately will get it. and that's just how it is.

[lunarriviera]

"people i'd like to get to know better" meme

tagged by: absolutely no one i'm just brain-fried and can't write today

🎶 last song I listened to: billie eilish, "birds of a feather," top volume belting along in the shower, that melismatic glide upward

📺 currently watching: five things but not seriously because there's something wrong with my brain and i keep bouncing off dramas: • are you safe? (no, no you are not, especially if your name is qin huai) • the spirealm (love those guys, don't know why i can't stick with this) • sci mystery (watch an episode when i'm really tired or depressed) • mysterious lotus casebook (again i find this very charming and i truly love cheng yi so i really don't know why i stopped) need to watch:

• parallel worlds (because i promised @programmedradly!) • lost you forever (because i promised @elenothar!) • the bikeriders, the holdovers, poor things, saltburn, anatomy of a fall, and godzilla minus one (because i promised @bettsfic!)

started reading, haven't finished:

• erha vol 5 (oh my god) • sha po lang vols 4-5 (the fan translation, which i struggle with) • case file compendium vol 1 (i love it! but can't concentrate)

probably it would be good if i would stop lying facedown on the bed, only sitting up to doomscroll occasionally or drink matcha

🌶️ sweet/savory/spicy?: sweet, because if it's a carb i crave it, thanks to the class-action-lawsuit psych med that both daily saves my life and also makes me ask, of everyone's dessert, "are you going to finish that?" carrie fisher once said of this drug, infamously, "it makes you crave salads—if, that is, salads were made out of chocolate."

❤️ relationship status: i will die alone and the cat will eat me. i do love living by myself but sometimes i miss having someone to fuss over

🤩 current obsessions: mo du/justice in the dark, still, even 8 months later; and under the skin, 2 full years after it aired. it's sad i know. always heihua. always pingxie. don't look at me. don't talk to me—

in mundane life anything pistachio-scented or -flavored but especially kyse perfumes' frangipane al pistacchio. the color robin's egg blue. writing my torrid little poems for the next book, tentatively called Not Again. being able to sleep at night como la gente.

tagging: i wouldn't do that to you because i love you too much; but please consider yourself tagged if you want to play this little game

[mysticnightmarewrites]

the night we met - Ch. 5

Gendry opens up to Arya about the tragedies of his past, and the two friends finally let down their last walls with each other. When they discover just how much they mean to each other, they take their relationship to the next level.

Read Ch. 1-4 on Tumblr

SONG: "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron PAIRING: Arya/Gendry LENGTH: 1.6k words WARNINGS: Explicit sex (minors DNI)

I watched as I wrapped my legs around the bike, entranced by the skilled way Arya hiked herself up onto the back compartment as if this wasn’t only her third time making the motion. She was warmer than the coffee she’d abandoned to ride along with me.

The magic tugged me in the direction of the speeding bike, and I watched the scene like it was cut from one of my favorite movies. Arya’s hands were clinging to me like she was scared, but her face was filled with joy.

We came up to the top of a tall hill outside town, the leaves falling around us like snow, staining the lush grass with spots that looked like bright blood. Framing the landscape was a circle of weirwood trees stretching toward the sky, some of their red leaves still clinging to the white bark.

“Where are we?” Arya asked, hopping down.

“It’s called High Heart. My mom used to bring me here in the fall. I come back whenever I can."

Slowly, I undid the clasp under Arya’s chin, enjoying the rare chance to feel her smooth skin under my fingers, and I wondered if her little intake of breath was from the closeness of me or the cold that had crept into my fingers on the ride.

We left the helmets behind, and I carried my bag toward the circle of trees. Silently, I led us around the loop, stopping every now and again to puzzle at the faces in the trees. When I found myself staring at the same bloody grimace for much too long, Arya came up behind and gently prodded me into sitting next to her on a little blanket that had been pulled out of my bag and carelessly tossed over the grassy center.

“It’s been 18 years, down to the day,” I said, finally, arms cradling my bent knees. Arya looked up from where she was lying next to me. “The day we met, I had a keen sense of how you felt. My mom died when I was just five years old. I don’t remember much about her. It’s not the same as losing someone you’ve known your whole life. But that emptiness, I understood that."

Arya sat up slowly and put a hand on my arm. “I didn’t know.”

“I don’t tell many people. Telling people you’re not only a bastard but an orphan too tends to get you some pretty excruciating looks.” I watched myself pull a couple of sandwiches out of my bag and hand her one.

“That sounds about right. I still meet people every now and again who look at me like I’m a lost puppy.”

“That’s nothing,” I laughed between bites. “I’ve had people act like I was a rat that had crawled into their lives through their sewer pipes.”

“You’ve got me there,” she said, wiping crumbs off on her sweater. “Was one of those people Joffrey?” I nodded, and she laughed. “You know I made him cry once, right?”

“You’re truly incredible.” Gently, I pushed a strand of her hair back behind her ear and played with her small, acorn earring.

Her voice suddenly got small, as if she knew she didn’t have to speak too loud for me to hear her with our faces so close. “Don’t go running off like that again, at least not without me by your side. I go wherever you go. You got that?”

“Always,” I promised. Back then, I’d been filled with a strong, irrefutable belief. I would never have to be alone again.

Our lips met like two blood-red leaves falling to the ground, one on top of the other, and I watched as I moved to cover Arya’s body with my own. It was divine to be touched by her and sinful to feel my way around her soft curves, fingers sneaking under clothing and touching anything they could reach. This moment was burned in my mind, and I felt like I might pass out from the sharp sting of ecstasy that could never be reclaimed.

Arya’s moans echoed in the clearing as my lips moved down to her neck, leaving bruises on her skin. I watched her tear away my sweater and marvel at the naked skin underneath. For the first time in my life, I felt wanted. Truly wanted. And I clung to that feeling as I went for the button of her jeans. Eagerly, she helped me work the tight denim down her legs, and I marveled in the way she looked spread out underneath me. Suddenly, getting her naked as fast as possible had become a strange thought of a man who no longer existed, and I reveled in lifting her shirt up slowly, taking in every new inch of skin as it appeared and lavishing it with kisses.

“Gendry, you’re positively a tease,” she groaned under me. In a flash of practiced force, Arya got me onto my back, her legs straddling my torso.

“Am I? My bad,” and with all the strength I possessed, I pulled her up on top of my face. I remembered sliding my tongue over the rough fabric of her polka dotted panties, breathing in her musky scent as cloying as incense at an altar. Pulling aside the barrier to her wet center, I licked her from bottom to top, circling her clit. The sounds she made were everything I’d ever imagined when fisting my cock in my dorm late at night.

“Stop that,” she said playfully, lifting herself off my face. “If you keep that up, I’m gonna cum all over your mouth.”

“And what’s the damn problem with that?” I asked while playing with the waistband of her underwear, wondering if I was strong enough to just rip it off her.

“I want to cum on your cock.” My gaze had snapped upward to meet her hungry, hungry eyes.

"As m’lady commands."

A dangerous glint settled in her eyes as she pushed my shoulders back onto the blanket and started to crawl down toward my hard-on. She took a moment to play with the laces of my sweatpants. Arya could be a tease too.

