#its why even now i struggle with the concept of happy memories

[scarletiswailing347]

sometimes i see ppl praise nds for being passionate about their interests and just feel bad :/

[doromoni]

Hunting Affections

Charles Leclerc x photographer! reader

Max Verstappen x photographer! reader

Part 5.

fanfic + smau fic

y/n faceclaim : Hwang Eunbi

warning : swearing , manipulation, stalking , violence

A/N : UP FOR EDITING 🤍

<previous next>

Summary; Love is but a concept — just connections of neurons that take part in the brain … and yet, why is it the most painful when one falls alone?

or

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back , until you can’t no more. Maybe then they’ll actually know what they’ve lost.

Relentless and persistent are two different adjectives that are often mistakenly interchanged . Persistence is defined as continuing firmly in a course of action despite difficulty , while being relentless means to do something and refuse to give up, even if what they are doing is unpleasant or cruel.

You are nothing but the latter, your actions are derived from cruel and revolting motivations— you have deluded yourself into thinking that your actions are for the goodness of others.

Everything was quiet , the only noise was the crashing waves of the Monegasque sea. The quietness and the soft waves have brought me peace and calmness , yet at this point in time it only added to the anxiousness that bubbled at the depths of my stomach … because there laid in the distance, the screen of my phone violently glowing luminescent , as your instagram post displayed on my feed . The memories that used to hunt my sleep every night came crashing in yet again, the times where I then cried endlessly thinking what was wrong with me, if I lacked something, or If I was never enough.

Do you find happiness in my suffering? why must you always find ways to make my life miserable.

The palms of my hands grew restless, hearing the pounding of my heart in my eardrums. Shit… I’m starting to spiral again, everything was turning foggy ,my vision starting to blur as my breath was starting to catch up on me making me choke on the tears that streamed down my face. The bedroom had started to feel like its enclosing in it self.

Just then, the piercing sound of a phone ringtone filled the air.

“Liebling , I just saw what the bastard posted . Are you alright, Love? Do you need company? Should I go back there?” Oh Max , how can I be so lucky with you? You didn’t even doubt my innocence.

“M-Max..” I said struggling to speak.

“Y/N?? What happened? Are you alright??“ His voice sounded so worried and panicked, is it wrong that I find it soothing?

“It almost happened again, love … I started to spiral” I managed to choke out , running my hand through my hair ; feeling it still damp from the shower I took before.

“Verdammt noch mal! I’m gonna kill that bastard! Wait for me , Liebling. Im coming over. Give me 10 minutes”

“Mhm , thank you Max . Please know that I really do love you…” Fear started to envelop my heart at the thought of Max leaving me because of all this mess.

“I never doubted your love, Liebling… not one bit. I love you more. I’ll be there quickly. Call me if your you need anything else. Bye for now dear”

And the line went dead and the air was again filled with silence. Thoughts have again started to fill my head , but this time it was of rage and my body shook , seething in anger.

Then cutting through the silence, came the sound of my doorbell. It couldn’t be Max , I already gave him a key to the apartment. Slowly walking towards the front door and looking through the camera … there stood at the other side of my door, the root of my problem. Charles Leclerc.

“Please open the door,Y/N” that voice used to bring me joy and giddy anticipation , now it only brought un believable amounts of contempt and disgust.

His knocks where endless, just as I had said , he is relentless. Finally having enough from him, I swung the door open ; revealing the angelic face that brought me hell.

“The fucking nerve you have to show your face to me, Leclerc . “ I spat with venom laced in every word , as my blood started to boil over at the sight of him.

He started to walk forward and reaching out his hand , intending to hold mine. Yet before he could even lay a finger — a stood back , with a piercing glare permanently set on my face.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” Charles could only recoil , how does it feel to finally be at that end of the stick , huh?

“Y/N please , let’s talk . Babe I- Look, i’m sorry for being a shitty boyfri-“ As his words started to spill out , I could only scoff at the absurdity of him.

“I’m not your babe , and before you even start, I never was your girlfriend . You’re focusing on your career, remember?! We we’re never together. You just fucking played me the left me whenever you liked. Oh you were shitty alright, but you were never my boyfriend! ”

“You don’t mean that . Remember all the things we’ve done together, the trips and all the family dinners. Y/N … babe , I miss having you and getting to hold you in my arms at our special spot. Y/N , please , I love you and I know you still love me “

“YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT AFTER EVERYTHING YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH ! IM ALREADY FUCKING HAPPY! “ I shouted as my throat burned and my eyes started to tear up from anger and frustration.

“You’re so fucking cruel. Yes! I did love you then! But what did you do with it huh?! You fucking cheated on me and took me for granted.You embarrassed me in-front of everyone! You made me fucking doubt everything about myself , you fucking bastard! I’m already content without you in my life. Charles, please just leave me alone. Let me go, I’m very happy with Max… I love him. Please , I beg of you , don’t ruin this for me” Tears are now streaming down my cheeks .

As I said those words, the warmth and affection in his eyes drained as it was replaced with vexation and contempt. His face turned blank , and all to quickly his lips were pulled into a smirk.

“We both know that you’re just using him to get to me. Really , y/n? Max? my childhood enemy? Couldn’t you think of a better way to make me jealous? A bit pathetic, but I’ll let it go. I’m already here, break up with the loser already.” The smugness and arrogance of his words drew out the worst in me as my hand flew directly at his cheek , slapping him with all the aggression and hatred I had for the driver.

“FUCK YOU , CHARLES! HOW ARROGANT CAN YOU GET?! SELFISH PRAT! IM FUCKING OVER YOU! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO SAY WHAT MAX AND I HAVE — YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I-i, just leave . I have nothing more to say to you.GO! LEAVE!!” My throat now burned even further as i wiped the tears off my face with my hand.

“I’ll go for now Y/N . But , I will not stop. you are mine Y/n l/n. YOU.ARE.MINE.” His words were ringing in my ears as he drove off the distance. Fresh tears now spilling over as my body was wrecked into uncontrollable sobs. My knees buckling beneath me making me fall to the floor — not bothering to stand up as I stared emptily at the floor.

Not long after , I felt the familiar warmth that I could only get from the embrace of the person I loved.

“Liebling?! Why are you on the floor? my Schatz , what happened?” Max’s voice brought peace and stability to my anxiety. I drew myself even closer to his embrace.

“Liebling?”

“Charles… he came here, Max . He said that he won’t stop until I go back to him. Max… I’m scared”

I looked up to see fury written over his face, feeling his hold on me tighten.

“Max , please don’t leave me. Please…” I begged, clutching his torso even more . Feeling his fingers running through my hair , He said“Don’t be scared, my Schatz . I love you and I promise not to leave you. Don’t be scared, I’m here” the softness in his voice and the, revealed the exhaustion in my body as I had started to lose consciousness… but not until I heard him say

“You’ll pay for everything, Leclerc… everything” and all turned into nothing.

Formula 1 Ferrari Driver Charles Leclerc seen leaving the apartment of Red Bull Senior Director Y/N L/N.

Article by : Mary Hankson

Formula 1 driver , Charles Leclerc was spotted leaving the Korean born photographer Y/N L/N’s apartment at 4 am in the morning, just a few hours after his cryptic instagram post with the caption “originally mine , I refuse to give up”.

Sources had said that the visit of the Ferrari driver had occurred right after the birthday celebration of the Red Bull Design Director, in which the Monegasque was said not to be invited, this, and possibly for more reasons , was not taken well by the driver— as Charles was seen storming out of the apartment with a fuming snarl on his face as he drove off in his Ferrari Pista.

Even before such event, fans are already puzzled with Charles and Y/N’ behavior. Their once warm treatment of each other have quickly turned sour once Y/N left the Italian team to pursue a career with Sky Sports . The air between the driver and photographer had been in tension since then— with L/N opting to associate with The English , Australian, and Dutch formula 1 drivers while Leclerc had been with the Alpine driver and best friend Pierre Gasly. What had exactly happened to create such thick tension among the two?

Could the mysterious woman in the Monegasque’s post be about L/N? The two have already been romantically linked together in past — as Y/N L/Y had been spotted with the driver and his family in several occasions looking quite familiar with each other. Yet nothing was confirmed by either Leclerc or L/N.

Y/N L/N is currently in a romantic relationship with the reigning WDC champion, Max Verstappen. The length of the relationship is relatively new , yet it cannot be argued that both are not embarrassed to share their passion for each other — whether cameras are present or not.

Nevertheless, Leclerc and L/N are longer acquainted and have spent great amounts of time together during the period of internship of the korean photographer in Ferrari . The hearsay between the Charles Leclerc and Y/N L/N also cannot be dismissed entirely — for fans have speculated that the two haven’t establish a relationship before due to Ferrari’s no colleague fraternization clause. The argument with Leclerc and L/N’s relationship rumors are once again put into light with the recent developments — but with Max Verstappen in the scene, things get even more complicated.

Tension continues to rise among the parties involved. Will such tension be left off the track or will we see the Verstappen and Leclerc rivalry stronger than ever? And will the new relationship of Y/N L/N and Max Verstappen survive such issues so early on the relationship?

————

F1wags

Liked by y/n_stills., user1, user2 , and 156,425 others

F1wags Even amidst rumors between Y/N L/N and Charles Leclerc , Max and Y/N are looking to be stronger and even happier together!

The new couple was seen to be going out for breakfast , hours after the article of Charles Leclerc leaving the home of Y/N at 4 am at the morning. At the looks of it, Max is more protective and even more doting on the Red Bull director/photographer, as was reported by fans that the dutch driver’s arms are never away from Y/N. By the looks of things, Max and Y/N is staying longer.

