#my soul is ignighted i am so so so angry

[wittyworm]

officially in my anarchy era i cant fuckin take this anymore lol

[mynightsbelongtoyou]

October 1 2023 7-8 am

Ever so gently I held you in my arms my hands going up and down your back in soothing circles, your face in the gap of my neck, I thought you were fully asleep but I could feel you breathe too slowly, taking in my scent, I was flushed, then I got in my head thinking if I smelled nice and hoped that my perfume was still doing its effect. I was in such a trance, you were so warm against my skin, I've never felt more caring and loving as I did in that moment. Like a helpless creature I kept you safe underneath the fabrics of my hoodie your fingers wrapped around my waist and mine underneath your arms as if holding you up. Suddenly, the door opens, it is my sister she looks at us, her harsh gaze settles upon the two of us. I am grateful that you are turned away from her, I hold you tighter it was an instinct, i feared nothing but your harm. I really hoped you would stay asleep I never wanted this to end, i would endure this hatred a million times more if you promised to stay asleep. We have been interrupted and though my body wanted to react, to get up and excuse itself for such behavior but my mind, and my soul felt a ecstasy so big it overshowed the shame. If one feeling in my life I ever felt so right, that feeling would be this, the feeling that was present in this moment when are bodies were intertwined and our hearts separated only by our thick skin and bones.

She opens her mouth to speak I hold you up with pride, your feet dangling of the chair, anything she says could ruin it all.

" Hmph here you are, why do wish to be a man? Holding this girl up"

Her words fill a rage in me, they ignight a billion candles in my eyes. I hated that, to be compared to a man was disgusting to me, I share nothing with them, I am not of their kind nor will I ever be. I hold my composure as I must and with even more flushed cheeks I direct myself towards her, carefully of course.

"She was sleeping, they were being loud, she had no covers and can you not feel this unfathomable breeze? Mom said that we should never have a cruel heart, when we can help someone we must"

I really wanted her to just leave and so she did, still angry she turns around and closes the door, then, still holding you close to me, I lift you up and the bed that I could have layed you down a while ago (but selfishly did not for the sake of my touchy desire) looks so inviting the space was big enough for two. I lay you on the edge, slowly removing your sticky burning fingers from my skin, that move to me was never supposed to occur like you wouldn't remove a perfectly cared for flower from its pot, you shouldn't remove you from me.

The flesh of my skin were you previously touched, now ached. I covered you in blankets, moved the hair from your face and caressed it one last time before I turned to the door

Then I hear you move, you move over to the corner of the bed, you extended your arm and lifted the blanket but your eyes remained closed. Your invitation was sent and by me it was received with a smile so bright and a heart eager to attach itself to yours. Not wanting any further interruptions I lock the door and with a quick movement of my fingers, the lights are off, the moonlight shinning from the left window is all that guides me to you. In the dark your embarrassment seems to flush away, you immediately retake the position we were in earlier, you creep up underneath my sweater and place your face in between my neck, your arms are now holding my waist with much more want but this time our legs are intertwined, the only thing that is audible now are the small and heavy breathes you take, melodic to me I am devoured by relaxation in its epitome, I have reached a state that dare I say has never been grazed by even the most sacred of monks. As we lay in the silent night, I wish this moment stay still and that the minutes pass as slowly as they do when I am in school. In my last blink of consciousness I lean closer to you (if that is even possible) and leave a small kiss as gentle as ever onto your forehead as if fearing to break you and I dose off into possibly reality because my dream is already present.