#no i don't want to know how you think my post applies to completely imaginary ship dynamics

[etherealkissed88]

I don't know if you've already made a post about this, but I wanted to ask: How can I be more positive about the protests, not being a privileged person? I'm not the prettiest, I'm not the smartest, I'm not rich (in fact I want to manifest better conditions), I feel mentally exhausted. I'm kind of just desperate to manifest a better life for myself and my family, but I feel so negative about it. I feel like I'm just going to become another one of the statistics about poor people; Sometimes I question the results of certain people, because I actually don't know if they are already privileged in a certain way, whether it's because she's pretty, smart or has money. Some people who talk about staying positive, manifest, selfcare, are privileged people, not rich people, but people with excellent financial and psychological conditions; I'm sad, because I really don't have money for self-care or therapy, I feel guilty, sad and insufficient because I don't have enough money:(

do not pretend these circumstances arent there. realize that you are self that chooses what to accept as true. yes, you have a choice. what you should do is become indifferent to what you experience. yes it is in the 3d but “it doesnt affect who i am and what version of myself i choose to be.”

i think the reason why u may be getting a mental burn out is because you are trying to persuade or force yourself to believe that what your human self is experiencing in the 3d, is not there. again - indifference. another important concept is the nuetral 3d. it never has original meaning. we give it meaning.

i know how you feel about being tired of life - and from my experience, i was so tired of living a life i didnt like that it motivated me to actually apply the law and use my power to get what i want. the law is always working for you so you are always in control, and when you live this “negative” life, it is you - the operant power, allowing yourself to stick in this “negative” life. you are choosing to be this version of you who lives like this. you are being the one who is living that.

know that it is not - the 3d shows me something -> then i become a version of me / i embody a version of me which matches the 3d. it will always be, i am a version of me -> the 3d follows that bc i am the 3d. signs follow, they do not precede.

you cannot let what you see influence who you become. bc who you become is why you are seeing what you see. who you are being is why you see what you see through that perspective, thro that state.

a lot of ppl have manifested great things and complete transformations without being privileged at first. stop focusing on other success stories and make yourself the success story. success story = changing self!

for the feelings of guilt and sadness, allow yourself to feel that bc emotions are human nature. what you shouldnt do is feel like those emotions are ruining anything, or try to suppress these emotions, or make imaginary and “negative” stories out of those emotions. they are always neutral!

when you are experiencing bad things, so what you need to do to make ends meet in the 3d such as getting a job to get that money you want. whatever you do shouldnt intertwine with the rich version of you that you are being. you can do whatever you want in the 3d while being/knowing you have what you want already. but you do not self-sabotage your human self because you think that doing stuff in the 3d will “ruin your manifestation”. example: you are broke in real life so you get a job while being the version of self who is already rich. it doesnt matter what you experience in the 3d bc all that matters is who self is being. if you didnt take that job but you are struggling financially, there is still the human self to take care of (you need money for food, shelter, etc) so again, nothing you do in the 3d matters as long as you are changing self.

to wrap up: it doesnt matter what you see in the 3d. clearly you claim: you arent the prettiest or smartest or richest. thats the issue. you are accepting those versions of you. you are being those versions of you.

& “how to be more positive?” : decide you are positive and happy. i can recommend visualizing yourself living the life you want and eventually you will fulfill yourself and be this new version of you.

skim this for other questions: 🧼

- cutie jani

[sophieinwonderland]

This might be a bit of a personal question, so feel free to ignore it. I ask because its relivant to my expereince.

I know Sophie runs this blog, and I assume Sophie was the first created headmate? Since then, have all the joining members of yall's system been created or have any of you expereinces spontaneous existence with no known outside force causing it?

Almond: We've gotten a few that seemed like they tried to form, and might have stuck around if we let them and chatted with them. Well, I say "we" but I don't remember being conscious during those times.

Tulpamancers call these headmates "walk-ins". (Not to be confused with how other plurals call spirits that come from the outside "walk-ins.")

Anyway, our system origins stand as this:

Ghost is the original.

Sophie was created a couple years ago as a writing exercise that later developed more after they learned imaginary friends could become more vivid and real with practice.

