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ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult · 4 years

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Nev, Max, Help!-Nate Jacobs Oneshot

Requested: Yes

Warnings: aggressiveness and rudeness from Nate and a brief panic attack scene

A/N: The reader is gender neutral since the requester did not specify what they wanted and I did not want to disrespect the storyline from the show. Also, it’s a long one.

For once, Amy Winehouse’s low, melancholy voice did nothing to soothe my nerves as I typed what I was looking for in the designated box. “Love is a Losing Game” was definitely not the best song for the mood but I loved her voice so much; it was like a really messed up security blanket for me. My thumbs shook as I kept typing and quickly deleting my words.

Someone to have fun with.

No, that’ll bring every single creep to my profile.

Someone to watch Netflix with.

Ew, no, they won’t want to go anywhere or do anything.

Someone to discuss Maya Angelou with...

This could go one of two ways: attract a sensitive, nice person or the ultimate softboi who was really just an f-boy in a sensible cardigan.

Okay, Y/N, just add to it.

...and have adventures, great conversations, and watch the best movies.

That seemed broad enough and, potentially, weeded out all the weirdos. Patti Stanger would approve of this. I took such a deep breath that I could feel the oxygen in my feet as I pressed the green check mark. An adorable buffering sign appeared before being quickly replaced by a CONGRATULATIONS, Y/N/N, ON COMPLETING YOUR PROFILE.

The air came out of me slowly, like a balloon, and I tried to make myself relax as I swiped through different matches. One person was too short, the other too tall, another had way too many pictures with reptiles in his profile, and one’s bio simply read: DM and you’ll find out.

Serial killer much?

“That’s part of your problem, Y/N,” Jules had chastised me a few day prior.

“What do you mean by ‘part’?” I’d replied.

“Well, for one, you barely leave the house anymore unless I drag you out,” Jules argued.

“I’m busy,” I’d defended.

“Rewatching Breaking Bad for the eighth time does not count as being busy. Plus, you’re so picky.”

“Am not!”

“You said you’d only do DiCaprio in his Great Gatsby days,” Rue had added.

“Did you see him in that suit?”

Jules then shrugged. “All I’m saying is if you aren’t careful, you will end up all alone.”

“That’s not true, Y/N might get cats.”

That conversation had haunted me since and had driven me to making a dating profile after the required Saturday night family dinner. While my parents and brother were downstairs watching a movie, I was holed up in my room, cringing and regretting accepting any chat requests.

Half an hour on the app caused the images of various male genitalia to be burned into my mind. I would need my brain soaked in holy water for it to be erased. I huffed and kept scrolling, vainly hoping and wishing for a decent guy to pop up on my radar.

Maybe Jules and Rue were wrong. Maybe I had all the right in the world to be picky, I thought harshly to myself.

I dropped my phone on my nightstand and flopped against my pillows as Me and Mr. Jones began playing. I sighed and felt myself being lulled into the comforting abyss Amy created.

Ding!

I jumped out and glared at the source of the noise. Another chat request, another picture to ruin my young brain?

“Be positive, Y/N, this might be good,” I stated as I grabbed the phone.

Tyler wants to chat!

I frowned and opened up the app, only to be met with the most sculpted six-pack I had ever seen. My heart began banging against my chest and my thumbs fumbled for a moment to answer the chat request.

Whoosh.

My stomach dropped as I stared at my first chat to Tyler: Shg.ismtle

I’m. Going. To. Die. Alone.

I quickly typed: Please ignore that, I’m so sorry!

Seconds later, my phone dinged.

Tyler: Really? I thought you were trying to send me a secret code and I liked that we were that cool already.

This was not real, this could not be happening. Tyler had to be a bot, that was why he didn’t show his face in his profile. Bots were supposed to have a hard time recognizing and creating faces, right?

But, on the off chance Tyler was real, it would have been rude to leave the conversation so abruptly?

Y/N: Who knows? Maybe it was a secret code and I’m just testing you.

Tyler: Ok, let me guess what it means.

Tyler: Hi?

Y/N: Haha, you really thought I’d use such a simple code as a first message?

Tyler: It’s my bad for underestimating u. I should have known u were smarter since you read Maya Angelou.

Y/N: U a fan?

Tyler: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”

He knows Angelou? He could have Googled a quote though. Still, it’s a good quote to use if he had Googled it.

Y/N: Nice, but, doesn’t get u out of the guessing game.

As Tyler helplessly guessed wrong for several minutes, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I used to think online dating was a last resort or a breeding ground for predators. But, maybe there were decent people looking for something (or someone) meaningful after all.

Tyler: I give up, you’re really good.

Y/N: Thx. But, I can tell you what I meant to say.

Tyler: The suspense is srsly kiilling me.

Y/N: I meant 2 say hey.

Tyler: I guessed that!

Y/N: No, u guessed ‘hi’, there’s a difference.

Tyler: C’mon, barely.

For the rest of the night, Tyler and I chatted. He told me that he plays baseball at a school across town and he doesn’t like anyone around there. He liked John Mulaney stand-up, lemon bars, going to the gym, hanging out with his friends, and reading good books. He was an only child and his parents tended to spoil him. I told him about my friends and how I liked being on the swim team at my school as well as the different YouTubers and books I enjoyed. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of talking to him.

On Monday, Jules and Rue were hanging out outside the school as other people either headed to class or relaxed on the lawn. I could not stop my feet from bouncing as I walked up to them.

“...and that is why Sailor Mercury is the most underrated character of the whole show,” Jules affrimed.

Rue seemed halfway interested as her head nodded slowly underneath the hood of her burgundy hoodie. “Cool, all I asked was who’s your favorite but, cool.”

Jules rolled her eyes playfully and straightened up when she saw me. “Hey, Y/N, nice shirt.”

“Thanks.” I wore a sky blue tie dye shirt with ripped jeans and white Converse.

Rue leaned forward and squinted at me. “You’re not wearing black, something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, she’s obviously been influenced by me!” Jules teased as she wrapped a slim arm around my shoulders.

“Yeah, you can only hang out with this literal rainbow human so long before she starts influencing your outfit choices.”

We started heading inside, which was really just Jules and me dragging Rue into the building.

“But I don’t wanna be here. It’s so stupid that I have to wait six more months before I can legally decide where I spend my time,” Rue muttered.

“It’s fine, you have us!” Jules insisted.

“Yup!” I agreed.

“Hey, Y/N, Rue, Jules!” Cassie greeted as she sidled up next to me.

We all greeted her.

“Have a good weekend?” Rue asked.

“Yeah, there was this great party that Nick Davis threw. I swear, everyone there was on acid.” Cassie stopped herself and bit her bottom lip. “Sorry---”

Rue shook her head. “It’s fine.”

“How were yours?” Cassie asked as we continued to our lockers.

“Fine,” Jules said.

Rue shrugged in response.

I opened my mouth to reply when my phone beeped and I wrestled it out of my pocket.

Tyler: Is it 2 late 4 a good morning text?

I smiled.

“You’re so cheesy,” I muttered under my breath.

“Who’s that?” Cassie asked, peeking over my shoulder.

I jumped and cradled my phone to my chest like it was my child. “No one.”

