#nearing my limits I've already been running on empty for so so long god i just want peace i just want to rest i haven't even

[ii-zi]

the only thing I want is to give up but i can't i can't for the life of me I can't I've never stopped cooperating I've never stopped giving it my all to make an effort and keep functioning enough to not let anything go but myself i absolutely cannot function without some semblance of normalcy and giving up is not anywhere near that normalcy god i just need some peace

[imthatchishiyasimp]

Loses and promises

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hi!!! I'm back hehe

It took me a long time to wrap my head around this idea, but I think I like how it turned out. I've been busy with work and I didn't get to post anything this week, I'm sorry.

Also: BIG THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT, THE LIKES AND REBLOGS AND FOLLOWS!!! I didn't, in a million times, thought you would like this THAT much. I really appreciate it, love you so much.

Without further ado, enjoy the read!!

TW: Blood, death and injuries are both mentioned and described

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knock on his door, hard and fast. Jumping in one foot, I try to keep my balance while I tie my trainer. I rest my back on the door to prevent the obvious fall, and I finish tying the shoe. Except the door suddenly opens and I fall backwards pretty fast with a little scream.

“What the fuck?” He says, catching me by the shoulders and stepping back. “What do you want?” The question rolls with scepticism as he turns me around to face me.

I arch my eyebrows and point my finger to my wrist, simulating the time in a wristwatch.

“Already?” Chishiya hums and crosses his arms. “I must have lost track of time. Have they already made the teams?”

“Yup, and guess who’s going to annoy you for the rest of the night…”

He makes a face that’s supposed to look bothered. And he sure is bothered, he hates having to deal with me during games. But I can see through that. He’s not the only one that hates pairing in games; I do too. Not only because he’s annoying and always acts like he’s the only one worthy of winning, but because I would hate to be involved in a heart’s game with him. I know he would do anything to survive, anything, even if it kills him. And I would too. And he knows it.

“We are leaving in a few minutes. Get ready, you lazy ass” I turn around and head to my room to finish getting ready. I hear his breathy laugh just as he starts closing the door of his room. I might need something to protect myself, or something to get rid of people. Who knows what we will be facing tonight.

The car is full of people and smells like alcohol, drugs and sweat. It’s disgusting and I try to get my face as far as it can go through the window.

“Will you stop moving? It’s pretty uncomfortable and I hate the smell as much as you, so either you make me a place in that window or I throw you off my lap” Chishiya says, calmly and quietly near my ear. My hair blows as his breath leaves his lips and chills run through my body, keeping me so still that it seems as if I turned into rock.

Indeed I am in his lap, and indeed I have been moving. But just because I want to breathe fresh air. Just because of that. Sure. No reason behind.

I laugh, in silence, but I laugh. There were too many people in need of refilling their visas, so we had to pair in greater groups. And I was so not gonna sit in the laps of the horny people overbooking the Beach. So , after a huge fight, I made Chishiya sit under me, in exchange of looking for white hair dye.

I move just a bit more to play with him and I feel him tense under me, his hands coming to my hips. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop” So I move to the edge and get comfortable on his knees, leaving him a small place on the window to put his face.

We watch as the city moves in darkness, leaving behind flashes of light holding game’s arenas. I can hear distant music and screams, gunshots and creepy sounds. Maybe it’s real, maybe it’s my imagination, but I would swear on my visa that they won’t stop when the sun comes up. It’s been so long that even when I close my eyes I can still listen to the people dying in their games. I try to silence them with other things, and sometimes it works, but I’m getting tired of it.

The doors of a forest garden awaits us as we arrive. It’s a closed part of the outskirts of the city, enclosing a private area huge enough to get lost wandering around.

The tables at both sides of the door have the phones and some weapons. There’s no limit entry and it looks like there might be enough phones for the lot of us. There are five other people alongside Chishiya and I. I only know two of them: Hiro, the cook at the Beach, and Ume, a bookish girl that’s always lounging in the silent rooms. The rest look kind of familiar but I don’t remember talking to them.

I get off Chishiya’s lap with a hop and take a phone off the table. It beeps with the facial recognition and just says to wait ten minutes to close the entry.

“Want to bet on the game?” Chishiya asks, nodding to the doors.

“Probably a physical, given that we are so far from the city. So I would say a spade one” I guess. It looks like we will have a big arena, and probably something to run from, if we take into account the weapons.

“Looks like your brain hasn’t died yet” He moves before I can get him with a punch.

“REGISTRATION HAS CLOSED, THERE ARE A TOTAL OF 7 PARTICIPANTS. THE GAME WILL NOW COMMENCE”

All of us gather at the entrance, some of us already with weapons in our hands. I’ve chosen a blade big enough to protect me and some small knives hidden in my top and trainers. I don’t like guns and they run out of ammo quite quickly.

“DIFFICULTY: EIGHT OF SPADES”

“GAME: LABYRINTH”

“RULE: YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO CONTINUE IF YOU DON’T PASS THE TESTS. YOU MUST START ALONE, BUT YOU ARE NOT FORBIDDEN TO PAIR ONCE STARTED THE MAZE”.

“CLEAR CONDITION: FIND YOUR WAY AROUND THE MAZE AND SUCCESSFULLY OPEN THE EXIT DOOR. YOU CLEAR THE GAME WHEN YOU GET THROUGH THE EXIT DOOR”.

“TIME LIMIT: 2 HOURS”.

“AFTER THE 2 HOURS HAVE PASSED, THE MAZE WILL BE SHUT DOWN WITH NO EXIT”.

The doors open and we enter the maze. There are several “starts” written on the floor at the entrance of different passages. The walls are so high that I can’t even try to guess what’s at the top. It’s too dark to see more than a few meters from your hands, and the cold is starting to get annoying.

The seven of us position ourselves one next to each other on the central passages and we wait. No sound can be heard, no light can be seen. It’s creepy as hell. I look sideways and I spot Chishiya lowering his hood and lifting his sleeves. He totally hates running, but you can bet he’s gonna give it all.

“GAME START”

Without hesitation, I sprint into my passage.

I’ve been running non stop since the beginning, and this maze is big as hell itself. People always tell you to stick to the left or right and you will get to the end, and that I’ve been doing. But just when I could. There are so many traps around, it’s like they didn’t think we could survive this, so they threw everything they got.

From knife floors, poison ponds, holes… My feet are done for the day, my legs are bathed in blood from the knives and spikes, and I feel kinda dizzy because of the poison gas. But I keep running. The time is halfway gone, and I don’t think I’m even close to the exit.

I haven’t heard any of the other players since the start. I’m a bit worried, and I keep going back to their faces at the car, at the entrance and the moment I lost sight of them when I started running. Will I see them again? How many of them? Will someone make it?

I turn to the left and get thrown to the floor with a nudge on the nose.

“Holy fuck!” I scream in agony, holding my bleeding nose. I would bet my visa on it, it’s broken for sure. Oh God it hurts too much. My face feels heavy and it stings deep inside.

“Jesus, where the hell are you going without looking? Are you stupid? You could have met some kind of trap, idiot”

I look up and catch a glimpse of white hair. But just a glimpse, because the whole rest of Chishiya is covered in ashes. The bastard just stays there, looking down at me without offering a hand. Totally expected that, to be honest.

I get up and punch him straight in the chest. He howls and gets away looking angry. “You deserved that, you totally smashed your elbow on my face on purpose. You were just waiting there to punch me”

“What the fuck? Why would I?”

I study the situation and try to look for lies, but it’s a lost cause with him. “Shut up and start running, we have a long way to go”

So both of us pair up and keep on running together, helping each other in a few traps to minimize the damage. We still get burned and sliced, but we manage to stay together for a good twenty minutes.

Until we don’t.

We are on an empty corridor surrounded by bindweed. What I thought was going to be a calm and peaceful section turns into a nightmare. From nowhere, ropes start to come out and try to catch our feet, arms and trunk.

Both of us jump and get down to escape from the ropes, sometimes getting too close to the bushes and winning new bruises everywhere. The strength that these things have is incredible and intolerable. It feels as if my bones are breaking under the knots. I grasp Chishiya’s hand to keep from getting sucked into the wall, and he takes me out of it. His hand grips mine with a strength I didn’t know he possessed, and I dwell on the feeling of his cold and soft fingers around mine, enjoying the safety his presence gives anywhere he is.

Lost in his eyes, which are making sure I’m not caught into any ropes anymore, we get pulled away in an instant and Chishiya disappears from my sight into the wall, his eyes not leaving mine.

“No! You bastard! You don’t get to abandon me here! Come back!” I scream into the bushes. I slice the ropes with my knives and get away from that corridor as fast as I can.

My face still hurts from the nudge, and my arm feels funny. Both my legs are covered in bruises and cuts from the ropes and the falls. I’m a mess. Everything hurts. Everything is a mess.

I go back to the feeling of finding him. Maybe I didn’t dwell on it, but I felt safer, I felt relieved to have some company; I felt happy to have him there with me, to back me up and get me through difficult things. Will I see him again? Is he okay? Will he be there?

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You better be there when I get off this fucking maze, or I will search for you to cut you into pieces” I whisper to the night, running again, looking behind me from time to time to check if he’s behind me, stoping just before a turn to prevent another hit. He totally did that on purpose.

I step into a two paths corridor. Both of them are covered in darkness and I can’t say which one looks better. Not wanting to lose any more time, I take the right one, although it doesn’t take me long to return. The blood covers the floor and gets sticky when I step into it. I bend over to see what’s in front of me and gulp down seeing the body of Hiro full of insects eating him alive.

He’s whimpering in pain and coughing blood, moving just a bit, probably paralyzed. I don’t know when he catches me, but his eyes get full of tears and he mouths a silent plea, tears streaming down his face and mixing with the blood. I remember when I met him, asking for a bite of something after a run through the city and hungry enough to eat whatever. He made me a simple sandwich, but I swear it was the best one I have ever had. He stayed in the kitchen with me, talking about his life and asking too many questions. Ever since then, he’s always been there when I needed to disconnect from the games, from the people, from the world. Always with a smile and a new recipe to try.

Now all that is left is pain and suffering.

Getting as close as I dare, I whisper a silent sorry and goodbye before ending his suffering. I run away and don’t look back at all, his face and pain engraved in my mind.

When I get to the exit I almost scream in relief. It’s a big door made of small bars with a big “EXIT” written in red above it. The time is almost up and I can’t see anyone here. The place where I came from is not the only way of getting here, there are three more corridors ending in this place.

The thing is, the doors are closed, and they have a huge key hole in the middle. I look around and I spot a key shining on the top of the door. It’s hanging by a thread, laughing at me from up there.

I scoff, tired as I can be, and I stop in front of the door. Guessing from the place where it is, I must need to climb through the door and it doesn’t seem dangerous at all, but I still don’t trust it. Checking the time I decide that I can’t risk it on trying to search for another way of getting the key, so I grasp the bars.

The heat burns through me and paralyzes me in the spot. I feel as if my hand is going to come off right now. I let go of the door and caress the palm of my hand, blowing air as kindly as I can, tears streaming down my face of the pain.

“FIVE MINUTES LEFT”

“I hate this. I hate it so much” Curses leave my lips as I get higher and higher, once again at the door and burning my hands and feet in the process. I can’t feel it anymore, I just know it’s painful and it’s going to leave ugly scars. I grip the key and rip it from the thread and throw myself to the floor, not caring to limb down properly.

The floor meets my back and I roll over. I would have stayed there, I swear. I was done with everything. My whole body was hurting, my mind was going blank and kept screaming.

“Tsk” I hear some rustling near me and then a foot nudges me on the back of my head. “Are you alive there?” I moan in response and turn over, glaring at the clever smirk of Chishiya. “Do you mind handing over the key? I’m in desperate need of a shower”.

“I don’t know, would you mind stopping hitting me on purpose?” I mumble through moans of pain.

He sighs and bends next to me, placing his face just above mine, our noses almost touching. I can feel his breath, the quick rhythm it still has, the cold and the smell of sweat and toxic reaching me.

“For the last time, I did not hit you on purpose” He whispers looking straight at me.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” I question. You won't ever know with him.

“Trust me, if I had hit you on purpose, I would have done it a lot harder”. His eyes hold that smart look, the condescending vibes all around him, but I think I can see worry and relief and…

“Oh fucking hell, yes! You guys made it! We are saved and alive and… Oh God, two minutes left, tell me you know how to open that door or I will kill myself right here” One of the guys we came with sprouts from a passage, holding Ume’s limping form and followed by another guy who’s gripping a tourniquet around his arm. I’m glad to see most of us are alive after that hell.

Chishiya takes the fey from my hand with caution to not touch the burnt parts of my palms and fingers. He quickly pushes the key into the lock and pushes the door hard.

I don’t know why, but I was scared of it not opening. Silly, I know, but after so many games with tricks at the end, I didn’t know what to expect. The phones beep immediately, and I struggle to get up to a sitting position.

“GAME CLEAR”.

