#nermal are you ok

[red-room-studi0]

I shall introduce to you:

Garfield Demons and Angels AU

Ok Starting off with Jon Arbuckle (Satan Arbuckle, Demon Jon, he goes by many names lol-)

He was the first to fall and be casted away from Heaven, He is ofc "evil". He made Hell the was it is and has made his own empire where all demons and sinners live. His Demons are pretty much created in his own image (sort of, Sinners can be demons but not in an epic way). The sinners of Hell are to YA know "suffer", The way sinners live in constant suffering is by their own sin that they have lived by their whole life. Meaning they either suffer by one of the seven deadly sins they have sinned by until death. The sinners will look a little different and will only look based on their deadly sin. If a sinner is up to Jon's standards they can work along side him and become his friend. Tho You have to fit every standard to him. Otherwise you don't fit the bill and you're nothing less to him like any other sinner.

Anyway, back to Jon- He is kinda goofy as always, a little more serious, Is the embodiment of all the deadly sins and lacks empathy for sinners. He does make deals and lives off of his Demons services as well. Oh did I forget to mention that Sleep paralysis demons are made from his image as well? It'll be hard to tell since you'll only see them in the dark.

Jon does usually feed on fear, pain and agony from sinners both in Hell and in the real world when his demons are doing his bidding.

OK- Now Lyman (The Fallen Angel)

Lyman of course used to be an angel until he made a mistake that would eventually make him fall and twist his imagery. And ngl I have not figured that out yet in detail how it went down but long story short Lyman made a deal with Jon without knowing it was actually him. So Lyman at one point figured it out but it was already too late. Lyman's soul was sold to Jon and it didn't take long for the other angles to find out and banish Lyman from heaven and made him fall down in hell where Jon kept him forever.  The eye's on Lyman do not belong to him, the eyes are Jon's. Jon is always watching Lyman and has control over him.

GODfield (God Garfield)

Of course, why wouldn't Garfield be God???

GODfeild is the big G himself and is of course Lazy and only judges, tho sometimes he's so lazy to even do that so he has the other people in charge to do that for him. Nermal used to be in charge of that but of course that went very horribly, (GODfeild made an attempt to banish Nermal from Heaven but for some reason that wasn't working so Nermal remains in Heaven, Nermal's new Job is basically looking after everyone and sending GODfeild back reports if he's not too lazy to look at them or hear about them. OH- uh I forgot to mention the most important part, He eats a lot too.

There will be more, Hopfully ya'll think this is interesting. I feel more comfortable with making my AU's on DA but I always see ppl sharing their AU's here so I thought I'd give it a shot-

[blackstarchanx3new]

ok idk how this thought popped into my head but like

Would each of the colors (or links? Idk whatever people refer to em as but ima say colors cuz it’s simple) have the same voice as Link, or like slight changes from it?

ex: blue’s voice havinng a bit more edge, or vio’s sounding a bit more “smart”(?) if that makes sense.

but like, not entirely different, but simmilar (you know how when you talk your voice kinda fluctuates depending on mood? Like that)

ok now that I’m reading over this this sounds super stupid to think about because my head just reads each voice as the same pitch and sound as mine but I still find it interesting to think about.

...someone missed viofeild.

I head Canon em all personally with vastly different voices.

Vio would sound like garfield and red Nermal. Or swap sans dub voices because they're practically the same character type lmfao.

Blue I lean towards smth like Johnny bravo

Dark link I lean on sounding like blue diamond from steven universe.

Link himself, I see sounding like plinkton from spongebob.

Shadow link and Green I don't have a particular one for either XD

[domes]

part, 03

Prompt:  "In a hole in the ground there lived a..." As the boxes burn the flames shift colors, I always forget how entrancing fires are. “Hey,” Seth snaps his fingers I front of my face, “are you alright? You’re breathing really heavy.” I set the prairie dog carrier down and check my pulse. “Yea, it must be the elevation, or I’m just freaked out, I don’t know, I think I’m fine.” Seth looks back down to the lodge and the lights come back on. “Ok we gotta move pretty fast but you’re gonna need a coat, hold on.” He runs into the cabin leaving the door open. A thick Carhartt hoodie about a size too might flies out the door, followed by one of those cat backpacks with a dome window.  Seth sets to transferring the prairie dogs to the backpack, “I didn’t get your name.” I put on the hoodie, “K” I go by “K.” He hands me the prairie dog backpack. ” Ok, K, nice to meet you, I truly hope you don’t die tonight, you’re carrying the prairie dogs, because they tend to piss when they get moved like this, and I’m not risking my ass and getting piss down my back at the same time, good with you?” I adjust the strap and try to judge the heft of the backpack as the prairie dogs shift back and forth throwing my balance off, “yea thanks, but what’s happening?”  Seth hands me a flashlight, “The fucks that kill the power will also kill you, I don’t know what they are but they killed my weird ass prairie dog owning coworker friend and nobody cared, hell the company didn’t even replace her. Now I have to do twice the work, and keep you from getting got too.”   We hike up into the darkness. Among the scraggly mountain pines the slow onset of dawn feels both inevitable and like it will never fully come. When we slow enough for me to catch my breath I ask Seth, “I feel a little weird following you, like what is even happening?” Seth stops for a second and I’m am so grateful for the chance to breathe. “Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you, I’m going to do what I am going to do, I’ve stopped them before and I even think I killed one, it’s complicated and I fell ass end into this, it’s not my thing, you can come with me and maybe live or do whatever you want, don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t have the fucks to give to try to convince you, but if you leave you have to take John, Odie, and Nermal with you.” I check my phone and it finally turns back on, but we’re far enough from the highway that I get no signal, “Are you serious with this?” Seth starts walking again, “Mostly, not about the dogs though they stay with me, I love those fuckers.”  We continue on a little faster than I am comfortable hiking for what seems like hours until we stop for a second in a breathtaking, if I had any to give, mountain meadow. Seth bends down and tears up a handful of grass and shoves it in his pocket. “We’re almost there, there’s a switchback that brings the road pretty near here, you might get signal when we get there.” At this point I cannot even respond, it takes every breath just to keep moving forward, if he’s planning to murder me, he won’t have to expend all that much effort.  As morning finally breaks Seth leads us into a small clearing covered by camouflage netting. He pulls the netting back revealing a bunch of inch long or so bits of hollow bamboo cane sticking out of the soil. Seth methodically sets a single blade of grass across the top of each of the bamboo shoots. He holds a hand out to signal that I should stay where I am and holds his breath.  A burst of air from within one of the shoots blows the blade of grass off of it, and I almost collapse to the ground as my phone buzzes in my pocket. Behind me the prairie dogs exchange excited yelps.

[nermalapologist]

I saw nermal at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

nermal doesn't live in los angeles. please dont come to my inbox and spread rumors like this about nermal please please dont do it ok

[ncsasp]

Them: hey are you nervous for your concert?

Me (nervous af): i-it’s nermal to get novice, ok?

[l-artz]

OsomatsuSan Dub

Ok. So it has come to my attention that the dub has been put out early for digital buy. I wish I were to buy it but I'm broke af. But thanks to my buds at the ososan discord they have video some clips of the dub. And based on the clips I have a few gripes and liked on it so far;

And if you don't wanna be spoiled, don't read! :3

-Tottys name pronunciation of toe-tty

Ok tho I love the dub so far in these clips my only gripes I have are this:Tottys name pronunciation of toe-tty

-Tottys voice being almost nermal from garfield (then again it does fit him so I'm on the fence in that)

-Kara's voice, again it does fit him, it's a bit TOO deep. But still goodtwo_hearts

-Some of the "hip" things they say are off-putting

-Chibitas voice reminds me of naruto for some reason, but that's not a gripe that's more of a little thing that's been in my head

-Totokos yells should be more violent when she's angry like how the JPva does it. But then again maybe she had to record at home due to covid so no studio was involved? Kinda like the inuyasha sequel anime with kagaome

-jyushis voice should be a bit lower when he's serious, but otherwise he's still cute

That's all my miffs on the dub this far. I say, from the clips, I give a 90.5/100

[conundrumrespeculis]

Garfield Pet Force

Ive been thinking about this book series a lot recently so I have decided to plague y'all with it and try to convince you to read at least one of the books with possibly the best sales pitch I know.

The "Story So Far" summary of book two (Pie-Rat's revenge) minus the spoilers for the first book, which I have put under a readmore because it does, in fact, take up a solid amount of space, and not everyone wants to read the glorious premise of Pet Force.

