#nhawk-1

[sheppard-and-weir]

Elizabeth tapping her pen for @nhawk-1

[mylittleredgirl]

I’d love to know more about John thinks about.

[wip folder ask game]

this one is/was a vignette kind of an experiment with a new POV tone for john and i never quite got around to loving it. i got stalled out when i couldn’t decide if i wanted to take it back to earth with “the return” or not.

It’s gone with the next disaster, and when he thinks about it—if he thinks about it—he can write it off as curiosity, or boredom, or how goddamn long it’s been since he’s had sex. If she comes to mind in the shower when his hand’s around his dick—well, so do a lot of people, and if she shows up a lot, well. He’s not the first guy to get off on what he can’t have.

(If he imagines her afterward sometimes, too, when he’s falling asleep and his bed is lonely and he just wants to rest against a woman’s warm back—he doesn’t dwell on that.)

[samueltanders]

[happycabbage]

*sobs*

01x11 The Eye, 02x16 The Long Goodbye, 03x05 Progeny, 04x10 This Mortal Coil

[mific]

Help needed from sparky fans

Hi there- I’m helping to restore missing podfic files to the Audiofic Archive and we need several Sheppard/Weir ones. The podfics we need are mostly by airbear23, as follows:

Alone

Because I Love You

Diplomacy

Heart's Prayer

I Dare You

I Want You by my Side

Keeping Warm

Movie Night

Reality-2

The Hardest Part

Plus we need Home for the Holidays, and Unexpected WIP, read by Oparu.

If you saved any of them and could help with this, please upload the file(s) online like to Gdrive, Mediafire, Dropbox, then either fill in the relevant (white colored) row in the spreadsheet, columns J &K, or message me the link(s) here on tumblr. The spreadsheet listing missing files is  linked below and SGA fics start from row 3533. Here's squidgie's explanatory post and the spreadsheet: https://squidgestatus.dreamwidth.org/89520.html

And here's a link to the audiofic archive itself https://audiofic.jinjurly.com 

Thanks if you can help, or signalboost this! @nhawk-1 @airbear23

[mathgirl24]

Tagged by @kissedbydragonfire.  Thank you, my twin!

favorite time of the year? Fall/Autumn.

comfort food? Bread.

favorite dessert? Anything with chocolate.

things you collect? Dust and minions.

favorite drink? Coke.

favorite musical artist? Anne Murray.

last song listened to? Uprising by Muse.

last movie watched? Persuasion 1995.

last series watched? Obi-Wan Kenobi.

currently watching?  Timeless - The Capture of Benedict Arnold - best episode!!

current obsession? Goran Visnjic, in all forms and permutations.

dream place to visit? Europe.

place you wanna go back to? Bermuda - been there 3 times already - still want to go back again.

something you want? A new job.

currently working on? Job applications

Tagging @even-in-winter, @districtunrest, @norbertsmom, @nhawk-1, @fuzzyblanketcuddles and anyone else who feels up to it.

[captaincarriekathryncoffee]

So @nhawk-1 said in their tags the other day that, in their mind, the child of Janeway and Chakotay would look like Florence Pugh.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that so behold: Florence Pugh in full Starfleet uniform.

(I know she probably would’ve looked more like a J/C baby with darker hair, but I couldn’t get it to look right when I tried 😕 🤷🏼‍♀️)

[ao3feed-samjack]

Darkness, Take My Hand

read it on the AO3

by nhawk

Words: 102, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Stargate SG-1

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Jack O'Neill, Samantha "Sam" Carter

Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill

Additional Tags: Drabble

read it on the AO3

[ao3feed-sparkysga]

by nhawk

Spoilers: None really, but it helps to have seen the opening scene of Before I Sleep. This little ficlet is very much inspired by a wonderful short story called 'In a Tub' by the brilliant Amy Hempel.

Words: 196, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard

Relationships: John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir

[sheppard-and-weir]

Sheppard and Weir in Tao of Rodney for @mathgirl24 and @nhawk-1

[mylittleredgirl]

Fic promp: We were together. I forget the rest.

yeah so turns out i’m no longer capable of flashfic, so six hours later have this long angsty but hopeful fix-it-y thing instead!

**

John wakes up in the infirmary, gasping, like he’s been held underwater, and he doesn’t remember.

Someone calls for a doctor (Rodney, he knows that voice, it sounds like Rodney), there are warm hands holding him down, Teyla’s voice: “Remain calm. You are in Atlantis. You will be all right.”

