#my mum would be like of course you have it you’re a horrible daughter etc but it’s just me trying to get her to be nice to me ;-;

[kavehater]

Dahlia took extended leave from uni and told me I should do the same but my sem is almost over and my parents wouldn’t let me stop uni not to mention not let me bedrot nor would they send me to therapy I just want to exist in peace like

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Outside the Rain - Harry Styles Series (Part 21)

Part 20

Harry sat across from your parents in the waiting room during your surgery. Neither one of them had really spoken to him in the few minutes since you went back into the operating room. He sipped on his coffee as he scrolled through his phone. He wasn’t sure if your parents were upset with him, maybe for him being late, or if they were just nervous about the surgery. He wanted to say something, break the ice, but he was afraid he would make it worse. 

Once he was finished with his coffee, he got up from his seat to throw it in the trash bin. He felt your mother’s eyes on him the entire time and he knew he would have to say something. However, before Harry could open his mouth, your mother had opened hers. 

“So, Harry, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” She asked. 

Harry was taken aback as he sat down, looking over at your mother, “Um, sure,” he said, completely unsure. 

“Is there something going on between you and Y/N?” She asked. “I’ve noticed the two of you have seem to take a step back from each other and when you were late today, I thought maybe you weren’t coming... and well... I just want to make sure everything is okay.” 

“Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but if and I do mean if there was something going on between me and Y/N, shouldn’t it stay between us?” He asked. 

“Technically yes, but you can’t blame me for wanting to protect my daughter,” she said. “She’s going through a lot and she needs all the support she can get. She’s already losing the girls, she doesn’t need to lose you, too.” 

“Wait, what?” Harry asked. “What do you mean losing the girls?” 

“She hasn’t told you?” She asked. 

Harry shook his head. 

“None of the girls haven’t really spoken to her since her injury. I mean don’t get me wrong, they’ve checked in on her, but it’s mostly been a few texts here and there. She thinks they’re upset with her because the tour is most likely going to be postpone,” she sighed. 

“No, I had no idea,” he said. “Surely, they aren’t that upset with her.” 

“I’d like to think not, the girls have always been close, but this is also their career and something they’ve been preparing for this for a while, so it’s understandable they’d be upset. Y/N’s upset too, but I can’t believe they’ve reacted in this way,” she sighed. 

Harry sighed, “I know, I’m sure they’ll come around soon. And I can promise you there’s nothing going on with Y/N and I. We’re good, great, even. I love your daughter.” 

She sighed nodding, “I believe you, but also know that if you’re lying to me, or you hurt my daughter, I will hurt you.” 

**

The reminder of the time waiting for you to get out of surgery was an awkward and silent one. Harry stayed to himself, not sure how to take all of what your mom had mentioned to him. He had no idea of everything going on and that was of course on him. But now knowing the information put him in a bit of a predicament. How was he supposed to ask you about the photo of your ex when you were already going through so much and he didn’t want to add on to that even more. 

But he knew he couldn't bury it and just forget it happened because he already was doing a horrible job at that. However, he would bury it for now. When the doctor finally emerged from behind the double doors. Both your parents and Harry stood up walking towards him, Harry keeping his distance a bit. 

“Surgery went great,” he smiled. “I’m very pleased. Y/N’s in recovery right now and she should be awake soon. I will ask to not overwhelm her questions or anything like that. She’s also on pain medication which will make her a little loopy. It’ll probably be around another hour or so before you can see her in her room, so if you’d like to get lunch or take a walk now would be the time to do it.” 

“Thank you,” Your mom sighed with relief. “Thank you so much.” 

The doctor smiled, “You’re welcome, I’ll drop by after she’s awake and go over everything with you then.” 

Your father smiled giving him a wave as the doctor walked off. Your parents hugged each other and your mom walked over to Harry and gave him a hug. It was awkward, no doubt, but Harry welcomed it. 

“I can go grab lunch and bring it back,” He offered. “That way you two can stay here, if you want.” 

“Oh, that’d be lovely. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving right now,” she said. 

“Okay, I’ll uh, be right back,” he smiled. 

When Harry got to his car, his phone rang. 

“Hello,” he said. 

“How’s our girl?” Stevie asked on the other line. 

“Just got out of surgery. The doctor said everything went well. She’s in recovery right now and won’t be awake for a bit, so I’m grabbing lunch for everyone,” he answered. 

“I’m happy to hear that,” she said. “I hate that I wasn’t able to make it. How’s everything going with the parents?”

“It’s-” he sighed. “Not going well.” 

“Damn, what’s going on?” She asked. 

“Long story,” he sighed. “But basically, Y/mother’s/name asked me if something was going on with me and Y/N because she’s noticed we haven’t spoken much and then it turned into a you better not hurt my daughter, etc, etc.” 

“They’re just worried about her,” She told him. 

“I know, I understand that, hell, my Mum’s the same way,” he said. “However, I found it a bit rude that her mother asked about something regarding our relationship when Y/N and I haven’t even had a chance to discuss it.” 

“So, there is something,” she pried. 

He sighed, “Technically, yes, but- I wasn’t going to tell her that and then have her tell Y/N. I’ve been wanting to talk to Y/N about it, but I wanted it to be in person. So, I was waiting until after her surgery, but now I’m worried her mom’s going to filling her head with thoughts.” 

“Well, you can’t worry about that,” she said. “Y/N is her own person. She’s strong and independent. Even if her mother was to do something like that, she would give you the benefit of the doubt.” 

“I’d like to think she would,” Harry sighed. “It just fucking sucks dealing with it. Everything was going great, then Y/N fucked up her knee and everything went to shit.” 

“It’ll get better,” she told him. “You know it will and your and Y/N’s relationship is worth fighting and working towards it getting better. I don’t know what the problem is between the two of you, but I know you will get through it.” 

“Thanks, Stevie,” he said. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” she laughed. “Tell Y/N I love her and I’ll check in later.” 

“Will do,” he said. 

**

When Harry got back to the hospital, everyone ate lunch quickly before heading back to your room when it was ready. You were still sleeping when they went back and your knee was wrapped in bandages. Your parents got to you first, while Harry stood at the end of the bed. Your mom ran her hand over your head as she spoke softly to you. 

“Hi, sweetheart. We’re here for when you wake up,” she smiled. “The doctor said the surgery went great.” 

You moved slightly, but you still were asleep. You didn’t wake up until mother fifteen minutes and when you did, your mother started hovering over you. Harry wanted to speak up and remind her the doctor said not to overwhelm you, but he thought better of it. 

He smiled at a bit seeing you waking up. He was so happy everything went well, now he just hoped your recovery will go as smoothly as well. 

“Hi, mom,” you whispered. “Hi, dad.” 

“How are you feeling?” She asked. 

“Like shit,” you mumbled. 

“Oh, well, I’m sure that’s normal for what you’ve been through,” she said. “Can I get you some water?” 

You nodded. You looked over and saw Harry standing at the end of the bed. 

“Hi,” you smiled. 

You reached your hand out towards him and he walked over to you. 

“Thank you for coming,” you smiled. 

“Of course,” he smiled kissing your head. 

“I love you,” you whispered. 

“I love you, too,” he smiled. 

Harry laced his hands with yours smiling down at you. The rest of the day you all sat in your room and the doctor said you would be able to go home in the morning. You were mostly sleeping throughout the day, which made the situation between Harry and your parents even more awkward. The only thing playing in his mind was when and how he was going not only going to bring up the photo situation, but also the conversation he had with your mother. He knew he needed to talk to you about it soon, but he hoped it didn’t hinder your recovery... or your relationship. 

[the-kiwi-is-not-a-pewee]

3 of Sadie’s arcs throughout TKC - a mapping

@jurakan  I might’ve missed some things but this is as comprehansive as I could make it:

Responsibility/Parents Arc -

This arc revolves around Sadie realizing that when she has to choose between what she wants and saving millions of lives she has to accept that she has to make that sacrifice (this is different from the birthday and dance thing, because she has a third option to do both without a lot of people dying. Is there risk? Yes, more so for the former than the latter because there’s a hard deadline, but it’s not a decision she has to make on the spot like “free your dad and the world will bear the consequences” vs. “bear the consequences and millions of lives will be saved”.) It’s also intertwined with her grief over her mom and the blame she places on her dad for her death and the catharsis she gets from emotionally spilling to him at the climax of The Red Pyramid.

