#no I don't care about a random person's nail cancer!!!!!

[newl0ndonfire]

while it’s great that being at my mom’s means I don’t have to deal with my dad’s blatant bigotry, it also means that I have to listen to her prattle on about things that are incredibly irrelevant (and I don’t care about in the slightest) in addition to being around her messes with my already fucked eating habits while she says shit that fucks with my eating more. she’s also bigoted but not intentionally like my dad and doesn’t bring it up nearly as often

[linagram]

[ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚜' 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚜 + 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 ]

they are finally here! so, as i've said before, the victims will be shown in a random order and their last names and personalities won't be revealed for now. their numbers are completely random and they're not connected to their murderers at all, same goes for their image colors, those are just their own personal image colors. it's possible that these guys will appear more often and maybe they will even get their own tags after their last names and official numbers are revealed.

(i feel like it's gonna be pretty easy to guess who their murderers were, if you just check their age or simply look at them and guess who they were related to, haha)

[ Victim 001: Hina ]

Name: Hina (暖) (her name means "warm, gentle")

Age: 21 y/o

Gender: Female

Birth date: August 28th (Virgo)

Height: 162 cm

Blood type: A

Occupation: University student and a part-time babysitter

Last words: "JUST WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

[ Victim 002: Takeru ]

Name: Takeru (暁輝) (his name means "dawn" and "radiance, brilliance")

Age: 22 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: May 2nd (Taurus)

Height: 177 cm

Blood type: AB

Occupation: Cashier

Last words: "IT WASN'T EVEN A BIG DEAL!"

[ Victim 003: Chise ]

Name: Chise (智世) (his name means "wisdom, knowledge" and "society, generation")

Age: 16 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: September 24th (Libra)

Height: 169 cm

Blood type: A

Occupation: High school student

Last words: "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY, I'VE NEVER WANTED ALL OF THIS TO HAPPEN! PLEASE, FORGIVE ME! JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE, PLEASE, JUST LET ME GO-"

[ Victim 004: Kae ]

Name: Kae (佳笑) (her name means "excellent, beautiful" and "laugh, smile")

Age: 24 y/o

Gender: Female

Birth date: January 21st (Aquarius)

Height: 164 cm

Blood type: B

Occupation: Nail artist

Last words: "Hey.. Isn't this a bit.. too much?"

[ Victim 005: Satsuki ]

Name: Satsuki (咲秋) (her name means "blossom, bloom" and "autumn, fall")

Age: 35 y/o

Gender: Female

Birth date: June 30th (Cancer)

Height: 171 cm

Blood type: A

Occupation: Singer

Last words: "I.. To be honest, I'm not feeling so well, haha.. I'm sorry, honey, I promise we'll go to see that movie tomorrow-"

[ Victim 006: Karin ]

Name: Karin (佳倫) (her name means "excellent, beautiful" and "ethics, morals")

Age: 20 y/o

Gender: Female

Birth date: October 15th (Libra)

Height: 160 cm

Blood type: B

Occupation: University student + Blogger

Last words: "You.. you really are insane.."

[ Victim 007: Yue ]

Name: Yue (友恵) (his name means "friend" and "blessing, grace")

Age: 18 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: October 31st (Scorpio)

Height: 178 cm

Blood type: O

Occupation: High school student

Last words: "But you will join me, right?~"

[ Victim 008: Misao ]

Name: Misao (操) (his name means "to control, to manipulate")

Age: 20 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: May 27th (Gemini)

Height: 182 cm

Blood type: O

Occupation: University student

Last words: "Hm?.. Wait, what are you doing-"

[ Victim 009: Tao ]

Name: Tao (大凰) (his name means "big" and "phoenix")

Age: 10 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: March 26th (Aries)

Height: 137 cm

Blood type: O

Occupation: Elementary school student

Last words: "Shut up! I know you don't care what happens to me! So stop acting like you're worried about me!.." *sighs* "I'll be home soon."

