#my partner and i had to spontaneously move to a new house within like 10 days and I'm exhausted bc other stuff was happening

[cheese-anon-real]

i am clarifying right now that the writing is going to take a while, I'm not gonna get too specific as to *why*, but uh

yeeeaaaah

[chumpmagump]

24 things you've learned about your 24th year on this planet. 1. After having lots of trouble with love and loss, I've learned I will be ok. Remember you are growing into the woman you are are piece by piece.. reclaiming the person you were before the rest of them thought it was okay to take you away from yourself and you thought it was okay to let them. Many will come and go, but you dont have to lose a piece of yourself with them. Be strong, don't let them. 2. It is okay to love someone but not like them. It is okay to have compassion and empathy yet still hold your ground that you deserve better treatment. Compassion is not synonymous with lack of boundaries. 3. After talking to your therapist and doing some hardcore reflection you know you show traits of bipolar disorder or borderline personality. Your therapist thinks its bipolar, you're pretty sure its BPD.. this hurts because BPD is stigmatised to the shit house - you would almost rather have bipolar. You work in a hospital where BPD presentations are rampant and you diagnose them in your assessments a lot. Your coworkers like to say things like '' we got another borderline up in ED...'' as if its a massive inconvenience. You feel kind of weird being a 'quiet' borderline because you function quite well but know you have this fucked up secret that you keep from others for fear of judgement. Your behaviour isnt affecting your functioning enough to warrant a diagnosis. But that doesnt mean your experience isnt true. You're good at recognising when your triggered and where it originates from, and actively pull back more and more from impulsive decisions. You can sit with your emotion at times and you've stopped abusing phenergan and have been self harm clean for almost a year now? so yay for you regulating more of yourself! 4. You realise searching for validation only leads to experiences of invalidation. Stop doing it. 5. You're good at empathising to a point where you find it hard to be angry at others for long, you sometimes tolerate too much because you can reason with the persons reasoning for acting the way they are. You shouldnt mistake this for respect, because its not. You still need self-respect. 6. Making spontaneous choices has led to some new experiences, like changing jobs, moving towns, meeting new people. You've learned you've missed out a lot in your last 5 years of 20 hood because of fear of rejection/anxiety/ unsafe situation phobia. but now thats all you want to do, you fear staying static for too long more than you do change. You're ready for new exciting things. 7. Friendships matter way more than romance ever will. Build your friendships and you will always feel connected and OK no matter what the status of your dating life is. 8. Going for solitude car trips with your music blaring, singing meaningfully, on a road in the dark to no particular, with no particular deadline is your muse. You spend a lot of time in your thoughts and with yourself, and sometimes you imagine being in company when the loneliness hits. But funnily enough when company does finally arrive, you yearn for the space you had with yourself. Honour that time. 9. What you make of this life literally doesnt fucking matter. You will be born again. You will never get another chance to be in this body, with this family, with these friends, in this place, at this time though. Do whatever you can to enrich your experience and dont worry about if other people are having a better time. Concern yourself with your own experience. 10. You validate yourself. Stop asking your friends what you think you should do about a situation, dont feel the need to tell them every situaiton thats going on with you to hear their perspective. Listen to your own voice. You dont listen to her enough. 11. You dont actually have to put up with people being rude to you anymore, you can voice that things bother you. You're not quite there when it comes to friends you dont know too well.. or family you know blow up easily, but you're less of a people pleaser somewhat and i'm proud

of you for that effort.

12. You realise you need to stop seeking validation that others have hurt you. If it hurts it hurts. Simple as that. 13. Trust a person by their actions waaaaaaaaaaaay more than their words. And give a person 6 months. They tend to send their representative first for a while. 14. Sometimes you dream up people without knowing first who they are. Its ok to do this but don't be surprised when they dont fit the version you had of them in your head. Sometimes living in fantasy is far more intoxicating than what comes to fruition. Sometimes i wish i only knew some people for the period of time where they were warm to my heart.

15. Keep going to therapy, its doing amazing things and slowly but surely helping you change your procedurally learned patterns of behaviour including the desire and panic to want to fix social relationships that sometimes shouldnt be fixed. If someone did something shitty to you, and they are upset with YOU , for whatever reason- this does not mean what they did to you is void. It may even mean they are deflecting and gaslighting you. Get out of there and you know dont like goodbyes of any kind. so in this case slowly drop off contact. 16. people cant read your mind with how your feeling, so tell them.. what they do with that information is on them after that.

17. you dont have to take pictures of everything. You will remember the experience more if you dont. 18. Drink your damn coffee!! its not going to stain your teeth anymore. you are so diligent with your skin and teeth care, you deserve to live a little.

19. Dont have sex with friends, just dont. its messy.

20. Just because someone doesnt choose you, doesnt mean you arent good enough. It means they're blind, theyre not meant for you, or better doors are opening. Sometimes you need to shut a few doors for some to open. Trust the process. 21. Its time to start doing the things yu have said you were going to do for years. Its time to sign up for that dance class, its time to start writing again (and you have been!), its time to start stretching (and you have been!), its time to finish your courses (and you have been chipping away!). The best thing is you are so motivated right now to do all of these things. They no longer feel like words, they feel like happenings. 22. Your body and mind is so much stronger than you think. You are managing a 23 + caseload, and working across emergency and intake. You sometimes dont have a lunch break and work 9 hour days at times. You still have the ability to relay information and type notes at great speed, connect with clients at a great depth and come to eat, shower and have been dedicating time to study and friends. Your body is a machine, and you are so much more robust than you give yourself credit for. People look at you and see a small petite typical white girl, but you are strength! 23. You have learned sex can be a safe and very enjoyable experience this year very recently. Even though the partner turned out to be a careless character emotionally within the friendship, you were able to experience what it was like to be that connected with someone sensually in such an intense way which was a first for you. Now you know what kind of sex you like - well you always did but now you know it exists. Good for you.

24. You spend the most time by yourself with yourself. Validate your own experiences and try to interrupt the fantasy that you should be waiting for someone else to enhance or witness it. i know you like to think about what it would be like to sing in the car with someone next to you, or to laugh about a ridiculous vine and hear someone elses laughter drown out your own, or to dance around your house and have someone watch you in awe... but its okay to be your own witness. This is one is probably the hardest ones of them all... All you've ever wanted is to feel seen. You fantasize about it all time, you live in fantasy because atleast you can always feel seen there. You're not so sure if you put yourself out there you'll leave feeling more discarded and invisible than before. This way its safer. It's time to witness you. It's time for 25. A year full of spontaneity, new experiences, enhanced friendships, self validation and enormous growth.

It's finally time to stop hiding from people, pleasurable experiences and desire.

It's time for 25.

[worldofandromeda]

Stray Kids Headcanon: As Boyfriends.

A/N: I spent over two and a half hours writing this, I hope you fucking enjoy it. Requests are open. (I swear, if the fucking gifs don’t work, I’m gonna sue my mother for making me exist).

Requested: No. By Who: my fucking imagination.

Word Count: 2052.

Not proofread or edited.