But what is the meaning of the instagram post of Charles? We could only hope for an explanation from the Ferrari Driver. Because Red Bull wag y/n is here to stay!

user1 y/n is collecting drivers like infinity stones … cannot blame her tho, if I looked that pretty I would too.

user2 It hasn’t been a week since y/n has been an official wag but she’s already the star.

user3 Lmao, chaos follows her tbh

user4 @user3 she is chaos , chaos is her.

user5 All hail Y/N , queen of the Wags

user6 When we eat the rich , y/n is exempted.

user5 HAHAHAHAHA

user7 what is Charles doing? explain yourself sir?? drop a statement or something… I refuse to let go of Soft Max.

user8 @user7 why should charles do it? Why couldn’t y/n explain herself?

user7 are you fr @user8 was it y/n who posted , was it y/n who went to his apartment? No, I think the f not.

user9 ikr? Like wth is he doing? Y/N is already happily taken by Max … bruhhh

user9 I don’t doubt y/n’s loyalty to Max at all. They make each other so happy. Why the hell would she drop that for a driver as red flagged as his team color. And did y’all listen to the song she made for him? shiz got me crying blood.

liked by y/n_stills.

user9 oh hi mother @y/n_stills.

user10 oof y/n is here dropping the shade along with the tea.

user11 Hi there mother of all mothers @y/n_stills.

y/n_stills. Hi children~

user9 OMG HI HAHAHHA

user12 Max really does love y/n , they’re out for breakfast when Max is usually very early at the ring even when its media Thursday .

user13 Man is whipped.

user14 pls y/n never let this man go.

redbullracing

Liked by y/n_stills, maxvertappen1, landonorris, and 1,672,916 others

redbullracing Welcome to the family @y/n_stills! 🎉

interview will be posted after the race 🤭

y/n_stills. Thank you so much 🤍 So excited to work with the team ! But remember our negotiations @redbullracing, unlimited snack… else im walking out 😬.

maxverstappen1 ahh already the boss, I see.

y/n_stills. Oh shush , you love it when I’m bossy. 🙄

maxverstappen1 that I do😘

danielricciardo ugh you two are gross , get a room

landonorris HR will be hearing a lot of you 2

redbullracing @landonorris ,you said it .

maxverstappen1 Stoked to work with you , colleague!

y/n_stills. Ew, Emilian stop! Cringing over here 😫

maxverstappen1 noted, you’re the boss 🫡

oscarpiastri Congratulations y/n!! give them hell, mom🧡

y/n_stills. Thank you little papaya 🤍, Still, I’m always rooting for you!

arthur_leclerc @oscarpiastri stop hogging y/n!

olliebearman @y/n_stills. Give us attention too :((

y/n_stills. I’ll think about it @olliebearman 😜

carlossainz55 Good luck niña, I will always be supporting you and your journey! Always.

y/n_stills. thank you chili 🥺

carlossainz55 I’m always your friend first and a driver second, niña . remember that.

liked by y/n_stills.

scuderiaferrari good luck on your journey @y/n_stills.!

y/n_stills. Thanks! You’re still my favorite team to beef with @scuderiaferrari ❤️

user1 bruh the grid is causing chaos in the redbullracing comment section HAHAHAHHA

user2 ikr? HAHAHAHAH

user3 my popcorn is ready!

*ting!*

“Max are you really ok if I hung out with Arthur?”

We were currently in his car on our way to the circuit for media day.

“Yeah , I’m ok with it. He’s a good kid” I stared at him in both awe and disbelief

“Liebling, what’s the stare for?” He chuckled as he focused on driving, a hand on my thigh ; his fingers drumming to the beat of cruel summer that played on the radio.

“He is, but he’s also the brother of my ex!” I said exasperated.

“I trust you completely, Liebling” He replied gently squeezing my thigh. Affection uncontrollably rushed over me.

“I love you, Max Emilian Verstappen.Do you know that?”

“Yes , I do Schatz , and I love you more” A smile both on our faces as the circuit came closer.

“Oh! How bout you go with me?” I excitedly tapped his hand at the amazing idea I had… which didn’t look as amazing to the dutch, as his face held confusion

“What? Why?”

“Come on I want you there! I’ll invite oscar and ollie~ its time you to spend time with your sons”

“Woah woah, last I remember we only have Oscar.” He joked , and there and then the car was filled with our laughter — forgetting all the drama that surrounded us.

y/n_stills.

Liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing, danielricciardo, and 2,836,817 others

y/n_stills. A Red Bull Wag , through and through. Ironically, I’m already tired ,nobody warned me this shiz is hard 🙄. I blame @maxverstappen1 .

maxverstappen1 I’m sorry i forgot to brief you, my bad liebling.

y/n_stills. Be thankful that I love you.

landonorris aren’t you supposed to be working @y/n_stills?

y/n_stills. It’s called tactical marketing, kinder. Know your terminology gosh.

landonorris is that what you call it? hmm sure

georgerussell63 isn’t today your first official day as a wag?

y/n_stills. and what is your point russell george?

georgerussell63 nothing, nothing ~ 😁

lilymhe Girl! See you later , I missed you >:((

y/n_stills. Babe , we literally saw each other yesterday.

lilymhe Yeah? And?

y/n_stills. quoting russell george , nothing, nothing ~ 😁

user1 BRO Y/N IS SO PRETTY! I saw her and Max walking to the Red Bull motorhome , she was glowing! I swear I saw an angel

user2 RIGHT?! She’s literally blooming , how can someone be so pretty >:((

user3 she’s also so nice! They were walking when I asked for a picture with Max , y/n offered to take the picture. I swear I melted when she smiled at me.

user4 y/n suites the blue and red 😏

user5 indeed, she found her colors >:)) , the plain red was getting boring.

———

“Liebling, I need to go. Im scheduled for the press conference” I looked up from my laptop setting my eyes to the dutch driver as he walked towards were I was.

“Mhm , I know~ who do you think put you there?” I smiled mischievously up at him as he towered over my side.

“You vixen~ you do realize who’s also up there right?” A grin played at his lips , where I only shrugged

“Gotta keep you on your toes, champion”

“If i punch the bastard’s face will that be alright?” Max replied as he tucked my hair to my ears, a hand gently holding my chin

“I mean, bad publicity is still publicity, you are the expert at it , my love” I joked lovingly , a grin now present on my face.

“Aren’t you cheeky, Schatz~” his grip on my chin slightly tightened as he bent down and captured my lips in his. Angling my face to deepen the kiss , as Max’s other hand found it way to the back of my neck, holding me still. Before the kiss grew too heated, I pulled away knowing that he cannot be late because of me.

“Nu uh, mister~ you have a media event to get to. “ Max groaned , as I tried to fix his hair that I had somehow ruined.

“Off you go, my love~ good luck and play nice. I love you~” I said as I pulled him out of my office and pushed him out the door

“Yeah, yeah~ love you more” He said walking away, not before stealing another kiss.

“See you later Schatz~” He yelled at the distance. the people outside my office only chuckled and shake their heads— seeing their number 1 driver act petulantly.

———

“Welcome back lads! Its been quite a long month of summer vacation, i might say! And welcome everyone, today we have here with us a mixture of driver experiences in the grid. We have Lewis Hamilton , Max Verstappen, Oscar Piastri , Charles Leclerc and Daniel Ricciardo here with us today~ our two Aussies are here!”

“ And speaking of Aussies, let’s start of with our youngest driver on the grid! Oscar, how was your experience in the half of your first season in formula 1 and how are you handling the effects of your collision with Sainz during the Spa race?”

“The First half of the season is not easy, I cannot lie, specially at the start of the season, but recently the car has been a great drive and We are really looking forward for this week’s race. Uhm… uh, mentally speaking , I am alright, a bit down but I’m eager to get back into the car and race.

“Are there people you look towards for comfort or advice when facing circumstances like this? — you were captured hugging a woman after your retirement last race and if we have it correct it was Red Bull’s current Designs Director , Y/N L/N, is that true?”

The young driver was suddenly flustered taken aback by the question. Max drew an assuring pat on the back to the Australian driver, making sure that it wasn’t shown on camera.

“Yes, that was Y/N. She went to our garage and made sure that I was ok and assured me that mistakes happen and that I should’t hold it against myself”

“Well aren’t you two close” Leclerc suddenly butted in , all eyes suddenly went to him— some with disguised annoyance.

But without missing a beat Oscar replied

“We are! Y/N is very caring and very supportive towards me. She is also very mother like — we have this running joke with Max here, that they are my parents and I’m their son”

“Correction, adopted son” Max joked lifting the mood.

“While on that note, Max! I assume that the rumors are true? That you are indeed dating your team’s Design Director, Y/N L/N ? “

“Yes, I am in a relationship with Y/N”

“Would you care to elaborate on that, Max?”

“ Isn’t that question a bit too personal? Shouldn’t we talk about racing?” Charles again interrupted before anybody could say a word

“No, it’s alright. I’ll gladly talk about Y/N given the chance. Well we were friends first, then along the road I came to like her and thank the heavens she liked me back. Then we made things official this summer break, oh! we also adopted oscar here during the break. So lots of milestones for me this summer break.” Chuckles filled the conference room as Max finished speaking

“Thank you for that Max , uh let’s move on to Charles! You are also busy with your summer break! Would you like to enlighten us on that?”

“No, not really … Im here to race, that’s all. I don’t have time to waste on meaningless pursuits” He replied dryly

Max’s hands balled into firsts , on Charle’s insinuation when he said meaningless pursuits.

“Oh, well alright! Moving on to Lewis”

The tension was thick in the air as 2 drivers continued to giving each other subtle glares all throughout the conference .

The conference rest of the conference went off without an issue. That was until the end where everyone was backstage when the tension broke loose and anger exploded

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM LECLERC?!” Max came storming towards the Ferrari driver —driving a hard punches on the jaw of the Ferrari driver, then forcefully clutching the collar of his shirt as blood spilled out of the Monegasque’s lips

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME DICKHEAD!” Charles shouted as he struggled to get max’s grip off him.

Daniel and Oscar quickly came to separate the two drivers apart. Holding each of them back.

“LEAVE Y/N ALONE ,BASTARD! CANT YOU FUCKING SEE THAT YOU’RE HURTING HER?!? YOURE THE FUCKING PROBLEM”

“ IF YOU WERE’NT IN THE PICTURE Y/N WILL STILL BE MINE! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A PERSON WHO PICKS UP OTHER PEOPLE’S SCRAPS!! SHE LOVES ME!”

“FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT ! YOU DARE CALL Y/N SCRAPS?! YOU FUCKING TREAT HER LIKE SHIT THEN YOU EXPECT HER TO COME BACK TO YOU?!“

“guys , please stop it! there are cameras outside that door” Daniel tried to calm both the drivers down, as Max tried to get away from his grip and land another strike at Leclerc.

“Get this through your head, Leclerc. I will do my everything to keep y/n and the championship title away from you. As long as I am here you will never taste the victory of being number 1 again. I swear that on my life. You’ve hurt y/n, prepare to fucking suffer”

successfully removing Daniel’s grip, Max then stormed out the room, leaving the three drivers in shock.

[sincerely-sofie]

Chapter 4 of Sofie Plays "Slay the Princess": The Wild (Part 1)

I can hear what sounds to be a crying woman in the background music amidst ethereal vocals and I am not happy about this.

[ Beginning ] - [ Previous Part ] - [ Next Part ]

Okay wait wait wait WAIT. I'm really latching onto that last line but hear me out as I ramble for a bit. The Princess is not human. As far as I know, she can't even die--- though that might just be my bad luck and decision making at play. She describes herself as having no beginning and no end. This game tinkers with the concepts of time being cyclical, and the Hero and the Princess's memories are both untouched by time looping, unlike the memories of the Narrator...

... Is she the reason time is looping? The Princess is without end and beginning. In other words, a circle. Is she the embodiment of a time loop?