[ Victim 010: Rion ]

Name: Rion (偉恩) (his name means "great, distinguished" and "kindness, favor")

Age: 24 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: December 3rd (Sagittarius)

Height: 185 cm

Blood type: B

Occupation: Journalist

Last words: "Okay, let's just calm down, let's take a deep breath and-"

[ Victim 011: Neiro ]

Name: Neiro (音色) (his name means "sound, noise" and "color")

Age: 15 y/o

Gender: Male

Birth date: January 18th (Capricorn)

Height: 155 cm

Blood type: A

Occupation: Middle school student

Last words: "JUST LEAVE HER ALONE!"

[tarantinolovesmyfeet]

The Back Room

I've been on a Nathan kick, and I wish there was more stuff out there that wasn't straight porn without a plot. Original Female Character (WOC)

"But you have a digital footprint. So it can't be separated. You’re a Cancer whatever the fuck that means.."

You've been working at Blue Book for over three years, and you got the job by chance. Your friend who went to college with Nathan Bateman told you to apply; even if you didn't go to MIT didn't mean you are bad at coding. As your friend reminded you, and you bite the bullet, when you first arrived for the interview, mind you fly all the way from New York to Cali to even do the interview, remote interviewing wasn't a thing yet. You impressed some twat in a button-up shirt and black joggers, as you knew you would. You know you're shit, and you also had the backup in cyber security, so you could help with hacks…if there ever were one. You talked yourself up well; you simply got the job. But you've never met Nathan Bateman. You honestly don't think anyone in your group has, maybe the higher ups. You never really thought about it really, he pays you a good amount sum, and you have a condo in the bay area. All your friends over on the East Coast are super jealous of you, you find it funny because how could they? Sure, you have good money, you have a nice condo, but you also have a blue book phone which you know because you help code it, Nathan could know everything about everyone. It was strange, to the point you bought an Apple phone to take personal calls and everything else, which is strongly frowned upon but you didn't care. You know Apple or google isn't any better but honestly, it's better than your boss knowing everything about you. It's beyond creepy, seeing how you never met the man. You also learned how bad it was frowned upon when you were in a work meeting, and none other than Nathan happened to be in the building, and in your work meeting. Thank god you wore something really fashionable and looked good, unlike your usual jeans a tee, and hair in a bun. You had a lunch date and you had to look good; and of course it's this day the gods were looking down on you blessing you. "Wow you look….like a human." Jacob your direct superior said as you pursed your lips a bit before shaking your head. "I'm glad you noticed." "How can I? you usually look like you rolled out of bed to come here." "Cause usually I'm up until 4 am when I'm supposed to be here at 8 am because you throw random projects at me; that takes all my time." She smiled sweetly over to her boss, as he narrowed his eyes at her. "I hope that wasn't a complaint." He tone was strained, and his eyes looked over to the right of you, causing you to look at him like he has six heads. "Of course it's not, if I hated the job I would have left. I'm learning from gen z." You joked before looking over and seeing Nathan sitting there just watching and listening in, you knew if your skin was pale,, your face would be red, bright red, you let out an awkward cough before sitting in your normal seat. 

“No, it's not a complaint not at all.” You said pushing back your hair that is annoying you now behind your ear, of course, you had to have it curly and out today. Of course, it just causes you to sweat more under pressure. Oh my god, am I getting fired you thought, and instantly you started picking the nails around your skin, and you just did your nails. 

“I called you in here because there is a break in one of your codes,” Jason said, and you looked at him with a little laugh. 

“No there isn’t, I checked, I doubled, I even tripled check before doing the update. What do you mean there is a break in my code?” 

Now you’re sweating double time, this isn’t true it can’t be. You’ve always million times checked your work; you even made sure everything was perfect because you had a date lined up. It wasn’t possible, it can’t be possible. “Since last night, Blue Book serves have been glitching and as you say you’re up till four-‘ “No, this time I went to bed at a reasonable time, because I knew it was perfect. I have plans for lunch, no no it’s perfect. I wasn’t the last one to touch it but I can be the one to fix it.” You said looking at Jacob directly not looking at Nathan even if you feel his eyes on you. 

