#no more weed naps at 6pm i can’t take it!!!!!!

[pomogranategf]

the substances r making me feel.b ad

[hawkins-losers]

Darling, don’t you ever grow up | Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader

Summary: Eddie becomes a dad. Spoilers: he’s the best dad

Word count: 1.7k 

A/N: I never read or write anything with babies in them, so this is a first for me. Please be nice

** should I make a part 2 where the baby is growing up?

-

You never doubted Eddie that would be a great parent. Naturally, he was very nervous during the pregnancy and childbirth, but you knew in your heart that he would be a fantastic father.

‘’I can’t be a dad, there’s drugs in places I don’t even remember putting them. What if she - or he - finds a bag of weed and chews on it? I’m gonna be no better than my own father,’’ Eddie rambled in panic during a mental breakdown, pacing in circles in your small apartment.

You knew this was his overactive imagination and the childhood trauma was engraved in his head speaking, but it still made your heart ache. You get that he was scared to relive his father’s mistakes, but he shouldn’t compare himself to his old man.

Unlike his father, Eddie cared for his daughter. She meant the world to him and loved her with his whole heart - even before she was born. You knew he would do things the right way.

You saw the sparks in his eyes the day Zeppelin was born - and the tears of joy in his eyes. Although she was right in front of his eyes, Eddie still couldn’t believe he was a dad.

The first time he held her - his daughter - was very emotional. She was so small barely any pajamas would fit her. Her pink knitted hat gifted by the hospital was the only clothing that didn’t look huge on her. Her hair was dark and she had a lot - just like her father. Her skin was red and fragile from being born minutes ago.

Since coming back from the hospital, your batteries shut down around 6pm. You hadn't fallen asleep at that hour since you were a kid, but becoming a mother turned out to be a lot more exhausting than you thought.

Thankfully, Eddie was very helpful. He held her so carefully and was so quick to get to her crib whenever he'd hear a slightest sound that resembled a whimper or a cry. You liked to joke that he was an overprotective parent and he would flip you off in return.

While you napped on the couch, Eddie was on baby duty. Little Zeppelin was so tiny in his arms, it was adorable. He was so gentle with her, your heart melted every time you caught them having a moment together.

Right now, he was sitting in the rocking chair, quietly speaking to his sleeping daughter. Her little hand was wrapped around his finger and her little eyelids fluttered as she was dreaming.

‘’I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart. You will be raised in a home filled with love and happiness. My and your mommy are never going to desert you,’’ he told baby Zeppelin while rocking her wrapped in her favorite blanket.

*

The first month of being parents went by in a blur. You and Eddie were both exhausted from waking up every two or three hours to feed Zeppelin. All she did was eat, sleep and fill her diaper, but god was it exhausting.

You had moved the crib to the bedroom for easier access during the night. It was taking a lot of space, but it was more practical. Your mom warned you not to do this because the baby will get used to sleeping there, but what she didn't know won't bother her, right?

Sometimes, Eddie would bring her in the bed and she would fall asleep on his chest right away, lulled by her father's breathing.

*

Things got better by the second month. Zeppelin was starting to stay awake for longer periods and she was all smiles with her chubby cheeks and round eyes.

She even began pulling at Eddie's hair, which always made you laugh. She surprisingly had a strong hold. Now, when he was close to her, he was more warry. While he liked when you pulled his hair, Zeppelin was just not letting go and pulling harder.

‘’Ow,’’ he hissed, trying to uncurl her little fist from his strand of hair and failing. ‘’Y/N? Can you come here for a minute? I need a little…assistance with our little princess.’’

A frown between your eyebrows, you abandoned your laundry folding and went to the bedroom where Eddie’s voice had called for you. A laugh spilled from your mouth, amused by the situation.

‘’You’re gonna have to tie your hair at some point. She’s really taken a liking to it.’’ You took Zeppelin’s little fist and carefully uncurled it from Eddie’s hair. ‘’Or, you’re gonna have to cut it-’’

‘’Not happening!’’ Eddie shook his head. ‘’Nope.’’

‘’Good. Because I like your hair long.’’

A smug smile curled on his lips. ‘’I know you do.’’

*

Four months went by, and you decided to make a trip to Hawkins. You were feeling more rested by then and had fully recovered from childbirth, so you had no excuse not to visit your hometown. The idea didn't enchant you nor Eddie, the place filled with unpleasant memories, but your mother and brother along with Eddie's uncle had yet to meet Zeppelin.

Not seeing your family and friends as much made you sad, but moving out of Hawkins after graduation had been the best idea for both you and Eddie. In Hawkins, you felt suffocated and observed everywhere you went just because you were in love with a boy that didn't fit the towners' standards.

Here, in Philadelphia, you got a fresh start.

Eddie was known as Eddie, the guy who repaired cars at the auto shop on second street - not the freak. He missed playing D&D with the Hellfire club - which was now in the hands of your little brother, Dustin - and having gigs with Corroded Coffins at the Hideout, but his life was here in Philadelphia now.

The second you pulled in the driveway, your mother was running out of the door and yelling at Dustin that you were here. She was practically jumping on her feet on the porch. You had never seen her so excited before.

''Dusty! Come see the baby! Your sister is here!''

You barely had time to get out of the car that your mother was hugging you tight. The last time you had seen her was at Dustin's birthday last year when you announced that you were pregnant. You hadn't planned on telling the big news on Dustin's birthday, but the ultrasound picture slipped from your purse and your mother saw it.

She pulled from the hug and tried to peek through the backseat window where Zeppelin was still seated. ''Where is my granddaughter?''

''Oh, we didn't bring her,'' you told your mom as a joke.

Claudia narrowed her eyes and glanced at Eddie on the other side of the car.

He shook his head to deny. ''Worry not, Mrs. Henderson, we didn't leave her in Philly. I can't leave my house without my little princess.''

''I told you to call me Claudia, you're part of the family now,'' your mother reminded him as she hugged him too.

''Unfortunately,'' Dustin quipped from the porch.