Alternate theory is that this game is a surreal allegorical story for man's quest for immortality. The Narrator is somehow a representation of the fear of death, and the Princess's imminent threat of destroying the world isn't as pressing of a threat as the Narrator makes it seem. She's inevitable, but she's not in a rush to end things. She said in the first chapter that she likes the world--- though that might have been a lie, come to think of it. The Hero might be a representation of an individual's struggle with death, and how oftentimes when we fight against it, we only draw closer to it. Maybe the whole "this is a love story" line hints at the Hero accepting the inevitability of death, and therefore falling in love with life?

Y'all I'm just slapping things at the wall and seeing what sticks. I don't think either of these theories will prove to be true, but they sure are fun to speculate over!

Okay yeah no I'm definitely playing an allegory for accepting death aren't I. Mankind trying to fight against death and prolonging lifespans past that which would be natural seems to be the symbolic undercurrent of that line.

Narrator are you even listening? It's the wifey talking. But in a disconcertingly neutral, mystically monotone voice that concerns me.

I wasn't even asking myself that second question before now and now I have MANY CONCERNS.

OH MY WORD the narrator's memories are affected by the loop but he's aware of its existence. That's what this means, right?

... I might have disobeyed the entire premise of the game? Just a little bit?

Okay okay this implies that the Hero, if my "allegory for the inevitability of death" theory is true, doesn't represent mankind. But if he doesn't, then what is he?

YOOOOOO NEW PARTY MEMBER!!!!

I'm picturing an exchange like the following:

Hero: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Hunted? Hunted: ... No. Broken: I do. Hero: I know, Broken. Broken: I'm sad. Hero: I know, Broken

I mean, there are probably worse things to be... eaten alive, for one thing.

Reading this and thinking about how "this is a love story" and losing my mind and losing my mind and losing my mind and---

Asked the Princess why she was being nice to me after the whole, y'know, swallowing me whole thing, and she's a bit touchy on the subject. She just as quickly resumed the otherworldly calm front, though. Does she have multiple Princesses like I have multiple Voices?

Ah. Hm. Well then.

If I'm going to be assimilated into the world around me and the being I'm struggling against, I'd like to do so after acknowledging the repressed fear I carry. It is time to ponder the orb--- I mean, terror in my heart.

Hahaha thinking about Twig/Ark's early relationship and not crying whatsoever rn :))))

Got a little worried that maybe I actually was a magic all-encompassing forest and had grossly misinterpreted the situation, but hearing the Broken express reluctance to leave a situation in which he's playing pretend at everything being okay makes me feel much more confident in the decision! Nice.

... Are we the same being, but divided in two? That definitely doesn't sound right, but this line makes me wonder...

OKAY ONCE AGAIN I KNOW THIS IS A SERIOUS SCENE BUT I'M JUST SITTING HERE THINKING ABOUT THAT DOG IN MONSTER HOUSE

Broken sweetie you read uncomfortably literally as someone who's been through a very bad relationship and I think you need therapy even more than the Hunted does.

I'm really tempted to see what would happen if I actually fulfilled the premise of the title... but I'm really curious about where that first dialogue option will lead.

We cut her free.

The Narrator threatening us for letting the Princess go is something very interesting and I don't know what else to say other than I'm worried.

Hey chat why are the borders of the screen turning red?

Hey chat why is everything going dark?

HEY CHAT WHAT'S WITH ALL THE ARMS THAT SWALLOWED THE PRINCESS UP AND DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR, LEAVING NOTHING BUT A MIRROR BEHIND?

I barely got a screenshot of the last frame of whatever that was and nearly threw my mouse across my room in the attempt.

I am once again coping with humor:

Hero: I'm sorry I'm such a handful. Princess: I have two hands. Hero: I--- look. If you want to play semantics, fine. I'm sorry for being a hundred handfuls. Princess: Hero: Princess (while sprouting several hundred arms): Try me.

(Ran out of image uploads. See you in the next post!)

[cutekittenlady]

Eelektross in Hisui AU idea, I know we are still in the "events prior to Ingo showing up as the plot solution" but the idea of Ingo's and his beloved but Horrible Wet Guard Dog, that is almost overpowered for the setting (modern professional fighting pokemon have access to all the food, training and potions/ healthcare they need and research has figured better training methods like IV and EV, their only weakness is they follow Stardard Battle Rules like No cutting turn order or no mob Vs one guy) Anyways Ingo only somewhat remembers Eelektross (You have to have Ingo remember eelektross's train pun nickname, I recommend Catenary which is the wires that power electric trains/trolleys) So we have this Legendary Monster that terrorized and chased people for Weeks sitting in Ingo lap being scratched behind the ear(?) fins, wiggling in happiness, while Meille in the background is recovering from being electricuted (Ingo Did Not want to be Touched and eelektross Will make sure that is Respected)

Oh Ingo definitely doesn't remember Eelektross. Though, as you said, he finds him to be verrry familiar and is way more understanding of his behavior than others. I think it'd take even Akari and Laventon some time to stop seeing Eelektross as a wildly territorial pokemon. Ingo, meanwhile, picks up on the fact that his playful and friendly demeanor and behavior are being mistaken for aggression almost right away.

Ingo himself struggles to explain WHY he's able to make this connection beyond just stating that he somehow KNOWS and chalking it up to some kind of intuition. Regardless Eelektross is thrilled to finally find someone he now only knows, but who doesnt treat him either as a beast or some subject of research. So their relationship is relatively good. Whether or not Eelektross tries to help with Ingo's memory loss or is content with just watching over him is still up in the air atm tho he'd definitely grow verrrrry protective of Ingo after everything he's been through.

Eelektross is also definitely OP. Not just due to all the training, but because his species is a complete unknown in Hisui. I mean there aren't that many species in Hisui who can boast having no natural weaknesses in legends arceus especially if one considers Eelektross has a hand on his natural abilities (levitate) in a way that trainers and pokemon in the past dont quite have gives him a unique advantage.

As you say though, this is a double edged sword. Eelektross does NOT do well alone in the wild. Despite being well trained, in prime condition, and very powerful hes been raised taking direction from a trainer and while he does draw on certain memories of strategies Emmet came up with and used in the past, he doesnt have the skill to come up with any strategies of his own. Beyond that he has always been entirely reliant on humans for food, shelter, etc. and so fails in the wild because of that as well.

In fact, its that reliance on humans that more or less causes him to be mistaken as an aggressive creature in the first place.

I don't know about nicknames as I rarely ever give Ingo and Emmets pokemon nicknames (one exception being Ingos Excadrill eventually earning the nicname "Nana" in his absence but thats from a whole other concept) but calling him "Catenary" will certainly make things easier.

Feel free to send an Ask

[sociopathicghost]

What's reality to you might be an illusion.

There's a pervasive reality about how things function in our world. We're all ensnared by a so-called system that restricts us from realizing our full potential. When examined from a macroscopic perspective, the notions of good and evil become irrelevant. The universe, indifferent and unfeeling, doesn't care about our moral distinctions. I often contemplate the essence of living, recognizing its inherent pointlessness. Yet, ending one's life doesn't seem to be a viable option. As Rust Cohle aptly puts it, it's the "damn programming." We are biologically and psychologically programmed to exist on this planet, where most people are just walking corpses, going through the motions of their daily routines. They call it living, marked by fleeting moments of dopamine-induced pleasure. These chemicals trick us into feeling emotions, even when rationally, everything is ultimately meaningless.

All our cherished memories and experiences, whether deemed good or bad, amount to nothing more than nostalgia when reflected upon. But what's the purpose of nostalgia when life itself is driven by evolution and constant change? Time doesn't pause for anyone, nor does the universe. You may be in one place now, but in the next few moments, you'll be somewhere else. The relentless progression of time underscores the futility of our existence.

Consider the absurdity of being the most intelligent species ever to exist, only to live for a mere 80 years before succumbing to death. It feels like a colossal waste. Yet, acknowledging this isn't necessarily pessimistic; it's simply a harsh truth that many find difficult to accept. This perspective often leads me to leave tasks unfinished, as the realization dawns that everything will eventually dissolve into nothingness. The efforts, struggles, and sacrifices invested in mere existence seem ultimately futile. I repeatedly reject the idea of participating in societal norms and expectations. I feel an intrinsic sense of not belonging here. The societal constructs we adhere to often appear artificial and meaningless in the grand scheme of things. We are driven by biological imperatives and social constructs that bind us, leaving little room for genuine autonomy. Our lives are punctuated by chemical reactions that dictate our emotions and actions, making us feel as if we're living, when in reality, we're merely existing. The moments of happiness and sorrow are fleeting, and their significance diminishes over time. What remains is a sense of emptiness, a realization that all our experiences and memories are transient.

Moreover, the concept of progress, both personal and societal, seems illusory when viewed through the lens of cosmic indifference. We strive for goals, endure hardships, and seek fulfillment, yet in the end, all our efforts are rendered insignificant by the vastness of time and space. This recognition can be both liberating and disheartening. It liberates us from the burden of societal expectations but also confronts us with the stark reality of our ephemeral existence.

I often question the value of persistence and ambition. Why expend so much energy on endeavors that will ultimately fade into oblivion? The blood, sweat, and tears poured into achieving success or overcoming challenges seem wasted when viewed against the backdrop of inevitable extinction. The societal pressure to conform and achieve feels misplaced when our very existence is but a fleeting moment in the grand cosmic timeline. I find myself in a perpetual state of disconnection from the societal framework. The notion of belonging feels alien, as if I'm not meant to participate in the prescribed roles and routines. This sense of alienation isn't a cry for help but rather an acknowledgment of a deeper truth: that the constructs we cling to for meaning and purpose are fragile and often illusory.

The recognition of life's inherent futility and the artificiality of societal constructs compel me to question the very foundation of our existence.

[elysian-drops]

Hello!! Thank you so much for taking time to answer my questions. For resentment part, I get it but still i think i'm having a hard time how she is being forgiving over her parent's death. Wouldn't that kind of hate and resentment last forever? He killed her parents, took away her family and a life that she couldn't even imagine. But I do get 'preserving herself' and the apathy. Her life is traumatic so this is how she survives.

Oh and the children. I do agree, it would be a disaster especially now(or soon). But my imagination goes like this: Minimum ten years later, Harri somehow got away from him(yeah its impossible) and raising her children on her own far away(and then she is coming back!! How? Why? Where? What happened? Nobody knows haha) Its an impossible scenario but yeah. I feel like even though she'd have lots of issues with 'being a good mother' i think she yearns to have a family. She'd try to give her children everything she didn't have. Would she struggle? Definitely, a lot. And as for V, yes, i just cannot see him as a father. You are so right about him seeing children as a competition and a threat. I guess she'd have this kind of family with Draco maybe?? *sighs* I just want her to be happy and content at the end but so much for living with the devil. I just cant stop thinking about their children and in my mind, they are twins -a boy and a girl- and they are the perfect image of 'royal' pure-bloods. I imagine they'd have the deadly grace and cunning of V and, spirit and braveness of Harri. Super powerful and eventually will clash with their father(my brain cells are writing their own story at this point haha). Anyway, they are living in my head rent free and its your fault for writing such a good story!! I can't wait for the next chapter!