BANG CHAN

extremely loyal but also a bit of a shameless flirt, so he would need a partner that is able to snap him out of that habit

doesn’t overreact in fights, is actually pretty calm and rarely loses his temper

indecisive, so his partner would nearly definitely always end up being the one picking where you two eat or going on vacation together, stuff like that

loves when you compliment him but will give you ten more for every single one you give him, he just wants to make you feel loved

I feel like he would really enjoy simple date nights at home like when you two have a movie night or cook together, it doesn’t matter what you do, he just wants to be with you

but, I also feel like he is a big money spender, so i feel like he would spend a lot of his money buying you unnecessary gifts when he travels and treating you to really expensive and fancy dates whenever it is possible for him to do so

KIM WOOJIN

impulsive, probably really into spontaneous sex, maybe even public but he wouldn’t do anything you weren’t comfortable with even if you were misbehaving (I think he’s a dom but eh, who knows, his personality seems a bit sub to me, so maybe a switch, who knows?)

easily jealous, will actually hit a guy if he won’t leave you alone, yelling at anyone who looks at you the wrong way and don’t get me started on if some dude groped you or slapped your ass, cute little Woojin is about to unleash his inner WWE wrestler

would love being near you but also needs his alone time, so sometimes he would just turn his phone off for a couple of hours, just to have a bit of time to himself and you understand that, so you’re all good, no fighting about it, except maybe the first time he does it without letting you know, making you worry for him when he wasn’t replying

gets bored easily and is probably really adventurous, so sometimes you two would just be watching TV when he’ll say, ‘wanna go rock climbing?’ or ‘I want to go on a hike this weekend, you in?’ something like that.

problem solver, you got an issue? Tell him. Will encourage you to be open with your feelings and he will try his hardest to find a solution and make you feel happy and content again (p.s. he loves your smile)

his partner will most likely plan most of the dates but he would really love them if they had to do with something active, like ziplining or ice skating, even just going through a haunted house will really excite him (but be ready for him to cling onto you whenever there is a jump scare)

LEE MINHO

wants to know everything about you, might come off as a little nosy but really, he just wants to feel like he knows you better than anyone else because that would make him feel really proud

it would probably take a bit of time for him to open up to you and also, he would probably be the most cautious member when it came to announcing your relationship to the stays

would tease you a lot but he does it out of love, sort of like a little boy pulling his crush’s hair to get her attention (except he already has your attention, have you seen him?)

wouldn’t let anyone else’s thoughts of you change his opinion, if he thinks your beautiful then he thinks you’re beautiful, if he thinks you’re his soulmate and the most intelligent person he has ever met, then you’re his soulmate and the most intelligent person he’s ever met, he doesn’t care about what others think of you or your relationship as long as you are both happy, healthy and together

I swear, he’s a psychic, knows what his partner is thinking before they do. notices when his partner is sad, even when they try to hide it. he can tell how his partner is feeling just by the littlest things and he always tries his best to make them smile and feel better

is very good at knowing when his partner is lying, will find their tells very quickly and he would be really sad if they were lying about something that could hint at them cheating but he would feel even worse if they lied about their problems as to not ‘burden’ him. he wants to know about their problems, so he can help.

SEO CHANGBIN

always wants your attention, probably a bit clingy but not in the annoying way, in the cute way, would love just talking with you, no phones or anything, just you two, focused on each other

dramatic, always showing you off and yelling about how pretty you are and about how perfect he finds you, even when you’re not there with him

i feel like he’s actually really sensitive (i mean, when chan wrote that letter, remember?), so, there’s a chance a chance that when you guys argue he would start crying, most likely after though because he wouldn’t want you to see him break down

low maintenance, you don’t need to do much to make him happy, kiss his cheek and ruffle his hair affectionately and damn bitch, you got yourself a tamed and cheery pup

would probably really like singing with you, so, look out for all of those karaoke dates, even if you do sound like you’ve just swallowed a pineapple whole, including the skin and leaves (leaves, stalks? i don’t fucking know)

will always try to impress you, showing you new dances and raps, really wants to make you proud (even though you obviously already are)

HWANG HYUNJIN

hates fighting with you, so he tries to quickly resolve fights but if he’s actually really pissed off then it would probably end up with him breaking down and you having to comfort him

probably didn’t make the first move but was definitely crushing on you and really excited when you approached him and introduced yourself

will blush whenever you kiss his cheek or doing anything affectionate, especially in public or in front of the members, no matter how long you’ve been dating

really romantic, gets you flowers all the time, always takes you out for a fancy dinner whenever he sees you after a long time, buys you cute gifts, etc.

tells you that he loves you all the time. no matter the situation, when you leave the room, come back to the room, go out, when you wake up or at just random times, he just blurts it out. you two could be paintballing on opposite teams but he would still yell those three words across the field to you.

really loves holding your hands or just touching you in general (sexual and not 😉), puts his hand on your thigh when you two are in the car, always has his arm around your shoulders, kisses your jaw head every time you hug

HAN JISUNG

for some unknown reason i feel like he would have really high standards, so his future partner better feel fucking good if he chooses to be with her

gets shit done, you need to pack? bitch it’s done before you get to your bedroom. you want food? he’s already on the phone calling the local pizza place.

would notice all the little things about you, like the way you bite your nails or pull at your hair when you’re annoyed. he would be able to easily figure out how you’re feeling because of his observations

loves planning dates with you and always has the most ridiculous but ultimately hilarious and really fun ideas.

loyal as fuck, no hoe is getting their hands on your man, probably really sassy with anyone that hits on him.

bit picky about everything but i think he would try his best to compromise with you when it comes to certain things.

LEE FELIX

Plays video games a lot which really annoys you sometimes and you tend push him off the bed if he accidentally yells at you when you unintentionally distract him.

Really talkative and has the most random conversations with you but you don’t mind because they either turn out really cute or funny as all hell. Said conversations tend to happen at 3am in the kitchen while you two eat ice cream out of a tub with you sitting on the counter and Felix standing between your legs.

Loves taking you everywhere, whether that be to events, dance practice, concerts, on tour, everything. He just wants to be as close to you as possible and refuses to let anything get in the way of that.

Tends to show up late to dates but it definitely isn’t intentional, he just loses track of time or on some occasions dance practice, recording or song writing ran late. Always makes it up to you though.

A bit crazy but I mean so are you if he agreed to date you. Dance battles, food fights and hysterical laughter are all very common within your relationship and you both adore those regular occurrences.

Something you are very jealous of is his ability to look like the human definition of a rotten egg (bitch, he could never look anything less than perfect) and then, 10 minutes later, this GREEK MOTHERFUCKING GOD walks out of the damn bathroom.

KIM SEUNGMIN

really good problem solver and refuses to let arguments get out of hand. He doesn’t want you to be yelling at him when you could be cuddling or making out or watching tv or making music or laughing (etc.) with him.

does random things for you, like grabbing your phone for you, carrying your bag, bringing your dishes to the sink, answering your phone (if you say he can because you’re busy doing something), brushing your hair and more. He just likes helping you out as much as possible even if it’s with little mediocre tasks.

is very, very honest with you. Will tell you the truth about anything, how an outfit looks on you, his feelings, what happened to your leftovers, that rash on his ass (CUNT, WHAT-).

likes easy dates, going to the cinema, aquarium or zoo, a small picnic, a music festival maybe, even an art museum.

sometimes gets insecure and needs you to help him out of that bottomless pit, like, when he had so much trouble confessing to you because of his fear of rejection, it was fine though seeing as you liked him back (obviously! Who wouldn’t?)

is randomly silent sometimes which worries you but most of the time he’s either staring at you or daydreaming about you.

YANG JEONGIN

sometimes gets randomly moody but tries his best not to take it out on you and instead, walks out of the room to try and calm himself down or sometimes he just ignores you, so he doesn’t accidentally hurt your feelings, even though that would end up annoying you, lol.

Really likes receiving sentimental gifts, he doesn’t care if it’s not expensive or designer, he would definitely love a scrapbook or photo album about your relationship more than some stupid Gucci belt (can’t say the same for Taehyung though, lollll, I’m not funny).

Whenever you guys fought, he would leave because he hated the drama of it all. He would probably write you a letter as a form of apology. Speaking of letters, love letters! Or poems! Wait! Songs, he would fucking write songs for and about you, yes. Bitch!

Always sees the best in you and literally nothing about you seems like a flaw to him. In his opinion, you are legitimately perfect and bitch, if you tried to change anything, just know that this cutie would throw you over his shoulder before you even tried to change your style to look like everyone else.

He would love every second he spent with you, always taking pictures of you and everything you guys do, he’s just really fucking cute, which we all obviously already know.

If you rejected him because you were worried about him hurting you, get ready for this determined boy to prove you wrong, if he wants you, he’s going to get you (as long as it doesn’t make you uncomfortable).