1

The story so far... There exist an infinite number of universes parallel to our own. Each one is similar to ours, but each one is also unique in it's own way. In one such parallel universe, a group of superheroes known as Pet Force kept the peace for many years. Each of the five members of Pet Force possessed incredible superpowers that they used to battle evil. Recently, however, an evil veterinarian with magical powers named Vetvix defeated Pet Force, banishing the five heroes to a ghostly dimension from which there is no escape. The kind and benevolent ruler of this alternate universe, Emporer Jon, lived on a peaceful planet known as Polyster. He called upon his sorcerer- Sorcerer Binky- to find new beings to serve as Pet Force. Using his magic cauldron, Sorcerer Binky opened a doorway between Emperor Jon's universe and our universe. He brought Garfield, Odie, Arlene, Nermal, and Pooky into the parallel universe where they took on the powers and appearance of Pet Force.

...

And Ladies and Gentlemen this is just the tip of the HAT for Pet Force. Emperor Jon? The Pet Force version of Jon Arbuckle. And it SHOWS. Not to MENTION they actually give a story and reason that works really well for the world that's been built as to HOW such a dunderhead got on the throne.

And Sorceror Binky? If you haven't guessed it already, He's The Pet Force version of Binky the Clown and it's THE funniest shit. He also is just a great character in general and you can just tell he's amazing just from dialogue.

Vetvix? The Evil Magic Veterinarian? The Pet Force version of Liz. And she is lean, mean, fashionable, sassy, and wants to rule the universe. She won't stop at NOTHING to get what she wants, but she's also a legitmate character. She has likes and dislikes, people she gets along with, and people she hates, she has devious wins and frustrating losses. But she won't give up!

And if you get annoyed at her for some reason? You can read one of the books where she's not the villain! Pie-Rat's Revenge focuses on Pie-Rat (Yes he IS a pirate rat that likes food and he's brilliant he wears an eyepatch and peg leg despite needing neither just because he's commited to the aesthetic) escaping from "jail" and teaming up with Garzooka turned evil to go commit crimes such as stealing food.

Or if you don't like him you could read about the lethal lizards! Some incredibly engaging criminal reptiles that got superpowers and decided to commit crimes! Their names are Dragon, Chameleon, and Snake. So I think you can tell what reptiles they are. And they're absolutely ridiculous I love them.

And I haven't even MENTIONED the fun of garfield and co. in superhero roles. Specifically their names are Garzooka, Odious, Abnermal, Starlena, and Compooky! And they are also ridiculous and at times not very heroic, including the times literally everyone got to be evil. Yes I am counting the mutanator. No I am not spoiling their surprise in this post.

The original Garzooka was a heroic leader-type, but put garfield in the drivers seat and you have a glutonous lazy superhero with a heck ton of power who at one point eats the cords for a spaceship. I'm like 98% certain he's got an iron stomach. If you know garfield, you know how ridiculous he can be.

Odious is literally Odie. Big heart, but oh so no thoughts head empty. Literally can lift up an entire castle and also make infinite drool (this was not tested but definitely implied). He has also knocked people out on accident because he forgot he does that when he licks people. A total idiot but I love him.

Abnermal is Nermal. Incredibly annoying, likes comics, looooves to pester garfield, and really funny ok, he literally annoys people as one of his superpowers. But also he knows when to shut up (sometimes) and is always super excited for being a super hero!

Starlena is absolutely fabulous. I'm just gonna get that out of the way now. She's most certainly the most mature member of the team and kicks ass. Literally the smartest other than Compooky, but honestly nobody beats Compooky in smartness. She takes no shit but also genuinely cares about other people. One time she saves the day by giving a snappy comeback. She is fabulous.

And Compooky, the literal super computer and garfield's best friend. He's the brains of the team, but can't fight very well (he's literally a teddy bear) so usually he stays on the ship. HOWEVER he's fucking badass ok? Literally gets captured by enemy forces and is so smart he escapes all on his own. Absolutely terrifying when given power I love him.

And if absolutely NONE of this convinces you to read at least one of the Pet Force books, that of which are:

Small, easy to read chapter books.

In posession of bomb ass cover artwork.

Readable in any order without losing context due to the story so far bit at the front of each book which gives you the context needed.

Quality.

Then I don't know what to tell you.

Unless it's because you've seen the movie bc if you've seen the movie I will tell you the movie literally becomes better after you've read the books. I would not enjoy that movie half as much as I do if it weren't for how it does a silly take on the books and both plays into them and seperates itself from them. Do not judge the books from the movie, and the movie from the books.

[askthetoonfreak]

Another Quick Update!

OK...it’s been a while...so here it goes...

-I think I have finally, FINALLY got some characters to continue AWTH’s story! Wrote a rough draft of chapter 21 last night, and started writing chapter 22 this morning.

-Took my kitty Nermal to the vet. She now has a heart murmur in addition to a thyroid problem. The doctor taught us how to give her fluids through an IV....and we’ve been doing that twice a week. She’s going to be 19 this year and I’m kinda super worried about her health....

- (unless the doctor changes it) my second surgery is going to be on July 11th. Super worried about this too....especially because it took me SO LONG to recover from the first one... -_-;;;

- Been watching episodes of Amphibia and Ok Ko. Looking forward to Infinity Train.

-Ebay business is going well! 👍

-Slightly sad about lack of a National Dex in Pokemon Sword/Shield....still training a team I know will be included the games for November. (Definitely will be getting Sword)

-“Pokemon Sleep” commercial REALLY creeps me out. It’s like...those fake commercials they show you before something goes HORRIBLY wrong in a Science Fiction movie... (See the original “WestWorld” film as an example...)

-Detective Pikachu was AWESOME!

-Still collecting an unreasonable amount of animation memorabilia. I’m hoping to make a sifi-themed Ita bag next!

-Still sleeping...A LOT. Not quite sure why... :/

-Wants to see SU movie really, REALLY badly...

-Discovered the wonders of “Co Can” products for pins...will totally be buying more “Floaty Frames”! XD

...aaaand that’s about it! Been going through some other emotional stuff too (both family and friend wise) but we won’t talk about that here...too sad....

....but YUP! That’s what’s going on! 👍

[ari-leo-otto]

Ari’s dream last night:

Nermal, Garfield, Odie and me were in a bathtub. We went under water, and it turned into an ocean. And then, we saw a boat. We hopped in, and then a shark was chasing us. And we went as fast as we could.

The shark said “I don’t want dinner, I just want to rewind.” We said “OK”. And we rewinded him. And then Odie, Garfield, me and Nermal we rewinded him. And then we saw a flying fish. It looked like a scrub brush that we were scrubbing ourselves with. And we met a flying fish and we asked him where the mermaids were. And he said “I know the way, follow me”. And then we said, “we have a better idea!” We tied him up to our boat and said you pull us. And then we could just lay down in the boat and he would pull us all the way to the mermaids. We untied him and let him go and there were the mermaids. We asked him where John’s bathtub was. The scrub brush flying fish said “be careful, their singing turns ships up on the rocks.” And the mermaid said we will tell you where John’s bathtub is, if you with destroy that big duck.” Then we asked the mermaids to sing their song, and we plugged our ears. The duck went away. The mermaids “said go down the middle of the sea. There is a big chain connected to a circle. Pull up the chain and you’ll get swirled away into John bathtub.” So we did and that was the end. That was all of it.

[vestedbeauty]

Unleashed: Life Lessons from a Dog

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/unleashed-life-lessons-from-a-dog/

Unleashed: Life Lessons from a Dog

Dogs are some of my favorite people. Hubby and I have three. They’re all our babies, but Pickle is extra special. I’ve learned a little something about life from her. Hopefully this won’t get sappy. 

First, Let Me Tell You About Pickle

If you’re a dog person, you know the type. You look into her eyes and there’s someone there. 

At the shelter where we adopted her, they said she was a border collie mix. Perhaps her mother once dallied with a border collie. But Pickle is most definitely a pit bull mix. I wouldn’t have gone looking for a pit; I always thought their hair was too wiry and their faces looked funny to me. I’d hoped to find a dog who’d fill the shoes of my boy Woody, my constant companion for over a decade. Like Woody, Pickle had spots on her snout, and they called to me. She marched right up to us and introduced herself as our new pack member. And so it was decided.

Brains and Brawn

She’s a problem solver. As in, when she was a pup, if I took a work call in the office and closed the door, she got to work eating the drywall to solve the problem of not having eyes on me. If she hears someone approach the front porch, she opens the door. Delivery people and I are equally grateful for the metal screen door, a second barrier to keep her from eating them. She would never, but she gives off that vibe. Also, she ate pillows.

Pickle’s athletic in a way I’ve never been. She doesn’t just play fetch; she earns extra points for style. Throw a high-pop and she’ll probably catch it in the air. Sometimes it bounces off her snoot and she’ll catch it on the bounce. It took a while for her to learn how fetch works. I’ve said, “Pickle, I can’t throw it if you don’t drop it,” thousands of times. She gets it now. Mostly.