Jules pulled open her locker and cocked a bleached eyebrow. “‘No one’ does not cause huge smiles like that!” She jabbed a sparkly-manicured finger at me.

“Yeah, show us,” Rue said. “We are your friends.”

“It’s nothing,” I insisted as I weaved around them.

I pushed myself against my locker and managed to open it with my free hand. Rue was on one side of me and Cassie was on the other.

“Is it a boy?” Cassie sang.

“Or a girl?” Rue questioned.

“It’s none of your business,” I gritted out as I grabbed my necessary books.

As I shuffled the books in my arms, Jules came from behind and slipped my phone away from me. I gasped, whirled around, and watched as Rue tried to look at the phone while Cassie playfully blocked me.

“Guys, this is not cool! This is such a serious invasion of privacy,” I argued as I tried to move around Cassie.

“We’re besties, there’s no such thing as privacy!” Jules retorted.

“Wow, Y/N, these are so----” Jules cut Rue off.

“Adorable!” Jules squealed and turned to face me.

Cassie took the opportunity to glance at my phone and she smiled. “Aw, this Tyler guy sounds so sweet.”

I snatched my phone from Jules. “Well, now you know. Can we please go to class now?”

As the other girls grabbed their things from their lockers, I got out my phone to reply to Tyler.

Y/N: It’s never too late...until noon technically.

Somehow, I started wandering away from the girls until I ran into someone. I tried to jump away, but they grabbed me by the forearms.

“I am so sorry, I should have looked where I was going---” I stopped speaking when I recognized Nate’s direct gaze on me. I was pretty tall but I always felt like he could throw me into the lockers if he wanted to.

“Watch it, Y/N,” he muttered.

“Nate, let go of them,” Maddy chided, her hand resting against one of his arms.

She seemed to have the magic touch because he relaxed and I joined my friends. As the couple continued down the hallway, I couldn’t help but admire them. In a very messed up way, they worked. Kat had told me only a little about what Nate would do whenever Maddy upset him and I felt so bad for her, angry at him, and then conflicted. Nate just had to have that stereotypical amazing all-American look.

“You okay, Y/N?” Cassie asked.

“Yeah, is it weird that I can still feel his eyes on me even when he’s not looking?” I asked.

“No, his need for dominance permeates everyone’s sense of autonomy,” Rue assured.

“Nice,” Jules said.

“And scary accurate,” Cassie added.

Jule looped her arm with mine and steered us in the direction of our first classes. “Anyway, if he tries anything, I’m sure Tyler would gladly kick his butt for you.”

Throughout the day, Tyler and I chatted and I even had to get creative with responding. In English, I kept my head down during quiet reading time and made sure my phone was positioned just right in my lap. During geometry, I told Mrs. Packer that I was having some digestive issues and spent most of the class outside the bathroom, texting Tyler. At lunch, I could barely focus on my friends’ conversation.

“Hello, Earth to Y/N?” Lexi waved her hand in front of my face and I blinked.

“Sorry, I was----”

“Texting her boooyfriiiend,” Jules sang.

“He’s not my boyfriend, we’re just talking.” I started poking at my sandwich. “What did I miss?”

“Oh, nothing, just the fact that I nearly blew up the school during chem,” Cassie said.

“Magnesium chloride isn’t an explosive,” Lexi argued.

“Well, the tube overflowed and everyone was freaking out,” Cassie argued.

“Yeah, because magnesium chloride can have bad side effects,” Lexi continued.

“I wonder what would happen if the school exploded and we weren’t all here? Would they have to give us our diplomas?” I thought outloud.

“Ooh, and I could go to fashion school early!” Jules cheered.

“I’d be happy not coming here anymore,” Rue admitted.

It was quiet for a moment as we all ate but that quiet was broken when Maddy yelled.

“WHO ARE YOU TEXTING?”

I couldn’t help myself but look. Maddy was standing behind Nate, who was sitting with his teammates at the center table. Bebe and Kat flanked Maddy a little behind. Everyone stared at them. Nate’s jaw tightened.

“Maddy, calm down,” his relaxed, controlled voice nearly echoed in the silent cafeteria.

“DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! YOU’VE BEEN ON YOUR PHONE ALL DAY!” she snapped.

“Maddy---”

“ARE YOU TEXTING OTHER GIRLS?” Maddy shouted.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else?” Nate asked.

Maddy sighed. “Are you gonna let me see your phone?”

“Maddy, we need to talk.”

“Don’t talk to me again.”

Before Nate could respond, Maddy dumped the contents of her lunch tray over his head and threw the tray aside. Kat and Bebe followed her as she strutted out of the cafeteria amid the shocked gasps.

“I’m gonna go check on her,” Cassie whispered.

We all nodded and she quietly exited the room. As I stared at Nate, the supposed king of the school, drenched in soggy salad and fat-free milk, I wondered why he could never stay broken up with Maddy. Their relationship was not just toxic, it was volatile. Their breakups were always public and outrageous, but they always ended up back together. No one questioned it either. I never understood why people could continue to choose relationship they knew was bad over pursuing something new. I told Tyler as much that night.

Y/N: It’s like those dogs that get killed by electric fences because they keep walking into them.

Tyler: U have a good point, but, that couple’s relationship is more complicated than u think.

Y/N: Probably, but, it doesn’t look that way. They hurt each other a lot.

Tyler: How do u know?

Y/N: Bc I’ve seen it. I don’t mean 2 b judgy, but, I could never be in a relationship like that.

Tyler: Well, I don’t think anyone would b if they knew it would b bad.

Y/N: Good point. But, why would they get back together so much?

Tyler: Idk them, but, it could b bc it’s familiar and it’s what they know.

Y/N: Still, it’s messed up.

Tyler: Yeah, but I don’t wanna talk abt them anymore.

Y/N: K, what do u wanna talk abt?

A few seconds later, Tyler sent me a picture so graphically beautiful that I was convinced I passed out.

The next day, I showed Rue and Jules the picture during break time.

“Holy crap!” Jules took my phone and leaned into it for closer inspection.

“Tyler is packing,” Rue agreed.

Jules slid my phone back to me. “You haven’t replied to him?” “No, and he hasn’t talked to me at all today.”

“He’s probably expecting a reply that’s similar to what he sent,” Rue said.

My face warmed up. “I can’t send him nudes,” I hissed.

“Why not? It’s like the greeting cards of our generation,” Jules stated.

“Really? You’d send your grandparents a greeting card of your naked body?” I replied sarcastically.

“Relax, if you’re uncomfortable, we can help you,” Jules assured.

“We can?” Rue asked.

“We can.” Jules gave her a look and Rue relaxed.

“It’s still weird, but, I guess you guys can come over after school.”

“Sweet! Your mom still bakes cookies for you after school, right?” Jules asked.

I nodded.

“She might stop once she learns her darling favorite older child is sending nudes,” Rue snorted as she spoke.

I recoiled in my seat, taking a second to bask in the sun’s warmth. “Don’t remind me.”

