#my younger self would be so proud of me knowing how much she’s accomplished thus far in life

[frootyrooties]

it’s gonna be kinda strange living in nevada after living in new york for 10+ years. i’m sure it won’t take long for me to get used to that west coast life tho.

[zuko-always-lies]

Unpopular Opinion: Zuko’s treatment of Mai is deeply toxic.

Mai is a character who is often maligned in the fandom, with it even occasionally being claimed that she was “abusive” toward Zuko. Any objective analysis of Mai’s behavior in her relationship with Zuko will instead find that she was, in fact, a shockingly good romantic partner, generally treating Zuko very well and being loyal to him far beyond reasonable expectation.  Claims that Mai behaved toxically toward Zuko seem to be instead founded in misogynistic expectations that women be perfect caretakers for the men in their lives.

That is not to say that the Zuko-Mai relationship isn’t still deeply toxic. However, its toxicity stems from the manner which Zuko badly mistreats Mai, often in ways which devalue her. Much more under the cut.

Our story begins in the first half of Book 3.  The vast majority of episodes there don’t show anything particularly toxic going on in the relationship. The most you can say is that they suggest that Zuko tends to dump his problems on others and doesn’t have best understanding of his girlfriend.

However, inevitably we must turn to “The Beach,” the episode which, by far, gets the most into the Zuko-Mai relationship. To say that Zuko doesn’t behave well toward Mai in this episode would be an understatement. I don’t speak here of Zuko’s unsuccessful attempts to please Mai early in the episode, but instead how badly he starts treating her beginning at the party:

Ruon Jian: Hey, first ones here, huh? Zuko: (cut to shot of Zuko and Mai walking side by side) Pft. He thinks he's so great. (to Mai) Well, what do you think of him? (they stop walking) Mai: I don't have any opinion about him. I hardly know him. Zuko: You like him, don't you? (Mai sighs and walks away, as Zuko looks angrily in the direction of Ruon Jian. The camera zooms in on Ruon Jian)

And

(Cut to shot of Ruon Jian leaning over Mai. Zuko rushes toward them angrily and pushes Ruon Jian away from her. Cut to shot of Ruon Jian straightening his hair.) Ruon Jian: Whoa. What are you doing? Zuko: (close-up shot of Zuko, angry) Stop talking to my girlfriend! Ruon Jian: (Ruon Jian approaches Zuko) Relax, it's just a party. (Zuko pushes Ruon Jian hard, sending him flying across the room, breaking a giant vase.) Mai: (Mai stands up and grabs Zuko's shoulder. He turns towards her.) Zuko, what is wrong with you?! Zuko: What's wrong with me?! Mai: (angrily) Your temper's out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hot-headed and angry. Zuko: Well, at least I feel something...as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything. (raising his arms is the air) You're just a big "blah". Mai: (turning away from him) It's over, Zuko. We're done.

 And:

(Zuko follows her and the camera pans down to the handprint, left alone on the porch. Cut to wide view of the camera panning down Ember Island Beach. Zuko and Azula are walking side by side toward Mai and Ty Lee. Close shot of Zuko looking toward Mai and then looking away. Close shot of Mai looking angry and a bit sad.) Mai: Hey... (Interrupted) Zuko: (close shot of Zuko) Where's your new boyfriend? (Mai turns away angrily. Zuko comes and sits next to her) Are you cold? (he puts his arm around her, but she slaps it away)

Zuko is acting in a massively controlling fashion toward Mai, motivated by his violent and rage-filled jealously.  She literally can’t talk to a boy without Zuko flying into a jealous rage, trying to separate her from the person she’s talking to, and accusing her of emotional infidelity. In real life, this is considered a warning sign for an abusive relationship(although I don’t think Zuko has crossed the line into abusive yet).

“The Beach” also gives us this:

Mai: Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you. (Cut to over-head shot of the four teens. Zuko walks closer to the fire and Mai.) Zuko: I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once, (Close shot of Mai looking away and Zuko standing over her) instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside. She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?

Zuko tries to provoke Mai into having a fight with her best friend Ty Lee just so he can watch her express strong emotions.  Zuko very much wants to Mai to be and act like someone she’s not, which has its own issues.

Overall, Zuko treats Mai quite poorly in “The Beach.” The episode ends with this:

Mai: I know one thing I care about... (Cut to shot of Mai smiling at Zuko) I care about you. (Mai and Zuko kiss. Azula claps, causing them to separate and turn toward Azula. The camera pans left to include her.)

Mai forgives Zuko and accepts him back without him acknowledging his behavior was wrong, apologizing for it, or giving her any guarantee that he will treat her better in the future. That’s unfortunate, as Zuko soon ends up treating her far, far worse than he ever did in this episode.

Zuko’s disregard for Mai cumulates with the manner he commits treason on the Day of Black Sun. Let us start our understanding of what he did wrong from the beginning. Breaking up with Mai via a letter which didn’t give her a real explanation was a real asshole move, but it’s not at the core of what he did wrong.  For that, we need to turn to this conversation from “The Headband”:

Zuko: Can't you see we're busy? (He and Mai resume their "business".) Azula: (not to be put off) Oh, Mai... Ty Lee needs your help untangling her braid. Mai: (complaisantly) Sounds pretty serious. (She gets up and leaves. Walking past Azula, towards the camera, she shoots the princess a quick, poisonous glance behind her back.) Azula: So...I hear you've been to visit your Uncle Fatso in the prison tower. Zuko: (standing, incensed) That guard told you. Azula: (smugly) No, you did. Just now. Zuko: (sitting back down) Okay, you caught me. What is it that you want, Azula? Azula: (solicitiously) Actually, nothing. Believe it or not, I'm looking out for you. If people find out you've been to see Uncle, they'll think you're plotting with him. Just be careful, dum-dum.

Zuko has proven his loyalty to the Fire Nation beyond doubt, yet Azula is still very worried that him spending time with Iroh will get him accused of treason, because having a close association with traitors puts oneself under almost automatic suspicion of treason.

“Day of Black Sun, Part II”:

Zuko: First of all, in Ba Sing Se, it was Azula who took down the Avatar, not me. Fire Lord Ozai: Why would she lie to me about that? Zuko: Because the Avatar is not dead. He survived. Fire Lord Ozai: (alarmed) What?!

Zuko deliberately throws Azula under the bus, hurting her and reducing her status with Ozai as much possible while effectively accusing her of deliberately committing treason. He also deliberately pisses off Ozai as much as possible.

So where does this leave us? Mai is Zuko’s known girlfriend and extremely close associate. Automatically, the suspicion of knowing of Zuko’s treason ahead of time or being involved falls upon her. She’s in grave risk of being imprisoned, tortured, or executed, especially since Ozai seems not the type to be strictly concerned with ensuring those he punishes are guilty beyond reasonable doubt. The Fire Nation seems like a society which might have collective punishment(as historical East Asian societies, Nazi Germany, and the Stalinist Soviet Union did), and Mai might be under risk from that direction.  Finally, Ozai might hurt her simply as way of retaliating against Zuko.

Normally Azula would almost certainly be able to protect her friend, even under these trying circumstances, given Azula’s prestige and accomplishments.  However, Zuko has deliberately undermined Azula as much as possible and effectively accused her of committing treason herself, dramatically reducing the probability that she will be able to protect Mai.  In fact, Mai stands risk of being accused of being involved in Azula’s effort to “conceal the fact that the Avatar survived,” given Mai’s close association with Azula and her close involvement in the events where the Avatar “died.” She’s thus under danger from two different directions.

“But Zuko had to betray his father and become good through aiding Team Avatar.” Yes, it’s a good thing he did so. But Zuko had other options than the course he adopted. He could have avoided confronting Ozai at all and instead focused on rescuing Iroh(interesting AU idea right here).  He could have confronted Ozai but not thrown Azula under the bus, and that alone would have vastly reduced the risk to Mai(and also made Zuko out to be a better person, because deliberately throwing your younger sister under the bus and then abandoning her to the mercy of your abusive father is not a good look).  Zuko could have killed Ozai right then and there during the eclipse.  He even could have tried to lead Team Avatar to the bunker and tried to end the war right then and there.

“Zuko didn’t understand that he was placing Mai in danger.” Quite possible, but Zuko being so self-centered that he is unable of understanding that his actions can have negative effects on other people is a mark against him, not for him.

Now we turn to the Zuko’s behavior toward Mai in the rest of the third season.  Let us start with “The Boiling Rock, Part 1”:

Sokka: (emphatically) I think your Uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us, that's hard. Zuko: It wasn't that hard. Sokka: (Cut to a side view of the basket) Really? You didn't leave behind anyone you cared about? Zuko: Well I did have a girlfriend. Mai. Sokka: (He goes closer to Zuko with a surprised look on his face) That gloomy girl who sighs a lot? Zuko: (Cut back to show Zuko grinning goofily) Yeah. (his face turns serious) Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor. I couldn't drag her into it. Sokka: (Cut back to Sokka who leans back on the basket) My first girlfriend turned into the Moon. Zuko: (looks up) That's rough buddy

There are two things to unpack here. First, Zuko claims he “couldn’t drag her into it,” yet he already did, as I’ve illustrated above. Second, Zuko seems to expect that Mai would have followed him into treason if he asked her, that she would be willing to betray her nation, ideology, family, and friends just for the sake of her love for him. That’s an insane and pretty toxic expectation for Zuko to have for her relationship with him, especially since he wouldn’t do the same for her.

We also get more confirmation that Zuko doesn’t care at all about Ty Lee or Azula.

I don’t have a lot to say about the Zuko-Mai conversation during Boiling Rock, Part 2. The only things I would like to note are that Zuko is not very sorry for what he did, not very empathetic toward Mai’s pain, and doesn’t give Mai a real apology for his actions.

Of course, Mai proceeds to save Zuko’s life through committing treason in front of dozens of witnesses at Boiling Rock, something which places her own life in serous jeopardy. How does Zuko react to this?

Zuko: (Cut to a shocked Zuko) It's Mai. Azula: (Cut to a furious Azula) What is she doing?! (Cut to the backs of Azula and Ty Lee as Ty Lee shrugs and makes a "I don't know" noise. Cut to the gondola as it reaches the outer part of the crater. Cut to the inside of the entrance tower as the door opens and Suki rushes out followed by Sokka, Zuko, Hakoda and Chit Sang. Hakoda turns towards Chit Sang and points to the inside of the gondola. Chit Sang proceeds to throw the warden back in.) Hakoda: (Cut to the back of Hakoda's head looking at the warden lying on the floor) Sorry Warden, your record is officially broken. (Hakoda walks off screen while the warden continues to struggle on the floor. Cut to a front shot of the group as they run up a rocky incline.) Suki: Well, we made it out. Now what? Sokka: (Sokka stops and looks back at Zuko who pauses in his tracks, thinking) Zuko, what are you doing? Zuko: My sister was on that island. Sokka: Yeah and she's probably right behind us. So let's not stop. Zuko: What I mean is she must have come here somehow. (He runs to the edge of the rocks and looks down) There. (Cut to an area looking up at the edge of the cliff) That's our way out of here. (Camera pans down to reveal a Fire Nation zeppelin docked at the shore.

Zuko says Mai’s name once and then abandons her (to die?) with zero hesitation.  This is probably objectively the correct decision. It would probably be extremely difficult and dangerous if not outright impossible to save Mai.  The prison-break crew do have access to an airship, but it’s difficult to fly an airship over the lake’s thermals.

Yet that’s not my point. Zuko abandons Mai with zero hesitation, with zero anguish, with zero angst. He doesn’t even to seem consider the possibility that he should save her.  Something tells me if Iroh had just saved Zuko’s life under identical circumstances and then was in imminent risk of harm, Zuko would act very differently, that Sokka, Suki, and Hakoda would have to drag him off that island.

Zuko’s complete disregard for Mai continues for the rest the series. Remember this exchange from “The Cave of Two Lovers”?

Zuko: (losing his patience) We're not taking any more chances with these plants! We need to get help. Iroh: But where are we going to go? We're enemies of the Earth Kingdom, and fugitives from the Fire Nation. Zuko: (musingly) If the Earth Kingdom, discovers us, they'll have us killed. Iroh: But if the Fire Nation discovers us, we'll be turned over to Azula.

Zuko considers being captured by Azula a worse fate than death!

But do we see Zuko worry once about Mai’s fate? Do we see angst about what might have happened to her? Do we see him make any effort to even discover her fate, much less rescue her?

No. In fact, Zuko launches a sophisticated operation to infiltrate a Fire Nation information center so that he can gain intelligence in order to help Katara murder someone so that she’ll like him, but he doesn’t even consider doing the same to find out about Mai’s fate so that he could potentially rescue her. Zuko doesn’t even mention Mai once after Boiling Rock until the very end of the series finale, even though she sacrificed herself to save him. Remember this exchange(“Sozin’s Comet, Part 3”):

Zuko: Sorry, but you're not going to become Fire Lord today. (jumps off Appa) I am. Azula: (laughs) You're hilarious. Katara: (standing beside Zuko) And you're going down. (The fire sage motions to crown Azula, but she raises her hand, signalling him to stop.) Azula: Wait. You want to be Fire Lord Fine. Let's settle this. Just you and me, brother. The showdown that was always meant to be. Agni Kai! Zuko: You're on. (Katara turns to Zuko, surprised. Cut to a close up of Azula's lips as the curls into a smile. Cut back to Katara and Zuko.) Katara: What are you doing? She's playing you. She knows she can't take us both so she is trying to separate us. Zuko: I know. But I can take her this time. Katara: But even you admitted to your Uncle that you would need help facing Azula. Zuko: There's something off about her, I can't explain it but she's slipping. And this way, no one else has to get hurt. (Fade to a shot of the courtyard from the side. The camera pans from Zuko kneeling on the right end to Azula kneeling on the left end. Cut to a shot of Zuko rising and turning around, then cut to a shot of Azula rising. Each can be seen behind the other. Cut to a shot of Azula from the front turning and removing the Fire Lord robes.) Azula: I'm sorry it has to end this way, brother. Zuko: (in his stance) No, you're not.

Notice something? Zuko doesn’t demand to know what happened to Mai! It’s almost like he forgot she existed!

