#n like it rlly wasnt THAT hard to understand if you. had eyes or something n understood certain terminology

[pespillo]

watching thafnine´s fnaf video and im still like "no one understood what was going on, except me"

[hyunjinspark]

i read the new chapter n jade..... my heart burned so badly, everything seems to be crumbling down all over n to think this has been yns long wished for dream that turned out a nightmare.. i have a few annotates to make!! ill out them below, its my first time so i rlly hope its not messy >.<

“Of course not” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, continuing to add details to his little map, right now he was adding the 7/11 between your house and Aera’s.

hyun thinking of yn neighborhood so fondly n cherishing the scenery sm let alone remember it to add to his painting was so heart wrenching in a good way.. it made me smile

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to be possible Jinnie. And…you’re probably gonna have to get the flowers tomorrow” Chan suddenly said, filling up the blender with ingredients.

i knew exactly where this was going n for some reason it made me rlly sulky.... hyuns hectic life ;—;

“No, but my girlfr-“ Hyunjin stopped in his sentence, clearing his throat, and he could feel Chan’s gaze burn curiously into him, “Um…one of my friends is. He’s her favourite artist in the world”

i was blushing so hard here, i got so flustered, i hope yn finds out abt this, the subconsciously calling her his girlfriend, its so!!!!!!! god!!!!!!

He saw your eyes widen, and a deep emotion overwhelmed you. He didn’t see you react more, and he wondered what this meant to you, what he meant to you right now, even so far away. You didn't say anything back. You must be holding it all in, just like him. Maybe you didn’t know how to put your thoughts into words. He couldn't blame you. Even after reading all the poems in the world, Hyunjin didn’t have the words either. Not enough anyway.

i loved seeing more of hyuns heart during such conversations!!!!! we havent gotten much of it so i cherish it all dearly n feeling hyuns sincerity towards yn from such insights, he better tell her sooner or later, poor yns heart deserves to know ;—; especially after the mess going on for a while now

I want you here with me at this party. Fuck, it’s so dull without you. If you were here, we could just sneak off and…I would kiss you. Positively. My manager is here, the scary one, but he doesn’t have to know. Earlier, I was reading a book and there was an English word in it that reminded me of you. Saudade. I looked it up because I was so curious and it said it’s a state of melancholy for a beloved someone or something. I think that explains this ridiculous feeling I have when I think of you. I have it even when I’m not thinking of you. Like last week, when we were recording this one song. It’s like you’re here with me in everything. I guess what I’m saying is, I just want to kiss you really really badly and fuck I’m really drunk so I’m sorry for how this may sound but I just really need to feel you—

this was one of the hottest things ive read through slwy..... the words rnt coming out, but, the desperation n need in his words here melt me.. i am yet again nothing but a woman it seems, this was genuinely so hot. i cant say it enough. i kind of wish he wasnt cut off at the end.....

Suddenly the expensive bracelets he was wearing felt like shackles around Hyunjin’s wrists. 

When he got home that night, he realised the hydrangeas in his room had withered away completely.

the poetry/metaphors in these lines were beautiful jade :(

At your question, Hyunjin’s grip on the wheel tightened. His shoulders tensed up.

You'd struck a nerve.

Good.

yn getting some revenge this way was so satisfying to read. yes u struck a nerve n yes its good that u did!!!

hey. i was just talking with minho and man, i miss you

I know you’ve likely forgotten all about me but call me later please…I think ill die here without you

yongbok is so sweet, i do miss him n i didnt realize how much i did until reading his texts here

“She’s a really good artist” Hyunjin suddenly interrupted you.

proud boyfriend behavior. i dont know if u understand but this was so proud boyfriend!