“Well you’re gonna fix it.” “You know you can see who actually touched it last but okay, yeah I’ll fix it.” You said back to him angry now, embarrassed and beyond livid.  You instantly pulled your laptop out which is from blue book of course, and went into the code. 

“Is that all, or do you need to speak to me more?��� You asked, not even looking up at Jacob, pressing in keys to find the mistake. 

A mistake that wasn’t yours. 

“No, Mr. Bateman and I want to see you fix it.”

“Oh sure, no pressure.” You mumbled to yourself, as you kept your focus on your laptop. 

As you were deep into the laptop, you heard your phone go off, but you ignored it. You're freaking out, but you're balls deep into the code, trying to fix the mistake someone made. Not you, of course, you didn't touch it. "Is that a phone?" "Is it Apple?" Jacob asked. "Um, yeah, it's my personal phone line, I'll get it in a second." 

Because nothing is more important to you than fixing this code. You could feel the glare coming from Jacob over the apple phone thing. You knew he was going to rip you apart, but everyone knew you hated having a blue book phone; it was one of the things you disliked the most was your boss, who is now staring at you as you’re finding the broken link, with no emotion on his face. You might die after this.

Might put your two weeks, you never liked working under pressure, or stress and this moment is both of them rolled into one enlarged dick that is fucking you right now. And you’re barely could handle it, you know you can’t but you’re fighting through it. 

"What did I say about apple." "Not important right now." You grumbled back as you hunched deep into the code, and you found it, you fucking found it. "AH ha! You shouted, and quickly your fingers were lightning on the keyboard; as you were going and pressing/E to fix, then the link came back, and you furrowed your eyebrows, and you did it again, and it happened again. "There isn't a broken link," you said, looking astonished before going back into the code. "Someone is hacking. We have a hacker on our hands." "What the fuck!?" Jacob said, now freaking out, and you rolled your eyes before looking at Nathan before looking back at the computer. It was like chess. You and the hacker were going back and forth, and with every closed door you gave, he kicked it right open, and you were getting annoyed. Okay, so this little shit wants to go. You thought as you cracked your knuckles, then slipped off your blazer. You quickly went back in the zone, and with every move you made, they were better, and every time you hit them with someone, it was tik for that, and now you're pissed off. You wrapped your curls into a bun on the top of your head. "Okay fucker, what do you want?" You mumbled as you typed it into the code. To show that I can fuck with the blue book.

Do you think you’re not going to jail dude…Just curious

I don’t give a shit  I want to take down Nathan Bateman. 

why

Because he’s the scum of the earth you work for a scum bag. eat the fucking rich. 

You didn’t respond because by the time you were would have responded you wouldn’t have found the ending. You’ve never typed so fast before in your life and you finally pressed enter and the door was officially closed. You laughed a little bit and leaned back into your chair, and sighed deeply. “I did it, I kicked the hack out. Also found out where he lives so if you want to press chargers.” You turned to look at Nathan as he nodded his head. “Impressive.” He said looking you up and down. “Email it to me, and I will send it to my lawyer. Jacob speak to PR and get a press release out.” 

You nodded your head, as you went to grab your personal phone Nathan looked at your phone then at you with a look you can only call disgust and he was gone. You just sat there as Jacob looked at you, before pulling out his vape. “I swear he was going to fire you.” He said coughing out smoke as you just glared at him. “What?” “Thanks for the fucking warning, my morning has been ruined by this you jackass!” You yelled at him before snatching up the laptop and running off towards your own desk. Your hands shook as you looked for Nathan email. You were about to email the head boss, and you just sat next to him and he was disgusted with you. You for sure is about to get fired. NBateman@bluebook.com

Subject: Address 

Good Morning, Mr. Bateman. I was following up with you about the address. The hacker lives in Austin, Texas. His street address is 555 Anderson Mill Road, A pt 1. If you need anything else, please reach out. Respectfully, 

Christina.

