#my vent posts are me screaming into the void most of the time this blog is an open diary

[storm-of-feathers]

a

[rotten-pup]

18 + Only, minors will be blocked, you are not welcome here

☆About Me☆

You can call me Rot. I'm 21, he/they, transmasc and this is my horny blog! This will be my general horny content blog where I'll post/reblog the stuff I like however I will separate some of my interests and kinks onto other blogs. I am pre-t and pre-op. Generally just queer but I like people of any gender however I do lean more t4t

My asks are open for anything! Send me stuff!!

My dms are openish. At this time I'm not looking to sext and heavily flirt. I'm going through a lot and will be slow to respond most times. I really only have the brainpower to hold conversations about my special interests or if someone infodumps to me and I get to ask questions.

I'm comfortable with most masculine or feminine terms when referring to the parts of my body, I don't usually have a preference. I'll update this when I find something I don't like! I should probably add on that I'm a switch/vers in theory, mostly a sub/bottom in practice as I'm not confident enough to fully dom/top quite yet.

(rest of this post is a work in progress, bear with me please)

Without any further ado; list of content/kinks I like that you may find here(list incomplete):

Absolutely Yes: Petplay, Degradation, Praise (giving) Bondage, Impact play, Breeding, Somno, Edging, Overstim, Oviposition, Humiliation, Primal Play, Intox, Light CNC, Mommy kink??

Sometimes/Maybe: Choking (receiving), Praise (receiving)

Hard Limits: Scat, Death/Slob Feedism, Inflation, Raceplay, Feet

Kinks that will be mostly likely on a separate blog that I still like: Hypno, Knife play, Heavy CNC

Outside of all that, I'm going to list my sideblogs and tags down below and any other information I see fit so this intro isn't too long! (ps: if you know me from my previously deleted blog, feel free to say hi, I'd love to talk to y'all again, I was going through a really rough patch and honestly I'm so sorry I just disappeared)

My tags:

- rotposts: original content

- rotbarks: answering asks

- rotspeaks: non horny, rambles, or unrelated content

My sideblogs:

- @barkandbarkandbark : vent blog, rambles, literally anything just me talking to the digital void

Just a little more about me:

- @boymommy-brainrot : Mommy kink blog, a mostly gentle softer vibe, pics of me will also be on here

*Mommy is mostly a title, I like taking care of people and being gentle with them and just making them happy through acts of service. My kink is in no way an incest thing and as much I may use certain terms/words it is also not a ddlg thing either

Major theatre nerd, musicals, plays, plays with music, don't matter I love them all! I've acted in a few local shows, I've ran lights, I've staged managed, done a few other things. I'm really into dungeons and dragons and other ttrpgs and board games, and card games like magic the gathering. I love to draw and I love my silly little ocs I've made. If you upload your ocs or your fursona on your blog, there's a chance I might draw them, I like making art for others when I have the time.

Uhhhh, idk what else. I'm currently playing palword, this war of mine, overcooked 2, lethal company, escape the backrooms. However I do have many other games and if you ever wanted to play, just dm me, I'm down to find sometimes as long as we've talked a bit first and we vibe! I have major brainrot for Dead by Daylight right now so so badly

Oh yeah I fucking love robots I absolutely love robots and puppets I'm surprised I'm not like into fnaf more but man I just want to scream they're so cool.

I'll probably think of some other things to put here idk lol

[negative-speedforce]

Hello and welcome to the chaos!

(intro post- under the cut to save space)

My name is Revan (he/they/it), and I'm a genderqueer aroace lesbian in my 20s. This is my main blog, from which I follow and reblog most posts. It's kind of a mishmash of anything from fandom to my writing to politics right now, and that is unlikely to change any time soon.

I'm really passionate about Star Trek, Star Wars (especially the Chiss Ascendancy), the Arrowverse, and a whole lot of other stuff. I also write a lot! You can find my writing on my AO3, or by searching the tag #revan writes.

I don't have any specific DNI, but if you're mean, annoying, or start/spread a lot of discourse/internet drama, I block very liberally for extremely petty reasons. No hard feelings, I'm just picky.

Conservatives, fundamentalist Christians, bigots of all kinds, and Zionists can fuck off. I am a queer pagan anarcho-socialist, there is nothing on this blog for you, and you'll honestly probably get your feelings hurt if you try to stick around.

Minors follow at your own risk, I don't post NSFW but my blog is very much geared towards adults.

If you need me to tag for something, feel free to ask. I can't promise I'll always remember, since I'm as scatterbrained as a squirrel on cocaine, but I'll make a genuine effort. I reserve the right to refuse to tag if I don't feel comfortable.

My main tags are:

#oc shit: Stuff about my OCs, which you can read about on my OC Masterpost

#revan screams into the void: My original posts. Could be anything from fandom analysis to a vent post.

#revan writes: Prompt fills and short one-shots that I publish here on Tumblr.

#revan works retail: Laments about my life as a retail employee, often from an anti-capitalist perspective.

#ehlers-danlos tag: Stuff about living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a genetic disorder which causes chronic joint pain and all kinds of connective tissue problems

Feel free to find me elsewhere!

Ao3

Pinterest

Spotify (can't promise I have good music taste)

Instagram (it's my anonymous side account, send me a message so I know who you are!)

Wattpad

[early20sfailingplenty]

early20sfailingplenty's 1k follower celebration❤️

Aaaaa, we did itttttt ~ !!!!! 💜💜💜💜💜

It's been... a wild ride since I started this blog 21/9/2021, huh? I was starting the second year of my degree at the same time as starting a new job and it was... A Time Of My Life, for sure. But now look! There's 1k of you and that's just phenomenal.

So many of you have been nothing but lovely; sending in asks or encouragement, support, advice, love, making me drop my uwus so many times there's almost no point in picking them up because just as soon as I do, one of you makes me drop them again.