Eddie gave him the finger behind your mother's back, making Dustin grin. Some things never change.

Dustin wouldn't say it, but he missed Eddie a lot since you moved away. Since meeting him through Hellfire Club in his freshman year, Dustin saw Eddie like a brother. He looked up to him a lot. Funny thing is, they were now brother-in-laws.

After your mother released him, Eddie opened the backseat door and unlocked the baby car seat from its platform. Automatically, your mother pounced on the baby, cooing at Zeppelin who was soundly sleeping.

''Aw, she had your eyes, Y/N.''

You grabbed the diaper bag and swung it on your shoulder. ''Mom, she's sleeping. You can't see her eyes.''

*

Once inside, Dustin didn’t want to hold his niece, scared he would drop her. Lucas or Mike must’ve said that in his head as jokes, but Dustin took it seriously. These little shitheads. 

‘’He is such a great father, I'm impressed. Your father didn't even want to change your diaper!’’ your mother commented as she watched Eddie kiss Zeppelin's little feet and whispering little things while he changed her.

A fond smile curled on your lips, watching the scene before you. ‘’He’s the best father.’’ 

‘‘I was hesitant when you and him started dating, but I see why you stuck with him. He’s a good man.’‘

*

You didn't stay in Hawkins for long. Three days was long enough.

During your short stay, you got enough dirty - and shocked - looks from neighbors, old classmates and nosey towners to make you not miss your hometown. Mrs. Jenkins, the pastor's wife, made a nasty comment about you going to hell while you were picking up groceries your mother forgot for dinner. All because you had a baby with a satanist.

Eddie was a lot of things, but a Satan worshiper was not one of them.

There wasn't only bad though. Dustin's friends came over to meet Zeppelin, along with Chrissy - now Auntie Chrissy. She was your best friend and the only one with whom you kept in touch after high school. She was also the first you told about your pregnancy - right after Eddie. She screamed through the phone and cried, happy for you and Eddie.

''Oh my god, Y/N, she is so cute,'' Chrissy cooed as Zeppelin smiled at her and made bubbles with her mouth, soaking the collar of her pajama. ''She is the cutest baby.''

''She really is. She gets that from her daddy,'' you said, leaning back against Eddie's shoulder.

''Me? Cute?'' Eddie shook his head, denying. ''Nah. She gets the cute part from her mommy.'' He stole a kiss from you and you smiled.

Getting pregnant at nineteen had not been part of your plans, but you couldn't be happier.

''Who's the new hot gossip now that we've bounced?'' you asked Chrissy, wanting to hear the new juicy gossips going around.

The blonde pursed her lips, thinking. ''There's not much- Oh! Did you know Jason knocked two girls up?''

Your jaw dropped. ''No way! Two?!''

Eddie barked a laugh, getting up. ''His pull out game got weak,'' he joked, snatching Zeppelin from Chrissy and lifting her in the air to make her scream and laugh.

You snorted, then glanced between Zeppelin and him. ''Do you want to talk about your pull-out game? Clearly, you it wasn't good enough.''

On the couch, Chrissy covered her mouth to keep her laugh in.

-

Taglist: @broadway-or-noway @violetsleftfist @thelaststraw3  @cursedandromedablack  @Slashersimpfor  @savagejane1   @wh0reforbucknasty   @eddiemunson-slut   @slvdsjjk  @hehehehannahthings  @dreamdancers-world  @grace-loux  @iamharrystyleslover  @matildavol6  @Original_babababoo  @eddiemunsonbby  @notbeforelong  @lexi-2004 @violetrainbow412-blog  @tatespillows  @alwayslexii  @lilygreennn   @milkiane  @imahomeslice  @bunnygrl16 @cwritesforfun @marauders3rawh0re  @your-mom21 @parkersmyth @voguesir @milkiane @andrewgarfields-girlfriend @lilygreennn @alexxavicry @charlie-chick  @wandamaximoffs-deadchild  @horrorstreet  @rmeddar123  @Pastel-abyss-x @lil-tracys  @lanalanabanana

Eddie Munson taglist: @nighttwingg @yourfavoriteakutagawakinnie @heizenka @eddiemvunsongf @Eddie_munsons_girlfriend @magicalchocolatecheesecake @eddiemunsonistheloveofmylife @avril-reblog-cave @Fandomfaeryreads @harrys-tittie @straycatarang @fourlokiss  @eddiemattress  @ghoulishlygrey   @paola-carter @bubsonnobx @pauldanoswifereal @ofherscarlettwitchways @kiszkathecook  @truewdw1 @bubsonnobx @ohhrexella @Dreamtiara @pastelbabygirl19  @steves-robin @eddiemunsonbby @jenlouvre @bonked-beyond-belief2  @tvserie-s-world @bootlegmothman420 @courtmr @chrisxevans-seb @satinselenite @thikkiesixx  @jennilynn63  @nia-um  @welcometohellfirw @strangermarvelgirl @sugar-simz @fandomloversvaries @miakatharinaa  @julsss321 @m1rkw00dpr1ncess  @Minksblog @soph69420world  @ameliakf13 @nancewheelersworld @parasadic-blog @nluvwitheddiemunson

[mysideblogofsurveys]

Survey 16.

Favorite beverage: Well, Water I guess.  I like drinking Mt. Dew or Coffee but I’ve cut back on all that stuff (but I will have a cup of coffee every morning)

When was the last time you had ketchup? On Saturday.  We made Sweet Potato Fries but they don’t really good with ketchup

What is the most recent gift you've been given? My co-workers gave me a GrubHub gift card for all the help (they’re working from home but I still go into the office so they e-mail what they need to do to me so I can do it for them - I actually hate doing it but..we don’t really have a choice).  Anyway, they wanted to give me something as “Thanks for all the help” and I told them a simple “Thank You” is all I want but people don’t listen. (Not to be ungrateful but I don’t like receiving gifts from anyone other than family and NO ONE listens and gives me things anyway).

Did you leave the house today? Not yet, I’ll be leaving about 8:10 to go to work

Are there bumper stickers on your car? Yes :) a “Straw Hat” pirate one from the anime One Piece and an EXO sticker for the kpop group.