Abby and myself were made a few months after that when Ghost wrote a story about a girl and her tulpa, and Sophie wanted to hang out with the characters from that story. Sophie didn't mean for either of us becoming self-aware and thought she could keep us as NPCs. But I think she was a little lonely being the only other headmate besides Ghost.

Tasha came from a dream. Ghost was asleep, was lucid dreaming, talked to a dream character, and then decided to see if he could pull the dream character into reality and have HER wake up.

Eria actually existed before Sophie. But we don't know if she was vocal. Ghost tried to make a spiritual thoughtform when he was a teenager, but never believed it worked. She came back a while ago, but didn't want people to know about her until recently.

Beatrix is our newest headmate and has only been with us about a week. Sophie wanted to apply her Inhabitant theories and talk to a plushie, and got a response almost instantly. (Beatrix's vessel, which she doesn't like calling a vessel, is not the strawbunny I posted. That's a completely unrelated stuffed toy.)

I'm realizing all of us were science experiments in different ways.

[thehighfiveproject]

FAQs

☆ Do I have to sign up?

You do not! You can join in anytime. There may be sign-ups for more difficult challenges in the future; stay tuned.

☆ I don't have a Tumblr account. Can I still share my card?

You can! People who don't have an account can still use the Submit function to send messages to our tumblr. You can paste in your bingo card image, along with any links you would like to include, and we will receive it as a post that we can make on your behalf.

☆ Do I have to finish my card in order to share it with The High Five Project?

Not at all! We're happy if you do just one of the activities. As long as you do at least one thing, and share your post with us by the 1st Wednesday deadline, we'll share it with everyone else! That said: if you do complete your card with a blackout by the deadline, you may get a Very Fancy Prize. Check out our sample card posts to get an idea of what you can share -- but please feel free to be creative. :)

☆ Can you clarify what type of fanworks are allowed?

First: please see below for a full definition of each bingo card item. With that said: anything goes! If you want to comment on a rated G Star Wars fic for one square, and leave kudos on a rated E Stranger Things fic for another square, and reblog a "Dead Dove" Avengers artwork for another square -- please feel absolutely free to do so. We want you to have fun, not worry about fitting into any imaginary parameters.

☆ Does each square have to apply to a different fanwork?

No, you can use the same fanwork/creator for multiple squares if you want to. However, we encourage you to spread the love if you can! There are so many creators out there who could use a high five.

☆ How do I fill my card? How is each square defined?

Here’s the way we’re defining the activities associated with each card. If any of this is confusing after you read it over, send us a message and we’ll help!

- ‘leave kudos on a fic’

This is the easiest one! Just go out and find a fic you like and leave a kudos on it, if you haven’t already. It’s a small gesture but it makes an author know that someone actually read their story!

- ‘reblog/retweet an art post’

Find any art post you like and share it! Here’s the catch: you need to interact with it a little. When you reblog/retweet, please tell the creator what you thought about the piece – you can add some tags, or reply to the post, or quote-retweet or add a comment, or anything! A simple “I love this!” is nice but some details are even better (“your linework is so good!” or “that shade of blue is perfect”). One thing to think about: a lot of art on Tumblr is reposted (like when a user posts another artist’s work from Pixiv, say), so it’s nice if you make an effort to interact with posts that are actually from the creator if you can. That way the artist will see your comment!

- ‘reblog/retweet a fic post’

Same as the above, but for fic! Again, tags/replies/comments are needed, preferably with a little detail. You don’t need to be super eloquent or leave a detailed review (although if you have time/energy, that would be appreciated!); a tag as simple as “that was really cute” or “great characterization!” will do. Like with the art posts, it’s nice if you reblog directly from the writer (if you can) – some fics are posted by AO3 feed bots and the like, so the author may not even know a reblog has happened.

- ‘reblog/retweet an edit’

Same as the above, but for edits! Edits can include a gif set, or a set of screencaps, or even a fanvid. And, again, some simple tags/replies are needed. “I love that song choice!” for a vid or “great coloring!” on a gifset can let people know their work is being appreciated.

- ‘comment on a fic’

Find a fic, on any fic-hosting site you like, and leave a comment. That’s it! Again, no need to leave a novel-length comment (unless you’re inspired!) – a sentence or two is all we’re asking for this square to be considered complete. This is a great opportunity to let a writer know how their piece made you feel, or what section you particularly liked.