Now we turn to the final infamous exchange(“Sozin’s Comet, Part 4”):

Mai:(off screen) You need some help with that? (He looks up surprised and moves aside to reveal Mai leaning against the doorway. Cut to a close up of Mai as she walks towards Zuko.) Zuko: (Cut to a delighted Zuko) Mai! (Walks off screen) You're ok. (Cut to an area behind Mai's back as Zuko opens his arms out in a hug) They let you out of prison? (Mai walks behind Zuko and lifts up his empty robe sleeve.) Mai: My uncle (Zuko puts his arms through the sleeve) pulled some strings, (she proceeds to fasten his robe) and it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend. (She walks in front of Zuko and places a hand on his chest) Zuko: So does this mean you don't hate me anymore? Mai: (she blushes) I think it means... (Cut to a close up of the couple) I actually (places a hand on Zuko's cheek) kind of like you. (They lean in for a kiss and part a fewseconds later, looking into each other's eyes happily) But don't ever (She jabs a finger into Zuko's shoulder and Zuko's eye traces the movement of her finger) break up (She lifts her finger into the air and Zuko's eyes still follows it) with me again. (She jabs her finger into Zuko's shoulder one last time and Zuko smiles goofily. They embrace and the camera zooms out slowly.

Zuko seems surprised to learn that Mai is OK, almost like he made no effort to find out her fate once he took charge of the Fire Nation. And indeed, his first acts as leader of the Fire Nation were not to find out what happened to her or, if he actually knew, to get her released from prison.  Mai only got released from prison when her uncle and his connections got sufficiently confident that Zuko had been completely accepted as the new leader to release a massive traitor completely on their own initiative.  This was quite possibly weeks after Azula-Zuko Agni Kai, yet he made no apparent effort to get her released. It’s almost like Zuko completely forgot about Mai, even though she sacrificed herself to save him.

And, of course, Zuko doesn’t accept responsibility for any of the awful ways he treated Mai, much less apologize to her or offer any guarantee he will behave better in the future. Mai still forgives him anyways, just like she did in “The Beach,” only for Zuko to continue to screw her over. There is something deeply depressing here, as there’s every reason to believe that Zuko will screw over Mai over, devalue her, and disregard her well-being, desires, and interests again the moment it’s convenient for him to do so. He certainly has not recognized that his toxic behavior here is something he needs to stop doing. Ironically, the comics get this right by having Zuko try to use his power as Firelord to order Mai to stay his girlfriend.

Ultimately, Zuko loves Mai and cares about her deeply, yet he still treats her as a tool and acts like she exists to serve him. It reminds me how show! canon Ozai genuinely loved show! canon Ursa, but still used her as a tool and threw her away.  Honestly, I doubt 16-year-old Zuko is really ready for any romantic relationship at all, given his often toxic behavior, his trauma, and the incredibly stressful position he’s placed in at the end of the series.

[mikeconphoto]

"FIT FEATURE: ALEX PAINE" - BY MIKECON PHOTOGRAPHY

First and foremost, I want to thank you all for reading this blog. I’m writing this one primarily because it’s been a long time coming since this came out. This blog is actually supposed to be in a magazine. I won’t say which one however, the magazine did say years ago that they’d use the images, but then when they had a change of staff, they then changed their tune and stated that they made no written promise that they’d publish the photos of Alex. Thus, was my reason for making my own, “Fit Feature(s)” on my own website for the world to see. I added more images from other shoots inside of the blog just to make up for lost time. Our initial shoot that was on 14 November 2016, so almost 4 years later, I’m going to post this. Alex has since updated the information on all of her accomplishments, so sit back and take a ride with me.

HERE WE GO! …Oh man, there’s a lot to say about this amazing athlete. Alex Paine is something awesome. I literally have met only a handful of people that are energetic and fun to work with in my career. No matter how many times I’ve worked with Alex, she has always brought me her best. On 17 May 2017, I received an email from her Mother Rhonda that read, “Thank you so much for helping my daughter, Alex, with her dream.” To me that was awesome because not a lot of parents take interest, or support their children’s dreams when they’re older. I’m always proud of Alex, and I’ll always support her because she’s just awesome people! Once you get to know her, you will know exactly why she’s awesome!

Describe your life before you started training.

Before I started training, health was never really anything that crossed my mind. I was not active, although a played a few sports in school, and I never cared about diet. I was fortunate enough when I was younger to have parents that understood the importance of diet and nutrition so I never had issues with weight until later in life. When I went to college I ate whatever I wanted and did not participate in any kind of active lifestyle. I quickly began putting on weight and indulging in a very unhealthy lifestyle. 

How different do you feel now compared to then?

I feel stronger, more confident, and empowered by my accomplishments. I am a happier and healthier person because of the hard work and dedication that I have put into myself.  By pushing the boundaries of my physical limits through training I have not only become a more successful athlete but these traits have crossed over into other aspects of my life and I have found that I work harder on my education and relationships. It is amazing how when one aspect of your life is in order the rest of it seems to fall into place. Be happy, be healthy!

Was there is pivotal moment that motivated you to start training? If so, what was it?

I was a junior in college when I started noticing that my life decisions had led to quite a bit of weight gain and I realized I was no longer happy with how I looked or how I felt. I knew that something needed to change. I was not active, I did not eat well, and I was starting to become very unhappy with my physical appearance. Although all of these were large factors the biggest turning point was when I went on a hiking trip with my friends. I have always loved the outdoors and hiking has always been a passion of mine; however, this time was different. I found myself struggling to keep up with my friends and feeling completely unprepared for the trip. I had stopped taking care of myself and because of this I was no longer able to do the things I loved and I knew then that I needed to make a change.

Do you remember your first training session? How different is your training today?

My first training sessions were all about cardio. I would spend hours everyday on the elliptical doing steady state cardio while I read or studied for exams. I figured as long as I was moving I was burning calories and that was all that mattered for losing the weight. This worked slowly but I realized I was not getting the results I wanted. I changed from cardio to doing some popular workout videos that incorporated lightweight training mixed with HIIT cardio and I started noticing that not only was I losing weight but I was also getting stronger. This is when I got addicted to weight training and strength development. I stopped doing cardio and focused on weight training, on lifting heavy, and just getting stronger. After two years of heavyweight training I decided that I wanted to compete in a bodybuilding show. Today my focus is on competing so I train differently. I still primarily weight train but focus more on certain body parts and concentrate on symmetry when deciding what and how to train. 

What has been the most rewarding aspect of training for you? Why?

Seeing results! These may have been slow and gradual at times but when I take the time to look back and see how far I have come, the reward that I feel makes everything I have done to reach my fitness goals worth it.  I am always growing, always changing, and always reaching new goals. Fitness is progress and this progress is what makes this lifestyle so rewarding. 

What has continued to motivate you throughout your training? Why?

The fitness community associated with Musclemania and Fitness Universe have been a huge part of what has motivated me throughout my training. There are many different organizations out there and every competitor must find the one that fits them best. For me that has been Fitness Universe. The support they give their athletes is completely remarkable. They promote their athletes on social media and on their websites and are always checking in on their athlete’s progress. The production of their shows is also above and beyond that of any organization that I have ever seen. Each athlete gets his or her moment in the spotlight on the stage and each person is made to feel like a star. The community of athletes is like no other, I have made many lifetime friends in this organization – from competitors to promoters – and would not be were I am today in this industry if it was not for their support! 

What are your qualifications - why did you set out to achieve these?

I attended Buena Vista University for my undergraduate degree from which I graduated summa cum ladde with a bachelor in biology. Currently, I am a full time graduate student conducting research on science education at the University of Colorado-Boulder. I have already earned her Masters in Molecular, Cellular, ad Developmental biology, studying Fat metabolism and Glucose homeostasis in Type II diabetes. I am currently pursuing my PhD in the same field studying Scientific Teaching. 

Teaching is my passion. Whether that is fitness or science, I love it all. In the future I aim to become a teaching professor at a university where I can inspire and prepare young adults for careers in science.

In my free time I work as a personal trainer, posing coach, and I even run my own business - Xela’s Customs, for which I design and competition suits and theme wear. I make my own theme wear, bikinis, and have even been the sponsored suit provider for multiple local Musclemania shows. Recently I have expanded this business to be more encompassing to better serve my clients by adding hair, makeup, and tanning packages for athletes.

What have you had to overcome to get to where you are today? Did that change you in any way? If so, describe how.

One struggle that I have had to overcome is one that is actually quiet common among people in the bodybuilding/fitness industry, which is body dysmorphia.  This is a disorder in which people constantly think about and obsess over their real or perceived flaws. The reason this is so common for those who focus a lot of effort into competing is because we are trained to analyse our bodies for symmetry, fat percentage, as well as muscle size and shape. This can be overwhelming and start to consume you. Body dysmorphia is something that consumed me after my first show and is something that I have and continue to struggle with on a daily basis. I work every day to not focus on my flaws and I consistently work towards reflecting on the positive aspects of myself. I push myself to promote my own self-love. It is important for competitors and everyone alike to be realistic and honest with themselves, not to put pressure on being perfect, and to love themselves and be proud of all the hard work they are putting into their health and fitness. 

What is the number one lesson you have learned about health and fitness through your training?

Nutritional decisions are the number one component of fitness that will give you results; whether this is weight loss or muscular development, nutrition is key.  Finding a nutritional portfolio that fits both your body type and goals is probably one of the hardest parts of fitness but once you have found what works it is easy to live a healthy lifestyle that promotes working towards your fitness goals. 

What do you wish you had known when you were 16?

You only have one body so take care of it and don’t be afraid to chase your dreams!

Describe how training makes you feel.

I love training and spending time in the gym; the gym is truly my happy place. I can escape from everything when I train and just focus on the reps. Its freeing and invigorating all at the same time. There is no feeling like training hard in the gym. The release of endorphins I get when I train and escape from the world that I feel really makes training my favorite part of the day. 

Do you have a quote that you live by? If so, why this one?

“Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” Fear of failure is what prevents many of us from chasing our dreams. You may have to face your fears in order to accomplish the things that mean the most to you, but once you have the reward is worth every part of your struggle. So face your fears head on and take control of your future!

What was your reason for taking health and fitness to the level you have? Why is it so important to you?

Competing is fun, but honestly my favorite part of fitness is helping others. I love being a motivator and helping others see their potential when it comes to fitness, I want to motivate and encourage, specifically women, to push the boundaries of what they believe their bodies are capable of.  I want to be a role model to women. I want to motivate and encourage girls too see that being strong is amazing, that living a healthy lifestyle is rewarding, and seeing your body change is worth more than anything you can buy.

What advice would you give to women wanting to get into the best shape of their life?

Think about the other 23 hours in your day. Its’ not the 1 hour in the gym that will get you fit, it is the other 23 hours of the day. In other words, going to the gym is great for your health but if you neglect to provide your body with the correct nutrients, neglect to provide your body with the rest it needs, or give your body substances that are harmful in this time, you will not see the progress that you are working for in that hour at the gym. 

What is the most important thing women need to remember when training? Why?

Progress is slow; it does not and will not happen overnight. You have to stay persistent and consistent in your training and nutrition if you want to see results. 

Fitness is not a crash diet or a few weeks of weight training in the gym; fitness is a lifestyle. Fitness is a journey of self -discovery and change. 

We all have days where motivation is low – how do you overcome these? Have you always been able to do this?

When my motivation is low I reflect on my goals. I think about what I want now in comparison to what I want most and then make a decision about what I can do today to get me one step closer to that goal. By having a goal and reflecting on that goal you keep yourself accountable as well as provide yourself with the perspective you need to keep moving toward that goal.  

What would you like to see change in the health and fitness industry?

Honesty. This is especially important for women. When women see pictures of competitors, models, and girls on their favorite magazines they think “I want to look like that!” and in many cases what these girls look in these images is neither healthy nor maintainable. As a competitor I play with my foods, water, and even salt intake to look the way I do on show day and by the next day I will look completely different. Unfortunately, this information is not what is shared with these images, instead slogans like “lose 5 pounds in 10 days” or “get abs like these” are featured next to these women giving those reading these messages the hope to someday look like the model on the magazine.  By bringing in honesty about what that model had to do to look like that or even just producing images of women who live a healthy and maintainable lifestyle, women will have a better understanding and more realistic goals of the body that fitness can give them.

What would a perfect Sunday involve for you?

Sunday is my rest day. I love spending my Sunday’s with family and of course my two little dogs. Sleeping in is a must, followed by a small brunch and a day at the dog park with my pups. 

Contest history - Do you have a highlight? Why?

Musclemania Colorado Natural Tour 

Ms. Bikini Mile High 2015

Mile High Model Champion 2015

Top 5 Finalist at Ms. Bikini Colorado 2015

Top 5 Finalist at Ms. Fitness Colorado 2015

Colorado Model Champion 2016

First Runner-up Ms. Bikini Colorado 2016

Colorado Model Champion 2017

Overall Colorado Bikini (Pro Card Earned) 2017

Colorado Model Champion 2019

First Runner-up Rocky Mountain Figure 2019 

First Runner-up Rocky Mountain Women’s Physique 2019

Colorado Figure Champion 2019

First Runner-up Colorado Championship Women’s Physique 2019

Fitness America Weekend 

Top 25 Finalist at Ms. Bikini America 2015

Top 10 Model America 2016

FirstRunner-up Ms. Bikini America 2016

First-Runner up Commercial Model America 2017

Top 10 Ms. Bikini Professional America 2017

First Runner-up Figure America 2019

Top 5 Women’s Physique America 2019

Top 5 Sports Model America 2019

Top 10 Ms. Bikini Professional America 2019

Diet

I eat 5 to 6 small-portioned meals throughout the day that are high in proteins and healthy fats and lower in carbs.  I always stick to clean and whole foods. Some of my favorite clean proteins are chicken and tilapia and my favorite healthy fats come from nuts and avocados. Detailed information about my nutrition is copyrighted by my trainer and coach Allen (Watty) Watkins from Team Tried and True.

I highly recommend spending the time and money to find and hire a coach as they provide a scientific approach to weight loss and muscular development. I know some people do not always want to spend the money on this aspect of fitness but you have to look at it from the point of view of your health. You are spending money on your health, your well being, your confidence. You are only given one body and, in my opinion, there is no amount of money that would prevent me from taking care of my body. 

Workout week

Monday – Legs (hamstring focus) 

Tuesday  - Shoulders and Triceps

Wednesday – Back and Biceps 

Thursday – Legs (Quad focus)

Friday – Back and Arms

Saturday – Shoulders and Abs

Sunday -  Rest day

QUICK QUESTIONS:

What is your favorite food to indulge on? How often do you treat yourself?

Halo top Ice cream is by far my favorite indulgence. Its low calorie ice cream that is high in protein, low and carbs, and best of all, tastes like real ice cream! 

What is your best beauty secret?