He’d gotten so much better in your absence. You’d only gotten worse in his.

this just hurt. bc yes. :( hyun come back :(

“No, I’m not done talking. After losing you, moving to the city was the hardest thing I ever did. Leaving Daejon behind, all my friends…the only life I knew, and this place where I don’t really fit perfectly, but I’m trying so hard to. It is so hard. The only thing I love…I can’t even love that anymore because I can’t fucking stop thinking about you when I’m painting! It’s not fair. You had a choice, Hyunjin. I didn’t” Your voice broke.

hearing it all pour out of her is so heartbreaking bc it feels like theres so much more she wants to say but cant bc of how overwhelming it is, my chest felt heavy hearing her like this :(

“I…couldn’t leave you at the party. It’s not safe…of course I had to drive you home. I would go insane if something happened to you”

something happened to her when u disappeared, dummy..... u should go insane over that instead bc yn did. so did i. hyun come back!!!!! ;—;

Raindrops slowly trickled down, tracing the ruined paper in your palm. The only memory left of you and Hyunjin was now gone.

heart ripped off my chest. im v sentimental even w materials so this.... it rlly hurt.

“Fine” You heard it being passed around and then his voice came in, “Love. I’m here”

i had these copy pasted in my notes but i just got to send u this ask so im unsure if this was bbok or lino... im thinking bbok, hes so comforting amongst the chaos he seems to be the constant yn needs

Draped in a beige trench coat, cheeks red from the cold, Hyunjin stood at the bottom of your staircase.

nothing n i repeat NOTHING couldve prepared me for this. i did not expect it at all, everything was so fast i was ready to take in a deep calming breath n read along w yns quick decision to go back but now theres....... hyun. hyun is here n i cant wait to know the reason, what hell say or do, how yn feels n how it plays out.. im so nervous n once again looking forward to the next chapter >.<

u once again worded everything so beautifully n im sorry its getting repetitive by now but i love ur writing n the depth to it. i hold it dear to me, this story. thanku so much for writing it w so much love, jade<3

-🤍

idk how i missed answering this !! this is so sweet, i cherished reading every line and i absolutely LOVE when you annotate, it makes me feel appreciated and fuzzy and warm inside. thank you for pointing out your favorite parts 🥺

im glad you thought hyun’s text was hot, the desperation is really there haha. and thank you for appreciating all the little flower metaphors i sprinkled in there ! i loved reading this. thank you for loving this story so much, you make me happy.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

bakugou thoughts pt 2001847471 :)))

- if u go to the park, and somebody is like, walking their dog n the animal barks at y’all??? bakugou is barking back. mans full on squares up, n barks at the dog until it backs off

- he rarely gets into shows/series, but when he finds one he likes, he’ll only watch the first few episodes and then make u watch the rest with him. he’ll always say sum “if i dont watch with you, then i gotta make extra time for your needy ass. ‘m prioritizing my fuckin’ time. it doesn’t mean anything, shut up.” ...... he’s lying. it does mean something. it means he wants to share the things he likes with u

- pls he’s so smart, and generally pretty aware, but sometimes he’ll just do something so duMb. like, u kno that thing that happens sometimes with hair?? like, when it sticks to ur fingers and no matter what u do, u can’t get it off?? bakugou is literally breaking his wrist a foot away from u, shaking his hand back and forth and cursing soooo loudly. u just gotta go up to him and gently remove the hair from him like “oh honey- no.”

- peanut gallery comments. lots of them. mans will sit fully dead silent, not talking for the whOle day, but the second u do something embarrassing?? like trip??? suddenly he has a LOT to say ..... smh men

- animals just always like him. its absolutely unexplainable bc he’s so loud n moves super suddenly,,, but the amount of street animals that follow him home is ridiculous. srsly. sometkmes he even has other people’s pets trying to follow him home

- respects absolutely no one n that somehow strangely makes him the most respectful u’ve ever seen??? like- he hates everyone the exact same so u won’t ever catch bakugou in an act of discrimmination

- he can’t draw at all but if u asked him to draw something, it’ll be the same skull every single time. it’s a good skull, but it’s soooo obvious he learned how to draw it from a tutorial in the midst of his emo phase

- will fully make fun of others for baby-talking around their s/o, n then just fully go home n look at you like “tired.” “hungry.” “kiss.”...... like okay baby man, maybe try putting a full sentence together before u start trying to run your mouth. hypocrite.