Writing for the Sinclairs is always a blast as well, and I adore delving into their psyches and working them out. My characterisation isn't always perfect but most of what I write is well received, the friendships I've made are gonna be long lasting, and all of this accounts to so much of my happiness and sense of peace.

The Sinclairs have made me bolder, braver, and though Vincent is the one I fell in love with first, I love and cherish each of the brothers equally. You can't have one without the other two, at least in my opinion (which may not be yours and that's okay), and I wouldn't want them like that, anyway. For me, the Sinclairs are the Sinclairs because they've spent their lives together and none of them would be alive without the other two to make it that way. It's horrific, tragic, grotesque, and they're objectively fucking terrible people, but we love them and that's really important.

So, as a thank you to all of you, old-time followers and new followers and people who might hit follow because of this post, I have devised a combination of ways to celebrate this milestone.

The details are below the cut, as are the rules for this celebration and my masterlists.

THIS IS A HOUSE OF WAX AND SINCLAIR ONLY EVENT!

A handwritten note of appreciation from me to you in your two favourite colours (if you don't specify, I'll choose two of my favourite colours, instead).

A handwritten note of appreciation from me to you in your two favourite colours (if you don't specify, I'll choose two of my favourite colours, instead).

A handwritten note of appreciation from me to you in your two favourite colours (if you don't specify, I'll choose two of my favourite colours, instead).

Send me a link to a House of Wax tumblr fic and I'll reblog it with some uwu-dropping commentary (great for people who want more exposure! The writer of the fic MUST be 18+)

Send a GIF of a Sinclair and I'll write a short headcanon paragraph inspired by the GIF.

Blog shoutouts! Again, the blog owner MUST be 18+!

A note from a Sinclair of your choosing (or all three, but if you do choose all three then it'll take longer for me to post because it's three notes rather than just one and that requires more brain juice).

Send me a few sentences about you and I'll write a short headcanon paragraph about you and a Sinclair (you MUST be 18+ for this AND you must tell me which Sinclair you would prefer. Again, all three is an option but it'll take me longer).

Ask for a moodboard - give me a few words, name a Sinclair, and I'll see what I can do!

Ask me questions about myself! Anything burning you want to ask me? Obviously, no personal information will be given and such questions will be deleted (and anything extremely invasive will likely get you blocked), but questions about my favourite characters, medias, my habits, likes, dislikes, philosophies yada yada are all acceptable!

Want to vent? Want to give me some advice or do you want to ask for some advice? Want to tell me how you feel about me? Feel free to come and scream at the void. Be polite, be kind, and if you wouldn't say it to someone face to face, then don't click the send button! Rudeness will mean you get publicly clowned on, outright offense will get you blocked, so be warned! I want this to be a safe space for EVERYONE. And speaking of...

Want to gush about your favourite Sinclair or all of them? Come into my inbox, let loose, go wild!!!!💜

What are the rules for this celebration?

Nothing major!

Be kind, be polite, anons are welcomed as are people off anon, please specify this is for the 1k celebration when sending in your asks, yada yada we're all adults here. Followers and non-followers welcomed, any pronouns, MUST BE 18+ TO PARTICIPATE OR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

NOWHERE ON THIS POST DO I SAY THAT YOU CAN ONLY PICK ONE OPTION. GO AHEAD AND HAVE FUN, PICK WHATEVER YOU WANT! Just be aware that the more options you choose, the longer it’ll take me to fulfil what you’d like!💖

Please only use the ask box to participate in this celebration; anything sent through the comments or DMs will be ignored.

How long will this celebration go on for?

I'll run it for two weeks to the day from posting this, and then I will close the celebration. This is so everyone has a chance to get something in if they want to, and after the date has passed, I will no longer accept asks marked as being for the celebration. However, I will continue to answer asks submitted prior to the deadline, just so then everyone receives something. That seems fair to me, and I hope it does to you as well.

Finally, links to my masterlists!

Masterlist 1 || Masterlist 2 || Masterlist 3 || Masterlist 4 || Masterlist 5

Happy reading, and thank you immensely for the support!💜💜💜💜

[gunsatthaphan]

bajsjjdjdkdkslsl

you don't even know how much I enjoyed your live-blogging ...? (is that even the right term lolss) during the recent GMM event. i kennot- i was wheezing half the time ...

Like am sorry *in that RV's Psycho meme voice* you breaking down without context just sends jsksjskdjsjs

Am really glad I came across your blog. I could just imagine you during The Eclipse which I kinda missed ughhh- but ohh well, ahhh here's me looking forward to Only Friends 😁

OMOO am sorryyy I was sort of rambling here and it's my first time sending an ask to one of my tumblr crushes (apparently according to tumblr.) 🫣🫣 OMMOOO .. soo, ahhh, hmmm, *catapults self back to the void*

omg kjhgdfgd thank you so much 🥺🙈 lmao.

I just needed a place to scream so I just posted the most random crap lmao it was more for my own venting lmao but I'm glad you enjoyed it 😂

and also yeah you should've been here during the Eclipse because I did go off a lot lmao. I'm probably gonna get banned from this site once only friends airs because I WILL have an actual breakdown on here djkfkd

so yeah get ready 😬

xxx

[eggie-o]

HIHIHIHI!

(some of this info might be out of date or not yet in date)

i’m blue or alex, either works so does egg/eggie/eggieo

i’m trans! the best way i’ve found do define my gender is dyke/butch lesbian! my sexuality is complicated and really not important to me to define beyond lesbian but i can assure you i will date whatever strikes my fancy! i am poly and ace!

i use he/him pronouns rn! idk if that will stay! nothing is forever everything is slowly changing!

i mostly rb things, i think i tag people in stuff a lot sorry not sorry ask me to stop if you hate it (tagging you not tagging other people if you don’t like me tagging other people fuk off u prep)

i’m a minor! i’m disabled! both physically and mentally! i post a lot about The Symptoms!