After swim practice, once my teammates left the locker room, I eyed my naked form in the mirror. I had nothing to be ashamed of, really, thanks to all the swimming, but, I just felt weird being naked in front of people. There was something so vulnerable about it, like, being on display in a museum or lying on a cold surgery table. But, online dating was supposed to get me out of my comfort zone and I’d found someone who’d made me feel comfortable enough to do it. With this resolve, I changed into a hoodie and some sweatpants and left the school. It was dusk and I typically walked home after practice since it wasn’t far. Plus, I’d told Jules and Rue to just go to my house after school.

The late breeze rippled past me and I dug my hands into my pants’ pockets as I started walking towards the parking lot. There was barely anyone around, except stoners hotboxing their cars, some couples making out, and dance team members and football players getting out of practice.

I kept my head down as I maneuvered around the few cars and people around. It felt like someone could spot what I was about to do once I got home and it was nervewracking. All I had to do was get home, let Jules make me look even better, take these pictures, and never thinking of it again.

“Something on your mind, Y/N?” Nate called.

I froze and snapped my head up to look at him. He was leaning against his truck, looking like a model for Ford in only a tshirt and jeans. Ford should hire him.

“No, not really,” I said.

I started to side step the truck, eyeing the sidewalk that was only a few yards away as though it was a lifeline.

“Get in,” Nate ordered.

I paused and looked at him. “Excuse me?”

“I see you walking home all the time, let me do you a favor, one athlete to another.” Nate was about halfway in the driver’s seat of the car and all I could do was stare.

“We’ve...never really talked before,” I stated.

“We can talk during the drive.”

I stepped back and my eyes flittered around, like the best decision would hit me in the face. Then, I saw Maddy across the lot. She was standing with a couple of dance team girls, including Cassie. She stared me down as though daring me to do it. I glanced from her to Nate, who started the engine loudly.

I quickly climbed into the passenger’s seat and stared into Maddy’s reflection in the rearview mirror as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“How do you know where I live?” I asked.

“You forgot that I gave you a ride before?” Nate asked.

“When?”

“After Cassie’s sweet sixteen. You blacked out, your friends were panicking, and I offered to take you home. For some reason, you remembered your address,” Nate recalled.

“Oh, thanks?”

“Sure.”

We pulled up to my house a few minutes later, Lil Wayne bragging about his conquests filling the quiet. I hopped out of the truck and grabbed my bag.

“Thanks for the ride, this one, I mean, I owe you,” I said.

“Yeah, see you around, Y/N.”

I closed the door and headed inside.

“I’m home!” I called.

My mom poked her head out from the kitchen. “Y/N, how was school and practice?”

“Fine.”

“Was that Nate Jacobs outside?”

I hesitated.

How did she know what Nate’s truck looked like? “Yeah, he gave me a ride today.”

“Aw, isn’t that sweet? Rue and Jules are waiting for you in your room. They took the cookies with them.”

I nodded and went to my room. As soon as I walked in, they bombarded me with questions.

“Why did Nate give you a ride?” Rue asked.

“What did you guys talk about?” Jules inquired.

“Don’t you hate him?”

“He’s kind of a dick, but, unfortunately, super good looking.”

“Did Maddy see?”

“Do you think she’s gonna kill you?”

“Guys, I don’t know but I do know that if you do not take amazing pictures of me with no clothes on soon, I will delete my entire profile,” I interrupted.

They both nodded.

“But, we will ask for details later,” Jules insisted.

“Okay, but, please give me a cookie, I’ll need it to get through this.”

Rue extended the plate towards me and I bit into the melty goodness as Jules began doing my makeup. It was simple, only bringing out my best features. I made them both turn around as I undressed. Once I had, Jules encouraged me.

“You look amazing, I would be shocked if he didn’t jizz in his pants,” Jules said.

“Lower your voice, Y/B/N can only play Five Nights at Freddy’s so loud,” I hissed.

Jules held her hands up and Rue direct me to lay on the bed, my phone held up in front of her.

“Okay, look sexy,” Rue said.

I tried to smolder, but, by their expressions, I did not achieve it.

“No, like, pout your lips, like, you just heard that TheOdd1sOut is not uploading for a month,” Jules directed.

“And give the camera bedroom eyes, you know, as though it’s Tyler.”

“Okay.” After a few pictures, I slowly got the hang of it and even started posing a little naturally.

“Oh my gosh, Tyra is shook!” Jules cheered.

“Yeah, these are pretty good if I do say so myself.” Rue handed me my phone and I flipped through the pictures.

She was a talented photogrpaher and I joked that maybe she should go professional.

“Yeah, I’m sure I’d have a nice clientele.”

I laughed as I changed back into my hoodie and sweatpants. “Okay, help me pick one to send.”

Jules took my phone and she and Rue began scrolling.

“No, the lighting’s off in this one,” Jules muttered.

“No, it’s never off in any of these,” Rue argued.

“I’m not shading your talent, I’m just trying to find the best thing for Y/N to send Tyler.”

After a little more bickering, we all agreed on the picture and I sent it to Tyler.

“Should I follow it up with something?” I asked.

“Maybe say ‘Wrong person’? Guys want what other guys want,” Jules suggested.

“Or say ‘Sorry for the late reply’,” Rue added.

“I’ll go with Rue’s, sorry, Jules.”

Jules shrugged.

I sent everything off and my friends and I watched as Tyler typed a response.

Tyler: It was worth the wait ;).

We squealed so loud that my mom yelled for us to keep it down. We apologized as we descended into a fit of giggles. Through it all, I could not help but feel so bouncy and light all over. Was I...falling for this total stranger?

“What do you think he looks like?” Jules asked during lunch later that week.

I shrugged. “It’s different every day, if that makes sense.”

“I guess that’s the nice thing about interacting with someone who doesn’t show their face,” Jules thought outloud.

“How do you see him now?” Lexi asked.

I sighed. “Right now, I think he’s tall, six feet at least. He’s got a mix of blonde and brown hair like a surfer because it’s lightened from all the time he’s spent in the sun. He has green eyes, freckles, and he dresses well.”

“Sounds amazing,” Jules said as she rest her chin in her hand.

Rue nodded slowly. “You’re not nervous or anything?”

“No, this is so cheesy, but, I feel like I know him, you know? He’s so easy to talk to and has so much to say.”

“Y/N’s blushing,” Jules teased. “Do you love him?”

“I really, really, really, like him.”

“Do you think you’ll meet soon?” Lexi asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, neither of us has brought it up.”

“Well, it just matters that you’re comfortable, okay?” Rue said.

“Okay.”

If I was honest, I did not know if I wanted to meet Tyler. I knew that I liked him more than I liked anyone before, but, there was something strange about breaking this wall the internet provided us. It was freer to talk on the internet than it was in person. What if I said something stupid in front of him? What if he thought that I looked different in person? What if he looked different in person?

I managed to keep these thoughts at bay for the rest of the day until I got home. Post-dinner had been officially declared Talk to Tyler Time. None of my family knew what I was doing besides blasting Amy Winehouse in my room for about an hour. My laugh nearly overpowered her high note in “Best Friends, Right?”. I had to blink away my happy tears as I replied to him.

Y/N: That did not happen! Tyler: Yes it did! Do u want 2 c the scar????

Y/N: No, I think I’m good.

I wiped away my tears and settled under the covers. I wondered if his friends would agree that Tyler gets into some weird situations as well. Just as I started typing, Tyler beat me.