- probably sleeps like the dead. contrary to popular belief, i absolutely do not believe he’s up at every single noise. man’s could sleep thru an explosion, im sure of it. that being said tho, it’s probably actually hard for him to turn his brain off n fall asleep. he prob goes to bed so “early” bc he has to wind down for a good hr or two until he’s ready to actually sleep

- he’s got a vendetta against salespeople. like, if his phone rings with some bullshit about a product? if somebody, god forbid, tries to walk up to your door? fully frothing at the mouth annoyed. will chew out any employee who’s too underpaid not to listen to him

- eats like an absolute animal. no rlly, its bad. holds his spoon with a fist and digs at his meal like its the gold rush. the worst table manners you’ve ever seen rlly

- he gets sorts antsy if he sits for too long, so he’s always off doing random shit. like, u’ll look out the window n he’s just like, raking the .3 leaves from ur driveway, probably trying to guess where the wind will be so they wont blow back

- ik this with my heart and soul okay,,, bakugou has never had a conversation with u that wasnt from exactly .2 meters away. like,, if he’s comfortable, then he’s just close all the time. like he’s waving his hands around and yelling and you just have to take his face in ur hands and go “im literally right here. ily but pls tone it down for the sake of my hearing.”

- very much guard dog behavior when y’all go out. absolutely will not leave ur side for even a second, like, at a bar or during a concert. even if u go to the bathroom he’s like, leaning against the wall and waiting right outside the door

- gets absolutely bitchy about your phone blowing up while you’re hanging out. its not that he’s suspicious that ur, like, cheating on him, it’s just that he doesnt understand why u’d even leave ur phone on in the first place since he always has his turned off when ur around. if he gets annoyed enough he’ll fully take the phone out of ur hands, say sum “yeah, you don’t fuckin’ need this anymore. you’re done with this.” n toss it across the room while he kisses u senseless

- tbh his ultimate love language is 100% playfighting. v much would go heart eyes if u even seemed like u might try n wrestle him. obvi u dont win, but his favorite is how u laugh while he pins ur hands above ur head

- he sneers at other angry people. will fully, fully sit there like “jesus christ, they need to calm the hell down. annoying as shit- fuckin’ loud too.” ....... -i. who’s gonna tell him

- silent conversations with ur eyes. no rlly. if y’all are with friends and somebody says something questionable, bakugou is immeadiately turning to u, eyes hardly even shifting but u just know he’s hurling insults in his head

- he doesnt realize his own strength sometimes. like- he knows he’s strong, but if u ever open a door n ur like “woah, careful, this is heavier than it looks” bakugou is .2 steps behind u practically ripping the damn thing off it’s hinges. he’ll look at it, huffing like he doesn’f even understand the issue

- he rlly likes when u call him by his name. pet names are fine, but he srsly is super soft for the simple stuff. like when u look over at him, all excited, smile wide like “hey katsuki, u gotta see this! c’mere!”

- his road rage is severe. no rlly. bakugou drives like every day is a race n he’s one win away from going formula one. you’re pretty sure that the only reason he passed his license test is bc the instuctor was too terrified to tell him no

- bakugou probably does that thing where if you’re sitting on the counter top, watching him cook, he’ll stand between ur legs. hands on ur thighs or resting on ur hips while you tell him about your day

- can’t explain this one, but he doesnt kill spiders. he takes them outside. says sum “they eat ticks, idiot. what- you actually want a fuckin’ blood disease? Hah? ‘m not gonna kill it. motherfucker’s gotta earn his keep before dyin’ just like the rest of us.” while he v gently picks the spider up into his hand and walks it outside

- ik that his one cheat food is sugary cereal. like, he’s a health freak, but the one thing he can’t help but make a concession for is sugary cereal on the weekends

- he’ll sometimes get in this over-stimulated mood where everything pisses him off, n the only thing u can do is leave him alone. u learn this quick bc his anger doesn’t discrimminate and if u push him even after he tells u what’s up?? pls bakugou will lash tf out. at u. like, ik y’all like to write it but that whole “it’s okay- it’s just me. just look at me.” thing does not work with him,,, u literally gonna get merc’d if u try

- he’s probably a guy who’s gonna be super big on passing touches. like he drops his hand on ur head when he passes, or bumps his shoulder into urs when he laughs. no footsies tho. too sappy even for him- pls if u tried to initate that he’d crush ur toes under the table aHAHAHA

- feeds every street cat he comes across. is probably super fond of the ones with a bunch of scratches/scars on them. he’d die if u knew, but one time u caught him feeding a scratched up calico n going “bet u beat his stupid ass, right? that’s my girl. we always win, huh?”