She taught me that tennis elbow isn’t for tennis players only. Aside from playing ball, her other favorite game is simply called “Rope.” We go through several of those thick rope toys every year. Many ratty knots of string, formerly known as Rope, litter the backyard gardens. I get side-eye from Pickle if she notices me gathering them for the burn pile. The game goes like this: She holds one end in her teeth. I hold the other end. Then she shakes, tugs, and yanks that rope until I end up with bursitis. Alternatively, the judges will allow one modification to the game. I may fling Rope across the yard, sidearmed, until I end up with bursitis.

So Much Togetherness

Pickle takes togetherness to a whole new level. While she’s not a fan of having a bath, oddly, she and her sister Belle like to get in mine with me. Hubby took a few pics. I’m debating whether my children would die of embarrassment if I post one. Also, I’m writing this on a plane, and don’t want to alarm my seat neighbors. (OK, doing it.) Pickle’s also good for keeping you company while you poop. I have no idea why, but she’ll march right in, climb into the tub (a foot away from the toilet), and just wait. No pics of that, thank goodness.

When I come home from visiting the kids or a business trip, Pickle’s affection levels go through the woof roof. She’s a vocal girl, so there are sound effects as she snuggles into my lap like she did when she was five pounds. (She’s now 72 pounds but that is irrelevant.) Like Heath Ledger’s Joker’s demented grin, her smile is impossible to miss.

The Most Vicious of Breeds

She’s learned to be gentle with all sorts of “babies” except for any kind of toy. When we have baby chicks, she’ll lie down near them and we can stack them on her (weird hillbilly hobbies!) or tuck them into her armpits. She does her best not to chase the older hens. But if one dies and she gets to it first, it’s probably going in her mouth. 

Even Nermal the kitty (formerly known as the asshole kitty – thank goodness for neutering!) tries to nurse on Pickle. She’ll look at me with this confused look, like she’s asking how much of this insanity she’s supposed to endure.

A Terrible Traveler

Know how with most dogs, you practically have to spell C-A-R because they’ll lose their ever loving minds if they think they’re going on a ride? Pickle’s like that, too.

Except here’s the thing. She’s the worst car-riding dog ever on the planet. I thought babies could puke. HA. Poop everywhere? Please. Pickle has upped that game to the point no contenders need apply.

How’d I find this out? First, I took her on a six-hour ride to meet my kids. Off and on for two hours, she gacked in the back seat. I’d stop, mop, gag, and get back on the road thinking certainly she was empty. But no. Also, it got into some places in the car that no human can reach. (Apologies in advance to the poor soul who buys this car if I ever sell it.) 

Oh, and there was a second instance. We decided that perhaps if she practiced on shorter rides, that would do the trick. During the ride, she seemed only a little more nervous than we were. Once we got to our (thankfully dog-loving and very kind) friends’ house, she let loose like a scene from The Exorcist. Thus ended our transportation experiment.

Unleashed

As she doesn’t travel much, Pickle’s domain is the back yard. She knows every board of the fence, every stick on the ground, and every pile of chicken shit in the clover. 

But that girl loves a good walk. All three pups go bananas if they hear their leashes jingle in their place. We start with the leash on, but let it drag on the ground. The dogs magically seem to understand that they’d better be on their best behavior in this situation. One crazy dog move, and we’ll grab the other end, putting a stop to self-walking mode in a heartbeat.

This is the part where it seems my dog is teaching me something about living in midlife that I am learning to grasp fully. 

I’ve taken to calling this state of being unleashed. Free to frolick like there’s no leash. Safe from doing utterly dangerous stuff (thanks to decades of accumulated experiences and the wisdom that comes from doing things that don’t work so well). Fully present to nature’s cacophony of sights, sounds, scents, and sensations. Gulping the fresh air, noticing the wave of tree branches, feeling each springy footfall. 

There’s no phone. No Zoom. No Slack. Certainly no social media or email. Just my husband’s warm, work-calloused, huge hand holding mine. Sometimes we chat, greeting neighborhood dogs and talking about work and family. Sometimes we stroll arm in arm, silently. 

Many times, it’s on these walks when one of us gets a great idea. Every time, we end it thanking each other for nudging us out the door. 

Again with Trevor Blake

I really do try not to fan-girl too much. But when someone writes a book that hits me right where I need it most, it’s hard not to talk about it incessantly now and then. In Three Simple Steps he talks a lot about spending time outdoors. This guy started his first business in his forties, has had massive exits, and works five hours a day. (Two of those hours, he’s walking his dogs in the woods!) As a reformed workaholic (i.e. human doing), I have a lot to learn from him. One big area is in how I spend my time.

The three ways I love spending my time unleashed are:

Creating – writing, primarily. Making anything appear in physical form from just an idea is about the most amazing experience ever. Highly creative, productive sessions satisfy my soul so deeply that words fail me. 

Puttering. I searched for the best word to describe this regenerative, rejuvenating state. It might involve doing little household, gardening, or chicken-tending tasks. The orderliness, the voluntary nature of puttering is soothing.

Being with. I have never so enjoyed being with my family and few friends more than I do at this point in my life. As a young working mom, I loved every minute with my babies, but I was so aware of their few and fleeting nature that I felt terrified and unable to soak it all in. Plus, exhaustion. As a work-at-home mom of older kids, I felt tremendous pressure to provide for our family. Fear makes a terrible motivator, robbing us of the present. As an empty-nester with an understanding of life’s brevity, I can enjoy “being with” like never before. I see it in the times I go up to visit the kids. And also in the unhurried bathrobe-clad morning coffee sessions on the porch with hubby. I treasure time now.

Life’s Too Short Not to Go Unleashed

Especially in midlife, there’s this sense of turning a page and discovering the rest of the book is blank. We’ve got a lot of new liberties in our lives, and a greater appreciation of what matters most to us. Maybe your schedule is not as flexible as you’d like, but you still have hours each day you can spend doing whatever lights you up. I recommend finding what “unleashed” time means for you – and lavishing it on yourself.

Like Pickle, may we all enjoy each day to the hilt. As I used to tell my old boy, Woody, each morning when we woke up, “We got another day!” How will you use yours?

[theliterateape]

Top 6 Ways I Can Get You To Click This Link!

By Peter Kremidas

Christmas time is here again, and you know what that means. No, I’m not talking about hot floor shaking trap shit, though that is a good answer. I’m talking about clicking links on the internet.

Maybe to look through a relative’s social media for gift ideas. Maybe to purchase said gifts in an online store. Probably for porn. Maybe after the porn you realize you didn’t finish your Christmas shopping. Perhaps you resolve to finish after you take this nap real quick. Hopefully you wake up eventually. Perchance you take another tall drink of porn through your hungry eyeballs because you’re a human fuckbeast who possesses a body genetically engineered with steel determination to reproduce with veins the circumference of whiskey shots.

It varies for everyone. But at some point in this classic holiday cycle that is as apple as American pie, you get distracted. And that’s where we come in. Sometimes you just need some dumb bullshit list to take you away from the reality of consumerism’s unsustainability and your culpability for the subsequent world you are leaving your children. Sometimes, especially around the holidays, it’s good to be reassured of how it’s not your fault how easily you and all other humans are to manipulate into a culture of happiness achieved via empty and meaningless commodities. And sometimes that reminder comes in the form of an online article that exploits your human cognitive weaknesses so you will pay attention. To us.

This is that article. But how do we do it? Here are the top 6 things I can do to get you to click this link!

1) Prey upon your need to have your ego satiated and all the things you want to believe about yourself reinforced by way of a test that tells you which Garfield character you’d be on The West Wing. Tests that tell you what character you are work well to reinforce beliefs that you really are what you wish you were. Since you already know what character you want to be, we make the answers to get there obvious. Want to be White House Chief of Staff Nermal? Then your favorite color is probably gray and you’re the type of leader who is always nice to everybody. It is impossible to get Jon Arbuckle on this quiz because online bullying makes people kill themselves.

2) Reassure you that you’re smarter than everybody else with claims that only 4 percent of people can pass this test consisting of second grade math problems, a question asking you what an octagon is, and your opinion of Bethany Frenkel. It’s a competitive world, and confidence is key. And with answers like 7, 5 billion, 7, less than, 3 ducks, a stop sign, and “While I am a regular purchaser of skinny girl cocktails, I don’t, strictly speaking, know her personally,” it’s a test that anybody can cinch. And in this way, even you can can be in the top 4 percent of intelligence. It’s science. The same science that tells us that just believing you are good at something makes you better at it. Not all liars wear capes.

3) A list. Lists are like articles in small, easily digestible pieces. The trick is to keep it simple and not get all high concept about it or, god forbid, meta.