- ‘message a creator’

‘Creator’ here can mean anyone who makes *anything* to do with fandom: art, edits, fic, meta, knitted sweaters with character faces on them – if they’ve made anything, they’re a creator, and now’s your chance to let them know they’re appreciated. Send a message (anonymous or not!) letting them know that you enjoyed their work!

- ‘make a rec post’

This is a chance to tell your fandom friends about something they need to see. You can rec a fic, a blog, a fan event, an artist, an author, that person who knits sweaters with character faces – any kind of fandom thing that you want to make sure people see. This doesn’t have to be long or complicated, but feel free to go into as much detail as you want! Just make your own post, on Tumblr or Twitter or wherever else seems best to you, and give that thing you loved a little fanfare.

- ‘interact with a meta post’

A little love for our analytical friends! Here, you can reblog/retweet any kind of meta post for your fandom, whether it’s a three sentence headcanon or an essay-length dissection of why Character X is the absolute best character in Fandom Y. It’s even better if you respond to the meta, whether that’s agreeing or (respectfully!) adding your own thoughts, but sharing it is the main thing here.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

.

[icharchivist]

Mainstream anime has really made people forget what beefy anime men really look like I've noticed. Every now and then I see people going crazy over how ripped a Genshin Impact character and then I look at them and they have pretty much the same physique as Lancelot. It's pretty funny ngl

legit

tbh i haven't kept up with a lot of recent anime but like in my days we called those ikemen and we moved on.

also when it comes to Genshin Impact, it really has the worst case of that going on. Never have i seen this much denial to imply the twinkiest man you've ever seen is actually super buff/have an ass/is ripped.

i'll be honest but i feel also like this is kind of the "first" of many people. I jokingly call it "baby's first gacha" a lot because i really end up running into people who are completely new into the whole scene (it being gacha, rpg, anime/manga style, or Chinese media in general) who walk in with boasted confidence in everything they say.

And it reflects in that way they talk about assets like that and it's honestly pretty funny but also a little sad like man dude you're really that starved huh.

General anime, i think, are not really any better in that case, but it still cracks me up because it's not like beefy men don't exist in those same anime? like the list i saw, that included Dabi from BNHA, also included All Might and Endeavor. Men that technically do apply, but then you really put Dabi on this list? You saw what men with a bigger built look like and you include him? Likewise we were laughing with hxh fans that Illumi was on the list and not like, his father who has the built we would expect. Or what about Uvogin.

It's not like those anime are deprived of men with big built, there's jut a major type of denial going on and it's honestly hilarious.

Like if it was a Genshin only poll i would say they're grasping at straw but poor lads don't really have a real comparaison point when everyone except like 2 npcs, the antagonist enemies, and like, Itto (even if his abs are airbrushed on a thin sprite and it looks so sad i'm so sorry) ends up disqualifying from it to start with.

but in anime with actual diverse body built? what are you doing?

It really is if we made a gbf best tits award and we put Lancelot in it while Wilnas is somewhere else in the poll. The only thing you'd do is making him have an inferiority complex, look at him, this is so sad.

I think Granblue also kinda up the standards a lot bc the buff men aren't relegated to like, minor characters (like the hxh's buff chara i mentioned are so secondary that i can understand people forgetting them). There's a lot of buff, major characters so we're well fed and we have a decent range on what we can consider buff. Esp since there's a lot of different type of buff in granblue in general.

But it really is just. So sad.

I know there's a twitter account called "Pect of the day" who doesn't play Granblue but constantly posts Granblue men because "only Granblue gets me" and they post Reinhardtsar all the time because they find him peak design in that case. And i do remember some people trying to bring some Genshin chara to them (i do think it was Itto already) and them going "do you want me to starve." also if i recall it was around the same time as the dilf sauna event so whoever was behind this account was having a field day and this just took them like ????? seriously? in front of my salad?

I think Granblue just totally redefined my approach on that but it's genuinely so funny to see some pretty twinkish Ikemen in the list. you know a character is allowed to be extremely flat and still be considered sexy right. right. No need to put them through an imaginary inflation for it.

It's so funny. rip to people in saga without actual buff men but we're different, i guess?