[bambiiera]

My Delve Into Tarot With A Proper Guide: Day 8

I’m using a Radiant Rider-Waite Deck along with the pamphlet that came with it, and The Only Tarot Book You’ll Ever Need by Skye Alexander and Mary Shannon. I am also using internet resources.

This is going to be my last daily post for awhile because my christian mother decided that my tarot cards give her “icky feelings” so now all I can do to practice my spirituality is light a candle or practice in the middle of the night and hope I don’t get caught- if my sedatives would let me stay up that long.

Mon Mar 23, 2020, 10:48am

How has my relationship grown? How can we continue to grow?

Three Card Spread: Past, Present, Future

Past: Six of Cups

Cups: Water- receptive, inner directed, and reflective; connected with emotions, creativity, spirituality, and intuition.

Cups represent the ability to receive and hold

Mostly- comfort, security, and contentment

Usually show relationships of some kind- romantic, familial, friendship

Intuitive, compassionate, sensitive, creative, or nurturing.

Numerology of Six: Service and social responsibility, caring, compassion, and community involvement.

Time to keep it simple, practice self care, rest and balance yourself and your surroundings.

Centered and at ease with yourself

Cooperative

Symbols:

Flowers: purity, innocence. Five petals- pentagram- reminds us that in connection and love we can find the divine.

Reunite that which is treasured in our hearts.

Growth

Beauty

Unfolding

Blossoming

Expression

Appreciation

Regeneration

White flowers: peace and forgiveness, purity, cleansing, healing, clarity

Two children: the older child hands the younger child a cup in a sign of friendship and affection- love, friendship, fun

Greenery in cups: growth, potential, and gifts of love- abundance

Pedestal: structure, elevation. There is honor in keeping friendships, love, and loyalty. “X” marks the spot, a guide to being in the moment.

Castle: home, emotional security, positive goals.

Courtyard: a safe place, a holding space

Soldier on path: the adult walks away from the children, implying they are safe enough to be on their own.

Pamphlet: children in an old garden, their cups filled with flowers.

A card of memories and the past, such as reflecting on childhood, happiness, enjoyment

Giving new relations, new knowledge, new environment

Book:

Signifies nostalgia and happy memories

Refers to a sentimental remembrance of things past

Pleasant and comforting memories can better know your future, to build on

Knowing you have been happy in the past will enhance your ability to be happy in the future.

Experiencing emotions connected to your path that will shed light on your future.

Calm and collected.

Present: Temperance

Symbols:

Angel, touching earth and heaven: interacting with the material world while maintaining a sense of spirituality and higher purpose

Triangle: interplay between masculine and feminine or spirituality and materiality

Cups: the fountain of energy between your opposite tendencies which is flowing and spontaneous, yet also balanced and coherent

Path: taking your time through life’s twists and turns; being content in the moment or throughout unexpected obstacles

Water: groundedness and refreshment through spiritual thinking

Mountains: the distant journeys awaiting you that will bring you to spiritual fulfillment

The Circle/Sun: the sun also appearing as the angel’s third eye, represents the merging of personal aims with the universe’s plans for you. Also represents life and eternity

Yellow irises: passion

Floating crown: super conscience

Fire wings: muscles and strength necessary to maintain composure and reach a higher being state

Major Arcana: could be considered messages from the divine trying to get your attention, may be considered as signal that you are being helped or influenced by powers beyond your own awareness. Fate or destiny may be involved.

Pamphlet: economy, moderation, frugality, management, accommodation

Book:

Pours liquid-the elixir of life- from one goblet to another in a continuous stream, suggesting interplay of the material and spiritual worlds and the eternal flow of the waters of life.

Traditionally feminine principles of cooperation, balance, harmony, receptivity, and creativity

Moderation in all things

Cautioned to have patience

The circumstances of the situation will teach you to wait calmly when it seems like nothing is happening

The only course is to sit and wait for things to develop in their own time

Make waiting constructive

There are times when nothing can be done and nothing needs to be done

Latin: temperare- to moderate, blend, or mix together harmoniously

Used to be named Time

Future: Queen of Wands

Queen: mature woman who is a ruler in her own right, not just the King’s consort

Embodies and expresses the traditional feminine qualities of leadership, most importantly the qualities of creativity and cooperation

Skills and wisdom only developed through years of experience

A level of maturity and self confidence

Knows when to compromise or to take a firm stand

You are not intimidated by any situation, yet you remain able to grow and evolve and you can be flexible through understanding

Portrays a mature and capable person: an authority figure who is nurturing and understanding, or a mother image

Has authority just like the King but uses it in avenues of nurturing and cooperation instead of controlling and dominating

Wands:

Suit of wands corresponds with Fire, Fire is active and outer directed

Linked with spirit, will, self expression, and inspiration

Suggests growth, expansion, and personal power

Warriors, heroes, leaders, or magicians; dynamic and creative people who charge forth into life with confidence and enthusiasm.

An indication that some sort of action or growth is possible

Possibly headed off on an adventure, or needing to gather courage to overcome a challenge

Perhaps it would be beneficial to use intuition rather than logic to solve a problem

May need to have fun, take some risks, assert yourself or be creative

Symbols

Back of throne: orange- prosperity, life giving power of the sun, warmth and goodwill. Decorated by red lions and sunflowers- lions signify divine fire and sexual energy, sunflowers symbolize prosperity and health

Sunflower in hand: knows how to manifest her ideals in the material world

Yellow robe: spiritual and intellectual activity

Grey cloak: thoughts and inspiration are confined by knowledge of the fundamental laws of the universe

Balanced: high ideals- yellow mountains, demands of physical world- grey rocks

Black cat: house pet- ruler of the home, black- occult, not afraid to show claws.

Pamphlet: throughout this suit the wands are always in leaf, as it is a suit of life and animation. Emotionally and otherwise the Queen’s personality corresponds to that of the King’s but is more magnetic

A dark woman or a countrywoman

Friendly

Chaste

Loving

Honorable

Love of money

Book:

Socially prominent this Queen represents a woman who is in a position of authority and shines in her endeavors

A “lioness” -warm, generous, and loving- she is honorable, creative, intelligent, friendly, and mature

Advice is well worth taking and she will be a loyal confidante or provide valuable assistance

Now is a good time to move forward with a business or creative venture

You have qualities within yourself that you need to succeed.

How has my relationship grown? How can we continue to grow?

Our relationship sprouted from a seed planted in childhood, we were good friends and my heart sparked the day I met him. When we were young we shared creativity and soft affections. There was a period of time that we were separated l. When he came back I was nervous but the seed that we had planted remembered. The structures of friendship and loyalty remained. During our time apart we grew and met a level of our potential. He was my safe place. Presently we commingle harmoniously and we are matured now in comparison from where we began. We are content to wait and see what the future holds for us as a couple, as we work individually on ourselves in the meantime. The Divine are watching over us. As I continue to connect with the divine, I feel their influence on me and how I am growing into my potential, as a wife. We are balanced and traveling through life’s twists and turns together as one and with passion. We are headed together toward spiritual fulfillment, merging our personal aims with those of the universe. I can expect to become my partner’s confidante and to provide him with invaluable assistance. If I continue down the Divine’s Path I can expect to learn how to make my ideals manifest in the material world and aid my relationship. We can expect prosperity and health. And a healthy sex life.

[pastelbatfandoms]

Tarot Spreads for My OC Michelle,Jughead and FP. Will contain spoilers for My Mughead Fanfic! My OC’s Wiki page!