“CONGRATULATIONS”.

Relief flows inside all of us, dropping to the floor and crying happy tears. Is it really a win? It doesn't feel like that anymore. I think I've lost some things inside those walls and darkness.

I thought I was hurting, but in just a second, all the injuries I have, start to really hurt and the pain makes me close my eyes and shake like crazy. I might need a whole week of rest after this.

Arms come from behind me and take me up. I’m lost in the sudden change of position and it takes me a while to realize Chishiya is holding me in a bridal style. He quickly gets ahead of the rest, not caring to check if they are following us, and heads to the place we left the car.

It’s a long way until we get there and I nod off a few times, resting my head and hiding in his soft tingling hair, taking his scent apart from all the other ones. I don’t dream at all, it’s all blank, but I wake up startled looking for Hiro or Chishiya, afraid they’re not here anymore. I get sad and I cry silently when I remember Hiro’s body and scared face, pleading for mercy; and I sigh with relief when I feel Chishiya holding me tighter after I wake up shaking, crossing our eyes and making me feel safe with just a look.

“Don’t ever disappear like that again. Don’t even dare. Promise me” I angrily say after one of my nightmares. He doesn’t say anything, and I don’t need him to. He just needs to know. I pretend I don’t see the almost imperceptible nod he does once I return to put my head on his chest.

The ride back is a blur. We have more space now that two of us are missing, but it’s heavy inside. I keep next to Chishiya, him holding me while I rest and sleep in between nightmares. None of us has said anything since we left the forest. We are all relieving our paths along the maze, the things we saw and the hopelessness we felt, the fear of being left there forever.

The sunrise marks our arrival at the Beach. People there are waiting for the cars still gone and they welcome us with joy and worry. We are rushed to the medical room to get checked up on, and although I try to walk there, pathetically I must say, I can feel Chishiya is ready to ame me in case I fall. He leaves once An puts me on a bed and starts treating my wounds.

But I know he will be back. He always comes back. He promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you liked it!! Give me some feedback and love if you might, I would love to hear from you.

As always, I'm still open to requests and comments. If you want me to tag you on the next post, do tell me!

Be safe and take care!!

[iamkidfish]

Would you be at all interested in writing a prompt based off a quote? I've been reading On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous and got destroyed by the line "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined". I feel like it's a line that works for both Leah and Fatin, and I would love to read your interpretation of it!

have a little angst this morning

Read on ao3!

It shouldn’t be a big deal. 50 days on the island. 50 days of fighting for their lives against the elements, against each other, against themselves. 

It shouldn’t be a big deal, except it is. 

50 days pass for eight girls barely surviving on an island when there should be nine.

There’s a choked sob, like someone is trying to muffle the sound, and then another and Leah wakes to the sound of Fatin crying. It surprises her more than it should, Fatin crying. She hasn’t seen Fatin cry, not at school, not on the first day, not when Fatin held Leah in her arms on the beach, not even after Nora pulled Rachel’s unconscious body from the ocean, her bloodied arm looking like it got sent through a wood chipper.

She turns over, trying to look for Fatin’s body by the shine of the moonlight. As the weeks went by, they all started sleeping closer and closer together, kind of like a group of seals on a dock, so it’s impossible to discern Fatin from the others. Shelby’s blonde hair catches Leah’s eye and she focuses in, noticing how Shelby’s left hand is gently curled around the inside of Toni’s elbow. Leah smiles, in spite of herself.

Past Shelby, Martha and Dot are curled together, with Dot lying on her back, mouth open, and Martha tucked into her side. Near them, Nora and Rachel are wrapped up so tightly Leah can’t really determine who’s body is who’s. They’ve slept like that ever since the accident and every time Leah looks at Rachel her eyes can’t help but slide down her arm to what’s left of her wrist. It’s mostly a mangled stump, but considering the limited supplies, it looks at least stable. Rachel’s been highly medicated most everyday and every few hours Dot pours their quickly depleting supply of vodka on it. 

A noise behind her makes Leah turn around. She maneuvers around their campsite, the best she can in the dark, stepping over water bottles, pieces of driftwood, even Martha’s suitcase, before she reaches Fatin. 

She’s curled tightly, more like a ball than the fetal position, and away from Leah so she can’t see her face. It’s not particularly cold out, but Fatin’s shaking. 

Leah drops to her knees, hands hovering over Fatin’s side, unsure if she can touch, then switches direction to lie behind Fatin. She tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, the ones that have been there since around day 29, as they try to flutter awake. For a second, Leah pauses before wrapping her arms around Fatin. The other girl doesn’t protest at the contact, but she also doesn’t acknowledge or lean into it, just continues shivering.

It’s hard but she tries not to notice how well their bodies fit together. They’ve slept close together before (Fatin actually has been insistent about Leah sleeping near her ever since “Leah’s second Virginia Woolf moment” as Rachel dubbed it accordingly), but never this close, with her front pressed up against Fatin’s back. They’re basically spooning. 

As if she heard Leah’s thoughts, Fatin mumbles, “I’m the little spoon. God, how embarrassing.”

She lets out a pained laugh and Leah freezes. She wasn’t expecting for Fatin to react, let directly acknowledge what’s happening. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t spooned someone before, Rilke,” Fatin’s voice cracks but still manages to have her signature teasing lilt. 

“Of course I have,” Leah says into Fatin’s shoulder, her face heating up against her will. Thank God, Fatin isn’t looking at her.

“Well then you know you have to commit,” Fatin says, moving Leah’s arm so it’s curled against Fatin’s stomach. Leah counts to 100 by 7’s twice to resist the urge of flexing her fingers against Fatin’s skin. Not the time.

Her brain blurts out the first thing she thinks of, “Ironic, how you’re talking to me about commitment.”

(Smooth Leah, real smooth)

Fatin doesn’t respond to her stupid ass comment, doesn’t talk for a long time. She is not crying as much, at least not that Leah can hear, the tears could still be falling down her face silently, she reminds herself.

“You know, my dad didn’t let me say goodbye to my brothers,” Fatin finally says. “At the airport. Didn’t even let them come, they had to stay home with my mom. He said they had ‘too much homework’ which was bullshit. School was almost over by the end of May. I knew he just didn’t want me to see them and now…”

Fatin takes a shuddering breath and dissolves into fresh sobs.

“It’s been fifty days and...and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see them again,” she hiccups. 

“Fatin you don’t…” but the reassurance dies in Leah’s throat. After fifty days, dying on the island seems like a very real possibility, as real of a possibility when Leah was losing her mind over the realization and tried to run into the ocean a month ago, maybe even more so now, with their collective fear growing each day about how purposeful everything feels, how a group of (seemingly) random strangers arbitrarily came to be stuck on an island, depending on each other. The day they saw the plane fly over doesn’t even register in Leah’s mind as significant anymore, just another circumstance on her list proving that something is fucking wrong. 

It hits her, Leah’s bad at this. Being there for someone, let alone comforting them. It feels alien to her, as much as her cell phone or Ian, a thousand miles away, desperately insignificant to her, to what’s on this island. Honestly, she can’t remember the last time she’s touched someone like this before the island, especially someone she cares about. Leah was never a particularly touchy kid but after him, when she started to flinch at her mother’s touch or shunned away from her father’s hugs, her tolerance for physical contact plummeted, pretty much becoming nonexistent. 

The feeling rises from her chest into her throat like bile and Leah becomes acutely aware of how her body is positioned, how she’s holding Fatin, just like how he held her: from behind, chin tucked into shoulder, arms snaking around her waist. She always found it comforting but now, in the haze of the memory, she wonders if he did that to keep her in place, to hold her down. Leah stiffens, she can’t help it, as the pressing, suffocating feeling settles again over her body.

But Fatin isn’t him, and neither is she. Leah knows that, knows it in the way Fatin’s hair smells like pears and sand and salt, knows it in the spaces that she's hesitant and timid, Fatin is unselfishly bold, knows it by the way Fatin’s fingers never rest, even now tapping out a slow melody on her arm, knows it because Fatin’s been there for her since the plane crash (well, close enough), holding her and crying with her, and a tiny, persistent voice in the back of Leah’s head whispers loving— 

Still, Leah gently extracts her hands from around Fatin’s waist and tugs on her shoulders until Fatin is turning over to face her.

“You will. We will get back home, we have to.”

Maybe it’s the darkness that makes her bold, but Leah leans forward, just enough, to brush her lips against Fatin’s forehead. She tries to ignore the hitch in her chest or the memory of Fatin doing the same to her after she ran into the ocean, thinking Leah was still knocked out from the pills instead of just dozing.

“You probably just got sand in your mouth, dummy,” the weight of the insult is weakened by the way Fatin’s voice breaks.

“I don’t care,” and Leah doesn’t. She has more important things to think/worry about than a few grains of sand, like keeping everyone she knows alive, keeping herself mostly sane, and not screwing up and saying something incredibly stupid in front of this girl she’s holding in her arms.

Fatin sucks in a breath and maybe, just maybe, thanks to the light from the full moon above them, Leah sees Fatin’s lips quiver. It takes her a second to look back up at Fatin and the other girl is already looking at her, the air thick with tension, thick with an unspoken something. 

Leah’s nose tickles as Fatin nudges it ever so slightly with her own. It feels like an invitation and maybe in another life without deserted islands and broken girls Leah would understand and kiss Fatin until they’re both breathless, but she looks at Fatin again, still with tears on her face, and wonders if Fatin expects it because that’s all she’s ever known: people using her body for their own motivations. And it’s not that Leah doesn’t want to kiss her, because God, she does, but she wants to do it right, and wants it to last this time. 

She leans in because she can’t completely resist the hedonistic (self-destructive) pull in her stomach, the curiosity of how Fatin’s skin feels against her lips, and presses her lips into the corner of Fatin’s cheek, just close enough to her mouth to say I want this too, but not now. Leah knows she’s lingering, but the mix of perfume and salt is almost addictive and it just feels so fucking good to touch someone, knowing Fatin won’t break. (Is it because they’re both broken already, who knows?)

Leah pulls back and Fatin’s looking at her with more tears streaking silently down her cheeks, but Leah’s pretty sure she understands. 

She wipes a tear from the side of Fatin’s eye and maybe, she thinks for a moment Fatin is going to make a comment about messing up her mascara, but then thinks better of it, because this moment, where they’re both staring into each others eyes under the moonlight on an empty beach feels too heavy for any words.

Instead, Fatin just tucks her face into the crook in Leah’s collarbone and shudders and shakes with silently sobs, but Leah holds her, all through the night, even when she’s too exhausted to open her eyes anymore, and falls asleep too. 

Thankfully, when Dot finds them in the morning still curled into each other, she waits until they walk back to camp with the others before nodding and passing a water bottle to Fatin. 

[subasekabang]

i've got some falling to do

Title: i’ve got some falling to do Rating: T Word Count: 8,020 Pairings/Characters: Neku Sakuraba, Joshua Kiryu Warnings: near character death, implied character death, injury Summary: Seven days after Neku’s returned to the UG, he receives a text that sends a chill down his spine. The Composer needs help. You’re the only one who can do it. Partner: @sugarsomg, desiquiche Author’s Note: Many thanks to @beyondworldborders for… practically writing a good portion of this. She’s my go-to Neku dialogue person. She also betad! neku-phones-sakuraba also gave this a once over and pointed out a lot of spelling and grammar errors. Title from Lemon Demon

The soda tastes sharp on Neku’s tongue as he leans back on the bench, gaze flitting around from person to person. The condensation slicks the cardboard cup in his hand, stealing his attention from the way the crowd threatens to overwhelm him. The Shibuya crowd is as loud as ever, but it doesn’t really bother him anymore, not like it used to. He likes the reassurance that people can see him, can feel him on the off chance that he shifts a little too close to another and accidentally shoulder checks someone. It’s a reminder that he’s alive, that the breath pulled through his lungs isn’t just due to muscle memory. His free hand raises to grip at the familiar weight of his headphones around his neck, but his fingers only curl around air.

Right. He sort of left his limited edition CAT headphones in the middle of the Shibuya Scramble Crossing when he’d woken up on the pavement for a fourth time to find that he was alive after-

Well. Neku’s in high spirits. He’s had a good day. No thoughts of the past are going to wreck that.

It’s been seven days since he’d miraculously come back to life after his three long weeks fighting for his right to existence in the second, hidden layer of reality hidden right on top of Shibuya. For seven long days Neku has sat anxiously on the bench at the statue of Hachiko, hoping and praying to the maybe-god he knows there is that his friends are okay and will show up to greet him. He had almost given up hope by the seventh day, but seventh days had always been so monumental when it came to Neku and his friends. If they were going to show, it would be today.

And sure enough, Beat and Rhyme and even Shiki in her unfamiliar body with that very familiar smile had finally shown up- a week from the Game at Hachiko, just as promised. Their presence had lifted a weight from his chest, let a smile grow wide on his face as Beat snagged him around the neck, as Rhyme showed him her bell with glee, as Shiki had shoved Mr. Mew into Neku’s arms in order to talk animatedly with her hands as she discussed her reunion with Eri and her family. It had been a good day spent with his friends. Now it’s late, nearly dark, and Neku’s friends have headed back to their homes. Neku stopped for a drink, wanting to revel in the moment just for a bit longer- and to linger just for a few more moments, to give that one person just a few more seconds to pop in unexpectedly with that light step, that lazy swagger to his movements.

Neku still isn’t sure that he even wants to see him, but he does want to know that Joshua is okay, despite everything. He realizes now that Joshua had spent their week together within the Game intentionally hand feeding him bits and pieces of information, showing him where to go to jack Shibuya- from Joshua. He still isn’t sure what it means. Why give Neku the chance to shoot him, in those final moments in that dark grey room, if all Joshua wanted was to be done with Shibuya? Neku would have thought that he’d failed whatever test Joshua was levering against him when he faltered at pulling the trigger on the boy he’d come to think of as a friend.

So why is everything still standing?

Why does Neku hope to hear that gratingly self-satisfied voice so badly?

Neku can’t understand- it’s impossible to. But he knows he isn’t seeing Joshua anytime soon, much less tonight, so he pulls himself to his feet with a heavy sigh to begin the walk home, one hand shoved into his pocket to fiddle with the black lacquered pin he keeps tucked away. He absently chews on the straw of his drink as he ambles through the busy Shibuya streets, headed to the station to take his train line home. He reaches for his pocket when his phone buzzes with a text. Probably just Shiki or Rhyme letting him know they got home… safe…?

Unknown The Composer needs help. You’re the only one who can do it.

Unknown Immediately

The soda cup cracks open and spills along the concrete as Neku breaks into a run towards the station.

Neku’s lungs are burning by the time he reaches the sewers that Joshua had so carefully led him to during the Game. It’s as dark and dank and cold as he remembers, the sound of his feet echoing down the tunnels so loud it sounds like gunshots in his head. He half expects another barrier pulled up to keep him out, to keep him from making sure that stupid asshole is alive- or existing, or whatever.

But no, the door to that weird retro underground club is open, cracked open with a flip flop of all things stuck in the doorway so it doesn’t swing shut and activate the padlock again. A bubble of anxiety wells and pops in Neku’s chest. What is this? Is someone here to hurt Joshua? Or is this the person who messaged him to help Josh? He doesn’t understand what’s going on.

What if this is another of Joshua’s Games?

Neku takes a deep breath and shoves the door open, barreling into that same retro lounge he’d once been forced to fight Shiki in. It’s quiet, near silent except for the hum of the refrigerator behind the bar. No sign of anything or anyone. The schools of fish in the walls and floor continue to swim idly, completely undisturbed. It seems like a normal lounge. It all sets Neku’s nerves on edge.

Neku silently pads into the room, every muscle aching with how tense he feels. Okay, room empty. Where’s the jackass then? His heartbeat thunders in his ears, reminding him that yes, he’s alive.

Which, Neku realizes as he searches the room to find no one around and no other exits except the one he entered through, means he’s in the RG. That huge wooden door that Neku had to scan for isn’t open for him now. His Player Pin is dead without whatever energy the UG carries within it, nothing more than a token of his trials. He pulls the tiny pin out anyway and clenches it tight in his hand, breathing in deep and closing his eyes as he opens his senses.

…

Nothing calls out to him, nothing shifts in his mind or pokes at his attention. No stray thoughts or Noise distract him from the solitude of his own head. There’s nothing. It’s what he’s always tried to achieve.

Now it only reminds him of that last day, barreling through a still Shibuya to finally regain his life.

With a snarl of frustration, Neku’s eyes snap open. No door. Nothing has changed whatsoever except for the speeding up of his pulse hammering away, the shaking of his hands that want to fight doing nothing to calm him.

“How the hell am I supposed to save him if I can’t even get in?” Neku shouts into the empty air, raking a hand through his hair. He stomps a foot, fish scattering in alarm underfoot. Something is wrong, he can feel it in the air. If Joshua were okay he’d have appeared already to taunt him, right?

Why Neku, did you miss me so badly today that you had to break into my home?

Yeah, jackass.

“Please,” Neku whispers into the empty air, eyes closing once again. Panic has his chest tightening. Joshua needs him, he can feel it through whatever connection has been left between them, right? So why is he being forced to just sit here? What if he’s already too late? “Please let me in.”

With bated breath, he opens his eyes once again. Relief, strong enough to send him nearly to his knees, surges through him as he sees a tall, oaken door standing before him.

The panic in his chest curls tighter and tighter with every step closer he takes, has him hesitating as he shoves past the heavy doors. What is going on? This… doesn’t feel like him. He’s done this before, he’ll be fine. He has to be fine. Joshua has to be fine.

Why does he even care about the bastard anyway? What has Joshua ever done for him, really?

Graffiti rushes past him as his aching feet carry him deeper and deeper back to that fateful spot he and Joshua had last seen one another- that smirking grin, the smoke wisping off of the barrel of the gun. Three weeks of hell, just for that. What if this is just another of those stupid games of his?

Trust your partner.

Well. It’s gotten him this far, if with an extra bullet scar to his chest. He can trust CAT’s words one last time.

Besides, he can hear screaming.

Neku feels what’s wrong before he can actually see it, the hair on his arms and the back of his neck rising as something that he would describe as feeling like static dances across his skin and through his veins? What the hell? Is that Noise? That’s one hell of an energy spike for even a dangerous Noise.

But then Neku stumbles into that throne room and immediately has to throw his arm up over his eyes, squinting as a bright light nearly blinds him. Wind whips around the epicenter of this glow, tugging at his hair and his clothes and his heart. “What the hell?”

He plants his feet and squints through the bright light, grinding his teeth together through the pain as something deep in him tells him to get out, go, run. But he can’t because there in the middle of this power, this personal storm wrapped around him, is a tall figure with broad shoulders, curled over in pain and mouth open to scream, a pair of white fluffy wings sprouting from his back and flexing as if to try to pull the figure free from the storm. Neku can really only recognize him by the sight of that messy, curly hair and that connection that urges him closer, urges him to help. His partner is in pain.

“Joshua!” Neku grits his teeth and tries to take a step forward, only to be buffeted back by the power. He snarls and firmly plants his foot forward, then again, determination settling in his chest. He could turn back, return to the life Joshua gave back to him and forget this storm is happening, give in to the fear and anxiety and live like the ignorant RG person he is. Neku scoffs and takes a third step, bringing himself that much closer to his bastard of a partner. “Like hell I’m giving up on you after everything! You hear me, Josh?”

The storm seems to shudder in response, lessening slightly. That head lifts weakly, showing glazed, blank eyes that close in… resignation? No, that feels wrong. The Joshua he knows wouldn’t be giving up. What’s happened to him to get him here?

The fear curls up again as Neku fights his way through the storm. What’s to keep Joshua from killing him again, or this power that surges back up to meet his forward progress? His hands are shaking.

To think this is how he sees his partner again. No smarmy sudden howdy, Neku from around a street corner, or the bastard showing up suddenly to their friend gathering. No, Neku has to save his ass from whatever the hell this is. Fucker. He wants to yell at this idiot until his throat is hoarse, to yank him from this oppressive static clinging to him and hold him tight in relief. But Neku has to get Joshua free before he can do anything. Stupid.

“Get down here!” With another snarl, Neku shoves forward and plunges his hands into the glowing mass, eyes widening when his hands sink in to settle around a familiar wrist, a wrist he’d grabbed and dragged around Shibuya when his partner hadn’t wanted to participate in the mission. Neku grits his teeth and tightens his grip, thrusting his other hand in to snag Joshua’s shoulder. The form under this glowing feels like the kid he knows, the bastard who would giggle and taunt him. But it’s wrong, trembling under the power he’s trapped in. Static pricks along Neku’s arm, stinging warningly as if to make him release his prize. Neku shakes his head and ignores how he can’t feel his arm. “Damn it, I’m not letting go! That’s my partner!”

Neku grits his teeth and yanks, pulling Joshua free of the storm that tries to cling tight to it’s Composer. When he pulls that trembling hand free first, the white glow seems to peel away and leave a small, pale hand behind. Sure enough, as Neku hauls Joshua down from the epicenter and safe into his arms, static fizzles out and pops off of the tall form of what Neku can only assume is the Composer, leaving nothing more than the small teenager that Neku thought he knew so well leaning helplessly against his chest. Large feathered wings, disheveled and shuddering, hang limp from his friend’s back, drag against the ground as Neku quickly backs away from the storm that had possessed Joshua. White feathers rip free, pulled by the storm, and vanish upon hitting the ground. Joshua shudders in his arms and weakly looks up at him.

Joshua blinks hazily up at Neku, limp against his chest. His voice breaks when he speaks, hoarse from screaming if Neku had to guess. “N..?”

“Josh…” He looks exactly the same, right down to his clothing choices. But he also looks completely different, torn and beaten to hell and back from whatever was trying to rip him apart up there. Around his neck, hair tangled in the headband, lies a large pair of purple and grey headphones, battered and beaten from years of heavy use and worn from love. What the hell? Neku had tossed those things to the ground as soon as he’d realized he was alive. How did Josh end up with them? Why is he wearing them?

Questions for later. Are they safe?

Neku glances up warrily. The storm is just… gone, after its victim has been freed. Neku looks back down at his rescue in his arms. What was that? What’s been happening for the last week? Why does Joshua look dead on his feet? Neku frowns. “Are you okay?”

“I-” Joshua coughs, turning his face away from Neku’s. Everything about the boy in his arms looks worn and beaten. Dark circles cling to beneath his eyes. When’s the last time Josh slept? Does he even need to sleep? He sure looks it. His cheek rests heavily against Neku’s shoulder, tired gaze searching the dark corners of the large stone room. Neku follows his gaze, but can’t find anything. “I’m fine.”

Joshua seems to sigh, almost resigned as he tries to straighten up. Neku slowly lowers his arms, a hand resting between his partner’s shoulder blades- between those wings- as he wobbles, unsteady on his feet. The wings flare a bit, as if to steady him, but Joshua grits his teeth and they slump back to the ground. Neku frowns. Does that hurt him?

“You look like you’re about to keel over.” Neku scowls back at Joshua’s dirty look sent his way. It’s true. “What happened? What was that?”

“I am.” Joshua licks at his lips, gaze still slightly unfocused. Neku’s tempted to wave his finger in front of his eyes to see if he can track it. The blond leans in against the supportive touch to his back. “About to keel over, that is. It seems, Neku, that you’ve…” Joshua wobbles and raises a shaking hand to his shoulder, rolling out the joint a bit. He laughs sardonically under his breath. “It seems you’ve interrupted my execution.”

“Your what?” Neku asks sharply, baffled. As per usual with Joshua, every answer to a question only raises five more answers he needs. Joshua just cringes back at the noise, head falling back as his eyes squeeze closed. The guy looks like he’s about to drop, frail and ready to shatter. This isn’t the Joshua he knows.

Neku presses his lips into a firm line and gently takes Joshua by his upper arm, urging him towards that large throne at the back of the room. “C’mon, sit down.”

Joshua digs his heels in when Neku tries to pull him deeper into the room, shaking his head. He’s trembling in Neku’s grip, nearly collapsing in his attempt to pull back from where Neku’s leading him. Neku nearly lets him fall in surprise as panic flashes across Joshua’s worn expression, gaze locked onto the cold stone. “No, no, not there. The couch, in the Pad, but not here.”

“Okay, okay… not there. Got it.” Neku reaches for Joshua again, feeling almost like he’s reaching for a scared animal. What happened to him? He frowns and winds his arm around Joshua’s thin wait and drapes his arm across his shoulders. A little barbed tease about how Joshua needs his help rests on the tip of his tongue, laced with fury, but Neku swallows it down. He’ll have plenty of time to get mad at Joshua later. “C’mon, lean on me. You said we’re going to the pad?”

That has to be the weird western retro looking room outside of those invisible doors. What’s with that thing anyway?

Joshua gives Neku a blank look, reluctance in his eyes as he nods and leans against Neku. His gaze flits over one more time to the far wall, searching the dark corners, before falling to watch where he’s placing his feet. Must be taking a lot of concentration, Neku guesses, even with the way Joshua’s leaning his weight against Neku. Those pitiful, ruffled wings that look like they should be fluffy and bright drape over his arm and drag along the ground as they slowly make their way through the graffiti halls back to the RG. Joshua’s silent along the walk except for a tiny muttered curse when he trips over his own feet.

“Careful,” Neku mutters, pulling Joshua closer. This feels wrong, seeing Joshua so exhausted and practically defeated like this. The last time he’d seen his partner, the jackass had been smirking at him over the smoking barrel of a gun. He looked like he’d had the world resting in the palm of his hand, content and satisfied with how his plans had gone. But this Joshua looks like he’s on his last legs, tossed to hell and back and only clinging on to existence for some determined reason only he knows. Neku lowers Joshua carefully to the couch when they finally make it into that glaringly bright room, despite the urgency in his nerves. “There we go…”

Joshua blinks up slowly at Neku as he sinks into the couch, a grimace pulling at his lips as those long, wilted wings get pressed against the back. His eyes slide closed for a moment, brows knitting together in what Neku has to assume is pain, and the wings seem to simply fizzle out of existence. Neku can’t quite even focus on where they would be on the couch anymore. Huh.

Long, pale fingers are pulling at a thick blanket draped over the arm of the couch, but Neku can see how much effort it takes his once proud partner to even tug the blanket over himself. He exhales slowly through his nose, but looks around to find a distraction. He draws the line at tucking his murderer in. 

Neku turns away, gripping his arm. What now? He’s got questions, so so many questions, but he doesn’t even know where to begin, much less how to get the answers out of Josh when his partner knows so well how to run Neku in circles.

His gaze lands on the bar on the far side of the room. Neku’s feet take off before he can process the thought, taking him behind the bar to search through the various glass bottles lined up against the wall. He can feel Joshua’s curious gaze tracking his movements, sending the hairs on his neck standing on end. Neku scoffs. “Do you have nothing but wine and liquor here?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Neku,” Joshua murmurs lightly. He sounds so tired, but there’s a little more life to his voice now that he’s sitting down. Neku rolls his eyes. Who’s the ridiculous one here? “We have plenty of soda and juice back there for mixers.”

“I’m looking for water, dumbass,” Neku snips back, kneeling to investigate the minifridge stashed beneath the bar. He pops open the stainless steel door and breathes a sigh of relief. Behind a neat stack of soda and juices stands a few bottles of water. Neku snags one and grabs a soda for himself before standing with a groan and looking at his ex partner.

He doesn’t think he’s ever seen the blond look so small, curled in on himself with the thick blanket draped so carefully across him. Everything about him seems wilted, even his curly hair more tangled and limp than usual. His shoulders sag, as if those wings are still weighing him down. His gaze listlessly tracks the fish swimming through the flooring underfoot.

What’s with those things anyway? Is Joshua so far removed from humanity that he has wings? Maybe he shouldn’t be too surprised. The Reapers had wings, though they were black and gothic, skeletal and reaching. Joshua’s were long and seemed like they would spread wide if he were to extend them, feathered and full even as disheveled and painful as they looked. Joshua looked like he could have flown with them, if they were taken care of better.

Neku sighs and sets the can of soda and the bottle of water on the bar, leaning against it as he pops the tab with a quick jerk. Joshua looks up at the noise, tired violet eyes meeting Neku’s gaze. Huh. Neku’s lips turn down as he stamps down a surge of anger.

“So…” Joshua’s gaze dims even more as Neku starts off. His lips press together as Neku clears his throat. “What was that back there?”

“What was what, Neku?” Even his voice is tired, none of that cocky inflection that used to color his tone.and infuriate Neku so much. Neku needs to hear that tone again, if only so he wouldn’t feel like shit for still having the urge to deck the kid.

“That, Joshua, back in that stupid stone room.” Neku’s voice rings in the empty room, crossing the expanse between them. He’s worried about the jackass. He doesn’t know what’s going on. Is Joshua still in danger? Is Neku? He doesn’t like worrying, doesn’t like the bubble of anxiety that builds and builds and builds in his chest so he does what he always has and turns it into something else. That anger rises again. He comes all this way after missing the asshole who shot him for a solid week, and now he’s going to try and play coy? He was led like a dog to some stupid final showdown between people much more powerful than him and this is what Josh is going to try and pull in response? No. Neku grits his teeth. “What did you mean by execution? And damn it, you need to give me a straight answer this time.”

“Neku…” Joshua turns his gaze back down, expression unchanged by Neku’s outburst. He raises a delicate hand to press against his temple. He’s probably still in pain. “Now?”

“I can’t help you if you won’t share what’s going on!” Neku snatches up the drinks and marches around the bar to stand in front of the couch, facing down Joshua. He tosses the water bottle down beside Joshua, reaching behind himself to set his own soda on the table. His hands are shaking. Yelling at someone who looks like a walking corpse doesn’t feel good at all. “Why was I called here to help if you won’t even take it?”

“Called here?” Joshua blinks, expression slipping as he stares flabbergasted up at Neku. His brow furrows in as he gapes open mouthed at Neku. He clears his throat and looks away, tucking his hair behind his ear as he reschools his expression. “I don’t know of any such calling, Neku. I was a bit preoccupied.”

Right. Josh looked pretty wrapped up in that storm. Neku can’t forget those agonized screams. There’s no way he would have been able to make a phone call, much less send two different messages.

Neku can’t get over how exhausted his friend looks. The anger drains out of him all at once. With a heavy sigh, Neku flops onto the couch beside Joshua. He does relish the visible surprise on his partner’s face when he bounces for the force.

“What are you doing?”

“Staying with you.” Neku sighs and runs his hand through his bangs, shoving back the gelled spikes. “I’m making sure you’re okay. Drink some water.”

Joshua sputters when Neku reaches across him to pick up the bottle and press it against his chest through the blanket. He squirms, hands fighting free of the confines of the fabric to grip the bottle even as he protests. “I don’t need-“

“Drink. The water.” Neku snaps, crossing his arms. His gaze drifts to those headphones around Joshua’s neck. He doesn’t know what he’s doing here, or anything about what’s going on in Joshua’s head, but there’s some connection between them even still that Neku has to figure out. He doesn’t know why Joshua has his headphones. But it reassured him, strangely enough. “I want to help, dumbass.”

He meets Joshua’s wide gaze. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m still pissed at you and I will be getting answers. But I trust you.” His voice softens. “I won’t leave you alone like this.”

“But…” Joshua falls silent for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. The fabric tightens and loosens, as if fingers are clenching at it from the inside.

Neku nudges Joshua’s shoulder. “Water.”

“This is my penance, Neku,” Joshua murmurs quietly. The plastic of the water bottle snaps as he twists the cap off. Joshua pulls his feet up onto the couch. Neku swears he sees his jaw trembling before he turns away. But Joshua’s voice does sound tight, like there’s something stuck in his throat. “I’m supposed to be left ‘like this,’ to be left alone.”

“That’s bullshit,” Neku spits. The quiet admission strikes a chord in him. He once thought he could live alone too, that it was fine if he kept his world borders closed to only himself. That he deserved it. But he learned differently, thanks to his friends. To Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and yeah. Even Joshua. “I’m sitting here right now, aren’t I? You don’t have to be alone.”

Joshua’s silent for a moment.

“So chivalrous, Neku. When did that happen?” He laughs, quietly and sardonically. Neku wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. Joshua, face still turned away, tucks his hair behind his ears. “What I mean, Neku, is that I am quite literally not allowed to have any unnecessary contact with anyone. A Composer’s identity is supposed to remain a secret, you know. Only the Conductor can know who he is.” Joshua’s expression falters, a dark shadow across that cutting gaze. “And the powers that be have decreed that I’m not allowed to have another. Can’t be trusted not to break my toys, apparently.”

Some kind of punishment? That makes sense, Josh did try to nuke Shibuya. Even if he changed his mind, Joshua shot him, and even he has to face some sort of consequences for that, right? Sounds like it, if he has some kind of higher tier watching his movement. They probably weren’t too crazy about Joshua apparently going renegade.

But if Joshua isn’t allowed to have any kind of contact, then who the hell called him here? Someone who would insist that Neku is Joshua’s only chance at living.

It seems like every answer Joshua deigns to give him, he only has so many more questions to give back.

“Does that have anything to do with why you were being torn apart back there?”

“Ah…” Joshua flinches, the fabric of the blanket tightening around him as if he’s squeezing himself inside his cocoon. His voice comes out as a near whisper. “Yes. As you can imagine, Shibuya was… rather dissatisfied with my actions. She wasn’t too happy with me trying to destroy her current UG and hand the reins off. So… it appears as if she decided to simply give me what I wanted.” Joshua’s breath hitches. “Really, she must have seen it as a kindness, perhaps. After all the trouble I went through.”

Joshua laughs, one of those forced giggles. He nudges Neku’s arm with his elbow. “But how lucky for me that Shibuya adores you so much.”

She? Does Shibuya have… her own personality or personification or something? Alright. Sure. Not the weirdest thing that Neku’s heard of in the last month. His mind is running a mile a minute, stumbling over itself. He frowns in response to Joshua’s playfulness and nudges him back. Joshua’s smile wavers, but he covers it up with a sip from the water bottle.

Neku’s surprised at how quickly he’s learning to read this more fragile Joshua. He’s entirely on the defensive. If Neku pressed hard enough, he might be able to get any answer he wanted.

He just wants to know if Joshua is okay.

“So Shibuya was mad that you tried to nuke it- her.” Neku rubs the back of his neck. “But what? Adores me? What does that mean?”

“You spent three weeks tromping all across her UG, meeting the challenges set by her denizens and spreading your influence. You left a bit of you, Neku, near everywhere you went.” Joshua just laughs softly when Neku stares, flabbergasted at him. “It’s only natural that she would grow to love you. The same way that you grew to love her, no?”

“I… guess you’re not wrong.” Neku shifts uncomfortably, lacing his fingers together to hang loosely as he leans forward on his knees for support. He used to hate this city, hate its ideals and the noise and the crowds that made it all clash. But Shibuya is his home. The Game taught him to appreciate it, to listen to people and see how their differences make it a better city. “So… what are you saying? Shibuya led me here?”

“No.” Joshua shakes his head. The tiniest and most honest smile Neku has ever seen on Joshua’s face curls his lips. “And if my suspicions are correct, I can’t tell you who did. That’s beyond my jurisdiction. Normally that wouldn’t stop me, but I’m trying to get time off for good behavior.” He laughs- forced again- and tucks his hair behind his ear. “No, Neku, Shibuya was trying to kill me. Why would she lead you here?”

“I don’t know.” Joshua just sounds so resigned. He’s never heard him sound like this before. Neku feels helpless. “Because she knew I would try and save you?”

Joshua freezes beside him, the plastic of the bottle crinkling. Neku turns to glance at Joshua, catching only a glimpse of wide eyed confusion just as his head snaps away. Joshua shakes his head as if to clear it. “Ah, well. Of course, I’m very grateful to still be sitting here.”

“Will it happen again?” Neku takes Joshua’s momentary tension as a yes. Joshua’s clearly trying to hide his reactions and expressions as he usually does, but nearly dying must affect the amount of effort one can put into that.

“I have to assume so,” Joshua murmurs. He sighs. “A Composer is not meant to be without a Conductor. A Conductor not only serves as his Composer’s link to the Reapers and makes sure the Game goes smoothly, but he also helps to assist the Composer in guiding and mitigating the sheer power of the city that runs through the Composer. And as I don’t have a Conductor, I have to try and handle all this power on my own. Add Shibuya’s anger to that and…”

And Joshua doesn’t have long, Neku finishes silently. Joshua’s set back into the couch by this point, gaze tipped idly towards the floor. His partner looks sleepy, of all things. Guess that makes sense. Neku follows his line of sight and isn’t at all surprised to find him watching the fish again. He wonders what Joshua is thinking. He’s lost the one person who was allowed to know him. And now he’s fucking dying because of it.

“There has to be something we can do…” Neku offers weakly, mind racing. Joshua doesn’t deserve to die. He firmly believes that, even as the snarled knots of dual scars in his chest twinge at the thought. He still doesn’t quite know what Joshua was thinking during the Game (what did he mean, Shibuya was going to give him what he wanted? Shibuya was killing-). But it all worked out, in the end. He didn’t destroy Shibuya. He even restored it. Rhyme’s back, and she lost fair and square. Neku’s even pretty sure that he saw a poster for a Def March concert pop up a couple days ago. Josh did all that.

Neku runs a hand over his mouth. Could he…?

“You need a Conductor, right? They won’t give you one and aren’t exactly giving you the chance to appoint a new one.”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, but essentially that’s the gist.” Joshua tiredly lifts a hand, letting his fingers drift through his own hair. His shoulder leans just a bit more heavily against Neku’s. Neku sits back to support him better. Joshua sighs heavily. “So I’m quite out of luck, you see.”

So if Joshua gets a new Conductor, he’ll live. Those higher ups of his have made it so Josh can’t find a new one. Probably fair enough, considering what happened to his last one.

Neku has to be crazy to be thinking what he’s thinking, then.

“What if I was your Conductor?”

Joshua’s head snaps around, wide startled eyes clashing against Neku’s calm gaze. Jaw dropped, Joshua stares. Neku almost has time to find amusement in it when Joshua’s gaze narrows. “Are you an idiot, Neku?” Joshua snaps through grit teeth. Neku’s almost offended by the venom in Joshua’s voice. “You hated every second you spent in the UG.”

“Not every second,” Neku mumbles. It’s where he met his friends, including Josh. He would still be a lonely, abrasive asshole if he wasn’t forced into the Game. It doesn’t mean he forgives Joshua, and he’s going to punch him as soon as he can without knocking the Composer flat on his ass. But he can’t let him die like this.

“Nonetheless, you don’t even know what you’re trying to sign up for.” Joshua spits, shaking his head. He scowls at Neku, glaring. “Are you always so impulsive?”

“No,” Neku answers plainly. But he’s not thinking about himself right now. He hasn’t thought about if he wants back into the Game, even if he isn’t a player. All he can see are those wings that had dragged against the ground, the way they had shed feathers all across the ground like tears. Joshua could die. Neku can’t just sit back and watch something like that happen again. “But I can’t just do nothing.”

“You absolutely can Neku.” Joshua sighs. “I’m simply dealing with what I’m owed.”

Neku frowns and scoots closer to Joshua. Josh leans away for a moment, but looks down as he slumps against Neku’s shoulder. Neku clears his throat. “Your face deserves to meet my fist, but you don’t deserve an execution.”

“Don’t I?” Joshua tips his head back, leaning just a little bit more against Neku’s shoulder. He runs his tongue across his teeth, clearly deep in thought. “… do it.”

“What the fuck, Josh,” Neku spits. A surge of hot anger runs through him. What kind of jackass does Joshua think he is? “I’m not going to punch you right now. Do you think I’m that shitty?”

“You said I deserve it. Get it over with,” Joshua says simply with another infuriating shrug. “I’m waiting.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Neku bites, leaning away from Joshua. He grits his teeth. “Don’t fucking toy with me, Joshua. I’ve got some things I want to say, but it can wait until after I help you.”

Joshua scoffs. “You do still have all of your memory, yes? I know I haven’t taken anything I didn’t give back to you. Why would you help me at all?”

“Because you’re my friend, damn it!” Why the hell is Joshua being so difficult? Is this another of his stupid games? Neku’s anger burns hot in his chest. “I haven’t forgiven you, if that’s what you’re asking, but we’re still friends. I don’t want you to die. If you need me to become your Conductor for that, I’ll do it.”

It probably isn’t that simple. But in this moment it feels like it is. Maybe the Game won’t be so bad if he has some control over it.

“I don’t get friends, Neku,” Joshua hisses. A sympathetic pang runs through Neku’s chest, quenching some of the fire. He’s… shaking. Neku’s eyes widen as their gazes clash. Is Joshua… afraid? “Apparently I have a tendency to get them erased. You should run while you still can.”

Josh… wants him to get mad, Neku realizes. Is he trying to push him away? Well. Like hell is Neku doing anything that Joshua wants. He crosses his arms. “You don’t get a say on people caring about you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“You do realize what you’re volunteering for, yes?” Joshua sneers. He’s clearly shaken. This can’t be one of Joshua’s games. Neku doesn’t think he’d ever voluntarily look so weak. “Did you like the taste of metal so much, Neku?”

Neku’s breath hitches and his chest seizes up. He hasn’t forgotten what being shot felt like, or the ring of gunfire through Joshua’s pistol. He fought so hard to come back to life. He doesn’t want to die again, he just found friends, a new goal, things to live for! But he can’t leave Joshua like this… Josh is his friend too. But Neku can’t swallow around the taste of metal in his lungs, can’t hear around the thunder of gunshot in his ears.

But then there’s a hesitant weight against his shoulder, a warmth to distract him from the memory. Neku blinks and looks down to find Joshua facing  away, but leaning to brace his back against Neku’s shoulder. He’s pulled both legs up onto the couch, knees to his chest with the blanket wrapped around him as he faces away completely from Neku. Is Josh… trying to comfort him? Neku can’t see his expression like this. It’s odd, but not unpleasant.

“What would I have to do? As Conductor.”

“That’s classified information.” Joshua sinks deeper into his blanket. If Neku had to guess, that petulant gaze is locked on the fish below again. He sounds like he’s pouting. “I don’t want you as my Conductor, Neku, we’ve been over this.”

“You don’t exactly have a lot of people lining up for the position,” Neku tosses back. He frowns and leans in to press his weight against Joshua’s. A reminder that he’s there. This isn’t going to be the last time they talk. He won’t let Joshua be alone.

Joshua sighs. Neku can see the way his finger curls again and again and again in his hair. “You’d have to die again, for one, and how boring to lose your life just after having it returned to you. And then you’d have to put up with me constantly, listening to my whining and my demands and then you’d have to obey them. And most Conductors get erased in the line of fire when someone is gunning for the Composer’s position.”

Joshua’s tone is a little rushed, a little frantic. Neku can’t help but huff softly, smiling a little.

“Do you give this campaign speech to every candidate you have?” Neku snarks.

“Only the ones I don’t want.” Joshua sneers.

Neku hums in response. None of that really sounds great at all. But Joshua’s still trying to push him away. That can’t be all to it. “I’ve seen Def March in the RG. So I could still see my friends and could grab a burger here and there.” He nudges Joshua’s back. “Could grab you some of those chili dogs you like.”

Joshua’s hair pulls taut around his finger. Neku’s a little worried he’ll pull it out, but Joshua’s sigh cuts his thoughts short. “Theoretically, yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter.” Neku can still expand his world from UG just as well as from the RG. He can finish the murals he’s started. He wouldn’t even have to give up any goals. Except maybe graduating, but it isn’t like Neku hasn’t thought about dropping out of school before. Hell, that only sweetens the deal.

“You are unbelievably frustrating, Neku!” Joshua shouts, running a hand through his hair. Neku’s never heard the other sound so done with the situation, not even when dealing with the Grim Heaper. “I am fine. I don’t need you as my Conductor.”

“Why are you being so frustrating?” Neku shoots back, shifting to look at Joshua properly. The other boy reluctantly shifts away to meet his gaze, frowning hard. Neku’s hands start to tremble. “I know you’re in pain. Every movement projects it so hard you should just give up on trying to hide it. You’re dying, Josh, and Shibuya’s going to finish you off if you don’t let me help you. I can do that.”

Neku sighs and sits back without breaking Joshua’s gaze, even as his friend visibly flinches. “If you really don’t want me as your Conductor, then fine. But let me fill in until you find someone you can work with so that you don’t just evaporate out of existence.”

“I don’t want to kill you again, Neku!”

“What, you already killed me once for your Game. You can’t kill me now to save your own life?” Neku snaps back immediately. Joshua looks hurt, like it took everything for him to admit that. It might have. Neku doesn’t particularly care. And yeah, he’s a little bitter. He’s allowed that.

“That was before you had to go and change! Had to go and change me!” Joshua tugs at his hair with both hands, teeth ground together. Joshua’s head snaps up to meet Neku’s gaze. He looks desperate. “Why didn’t you just shoot me?”

Neku presses his lips together in a firm line, meeting the stubborn Composer’s glare with one of his own. “How could I? You put me through all kinds of hell. You stole my life. Forced me through a cruel game. You manipulated me. But I’m still trusting you despite all that. Like I keep saying.” Neku softens his voice. Joshua’s just gotten more and more visibly distressed the more he’s spoken. “You’re my friend.”

“You trusted me and I threw another bullet at you!” Joshua scowls. Neku’s struck again by how fragile he looks. A shaking kid wrapped in blankets, beaten to hell and back and… nearly crying. Joshua hiccups as he struggles to fight back tears. Neku’s heart squeezes tight in his chest. “How could you call me a friend? I don’t… I don’t understand, Neku…”

If Joshua’s trying to convince Neku that he’s a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to be saved, this heartbreaking image isn’t cutting it. He just sees a lonely kid who’s been forced into even more solitude. Slowly, timidly, Neku reaches out to curl an arm around Joshua and tug him close.

“Wha-” Joshua gasps in his ear, but doesn’t fight when Neku pulls him into a tight hug. He squirms in Neku’s grip, but rests his chin on his shoulder. “N-Neku?”

“Just shut up for a second, Josh.” Neku wraps his other arm around Joshua, shifting to rest his chin on the crown of the Composer’s head. Joshua’s chest, pressed to his, is heaving and he can hear Joshua trying to take measured breaths. Neku tightens his grip. This is… really warm. He can’t remember the last time he had a hug. He squeezes his stubborn, frustrating jackass of a friend closer. Neku closes his eyes. “I missed you.”

Joshua shifts again and takes a moment to work a hand out of the blanket. Neku hides a smile in those blond curls as a tentative hand curls in the back of Neku’s shirt. Joshua sighs softly. “I’d tell you that I missed you too, but you told me to shut up.”

“Dumbass,” Neku laughs, snorting softly into Joshua’s shoulder. Damn it. He even somewhat  missed arguing with this guy. They still have a lot to work out, but Neku just can’t let him die. 

Joshua chuckles back and seems to melt into the hug for a few moments before loosening his grip. He pulls back to look at Neku, smile slipping away. Neku’s own grin falls at Joshua’s serious look. “I don’t want to have to kill you again, Neku.”

“Believe it or not, I’m not crazy about the idea either, Josh.” Neku crosses his arms. He really isn’t. He remembers the taste of metal in his mouth, the way blood had welled in his lungs. But he got Joshua to smile. It makes Neku just as happy as when he made Shiki smile today. “As long as I can see my friends again and live my life to some extent, I can handle it.”

“I suppose you will know your way around the Game by this point,” Joshua muses, the curl of his knuckles pressed to his lips in thought. Neku raises an eyebrow as Joshua laughs. “Especially as I was one of your guides.”

Is that him giving in, or bragging? Knowing Josh, probably both. Neku rolls his eyes.

“Right.” His gaze tracks Joshua’s movement as he pulls his fingers through his messy hair. His chest feels heavy. “So… we should probably get this over with quickly, yeah?”

Joshua twists his hair between his fingers. “If this is what we’re doing, then… yes, best to get this done as soon as possible, before Shibuya…” Joshua falters. Clears his throat. “Before Shibuya decides she’s tired of waiting.”

Joshua waves his hand. Neku flinches as a familiar heavy gun snaps into being in Joshua’s palm. His partner raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you can handle this, Neku?”

“No,” Neku answers honestly. “But the only other choice is to let you die, right?”

Joshua nods, silent.

Neku takes a deep breath- his last one, maybe. He glances towards the padlocked door, towards the RG. Does he have any loose ends he wants to take care of as living and breathing Neku?

No, actually, nothing he hasn’t been told he’ll be able to do as Conductor. He can keep his friendships, can keep Shiki and Beat and Rhyme and he’ll be able to meet Eri eventually and he’ll be able to create still.

And he’ll be able to work out his complicated feelings towards Joshua.

“Neku?”

“What?” Neku looks up at Joshua. He holds himself up a bit better now, seeming to sit up a little straighter. One hand lightly grips the headphones draped around his neck. Neku’s a little afraid that the familiarity of the gun in his other hand is what’s bolstering Joshua’s confidence. But he kind of hopes that it’s Neku offering to be his Conductor that’s helped Joshua pull himself together. Neku raises his chin stubbornly.

“What are you waiting for? Shoot.”

[ventoaureorun]

yo fam could you do the dying kisses prompt for my passione boys? I've been lurking on ur blog for the longest time and wanted to let u know that i love ur blog 💝💝

[[ To make things painful and easier for me I wrote it as reader dying and the boys mourning. Tbh if you want the boys dying instead just send me another ask. Also trigger warning this is honestly very depressing. Also it is very long so i put it under the cut, I also got very carried away and now I am very very sad. If you want more feels and set the mood a little, I wrote all this to illion’s Miracle on Spotify.]]

✖ Bruno Buccielati ✖

Burno doesn’t scream when he realises you can’t be saved, he cries, silently he cries so much, there is no sound other than him periodically sucking in air as the tears streak down his face. He would be holding you slowly getting limp in his arms, bending down to make sure he can hear your last words as you bleed out, not caring how red soaked his white outfit gets. The rest of his team doing their best holding out against the enemy to give the two of you time. No one is talking other than you telling Bruno how much you love him over and over again in the fear of death. Bruno replies you telling you how much he loves you too, how proud he is to have someone like you in his life supporting you even now, in your last moments. He silently begs whatever gods he knows of to keep you alive in his arms, he knows its futile but he wishes so badly he could save you so badly that he would wake up from this nightmare. When you ask him for a last kiss he obliges, his endless flow of tears soaking your face as he presses his lips against yours. Your lover gives you another deep kiss as your breathing slows to a stop. Only then did he let out an agonisingly loud sob, his hands balling up into fists so intensely his nails would dig into his palms drawing blood. But there was no time to cry now, the enemy was still nearby, he refused to let himself die before his revenge. Carefully Bruno would carry your body to somewhere safe, telling your dead body to wait for him before wiping his tears and rejoining the battle stronger than ever with his burning resolve for to avenge you.

✖ Pannacotta Fugo ✖

He screams he is angry beyond anything, he would hold you tight in his arms as  Purple Haze went wild before him, literally melting your assailant into nothingness. It was a miracle neither of you were infected with the virus but that joy was short lived as you cough up so much blood. Fugo would let out an agonised cry when he feels you heave in his arms, your blood dripping through the holes in his outfit. Now that the enemy was dead he was filled with pure and utter despair. He always feared his own stand would be the one to hurt you, if he had known you would get hurt by someone other than him he would have gone all out earlier. He sobs holding you telling you how sorry he is that he didn’t protect you. How sorry he is that he let someone else hurt you how sorry he is that you were in this state. When you smile at him telling him that you forgive him he would choke back his tears. As you ask him for a final kiss he instantly presses his lips against yours, his warm body pressed against yours as you slowly go cold against him. As you stop breathing Fugo would slowly lose it, not even using his stand, with his own two hands he would wreck the concrete walls near you. Knuckles bloody as he would finally crumble off some of the wall, only then did he fall to the floor and sob once more. When the rest of the team arrive on scene Fugo was different he was now just as cold as you, an empty shell of whatever emotions he had left taken from him moments before. 

✖ Giorno Giovanna ✖

Gold Experience was doing whatever it could, you looked perfectly fine, your very being looking as perfect as usual but he knew it was too late. The poison of the enemy already deep set in your very being, no matter how many parts he replaces, you wouldn’t survive. Giorno didn’t even realise he was crying until you used what little strength you had to tell him not to cry anymore. Giorno didn’t even realise just how much pain losing you was until you told him again and again that you loved him and you thanked him for being a part of your life until the very end. He thought he understood loss, he thought that being part of the dark mafia world for so long left him a hardened criminal. No, he realised the only reason loss never hurt him this much before was because you were always there to comfort him on his darkest nights. Even now you were doing the same, telling him that he was strong, that he would live for you, that he was the very embodiment of an angel if you could ever see one. Giorno would give you a sad smile, asking you how could he be so amazing when you lay here dying in his own arms. When an even more intense wave of pain coursed through your veins you knew it wasn’t long. Asking him for a final kiss, he would give it to you, it was soft, his lips pressed against yours, you were happy this was your last moment, you smiled into the kiss as the life in you faded. When Mista finally cleared the enemies outside and entered the rival boss’s room, all he saw was just an endless number of flowers surrounding your dead body as Giorno stood beside you, his eyes empty, now truly the cold hardened criminal he thought he was.

✖ Narancia Ghirga ✖

He was at total loss, he couldn’t stop shaking as he clutched you tightly in his arms. It was a duo recon mission, it was supposed to be quick and easy, he even had Aerosmith on alert he just couldn’t understand how an enemy even spotted and shot at you. It took literally everything the two of you had to run away. The adrenaline finally wearing off, you crumble into Narancia’s embrace, you feel his tears drip and fall down your face. He wanted so badly to scream, so so badly, he was biting his lip so hard to hold it back. He couldn’t even let out too loud of a sob, he didn’t want the enemy finding you and actually finishing the two of you off. You’d call out to him, scared but staying strong for your lover. Your voice would pull Narancia out of his panic attack, he didn’t have much time left with you he shouldn’t be freaking out. You would smile, asking him to talk to you to try and keep you awake. Narancia would blabber on, telling you how much he loved you, shaky laughter as he cries and tells you weird facts about your first few dates with him. Wheezing as he tells you how he wanted to marry you and how he was saving up to bring you somewhere the next time you guys had a holiday. As you lost the feeling in your arms and legs you’d tell Narancia to kiss you one last time. He would bite back more tears before telling you to stop joking this wouldn’t be the last time. He knew better however, as he bent down and pressed his lips against yours, holding on tightly to you as you slowly go limp in his arms. Like a flame going out, for Narancia this was the exact point of his life where he realises he would never love anyone like he loved you ever again.

✖ Leone Abbacchio ✖

Rage, despair, the pure regret and self hate exploding through him, his vision was getting blur from the pure trauma of watching someone important to him get shot again. He chose a life of solitude when he joined Passione, it took you months almost years to get him to open up and accept you in his life. He walled himself off because of this very fear, this nightmare of a hellscape just unfolding before his eyes as your body hit the floor. This was so much worse than back when he was a cop, this was so much worse because he knew so badly that this was a possibility and he let that doubt get pushed away only for it to happen again. He couldn’t even hear the rest of the squad told him to stay by your side as they chased the assailant down. You were the light of his life and now your light was flickering on the brink of extinguishing and he literally could do nothing about it. Abbacchio moved automatically, picking you up in his arms as he ran towards backup, uncharastically begging for anyone to save you and tend to you. Even when the mafia’s field surgeon tells him to prepares for the worse he still holds on to you. The pain just dripping from his voice as he begs you not to leave him alone. You would apologise through the pain you knew that this was his fear and you hated it so bad that you could literally feel yourself dying. Asking him for a final kiss, telling him to make it good so he could replay it forever, you tell him over and over how much you love him and telling him to stay strong before his lips pressed hard against yours. When you finally die in his very arms Abbacchio stopped crying. His tear ducts were empty and he was blanking out from the pure mental strain. The only thing keeping him alive is Moody Blue’s taking your form of your last moments.

✖ Guido Mista ✖

He watched it happen to his beloved Capo and he hated how he begged Giorno to save you too. He knew it wouldn’t last he knew your body would give out soon, your wounds no longer healing. So the two of you spent your last days enjoying to the limit, recreating dates laughing and sleeping together at night. Now that all that joy was burnt out all that was left was the depressing reality as Mista held your very cold dead body in his arms. You thank your lover for the past few days, the choice was hard on him but you were glad in the end you could spend your last hours with him. Mista knew, he could see your body slowly failing itself. The two of you sat on a bench in town in the dead of night. The place where the two of you had your first date. Reality slowly kicking in, Mista finally get serious, telling you how much he loves you. Telling you endlessly all the reasons he loves you, thanking you for an almost endless amount of things, from existing in his life teaching him about true love to painfully laughing as he thanks you for teaching him the difference between shampoo and body wash. He would tightly hold your hand in his before running his fingers through your hair as he tries his best to remember every sensation of you. You tell him that he’d never be alone, you promise him how even as a spirit you’d make sure to always look out for him, he turns to you, giving you a pained smile at the comment. As your already blurry vision slowly turns black around the edges, you turn to the love of your life asking him to give you a final kiss before you can’t feel anything anymore. So he did, his arms pull you in, silent tears dab your cheek as he passionately kisses you for the last time. A minute or so passes before you fall limp in his arms. Since then Mista just never really smiled the same anymore.

[godsheadangel]

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊FAR TO MANY TIMES INNOCENT LIVES ARE TAKEN FOR 👉NO JUSTIFIED REASON!!!👈

THERE ARE MANY THINGS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD🌎INCLUDING CORONAVIRUS💀

PEOPLE DYING, OUT OF WORK, HOMELESS, FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY, DIVORCING AND RACIAL DIVISION CAUSED BY THE CURRENT EVIL👹ADMINISTRATION AND SO MUCH MORE AND 👉ALL OF THESE THINGS👈ARE CAUSING GOD✝FEARING PEOPLE TOO FEEL THE MOUNTING PRESSURES OF LIFE ITSELF

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

YET, GODSAYS💫DURING THESE TRYING TIMES WISDOM💫MUST PREVAIL OVER ALL OTHER THOUGHTS INSIDE YOUR MINDS!

IT SHALL [SURELY BE VENGEANCE] UPON [ALL THEM THAT DO EVIL👹]AGAINST MY PEOPLE FOR IT IS SO KNOWN BY ALL WHO BELIEVE IN ME✝THAT [I DO SEE AND HEAR] ALL THAT IS SAID BY ALL LIVING I CREATED

AND IT IS THE SPIRITUALLY💫AWAKENED🌄

WORLDWIDE🌎WHO TRUST IN ME✝AND THEY SHALL CAUSE [NO TROUBLE] AFTER [UNJUSTLY KILLINGS HAPPEN] FOR SURELY ▶ONLY BAD THINGS AND MORE DEATHS💀SHALL COME OF THIS!!! THERE IS NO DOUBT [ANGER AND DISGUST SHALL RISE] IN YOUR MINDS AND RIGHTLY SO I AM HE✝ THY GOD [DO SO ACKNOWLEDGE] YET, REMEMBER A

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

CALM HEART❤BRINGS ABOUT A PEACEFUL MIND FOR SURELY THY FAITH✝IN ME✝ DOES [SO MATTER MOST] FOR SURELY I CREATED THE HEAVENS✝MOON, STARS, BILLIONS OF GALAXIES🌌AND PLANETS INCLUDING THE ONE CALLED EARTH🌍AND I CONTROL ALL THINGS [THE COMING AND GOINGS] OF ALL MY REAL ANGELS😇ON EARTH🌎AND ALSO [THE COMING AND GOINGS] OF ALL REAL DEMONS👹ON EARTH🌎DO SO REMEMBER

THE WORLDWIDE SPIRITUAL💫REVOLUTION IS SO [EFFECTIVE AND WINNING] THE GOOD FIGHT [AGAINST EVIL👹DOERS] WHO ARE DETERMINED TO UNDERMINE THE CHANGE IN ALL OF MANKIND

TRUST 👉THE SPIRITUAL💫WAR👈 FOR THE SOULS OF ALL LIVING IS AT STAKE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY MY REAL ANGELS ARE DOING THEIR PART 24/7 YET, [IT IS UP TO YOU] MY CREATED CHILDREN TO DO YOUR PART SO ▶KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL ▶KEEP YOUR SPIRITUAL💫FAITH✝RISING BY PRAYING🙏AND CONSOLING EACH OTHER AND AS [SPIRITUAL💫PEOPLE LISTEN] TOO ONE ANOTHER 👉NO MATTER YOUR SKIN👈

▶COLOR◀ FOR SURELY IN THE END WHEN MY BIGSIGN✝COMETH UPON THE EARTH🌎

[TRUST YOU I DID CREATE] OF SO MANY [DIFFERENT SKIN COLORS]👉WILL CLING👈 TO EACH OTHER LIKE A TIGHT KNIT FAMILY AS YOU FIGHT TOGETHER AS ONE TO GET TO SPIRITUAL💫SAFE SPOTS WORLDWIDE 🙏FOR THE SURVIVAL OF YOUR FAMILIES🙏

TRUST ON HEAVEN ITSELF THIS IS TRUTH!!!

LISTEN TO ONE ANOTHER LISTEN CLOSELY!

~IAMHEGODTHYLIVINGSPIRITUALGOD✝

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

REMEMBER, YE IGNORANT MY ANGELS DO AS I SAY DO!!! THEY DO NOT EVER SPEAK OR MOVE UNLESS I SPEAK IT SO!!! I AM HE GOD☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

BLESSINGS4 THE FLOYD ENTIRE FAMILY💫

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷💥💥💥💥💥����💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

FRIDAY MAY 29TH 2020 1100 HOURS PST

FORMER MINNEAPOLIS POLICE OFFICER DEREK CHAUVIN ARRESTED AND CHARGED WITH [THE MURDER] OF GEORGE FLOYD✝

GOD✝IS ALWAYS AND FOREVER IN CHARGE!

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

GOD💫IS REVIEWING [15] OF THE MANY✔ THINGS DONE TO US BY THE DEMONS👹 WHO HAVE WENT AGAINST HIM✝AND HIS✝ HOLY💫PLANS FOR MANY YEARS BRINGING ABOUT THE GLOBAL🌎DEADLY💀 DISEASE CORONAVIRUS💀WHICH HAS KILLED OVER 105,000 AMERICANS🇺🇸AND OVER 370,000 WORLDWIDE🌍THESE EVIL👹 BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹▶▶ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR◀◀ THEIR DEATHS💀AND TRUST OUR GOD✝HAS SO CHARGED EVERY DEATH UNTO THEM!!! IT IS,

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT [WE MESSENGERS OF HIM✝] POST OR SAY [FOR SURELY YOUR DISOBEDIENCE] GOD✝WILL SO [MARK DOWN] IN HEAVENS💫BOOK OF MANKINDS HISTORY FOR THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT [MANY] HAVE SO ALREADY BEEN JUDGED AND SENTENCED TO HELL🔥☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

THE SUPREME COURT DECISION ON [DACA] [MAY BE MOVED AGAIN] OR IT MAYBE SO [DECIDED IN LATE JUNE 2020] TRUST THAT GOD✝LISTENS 24/7 TO THE PRAYERS🙏OF HIS CHILDREN WORLDWIDE🌏WHO ARE SO PRAYING🙏FOR ALL THE DREAMERS💫AND FUTURE SEEKERS OF FREEDOM YET MUCH [DAMAGE] HAS BEEN DONE RECENTLY AND OVER THE MANY YEARS CAUSING DISTANCE BETWEEN GOD✝AND THE BROWNSTARS✔

GOD✝IS A MIGHTY GOOD GOD✝AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE SO [FOR SURELY THAT IS] WHO 👉HE TRULY IS!!! IT IS CLEAR VERY CLEAR👈

THAT MANY OF YOU [DO BELIEVE] YOU ARE OVER HIM✝HIS SON✝AND WE REAL ANGELS

[HE IS NOW] SO REVIEWING THINGS DONE AND ALSO LISTENING TO DAILY PRAYERS🙏⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

1. VIOLATED MY APARTMENT SPACE!!!✔

GIVEN A KEY🔑TO CLEAN EMPTY UNITS BY THE EVIL👹DEMON OVER THE PROPERTY THESE DEMONS👹WITHIN DAYS OF ME SO MOVING IN ENTERED AND STOLE FOOD, TOLIET PAPER AND POURED OUT COFFEE AND MY PAIN MEDICATION NEEDED FOR MY ▶BAD KNEES◀EVEN THOUGH I WALKED ALL OVER THE [CITY OF ANGELS😇] AND OTHER CITIES BLESSINGS GODS✝CHILDREN AT HIS REQUEST WITH ONLY LIMITED FUNDS ON A LIMITED SSI INCOME IT MADE MY LIFE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT EVERY TIME I WENT OUT TO BLESS MY DOOR WAS OPENED FOR YEARS AS IT IS NOW IF MY SON AND I LEAVE AT THE SAME TIME!!! THE REAL DEMONS👹 REFUSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHO I WAS OR WHAT I WAS DOING AT GODS✝REQUEST!!!

THEY WERE TOLD TO STOP🛑MANY TIMES 👉NOTES WERE LEFT FOR THEM TO SEE👈

⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

2. WALKED ACROSS HOLY💫GROUND!!!✔

💥WARNED💥 NOT TO OPEN MY DOOR AND COME IN INVITED STEALING BATH TOWELS AND IMPORTANT PAPERS WITH WRITTEN DOWN ANGEL QUEEN NAMES AND FUTURE EVENTS THAT DID COME TRUE THESE REAL DEMONS👹WERE WARNED NOT TO OPEN MY DOOR🚪AGAIN AND [WALK ACROSS] HOLY💫GROUND AS I AM THE BROTHER OF GOD✝IN HOLY💫SPIRIT TRUST GOD✝MADE ME WARN THEM DEMONS OVER AND OVER!

THE EVIL👹SHE DEMON👹WAS TOLD IT THEY DIDN'T STOP🛑REAL CANCER💀WOULD BE GIVEN!!! TRUST GOD✝DID RAISE MY HEAVENLY💫POWERFUL FIST🤜 AND THE DEMON👹HAS REAL DEADLY CANCER!!! ☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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3. STOLE A PRICELESS FAMILY PICTURE📷

REAL DEMONS👹IN [FLESH]EAVESDROPED IN ON A CELLPHONE📳CONVERSATION I WAS HAVING WITH SOMEONE ABOUT A PICTURE OF [MY DECEASED BIG BROTHER] GIVEN TO ME OVER 28+ YEARS BY HIS WIFE MY SISTER IN LAW [AFTER HE WAS KILLED] IN A HORRIFIC ACCIDENT NEAR SONOMA ON 👉JULY 16TH 1986👈 THE PICTURE OF MY BROTHER I EXPLAINED TO MY FRIEND I WAS GOING TO HAVE IT PUT ON A T-SHIRT FOR HIS ONLY SON WHO GOING TO TURN 31 IN OCTOBER OF 2014 THIS WAS LATE JULY BECAUSE I MOVED IN JULY 14TH MY NOW GROWN NEPHEW WAS ONLY 2 1/2 WHEN HIS FATHER DIED, HE NEVER SAW THE PIC I HAD HIS MOM OFFERED ME HIS DADS CAR A NICE BROWN EL CAMINO, OR HIS WATCH⌚TRUST I APPRECIATED IT BUT DECLINED SO SHE BROUGHT IN A BOX OF OLD PICTURES AND ASKED WHICH 1 DID I WANT I PICKED THE 1 THAT WAS THE COOLEST😎 DATED 3/8/1981 [HE WAS ON REFORGER]INSIDE OF A ARMY TENT LAYING BACK ON A COT WITH A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIEL'S IN ONE HAND A ARMY ISSUED PISTOL IN THE OTHER A REAL JOINT IN MOUTH AND A SMILE ON HIS FACE!

👉YES👈SOMETIMES DURING OPERATIONS MILITARY PERSONNEL KNOWING THEIR GOING TO BE IN [THE FIELD] FOR A WHILE SNEEK SHIT IN THEIR DUFFLE BAGS IT'S BEEN GOING ON INTHE MILITARY SINCE DAY1 NONE THE LESS THESE DEMON👹BITCHES STOLE THAT PRICELESS PICTURE THAT I WAS GOING TO GIVE TO MY NEPHEW [AFTER I HAD IT PUT ON A SHIRT] FOR HIS 31TH BIRTHDAY🎂OCTOBER 22ND 2014 THEY STOLE A PRICELESS PICTURE SHOWING OFF USING IT TO SPREAD VICIOUS EVIL👹LIES ABOUT THE MAN ON THE PIC BEING MY LOVER, EVIL👹BITCHES KNEW THAT WAS MY DECEASED BROTHER CAUSE THEY DID HEAR MY CONVERSATION THROUGH MY OPEN BEDROOM WINDOW THAT HOT DAY YET REAL DEMONS👹IN [FLESH] HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR THE DEAD!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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4. TRIED TO HIT ME WITH NEW CAR✔

AS I WAS WALKING TO TAKE OUT MY TRASH ONE MORNING I NOTICED THAT THE EVIL👹SHE DEMON👹BITCH WAS WARMING HER NEW CAR UP SO I WATCHED CAREFULLY AS SHE SAT THERE YET AS I WALKED RIGHT PASSED THE BACK OF IT BUT NOT TO CLOSE SHE QUICKLY BACKED UP ALMOST HITTING ME!!! THANK YOU GOD✝FOR WARNING ME!!!

[MOFO'S PAID] A LOT OF EVIL👹MONEY💵

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5. SPREAD EVIL👹DEMON LIES✔

[THINKING SHE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT]

SINCE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD🌎 KNEW THAT GOD✝ SAID [I COULD NOT TOUCH] ANY OF MY [3] TOP HEADANGELQUEENS💜💜💜GABBY AND SANDRA IN LAS VEGAS OR ANA IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD OR ANY IN THE CITY OF VAN NUYS LIKE MY CHOSEN DARKSTARS MIMI AND Dd THIS EVIL👹LYING DEMON DID SO [SPREAD THE RUMOR] THAT SHE SLEPT WITH ME! NOT IN A BILLION YEARS WOULD I EVER, EVER SLEPT WITH A REAL DEMON👹

ESPECIALLY, SINCE 1, GOD✝SEES ALL AND WOULD [KILL MY ASS] EVEN IF I SLEPT WITH ANY OF MY REAL LUVS💕 BEFORE IT WAS TIME TO CREATE OUR BABYANGELS😇AND #2 MY QUEENS👑[KNOW MY EVERY MOVE] AS [POSTED BEFORE] BECAUSE GOD✝ DID SO [TIE] US AS ONE MANY CENTURIES AGO!

YET I HEARD [FALSE BULLSHIT] ALL OVER TOWN, LYING EVIL👹BITCH, AS GOD✝SAID [THIS BITCH] DOES NOT EVEN KNOW THY BIRTHMARK DIRECTLY UPON THY CHEST OR STOMACH THE SHE DEMON👹KNOWS NOT WHICH ONE A HEAVENLY💫UNIQUE SHAPE TRULY UNFORGETTABLE SHE IS A BIG LIAR!!!

TRUST HER EVIL👹SOUL CAST INTO HELLS DEEPEST FLAMING🔥PITS LONG AGO!!!

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6. WENT AGAINST GODS✝HOLY💫LAW!!!✔

TRIED HER EVILSELF👹HAD HER BITCH EVIL SON👹NEIGHBORS ON BOTH SIDES OF ME AND DEMONS👹ACROSS THE STREET TO MAKE ME STAND UP☝GOING AGAINST GODS✝💫HOLY💫PLANS AND HOLY💫LAW⚖ 👉👉👉COMMITTING A GREAT SIN👈👈👈AGAINST OUR GOD✝OVER AND OVER!!!

THEY WERE TOLD A HEAVY PRICE WOULD BE PAID IN FULL AND IT SHALL GODSAYS!!!

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

THAT'S WHY CORONAVIRUS💀WAS SENT!!! IT IS HIS [1ST WRATH✝AGAINST MANKIND] AFTER THE DEMONS👹WERE TOLD MANY TIMES YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHATS COMING!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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7. LAUGHABLE INTIMATION✔

I'VE BEEN CALLED NIGGER SO MANY TIMES [ITS RIDICULOUS] LORD!!!

I HEARD 'HE SHOULD BE CASTRATED'

I'VE BEEN CALLED FAG AND HOMOSEXUAL IN TWO DIFFERENT SPANISH DIALECTS FOR YEARS [BY BROWNSTARS ALL OVER TOWN] FOR MANY YEARS!!! YES [UNGRATEFUL] AND TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL I TOLD MY LORD!

THE DEMONS👹IN [FLESH] HAVE TIRED TO [FORCE ME TO BLESS] THEM BY WALKING DIRECTLY IN MY PATH ON THE STREETS BIG MISTAKE🤜💀

THE DEMONS👹[HAVE TRIED] TO AWAKEN ME IN THE EARLY DARK HOURS BY TALKING SHIT OUTSIDE ON THE SIDEWALK BUT GOD✝AND I ARE SO USUALLY ALREADY UP!!!

THE DEMONS👹[HAVE TIRED TO PROVOKE] ME OVER [THE LAST YEAR OR SO WHEN I'M [SPEAKING IN HOLY💫SPIRIT] WITH GOD✝ DURING THE DAYTIME HOPING TO CAPTURE ME ON THEIR APARTMENT CAMERAS🎥

RESPONDING TO THEIR EVIL👹BULLSHIT SO THEY CAN RUN TO [MY VA VASH REPS] AND [HOUSING AUTHORITY] AND SAY, SEE THIS GUY IS UNSTABLE!!! BITCHES PLEASE SMDH☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

MY GOD✝IS REAL HE SEES AND KNOWS ALL!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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8. DEADLY💀EXPLOSION💥MEANT TO BE?✔

AFTER SPENDING THE WEEKEND AT ONE OF MY SISTER'S I CAME BACK AND BEFORE I GOT A FEW FEET FROM MY FRONT DOOR🚪 THE SMELL OF LEAKING GAS WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO KNOCK A BULL TO THE DIRT!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

TRULY I THANK GOD✝THAT MY SON WAS OVER HIS GRANDMOTHER'S AT THE TIME ONCE I OPENED THE DOOR🚪I HAD TO HURRY UP AND STEP BACK!!! IMMEDIATELY I MADE AN EMERGENCY🤳CALL TO THE GAS COMPANY WHO HAD A WORKER THERE IN ABOUT 👉5 MINUTES👈HE HIMSELF HAD TO COVER HIS FACE YET OPENED A WINDOW I FORGOT [AFTER EXPLAINING TO ME] THAT 👉SOMEONE HAD LOOSENED A SMALL👈 CONNECTOR WHICH [IF NOT REPORTED] IN POSSIBLY A FEW MORE MINUTES COULD HAVE CAUSED A 🔥HUGE EXPLOSION!!!🔥

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

▶ANYTHING TO SEPARATE ME AWAY FROM MY BLESSED CHOSEN ANGELQUEENWIVES

ASK YOURSELVES, [WHO DOES SHIT] LIKE THAT? NONE BUT THE EVIL👹OF SATAN👹

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9. DISRESPECTED MY FAMILY✔

TOTAL DISRESPECT!!! FROM THE TIME MY YOUNGEST SON CURTIS JR. TRIED TO GAIN EMPLOYMENT AND WAS SHUT OUT OF THE SYSTEM BY THE REAL DEMONS👹PUTTING THE WORD OUT IN VAN NUYS THAT IF I DID [NOT STAND UP AGAINST] GOD✝FOR THEM MY SON COULD NOT EVER WORK IN THIS TOWN! 👉POINT 1, HE APPLIED AT SEVERAL PLACES THAT [I BLESSED FOR MONTHS] THAT WAS HIRING! HE KNEW THEY WE'RE HIRING BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I ALSO TOLD THE MANAGERS AT THIS PLACES TOO EXPECT VISIT FROM MY SON WHO WAS LOOKING FOR WORK! EACH TIME NO LUCK! NO PROBLEM KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND KEEP APPLYING EVEN THOUGH DEMONS👹PUT THE WORD OUT!!! BUT AFTER THE LAST ONE I TOLD HIM JUST WAIT!!! CHECK THIS!!!

MACDONALD'S🍔HIRED HIM, TOLD HIM TO COME BACK FOR HIS ORIENTATION IN A [COUPLE OF DAYS] BECAUSE THEY WERE GOING TO HIRE 2 MORE PEOPLE! AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS HE WENT BACK UP THERE AND WAS TOLD TO COME BACK A 3RD TIME THE NEXT DAY TO. FINALLY GO THROUGH ORIENTATION AND GET HIS WORK UNIFORM

3 FUCKING TIMES HE WENT UP THERE ONLY TO BE TOLD DEMON👹BULLSHIT AND WHEN HE WENT THERE THE LAST TIME THEY SAID 👉👉THE MANGER WOULD CALL HIM!!!👈👈

GOD✝SAID, [YOU WERE RIGHT AGAIN] THE BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹IN VAN NUYS WILL NOT EVER CHANGE!!!

📳BEING CONNECTED TO DEMONTRUMP👹THE DEMONS👹[HAVE BEEN TOLD] ABOUT CERTAIN FAMILY CONVERSATIONS WHICH [WERE MEANINGLESS] SINCE ITS JUST [VERBAL ANGEL😇TALK] BUT ALL OF MY FAMILIES PHONES📳HAVE BEEN TAPPED BY THE DEMONTRUMP👹ADMINISTRATION👹

👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂👂

WHEN EVER YOU HEAR ECHOES WHEN YOU ARE [TALKING TO SOMEONE] TRUST YOUR PHONE IS DEFINITELY TAPPED!!! BELIEVE IT, I USE TO WORK FOR NEXTEL PARTNERS IN LAS VEGAS BEFORE THEY SOLD OUT TO SPRINT. IF YOU'RE WONDERING IS OUR ▶CONVOS STILL BEING LISTENED TOO?◀

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

[YES] BUT WE'RE USE TO IT UNCLE SAM🇺🇸 HAS BEEN AROUND MY ANGEL😇FAMILY [FOR MANY DECADES!!!] REMEMBER, MY [MIB] CONVERSATION AFTER SWEARING IN UNCLE SAMS🇺🇸ARMY HE HAD A FILE!!! YEAH, THE LIFE OF REAL ANGELS IS NO JOKE!!!

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

👉2 WEEKS👈THE REAL DEMONS👹IN WASHINGTON, DC DECIDED TO TAKE OVER MY CELLPHONE📳BY CONTROLLING WHEN I CAN OPERATE IT!!! IF I POST CERTAIN THINGS THEY TRY AND ERASE THEM SO THE WORLD🌎DOES NOT KNOW THE TRUTH REALITY!!! FOR INSTANCE LAST WEEK GOD✝ WANTED [THE SIGN OF HEAVENS LIGHT] TO BE SEEN POSTED BY HIS SPECIAL ANGEL💫 TIM😇KNOWN AS UFO MAN IT WAS TITLED FLASHING LIGHTS RECORDED IN THE UK🇬🇧

IT WAS A AWESOME TRUTH REALITY VIDEO THAT I TRIED TO POST BUT IT WAS ERASED INSTANTLY AND YOUTUBE UNDER ORDERS ERASED THE VIDEO WITHIN MERE MINUTES

NOW THE REAL DEMONS👹THINK THAT THEY ARE IN SOME TYPE OF CONTROL ▶WHEN THE TOTAL OPPOSITE IS TRUE!!!◀

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇GOD✝IS IN TOTAL CONTROL OVER ALL OF MANKIND WHICH IS EVIDENT IN THE VERY POWERFUL COVID-[19] GLOBAL PANDEMIC

HEAVENLY💫ANGEL WAR SHIPS👽AND HEAVENLY ANGEL WAR ORBS😇BEING SEEN ▶[GLOBALLY🌎NOW MORE THAN EVER]◀ BEFORE IN MANKIND'S SHORT HISTORY AND PEOPLE ARE POSTING EVIDENCE DAILY🌅☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

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10. SOLD OUT OWN RACE!!!✔

STUPID ASS EVIL👹DEMONS👹[FOR YEARS] REPEATEDLY WENT AGAINST GOD✝AND HIS HOLY💫PLANS [AND STILL DO KNOWING] FULL WELL THE CONSEQUENCES IN FLESH AND IN THE SPIRITUAL💫WORLD AFTER THEY DIE💀[YET THEY REFUSE TO OBEY!!!]

👉OVER A YEAR AGO I TOLD THE DEMONS YOU'RE GOING TO NEED US, GODS ANGELS IN THE FUTURE ONE DAY AND WE WILL NOT HELP ANY OF YOU [BECAUSE WE DO NOT] [OWE YOU SHIT!!!]✔ TRUST I MEANT EVERY WORD!!! EVIL👹DEMON👹MOFO'S ACT LIKE WE OWE THEM SOMETHING UNGRATEFUL✔ ▶SELLOUTS OF THEIR BROWNSTAR RACE◀

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

VOLUNTEERS TO GO AGAINST US FOR CASH THEY GAMBLED WITH THEIR VERY LIVES!!!!

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

THESE IGNORANT REAL DEMONS IN FLESH

ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT [NO MATTER] HOW MANY YEARS THEY DISRESPECTED MY GODS✝ HOLY💫PLANS, OR [WE HIS ANGELS] THEY COULD GET PAID💵EVIL👹GAINS FOR YEARS AND STILL GET HELP ON [DACA!!!]

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

👹THEY ASSUMED👹THEY HAD ME IN A CLASSIC CATCH 22 BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE MEANING THAT I HAD TO TAKE THEIR EVIL👹BULLSHIT👹AND STILL HELP👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

[THE DACA DREAMERS] BECAUSE GOD✝ [BLESSED ME] WITH SO MANY BEAUTIFUL 👑BROWNSTAR 💜💜ANGELQUEENWIVES👑

THEY WERE COUNTING ON MY WIVES💗TOO ▶PRESSURE ME INTO HELPING THE [DACA] ▶DREAMERS [WHICH I WOULD HAVE DONE] ▶ANYWAY IF GOD✝ HAD NOT BEEN TOTALLY ▶DISRESPECTED HAD NOT WE ALSO BEEN ▶TOTALLY DISRESPECTED!!!!! NOT NOW!!!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

UNFORTUNATELY, [THAT SHIT BACKFIRED]✔ BECAUSE OF THE WAY MY ANGEL😇 FAMILY AND I HAVE BEEN AND ARE STILL TREATED!

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

SO IT IS BEST FOR [THE DREAMERS💫] TO SO KEEP THEIR FAITH✝STRONG IN GOD✝

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

FOR SURELY HE IS REVIEWING THESE EVIL DEEDS👹BY BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹AND YOUR [LACK OF SPIRITUAL💫STRENGTH] TO STEP FORWARD AND [SPEAK UP] FOR WHAT 👉WAS BEING DONE IN THE NAME OF YOU 👉BROWNSTARS BY THEM!!! GOD✝WATCHED 👉FROM HOLY💫HEAVEN AS YOU STOOD BY 👉FOR YEARS AND SPOKE NOT A WORD OF 👉SUPPORT FOR ME, HIS ANGEL BROTHER FORCED TO BLESS YOU FOR YEARS!!! SMDH!

THIS IS NOT THE 1ST TIME I POSTED THINGS WE HAVE BEEN AND STILL GO THROUGH!!!!!

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

MANY DREAMERS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!

MANY WORLDWIDE🌎PRAY FOR YOU DAILY!

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IF THESE EVIL👹DEEDS [ARE ERASED] GOD✝ SHALL HAVE ME POST THEM ANOTHER TIME!!! YET THESE ARE BUT A FEW OF MANY REASONS [I WILL NOT HELP BROWNSTARS] BEFORE THE SUPREME COURTS DECISION!!!

GODSAYS💫IN THE ALMOST [6 YEARS] OF THIS EVILNESS👹DONE IN [HIS CURRENT] DEMON NEIGHBORHOOD NOT 1,✔ NOT 1,✔ BROWNSTAR SPOKE UP AGAINST THE REAL DEMONS👹SUPPORTING MY BROTHER AS I AM HE [FORCED HIM TO BLESS VAN NUYS] AND MANY OTHER CITIES IN CALIFORNIA!!!

HE HAS LIVED IN VAN NUYS SINCE 1/2013

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GODSAYS💫ONLY [10] WILL BE MENTIONED THIS DAY🌅AS THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR SPIRITUAL💫WAR AGAINST DEMONS👹IS FAR GREATER THAN THESE ALREADY KNOWN EVIL👹DEEDS WHICH HAVE TRULY CAUSED MUCH WRATH✝UPON MANKIND!!!!!☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

MORE POSTED AT [10AM] TIME FOR DEEP SPIRIT💫USING MY 3RD EYE!!! 0505HRS PST

▶SHARE THIS IMPORTANT INFO POST!!!!!◀

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[IF] DACA ENDS [BLAME] DEMONTRUMP👹AND THE SELLOUT BROWNSTAR DEMONS👹

🌍🌎🌏🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌎🌍🌏🌎🌍🌏

WORLD🌍LEADERS ALL LAUGHING LOUDLY

PEACE PROTESTORS RAN HIM👹UP INTO A BUNKER!!!

NOT TERRORIST, GODS PEACEFUL PEOPLE!!!

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

GODSAYS💫IF MARTIAL LAW COMES YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO MY CHILDREN!!!

👉👉NATO COMMAND SHOULD STAY👈👈 🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳ON ALERT!!!🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

[sallysetonshoot]

hey! I've been meaning to say for a while that you're a really great writer and i like your work a lot. if you don't mind me asking, do you have any advice for writing in the null pov? you do such a great job of it and it's really hard (at least, in my opinion) so your insight would be really great if you have the time :)

Thank you so much for saying such lovely things! :)

As for the POV question, I start with the caveat that I’m working from scratch. Null POV is actually a term I had to invent myself; I’ve never encountered this in the wild. While I’m sure someone has done it before, I’m reasonably well-read and have never come across it. (In fact, if any of you know of a writer who writes in an unanchored POV, tell me where to read them; I’d love to see how someone else does it!)

That said, as someone picking out my way in the dark, here’s a primer on how I write null POV: the obstacles I run into, and how I’ve dealt with them.

If you’re like me, the two main hurdles you’ll probably encounter are your point of view character’s subjective experiences—which you can get around by narrowing the narrative distance (I’ll explain in a sec)—and the physical position of your point of view character—which you can get around by describing relative position and sensation.

Okay. So narrative distance first. By which I mean the distance between the reader and the point of view character. For instance, this is pretty distant:

A tall, thin woman sat alone on a café terrace on a Saturday afternoon.

A little closer, now:

Root checked the time on her phone, looked around, took a sip of coffee, and checked the time again.

And closer still:

Surely Shaw would be coming any minute now. They were due downtown in a scant half hour, according to Her, and Shaw usually responded well to hard deadlines.

The closer in you get, the thinner the layer of subjectivity. So when you want to convey that Shaw’s worried about Root being back too late, jump right into her stream of consciousness (also called free indirect discourse, but that’s for another evening):

Root’s never out this late. She should be back by now. Not even a ghost of the telltale click of her special-mission-occasion stilettos down the hall—just the empty night and the faint squeezebox sound of traffic from the open window.

Here, I’m following Shaw’s thoughts, down to the line of her senses as she brings those into her assessment of the situation. 

Frankly, this is the easy one. You’re probably not much in the habit of running subjective filters (I look, I feel, I suspect, I love) through your own thoughts, so cutting them (and, eventually, not even thinking them) while writing becomes pretty easy with a bit of practice. The only trick: when you’re zoomed in that closely, you can’t use language your character wouldn’t use or doesn’t have access to. Shaw’s a smart, educated adult, so vocabulary limitations aren’t a problem, but speaking from my own experience, I often have to dial back some lyricism so it doesn’t veer too far out of character. (Though, to be honest, sometimes I let it slide because I care more about the overall effect than the purity of the POV.)

The second hurdle, bodily relativity, is a little harder to overcome. Say you need to get Shaw from the door to the dining table, where Root is sitting facing the window. Find little touchpoints that move Shaw through the room–tripping over a pile of dirty laundry a few steps in, dropping a jacket onto the bed, grabbing a beer from the fridge–and describe them using sensations, feelings, and narration of events. This one’s super exaggerated to show the technique:

Root’s sitting all the way across the apartment, staring out the window and sipping a glass of water. Figures she’d already be here. 

Ugh, time for a trip to the laundromat—almost went down tripping over that pile near the door. 

Root looks up at the noise and grins.

“That’s what comes of ignoring your laundry, Shaw.”

“Whatever.” Jacket lands squarely in the middle of the bed—score. Root purses her lips, amused, as she takes in the trail of black shirts freshly tracked across the floor.

Thank god there are still two cold beers in the fridge. The cap pops off the bottle with a hiss of relief.

“Come sit with me.” Root pats the seat next to her.

The chair creaks against the ground like a tired thing. After a long day, it feels incredible just to stretch out, to tug off these damn heavy boots and slimy socks and toss them back toward the bed.

“Cheers,” says Root, clanking the bottle of beer with her glass.

I hope this helps. If there’s a particular bit in a story you want to know more about, or if I can help you work through something specific, let me know!