Are you watching tv right now? Kind of.  “Dark” on Netflix.  I paused it briefly though to read these questions - its in German so I need to read the subtitles.

Are you wearing anything blue? No

Do you have a job? Yes..but I’ve been thinking about quitting so I can move back to the city I loved.  Life is too short to live in a place you don’t like and I’ve seen other jobs I can apply for so I’m not worried.

Is your car messy? No, I like to keep it clean.

When did you last have whipped cream? This morning..I like using heavy whipping cream in my coffee (as opposed to the other creamers that are all sugar).  My husband uses the canned/aerosol whipped cream in his coffee though.

How far away is the closest house? Literally down 2 flights of stairs.  I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment.

What street do you live on? On one that has a cool name

Are you dating anyone? I’m married.

What color is you computer? Both my laptop and desktop are black

Do you own an iPod? What color is it? I do!  I won an iPod at my high school graduation celebration (my class had a “lock in” at the school - basically they “lock” you in the school (from like 6pm to 6am) where you can play games, nap if you want, eat all sorts of junk food or just hang out and have a party for everyone graduating, it was a lot of fun.  They had a raffle before everyone went home the next morning and I won an iPod (this was in 2006 so a long time ago lol) But it was just the standard black one.

What is the most recent picture on your phone/camera of: UGH OMG so I forgot I took a picture of this DISGUSTING roach that I found in our apt on Friday night.  They’re not the tiny/infestation ones, they’re large “Palmetto Bug” roaches that tend to wander into houses that have cracks and our vents.  Since I live in an apartment, theres not much I can do about it. I can’t wait to move!!!

Have you ever shot a gun? Oh definitely, we like to go to the gun range with my father-in-law.  Its a great way for us to bond and I hope to God I’ll never ever have to actually use one but I like the idea of not being completely defenseless if someone breaks into my house (as I’m small and could easily get overpowered)

What temperature is it? Maybe 70 in the apt but probably 80s outside? Do you know anyone with a third nipple? Uh..no.

What do your parents do for a living? My Mom is a dental hygienist and my Dad is an Electrician.

Have you ever had a pet that had babies? No :/ I always thought that would have been fun though

Which grocery store is closest to you? Publix

Do you have a hamper in your room? Yes

Do you know anyone that's a nurse? Yes but I haven’t talked to him in years.

Do you know someone with the name Alaina? No

What color is the blanket on your bed? Ahh, black blankets, blue blankets, purple blanket..we have like 4 or 5 blankets on our bed.

What are your parent's middle names? Well, one starts with an “S” the other starts with an “E”

Have you ever broken a bone? Yes, kind of

Do you wear braces or glasses? I wear glasses and had braces growing up.

What color are they? I’m assuming my glasses?  They’re black and have tiny stars in the corner. 

Are you currently reading a book? Yes, I’m reading “Legends of the Alfar” by Markus Heitz

When did you last get your blood drawn? Its been quite a few years

Have you ever done hard drugs? No, I’ve smoked weed before but didn’t like it.

How many contacts are in your phone? A lot but thats because I haven’t deleted them.  If I deleted everyone I don’t talk to, there wouldn’t be many.

Does your toilet have a seat cover? No.

What's currently on your grocery list? I have a whole list.  We haven’t been to the grocery store in a few days but we need to go when I get off work.

What things do you take with you everywhere? Wallet, phone, car keys..and my Zune (yes, the MP3 player from like 2000 lol)

Do you know someone that is/was over 100 years old? No but my Great-Grandpa is still living and he’s 96

Was your HS principal a girl or a boy? Woman I think..I actually don’t remember

Have you ever eaten a raw egg? No

Do you own any rings? Yes

Have you eaten fruit today? Not yet.  I’ve peeled 2 clementines for my breakfast when I get to work though

What about milk? Nope, not for a couple weeks.

What letter does your state start with? F

Could you list all 50 states? Easily.

What about their capitals? No, I used to be able to though

What internet browser do you use? Firefox.

Do you know anyone that lives in Wyoming? No, but my Husband and I joke about just leaving everything and moving there sometimes (to just get away from all the idiocy we see in this city).  I can’t believe there are only 500,000 people living in the entire state!

Do you smoke cigarettes? No

Which person you know has the most unique name? A few I suppose

Do you know someone that's missing a limb? No

Do you have facial hair? I don’t but my husband does Are you a bad person? I’m not and I hope no one thinks I am

What was the last swear you said? Bullshit (referring to my state closing beaches for Independence Day - yes I realize this was over a week ago but it still annoys me)

Have you ever called the police on someone? No

What is the most amount of pets you've had at one time? Two - a cat and dog

When did you last check your email? Yesterday.

Have you ever had a 3rd degree burn? No

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, I fainted at work on time and they brought me to the hospital to find out what was wrong - thankfully it was nothing major

How long is your hair? About the middle of my back

Do you lock your doors at night? Oh yeah, they’re always locked even when we’re home.

Does your bedroom have a lock? Our bedroom doors do not

What do you have at your bedside? I have a table with old mail, a clock and sometimes my book (I want to read more before bed instead of looking at my phone)

How big is your bed? King

Do you know someone that was murdered? No

Do you know someone who's pregnant? No.  My friend was pregnant recently but she miscarried :(

Do you wear a watch? No, but I want to start wearing one!

What was your first pet? A cat

How much jewelry do you own? Not too much.  I don’t really wear jewelry.

What is the closest purple thing? My EXO pencil bag - it has their logo in a galaxy themed colors (purple, blue and green)

Green? Same thing as above

What time is it? 7:44am

What is your ideal profession? I wish I knew!! I have no idea :(

How tall are you? Like 5′0

Have you ever gotten x-rays? Yes

Do you wear gloves in the winter? I would but its never Winter in FL.

Do you consider yourself smart? Eh, so so.  I’m not stupid but I”m also not a genius.  I’m just average.