I have a horrible memory! i probably repeat myself a lot! i reallt don’t care, no need to tell me!

i cannot see shit! anything like that sparkly text i can’t read, i have a really hard time reading screenshots from the “gothic rave” or whatever the purple on black theme is! also get reallt bad migraines, flashing lights are not my freind!

most of my original posts are vent posts or musings or stories or whatever floats across my mind-space! unless tagged otherwise, feel free to rb anything!

i make a lot of typos! i reallt don’t care! if you need clarification on something just ask!

i’ve recently decided i reallt like explanation points!

orginizational tags:

he speaks- original posts

pls don’t rb- don’t reblog please <3 if you have something to say feel free to add it in the replys tho!

sailing shit- stuff related to sailing!

techie times- stuff related to thearter tech/runcrew/stagehandness

vent- vent posts, feel free to blacklist or whatever i’m just screaming into the void!

The Curses- Symptoms posting.

many thoughts- just thikin. idk. i’ll figure it out!

there’s s a few other ones just for me too.

i try to tag for unreality, i might miss some things tho! i do tag anything that i would find upsetting when The Curse takes full affect so. that’s that ig.

i don’t tag for image descriptions! i need to ive been meaning too but i’m very low on spoons i am trying o get into the habit of it!

if your upset by words like queer, faggot, tranny, dyke, i’d recommend not following! they are some of my favorite things!

i ramble a lot, i’m sure you’ve noticed, but thank you for checking out my blog!

[yelenadelova]

i hate to be this person because i don’t normally like complaining about stuff on this blog. but i need to vent.

lately giffing hasn’t been as fun as rewarding on this site. almost every set i have posted lately has been flopping. and i know i shouldn’t be doing stuff for the notes but it’s hard to make posts when i feel like i’m screaming into the void. i put hours of time and thought and effort into my gifs and when no one sees them it just…sucks

i feel like ppl don’t really use/check edit tags anymore. and i don’t have a ton of mutuals/friends to tag. most of the notes i get are likes and people just don’t reblog anymore. i’m not expecting anyone to do anything about this just wanted to vent because it’s making me almost want to stop giffing on this site

[rain-in-the-clouds]

I don't normally vent on this blog, despite it being my main, mostly I just try and share what I love and whatnot. But like so many my age, older and younger, I have a love/obsession/hatred of tiktok.

It's a fun app that can be so nice and a great place to build community, have fun and be silly. But my fucking gods, that is not what its like 99.99999% of the time. And no I know I'm no one special in saying any of this. But I gotta vent, and at least here I can scream into the void knowing if anyone is gonna scream back it's gonna be about something completely different and probably about cats, food, boobs, or Fandom, and honestly that's what makes this the best site.

Anyways, I've struggled with anxiety for the majority of my life, depression as a side helping, and a medley of other things. About six months before the pandemic my anxiety skyrocketed, I started having massive panic attacks every day multiple times a day. At one point it felt like I was just existing through the day to eventually deal with a night filled with the feelings of death.

It was awful, I was barely living.

This is a tangent, but if anyone knows the song Overkill by Colin Hay, I used to sing that song a lot as a kid, like 6-7 years old singing that song, one day to gorw up living the life the song depicts. The lyrics that stick with me: "I can't get to sleep. I worry over situations I know will be alright. Day after day it reapers, night after night my heart beat shows the fear."

It was night after night after night, months went by like this. By middle of 2020 I was.... I wasn't ok. A way I had helped myself during that time, before I got some help and the meds I need, I would use tiktok. Now I'd use its worst attributes to my gain.

It's short form content and use of short attention spans was, especially in the moment, very helpful for subduing (most of the time it just delayed the panic attack) but my goal was never to outright stop the panic attacks, cus I had no way to do that, but to distract my brain long enough to get tired and pass out. It worked for a good while. It especially worked for stopping an attack right as it was starting.

Fast forward to now. Just like prior to the panic attacks I use tiktok to have fun, goof around and see cool stuff, (don't get me wrong I'm all about activism, and I use tiktok like any other for that too, but that's for when I'm in a good place mentally) but now, idk it's like I've let it corrupt me. The past year especially, I've gotten into more arguments in tiktok comments then I've gotten into arguments irl, doesn't matter if the argument was valid or not or even worth arguing over.

And I know it's the internet, nothing stays innocent forever, yes I know. But what I'm saying is tiktok in particular has somehow become more toxic then the majority or surface level internet. To me, it seems like it's trying to become the next 4chan more then the next tumblr. And I had hopes that it was heading in the direction of this hellsite, the Fandom elements there, book lovers, science, all of it: seriously seeing people ask ScienceTok, or BookTok, just makes me flashback to the days of "Science side of tumblr what does xyz mean?"

But no, instead we get the love child of vine and 4chan, it's half cousin-brother reddit somehow looks better next to tiktok.

It's dumb, it really is, cus yes the simple answer is, get off tiktok. But it's not simple, my livelihood relies on social media, for many reasons, like many people. The answer I've been going with is limiting myself on time spent, and I've been successful, I go a week or two without even opening the app, then hop on to check in, post and get a good laugh. But somehow, even if it's just one day, it has the power, (that I give it by gods) to suck me in and make me mad at something, even if it is something to be mad about, doesn't mean it's something I have to let get so under my skin it causes this to happen, (the this being moving to my og site and venting my woes)

It's just such a disappointment. At least I'll always have tumblr.

[anadorablekiwi]

Hiya here’s my intro post

Hi! I’m Kiwi! (Like the birb :D) And no, I unfortunately do not live in and am not from Aotearoa/New Zealand. Just love the place and the birds.