As a makeup artist, I can not stress enough the importance of taking a break from makeup – I try to only wear coverage products, like foundations, when I absolutely have to, otherwise I just put on some light moisturizer with SPF and call it a day. This keeps my skin clear and breakouts to the minimum. 

Who inspires you? Why? 

Without the help of my parents and my boyfriend I do not know if I would be where I am today. Both of my parents were active bodybuilders when I was younger and have maintained a healthy lifestyle to this day. Having them there for me to push me to live a life of fitness and always being there to help me along the way has been truly amazing. My friends have been supportive as well. They are always there for me when I need help with my diet, workouts, cardio routine, or when I just need someone to listen. My coach, Allen Watkins of Team Tried and True has also been a huge inspiration for me. He has pushed me to be the best athlete I can be through intense training regiments and science based nutrition. Without him I would not be the accomplished athlete that I am today.  My friends, family, and supporters have all inspired me every day to get up, to push myself to the limit, and to become the best me I can be.

Who is your fitness and body role model? Why?

Jen Heward - Youtube Personality

This woman is inspirational! She is open and honest about the fitness lifestyle, loves herself and encourages all women to do the same, and motivates women to simply be the best they can be. Her positive attitude and outlook on life puts a smile on my face and always leaves me feeling like “I can do this.”

Dana Linn Bailey and Dani Scho - IFBB Women’s Physique 

These ladies are the original women of what is now known as women’s physique. Their hard work and dedication to the sport is what inspired me to start bodybuilding in the first place and they have been the real driver for my transition into Figure and Women’s Physique. 

What do you have in store for the future? What do you want to improve on?

Fitness related: I want to train harder and put on more size and muscle before my next competition. I also want to become more involved in the Musclemania/Fitness Universe organization. I currently help to organize and produce the local shows in the Colorado area and I hope to continue to pursue this passion for both the local shows in the 2020 season. I am also working on growing my bikini/theme wear business to provide competitors with unique customized suits that simply make them feel like stars on stage. Finally, I am working on becoming a certified personal trainer so that I can help other women reach their fitness goals and find the same happiness that I have found through fitness.

I'm currently preparing for:

Currently I am in my off-season training for my next Fitness Universe competition – either at Fitness Universe Weekend in Miami or Fitness America Weekend in Las Vegas. My goal for the 2020 season is to acquire another pro-card in the Fitness Universe organization as a Figure Pro. 

Website and/or social media: 

Xelas Customs Bikinis Facebook: Paine4Gains Fitness and Xela’s Customs Instagram:@paine4gains and @xelas_customs

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #221

“god is making fun of me; he’s up there laughing, i can see.”

What type of toothpaste do you use? Crest. What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? b l a c k Are you sexually active? No. Do you have sensitive skin? I guess? Are you egotistical? I have the self-esteem of like... a blobfish. Do you have an older sister? Multiple. Favorite song by Owl City? I like "Fireflies" and "Hot Air Balloon." What color is your mum’s car? White. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? In the hallway that connects the bathroom and kitchen. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? I AM MUCH MUCH LIGHTER. My dad is really dark-skinned from being a mailman for all my life. Always being outside does it. His arms especially are really really tan from sticking them out the window. Do you like apricots? Noooo. Do you like kinky sex? Never tried anything kinky before, so wouldn't know. What country were you born in? The U.S.A. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? LIQUID. Bar soap grosses me out, even though it's... yeah, soap. Like multiple people (if you live with others, anyway) are rubbing that on their body, no thanks. Do you believe being gay is a choice or a “disorder”? Neither; I believe it's a mutation. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhh jaybirds... cardinals... bald eagles... crows, ravens... vultures... peacocks... Victoria crowned pigeons... barn owls, horned owls, snowy owls... probably others. There's so many, I'm not musing over it forever. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? I don't live in a "neighborhood." But you see lots of crows in this area. If you don’t understand a reference in something, do you look it up? Sometimes. Depends on what it is, how interesting it is. Are you the kind of person to look at accident sites, when passing them by? Morbid curiosity gets the better of me here. Did you ever make dolls or hand puppets in primary/elementary school? Yeah. When you were little, what sorts of make belief did you play? Y'ALL I did the weirdest shit. I remember I loved mimicking A Bug's Life by taking a leaf and placing things like seeds and stuff on it, my little sister and I enjoyed "cooking" with plastic food and our oven set, we liked playing house with friends, OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HOW WE USED TO LOVE BEING MERMAIDS IN THE POOL, uhhh. Idr, there's other stuff for sure. I was really creative as a kid and loved playing make believe. Has a friend’s parent ever given you a present just because? I don't think "just because." What do you do with clothes you can’t wear anymore? We donate them, give them away to friends if they like something, or, when it comes to our favorite shirts, my mom has actually been working on creating a big blanket out of them since we were kids. I hope she finishes before her time's up. What is something you’re very particular about? How my food is prepared. What is your dearest stuffed animal that you own? Why is that? My moose Brownie from Cabela's in Ohio. I ALWAYS slept hugging him as a little kid and even teenager until Jason got me Rebel the meerkat. He's still on my dresser. Name something awesome from another culture that is not part of yours: Oh man, idk. When at a Chinese or Japanese restaurant, do you use chopsticks? I have pretty intense tremors. I could NEVER use chopsticks. What’s something you can’t wait for about growing old? Um, nothing? Nothing about being elderly seems fun. How do you expect your life to go like? How are you ensuring that? Ideally, it would be defined by contentment and success. I want to know financial peace, stability, and pride in what I've accomplished. I'm trying my damnedest to ensure this by going back to school, trying as hard as I can to push my photography, and work on my mental health. Or do you just wing it as you go? NO. I've always had plans and goals, and I act on the desire to achieve them. The only time I was truly "winging it" was during my suicidal depression phase after the breakup. I was literally too busy wanting to die but being too afraid to and so lost and hopeless that I didn't know what to do. What’s a yard game that you still enjoy playing as an adult? Hunny I don't go outside rip. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Portuguese man-o-war, probably. They don't have a fucking brain yet are alive????? And deadly as a mfer????? How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Sleep. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Well, shacks. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some anime. What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend? I don't think I have a set "favorite" way. What’s your “Death Row Meal”? I mean, it'd depend on what I wanted at the time? Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home? I strongly prefer going to the theater. Don't really know why, though... I guess the setting, being in the dark and watching on a huge screen? When you were a kid, did you eat the crusts on your sandwich or not? Yeah. I've never minded crust. What activity instantly calms you? Car rides where I can blare my music. Ideally, how would you spend your birthday? It'd depend on what I was up for that day. But definitely doing things with friends and family. What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard? Idk. I don't really like traditional jokes. Be witty. What’s the career highlight you’re most proud of? Ha. Do you think you’ll stay at your current company awhile? Why or why not? N/A How would your 10-year-old self react to what you do? That's like the most depressing thought possible lmao. What do you remember most about your first job? The fact I can't do customer service. All I remember is the anxiety. Did you start working immediately after finishing school? Why or why not? No. I just wasn't ready. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? I lasted two hours in a deli in a constant state of panic. Guess. What’s the best career decision you’ve ever made? Going back to school for a degree. What’s the worst career decision you’ve ever made? Trying the deli. How much time do you spend with your family? Like... none, almost ever. We all live in different places. Who do you most like spending time with and why? In my family? My mom, because we relate on a lot and just generally get along. Were you close with your family growing up? My immediate family, yes. How do you define your family now? Distant. What traits are most important to you in your family members? Being accepting and open-minded. And supportive. Who are you the closest to and why? My mom. I live with her and she's supported and loved me through everything. Do you want a family of your own? Why does "family" always have to mean including kids? I don't want any. I just want my s/o and pets. What’s your favorite family tradition? We don't really have any anymore. If you could change your relationship with a family member, would you? If so, with whom? Yes, with my oldest sister. She pretty much disowned me at one point, we reconnected, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me again. We are VERY similar according to Mom, so it'd be nice to be close with her, but. What’s your favorite family memory? As a family... uh. Idk. Probably some times we were all in the pool together when my parents were still together, having fun. What TV family most reminds you of your own? *shrugs* Do you ever wish you were raised differently? In some ways, yes. Chores absolutely needed to be more enforced. What’s the best piece of advice a family member has given you? Idk, I'm sure something my mom said about moving on from things. Do you wish you had more siblings? If so, why? I wish I had a little brother, but one I was still relatively close in age with. I would've rocked that protective big sister over slightly-younger bro jazz. It would've been cool to have another kid to play with, especially a guy instead of a relatively girly-girl; not trying to make any pre-judgments about an imaginary kid, but you get it. Stereotypes and all. It would've been nice to have a more boyish sibling. Did you ever hide anything from or lie to your parents? Yeah. If you had a family business, what would it be? That would never happen in my family. Do you and your family have any nicknames for each other? Nothing out of the ordinary; ex. they usually just call me "Britt," but it's clear and reasonable why. What’s your favorite way to spend time with your family? I mean it varies. My parents are divorced and best apart so we're never really "together" unless we're at my older sister's house for birthday parties or holidays. That's the only time we're really *all* together. How do you show your family you love them? Always being there to listen or offer a signature bearhug. Have you ever been to a family reunion? Noooo, our extended family is littered all throughout the country. What’s the most important holiday you spend with your family and why? Christmas. It just reminds me of being a kid again. Who in your family would you describe as a “character”? Ho boy, my grandma. It's hurting lately to think of her as a "character" now though, seeing as she's dying of cancer now. She starts chemo soon, but this one's a death sentence regardless. It's spread too much. My relationship with her is strained and difficult, but I care for her nonetheless, and I worry that I'm really going to feel it all crash when she dies and I probably won't be there due to distance and school. What’s something your family would be surprised to learn about you? Shit, my family doesn't know most big things about me, I think; not because they don't care, but because I'm embarrassed of hobbies and interests and thus secretive. Only my mom knows mostly everything. I guess more than anything, uhhh... I'm no longer a Christian? I was raised religious, so most probably just assume I still am, and I don't just go around talking about how I dropped my faith. Which family member do you confide in most? Mom. If you had only one sense (hearing, touch, sight, etc.), which would you want? Sight, I think. What’s the first thing you look for in a partner and/or friend? A friendly, likable personality. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Oh wow, not since... around my birthday in February. The last person to say they loved you? Mom. Last thing received in the mail? For me, school textbooks. Do you have any famous relatives? Only ancestors. I consider "relatives" different/closer. Have you ever had sex in a public place? No. Have you ever been searched by the cops? It was either staff or police who did so the numerous times I went into the hospital and ER for my mental state. Are you any good at math? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? No. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No. Well, I think. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life? Yes. Have you gone to college/uni? What is/was your major? I'm in college now! My major in this school is organismal biology because they don't have zoology. I'm getting what I need here and then going to a university for zoology. What color is your best friend’s hair? Brown. Where were you going the last time you were a passenger in a car? Yesterday otw home from school. Have you ever dated someone who had a kid from a previous relationship? No, and I wouldn't. What was the last event that was a turning point in your life? Going back to school! :') What’s your favorite setting in nature? (mountains, beach, desert, etc…) M O U N T A I N S  M O T H E R F U C K E R What hair color is most common in your family? BROWN. Almost everyone is brown-haired. For how long has your favorite band been your favorite? Damn, it's been Ozzy Osbourne since 6th or 7th grade, and I'm 23 now. He probably always will be. I'm hopefully seeing him next year and I'm!!!!!!!! not!!!!!!!!!! prepared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have any photos on your refrigerator? What are they of? Yeah. There's numerous of my older sister and her fam, plus my grandmother and her husband. Maybe others, idr. What color are the pillows on your couch? We don't have pillows on there. Have you ever gone more than 5 years without going to the dentist? No. My mom always makes sure her kids keep up with health check-ups. Do you have a hard time sleeping when you’re away from home? It depends on the emotional and physical comfort of where I am, really. Do you know anyone who got engaged while still in high school? I believe so. Are you friendly to retail employees? Honestly, fuck you if you're not for no good reason. Half the shit you complain about isn't their goddamn fault. Do you know anyone who litters? Not regularly, no. I wouldn't associate with them, I don't care how simple that sounds. However, I kept my mouth shut at my nephew's last b-day party because the kids let balloons up into the air; they tend to end up on beaches or in the ocean, so technically, it's littering, but I didn't want to seem like an asshole. I'm certain my sister didn't really think about that though, or else she wouldn't have allowed it. Do you think your neighbors have any complaints about living near you? No. We don't do any harm. The dogs bark sometimes, but not obnoxiously loud to where you can hear it if you're in your house. What was the last kind of soup you ate? I tried canned vegetable soup when my tongue piercing was healing, but I didn't like it. Where do you usually buy groceries from? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter, depending on a few circumstances. What’s your favorite candy? Reese's if you include chocolate, strawberry Sour Punch Straws if not. Have you ever gone to a strip club? No, not my kinda scene. Are you jealous of anyone? *Envious, yes. Last song listened to? why????? do i like????????? "love rhymes with fuck you" by j star??????????? Do you take vitamins daily? No; only on Sunday I take a vit. d pill because otherwise I'm severely deprived. Is anyone jealous of you? I HIGHLY doubt that, homie. Last CD you listened to? Metallica's "Ride The Lightning" album when Mom and I were otw to my therapist once and my iPod wasn't working. This was FOREVER ago and I'm pretty sure it's still in there, lmao. Is there something you want to tell someone? I'm going to die wanting to see Jason one final time and apologize to him for how I treated him after the break-up. When you eat Frosted Flakes, do you add sugar in it? NOOOOOOO not a fan of Frosted Flakes. How many kids do you want to have? Zero. Have you ever gone behind your parents' backs? I actually don't think so... Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Ashley's huband's grandma will give you a hug even if she met you for only five seconds. Not a bad thing, it's just kinda uncomfortable. Where did you get your worst scar from? Surgery. Do you name your stuffed animals? Some. Have you ever been to Disney World? Yes. What is your favorite roller coaster, and where is it? My ass will not sit in a roller coaster, probably ever. What is your favorite state? From what I've seen, I find Utah the prettiest. Do you own any form of a Gameboy? I have a red Gameboy Advance that somehow still works. How is the world going to end? I find a meteor striking to be most likely, or we're swallowed by a black hole. Do you have any pets? Do you want any/more? Yes, and I do want another ball python morph, as well as a bearded dragon. Though if/when Sara and I move in together, Doris will be enough for a beardie, oml I love that sassy baby. :') <3 How did you find out about Myspace? Probably my older sister, or classmates. Are you careless with your information on the internet? "Maybe by some people’s standards." <<< Change "maybe" to "probably" for me, lol. I'm trying to improve, though. Have you ever owned a lava lamp? No, but my older sis had one as a teen. I want one SO BADLY. Is it better to color with markers, crayons, or colored pencils? Colored pencils, by far. Do you like to draw or write better? Write. I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I like, but I draw so rarely because I'm painfully critical over what I make. Do you have a favorite cousin? No. Can you knit? No. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? Nope. Who are your last three missed calls from? Mom, Mom, and a number I didn't recognize. What’s the biggest upcoming event for you? I dunno. Have you hung out with any guys recently? No, but I miss Girt, so I should invite him over some time soon. Do you like your school? I love my school. They are very invested into their students' success, as well as being a community. Who’s the weirdest teacher at your school? I wouldn't know, I've only been here a month. Do you have nightmares often? Apparently. Mom sleeps on the couch right outside my door, and I spook her quite a lot by waking up screaming or attacking my bed, she says. Thank God I don't tend to remember them. Clarification, they're not night terrors or anything like that. I'm just pretty active in my sleep, such as talking and such. Can you remember how old you were when your appearance started to matter? I was kinda self-conscious in middle school 'cuz BOY was I an ugly duckling. How frequently do you pee at night? I almost without fail get up once a night to go. Do you name your pet fish, if you have any? N/A Do your parents care about you cussing? Dad doesn't, but Mom does about "severe" words, so I try to censor myself around her. Who is your favorite person in the world? Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? I live only with my mother, so. Is there a stuffed animal you still take places with you? No. Last insult you received? Idk. Have you ever eaten Pop Rocks and drank Coca-Cola at the same time? Yoooo I think I did once at a b-day party, but not a lot bc I was scared lmao. At concerts, do you buy merch? I've only been to one, but I did. I would if I went to more. I've missed some fucking amazing bands' concerts this past year, and it's really annoying me now. Are you gullible? Not really. Do you get excited easily? No. Are you a headbanger? No, I'd get dizzy with a headache on board. First concert you went to? Alice Cooper. What venue was that at? Somewhere in Raleigh, idr. Have you ever been out of state for a concert? No. Are you fascinated by outer space? I don't know a person who isn't. It's very intriguing. Do you shop for new clothes each season? No. Is your hair dyed right now? If so, what color is it? No, but damn I want to. I wanna dye it lilac. I just need a professional to do it. Do you look up your symptoms online whenever you have a problem? Not "whenever," no. I typically just ask Mom. Do you eat enough fruits and vegetables? No. Definitely not vegetables. Do you have dreams that you’re not giving up on? Being truly content with my life one day. Do you think your hair looks better up or down? It's too short to go up. Do you like bare trees or green-leaved trees better? I prefer autumn trees. What season would you want to get married in? October/November, preferably, when the trees are all pretty. <3 What does your favorite stuffed animal look like? I have three "favorites," those being Brownie, Plum, and Rebel. I've already talked about Brownie the moose, then Plum is a stuffed snake from Sara that she'd had growing up, and Rebel is my stuffed meerkat from Jason that I always slept with while we were together and for a very long time after the break-up. He was a big comfort to me, and though he's a bittersweet stuffed animal now, idk. A lot of memories. His fur is all matted and you can just tell that fella has seen some love. Do you collect anything? Meerkat & Silent Hill stuff. What was the last book you read? I'm almost done with The Handmaid's Tale for school, and it is fucking phenomenal, coming from someone whose love for reading slipped away long ago. I have never in my life read a book with such vivid imagery and description. When was the last time you moved to a new house? The beginning of 2017. How long was your longest relationship? 3 1/2 years. Tell me about how your parents met. How old were they? They met through work. Idk how old they were, somewhere in their 30s, probably. What makes your bedroom special to you/what is your favorite part about it? It is VERY personalized; my room is looooaaaaded with shit relating to me and my interests, and that's what I love about it. It's very homey to me, surrounded by my passions. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first? I put soap on first. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance? I think the night of the breakup, when Mom essentially dragged me home from trying to walk to his house to talk. I entirely fell apart. When it comes to school, how motivated are you to work? It depends on where I am, actually. I'm at school for hours most days because my schedule fits into Mom's to avoid driving back and forth, and while I'm waiting in the library, I'm very motivated, even a bit obsessive. Meanwhile, at home, I don't want to work like... at all. I'm so used to this being my chill place. Do you know any high school sweethearts? How’s life treating them? My sister and her husband dated for a while in HS, actually, and they seem just fine. I'm sure my former friend and her husband are still together, and they've dated since middle school. I haven't had contact with her for like a year or so now though so idk how they are. Where do you usually buy your clothes? HotTopic or Wal-Mart. If you had to be a school teacher, which subject would you teach? Science, probably. But God FORBID I ever be a teacher; I wouldn't last. Which is the scariest ride you have ever been on in a theme park? Whatever that ride is where you sit in a bunch of chairs in a circle, go up way too damn high, and drop. I did it as a yolo even though I was terrified, and yeah, I screamed way too fucking loud. Never again.