“Wait,” I’d said, even though it had gone against everything I was aching for. “I don’t have a condom, and I’m not going to be saddling you with any bastards.” She grinned down at me, and while her smile had set me at ease, I hadn’t expected her to reach into the pocket of her discarded jeans and pull out a recognizable square packet. Amazement filled my voice. “Did you know this was going to happen?”

“Not today. And I didn’t know. But I’ve been hoping for a while now.”

“I have too,” I said, intertwining our fingers together on my chest.

Leaning down, she dropped a fiery kiss on my lips. “How much?” she asked as she pulled away.

“Some days it’s all I can think about, getting you naked and spread out before me.” Arya bit her lip, and I was worried at the time that I might cum in my pants.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you.”

For the first time in my life, the last of the walls I’d clung to fell all around me, and it felt like all her walls had dropped, too. Just two broken piles of rubble meeting in the middle and fusing together.

I pulled her shirt off, ripped the cup of her bra down and pulled her close to wrap my lips around it. She started to rock against me in earnest, and I was stiffer than I'd ever been in my whole life.

"Please, Gendry," she whined, and something in me snapped, and the flimsy fabric of her underwear did too.

It took a brief moment to roll the condom on, and then Arya's tightness was slowly sinking around me. All thoughts left my brain, replaced by tendrils of pleasure that gripped my soul.

"You feel so good," I said, pulling her down the last inch toward me.

Her hands were everywhere as she moved her body against me. In my hair, on my chest, at the place where I disappeared inside her. But Arya? She was in my heart. I'd felt her there before so many times, but after this day, I knew, I had all of her. And she had all of me too.

I watched as the woman I had wanted to make love to for the rest of my life came around me, cringed at the stupid look on my face as I followed her lead, and we fell around each other on the grass-stained blanket, the condom tossed to the side. She lay there, sweat dampened hair glued to my chest, her breathing slowing down.

"We should do that again," she said.

"You only brought one condom, remember," I teased.

"More fool me, I suppose."

"There'll be other days. Weeks too. And then there's November and December. January too. That's the beauty of the calendar."

Her smile lit up the whole world.

"There's other things we could do now, you know. We have seconds and minutes and hours until we need to be back. That's the beauty of a day.

I didn’t want this memory to end, but it did, and Arya's laughter as I tickled her neck with my beard lingered behind. It was a beautiful thing, falling in love with her. For the first time, I found myself unsure if I was really ready to let all of this go.

“Could I really tell myself not to ride along with you?”

[dzpenumbra]

5/31/23

Yep, it's late again. XD

What happened this time? I don't know... I kinda panic-rushed to start working on those prototype beads at... 2 fucking 30 in the morning. You know... as one does... And here I am, starting my journal at 4:44 AM, the birds filling the air with their cheerful song, the midnight blue of dawn slowly warming the sky.

The good news? I got a really cool design done on one of the beads. The bad news? My goal was to do 4 of them, and to Mod Podge at least one of them. And I clearly didn't. So... yeah.

The day just got away from me again. Like... ugh. It's just frustrating me. I seriously don't even sit down to have my coffee until like 5 PM, and I'm rarely done drinking coffee before 7. Where do the fucking hours go?!

Like... I barely spent any time in bed! I got up, I did yoga - the lower back and hip one I like - then I did a bit of a workout after, because I hadn't been doing them. I have this ritual of opening the window and then doing the coffee before yoga, so it steeps while I'm doing that. And then, after the workout, I go and make cereal and I sit down and... it's like 4:30. At least.

I mean... I did play Risk of Rain a bit... but just one run to go for an achievement, I don't think it took longer than an hour... Hmm... maybe that did take longer than I remember. Maybe that's the X factor. Hmm...

Welp... after all that, I went and showered. I put a clothes iron and a glass bowl to make another plant terrarium thing with in a cart on Amazon and never ordered it. I made dinner. I played music for a long time. I got really sucked into it too. I even opened Cubase and got ready to record and everything. But... I never pulled the trigger on it. Not until too late.

What's getting in the way? Twitch. I guarantee it. I'm just getting distracted. It's too fucking easy for me, it's so damn tempting. It's improv, it's comedy, it's drama, it's character-driven stories. How can I say no? I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself.

I did an intense workout today, I snuck in some work hours late at night and I'm still kicking my own ass about not "being productive". <eyeroll> I need to chill with that shit.

The flowers really didn't have the same level of aroma tonight as they did yesterday... I wonder why that is?

Anywho, since it's so late, I'm just going to move along to tarot. And I'm counting this as work, because I honestly think I could give some good readings for people, and I plan to try in the near future on stream. I would offer in-person, but... I don't even have a table in my apartment. We'll see.

Past - Ace of Wands, inverted (Inspiration, creativity, fresh ideas.  The seed of confidence you need to embark on a new creative journey.) Present - Six of Cups, inverted (Nostalgia, memories, past relationships.  Learning from and reconciling with the past, to create a better future.) Future - IV: The Emperor (A powerful, dominant, strategic and protective figure of great influence and reach.  Symbolically, important changes, a shift in power, new responsibilities or authority. Adjacently symbolizes stability.)

I swear I shuffle and cut these every time. I even looked through the top of the deck to see if there were any other familiar cards from last night there. I guess these symbols are important!

So... last night we explored my connection between the Emperor in Past... and an inverted Ace of Wands in Present. Now we're looking at that inverted Ace of Wands as the catalyst. My inability to access my creativity: having creative block, me restricting or censoring myself, whatever the reason... That leads to a dysfunction in my ability to reflect on the past. Something gets fucked up there. Or... my nostalgia turns dark... That was the first thing I felt when I learned what the card meant. Like... how I struggle with nostalgia because... it's rarely good memories. It's like a minefield of trauma and painful emotions. So... I'm guessing my lack of confidence in my creative self can be a direct route to that. And... if that's out of whack? The Emperor comes out. I mean, why wouldn't he. He's the father figure, the protective guardian, the lord. And, in essence, that's not necessarily a bad thing... but... if we put that in the context of the reading last night about the Emperor having a strong tendency to cause inverted Ace of Wands to happen... That's a feedback loop right there.

When I struggle to connect with my creative spark, or lack the confidence to engage with it, I end up looking back to the Past in ways that are... not helping. Hopeless longing, or dreading, even spite. "I didn't used to be like this." "I never used to struggle like this." "I used to have friends to help with this." Shit like that, which just sends me spiraling into all the shit that comes with those memories, all the attached nightmares, all the ghosts haunting those houses. And the reaction to this? The Emperor comes out to keep order. The "alright, what's going on here, we're supposed to be working, right? How productive have we been today? What's on the whiteboard? You can think about that stuff later if it's important" voice. And he's good at keeping emotions at bay... for the moment... But what last night said was... when he comes out... it tends to actually either reinforce or even cause a blockage between me and my creative spark. Or, at very least, my confidence to take creative risks. And this can result in a great outpouring of emotion. Ironic, eh? XD

Welp... that's a bit of a cluster fuck, isn't it? Hmm... so... if there's anything I've learned this week. I gotta work on my inner parent. I need to let myself wander a bit more, and be okay with a few days of meandering. I need my inner parent to focus more on... constructing larger scale plans. Like... some form of day structure... like developing strategies to get to bed earlier, constructing hypothetical scenarios where I'm working and enjoying myself, finding ways to get me outside more. Shit like that. And less... self-policing. If I had a good foundation, a healthier framework, I wouldn't need to self-police at all. So... that's my solution. Instead of going "oh no, don't ever listen to the Emperor" or whatever... to give little tweaks customized to how I know my personality works. Something that seems doable.