—/—

surprise suprise,, my brain rlly never shuts the hell up about this man

[makknays]

can we try again?

a/n: this is one of my daydreams lol

word count: 1.1k

genre: idk man kinda sad ? kinda not ? its not rlly slice of life tho maybe it is

Life had been going smoothly lately; it was just what you needed after the last year you had been through. You were tired and exhausted; losing person after person, but they were never worth it anyway.

You were out with your friends the day he dm'ed you for the first time in over a year. You had noted prior to that, about a month ago, that he had followed you again and liked a couple of your photos. "That's weird? Maybe, it's mercury retrograde..." you thought to yourself at the time. Now you were faced with his notification; all it read was "hey ___."

[11.48pm] hey ___

seen.

You didn't know if you should respond or if you should ignore him. He had followed you before but you left it alone because you thought you had someone else at the time. That person only ended up hurting you anyway. You'd noticed him watching your stories from time to time when you searched for someone else's name but you quickly forgot him again. You had moved on. Right?

[4.27pm] you: hey

[4.34pm] him: hi. i just wanted to apologise for being a dick to you. you didnt deserve any of it. ive changed a lot since we last knew each other.

[4.58pm] you: oh. i wasnt expecting that

[4.58pm] its okay i dont really remember what you even did...last year was a lot

[5.00pm] him: oh i thought you hated me

[5.03pm] you: i never hated you. just forgot you existed.

[5.03pm] him: oh. thats better i guess? haha

[5.05pm] him: how have you been?

Just like that you fell back into conversation with him. It always felt easy with him and you hated that you felt what you felt before. You realised that you missed him too, but so much had happened to you that you didn't have time to miss him when he was gone. Now he was here. As a friend.

time skip 3 months

Namjoon was in your bed. You weren't sure how, actually that was a lie. Prior to not talking to each other for a year, the two of you had slept together twice. He told you he liked someone and broke it off, but you were in such a fragile state that you didn't understand how to cope and projected onto him. He never held it against you. Months went on and he came back and asked to sleep with you again. You said no because you were seeing someone at the time, yet he was adamant. You didn't talk for another 6 months.

Things fell back into place. The two of you were friends, friends who spoke about fucking each other and made plans to do so. That's why you woke up with him next to you. He had been staying over for the last few nights; him staying over made you rethink your feelings for the person beside you. You weren't sure if it was just nostalgia coming back or if you really did like him again. You didn't want to get hurt.

The night before you had suggested that the two of you wake up early to go on a walk and watch the sunrise by the Han River, so here you were waking up at 5am. "I wanna go back to sleep." "This was your idea. C'mon, let's go." "I don't wanna, I wanna sleep." "___, it's my last day here, c'mon, let's do it." he chuckled as he gently pulled your sleepy body so that you were sitting upright. You were hunched over, rubbing your eyes and pouting at being woken up so early on a day off. "___, stop pouting. This was your idea." he laughed, you always loved the sound of his laugh; it was something that always made you smile. You smiled at him before pulling yourself together and freshening up.

"Do you have a destination in mind?" he asked you as the two of you left the warmth of your apartment. "Nope, just along the river." you told him, leading the way. "Okay. I've missed the river. There's a lot of memories there." "Your fault for moving back to your parents." you teased. "Yeah, but I don't have any reason to be in Seoul anymore. We finished university and my job's all online." "Maybe you just need to find a reason." you shrugged. You hoped he knew what you meant by that.

"Hey, we should sit on this bench. The sun's rising now. It's a nice view too." he smiled as he guided you towards the bench he had targeted. The seat gave you the prefect view of the sun rising above the horizon and the two of you watched as the night faded and hues of pink and red started to blend into blue.

"I missed you, you know?" "Huh?" "When we didn't talk. I thought about you a lot. I know you forgot about me, but you're hard to forget, ___." "You just wanted to fuck me again." "Well, that was a factor." he chuckled. "But, seriously, I did miss you." "Why are you telling me this?" you laughed, not making eye contact with him; you don't know why but you were too scared.