My mama’s (dragonsglare) Snickerdoodle recipe so i can indirectly make you cookies :D

My guacamole recipe 💚

A Questionaire website for when you feel like crap, which helps you with self care/executive disfunction/etc. Take care of yourself please. Found through this post

My LU love/hearts edits post here (will be updated as I eventually get around to more edits by reblogs)

I love all Zelink <3 (yes, ALL)

Most my fandom stuff will be legend of Zelda/linked universe stuff and Genshin Impact stuff, but I also reblog PJO/HOO when it shows up on my dash occasionally (i will not be normal when the tv series comes out). My hyperfixations also change from time to time so dont be surprised by Dont Starve Together or Animal Crossing stuff etc

There is absolutely NO room for hate of any kind on my blog, and this is a safe place for everyome. No Exceptions. (And to be 110% clear, that includes all who are lgbtq+/queer)

Social anxiety with a sprinkle of awkward, so I apologize in advance. 💜 I also crave interaction so please don’t be afraid to come chat or something 💙

Genshin UID: 640628605 American server, AR 60 (Kiwi)

747301959 Europe server, AR 35 (Rowi)

Honkai Star Rail UID: 601266085 American Server, TL 64 (Kiwi)

Tower of Fantasy UID: 120017628 North American server The Glades (Rowi) (this game i either dont touch for a year or cant put down lol)

I have siblings! Older brother is Pseudo, younger sisters in order are Doe (the married one) and Aria (@/arianight992) (as in these are their online names (Pseudo and Aria) or a nickname I gave them for tumblr purposes (Doe, after a female goat))

Choir/music/geology/birds from Aotearoa (NZ) nerd, (fake) adult, Christian. Self diagnosed ADHD and i have autistic tendencies

I don’t do reblog bait. And on a much more lighthearted note I don’t usually do those individualized positive reblog thingys for the sole reason of I don’t wanna accidentally leave anyone out 🥺😅😂

I have a couple side blogs! Writing side blog: @the-writings-of-a-kiwi-bird || Art side blog: @kiwis-doodles || Oc info side blog: @kiwis-ocs-sideblog || OCs meet au sideblog: @a-chain-of-chaos || none are very active, just whenever I get around to doing a thing (i live in shame /lh)

I have a loz/lu sideblog but dont know if ill use it or not

My (very incomplete) list of tags under the cut:

#kiwi answers- my asks tag

#kiwi vents/#screams into the void/screams into the abyss- my venting posts, no obligation to respond I just gotta get it out there sometimes

#kiwi rambles- random ramblings from me (usually) not related to LU

#kiwis lu nonsense- ramblings that are related to LU

#kiwi’s linksona/kiwis linksona Diana/kiwis linksona eli (<-old | new->) #kiwis ocs- stuff about my (linksonas) OCs! Eli is the first and the main one. If you have any questions about any please ask, i love talking about all of them!

#kiwi draws- my drawings and doodles

#the kiwi bird writes/writings of a kiwi bird- my Fics and writing

#kiwi crafts- my crochet/whatever crafty thing I learn next posts! (Probably just crochet. Maybe some sewing eventually)

#kiwi gets love- so i can easily find and reread the love I’ve received when I’m feeling down

#much noms for little bird/noms for the kiwi bird- food related posts

#caps/caps lock- I know some people don’t like caps lock so when I use it/reblog a post with a lot of it i’m trying to tag it more

#kiwi yells self care (nicely)- my self care reblogs/posts (mostly my reblogs of self care bot) (i rarely remember to tag)

#kiwi q- my queue/scheduled post tag

#kiwis wonderful pets <3- the tag for when I post pictures of my cat(s) or dog(s)

When I play games and post about it I’ll tag it #kiwi plays [insert game here]

#kiwi talks genshin- self explanatory

#the songs of a kiwi bird- the rare occasion I post a video of my singing <3

#kiwi talks about writing- i talk about writing, mostly comments on any wips i may be working on

#kiwi (doesnt) take care of herself- food is hard water is hard what is self care (never remember to tag)

#kiwis anime saga- Ive started watching some lighthearted animes and i like yelling about them

#kiwi watches *insert anime here*- my ramblings about specific animes as i watch them

#kiwis epona- posts about my first car, whom i have fondly named Epona!

#kiwi save- posts I absolutely want to be able to find again

#kiwis produce adventures- i work at a grocery store in produce so any posts relating to produce are tagged this

[darrowsrising]

I’m sorry to bother you with this, but it has been on my mind since my friend told me. My friend trusted me enough to confess that these books, Red Rising books, were their safe place and comfort. I never read them, so I started to look up information to understand my friend. That’s how I came across your blog, and my question is… how can books with so much tragedy be their safe place and comfort?

You don't bother me, anon! This is such an emotional question, so please bear with me, it will be a very emotional answer. This is why it took so long go answer it as well.

I feel like the Red Rising Series just...gives you things that burrow into your heart and once there, they never leave. So your heart aches for the characters, the events, and everything in between.

The entire series is hopepunk, that's why I believe people are so keen on returning to this series, especially when times are hard. Things are not easy at all, tragedy and pain stalks at every corner, but...it's the hope that keeps on giving.

I mean who could resist a bunch of outsiders and insiders and everything in between, all united under a guy who makes their heart sing in tandem with hope? Darrow managed to bring everyone together and everyone of them just kept on pushing their own boundaries and they all found a family together.

So I think it's the love, the kindness, the sense of togetherness and the friendships that makes one think - that's my comfort series. Because we all want to belong and be inspired to live on against all the odds stacked against us.

I also think that Howlers (the fans) like that the characters are allowed to feel, you know? The rage, the helplessness, the loneliness. Their feelings are valid. You have no idea how much I longed for to read about someone who rages like I do, and not to just vent and scream at the void with helplessness, but with spite, with determination with that 'Oh, yeah? Watch me!'.