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Remarks: ‘Little Cute Boy Ozpin’ AU. What would the story have been like if Ozpin was reincarnated as a 14-year-old boy but was still his own character?

greenfablesinverness replied to your post “AU Where Oscar only went to Mistral cause his uncle Ozpin had written...”

That “Ozpin was originally a de-aged Oscar” actually makes a lot of sense looking back at the beginning of the series. I think this was the original idea, but after Monty died Miles and Kerry felt too uncomfortable since BAM, this is Ruby’s love interest, and it might come off as creepy, so Oscar became a totally knew character entirely.

Squiggles Answers:

Hmm, makes sense. However even if that were true and the original story was for Ozpin to be reincarnated as a teenager after death without Oscar as part of his story, I don’t think the original intention by the CRWBY Writers and the show creator would’ve been to make Ozpin Ruby’s potential love interest. If anything, it makes more sense if the intention was to have Ozpin still be his own character after rebirth and have Ruby gain her love interest as a new character with or without it tying into Ozpin’s story.

As a matter of fact, y’know what? They could have easily done both. Did you know that the CRWBY Writers could have still given us the same Ozpin-reincarnation storyline being intertwined with Oscar’s without having to make them share a body? Let me explain how.

Oz the Kid

Just have Ozpin reincarnate as a young 13-14 year old boy with amnesia to be found in Mistral on the outskirts of the Pine Family farm where he’s discovered by a young Oscar Pine.

Instead of Oscar being inspired by Dorothy Hale from the Wizard of Oz, imagine if… our veteran farm boy was based off of the woodsman who saved Red Riding Hood from the Big Bad Wolf. That could’ve been a nice way to tie Oscar to Ruby’s character which could’ve additionally been used to foreshadow their potential relationship.

Instead of Oscar being Ozpin’s newest form and successor, he could’ve been the old wizard’s young protector. Just as how the woodsman saved Little Red Riding Hood, Oscar could’ve saved a reincarnated young Ozpin and that’s how the two could’ve met. Humour me to rewrite Oscar and Ozpin’s story a wee bit.

Imagine an AU where instead Ozpin’s curse was that he returns as a teenaged boy with no memory of his past self and it was the purpose of the members of his Inner Circle to find and train him back to his former self. This would explain why Qrow had Ozpin’s cane. He was the scout. The proverbial eyes in the sky whose primary responsibility was to search and find the missing Ozpin in the event of reincarnation.

Speaking of Qrow Branwen, what I found odd about V5 is that in the scene where Oscar meets RNJR for the first time after helping a happily drunk Qrow back to their residence in Mistral, Qrow kept muttering that he found Ozpin. As if he had been searching for him since his death. While this provided us with a comical scene and cute introduction into the group finally meeting Oscar, in the context of continuity from V4, it doesn’t really add up.

Back in V4, Qrow was never actually shown searching for Ozpin. He’d been following RNJR since the end of V3. If Qrow had been looking for Oz the entire time during his side of the story for V4 but then later deviates from his duty to Oz after learning that RNJR was being hunted by Tyrian Callows; then that would have made more sense. Not to mention that it would have tied into the joke in V5 a lot cleaner, right?

I know it’s meant to be one of those gags where a character claims to have fulfilled a task that the audience knew they never accomplished. Y’know like that ‘My job here is done’ meme with Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

Nonetheless, that was one nit-pick for me with the writing for V5 because it’s a joke played for laughs that can just as easily double as a small  plot hole. But then again, this is just me.

Back to my AU: in this version of the story, let’s say Oscar is 16-years-old instead of the titular 14. Still young but this time he’s the exact same age as Ruby instead of the two being two years ago---thus killing any potential arguments surrounding the two year age difference.

Oscar’s original background story could still be kept. I do like the concept of Oscar Pine being a 16-year-old farm bred boy who lived in the nowhere of Anima on the outskirts of the Kingdom of Mistral alone with his aunt on their family farm. In my version of the story, Oscar actually has ties to huntsman that he’s fully aware of. His parents were huntsman who once fought bravely for their kingdom but died in the line of duty years prior to the story. This left a young Oscar in the care of his widowed aunt who raised him for another half of his life and who he came to love like a second mother. 

In this AU, Oscar was originally meant to go off to Haven Academy. He had even already excelled at combat school and had passed the entrance exam qualifying him as a student. His aunt was very proud of him when she heard the news as much as he was. Oscar had always wanted to be a huntsman following in his parents’ footsteps to become a hero. However a week before Oscar was meant to depart for Mistral, his aunt suddenly fell very ill. 

Though the neighbourhood doctors did their best to help, in the end, Oscar’s aunt was diagnosed with an illness that rendered her bedridden and too weak to take care of herself. Since she had no one else to look after her, Oscar decided to abandon Haven. 

Though it would mean giving up on his dream, it was a sacrifice the young lad was willing to make for the woman who loved him like he was her own son. Oscar felt morally obligated to look after his aunt even if it meant living the rest of his life taking care of her if he needed too.

Though his aunt was content on having him care for her over a random stranger, that didn’t stop her from feeling remorseful over forcing her own nephew to abandon his own life for hers and the guilt hindered her more than her disease did.

But no matter how many times his aunt used to incline that Oscar move on with his life and not worry about her, the boy would stubbornly ignore her wishes and chose to stay by her side. She needed him and in that moment, Oscar needed to care for her.

Even if it meant spending the rest of his life as a farmhand in Mistral, it was a choice Oscar would willing make for his family because at the end of the day, she was all he had and that was all that mattered to him.

But Oscar’s quite life took another sharp change when, one day, while tending to the farm like he usually did on mornings, he heard a sudden strange noise come from the woods outside the farm. Thinking it might be another one of those occasional small Grimm that liked to wander onto his family property from time to time, Oscar quickly grabbed the axe he had planned on using to chop some wood for his aunt and ran straight towards the outskirts in the direction of the noise.

To Oscar’s surprise, his discovery was not what he was expecting. Wondering the woods alone outside the farm was a young boy. His hair was as silver as starlight and to make the situation more awkward, the boy was also found naked as he was born. The lad couldn’t have been older than fourteen years old though he was rather small and lanky for his age. The minute Oscar called out to the kid; he suddenly keeled over and fainted into Oscar’s arms.

This boy is in fact the reborn Professor Ozpin back as a young boy. However if the story was to be played out like an episode then it would have ended on a cliff-hanger with the audience not knowing the true identity of this young boy who happened to cross Oscar’s path.

The next time the story picks back up, Oscar is forced to care for this young stranger who doesn’t have any recollection of who he is and where he came from.

When Oscar probed the young child with the obvious questions---Where did he come from? How did he end up near his farm? What’s his name?

The only thing Ozpin could tell Oscar, at least the part that made sense to the young farm boy, is that he is Ozpin. Anything else and he would get this pained look on his face as if trying to remember something important. After staying a couple of days on the Pine Family’s farm, young Ozpin eventually regains some of his memories and is able to tell Oscar that he needs to go to Mistral; saying that he has a ‘friend’ over there who could help him.

But his memories come in spasms. One minute he’s an inkling of his old self, remembering important details that he’s able to relate to Oscar. Of course none of it makes sense to Oscar but at least Ozpin is able to tell him. However when Oscar would ask Ozpin to make sense of everything he told him, he would then revert back to the other side. The side of him that was basically a helpless young boy, lost and confused.

Oscar tries to convince Ozpin to stay with him and his aunt on the farm until they could figure out a way to help him get back to where he came from. However, when he’s lucid, Ozpin kept insisting that he needed to leave for to Mistral immediately.

In my AU, Ozpin’s reincarnation suffered some complications.

Let’s say…each time Ozpin reincarnates, in order for the process to work successfully; meaning for him to come back younger but with all of his memories intact, it requires a lot of magic.

Let’s say, Ozpin depleted a lot of his magic during his last stand against Fall Maiden Cinder. As a result, this fight left him with less magic than he needed to reincarnate successfully. So his rebirth was botched.

Despite successfully returning in his adolescent form, his mind and memories became as shattered as a jigsaw puzzle.

Imagine…the Professor Ozpin we all know only with the short term memory akin to Dory from Finding Nemo. Rather than being whole, this new Ozpin is almost like two minds in one. One mind is Ozpin himself---he knows who he is and is quite coherent enough to recount his countless eons of memories.

But on the other mind, he is just a helpless little boy, frightened, confused 200% of the time and needing someone to care for him while also recounting whatever actions his ‘other self’ does---the total opposite of the man we all know Ozpin to be.

And to make matters worse, it doesn’t help that this new younger Ozpin often slips in and out of both personalities. One minute he could be recounting important info that could be helpful to the given scenario and the next minute, he’s like a naive toddler unable to remember anything.

Ozpin has always been portrayed as the man with all the answers. So can you imagine how daunting it would be especially for all the characters who believe in his wisdom like Qrow if the man with all the answers returned as a crippled version of himself unable to help anyone because his mind is too fragmented from his failed rebirth process?

I like this idea because it gives a new perspective of Ozpin while also presenting a new purpose to Oscar Pine.

Y’see in this version of the story, instead of Oscar being Ozpin’s successor and the two being forced to share a body; Oscar would unintentionally be drafted in as a member of Ozpin’s Inner Circle tasked with protecting him during times of reincarnation. Oscar essentially becomes Ozpin’s guardian---his protector as the two journey toward Mistral to rendezvous with one of Ozpin’s allies.

And this time, when Oscar leaves home to go with Ozpin to Mistral where he would also start being trained to become a huntsmen, it’s his choice and something he wanted to do from the start before he met Ozpin.  

If the CRWBY Writers wanted a way to reincarnate Ozpin, have him come back young while still making Oscar his own person, they could have done it like that. But for now, I guess it’ll make for a pretty cool AU.

