#not in the existential sense but in the transactional sense ie its worth it to stay alive cause this and that keeps me entertained
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sometimes i see ppl praise nds for being passionate about their interests and just feel bad :/
#mine.txt#tw vent#ig#this isnt really directed towards anyone#since were in the audhd website this is honestly to be expected#but like idk my passion is entirely artificial and manufactured#something made in conjunction with me and my mind to make my stay here feel like its worth something#not in the existential sense but in the transactional sense ie its worth it to stay alive cause this and that keeps me entertained#and id see all these genuine shows of passion and im just like. how.#cause the thing is im not depressed im actually quite content with my life even with its down moments#but i kinda have an ingrained neutral nihilism in me wherein i dont think much of reality and existence#it makes survival easy but living and thriving so so hard#cause why waste energy doing all that when in the end its all the same anyway#i do things in the moment if they make me happy ofc#but they rarely ever go past a moment#its why even now i struggle with the concept of happy memories#theyre just memories to me
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