Hi!

You’re so welcome 💕 Thanks for asking! 

That’s totally fair you’re having trouble understanding why Harri is forgiving when it concerns her parents’ death. I think a lot of people are, especially since canon!Harry’s loyalty towards/love of his parents was a pretty defining trait that shaped a lot of his experiences and how he related to others in the story. However, when writing Appetence, I was thinking quite a bit about developmental trauma— especially for children who have lost their parents at an early age— and how this can often manifest in a complete detachment as a way of coping. And for Harri, that’s really what has happened. We get some insight as to how she frames their death and how she has removed herself from it. For example, there’s a point where she mentions that she doesn’t think of Lily and James as individuals or as her parents, but more-so as a vague concept— and that it’s difficult for her to mourn them when she doesn’t possess any memories or awareness of who they were as people. I believe it was in Chapter 51 (??) when she’s walking with Snape in the maze that this gets brought to the forefront. In Harri’s inner-dialogue, she mentions how she can’t bring herself to miss James or Lily because they might as well have been strangers to her. Everything she knows about them comes from second-hand sources, and when you think about your own life— such as hearing stories of a friend’s friend that you don’t really know—  it’s hard to care about them on the same intimate level that you may care for someone you personally know. This is compared to Snape who has pretty intense feelings of grief when it comes to Lily as he grew up with her. For Harri, however, she never had that chance to make any meaningful connection with her parents and this has resulted in a pretty apathetic, detached stance. 

Of course, while she does think about, and sometimes mourns, the idea of what having parents may have been like— what life could have been— when it comes to hating Voldemort for specifically killing Lily and James and taking that away, she doesn’t feel that. But it’s like I said in my previous answer: she doesn’t like to expend the resources on entertaining the could-have-beens and constantly resenting not having them be true. It’s not productive, and she knows it— she has to keep moving forward and try to be content as she can with reality. After all, it just would be a waste of energy to always be upset with Voldemort for something that can't be changed any more. That being said, however, if Voldemort did end up killing someone close to her— like Sirius, for example— yeah, that would 100% result in a great deal of hatred and resentment. This is because she knows Sirius as a person and has made certain attachments that she doesn't have towards Lily and James.

However, I totally understand why you have a hard time relating to Harri when it comes to this issue. For a lot of people who grew up with their parents or with some form of parental love (which Harri also did not get until far too late in her life), this sounds foreign. But it’s a rather real phenomena for those without these connections— or where these connections were severed prematurely— that detachment becomes the defining characteristic of their attitude towards their deceased or absent parental figures. And frankly, I just thought it would be a fascinating idea to explore— an alternative to canon!Harry's mentality towards his parents.

Also, just as a side-note on making the Voldemort and Harry ship work as well, there definitely needs to be either an element of detachment/apathy— or forgiveness— on Harry’s end when it comes to dealing with Lily and James’ death. You know, you can’t really have their relationship move forward if Harry constantly feels an overwhelming amount of resentment towards Voldemort— which is why I believe Harry/Tom is a bit more popular and, perhaps, easier to write than Harry/Voldemort. It’s less complicated at times— because, let’s face, Harry/Voldemort is such a messy, messy ship 😂 But that’s why we love it. 

Anyway, regarding the children, wow– that’s an interesting scenario, for sure! I know that actually is a pretty popular trope/outcome for many fem!Harry plots— the boy-girl twins, especially— and, if Appetence was a different type of story, then maybe it could work. But unfortunately, it’s just not a viable outcome in this universe 😭 Though perhaps it could be an AU (an AU of an AU? 😅😂). I like hearing your thoughts though and your take on what Harri desires/wants, especially when it comes to potential motherhood and a family. It’s always interesting to read other’s interpretations, especially when they differ somewhat from my own! But thank you for the compliment— I’m flattered that my story could inspire your imagination! 💕

Until next time 😊💕

[adamwatchesmovies]

Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles (2012)

With a title like Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles, you know you’re in for an ordeal when you sit down to watch this one. This movie walks into the room like it’s got the next big idea; like it radiates so much creativity you should feel lucky to bask in its glow. It needs a serious reality check. There’s nothing original or interesting in this film's entire running time.

Craig (Alexander Nifong), his girlfriend Tracy (Stella Maeve) and his best friend Derek (J. Mallory McCree) are camping when they discover a cabin they think is abandonned. Before long, they meet duplicates of themselves. With these clones claiming they’re smarter, stronger, and better in every way, should the originals be worried?

What’s worse than a lousy performer in a key role? A lousy performer in dual roles. J. Mallory McCree, Alexander Nifong and Stella Maeve all come off quite badly in this film. In their defense, I think it had more to do with writer/director Gregory Orr than anything else. This script had to be a first draft. It’s the only way to excuse how bad the science is. We learn the clones were created when the genetic material of our heroes got mixed with some chemicals in the sewers beneath the cabin after it was struck by lightning. The clones are literally made from shit and shower water. Orr probably doesn’t want us to think about it too much because the mystery of where the duplicates came from is completely irrelevant. What matters is that Craig 1 is worried Craig 2 will steal Tracy away, which would be a bad thing because the clones are the anti-matter universe version of these characters. Craig 1 lacks confidence. Craig 2 takes charge. Derek is dopey. Derek 2 is so smart it’s “scary”. Tracy is a bit of a harpy, which makes her doppelganger the ideal girlfriend. If Craig 1 and Craig 2 could just swap girlfriends, everyone would be happy! or they would if Craig 2 wasn't evil.

You can feel this picture struggle and fail to make things happen until it gives up any attempt at elegance. By the end, people move from here to there without logic - anything to keep the plot moving. The “will he, won’t he?” couple-swapping question can only sustain so much running time. To compensate, much of the running time is dedicated to the original Craig and Tracy as they explore the ruined nuclear science lab. What do nuclear weapons have to do with creating full-grown adults with memories and roots in their hair? Shut up, that’s what.

The only time Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles becomes interesting is when its intelligence drops down to absolute zero. At one point, Derek attempts to hitchhike home. The first car he sees has a set of twins in it. He understandably freaks out and doesn’t go with them. The implication is that there are evil clones all over this area… but we soon learn that isn’t the case. It just means that Derek has the worst luck in the world. He could’ve been headed towards home and safety but he bumped into two unnerving-looking twins so now he’s going back towards danger. There’s a confrontation between Tracy and her duplicate that leads to a twist so obvious anyone with half a brain could figure it out.

A post-credit slide warns us that a sequel is planned. “To Be Continued”. Don’t make me laugh. Unless the director’s got blackmail photos handy, another one of these is not happening. I don’t even know what the plot would be. The story’s over on all counts!

You’ve seen scarier things staring at the mirror than in every second of Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles combined. The plot is obvious, the characters flat and the performances lousy. I’d call the special effects disappointing too but the split screens are well done - a shocker considering how unconvincing the lightning is. I watched it as part of a double bill with Us - another horror film about evil twins - but you don’t need to see the concept done well to appreciate Jordan Peele’s 2019 effort. I can’t think of any reason why anyone should see Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles. (October 15, 2021)

[hardcolorfest]

✨️ AM I PLURAL? ✨️

Please help me, I have gone back and forth on this for years, at least 10 years which is literally like a third of my life so far!

Please, I am desprate for ANY outside views and opinions, I feel like I need others to read my experience and help me understand why I keep on getting into this cycle of "this is plural/no actually its not."

EDIT: this is LONG and I ran out of energy near the end so the writing gets really sloppy so I added a timeline of events up top. I'm so sorry, this ended up turning into more of a vent towards the end, but if anyone wants to read my life story and give me... uhhh........ feedback? I'm sorry words hard now I'm so tired.

I'm getting tired of the doubting and accepting cycle, the "is this normal and I'm just attributing it to a plural thing" floating around in my head constantly. I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'll need to lay everything out so anyone can get a full picture of what I'm/We're working with.

First of all, sorry this is posted on a random empty blog with a title and description totally unrelated. I was going to use this blog for something else but the crisis in my/our identity keeps getting in the way of doing much of anything solid for the last like year now. That's how bad this has gotten now, I hardly feel like a real person anymore and I don't know what to do. Secondly I'm really sorry if there are typos or anything like that. Sometimes my phone autocorrects something and I won't notice that it's changed it to something really weird, like it sometimes switches "I" to "you" and so on for like literally no reason so idk.

Now on to the meat.

🌲

The timeline so far goes > 2012 discover systems > understand I'm not one even though I'd like to be > follow and watch systems online while reading any resource or information posts > learn about tulpas > "make" first tulpa > seemingly gains sentience and gets angry > leaves > 2016 reset > 2016 does not care about being a system > fuzzy memory bullshit here, none of it has to do with this posts topic > 2019 reset > mostly uninterested in being plural > in 2020, 2019 me decides to try make a tulpa again > goes surprisingly well, much faster than last time (which I barely remember at this time) > he eventually talks without my focused effort > I doubt his existence being real > he gets angry, we argue for weeks > eventually he disappears, vaguely sometimes feel like he's "checking in on me" > the 2021 fuckery (more trauma) > homeless and feeling alone > now have stable housing > vaguely refer to self as plural and make a pk and list out like 6 headmates including yourself as one and the past tulpas > goes well and smoothly for a while, everyone's pretty happy despite acknowledging past trauma and working on that together > 2023 reset happens > make new accounts again and feel upset about all these past events > is happy and having a lot of fun all year > occasionally still feels like the logged pk headmates are vaguely around but can't really talk to them much anymore > sometimes fully switches out anyway but not too long > remembers these resets happened before and makes posts to 2019's freinds > mixed reception and lots of questions, 2023 gets overwhelmed and never answers back > now I feel guilty

✨️ I will now explain in more detail.

So for the last 10 years, probably a little longer by like a year or two but I can't be precise, I've known about plurality, DID, tulpas and other concepts like this. I've also been aware of kins/therians/otherkin/fictionkin and so on and related concepts for much longer, 20 years or so, give or take a year or two again. I've never been very good at role-playing, and I struggled to "play" anyone but myself.

Since learning about systems, I took an interest in them. In the concept of being able to step back and let someone else take control. The idea was extremely appealing. I've been traumatized from a childhood of neglect and abuse, and life was starting to get to the point it was wearing me down to nothing. I wanted to take a break, to "die but not die" as I had put it back then. To "go away" with little financial consiquence and come back when I felt recharged. I wasn't really sure how I felt about sharing my life, but was willing to if it meant I could sometimes take a break. Gladly.