 As to why Ozpin would reincarnate in Mistral near Oscar’s home of all places, lemme hit you with a solid explanation using some canon evidence. Remember the World of Remnant episode on the Four Maidens? Remember the old wizard who lived like a hermit in the middle of the nowhere?

Though it was never confirmed if the hermit lived in Mistral per say, for the sake of this AU of mine, let’s say whenever Ozpin died he had a tendency to respawn near common areas his past lives once resided in. So let’s say Oscar’s family farm was built over the same property that was once the land of Ozpin’s predecessor---the old hermit wizard and creator of the Four Maidens.

Though it was never confirmed if the hermit lived in Mistral per say, for the sake of this AU of mine, let’s say whenever Ozpin died he had a tendency to respawn near common areas his past lives once resided in. So let’s say Oscar’s family farm was built over the same property that was once the land of Ozpin’s predecessor---the old hermit wizard and creator of the Four Maidens.

That’s sounds like a cool way to tie Oscar to one of Ozpin’s previous lives and it can even work in the canon AU. But for now, let’s leave it like a cool idea.

The Wizard and the Farm Boy

Imagine…in this AU of mine, Ozpin living with Oscar and Auntie Pine for a short time---probably a couple of weeks giving him enough time to regain some of his more important memories while growing close to the Mistralian farm folk a lot better.

Imagine if…during this time, Ozpin shared a small private talk with Auntie Pine. Going to sound heart-wrenching but the concept I had is that in this AU, Ozpin met Oscar around the time his sick aunt was on her last days.

In her final moment, while Oscar was outside tending to the farm as always, Auntie Pine called Ozpin to her bedside and asked him for a small favour to an elderly woman. At that time he was himself and not his other ‘child-like’ persona who had been christened ‘Ozzy’ by Oscar; just so that he could tell the two minds apart. Auntie Pine beckoned Ozpin to help her write a letter. A letter that she wanted him to give to Oscar.

While Ozpin is helping Auntie Pine, at some point, she turns weakly to the old wizard and lets the truth slip to him about her little condition. I imagined their conversation would go something like this:

Auntie Pine: …I’m sure you’ve noticed but I’m not a well woman. In fact, I’m dying. Have been for some time now and that’s the cold, hard truth, plain as day. And…I don’t think I have much time left.

Ozpin: …I’m…sorry. I---Does Oscar…

Auntie Pine: ---No. I’ve been…trying to think of a more…delicate way to break the news to him for months. It’s hard…not to mention exhausting trying to tell the truth to someone who only wants to hear the good version of the truth all the time. He…used to listen to me y’know. But ever since I got sick, I feel like he listens more to my illness than me. Sounds crazy, right? He’s always been the stubborn type. Just like his father. But he’s got a big heart. He’s…a good boy and he’s…going to make an amazing huntsman one day. Probably one of the best this world has ever seen. But he can’t do that so long as I’m here…holding him back. And I’m ready to go. Heavens, I’ve been preparing to go for a very long time. But I’m worried…no…I’m afraid that if I go now, it might…break him. And I don’t want him to break. I saved him from that the first time after his parents died so…the last thing I want is to be the one responsible for him falling apart…

Ozpin: …Ms Pine…

Auntie Pine: ---Call me Emma, please. You don’t have to be so formal.

Ozpin: …Emma, you should…talk to Oscar.

Auntie Pine: …I told you. He won’t listen to me. But he will listen… to you. I know he’ll listen to you. I’ve heard your talks when Oscar thinks I’m just sleeping. *chuckles* For some strange reason, even with all your crazy talk about magic…and maidens…and people coming back to life and going to the city…he listens to you. Ozpin, I know we haven’t known each other for that long…and I know I have no business asking any personal favours of you. But…you seem like a real level headed young man or…old man, whichever one you prefer. Can you aid an old woman with her final request? Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t let my Oscar fall apart. It’s a lot to ask of a stranger but I like to believe you ended up here with us for a reason…a good reason. One that could change Oscar’s life for the better and give him more than I ever could. So please…I…beg you…please…promise me…

Ozpin: …I…have made more mistakes than any man, woman and child on this planet. I’ve made many promises that I have failed countless of times to uphold. However, in all my lifetimes, this is one promise I swear I’ll do my hardest to keep.

Auntie Pine: *smiling weakly* …You’re a good person Ozpin. I don’t know…what kind of skeletons you have in your closet. But I’ve always prided myself on being a good judge of character. Only a good person would make a promise to a dying woman and shed tears real enough to prove that he’s at least going to try to keep that promise so…thank you…

At this point, Auntie Pine extends a frail finger to touch Ozpin’s cheek as a single tear trailed down his cheek. Ozpin is stunned; not just by the old woman’s gesture but by his own reaction to his emotions. So instead, all he could muster is a silent nod all the while Auntie Pine is beaming at him through a pale face of smiles. Auntie Pine: Tell me…Ozpin…you’ve died before right? Does it…does it get any better…in the afterlife?

Ozpin: …I…I wouldn’t know…but for your sake, I truly hope it does.

Once again, Auntie Pine flashes Ozpin a fragile but contented smile and the old wizard felt his shoulders quake as he finally gave into his own tears.

Auntie Pine: …I think…I think I’m ready to see Oscar now…Can you…can you call him…for me please?

So Auntie Pine passes away after giving her final goodbyes to her beloved nephew. The death, of course, did exactly what Auntie Pine warned Ozpin would happen. It broke Oscar; to the point that he fell into a state of depression. As Oscar once disclosed to Ozpin during his stay, he had no other family. A lot of his past neighbours were either elderly folk who passed away or families who uprooted and moved to the main city. Oscar and his aunt were the only two left from the old neighbourhood. So when it came time for Oscar to bury his aunt, it was to an audience of only Ozpin.

Everyone else was gone. He had no one and for the first time since his parents’ departure, Oscar felt more alone than he ever did in his entire life and the feeling of loneliness devastated him more than the grief.  

At this point, Ozpin had stayed in the Pine residence for a little over two months and he was beginning to turn anxious. He had hoped Qrow would’ve found him by then. However since he didn’t, the old wizard figured something grim must’ve befallen the Branwen man (let’s say this was around the time Qrow had discovered Tyrian Callows was hunting RNJR and had diverted from his search for Oz in order to protect his family and her friends; leading to Qrow getting poisoned and…y’know the rest). This increased Ozpin’s urgency to get to the main kingdom.

Since Qrow hadn’t found him as originally planned, Ozpin had no choice but to journey to Mistral on his own. At least by then, he could rendezvous with the sole Mistral representative in his Inner Circle: Leonardo Lionheart and the two could’ve figured out a way to get in contact with Qrow.

Unfortunately, Ozpin had a problem. Two problems in fact. One, he needed someone to be his guide. Because of his botched rebirth, his memories of how to traverse Mistral were not the best. Not to mention that he wasn’t quite familiar with Oscar’s side of Anima. In this AU, let’s say getting to the train station shown in V4 was a much more perilous trip than what we got for the main series canon.

His only hope was gaining Oscar’s aid in journeying to the nearest train station that would then take them to the Kingdom. This led him to his second problem. Ozpin…did not want to leave Oscar by himself. He couldn’t. Not after the young boy and his family had taken him in the way they did and especially not after what he promised Auntie Pine.

It was then Ozpin made a decision. He was going to take Oscar to Mistral with him. Kill two birds with one stone. That way, Oscar could help him get to the city and Ozpin can keep a watchful eye over the young farm boy. Sounds simple, right?

The only problem was…Oscar refused to go. He just…wanted to remain on the land where his family was buried. Maybe become a hermit left alone to his grievances. It was then when Ozpin saw a connection between himself and Oscar

He was once this same way.

Remember when I said in this AU, Ozpin respawned near the Pine Family Farm because coincidentally the property was the same soil he once lived on alone as a hermit before he met the Maidens?

I like story ideas that in hindsight add up perfectly together. So perhaps this is a nice way to highlight a connection between Oscar and Ozpin for this AU.

I like this idea because I can imagine Ozpin hitting Oscar with the trademark RWBY questions: ‘What’s your favourite fairy tale?’ before telling him the famous The Four Maidens fairy-tale we know of. The twist is that Ozpin would reveal to Oscar that, of course, the fairy tale is true; explaining that the old wizard from the story was him in a past life. Ozpin would admit to Oscar that once upon a time, he too shared his same sentiments of wanting to live alone and isolated from the outside world; believing that a life of solitude was the only purpose left for existence after losing everything he loved.

But it was the kindness of four strangers that ultimately reminded Ozpin of how much more beauty and wonder existed beyond his walls. How his life wasn’t over yet. That he still had a second chance to start anew. Ozpin told Oscar this story in hopes that it would stir him to his senses. Convince him to be his companion on his quest.

It did not unfortunately. Despite his pleas, Oscar still stubbornly refused. This left Ozpin with no choice.

Not wanting to force Oscar to come with him especially in his time of grief, Ozpin solemnly decides to leave him behind and venture on his own. Before leaving, Ozpin gives Oscar the letter Auntie Pine had made him record her final words to Oscar. Of course, Oscar is still acting stubborn and doesn’t even want to read the letter. At this point, Ozpin is out of options and out of time. So he leaves Oscar and begins his own journey.

But as I mentioned earlier, in this AU, Ozpin isn’t familiar with traversing Oscar’s neck of Anima. So even though he left the Pine farm days ago, he eventually got himself lost and ended up wandering aimlessly through the woods for some time. This also led to Ozpin running into the local Grimm inhabiting the area which was a pack of hungry Beowolves. Though Ozpin did his best to combat the ferocious creatures, the old wizard’s luck unfortunately ran out when he reverted to Ozzy in the heat of danger, rendering himself incapable of defend himself further.

To make a long story short, Ozzy is soon rescued by Oscar, much to the child’s surprise. The young farm boy came to Ozzy’s aid wielding a weaponized battle axe which doubled as a Brunswick rifle. I like that as Oscar’s signature weapon in this AU since I talked about it before. Fusing the weapon with fire dust, Oscar torched any oncoming Beowolves attempting to harm Ozzy while sending the others fleeing in a blazing trail of panic.

To make it funny, Ozzy questions Oscar on how he knew where to find him after leaving days ago only for Oscar to respond that since he grew up in the area for most of his life, he knew the woods like the back of his hand so finding Ozpin wasn’t a problem especially since the old wizard had gotten himself lost and had actually been walking in circles for the past few days, much to Ozzy’s embarrassment.

Ozzy then questions Oscar of what made him change his mind about finding him. That’s when Oscar shows Ozpin the letter his aunt had left for him. The teenager apologizes to the old wizard for his behaviour before announcing that he had made up his mind to help him get to Mistral. His Pine pride wouldn’t allow him to allow such a, quote, ‘helpless child’ to wander the dangerous woods all alone even if said child is also a reincarnated 1000+ year old wizard. After all, it was the right thing to do and it’s what Oscar’s Aunt would have wanted him to do.

Despite the initial slip up, Ozpin was more than relieved to have Oscar accompany him. So with that, the two set off towards Mistral together.

 In this AU, part of the story is dedicated to Oscar and Ozpin going through their own journey towards Mistral just like Team RNJR. It isn’t just Ozpin spending time trying to convince Oscar to leave for Mistral before boarding the easy train.

One critique of V4 I’ve seen is the disappointment fans shared about Team RNJR having to make the long journey towards Mistral while all Oscar and Ozpin had to do was hop a train. Never mind that Oscar coincidentally lived within close proximity to a working train station that could instantaneously take him directly to the kingdom citadel.

And never mind that he also coincidentally got through with it despite having no money and needing Hazel Rainart to coincidentally show up at the same train station to help Oscar score a ticket. Yep, all one big coincidinks.

So since this is an AU I’m concocting here, I really like the idea of Ozpin and Oscar going through their own trials and perils on their separate journey to Mistral. They could still hop on a working train and still run into Hazel Rainart along the way for the final part of their Journey to Mistral. I mean RNJR took an airship at the end of their side of the journey which is the next best thing.

But like RNJR, it would’ve been cool to get some travels with Ozpin and Oscar: Fighting more Grimm, giving Oscar more opportunities to show off his capabilities as a huntsmen to protect Ozpin. In this AU, of course.

Not to mention that, since Ozpin wouldn’t have had his signature Oz-cane, I really dig the idea of Oz having to depend solely on utilizing what little magic he had to assist Oscar from time to time.

Referring to the main series now, we’ve never quite seen Ozpin actually perform magic in the canon, have we? We know he’s used his magic before but never actually seen him do it onscreen outside of RWBY Chibi

So imagine how cool it would have been to see a young Ozpin relearning to use his magical powers and this time, we actually get to see him cast spells or whatever the equivalent of performing magic in the RWBY-verse is like. 

I can picture Ozpin or Ozzy casting magic to help him and Oscar get out of tricky situations. Like for example: using magic to conjure up a shield of protection in order to save an overpowered Oscar from a charging Boarbatusk. Y’know like the one he summoned during his clash with Cinder Fall in V3.

Or perhaps using magic to ‘heal’ a serious wound on an injured Oscar by reversing time (like how Rapunzel healed Eugene in Tangled but without the glowing hair and song). Or maybe, just maybe, Ozpin using a wizard mind spell to manipulate someone into handing over a free boarding pass so that he and Oscar could take the train to the city. Those are three ideas.

It’s odd though. Despite Ozpin being confirmed as a legit wizard (a cursed wizard but one nonetheless) and in spite the confirmed existence of magic in Remnant by Ozpin himself, we’ve never actually seen Ozpin perform any feats of magic. Never mind that he used magic to create the Four Maidens and grant the Branwen Twins shapeshifting powers in his past life. Never mind that he did say his magic is finite and dwindling (whether that’s true or not). Still…he’s a wizard! Yes his magic is low but it could be cool to see him do something magical, even if it’s as small as a simple spell.

I don’t expect Ozpin to part the ocean or turn water into wine (although Qrow might enjoy that trick) but…still…it would be cool to see him perform a little something, something magical. Cause y’know…he’s a wizard! My hope is that Oscar is somehow capable of using magic for the main series canon so that we can possibly see some Ozpin magic tricks for V6. Hopefully.

 But for now, I’ll stick with my AU idea.

How would this AU handle the Oscar-Ozpin dynamic?

In this AU of mine, I like the idea of Ozpin and Oscar kinda joint adopting each other in a way. As Ozpin, he decides to take Oscar with him on his journey to Mistral, taking full heed of the promise he made to Auntie Pine that he would ensure the future that her nephew wanted---to become a huntsman; an objective that even Ozpin soon started to believe the boy was strongly capable of as he came to realize Oscar’s potential.