The characters are extremely relatable and the more you read about them, the more you get to know about your own self. I have been reflecting on that a lot and I could talk about it on and on, but it's too personal to be of interest, yet it was extremely helpful to me.

Pierce lets his characters feel everything. Even when their mental state is bad. Even when they don't have time to process their own feelings, he always goes back on them. You see, feeling sad, anger and every other negative emotion, is not bad in itself. People need to feel them, it's actually healthy. For example, one has to process grief, not bury it - that is why it's more painful when Darrow gets a reprive from having to bury his feelings. Pierce doesn't brush off on mental health - his characters struggle with it, war always leaves its scars upon them. But he also gives the characters healing, which feels natural and doesn't rely on some stupid trope like 'romance/sex heals all'. They find meaningful friendships, find a purpose and goal. When they break, they find love and comfort from their found family and with that support they try get up and try to move, step by step, forward. That doesn't mean they are healed, though. It's not an immediate or permanent thing, it's a journey.

I think their ability to feel things is the most validating and relatable of things. Yes, there are characters who repress things, conditioned by Society or not, but even that is well-written, because you just know there are more to them that this shell. Many of us hide, we don't talk about what's stressing us, what tears us up inside. Especially when we know that opening up means being dismissed, our feelings invalidated.

So, reading Red Rising almost feels soothing. Because you know the characters, you feel connected to them with some sort of shared pain. You feel encouraged that even though they've been through a new hell several times, they have emerged, maybe not all of them and those that did, did not emerged unscathed, but they always find some will to live, even if it rings a bit hollow at times.

And the hope...the hope is not wanked to hell in flowery sentences. It's not just some word that makes you shrivel up and die faster, because it feels more like toxic positivity than actual help.

Hope is genuine and inspirational. And I long for that on my bad days, because among all the tragedy and pain of that universe, to make me feel hopeful is...monumental. When I am alone, I look at the books on my shelf or at a picture of Darrow and remember that connection I feel for the series and the hope. And it's a bit soothing. As corny as that sounds, anyway.

I also think that the series is inspiring. It makes us question ourselves, our own biases, the way we act towards others. But most of all, it inspires us to hope and to do. To move, even if it's a little bit. Everytime we rebel, even a little, against a corrupt system, against toxic standards, against casual maliciousness, against opression, it's more important than we might have originally thought.

And the forgiveness. I am not a very forgiving person, at least not until I've processed every emotion. But there are moments in Red Rising that made me work on that ability of mine. Sometimes, forgiveness if so poorly used in some books, that I come to hate the book itself. But the way Darrow forgives people and how he holds a few exceptions was extremely realistic to me and very profound and well-written. When Pebble boxed Thisle's cloak in MS, and said 'Howl on, little Thisle!', I shed tears. It was a small moment, but it was so powerful, I had to take a break. Thisle was a traitor and for such shallow reasons that I didn't want to forgive her, but...oh, hell my heart hurts even now. It was so meaningful to me and so are so many other moments.

There is also the constrast between the bad stuff and the good stuff - the good stuff hapenning in these books are always so much sweeter and precious.

I literally don't know what dlse to write or how to write it, but I feel there is so much more to day. Guess that's a bonus point.

Howl on!

Later edit: there is also the way that Pierce makes certain things realistic, besides the ones I have mentioned in this post. For example, the war theme is something Pierce insists must be realistic and I agree with that because we see the effects, all of them, reflected directly and indirectly. It tackles various issues with war - why it is necessary against extreme regimes, why war makes it so that even 'the good guys' have to do questionable things if not wholly bad, how war is not just the conflict, but also a battle for information and deceit and many other things. It really makes you think, you know. I love books that make me think.

[tobeblamed]

What would prevent you from following someone? What current rp trend do you hate?

be honest meme .

[ 1 ] what would prevent you from following someone?

i’m gonna try and be as specific as i can and i hope you appreciate my honesty lmfao

they’re not following me in the first place .  i rarely follow people first . i am very aware of my loud presence on the dash, because s/pn is a relatively small fandom, so most blogs are aware of each other, and i’m active all the time .  so... if we share mutuals whom we have both been interacting with for a while and they never actually follow me, i know they don’t want to follow me lmao .  but if they follow the same logic as me, then fuck me i guess we both lost .  this isn’t a vague @ anyone btw, this is just the logic i’ve been following these past few years .  and i do make exceptions sometimes !

not knowing how dean would interact in that muse’s universe .  i don’t always enjoy heavy au’s tbh, so if a muse is from a totally different universe like medieval times or sth, i don’t think i would be interested in writing it . 

canon characters i simply don’t like .  this stems from personal experience . i’ve had my fair share of ‘i hate your muse in canon but i really enjoy your [canon-compliant] portrayal!’ in the past, even way before i had dean, and i simply don’t like it . it’s a cute compliment, but it’s never something that i’d ever tell someone, especially when they actually follow canon lmao???

fc’s i don’t like .  there’s really nothing deep about this (’:

untagged d/estiel content .  i’m sorry, but i’ve reached the point where i just can’t stand looking at it anymore and i am 100% aware of how petty it is, but it is what it is . 

[ 3 ] what current rp trend do you hate?

eh i don’t think i hate hate anything, but i do get a bit overwhelmed by the new wave of collective v/ague posting that’s kinda like an “ooc dash commentary” .  when people start ranting about the same thing at once, all i can picture is everyone standing in front of a hole and screaming simultaneously into a void ifkjfkjfgjgj  venting is valid tho .  i get it . so i can’t hate it you know?