God, was that good or christ? Should you have CC’D Jacob? You’re not even sure anymore. You canceled your date on lunch, in sulk at your desk until you left for the day. Until you got home and heard a DING from your work phone. You furrowed your eyebrows, looking in your mailbox. NBateman:

You did good today, finding a hacker is a tough job. You should know, Jacob inability to know it was a hacker. I also saw you have cyber security under your resume as well, and it makes sense. I have a job for you. I don’t like to offer jobs over email. Are you free tonight at ten? We can meet in person. 

Your eyes widen over the idea of this man not only emailing you, but he wasn’t disgusted by your iphone or you. He wants to meet in person and not only that, he’s offering you A JOB! You were internally screaming kicking your feet around out of excitement. You screamed loudly before responding back. CReyes:

Ten o clock, yes I am free. What’s the location? 

Now you’re stuck, he emailed you back a restaurant and whew it was fancy. Shit now you gotta change your clothes, Jesus christ, you looked at the time it was 6:50, you had time. You rummaged through your closet to find anything remotely okay for this place and to impress your boss. Christ you’re sweating all over again. You’re gonna die, there is no way you're meeting this man. Its impossible virtually imfuckingpossible.

_

You barely had time to breathe as you walked in and saw the server. You walked into the restaurant, hands sweating; you wore the most expensive dress you could wear, an old Tom Ford dress you find thrifting; it was black, so it was perfect for a night out, slick ad smooth. Unlike your hair which was just ringlets everywhere, you figured if he saw you like this at work, he should be fine seeing it again. “Hi, I am meeting up with someone.” She looked me over with an unbelievable look. “His name is Bateman.”

She rolled her eyes, looking down the list, and she had to see Nathan's name as she looked back up at me and rolled her eyes again. “You’re not here for Bateman.” She said as you pursed your lips. “I am. Thank you.” You responded with a fire in your eyes. You were about to rip her head clean off of her shoulders. 

"Seriously? I doubt that; you're not his type." She rolled her eyes again as you were beyond pissed off and now running late to this important dinner. "Ma'am, can I get my seat at the table before I lose my goddamn mind?" You snapped, and Nathan appeared before the girl could go back and forth. "You're late." He said to you before he grabbed your elbow and pulled you along. You felt smug, sticking your tongue out at the girl as he dragged you to the table. 

Finally getting to the table, you almost forgot that Nathan's hands were on your elbow and lower back. You could almost still feel it as he let you go quickly before sitting in his chair across from you. He looked you over at once and nodded his head. “Sorry, she was giving me a hard time.” “Yeah, I know; I fucked her, that’s why.” He said bluntly as your eyes widened over to his admission. “I was drunk. It was a one-night thing; I made her sign an NDA and moved on with my life.” He said as you just stared at him in shock. 

She is not wrong about you not being his type; this girl was blonde, fake tan, and taller than you. You two look nothing alike. You are barely 5’1, with olive skin and dark brown hair in unruly curls. “Well, she was right about one thing I’m not your type.” You said with a small smile, and he looked over at you. “I don’t have a type; I fuck who I wanna fuck. Don’t care if she’s black white, yellow, whatever.” He said in a harsh tone, and you nodded your head. Nathan isn’t your type at all; you like to be sweet-talked. This dude is as hard as a rock. And Aggressive, your flight or fight mode is in high gear around him. “Well, that’s good.” After drinking some water, you said that to pivot off the conversation, you wanted to ask about this new job, but Nathan had something else to ask. “Do you have a type?” he asked, looking over at you, and you stared at him, confused and wondering if this was professional. 

“Um.” you said looking at Nathan perked eyebrows before looking down at the table cloth. “I have like a strict thing about keeping my personal life and my work life separate.” You said to him and you bite your lower lip. “It just makes life easier.” 

“But you have a digital foot print.” “I do.” 

How would he know that unless he went looking? 

"So it can't be that separate." He said back to you as you looked at him. "You're a Cancer, whatever the fuck that means; you're twenty-seven years old, and you grew up in New York." He said back to you as you looked at him. "And I saw you had a blue book employee as one of your friends, so clearly, it's not that separate." 

“Touche.” you said back to him but you think of Amy as the girl who isn’t really close to anyone in Blue Book other than you, and she barely works on your side of the office, she works in PR and you work in coding. It’s different. “So do you have a type?” He repeated as you looked at him with a confused look on your face, you were saved by the waiter. 

You were safe and got pasta with shrimp in it; and a red wine that Nathan ordered. You were a red wine girl, but you would be one today. “What was the job offer?” You asked with a smile, hoping he forgot about the what’s your type questions. You know he didn’t, and he knows you’re trying to change the subject, but he allowed it. “I see you have cyber security; I need someone good at that. I am building a lab and need all the security I can get. And now I could build it myself, sure, but that would take ages, and I rather have someone I could trust.” He said, looking at you. “I mean, I don’t know you, but you work for me, and you’ve already signed an NDA, so I can legally trust you.” 

“Okay, I’m good at that stuff yeah, and setting up CCTV’s.” “Good. You would have to get rid of your apple phone though.” He said over to you as you looked at him. “You know for security purposes.” You clenched your jaw as you looked over at him. 

Check mate. 

You couldn’t argue; he wasn’t wrong; it would be an outside source in his lab. You were fuming on the inside, but you just let a smile recover the anger. You had to, this was a job you needed, and it was better to be away from Jacob. “How much?” You asked, now holding back the anger.

“I’ll send you everything in paper form. Now, What’s your type?” He asked as you stared at him and you could see his eyes dazzling in excitement. The first emotion you’ve seen sitting across from him. 

Check Mate again. 

“Well, I don’t have a type.” 

He blinked over at you, trying to see if you were lying. The waiter saved you again when your food came, and you thank the gods above you. The rest of the dinner was Nathan talking about what he thought bluebook should be at by next year, and you just listened.

As you were leaving, Nathan walked you to your car because what a gentleman. His hand pressed low on your back, not professional, but he was guiding you where to go. As you finally found your car, he stood by your driver's door, leaving it open. "Christina, you lied to me; you have a type." He said as you furrowed your eyebrows at him; as you went to close the door, he held it. "Don't lie to me again." He said before closing the door for you. He turned on his heel and left wondering what the fuck is his problem? 

Cause seriously what is his problem. 

[lillionic666]

About my physical appearance-

Height- 5'4

Weight- 230 but I carry it well (I don't look like it)

Face shape- round

Lips- bigger bottom lip, plump, short, almost heart shaped but a bit longer

Eye shape- small, slanted, almond shaped, hooded

Eye color- light green with blue, brown andbgrey specs

Hair- undercut all around, not just behind and diagonal cut top. Pink, blue and dark brown color

Hands- small, slighr sausage fingers. Nails semi- long, natural, uncolored most of the time

Feet- short, fat, pretty, insanely straight and even, dancers arch, thick ankles

Breast- round, perky, triple d, 42 inch around

Waist- wide ribcage , 38inch around

Butt- round, large, slight bubble but not really, wide hips

Thighs- bigger then my head lmao

Calves- softball calves (thick and muscular)

Shoulders - long, round, soft

Posture- straight, slight back arch

Neck- insanely thick

Arms- small and short

Skin- soft and moist, yet thick

Scars- on arms, chest, and hands

Acne- back, face, thighs

Tattoos- one on my back (pictures of it if requested)

Piercings- 8 closed up piercings (I will be opening them soon)

Nose- wide, short, semi button, slight upturn

Eyebrows- very thin, light brown

Ears- medium sized, thick

Aesthetic- alternative mostly, with pastel undertones as well as an accassional pastel goth or punk outfit

About my personality-

Sign-

Sun: sagitarrius

Moon: cancer

Rising: Aries

General attitude: I have a pretty high level of self confidence, and I'm a bit brutally honest. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm very very blunt, even if I know it will upset people.