4) Any list that combines sex, politics, and holidays. Pretty much everybody is constantly on the lookout for better ways to fuck their wives in these dark days of the Trump administration. And our lives are hectic, with many of us under considerable stress and economic strain. Sometimes it’s just healthy to stop everything and goddamnit let it be Valentine’s Day, OK? The best part of these types of lists is that the subjects are interchangeable based on your preferences. Maybe you’re a “Top Five Pictures of St. Patrick’s Day that Chuck Schumer Wacks Off to in a Broom Closet.” Or maybe you’re more of a “The 18 Weird Halloween Costumes Mitch McConnell Wears to Prevent Premature Ejaculation” type. The possibilities are endless. Chances are there’s a combination that your attention will find irresistible.

5) Pictures of sad baby mammals Take a look at these and tell me you couldn’t waste your lunch break on this delicious empathy fruit:

6) Whatever, as long as there are at least six items. Distracting articles need to have enough content and substance so people don’t feel like their time was wasted. Browse on, my friends.

[chiakibutblack]

I hate mondays

Pookey, cover me. I'm going in.

Sleeping beauty, wake up

You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now

Just wake up

You've got work to do. You're not just my owner...

...you're my primary care giver

Not now, Garfield

Alright, cut the sweet... easy now.

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well that just ain't gonna fly!

See, I'm doing my exercise, doing my job.

Just one quick CANNONBALL

- Good morning - Garfield!

OK, I think you're clean enough now.

Got your towel right here.

No, Garfield!

It's liver flavoured.

MMM Delicious.

Ugh, Liver!

Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'.

That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins diet

and get myself a little high fat chaser.

Garfield, look, the milk truck!

Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day.

Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him?

We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it.

- No. - But...

But nothing. I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there.

Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you.

Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man.

Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game

- You're such a brave little Astronaut - Alright

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

Whoa, whoa! What about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

- We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off!

Three, two, one!

Bon Voyage!

Look at me go!

Don't look down!

- Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up here

I can see my house!

Got Milk?

I can see the whole neighbourhood!

Well that's nice. That's very nice.

Hey, another milk truck!

Ooh, and that is even nicer.

I can see a whole......

Mission accomplished, Nermal

Whoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, Fat Cat... beat it!

And you Luca are on the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question is, Luca: How shall I outwit you this time?

- With simple maths? - I know how to spell.

- Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so, you're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me....

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again.

Jump back! and kiss my skin.

If I ever get off this chain, you're going down.

Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon apple in the morning.

- Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

Mouse!

No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield

Get him, Jon

Always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

There's my ball.

What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen?

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home.

Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it.

Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies, I'm trying to maintain.

- You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand...

that I have to eat you.

Good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You're the best cat a guy could have.

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powder for a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool, I owe you one G

<< I've got a question for you. >>

<< Do you love your Cat? >>

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

<< Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>

That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirts

I wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)

- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk

What's in the bag?

<< Remember: Be Happy >>

I'm happy when I'm with you

You delicate melange of tomato paste, cheese, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

<< Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >> << I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>

Cut!

Give me the Benadril!

Damned cat allergies

Any word from the network yet?

No, but they're looking for a dog-act on Good Day New York.

Dog act! Story of my life: Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat

- But the segment went quite well - "But the segment went quite well"

Of course it went well, you toad.

The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

<< This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>

Oh, please. What a know-it-all.

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one

And I was born first.

But there you are, "live from the Hague", and I'm here working with this sack of dander

on a dead-end regional morning show.

<< Back to you, Dan >>

Garfield!

Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne?

It's not my fault. They started it.

What am I going to do with you?

Love me, feed me, never leave me.

Let's go for a ride to some place you love that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Oh I know, Chucky Cheese

Thank you!

No, Wendys?

Taco kitty?

Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you?

The only time I leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the Vet.

Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

- I worry about him. - I know you do.

Y'know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip, I wanna talk to you, in private.

She's so beautiful.

Mr Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since High-School.

Will you please ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

I have to ask her out.

- Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tiger

You the man, you the fella, you the boss

You preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser...

Betty how about today you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure

Seaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing...

...then crack my toes to finish.

Jon, there's something important I need to ask you.

Something I wouldn't ask most of the guys who come in here.

No, wait. I think I know where this is going.

You do?

I do!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Absolutely

I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life

Liz, I'm ready to take a chance.

I'm ready for...

Thank you

A dog?

A dog, I'm ready for a dog.

I think he likes you.

Frisky little fella, isn't he

His name's Odie, and he's not going to make it if he has to live his life in a cage

He needs to be loved.

Well thank you, thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen

Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhood

Hey, homer, I really gotta run

Gotta fly everybody, please, stay behind the security fence.

It's so great of you to come out and see me.

But I've got somebody waiting for me, very devoted. Almost crippled.

No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved.

Well, you do.

I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye bye

Does anybody know this guy?

Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building.

Jon, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

No, no. It's okay.

Some part of me has always wanted to know what it's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.

You're a good friend.

One question: Am I still gorgeous?

Jon, I think we've got a little problem here.

Jon...

I want you to know I can help the transition go smoothly.

Jon, it's in my seat!

Jon...

We could all go out together.

Park, dog-shows.

Stuff like that

- Jon... - Wait a minute,

are you asking me out?

Jonny-boy, the time has come to get a car-alarm!

You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car.

Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us.

Whoa: you went in there to get a date, and came out with a dog?

Well that's bad even for you.

Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us.

Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy?

Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around, before he finds out where we live!

Please take this trouser-sniffer back!

Come on Odie

This is your new home.

Come on Buddy

Jon...

You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet.

Garfield, Jon brought a dog home.

I am aware, Nermal.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Come on!

As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite.

See you later, Garfield.

Good luck with the bug thing

This is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha

This is your new home Odie.

That's my office over there.

The TV over there.

The kitchen.

Go see the house.

Why don't you draw him a map?

Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's all

Jon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy

This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops.

Boy this puppy is stupid gone wild

Nah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyes

and when I open them, everything will be back to normal.

Nyagh! That's not normal.

Not close.

Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please?

This is a nightmare. I just need a little quality time

with man's real best friend.

Television.

No, no. no.

[literateape]

Top 6 Ways I Can Get You To Click This Link!

By Peter Kremidas

Christmas time is here again, and you know what that means. No, I’m not talking about hot floor shaking trap shit, though that is a good answer. I’m talking about clicking links on the internet.

Maybe to look through a relative’s social media for gift ideas. Maybe to purchase said gifts in an online store. Probably for porn. Maybe after the porn you realize you didn’t finish your Christmas shopping. Perhaps you resolve to finish after you take this nap real quick. Hopefully you wake up eventually. Perchance you take another tall drink of porn through your hungry eyeballs because you’re a human fuckbeast who possesses a body genetically engineered with steel determination to reproduce with veins the circumference of whiskey shots.

It varies for everyone. But at some point in this classic holiday cycle that is as apple as American pie, you get distracted. And that’s where we come in. Sometimes you just need some dumb bullshit list to take you away from the reality of consumerism’s unsustainability and your culpability for the subsequent world you are leaving your children. Sometimes, especially around the holidays, it’s good to be reassured of how it’s not your fault how easily you and all other humans are to manipulate into a culture of happiness achieved via empty and meaningless commodities. And sometimes that reminder comes in the form of an online article that exploits your human cognitive weaknesses so you will pay attention. To us.

This is that article. But how do we do it? Here are the top 6 things I can do to get you to click this link!

1) Prey upon your need to have your ego satiated and all the things you want to believe about yourself reinforced by way of a test that tells you which Garfield character you’d be on The West Wing. Tests that tell you what character you are work well to reinforce beliefs that you really are what you wish you were. Since you already know what character you want to be, we make the answers to get there obvious. Want to be White House Chief of Staff Nermal? Then your favorite color is probably gray and you’re the type of leader who is always nice to everybody. It is impossible to get Jon Arbuckle on this quiz because online bullying makes people kill themselves.

2) Reassure you that you’re smarter than everybody else with claims that only 4 percent of people can pass this test consisting of second grade math problems, a question asking you what an octagon is, and your opinion of Bethany Frenkel. It’s a competitive world, and confidence is key. And with answers like 7, 5 billion, 7, less than, 3 ducks, a stop sign, and “While I am a regular purchaser of skinny girl cocktails, I don’t, strictly speaking, know her personally,” it’s a test that anybody can cinch. And in this way, even you can can be in the top 4 percent of intelligence. It’s science. The same science that tells us that just believing you are good at something makes you better at it. Not all liars wear capes.

3) A list. Lists are like articles in small, easily digestible pieces. The trick is to keep it simple and not get all high concept about it or, god forbid, meta.