What color eyes are the prettiest? Gray-Blue eyes or Dark brown

Are your teeth straight? Yes

Do you like chocolate milk? I do but I don’t drink it because of all the sugar

Do you own a bike? No, I haven’t in years.  I want to buy one though but theres not really a place to bike where I live right now.

Are you taller than your mom? No, she’s like 5′1 lol so she’s just barely taller than me

Have you ever been engaged? Yes :)

What, in your opinion, is the ugliest name? I dont’ know, I don’t particularly like the old style names though

[vacationcalendar]

8/7/21

Hi boyfriend~

Just took a weed gummie in honor of Bonnie’s birthday weekend. My present for my friend is that I’ll suck it up and be an active participant in their life for a change. I’ll be game for a whole weekend. I got up early today and tagged along to volunteer at a charity 5k. We grabbed some coffee and wandered to the halfway point of the course (thus walking an entire 5k in the process! Not too shabby ;D), and then camped out a water station that I’d say should be very grateful I actually showed up to work its sorry ass. Bonnie didn’t have to do any managing/delegating, they just got to post up and chatter at the runners-by. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t go, and I promise I am not tooting my own horn, that water stand would not have been the fun water stand that it was. They would have had 2 dunces making it go worse, and only 3 people managing 4 tables of water cups. Volunteers man, what are you gonna do? I’m sure that’s why they were looking for 8 people per water stand, just to statistically ensure that SOMEONE with half a brain would be around to help out.

Great morning though. JUST a little too hot, but that’s how you know you were doing solid work out there. The proof is in the pits, baby!

Ok, 40 minute bathroom break is over. Man, nothing like starting the blog to make me SO productive in the mornings! It’s such a cheat code. I did laundry, dishes, pooped; my whole day is bright and available now! But now I’m tired and I don’t want to write anymore. I had about a 6 minute where I wanted to do this today and I actually hit it for a second before I had to stop and do ANYTHING ELSE I guess. So, fuck. What do we write now?

I had to get up suuuuper early for this 5k thing, and I only got like 4 hours of sleep because I did not factor in the early wake up until like 6pm yesterday, and I had already slept like 14 hours that day :I That’s right, I woke up, immediately crushed the blog, went back to laying down, played League, and watched tv and shit until I felt tired enough to sleep and get ready for the 5k, which was 2am. So now I have a weed gummie digesting in me and I have a nap climbing up my priority list and this is why I don’t like weed. I feel like I have to plan my fucking shit around it, and I’m not good at that. Part of me thinks I can crash right now and wake up before the drugs make me sleep for 2 hours longer than I want, and give me weird, unpleasant dreams. I can’t possibly pull that off, I’m not sleepy, I’m just like sluggish. So basically what I have to do now is power through into the “trip” (maybe I’ll luck out and miss it and I can just pretend I’m high, which I won’t do, but hey we’re brainstorming here), and let that smoothly transition me into a nap. And THAT would mean that I have to entertain myself for the time being to get me into a good place to start being high...? And then I can like power up my activities WHILE high, and that would be fun. Playing video games, great. Playing video game high? That’s the whole point of it. I mean like, that’s the whole point of life, right? And then I can be like NAPTIME BITCH, and that would be fun also, in theory. And then I can go put a podcast on and go to the movies? Ugh, I don’t want to go the movies anymore. I’m to tired :( This sucks.

I’m trying to go see Green Knight. I’m sure that sentence won’t matter at all in even like 4 months from now, but I think it should be a fun time. So much more productive than anything I can do from the desk. And it’s not summertime like this forever. You gotta get that shit in so you don’t think you miss it when the weather turns. You want to be sitting inside on a cold autumn day thinking “good riddance, being outside is entirely overrated.” And I’m not there yet. Man I don’t know. Well how bout this? Let’s do a little more brainstorming while I’m trapped here writing to your dumb ass. If you ever read these again this part will be like a little prank on you lol. Ok: 1: Stay here, no movie. Let’s lock that in. that should make having to navigate being high so much easier. Let’s let the pipe dream of doing everyone’s favorite thing of being at a theater high wait just a little longer. Today can be a trial run. We’ll walk around today and think about what it would be like if I had biked 20 minutes to a movie theater and watched a 2 hour movie and biked home. And when we suss out that it would have been unenjoyable, we’ll feel like geniuses for making this call. So that’s out of the way. LOCK IT IN

2. I don’t know yet. Let’s just start simple. Food. What’s up? We have almost no groceries. We have no bread for a tuna salad sandwich, but let’s put that in the to-do list. We need more english muffins too. That was an A+ 10/10 move last month. Just muffins w/ strawberry jam, and egg McMuffins whenever the fuck I wanted, which was always. Frozen Veggies like Corn or Beans would be good. Bag Chop Salad kits. They weren’t on sale last week, and it’s goddamn highway robbery when they’re at full price. So this week would be the perfect time to check in on ‘em. And I’ll commit more to an equivalent substitute this time if I can’t find a good deal. Let’s see, what else? Oof my wpm and accuracy is starting to take a hit. The first and only symptom! Nice! Miku. Meat. Spaghetti and meat sauce? Gotta check out what ragu shit you have in the house before you do that. Consider this your reminder! I know you’ve never successfully pulled that off, but I have full confidence in you. Oh fuck, now I’m starting to worry a little bit the coherent quality of this is about to start dropping. Well, another fun little prank for ya bitch! Fruit leathers? I just have no fucking idea. Ok, so shopping can 100% wait for another day. This isn’t anywhere close to a cohesive trip. So we can eat out somewhere! Great, lock it bitch. I’m starting to swear more; it’s because I can’t find the right words anymore. Oh boy, the weed smelling burps are happening. This really is so gross and difficult. Beer is just a more bitter version of soda. It’s actively refreshing. Damn, if only I’d been a little more exposed to peer pressure at an earlier age. I’d have been past this awkward uncomfortable phase of weed, like how I (and basically everyone) was with alcohol. You slam Natty Lites with your nose closed until you start to realize life is little more pleasurable than the absolute Kelvin zero you had come to be familiar with. Uh, ok, I’m starting to let my mind wander. He’s daydreaming, chief! I suppose I could just transcribe the dialogue of the daydreams, but I can’t keep up. This is just break o’clock.