His senses start to kick in: the beep of a heart monitor, his own harsh breathing, the infirmary blanket gripped in his hands and pain, and the feeling of something like electricity fizzing along his skin. He can’t—

A light flashes in his eyes (a pen-light, possible concussion) and Keller is talking, telling him to breathe normally.

He tries to, and he sags against the pillows, blinks away the spots. His team is all there—a sign whatever happened to him is bad enough to hold an audience—and he doesn’t—

Ronon asks, “Sheppard, do you remember what happened?”

He doesn’t, he doesn’t, and there’s someone missing—

The first word he gets out is: “Elizabeth.”

Keller says, “Just relax, Colonel, don’t try to talk. Your body’s been through a lot. It’ll take a while to—”

But Elizabeth was with him, the last time he was conscious. He doesn’t remember where he was or how he got there or anything else, but he knows they were together. He still feels shocks along his skin, not unpleasant but strange, something familiar and again he can’t remember, and he manages to say, “Where’s Elizabeth?”

They all exchange looks, Keller with Rodney, Ronon with Teyla, and John realizes there’s something he’s missing.

Teyla’s hand squeezes his shoulder. She asks, far too gently: “John, do you not remember?”

And then, with the sick, sinking feeling that’s been with him for almost two years: he does.  

**

This is what they tell him: There was an accident with the Stargate, an explosion. They knew only he would have rematerialized through a random Stargate at high velocity, and they had no way to know where. They never would have found him if they hadn’t received an incoming wormhole from the planet five days later—no IDC, but nine small strikes against the gate-shield, in a rhythm that Rodney taps out on the hospital table next to John’s bed: dit-dit-dit dah-dah-dah dit-dit-dit.

They found him almost thirty meters from the Stargate, lying out in the open in an arid landscape, unconscious, alive, with no other evidence of human life anywhere on the planet. His body shows evidence of a break across his spine that would have paralyzed him for life if the nerves hadn’t somehow remained intact, internal injuries that should have killed him long before he was rescued. Keller calls his potential for full recovery “astoundingly lucky.”

This is what he remembers: He was dying, slowly, alone, and then he wasn’t.

This is what he knows: Somehow, Elizabeth’s alive, and she saved him.

**

He also knows it’s crazy, of course. So does everyone else. Rodney calls it a hallucination, brought on by blood loss or head trauma. Ronon tells him that his mind gave him something to hold on to, a reason to fight through his injuries for a while longer.

Teyla says, “It is not uncommon near the point of death to be… visited, by loved ones,” and John turns over, rolling away from her, because he’d get up and leave if he wasn’t trapped in bed. Everything they’re saying is right, but it’s wrong and he can’t stand to listen to it.

He remembers: Elizabeth’s hand resting on his chest, real and warm, and the crushing pain lifted enough for him to breathe. Her voice—here, John, drink this—pouring cool water from somewhere between his parched lips. The night desert air was cold but she was warm, and he never had enough clarity to ask her how she got there, but he knows he’d never have survived five days on that planet in the shape he was in. He’d certainly never have made it to the DHD. Certainly would never have crawled back from the DHD to where Rodney says they found him.

Ronon says, “So maybe there was someone else on the planet, and they left before we got there.”

“There was,” John says, frustrated, because he knows how he sounds but she’s the only thing he remembers clearly. Someone else might have been there, but he was barely conscious enough to speak—he wouldn’t have been able to draw out a Stargate address, let alone explain Morse code to someone who didn’t already know it.

He wonders if he’s crazy—if he isn’t, he wonders where she went.

**

He remembers her saying, on the planet: I wish I could do more.

He remembers her saying, on Atlantis: You don’t get to die alone, John. Even if—we’re still with you, you know that.

Sometime after her first brush with nanites, after he nearly died in Kolya’s Wraith torture chamber, after neither of them had slept right in weeks, they found each other on the same lonely pier. They spent six hours talking, sitting side by side, looking out at the black ocean. She told him what happened to her, in a voice so raw he held his breath. He told her things too, dozens of sentences starting with I never thought I’d tell anyone, like there was a spell over both of them, like they were bound together out of time. He told her he wasn’t afraid to die, but he was afraid to die alone.

He remembers how she hugged him, how he wrapped his arms around her and promised himself he wouldn’t close up again, wouldn’t let her close up, because the last time he’d felt anything like this with someone—exposed, but safe—he’d married her. It was different with Elizabeth, of course. Their lives wouldn’t permit romance as anything but an occasional fantasy, but there was always something intimate between them. Elizabeth knew him. She trusted him. She stood by him, and she kept him honest. She made him feel whole.