[kyndaris]

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When embarking on a new venture, one normally does not think whether or not it will be an inspiring feat to others. Starting out, I looked to my blog as a means to collect all my thoughts and ideas to help with my writing of stories that will never see the light of day. As I’ve said in an earlier post, I’ve always entertained the idea of keeping a diary. Except, of course, there’s nothing all too exciting that happens in my daily life. But by chronicling all the things of interest to me, perhaps I could make something of this space that I’ve eked out on the internet.

Several years later, my blog has still remained fairly small and unknown to the masses. True, I’ve amassed a number of followers (most of them my friends that are now essentially inactive on websites such as Tumblr to help inflate my actual number of followers) and a smattering of likes on posts. In fact, when I started out, I refused to use hashtags. Why?

Well, surely there was nobody that would be interested in reading my screams and rants into the void.

Imagine then, my surprise, to find people discovering this humble little blog on the internets with nary an assistance on my end. Of course, most of them were gaming related. In particular, niche titles that had captured the hearts and minds of those that flock to blog sites to find like-minded individuals. Off the top of my head, the two that grabbed the attention of so many were Tales of Berseria and Vampyr. 

But even this cold dark heart of mine could not help but twitch in excitement when I saw the number of notes climb in number. I might have started this blog for my own benefit but it warmed a little part of me to see that there were people who seemed to like some of the content. In fact, I even had someone start asking me questions about Concrete Genie (as if I were actually one of the developers and knew all that there was to know about the small indie title).

I say this because there are times when I want to shut it all down and return to my little hobbit hole. The insidious and critical voice in my head often tells me that my efforts, both on this blog and my other side projects of story writing are meaningless endeavours. Nobody will ever read my works. Nobody cares. Why do I even try and write stories that no-one will read or appreciate? People are just making small talk. 

‘You write stories? That sounds interesting. What’s your pseudonym?’ And after that first question, it all falls away. There is no sudden bump in reading numbers. The fact that I update on a weekly basis is forgotten.

Still, there have been moments when what I do in my free time seems to catch the eye of another fellow human. Take, for example, one of my work colleagues that actually seemed intrigued and almost invested in some of my stories. Every time, for a good month or so, I’d walk past her table, she’d have a grand idea for one of my short stories to be made into a short film.

Alas, my lack of equipment and actors on hand made it a difficult enterprise.

But even though I knew that such a thing would not come to fruition, I did feel seen. She even said, as an aside, that some of my work had inspired her to write more songs. That, in and of itself, made it feel like what I did was worth it.

Now, I’m no vainglorious social media hound with a YouTube channel or Tik Tok (though I swear I have some good ideas!). I doubt I’d be able to live such a lifestyle. My self-esteem, as it is, would hardly be able to survive the barrage of hateful comments that so many have had to endure. Nor do I have a Twitter account.

I may be a Millennial but there are times I feel that social media has gone out of control. Call me an old soul, I dare you. I probably am (though not old enough to desire a typewriter or a period where the internet was not so easily accessible).

Barring all of that, I have thoroughly enjoyed some of the rare comments that have peppered my stories and blog posts, the likes and favourites on FictionPress and the addition of another follower. 

And though I’m not the type that feels like my entire life would be turned around just by watching shenanigans on a YouTube channel, I like to think that my presence here - chipping away at my creative projects and writing blog posts that are enjoyable to read has touched someone else out there in the world. Or that it might have inspired other fellow amateur writers to start their own personal blogs to document the ups and downs of life. 

You don’t, of course, dear readers, have to credit me with pushing you to greater heights than even I could achieve. I’ll just leave that to my imagination. After all, as an only child that sought solace in books and video games, I’m quite comfortable with diving into rich fantastical worlds of my own making. 

But sometimes, and only very rarely, do I feel a pang of loneliness. That this was all for naught and I ought to scrub my hard drives of anything creative and burn it all down.

So, should you ever feel the urge to reach out and encourage a Millennial that has no self-confidence and her only brave moment was going to the United States of America by herself at the tender age of 24, I’d like to hear something from you.

And if you don’t feel that niggling urge in the back of your head...well, that’s all right too. This started off as a means for me to vent into the aether and was never about seeking an audience. I’ll keep on carrying on until the day that the novelty of writing and maintaining a blog finally fades.

[chibimonkey]

I reblogged something to my ffamranxii sideblog the other day. It wasn’t political, or a shitpost, or fandom-related. All it said was “the person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dash.” I’ll admit I did it for purely selfish reasons. I wanted someone to reblog it from me. For them to see it and go “oh hey ffamranxii posts some neat shit” and to tell me through the act of reblogging that, even if I’m just posting some cute unrelated shit, or reblogging a meta discussion, or a cool fanart, that they notice me. That for one brief, microscopic minute I am a blip in someone else’s radar. That I exist, and for just a second, even if it’s because I posted some thing they also like, someone appreciates that I do.

No one reblogged it. Not a single person. I have over nine hundred followers on that blog, who reblog my fandom shit all the time, but this? In this one small thing, I’m invisible.

I know it’s stupid. It’s not like this is even the first time. All my oc posts, and anything where I try and talk about how I’m having a bad time, is just... overlooked. I talk about shouting into the void a lot, but that doesn’t really get my point across. I feel unseen and unheard. I feel completely invisible, no matter how hard I try not to be. I feel like a glitch in the matrix - unwanted, and not supposed to be here in the first place.

I’ve felt like this since I was three or four years old. I remember asking from a very young age what’s wrong with me, why can’t I be like normal kids? Why can’t I talk to people, and why don’t they listen? It’s like their eyes slide right over me, and my words go in one ear and out the other. I had a breakdown the other day to my mom. About how I’m not okay, how I’ve been very obviously not okay for years, and how I feel useless and ugly and incompetent. She just stood there and didn’t say anything, didn’t move a muscle as I was crying to her that I feel like no one cares about me or wants me around and how if it weren’t for my cats I wouldn’t even be alive right now. She didn’t follow me upstairs when I was done. She never brought it up at all.