4) Any list that combines sex, politics, and holidays. Pretty much everybody is constantly on the lookout for better ways to fuck their wives in these dark days of the Trump administration. And our lives are hectic, with many of us under considerable stress and economic strain. Sometimes it’s just healthy to stop everything and goddamnit let it be Valentine’s Day, OK? The best part of these types of lists is that the subjects are interchangeable based on your preferences. Maybe you’re a “Top Five Pictures of St. Patrick’s Day that Chuck Schumer Wacks Off to in a Broom Closet.” Or maybe you’re more of a “The 18 Weird Halloween Costumes Mitch McConnell Wears to Prevent Premature Ejaculation” type. The possibilities are endless. Chances are there’s a combination that your attention will find irresistible.

5) Pictures of sad baby mammals Take a look at these and tell me you couldn’t waste your lunch break on this delicious empathy fruit:

6) Whatever, as long as there are at least six items. Distracting articles need to have enough content and substance so people don’t feel like their time was wasted. Browse on, my friends.

[poopypooppooppoop-blog1]

Garfield The Movie Script

I hate mondays

Pookey, cover me. I'm going in.

Sleeping beauty, wake up

You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now

Just wake up

You've got work to do. You're not just my owner...

...you're my primary care giver

Not now, Garfield

Alright, cut the sweet... easy now.

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well that just ain't gonna fly!

See, I'm doing my exercise, doing my job.

Just one quick CANNONBALL

- Good morning - Garfield!

OK, I think you're clean enough now.

Got your towel right here.

No, Garfield!

It's liver flavoured.

MMM Delicious.

Ugh, Liver!

Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'.

That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins diet

and get myself a little high fat chaser.

Garfield, look, the milk truck!

Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day.

Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him?

We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it.

- No. - But...

But nothing. I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there.

Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you.

Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man.

Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game

- You're such a brave little Astronaut - Alright

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

Whoa, whoa! What about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

- We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off!

Three, two, one!

Bon Voyage!

Look at me go!

Don't look down!

- Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up here

I can see my house!

Got Milk?

I can see the whole neighbourhood!

Well that's nice. That's very nice.

Hey, another milk truck!

Ooh, and that is even nicer.

I can see a whole......

Mission accomplished, Nermal

Whoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, Fat Cat... beat it!

And you Luca are on the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question is, Luca: How shall I outwit you this time?

- With simple maths? - I know how to spell.

- Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so, you're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me....

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again.

Jump back! and kiss my skin.

If I ever get off this chain, you're going down.

Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon apple in the morning.

- Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

Mouse!

No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield

Get him, Jon

Always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

There's my ball.

What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen?

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home.

Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it.

Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies, I'm trying to maintain.

- You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand...

that I have to eat you.

Good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You're the best cat a guy could have.

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powder for a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool, I owe you one G

<< I've got a question for you. >>

<< Do you love your Cat? >>

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

<< Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>

That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirts

I wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)

- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk

What's in the bag?

<< Remember: Be Happy >>

I'm happy when I'm with you

You delicate melange of tomato paste, cheese, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

<< Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >> << I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>

Cut!

Give me the Benadril!

Damned cat allergies

Any word from the network yet?

No, but they're looking for a dog-act on Good Day New York.

Dog act! Story of my life: Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat

- But the segment went quite well - "But the segment went quite well"

Of course it went well, you toad.

The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

<< This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>

Oh, please. What a know-it-all.

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one

And I was born first.

But there you are, "live from the Hague", and I'm here working with this sack of dander

on a dead-end regional morning show.

<< Back to you, Dan >>

Garfield!

Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne?

It's not my fault. They started it.

What am I going to do with you?

Love me, feed me, never leave me.

Let's go for a ride to some place you love that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Oh I know, Chucky Cheese

Thank you!

No, Wendys?

Taco kitty?

Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you?

The only time I leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the Vet.

Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

- I worry about him. - I know you do.

Y'know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip, I wanna talk to you, in private.

She's so beautiful.

Mr Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since High-School.

Will you please ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

I have to ask her out.

- Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tiger

You the man, you the fella, you the boss

You preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser...

Betty how about today you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure

Seaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing...

...then crack my toes to finish.

Jon, there's something important I need to ask you.

Something I wouldn't ask most of the guys who come in here.

No, wait. I think I know where this is going.

You do?

I do!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Absolutely

I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life

Liz, I'm ready to take a chance.

I'm ready for...

Thank you

A dog?

A dog, I'm ready for a dog.

I think he likes you.

Frisky little fella, isn't he

His name's Odie, and he's not going to make it if he has to live his life in a cage

He needs to be loved.

Well thank you, thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen

Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhood

Hey, homer, I really gotta run

Gotta fly everybody, please, stay behind the security fence.

It's so great of you to come out and see me.

But I've got somebody waiting for me, very devoted. Almost crippled.

No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved.

Well, you do.

I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye bye

Does anybody know this guy?

Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building.

Jon, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

No, no. It's okay.

Some part of me has always wanted to know what it's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.

You're a good friend.

One question: Am I still gorgeous?

Jon, I think we've got a little problem here.

Jon...

I want you to know I can help the transition go smoothly.

Jon, it's in my seat!

Jon...

We could all go out together.

Park, dog-shows.

Stuff like that

- Jon... - Wait a minute,

are you asking me out?

Jonny-boy, the time has come to get a car-alarm!

You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car.

Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us.

Whoa: you went in there to get a date, and came out with a dog?

Well that's bad even for you.

Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us.

Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy?

Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around, before he finds out where we live!

Please take this trouser-sniffer back!

Come on Odie

This is your new home.

Come on Buddy

Jon...

You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet.

Garfield, Jon brought a dog home.

I am aware, Nermal.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Come on!

As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite.

See you later, Garfield.

Good luck with the bug thing

This is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha

This is your new home Odie.

That's my office over there.

The TV over there.

The kitchen.

Go see the house.

Why don't you draw him a map?

Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's all

Jon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy

This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops.

Boy this puppy is stupid gone wild

Nah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyes

and when I open them, everything will be back to normal.

Nyagh! That's not normal.

Not close.

Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please?

This is a nightmare. I just need a little quality time

with man's real best friend.

Television.

No, no. no.

Hey, new guy. Let me hip ya to the rules, ok.

Number one: That's my chair.

Alright, I even see you raise a leg, and it's on, it's go time, pal.

Very well.

Y'know, I may just have a mental advantage on this guy.

Leave me alone.

I'm not kidding, Yodel Odie.

Pop a worm pill, and hit the road, I'm busy.

You wanna play? Fine.

You can be my new astronaut!

You go jump in the pail, and we'll shoot you into outer space.

Come on, it's real simple!

Here, I'll even throw your ball in there.

Follow the ball and jump in the pail.

Come on, Odie

Just like this, come on over here and just jump right into the pail and help me.

No, just in here like this...

Uh oh - don't touch that!

Oh no!

Houston, we have a problem.

Odie, Get off the pail.

Ok, time for a new game.

It's called my claw in your foot game

Come here

I'll just use my left claw

If my legs were longer I'd have caught you by now - come here!

Just wait for one second.

Slow... down...

Well, well, well

I've got you now fat cat

Hey Luca - is that a new chain you're wearing? Fella?

Looks good on ya

You look great. You been working out?

Oh I've been waiting years for this.

Would that be regular years, or dog-years?

Get away from me pipsqueak!

You're nothing but a...

Luca, this is Odie. Odie, Luca.

Luca, do me a favour and eat him for me would you please?

Garfield, are you alright?

I think so.

Luca's about to have Odie for lunch.

If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew-toy

Yeah, he saved your life.

Odie's a hero!

Why? Because I wasn't ripped to shreds?

No: Odie's an imbecile, until further notice.

Hey Moondust, if I were you I'd grab a nice piece of carpet

Jon doesn't let me sleep up-top

Ever.

Odie...

You wanna sleep in the bed?

Ok

What?

Good boy.

You wanna sleep on the bed tonight?

Yes I do. Yes...

I think I'm going to blow cat chow chunks

Good night Odie

Good night Garfield

Great, wish me luck with the nightmares

Another day ruined.

Oh, you little suck up!

Whoa baby

No.

Down. Down dumb dog

What part of 'no' don't you understand?

The push off the chair?

I don't wanna play

Oh, look...

What am I supposed to say?

Thanks for saving my hide with Luca?

Ok, thanks for saving my hide with Luca. Get off!

Where was I? Right here.

Whoa, that was a cheap shot.

Hit a guy when he's not looking? Ok...

Oh, excuse me, I think you may have forgotten something.

I saw this and I thought, I was pretty sure it was your...

Watch out! You see, you can't touch this.

That's right. Don't sneak up on me, baby.

Oh, come on with that!

Get that weak step outta here!

Is that butt broken? No it's something like this here....

Can you do this? Shouldn't those hips be in the shop?

Walk this way please...

I'ma walking the dog

Let's step it up a little bit, something like this....

Whoa, look at this! Watch out now!

Watch out for this thing!

You probably should've practiced in the garage before you stepped up to someone of my level.

Bash up!

Maybe something a little bit more challenging.

How about this?

Look who's here on the porch. I'm walking the porch.

I'm holding the torch, I'm ready to scorch.

Hey!

Look, Garfield's dancing with Odie.

They're like buddies now!

Odie, what are you doing here?

I was doing a solo dance, and a creepy dog comes up next to me...

Did you guys see that?

Thank you fellas, thank you.

Uh oh, here's more trouble.

Look at the goony look on his face!

Come here Odie

Taking him back to the vet?

You're taking him back to the kennel, right?

Are you putting him up for adoption?

Hey Garfield, Jon's taking Odie on his date with Liz and he's leaving you behind!

I know, Nermal

They're off on an adventure, and you're still here!

And your point is?

Well, that's gotta feel bad

Being left by Jon, while he takes Odie out.

It's like you're not his favourite anymore.

Hey, whaddya say we play brain surgeon? Would you go get my powertools?

This is so sad. Jon has completely lost his mind.

He doesn't realise how important I am to him.

I need to be so understanding of him at this difficult time.

Hey, wait up! Wait up for me!

You forgot me!

Slow down! Please slow down!

I'm right back here!

I think I've pulled a hamstring!

It's ok. I'm on, relax.

Car broke my nose....

Yeah, go on ahead, I'll catch up with you. It's probably only a mild concussion.

Or a skull fracture.

Maybe I'll get a cat-scan?

A cat-scan!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to the Dog Show!

But what if I compromised a little? How about I do the rolling around with the yarn-ball thing?

And I'll purr. I'll purr like a Ferrari!

Make that a Jaguar.

I won't climb drapes though, that's more than you'd get from some dumb... dog.

Oops, dogs.

What, you're all going to take it personally?

Now I'm gonna die.

Now I really am gonna die!

Excuse me!

Can I get through here?

Going under this tarp. That's my ear.

Owners, maintain control of your dogs! Control your dogs now!

Music!

Music, you idiot!

Yeah, play the music....

That's my bad knee, stop it

Alright, feet don't fail me now!

I apologise for this, please excuse this outburst

This is highly irregular.

Odie.

Odie.

Come back Odie.

Ok, alright, I need a ride

Madam, I'm a cat in trouble. I'm hitching a ride in your moo-moo

Come on, let's move!

Come on pinky, move it out!

Sorry, sorry!

Move move move, Pinky, Move Pinky move!

We certainly have a new star in the arena.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing!

Talented little fella, huh

Yah Pinky!

They're gaining on us Pinky!

A cat's life is at stake

Excuse me ma'am, Please call 911 !

This is exactly what I deserve anyway

I promise if I survive, I'll never compete with a dog again

Ok, you got me, but before I say goodbye...

Oh isn't this the final irony, look who's here to witness this:

The mail man!

You're so stupid!

Odie, come here!

That's a good boy!

That, is one talented dog!

Y'know, this is exactly the kind of dog that could have a future in television.

Oh, thank you Mr Chapman, but Odie's just my pet.

and that's all I really want him to be

You're kidding?

No.

Ok

Well, this is for you.

And this is for you if you happen to change your mind...

you just ring me up and say "Hello, hello, I changed my mind"

"I wanna be a star!"

- Ok - Ok

Let's hear it for Odie!

Our winner today: a fabulous dancing puppy called Odie.

Never leave the cul-de-sac Never leave the cul-de-sac

Never leave the cul-de-sac

I'm home.

- I had fun today, thank you - Yeah, me too

Would you like to come in?

Not today

I knew that. I'm sorry

Jon, I wanna come over, just not today. I have to cover for another vet.

Oh, really?

How's Sunday?

Sunday's great.

Sunday's good. Sunday.

So I'll see you Sunday.

Why, why has this happened?

I was the one!

It was all about me.

Not about some stupid, snivelling, smelly, high-maintenance Disco Dog.

Oh no.

You just can't do this Jon. He's trying to tear us apart, don't you see that?

You know me. I'm too lazy to try to destroy your house.

I was provoked, pushed, prodded, driven mad.

You can't kick me out of my own house, like I'm some kind of animal.

Oh come on Jon.... Jon....

You know I'm scared of the dark.

I used to have Jon to myself.

Day or night, there was noone else.

From dawn to dusk, my meals would come.

I'd lounge about in my home

But now I'm out in the cold night.

All alone, til the dawn's first light.

I'm in a new-dog state of mind.

Used to think I had a home

A special place to call my own

But now the dog's in, and I'm out.

I've got no Jon, I've got no clout

I'm in a new-dog state of mind.

Leave me alone. You've won.

You're inside, with him. And I'm out here, all by myself.

Odie. You came out here to be with me?

I'm touched

And you must be touched in the head!

Bring out the dog, Bring in the cat

See ya in the morning little fella

You know, a puppy needs a little tough-love, every now and then.

I think it builds character.

Hello Pookey - miss me?

Y'know what: I'm going to make it up to Odie tomorrow. I'm going to teach him how to drink out of the toilet.

Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig.

Garfield's a pig?

You never put the dog out at night

Why not?

Because dogs run away.

Sure Jon, I'll eat all your lasagne for you...

Oh look, what do we have here....

You're a lost dog.

Well, we can fix that.

Oh, do I feel good this morning.

I slept like a fat cat

Hey tall dark and human, What's for breakfast?

Odie!

Where are you boy?

Relax, I think he was gonna camp out

Odie?

Well, he probably had a sleep over at Luca's, I think....

Odie?

Maybe he's fetching the paper for the neighbours?

Where is that silly dog?

I can't go on like this any more Wendel. I've got to get a dog.

I think that's a lovely idea.

I know you've been sad and lonely since the divorce

and I've tried to be your friend...

Not for me, you imbecile, for the act.

If I could get my hands on a really talented dog.

Walter J. just choke on his Emmy

Like Odie?

Yeah

Yeah now he was good.

Oh yeah

Y'know he was kindy dopey-looking and spry and...

Lost?

Hi, it's Jon. I was just calling to see if Odie's been over there.

I can't find him around. My name is Jon Arbuckle...

...and I can't find my dog.

I've looked all around the neighbourhood, and I can't seem to find him.

He was home last night, but I haven't seen him this morning....

if you see him, give me a call please.

Hi it's Jon, I was calling to see if you'd seen Odie, I think he's run away.

I was giving him a bath last night, and I forgot to put his collar back on.

Because Garfield hates his collar.

He's about 15 pounds, he's brownish yellow with big floppy ears....

Would you mind getting that?

I'm offering a reward.

Yes, that's right.

And he answers to the name of....

- Hi. - Hi.

I'd say the refrigerator is unguarded.

Wha, what are you doing here?

We're having dinner, remember?

Right. Dinner, the two of us.

Tonight. Of Course.

- Shall I come in? - Yeah?

Yeah, come on in.

Liz, I have a confession...

It's not really a confession, it's more of an admission.

It's a, you know it's like a declaration.

- I have a.... - I love it when you do that

- Do what? - Y'know, trip over yourself.

It's cute... It's one of the reasons why I had a crush on you in high-school.

- You had a crush on me? - Yeah....

I thought you were really cute, decent, not like all those other jerks.

I don't believe it, I had a crush on you too.

- Isn't that funny... - Yeah...

Hillarious.

So um, what's your confession, admission, declaration?

Actually, um,

I forgot about our dinner... yeah.

That's ok, I can go?

No, no. I'm glad you're here.

Let me just get my jacket and then we'll go.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

What am I going to do? I've waited for this night my entire life...

If you tell her the truth, you'll feel much better.

And you wont have to see her any more. It's kinda creepy having a vet around the house anyway.

I can't go out and pretend that nothing's happened, can I?

Well, I sure could.

The one thing you can't do is tell her the dogs gone...

- I gotta tell her. - No.

- I've gotta to tell her. - No!

That's not what I said!

Schmuck

Liz. We can't go out tonight.

- Why not? - Odie's run away.

- What? - He got out last night...

I feel terrible. I call the pound, I put up posters, I looked everywhere

...but I can't find him.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I guess I figured he was the only reason you were spending time with me.

- Come on. - No, I'm serious.

No, I mean let's go find him.

How can this dog be such a problem when he's not even here anymore?

Well I'm not gonna worry about him.

I believe you found my dog.

He answers to Odie.

- Odie. - Family name

Oh, Odie. Come on!

There you are!

I can live again now.

How could I ever repay you?

An autograph would be splendid.

Then splendid it shall be.

<< come on, boy >>

This is ridiculous.

Hey: what are you looking at?

Nothing, just looking for some company.

- Keep walking creepo. - What's going on?

We know how much you hated Odie.

We know how much you wanted him gone.

Wait a minute... all I wanted was to sleep in my own bed...

And to do it you cast Odie out into the cold, cruel world?

We saw how you locked Odie outside last night.

Oh I don't believe you guys, I didn't know he was gonna run away.

He's a dumb dog, no offence Luca.

Uh, what?

You can't blame me for that...

Any one of us could be next.

Yeah, there's no room for anybody else in Garfield's world.

Oh that's a little dramatic.

Well I may have been a little tough about protecting my turf,

...but I don't hate the guy.

<< I understand Happy has a big surprise for us, >> << a special treat... >>

<< What have you got for us, Happ? >>

<< Ah, guten morgan, Chris >>

<< I have been working with a very special new friend... >> << And I would like to introduce him to all of you... >>

<< "Odie Schnitzel" >>

Lookie here, It's Odie!

And he's safe and sound.

Although he seems to have found an alternative lifestyle.

He still can't dance.

Well this gets me off the hook with Jon and the gang.

Now, I'm gonna be the hero.

<< That's one talented dog >>

<< I'm glad you think so Chris, >> << because I have a little announcement to make >>

<< Old Happy Chapman and Odie Schnitzel >>

<< are going to be climing aboard that >> << New Amsterdam Ltd. at 3pm >>

<< bound to New York city, where we have >> << the opportunity to be regular contributors on >>

<< "Good Day New York" >>

That's his last name? Schnitzel?

Thank you for all your help yesterday...

You were great.

Jon, Odie's on TV. And he's wearing Lederhosen.

I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now.

I upped the reward to $200, and I'm going to put up some more posters tomorrow.

He's clog-dancing I think

...wearing Lederhosen.

I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now.

You're gonna miss this...

I'm sorry Liz,  I'll call you later.

Garfield's being... Garfield.

Do I have to bark like Lassie?

Come on! Humour me, would ya? Arf! Arf! Arf! Quickly!

While we're young. Today, let's go!

<< "Remember: Be Happy" >>

You're gonna miss this: he's the small one.

The small one in the guy's hands....

Garfield... I'm not in the mood.

Y'know, it's never good when you turn off my TV, and this may be the worst ever.

Odie's not ready.

He's months of positive reinforcement away from consistently performing.

Happy. You promised you'd never use that.

That collar is inhumane.

This collar...

...is the dog's future.

Do you have a problem with that?

Now we'll see how smart you really are...

Happy Chapman.

Not now Garfield.

Jon, you're denser than ever!

I gotta think outside the box.

Hey: the box!

Wait a second...

My box.

My box had something on it.

"Applejacks", "Frosty Flakes", "Coco Puffs"...

"Kibbly kat!", Yes!

There it is: Telegraph Tower!

That's where they make the "Happy Chapman" show.

Yeah, but, how far away can that be?

Hmm, a paw? A paw and a half maybe?

This is a done-deal. I can do this!

No. Can't do this!

Reached physical limits!

Shouldn't have tried it without snacks!

Must go back, and re-load.

And that's the sign that the tank is full...

I can do this.

Beyond this intersection,

is just another intersection.

and another, and another. On the otherhand...

I wonder if there's any meatloaf left in the fridge?

No, now is not the time for a plate of meatloaf.

Now is the time for a plate of courage.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Garfield!

...has left the cul-de-sac.

Now that's more my style.

Oh, Taxi.

Step on it, will ya driver?

No, Odie's not a hound-dog.

Yes I'm sure.

No, I don't want another dog.

Thanks anyway.

Garfield, lunchtime.

I made your favourite, Lasagne.

Garfield?

Garfield. Where are you?

Can anyone direct me to the pink building shown on

the back of the Kibbly Kat box?

It's the one right next to the blue and orange tree.

This doesn't feel pink building-ish...

Rats?

Rats the size of... Rats!

- Stop

Why am I being surrounded here? Some of my best friends are vermin.

Finally, some meat.

Meat, no. It's not meat.

They measured: it's 100% body fat. No nutritional value whatsoever.

Hey, body fat's good with us.

- Garfield. - Louis!

Hey, what's going on here?

- Louis, my friend! - Come on I've got 3000 tiny mouths to feed.

Garfield? What are you doing here?

Besides defending my life?

Jon got a dog.

Dog got kidnapped by a TV star.

...I'm trying to rescue him.

Seems like you got yourself in a jam, huh?

Wish there was something I could do to help you out...

Louis, I think you and I have an account still, remember?

The Macadamia-nut cookies?

I do love the Macadamias

Sorry rat-pack. This cat's with me. You all gotta roll. Go ahead, roll out.

Who wants to go to the Red Lobster alley?

Maybe next time, little critters. Good luck with the plague and rabies and everything.

Don't push your luck, fat cat.

Garfield, you can't just be wandering around the city...

There are dangers everywhere... Potholes, subways, animal control.

You think you could get me to Telegraph Tower?

Two more cookies and you got a deal,

but you gotta keep it on the down-low.

How down-low do we have to go?

Yo, Garfield, are you with me?

Louis, this is a little bit lower than I expected.

If I didn't have a box over my head, I'd be humilated.

Alright, we're almost there.

Now when I give you the signal, you gotta cross the street.

- Way over there, by the horizon? - Come on, Garfield!

Wait up! Wait up!

Am I dead?

- Garfield, don't move! - Don't move?

- Not a problem. - Just wait for the Walk signal.

It's a stampede! If I could just get away from this herd.

Garfield?

Garfield, where are you?

Garfield, get down from there, man!

No, I'm not coming down.  I'm happy to live the rest of my life up here, thank you.

Liz! Liz!

- What's wrong? - Garfield's gone.

I think he's run away too. First Odie, and now Garfield.

Liz, I am the worst pet-owner on the planet.

What happened?

I can't find him, you gotta help me.

I can't live without Garfield.

Let's start at the park.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Garfield. Relax!

- Look we're here. - We're here now?

"Curve Service" The Telegraph Tower, in all it's splendour.

It looks much smaller on the box.

You gotta go all the way up there? Good luck, player.

I'll catch ya later, I don't do the vertical thing.

- Thanks a lot, partner. - Oh yeah, hold up G.

- What? - Watch out for the popo, you know...

The 5-0. Controlo. Animal Control, man!

oh, that popo (!)

Keep it squeal. Thanks partner.

I can't try the door.

I couldn't handle another stampede.

First thing, Monday morning.

I'm going to get to work on losing those

last 20 pounds.

Ok, everything looks good out there.

Looks like we've got ourselves a blockage.

Guess we'll just purge the system.

Pardon me, that wasn't my stomach, was it?

Ah,there's a cooling breeze.

Nyagh, my poor nose!

Jon, stop the car!

It's Odie.

Somebody found him!

- 52903 Euclid Street. - Let's go

Odieeeeeeee.

Ooooodd.

Oooodster

Oood-man

This rescue thing is exhausting.

When do heroes get to eat?

Oh my, it's Odie!

Oooodie.

I've found ya.

I'm so sorry I got you into this mess.

Look, we kinda got off on the wrong paw.

But, come on, you can be really annoying sometimes

and you don't give me enough space.

And you're a major league suck up... but we have a common purpose

We share Jon.

Jon needs us even more.

And, I kinda want you back home too.

So: stand back.

Almost there....

You think he's ready for the audition?

Well, why don't you see for yourself?

Come on, Odie. Showtime.

"Good Day New York" - I know you're gonna flip for Odie because he

sure is flipping for you...

A shock-collar?

That's inhumane.

Hot doggy...

- When does our train leave? - Two hours

Poor Odie. He faces a future of torture, neglect and degradation.

Hey nobody gets to mistreat my dog like that, except me.

I'll be right behind ya, little buddy.

Gravity, do your thing!

Y'know, I think I had a nightmare like this once...

Once again, my life has been saved by the miracle of Lasagne.

I said Limo, not taxi, do you know the difference?

Odie here I come. Don't worry, fella, I'll rescue you.

- Gotcha - Huh?

Well, what have we got here?

Looks like we got us a cat with no tags.

Hey, there's an animal felony happening right there behind you.

I'm trying to do some rescue work here, pal

Welcome to my world, Red.

This is police brutality.

I have tags. I just left them in my other fur.

This is abusive, now. This is abuse.

- What is with the cage? - Ok, lock her down.

Oh no this is insulting. You know I'm house-trained.

- Settle down people - Oh, I oughta give you a bunch of fives, pal.

This is all a terrible mistake.

I was trying to save a friend.