But for now, I'm off to bed.

[taylorthrift]

Hi, SwiftiePride anon again, hope you're having a great Tuesday! I'm glad to be getting to know you. 😊 I'd love to hear more about some of your favorite songs on 1989 and folklore! What are some of the most meaningful lyrics to you? What are your top 5 (or 10 or 13 or whatever number you want haha) Taylor songs of all time? They don't need to be from those two albums. 😊 Have a good week!!!!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖

I am so sorry I haven't responded to this yet. It's been a very busy week for me which is 'new' to me having been in a deep depressive slump for 6 years.

I'm not sure you want an essay on this so i'll try not to be as BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH as I normally am!

I was tangentially a Taylor Swift fan pre 1989. I liked singles, sang along to them. When Red came out was when I really started to pay attention (the pop sounds are more my taste certainly) but it wasn't just the pop that got me it was the riveting storytelling. WANEGBT is such a fun romp of a music video-which leads me to 1989.

Shake it Off: I was in my 30s when Shake it Off came out and it was such a great time, watching it take over and be played EVERYWHERE. It was not just an earworm, but (along with the video) made Taylor into a fool for herself. She was so totally self effacing that it made everyone fall in love with her and the music. She recognized herself as a clown-and the media's obsession with her was the circus. I have a whole essay that I came to tumblr to write about initially about how as a result of learning how to do this myself my job title literally got to be "Rockstar" (I worked as an IT Director at a national non profit)

Welcome to New York: An underrated song of the experience of moving to new york (something I too had done in my early 20s)

Blank Space: A brilliant satire and feminist critique of the narrative the world had built around her. A banger to boot. (And more making fun of her self) For years this was my favorite Taylor Swift song.

Style: Probably the sexiest song I know. The lines alone don't do it justice, but the way she sings "He said what you heard is true but I, can't stop thinking about you, and I, I say i been there too a few times" Is some deeply passionate relatable real romance. This wasn't the fairytale romance of "love story" this was people with chemistry who keep trying other things and keep being drawn back to each other. This wasn't just sex, this was magnetism and the tone she incants with it is so evocative.

Clean: Catharsis. A song that relates to addiction of any kind. "so i punched a hole in the roof" was more powerful than the climax any show or series i'd watched or read. It breaks me every time. It is the perfect end to the album.

(weird coincidence time: Wonderland was what I called the world that my boyfriend and I had built together as a safe retreat from the world. I have always had an Alice in Wonderland obsession, i have a whole spot in my house filled with Alice dolls and books. I bought this house because it had a cool display cabinet built into the front hall. I joined this fandom (april 14th) after breaking up with my boyfriend (on april 8th a few hours before the rumors about taylor and joe breaking up reached me) and losing my 'Wonderland'...I did not know literally, honestly till april 20th of this year that Taylor had a Wonderland on 1989. And then-as i was reeling from this information-the next night Taylor did Wonderland as her secret song.)

Wait I think I have failed at not writing an essay somehow.

Folklore is ...really raw for me right now? I have trouble thinking about it or talking about it because so much of my relationship is bound up in me using those songs to communicate how i was feeling with my ex.

Mirrorball was our love song though. A sad tragedy of me always spinning for him-desperate to keep his attention. It's beautiful but it's a terrible fate to always be working for the attention of one person and they're not working to get yours.

... :(

which is i guess where Hoax comes in. he never cheated on me-just, had lots of other stuff going on and didn't have as much time for me as I had for him? I was everything to him by words-but by actions and where he spent his time and how he spent his time....it was a faithless love and i desperately was begging him for a reason to stay in the relationship.

and Peace: I am a tormented woman. I have incredible gifts and love and sincerity in abundance, but my depression takes and takes and takes. There is no happy ending with me-there is little comfort to be found. And I could give love forever and never love myself.

i um

[skywatch3rs]

top 5 times you've seen tmg

this resulted in me pulling up setlist fm and my travel spreadsheets to double check how many tmg shows i've actually been to and its 11 full shows and one instore so i do actually have to pick and its hard!!!

dublin 2019 - palmcorder yanya, waylon jennings live!, this is about when younger solidifed as one of my all time favourites. john played ash's request for birth of serpents back to back with my request for steal smoked fish in the encore and afterwards we hung out with matt and got hugs and were like, fully solidified as Those Two who were barrier at every show of the tour

dublin 2015 beat the champ tour - my first time! i flew from cardiff to dublin to stay with a pal and went to the gig on my own, got in the second row, and sobbed my way through most of the set next to an older irish woman who grabbed my hand during never quite free. the setlist was insane: cry for judas, ballad of bull ramos, heel turn 2, steal smoked fish, amy aka spent gladiator, and my first time ever hearing this year live. whelan's is a tiny venue, the crowd was rowdy af and joyful, and until this year it was the only full band show i'd been to!

brighton 2017 - last show of the goths tour, i tweeted john from outside the venue asking if i could teach myself how to make an origami unicorn before the show, would he consider playing from tg&y (my fav unreleased song). i successfully made the unicorn and left it on the keyboard, he held it up during high unicorn tolerance and referred to me as "his friend". he did play from tg&y during the solo set and it changed my brain chemistry forever. also this was maybe my favourite version of harlem roulette i've seen live?

leeds night 2 2019. i have loved all the leeds shows, the brudenell club is my favourite venue, the crowd is always incredible, hearing andrew eldritch is moving back to leeds in leeds remains one of the most joyful musical experiences of my life every goddamn time, but this show in particular had autoclave in the solo set and then the double whammy of cry for judas into woke up new. this was 18 months after ash and i lost a friend to suicide and woke up new hits different when you're in grief like that. getting to cry and hug my best friend listening to our favourite band together doesn't get old ever.

dublin 2017 - HEEL TURN 1 BABYYYYY. new chevrolet in flamess!! the young thousands!! you were cool in the encore!!!!! ash and i befriended a very chill dude at barrier who lost his shit when JD played masher in the solo set, extremely good vibes. but really: heel turn one. screaming "i/ i/ i'm not gonna die in here" with a room full of people increasingly loudly was just so much.

honorable mention for berlin 2022, my first and only show of this tour bc i got incredibly sick the day after the gig. but going to germany with ash to see tmg again post-pandemic was just such a joy. matt melted my face off with his guitar solo during dark in here, seeing a full band show for the first time since 2015 rocked, waylon jennings live! full band? incredible. i screamed along so hard to up the wolves that my mask fell off; the catharsis was deeply needed

[pensbridgertons]

Hi!

Can you please do a tutorial on how you made this gifset (https://www.tumblr.com/pensbridgertons/729348005153685504/swanfire-appreciation-week-2023-day-7-free?source=share)?