So I did a lot of research, quietly reading and observing people online. Maybe it was a little creepy, like watching a fandom from afar and learning what the show they liked was about secondhand through them. I think after I learned about how DID presents, I decided it wasn't really how I was at all and concluded for sure I was not and never could be a system since I did not talk to voices in my head, loose control of my body, nor have severe trauma (to me at the time, this is definitely not the case) and therefore I was not a system. I still watched from afar though.

I think I learned about tulpas around then. I knew I wasn't ever going to have DID due to my conclusions at the time, so I guess I could emulate a headmate until my brain thought it was real. And I still do think you can do this, don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by the human mind and how we process things and the nature of consciousness from a scientific level. I don't think its too far fetched for our brains to be able to do this, genuinely, even if I choose weird ways to describe it.

Anyway, I did try to make a tulpa a few times, maybe twice honestly, but each of them eventually got angry with me once they got to the point they could talk freely. The anger was about me doubting their existence after they were no longer being consciously forced and could do things without my input. Each time, after a little bit of arguing for weeks, they would disappear and I would be left feeling alone in scilence and upset at the fact that I ultimately caused them to leave me.

I have, in the past, "reset" myself somehow. I don't think I did it intentionally, I'm not even sure if there's a common trigger. It's happened a few times. It's happened in the past but I have no real memory of them except for vague feelings and fuzzy memories that feel like I'm seeing someone else's life. However I do remember more about the last two times than any other times.

The first of these was around 2016 I think, and that version of "me" now feels like a complete seprate being who has their own name, likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, spiritual and political beliefs, and vision of themselves in terms of looks and self-concept. And then in 2019 that version of "me" got packed away into the back of my mind and suddenly I was someone else.

This 2019 "me" had some leftover interests, and of course had any knowledge nessicary to still life the continuous life that having a body and a presence requires, like knowledge of family and friends, jobs and schedules, and so on. It felt like taking over someone else's life, but none of their stuff is really yours. Their freinds suddenly feel like strangers, or at best acquaintances you could say "hello" to but really couldn't hold a conversation with anymore. Even interests and hobbies that carried over were either dampened feeling or the focus of that interest/hobby changed significantly enough that it wasn't really expressed in the same ways. 2019 "me" enjoyed art and drawing with a lot of the same enthusiasm that 2016 did, but with less of a focus on furry and more of a focus on anime, and in particular diving into the world of en ess eff double-yew, which 2016 was not interested in the least but 2019 was vigorously passionate about lol

The further back in versions of "me" we go, the fuzzier it gets. But the general feeling is the same. You wake up in a room with someone else's clothes, books, toys and collections and you have to fight yourself to not immediately throw them all out. You know that would just make them sad. And they do kind of pop back in, although usually only for a short time, a few hours to maybe a day or two, where you just suddenly feel like the past you is you again and everything from the name association, hobbies and beliefs come crashing back like a tidal wave, washing "current you" out of the picture for the time. And besides, they miss their friends. You think about their freinds from time to time, wanting to talk again, wanting to make the lingering sadness happy again...

Its happened again, 2023. I remember more clearly about 2019, since that was the "me" before me.

During 2019 me's "life" I went through another pretty traumatic event involving others who I trusted at the time, ended up homeless and really effed up. Obviously I made it out okay for the most part, I'm still alive and I'm here. I think 2019 me started dying around that time though.

And as it felt like 2019 me was dying, "others" started to feel like they were there. Past "me's" and the past tulpas and others as well who I never tried to intentionally create or who I remember as being a "reset." They would sometimes take over, like in that I would feel like I would suddenly be them and identified myself with their name, enjoyed their likes and hobbies, the dislikes, the views and opinions. And I wasn't actually "me" anymore, I was fully "them" in my opinion. Like a shape shifter who still feels themselves in the back of the current "you." Not really like a performance, like it was natural and correct.

At this point I want to notice we had stable housing and a stable job. Things were looking up around the time it felt like 2019 me was fading. While homeless "I" was the only one present, struggling to stay alive takes your full effort and attention and leaves very little room for thoughts pondering your potential identity. But after having a safe place to live is when we had that boom of sudden activity.

A lot of not much happens except daily life and occasional switches logged, happily accepting self as plural. Quietly too, I never ended up announcing it to anyone, and for most people we appeared as a single entity that just sometimes got into specific "moods." I was never actually interested in being loudly plural, even when I desired being plural from afar. Even back then I agreed (with myself lol) that if I ever found out I was plural we would keep it to ourselves and enjoy each other's company like an in-joke nobody else would ever be aware of but us.

But we did start to fade a bit, and after maybe just a month into 2023 everyone disappeared.

After the 2023 reset, I was left all alone, with all the knowledge of everything that happened. I felt again like a stranger in someone else's body, in their life. I knew inherently to keep up the charade and not tell anyone. I knew I couldn't just go up to 2019's friends and tell them "I'm sorry but you're a stranger to me now, like my sibling's friend's friends, and I'm really hurt by this because now i feel alone and empty." Nobody takes that the right way.

And I found a new fandom to be interested in so I could just pretend and "be someone else" and not have to address to 2019's friends why I suddenly stopped talking to them. New accounts, new personality. No name. Had several months of happy fun fandom time before the really bad feelings about abandoning my freinds and not explaining what happened at all to them started to set in.

Still, I was happy. I got to exist freely this time, maybe I could openly be plural online! But you know, the whole emptiness and they disappeared thing. It sucked, but I got little whispers here and there. Now that I think about it, I think they never really disappeared but just got super weak.

Whatever, the point here is I want them to come back but we keep having strained communication and difficulty with fuzziness any time any "non-me's" try to take over.

And I felt guilty.

So I messaged some of 2019's friends recently with mixed reception. Some of who just seemed like they were happy to hear anything at all after I disappeared completely for almost a whole year. Some who never really responded, Some of who I'm not even sure if they have seen it. Nobody really angry or anything. I didn't use any words like "plural" or "headmate" or anything. I explained it all as the past me being packed away completely, including the things they cared about, but still feeling that little sadness about it. Nobody brought up plurality either. I'm okay with that, I don't know if it's good to just suggest that out of nowhere to someone. But the lack of any question about that, especially from people who I know actually do know about systems, made me think really hard about if anything I expereinced here was even a plural thing or if it was just a mind trick I did because I was struggling with long lasting traumas. And I understand how ridiculous that sounds. I'm aware. I'm just trying to get it down in words that can be understood, it evokes that feeling of knowing you're right but fearing you're mistaken.

I'm so sorry I'm really tired and I didn't realize how long this post would take to type. I just got out of an exhausting shift at work and am so low on my battery words are starting to feel a bit strange for no reason.

So to cut the rest, the point in making this post is outside validation that I either AM or that I AM NOT making shit up because I wanted to be plural 10 years ago, or that I fucked up my brain by trying to make tulpas, or that I just discovered being a system through making tulpas I guess, or like what.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I am super upset and feel really bad and guilty and responsible for not being attached to anything from 2019's life, including their freinds and I have no idea why I have these "resets" and is that just a normal "living and growing as a person" thing or is that what splitting or whatever feels like or like... is that just me being an asshole?

Am I an asshole?

I feel so empty, no name, no freinds, no real personality except the emulation of an anime character... abandoned everyone I cared about for almost a whole year... its hard and requires a lot of effort to "be" the others, or even talk to them... I'm so tired.

[lavendertales]

Love in the dark: Part I

pairing: Javier Peña x wife!reader

summary: with the impending breakage of your marriage, you and Javier decide to step into couple counseling.

word count: 2.9k

A/N: the concept of a struggling marriage comes from Scenes from a marriage, but I thought hey, why not explore a post-Colombia Javi trying to have a normal life with his spouse? Contains angst so beware! Also, don’t mind my psychological dialogue, I’m trying my best lol.

AGELESS/EMPTY BLOGS & MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!

gif: @katronautt

series masterlist | AO3

He looks around, slightly disoriented. It’s his house, his home, he should be able to recognize the setting, right?

Wrong.

He feels like a stranger. A ghost returning from its afterlife to see the misery of the present that had doomed him. The cigarette feels almost molten between his index and middle fingers, and the nicotine that stains the fingertips and the air suddenly asphyxiating.

So many fond memories in this house, yet the most recent ones are those he’d wish to forget.

He’s not sure when it all started to go downhill. All he recalls are happy times, someone who pulled him out of darkness and offered him a happiness he never dared dream of tasting. But as of late, his inner demons and fears returned, dragging him back into that fiery pit.

It wasn’t always bad. Quite the opposite: it was fun, sweet and intoxicating. She was that way, too. Not to say that she no longer was, but the continuous issues that drove a wedge between them often prevented him from seeing that anymore. He couldn’t blame her. She was just as affected and broken as he was, and she was probably tired of carrying the weight on his shoulders on her own.

But five years together is quite a long time, Javier reckons. A lot can change during those years, and a lot had changed. When he first met you, he’d never felt that kind of attraction towards anyone. It was a slow burn at first, something small waiting to be ignited, then it became the most intense flame that could’ve engulfed him in his whole life.

He breathed, ate and drank you. You were his all, his everything, from his reason to get up in the morning, to his reason for going to bed with a smile on his face.

Now… not so much.

He felt you slipping through his fingers for quite some time, but it was easy to get lost in the sea or anger-fueled orgasms, nicotine and alcohol to actually see it. Then, little by little, the arguments became a daily occurrence, the distance in between you larger, and each felt like they were married to a ghost of their former spouse.

Whenever you talked, it raised more questions and anger rather than providing any clearance, so eventually you stopped talking altogether.

One thing you agreed on was that your marriage needed salvation. Or at the very least, some closure if there was nothing else to be done. So you did your research and found a marriage counselor.

That didn’t really fly by Javier. Not at first, at least.

“Couple therapy, really?” he groaned.

“Marriage counseling.”

“What difference does it make?!”

“I didn’t say there was a difference!”

You bit your lips, taking a deep breath in before continuing. It felt like ages since you last had a normal conversation that did not trigger screams out of either one of you.

Not even those kind of screams, sadly.

“I don’t know what else to do, Javier,” you told him. “Clearly handling this by ourselves isn’t working and we ran out of options.”

Javier threw you a dirty look as you raised your hands, conceding to his glare.

“We have to fix this somehow. Would you please cooperate with me for this?”

Huffing, Javier agreed with a single nod. You were right. You had to give this a final shot.

That was two weeks ago.

Now, as he waits for you to come downstairs, he looks around the house that used to contain so many happy times and feels eaten alive by guilt, grief and immeasurable pain.

“Ready?”

Your voice startles him in the slightest. He puts the cigarette out, tucking his shirt into his pants and nodding at you before letting you walk in front of him.

“I don’t like this any more than you do,” you tell him, unable to stare back at him though.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

“So we’re back to the ‘no talking’ agenda, alright.”