Tyler: I want 2 meet u.

The speed that I launched my phone away from me almost shocked me more than the text.

Almost.

My heartbeat thrummed in my ears. This was it, I knew I couldn’t avoid him much longer, but, I felt like I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare at my phone like it was the most offensive object in the world. Slowly, I regained mobility and grabbed my phone. I took a deep breath.

“Take a chance, Y/L/N,” I whispered.

Y/N: When and where?

“You’re meeting him tonight?” Jules squealed the next day.

I hushed her as people in the hallway paused to look at us. “Not so loud.” “But this is so exciting. Please let me help you decide what to wear,” Jules pleaded with a pout.

“Sure,” I said.

Jules hugged me. “This is going to be so fun. I won’t go crazy with glitter since this is the first time you’re meeting this guy.”

“Thanks?”

“Do your parents know?” Rue asked.

“No,” I replied as I slowly pulled away from Jules. “They’re coming Senior Night tonight, though. and I’m going to meet him at Mercy Park an hour before it ends.”

“Are you sure you even want to do this? I know that Jules and I tease you about your love life, but, this is risky,” Rue said.

“You weren’t saying that when you were helping me with those pictures the other day,” I shot back.

“That was different. You’re...you’re actually meeting him now and he could be a psychopath or a sociopath or, just, a creepy old guy who likes to look at teenagers!” Rue insisted.

“Rue, relax, everything’s going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that!” She turned on her heel and hurried into the bathroom with Jules and I on her tail.

When we entered, Rue was leaning against the wall, panting and staring up at the ceiling. Jules and I approached her slowly as the girls who were in the bathroom quickly filed out.

“Rue, slow down your breathing,” I said slowly.

“I...I can’t. You-you could get hurt or something and-and I would know about it an-and I-I couldn’t live with that!” Tears burst from her eyes as Rue began pacing and Jules and I were close but gave her room.

“Rue, Y/N is going to be okay, we both know what time she’ll be at the park. If anything happens, we’ll know the area she could be in,” Jules assured her.

Rue shook her head and stopped in her tracks. Then, she looked between us helplessly before bowing her head and sobbing. Jules and I carefully hugged her and let her cry.

“I’m sorry that I’m scared and I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt,” Rue mumbled into my shirt.

“It’s okay, I appreciate it. I really want to meet Tyler, though, and, I promise I will let you know if something happens, okay?”

Rue nodded and sniffled.

It took Jules about an hour to make me look amazing. I had no idea my hair could be so fluffy and put together until she was done with it. She used eyeliner to make eyes look bigger and rounder and added sparkly lip gloss to make my lips look plumper. After she contoured and highlighted the best places she deemed that her work was done. My outfit, a fitted forest green long-sleeve shirt and fitted black pants with Jadons, was also approved by her.

“Tell me everything later!” she insisted.

Rue couldn’t join us since she had “prior commitments” but I texted her that I would let her know when I head to the park and when I leave. My nerves didn’t let me focus on the soccer game my parents insisted I joined them and my brother at. I couldn’t care less that the forward on one team got a yellow card or that the goalie on the other team made illegal blocks. I was practically buzzing with excitement and fear so much that I had to give my pretzel to Y/B/N. Finally, the third quarter arrived and I told my parents that I would meet them at home since I’d promised Lexi that I would help her with some homework.

Lexi wouldn’t mind being used for a lie this one time; it was an emergency.

I tried to practice some calming deep breaths as I walked over to the park. The dark night sky provided a little bit of comfort to my walk. I wondered how different Tyler would look from the picture in my mind. I wondered if he thought I would look any different. Maybe (hopefully) it wouldn’t matter to either of us.

Finally, I reached the park. It was empty, save for the oak trees scattered throughout the lush green scenery that seemed mysterious under the mooonlight. A few benches and wooden tables were around as well, but, Tyler and I had agreed to meet at the fountain which was further in the park. The breathing exercises had to have helped because I felt much more relaxed and I hoped that everything would go all right.

When I got to the fountain, there was a tall person facing it. All I could make out were dark clothes and broad shoulders. I took another deep breath and kept walking.

“This is a nice spot, you have good taste,” I commented.

“I could say the same for you.” I stopped in my tracks as Nate slowly turned to face me. His face was unreadable but his eyes stayed on me.

“What? Wh-where’s Tyler?” I asked, my voice already hoarse.

Nate glanced down at his shoes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how else to talk to you.”

I shook my head. “No.” My vision got blurry but I could tell that Nate was looking up at me now.

“Just let me explain,” he requested softly.

He took a step towards me and I took two steps back .

“I don’t wanna hear it. This....this is some sick joke to you or something?”

“No, never, Y/N, just listen to me.”

“I don’t want to!” The tears rolled down my cheeks and I swiped at them so hard that I thought I scratched myself. At least I could feel something because my heart felt numb. “You catfished me!”

“I just wanted to talk to you, I really do like you, Y/N. Tyler and I are the same, just different names,” Nate insisted, coming closer.

For some reason, I didn’t move. I didn’t know if it was from emotional exhaustion or stress, but, I let him approach me. I kept shaking my head.

“No,” I hiccuped.

“I wanted to meet you tonight because I was tired of lying. I want to figure this, us, out,” Nate said.

I sniffed. “Us?”

At that moment, I could actually see his face and Nate seemed so hopeful. There was a slight smile on his lips and his eyes seemed light for once. Maybe he wanted there to be an “us”. Maybe, despite all logic, he wanted to talk to me seriously and could not do it offline because of his reputation. Maybe, he was over the on-again-off-again situation with Maddy. Maybe, this was my chance, our chance.

I wiped my face again, mentally cringing at how upset Jules would be for my ruining her masterpiece.

“Yeah, us.” Nate stepped closer to me, gently wrapped his arms around my waist, and pulled me into his chest.

Gradually, my muscles relaxed and I relished in the feeling of his strong upper body and his warmth. Then, I began to feel pressure on my waist and gasped as it intensified.

“Nate, you’re...squeezing...too hard,” I rasped out.

And he started laughing, no, cackling. As he laughed, his grip tightened and I continued gasping and clawing at everything I could.

“Nate...stop!”

But he kept laughing and squeezing. When he finally released me, I looked up and saw nothing behind his eyes. Everything in me told me to run, but, I knew he could have easily caught up to me.

“I really thought you were smarter than that, Y/N. C’mon, you couldn’t honestly think that I would do all this to be with you,” he sneered.

“So why do it then?” I asked, my voice so small that I could have kicked myself for it.

Nate sighed and folded his arms. “Because you made it so easy and, to ask for a favor.”

“What? That makes no sense,” I argued. “I told you I owed you one that day you gave me a ride!”

“Yeah, well, I needed to make sure that you were available when I needed you.”

“Whatever, screw you,” I hissed as I pivoted on my heel.

“Too late for you, you’re already screwed.” Nate pulled out a folder from inside his jacket pocket. “Remember those special pictures you sent to Tyler? Well, they count as distribution of child pornography, which has a hefty fine and sentence.”

My mouth opened and closed several times before I faced him and responded. “But...but you held them, doesn’t that count towards possession? And, you’re extorting me!”