*Red Pyramid*

- “I was determined not to be like them, living in the past. I barely remembered Mum, after all, and nothing could change the fact that she was dead. But I did keep the one picture... But the main reason I’d kept the photo was because of the symbol on Mum’s T-shirt: one of those life symbols - an ankh. My dead mother wearing the symbol for life. Nothing could’ve been sadder”(33). Our first peek into how Sadie feels about her mother’s death. Despite her saying that she was determined to not live in the past like her grandparents, the photograph betrays that she hasn’t quite completely moved on from it. 

- “’...Young man, your father has committed a criminal act. He’s left you behind to deal with the consequences-’ ‘That’s not true!’ I snapped, my voice trembling with rage. I couldn’t believe Dad would intentionally leave us at the mercy of the police, of course. But the idea of him abandoning me - well, as I might have mentioned, that’s a bit of a sore point’”(41). Sadie says it herself here, she’s not quite over what she perceived as her dad abandoning her.

-” “I realized I was crying. I hated to, but shock and fear were starting to overwhelm me. Where did I want to go? Home, of course! Back to my flat in London—back to my own room, my grandparents, my mates at school and my old life. But I couldn’t. I had to think about my father and our mission”(236). This kinda also fits here because she’s putting the mission over what she wants: to go home.

-”’All right,” I relented. “If I had to, then I suppose...I suppose I would save the world.” Horrible guilt crushed down on me. What kind of daughter was I? I clutched the tyet amulet on my necklace—my one remembrance of Dad. I know some of you lot will be thinking: You hardly ever saw your dad. You barely knew him. Why would you care so much? But that didn’t make him any less my dad, did it? Or the thought of losing him forever any less horrible. And the thought of failing him, of willingly choosing to let him die even to save the world— what sort of awful person was I?”(392). This bit doesn’t so much imply she learned how to put the world above her personal wants, but that she already would. Not without hesitation and horrible, emotional conflict, but she’d still do it in the end. It’s more of her discovering this of herself.

-”’To die?’ I demanded. “Isis should’ve helped her. You should’ve helped her. I hate you!” As soon as I said it, something broke inside me. I started to cry. I realized I’d wanted to say that to my dad for years. I blamed him for Mum’s death, blamed him for leaving me. But now that I’d said it, all the anger drained out me, leaving me nothing but guilt... ‘To save the world, would you sacrifice your father?’ ‘I don’t want to,’ I said. ‘Please’”(471). The arc culminates here, with Sadie releasing her pent-up feelings about her mother’s death and accepting that she has to sacrifice her father, that there is no third option this time. She gets her catharsis and overcomes her reservations that were there when she first admitted to Anubis that she’d sacrifice her dad to save the world.

*Throne of Fire*

-”I simply said, “It’s a bad idea.” And yes, it felt quite strange being forced to play the responsible sibling”(216). Sadie being the responsible sibling here... ironically. Trying to stay on track, but at the same time makes the third option so Carter gets what he wants and they also get what they need, even though they’re cutting it close. This isn’t exactly the same situation as her father in a coffin as this isn’t one way or the highway, but it’s her staying on task.

Balancing Old and New Life + Where She Belongs Arc -

This particular arc is more of a slowburn because it spans all 3 books as opposed to the Responsibility/Dad Arc. Sadie grapples with trying to fit her old and new lives together because she doesn’t want to let go of her old one but her new life won’t let her go back. They both bleed into each other in different ways, thus why the balance is necessary. Her old life leaks into her new life in the form of missing her life in London, her grandparents, her friends, etc. Her new life intrudes by, well, not leaving her alone (examples: Babi and Nekhbet ambushing her in London, the deadline, Anubis and Shu showing up at the school dance). The culmination is at the end of The Serpent’s Shadow, when she summons Ma’at out of necessity instead of desperation and doesn’t die from it.

*Red Pyramid*

- “I just stared at him. I couldn’t remember any home except this flat. My mates at school, my room, everything I knew was here. ‘Where am I supposed to go?’”(43). Good establishing point for the start of this particular arc and the attachment she has to her home in London. It’s all she ever knew. 

- “I realized I was crying. I hated to, but shock and fear were starting to overwhelm me. Where did I want to go? Home, of course! Back to my flat in London—back to my own room, my grandparents, my mates at school and my old life. But I couldn’t. I had to think about my father and our mission”(236). The first point I could find where Sadie really expresses that she’s still attached to her old life and missing it is bleeding over into her new life to the point she’s getting emotional. But her new life is preventing her from going back because she and Carter have their mission and she recognizes it as more important. Most of the “missing home” moments are most frequent in the first book, and recording them would just be repeating myself. There’s some on pages 196, 400, and 432 though.

*Throne of Fire*

-”’It’s more than that.’ Emma studied my face as if I was turning into something quite frightening. ‘You seem older. More mature.’ Her voice was tinged with sadness, and I realized my mates and I were growing apart. It was as if we stood on opposite sides of a widening chasm. And I knew with gloomy certainty the breach was already too wide for me to jump back across”(118). A display of how Sadie feels she’s too far gone into her new life to return to her old life with no consequence. It’s here she realizes this, with her new life intruding with Babi and Nekhbet and later her old life having to be left behind when her friends can’t come along for the rest of the mission.

*Serpent’s Shadow*

- “She immediately understood what I needed. Together, we tried to find calm in the Chaos. I focused on the most peaceful, well-ordered moments of my life—and there weren’t many. I remembered my sixth birthday party in Los Angeles with Carter, my dad and mum—the last clear memory I had of all of us together as a family. I imagined listening to music in my room at Brooklyn House while Khufu ate Cheerios on my dresser. I imagined sitting on the terrace with my friends, having a restful breakfast as Philip of Macedonia splashed in his pool. I remembered Sunday afternoons at Gran and Gramps’s flat—Muffin on my lap, Gramps’s rugby game on the telly, and Gran’s horrible biscuits and weak tea on the table. Good times, those were. Most important, I faced down my own chaos. I accepted my jumbled emotions about whether I belonged in London or New York, whether I was a magician or a schoolgirl. I was Sadie Kane, and if I survived today, I could bloody well balance it all”(348). The culmination of the arc is right here, when Sadie finally accepts that she can balance both her lives and who she is. She can be belong both in London and New York, she can be both a schoolgirl and a magician. She can reconcile both parts of her life.

Understanding Carter Arc -

Sadie is the one who understands their sibling the least. And probably holds the most resentment over envying the other’s situation. Both of the siblings have the initial problem of not understanding each other and envying each other for different reasons, but it’s more important for Sadie to understand how much pressure Carter felt, to be strong for his dad and keep up with his expectations. Also Carter isn’t quite so hung up on Sadie getting to spend time with their grandparents, unlike Sadie with their dad.

*Red Pyramid*

- “When you only see each other twice a year, it’s like you’re distant cousins rather than siblings. We had absolutely nothing in common except our parents”(8). Establishes Carter and Sadie don’t really know each other well and thus don’t really understand each other. It’s to the point that they feel their bond is only by blood. Of course, they grow closer as the series progresses, but this is their initial starting point that they have.

- “I sighed in exasperation. ‘Poor boy, forced to travel the world, skip school, and spend time with Dad while I get a whole two days a year with him!’ ‘Hey!’ Carter turned on me with surprising force. ‘You get a home! You get friends and a normal life and don’t wake up each morning wondering what country you’re in! You don’t-’ The glass case next to us shattered, spraying glass at our feet”(133). This technically goes both ways. They both want each other’s lives and it’s a touchy subject for both of them, given how the glass shattered and things only start breaking around them when emotions are high (like the birthday cake). They both only see the pros of the other’s life and not the cons, or they don’t understand the cons.

- “After our last argument in New York, I wasn’t sure how I felt about my brother. The idea that he could be jealous of my life while he got to travel the world with Dad—please! And he had the nerve to call my life normal? All right, I had a few mates at school like Liz and Emma, but my life was hardly easy. If Carter made a social faux pas or met people he didn’t like, he could just move on! I had to stay put. I couldn’t answer simple questions like “Where are your parents?” or “What does your family do?” or even “Where are you from?” without exposing just how odd my situation was. I was always the different girl. The mixed-race girl, the American who wasn’t American, the girl whose mother had died, the girl with the absent father, the girl who made trouble in class, the girl who couldn’t concentrate on her lessons. After a while one learns that blending in simply doesn’t work. If people are going to single me out, I might as well give them something to stare at. Red stripes in my hair? Why not! Combat boots with the school uniform? Absolutely. Headmaster says, “I’ll have to call your parents, young lady.” I say, “Good luck.” Carter didn’t know anything about my life”(170). A display of how Sadie is clearly more hung-up on this than Carter is, considering he doesn’t have an internal rant like she does or even linger on it long. For Sadie, it’s clearly a far more touchy subject but nowhere in here does she consider why Carter wants her life or what he said before the glass shattered. She’s starting to understand him on a surface level as they bond better, but understanding him on a deeper level is not something she’s nailed yet as this shows. 