[veterveter]

YO MANU THIS FINALLY CAME THROUGH I'LL LIKE READ AND DO COMMENTARY AND EDIT THIS LATER BUT I WANTED TO POST IT WHILE I HAD IT!!!!

Bless, tumblr finally working for you.

Anyway, here's the post from @delirious-and-slightly-murderous

So seeing as Tumblr hates me, I'm trying this darling, hope it reaches you.

So just read rat king.

[You should all totally read rat king if you haven't yet, it's fun I promise :) But also read Manu's commentary on it!!]

Tuuli I hope you know I love you and completely adore you and I am in awe of you but right now I HATE YOU. 

You broke me AGAIN. And I was just mending myself.

This was great and beautiful and fantastic and completely awful and the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. 

I'm crying.

So now I'm going to make a habit of coming to scream at you on tumblr every time you post something. 

You already know how I feel about your characterization and Andrés' POV and the angst. So there, it applies here too.

Here we go you awful and magnificent goddess.

“Martín,” Sergio clarified, moving up his glasses, the prescription of which was much too weak for his continuously worsening eyesight, “I think you should stop sleeping with him: Yes, Segio and his judgement. That couldn't not be there. But Andrés and Martín are sleeping together? I know this is going to hurt.

Martín was a constant in his life, something carried over from before. Martín? Martín wasn’t a problem; Martín was the only one thing that was good: at least here he appreciates him. Thank god.

Before, he would have found some entirely healthier way of loving his soulmate. Maybe they would have even had an old-world relationship, eventually. Andrés felt like he might have liked that, once. He knew Martín would have loved it: 😭 I want this for them and it hurts that it's simply not going to happen. I'm afraid of the MCD tag, Tuuliiiiiiiiiiii! Who did you kill, you murderous genius?

Andrés needed Martín, desperately. Too desperately to love him the way he should have: I'm going to die. He could at least try but nooooo, god forbid the day Andrés de Fonollosa makes things simple for anyone.

Andrés could see the way orgasms had loosened some of the tensions that so often gripped his body, and he hoped Sergio could too.😏

 If Andrés had to choose only one, he would have certainly chosen— : repressed asshole. I hope that was going to end with the word Martín. Why are you even getting married? What's even the point. But I see Andrés will continue to be emotionally stunted even when the world is ending.

Martín and Sergio had gotten along well, before. Andrés could remember so many pleasant evenings, just the three of them and a bottle of wine. But ever since they had to move to this base, the tensions had been palpable. They were both desperately trying to keep them alive, but were constantly disagreeing on the how: I'm starting to like Sergio more than Andrés here, how is that possible? How? See what you do Tuuli?

He turned around at the doorway and left the room, because he had no doubts about it: they would listen to him: Andresito, you are being too egocentric, this is not going to end well, for anyone.

Andrés understood just enough to know he was proud.: I don't know how to feel about this Andrés. I can't.

Andrés always tried not to take the slights of this brave new world personally – it was cruel, but they all had to endure loss of unspeakable magnitude – but this? Having to choose between his Martín and his brother?: Oh no, Oh no, NO. This isn't fair. Why do I get the terrible feeling we already know who he's going to choose? Please DON'T do this.

Andrés knew with unwavering certainty that either one of them would be willing to do it, and that they would consider it a great big favour to Andrés, and not the horrifying curse it truly was. He was the one who would have to pay the ultimate price, and live, knowing how much it had cost: Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it Andrés. You fucking deserve it.

Andrés could appreciate such a malleable room, because it reminded him of Martín, who always became what Andrés needed him to be.😡😭💔

Martín had never cared about plants, before. Actually, he seemed to have held a certain disdain for them. He had always said they were stupid and lifeless. Now he was looking at these ones, their lifeline, and he was filled with reverence and sorrow. If Andrés could have given him one thing, he would have liked to return to him his complete disregard for flora, and all the things it had since then come to imply: This hurts, and not only for obvious reasons. But nature? Fuck right in the feels.

Martín was entirely too pretty to look like this. They hadn’t even been having sex, because suddenly Martín looked like his eternally calcium-deficient bones might now break from the strain. Pretty Martín yeah! And you are a genius. Now this is my official headcanon as to why Martín drinks milk, he has fragile bones, the poor baby.

The weird walking corpse at the table smiled, and it almost made him resemble Martín.: He's already halfway dead. The MCD tag is him isn't it? I hate you Tuuli.

Andrés had to remind himself that he was lucky to have this. He may have had so many better things, before, but now he had this, and that was good. They had it better than most, him and Martín, for they had each other. Andrés still had his brother, and now he would have his wife, too. He was lucky: Not for long, buddy. And you deserve it. Poor Sergio I normally hate him but gosh.

“No,” Andrés said without waiting for a single beat, because he couldn’t let Sergio think he considered it. Even though he almost— “No, I don’t. I want you two, both of you, to figure out a way. A different way.”: He loves them both and he accepts it? Why does the world have to be ending.

Andrés tried not to think too much about Martín from before, but sometimes he did anyway. That night, as he wrapped his arms around Martín’s pathetic, weak and shivering frame, he thought about his true soulmate, the one this body had once belonged to.: Now I understand Martín sacrificing himself is the only way. He's already dead. And because of Andrés no less. How tragic.

Andrés had never said it back.

That night, he didn’t say it back.: Now Martín is going to die and it'll be horrible isn't it? Tuuli I want to murder you.

I’m so sorry, Andrés,” Sergio said quietly, slowly reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

Andrés recoiled from it, sharply. “No,” he snapped, “No. We are all going to die. Say those words, Sergio. We are all going to die.” He had made his peace with death long ago. There were worse things, many things so much more horrifying—

“We are not all going to die,” Sergio said, “The generator—” His words were cut off by Andrés’s hand on his throat, squeezing.: You are the king of denial, bad decision, being stupid, emotionaly stunned and not appreciating your soulmate enough Andrés. You deserve all the pain.

“He doesn’t deserve that,” Andrés said, his voice breaking again as he thought of it, Martín’s body, his corpse, frozen and preserved like that for as long as they would live. Martín, out there, while Andrés was in here, unable to ever go and give him even a proper burial. He had always been able to give Martín so little, and in death he would fail him yet again: I really have no words for this. But Martín being forever preserved out there and Andrés knowing that and not being able to mourn him. That is genius and it hurts and it's the perfect ending for them.

Andrés had never told him. Not once. How could he be certain that Martín had known? How could he insist that Martín, the brightest of them all, had known, when Andrés had never told him? Martín operated in words – how could Andrés have forced him to read his love in a language he didn’t even speak?: Now you confront your feelings too late, like always you repressed asshole. You deserve all the pain.

God, he wished Martín hadn’t been so bright. That he had been an idiot, dim-witted and slow like the rest of them.

Then the two of them would have let all of humanity perish.: You already murdered me with 'stay a while' and now this. Tuuli I'm coming back as a vengeful ghost and haunting your perfect ass.

So yeah, I don't have words but that's what I could spit out.

And Tuuli, you know the thing I showed you about the spider? Well when I finished reading this I was crying and wailing. My professor came running because he thought it was another spider or something even worse like a serpent.

When he asked what was going on I was in such a state I could only say 'rat' like a dumbass. 

RAT.

Like seriously? And when he asked again I said Rat king fic and pointed vaguely to my phone. 

He thought I was talking about an actual rat.

So imagine this. We are there, at night (in Costa Rica nightfall is around 6:00pm all year round, so now it's 9:00pm and here in the tropical rainforest it gets Dark), camping in the middle of nowhere in the wild with a tropical storm falling over our heads and I start crying about Rats. 

Congratulations Tuuli, you put me in such a state that I managed to send the whole of 9 biologists into a frenzy, frantically checking out the tents over an imaginary giant rat. 

It was literally terror in the jungle. 

I wanted the earth to shallow me. I didn't know how to explain that all that circus was because of a fucking fic.

I think now I no longer have satelital internet rights.

I hate you.

(P.S: But don't worry I still absolutely adore you, even if now I am the laughing stock of my fellows 🥰😘♥️)

Here have my friend the spider to show how I'm feeling.