First Date Spread (Michelle and Jughead) #######3######### 4######2, (5 crosses)#6 #######1#########

1-What you want to happen on the date- 2 of pentacles, Clarifier Card Page of wands (For Jughead to pay for the date lol seems like her family is going through some financial difficulties,but isn't Jughead's? To be beneficial to each other,have creative,enthusiastic conversation,go with the flow for now and enjoy it) 2-what will happen on the date- Page of cups (Young love,Romance,maybe emotional and idealistic at this stage,definitely will be a romantic gesture by Jughead,literally a first date.) 3-The date itself- knight of pentacles R (Somewhere cheap,lack of finances again,deep conversations about self worth and were they want to go in life) 4-You in the environment of the date- king of wands ( Goal oriented,a bit materialistic but really just wants to get out of poverty or what she see's as,Independent,adventurous,spontaneous,direct and charismatic.) 5-Best you can hope for- king of pentacles (Success! As long as there's no unnecessary risks and they are patient. As friends they already have a Stable Foundation. ) 6-The outcome- king of swords ( Can lead with the heart not the head at times,Honest,intellectual communication,Michelle will have to deal with Jughead's more logical way of thinking and aversion to PDA,save for hand holding. As she herself is independant I think his own need for privacy and his quiet nature will be accepted. They can balance each other out.)

Further First Date spread (using both Haunted House Deck and Throne of Glass) 1--2 5--3 -6-4 -7-- -8--

1. Their impression of you.- 8 of  pentacles (Jughead) (Goal oriented,Successful,master of his trade (Writing),can go far if he shares his work to the public.strong and caring) 2. Your impression of them.- 4 of wands (Michelle) (Stable,Secure,"Aesthetically pleasing",protective,Wife material.) 3. What You will learn about them (on the date, in general, what they want in a relationship, what they want in a partner, or what they want from you).- Ace of wands R, Clarifier cards 5 of swords ,Knight of swords and Ace of swords .  (Lacks direction knows what he wants to do but not how to attain it,is frustrated and uninspired or might be frustrated and conflicted over his Sexuality. Wants to take his power back,maybe through the written word,might have to do with Reggie bullying him. He is intelligent,honest,Assertive,also might indicate his need to follow the Jason Blossom case he has all the information and wants to act quickly,he knows the truth and knows he has support. He's clear headed,see's both sides and is focused. Michelle and him think the same way.) 4. What you like about them.- 7 of pentacles (How hard working and ambitious yet nurturing he is.) 5. Will they like you?- The Devil (Honeymoon phase so yes. loves that she accepts him for who he is,but his attraction or love may turn into possessiveness if not careful.) 6. Will you be friends, enemies, or continue to see each other? King of wands (As long as they can live independently and not be clingy,and seeing as that's her personality I don't see an issue,I see a relationship,it may not be traditionally romantic or sexaul but it works for them,or at least Jughead,might be some issues sexaully for Michelle later on.) 7. Advice (like what to expect or just general advice for the first date to get a second date etc.)- Knight of wands R (Don't be rushing to the second date or into a relationship,let it come naturally,as their friendship did,do not be impulsive or irresponsible.) 8. Outcome of the whole situation (like if it'll be a positive or negative experience, learning experience, or it's all meant to be etc.)- 6 of swords  (Comfort,guidance,support,maybe take a trip together. Michelle will need to help Jughead with his Darkness and Jughead will need to help Michelle not be so Materialistic)

Separation / Reunion spread 1 2 _ _ 3 4 _ 5 _ _ 6 _ _ 7 _ _ 8 _ _ _ 9x10 _ _ (ten crosses 9) 13 14__11 12 ____ 15 ____

1-2: (read together) How he thought of them (during the separation)- Jughead // 4 of pentacles & queen of wands.  (at her worst-materialistic,selfish,clingy,kept a secret from him. At her best- Strong,Dynamic,powerful,Independant,fearless,vibrant,protective,fun and creative. (Art,Poetry) Where they differ is Jughead is more of an introvert and pessimist whereas Michelle is more extroverted & optimistic who enjoys the limelight like being a River Vixen.  Also take this as Jug being lonely and missing her. 3-4: (read together) How she thought of you- Michelle // The Moon and Knight of pentacles R  (At his worst- Moody,negative,jumps to conclusions,detached,financially insecure (there she goes with the material again) At his best- A Rebel,doesn't follow family tradition (yet),imaginative. But also take this as Michelle being depressed and in that mind set. ) 5: What he expects (from the reunion)- Knight of wands R ( to be more reckless,Fiery,he's not really thinking but acting on impulse,he misses her and dislikes change so he's going to do something about it,simple as that. ) 6: What they expect- 2 of swords R (Guarded at first but gives in and lets go of any hostility they had before,wishes they could run away together,forgiveness and understanding.) 7: What Jughead fears- 5 of cups (Loss,regret,guilt,change for the worse,the past repeating itself) 8: What Michelle fears- 7 of cups (being neglected,choices,wishful thinking,being honest with herself) 9/10: Crossroads: The reunion itself. the 10 crosses the 9.- The Star R & Justice (She will need to make amends with what she has done in the past (unknowingly or not) Jughead will be compassionate and understanding but only up to a point,he see's both sides of view once he is clear headed and Michelle has not placed all the blame on him.) 11-12: (read together) What you bring away.- 8 of wands & 3 of swords (They have come to a good place and conclusion both relationship wise and personally. But another change will warrant their attention and come in fast and swift,Jughead with his Fire sign in Aries will be swept up into the midst of it. (I'm thinking The Serpents & Ghoulies) Jughead is enthusiastic and feels energized by it,but also heartbreak and anger over possibly losing Michelle over it and his friends feeling betrayed. They will have to accept his new Serpent lifestyle or move on. ) (may also indicate love triangle) 13-14 (read together) What they bring away.- 5 of wands R  and The Hanged man R (Michelle was resistant to the change in lifestyle at first but it seemed for the better and only brought them closer,they have battled for each other quite literally,the all out war is now a truce and they have come to a compromise as long as they are open to change. If the opposite is true within their relationship,outside of The Serpents,they could find themselves at an impasse,which they could get over or selfishly not,if they hide things from one another,do not listen to one another or the outside influences then they will be stuck.) 15: The future of the relationship.- The Hermit (Clarifying cards) The Emperor,4 of swords,The Empress and 9 of wands.   (A time of self reflection and looking inward,a time to be alone with their thoughts WITHOUT outside influence or responsibilities. The Emperor signifies Jughead as The Serpent King and after much reflection he has matured to take his role seriously,may also represent his Dad FP Jones as the father figure and original Serpent king. Setting boundaries,thinking big,reaching his goals,claiming territory (quite literally in this case) does not apologize for who is,may come to a head in their relationship if in an argument he thinks he did nothing wrong,All that leadership and territory war may be too much for Jughead at some point and he will need to retreat to heal and recuperate for peace and quiet.        As The Empress (Serpent Queen) Michelle will be a solid and dependable presence in their lives going forward,she will also be very gentle in her approach and is now comfortable in her skin,the love still has it's fragile moments though and although it maybe marriage material,certain conflicts may arise or resurface and Michelle has become weary of fighting,as a Serpent she will fight every battle but should the same be expected of a relationship? Something she has hidden may show it's self or Michelle may come to a realization she never knew.)