-”Carter had spoken about Dad as if their travels together had been a great thing, yes, but also quite a chore, with Carter always struggling to please and be on his best behavior, with no one to relax with, or talk to. Dad was, I had to admit, quite a presence. You’d be hard-pressed not to want his approval. (No doubt that’s where I get my own stunningly charismatic personality.) I saw him only twice a year, and even so I had to prepare myself mentally for the experience. For the first time, I began to wonder if Carter really had the better end of the bargain. Would I trade my life for his?”(278) This is when Sadie admits that she’s doubting her previous assertion about how great Carter’s life must’ve been. She begins to understand why Carter wanted her life and how it affected him to be with their dad all the time. It’s a very significant step in understanding him.

*Throne of Fire*

-”And yes, I know that was wrong —but I’d just been inside Carter’s head. I now understood how important Zia was to him. I knew how badly any information about her would rattle him...  One of his darker secrets? Deep down, Carter still resented our father for failing to save our mum, even though she had died for a noble cause, and even though it was her choice to sacrifice herself. Carter simply could not fail Zia in the same way, no matter what the stakes. He needed someone to believe in him, someone to save—and he was convinced Zia was that person. Sorry, a little sister just wouldn’t do”(215). Sadie understands why Zia is so important to Carter, a direct contrast to when he saw her off on her birthday, when he didn’t quite understand why Sadie was so insistent on taking a break. But of course, that doesn’t mean there isn’t some resentment in either situation.

*Serpent’s Shadow*

-”A year ago, even six months ago, the idea of my brother’s being given that kind of responsibility would’ve horrified me as well...  When I had learned his secret name, I’d seen one very clear trait woven into his character: leadership”(327-328). Here Sadie learning Carter’s secret name circles back to her supporting him for a role he doesn’t feel ready for. She almost understands him better than he does himself, and while she does abuse it for some slapstick occasionally, she helps him step up to the role.

[daysswithyou]

Life’s a surprise

Characters: DAY6 Jae x OC

Genre: slice of life, humour, romance, fluff

Words: 2.7k

Description: When you’re sick and tired of the single life and life decides to surprise you a little

---

"Hey Y/N... I'm really sorry... I can't go out tonight, its date night with Sungjin." 

Not again. 

Masking your disappointment, you quickly chirped out a response to your friend on the other end. 

"It's alright then, you have fun with Sungjin. I'll see you another time."

You then ended the call before tossing your phone onto your bed and flopping down on it yourself afterward. 

You've wanted to catch up with your family or friends but everyone was rejecting you for the same reason: date nights. You've called at least 3 friends and your cousin but everyone seemed to have a significant other to spend time with. Even your parents were going out to catch a musical together. Literally everyone was having something going on for them - except you. 

 You've never had a love life since young and growing up, you've never had a problem with that. You've always thought that boyfriends were a waste of time and money - which was probably true for a student. But as you gradually blossomed into a beautiful young lady and all your peers began to have a significant other, you found yourself spending more time by yourself and it does get lonely, like now. Recently, you've even been entertaining thoughts about being left on the shelf - something completely out of character to you. As much as you hate to admit it, the thought of growing old alone does scare you terribly, as it does to many other people. All you wanted was to spend some time with family and friends (and maybe find a boyfriend), was that too much to ask for?

 After moping around on your bed for a few minutes, you decided that you would not waste away a good night just because you had no one by your side. 

 Well, a girl's gotta learn how to have fun by herself.

-

The moment you exited your car, all you could see were couples everywhere. Kissing, holding hands as they walked, coming together in the same colour scheme etc. Everything around you screamed 'couples!' and 'pairs!' and you stood like a sore thumb amongst the sea of lovers. However, you refused to let this deter you from achieving your purpose tonight. Lifting your chin up high and straightening your back, you walked tall and proud into the bar, your purposeful steps announcing your entrance. Choosing an outdoor seat facing the harbour to get a clear view of the evening sky, you declined the waiter’s offer of food and instead opted for a bottle of red wine instead. When the wine came, you took your time savouring the sweet alcohol in small sips. From the corner of your eye, you could make out a couple holding hands and giving one another kisses on the cheek. Was it so hard for a girl to not have to be reminded of her lack of a love life? Well, apparently not. Attempting to quench your frustration, you downed the next cup in one mouthful.

And then another,

And another,

And another.

By the time you got the end of the bottle, you were positively drunk. Having no rational control over your body, you walked out of the restaurant and onto the wharf without paying and when the waiter tried to chase after you, you pushed him away with an unusually good amount of force, leaving the waiter dumbfounded at your diminishing figure. That was when the waiter felt a firm hand being placed onto his shoulder, before a towering figure with spectacles turning out to be his saviour.

“I’ll pay for her bill – keep the change as a tip.”

Pressing a hundred dollar bill into his hand, Jae took after you.

-

Sashaying along the wharf in the cooling summer night, you began to let out a string of colour profanities from your lips, cursing the world and your terrible luck for leaving you without a boyfriend. When you finally got exhausted, you collapsed onto the ground in a heap, taking off your red heels and flinging them far, far away before curling up into a foetal position to bawl your eyes out.

“Hey, are you ok?”

Sniffling, you lifted your head from your arms, making eye contact with someone wearing thin, golden glasses and somewhere in your mind, you decided that the person in front of you was Harry Potter.

Letting a gasp escape your pink lips, you exclaimed this piece of information out loud to no one in particular.

“Harry Potter! I like your glasses!”

Reaching out, you pulled Jae’s glasses off his face before placing them on your own. The glasses were too big for the bridge of your nose and they kept slipping off but that did not deter you from looking up at Jae and giggling to him.

Shaking his head in disbelief as his lips cracked to form a smile, Jae could not believe what he was seeing right now. Were you even real? How could someone go from vulgar, sobbing mess to a giggling high school girl now? Jae could not believe the duality that existed within you and he blamed it on the alcohol as the cause of your haywire cognitive functions. Even with the smudged makeup and glasses that were too big for your face, he actually thought that you looked cute. But no matter how cute you looked, Jae knew that getting you home was of utmost importance.

“Hey erm… are you sober enough to tell me where you stay? I’m going to send you home – I can’t possibly leave you here.”

Alas, his words were clearly not registered and now, you were beginning to fiddle around with his glasses, muttering in broken sentences about how much you adore them.

“Never mind, I’ll help myself.”

Opening up your purse, he dug around for your identity card and finally got your address as well as your name.

Y/N huh? An interesting name for such an interesting character.

“Well, Y/N, let’s get you home now.”

Turning to face you, he realised that you were already asleep, your head leaning against the cool metal railing of the wharf. Letting out a deep sigh and light chuckle afterwards, Jae gently picked you up bridal style before retrieving your heels and purse, carrying you all the way into the passenger seat of your car as he took the wheel.

-

When your parents opened the door that night, to say they got a shock of their lives was an understatement. Never would they have expected a man to show up at the door step at midnight, much less one that was carrying their daughter. Being the dramatic person that she is, your mum had to say the most inappropriate thing in the world.

“Oh my god is she dead?”

Blinking rapidly, Jae licked his lips before replying.

“Eh, no she isn’t, she just had too much to drink. I know this looks really inappropriate and very misleading but may I?”

Opening the door a little wider, your dad led the way to your room and stayed in there till your mother chased him out and closed the door.

“What are you doing leaving them alone inside!”

“Letting them do their things of course!”

“What, are you insane?”

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to see her appear home with a man in tow! Now would you just shush!”

Pressing her ear against the door, she listened like a bat to find out what was happening in your room.

-

Back in your room, Jae had taken a wet towel to help you wipe your face whilst leaving your clothes intact. Placing the duvets over your figure, he then gently removed the glasses from your face and placed them by your bedside. With the illumination from the moon, Jae finally found a spare paper and pen.

When he exited the room, he found your parents staring back at him with hopeful expressions and he felt pressured to say something.

“Erm, I’ve put her in bed but she’s drank a lot so you might want to place some water and hangover medicine by her bedside. I’ll get going now.”

Jae then respectfully bowed before leaving your house, taking a taxi back to the restaurant to retrieve his car that he left behind.