Javier huffs, opening the door for you and hoping you didn’t notice.

But you did. You always do. You just let some things slide for the sake of your own sanity.

The ride downtown, being quiet, allows both of you to contemplate on what you were about to do. There is nothing shameful about it, yet it feels embarrassing that you let it drag to that point. You are both problem solvers, big thinkers, and this is proof that even the brightest of minds need help sometimes.

He just couldn’t understand how it all went downhill so badly.

Seems like yesterday you and he shared your first kiss, innocent, shy, yet so hungry. Seems like yesterday that you went on your first date in Colombia’s crushing heat. Seems like yesterday that he took you to bed for the first time, making you feel like you were on cloud nine for hours on end. Seems like yesterday that he got down on one knee and asked you to do him the honor of being his wife, buying the house you had been living in for the past five years and making plans for the future.

Now the future just seems bleak, an inescapable dark hole for him to drown in.

Javier isn’t stupid. He knows his past issues and pain, carried all the way from Colombia, are still weighing heavily on him and that you unfairly had to carry as well sometimes. He knows that seeking refuge in alcohol, nicotine and, seldom, in you as well, is not a solution, but it’s all he knows. He also knows that he could’ve been by your side more, help you more when you were going through your depression.

Even though he’s not crazy about the idea, he hopes your solution brings some peace of mind to both of you.

He walks behind you as you both enter the building, heart in his throat. He’s barely gotten good at expressing his feelings with you, how is he supposed to open up to a stranger about the most intimate issues in his marriage?

He has to, though. He has to remember that he is doing this for the marriage, for you and him both.

You walk into the office of Ms. Lyndsey Pearson, with Javier behind you, sighing heavily and staring at the ground. You realize he’s uncomfortable, but it’s not like this is a picnic for you either.

“Mr. and Mrs. Peña, right on time,” she says and welcomes you in with a polite smile. “Have a seat, make yourselves comfortable.”

Would if I could, Javier thinks. He doesn’t say anything verbally though. So he sits on the couch, to your left, and remains brooding in the face of the situation.

“So,” Ms. Pearson begins, “why don’t you tell me the reason why you’re here today?”

You look at Javier and realize you’ve never seen him so closed off. You’re both out of your comfort zone, but at least you are more willing to give this a try.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he says, to which you roll your eyes. “Married couple goes to couple’s counseling…?”

“Javier.”

But Ms. Pearson smiles, crossing her legs in her chair and looking at him.

“What’s your personal reason for being here, Javier?”

He falls into a deep silence yet again. He struggles to find the words, but one look in your direction, noticing your unspoken plea written all over your face and he’s ready to give it a shot.

“This is a safe space,” Ms. Pearson adds. “We will work together to get some answers. But in order for us to get there, we need to take the first steps. So, Javier. Wanna start?”

He exhales with difficulty, like he’d been holding his breath ever since you so much as mentioned therapy.

“Fine,” he concedes. “All we’ve been doing for the past year or so is fight and… I’m tired. I’m tired of arguing, drinking so I could numb some of that pain and feeling like I’m in a rut.”

You scoff, causing him to look at you. “What now?”

“You left out the part where arguing leads to careless fucking that then turns to drinking.”

“Didn’t leave it out, but I thought our therapist shouldn’t hear about that.”

“No, no, it’s good to let it out,” Ms. Pearson seemingly encourages you both. “Safe space, let’s remember that.”

You take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself and organize your thoughts.

“Is it easier for you to express your feelings in a physical manner, Javier?” Ms. Pearson asks.

Javier frowns, staring at her, and then at you.

“How do you know it’s not her that does that?”

“Good job, blaming your wife.”

“I wasn’t blaming you, I was—“

“Just—just answer the question. Let’s not get into this, I’m begging you.”

Javier runs his hands through his hair, letting out an exasperated huff.

“Yes,” he says, head still buried in his hands. “Yes, it’s easier that way, physically.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“It’s… just easier. It’s something that comes easy, natural for me. I know how to do things, I like to think I’m great at it, and… that’s it.”

You purse your lips together, almost biting them to prevent yourself from any snarky comment. It’s become a habit to be snarky, to hurt, intentionally or not. That, ironically and in return, was easier for you.

“You express yourself better that way,” Ms. Pearson concludes. “Where words fail you, sex comes in handy.”

Javier falters, but nods shyly in agreement.

“Is this how you always handle things, Javier? I don’t assume things were always like this in your relationship.”

“No, they weren’t.”

A trip down memory lane is the last thing Javier would’ve wanted. But he figures it was inevitable, going to a marriage counselor.

It aches to remember how good things were and to realize how fast they all went down the drain. It’s like you are two different people, shadows of your former selves, unable to distinguish the person staring back at you.

That’s probably why he began avoiding your eyes most of the time.

“How were things in the beginning, then?” Ms. Pearson asks.

“We met in Colombia, when I worked there. Everything was… dark and bloody and deadly, and… she was the light at the end of the tunnel.”

You hold your breath, fighting back tears. It’s been quite a while since you last cried, and it most often happened because—damn. Javier claimed he wasn’t good with words, yet whenever he expressed his feelings, it nearly brought you to tears.

Case in point.

“She was… my hope,” he continues. “My reason to stay alive and keep fighting.”

Ms. Pearson sees you looking away, fighting back tears, and her glare returns to Javier. His face isn’t hollow of regret either.

“Why are you speaking about your wife in the past tense, Javier?”

Silence. He’s never wanted to avoid an answer more than he does right now.

“You can say it,” you encourage him, your voice trembling in the slightest.

He turns to you, looking as if he were ready to start a fight.

“Say what?”

“You speak about me in the past tense because you feel like I’m dead to you.”

“That’s not fucking true.”

You turn to him as well. “Isn’t it? You say you feel like we’re in a rut, that I am the reason why you feel trapped in your hometown, and you resent me for it.”

“I don’t resent you.”

“Oh my God, would you stop lying!”

Ms. Pearson stares carefully at you both, not once interrupting. She notices the stiffness in both your bodies, the anger on your faces and the fear of saying any more definitive words.

“Would you just tell the truth?” you beg him. “That’s why we’re here!”

“We’re here because of what you want!”

You stare incredulously at him for a while, failing to recognize the man standing on your left. It seems the man you fell madly in love with had been long buried under a massive pile of resentment and anger—among other issues.

“We’re here because you wanted us to try therapy,” Javier continues. “I thought we should just call it quits, spare us more pain, but no, let’s go talk about the most intimate things in our life in front of a complete stranger to make things even more awkward and painful.”

“You agreed to come here, I didn’t force you!”

“That’s because everything I ever did was for you! Every single fucking thing in this life… it was all for you! Because of you!”

“Javier, have a seat.”

He didn’t realize he was standing up, yelling at you a bunch of nonsensical things. He’s not even sure whether he is actually accusing you of anything. He’s not even sure he’s going anywhere with any of that.

All he knows is that he’s tired and he wants things to return to their incipient state.

“Why do you feel the need to say those things to your wife in such an accusatory tone?” Ms. Pearson asks.

Javier sits back down, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans and avoiding your glare once more.

“I don’t—I don’t know. They just come out. It’s not her fault.”

“Apparently it is,” you mutter.

He doesn’t fire back. You are both equally responsible of the path your marriage had taken, and this is supposed to be an attempt at patching things up.

“Let’s put a pin on this for later,” Ms. Pearson says and calls your name. “How were things in the beginning for you?”

You take a deep breath, feeling your eyes get teary again.

“It was the happiest time of my life,” you say. “I fell in love with this… strong, protective and sexy man that makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world, like I am his world.”

Ms. Pearson nods, eyes on Javier for a fleeting moment, then back on you.

“I notice you use the present tense to talk about Javier.”

“He’s my husband and I love him.”

Your voice breaks as you say those things, and it tears Javier apart. You crumble as he stares at you with those large, puppy dog eyes.

“In spite of everything,” you tell Ms. Pearson, your eyes never leaving him, “he’s my husband. And I love him.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but all that time spent in Colombia is bound to leave some scars.”

“Yes,” Javier says, distraught.

“Have you went to therapy when you returned to Laredo?”

“No.”

“Do you think those years spent there, as you bared witness to all the heartbreak, pain and bloodshed, are still looming over you?”

He falters for a split second. “Yes.”

“Could that be a reason for the way you’re lashing out in this relationship?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now that we’ve established this, why do you think you’re here today?”

The eye contact you make with Ms. Pearson feels deadly. It pierces through your soul and clutches your heart in its harsh grip, but you don’t hide from it. You endure it and seek to emerge successful.

“As I said, I love my husband. I love him, I miss him… and I want him back.”

Ms. Pearson nods, scribbling something on her notepad.

“I want my wife back as well,” Javier adds sympathetically.

“And now we are all on the same page,” Ms. Pearson shows a slight smile. “That’s good. I take it you want to mend things as well, Javier?”

“Yes. It’s true she wanted us to come here, but it’s also true that I agreed. I want things to be okay again.”

“Very well then. Until we meet next time, I’d like for you to try and communicate to each other more openly.”

“How do we do that?” you ask. “Whenever we open our mouths, we end up arguing.”

“And fucking,” Javier leans in to whisper to you.

You stifle a giggle, and luckily Ms. Pearson slides over that remark.

“I have a tip that might help,” she continues. “In order to express your emotions better, start by saying ‘When you do or say this, I feel like’, and so on. Respond to your partner by saying ‘I hear what you’re saying, and I feel such and such’.”

“Okay, that could work,” you reply.

“So for instance, Javier might say, ‘when you make a suggestion without consulting me, it makes me feel such and such’. And then you can respond accordingly, ‘I hear you, and when you do this, this is how it makes me feel’.”

“We could do that, right?” Javier turns to you.

His face is soft and caring, like you haven’t seen it in a while, and it makes your knees weak. In that moment, you know he’s sincere and wishes to work on the relationship just as much as you do.

“Yeah,” you agree. “Yeah, we can do that.”

Easier said than done, though. And what you and Javier did best would not suffice.

Not this time.

next 

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆

Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please

Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡

You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!

I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?

After an argument with Armin

{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }

{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }

Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.

When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.

Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?

He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.

Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.

Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.

The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."

Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.

You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.

But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.

As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.

How quiet the house is.

Has it always been this cold?

And just how much worried you are about him.

It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.

—

It's 4am

It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.

Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.

Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.

It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.

You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.

You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.

Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.

Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?

...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.

Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.

[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]

You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.

[Okay, give me a minute please ]

You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.

It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing

Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.

"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"

Oh If only he knew..

Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.

I missed you, did you miss me too?

Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.

How does it feel to take my heart and run away?

Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?

I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?

...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."

"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."

Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.

You tell him you love him, and miss him.

You're met with silence. So you call out his name.

"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.

What? Mad? You?