 Chance Encounter (FP and Michelle) ....1....2 ........3 ........4 .....5....6 ........7

1-3 are about the encounter. 4-7 are about any future encounters and/or what the querent can get out of the situation. 1--What Michelle contributed to the encounter- The hanged man R (Acting Impulsively,wanting out of her rut,wanting to let go) 2--What FP contributed to the encounter- King of wands (Independence,similar personality traits,Spontaneity.) 3--The encounter itself; what happened, why was it important for Michelle? 2 of swords Decision Card 1 Knight of pentacles//pro and con cards= Ace of wands,Wheel of fortune R,9 of swords R,5 of pentacles R. Decision card 2 Seven of swords R// pros and cons=4 of cups R,Knight of cups R,King of pentacles R,Ace of pentacles. ( I mean we know what happened... And she did it out of impulse now she has to deal with the consequence and decide between two relationships (no She's NOT going to date a Father AND his son!) and even though she's in denial about it being FP,she must face her fears and make her choice. ) Path #1. Funny because I see FP as a Capricorn (Earth sign) with some Leo & Scorpio and Jughead as an Aries (With a bit of Scorpio/Taurus influence) Michelle is an Air sign but I don't think the Knight of Pentacles is about her as previously thought,but about Jughead wanting to protect and be there for his family (still loves his mother despite everything,fierce and protective over his Father,caring for his younger sister) He is becoming more Extroverted and action oriented,similar to Michelle. But in their relationship he still prefers to not be as spontaneous,which Michelle may get bored with. Though if not Jughead does promise her stability,love and loyalty,he is also fiercely protective of what is his on the verge of possessive. Which along with the lack of loyalty (romantically) on her side,might prove to be a challenge. Pro's-Strength,passion,reaching their goals,will get there career wise,love loyalty,protective Con's- something missing,Possessiveness,delays,their careers may have taken off (as adults) but is not the outcome they were looking for,their relationship may be at a standstill because of this or they never took off in the first place. It could also be here that Jughead finds out about Michelle and FP leading to depression,hopelessness,guilt and shame (especially intensified for Michelle as a Libra) and a falling out with Jughead. Pro's- I survived. May lead to a reconciliation down the road,which may be letting FP down or the opposite. Her estrangement from family and friends will improve,as well as money. Path #2. Sneaking around with FP,someone Devious,Cunning and without care finds out and blackmails them (PENNY PEABODY!) Eventually Jughead does find out (via gossip),there's remorse on their side but no care or sympathy from Jughead or their friends (att) as trust has been blown away leaving Jughead feeling like he's been stolen from. Pro's- After a period of self reflection Michelle comes to the conclusion that (despite breaking up with Jughead again) she does not need to keep going back,maybe it's time to find someone or something new. The time for heartbreak,loss and regret are over and she is coming back refocused and re energized. maybe giving FP a real chance. Con's- Flirting,one night stands,sex/alcohol abuse,Emotional turmoil,lust,cheating,deception,long healing process. The King of Pentacles R feels like it's aimed at FP in the stages of his life when he was drinking,financially lost (causing him to do some shady stuff) and not taking care of his family,if he can't care for himself how can he love anyone else? Pro's-This too shall pass and the Financial stability will get better,The family life is getting better and Michelle is even saving up for college. Her newly reformed relationship with FP is solid and secure and they can definitely rely on each other. 4--Will Michelle see FP again? 10 of wands (Whether she wants to or not!) 5--How Michelle can act now in regards to this encounter- 8 of wands (Active,go for it,fast paced) 6--What Michelle can learn from this encounter- Temperance (How to temper herself,slow down,to wait and let it come to her,this card is also a soulmate or reuniting card. ) 7--Outcome (of meeting again and/or of having the encounter in general)- Strength (They will meet again if they don't run and have the strength to deal with what comes their way,they are generally very close.)

Chemistry Spread Layout: ****5**** ****4**** *2**1**3*

1. Is there sexual chemistry between us? 6 of pentacles 2. Would I enjoy it? Page of cups 3. Would he enjoy it? 5 of pentacles R 4. What would our sex be like? 9 of pentacles R 5. Will we end up having sex? Wheel of Fortune R

Sex Spread  (Michelle and FP Jones) 1***3***5 2***4***6 **7**8** ***9***

1. Your natural sexual nature (how you approach sex/sexual acts.)- Wheel of Fortune R (At a stand still,trying to avoid it or repress it,probably for Juhead's sake,but it does what it wants and she can't really control her nature. ) 2. Your partner's natural sexual nature (how they approach sex/sexual acts.)- 9 of swords R (Surprisingly he feels guilty or depressed over it,maybe he cheated on his ex wife or maybe it's because of how Jughead feels)

NOTE: These two cards describe BOTH attitudes AND behaviors.

3. What you need in a sexual partner (to be sexually fulfilled.)- 4 of pentacles (Possessive,only them,Private,Dominant,Knows what he's doing and how to do it,confident.) 4. What they need in a sexual partner (to be sexually fulfilled.)- Queen of wands (Proud,Fiery,vital,free,magnetic,Sexy,dominant) 5. What you will be able to give them sexually.- The Empress (NEED I SAY MORE?! Look her up,like The High Priestess but more committed) 6. What they will be able to give you sexually.- The Moon (Mystery,intrigue,Lust,probably sneaking away together in the dead of night.)

NOTE: 5 and 6 are needs you/you're partner will be able to fulfill for one another.

7. What will the sex generally be like between you? (Description.)- 8 of pentacles (Heady,Exciting,fast,fun) 8. Will it be good or bad sex? The Devil R (Alluring but will start to feel trapped or guilty over time,this may indicate their first break up.)

NOTE: There's a difference between these two questions. You could pull the 2 of Swords for Slot 7 and get the Sun for slot 8.

9. Advice on how to make sex fulfilling for both partners. (General advice on how to reconcile both sexual natures successfully/in a way where both are happy and satisfied.)- Death (Keep it Intense,maybe it's better in secret,but they'll be inevitably discovered.Accept the new changes without shame or guilt.)

Michelle during any relationship reading lol

[sfaioffical]

Younhee Paik (MFA, 1973) and Eric Carson (MFA, 2017)—whose practices draw parallels between natural and human systems—converse on SFAI, art, and the interconnectedness of it all.

Carson is the inaugural recipient for Paik’s annual scholarship exhibition at her Studio for Art and Music, inspired by her time at SFAI in the 1970s and her mentor, professor Bruce McGaw. Eric Carson: The New Cosmograph is on view June 12 through July 10, with an opening reception on June 10.

Younhee Paik (YP): So I graduated a long time ago, in 1973—maybe before you were born.

Eric Carson (EC): I was born in 1983. I love that. I will graduate this year, of course.

YP: I'm that much older and you are twice taller than me.

EC: (Laughs) How was SFAI when you were there?

YP: Wonderful. It was my place of inspiration. I really liked the freedom in the school. It was a long time ago, it was hippie time. I just spent all day there. I couldn't speak English, so all I can do is just paint.

I had a BFA from Korea, but I wanted to take a couple of undergraduate courses at SFAI before I applied to graduate school. Some of my teachers were Bruce McGaw, Arden Knight, and Julius Hatofsky—who later became my advisor in graduate school. He didn't speak much but whenever he make some comment, it was really important to me. He was my mentor for 40 years, along with Bruce [McGaw].

There is a long story before I got into graduate school—the first time I failed. I was so sad, and wanted to go back to home to Korea. I went to my teacher Julius [Hatofsky] to ask for a recommendation, and explained my situation: that I wanted to go to graduate school before I started a family. He listened to me and said, "I consider again." He went back to his friend Alvin Light—who was the dean at the time—at Harrison's Bar, where they were always drinking. When he came back, he said "Younhee, I think you are accepted."

I’d gotten into a MFA program finally, and was so excited. I had been asked to bring up several original works to the interview, and I drove up to San Francisco from San Luis Obispo with five medium-sized painting on top of my Volkswagen. We tied the paintings well on the way to the Art Institute, but not well afterwards; in the middle of the trip, the paintings flew off!

EC: No!

YP: Luckily it didn’t cause any car accidents, and soon after there were eight highway patrol blocking the Bayshore Freeway. So we dashed and collected all five paintings—I was able to save some of them. I still have one painting in Korea.

The second I started graduate school, SFAI was really an inspirational place. I felt like it was a big moment, whispering to me, "For the rest of your life, you cannot live without painting." Ever since then I really didn't think about anything else than painting. Even though I had a baby later on, every day I painted—I only slept five hours for 20 years. So that was the beginning of my San Francisco Art Institute influence. What about you?

EC: Well, I grew up in Washington State, and I got a bachelor's degree at Central Washington University, where I had a couple of really good teachers. I worked for about 10 years after school in an operations department at a museum. That really shaped my practice—I knew what I wanted to paint. It showed me the way that art has to interface with philanthropy and institutional structures to be exhibited. My practice became about making these really dense, symbolic drawings.