3. What do I fucking eat!? I had to make a whole nother numbered point, and I still don’t have the plan. Jesus H,. Ok here’s what AROUND. Chex Mix, unopened. 1 Grape Soda. Cookie Dough Ice Cream (w choc sauce). Raisins, PB, Ramen, meh. Reese Cups! I just looked behind and was like, “oh yeah! Nice”. If that’s not everything, that’s REALLY close. So what’s calling my name? Pizza? Chinese? Damn, I might just have to play this by ear. Nothing at all sounds interesting, and I’m not the slightest bit hungry (we got free Dim Sum after the 5k. It was called the Dim Sum and Then Some 5k). Ok, so other options to keep on the back burner for later would be: Kebab, Chicken Sandwich, go get Pizza Rolls and Chippies at the store. Ok that’s enough options, that fuckin really took it outta me, I can’t believe it. My hands are kinda feeling heavier now too. I better think of a #4 thing to write about quick or I may lose all my inertia.

4. UMmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Movie time? I watch arrival and turn off all the lights and pop popcorn and have my soda? Where sunglasses and pretend they’re 3-D glasses? Maybe. Ugh, I can tell right now my eyes are gonna get bloodshot, or dry out or whatever. They already kinda hurt :(. It’s fine. I feel more good than not. Like I’m wrapped up in a blanket, even though I’m not. Maybe OH- Maybe I lay out on the beach chair and read in the sun with an ice coffee? Oh fuck that might actually be perfect. Then I can go no shirt and just feel nature, and maybe bugs are less troublesome when you’re high. And then I can pop Doughboys on and shower! Shower high, seems like a guaranteed home-run. Ok, I like it a lot. I have to do SOMETHING away from Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum or I’ll go crazy this weekend, especially if I have to tag in on occasion and “participate” for Bonnie’s Birthday. Which, let’s be clear, is the least I can do. It’s a gimme. I owe Bonnie AT LEAST this much, even just as like backpay for holidays or yore. Like if I have the zhuzh to punch in for birthday shtuff, I better do it, right? I just looked it up, it might officially be zhoosh, not zhuzh, but zhuzh appears to me to be the best way to do it. And there’s like 5 accepted spellings of it. Stupid, not helpful. Just because it employs a sound that has no [conformed] applications in the english language? Poor excuse! Oh man, it’s so early I can’t believe it! That 5k feels like a day ago, wild. Well, hey! Point 4 is finished. Moving on!

5. What to do tonight? Who gives a fuck. Figure that part out when you get there, it does not matter at all. There, numbered list over.

Ok so, let’s just wrap this up I guess. I’m cracking an hour here, that’s plenty. Maybe tonight you do a little PRE-WRITING before bed, so this isn’t so “chore-y”. Let’s just remember you seriously considered letting yourself down completely and bailing on the blog earlier this morning. So we need to keep our expectations at appropriate levels still. It’s this NEXT week that should be very interesting. Just in terms of output. A little more practice, and little more muscle-memory. A little less crap to distract me (I have been burning through non-stop crap youtube/tv this last week since coming home, it’s fantastic. I was gonna say it was sucky, or disgusting or something, but that’s a lie I tell to myself to pretend I’m more diligent than I actually am. ACCEPT who you are and love yourself for it)

I accept you and love you Max. Ok, I have to go, I feel like I’m gonna puke... awesome 

bi

[antiadvil]

5 times Dan and Fiona were not dating (and one time they were)

summary: Dan has been confused about her sexuality for a long time, and Fiona isn’t helping. Or maybe she is?

Labels are overrated. Having sex with girls is fun. Just as long as there aren’t any feelings involved. And there aren’t any, right? Right?

rating: M

wc: ~3k

notes: right so, halfway through outlining this fic I decided it would be fun to write little interludes that contain every message Dan and Fiona send between chapters. so... this is the result.

They're designed so that they don't have to be read to understand the upcoming chapters, and there isn't really an overarching plot or anything, just a collection of fairly random conversations, but I hope you'll give them a read anyway.

chapter 2/12- Interlude One

current chapter on ao3 | tumblr masterlist | first chapter on tumblr

October 20, 2019:

Fiona, 11:34 am: I woke up so late holy shit

Dan, 11:36 am: lol

Dan, 11:36 am: what time did you go to bed

Fiona, 11:36 am: …

Fiona, 11:37 am: Late

Dan, 11:37 am: i got up at 10

Dan, 11:37 am: ha

Fiona, 11:37 am: Look at Miss I Have My Life Together

Fiona, 11:37 am: Does she deign to share her advice with her loyal peasants

Dan, 11:38 am: no

Fiona, 11:38 am: :(

Dan, 11:39 am: suffer

Fiona, 11:41 am: I am

Fiona, 11:41 am: We’re out of cheerios

Dan, 11:42 am: why

Fiona, 11:42 am: I ate them

Dan, 11:42 am: so you see why this is your fault?

Fiona, 11:43 am: No

Dan, 11:43 am: hmm

Fiona, 11:43 am: Shut up

Fiona 11:43 am: Ok bye I apparently need to go to the grocery store

Dan, 11:44 am: wow that’s so weird i wonder why you have to go to the grocery store

Dan, 11:44 am: bye have fun

Fiona, 11:55 am: grocery shopping is never fun

Dan, 11:55: you’re never fun

Fiona, 12:06 pm: :(

 Fiona, 6:40 pm:

 Dan, 7:02 pm: WHAT

Dan, 7:02 pm: DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

Dan, 7:02 pm: LOOK WE WERE JUST FRIENDS OKAY

Dan, 7:02 pm: female friendship is a very powerful thing

Fiona, 7:03 pm: sure lmao

Fiona, 7:03 pm: Glad to help you discover the power of female friendship last night <3

Dan, 7:03 pm: STOP

Dan, 7:03 pm: YOU’VE CALLED ME OUT ENOUGH

Fiona, 7:04 pm: have I

Dan, 7:04 pm: yes

Dan, 7:04 pm: be nice :(

Fiona, 7:04 pm: What if I’m not a nice person?