Nate glowered at me and stormed over. “Heresay, no solid evidence for your case. Plus, I’m a Jacobs, so, who are you kidding?”

I felt so sick to my stomach that I could have thrown up, fainted, or cried at that moment. This was not real, this could not be real.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“Like I said, just be available when I need you.”

“Fine.”

“Sorry, what was that?” He gripped my chin his hand and forced me to look up at him.

“Okay,” I said softly.

“Hmm.” His eyes scanned my face before he released me. “And if I ever hear you judging my relationship with Maddy again, these pictures are going to be the least of your concern.”

I nodded weakly, regretting every single thing I ever told him. Nate Jacobs was truly the devil. He wandered off into the night like a centurion leaving a victorious battle. It seemed like he always won.

I managed not to start crying until I was on the empty sidewalk. No, I sobbed so bad that my throat went dry.

How could I have been so stupid? I should have known it was him that day Maddy yelled at him for texting all day.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

My sobs continued as I grabbed my phone and texted Rue.

Y/N: U were right.

#euphoria imagine #nate jacobs imagine

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quell-tea-salon · 7 years

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THE IDOLM@STER SideM 3rdLIVE TOUR report - Makuhari Day 1

In a nutshell: IT WAS FKING AMAZING

As I’m typing this my SideM timeline is being flooded with adorable photos by the cast members ahjdgGskljh and they’ve published the set list for today’s concert so please have a look.

INCOHERENT SCREAMING UNDER THE CUT also pls note that i refer to the cast members by their given nicknames :3c

First of all, i did NOT expect the concert to be FOUR HOURS LONG. I mean i knew it’d be longer than the standard 2 hours because well, 16 groups??? And it was absolutely amazing from start to finish so it didn’t even feel that long goddddd i’m so grateful that i got to watch it ;___;

Since the set list is available for all to see i’ll just jot down some commentary...

I only realised today that the seat i got assigned for today’s LV was in the FIRST ROW, DEAD CENTER and while this would be great at a concert, i generally prefer the back row at the cinema bc being so close to the screen is actually really uncomfortable. You get a sore neck from looking up and the edges of the screen are outside your field of vision...... but i count myself lucky just to have a seat so there’s that. As it was my first SideM concert i also sorta wanted to be able to watch the people in front of me wrt what to do.... thankfully i’d seen enough footage of SideM live events to have a rough idea of the calls, etc.

Anyway, onto the actual event. Yamamura was the first to appear, going over the guidelines and rules of the concert. He mentioned that there wouldn’t be an interval, to make time for more songs! (The audience cheered lol)

The whole cast of 46 members came onto stage for the opening talk and introductions. After that, DraSta was the first to perform (Starlight Celebrate). As a DraStaP this made me happy ^^ But i was surprised that they were singing the Starting Line songs, which made me wonder if the rest of the groups would do the same.... (They actually did, but some sang the first song in their starting line singles while others sang the 2nd song???) Shugon and Taso were amazing live and delivered solid performances as usual. Taku was a bit inconsistent, but maybe the nerves got to him.

Beit’s Tomorrow Diamond - I LOVE their outfits so much!!!!!!!! So princely and sparkly T_T At one part while the camera was on Ume he fucking BIT HIS GLOVE and the whole room SCREAMED hsjdsshagah idk maybe it was coming loose and he was trying to adjust it but anyway he killed like half the people in the theater. Also at the end of the song Ume knelt on one knee and made a gesture like he was holding out an engagement ring and everyone died lmao i was so mad i actually said out loud YOU CAN'T DO THAT and the person next to me laughed. Oh and apparently the white gloves were a new addition to their prince outfits (according to Horieru). Maybe they were there just so Ume could bite them and kill some people smh

Cafe Parade’s Reversed Masquerade - zombie dance! They are so cute T_T I would watch a whole musical performed by them....... The groups in the 3rd Anniversary Disc 01 (Cafe Parade, Alte, Legenders) all got to sing their new songs, but sadly not the collab song.Eternal Phantasia.

Shinsoku’s Burning Cool de Kagayaite - I loooooooooooove watching these two, their outfits are gorgeous and badass and Machuyan is irl suzaku GOD HE IS SO TALL AND TONED... Doing the “oi oi oi!” call was super fun >< Fukamachi had so much fun that he forgot to sing one of his lines lmao

Sai came up next but it was a BRAND NEW SONG which had everyone was in a mild panic bc we couldn’t recognise the song intro and were like W-WHAT COLOUR DO WE SET OUR PEN LIGHTS TO??? until they appeared on stage and then it hit us that OH MY GOD IT’S A NEW SOOOOOONG lol. Later during the talk segment Yamashita Daiki said that he was trying his best not to laugh at the audience’s visible confusion at the start of the song wwwwwwww

Jupiter appeared next on stage and we just SCREAMED because JUPITER!!!!! And screamed louder because Over AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It;s so good to have the whole team here, esp when Touma and Hokuto were absent for 2nd Live T_T

S.E.M - Study Equal Magic. My other honmei unit.... I’m SO HAPPY that i got to do the takenoko dance with everyone <333333333 Yoshiki lost a lot of weight and looks really good..... From what i could see from his twitter he lost heaps of weight rapidly so a lot of us were worried but i think he mentioned recently that he switched to the bulk up phase and he looked fit and healthy on stage which is a relief. Totto actually flubbed one of his lines 8D;;;;;;

HiJo - JOKER All Mighty. Another song i’m super happy to get to participate in!!! Though at the cinema we were swinging our penlights instead of towels. They’re all so cute ;;;;;;;; Nogami sounded amazing live too. Naganyan and Hirohiro didn’t disappoint and gave us some Natsuki/Jun fanservice 8)

KOGADO’S FIGHT SCENE WAS RIDICULOUSLY BADASS WTF and mostly choreographed by Hime apparently??????? They still hold the title of SideM’s action unit....... Also I love Hamanon so much, he gave SO MUCH fanservice to the cameras........ blowing kisses, making and serving ramen (twice, lol), making hugging gestures........ Hamanon is a national treasure >< Also Hime dyed his hair silver and got extensions (ponytail) to match Ren <333

Speaking of Hime, he ended his (very cute) message to the audience by switching to Ren mode and saying “Baaaaaaaka” which the audience LOVED lol but F-LAGS were next and Sanpei-san was like “Wow aren’t Kogado just lovely” LOL

I was excited to see Legenders ofc as they’re my third tantou unit but tbh i’m not in love with their new song Symphonic Brave. Ig i should be happy that they’ve moved on from emo (but sexy) to more uplifting songs ;w; But the moodiness was what drew me to Legenders in the first place.... and I love Amehiko’s voice in the darker songs...

Kaleid TOURRHYTHM. I feel SO blessed to get to hear this T_T The full Jupiter team with W..... i love this song sm.........

When it was W’s turn during the talk segment, Kikuti actually started tearing up as he was overwhelmed by gratitude;;;;; Yamati (and the audience) kept cheering him on but he couldn’t stop crying...... my baby T___T W also went to hug Jupiter bc they were so happy that all three were present! We feel you!!!