"What if I told you I liked you and wanted to take you on a date?" he asked, looking at you as you stared across the river at the sun. You took a deep breath and sighed, finally turning to him, giving him a weak smile. "Namjoon, I would think you're lying to me." "Why?" "It's not that you ever lied to me. You told me as soon as you liked someone and I was the one that reacted like a monster, but there's a lot of things going on in my head that make it hard for me to trust what you're saying. A lot happened to me in the year we didn't speak to each other. I got really hurt and it's not something I'm ready to do again. I don't want to let what happened to me affect what could be here. I want to say yes, I do, but I'd wanna think about it more too. I feel like that's the right thing to do, since I've always been impulsive when it comes to emotions. I'd like to just be rational." as you told him what you felt your eyes drifted from his face to the river to your fiddling hands; you were so anxious and you didn't want to build a wall between the two of you but you were scared you might.

"Ah, I see. I'm sorry that happened while we were strangers." Namjoon said after reaching for your hand. "So, if I asked you on a date right now, what would you say?" he asked, looking into your eyes for any signs of rejection. "I wanna say yes, but-" "Then say yes, for now. It's okay if you change your mind later, but how about we try? We've known each other for a long time. We can trust each other, right? I won't hurt you again." "Okay." "Okay?" "Okay."

[boojersey]

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

[hidingbehindaglasswall]

1/5/10/13/22/25/34/33/46 :3 I rlly love your thoughts, advice n blog. Thank you 🤗

Awh thank you! I’m glad I can help in any way! I’ve reblogged a few ask things recently, I’m assuming you’re asking for the most recent one, but if not let me now and I’l do the one you meant!Lesbian Asks!

1.Femme or butch? As in myself - I’m definitly femme, though I tend to dress more athletic/’tomboy’ if you could call it that, being a dancer I live for my nike and adidas! Regards to a partner, I deffo love a girly girl!

5.Describe your aesthetic As I said above I tend to wear a lot of athletic wear, and I have a deep love for my denim jacket, and I love a shirt, but I also love getting dressed up in pretty dresses and spending hours on my make up/hair etc. I have a deep obsession with trainers, i love me a smart pair of nikes! I think I’m one of those people who changes between looking a compleate stereotype and the most girly princess ever! 

10.Describe the best date you’ve been on Gosh I’ve been on so many good ones! My girl knows how to spoil me! I don’t have a favourite but can I do top 3? Both this year and last year for my birthday my girl took me to London for a couple days, to see a show and explore, last year was Les Mis and this year was Dreamgirls and god they we’re brilliant! We went to the museums (which I absolutely love because I’m actually he bigest nerd ever!) this year we went for afternoon tea which was so lovely, she always finds such nice hotels as well and it was just so nice to explore London hand in hand with my love! So yeah those two for sure, and last spring we went to the beach one eve - I’m a student in brighton - and had chips and hot chocolate with a blanket and talked the hours away whlst the sun set, and it was so simple but god it was so perfect!

13.If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife! I am indeed taken, by my beautiful girlfriend Ashleigh! We’ve been together just over 1year 8months and it’s been the best time of my life! We matched on good ole tinder, but turned out we had a mutual friend and the rest they say is history. She’s the love of my life and I know at 21 people might think I’m too young to know, but I do, and I’m gonna marry her one day! She’s got the most gorgeous blue eyes, they’re the first thing I noticed about her, and everytime she looks at me I swear she can see into my soul. She’s the kindest most thoughtful person, always looking out for others and is so beautiful inside and out. She makes me a better person, I don’t care how cliche it sounds! I have a hard time with feelings and opening up about things, but she’s always there, patiently waiting for when I’m ready and I couldn’t be more grateful! It’s just like she gets me, I have all these different sides to my personality, as everyone does, my childish side, my vunerable side, the student, etc, and she always knows exactly how to deal with them, she just gets me. (her tumblr is http://ashleighgrey-blog.tumblr.com but please ignore the hideous picture of me!)

22.What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any? I’d say I dress quite stereotypically, as I’ve said above, I love a shirt and I dress quite athleticy. I’m also very into sport, I used to be captain of the football team in both junior and senior school, I used to swim a lot, I did running and athletics and danced ridiculous amounts, which is something I now do profesionally. Not sure if it’s still considered a stereotype these days but yeah! 