Oscar, in turn, comes to care for Ozpin’s well-being as well and even becomes like his own young protector or Guardian of some kind.

If Oscar was made to be Ozpin’s protector rather than his new vessel as an alternative, then I can definitely see the two sharing a big brother/little brother dynamic. I like the idea of Oscar and Ozpin both being big brothers/proxy dads to one another. One mind provides Oscar (and essentially all the young heroes) with the huntsman training and experience he’s always desired while at the same time, the two build a trusting mentor and apprentice relationship with each other that Ozpin only shares with the closest members of his Inner Circle (such as Glynda and Qrow).

And this dynamic is also transcended into the other side of their relationship where it’s the reverse and Oscar is Ozpin’s caretaker, using his training to protect him when he’s most vulnerable (as Ozzy) while establishing a bond where Oscar actually does look after Ozpin (as Ozzy) despite him being leagues older than him.  

I kind of picture Ozpin and Oscar’s connection in this AU of mine like Kara and Alice from Detroit Become Human.

Originally, both Oscar and Ozpin knew nothing about each other. Only met on coincidence. Yet in some twisted fate, their lives became intertwined and to each other, they suddenly became someone whose well-being they now valued as much as their own and wholeheartedly wanted to help. 

Like I’m imagining both Oz and Oscar both justifying their commitment to helping each other during private talks with Ruby and Qrow. Ozpin is of course talking to Qrow while Oscar is with Ruby.

Oscar to Ruby: 

Oscar: …I don’t think your uncle likes me very much.

Ruby: Don’t be silly. He’s just a little grumpy sometimes…with just you…a lot.  

 Oscar: *laughs* Nice save. Good attempt. But…nah, my aunt trained me well enough to sniff out when someone really doesn’t want me around. And…I think your uncle thinks I shouldn’t be here. I don’t blame him though. He probably thinks I shouldn’t stick around anymore since Oz is back with you guys. Back with his people.

Ruby: You’re his people too. He told us you saved him.

Oscar: I just gave him a place to stay and some food. But…thanks… to both of you for the kind words. I mean, I promised Ozzy I would help him get to the city to meet his friends and I did. I guess…I really have no business sticking around here.

 Ruby: Well…then why are you still here?

 Oscar: …Uhh…I guess… one of the reasons is because of Haven Academy. Lionheart told me that he still has records of my old acceptance letter into the academy. Said…if I still wanted, I can actually become a student here.  It’s a chance for me to finally live my dream of becoming a huntsman which is all I could ever ask for.

But if we’re being honest, the real reason I want to stay is because of Ozzy. Ozpin…needs me. Well…maybe not the version of him that’s a 1000 year old magical wizard guarded by a tall, rugged, mean-faced bird man wielding a giant scythe. Uh…no offense?

 Ruby: *giggles* None taken.

Oscar: But…the part of him that’s just a little kid y’know. When he’s…just a boy---just Ozzy, he reminds me so much of myself before I went to live with my aunt. After my parents died, I was so scared of being alone but my aunt made me feel loved and safe. She stood by me because she knew I needed her. That’s why I want to stay for Ozzy. Ozpin may not need me but Ozzy does and so long as he wants me here, I’ll do everything in my power to protect him.

Ozpin to Qrow

Qrow: Oz, why’d you bring that kid with ya? Who even is this kid? Where’d you even find him?

Ozpin: That kid’s name is Oscar. He’s from Mistral but more outside the kingdom and…he saved my life when you failed to find me, I’m afraid.

Qrow: Well why is he still here? *takes a swig from his flask* Shouldn’t he have gone back to his little house on the prairie now that we’ve met up with Leo?

Ozpin: He’s here because I want him to be here. My reincarnation may have…suffered a few unsettling complications but I wasn’t totally off my rocker when I told you I wanted Oscar to join my Circle. He may be young but within my short time with him, he’s shown me that he has tremendous potential. So with some training and proper guidance, I believe Oscar is destined for greatness.

Besides I…sorta also promised his dead aunt I would look out for him after she died. Can’t break a promise like that now, can I?”

Qrow: *through mid-sip* You did what?

Ozpin: It’s…a long story.

Qrow: Great. So basically you picked up a stray.

Ozpin: A stray with potential. Besides, I took you in once didn’t I? And look how well you turned out.

Qrow quirks a brow at Ozpin while taking another long swig from his flask. At this, Ozpin shook his head and sighed.

Ozpin: …Well…I can’t take full credit for all your quirks.

Qrow: Yeah but at least I grew up already knowing how to fight? What does Farmer Brown know how to do besides swing an axe? Anyone can swing an axe. Heck I can do that blindfolded with both my hands tied behind my back on my worst day. Besides… he’s so…young. He’s younger than I was when I joined the Circle. Ozpin: *amused tone* Why Qrow Branwen, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were a little jealous of Oscar.

Qrow: *almost chokes on his flask* Me? Jealous of that pipsqueak? Oz, I just recovered from my last hangover, please don’t make me vomit. I just don’t like the way he thinks he’s all high and mighty just because he’s the glorified babysitter to your other half.

Ozpin: Oscar isn’t like at all. If anything he’s been the most mature for his age…definitely more mature than certain people I’m looking at right now.

Qrow: *condescending tone* He calls you Ozzy. What is that?

Ozpin: *calmly* It’s just a nickname. A nickname both Ozzy and Ozpin don’t mind.

Qrow: *grumbles* I also don’t like the way he keeps chumming up to Ruby lately.

Ozpin: Really Qrow? He’s 16. She’s 16. They’re allowed to be friends.

Qrow: She’s my niece! Don’t encourage your babysitter to be any kind of ‘friends’ with my niece, capish?

Ozpin: *exasperated*  …Fine. Are there any other complaints you have regarding my ‘babysitter’?

Qrow: Just one. I don’t think this kid’s got the real chops to be a huntsman, let alone someone who’s meant to be a part of your Circle.

Ozpin: Is that right? Well then since we’re both being honest here, I think I have the perfect solution for that. You’re an experienced huntsman Qrow. Previously a teacher at Signal Academy who trained your own niece to be a powerful scythe wielder like yourself. Not to mention you’re one of the few people in this world I would trust with my life.

Qrow: *burps* What’s your point?

Ozpin: You don’t think Oscar’s got what it takes. Then help him. Train him and bring out the best in him; as I did once for you.

In the main series, Qrow is currently Ozpin’s right hand for the Mistral Arc going towards Atlas (since Glynda, his original right hand from the Beacon Trilogy is stuck holding down the fort in Vale with Professor Port and Dr. Oobleck). But what would be cute is if Oscar also unintentionally became Ozpin’s right hand but…more so to young Ozzy, Ozpin’s ‘child-like’ other half in my AU.

I like the idea of both Qrow and Oscar being Ozpin’s right hand men and the two butting heads at first. While Oscar is perfectly okay with the times Ozpin needs to be alone with Qrow since the older huntsman is one of Ozpin’s most trusted.

For this AU, Qrow secretly harbours a bit of jealousy toward Oscar who was only picked as Ozpin’s newest guardian because of the complications of his reincarnation. Whenever Ozpin reverts back to Ozzy, he’s completely intimidated by Qrow and won’t let the Branwen man talk or even be alone with him unless Oscar is present.

In this version of the story, Ozzy is very attached to Oscar. Like a nervous child clinging to their parent.

It’s a different dynamic from the show canon but that’s why I like it as an AU. Plus I really dig the notion of Qrow being tasked to personally train Oscar by Ozpin as he is the newest member of his Circle and his youngest Guardian. I like the parallel of Oscar to Qrow because once upon a time, Qrow was in Oscar’s shoes as the original youngest member of his Circle along with his sister. However, unlike Raven, Ozpin took a greater shine to Qrow due to his loyal nature and provided him with more training and trust; allowing the two to forge a friendship stronger than any relationship Oz had with his remaining Guardians.

I like the idea of Qrow originally being jealous of Oscar only to eventually warm up to him after realizing their commonalities. So in the end, Qrow becomes a surrogate father figure to Oscar and learns to care for him as much as Ozpin did; recognizing his potential as well.

It’s a nice way to have Qrow and Oscar bond through their ties to Ozpin but without Qrow treating Oscar as Ozpin most of the time. As an AU, it can work.

How would this AU handle the RoseGarden relationship/romance?

Well for starters Oscar and Ruby will be the same age of 16 years old in this AU. Oscar would also be his own character. For this AU, I love the idea of Ruby slowly falling in love with Oscar purely for his, quote, ‘big heart’ after observing  his caring nature towards ‘Ozzy’, the childlike persona of Ozpin’s younger form.

Instead of Oscar being based off of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, he’d be based off of the Woodcutter from the Little Red Riding Hood fairy-tale. Though Oscar is Ozpin’s protector who saved Ozpin, his fairy-tale inspiration would share the same origins with Ruby for this AU. That’s the idea I had.

So in conclusion:

This is my first time coming up with an AU idea for RWBY. And for what it’s worth, I really love what I pumped out. It makes me kinda wish things had been done sorta like this in the main series canon. Buuuut... that doesn’t mean I’m not excited to see how the CRWBY Writers will handle developing Oscar and Ozpin’s dynamic in the main series.

They definitely have created a very unique and interesting character in Oscar Pine and his current predicament with Professor Ozpin. So as a proud Pinehead, I’m curious to see how it’s going to be for the following seasons especially with how they plan on balancing development and character growth for both sides of the Man with Two Souls while also showing progress with their relationships; both within Ozpin and Oscar’s ties to each other as well as the other characters they encounter.

But until I get to see more of the planned story for my two favourite characters in RWBY (Oscar and Ozpin), I guess for now I’ll toss out deas for AUs feautring one or two alternate ways the CRWBY could’ve written Ozpin and Oscar’s story; starting with this one. I think my ‘Little Cute Boy Ozpin’ AU is my best and favourite one written down so far.

It definitely puts together some of the best ideas I could think of in the event that the story had been written like that. Besides if it doesn’t work as an AU for RWBY then it would make one hell of an original adventure inspired by RWBY with maybe a few influences from the Wizard of Oz tale.

Wouldn’t mind playing around with a story like that if I ever felt up to the task. But who knows? For now, it’s just a really neat AU idea brought to you by the squiggle meister. Hope you fellow RWBY fam like it.

  More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)

[theroadfromustome]

Mile 78

Yikes it has been over a month since I have updated here. In fact, a month and a half. Gotta get on that--esp. as reflection and processing would very likely benefit me on a regular basis. Stopping (at work again) to document the disquiet I currently feel bc I want to capture it in the moment.

Lots of things have happened; P has happened. He has been a focus of my waking hours; I have been the inhabitant of his embrace and the recipient of his letters when he has been overseas. He has met my son, and is completely charming him. He is beginning the process of sincere, long-term investment in the both of us. This of course stirs my heart in the best of ways, but also I think frightens me on some level. Things have shifted into high gear, and with that my attitude and anxiety have shifted as well.

In the space of time since last I wrote, P and I went on our first excursion together; to D.C. overnight to determine if we could travel together. I experienced the first of his migraines; and had one of my earliest attacks of the inadequacy cycle. I cried in his arms and explained all my fears and he held me and combated them as best he knew how. That time it was: This is a swanky hotel and this is the way he lives all the time. I have never stayed in hotel this nice and this is normal to him. He lives such a sophisticated life; he is a wealthy worldly genius. What does he want with me?

Then, he went to Turkey for a week for work, and wrote while he was gone of course. When he came back I met his parents for the first time; and the second attack of inadequacy hit. My mother was also present; in all of her family drama glory (I said recently that I felt my family was rather like the Bennetts, to which he chuckled and said that was not entirely inaccurate). After this encounter, which admittedly was not exactly a cozy one-on-one chat, his mother was noncommittal when asked about me. This time it was: His mother doesn’t like me. Maybe it’s because I come with so much bloody baggage. Like the fact that I’m still legally married or the fact that I’m going to be a divorcee or my mother’s drama which makes us a family of kooks (are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted?!). Again, dear P rallied, dried my tears, and told me that he would choose me over his family if it came to it. And that his mom might just be nervous.

September rolled in and he asked to meet my son. We had the most charming afternoon/evening in which he was everything a woman hopes a man will be to her son and more. He devoted himself to son’s amusement, backed up my disciplinary judgements, and I got to experience the sublime pleasure of having a second adult invested in the care and welfare of my child. There was also the pleasure of being allies in the cause. As I say, son is as besotted as I am. Since, he has made a great many shows of sincere interest and vested concern for son’s well-being. And spoiled him some too, of course.

The next weekend was the sublime weekend when we got to go to NYC. On the train up I got to see him in work mode; which was mildly intimidating, I admit. Not that I didn’t know how brilliant and capable he is. I worked on applications at the same time, and he got to witness that involved process and the level of emotional investment and lack of confidence that entails. To him, surely I make mountains out of molehills; though he never said that, bless him. He was supportive but distracted by work of course. Upon arrival in NYC I felt less of a dolt/child/whathaveyou, and was better accustomed this time to the swankiness of the hotel. We met his cousins, one of whom is one of the few other people who he can be open with and can spend excesses of time with without feeling drained. They are both intelligent and capable and totally kickass; esp cousin A, who is astoundingly intelligent and gives absolutely no fucks. She’s also gorgeous. And P clearly feels a great affinity for her; rather I imagine as I am with certain friends of mine--we just buzz together. And I’m not gonna lie; there were flickers of jealousy--nothing severe, just a smidge of...”wouldn’t he prefer to keep that sort of company.” They can also talk math and computer stuff together, so that... Overall, I am not cosmopolitan and my intelligence is...? Also, I feel like I spend a lot of time talking about James Madison and slavery; gotta get some new material. Anywho, we also did other museums, saw Hamilton (which was indescribably good, and super romantic to share with him) ate fantastic food, met other friends, and generally just had a wonderful time. I think I made a good impression on all friends and family in question, generally pleasant if somewhat dim next to the cousins. I think it was a turning point in the relationship for him; and he definitely felt what he calls “romantic flutterings,” which are a big deal for him.