How I treat people: everyone deserves to be respected, therefore I give you my respect. With my respect comes me also being upfront with you. I may hurt your feelings at time, but I mean the best. If I care about someone, when they get attacked, I feel attacked and will very easily pick a fight with whoever attacked them. I'm protective and not gullible at all. I am NOT the one to fick with because I'm very good at ruining peoples life and hurting feelings.

How I joke- I might tease you, or be mean to you, but I'm just joking. I also make a lot of sarcastic jokes, and have a pretty dark humor. I tend to go for the dad jokes and horrible puns pretty often though.

Personality wise, I'm the cool, sexy, confident baddie femme type, but on appearance, I'm the soft, sweet, innocent type (so I'm a trickster haha)

My brain is very chaotic (yay adhd) so I do and say random (and often annoying) things at times.

Anyway, just thought I would give some info

[athena-swords]

Things I have noticed about sun signs .

(know that I am fairly new in it and ya other placements matter but generally these are common one).

Contray to popular belief Aries sun signs are pretty chilled in there group.

If they are ranting in anger better not cut them it's not gonna end well.

They love to take walks even in crowded place perfect buddies for amusement park visit.

In general hates cheaters I have seen they are loyal folks.

Are shy to talk about their love life.

But loves to ask about others

Taurus sun loves to be alone in general.

Can't handle compliments and they will always give you a compliment back caz for them it's rude to not give back.

Secretly loves studying. And imagine being them the topper.

Generally chilled as fuck but if you make them angry be ready for the consequences.

I have seen in general they are not violent but will say something so hurtful in anger which they will always hate.

Have a love hate relationship with their work .

If you want a perfect outfit go with your Taurus people

Gemini sun are always that friend which will give you random facts.

Don't like to sound blunt but will be.

In general as much I have seen the and sagg are really similar.

Likes savory

You might regret telling something secretive to them. They just can't keep it to them (sorry)

Use their humor to cheer someone.

I have seen cancer people can be judging but they don't tell people.

Secretly loves attention.

If underdeveloped will be very manipulative.

Most of them have sweet tooth.

Mostly part of the popular group.

And are in teachers good book.

The person who can bear a Leo's roasting I love you.

If they love you they are gonna make you feel like a diamond.

Have a fine eye for art be it anything.

Give them to write about themselves they will never end it.

Generally are insecure but to people are perfect soul.

Knows how to ignore the best. (ask me)

If there is earth placements than they can't handle spice well.

You are lucky to have them more like a fact.

My Virgo sun if underdeveloped can be your worst nightmare.

They love to point out others flaws

But when it's there it's rude.

Genreally loves green shades color.

Surprisingly have a really balanced diet.

They never get out of shape(me crying)

Are extremely kind and will do their best to make you feel welcomed.

Everyone knows but still they are a heck of perfectionist .

But I guess if they see someone worrying about their thing not being good they will consule them.

Caz they know how it feels when the outcome is not what you wanted .

In general love animals.

Ever met a underdeveloped Libra

Idk why they wanna be in everybodies good side.

If they are underdeveloped they will easily backstab anyone.

Tends to love taking care of their nails.

Wants low-key everyone to want them.

Loves free Treats.

Usually the one to stand in front of the mirror and compliment themselves.

Will always talk gentally.

Scorpio loves to keep their clothes scattered

And loves comfy and beggy clothes at home.

Totally different person with people they know and don't.

They can know your whole life biography at the end of conversation

But you will not even know what is their favorite food.

They don't hate people in general and they really don't care.

Have amazing self reflection quality.

Will stand up against the wrong.

Saggitarius loves indie vibes.

They don't like to characterize things.

Don't do well with structurized system.

Are true explorer by heart.

Loves to hangout with.

Are good listeners.

Capricorn do like to flow in there creativity.

Can be a gernalsit and not specialist.

If underdeveloped can put others down to satisfy themselves.

Don't like when people disturb them in middle of something important.

Likes to take care of their body.