-

The next morning, you woke up with a pounding headache and you groaned out loud, earning more protests from your parched throat. Drinking the water slowly, the cool liquid brought your throat immense relief and you let out a sigh of relief. When the hydration slowly eased the pain in your head, you opened up your eyes and found out that you were in your room.

Wait, how did I get here? Wasn’t I at a restaurant last night? And whose glasses are these?

Carefully running your fingers across the thin rim of the glasses, you then picked up the note and read it carefully.

“Since you like my glasses so much, you can have them.

-Jae Potter”

War flashbacks of last night raced through your mind – getting drunk at the bar, running off without paying but more prominently, of a certain blonde hair male whom you now knew as Jae. Taking your pillow, you let out a muffled scream into it but of course, that did not go unnoticed to your mother.

Bursting into your room with her heavy ensemble of jewellery swaying around her, your mother stared at your wide-eyed before hurrying to your side.

“What’s wrong Y/N?”

“All I want to do is shrink into some corner right now…” You then proceeded to shake your head violently into your pillow, before your mum ripped it away from you.

“I’m proud of you last night honey.”

“What for?”

“For getting yourself a man!”

“Excuse me? How did you –”

“Do you really have no idea? A young man drove you home last night!”

“He has blonde hair.”

A nod.

“He was also really tall.”

Another nod.

It was confirmed: This person called Jae had drove you home last night and you had embarrassed yourself in front of him horribly. Throwing the covers over your face, you lay down on bed and pretended to sink into oblivion. Your mother then patted your stomach one last time before exiting your room, closing the door softly after her.

-

For the rest of the day, you stayed home, trying to recover from the hangover until your phone rang in the evening.

“Hey Y/N~”

“Finally you found enough time to call me.”

“Hey I was out with Sungjin~ but aren’t I calling you now?”

Accepting her cuteness that was her measly attempt to appease you, you got straight down to business.

“What is this about Emily?”

“I’ve prepared a double date for us tonight?”

“What? You know I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Yes I do, which is why I’m setting you up with one right now! I’ll text you the location and timing, see you tonight!”

Before you even had time to say anything, the line went dead and her messages came in instantly.

A map of a fancy Italian restaurant popped up with her message that read: See you tonight at 7pm! PS: I’m sure you’ll love him! ;)

It was already 5pm, and you knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer so you picked yourself off the couch to begin looking presentable. For some reason, you took the glasses along with you, your intuition telling you that you’ll need it later.

-

At 7pm on the dot, you walked into the restaurant in your red velvet dress before being waved over by Emily. From the corner of your eye, you could see someone else approaching your table – your supposed “date” for tonight.

“Y/N, I want you to meet –”

“Jae.”

In the background, you could hear her asking “How do you know his name?” but you were too lost in your own world to reply her. You caught Jae’s eye contact – his eyes seemed clearer now without his glasses. He then smiled, and you swallowed thickly, certain that he remembered every single detail from last night. By now, your cheeks were bright red and no amount of foundation would be able to mask your great embarrassment. Before you could flee the scene, you were brought back to reality by Emily shaking of your arm.

“You know Jae?”

Before you could explain the situation, Jae intervened in your behalf.

“Y/N and I are, in fact, pretty well-acquainted. Well, we’ll leave you and Sungjin to enjoy your time.”

Placing a gentle hand on your waist, Jae steered you out of the restaurant before letting go of you.

“Ladies first.”

Looking back at him, you then took a step forward and Jae then fell into tandem beside you as both of you walked further and further away from the restaurant. Silence enveloped the both of you for some time before you finally broke the ice.

“Here, your glasses.”

“Oh thank you.”

His long slender fingers came into contact with yours at that moment, sending sparks of electricity through your arm and causing you to shiver. Jae mistook that and thought that you were cold.

“Are you cold? Here, have this.”

Shedding his jacket, Jae carefully draped it over your shoulders, revealing a handsome maroon turtleneck beneath. You noted how both of you were wearing matching colours now, and you blushed a little at that thought.

“Thank you… and about last night, I’m terribly sorry. I had too much to drink and one thing led to the next. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s alright; I couldn’t possibly leave you so vulnerable out there. But I must admit, that was the most extensive vocabulary of curse words I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“That was…ah forget it.” You didn’t know how to explain your behaviour without revealing your desperation and you decided to just laugh it off with Jae, which, thankfully he did.

“Can I confirm something Y/N?”

“Sure.”

“You were feeling lousy about being single, right?”

“I have no defence against that – so yes.”

“I’ve got something that can work in both our favour.”

“What is it?”

“Go out for dinner with me one night? You can say it’s a date.”

You nodded your head ever so faintly, and Jae has never smiled so brightly in his entire life before.

One date turned into many more.

By the end of 1 year, you were officially no longer single.

By the end of the 3rd year, you were officially a married woman.

-

Epilogue

A ball bounced off your back and you turned over with your heavy belly, all ready to admonish your son for throwing things at you but when you finally saw the culprit, you rolled your eyes and let out a sigh of resignation.

Your husband Jae was holding brightly coloured balls from the play pen, a huge child-like grin spread out across his face. He was supposed to be playing with his son Adrian but 3 year old Adrian was now exhausted and sleeping on the couch, leaving his father to entertain himself in the play pen.

“I never knew these balls were so fun to play with Y/N! Can we get more of them?”

His loud voice had caused Adrian to fidget in his sleep and you immediately shot Jae a glare that effectively made him shut up. Walking over to you, you began chiding Jae.

“Really Jae, I don’t know who’s the kid sometimes – Adrian or you.”

“Aw come on honey, why do you have to be so mean?”

“Because you deserve it.”

Pregnancy hormones were at their peak now that you were near your due date, leaving you with a short fuse and Jae had to put up with your sharp tongue a lot these past few months.

But now, verbal abuse wasn’t enough – he even had to suffer physical abuse. You had gripped onto his forearm with such force that he howled in pain, causing Adrian to wake up.

Jae then had to bring both a crying son and mother in pain to the hospital where you gifted him with another precious child: a girl.

When he first got to hold her days later, he burst out sobbing in tears upon looking at the little bundle and you had to comfort your husband despite still being weak.

You never understood how you managed to fall for such a man but life always surprises you doesn’t it?

[turnertimeline]

Meet the Turners: Continued

Collection: Tim and Annie, Turner Family

Year: 1965

Characters: Timothy Turner, Annette Thompson, Shelagh Turner, Patrick Turner

Content Warnings: none

Rating: K

Style: Prose

Summary: Some conversations during the evening when Tim takes Annie to Poplar.

Shelagh sighs and smiles sadly. She takes Tim's hand in hers again and squeezes gently. "She's pregnant. The father isn't in the picture anymore. He hit her. They went to tell her parents. They told her not to come back." Shelagh's voice is quiet, and Patrick can hear the banked fury in her voice.

Patrick sits there for a moment in shocked silence.

"She's my best friend, Dad. I didn't know what else to do after we left her parent's. They were so horrible to her"

Patrick moves to sit next to him on the sofa and pulls him into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you. Of course she's always welcome here. Anything we can do to help."

"I said I'd marry her." Tim says quietly, looking down at his hands.

"Oh Tim." Shelagh kisses his hair. "What did she say?"

"That we both deserve better. She doesn't want me to resent her. Doesn't want to be an obligation. And I mean, I get it. And I told her that no matter what, I'll still be there for her."

"And so will we," Patrick replies, voice firm and purposeful. "Always."

Shelagh nods and squeezes his shoulders. "I'll go and see if I have a nightgown she can borrow."

Shelagh gets up and goes upstairs leaving Patrick and Tim alone.

Tim sighs and lies down in Patrick's lap for the first time in a few years. It's just... Comforting

Patrick runs his hand through Tim's hair. "I am proud of you son"

Tim looks up at him. He looks so young. "You are?"

"Of course I am. You are sticking by your friend in an incredibly difficult situation."

"Being willing to raise a child as your own, that's commendable Timothy. And I'm very proud of you."

Upstairs, Shelagh was leaning against the door frame to watch Annette and Angela.

Angela is almost asleep. She's holding Annette's hand as she falls asleep, making a few little noises as she blinks slowly and drops off. Annette is just... watching and smiling

Annette sees Shelagh in the doorway and stands up slowly so she doesn't wake Angela.

"Your children are absolutely precious." Annette said quietly.

"Thank you." Shelagh smiles. "Come on, I should have a nightgown that will fit you and I can show you Tim's room."