"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"

You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.

"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.

It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.

You ask if he's mad at you.

He instantly replies with a no.

"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."

{ Headcanons }

After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.

It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.

If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.

He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.

Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.

You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.

He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.

Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.

Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.

Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.

When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.

He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.

Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.

[tiramisiyu]

Thoughts on Xia Yan’s Anniversary/Kiss Date

Not a translation, but rather an unleashing of the many thoughts I had for his date because it made me feel so many emotions and think so many things;;

Wordcount: 2.8k

Date Translation

Preamble

Tears of Themis’ 1st anniversary features one of the most significant in-story events you can view within an otome game - the confession event between MC and respective male leads. The gravity of this confession event, however, is intensified with respect to the ML Xia Yan, as their emotions towards each other is not the only focus of said confession - he must also reveal the heartbreaking truth that his life is likely to end in three years. 

In the below sections, I will discuss the significance of various components that comprise Xia Yan’s anniversary date. My primary focuses will be on Xia Yan’s internal struggles, his care for MC, and the nature of the confession, and I aim to ultimately express why this date had such a major effect on me and whoa if you’re still reading this rambling part, I applaud you. I’m really just doing a fancy thoughtdump here.

The Nature of the Confession Event

From the beginning, XY never intended for the confession to be full of pomp and circumstance - and this was out of concern for MC, fearing that she would be too swept up in emotion to make it. Based on how the other guys’ cards look (them being outside and MC’s all dressed up), I assume that there was some ceremony-like aspect to their respective confessions, and I think that this draws a stark contrast to XY’s (who staunchly refused Yang Xiao’s offer to help make his confession just as ceremonial). In XY’s, MC’s not dressed up the way she is for the others, and both have been drenched in rain and are dissolving into tears of sadness as they speak. In addition, their desires are conflicting (rather than a situation where both parties confess and get together, and thus have coinciding interests) - despite what XY has said before, he does not want MC to be with him, while MC wants the exact opposite. It’s not a beautiful or gorgeous scene by design - instead, it’s very raw, very 狼狈 as the two lay bare their own painful emotions, discuss/cry about heavy topics, and show very vulnerable sides to each other, trying to get through to the other person. 

Speaking of showing vulnerability, the fact that Xia Yan is so anguished by what he has to say that he has to sit down and cry hits particularly hard because he has always, always tried to put on a strong face in front of MC. Whenever his illness strikes and MC sees it, such as in aquarium date or Neruda poem date, he’ll smile and/or joke about it after. When the two were talking about his posthumous letters during the RRG date, he still had a calm smile on his face. Even when he talked about being shoved into a car trunk to be “disposed of”, he was still calmly smiling. As MC noted, his job has taught him to have extreme control over his emotions, so it’s almost overwhelming, trying to imagine how much sadness pushed him to that point.

Pathetic fallacy also plays a part in increasing the impact that the confession event had. In the days leading up to the last part of the date, storms keep striking suddenly, such that it’s even described as “strange”. Storms are, of course, generally associated with less-pleasant things, such as conflict, anger, depression, difficulty, and so on. The meaning behind why they appeared suddenly or frequently is a little harder to understand, but my assumption for the frequency of the storms (rather than an ongoing storm or gloom) reflects how things could not completely “clear up” (despite uplifts in emotion from time to time) until they confronted each other with their feelings. During the confrontation, not only is the storm still going on, but they’re also harshly drenched in the cold rainwater. It is only after the kiss, after their interests finally coincide, that the storm lifts and the beautiful starry sky casts its light on Xia Yan, who was holding the majority of the conflict/sadness/depression between the two of them. (This is also highlighted in how MC notes that Xia Yan feels slightly cold (during the kiss), and she tries to transfer her warmth over to him, trying to alleviate that heavy emotion that’s wrapped itself around him.) 

The Location

The attic of their old home remains an important location for these two, and I pretty much can’t think of a better choice to set the confession. It contains their childhood memories, and it also came into play during Xia Yan’s first birthday after his return (i.e. the idea of continuing to make memories there). It’s also interesting to note that Xia Yan, from his rational mindset, did not intend to see MC… yet he still came to this place - a place that was equally meaningful to both of them, and a place where he’s likely to get lost in emotion. He may be restraining his emotions for MC’s good, yet they still show in small places. (At least, there doesn’t seem to be any logical reason for him to be there, since he wasn’t setting anything up there…)

The Humanizing and Internal Conflict of Xia Yan

I call it “humanizing” because I’ve done some commenting before on how Xia Yan has felt a little superhuman - so many skills everywhere, and rarely a moment of weakness. Now, this date really drives home that he is just human too, with the harsh reality of imminent death hanging over him (especially since we also learn a few more concrete details on exactly what his illness is). This point is brought into attention when he talks about how he’s neither able to be as brave as Schumann (who acted based on emotion) nor as silently strong as Brahms (who acted based on reason). He’s pulled in so many directions for all the things he wants - a desire to stay by MC’s side and do so much with her, whether as family or as something more, versus his rational mindset that tells him to not see her at all, to disappear from her life after, or to push her away even after her confession. There was also his “rationally” created plan in which he would give her the letter and let her decide, yet he still tries to convince her to not be with him. 

The Schumann/Brahms comparison shows how he keeps getting pulled back and forth between reason and emotion. He reveals his feelings to MC (Schumann), but wants her to make the optimal decision, which he believes is to not be with him (Brahms). He then kisses her after hearing her conviction (Schumann) and then gives her the gift that’s linked to Brahms. In realizing that he’s not able to stick to either path, he calls himself a coward - but he doesn’t need to be like either person. As MC says, his restraint is a part of his own background, and his emotional wavering is because of his care for MC - all in all, his motivations are because he is Xia Yan, not Schumann or Brahms. 

Personal Story Chapter 2 Parallels

In Xia Yan’s personal chapter 2, Yang Xiao sets up the story of 零/Zero and ��丽薇莎/Marivisa to mirror MC and Xia Yan (respectively). The mention of what will bring Zero and MC happiness is starkly similar in these two situations:

⊳ Personal Ch.2-9

Xia Yan: 因为...这样，零会更幸福... 她不是在牺牲，她只是用自己的方式让零能幸福。Because this way, Zero would be happier… She wasn’t sacrificing herself. She was only using her own methods to make Zero happy.

MC: 但零的幸福就是她啊。But Zero’s happiness is her.

Xia Yan: 她已经无法给零幸福了。 It’s already impossible for her to give Zero happiness.

⊳ Date

Xia Yan: 如果你选择别的男人。。。只要他能给你幸福。我只会带给你不幸，我没有时间了。。。If you choose another man… As long as he can make you happy. All I can bring you is unhappiness. I don’t have much time left…

MC: 你怎么可能带给我不幸，你怎么可能做不到给我幸福。你在我身边，你的存在本身，就是我的幸福。How is it possible that you can only bring me unhappiness? How is it impossible for you to bring me happiness? You being by my side – your very existence – is my happiness. 

Yes, the Zero/Marivisa story was intentionally made to parallel these two, so it might feel moot to compare them like this. However, I still really appreciated that they brought this discussion of what brings MC/Zero happiness back, especially since XY’s chapter 2 was very major in developing his character. Back then, MC is vehement in that Zero would have been happier spending all the time he could with Marivisa, as well as even having the choice to spend that time with her. I think that this part was instrumental in Xia Yan eventually deciding to tell her the truth and letting her make her own decision (as he explicitly stated to Yang Xiao in part 1 of the date). However, he still wasn’t fully convinced by what MC said back in chapter 2, so we satisfyingly see this discussion of happiness come full circle by the end of this date, when Xia Yan finally trusts MC to make the best decision for herself. 

Xia Yan’s Considerateness

Xia Yan’s enduring consideration for MC displays itself in nearly every single action within this date. 

The flashback, when he thinks about MC potentially having to go through what the widow is now experiencing, and how his own happiness for three years isn’t worth that

His conviction to give her the right to decide in this matter that involves both of them, because he can’t be the one to decide everything

He insisted on not making it a romantic event, because he wants MC to make the best decision without having a mind clouded by emotion. He’s also made peace with the idea of not being with MC, for the sake of her long-term happiness. All he wants is for her to know the truth of his feelings and illness.

His decision to still make MC a gift to retain some aspect of the romance in the confession (but he only gives the gift after MC has made her decision, again to ensure that her mind isn’t clouded). I think the concept of the gift is particularly beautiful - the little, happy holograms of them inside the glass, as if ensuring that he will always be by her side in some way; the music that brings back their childhood memories and alludes to an enduring, quiet, and protecting love that puts the recipient first (i.e. Brahms to Clara); and the rainbow, which has its childhood memories and treasure implications that are already mentioned in the date, but it also reminded me of the miraculous double rainbow in his Lost Gold date. That double rainbow was the trigger for Xia Yan to proactively seek out a future with MC, when he took the initiative to ask MC if she could be with him to seek out more miracles. Overall, there are a lot of beautiful memories and implications wrapped up in that music box/snowglobe. 

The little comical segment where he worries about the optimal time to deliver the letter, worrying about MC’s sleep or if she’ll be able to eat well.

His stress over what he should’ve done after the letter was delivered, and how he immediately answered MC’s call out of pure worry, despite being so resolute about not answering her calls that he’d turned on airplane mode before. 

Their ensuing discussion in part 3 is just full of Xia Yan’s consideration for MC at its peak - 

Rather than being ecstatic about MC’s confession, his first instinct is to tell her to take a few days to think about it logically. (But really, emotions aren’t logical to begin with, so it’s not like MC would’ve stopped liking you after mulling it over for a few days, haha)

His immediate apology after yelling that he has to mention his death

His worry about how MC will cope after he’s gone, going so far as to saying that she would be better off with another man 

I think that this particular (above) line got a particularly visceral reaction from Xia Yan fans, including myself. Because like MC, our initial thoughts fell along the lines of “How could I ever choose someone else when the only person I like is you? There’s just no way someone else could make me happier…”. Another reaction that I’ve seen among Xia Yan fans (yep, including myself) is how we originally viewed the story in third-person, seeing “MC” in the story, but this date (and this particular scene, where MC says nearly everything that I myself would want to say) dragged us into a first-person position. 

The heartbreaking scene where Xia Yan cries from being unable to give MC the happiness that he wants to give her (or so he thinks). 

He’s just so painfully selfless. I also really like the line during the kiss where MC tries to transmit her warmth to him, trying to balance things out between them and have him feel better, when he had already written himself off by thinking that his happiness is better off sacrificed for hers. 

Jin Xian’s Voice Acting

Jin Xian’s voice acting deserves a whole section to itself, because I think that he did an amazing job of portraying the intense emotions Xia Yan feels during the date. Just going to list some lines that really hit hard - both because of the content, and because of the voice acting that really considered how Xia Yan would be feeling then. 