I’ve been hearing “it gets better” since I was fifteen years old and that is absolutely not fucking true. Every single year, no matter how hard I try and how much faith I have in that statement - “it gets better” - my life gets worse. I’m thirty now, and in the past fifteen years I’ve been abused and assaulted and insulted; I’ve been thrown out of my home by my abusive ex and again by my father. I’ve been gaslighted and lied to and manipulated. I lost a child and had her replaced by cats - cats I love, dearly, but cats nonetheless; and I’ve had to sit back and watch them be abused by my then boyfriend and neglected by my parents, whose house I can’t afford to leave. I was overworked and bullied and harassed so horrifically at my past two jobs that I became suicidal and started self harming after having stopped for six years, and I am now so terrified of people I can’t leave my house, and barely manage to leave my bed. My therapist dumped me out of the blue, and said me and my life were too much for her. I and my cat children are regularly insulted by my father, to the point where I dread when he’s home, even if he’s asleep. I lost all my friends, and most days I think I never had any to begin with. I reached out, again and again, to my family and people who told me they cared, and been rebuffed or ignored at every turn. It doesn’t get better.

I spend between twelve and seventeen hours a day in bed, most of it asleep and the rest just curled into a ball. My appetite is gone. My hygiene is bad, because for six months during my last job I broke down every single day in the shower over everything happening to me, and the thought of standing in the shower now still fills me with dread and unease. I don’t have insurance, and my money is almost gone, so I can’t see a doctor and try to get medicated for my depression again, and I’m terrified of being dropped abruptly by another therapist. I lost a front tooth due to shoddy dental work and can’t afford to replace it, and no dental office or oral surgeon around takes Medicaid, even if I was on it, and I’m so embarrassed to speak with a missing front tooth that I just... don’t, most days. Nothing holds my interest anymore. I used to love to read and watch tv and draw and play video games and write, but I lose focus after twenty minutes, and my last attempt at posting my writing - the latest chapter to a fic that had a handful of followers - was met with silence, and now when I try I’m filled with self doubt so terrible I just give up.

And no one, no matter how much I blatantly state I want them to, has ever asked me if I’m okay. It’s like screaming in a crowded room and no one even notices me, not unless they need a scapegoat to vent their own frustrations. I can’t even open my mouth anymore without my father screaming “SHHHHHH STOP YELLING,” so I don’t. I don’t have a support system. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not okay, and I just want someone to give a shit about that. I hate myself so much, and every single day I hate myself more and more. It doesn’t fucking get better. I TRIED. I tried so hard. But there’s something wrong with me, something about me that makes people look at me and go “fuck that bitch.” I mean, at my last job, my then boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer and nearly died, and I had to take time off to be with him because we thought he WAS going to die, and NO ONE ever asked me if he or I were okay. I came back my first day and was immediately written up for something I didn’t do and wasn’t allowed to dispute and my coworkers all called me “what’s her face” or “move.” Like. Who does that?

There’s something wrong with me, some critical update that other people got in their How To Be A Person software that I just don’t have. That’s glaringly obviously missing when I try and interact with people. And I know life isn’t the same as on tv but... other people have friends and family who support them, don’t they? Isn’t that, like, a real thing? Why don’t I? Why doesn’t anybody care?

Honestly, I’m expecting the same reception here that I got on my sideblog and with my mother. I just. Need. To get this off my chest, because I haven’t left my room in three days or my house in over a month or talked to another person in I don’t know how long and every time I bring that up as an example of not being okay I feel like no one else feels that way. Like maybe I’M wrong for thinking that’s not normal. And then I just spiral again about how there’s something wrong with me.

[queen-boo]

I debated a long time what to type. And of to type anything at all, because I like to think tumblr is my safe space where I can keep and collect all the things that make me happy. But I think I need to get this off my chest, and doing it here, on this particular platform, feels more comfortable that anywhere else. Because one of the things I’ve always liked about tumblr is… Well there’s a certain level of anonymity isn’t there? I can be who I want to be here. And today, I kind of just want to be an anonymous person with a story to tell.

To those who have followed me for a long time, you will be aware I am an Achievement Hunter fan. A rather passionate Achievement Hunter fan. Those who more recently joined me for my other fandoms, there isn’t going to be much context to this post and no one is obligated to read or acknowledge it in any capacity. This is for my own sanity, to be honest, because I haven’t felt like a whole person since this news came to light. I promise eventually, I might be back to the blog you followed and making whatever content you followed me for. But I have to deal with this first.

I was a victim of Ryan Haywood.

To be honest. Victim isn’t the word I would prefer to use, I personally don’t like it. But I’m struggling to come up with another term. I will not be posting screenshots (though I do have them) and I will not be sharing too many details. Mostly for my own sake. I am not at a point where I can face what happened properly. I am not in a place where I can fully accept I am not to blame. Every day I am waking up and struggling with how things could have gone differently. The people in my life who are close to me and supporting me at this time, are a godsent, but I am still struggling to explain to them exactly what happened.

But again, for my own sanity, I’m here to vent otherwise this will swallow me whole. So what I will, say is this.

I was barely 18 years old. I looked up to this man. We exchanged messages, of which began innocently, and progressed to an explicit nature. I was young and niave and having a conversation with one of my idols–an actual Internet celebrity–and failed to see how dangerous this situation could be. Thankfully, being young and excited meant I took screenshots of our conversations to show a friend… Obviously on Snapchat, this notified him that a screenshot had been taken and he ceased talking to me.