"Oh, no, I don't want to put you to any trouble..." Annette says anxious and follows her out of the room

"Nonsense." Shelagh teasingly scolds her. "You're no trouble at all."

Annette blushes and follows her and stands in the doorway of the bedroom and gasps when Shelagh opens her closet. "Oh Mrs Turner! Your dresses..."

Shelagh smiles "A friend who owns a shop in Poplar makes wonderful dresses." Going through her dresser she pulls out a nightgown that would most likely fit Annette. Even if it was a little short seeing as there was a good 5 inches different in their height.

Annette takes it from her carefully and runs her fingers over the material. "Thank you so much, Mrs Turner. You've been too kind."

"Please, call me Shelagh. You're a friend of Tim's so you're part of the family. Tim's room is just down the hall."

She blushes and nods. "Thank you, Shelagh." She pushes the door open to Tim's room and looks around. Curious.

She walks around the room, and smiles at the things Tim has collected over his life.

"Shelagh? I'm scared."

She goes over to take her hands. "I was, too. And you have so much to worry about. It's okay to be scared."

"But you'll be okay. You have Tim, and us. I can set you up for clinic, if you need?"

"You were scared?" Annette can hardly believe someone as together as Shelagh would be scared. "And that would be wonderful. Tim’s told me about it.”

“Yes, I was scared. Scared about what might go wrong... how I would cope ... I was older than the average when I had my first. And a little scared what people was think - I used to be a nun." Shelagh tells her.

Annette's eyes nearly pop out of her head. "I always thought Tim was joking about that." She sits down on the bed, the nightgown still in her hands.

Shelagh laughs. "he does like to joke about it. But yes, I was a nun. And I stopped being a nun because I met Patrick. God wanted another life for me."

"And I loved them - Patrick and Timothy."

"I can see how much you love them, and how much they love you. Your family is so warm. I wish my parents were half as accepting as you are."

Shelagh smiles sadly. "I wish they were, too. Its hard work, to build a family this warm... but it's worth it. It ... we're lucky to have what we have."

Shelagh sits down next to her, "All you can do is hope, and pray, that some day, they'll come around and see how precious your child is."

Annette leans into her shoulder. "I hope so."

She sighs and tries not to cry "I don't think they really will though. I've never seen them as mad as they were."

Shelagh is quiet. "Sometimes anger burns brightly at fades. Or a baby puts it out...Either way. You're not alone. The last time I saw my parents they had shouted at me for wanting to join the Order."

"Really? Why would that have been a bad thing? Wouldn't they be proud of you for devoting your life to God?"

"You'd think," Shelagh says with a smile. "But they wanted to be able to tell their friends, this is my daughter and her respectable husband. Midwifery wasn't exactly the most respectable career at the time."

"My parents wanted that too. They thought Kenneth was respectable. I thought he was too at first. " Annette shakes her head to clear the thoughts. "Tim's told me that everyone in Poplar respects the midwives and nurses more than than they do the hospital doctors"

"That's very true. But my parents were not very supportive, especially since it involved moving to a different country."

Shelagh joins her on Tim's bed. "I know it is not the same. But I lost my parents young due to a decision they didn't agree with."

Annette smiles. "Thank you. It's good to know I'm not on my own. It kind of feels like that ..."

Shelagh pats Annette on the leg. " Just remember that you're not. You are always welcome here if you need to talk. Now let's go make sure Patrick and Tim haven't fallen asleep on the couch."

Annette laughs softly and nods. "Okay."

Tim is still lying with his head in Patrick's lap when they come downstairs and he doesn't move

Patrik is carding his fingers through his hair and looks up with a soft smile

"Hello, girls."

Annette is struck by how Tim, an adult. A male adult. Is lying with his head in his father's lap.

Yes. And Patrick's easy affection. The he's being allowed to act like this - like it might even be actively encouraged

He's not being scolded to man up, or to stop embarrassing them, or to stop being so childish, whatever bullshit she might have expected in this situation

Shelagh leads Annette over to the other sofa. "Do you need to be back for a certain time tomorrow? I'd like to get Annette signed up for clinic."

Tim sits up and shakes his head. "No, I have a class in the late morning that won't miss me if I'm not there."

Shelagh gives him a look of slight disapproval but he just shrugs at her. "it's not a core class and I haven't gotten anything lower than an A on any test."

"I have a late afternoon class. But can miss it as well. This is more important than a degree I won't be getting." Annette tells them. She realizes it's pessimistic. But it's true

Patrick frowns and opens his mouth but stops when Shelagh shakes his head. Annette doesn't need to hear his rants about how unfair academia is to young women, etc. etc.

Not right now, anyway

"Perfect. I'm sure we can freshen your dress up a little in the morning too, Annette."

"Patrick, why don't we go on upstairs for the evening and let these two have space to talk." Shelagh starts back over to the stairs.

Patrick scoffs playfully and gets up to follow Shelagh, leaning into her and kissing the top of her head when he reaches her. It's such a familiar gesture to Tim he barely even blinks.

"Goodnight. Annette, please help yourself to anything you might need."

"Thank you." Annette says quietly

"g'night mum, dad. Love you." Tim calls after them as they head upstairs.

A returned chorus of I love you is heard.

Tim turns to talk to Annette on the sofa and finds her looking shocked. She has never heard her family shouting I love yous like that, except maybe for Janie to her

"Tim..... Your family is amazing. I can't thank you enough for bringing me here.". Annette looks up at him, tears in her eyes.

God, she has cried so much today

Tim pulls her into a tight hug. "Yeah, they're pretty awesome. I knew they would be. I'm so lucky."

He can still sort of remember what it was like after his Mum died and before Shelagh joined them

"It took them awhile to find each other. And admit that they loved each other. That took even longer. But they're happy. And love each other. And they love me, and my siblings."

Annette doesn't move from his hug, so they stay like that. It's comforting.

"I don't know if my parents love each other. Maybe they did once. But they've never been like that. So in sync with the other."

"It took time," Tim says quietly. "They fought. Sometimes things are tense. But... they talk about it. And they never doubt they love each other. Or me."

Annette sits back against the couch and places her hand on her belly. "That's what I want for my baby. I never want him, or her, to feel like I don't love them."

"They will always know. If you tell them, they'll know." He puts his hand on her knee

She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm scared that I don't know how to do this. And and your mom is wonderful and she said she help if I have questions. But I don't want to be a burd-" Tim stops her before she can finish.

"I've already told you, Mum has taken you in. There is no way Shelagh Turner is going to let you do any of this alone. You're hers now. And she's stubborn. I wouldn't argue with her."

Tim laughs at the look on Annette's face. She's still not really getting what it means that she's now Shelagh's.

"Who do you think taught me to throw a punch? Or cook? Mum had adopted me and Dad long before they realised they loved each other. She takes care of those she thinks of as hers."

"She told me that she left the order because she loved you and your dad. That God had a different plan for her. I'm so glad she did. Because as sure as I am that you would have been wonderful no matter what, I can see her influence in you."

In that moment so many things rush through Annette's mind. Her feelings for Tim are deeper than they should be. She's scolding herself for turning down his proposal, he'd be a wonderful and loving husband and father.

And she really wants to kiss him. But she cant. And she's not sure if these feelings are real or because of the situation.

Maybe theyre just because he's being so kind and she's so frightened and lonely feelings

Tim grins. He looks pleased. "I'm glad. I'm glad I remind people of her. I'm glad people will see me as her son."

Tim tells her about when he had polio and how she wasn't allowed to stay with him because she wasn't his mother, and not yet married to his Dad.

Annette can't imagine how much that had to have hurt. Not just Tim but Shelagh too.

As soon as he was conscious and could talk he asked for her.

"Your mum gives me hope that maybe I'll find someone who loves my child as much as she loves you."

She doesn't realize that she's already found him.

"Of course you will."

"There's so much love in the world just waiting for somewhere to go."

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2019.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year.

This time for 2019.

Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc.

And no, despite several attempts, repeated proclamations on social media AND owning the bloody thing outright for the last 6 months, I still never got round to seeing Ash is The Purest White in time for my self-imposed deadline for this so if you’re here to see that lauded, I will dash your expectations now.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

In terms of comedies, I very much enjoyed The Breaker Upperers, The Favourite, Always Be My Maybe, Mega Time Squad, Good Boys, Brittany Runs a Marathon and – as ultimately disappointing as it turned out to be in comparison to the original – yes, Zombieland: Double Tap.