[joeinfurnari]

My Dinner with Andre

My Dinner with Andre might be one of the most difficult movies for many viewers to watch. The artsy crowd would call it minimalist while the more lowbrow among us would say it’s boring! There’s just so little to it that there is a valid case for both. The story is simply a struggling young playwright, Wally agrees to meet an acquaintance, Andre, for dinner at a nice restaurant in decaying New York city and conversation ensues. The end. But like so many things in life, My Dinner with Andre gives you so much more if you really listen closely. I recently watched it again and I forgot just how great it is and how it continues to speak to us today.

It’s so stark and unapologetic about being without plot that it’s become the subject of many pop culture parodies. I know there is a Simpson’s reference to it but I most enjoyed the episode of Community that spoofs it. You may think that this comes from a place of common dislike for the movie but it’s actually the opposite. The parodies just prove how influential and beloved it is. Why? For me, the appeal is the conversation itself. It’s been celebrated for being a complete fiction that does a great job at coming across as a documentary but that’s just appreciation on a formal level. It’s not just that they had a conversation that’s important, it’s what they talk about that matters. The content of that discussion is so important, the writers and filmmaker felt it merited being the subject of a film without any distraction. To say that Louis Malle created My Dinner with Andre for the iconoclasm alone, misses the point.

The two men seated at dinner are artists/playwrights and catch up on the long period since they last encountered each other. They’re not really friends and Wally even debates cancelling the dinner before ultimately opting to go. He’s a working writer and artist making ends meet in New York City while Andre has had a long hiatus from creative life spent on travel and self examination. Wally confirms their community speculation that Andre has money that allows his adventures. Andre at first spends dominates the conversation with anecdotes about mutual acquaintances and talks about some of the retreats and workshops he’s attended recently. Andre has dropped out of the arts and has been on a personal quest to find himself after becoming disillusioned with his life.

In the time since they last spoke Andre describes a crisis in his creative life. He left the theater and traveled to Poland where he spent time with strangers in the woods creating experimental theater. He didn’t speak or understand Polish and they didn’t understand English but the time spent together was transformative. What began for him as creative exploration in the woods forced him to act as himself and in so doing he was forced to examine his life and how he acts when he plays himself:

So, you follow the same law of improvisation…which is that you do whatever your impulse, as the character, tells you to do…but in this case, you are the character. So there's no imaginary situation to hide behind…and there's no other person to hide behind. What you're doing, in fact, is you're asking those same questions…that Stanislavsky said the actor should constantly ask himself as a character:

Who am I? Why am I here? Where do I come from, and where am I going?

But instead of applying them to a role, you apply them to yourself.

Andre tells more stories of his spiritual and creative adventures. For him, his journey to this dinner has been full of magic, mystery, serendipity and travel to exotic locations including India and even a Saharan Oasis. The restaurant is quite nice but it is still remarkably banal compared to Andre’s monstrous hallucinations and descriptions of his process of personal exploration. It culminates in a description of being buried alive in Montauk, NY. From that point on, Andre becomes surprised by his own reactions to things in his life. He even begins to look at himself and the sort of person who would spend his time the way he has. People in his life who he called friends, repulse him. Figures on television appear to be objectively horrible people. He says,

And I suddenly had this feeling I was just as creepy as they were…and that my whole life had been a sham…

…

I mean, I really feel that I'm just washed up, wiped out. I feel I've just squandered my life.

Moments later he goes on to say,

Well, you know, I may be in a very emotional state right now, Wally.…but since I've come back home I've just been finding the world we're living in…more and more upsetting.

It’s as though Andre has a new perception of the world that is in stark contrast to his former self. He’s alone in this perspective until he sees a woman working in the theater who recognizes the trouble on his face. Where everyone else he encountered commented on how great he looked, this woman somehow knew by looking at him, the emotional state he was in. Because of this woman’s recent loss of her mother, she was able to see him clearly. Andre says,

She didn't know anything about what I'd been going through. But the other people, what they saw was this tan, or this shirt…or the fact that the shirt goes well with the tan.

So they said, " Gee, you look wonderful." Now, they're living in an insane dreamworld.

They're not looking.

That seems very strange to me. Right, because they just didn'ts ee anything, somehow.…except, uh, the few little things that they wanted to see.