During this time, I met my partner, and we got married. She is a social worker—a real artist. I got into SFAI, and we moved to San Francisco two years ago.

What's been really great for me at SFAI is that it’s not limited—like you said. I came in painting and I have done everything since. I came specifically to study with Dewey Crumpler and Tim Berry, but along the way every faculty member has pushed me. I’ve really grown my practice away from pseudo-religious imagery and into visual structures that can include all kinds of things.

YP: Are you religious?

EC: I grew up really Catholic, and that was my spiritual language for a long time until I broke away from that. I bring that kind of critique and ritual into my work.

YP: My paintings have something religious about them too. I'm Christian, but I really believe all religions are all about truth. I think art, philosophy, science, and religion form a pyramid, all reaching towards truth.

EC: I agree. You can track the evolution of right wing Christianity from the Abrahamic tradition; Zen Buddhism all the way back to its Hindu origin; or postmodern discourse to Ancient Greece. They're all approaching this same point. Likewise, our current society’s late stage capitalism is another kind of growth that has to be considered in this larger picture of evolution. I think that’s what art can do.

I keep looking at the cathedral floor plans in your work, and see parallels with my own. I think that the imposition of those Romanesque floor plans onto another natural grid—the stars—also shows a truth.

YP: Yes, I try to combine the universe, Heaven and the Earth. That's why I put the architecture of Earth—the floor plan—with the stars: a bird's eye view.

YP: I'm glad the Art Institute faculty choose you so you can connect my painting.

EC: Me too. Our work fits together really well because you have these star patterns, topographies, and cathedral patterns.

Are you familiar with the idea of a fractal? It's a shape that contains and grows within itself, like a seashell. It's like a spiral, a fractal of quarter circles. That’s one of the patterns that I look at in my work, and tie conceptually to other ideas: like a star’s cycle of explosion and formation, or feudalism becoming capitalism.

YP: Your paintings contain more science, right?

EC: I would say so, but it's all a question of scale. We look at ourselves in church; we look at stars in the galaxy; we look at the galaxy as a super cluster—and it can go out from there.

Also, the way we both push painting with scale is interesting.

YP: Yes, I started pushing my paintings towards installation about 20 years ago, around the time my mother passed away. She was in the hospital for a year and a half, and could only look up at an empty ceiling. This inspired me to think about how else to hang my work, especially since my mother always encouraged me to pursue my work. I was thinking about her all the time, and started painting the sky for her, intended to hang on the ceiling. My first installation of this series was displayed in the TOTAL Museum in Korea (1999); I named it "Invitation for Rest," as I want her to rest well.

As I did more paintings, I thought I could put them on the floor and on the ceiling, so they can echo each other. I’ve done almost 70 pieces now.

EC: Right on.

YP: I paint on the floor with lots of water and pour paint, like dye, so it can smear and make interesting mistakes. While it’s spreading, I shake the canvas—a very spontaneous and unpredictable technique. I love the use of water—it’s always my inspiration.

EC: Well, there's a lot there. The process of gravity and dye making the imagery creates the same pattern as a star making a nebula in space, just at a different scale.

YC: Right.

EC: I started pushing the scale of my paintings here at SFAI. I was doing work primarily with acrylic and markers at first, and got inspired by the large-scale work of Paul Laffoley, which blurs the line between art and craft. That idea pushed me into making an architectural model: a three-dimensional way to read my paintings. From there I made a deck of playing cards, and then ventured to installation with a floor to ceiling piece in the Diego Rivera Gallery. It was an interactive blind spot test where people could come up to it and move these magnetic tiles, which were loaded with various imagery and logos from the internet, such as iconography from Instagram, the United States’ political parties, and a Navajo sand painting. When the nodes were moved, new connections were formed—both arbitrary and personal. To me it mimics how we look at the internet. Everyday I photographed how people interacted with the piece.

YP: So you let people play with it freely?

EC: Yes, but within a mandala structure—I see it as a similar way someone might navigate my paintings visually.

EC: So tell me why you were inspired to found this scholarship for current students like myself?

YP: I always thought I had so much luck in my life. My parents provided so much to me, my children grew up well, and I was able to paint every day. I feel like God gave me too much, so I like to give to other people too. My father always said that we should give back to society, so when I built this house I knew that this going to be a place for community. I had a thought as I was hanging my paintings in the space, that I could share the space with someone else’s work from the Art Institute. I founded this scholarship from this idea.

Additionally, I’ve been teaching art classes to 14 special needs children for the past three years. Before I started this program, I was volunteering Creative Growth and thought, "Why can't I use one of my rooms?" Sometimes I learn more than I give because their minds are so pure and very genuine.

EC: It's helpful for me to have the opportunity that you're providing because it's going to keep me in the area. It's always great to meet other artists who are practicing and made a career out of it. That's my aspiration as well, so the example is appreciated. I'll be able to carry momentum from the Graduate Exhibition and can just continue to build, like you said, from show to show to show.

YP: When I finished graduate school, I was working in the garage at that time but there was no place to show. So, you know what I did? I started approaching galleries.

EC: You just walked in cold?

YP: I just walked in and said, "Would you like to see my work?" Ever since then I had many shows. I’ve had more than 45 one person exhibitions, and museum shows in Korea, and in the United States at the Triton Museum and San Jose Museum show.

EC:  That's amazing, good for you.

YP: I had courage but I didn't have any idea what I was doing.

EC: Yeah, give me some advice.

YP: Be courageous. You just have to show everything. Don't worry what curators or gallerists say, or how they act. You might feel insulted, but next morning just erase it and you go back to painting.

EC: Right on.

Eric Carson: The New Cosmograph is on view June 12‑July 10 by appointment at Younhee Paik’s Studio for Art and Music—opening reception on June 10 from 6-10pm and a special musical performance on June 11 at 3pm. »

New work by Younhee Paik will open September 14 at Mills College—In-Between Places: Korean-American Artists in the Bay Area »

Image credits: 1) Photo by Marco David; 2) Eric Carson, Mandala #31, 2016; Gouache on paper, 24 x 18 inches; 3) Eric Carson, Banner of Heaven, 2016; Acrylic on canvas, 93 x 60 inches; 4-8) Photos by Marco David; 9) Eric Carson, Mandala #33 (blind spot test), 2017; 10) Eric Carson, Detail of Mandala #33 (blind spot test), 2017; 11) Photo by Marco David.

[vangenius]

Tonights entry

The last year and a half has been the hardest time of my life, however it has also been the biggest year of growth I have also been through as a person as well.

A lot of my close friends know I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life. I have struggled with GAD and social anxiety from what I am assuming were things that happened in my past. I believe it has affected my friendships and relationships over the years and also became worse over time being caused by bad friendships and relationships.

The last 18 months have been traumatic, from watching my mother die last year to cancer, to losing my wife this year from my own stupidity, lack of improving my mental health and learning how to communicate constructively and honestly without holding anything back or reacting badly to confrontation.

They say you shouldn’t live life with regrets, but no matter how true those words feel, it’s difficult to not regret everything you should have done better or differently to do more for the people I cared about the most in the world. With one, I should have spent more time to help my mother as much as I could when she was having her bad days. On the other side, I was blinded by my own happiness being with my ex-wife, that I didn’t see that she was unhappy and struggling being with me, I didn’t ask her the right questions and I never knew the pain and sadness which was in her mind.

My mum was the strongest person I’ve ever known. To live with cancer and live in pain for over 10 years. She put on a front constantly that she was ok all the time because she didn’t want her children to see her in pain. I only learnt she was always in pain and how terrible some of her days were once I discovered her diaries after she died. The words on those pages cut me to my soul, to realise the pain and sadness she was hiding from us all those years because of how proud she was. She was truly such an amazing and humble woman. The words in those pages were deep and it was hard realising that many days I visited, she would be in pain those days, yet she still forced herself to come out of the house with me and walk around the Plaza or get a coffee or get Korean food just to do things with me even when she didn’t want to leave the house.