He left from NYC to go to Turkey for another week of work, and his first night back was all one could wish in the way of romantic reunion. In this wash of emotion, we crossed the love threshold, I told him I loved him, he said “I think I love you too,” because the way he processes is different. This is a BIG ASS deal of course, and part of me is panicking bc certainly this cannot be true, and if it is, how can I know I won’t screw it up? Etc. etc. And indeed may already be sabotaging things. This I want to explore. Then he came to dinner with the whole family! And was a champ about it, but of course this shook my confidence. So this major declaration has come out, and then three days later he’s off to Texas for a few days of work. While he was gone I felt out of sorts, and professionally had a week...well, that doesn’t exactly make you proud of yourself. While I was idling and not being a full adult (mind you, had a sick day with son), he was at day-long conferences for this job that he does well, which interests and challenges him, and in which he is greatly valued and demanded. I do envy that, but also was suddenly struck with a sick sense of worthlessness (you can hear it in the way I phrased that last even). What am I even doing? And look he is capable and adult and excelling and making shittons of money. He has everything under control, all his shit sorted out, the world at his command. And I...?

So that happened; fortunately he only had to experience this insecure moping through text, but I know it is a super unpleasant thing to behold; and it is that old cycle of wanting him to tell me it’s all going to be ok, that I am worthy. Which is not fair to him, nor healthy for me, and I really need to conquer it. Anywho, flash forward to last night, when I had dinner with his family; parents included, and cousin A. Also a family friend from childhood who is six years younger than I am, studying to be a copyeditor, was def. in with mom, and baked a perfect batch of snickerdoodles. (You see how I am wallowing in this? It really just gets to choking me. And I thought I’d made progress. But it is this familiar sick burning sensation in my chest.) The whole family; they’re so effing brilliant and accomplished--what the hell is he doing messing with me? He and cousin A did their genius banter, and I felt the same as I feel now--lump in the throat, tears in my eyes, sense of utter self-loathing; worthlessness. I see them together and I think, surely that’s what he wants in a partner? Someone who is as genius as he himself. How long until he sees me and sees a burdensome dolt? And the expiration date starts flashing again. And I’m trying to be stoic and tell myself that if this isn’t meant to be, it isn’t meant to be. But it yes, will still hurt. And that sick voice says ‘maybe you should back away now,’ and ‘if you end things how will that affect your son?’ I’m frightened I’ve made the wrong decision. What if I can never cope with the gulf between us in capability, intelligence, etc. Have I swapped one inequality for another? Is this strum und drang God trying to tell me this is unhealthy and I need to get out? But this man is so good, the best man I have ever known, surely I must pursue this. Surely this is worth working at. And God knows I don’t want to hurt him because I’ve made poor decisions; I’ve rushed in before I was healthy enough to cope.

And is this all because I put a name on it? Because I admitted that I love him? I’ve raised the stakes and now I’m terrified on some irrational level? He held me and let me cry, talked through things with me, tried to get me to explain what I was afraid of; told me he didn’t need his partner to be as smart as he was, that that’s not what he wants of me. He says “this wouldn’t work if you were dumb, I admit.” He says “I want to be with you because you are kind and take care of me and help me figure out things and we can have fun together.” He seems to think that the way I treat him, care for him, accept and work with him is singular, but certainly it is not. I don’t understand how there are not dozens of women lining up to love him because he is wonderful. So, so wonderful. And God help me, I do love him. I do want him to be happy. But I begin to worry that I am a burden to him. That I’m becoming someone who does drain him. At lows like this I am nothing but my weaknesses; and I sense how unhealthy this is. I don’t want to be plying these underhand tactics; I want to be strong enough to face this head on myself and end this feeling. But it is undeniably true that I am scared; that a voice in me keeps telling me that any second now my behavior is going to scare him off; that he’s going to get annoyed with me and that will be that. I cannot change who I am; I am working on this, truly. He says “you don’t bother me. You don’t have to change.” But some part of my mania can’t believe him. Some part of my mania thinks “yes, you do need to change. Noone wants someone like this. He loves the best strongest version of you. Not the one who whines and mewls about how much she sucks.”

Philosophically I know I need to be strong and kick this thing myself. And it is very familiar; this other woman who seems infinitely better equipped than I, spends time with a man I adore, I spiral into this self-hate fest and then make myself the kind of gargoyle that of course drives him away; makes him want to spend more time with the other woman. This is not because of any actions on his part. So disheartening to see how little progress I have made. And what is the answer? This is bigger than just this thing, clearly. Also a stumbling block to us, which is something I want to get past because I want this to be the good that it can be. But again; this all came after we crossed that major threshold. WHAT is at the root of this and how can I fix it? Nothing else changed. It’s not like he wasn’t brilliant before, not like our jobs or duties changed in any way--”I’m as fair as a I was erwhile.” Yet I act as though a timer has been started; a fuse that is going to end with him walking away. Not that these flutters of inadequacy have not come up before; see earlier in this post.

I don’t like this Sam I am. And I want to be done with it. I will not ruin this. However, I cannot be blind to warning signs. <--Stated for the record. Going to see DD this week to sort through some of this stuff; hopefully some answers. Hmmm...

Is this just the job search? Will I feel better when I get an “adult” job that is fulfilling/challenging to me? (Note: maybe I ought to teach afterall, if I’m going to be miserable and stressed anyway...) Is this because I’ve pushed too far too fast? Am I being honest with myself/him? Has this become unequal and how can I level the playing field? Questions. Questions. Questions.

Unrelated but notable: Was clumsy and told J about P inadvertently. At least now that’s done with but I do feel like a heel. And I hate what he is going through right now. Hope I’ve made the right decision in the end. But really I don’t think that was fully healthy for me. Of course it appears that I am good at making situations unhealthy... Hm....

[funkmeupbb]

If I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self? 

              If I could go back in time and speak to my younger self I would try to infuse her with some self-love. I would tell her that she is as valuable as she see’s her role models and peers as. For her to love herself as she loves everything and everyone else. I would want to tell her that she is as unique, important and as powerful as all the beautiful sunsets, mountain ranges, melodies and pieces of artwork that she loves. That what makes her unique is what makes her innately perfect. I would tell her to imagine herself as a baby and keep that as her view of how she deserves to be treated not just by others but by herself. I would tell her that what happened to her as a child and a teen does not need to be the road map, that that was what others chose for themselves, not what she needs to follow for HER journey. I would want her to know that she is capable of ANYTHING she sets her mind to, that nothing is too much for her to do, that nothing is above her capabilities. I would want her to have more faith in herself, that she isn’t just destined for mediocracy.

What are 5 things I absolutely love about myself without a doubt?

         I am learning everyday to love myself as I deserve to be loved.

·      I love without a doubt that I am sensitive. My sensitivity allows me to meet everyone exactly where they are in acceptance. Being sensitive has allowed me to tread more lightly in life. I value my sensitivity because it has made me connect easier with people.

·      I love that I am bold. I take risks confidently and courageously. I wear an outfit of cheetah print with a blue wig, unafraid to shine my unique light. I like that I am not afraid to be myself and I feel as if it sometimes inspires others to do the same. I love that I am not afraid to take up that space, to smell, to be seen.

·      I love that I love people and everything so hard. I have so much love towards people, I look at everyone and believe them to hold so much perfection.

·      I love that I have foraged my own path and am attempting to cut generational trauma.

·      I love that I don’t take anything too seriously. That I love without attachment and don’t have much anxiety. I love that I flow with everything and often think of life as a colored sand mandala, such a beautiful piece of art but will blow away with the wind, much like existence.

What is my favorite thing to do when I am alone?

I really enjoy getting lost or going on adventures by myself. I really enjoy getting lost in crowds and dancing by myself. I love adventuring through woods and finding little beauteous treasures such as views and waterfalls. I really enjoy travelling solo.

What are 5 things I am grateful for that I couldn’t live a day without?

I am grateful for so much in this life. Thinking about what I am grateful for is one of my favorite self-help activities to help me get into a love space. I am grateful for

·      My nanny. My nanny is my best-friend. She is always the one there for me when I need someone. I tell her everything and she is my biggest believer in me and cares the most about me I believe. She is my home and my warmth and having her makes everything okay when everything’s not okay. She has taken me in when no one believed in me anymore. I am most grateful for her.

·      I am grateful for being on the physical plane. I can create and evolve my soul and enjoy the beauty of the physical realm. I can create and become whoever I seek to be.

·      I am grateful for music. Music has been my healing in life and what has made life worth living. It has helped me find my best friends and helped me truly find where I fit in in this world.

·      I am grateful for potatoes.

·      I am grateful for light, angels and pure energy.

·      I am grateful for Phish.

·      I am grateful for time.

What are 5 things that I have accomplished in my life thus far?

I have accomplished.

·      I have accomplished getting an apartment at 21 and haven’t lived with my parents since 18.

·      I have accomplished traveling all over the east coast vending at music festivals visiting and camping at so many places and that makes me very proud.

·      I have accomplished being a pescatarian for almost 9 years.

·      I have accomplished leaving an abusive relationship.

·      I have accomplished learning phish on the ukulele.

·      I have accomplished graduating high school.

What does life mean to me?

         Life to me means becoming the best version of myself I can be. It means going through soul lessons over and over again until I evolve. Life to me means an opportunity to evolve my soul. To learn to break my trauma and the trauma of my family to grow little warriors to fight harder then I allowed myself to. Life to me means an opportunity to make a difference, that I am here for a reason, that I am needed for something or someone. Life is the envy of all the dead and I don’t want to waste it any longer.

How do I believe people perceive me? 

I believe people to see me as adventurous, haphazard, a little chaotic, fun, sweet and caring.

Who is my greatest role model in life and what great qualities do I have of them

         My greatest role model is any herbalist farm mama. I dream to live a life of plant care taking and cooking and child caring. I look up to moms who take care of their children all organically and homeschool. I think I am maternal and want to be a mama to everyone. I love taking care of others. I want to develop into the best caretaker I can be.

What are 5 things I could do to take better care of myself daily?

To take better care of myself I could

·      Drink more water and eat more mindfully.

·      I could do daily yoga, meditation, and nature walks.

·      I could exercise.

·      I could stop drinking and smoking tobacco.

·      I could make daily gratitude lists and daily positive affirmations.

·      I could take time to ask myself what I need.

·      I could take daily vitamins.

·      I could see a therapist.

·      I could drink a daily tea.

   Who are 5 people in your life that make you most happy?

·      My grandmother who always has seen the best in me.

·      Zach Heywood for being the light that shines in so many peoples lives and has shown me and been a conduit for pure energy, light and love. Who has truly made me feel special, who is truly someone I look up to and value in this world more than anyone I’ve ever met.

·      Maire for being a goofy ass motherfucker my whole adolescence till today and never giving up on me even when I was hard to love and hard to reach.

·      My Dad for always bailing me out when I need help and for accepting me when not a lot of people understood me.

·      Trey for making life a little easier to bear.

What are my dreams in life that I would someday like to accomplish?

MY DREAMS

·      I dream to love myself as I love others.

·      I dream to be healthy.

·      I dream to stop drinking and smoking tobacco.

·      I dream to have a love who loves me for me, who pushes me to be better and who has the same dreams.

·      I dream of babies.

·      I dream of being the best caretaker I can be.

·      I dream of being a master herbalist and gardener.

·      I dream of having a yellow house.

·      I dream of learning the ukulele well.

·      I dream of repairing my family relationships.

·      I dream of stopping biting my nails.

·      I dream of making clothes.

·      I dream of sculpting better.

·      I dream of travelling to India.

·      I dream of travelling to all the national parks.

·      I dream of feeling whole.

 What are 10 positive affirmations that I love about myself?

·      I am strong.

·      I am powerful.

·      I am divine.

·      I am empowered.

·      I am wise.

·      I am creative.

·      I am capable.

·      I am loveable.

·      I am changing.

·      I am growing.

Do I live life with integrity?

I could live life with more integrity. I could live more mindfully and with more intention. I tend to be neglectful and careless.

 What do I believe is possible for me to achieve in this life time?

I believe that it is possible to accomplish all my dreams if I work on loving myself daily. I can be exactly who I want to be if I believe I can and make the strides daily. I believe I could be the best caretaker mama in the world if I take care of myself first.

  What would be my ideal life?

My ideal life would be having little warrior children with someone I love and admire and want to spend forever with. I would homeschool my children and have a massive farm of herbs, goats, chickens, hemp and edible and medicinal plants. I would make all our meals from scratch and teach my children on the farm. I would travel all over with them and camp and adventure. I would teach them everything I wasn’t and teach them to love themselves.

What mistakes in life have I learned that I choose to never do again?

         I have learned a lot in my life. I have learned to never allow myself to change for anyone else. To never dull my shine to make someone more comfortable. I should never exchange my freedom for someone else’s comfort. I learned that I need to love myself to be my best self. I learned to save money and to take risks. I made the mistake of thinking I couldn’t ever be what I dream to be that I wasn’t enough, my mistake was thinking I wasn’t enough or capable.

What does my ideal day look like and how can I accomplish it?

         My ideal day would be rising with the sun and starting my day out with gratitude’s, meditation, yoga, water, breakfast and vitamins. I would go on an adventure outside and eat all plant based, make bread! I would create and express myself. I would dance! I would sing and be merry. I would take care of plants and animals.

At the end of life, what do I want to have accomplished to tell my grandchildren?

I would want my grandchildren to know I accomplished creating their hopefully wonderful parents. I’d hope I’d have a beautiful home and farm to pass along and raise them on. I’d want them to know I accomplished traveling the world solo.

[pricelessmomentblog]

I’m 29

Every year, on my birthday, I write an update on what happened in my life in the preceding twelve months. I’ve done this since my eighteenth birthday, so if you’re interested you can see how my life and views have changed over the last decade.

Of course, if you’re not interested, I’ll be back to my normal articles which are less self-indulgent next week.

In this post, I’ll go over what has happened in my life this last year, plans for the future and how my views on life have changed.

My Life Last Year

In terms of public projects, this last year was relatively quiet. No new languages learned. No racing through MIT exams.

My only public project was a small one: trying to level-up my Korean on five hours per week. I’m now in the middle of the final month of this project. I’ll save a full write-up for later, but it has been a mixed success. I’ve definitely improved my Korean language abilities, but it hasn’t reached the level of spontaneous engagement I have in Chinese or Spanish.

Professionally, most of the year was spent mixed between unsexy business development and preparation for writing a new book. The book, if all goes well, will be my full-time project next year.

From a public-blogging standpoint, there hasn’t been too much to say.

Personally, however, this year has been a pretty important one. I got engaged to my girlfriend of three years (and close friend of eleven years), Zoey. We now live together in Vancouver. Previously, I had been going to stay with her in Winnipeg, for a few months at a time, before she was able to move here.

I don’t write about my intimate relationships much on this blog. Part of that is the desire to maintain some separation between my public and private persona. Contrary to the share-everything-authenticity crowd, I do think those are two different things and trying to merge them completely is itself a weird kind of inauthenticity.