Definitely has a BRF.

Likes baked more than fried.

Are really goofy once you get in their inner circle.

Aquarius people are those who seem that they don't study at all but pull out with flying grades.

People criticize them for their ideas and choices but starts doing it eventually

Have the best comebacks.

Are really good in dirty talking.

Their anger is generally never seen by much people.

Loves fictional character more than real beings.

Pisces are as dirty minded as Aquarius.

But the difference is it is their fantasy they don't wanna try.

Many things which people find creepy they find it cute.

They are most likely to burst into tears in middle of an argument.

Are hygienic people and can love to keep there surrounding clean or the opposite.

Honestly haven't meet many to them so.

Disclaimer : guys these are just observation so take what resonates and these are just the basics I have seen in most of the sun signs. Hope so you all are doing well and be safe and healthy.

And Amm do tell how you feel about this Yaa that's it . Know that I have written this while taking a bath the things I do uff.

[thatmomentwhen345]

Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

[whaleofatjme1920]

heyo can i request a romantic matchup with one of the creepypasta guys perhaps??

-im 20 years old with dark brown fluffy short hair that goes just a bit above my shoulders. im bisexual and i go by she/they pronouns. im 5'6. im a cancer sun, virgo moon, and sag rising. im also female!

-im an infj!

-i like making flower crowns for people, custom earrings, and rings! i rlly love nature and the woods so i enjoy walking along on a path or settling down by a relaxing river to have a nice lil picnic :)

-swimming is a big thing for me, i love just jumping into a lake and swimming around yk?

-i rlly love indie, rock, grunge and 50's to 90's music. i have a great love for 80's movies and the horror genre.

-i love superhero and action stuff like the avengers and x-men as well as stuff from DC.

-uhmm im an artist. i do trad but also digital art. if i paint i like to paint scenery. im also a singer and i write my own songs. i play the guitar and the ukulele!!

-i own two rats and two cats! yes they get along lmaodksjsj. im a witch whos into crystals, herbs, dieties and all. i do tarot and pendulum. i love drinking tea especially mint and chamomile teas.

-things i dislike: alcohol, someone yelling at me, aggressiveness, going on boats, too much heat, summer, thunderstorms, chicken, being alone in the extreme dark in a place like the woods, seeing or hearing stuff like people gagging or their nails being ripped off :// (i can somehow take gore tho-)

-things i like: tea, some coffees, sunflowers, motorcycles, cuddling, relaxing inside on my bed while its raining outside, the calming sound of rain, autumn, when its chilly out, seafood

-i actually rlly love reading and sometimes I like to write lil short stories or make up characters but not too deep into them. just fun little things yk?

-i kinda rlly like playing w ppls hair- like having them sit in my lap. or having them do it to me.

-omg chasing each other in an empty (empty as in like no other ppl) pretty field during a picnic date with our favorite music on?? YES PLS

-WATCHING THE SUNSET AND SUNRISE OMGGG

-i don't rlly plan on having kids :/ i don't do well with them so. fur babies as in pets tho! ABSOLUTELY

-i kinda would be a big spoon but also a little spoon. i'd do either.

-if im being honest one of the downsides of me is that I get emotional quickly in an argument :// or like I get defensive or if someone yells at me I get sad and start crying. I don't seek out fights tho and I try to avoid them.

-despite how much I like to talk im an ambivert leaning towards introvert. I get panic-y quick in public w people I don't know and im rlly nervous but i try to be as friendly as possible and keep a convo going. around my friends and stuff tho im an absolute goof ball!

-i like staying home tbh its calming

-i don't like seeing messy things eiakssksk i like organization but im not controlish about it. I like to clean tbh its kinda fun.

-my love language is honestly quality time and touch. some words of affirmation is nice too tho,, sometimes I get scared someone will get bored of me and leave ://

-i love to buy or make ppl gifts! i like to see people happy. the look on ppls faces when they see that i bought them something they rlly love makes me warm and fuzzy :,))

-im not rlly a jealous person tbh. but if someone outright is happening like obvious flirting,, i WILL say something if my partner isn't taking care of it themself.