Dan, 7:05 pm: you are tho

Fiona, 7:05 pm: no u

Dan, 7:06 pm: 🥺

Fiona, 7:06 pm: bottom

Dan, 7:06 pm: fuck you

Fiona, 7:07 pm: lol that’s not how top/bottom works, dan

Dan, 7:07 pm: FUCK YOU

Fiona, 7:07 pm: ok maybe if you ask nicely

Dan, 7:07 pm: no thoughts head empty

Fiona, 7:08 pm: good thing I’m not attracted to you for your brain <3

Dan, 7:08 pm: …

Fiona, 7:08 pm: too far?

Dan, 7:09 pm: roast me harder daddy 🥺

Fiona, 7:09 pm: jesus fucking christ

Fiona, 7:09 pm: i hate you

Dan, 7:10 pm: :(

Fiona, 7:10 pm: ugh FINE I don’t

Dan, 7:10 pm: :)

October 21, 2019:

Dan, 10:31 am: wanna see my favorite tumblr post

Fiona, 11:42 am: YES

Dan, 11:43 am: … did you just wake up

Fiona, 11:43 am: DO YOU THINK I’M THIS ENERGETIC WHEN I JSUT WOKE UP?

Dan, 11:44 am: *JUST

Fiona, 11:44 am: SHUT

Fiona, 11:44 am: GIVE ME POST

Dan, 11:45 am: 

Fiona, 11:46 am: That’s your favorite tumblr post?

Dan, 11:46 am: yes

Fiona, 11:46 am: Should I be concerned that it’s about murder

Dan, 11:47 am: it’s not about murder

Fiona, 11:47 am: Yes it is

Dan, 11:47 am: it’s about homiecide

Fiona, 11:47 am: I will kill you

Dan, 11:48 am: you’ll homiecide me?

Fiona, 11:48 am: NO

Fiona, 11:48 am: I will kill you

Dan, 11:48 am: :(

Fiona, 11:48 am: :)

 Fiona, 10:43 pm: How was your day?

Fiona, 10:43 pm: Kill any homies?

Dan, 10:45 pm: No

Dan, 10:45 pm: Come over, you can be the first

Fiona, 10:45 pm: 🥺

Fiona, 10:45 pm: I’m honored

Fiona, 10:46 pm: Can I though? I crave death

Dan, 10:46 pm: oh no

Dan, 10:46 pm: why?

Fiona, 10:47 pm: I did a procrastination again

Dan, 10:47 pm: now why would you do that?

Fiona, 10:47 pm: Because I’m stupid

Dan, 10:47 pm: 😔

Dan, 10:48 pm: what have you learned from this?

Fiona, 10:48 pm: Absolutely nothing

Fiona, 10:48 pm: I will do it again

Dan, 10:48 pm: we love to hear it

Fiona, 10:49 pm: 😔 you do maybe

Dan, 10:49 pm: how are u imply that i take pleasure in the downfall of others

Fiona, 10:50 pm: YOU LITERALLY SAID IT FIRST

Fiona, 10:50 pm: YOU SAID YOU LOVED TO HEAR IT

Dan, 10:51 pm: really? that doesn’t sound like something i would say

Fiona, 10:51 pm: Stop gaslighting me

Dan, 10:52 pm: :)

Fiona, 10:52 pm: :(

Dan, 10:53 pm: go do your homework

Fiona, 10:53 pm: FINE

October 22, 2019:

Dan, 4:12 am: wake up i’m bored

Dan, 4:15 am: why can’t i sleep i hate myself

Dan, 4:20 am: haha 420 blaze it

Dan, 4:20 am: i’m kidding i don’t smoke weed

Dan, 4:20 am: i’m lame

Dan, 4:32 am: i have class at 9:30 am i’m going to die

Dan, 4:32 am: pray for me

Dan, 4:56 am: i think i’m finally tired

Dan, 4:56 am: i hate myself

Dan, 4:56 am: wait i already said that

Dan, 4:56 am: oh well

Dan, 4:56 am: good night 🖤

Fiona, 9:42 am: Oh no

Fiona, 9:42 am: Did you make it to class?

Dan, 9:44 am: im dying

Fiona, 9:46 am: Oh no

Dan, 9:50 am: i made it to class but i regret my entire existence

Fiona, 9:51 am: Oh no

Dan, 9:52 am: shut up

Dan, 9:52 am: i have never been this tired

Fiona, 9:52 am: When do you get out?

Dan, 9:55 am: 11 🤡

Fiona, 9:55 am: Why did you even go to class today holy shit

Dan, 9:57 am: I’m stupid

Fiona, 10:00 am: Can you leave?

Dan, 10:05 am: i’m already here i might as well suffer

Fiona, 10:06 am: D:

Fiona, 10:06 am: suffering bad

Dan, 10:11 am: whoa really

Dan, 10:11 am: thank you for letting me know

Fiona, 10:11 am: Of course

Dan, 10:12 am: where would i be without you

Fiona, 10:12 am: Class

Dan, 10:13 am: wait

Dan, 10:13 am: i am in class

Fiona, 10:14 am: Yeah

Fiona, 10:14 am: Without me

Dan, 10:20 am: u have a point

Fiona, 10:21 am: I have lots of points

Fiona, 10:21 am: Come hang out with me, I’ll save you from going to class at 9:30 am

Dan, 10:25 am: my hero

Fiona, 10:26 am: 🥰

Dan, 10:35 am: only 25 more minutes

Dan, 10:35 am: i can do this

Fiona, 10:36 am: Just so you know, falling asleep in class is completely valid

Dan, 10:40 am: i can make it

Dan, 10:40 am: i believe in me

Fiona, 10:41 am: Okay

Fiona, 10:41 am: Good luck!