Now comes the part I am struggling to tell anyone about. Even my partner. Even my friends. I had a second interaction with him. At a convention. In person. I had met him for a signing. I had spoken to him about my mental health, I gushed and praised as fans do, and I (perhaps stupidly) said something achingly honest about how I owed my life to him and the content he and AH makes. He hugged me, innocently, in view of his coworker and other fans, and told me he was glad I was still alive.

Later that night, at the events VIP party, I ran into him again. I was no longer in cosplay but dressed up, and when I spoke with him this time. He touched me. To most, an innocent touch. We were in a crowded room, my friends were not ten feet from us but engaged in conversation. I made a joke about being in my civilian clothes, he responded with the comment ‘but a very beautiful civillian’ and again–like a young fan being complimented by her idol would, I melted. We talked for ten minutes. He had his hand on my waist for at least fifty per cent of that interaction. Innocent to some, but to me, in hindsight. Not so much.

When later that night I reached out to Ryan on Snapchat to thank him for his interactions and coming to my country/city to meet us fans. We got talking again. And again, this conversation was anything but PG rated. It involved him 'wishing he wasn’t set to leave the next day’ and expressing many opinions on the clothes I was wearing and as you can imagine… Other less than savoury things. I did not think to screenshot these messages at the time, knowing that last time he had stopped talking to me when I did that. Though, after a time they petered out (likely because he went back to his country and I remained in mine - therefore useless to him) and I never heard from him again. Which, as you can imagine, knocked my young confidence.

Up until now, I had been starstruck enough to look at these interactions and think this was something cool. Something fun. I had thought I was special. Getting something that no other fan was. I felt wanted and beautiful. Its literally every fans dream right? To not only be noticed by your idol but appreciated by them. To be desired by them.

I was fortunate enough to never meet with Ryan in person and go through with anything. But do I believe, if the opportunity had arisen, that meeting would have been this man’s end goal? Yes. Do I believe that, as young and impressionable and eager to please an Internet celebrity as I was, I would have agreed to meet with him? Also yes.

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to gain from this. I don’t owe anyone but myself anything. But I think writing it down and screaming it into the void that is tumblr will help? I’m not sure. Maybe it will. Whatever the case, this post was for me. For no one else, and I am sorry for clogging up the dash of anyone who could care less about this AH drama!

But for the other victims out there, for the ones who have told your stories, for the ones who will tell their stories, and for the ones who won’t. I see you. I hear you. I believe you.

We will get through this. I promise.

[dewitty1]

Have you considered MAYBE not being so damn needy all the time? Your tags, your posts they all scream NEEDY-GIMME ATTENTION-VALIDATE ME-LOVE ME & you know why? Cause those are the literal words you use. & for most people those words are enough to make em run in the opposite direction. You seem like you are genuinely kind & friendly but why don't you just let others find out by being a normal person& making friends without BEGGING for attention? Chill TF out FFS& maybe you'll keep your followers.

Dear Nonnie, 

I feel really sad for you. It seems that you don't like it when people express their own feelings on their blog. If you've been following me for a while you'd know I have anxiety and depression. Sometimes I express those feelings on my blog. Which is my space to do so, if I wish. 

My blog is my place to vent some of these feelings, and maybe by doing that I can let some people know who follow me that they're not alone in feeling the same way. And yeah, maybe I do want to elicit a response from people who actually care. But I don't believe that to be my main goal. 

My main goal is to uplift myself by letting those feelings out into the void. I don't usually expect a response when I say anything on Tumblr anymore, though it's nice (usually, today being the exception) to get one. 

I usually try to mostly spread Drarry and HP love, with a bit of politics and whatnot thrown in. 

I feel like maybe you need some clarity in your own life. Because obviously you're in a bad headspace if you could come at someone and spread such vitriol anonymously. I can tell you from experience that therapy is fabulous. It's really helped me a lot. I'll send out some good thoughts and energy for you, and hope that you get help soon. 

I normally would not have posted this, but I felt like I really needed to respond to you. 

I would hope that had you been a real friend, that you would have expressed your feelings better in a DM, rather than this way. 

Be well, Nonnie… (ෆ ͒•∘̬• ͒)◞

[vermin-apologist]

About Me!

Hello!! I have a bunch of different names so you can choose whichever one you want to call me, I go by Bee, Rat, Ratty, Demo, and Al. 

 I really like music, like..so much. I’ll listen to nearly anything and my favorite song changes nearly every week lol. I know I sound edgy saying this, but I like more punk/rock/metal over most other kinds of music. Again, I’m gonna sound edgy; the only music I can’t listen to is folk/county stuff. It’s just not my thing. Right now my favorite artists are Mitski, Type O Negative, Korn, Slipknot, Creature Feature, Jack Stauber, Jazmine Bean, Angelspit, IC3PEAK, and The Birthday Massacre. 

I love all forms of art! I also draw sometimes! But like seriously, I think all kinds of art are interesting; I especially think poetry is super cool. I can’t write it very well but I enjoy reading it! If you wanna see some of my art then the tag is #my art, don’t scroll too far though..my older stuff looks yucky. I also have made an art blog @demodraws

I have SO many ocs, if you wanna ask about them then feel free to do so! Most of them are DBZ or OFF ocs, maybe some anthro characters as well!

I have three rp blogs @potas-time-patrol , @offbrandcozbi , and @axe-kat

I can get a little chaotic at times so bear with me, my mental stability can be rocky at times. I have various physical issues as well as mental ones that cause a lot of distress at times. Because of this I may disappear for a while or I may be constantly posting. I might even make vent posts sometimes then disappear. The vent tag is #screams into the void.

Dni if-

Homophobic

Xenophobic/racist

Promap/map

ableist

Proship/antianti

Basically, don’t be an asshole

 If you’ve read through all of this, thank you; *smooches you platonically*. You’re super cool and awesome! If you ever wanna message me then go right ahead! If you wanna tell me about your ocs or give me music suggestions, please do!