My mum used to complain a lot that I was always on my phone when I was visiting her. While I spent the time on my phone messaging my partner while with her, I now realise that it was the wrong thing to do. People shouldn’t be on their phones when they are with people they care about, even if they are contacting other people special to them. It makes the person you are with feel like they are not worth your time when you are staring at those screens. I also made the same mistake in my relationship, I have a habit that when I’m anxious, I would play a quick game of something like Hearthstone on my phone to try and put my mind elsewhere and try to calm the thoughts in my head, sometimes I’ll just scroll aimlessly through facebook even though I’m not interested in anything being shared. I’ve now realised I need to find a healthier avenue for dealing when I am in these situations when they occur and need to face them head on instead of hiding infront of a screen or not getting out of my comfort zone.

My anxiety caused me to have an irrational fear of flying for many years. I was terrified of getting into a plane and going somewhere. The constant fear of something like the plane crashing or even getting somewhere and then something really bad happening at the destination was enough to make me not want to travel at all. This year I have more than faced that fear 100 fold. It took me 1 ½ years to finally push myself to plan an entire honeymoon in Fiji and then go through with it for my ex-partner. I was also blessed to have a chance to make a spontaneous choice by being invited by one of my friends Rudy to experience Mexico and Belize with him in May. That was a total of ten flights all together in the span of two weeks. It was insane, I never would have in my life thought I could do something like that, but I did. I even got sick for half the trip yet it was still a super amazing experience and I feel like it caused me to conquer my fear of flying. To prove some months after I got back, I was then invited by another friend Rachel to join her for a few days in Wellington where I had never been before. I was no longer afraid of flying at all, it had become easy to me and this trip proved that. These people being there for me and making me do this thing completely out of my comfort zone caused me to fight my anxiety of flying head on and I came out victorious.

This has lead me to believe that it really is possible to overcome things like anxiety even if it is little by little, I want to attempt this, it does take a lot of work though. The strength my mother had to push herself to get out of her house when she was down and in pain makes me realise I need to do better, I want to live up to the strength my mother had and make myself worthy to be proud of. I have been through 10 counselling sessions this year and was given CBT techniques and exercises to do to try and combat my negative thinking. It really is so hard to try and think positively after you have already lost the one person you would have fought the hardest to try and be positive for. However as they say, you need to also do it for yourself, you can’t be truly happy unless you combat your own demons and try and become happy with you too.

My social anxiety took a turn for the worst this year, I found it extremely hard to leave the house and see people for months, I had the constant feeling that I wasn’t good enough for anyone, the feeling that no one would want to hang out with me, that I was unlovable and worthless. I was lucky that I have some amazing friends who have been helping me through this time, people who have been trying to get me to see my own self-worth is not in having a partner and people who have also dealt with things like anxiety in the past so they sort of understood me on levels like I had never felt like I had been understood in the past. I am so grateful to people like Stephanie, Julia and Dari in my life who never gave up on me even when I would have annoyed the shit out of them many times. I’ve also been lucky to reconnect with a few people from my past within the last 6 months who have been there for me and given me valuable advice when I was at my low points like Karma, Samantha, Caroline, Rachel, Becs, Jennifer, Nicola and Taylah. There has been a few people who have had countless lunches with me in town (Julia) and coffee time at my own home (Tere) or dinner with me (Jhancy) when I’ve felt so miserable and alone at times. The moments with them were always full of love and compassion and sometimes just seeing people’s faces when you are down is what you need to bring you back from a dark place. I’ve even had a voice at reason in my own office at work from a friend called Max who has been through many of his own trials in the past, he has been amazing at helping me try and rationalise some of the irrational things that occur in my head daily.

I have been through many breakups in the past and the reality is, I’ve never really learnt very much from them. My break-ups have usually ended really badly, cheating, being left for someone else, etc. Even though there has been some really bad and hurtful times which has caused me to breakdown through all this, this is actually the first breakup where I have stayed in contact with my ex-partner afterwards, it has been a blessing because it has given me the opportunity to talk to her and find out what went wrong and the sort of things I need to improve about myself, things I had never had the opportunity to learn in the past because there was no communication afterwards. This has given me a strong foundation and the ability to look upon situations from the past with a fresh set of eyes and a new open mindset to change, I have been trying to learn about myself so that I can be the best version of myself in an attempt to not repeat past mistakes and cause anymore hurt in the future.

All of these people have helped me become better, to think better and to try and act better. I have been forcing myself to attack my social anxiety head on recently by going to meetups and hanging out with people I hardly know and meet new people. I’ve been lucky that my friends Cheng and Min also sometimes go to these events so even though I have had a few panic attacks and left the events in the past. Having a good friend there has put my mind at ease on other occasions and I count anytime I can stay there for multiple hours as a success in combating the social anxiety I’ve always struggled with.

This year and been an extremely trying year for me, I still haven’t mourned the loss of my mother. I don’t really know how I’m supposed to if I’m completely honest but this really is a year for me to try and improve and try and work on my mental state. I do believe even though I started slow and have had a lot of bumps in the road this year, that I am still on my way to a better version of me, a much more open version of me but I still have a lot more work to do at this stage. I need to keep pushing forward and become open in mind and heart to the ideas of moving forward and moving on. I need to do this for myself and I need to do this for the people who care about me. I no longer want my irrational and constant negative mindsets to define me or hold me back in life.

[travisandersondatingblog]

Dating an Older Man: Pros, Cons, + Advice For The Modern Woman

I know a lot of women who prefer dating an older man. Remember when you were a teen and your mom said that girls were two years more mature than guys the same age?

Whether you believed it then or not, dating in your 40s or older reveals that dating an older man can have perks over dating a younger man.

The good news is: 60% of men are attracted to younger women, so you’re a hot commodity for anyone older, whether that’s two years older or, if you’re into it, 20.

Dating an older man can have some pretty great benefits. There are also, however, some drawbacks to be aware of. Let’s look at both so you can decide whether dating an older man is appealing to you or not.

Pros to Dating an Older Man

You’ve dated your share of men your age…and even younger. Clearly, you haven’t found what you’re looking for yet, so why not go with someone older and more wiser? While all of these won’t be true of every older man (after all, many suffer from Peter Pan syndrome), as a whole, you’re going to realize more of these benefits with an older man.

1. He’s Financially Stable

An older man is past the early-20s “what am I doing with my life��� phase. There’s a good chance he’s midway in his career, and therefore at least somewhat financially stable.

Being financially stable isn’t about making $300k a year. It’s about being smart with his money. Maybe investing it or buying a house. It basically is the opposite of being broke, which is a libido-killer for most women.

It’s nice to date a man who can afford to pay for dinner.

Whose car doesn’t break down in front of your house…

Who has more than one shirt…

Who could afford to take a spontaneous weekend getaway with you…

There’s appeal in that, and you can’t always find it with a younger guy who’s still struggling to find his foothold in his career.

2. He Doesn’t Play Games

He’s already played games in his 20s…and he’s over it.

A young man doesn’t know what he wants, and so he plays those cat-and-mouse games we all hate. An older man, especially one who’s already been married once, knows what he wants. If he’s ready for a long-term relationship, he’ll make it known. You won’t wonder. He’s not out to waste time; he wants to know within a few dates whether you have potential or not.

Now, I’m not saying every older man is ready to settle down again. Plenty want to continue to play the field. But they’ll be more upfront about it if they’re older. At least then you know immediately whether you want to pursue something with him or not, based on whether your goals are aligned.

3. He Has More Confidence

An older man is more likely to be sure of himself and what he wants.

Chalk it up to older men having more life experience: they tend to be more confident. They’ve been around the block: sexually, financially, career-wise, and in love. They’re not timid about sharing their opinions. They carry themselves with a cocksure attitude that you find appealing.

If you’ve dated younger guys that were wimpy and lacked confidence, it’s understandable you’d consider dating an older man. That take-charge attitude and the desire to take care of his woman is plenty appealing.