He's not very smart, he needed my help. I don't belong in here.

I have an owner. I'm not a stray.

- Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle - Hi

I think you have my dog, Odie?

I think you're mistaken.

No, I saw the flyer. Odie's my dog.

No, he's Happy Chapman's dog.

Happy Chapman?

The gentleman with the cat on Channel 37.

He came and took Odie home.

Odie's a family name, y'know?

Well, good day.

Happy Chapman took Odie.

He's got Garfield too?

I don't know. But we're gonna find out.

Could you please be quiet.

Guards, Guards! Oh this really is too much.

Persnikitty!

Happy Chapman's cat! What are you doing in here?

I 'was' his cat.

until I outlived my purpose.

Then he replaced me with a dog.

and dumped me in this wretched place.

All humans are the same.

Not Jon, my owner.

No way, he only does what's best for me.

He puts up with me, then he feeds me.

And he lets you vacation in this charming animal pound. Hello?

Not for long, Persnikitty.

Would you please just stop calling me that.

My name isn't really Persnikitty...

It's Sir Roland.

Sir Roland?

Yes, another one of Happy Chapman's acts of cruelty.

I was trained in the classical theatre, you know...

But now, I'm a "Celebrity Cable Cast-off Cat"

with a name I can never live down.

Well, this may hurt a little then,

I'm trying to rescue the dog that replaced you, Persnikitty.

I mean, Roland.

Happy and Odie are getting on a train in less than two hours,

going to New York to become regulars on "Good Day New York".

Wait a minute: did I just hear that right?

You're a cat that's trying to rescue a dog?

It's true. I know, it's a crime against nature,

at first I thought he was a pain, but,

he's grown on me. Like a wart you wanna have removed until you realise

it defines you, in some funny way.

Do you know, that is absolutely charming?

Let me ask you a question, chubby.

What are you talking about?

How could you understand?

He's my friend.

Oh, my gosh. How low have I sunk?

Guard, may I have some shoelaces please.

Well, hello there.

Right on time. Alright,  I need a five-cat line up right now.

What's going on?

Adoption. It's like one of us is getting outta here.

So, here to look at a cat?

Alright, let's see if we can't take care of that.

Come on boys, lets hurry it up

Can I say, your hands are freezing.

Come here

- You are heavy. - Excuse me, muscle weighs more than fat. Check this.

Alright, line it up. Paws on the white line. Tails in the air.

I don't need to be adopted guys. My guy Jon is coming to get me, I'm sure.

- That one! - Really?

She picked me, she picked me. She picked me, she picked me.

No, not that one. That one.

The one that looks like the cat on TV.

Back it up, Red.

Sorry love, better luck next time.

Now you be careful. That's sore.

Jon's going to be here in five minutes anyway.

When I give the signal, run like a mad-cow.

- What? - Don't you want to save your friend?

- Do I really have to run? - Now!

Eat Hairball, Happy Chapman.

We've got runners! We've got runners!

Stop!

You've not been cleared for release!

Garfield's been here.

Excuse me, can I help you guys with something?

We're looking for Happy Chapman.

Yeah he's on his way to the train station, he's going to New York.

Do you guys have a pass, or something?

Thanks

  Hello, excuse me.

<< Your attention please >>

<< The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing >>

<< from Platform 12 >>

All aboard!

All Aboard!

Good afternoon, Gentlemen.

What will you be having today? Salmon, Steak or Lasagne?

Steak. I hate Lasagne.

Beep Beep! Cat coming through! Beep Beep!

Going through the tunnel.

I just had to do that.

<< Final call for the new Amsterdam Ltd. >> << The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing from Platform 12 >>

No... wait... please. Stop. Wait. Don't!

You monster Chapman.

I can't out-run a train.

Watch the train, pal.

Hey, I got it.

It's just a train set, only bigger.

- Oh no, we're too late. - No...

...we're gonna stop that train.

Come on.

Somewhere around here

There's got to be a big table

With all the trains on it.

He looks like the type.

And this must be where he's got his little table...

I'm very sorry sir, there's simply no way to stop that train.

You don't understand, you have to stop the train.

My dog and my cat are on that train.

I suppose if Jon can do this, I can.

Ok, we gotta find our train. Let's see what happens when I do this...

<< Boston Express switching to track 18. >>

Oh, I'm sorry. The folks in Boston are going to be a little late today.

Let's see what happens when I do this...

- << Warning, Seattle Wind... >> - No, I don't care about Seattle.

Ma'am, I'm looking for one train in particular.

Just one second, I'm trying to find my train.

- << The New Amsterdam Ltd. >> - There's the Amsterdam.

- << Warning: collision 20 seconds >> - Gosh, you sound like my mother.

Hold up, everybody stop!

- Five, four... - Stop what you're doing...

Ok, everybody - let's take it from the top.

- You have to stop that train... - Hold on.

I'll be down to meet you at the station, Odie.

Actually, that train has stopped. It's returning to the station.

Are we on the right train?

Where are ya?

I think I recognise that whine.

Come on: see, these are the kinda seats you get when you book at the last minute.

Good to see you, partner.

Let's get outta here.

<< Your attention please: the New Amsterdam Ltd. >> << Is making an unscheduled stop on Platform 12 >>

- Sir, please take your seat. - No, no... my future is travelling away from me.

Will ya slow down? I've been doing this running thing all day,

and I am over it.

We're safe now, we're free.

- Oh, if it isn't Unhappy Chappy. - Going somewhere?

Nice accessory, but I don't think I wanna play dress up with you, pal.

Let's get out of here. Let's beat it.

Oh, right in the nose again!

So it's gonna get physical, is it?

Did you really think you could just run away from Happy Chapman?

Oh is this a cry for help.

No dumb, dirty animal is ever gonna get the better of me.

And lets see how you feel with 200 volts coursing through that thick canine skull of yours.

- Chapman... - Come here.

Get your hands off of my friend!

Hey boomer, what round is it?

- Good to see you, Chubby. - We're here to help

- Sir Roland? - In the fur.

Alright, here's the drill. Cats, scratch like you've never scratched before.

Dogs, bite... but don't chew.

and rats. See if you can get that pretty necklace around his neck.

Canines, Felines and Vermines... It's show time!

Thanks boys.

Thanks boys. The home team will take it from here.

Better split before Animal Control gets here.

Hey Garfield, take it easy.

Garfield good luck.

Odie would you mind sharing the remote, please?

Every dog has his day, Happy.

- Nice Kitty. - Let's see what's on the news...

Let me tell you something, Happy.

To you Odie might be just a dumb, stupid, smelly dog. But to me...

he's all that and much more.

He's my friend.

Odie, try something else. Maybe there's a game on?

Strong finish little buddy.

Odie, Garfield?

- Odie? - Odie?

Be Happy.

This is for stealing my dog and my cat.

He didn't steal me. I was doing the rescue work.

Garfield! Odie!

Come here!

I missed you guys so much. I was so worried about you...

Never gonna let you out of my sight again.

Never. You guys are my best friends.

You have me, but hello.

<< This is Walter J. Chapman with breaking news from >> << the Midwest. >>

<< Abby Shields reporting, >> << whatcha got for me, Abby? >>

<< Details are sketchy, but it appears that >> << a derranged man >>

<< may be the cause of all the trouble here. >>

A derranged man? What is this?

<< Police are bringing the suspect out >> << as we speak >>

Good grief, it's my idiot brother.

Hey - that's Happy Chapman!

He's going for a ride in a Police car.

<< But sources tell me that this incident somehow >>

<< involved a dog and a very heroic cat. >> - Garfield!

He saved Odie. Now he's a hero!

- Oh, I didn't realise. - Garfield's on TV - he's a hero!

Garfield! Garfield's a hero now!

Thanks everybody

We're a whole street full of heroes

- It's nice to be recognised by your peers. - I couldn't have done this without you.

You're a really great friend.

Jon, I wanna be more than your friend.

- Me? - Yeah.

Where do they find the energy?

Yeah, just one big happy family.

Yeah, right. Hit the floor.

No, seriously, you can come up buddy. Seriously, come on up.

Down you go. We just hit it off so well, because we both love the same thing...

and that is: Me!

Whoa!

<< I feel good >>

<< I knew that I would now >>

<< I feel good >>

<< I knew that I would now >>

<< So good >>

<< So good >>

<< I got you >>

<< So good >>

<< So good >>

<< I got you >>

Oops

Hey Odie, help me... I can't get up!

[beachd3ath]

First of a,ll idgaf about ur fuckieen 🅱ic tour nik vore of ok I only care about nermal the cat my sweet sweet nermal baby boy not ur fancy Russian ice skater nermal the cat my sweet sweet lovely baby boy my sweetie babe kitten son

fuck you kianna