It suffices to say that getting engaged to my best friend has been one of the happiest moments of my life.

My Plans for Next Year

My next year, if all goes well, will be devoted full-time to writing a book. I hesitate to share too much on that point, if only because writing a book through a traditional publisher is such a long process, that it often disappoints audiences when the book itself won’t be available for a couple years.

That said, writing a traditionally-published book is new territory for me. In the past, I’ve self-published everything. This affords a lot of flexibility and control, but it also allow for a certain amount of complacency. I’m hoping that by pushing myself I can get to a new standard in my writing and understanding of the topics I talk about.

With a book project taking on most of my time next year, I won’t be taking on any other large professional projects. I’ve found taking on multiple goals simultaneously is the easiest way to not make much progress on any of them. Focus, however difficult, is powerful.

Long-Term Plans for the Future

Although I only have one project planned to try to accomplish for next year, I do have large visions of what I’d like to accomplish in the bigger picture. Some of these plans are still in the idea phase, and will need to wait until my current projects wrap up before I can work on them. Others require longer incubation, so I might have someone on my team work on them as I work on my writing.

Here are a few of those ideas:

1. Setting up a Chinese-language presence.

One of the more interesting developments in this blog’s history has been the explosion of interest in my books, particularly Learn More, Study Less, in China. This, combined with my interest in learning Chinese, has made me more interested in the possibility of trying to establish more business in China.

This is a lot easier said than done. China is very restrictive on the internet, so getting set up is a lot trickier than simply hiring a translator. However, I’m hopeful that if the obstacles can be overcome, I might be able to write more directly to the people who enjoy my work in China.

2. Working on next-generation courses.

I’m proud of the work my team and I have been able to do in Rapid Learner and Top Performer. I think they teach important skills and many people have used them to get impressive results in their career, academics and personal life.

However, I’m fascinated with the future possibilities of the intersection between technology, education and self-improvement, and I don’t at all think we’re at the limit of that frontier. In particular, I think there’s room for improvement in terms of:

Evidence-based practice. Right now I lack the abilities and budget to do the kind of evidence-based assessments that would meet the criteria of scientific authority. However, inching closer to more direct experimentation on what works, in what situations and for whom, would be a big leap over the status-quo.

Entertainment and follow-through. The biggest challenge facing self-improvement is that it’s hard to do. I don’t suspect I can fix this problem on my own, but I think technology might be able to make courses work on multiple levels, so that serious students can get the real advice they need, but those more interested in passive consumption aren’t left behind.

Customization. Unlike books, technology has the possibility to deliver a more tailored message and advice, depending on the student. One of the biggest weaknesses I’ve seen with current offerings is that students who lack ability often also lack the introspective sense of which advice actually applies to them. An ideal system would be able to deliver the exact advice a student needs to solve their current problem, something only currently viable with one-on-one coaching.

Many of these are still outside of the current skills and scale of my business. But I hope if we can continue to increase revenue and hire more smart people, that we’ll be able to start solving some of these issues.

3. Long-Term Learning Goals

I have a number of things that I’m currently learning. Although, aside from Korean at the moment, none of them reaches the threshold of a formal project, I still have my sights on improvement in the long-term.

Here’s a few of the things I’m striving to get better at:

Chinese. Although in many of my past pursuits, I’ve lost interest once I’ve reached an adequate level, Chinese continues to fascinate me well past a thousand hours of practice. Some things I’d like to be able to do that I find difficult or impossible currently: read a book without any dictionary help, write articles similar to those I write in English and give speeches in Mandarin.

Cognitive Science. Given my upcoming book will be about learning, I’m using this as an excuse to dig deeper into much of the research that straddles the cognitive science learning project I’ve been working on.

Buddhism and non-Western philosophy. I hope to do a 10-day meditation retreat in the upcoming year. I’m currently reading the Majjhima Nikaya. There’s a lot of ideas in these veins that haven’t coalesced yet into a clear picture, but I think there’s a lot of fruitful concepts for rethinking some of the assumptions I have.

Art. In addition to my portrait drawing challenge, I’ve been working on painting, mostly in acrylic. I’m still very much at an amateur level, but with patience I’ll keep getting better. Given much of my regular work is highly on the analytical/verbal direction, I think working on artistic skills gives me a broader base of thinking.

Changes in Outlook

Since I’ve been writing this blog since I was seventeen, my views on life have grown as I have. I think this can sometimes be confusing, in part because writing is a static thing. Someone can read an article or ebook I wrote a decade ago today, and thus get the impression that they were both written by the same person, when in reality there’s a huge gulf between nineteen and twenty-nine year-old Scott.

Sometimes my opinions on things change dramatically, switching from one opinion to its opposite. When that happens, I do my best to document it, as I did with speed reading and other issues here.

However, most of the time the changes are more subtle, and harder to articulate in an essay.

The biggest change in my outlook is simply that many things which seemed crystal clear to me when I was younger, no longer do today. Ironically, this isn’t because I’ve learned less, but because I’ve learned more. When you’ve heard a few good arguments in a single direction, you can become convinced in them strongly. When you’ve heard many good arguments in many directions, including many that you never would have considered before, it becomes clear how difficult it is to know things, and how many possible explanations or ideas there are to fit the patterns of life and reality.

This softening of my views, also perhaps ironically, has also come with greater effectiveness. I’m better at accomplishing my goals in most domains than I used to be. Part of this is just the accumulation of practical knowledge. I understand business, relationships, health, life and habits more deeply now, so I make fewer mistakes. Part of it is the accumulation of past successes creates richer opportunities.

So, on the one hand, I’m less convinced in the rightness of my ideas, while also seeming to have more evidence for their rightness, personally. Life is weird that way.

I guess the biggest description I could offer for my change in beliefs is a bigger belief in plurality. The idea that there’s more than one right way to see things, more than one strategy that will be effective. This is challenging for a writer, because people like me to have strong opinions and advice that says “do X and not Y”, rather than the probably more true that, “X works for me, Y might also work, and there’s this complex list of trade-offs you’re not considering.”

Maybe all this is just the result of growing up.

Nonetheless, I’ll continue to do my best to share what I find with you. It may not be the only answer, or even maybe the right one, but I’m not sure we can ask for more from the people we want to learn from. Regardless of where I go, I hope you’ll continue the journey with me. Thanks again for being my reader.

I’m 29 syndicated from http://ift.tt/2kl7pJj

[thirdnova-kara]

Task 12: Muse Booster

Name: Kara Brookes

Height: 5′4″

Age in Story: 24

Birthplace: San Francisco, California

Hair (color, length, style): Kara’s hair is naturally blonde, and while she usually prefers it short, it’s currently grown a few inches past her shoulders over the years. Keeping it straight is an easier way to style it, but sometimes she’ll curl or wave it.

Race/Nationality: White; American with some Irish, British, and German ethnicity

Regional Influences: California

Accent (voice, style of speech, slang, signature words/phrases): Kara doesn’t have an accent, and she tends to use more relevant, every day slang like “I can’t even,” “on fleek,” and “bae.” She is also pretty known for coming up with pet names for people (her most famous being the name she called Gabe Bradbury, “Bradbaby”). Her voice is kind of soft with a very subtle raspy/rough edge to it. Voice clip here.

Religion: Catholic, but super poor practicing

Marital Status: Unmarried, but dating

Scars/Other Notable Physical Attributes: She does have a few small, faded scars from fights as a Rebel. She also has a few small tattoos. Her first tattoo is a small cross on her right wrist. Her next one is a small 3 on the inside of her right wrist, which she got recently after she became the Third Nova of the Rebel Army. She has the Roman numerals LXXVI (76) on her left side. She also has two small anchor tattoos on each of her ankles. She got these shortly after she joined the Rebel Army, as symbols to keep herself grounded when she was training to gain control of her powers. 

Handicaps (physical, emotional, mental): She’s emotionally very stubborn and a pro compartmentalizer. She’s also a functioning alcoholic to an extent. 

Athletic? Inactive? Overall health?: Very athletic and healthy. She trains and works out every day in the Rebel base, and she tries her best to eat relatively healthy.

Style of Dress: Kara’s style of dress is always comfortable and casual. She likes to feel comfy in skinny jeans/ripped skinny jeans; Sperry’s, Vans, Converse, UGGs; crop tops, t-shirts, or tank tops with light sweaters or cardigans. Sometimes she’ll add a scarf or beanie as an accessory. She’ll occasionally dress it up with a nicer top or sweater with nicer flats or boots of varying lengths. While she dresses in a more casual fashion, she does have a good eye for fashion in general and wishes she could afford top trends for herself to wear on a daily basis.

Favorite Colors: Light blues and greens and silver

How does character feel about appearance? She definitely knows she’s attractive, and likes to keep up her appearance even in little ways.

Any siblings?: Tanner Brookes (older brother) and Zed Avery (older half brother)

Relationship with parents?: Ever since she ran away when she was about 16, her relationship with her parents had been kind of strained. She rarely ever spoke to them, but not because they were bad parents. She respected and admired her parents, and loved them a lot, and she still feels guilty for running off without an explanation. Now that they’re dead, she regrets her past actions and not being able to see them or tell them she loves them before they were killed. 

Memories about childhood?: Kara has very vague memories of her childhood, but she remembers it being mostly a normal childhood. She was happy, and she definitely remembers growing up with Tanner and how the two of them would torment each other but look out for each other at the same time. 

Educational background? (Street smart? Book smart?): Kara is a high school drop out, but she is a good mix of book and street smart, excelling in street smarts. She’s been quietly considering getting her GED and going to college, possibly to study fashion design or business.

Work Experience: Rebel Army Third Nova

Where does the character live now? Describe home. (Emotional atmosphere & physical): Kara currently lives in both the Rebel Army base, and sometimes at Tanner’s apartment. The Rebel Army base has been considered her “real home” for the past few years since she ran away, but she wouldn’t exactly call it a relaxing place to live, especially as an authority figure to the other Rebels. Tanner’s apartment has become a relaxing escape for herself. 

Neat or messy?: Kind of messy in the cluttered sense.

Sexuality: Straight.

Morals: Kara thinks her morals are pretty well rounded. She believes in Metahuman equality and wants to fight for it fairly, but she doesn’t believe in killing or aggressively gaining this equality. She will, however, kill for self defense or to protect someone, but she will still feel guilty about it. 

Activities: Fighting, training, teaching younger Rebels, sketching, drinking wine, reading, sketching

Friends? Pets?: Alice, Deidra, Daniel, Foster, and Ryan are her closest friends. She kind of adopted Aslan, Val’s cat, as her own after the other Rebel’s passing.

Enemies? Why?: Lucien Gaudet. The man tried to kill her, pretty much killed Connor, and took some of her eggs without permission to create the biological daughter of her and Connor as a science project. 

Basic Nature: Kara is definitely tough, witty, and unafraid to tell it like it is to someone’s face. She’s brave and strong, with quite the stubborn streak, and a difficulty in admitting when she’s wrong (but she’s working on it). She’s fiercely loyal and will go to the ends of the earth to keep those she loves safe and out of harm.

Personality Traits: Short-tempered, stubborn, strong-willed, bold, witty, sassy, creative, compassionate, calm, impatient, powerful, maternal, protective, argumentative, authoritative, intuitive, loyal

Strongest/Weakest Traits: Kara’s strongest traits are her protective nature, her wit, and her loyalty. Her weakest would be her temper and stubbornness, since these two traits make her reluctant in admitting when she’s wrong about something, and that has caused tension in her relationships before.

What do they fear?: She fears that the Rebels aren’t doing anything and never will, and that all they will accomplish against C.A.R.M.A is everyone getting killed fighting for Metahuman equal rights.

What are they proud of?: She’s proud of being part of the Rebel Army and the fact that she’s doing something (even if it’s not much) to work towards a better future for Metas and humans living together.

Outlook on life: She’s very realistic and secretly hopefully optimistic about the future.

Ambitions: To help the Rebels “win” the war of Metahuman oppression against the government and C.A.R.M.A without resorting to all-out violence.

Politics: Kara doesn’t feel as if she’s educated enough in most political areas to make an informed decision, but she’s very strongly for Metahuman equality and rights as a political stance. She does find herself slowly becoming more and more conservative with a few liberal values as she learns more.

How do they see themselves?: She likes to think she’s a strong and inspiring leader of the Rebels, but sometimes she doubts herself on doing a good job. 

How are they seen by others?: Sassy, sarcastic, witty, brave, a fearless leader. Some would say she’s incredibly stubborn and argumentative, and that may cause some dislike towards her.

Do I (the writer) like this person? Why? Why not?: Absolutely. Kara’s the kind of person I’d want as my ride or die best friend. She’s fiercely loyal and trustworthy, and definitely someone I’d want fighting for me in my corner.

Most Important Thing About Them: Her strength and loyalty.

Present Problem: C.A.R.M.A and the government are continuing to crack down on the rights of Metahumans, and the Rebels haven’t achieved much of anything except for an increasing body count in the last few years. The Rebel Army’s stagnant progress is becoming incredibly frustrating for Kara and other Rebels.

How it will get worse: There are a million different ways this could get worse, really. C.A.R.M.A could continue restricting their rights as Metas until they are absolutely boxed in even further. Rebels could start going against Nova orders and attacking C.A.R.M.A’s base in Pansaw, thus cementing the fact that the Rebels are terrorists when they aren’t supposed to be. The Nephilim continuing to spread fear and discord with using their powers to harm others certainly doesn’t help the Rebels’ name.

Their goals in this story?: Kara wants to one day live in a world where she can live a normal life while using her powers freely, go back to school to get her degree in fashion design, get married and start a family (after first getting a job and a place of her own, of course), and just be happy. To start achieving this, however, she and the Rebels need to somehow end the war of Metahuman oppression.

What traits will help/hurt them in achieving this goal?: Her determination, strength, resilience, and unwillingness to give up.

What makes them different from similar characters?: I think what makes Kara different is that she doesn’t let her gender define herself in a role of power as a young female leader of a civil movement. She’s strong on her own, but knows when to ask for help, and most importantly, she doesn’t let her love life or any man define herself, unlike a few female main characters. She also freely speaks her mind however she likes, even if some people may say it’s “unclassy for a lady to talk that way.” She literally gives no fucks.

Why will readers remember this character vividly?: I think what makes Kara so memorable is that she’s a strong female character in a position of leadership, and she can admit that she’s not a perfect person. She’s human and capable of making mistakes, and even learning from them, and that makes her relatable and admirable at the same time.