4. Jealousy Takes a Backseat

Younger guys tend to be jealous at the drop of a hat.

“Dude. That bank teller was totally checking you out. WTF?”

It’s yawn-inducing, I know. But how nice is it to be with a man who knows that, from time to time, another man will admire his lady…and not freak out about it?

It goes back to that confidence thing. He’s assured of what he has (including you) and isn’t threatened by another man.

5. His Status is Appealing

Some critics of women dating older men say they do so because they have “daddy issues,” but a recent study proved otherwise. Here’s what it said:

“…it is evolutionarily beneficial for women to seek older mates, and that there will be no significant difference in attachment styles between women in age-gap versus similar-age relationships.”

What this means is that it’s an evolutionary pattern that women are drawn to older men, in part because of their status and resources.

Think about it. If you were pumping gas and a gorgeous Lamborghini/Tesla/Porsche pulled up next to you with a good-looking older man in it, wouldn’t you do a double-take?

Don’t you find photos of men speaking on stage on dating apps appealing?

When you find out a guy you just met is a doctor, doesn’t your mouth water?

These are all status indicators, and they’re part of the attraction factor. It’s completely natural for you to be drawn to a man because of his status. It subtly communicates to you that he can take care of you, and that life with him would be fun!

6. He’s Mature

Dating a mature man may be a relief for you!

While most of the above benefits of dating an older man fall under the “he’s just more mature” category, it’s worth pointing out additional perks of dating a mature man.

He has his sh*t together, first and foremost. He’s likely been in at least one long-term relationship, so he knows how to give to his partner and compromise when necessary. A mature man isn’t in the middle of an identity crisis. He knows who he is and what he wants, and he isn’t shy about communicating that.

7. Communication Comes Easily

Speaking of communication, there’s a better chance that an older guy will be a better communicator than a younger one. Again, if he’s been in at least one long-term relationship, the subject of communication more than likely came up, so hopefully, he’s learned how to express himself in constructive ways that will make him a good partner.

Dating an older man may surprise you: he may be a better listener than anyone younger that you’ve been with. And if you prefer talking on the phone to texting, there’s a good chance he does too.

8. Baby Time May Be Over

If you’ve already had kids in your past relationship or don’t want any in the future, dating an older man is a good path for you, because it’s less likely that he’s interested in having (more) kids. He may even have grown children, which may be easier to deal with if you get serious and end up living together or married (you’re not the wicked stepmother to small children).

Having a relationship with an older man without the focus being on raising children gives you the ability to really bond and connect with no distractions.

Cons to Dating an Older Man

Dating an older man may have drawbacks.

Every man is different, regardless of his age. But these are a few things to be aware of if you consider dating an older man.

1. He Might Be a Bit Controlling

Because older men usually know what they want, they can have a strong need to control a situation…and also you.

The older we get, the more set in our ways we are. It goes both ways. But you’ve both got to be able to compromise in order to make a relationship work.

If, when you start dating an older guy, you immediately get the sense that he’s controlling, walk away. You need a man who will let you be you and won’t try to change you.

2. Life May Be Less Exciting

The last guy you dated took you to parties. You went out for dinner or drinks often.

This older guy wants to stay home every night of the week.

He’s already had his party years. He’s done going out and being social. So you’re left…yawning.

While it depends on the person, you may find that an older man prefers his routines and may not be as keen to go out. If it’s important to you to have an active social life, dating an older man may not be for you.

3. He Might Want To Settle Down Too Fast

An older man may be overeager to settle down.

Like I said in the pro section: older men know what they want. If this one is looking for a long-term relationship, he might move a little fast for your tastes.

If…

…on the first date, he asks your ring size…

…he starts shopping for a house for the two of you early on…

…he tells you he loves you after only a few dates…

…you need to pump the breaks. You likely want a serious relationship too, but you know you can’t rush it. If it’s meant to be with this guy, it will happen. Speeding into becoming an established couple never works.

4. People Think You Have Daddy Issues

Here’s an interesting fact: 20% of men getting married the second time around marry someone who is 10 years or more younger than them. If the age difference between you two is significant, expect some raised eyebrows and negative opinions.

Many people feel that women who date significantly older men are looking for a substitute for their father. Maybe they had a bad relationship with their dads or maybe he was absent while they grew up. Even if this isn’t the case for you, realize that there are a lot of opinions out there about women who date much older men (far fewer opinions about the men in those relationships, which is totally unfair), so be prepared to deal with it.

5. You May Feel Immature

Among your friends, you are the mature one. They turn to you for advice, and you’ve got a level head on your shoulders.

But when you date a much older guy, you may feel like a baby. He’s lived so much more life than you. He’s had more experiences. And if he makes you feel that way, you’ll struggle all the more.

You want a man you can learn from, regardless of his age. Just make sure he’s not taking on the role of your teacher without you wanting him to be.

6. You May Not Get Along with His Friends

His friends may give you the cold shoulder.

This man may be head over heels for you, so he’s willing to compromise on the differences that your ages create. But his friends are another story altogether. They may not understand why he’s dating you and may give you the cold shoulder. It may be challenging to get them to take you seriously. If he’s worth it, you’ll put in the effort, but realize they may never accept you fully.

7. He May Not Be in Shape

Certainly, there are many older men who take care of their bodies, but if you’ve only dated younger men, you may not even know what an older guy’s body looks like. It may, quite honestly, turn you off.

You may have a meeting of the minds with this man, but are you physically attracted to him as well? It takes both for a well-rounded relationship.

Advice on Dating an Older Man

Dating an older man brings you new perspective.

If you do decide to date an older guy, realize that the experience will be different from any past relationship.  But 56% of women (who prefer dating older men) clearly have figured out how to get the most out of a relationship with an older guy, so take the following advice to heart to make this relationship successful.

Be Prepared for a Bumpy Road with Friends and Family

I touched on this a minute ago, but things may be challenging as he introduces you to the people who matter to him. They may assume he’s just having a fling with a younger woman, and may not be ready to accept that you two are long-term.

Be patient. It will take time for his friends and family to accept you. Be gracious when you’re with them, and do your best to engage them in conversations to show that you’re interested in developing a relationship with them.

Don’t Be a Trophy

While this isn’t necessarily going to happen to you, realize that some men date younger women as a sort of trophy. It makes them feel powerful and desired if they can snag a much younger woman.

You don’t want to be part of that. If you date an older guy, it’s not because he’s older that you’re attracted to him, but because he’s got a great personality, etc.

If he starts parading you around like food on a platter, that’s a red flag that he’s not into you because of who you are.

If He Has Children, Love Them

Maybe you never planned to have kids and now you’re with an older man who has them. If you’re serious about him, the kids are part of the package, so it will serve your relationship well if you put effort into getting to know them and having a relationship with them.

Depending on the kids’ ages and personalities, they may take a while to warm up to you. Give it time. Don’t try to be a second mother to them, but a friend. Find opportunities to spend time with them on your own and do things they’re interested in. He’ll take notice and fall even harder for you!

Don’t Make Jokes About His Age

Just like you don’t like being called a baby because you’re younger, this man doesn’t like it when you make jokes about him being an old man. It’s not cool. If age really doesn’t matter to you, you won’t make an issue of it.

Ask your friends not to make jokes either.

Respect His Past

An older man more than likely has a past that involves at least one major relationship. If he has kids, his ex may still be in his life. Don’t make things worse by acting jealous or bringing up past relationships. You’re with him now; what’s past is past. You want the same mindset from him.

Be Open to What He Can Teach You

A man who’s been around the block a few extra times has a lot to give. He may have hobbies that you’ve never even considered taking up (sailing, anyone?), so if you’re open, you might find new things that you discover you love to do.

He may also have wisdom gleaned from past relationships that can help you be a better partner. So listen and see what you can learn.

Conclusion:

Dating a mature man can enhance your life in many ways.

If you’re sick of dating younger guys, it may be time for something different. Dating an older man wi from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 https://ift.tt/2GTnO29 via IFTTT