Dramas I really liked this year were The 12th Man, The Old Man And The Gun, The Man Who Killed Hitler and then Bigfoot, White Boy Rick, Stan & Ollie, Deadwood: The Movie, The Sister Brothers, the first two thirds of Feedback, Hotel Mumbai, The Mule, Shadow, Thunder Road, The Clovehitch Killer, The Nightingale, Destroyer, Vice and, as uncomfortable as it made me, Ray and Liz.

Documentaries I rated highly in 2019 included Leaving Neverland, Free Solo, The Inventor: Out For Blood In Silicon Valley, Divide & Conquer: Roger Ailes and The Amazing Jonathan Documentary.

In terms of horror movies, rather controversially I seem to stand alone in saying I rather liked both Velvet Buzzsaw and The Dead Don’t Die. I also thoroughly enjoyed One Cut of the Dead, Happy Death Day 2 U and In Fabric, the last of which VERY nearly made the final Top 25 cut.

Action movies I was a fan of this year were both Triple Frontier and Triple Threat, The Quake (or The Wave 2: The Quake as it is inexplicably retitled in some countries), We Die Young which features a wordless and stellar Van Damme performance, Furie and Stuber.

On the blockbuster ‘stage’, I fully embraced the absolute utter insanity (or stupidity?) of The Wandering Earth, really liked Shazam! As well as Spiderman: Far From Home and Terminator: Dark Fate. Somewhat controversially, I also had a lot of fun with Jumanji: The Next Level, 6 Underground and Joker (a straight-up masterpiece that last movie most certainly is not!).

Finally, in terms of animation that I liked in 2019 I’d pay mention to How To Train Your Dragon 3, The Lego Movie 2 and Toy Story 4 – the last two being very likeable but totally unnecessary. And of course, Klaus which was a lovely, moving, visual joy that me and my family will return to a lot over the years.

Now… onto that Top 25:

25. BOOKSMART

I really loved this first time I saw it earlier this year. I found it very funny and thought the performances were delightful by the two main leads. I had issues with the clusterfuck that is the film's third act but not enough that I didn't hold a place for it in my Top 10 of the year for pretty much the last four months or so. Then I revisited it again recently and I’ve still got a huge amount of affection for it and there is still a large amount of it that makes me laugh out loud - but that third act REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

Asides from the clunky plot developments that exist purely to give the film conflict and some sort of narrative 'propulsion' it doesn't necessarily need AND on top of the fact that Billie Lourd's entire thing is embarrassing and awful (are we allowed to kind of lean in together and whisper yet that she can't act very well?), what really smarts is for a film that is meant to be this 'progressive' and female-centred, it leans in on the laziest and most horrible of high school comedy tropes - the horny teacher who beds the student! And like cliche dictates it is always a female teacher and male student because even a film as allegedly "progressive" as this is self-aware enough to know that if the sexes were reversed they couldn't / wouldn't get away with it.

In an age of #MeToo and #TimesUp the idea that a female filmmaker would go with this iffy fuckin cliche in her debut movie and have no problem at all leaves a horrible taste over the back end of an otherwise pretty great little film... But yeah, definitely still check out BOOKSMART. Its progressive, millennial bullshit stance is complete piffle. But its comedic set-pieces are a lot of fun.

24. IT: CHAPTER TWO

I don’t understand anyone who's coming away from IT CHAPTER 2 complaining there's a lack of scares. There's not a lack of scares at all. The problem is there scattered across a running time that is not structured well enough to accentuate them. There were some moments where I very nearly jumped out of my seat and left because of their effectiveness - the pay-off to Bev returning home as teased in the trailer? Fuuuuuuck THAT!

I think it is fair to criticise its flabbiness though… How the hell its director can talk about his intentions for a four hour cut of this pushed up alongside a three hour cut of the first chapter as some sort of hope for the future feels insane - FOUR hours? This thing is ten minutes shy of three and it feels excessive!

The lack of discipline in the editing bay is quite possibly the reward that comes from delivering a $700.4 million return on a $35 million budget the first time round. That lack of discipline doesn't make for a film as focused as it needs to be... Once you realise an hour in that the story structure is one in which each character is split off to revisit their past and then each character is then going to be given a 'teachable moment', you realise that you've essentially got to watch the same plot point be repeated SIX times round each time. And from a narrative perspective that's both annoying and exhausting, frankly.

Hand on heart though, it's a minor quibble overall because what is there is effective as hell and very entertaining. Think of it cinematically as too big a portion of a great frickin meal... It's a hypocritical complaint also because ultimately there is so much joy in watching these actors go at playing these characters (Bill Hader is an absolute marvel in this and Jessica Chastain lives up to the 'dream casting' suggestion the minute Sophia Ellis turned up in the first one!)

It may well be overlong by a good thirty minutes but it is still an incredibly scary, funny ride... just with a denouement that, once again, shows how hard it is to deliver the climactic goods when Stephen King has given you such utter excrement to work with.

23. THE GANGSTER, THE COP, THE DEVIL

I watched this and flat-out loved it - yet another reminder that you can spin the dial and pick a genre, any genre, and the reality is that South Korea are delivering the best efforts in it nowadays. This is a big, broad, bombastic slice of action pulp that has its cake as a thriller/procedural and eats it as a blockbustery burst of car chases and violent dust-ups.

The remake rights for this are with Stallone and that's a scary prospect really coz if there's one thing problematic about that guy is that he's not ~great~ with playing "evenly" (the stories that came off the CREED II production are terrifying!).

22. AT THE HEART OF GOLD

I watched this with my wife and the both of us just kept shooting aghast and pained looks at one another the longer it went on.

Forensic documentary studies like this are a big interest to me but this was a gruelling yet kind of inspiring watch because it did the right thing in putting the victims front and centre from the get go and throughout.

Child abuse is an abhorrent thing. Doubly so on a scale like this. BUT when you're watching the revelations that it was so commonly known to be going on and covered up to the extent and at the level it was? That is just... there's just no words!

Fantastic little documentary though. If you think you know the full facts on this, you don't! And if the last 4 years are any indication, our generation have found our own Errol Morris coz Erin Lee Carr is responsible for 4 of the best documentaries in that time with this, I LOVE YOU NOW DIE, THOUGHT CRIMES and MOMMY DEAD & DEAREST.

21. ABDUCTED IN PLAIN SIGHT

I find that once in a while there's a true crime documentary so flat-out, jaw-droppingly fuckin... out there, that most of its enjoyment isn't in how utterly astounding it is but mostly the fun you have in telling people the details of it and watching them incredulously go "Fuck the fuck off! This didn't happen? Surely not!"

I saw this in early January when no one was talking a single word about it here in the UK and I spent roughly three months banging on and on about it to anyone and everyone and, sure enough, everyone looked at me like I was mad and kept saying "Fuck the fuck off! This isn’t a real thing, surely??” Then it landed on Netflix and… everyone went bonkers!

It is a tight 90 minute uncomfortable, grim, totally incredulous jaw-dropper detailing what are two of the STUPIDEST parents and the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine. You've GOT to check this out because without this documentary no one would EVER believe the story of… ** SPOILERS here on out ** ... the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine, who moves his family into the house next to a husband and wife with three daughters, befriends them, tricks the dad into giving him handjobs, seduces the mum into heavy-petting sessions - all with the intent of lowering their defences so he can get access to their youngest 11 year old daughter... who he abducts, manipulates by pretending to be an alien into believing there's an alien invasion that can only be prevented by her having his baby and sneaks across to Mexico once she's 12 so he can marry her. Then he gets arrested by the FBI, brought back to America, uses his previous intimate dalliances with BOTH parents to blackmail them into dropping the charges, re-seduces the mother into a long-term sexual relationship, reabducts the young daughter, hides her in a boarding school, poses as a CIA agent and...

... and... and... not one single element of this is UNTRUE! What the FUCK, right?!?

20. MIDSOMMAR

There's issues to be had with this in the sense that at two and a half hours it is needlessly self-indulgent and from a storytelling point of view it suffers like many from that flaw of walking in the wake of THE WICKER MAN's story beats without finding much in the way of variation.

However, it is exceptionally well directed and the building of tension and concern (despite knowing exactly where it will inevitably go) is impressive. It basks in its weirdness and then seemingly delights in getting weirder... You can say you've heard this story before but you won't have SEEN it told with imagery quite like this. The whole shebang wouldn't work half as effectively if not for the performances and they really are great here. Florence Pugh is quite exceptional. She joins Toni Collette in what will clearly be Ari Aster's roster of "Tremendous Performances That Deserve Awards But Won't Get Them".