Your gifs are gorgeous!

hello!! thank u sm!! <3

so im just gonna explain my process for the two types of gifs in the set (all of this done with PS CS6) (also i'm bad explaining things so bear with me pls <3)

for the lyric gifs (which were inspired by this gifset):

i started by making up a template for they layout that ended up looking like this

i got the play bar/song title template from here, and then just used the same font to add the "playing from playlist" text (and then also for when i filled in the lyric text). i used the rectangle shape tool to draw a square the size i wanted for the album cover spot (just as a place marker for where the gif would go), and used a rounded rectangle shape tool make the lyrics box, and for the color fill i used a light grey to dark grey gradient. in terms of determining the look, i was very much going off of the set i was inspired by and trying to recreate that look.

for making the gif, i started with my base bg gif shot. i used a gradient map to make it a solid color, applied my other brightness/contrast/etc adjustments, and converted it to work in timeline (i started in frames bc thats what i normally work in), and then applied noise (monochromatic, 5%) and gaussian blur (radius 0.8). i then made a new layer that i colored to match the blue or green of the gif i was working on, and lowered the transparency until the gif looked a little more flat/solid colored but you could still see the gif thru it (ended up being 46% opacity). i then copied the template over to the doc on top of the gif. this is what my doc looks like so far:

(the lyrics bar is the rectangle on the left, music player is everything a part of the play bar/text on the right)

the album cover gif was next, and for that i just made a second gif (either just one shot or two blended together depending on the gif), cropped it into a square, and resized it to fit the square template i had made. i then copied that gif file to the main gif doc, and moved it over the spot my template marked off and then hid the square border. after that, all thats left is adding the lyrics on top of the rectangle and changing the music player text to match the song (in the ref image above i have already changed it). for the lyrics, i chose certain lines i wanted to highlight and changed their color to match the color of the rest of the gif. and thats it!

for the song list gifs:

i started by making three different gifs that i was going to transition between, making each one a different color (blue, green, or b/w). for the transition, i followed this tutorial (just gonna share that instead of explaining it myself, they do a much better job than i would <3).

then for the song list, i used the same rectangle i had made for the lyrics gif. in order to make it into a song list like a playlist queue, i used the line tool to draw lines across the rectangle (i made their color light grey to make them subtle), spaced them out to the distance i thought looked right for each song spot and then copied those lines along the rest of the rectangle, making sure they stayed evenly spaced. and because i was working in frames, its important to make sure that all the shapes have unify visibility and unify layer position turned on so they are present the whole gif as it plays. i then filled in the songs i wanted to list in the spaces between the lines, using the same font as before.

and then finally, to go along with the transition, i included a lighter grey rectangle to make it look like the song was being selected. for this i made a rectangle the size of one of the song slots, positioned the layer under the text, and made it a lighter grey so it looked like the song was highlighted. to make it change between songs, bc i was working in frames, i made three copies of the rectangle layer, one for each song, and made them all invisible. then, i selected the frames i wanted the first rectangle to be visible on and turned its visibility back on. i wanted it to look like the selection was what caused the transition bc it was switching to a new song, so i did some overlap with when the rectangle changes. basically, i have gif 1 2 and 3, and so for the highlighted song for gif 3, i selected the last three frames of gif 2 (bc it came before gif 3 in the loop) as well as all of the frames of gif 3 excluding the last four (leaving one frame blank, and then the last three being a part of the next one) and turned on the visibility for the rectangle, and then repeated this for the other two rectangles/gifs.

for the playlist cover gif, i just did a regular gif making/coloring process, added the text, and used a film grain gif overlay over the top (i dont have the video source anymore, but you should be able to find some just by searching film grain overlay).

and that should be it! hopefully this is helpful to you!! i know this is kind of wordy/rambly so if you want anything cleared up/explained better feel free to let me know <3

[ctommyisnt]

1:A song you like with a color in the title

OKAY my first thought was blistere in the sun by Violent femmes but i only just now realized its violent not violet. anyway. Violet by Wild Party!!!! One of my FAVORITE songs for sure. Could listen to it forever

2:A song you like with a number in the title

Second child restless child by the oh hellos (does this count? yes. it does). My favorite song by this band and it makes me feel so FREE and EXCITED and HOPEFUL.

3:A song that reminds you of summertime

I HAVE TOO MANY!!! summer is my favorite season and i have so many good memories of dancing in my neighborhood taking three hour walks just listening to music i loved (i wasnt allwoed to listen to my own music or wear earbuds in my house so it was my only chance to listen to music that wasnt christian or broadway) If i had to choose ONE though it would probably be talk too much by COIN. i would play this on repeat and just DANCE in the middle of the street.

4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

Hmmm this ones hard. I luckily dont have any songs associated with people but whenever i hear about eurovision i get a bad taste in my mouth so we're going with that.

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD

Already answered this but slingshot by good kid! If i want to go more mainstream it's gotta be I love it, that is the ultimate clubbing song and makes me feel so cool

6:A song that makes you want to dance

Arhghh i already used Talk too much so ill have to go with dance with me by sir, please. Typical but cmon man

7:A song to drive to

I only really listen to music while driving (i NEED to buy a speaker) but Heart of a Dancer makes me feel SO cool and i always go at least 20 over the speed limit when listening to this on the highway.

8:A song about drugs or alcohol

Uhhh? I don't listen to lyrics OH WAIT bullet by hollywood undead. I fucking loved that song when i was sixteen which if you know the song you know what i was like back then LOL

9:A song that makes you happy

Most songs but also Kaleidoscope by a great big world. THIS is a summer camp prologue montage music type beat but UGH it always makes me so happy. I think its been on almost every playlist ive made this year (i make my playlist by seasons so this is a good cold winter song AND summer song)

10:A song that makes you sad

Anything by Everybody Worries about Owen, Obsessed with his Denton lake album that shit was my depression music for a year. Not a big fan of his newer music.

11:A song that you never get tired of

Shawshank Demo by the toyston club, its been one of my top played songs for like three years and i have it in almost every playlist.

12:A song from your preteen years

uhhh i cant do shawshank or talk too much again so i think OH WAIT nothign by bruno major. I was so sad over this and would listen to it over and over again just imagining myself dancing to this song with my fictional or irl crushes. I was cringe but i was free and those daydreams kept me alive for those years.

13:One of your favorite 80’s songs

UPTOWN GIRL BY BILLY JOELLLLLL hes such a guy and i want to be the uptown girl so bad. or everybody wants to rule the world thats a CLASSIC

14:A song that you would love played at your wedding

Im doing two for this one because one of them is Marry You by bruno marrs which will be played as my partner and i walk down the aisle after the ceremony and everyone cheers and throws flowers. My other one is Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman because thats going to be my father daughter dance if he still loves me when i get married.

15:A song that is a cover by another artist

FROM THE START. BY GOOD KID. this one one of my FAVORITE songs right now and i have screamed along to it at karaoke before. Amazing song

16:One of your favorite classical songs

Anything my sisters play on the piano but i Do Not have a distinction because there is not universe in which i can make out a distinct classical song.

17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

LITTLE TALKS BY OF MONSTERS AND MEN!!! this song is SO fun and id love to sing this a drink and a half in with my friends OH OR THAT TICK TICK BOOM SONG ive done duets to that with my sisters before.

18:A song from the year that you were born

I cant NOT say american idiot by greenday like cmon. Are you gonna be my girl by the jets AND mr brightside also came out htat year.