Fun! Fun! Festa! was another super fun song to chant along with. Horieru had Kaerru with him and they made such a cute pair.... TakaP did The Wink at the camera and killed the remaining half the people in the cinema lol just arrest everyone from Beit tbh. Oh and Ume did the MAKUHARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII thing again wwwwwwwwwwwwwww

F-LAGS got to ride the trolleys around the corridor between the 2nd and 3rd floors while performing Yumeiro Voyager :D I’m sure it was a treat for everyone sitting in those seats! Sanpei-san kept making lovehearts with her hands at the camera sajhgf;ag;dka i love her sm ;_______; She also tweeted a couple of days ago that she dyed her hair green to match Ryouchin.... she is an angel....

Mofu Mofu En took full advantage of the cameraman that was on stage with them and made lots of adooooooorable faces at the camera, killing lots of people as well......

Natsujikan Graffiti!! Every time the camera zoomed in on Shiraim (and Matsuoka, for that matter) there would be giggles wwwww Those two are just so awkward and funny and lovable wwwwwwww Anyway, they released a few giant balloons during this song, for the audience to bounce around to each other. I thought it was a pretty neat gimmick that matched the party tone of the song.

Ryuusei Parade was next and i legit whispered “yabai” when the intro played....... All my fav groups in one song T____T It was amazing, as expected,,,

S.E.M performed From Teacher to Future next, and I’m not sure if it was intentional or not but Enokiya tripped and fell right at the start of the song lol.

HiJo caused a stir when they too appeared on the trolleys for Sunset Colours. They threw what looked like squishy toy (foam?) balls at the audience as they were wheeled around the venue. I was jealous ^q^ Shiraim mimed playing the drums with some balloons that were attached his trolley as decorations wwwwwwwww Why is he so weird wwwwwwwwwwww

Omg, this next part SHOOK US ALL. The intro for Alice or Guilty started playing and we were all like “Omg??? Really???!!!!!!!?????” then Jupiter appeared on stage in their 961 black jackets and we SCREAMED bc we could not fking believe what was happening!!! The person next to me started crying... I was just in shock the entire time....... After the song ended the stage screen showed Jupiter’s logo from their 961 years transforming into 315′s Jupiter logo and we LOST OUR SHIT. I actually yelled when i saw some stagehands go on to the stage to help Jupiter change into their green jackets, then the intro for BRAND NEW FIELD kicked in and by then everyone was in tears ;____; Jupiterrrrrrrrrrr you’ve come so far....... we love you.........

DraSta performed Arrive To Star (Shugon was srsly Teru the entire time, i love him sm!!!!), after which the whole cast joined them on stage in 3rdLive outfits (the same ones in the Live on Stage game!!) to sing Reason!!. We screamed when the screen displayed a new group illustration of all 16 units in the Reason!! outfits T________T They’d commissioned new artwork just for today’s concert aaaaahhhhhhh

The last song was BeyoDori, where I once again wished that i had 6 pairs of eyes to catch everything that was happening (the stage is very full with 46 ppl lol). Kuma-chan stays in the air for so long when he jumps.................

Break for encore. President Saitou appeared on screen to update us on new releases and announcements, after which the cast returned to the stage to perform GLORIOUS RO@D and DRIVE A LIVE.

Other random things

Kanbara-san is very generous with his “Chao <3″ ughhhh i loVE HIM and every time he throws an “Angel-chan and Angel-kun <3″ at us i just love him even more

Sanpei-san running onto the center stage after being provoked by Murase lol but being disappointed that her teammates didn’t join her

Kuma-chan egging on the audience to do Massan’s “Kawaii!” call, much to Massan’s embarrassment wwwwwwww

Enokiya being as dry and snarky as usual

Shugon’s smile is 10000000000000000000000 watts, have i mentioned that i love him? He also blew a few kisses at the camera and i died over and over again ugh take him away

SUPER EXCITED for the France shuffle team! I love everyone in that group T_T Teru, Hideo, Amehiko, Suzaku.... They also showed us a bit of the new song where they’re all dressed in blue and white military(?)/knight outfits. (Edit: OMFG I LOGGED ONTO LIVE ON STAGE APP AND THEY’VE ALREADY IMPLEMENTED THE GACHA FOR FRANCE EVENT I’M DYING)

Kasama-san was such a gentleman in both of his messages/talk time... how is he real........

During talk time Machuyan put his arm around Kobapyon’s shoulders and they looked so cosy lmao i wish for something similar to happen with Suzaku and Saki-chan SUZAKU GOOD LUCK

The 3rdLive outfits are REALLY cute >< Unlike in the LOS game, each unit has their own twist on the outfit (eg Cafe Parade has frilly shirts, S.E.M has black shirts) and even within units each character’s outfit is unique (Jirou's short sleeves, Michiru has a headband etc)

There’s so much more but this is all i can remember for now and i need to sleep to recharge for tomorrow’s LV!!! I’ll do another report for tomorrow too!

I’ll just leave some predictions for tomorrow’s set list (wishful thinking):

DraSta - Dramatic Nonfiction, Sayonara SumHol

SEM - Moon Night, Infinite Possibilities (or even duet of SSH and MunNai?!)

Legenders - ALL THREE OF THEIR SONGS PLS AND THANKS

If it’s another 4-hour show........ maybe all their solos? God that would be amazing *whimpers*

#idolm@ster sidem #SideM #nakamura shugo #umehara yuichiro #nogami sho #kanbara daiki #shirai yuusuke #event report #dramatic stars #beit #S.E.M

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tumblunni · 8 years

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I wish I could hug y'all!