All of this has resonated with me very personally. I similarly feel as though my perspective on the world has shifted and it has made me incompatible with things as they are and people who aren’t looking. It’s as though my prior life was a dream, honestly. When I think of how I thought about the world and other people for most of my life, I also hate that prior self. I agree with Andre that that earlier version of myself inhabited an insane dreamworld. Andre describes it using the example of his dying mother. Although she was terminally ill and appeared only minutes away from death, the specialist was beaming at all the progress she was making. For this doctor, he had so narrowed his goals/perception to her arm that any healing on that front was cause for celebration. Insane.

I mean, we're just walking around in some kind of fog. I think we're all in a trance. We're walking around like zombies. I don't…I don't think we're even aware of ourselves or our own reaction to things.

We…We're just going around all day like unconscious machines…and meanwhile there's all of this rage and worry and uneasiness…just building up and building up inside us.

And later, Andre continues to describe this state of mind:

Isn't it amazing how often a doctor…will live up to our expectation of how a doctor should look? When you see a terrorist on television, he looks just like a terrorist. I mean, we live in a world in which fathers…or single people, or artists…are all trying to live up to someone's fantasy…of how a father, or a single person,or an artist should look and behave.

They all act as if they know exactly how they ought to conduct themselves…at every single moment…and they all seem totally self-confident.

For two men involved in theater, they are approaching the idea that who we fashion ourselves to be, is selected from clearly defined character behaviors and appearance. For an actor, it must be disturbing for there to be no leap between the actor and the character. Why is it that someone who adopts the role of artist in real life, chooses to look like what we expect? As average people in our world, we’re acting our roles as they have been defined for us by someone else. This should be alarming to everyone and not just Andre and Wally.

I mean, we just put no value at all on perceiving reality. I mean, on the contrary, this incredible emphasis that we all place now.…on our so-called careers…automatically makes perceiving reality a very low priority…because if your life is organized around trying to be successful in a career…well, it just doesn't matter what you perceive or what you experience. You can really sort of shut your mind off for years ahead, in a way. You can sort of turn on the automatic pilot.

How many of us are doing this right now? I did it for many years, always overlooking the here and now for some future reward that all of it was building towards. I also think if your focus is on a career, it’s less on the experience and wisdom needed to fully embody that role. This is why this is such a great film. It may not wow you with realistic explosions but it challenges you to question your view on your life and your world. You shouldn’t be content with the way things are. If you are, you are part of a very fortunate few and you may be overlooking much of the world to do so.

people's concentration is on their goals.…in their life they just live each moment by habit.

…

And if you're just operating by habit…then you're not really living. I mean, you know, in Sanskrit, the root of the verb " to be".…is the same as " to grow" or " to make grow. "

This is something I think about a lot. I live as a cartoonist dedicated to writing and drawing and designing and promoting and tweeting and posting and editing etc. in a driving need to produce, produce, produce. Am I really living? I don’t think so. It’s okay to admit it. This wasn’t a world of my creation but if I’m alive and active in it, I can change it. This film gave me a way to understand the things that I’ve gone through over the last few years. Without art, I wouldn’t have evidence that others have been where I stand. I feel less alone and more hopeful.

Wally talks about the need for escapism and comfort from art against the harsh reality of every day life. The choice is to create art that is comforting but for all its warmth, fails to acknowledge reality and might contribute to a collective disengaging with reality and most importantly, each other.

…we're starving because we're so cut off from contact with reality…that we're not getting any real sustenance,'cause we don't see the world. We don't see ourselves. We don't see how our actions affect other people.

This is heady stuff, for sure. All of this is to get us thinking about the nature of our lives and really see the things we’ve chosen for ourselves. To truly be free is to be able to think outside the characters and roles defined for us…even the ones we think we chose but didn’t create. Only by looking at ourselves honestly and as objectively as possible can we see how far from our own humanity we have come. Andre went through a personal crisis in which he went through a dramatization of his own death and rebirth. The fresh eyes this has given him as illuminated a very dark reality. There are no fancy distractions in this film because it is a battle cry for humanity’s future. Under the guise of a polite conversation about things most average people would discount as having no bearing on reality is actually about a fundamental reality that has changed without our conscious consent. His advise:

Get out of here.