By the film's end you come to realise the film is leaning into THE WICKER MEN comparisons purposefully - to show us what that movie would look like today, in Trump's America: Obnoxious Americans pissing up against and fucking around with longstanding tradition and history.

19. Us

Ignore all of the bullshit 33,000+ deep dive 'think pieces' spewed out across the internet about this and just judge it for what it is: a great horror thrill-ride with some terrific jump scares etc. but it's not without its flaws. For one, it's too strong a film to get landed with that big and lazy an info-dump conclusion... especially one that kind of clunks against what's gone before - but then, as much as we're clearly not meant to call Jordan Peele out on anything it seems, he IS a vastly superior director then he is a writer if this effort is anything to go by.

Was it really, really requiring of those penetrative essays though on what it "really" means or what Peele's hidden intent was? Could it not just be that the guy made a great horror film with all the very clear subtext of a Romero or Carpenter classic, and there's just nothing more to it than that? Because that's how I’m taking it. Because if I don't and I do actually have to wade through all this internet word clunge about how US is "really" about "the effects of classism and marginalisation" or how the antagonists are "effigies of situational classism", I'd write the film off as a failure of achieving its intent.

To dress it up as more than a relentless, scary cat-and-mouse shocker is like trying to put a monocle on a pig and call it a professor.

18. WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOUR

I went into this as a British person completely unfamiliar with Fred Rogers or any of his past work / impact on America and came away completely reverential to the man and what he stood for and achieved across generations. So much so that this documentary completely changed my outlook on a lot of things. It certainly changed the approach I take in how I communicate with my own children now.

It’s a heartwarming, inspirational ode to a clearly great man and I urge everyone to watch it and allow Mr Rogers to give your jaded perspective on life a reinvigorating kick in the butt.

17. APOLLO 11

This really is magnificent. The 70mm archival footage makes the whole thing make it look like you're watching a big studio blockbuster... and not actual real never-before-seen footage from decades ago.

There's moments within this that are just astounding and intoxicating, making you become completely engulfed in something even though you are well versed in what the outcomes are.

16. LONG SHOT

This was the surprise delight of the year. It was very lovely, fun and funny with a great cast being just thoroughly delightful. Charlize Theron is very rarely utilised in comedy (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Season 3 was so long ago) which is a shame coz she's really gifted, as is proven here - the scene where she does hostage negotiation on molly is one of the funniest scenes of the year!

Seth Rogen makes the sort of stuff that is just game-set-match for my particular sensibilities (40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN to SUPERBAD to KNOCKED UP to PINEAPPLE EXPRESS to OBSERVE & REPORT is in itself an all-timer run that puts him up there with Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy and Albert Brooks) and this is a further reflection of that.

They should never have changed the title to something this generic. And it could comfortably lose 15 minutes here or there. But they're minor niggles for a romcom that we'll still be holding in high regard for years to come. And June Diane Raphael SHOULD get awards for the graft she puts in here. She won’t because films like this never get respect like that, but she totally should.

15. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM

I flat out loved this (though I still maintain that I don’t even think the star and the director themselves have referred to the film by its 'full name') and I would be more than happy to see an entry to this franchise every two years if they're of this calibre.

CHAPTER 2 had me worried because it looked like there was a limit to just how much 'throwing people down to the ground and shooting them in the head with CGI gunfire and blood added in on top' you could push into a film before it felt tiresome but this completely circumnavigates all worry around that by dialling up the 'quirk' factor which has always been this franchise's most bizarro and interesting element.

And the introduction of Halle Berry to 'the floor' led to a stand-out set-piece that was nothing short of astounding!

I WOULD however have preferred it if this film had adopted a bit of the ol' VH1 Pop-Up Video Show (remember THAT??) approach and just stuck a bubble up during the motorbike sequence that said "We stole this wholesale from THE VILLAINESS because we know it’s unlikely you saw that movie!")

14. READY OR NOT

I offer up the heartiest of recommendations for this - an absolutely first class horror comedy that finds a delightfully irreverent spin on the cat-and-mouse / slasher movie. It really is the ‘little movie that could’ of 2019 that offers up way, way, way more than its marketing and log-line suggest. It’s very funny and has some truly effective jump-scares and, best of all, it has a great ensemble cast doing great work. Double-bill it with KNIVES OUT and thank me later!

13. ARCTIC

This really worked as an effective, throw-you-into-the-mix survival thriller. Mads Mikkelsen is terrific and he really sells the hell out of it.

You don't know just how successfully it has burrowed under your skin and pulled you along on the ride until the final five minutes when you're screaming "NO!" at the screen.

12. AD ASTRA

I still can’t believe this flopped. I genuinely can’t. It's fair to say it doesn't quite stick its landing in making the end of the journey as narratively thrilling as what it took to get there but it doesn't matter - the journey itself is a sumptuous, thrilling and truly exquisite ride taking an easy "APOCALYPSE NOW in space" label and delivering something so, so much more.

For anyone who grew up with any "sins of the father" issues this will act as a ten ton weight dropped onto their chest.

... It also has space pirates and space monkeys!

11. MARRIAGE STORY

The plaudits are all well-earned and I’m saying this as someone who's connected with very little of Baumbach's work other than THE SQUID & THE WHALE.

It's a genuinely enthralling watch due to a fantastic group of actors being set loose to do tremendous work; Adam Driver is superb and Scarlett Johansson raises her game considerably to go toe-to-toe with him but Laura Dern, Ray Liotta and Alan Alda deliver a trio of masterclasses under one roof.

(If there's ANY justice whatsoever in awards season Alda will split everything Best Supporting Actor related with Joe Pesci… He won’t, because there is no justice when it comes to the vast majority of awards season but that is not to say he doesn’t deserve it!)

This is a delicately crafted piece - where your favoured side in a fight you feel you really shouldn't be privy to, is expertly switched around - that comes from a very obvious place of truth.

10. STAND-OFF AT SPARROW CREEK

I really, really liked this. I can see it's a film I'll go back to quite a few times over the years and see if I can spot the 'turn' because, first time round if I’m honest, I very much did not see the reveal coming.

It's a great little film. The performances are terrific (James Badge Dale is the best actor of our generation, frankly) and Henry Dunham has delivered a hell of an interesting film - all long shots into dark corners of a big dank space, scenes shot with natural torchlight and headlight beams. It's never not interesting to look at.

It's essentially RESERVOIR DOGS re-spun so the diamonds are replaced with missing fire arms and the back alley warehouse in LA is replaced with a militia compound in backwoods America.

9. KNIVES OUT

I found this to be a tremendous amount of fun; the somewhat obvious result that is birthed from a great writer/director putting a terrific script in front of an exceptional cast, designing a fabulous set for them to let loose inside of and then stepping out of their way for quality to reign.

There's a barely tolerable Edgar Wright version of this where the filmmaking is of course "the star", the editing is distracting and the music is purposefully kitschy.

This very much isn't that.

It's decidedly UNshowy and by being so comfortable in its own skin, emulating a classic style of storytelling not so much told anymore, it really stands out as an excellent piece of original cinema.

8. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

I urge you all to completely buy the hype: DOLEMITE IS MY NAME is every bit as fantastic as everyone is saying and Eddie Murphy is like awards-worthy great in it.

You don't have to have seen DOLEMITE to have fun with this but having done so certainly accentuates it.

It's very funny, surprisingly moving and is a genuinely great ode to the importance of following your passions and not letting anyone stifle your creative aspirations... Hell, if this thing existed 25 years ago I myself would be as prolific as Lee fuckin Childs by now.

Da'Vine Joy Randolph gives THE best supporting actress performance of the year. From straight-up out of nowhere.

Genuinely can't wait to watch this a few more times down the road.

7. AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I think there's two ways of looking at AVENGERS: ENDGAME - as a film in its own right with an atypical start, middle, end, etc. AND as a piece of cinematic event-level entertainment.

In the case of the former, it is pretty damn great though not entirely without its flaws:

Give the narrative set up and logical lay out a single seconds thought and this entire thing crumbles to the ground. On top of that, it takes a while to bed down and get going and its tonal scattershot approach across the first forty-odd minutes is a little jarring. Quite literally you're coming out of that first hour with your head-spinning from laughing and then getting whipped into sombre, dour moments... slapped with narrative leaps and 'we're putting the team back together' beats.

Then the 'points of purpose' settle in and quite frankly we're off to the fucking races, man. Captain Marvel is a repeated, annoying goddamn useless 'deus ex machina' and the entire use of Paltrow/'Rescue' is just irritating. BUT everything 45+ minutes is so, so, so, so flipping ACE that shit like that can't even destabilise it.