In fact I think I will make it A LIFE GOAL I really really wanna someday be able to visit all my friends who live in different countries! Its something good to save up for, even if it'll probably take years. So.. lets randomly ramble in a journal about Plans!! IDEA THE FIRST TRIP THE FIRST FIRST THE FIRST: THE SEQUEL I think it'd probably make sense to go to america first, since i have a lot of close friends living there and I don't need to learn another language. (I am notoriously dumb...) But then afterwards I could set another goal to save up and visit another friend in another country! IT WILL NEVER ENDDDDD, THATS WHY ITS CALLED FRIENNNNDDDDD So far all I have confirmed is that two of my friends would be happy to see me if I was able to visit america, @darkeiya and @summon-daze But its not like I've exactly asked everyone else, so I dunno really how many people I might be able to visit. And it depends on time constraints too, i might only be able to spend a full day or two with the closest friends and maybe then if there's more than three of us we could all meet up together and hang out en masse? Depends on how tricky it'd be for everyone to get to the same place! SO! PLANS AND THINGS I NEED TO PREPARE! workin to figure out a precise money goal im gonna save for * Become Fab * no but srsly i wanna look my best if im meeting friends in person for the first ever time. need to acquire Cool T-Shirts * figure out what exactly you can and cannot take on an aeroplane, and how to deal with anxiety if i cant take electronics. Nothing's as distracting as videogames when you're freakin out! * DO NOT SCHEDULE ANYTHING ON THE 11th-14th OF THE MONTH. i have a bad history of my period landing on these days ONLY when i have to do something important. Or when its my birthday :P I dont need even more reason to feel nauseous on a plane! * figure out how many days the stay will be, and how many clothes etc I need to bring. probably a basic thing, but this is my first time going on a holiday alone so i need to write stuff down to make sure i remember! * figure out how long exactly I want to spend with each friend, and how long I can afford in hotel fees. And does a plane ticket cos more if you're staying for longer? * find out what kind of luggages are easiest to carry and how to carry three luggages when i have two hands. Can you tie them together and make a luggages train??? * Find some sort of secure way to carry large amounts of money. I'm gonna have to do that since I need to get all my currency converted before I go. I was thinking maybe a little matchbox tin chained to the inside of my coat or around my neck? Something where you couldnt get it without roughhousing with me, and it'd still be hard to pull it off the chain. Gives me a precious few extra minutes to yell for help/possibly bludgeon a guy with a suitcase * Figure out hotel(s) in different areas of america, depending on how far I'll have to travel. And figure out affordable ways to travel the difference if its not a situation where the friend can pick me up. And make sure they are cool hotels, not just the absolute minimum! i wanna make a fun tourist experience of the hotels!! I havent been in a hotel since I was a kid! * Possibly schedule it like a 'safehouse' thing? Returning to home base! I need to make sure I schedule around the potential anxiety of doing so much travel in a new place. So maybe schedule it out so I have a period of me-time in between visiting each friend? Itd probably cost too much to rent a hotel room for an entire day in between so maybe just schedule it out so I have half a day at least. I dunno if hotels allow you to sleep in all day tho, are there rules about what time you need to be up and out? * I'm kinda looking forward to using hotel beds and showers cos theyre like luxury compared to my house XD man, I wonder if I could get a place with a hot tub?? or the fabled mini-bar?? (which i would drink nothing of, but it would be fun to take photos!) And it'd be so cool to see what american breakfasts are like! And lol all my friends have just been like 'YOU NEED TO SEE OUR LOCAL RESTAURANTS' and im like... dude, i dont need to get fatter XD lets limit it to ONE! * I dunno if my friends would just wanna hang out in their local mall or something, or if I could visit their house and say hi to their family? that might be going too far. i'll still bring gifts they can give to their family tho, i wanna show my appreciation to everyone!! * are you allowed to bring extra empty suitcases onto the plane with you? I'm anticipating that knowing myself im probably gonna buy enough souveniers to need one. I'm planning to basically have half the money be for travel and then half again is just for buying NOVELTY HATS! * need to make sure to finally get a passport, and also consult heavily with my support worker and friends to make sure i have every form of travel documentation in order. I know stuff is... not good, in america right now. Thats probably why it'd be good that it'd take me years to save up for a visit, hopefully i'd be there after the next election. But I need to prepare anyway, in case border control is even more stringent. * Prepare the 'ol misgendering, because getting strip searched and treated as a suspicious threat is a very big reality for trans people. Having the wrong gender marker on your birth certificate is treated as 'this passport must be a forgery' rather than.. yknow.. transgender people exist. And then you need to be invasively handled by the guards to make sure you aren't packing explosives down your goddamn pants, they have to inspect the parts of you that you're most self concious about. *shudder* I've heard a lot of horror stories. I dunno if america is any better about it. But yeah I'm probably gonna have to just pass as female during boarding and hotels and stuff, and not wear my binder til i get to meet my friends. Saves trouble... Man, I might have to even go buy some more cliche feminine outfits or something, to make sure. Itd be fun burning them afterwards, I guess... * BRING GIFTS FOR FRIENDS N FAMILY! Figure out what is and isnt allowed to be transferred between countries. As far as I know I cant bring any form of food or drink right? I'm only allowed to eat the in-flight meals? Thats a shame cos I wanted to bring welsh cakes, theyre the only one of our local delicacies that's not a super acquired taste. (I tried bara bryth for the first time and DIED) And I dunno if anyone would be interested in silly souveniers of my country but I could get a pile of em if you are! Want an eight foot tall lovespoon? Want a giant inflatable daffodil? Want a bazillion ceramic dragons? * I am determined to bring at least one personalized super awesome gift for each person! It might just be an expensive merchandise of their fave show, it might be some form of handmade handicraft of one of their ocs! whatever I'm able to do! ^_^ * BRING SKETCHBOOKS SO WE CAN DRAW TOGETHER. LEARN THE WAYS OF THE AMERICAN MASTERS. * hey does anyone wanna trade trading cards yo. They'd be like the single easiest thing to bring with me, but I only have a handful of pokemon ones and i only really have one friend that I know likes yugioh. (And she's in england) * WE CAN FOOL AROUND LIKE DOOFS. God willing, if anyone wants to join me I will play water balloon tennis or jalapeno roulette or any sort of insane friend activity you can think of!! Gotta make up for the fact im a boring teetotaler. Tho lol I probably already act more drunk than the real drunks at a party XD * TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS!! And possibly try and acquire a portable video camera? I'd only photo/video anyone if they gave me permission, and I wouldnt post it online unless I also had permission for that. I just wanna make a lot of memories and record them forever! Whenever I feel down, I can remember this amazing trip!!! * remember to get one of those plug adaptor thingies cos american plugs have one less prong. Gotta trade the pokeymons!! I know I can already do that easily online but BATTLING IN PERSON WOULD BE EPIC * ...bring an Ash cosplay? XD * no but seriously if i could schedule this right to coincide with an american convention or something that'd be awesome! EVEN MORE SOUVENIERS! And I could actually try cosplaying!! I'd have to find a character that suits me tho, I dont wanna get laughed at like everyone always does with fat people cosplaying thin characters. (Like... almost every character is thin, yo. let people do what they want) * possible idea: magma admin tabitha from pokemon? he's like the only fave I have who's chubby but not like... inherantly a comic relief ugly guy or a seventy year old grandpa. I wanted to do quina quen from final fantasy 9 but I dont think I have the charisma to pull it off. I'd get paranoid if people just treated the character how they treat the character, my brain would twist everything into an insult on my costume or myself XD also I kinda already look like tabitha, tho I'd either have to go without hairdye or like... wear a wig in my natural hair colour. Also his costume is super heavy and sweaty in a convention setting, according to what I;ve heard from other team magma cosplayers. (Makes you wonder how on earth they all wore it on a volcano!) * WHAT IS AN AMERICAN BISCUIT. They look like savoury welshcakes??? Learn about all the language differences! Man I wish I could bring food souveniers back with me, I'd never be able to try every single different foodstuff in america in one day without DYING. AND DYING AGAIN. * Collect product wrappers and advertisements! Its always really interesting to me to see the differences between countries! A friend mailed me an american cola once and the bottle was a whole different shape??? (he also mailed me a bunch of spent shotgun shells, which was kinda terrifying cos I was currently in a christian homeless shelter and I didnt exactly wanna cause trouble XD Apparantly it is totally legal to own unuseable bullets tho, as long as you dont have a gun.) * I dunno if any of my friends would be equally interested in similar things? i could take requests for weird british stuff to bring with me! * for summon-daze specifically: since we are both cuddly honest goofballs of childlike joy, maybe bring some of my plushie collection to show her? I'd usually just bring one as an emergency anti-anxiety measure. Tho the embarassment from having a full on meltdown in public and having to be seen hugging a plush toy to keep from crying means its not 100% effective. Only works good when I'm with people who arent judgmental. Secret pocket gengar plush is good for other times! (I've been squeezing that thing during doctors appointments and nobody noticed!) * extra reason why I'd love to visit my friends: visiting my friends's pets. I have been absolutely blessed by images of dazy's pet cat Pam, and apparantly her family has a few other cats and a dog! O_O WHAT AN AMAZING LIFE YOU LIVE. I always tell her to give pam a hug from me, and I know pam probably wouldnt like me very much when we first meet cos she's shy, but still I'd love to at least see her. I wish cats could somehow know that they give joy to people through the internet! * ...are you allowed to bring medications across the border? is there a procedure I need to go through to be allowed to bring my antidepressants? Would painkillers be allowed too? If not, is there anywhere I could buy plane-bring-onnable headache meds in the lobby or something? Just anticipating that I might get a stress migraine on the plane, cos it'd be my first time ever flying. * are you allowed to take photos out the plane window, if you use a non electronic camera? i know you cant really see anything but panning landscapes but it still sounds awesome!

#long post #sorry #FRIENDS COUNTRYMEN LEND ME YOUR EARS #i still have no idea wtf that means #the amazing america plan

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forthelalaland · 7 years

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✌✌: 09292017: Start of Something New 💖

Buzzt, buzzt! Buzzt, buzzt! Buzzt, buzzt! My head felt the repeating vibration coming under my pillow as my alarm kept on ringing. With my right eye closed, I peeked on my tablet and geez, it was only 4:22 in the morning. Why did I even bother to wake up earlier than usual? Something special it must be! Yuh-uh. Because today is the day, my day -- Ela day, yay! 💖 A smile formed in my face as I thought of happy thoughts. Oh, how good it has been, breathing in and out freely after some time! All thanks to the Almighty Man up above -- God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! Hihihi. Unlike what I expected for my birth month, wishing all the 30 days were full of luck, life was the other way as it got saturated, very very draining. I admit that I had a hard time talking to Him because my mind was preoccupied by many things, heart filled with loads of worries, soul that got lost along the way. However, I fought with these lingering nonsense stuff and surrendered myself to G instead. I have come back now, today on my birthday, like a newly baptized person. Cheers to that refreshing moment with God and deep reflection with self, woohoo! Because this is my own kind of meditation. Every person has different ways on how they will calm themselves, right? As for me, this is it. I love the fire when I set thoughts and feels with all my mind, heart, and soul. All those reminders, notes, and words I took with me are just sooo much! Been practicing this routine for years now, it's only when I turned 20 when I got this passionate doing proper unwind sessions but this time I know, today is something. The rainbow finally appeared in my world this morning. And so I believe this day is really, really really really, really, my start of something new. 😊💖🎉 Being motivated first thing in the morning, I was able to carry it all throughout the day! Out of the 365 days, give me just this one please. Huehue. So! I am trying to maximize everything. After all, it is the best version of myself I am trying to reach. I aim for more self-love. As in, all aspects! I made a headstart with my inner soul already so you know what would be next... Physical as well! This is how I will remember my 22nd year that's why I want it to be awesome. So! Just like my feeling qt days, I curled my hair. They are made overnight but also went down at the end of the day because I am a naturally straight-haired girl. Unlike the usual, I did not use my specs today so I would not look like a granny. I really see eyes help in enhancing features. While my OOTD? Extra! Yellow floral sando with a 15-year old brown jacket and black velvet skirt plus high cut boots combination! Overall look resulted to street style but also chic, perfect for my real age. Been weeks since I felt this beautiful again! Hope this continues. Hihihi. Aside from my lovies, some people noticed me today. Funny how the people in the office can't believe I can rock this outfit. That is why sometimes, it is better to look ugly on most days so when the time to shine comes, you will stand out. Hahaha, kidd! Got a natural blush when a co-employee from a different department complimented me that she can mistaken me as a Korean because I am too cute. Yiee! Hahaha. My heart wants to explode because I completed my birthday wish list. Couldn't be more happy with all the things that happened, stuff that began to change, events that are now unfolding. More to come, babe! It's just getting started! *woohoo, 🙌*

And aside from my welcome rites to myself; all those self thingies, my spirit felt even greater because of the people who spent this day with me. Sending tight hugs and sweet kisses with finger hearts! Hihihi. It was Mama who greeted me first. But, my Dada and Kuya Yin had their messages left for me before I wake up. I srsly do not mind who said the first or the last happy birthday. All I know is that I am thankful to all the peeps who remembered me. They are the real ones who has helped me bloom. Hashtag feeling loved! My birthday fell on a Friday. Yup! Even if this was a work day, that means I did not leave the stress zone, I still had a good time in the office. I do not know too? There are many deadlines but, the positive aura just keeps on floating so, I survived it -- that's what's important. Gotta mention our generous boss who treated the September celebrants some unexpected feast. I was late in going home but no regrets because it was such a memorable moment with my new family. Heehee. The best part of the day was after work hours. Nothing feels like home! The whole fam bam was present and that enough is a wonderful gift already. My parents, even sissy, did not go to office because they surprised me with this dinner. Lolo and Lola were there too even if it was a little late already! Aww the cakes, SML!!! Tito Boy and Kuya Yin were present too. And my best friends, Rov with Alkira, her niece who is like my baby already too and Baby (that's her nickname haha)! They are my fam too as I treat them like sisters by blood. And boyfie, he arrived despite his 6PM to 9PM class. All the way from Diliman, he rushed here. Sweet sweet these people! Sadly, no pictures were taken. I know, I know, how can I forget about that?!? I guess, I just learned how to live the now. But trust me, all these moments, they are all in my heart already -- safe and sound like a hidden Yamashita treasure. ✨🎉💕

Another year was added in my life! Is that a good thing or what? Hahaha! Of course, I am grateful with this life I have had. I do not want to regret anything so wasting my time is not welcome in my vocabulary. Especially this next 365 days! And so? I will proceed to the things I want to say now. *heeheehee* This birthday of mine is way too different than the past years. Maybe, I am really getting old already (but still indenial, lol). I was used to waking up with a birthday surprise but things change and that's okay. It is not the balloons, cakes, and bundings that matter to me now anyway. What do I value now then? My vision in life! All these goals, dreams, my inner peace, and the ways how I can carry all these fantasies come to reality. I believe it is not impossible though! It may take a lot of time, yes, and sooo much hard work, of course but, it can still happen. I am that dedicated now! And actually, I made it today. This ✌✌nd was, is, and will be my Start of Something New and promise, it is for real as this must move me for the love, for the best.

To be honest, I do not know if I am happy with the life I lived before. Or maybe, I am just stressed with the happenings recently. Whatever the reasons are, all that I am sure is that, I want to leave all these negativities, bad vibes, and unwanted events behind beginning today. I am praying that I continually say goodbye to the things I need to withdraw. Like my Start of Something New Step 1: let go and let God. I really wanted a rebirth for myself. I kinda know who I am but I will be true, I am still on the process and I do not mind. I already understand that being oneself is a journey. What I will do instead is to just love myself, Him, and the other people more than before at all times. Besides, I can achieve a better future moving with the now. I can only have the change and progress I want by the things I will do with each of my day. I aim for a thriving self! That's a long way to go but I am on the way, working on it.

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