Dan, 10:45 am: i don’t believe in me

Dan, 10:45 am: i’m dying

Fiona, 10:46 am: If I believe in you will that help

Dan, 10:47 am: no

Fiona, 10:47 am: 13 minutes, you can do it

Dan, 10:50 am: i cant

Fiona, 10:50 am: You can!

Fiona, 10:51 am: I will reward you if you do

Dan, 10:52 am: how

Fiona, 10:52 am: 😏

Dan, 10:53 am: 😳

Dan, 10:54 am: how

Fiona, 10:55 am: Live through this class and you’ll see

Dan, 10:56 am: it better not be socks or something

Fiona, 10:56 am: Oh no of course not, I would never

Fiona, 10:56 am: It’s sexual favors

Dan, 10:57 am: FIONA

Dan, 10:57 am: im in CLASS you can’t just SAY THAT

Fiona, 10:58 am: Oops

Dan, 10:59 am: i hate you so much

Fiona, 10:59 am: Shh

Fiona, 10:59 am: One more minute, you can do this

Dan, 11:00 am: don’t change the subject

Fiona, 11:00 am: Too late

Fiona, 11:00 am: Did you survive

Dan, 11:01 am: no

Dan, 11:01 am: you fucking KILLED me

Fiona, 11:02 am: Too bad

Fiona, 11:02 am: I was really looking forward to seeing you again

Dan, 11:02 am: well too bad

Dan, 11:02 am: you should’ve thought of that before you said things like that

Fiona, 11:03 am: I’m not good at thinking

Dan, 11:03 am: okay philosophy major

Fiona, 11:03 am: I never claimed to be a GOOD philosophy major

Dan, 11:04 am: …

Dan, 11:05 am: (can i have those sexual favors now or nah)

Fiona, 11:06 am: The prize was for surviving

Fiona, 11:06 am: I thought you said you died

Dan, 11:07 am: ugh

Dan, 11:07 am: i hate you

Dan, 11:07 am: i’m going to go home and take a nap

Fiona, 11:07 am: That sounds like a great idea

Fiona, 11:07 am: Sleep a lot you deserve it

Dan, 11:08 am: i will sleep so much

Dan, 11:08 am: gn

October 23, 2019:

Fiona, 7:14 pm: I did a cooking

Dan, 7:14 pm: I did too you’re not special

Fiona, 7:14 pm: Okay but did you bake cheesecake

Dan, 7:15 pm: no

Dan, 7:15 pm: did you?

Fiona, 7:15 pm: As a matter of fact, yes

Dan, 7:15 pm: can i have some

Fiona, 7:16 pm: No

Dan, 7:16 pm: :(

Dan, 7:16 pm: why’d you bake cheesecake

Fiona, 7:17 pm: Because I CAN

Fiona, 7:17 pm: idk, don’t you ever get the urge to bake cheesecake at 6pm on a Wednesday?

Dan, 7:18 pm: i have never gotten the urge to bake something in my life

Fiona, 7:18 pm: Okay, have you ever gotten the urge to *eat* cheesecake at 6pm on a Wednesday?

Dan, 7:18 pm: now we’re talking

Dan, 7:19 pm: yes ofc

Dan, 7:19 pm: are you sure i can’t have any

Fiona, 7:20 pm: Yes

Dan, 7:21 pm: :(

Dan, 7:21 pm: why not

Fiona, 7:22 pm: It’s not a large cheesecake

Fiona, 7:22 pm: … I may have eaten a large chunk of it already

Dan, 7:22 pm: and you didn’t save any for me

Fiona, 7:23 pm: I did not

Dan, 7:23 pm: i’m blocking you

Dan, 7:23 pm: never speak to me again

Fiona, 7:23 pm: D:

Fiona, 7:24 pm: but im cute

Dan, 7:25 pm: so?

Fiona, 7:26 pm: I’ll save some for you next time 🥺

Dan, 7:26 pm: really? 🥺

Fiona, 7:26 pm: yes 🥺

Dan, 7:26 pm: ok i guess i won’t block u 🥺

Fiona, 7:27 pm: 🥺

Fiona, 7:27 pm: That’s so sweet

Dan, 7:28 pm: i’m generous like that

Fiona, 7:28 pm: What would I do without you

Dan, 7:28 pm: eat more cheesecake because you wouldn’t have to save any for me probably

Fiona, 7:29 pm: When you put it like that

Fiona, 7:29 pm: Why do I even talk to you

Dan, 7:29 pm: You’re asking me??

Fiona, 7:30 pm: I guess so, yeah

Dan, 7:30 pm: um because i’m cute

Fiona, 7:30 pm: Hmmm

Fiona, 7:30 pm: Yeah, probably

Dan, 7:31 pm: cuter than cheesecake :)

Fiona, 7:31 pm: Now, I don’t know if I’d go *that* far

Dan, 7:31 pm: cuter than cheesecake :)

Fiona, 7:31 pm: … cuter than cheesecake

Dan, 7:32 pm: i’m glad we’ve come to a compromise

Fiona, 7:32 pm: I don’t think insisting that I agree with you is a compromise

Fiona, 7:32 pm: I think that’s just getting your way

Dan, 7:32 pm: it’s a compromise

Fiona, 7:32 pm: No

Dan, 7:33 pm: COMPROMISE

Fiona, 7:33 pm: FINE

Fiona, 7:33 pm: Compromise

Dan, 7:33 pm: see? another successful compromise

Fiona, 7:33 pm: … yay us

Dan, 7:34 pm: we’re doing great :)

Dan, 7:34 pm: communication is so important

Fiona, 7:34 pm: Uh huh

Fiona, 7:35 pm: I’m going to go finish my cheesecake

Dan, 7:35 pm: :(

Dan, 7:35 pm: as long as you save me some next time

Dan, 7:35 pm: see? i compromised

Fiona, 7:36 pm: Huh, I guess you did

Fiona, 7:36 pm: Good job

Dan, 7:36 pm: thank u

Dan, 7:36 pm: enjoy your cheesecake

Fiona, 7:37 pm: I will :)

October 24, 2019:

Dan, 4:09 pm: i literally can’t wait until the weekend

Dan, 4:09 pm: i want to die

Fiona, 4:15 pm: Will you stop wanting to die on the weekend

Dan, 4:16 pm: no but i’ll forget about it

Fiona, 4:16 pm: Close enough

Dan, 4:17 pm: i have written so many papers in the past week

Dan, 4:17 pm: i want to die

Fiona, 4:17 pm: Oh no

Fiona, 4:17 pm: When are you done writing papers?