-honestly i love being a goof but when its time to be serious ill be serious

-i talk alot so i need someone who'll be willing to listen to me talk and be interested in what im saying EIOSLAKS ill also absolutely listen to anything they say :))

-i don't care abt body types or looks rlly and im not just saying that.

-i love to remind ppl that they're stunning and gorgeous and they deserve the world 😩🤌

-i like having deep convos about random things. like who found out that we should drink cow milk? why are wild animals just fine w out toothpaste but we absolutely need to brush our teeth??

-id love to cook or bake something with someone :))

-i can't rlly think of anything else to say abt myself so

Your matchup is... Hoodie/Brian Thomas!

In general:

Took me a hot minute or so but I ultimately decided on Brian because it's the vibe I'm getting. Let's elaborate on that.

What he likes about you:

I always start out with the physical stuff first and I'm just going to say that Brian really likes your hair! Thinks it is absolutely gorgeous and fun. Will compliment how fluffy it is. Likes that you're into nature, crafty, and your music choice! Thinks your art is super fun and will want to see it. Thinks your singing voice is absolutely beautiful. Coming back to this. Your pets are fun to him as well, and your likes just seem to really line up with him y'know?? Especially loving Autumn, rain, when it's chilly, all that kind of fun stuff.

General cute things:

ALright, I feel like swimming outings would be a thing between the two of you. Brian likes water. It's just the vibe I get. Make him flower crowns please lmfao. Brian is soft and actual sunshine when he wants to be. He will watch the sunrise and sunset with you!!! He loves to just strum his guitar in the early mornings, listening to the birds sing. I feel like music dates would be a thing between the two of you. Just sitting in a flower field, watching the world go by, singing and all that cute stuff. Brian is admittedly a bit of a home body as well, so like,,,,,, hey. Just the two of you curling up on the couch, taking naps? Yes. Brian will occasionally get you gifts of things that remind him of you. He also gives me the vibe that he would get you flowers just because he thinks you'll find them pretty. He will goof around with. ALSO, Brian loves to listen to you!! Please talk to him about whatever is on your mind and I guarantee he's going to love it!! You being such a sweet person makes his heart sing? Like, you just reaffirming all the things he needs to hear make him so happy. He will also play with your hair, and on other days, he will rest his head on your lap and you can play with his.

You two as a couple:

Y'know, I think the only thing that might be a bit of a talking point between the two of you is the not having kids thing. Brian strikes me as such a strong family man. However, I don't think he's incapable of bending, so if the two of you want to be fur parents, he'd be just fine with that. Other than that, one of Brian's love languages is touch to like, be prepared for hugs, kisses, all that wholesome stuff. He's definitely a bit of an insomniac so like, please spend time with him cuddling on the roof while the two of you talk about anything and everything. Brian will definitely cook and bake with you as well, seeing those are two things he loves to do. You won't ever have to worry about jealousy with Brian because he's a king of "I have a partner stop speaking to me :)" You can also spoon him, he'd find that comforting. Brian prioritizes communication, so if you start crying, or anything like that, he'll give you some space and then come back to it. He doesn't want to cause you any harm, but some things need to be spoken about. Brian will also be your rock if the two of you go out in public and you're not very happy or overwhelmed. I swear, he's always going to be there for you.

Closing thoughts/other things:

Hi love bug, sorry this is late. The matchups were giving me some wonky type of burn out, but it's here now. To answer your thing about why animals don't need toothpaste, it actually has a lot to do with their diet! They don't eat refined sugars or the high amount of acids we do, and they also tend to eat way more twigs, sticks, bark, bones and even grass that help keep their mouths free of debris. Tell me about your characters and stories! One of my favorite things to do outside of running this blog is OCs and world building. Again, apologies for this being late. Tumblr doesn't timestamp when things come in so I just kinda guess?? I imagine it's been here for a while, my bad, I've been working out of order now. As always, let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed!