#not had the health to keep friends though:)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for confessing to a friend?

I (20sF) got a big intense crush on a friend (20sM) while going through a rough patch with my boyfriend (20sM) - it's a long distance relationship and he had been too busy with work to text me much. in my loneliness I latched onto my friend H, as we were talking a lot everyday about very deep and personal topics, and I felt a real connection that eventually developed into a crush.

however the crush also made me feel very guilty, not only for my boyfriend but also for my friend as I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship. so it was a couple of really shitty months as I tried to deal with the mess my emotions had become, made worse by how I couldn't talk about it with either my bf nor H nor other friends (as they weren't that close and or were also friends with H).

eventually the crush faded, which was a relief, and after a couple of weeks I decided to tell H about it - to unburden myself of this secret that had weighed on me for so long, and also to just vent and talk with a friend (since we both often talked about similar topics and issues, and offered each other support and suggestions).

in the confession I made it clear that the crush had already faded and that only friendship remained (and I hoped would remain after my confession), but (unbeknownst to me at the time since he acted like he believed me) H thought that I was being manipulative and sneaky, and still had a crush on him and was saying I didn't just to give myself an out if he didn't reciprocate. (I learned of this because he talked about it with mutual friends, telling them all about my confession and his views of it). it ended up becoming a shitstorm tho it's not relevant for this.

but regardless, maybe on some level I was being manipulative, though not the way he thought - I had wanted comfort from a friend and I had wanted to unburden myself from a secret that had been very painful to keep, but I hadn't thought about H's mental health or confusion at the whole situation. (H's mental health is not great in general, and he's had bad experiences with relationships and friendships, which is probably why he saw hidden meanings and manipulative intentions where there weren't. I hadnt even considered that my words could be interpreted in any way but literally, but maybe I should have? I know I'm bad with hidden meanings, so bad that I don't realize others might expect them!)

in short, I confessed for selfish reasons to a vulnerable person. so maybe I was the asshole?

[bekolxeram]

I've seen takes claiming S7!Buck is OOC for the lack of trauma response to being called "Evan" by Tommy or flying into a thunderstorm. While PTSD is very real and deserves recognition and representation outside of a military setting, I also see the beauty in reclaiming your memories.

Tommy calling him Evan affectionately actually makes him feel seen, unlike his parents calling him by his birth name because they didn't bother getting to know who he is right now at all. Flying into that hurricane feels safe with Tommy in control, in contrast to being struck by lightning on that ladder, because Buck trusts Tommy's ability to get them there safe. Slowly, specific traumatic moments don't automatically trigger your trauma anymore, you think of the newer, happier memories.

Personal stuff underneath, feel free to ignore if that's not your thing. TW: abusive relationship

My bestie was in an abusive relationship, in all definitions of the word, for about 6 months. It was a rebound and she was at the lowest point of her life when this LARPing edgelord who couldn't refer to any foreigner without using a slur came into her life. My closest all-female friend group had been drama free for over 10 years, and he immediately started trying to stir shit up not even a month after starting a relationship with my bestie.

She ended up in the hospital, and she dumped him as soon as her physical health improved. He stalked her, and all of us close to her, for 4 years afterwards. Her family blamed her for that, like any other toxic Asian family, and she started keeping stuff to herself, she changed the spelling of her name and she avoided things she used to enjoy or places she used to go because they reminded her of him. Until one day she kind of disappeared.

Turns out, she was in a relationship with a new guy she met at work. She never got around to tell us about it because they were taking it painstakingly slow. They hadn't slept together and they hadn't met each other's family after a whole year of dating, but what they had been doing was trying to dive back into my bestie's hobbies before the abusive relationship.

It wasn't always successful, sometimes she needed a minute to process, other times she outright had to leave the environment. But eventually, she started playing the piano again, she started looking into astrology again even though her ex said it was a proof that women were dumb, she started celebrating her birthday without worrying about being stalked.

I just think It's beautiful. You can't change the past, you can only make newer, better memories to convince yourself it's not always gonna be that bad.

[the-ferocious-kittyrose]

COD OCs that I ship with each of the 141 boys part 1

Price:

Name: Amelia Price / Amelia Ò Carra

Relationship status: Ex Wife (it’s complicated)

Ethnicity: Irish and Italian

Nationality: Irish

Appearance: Light brown skin with warm undertones, curly (3B) chestnut hair, scattered moles across her face, a wide hooked nose, and hazel eyes.

Occupation: History Professor

They got married when John was a fresh face in the military and Amelia was still in college. While out at a bar, his military buddies caught him staring at her from across the room, and after a fair dose of making fun of him, one guy went over to her and started talking to her, her mom, and her sister, who were out celebrating her birthday. When the guy found out she was studying to teach history, the guy got all excited and was like, “you should come hang out at my table for a bit! My mate John loves history!” She was hesitant, as it was obvious the guy was trying to set her up with his friend, but her mom and sister all but shoved her out of the seat in their insistence she go.

Their meeting was awkward as hell, but by the grace of God, John left the bar with her phone number and an invitation to a local museum.

John was helplessly in love with Amelia. They were together for two years before getting married, and throughout their ten years of marriage, through thick and thin, sickness and in health, they were disgustingly in love.

But love doesn’t negate insecurity, fear, and paranoia. Over the years, John would become anxious that he wasn’t a good husband. He was away so often and couldn’t always keep his work and personal lives separate. Long absences, depressive episodes, nightmares… did she deserve to put up with all that?

And as time went on, and the missions he was sent on became more and more dangerous with higher and higher stakes, he started to fear that he wasn’t just neglecting her, but that being with him was actively putting her in danger. He knew intimately that the people he was fighting against wouldn’t hesitate to kill or torture her to get to him.

And it’s not like he could just retire. Millions of lives were at stake. It became a vicious cycle of feeling guilty for putting the fate of the world over his wife, then feeling guilty for feeling guilty for putting the fate of the world over his wife, so on and so on…

Amelia tried to put him at ease. She understood what he did when she married him, she wasn’t going to change her mind now. But her efforts were in vain. John became more and more distant, until he finally said that it would be best if they divorced.

Amelia was furious, even if some part of her knew it was coming. She made it very clear that she absolutely did not want a divorce and disagreed with every justification John threw at her. She eventually agreed to sign the stupid papers, but angrily told John not to think for a second that this was, “for her own good.” He wanted this, not her.

They didn’t speak for a while after the divorce. Partly because John was shipped out pretty soon after. They only spoke again months later, after John came back. He doesn’t know exactly why he called her, but he just felt like he had to. He had to let her know he was home and safe. It was a short, very awkward conversation.

He wasn’t home for long though, he was sent back out shortly after, and again when he got home months later, he had to talk to her again. He missed her desperately. When he was deployed he could distract himself, bury his emotions and focus solely on the mission, but that’s a luxury he didn’t have at home.

He regretted getting divorced before he even signed the damn papers, but he told himself over and over that it was the right thing to do, that he didn’t have a choice. But he was selfish. He didn’t care if it was the right thing to do, he missed her. Every cell of his body wanted her back, even if he knew he couldn’t have her.

Just talking to her wasn’t enough, he had to see her, even if it was only for a second. He made up some excuse about paperwork that he honestly couldn’t care less about and met her at their old shared home.

It was, again, awkward. Neither really knew what to say to the other, and Amelia clearly still felt betrayed, but despite all the tension, the longing was palpable. Neither wanted to say goodbye, but once they ran out of appropriate excuses to keep the awkward interaction from ending, they didn’t really have a choice. Despite both of them trying to keep their distance, the brief meeting ended with a hug that lingered too long, and a whispered, “I miss you,” “I miss you too.”

This became a pattern.

Whenever John would come home, he would call Amelia. Most of their interactions were brief, just checking in on one another, but sometimes their emotions got the better of them. Against their better judgment, they’d meet. They’d get dinner, or grab a drink. Sometimes she would invite him home for a drink, which almost always lead to desperate drunken kisses and hookups, which only made the pain of saying goodbye a thousand times worse.

Every time she allowed him in her home, in her bed, she wondered why she’d do this to herself, why John would do this to her. She couldn’t move on. She’d been on exactly one date since the divorce, that lasted all of two hours. She couldn’t help it, the thought of being with anybody else felt wrong, it made her ill. She knew she had to move on, that things with John wouldn’t work, no matter how badly she wanted them to, but every time he reached out to her, she didn’t have the strength to refuse him.

It was very tempting to put all the blame on John, he was the one who wanted the damn divorce in the first place, and now he’s making it impossible for her to heal and move on, but she knew she wasn’t blameless. At the end of the night, she was the one who brought him home, who laid beneath him, wrapped her arms and legs around his body and buried her face into his neck, begging him to hold her, kiss her, stay with her… she felt pathetic… weak… she knew that these nights always ended the same, he would leave and she would be alone again, choking back sobs as she promised herself it wouldn’t happen again. She knew she needed to put a stop to it, but she just couldn’t.

Kate was one of the few people who knew about John and Amelia’s complicated relationship. And she’s told him flat out, “you’re being a dick.” She told him that he can’t keep going back and forth, “you’re either with her or you’re not. You can’t have it both ways.” She’s urged him to just get back together with her already. It’s obvious that they’re still in love with each other and they clearly suck at being divorced. He needs to make up his mind and do it quick because Amelia’s not gonna put up with this whole shitty situation forever.

John knows Kate is right. She’s always right.

He wants to be with her, wants to get back together. He decides that if he makes it home again, he’ll tell her. Tell her that he’s done with goodbyes, that he wants to be hers again… if she’ll have him…

[okkennymay]

Hi Kenny, how's 2024 treating you?

I feel a little bit like i'm running down an incredibly steep hill but I'm managing somehow 💖

I got to briefly join my sisters hens/bucks party weekend getaway for a few hours near the start of the year, it was an amazing experience and to have gotten to join in on the fun with family and friends and celebrate my sister and her fiance's marriage-to-be was an experience I never thought could happen! ♪(^∇^*) I mean sure I spent most of it hidden away, in the lil cabin my parents were renting a bit further away from all the party people, resting between moments of interaction but it was AWESOME!

and then I lost my 'no major episode' streak (almost 5 months!! A frickEN MiRAcle!!) a week later and have spent most of the time recovering 9w9" ahh all that recovery torn away and damage redone ;w; But i have been quietly working on commissions in the shadows with those who have popped up in my Instant messages- yah boi got bills to pay and a DSP don't quite cut it, so I got some nice art to post when i can get out of my own head for a minute to do so wOOOO ╰(*°▽°*)╯ my clients are my hero's honestly, it's one of the reasons why I pour so much love into my work

Sorry if that was a bit more of answer than yah wanted Anon <3 I feel a lil bit like all the people responding to Elmo's "how's everyone doing" but I tried to keep things lighthearted 💖

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

That awkward feeling when a PIMI childhood friend sends you an invite to a party in the summer; but you know you’re going to be out of the cult and shunned by then.

What do I even say? Do I lie and say I’ll be there? Do I just not respond?

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

[kohakhearts]

cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc

pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement

[hella1975]

WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME NOW OF ALL TIMES 🤺🤺 BACK 🤺 BACK I SAY 🤺🤺🤺

[alphalesbian]

.

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

😭 i will never learn

[arolesbianism]

It is my new life purpose to add the most questionable song choices to the Jackie section of my oni playlist. Hey at least one of them is a rabbit universe Jackie song so I have sort of an excuse, but spoilers it's not keep your head up so uhhhhh lol

[bignutspatrol]

is it okay to wallow a little bit in self pity just for one day? i dont... know what i can do right now. mental breakdown in tags you know how it isssss

[hyperlexichypatia]

As I keep shouting into the void, pathologizers love shifting discussion about material conditions into discussion about emotional states.

I rant approximately once a week about how the brain maturity myth transmuted “Young adults are too poor to move out of their parents’ homes or have children of their own” into “Young adults are too emotionally and neurologically immature to move out of their parents’ homes or have children of their own.”

I’ve also talked about the misuse of “enabling” and “trauma” and “dopamine” .

And this is a pattern – people coin terms and concepts to describe material problems, and pathologization culture shifts them to be about problems in the brain or psyche of the person experiencing them. Now we’re talking about neurochemicals, frontal lobes, and self-esteem instead of talking about wages, wealth distribution, and civil rights. Now we can say that poor, oppressed, and exploited people are suffering from a neurological/emotional defect that makes them not know what’s best for themselves, so they don’t need or deserve rights or money.

Here are some terms that have been so horribly misused by mental health culture that we’ve almost entirely forgotten that they were originally materialist critiques.

Codependency What it originally referred to: A non-addicted person being overly “helpful” to an addicted partner or relative, often out of financial desperation. For example: Making sure your alcoholic husband gets to work in the morning (even though he’s an adult who should be responsible for himself) because if he loses his job, you’ll lose your home. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/08/opinion/codependency-addiction-recovery.html What it’s been distorted into: Being “clingy,” being “too emotionally needy,” wanting things like affection and quality time from a partner. A way of pathologizing people, especially young women, for wanting things like love and commitment in a romantic relationship.

Compulsory Heterosexuality What it originally referred to: In the 1980 in essay "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence," https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/493756 Adrienne Rich described compulsory heterosexuality as a set of social conditions that coerce women into heterosexual relationships and prioritize those relationships over relationships between women (both romantic and platonic). She also defines “lesbian” much more broadly than current discourse does, encompassing a wide variety of romantic and platonic relationships between women. While she does suggest that women who identify as heterosexual might be doing so out of unquestioned social norms, this is not the primary point she’s making. What it’s been distorted into: The patronizing, biphobic idea that lesbians somehow falsely believe themselves to be attracted to men. Part of the overall “Women don’t really know what they want or what’s good for them” theme of contemporary discourse.

Emotional Labor What it originally referred to: The implicit or explicit requirement that workers (especially women workers, especially workers in female-dominated “pink collar” jobs, especially tipped workers) perform emotional intimacy with customers, coworkers, and bosses above and beyond the actual job being done. Having to smile, be “friendly,” flirt, give the impression of genuine caring, politely accept harassment, etc. https://weld.la.psu.edu/what-is-emotional-labor/ What it’s been distorted into: Everything under the sun. Everything from housework (which we already had a term for), to tolerating the existence of disabled people, to just caring about friends the way friends do. The original intent of the concept was “It’s unreasonable to expect your waitress to care about your problems, because she’s not really your friend,” not “It’s unreasonable to expect your actual friends to care about your problems unless you pay them, because that’s emotional labor,” and certainly not “Disabled people shouldn’t be allowed to be visibly disabled in public, because witnessing a disabled person is emotional labor.” Anything that causes a person emotional distress, even if that emotional distress is rooted in the distress-haver’s bigotry (Many nominally progressive people who would rightfully reject the bigoted logic of “Seeing gay or interracial couples upsets me, which is emotional labor, so they shouldn’t be allowed to exist in public” fully accept the bigoted logic of “Seeing disabled or poor people upsets me, which is emotional labor, so they shouldn’t be allowed to exist in public”).

Battered Wife Syndrome What it originally referred to: The all-encompassing trauma and fear of escalating violence experienced by people suffering ongoing domestic abuse, sometimes resulting in the abuse victim using necessary violence in self-defense. Because domestic abuse often escalates, often to murder, this fear is entirely rational and justified. This is the reasonable, justified belief that someone who beats you, stalks you, and threatens to kill you may actually kill you.

What it’s been distorted into: Like so many of these other items, the idea that women (in this case, women who are victims of domestic violence) don’t know what’s best for themselves. I debated including this one, because “syndrome” was a wrongful framing from the beginning – a justified and rational fear of escalating violence in a situation in which escalating violence is occurring is not a “syndrome.” But the original meaning at least partially acknowledged the material conditions of escalating violence.

I’m not saying the original meanings of these terms are ones I necessarily agree with – as a cognitive liberty absolutist, I’m unsurprisingly not that enamored of either second-wave feminism or 1970s addiction discourse. And as much as I dislike what “emotional labor” has become, I accept that “Women are unfairly expected to care about other people’s feelings more than men are” is a true statement.

What I am saying is that all of these terms originally, at least partly, took material conditions into account in their usage. Subsequent usage has entirely stripped the materialist critique and fully replaced it with emotional pathologization, specifically of women. Acknowledgement that women have their choices constrained by poverty, violence, and oppression has been replaced with the idea that women don’t know what’s best for themselves and need to be coercively “helped” for their own good. Acknowledgement that working-class women experience a gender-and-class-specific form of economic exploitation has been rebranded as yet another variation of “Disabled people are burdensome for wanting to exist.”

Over and over, materialist critiques are reframed as emotional or cognitive defects of marginalized people. The next time you hear a superficially sympathetic (but actually pathologizing) argument for “Marginalized people make bad choices because…” consider stopping and asking: “Wait, who are we to assume that this person’s choices are ‘bad’? And if they are, is there something about their material conditions that constrains their options or makes the ‘bad’ choice the best available option?”

[linumlena]

Sometimes the only thing keeping you going is your cat, huh

[oranberrie]

At least I know my cat will be okay if I get bad again

[starcurtain]

2.1 Penacony Spoilers!

I know the scene after Ratio's "betrayal" can be read a lot of ways but I am shocked I haven't seen more people interpret it as Ratio being so worried about Aventurine that he couldn't stay away even though he was supposed to.

We know:

1) Ratio absolutely knew Aventurine's plan from start to finish, both his gamble to create "death" in the dream and with the three cornerstones. (Wish people would stop underselling Ratio in their analyses; "Three chips are enough" is a direct enough clue that, genius as he is, Ratio would never miss.)

2) In his own words, Ratio was acting according to Aventurine's instructions while in Dewlight Pavilion and with Sunday and felt that he did a good job not giving them away.

I think most people are on the same page up to there, but then I've seen a lot of people interpreting this scene after Aventurine leaves Sunday's mansion as Aventurine being genuinely angry at Ratio (possibly after having gaslit himself into thinking Ratio was actually betraying him).

But this doesn't make much sense to me because:

1) Ratio actually has nothing to gain by selling Aventurine out to Sunday. They're on the same side in this mission. Information about a Stelleron on Penacony wouldn't be news anyone with a brain like Ratio's and why would he need someone else's research on Stellerons when he already has ties to the Genius Society through Screwllum and Herta, as well as the Astral Express where the Trailblazer is actively housing a Stelleron?

2) One of Aventurine's most notable lines of dialogue is how it's perfectly fine and expected for "friends" to use each other and backstab. This is his default understanding of partners--why would he suddenly be mad about something he expected from the start?

3) If the betrayal wasn't already planned and was just a possibility based on Aventurine's understanding of Ratio, why would he ever have revealed there were "three chips" (aka three cornerstones) in play? If even the betrayal over Topaz's stone wasn't planned, just assumed, why would Aventurine reveal the existence of the third stone? He would gain nothing from doing so.

Instead, I think it makes a lot more sense to interpret Aventurine's frustration with Ratio in this later scene as annoyance over Ratio taking an "unnecessary" risk:

1) As far as Sunday knows, Ratio had just very seriously betrayed Aventurine, completely selling him out and essentially sending him to his execution.

2) In the scene afterward, Aventurine is out in public in the middle of Penacony where The Family's eyes are always watching, yet Ratio walks right up to him to check on him. Why would someone who just sold you out come up to you immediately afterward to check on your health?!

3) It's only natural that Aventurine would pump the brakes and go "Wow, didn't think you'd show yourself after you just betrayed me, remember?" Because that's the act they are supposed to be keeping up! They're still being monitored; it's not safe to break character!

But Ratio is a genius, right, so why would he break character here? From the standpoint of the ploy itself, revealing to the Family that he and Aventurine were still on the same side would only jeopardize the plan, not help it.

The logical explanation, then, is that Ratio went to Aventurine here because he felt like he had to.

He had to check in and make sure the situation was still under Aventurine's control.

(In fact, the entire exchange through the middle of this scene is Aventurine and Ratio confirming the rest of their plot in a veiled manner: Ratio brings up the plan and mentions what's concealed in the gift money bag, Aventurine confirms the cornerstone is good to go; Ratio asks what his next step will be; Aventurine says he's going to do the insane thing of handing out cash while looking pathetic [aka fishing for Sparkle]. Ratio essentially asks if he's crazy enough to take the final gamble with his own life, which Aventurine confirms, and then Ratio sets them up for the finale by gifting him the doctor's note.)

Ratio was willing to risk ruining their entire plan--something Aventurine does seem to be frustrated about at first--just to ensure Aventurine still felt all right about the situation.

He needed to deliver his note demanding Aventurine stay alive.

He needed to tell Aventurine to come to him if the situation got too painful to bear.

In short, Ratio was worried enough that he could not stay away even though, for the sake of their plot, it would have made significantly more sense for him not to appear. The gain of breaking character was worth more to him than the risk of being caught.

You honestly don't even have to take this in a shipping context. The real point here is that Ratio is an incredibly good person who wasn't okay with Aventurine's self-sacrificial plan and who felt morally compelled to check on a person in pain. He's a healer through and through, and ignoring Aventurine in this condition--ignoring someone who was taking so much risk on themselves--simply wasn't possible for him, no matter the danger it posed to the plan.

But for those who do ship Ratio and Aventurine... I hope more people will come to see this scene as another example of Ratio's genuine concern for his mission partner! He did not have to appear here at all; it would have made much more sense for him to leave Aventurine to his own devices to uphold the illusion of their "betrayal." He showed up in this scene--very likely against Aventurine's expectations--because he was concerned for Aventurine's situation and wanted to ensure Aventurine knew he could fall back on Ratio's support at any time if the plan went awry.

tl;dr: I wish people would stop interpreting this scene as the aftermath of a betrayal. Aventurine wasn't ticked off with Ratio in this scene because he felt like he'd genuinely been backstabbed; he was ticked off because Ratio was literally breaking their pre-established "betrayer" character just to be fussy over Aventurine's safety and well-being. (Okay, and to double check on the plan, but let's be real, the first part was definitely more important. 👌)