And he hasn’t felt that, not once since he left her behind on the Asuran planet, until a Stargate explosion broke his spine and she was there, kneeling next to him with tears in her eyes, saving his life and saying I wish I could do more.

**

He’s finally released from the infirmary. It’s happened a few times since coming to Atlantis—too many—that he’s been away from his own room long enough that the first steps in feel surreal. A t-shirt over the back of a chair, a half-finished book he barely remembers on his nightstand—he’s changed so much since leaving those there that it feels like his room is lying in state, a monument to the John Sheppard he was the last time he got dressed here.

The feeing reminds him most sharply of the Cloister, of the time he spent six whole months angry and lonely and abandoned and then returned home the same day he left to a piece of chocolate cake from last night’s mess hall dinner wrapped up on the top of his dresser, still fresh.

He stops three steps inside his bedroom doorway, remembering the energy that crackled along his skin when he woke up in the infirmary, remembering—

He reaches for his earpiece, his radio, before remembering he’s still off-duty and not wearing it, rummages around until he finds—

“Rodney,” he says, and his hands are shaking. “She ascended.”

**

This time, John tells them everything he remembers, no matter how crazy it makes him seem, because it all makes sense now: how she looked like herself again, how he knew it was her, how she touched him and healed enough of his injuries to keep him alive, how she knew where to find him. How she disappeared afterward, without a trace.

She’s dead, but she’s free, and grief and relief are mashed up together. He thinks he’d walk through an exploding Stargate again right now if it meant he could hold her hand.

“I don’t get it,” Ronon says. “If these ascended people can do anything, why didn’t she heal you all the way?”

Teyla chimes in: “If Doctor Weir were aware of us with the power to intervene, would she not have done so before now?”

“The Others wouldn’t let her,” Rodney says, sounding annoyed the way he always does when he’s answering what he considers remedial questions. “Ascended beings aren’t supposed to meddle. She didn’t want to get caught. But if she helped you, maybe that means she’ll find other ways to help us—surely they wouldn’t notice if she happened to leave us a note? With the locations of a ZPN or two?”

“Rodney.”

“I’m just saying!”

“Wait,” Teyla says. “You said she would not want to get caught.”

Rodney crosses his arms. “Yes, I said that.”

“What would happen to her if she was?”

There’s a pause, then Rodney says, “Daniel Jackson had to interfere with a galactic war before the ascended Ancients in the Milky Way kicked him out. Saving one life might not even get her a slap on the wrist. She’ll be fine.”

**

Six days later, John wakes up in the middle of the night, and he knows.

**

He’s still not cleared for off-world duty and there are pressing emergencies requiring Atlantis’s resources, but John argues and badgers and sits in Woolsey’s office calling in every favor he can think of because he can’t let this be put on a mission schedule for next week or next month or when-we-have-time, what-evidence-do-you-have, wait-until-you’re-back-on-your-feet, even-if-you’re-right-you-don’t-even-know-where-she-is when he knows, he knows, he knows.

It’s Keller who ultimately turns the tide, telling Woolsey, “I think he needs to put this behind him.”

John doesn’t care what the rationale is, doesn’t care that the others are humoring him, because he gears up for the first time in six weeks.

The planet where he didn’t die is calm and quiet and looks familiar, even though he was barely conscious the last time he was here and there are no real landmarks to speak of. It’s empty, dusty and rocky, with only sparse low scrub for plant life and no water to speak of. John feels a chill go through him like—well, like he’s walking over what was almost his grave.

“Sheppard!” Rodney holds up his life-signs detector, and John picks up his own, and he forgets that his body is still knitting itself back together and he runs.

“Stay back,” he tells the others when he catches sight of something pale, huddled on the ground. Teyla hands him a blanket, and he tucks it under his arm as he approaches.

He can’t see her face, only pale skin and dark hair, and his heart is pounding. When he says her name it’s barely more than a whisper: “Elizabeth?”

She stirs, shifts until he can see her face, and he remembers, remembers everything about her he hasn’t been able to live without. He hears Rodney behind him—Sheppard, is it her?—but he can’t tear himself away long enough to answer, can’t do anything but cover her body with a blanket and sink to his knees, can’t do anything but feel. “Elizabeth—” He touches her cheek, real, real, real. “—can you hear me?”

Her eyelids flutter and slowly blink open. “Who…?”

“I’m John,” he says. “You’re going to be okay. You’re not alone.”