Dan, 4:18 pm: never i’m an english major

Fiona, 4:18 pm: I’m so sorry

Fiona, 4:18 pm: Do you want to talk about it

Dan, 4:19 pm: … yes

Fiona, 4:20 pm: Is this a crisis about your major? I’m an expert on those

Dan, 4:20 pm: no, i love english

Dan, 4:20 pm: well i don’t really *love* anything but english is tolerable

Fiona, 4:21 pm: lol

Fiona, 4:21 pm: I think lots of people don’t *love* what they do

Fiona, 4:21 pm: There’s nothing wrong with that

Dan, 4:22 pm: I guess

Dan, 4:23 pm: do you *love* philosophy?

Fiona, 4:23 pm: idk

Fiona, 4:24 pm: I like it

Fiona, 4:25 pm: Honestly I probably won’t end up doing it long term anyway

Dan, 4:25 pm: Why not?

Fiona, 4:26 pm: Not a lot of people get paid to sit around and ponder the mysteries of life

Fiona, 4:26 pm: Unless you go into academia I guess and ick, that’s so much grad school

Dan, 4:27 pm: yeah i guess not

Dan, 4:27 pm: people don’t really get paid to sit around an analyze literature a lot either, do they?

Fiona, 4:27 pm: idk

Fiona, 4:28 pm: Do they?

Dan, 4:28 pm: i feel like probably not

Dan, 4:28 pm: should’ve paid more attention in english 100 lol i think they talked about that

Fiona, 4:29 pm: We all should’ve paid more attention in our orientation classes yet here we are

Fiona, 4:29 pm: Worst comes to worst I’ll just use my CS minor for something

Dan, 4:30 pm: you’re getting a CS minor?

Fiona, 4:30 pm: I had already finished like half the required classes when I switched to philosophy so why not?

Fiona, 4:31 pm: Also it was one of my parents’ requirements for letting me switch but we don’t talk about that

Dan, 4:32 pm: lol

Dan, 4:32 pm: unfortunately i don’t have a cs minor to fall back on

Fiona, 4:33 pm: It’s not too late to get one :P

Dan, 4:33 pm: no thank u!

Fiona, 4:34 pm: aww

Fiona, 4:35 pm: too bad

Dan, 4:35 pm: i am not willing to stoop to doing math to appease capitalism

Fiona, 4:35 pm: lol, have it your way

Fiona, 4:35 pm: English is a good degree, you’ll be fine

Fiona, 4:36 pm: Besides, you have a few years to figure things out

Dan, 4:36 pm: this is true!

Dan, 4:36 pm: i’m going to go forget about my problems and procrastinate dealing with them

Fiona, 4:36 pm: have fun <3

Dan, 4:37 pm: i will!

October 25, 2019:

Dan, 11:24 am: college is stupid

Dan, 11:24 am:

Fiona, 11:26 am: You can still do that now if you really want

Dan, 11:26 am: it’s not the same

Dan, 11:26 am: you live with the constant fear of someone catching you

Fiona, 11:27 am: Okay but you admit that you *could*

Fiona, 11:27 am: You’re just a coward

Dan, 11:28 am: excuse me

Dan, 11:28 am: what did you just say to me

Dan, 11:28 am: i’ll fight you

Fiona, 11:29 am: Okay

Fiona, 11:29 am: To the death or just to giving up?

Dan: 11:29 am: i’d die before i’d give up

Fiona, 11:30 am: Death it is

Fiona, 11:30 am: It’s been nice knowing you

Dan, 11:31 am: you too

Dan, 11:31 am: okay bye i have to go write a paper

Dan, 11:31 am: it was nice talking to you

Fiona, 11:32 am: :(

Fiona, 11:32 am: It was nice talking to you too

Fiona, 11:32 am: Write fast and then return to me

Dan, 11:33 am: ofc <3

Fiona, 11:33 am: <3

October 26, 2019:

Fiona, 9:51 pm: Any fun plans this weekend

Dan, 9:55 pm: Writing more papers lmao

Dan, 9:55 pm: wbu?

Fiona, 9:56 pm: aww :(

Fiona, 9:56 pm: Same I guess, mostly just homework

Fiona, 9:56 pm: 😔

Dan, 9:57 pm: honestly

Dan, 9:57 pm: fuck homework

Dan, 9:58 pm: will you run away to the woods with me

Fiona, 9:59 pm: 😳

Fiona, 10:00 pm: That’s kinda gay

Dan, 10:01 pm: no it’s not

Dan, 10:02 pm: we will live in a cottage with two bedrooms

Fiona, 10:03 pm: But that’s less fun

Dan, 10:05 pm: 😳

Dan, 10:06 pm: that’s kinda gay

Fiona, 10:07 pm: I’m kinda gay

Dan, 10:08 pm: 😳

Fiona, 10:08 pm: 😏

Fiona, 10:11 pm: Can we move to the woods after I finish this paper

Dan, 10:12 pm: no sorry i’m leaving right now

Fiona, 10:13 pm: Oh well :( I’ll try to visit

Dan, 10:14 pm: thank you

Dan, 10:14 pm: just let me know when you’re visiting and i will make you the most mediocre stir fry you’ve ever had

Fiona, 10:15 pm: lmao sounds good

Fiona, 10:15 pm: I have to go work on my paper now :( but I will visit your cottage in the woods as soon as possible

Dan, 10:16 pm: appreciated

Dan, 10:16 pm: good luck on your paper!

Fiona, 10:16 pm: good luck on your move to the woods!