19:A song that makes you think about life

............. Maybe I was boring BUT ALSO. hello my old heart iwasplanningonkillingmyselftothissong BUT its not a very nostalgic 'i got through this shit' song

20:A song that has many meanings to you

I have a playlist called 'Nothing is right and your looking for yourself in the suburbs but cant find it' which sounds metaphorical but was actually a very literal thing i used to do as a teen, spending hours walking around my neighborhood listening to this while trying to figure out who i was. Its my ultimate existencial crisis playlist and it's just the Maybe I was Boring thirteen minute demo cut ten seperate times. I play it whenever I feel lost and dissociative. It usually helps but it also reminds me of dark times.

21:A favorite song with a person’s name in the title

natalie by bruno mars that song is SO fun WAIT NO grace by the hatchetman this song goes crazy

22:A song that moves you forward

Shy by Saint Blonde! Its very hopeful and gives me 'this is just the start of a great day/month/summer/year' you need to listen to it.

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to

You were perfect & im sorry by mickey darling!! I just saw one of his concerts and MAN this song goes crazy. it tells a story and really delves into this guy and just ADSJFASLKDASLDK

24:A song by a band you wish were still together

Sobbing. Great Lake Drifters. They have 7 monthly listeners and havent done anything since 2015 OH MY GOD I JUST LOOKED THEM UP THEY HAVE A NEW SONG???? WHAT THE FUCK???????????? EVERYONE GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW my favorite song by them is verbal chess

25:A song by an artist no longer living

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont recall any artists ever. is elton john dead? I like that song im still standing but only the taron edgerton sing cover.

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love

Lucky girl by fazerdaze makes me SO upset because i WANT To be a lucky girl and listen to this song while walking down the street with my lover but nOOOoooo i CANT. BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A LOVER. someday.

27:A song that breaks your heart

Saline solution by wilbur soot was also one of my depression songs and i just. arghgjh reminds me of sad times. I cant listen to it anymore without a sinking feeling in my gut.

28:A song by an artist with a voice that you love

i dont know who autoheart is or what he looks like but i want him to fuck me. lent by

29:A song that you remember from your childhood

Again, i didnt listen to music much as a kid because it was just the christian stuff my parents played but my most nostalgic one would be See, what a morning by Keith and Kristyn getty. The song tastes like swedish pancakes drowning in butter and syrup while the sun beats through the kitchen window, dappled by the vines. It's so visual to me and i always mourn my childhood when my mom plays it.

30:A song that reminds you of yourself

Scrawny by the wallows is the song i want to embody. I genuiknely want people to hear that song and be like 'yeah thats nells, thats her' But right now maybe Drifting by good kid? i dont pay attention to lyrics but this one is NICE

I love my songs and cherish them deeply so this took a long time. I love questoins. PLEASE LISTEN TO ANY OF THESE music is so intigral to my life and i dont listen to a lot so yeah. I also only like like three genres of music so if you like one of these youll like them all LOL

[canonicallyanxious]

Got a lot of free time on my hands rn [who could say why...] so i put a bit of effort into this year's top 10 lists by which i mean i stole canva's assets for myself and rubbed my gay little hands all over them pls enjoy

absolutely did not have braincells for a proper movies/shows list this year but i will have a special shows-adjacent list out at... some point idk

Full lists along with notes/ramblings under the cut:

Favorite 2023 Album Drops

10. Cherish - Vacationer

9. Phone Orphans - Laura Veirs

8. Praise a Lord Who Chews but Which Does Not Consume; (Or Simply, Hot Between Worlds) - Yves Tumor / this album is gender and no i will not be offering further explanations at this time

7. Red Moon in Venus - Kali Uchis

6. My Big Day - Bombay Bicycle Club

5. Metro Boomin Presents Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse - Metro Boomin, various artists / specifically the deluxe version which has some personal faves the og doesn't, like take it to the top and infamous

4. Unreal Unearth - Hozier

3. The Age of Pleasure - Janelle Monae / full disclosure this one is so high on this year's list because watching them perform this live did rewire my entire brain

2. The Land Is Inhospitable and So Are We - Mitski

1. Javelin - Sufjan Stevens / the vinyl for this album comes with an art booklet made by Sufjan that includes 10 mini-essays about love, and reading them for the first time felt like putting my heart in a fucking blender. [you can also read them all here for free if you feel like doing that to yourself tonight]

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

SOS - SZA / the greatest mistake of my life was leaving SOS off my 2022 album list and it will forever haunt me. unfortunately it was also a big grower for me and was released too late in the year for me to realize its genius in time. can't put it on my 2023 list either but pls know it is number one album of the year. in my heart

Soft Machine - Arlo Parks / i think this could have ranked higher had i managed to get around to checking it out when it actually dropped but unfortunately my dumb ass didn't catch it until v late in the year so there you go

House of Groove - Roche Musique / compilation so technically there's a bunch of artists on this record, found this one a little late in the year but wanted to shout it out bc i really enjoyed every track i heard off of it, no small feat

Sorry I Haven't Called - Vagabon / i have no excuse or explanation for this exclusion, there were simply too many records i loved this year

Favorite 2023 Song Finds

(note: per tradition, not confined to 2023 releases, just bops i listened to for the first time this year)

10. So I Danced - DPR IAN (2023) / i forgot to include the year in the graphic and i am too lazy to change it soz

9. Angelina - Milo Korbenski (2021)

8. No Good - Young & Sick (2019)

7. Better Now - SebastiAn, Mayer Hawthorne (2019)

6. Liquid Love (Mr Jukes Remix) - Billie Marten (2021) / one of those remixes i like better than the og, and to be clear i like the og quite a lot. also as i was putting together this list i learned that Mr Jukes is actually the name of the solo project of Bombay Bicycle Club's lead singer so like the more you know!

5. Hair Receding - Xenia Rubinos (2013) / i heard this song for the first time in December which usually would put it at an unfair disadvantage compared to songs that i've had the full year to get attached to but listening to it shook my molecules so vigorously i had no choice but to put it on this list

4. Zero (JID Remix) - Newjeans (2023) / look i am fully aware this song is a blatant kpop ad for coke zero and the chorus literally translates to "coca-cola is tasty / coca-cola is tasty" but that doesn't mean it isn't a BOP. another remix i prefer to the og, i think jid's verse and subtle production tweaks really elevate it to something i never want to stop playing when it comes on

3. Been Thinkin' - Hikes (2019) / or: my most played song of the year! don't examine what this probably reveals about the state of my psyche too closely!

2. I'm Your Man - Mitski (2023)

1. Bruises - Angel Haze (2015) / though i was genuinely v surprised this one did not make it onto my spotify top 5, considering every time it came on this year a fugue state did overtake my whole body and did not dissipate until i had played it at least another four or five times

[greensparty]

Book Review: Stewart Copeland "The Police Diaries"

I guess I can call this my Year of The Police. In July I got to see Police guitarist Andy Summers live and he later shared my concert review on his social media. Then in September I got to see Police singer / bassist Sting in concert. My joke was that I needed to see Police drummer Stewart Copeland live before the end of the year and I will have seen The Police in 2023. Sadly Mr. Copeland is not performing near me. But the next best thing is that I got to review his new book Stewart Copeland's The Police Diaries which is being released this week.

book cover and case

Copeland was the only American in the U.K. trio, but they were very much a personality band with every member playing an integral role in their sound. They were truly bigger than the sum of their parts. While it’s true that Sting was the main songwriter, singer and bassist, the entire trio were top-of-their-game musicians: Copeland was incredible (just try to not air-drum to “Next to You”) and their guitarist Andy Summers was a secret weapon in the band. For a group that incorporated various genres including punk, reggae, pop, new wave, jazz, and rock it takes a certain level of musicianship to rise to that sound and all of them certainly did. The band only put out 5 albums in less than 10 years before calling it quits. I’m kind of kicking myself for not seeing their 2007 reunion tour. Copeland is considered by many to be one of the 10 best drummers of all time. After The Police's 1986 break-up, Copeland became a go-to soundtrack composer for film and TV (that's his theme song on the Star Wars: Droids cartoon!). He has also collaborated with a ton of musicians including Peter Gabriel and Ricky Kej. But he is also a very creative force in other ways, such as his documentary Everyone Stares: The Police Inside Out (made out of his super 8 footage while in The Police) and his 2009 book Strange Things Happen: A Life with The Police, Polo and Pygmies. Now he is releasing a book of his own personal diaries he kept from 1976 to 1979, along with some unseen photos. For context, The Police formed in 1977. Their debut album Outlandos d'Amour was released in 1978 followed by Reggatta de Blanc in 1979. This was the very moment that the band took the world by storm with their combination of reggae and punk, but in a melodic pop sound.

The Police: Andy Summers, Sting and Copeland circa 1978

In this book, Copeland shows his own personal diaries of those early years. Fans of The Police are going to devour this, but even from an archival standpoint, this is impressive in that you are seeing his daily planner, photos, flyers, etc. Some of Copeland's photos are museum-worthy. If you saw Copeland's Everyone Stares doc, you know he was constantly shooting super 8 and taking pictures. That lends itself to his own POV of what was happening, as opposed to some biographer piecing together the band's appearances on TV, in magazines, etc. At times, this definitely borders on For Fans Only, but I say stay with it because you are also getting a deep dive into the London music scene of that era with what was happening with the punk explosion too. Copeland truly rocks and this is worth checking out!

For info on The Police Diaries

3.5 out of 5 stars

[anonymousbosch111-blog]

feb 5 23

alright here's another dump:

Today was weird in the sense that I not only had standing social plans but also answered an impromptu call to hang out with someone else beforehand. This may not sound impressive to anyone else but I genuinely cannot remember the last time I made plans with people from two different circles in one day. Furthermore I have vague plans tomorrow with K****** (member of an entirely separate THIRD circle) to help hang up her curtains--this one almost feels the most impressive, as an informal arrangement that developed naturally through casual conversation at work on Saturday.

To be clear I am not actually as woefully socially inept as the last paragraph is implying. I have made and maintained many friendships in my twentysfanlg years, and even successfully attended many social gatherings and rendezvous! Really it's still just the comparison to 2022, how the difference is still honestly unbelievable from my life now and a few months ago.

On one hand this process of societal reintegration is a bit astonishing (what do you mean I can just--go and get coffee with a friend? What do you mean I can sit in the sunlight with people who are nice to me and talk about nothing?) and on the other I am finding myself totally forgetting to remember it was ever anything different.

This is dangerous of me, forgetting to remember. Need to remember. Need to be grateful. Need to reschedule my last therapy appointment and go to AA and be cognizant of who I am and how bad it can get.

Anyway--

The impromptu plans were with J***, whose 8 am text asking if I wanted to get breakfast I only saw at 10 am when I woke up. I replied while still in bed sans contact lenses that I'd be down for lunch or an equivalent instead. He picked me up within a half an hour or so to tag along on his next errand, which was watering the plants in the apartment he was housesitting.

It was a 1br in the P***** building (belonging to his friends, long-time partners and start-up work-from-homers the way everyone is these days) and satisfied the mild curiosity I'd had surrounding those apartments since they opened 6ish years ago. (Smaller than I'd thought. White walls, tall ceilings. No windows in the bedroom, I don't think. Same exact oven and dishwasher as our own house.)

It was probably a mistake to bring me considering my penchant for monumentally fucking up any and all house-/plant-/housesitting gigs, and I told him as much after I had spilled the coffee he made us across the counter and stood witness to his tangling of a vined plant when he took it out of its macrame plant holder.

(We stood by the sink with me holding the top of the macrame rope and him unsuccessfully attempting to detangle the thin wispy vines from the fabric. It registered as a pleasant exercise in whatever passes for intimacy for me these days. Standing close and working together, not touching, talking about nothing without really being heard nor needing to.)

We went to the building's roof where it was too bright and too windy. He talked excitedly about how he'd figured out how to make his body throat-sing and played a few clips of his favorite throat-singing songs. I (more concerned with blocking the sun from my eyes and wind from my hair) couldn't tell if he was wanting me to ask him to demonstrate so I didn't. I told him about H teaching herself to whistle and the first clear note she managed after a year of enduring her flat and wet attempts. Something nice in realizing you can still teach your body how to do something, we agreed.

Back inside he told me he'd thought he'd finally cracked religion, or at least his definition of it. Could not pretend to record it as coherent as he said it, but the gist: Start with the fact that there is a God, and that God manifests as the underlying principles that guide the universe's machinations. The transitive property is god. Chemical formulas are God. The closest we will get to seeing God (maybe my own insertion here) is witnessing these rules in practice, and trusting their permanence.

And then---there was a second part, and I'm sure probably more he didn't say, but I can't remember it. I think a bit of all-religions-are-true, even if most have been manipulated as institutions to preserve wealth and power. The intent behind them is still valuable. Etc.

I told him it sounded interesting but felt very logos-heavy, where's the ethos? And he said yeah, it was definitely more attuned to reasoning than revelations, which was funny because historically religions tended to utilize revelations more heavily. And I said yeah, I feel like in terms of amassing followers that's your best bet, tapping into that emotional core, and he said but I'm not trying to amass followers, and I said I know, I just meant in the historical sense.

Part of me does wonder about his attempts to figure this out without plans to preach it, however informally. Part of me wonders if he is trying to convert me, however informally. I don't know how I feel about God. I feel like I should be more interested in an academic sort of way after such a formative childhood exposure to the church and my clumsy attempts to discern my own value system separate from it.

Maybe I am scared to actually decide what I think a good person is, because then I will be forced to admit I am not one?

? Hard to say. Much to think about.

Anyway--

The longstanding plans for today were with B*** et al, a candle-making soiree we had planned the last time we all hung out in January. I had a mild to medium time I think, although H was too sick/overwhelmed with homework to come and there was no one there I was completely comfortable with. B had outdone herself as a hostess, turned it into an early Galentine's thing with endless charcuterie boards and personalized chocolate boxes for each of us.

I feel weird around other women. This is a slightly dishonest presentation of the true feeling, which is probably: I often feel weird in moderately sized groups of people, especially in a setting like this in which we are not all perfectly compatible nor meant to be. Classmates and roommates and classmates of roommates and ex-roommates of classmates of roommates. And that this sort of gathering tends to be with primarily other women.

My social anxiety has matured enough to realize it is not a moral failing if I don't always have the right thing to say to some of these people but I do still resent the obligatory embarrassment when I don't. I'm never going to know what to say to K****e's sex jokes or A*****'s stilted attempts at polite conversation, sorry!

What should have been a comfort but actually just made things more tense: the fact that there were two other girls there also experiencing the slow burn of not fitting in:

L****, one of B's older friends, seemed downright miserable as she stood awkwardly in different corners and seemed to glare when anyone laughed. She left before we even made the candles, although I think she had other plans to get to. Again, my own social anxiety has matured enough to recognize when others' anxiety manifests in off-putting ways (God knows I do this enough), but--the resulting tension is hard to ignore.

And ******?, whose name I have unfortunately entirely forgotten, despite her staying for longer than I did. Was in B & E & K's cohort. Seemed a bit on the spectrum (aren't we all!) and prone to saying the wrong thing. Made a bit more sense when she mentioned she'd been very sheltered in Catholic school. Felt bad when I realized she was not entirely liked by the rest of the group.

But what can you do? Sometimes people simply do not click with each other! This is fine!

I don't know. I am a bit exhausted with meeting new people and having to identify then temper all their little idiosyncrasies. I miss being young and people seeming perfect. Intentionally written characters from a franchised series whose characteristics were recognized tropes, and whose dialogue was always sharp and plot-driving, and whose motivations always made sense.

[musiconanironingboard]

Sometime in Spring/Summer 2022: Dave Stewart and the Spiritual Cowboys. (Arista, 1990)

This and the following two posts are things I purchased somewhere along the line and forgot to write down, so they get posted now as catch-ups.

I was never a serious Eurythmics fan; as a kid I bought a smattering of their 45s, not very many, and I never bought one of their albums, but I always found them interesting. When Dave Stewart went solo in 1990 I would have never spent time with his debut away from Eurythmics had I not been handed a copy in my earliest days of college radio and been asked to review it for potential rotation. I think I and the other one or two assistants to the Music Director were offered it and I showed the most interest, so it landed in my stack. I know we wound up playing it, but it wasn’t in heavy rotation. The album is quite long for a single LP and it’s quite a fussy affair, with complicated, overstuffed arrangements, and I get fatigued listening to it. Still, it’s compelling enough, even if I purchased it primarily out of nostalgia. And what’s more, this is the second copy I’ve purchased—somewhere along the line, before I started this blog, I believe, my neighborhood shop got in a Euro pressing. I really wanted a U.S. copy, but I never saw any in shops, so I just went with what was in front of me. I was disappointed to discover that the copy had a pressing flaw that made the first track skip. I’ve dealt with records for enough years that I can tell a pressing flaw from damage or a piece of gunk that can be removed; there was no doubt, this was a flaw. Now I had a damaged pressing I didn’t want to begin with. I looked on eBay to see the going rate for this title and was pleased to find an affordable U.S. promo copy, which matched the one I reviewed all those years ago. 

Above is the front cover, hype sticker (it’s a promo, so that sticker is directly on the jacket), and back cover.

Just for kicks, here’s a close-up of the promo stamp over the bar code. That looks like quite a gouge on the top left, but I barely notice it in person.

Here are both sides of the inner sleeve. The top left corner is quite crumpled, but I’ve gotten countless brand-new albums over the decades whose inner sleeves come out crumpled. No biggie; it can be flattened out.

Here is side one’s label.

The only thing cooler about the Euro copy I bought is it has custom labels, but I’m happy with the stock Arista labels, as ugly as I ever thought they were, since this is how I remember the album when it was new. 

Here’s a shot of the Euro label. 

Just for the hell of it, here is the Euro front and back detail to show it unadorned by hype stickers or promo stamps.

One very strange thing about the Euro copy I have is the pattern that you see in the vinyl below, of two curved lines coming out at roughly 3 o’clock and 5 o’clock of the dead wax. Those aren’t reflections, those are patterns that run perpendicular through the grooves. It’s only on side one. When I first saw it upon pulling out the record, I thought it was an intentional laser etching or something. It doesn’t seem to have any purpose, nor does it seem to be related to the pressing flaw I mention above (which only affects one second of a single song), but this is something I’ve never seen before. 

I can’t sell the Euro copy knowing it’s defective, so I’ll just keep it and amuse myself with all of this.

If you happen to remember the 1990 movie Flatliners with Kiefer Sutherland, you may recall that “Party Town” from this album is featured prominently. I’ve never heard any subsequent Dave Stewart albums, but he continues to make them and I recently learned his new one is a triple album or some such enormous thing.

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol. 2 Sakamaki Shuu [Track 5 + Epilogue]

Original title: 愛しうる限り & エピローグ

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 2 Sakamaki Shuu

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke

Translator’s note: This CD really did deliver near the very end and tugged onto my heartstrings BIG TIME. Shuu being honest with myself and realizing just how much he loves the MC is honestly one of my favorite things in the world. ;w; He definitely solidified himself as nr. 2 in my heart once more. (Sorry Shuu, Subaru will forever be number one. <3)

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 5: As Long as our Love Lasts

Shuu is playing the violin again.

( At some point, I grew tired of counting, or even thinking about how many times I had played the same song, or how many days - or perhaps even months - had passed since she fell into a deep slumber. )

*Snap*

“Oh...The string...I haven’t taken care of this thing for a while, so I guess this was bound to happen. ...In the end, my song never reached you, huh?”

*Thud*

He walks over to the bed.

“I’ve honestly seen enough...of this never-changing expression. I wish I could have seen a glimpse of your past self for one last time, but I guess it can’t be helped.”

He takes a seat.

*Rustle*

“I’m sure you’re aware, but I always hated being waken up from my naps. Therefore, hearing your approaching footsteps was the most annoying sound in the world to me. However, having your face be the very first thing I saw when I opened my eyes after you interrupted my sleep, honestly wasn’t half bad. ...Just the fact I felt that way, means that you must have at least meant something to me. 

...If you were to ask me the same question you did before, then I would probably give you the following answer. ーー You are special to me. Not because your blood is delicious. You are the only woman on this planet who I wouldn’t want to lose, even if your blood were to disappear, If only I had said these words to you back then...”

Shuu suddenly collapses onto the sheets.

*Rustle* 

“...Ah...The effects are finally kicking in, huh? ...I haven’t been getting a wink of sleep as of late...So to ensure I can finally get a sound sleep...Cough, cough...”

*Cling*

“I drank a certain drug from this bottle earlier...You’re not going to wake up anyway...So you don’t mind if I sleep alongside you, right? Even if that is an eternal slumber...When you’re with me, I don’t mind. That’s just how much Iーー...”

He scoots closer.

*Smooch*

“...love you. ...Ugh...Cough, cough...Haah, haah...I finally gave you the words you’ve been dying to hear...yet you’re missing out on them...You foolish woman...Hahaha...I guess I shouldn’t say that, huh...? Ugh...”

Shuu loses consciousness.

*Shatter*

( I lost the feeling in my limbs, before my mind went blank as well and before I knew it, I was unable to think of anything. I couldn’t fight back against my heavy eyelids. Now I can finally get some rest again. ーー That’s what I thought, yet...Aah, there it is again. I can hear her voice again. Per usual, she’s calling my name as if her life depends on it. I’ve heard this voice a million times, but in the end, it’s nothing but my mind playing tricks on me. Even if I wake up, you won’t be there anyway. Therefore, I chose eternal sleep. )

*Rustle* 

( You’re persistent...Guess you’re stubborn even within my dreams, huh? )

You continue to call his name.

( Oh come on...Just let me sleep... )

You persist.

( Like I said, pipe down. Don’t shout my name over and over... )

*Rustle rustle*

“Nn...Hm? ...Ugh...”

*Rustle*

“What do you want? I was having such a nice nap...”

*Rustle*

“Ah...Oh? You...are awake? So that wasn’t just a hallucination right now? Or rather, why are you crying?”

You tell Shuu you thought he had died.

“Died? ...Oh, right. Why am I alive as well? Did you do something?”

You continue to sob.

“I can’t tell when you’re bawling like that...Hm? The taste of your blood...lingers inside my mouth.”

You explain.

“...You frantically tried to feed me your blood thinking that might be able to bring me back to life? I won’t deny that my wounds heal quicker when I have your blood...but I didn’t think it could serve as an antidote as well. Your blood really is something else. Well, you still won against it though. ...Oi, I don’t mind if you’re crying, but give me a good look at your face.”

*Rustle*

“I’m asking you to move closer. My body still feels heavy, I can’t move. Come on, scoot over.”

You move closer.

“How long has it been...? I’m actually reflected in your eyes.”

Shuu embraces you.

“Haah...”

*Rustle*

“Keep still. I can’t put in much strength since my arms are still numb.”

You ask Shuu what happened.

“I’m the one who wants to know what happened. Honestly, what made you suddenly wake up? Is it because I finally genuinely admitted my own feelings...?”

You tilt your head to the side.

“You know, you’ve been asleep this whole time, remember?”

You look at him in surprisement.

“Don’t tell me, you didn’t have a clue?”

You nod.

“Well, it happened out of nowhere, so I guess it’s obvious considering you were unconscious as well. ...No, it’s fine if you don’t remember. That was a nightmare anyway.”

You ask him if it was rough.

“...Yeah.”

*Rustle*

“A lot happened...It was one hell of a ride. But right now, rather than letting you go...”

*Smooch*

“Haah...Come on, don’t get all surprised over a little kiss still. However, I don’t dislike that side of you either. When you were asleep, you wouldn’t react no matter how many times I did this after all.”

*Smooch*

“...What? Don’t panic.”

You note his behavior seems off.

“Weird? You’re the last person I want to hear that from though. I told you, remember? I went through a lot. That being said, it doesn’t matter. It’s just...I came to realize a few things.”

You tilt your head to the side. 

“How you felt, for example. Or how important it is to put things into words every now and then. ...And what you mean to me, I suppose. ...I believe you woke up because I finally understood those things. Well, you don’t seem to realize that yourself though. Oh, right...I should apologize while I can. I’m sorry for acting indifferent towards you up till now. I deeply regret it. Soーー”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Please don’t get upset and fall into a slumber again, it pains me”

You tell him you never meant to do that to him.

“Even if that wasn’t your intention, it still happened. And it was much more wicked than having you lash out at me or run away from home. Not to mention it was extremely bothersome. I had to look after you 24/7, right? In that regard...you really are a handful.”

You apologize.

“Haha...You don’t need to say sorry, really. I’ve already accepted it. I’m to blame for falling in love with such a woman.”

Your eyes widen in sheer surprise.

“...What?”

You ask him to repeat himself.

“I said I love you, what about it? I said it earlier as we...Ah, right. I guess you didn’t hear me back then since you were still asleep. ...Haha, look at those rounded eyes, your face looks hilarious. ...I really do prefer seeing you like this.”

*Smooch*

“I understand you are having trouble believing me. I’ve only got myself to blame for that. However, I’m sure you’ll soon come to realize. I already had plenty regrets while you were asleep. From here on out, I’ll tell you these words until you’ll be tired of hearing them ーー How much I love you, that is.”

*Smooch*

Track 6: Epilogue

“...Hey.”

You turn around.

“You’re ogling way too much. It looks shameless, so come here.”

You run over

“Is an instrument store really that special to you?”

You nod.

“Well, I can imagine you have little affiliation with these places. When I bring up the name of a composer, you usually look at me as if I’m speaking Chinese. Although despite that, you seemed happy to visit this place.”

You explain.

“Ahー So that’s why. Honestly, it would have been much easier to just come by myself, but I’d rather not make you upset again by ignoring you.”

You smile, thanking him.

“...I see. Whatever. ...Anyway, I requested a full maintenance along with replacing the broken string, so it might take a while. We’ll get in the way if we wait here, so let’s go over there.”

The two of you move to another room.

*Creaaak*

You look around.

“It’s a test room. Customers can use this place to test out the intruments before purchase. There’s nobody here right now, so the owner said we can make ourselves comfortable.”

You ask Shuu if he plans to buy a new violin.

“No, I’m not buying anything. I like my current violin.”

You seem confused, wondering why you’re here then.

“You really are a fool, aren’t you?”

Shuu pulls you closer.

*Rustle*

“To kill some time, obviously.”

You get slightly flustered. 

“It’s a perfect way to combat the boredom, no? It’s muh more comfortable than having to wander around outside. On top of that...This place is soundproof. You can scream as loud as you want, nobody will hear. I’m sure you like the sound of that as well? ーー That being said, we have to think about your health. I doubt you’re already back in top shape, so I won’t do anything if you don’t want me to.”

You hesitate. 

“Hm~? In that case, you want it?”

You go quiet.

“Cat got your tongue? I seem to recall a certain someone was displeased because they were being ‘used’?  Clearly tell me what you want. Right now, I can actually live up to your wishes. ...What do you want from me?”

You ask for his fangs. 

“Hehe...I hate being ordered around, but hearing you beg for it isn’t bad at all. Especially when it’s the words ‘Suck my blood, please’.”

Shuu bites you.

“Mmh...Nn...I said you could make all the noise you want, remember? It’s not like anyone but me can hear.”

You get embarrassed. 

“Heh. First you beg for it and now you get all embarrassed. You’re kind of contradicting yourself there, no? Well, it doesn’t matter. In that case, I’ll go for one of your more sensitive spots so you won’t be able to suppress your voice. Mmh...”

*Gulp*

“Hah...Exactly...Let me hear more...Why still hesitate at this point?”

You explain. 

“You’re worrying for nothing per usual. You no longer need to be scared that I’ll find you annoying or get tired of you. Well, I won’t deny that there’s times I get a little irritated by your behavior. I’m sure I might be a little grumpy when you disturb my sleep as well. 

However, I would never grow to dislike you over something like that. I already know what kind of woman you are. You’re the type to beg for my fangs in a place like this. On top of that, a loudmouth who loves to meddle with other people’s affairs and quite the handful at times. To be honest, too much of a bother to keep by one’s side. 

You puff out your cheeks. 

“Haha. It’s the truth, no? However, despite all of that, I don’t want to let you go. So don’t worry. Just let out your voice to your heart’s content, giving yourself over to me all you want. I’ve already decided I will love every side of you after all.”

*Smooch*

ーー THE END ーー