She whispers, “I don’t remember.”

He swears to himself that every day, every day, he’ll make it up to her. For leaving her, for all the years and pieces of her life she lost, for the afterlife she gave up to save him, for coming back. “It’s okay,” he promises. “You will.”

*end*

[mathgirl24]

* TAG NINE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER *

Thanks for the tag, @ununpredictableme

fav colour : blue

last song : currently listening to Randy Rainbow’s “Sedition” video

currently reading : rereading fanfic

currently working on : not a damn thing, which is a problem because I have tons of shit I need to be doing, like working on something for Goran’s 50th birthday

last series : rewatched the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice.  Is that a series or technically a miniseries?  But then miniseries has the word series in it, so I guess that’s okay right?

Tagging @stargatelov3r @districtunrest @norbertsmom @kissedbydragonfire @hawthornhedge @even-in-winter @nhawk-1 @fuzzyblanketcuddles @magnificentcowboypeanutpaper

[mylittleredgirl]

thank you @nhawk-1​ for enabling a follow-up to that ayala post where i saw that he is uncredited for 119 episodes on imdb. know where else tarik ergin is uncredited?

!!!

new ayala headcanon just dropped:

dude served on the enterprise, transferred to security i guess or was just randomly doing a rotation in sickbay when uncredited above, then joined the maquis. i imagine family ties were a factor, but the enterprise’s presence around the creation of the dmz and ro’s public defection could also have been part of his maquis origin story.

what we get: a solid reason why ayala is given the rank of lieutenant! which i’ve been wondering about!! all the other maquis officers are crewmen or ensigns -- except chakotay, who held his rank in starfleet before, and b’elanna, who needs the rank to be the senior officer in engineering.

and chakotay gets a former starfleet maquis bud who Gets It, and by “It” i mean the discomfort of putting the uniform back on but also the comfort of it. someone who can look at him and say “that looks good on you” and it’s not condescending like it would be from a starfleet officer or accusatory like it would be from another maquis, but from someone who also dreamed and planned and underwent the enormous effort of graduating from the academy in order to spend a life in starfleet. they were trained for this, they wanted this, and you know it was not an easy thing to throw away.

[mylittleredgirl]

in the mood for a good ol tumblr sleepover vibe tonight and got tagged by @captaincarriekathryncoffee and @bonnissance so!!

Rules-fill this out and tag 9 (ish) people you want to know better.

Last Song: Old School Freight Train’s very slow folk cover of “Heart of Glass” (youtube - spotify) -- honestly... transcendent.

Last Movie: So I don’t watch movies, essentially ever, so I paged back through my 2020 netflix history to see if I watched ANY and turns out: “The Half of It” on May 1st and? didn’t love it.  

Currently Watching: Still reeling off the high of watching the most recent Star Trek Discovery episode a few hours ago, but can almost always be found re-watching Voyager these days.

Currently Reading: The Janeway x Chakotay Bookmarks page on ao3 tbh but am considering rediscovering “paper” “books” in the New Year. 

Currently Craving: Martinelli’s! Why didn’t I plan ahead? I could have toasted 2021 with a glass in each hand. 

tagging (9 of) the old-school LJ gang with best wishes for a happy new year of ignoring being tagged in things: @anretc; @bitchwhoyoukiddin; @formerlyir; @havocthecat; @liminal-zone; @mrv3000; @nandamai; @nhawk-1; @ussjellyfish

[mathgirl24]

Rules: name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people

I was tagged by @kissedbydragonfire​. Thanks for the tag, my friend!

Garcia Flynn - Timeless

Elizabeth Weir - Stargate Atlantis

Peeta Mellark - The Hunger Games

Regina Mills - Once Upon a Time

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo - Star Wars 

Loki - Marvel 

Anne Elliot - Persuasion

River Song - Doctor Who

Sophia Petrillo - Golden Girls

Piper Halliwell - Charmed

Tagging: @ununpredictableme​ @garciaflynnanimal​ @celtrose-ish​ @vita-s-west​ @violet45​ @magnificentcowboypeanutpaper​ @princessamerigocreations​ @celt365​ @norbertsmom​ @nhawk-1​

Or anyone else who wants to play. Don’t be shy, we’re all bored in quarantine at this point people (and if you’re not, you should be. In quarantine that is).

[mylittleredgirl]

i’m still in archiving mode and @nhawk-1 found a post full of sgarpf comment-fic so if you like that sort of thing my pretty hell otp compilation is here now.