There's critics out there deriding this as 'Fan Service: The Movie' and, you know what, damn fucking straight it is and there's nothing wrong with that.

(Although it could be argued that a clunky 'let's put all the women together in one shot' moment that lands with a thud is 'fan service' taken too far and not pitched within proceedings well enough for it to be anything other than cloying.)

The entire middle hour of these three hours is a play within a play; only the play its playing in just happens to be TWENTY-TWO OTHER MOVIES!

They could have phoned this in haaaaaard by this point and it is so, so, so commendable that they didn't. Hell, a lot of the films problems lie in the fact that they tried as hard as they did to really do doing something you wouldn't be expecting with this!

As an 'event', there will never be anything like this again in my lifetime, I don’t think. I knew this walking out of it. There'll be more JUSTICE LEAGUE type failed rip-offs. Marvel themselves will try and replicate it with the law of diminishing returns playing into effect. But there will NEVER be something so accomplished from something so long-form on such a grand stage as this again as far as I’m concerned.

6. CRAWL

I’ve went back for multiple viewings of this and absolutely LOVED it even more each time.

It's a lean, bullet-fast, brutal B-movie creature feature that does not fuck around: There is a complete lack of JAWS like foreboding, skulking around... This is straight-up, in your face, nasty, fast carnage. Anyone going in expecting a knowing, winking PIRANHA 3D / SNAKES ON A PLANE type deal is in for a hard slap.

It's pitch perfect entertainment in the sense that it grabs you and then just keeps turning the screws ("Oh, she's battling an alligator in a flooded crawlspace!" "Aww, man! It's a full on storm and there's TWO alligators now!" "Holy Fuckballs - There's MANY alligators and a hurricane now??").

The last 25 minutes alone are an all-out, relentless assault upon your ability to breathe steadily.

This is the best B-movie of 2019!

5. DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE

My wife and I are big fans of S. Craig Zahler's BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 (two of the best films of the last decade) even though it's becoming more and more apparent he's quite far from our own political stance.

This, Zahler's latest effort, drops the latent suggestion and presents its right-wing, racist immoral world view with no restraint or apology. And regardless of your political stance, if you're there for the story and the filmmaking craftsmanship you'll find this to be tremendous stuff.

It's like a cut-price, gutter level version of Michael Mann's HEAT; a tale of cop and criminal convergence, told at a thoroughly unhurried and unconcerned pace... Only Zahler would think to interrupt his narrative to propose a short story within the story (about a mother returning from maternity leave) that's only there so that he can hurt you with it.

Mel Gibson's presence here laid up against the subject matter is the very definition of provocative and contentious but there's no getting around the fact that he is as tremendous an actor as he is an awful, awful human being. And by all counts he's REALLY very awful.

Gibson is every shade of ace in this and he's ably supported by Vaughn, who's rightly leaning away from the comedic persona he's broken too badly.

This is a languid, unapologetically nasty film but it's also an excellent one. It's so not for everyone but if you've liked BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 then this is a must. In fact, it's both easily Zahler's best film and one of the best films of the year.

4. MISSING LINK

I think this really is an absolute jewel and I can't understand why more folk aren't screaming about it. It's very funny and visually wondrousness (that boat-in-the-storm INCEPTION homage action sequence is fabulous). The magnitude of talent that would have gone into making this via stop motion... knowing that it takes one week to complete one to two minutes of useable footage!

The creases in the texture of each characters clothing as they move too? WOW! I’ve always adored Laika's output but this was the first for me where the sheer care and attention to detail really shone!

For one, it's easily one of the funniest movies of the year. For another, it looks totally gorgeous. And best of all, it gives kids their very own GUNGA DIN / RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK cinematic adventure type experience.

3. FORD VS. FERRARI (aka LE MANS ’66)

I’m so glad in the same very year where ‘Film Twitter’ nearly blew itself up over the ‘Marvel / Tentpole Cinema / Scorsese / No original studio films anymore’ debate, I got to experience something as majestic and very nearly perfect as FORD VS FERRARI (aka LE MANS '66).

It's got such a tremendous old fashioned style to it that I hope they do what they did with LOGAN and give us a black and white edition and we have 60s era style movie credits to open and close it. It's that kind of movie.

Yet at the same time it manages to display all the high end technical filmmaking majesty backed up by wall-to-wall terrific performances (only Josh Lucas lets the side down with his inability to deliver anything above unsubtle, cartoonish panto villainy).

It's a gorgeous, kinetic, enthralling and by the end a surprisingly tender and moving piece of cinema. I completely adored it.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME IN… HOLLYWOOD

I fell in love hard with Tarantino's ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD straight-out-the-gate and fell harder with repeated viewings. It's a beautifully shambolic, meandering 'day in the life' sort of deal that plays out as a dry, knowing comedy with a sideline in impending, escalating dread... before becoming, well, something else entirely that's so shocking and out of left field that it feels so courageous because of how swiftly it will divide a viewer.

What's so monumentally lush about it is that it is made by a cinematic craftsman who is essentially writing a love letter to everything he adores/adored about a very specific time in a very specific place within the industry that made him. It is framed, lit and shot with aplomb but on top of that every single thing inside of the frame is chockfull of things that are background noise to somebody and yet incredibly meaningful, funny and knowing to true TV and cinema fans.

If there's any complaint to be made about this movie it's that Tarantino's continued insistence on shoe-horning Zoe Bell into his films is absolutely hurting his product: The woman can't act, can't judge the tone of a scene, is flat-out incapable of putting in a performance consistent with what is going on around with other actors and she is routinely a very hard, very annoying distraction that draws you straight out of the film.

You could argue that it is a listless movie because, in the conventional sense people expect of a narrative, does anything truly happen in the atypical Act 1, Act 2 and Act 3 type of way. But I'd counter-argue that all the enjoyment is in just spending time watching these characters move around and interact with one another.

Knowing the history of Sharon Tate and what happened to her at the hands of The Manson Family fills the entire proceedings with a sense of nausea-inducing nervousness about what we're going to see and to what degree. It's like a pressure valve sat in the background, slowly filling and expanding and just waiting to explode. That it eventually does but in the manner it does, is... well it's audacious... and yet questionable... and still entertaining as hell.

1. THE IRISHMAN

Without a hint of exaggeration, at least once a day every day since I first saw this film I’ve found myself thinking back to both DeNiro's "phone call" scene of which no words would convey its brilliance and Pacino's final scene and the sound he makes in it. The former is genuinely just one of the most haunting, astoundingly natural pieces of acting you'll see from a truly great actor you'd kind of forgot was capable of going to places like this.

This really is a straight-out-the-gate, instant, flawless, completely majestic work of art. It is a master craftsman signing off on a genre he revolutionised in much the same way Clint Eastwood closed down his connection to the western with UNFORGIVEN.

It is three and a half hours long and it doesn't feel remotely close to that... and that's saying something considering most of the film's real awesomeness lies in scenes that are allowed to breathe and just sit or in points being driven home through the repetition in the mundanity of these characters' lives. Because that's the other thing that's really terrific about it - it's not a re-tread of GOODFELLAS or CASINO; there's nothing remotely glamorous about this 'life' - Scorsese presents it as this 'working class stiff' gig where being the right-hand man to some of the most powerful crime figures and industry heads of the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc is really not all that higher up past being a truck driver in the same era.

The much-talked about de-ageing stuff on the actors is a little jarring at first (the first scene of DeNiro in his late 20s or something makes you squelch in your seat a little and think "Fuck, this is going to be bad isn't it?") but it settles in and gets much better as the timelines between character and actor shorten - the work on Pacino in particular is first rate.

The performances are across the board superb - DeNiro and Pacino in particular are so bloody brilliant here that it wakes you up to how fallow and shit they've been for so long. But really, this is Pesci's movie. He gives what is the performance of the year by turning in a really human, considered turn... and in the process circumnavigating the expectations that comes from having this particular actor in this particular genre with this particular director.

Not enough reviews talk about how extremely fuckin funny the movie is - and it is very laugh out loud funny with some of the lines and interactions (Pacino and Stephen Graham together are hilarious!) - and no words accurately describe how truly sad and surprisingly moving it is in the final stretch.

... I don't believe a single word of the source material it’s based on but it's resolutely not important to have to buy into the ('fake'?) memoir in order to appreciate the film adaptation as this massive, majestic piece of cinematic myth making - one that I genuinely can't wait to see again many times over the years!