…

the 1960s.…represented the last burst of the human being before he was extinguished…and that this is the beginning of the rest of the future, now…and that from now on there'll simply be all these robots walking around…feeling nothing, thinking nothing. And there'll be nobody left almost to remind them.…that there once was a species called a human being…with feelings and thoughts…and that history and memory are right now being erased…and soon nobody will really remember.…that life existed on the planet.

[the-real-xmonster]

Do you think Evgenia has any potential this season? I'm really worried for her; especially due to the quick-to-judge critics (ahem a fanciful term for haters) that won't stop comparing her to Yuna and Alina. I do see some improvement to her Lutz -- she held the outside edge but switched to a flat edge in the end -- but the critics don't seem to see that and insist that she should get an e instead of a ! . There's comments saying she's terribly overscored at ACI but she wasn't? I'm so worried!!!

Zhenya’s critics really need to get a grip on themselves. Dare I suggest them to maybe organize a conference and align on which points, exactly, they want to use to criticize her? Because as of right now, on one hand I’m getting the “her scores are pathetic these days there’s no way she can win events”, and on the other hand, as you mentioned, there’s the “wow she’s still being hugely overscored”. Actually, well, I guess it’s fine, because the one response I have to both of these is: at ACI she was scored just right, not too high, not too low, or to channel my inner Thanos (or my very real, actual, accountant-self - idk, I always seem to have these inner voices mixed up): perfectly balanced; as all things should be. 

On a more serious note, sure, she still has a change of edge on the Lutz so you might argue for an edge call instead of a ! sign, but this is by no means an indicator of the judges’ preferential treatment for Zhenya. Every technical specialist and their mother these days seems thoroughly incapable of distinguishing between a good Lutz edge and a sketchy one, presumably because they are all busy spotting imaginary wrong flip edges. I’m not saying this to justify Zhenya having a wrong edge on her Lutz - it’s an error, we know it, she knows it, the entire TCC team knows it, as evidenced by the fact that she is trying all she can to get it fixed. However, in the current climate and its overwhelming trend of leniency towards flutzers - it is unfair to demand strict edge calls for Zhenya only without advocating for the same treatment for everyone else, and that is exactly what many of her critics are doing. Look, I will happily join you in screaming at the top of my lungs for the ISU to systematically reform their perception of the Lutz jump, but if and when it is done, it has to be uniformly applied to all skaters, all right? Burning just one Zhenya at the stake for her Lutz edge while ignoring everyone else is simply not an efficient way of addressing this wider issue. 

On the point of her being overscored at ACI, where, exactly, was that? She barely got any +4 on her jumps except the 3S+3T combo, which was fair enough by the way - that combo of hers has always been super strong. She had some issue with her spins so obviously no +5 and only a handful of +4. She got dinged a level on her StSq (both times), lost levels on her spins, got called for UR - all reasonable. In PCS I probably wouldn’t have given her any 9s but if you have seen the protocol you’d know that those 9s were few and far between. So, again, where on earth was she “terribly overscored”?

As for her potential, all the points I mentioned above mean that she has tons of room for improvement. In terms of packaging, I really like her SP and I’m currently neutral about the FS, but I think it can grow. I hate to sound like a broken record here, but this entire off-season was highly disruptive for Zhenya - changing coaches, relocating to a new country, reworking her jumps, learning a completely different style of choreography, all the while recovering from an injury. That’s not to mention the mental strength it must have taken her to pick herself up after that devastating experience in PyeongChang and gather the courage to continue skating. She is, in short, a superwoman for having skated so well at her first competition of the season. If I had in me a tenth of the potential and the determination that this young lady has, I’d probably have fulfilled my childhood dream of becoming a fabulously wealthy economist (yes I know, child-me had zero idea how the economy worked, ok?) instead of sitting here chugging along all days at spreadsheets wondering when I will finally be able to get started on that PhD I’ve always wanted.     

Re: people comparing her to whomever, I’ve written too much about this (x, x, x, x, x, to drag up just a few old posts) and I’ve exhausted all capability to care. Sorry.

That’s a lot of unnecessary rant, I’m sorry, but it’s Monday and I’m in a mood.

Real footage of Zhenya going from gorgeous to goofy in a heartbeat to brighten your day:

Also here she is jumping her flip with much less pre-rotation and much better toe pick: