#negative thought cycles

[cloudysarts]

imagine if the federation tried to make a phoenix with birdperson's daughter wouldn't that be fucked up hahaha < insane

like father like daughter.

(pr0/c0mship dni)

[tategaminu]

The books everytime Arya is on page: Arya has black hair and green eyes. Did I mention she's an elf? She's an elf. She has pointy ears like an elf does. Arya has elven ears. Arya has pointy ears. Arya is an elf. Her hair is black and her eyes are green by the way. I hope I mentioned she's an elf. Black hair. Green eyes. Elf.

The bozos in charge of the movie: K

[wouldyoustilllovemeifiwasawyrm]

"I can't send him a text to ask if he's doing okay. That's too presumptuous of me." "Yeah? Was it too presumptuous of Link to chase after Zelda down to the surface?"

"Well, no-"

"Was it presumptuous of him to run across the whole kingdom and defeat Ganon just to see her smile again?"

"No-"

"What about when he carried her stone-bound body around on Linebeck's ship trying to find a way to rescue her?"

"That's really not comparable-"

"Send the text, you coward. The worst he can do is leave you on read."

[milfjessepinkman]

friend said if i was an animal id be a doe and i cant stop thinking ab it. like what

[kraro-school-life]

Cried for a bit too long and things got a bit too real - it´s time to drown myself in studies again! (This is not avoidance coping wdym hahaha)

[sneakystorms]

Maybe I should've seen it coming with the weight placed on the concept of "desire" but i really wasn't expecting dungeon meshi to turn into a full on buddhist lecture

[skitskatdacat63]

For the past couple of weeks, I keep turning on that hbomb plagiarism vid to fall asleep to 😭 its so perfect

[curseofbreadbear]

vent under the cut 👍👍👍

i'm just so tired and so done. i hate having an invisible illness (chronic pain, MAYBE fibro) and not being able to properly explain how debilitating it is, even WITH extensive notes. i hate when doctors misunderstand what i'm asking for. i already feel like i'm faking it even WHILE experiencing it and it frustrates me + makes me feel more invalid than i already do when a medical professional acts like i'm being irrational. at the very LEAST i'm getting tests done but i don't feel heard by the one doctor who's supposed to help. my therapist and psychiatrist are making me feel more understood & supported than a pcp and that's not even their specialty. i think they just listen to me more and better understand where i'm coming from. i have ocd and i literally would not bring it up without doing EXTENSIVE research, but all a doctor hears is "i googled it" and that automatically makes it sound like i'm being a hypochondriac. and i swear, i SWEAR, i'm not. i do research to try and talk myself OUT of it!!!! that method has worked with everything else, but not fibro!!! i have just about every symptom and co-morbid condition and it's driving me crazy!!!

i'm so tired. i don't know how i can keep working or walking or LIVING like this, but i force myself and PUSH myself to act normal and functional every fucking day. and it's like. i feel like professionals will see that and be like "um you can walk AND work so clearly you're fine" except that i'm not!!!! i take excessive amounts of ibuprofen just to function and it's still not enough to completely prevent or numb my pain!! and STILL my mental illnesses like to do this terrible thing where i convince myself that i don't need breaks, i'm useless if i even take five minutes to sit down, i'm wrong and invalid and clearly i'm just pretending to be in pain!

and to top it all off, i asked about a mobility aid and he told me that i would do better without one because being in motion helps. and i agree!! my pain is significantly less noticable when i'm in motion, it mostly hurts when i stand still. BUT. i don't move at work! they force you to stand in place all day! the only thing i can ask for is a break to sit down, but THAT triggers the part of my brain that's like "no you're useless if you take a break, you can't do that, just push through it like you always do!!" and i just. i CAN'T. i can't keep working like that. the best i can do is request a position change so i am not STANDING all day, but i don't know if they'll let me do that or use a mobility aid without a doctor's note.

i'm so tired. i'm so fucking tired

[anthromimicry]

okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )

plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.

though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.

so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.

but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.

and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Me in the middle of trying to get my rl stuff together, but also some writing and suddenly hit with the thought that labyrinth is such a CoAi song. Idk why this just got to me so bad cause I’m not even writing the midnights album right now. But I just got the song in my head and all of a sudden I’m like this is so them

Update: I’m trying to be productive. Please just let me be productive so I don’t have to be upset anymore. I’ve calmed down a lot, and I’m trying not to let it consume me. And it really didn’t help that my teams lost today. So please just let me be productive. Let me finish this next chapter of Devour or maybe even finish IWICL

Update 2: I already shortened the sports AU I wrote for this month but Omm it really needs to be a whole thing and I just read something that makes it even better. Was anyone gonna tell me Mahomes is the team’s backup punter? Cause listen this is excellent on so many levels! And especially for this verse!

[bipolarblogss]

[valeechtine]

It really is like such an experience to feel like you should be shot in the streets like a rabid dog but like you still need to do the dishes and make appointments bc you're committed to seeing this through

[limielle]

technically there is still art that is going to come out soon from me probably but i wanted to post this bc i am busy making end of year presents for my family and playing mass effect so i am not sure if i will be on time actually

[kenonade]

watch as i take a break from writing cultural analysis to write more cultural analysis

this has been festering in my mind for years and i will expel this demon even if it ends me

[lordgolden]

What should I do I’m bored

[frogbi]

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