25.Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian? I mean, girls are just so gorgeous arent they?! Honeslty, I don’t now, that’s a tough one, I struggled for a long long time to accept myself, its only a recent thing that I have, so it’s not something I’ve ever really thought about. I’d say it’s nice that the person you’re with understands what it’s like to be a female! It’s nice to have someone who understands when you’re having super bad cramps or you’re having a bad hair day, all those things that (in the nicest way) most males just don’t get! I don’t know if that sounds weird, I’m not sure, it’s just nice to be with somehtine that gets it fully!

34.Ever fallen for your best-friend? Oh boy, fallen, I wouldn’t say fallen, at the time I thought I had yeah, but it was definitly more of a first crush situation and nothing more. There was a girl in my friendship group in school that I was crushing on, hard, and she knew about it. It might seem like a silly comparison, but pre season 1 PLL Emily crushing on Ali, yeah that was me. In short, because it’ s a story I could write thousands of words telling, I was crushing, she found out, and played with my heart in every way, slowly breaking it more that I ever thought possible. And this was a time I was still coming to terms with who I was, so it fucked me over for a long long time. I spent from year 9 until about halfway through AS levels, letting my heart be screwed over by her, it took me a long time to pluck up the courage to say no more. Looking back I can see that I was definitly an experiment, but I made my peace with it a long time ago, and I’m more than over it now. And it’s kinda weird, because our friendship group still is, and we’re both very much a part of it, and honestly it’s something that we’re both very aware that happened, but I think it’s a kind of mutal silent understanding that it’s somehting that happened but will never be brought up. 

33/43, not sure if you meant 33 or 43 but either way! 33 Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone? I pretty much answered this in an ask I did yesterday, in short yes, but once I’ve fallen I’ve fallen hard! 43 Can you drive? I mean, I know how to, I had lessons, I’m just very very bad at it and failed my test monumentally and kinda just never went back to it! 

46 At what age did you come out (if you have)? I have indeed, I’ve been out for a long time, and tbh I came out to various people at various times. The first time I admitted it to myself was kinda early year 9, so age 13 and not long after I told a couple of people, end of year 9 was when my above mentioned crush found out so I’d have been 14. That was it for a while, then I told my parents the summer before AS so like 16, although it was out of nowhere and I fully wasn’t planning on it (in the middle of Epcot in Disneyworld, but that’s a story for another time). I told the rest of my friendship group not that long after, so still 16, and then one of the boys took it upon himself to go tell an ex boyfriend, thus rumour spread around college and everyone found out. However, and I think it’s important to say, throughout all of this, I still hadn’t accepted myself, I was still struggling with who I was and yeah it made it easier on me that people knew and were okay with it, however, the most important person to me, my mum, wasn’t okay with it and that destroyed me. Even then, it wasn’t something I was open about, I wouldn’t willingly tell anyone. It took me starting stage school/uni (so 18) to feel comfortable enough about it to be open about it, and even then I wasn’t straight away. I told, a couple of friends a few weeks in, and then about a week later I told a guy on my course, who then drunkenly told the whole college at a party i wasnt at, which left a rumour for me to confirm when I went to college on the Monday. Since then I’ve been pretty open about it, but even then my fmily didn’t know. Started talking to my girl at the end of first year (June) and we became a couple that august. I moved to Brighton when I started second year that same summer, (literally 3 days later) and that’s when I told my mum I was with someone, (and that kinda screwed some things up but it’s all chill now) and a few days later I plucked up the courage to make it facebook official as they say, thus coming out to my family, my dance friends, everyone else that I knew. Now, I’m compleatly accepting of who I am, and so is everyone around me, my mum had a hard time with it but it’s all good now, but yeah! It was a very long and slow coming out, and honestly in a way a lot of it was done for me, which as much as it hurt, and sucked majorly, it took a lot of pressure off me, and I kinda wouldn’t change it. This has a been like an essya in an answer, so sorry about that, but, like a lot of people, my coming out wasn’t as simple as just doing it, it was a very slow and long, painful process. 

Thank you for asking, and like I said at the beginning,  assumed this was the post you meant, but if not hit me up and I’ll answer the questions you meant! PLus, if you ever have any questions you wanna ask or need advice, I’m always here, just ask away!Luce :)