我可以去追她，我甚至可以和她结婚。我可以把最后的三年过得很好，过的毫无遗憾，但是然后呢？她一个人要怎么办。。。谁陪她走出来，谁来照顾她。。。(“I could pursue her. I could even marry her. I could live my last three years happily, without the slightest of regrets. But what about after? How will she cope on her own… Who will be with her as she handles this? Who will take care of her…”) The ups and downs of this section’s voicing really hit hard.

The gentleness with which he speaks about what he plans to tell MC, especially the line 她从来都是这样 (“She’s always been like that.”)

He’s so cute in Part 2!! The tone’s a lot happier and relaxed and it’s really nice to see and hear. 

In part 3, the vehemence with which he talks about how the risks of MC’s work aren’t comparable to his established time limit, which then softens into something sadder when he talks about how Yang Xiao’s efforts haven’t extended his time by much. 

The intensity when he says 我必须说 ! (“I have to say it!”) (when MC reacts to him using the word “death”), and how he immediately softens his tone after. But then his voice starts to rise again as he worries for how MC will bear his death… and then he takes a break to calm down, and then makes the suggestion of MC finding another man with a near-inflectionless tone that gradually slips into a whisper

His whispering voice makes the impact of 我在乎。。。！(I care…!) hit even harder because it’s suddenly loud, and you can clearly hear the tears in his voice. Once again, he takes a breath to calm himself down and quiet his voice. But even as he keeps talking in a voice that descends into a whisper again, you can tell that he’s still on the verge of crying…

Also the 我也。。。好喜欢，最喜欢你. (I also… like you. I like you the most) line left me screaming with how it was whispered but really strong and adamant-sounding aaaaa

Anyways I could list more but at that point I might as well list Jin Xian’s entire script lmao. He did such a good job!!!!!! 

Sound Effects 

I’m laughing at myself for including this section - if you turn off the music that accompanies Xia Yan’s card, you’ll… hear some very interesting sound effects [狗头]

They’ve got to make the most of their limited time together, after all, and this is the only date out of the set of four that’s indoors… it makes sense…

Other Thoughts 

Two kisses!!

What sort of treatment would leave Xia Yan infected with drugs with prohibited components? What were they even trying to do? 

The date was short relative to the other, super-long Themis dates, but I’m personally alright with that because it places focus on the confession itself. It hit all the points that I personally was expecting for Xia Yan’s confession, including his past struggles with the idea of staying with MC, his confession about both his feelings and his illness, and how resolute MC is about staying with him vs. how hard he tries to get her to understand the implications of being him, considering that he doesn’t have much time left. 

I think now’s a good time for the two of them to get married if they’re well aware that Xia Yan’s time is limited, so Xia Yan, where’s the ruby ring? 

I wonder what implications this will have on the main story - e.g. will the rest of NXX find out about Xia Yan’s illness in Chapter 7.2? Or will they never know? Actually, I wonder if they’ll have MC be aware of his illness in the main story because… that implies his confession happened, which might anger fans of the other boys. 

Conclusion

I love Xia Yan and I love this date. 

[nejibaby]

Afterglow

Pairing: Portgas D. Ace x Y/N

Summary: Without Ace, your nights are back to being long, dark, and empty. But when you finally reunite, Ace refuses to just be your Daylight.

Daylight - Part 1 | Afterglow - Part 2

Word Count: 4.3k (my hands slipped, I’m so sorry)

Loosely based on: Taylor Swift’s Lover album (but mostly about the songs Daylight and Afterglow)

A/N: I really think Whitebeard is a great father, yk? So I see him as someone who you can always seek and rely on. He looks tough (and he’s actually tough), but he’s soft too! And Ace too, in that respect is similar to WB. I really believe he’ll be such a good boyfriend 🥺 Anyway, I really enjoyed writing this so much! Thank you to everyone who read this, I love yall 🥰

<Teach doesn’t exist to me, I hate him, so I guess this is noncanon? Also, there’s this tiny spoiler, just a warning.>

Sailing by yourself in a boat for one reminds you how vast the sea actually is. With the rowdy Whitebeard pirates, sometimes the sea, no, the world, seems a lot smaller, a lot more manageable, but alone, it feels so massive it’s almost frightening.

It’s easy to get lost, except there’s no such concept like that for someone like you who doesn’t have a destination to go to in mind. Quite simply, you’re wandering, but not lost.

You drift from one island to another. Your initial intention is to get as far away as possible from the crew. Now that that’s achieved, you’re unsure of what to do next.

You allow yourself to observe and to experience some sort of normalcy at the islands you dock at. It’s a good thing that you don’t really stand out so no one suspects you’re a wanted pirate.

Walking down the streets of random towns, you’re reminded of how lonely being a Celestial Dragon was. No one wants to interact with a World Noble, afraid of the consequences if they’re angered. Things changed drastically when you became a pirate though. People don’t shy away that much with pirates in certain places. They interact with you, albeit hesitantly sometimes. Nevertheless, you felt so free and happy.

Now, you’re still a pirate, as marked by Whitebeard’s infamous tattoo. But with the unsuspecting townspeople and the lack of the presence of a crew, you don’t feel like one. Somehow it makes you feel empty.

The void is immeasurable. Despite it being unbounded, you’re sure that a single person can fill that emptiness: Portgas D. Ace.

But there are oceans separating you from Ace— a distance that you put. With the space between you, there’s silence in your voyage, however, it’s quite mystifying how every island you reach seems to scream his name.

There’s an island where you’ve docked at that’s snowing all year long. It brought back memories of when you were fairly new to the Whitebeard Pirates and had landed on a similar island. Back then you’ve worn a coat as you disembarked Moby Dick, however, the cold continued to seep through your layers of clothing. You couldn’t handle extreme temperatures that well but you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so you continued to walk alongside the crew to scout the area. The thing was you may have been terrible at hiding it because Ace noticed the way your body was shivering and your teeth chattering. You were only acquaintances back then but he went to your side and striked a conversation with you. You didn’t understand why you became comfortable when he approached you all of a sudden, but then later that night you realized that he used his devil fruit abilities to warm you up.

At one island with a bustling town, there’s this restaurant that serves a variety of meat. You’re reminded of Ace and his bottomless pit of a stomach, and of his narcoleptic episodes while eating. He has a tendency of eating and then running, and the first few times he did it with you had you reeling. When you’ve finally realized that he’s never going to change, you start to keep a pouch of gold coins with you, reserved for paying for the food he eats. You leave it on the table just as Ace pulls you to run, and he has no idea about it. Owners or servers at the restaurants would still follow you out, but not to berate the both of you for not paying but to return the extra gold coins because you pay too much. Like usual though, Ace pretends not to hear them and they never got to catch up with you and Ace.

On another island, there’s a huge wild boar thrice the size of a human. It reminded you of the time you got so excited to explore an island that you speedily ran towards the forest alone, only to be met by a wild boar. The size of the boar stunned you and its glare kept you frozen in fear. A loud scream escaped your lips when it lunged at you, except the impact never came. When you’ve gathered your bearings, the wild boar was dead and… cooked, courtesy of Ace’s devil fruit abilities. He saved you, but he played it off as if he had his eyes on the wild boar since the beginning “to hunt it down.”

The current island you’re at is in famine. As soon as you docked at their port, a group of men has drawn their swords at you. For a moment, you thought they were bounty hunters so you grabbed your daggers and took a defensive stance. However, from the way they keep looking back and forth to you and your boat, and from hearing the faint sound of their stomach grumbling, you can tell they aren’t. Behind some trees, you can see the heads of some children peeking with worried yet hopeful looks on their faces.

Slowly, you raise your hands up in surrender, dropping your daggers in the process. You can’t turn your back on them — figuratively and literally — so you walk backwards towards your boat. The men look at you curiously but they don’t ever lower their swords.

In a quick motion, you grab a bag containing all of your food supply and throw it at them. One of the men catches it. “You can have them. It isn’t much, but that’s all I have.”

The man who was able to catch the bag carefully opens it and sees food. He almost cries at the sight of it. The rest of the men lowers the sword after you offer no sign of aggression. They start calling the other citizens of the area afterwards.

The children are the first to come running towards the men — all of them conveying excitement. You couldn’t tell how long they haven’t eaten but judging from how thin they are, it has got to be quite some time.

A small girl stumbles and falls near you and you quickly come to her aid. There isn’t much damage, just a scraped knee so you carefully patched her up.

“Thank you,” she gives you a toothy smile and then starts heading to the men who are distributing the food.

She comes back a moment later, arms outstretched to hand an apple to you. “For you,” she says.

Something blossoms in your heart because of her sweetness. “Thank you, but it’s fine, you can have it,”

She doesn’t object but then she hugs you tightly. “Thank you so much.”

Surprisingly, even on an island like this, you’re reminded of Ace. You remember his story about coming to Wano and meeting a child named “Tama” who seemed to be as charming as the child you helped and is under the same fortune.

Now that your mind has drifted to thoughts of Ace, you didn’t want to think of anything else. Even as the people gather around you to offer their thanks, and even as they usher you to a bonfire to celebrate for the food to eat, the thoughts of him linger in your head.

And just like in all the previous islands you came to, you wish he’s here with you too.

There’s longing in your heart, but there’s also something else— something pleasant that you can’t quite describe— and you attribute it to the gratitude of the people.

The mother of the child you helped, Sito, offers their spare room for you to take and you graciously accept. Soft snores almost immediately fill your ears after a few minutes of them bidding you good night.

The longer you stay awake, however, the pleasant feeling you felt a while ago starts to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

You’ve always criticized yourself for not being able to do more when you were still a Celestial Dragon but now that you did something good, you start to feel selfish for doing it because it makes you feel better about yourself.

It’s at times like this that you seek Pops. There’s a sudden urge to hear his voice and his thoughts. So you grab your Den Den Mushi, but you hesitate.

You’ve lost track of the days since you left Moby Dick. And in that time frame, you never once called Pops. Although you didn’t really promise to call, maybe he was expecting you to, especially since you know he wouldn’t do it first.

You sigh. Maybe this call is long overdue after all.

You step outside the house and start to contact Pops using the Den Den Mushi. It only rings once and then it’s answered, almost as if Pops was waiting by the Den Den Mushi. The thought brings a smile to your face. “Pops—”

“Why on earth are you only calling now?!” His angry tone welcomes you.

“I’m so—”

“Is that Y/N?!” Marco interrupts. Ah, how could you have forgotten? It’s at this time that Marco reports to Pops. “We’re so worried about you -yoi!”

You can hear sounds of struggling on the line and then there’s a loud smack followed by an even louder crash. There’s a moment of silence which makes you wonder what’s going on in the ship.

“Why didn’t you call earlier?!” Pops’ voice booms. “If you’re going to leave a Den Den Mushi, I’m going to expect your reports but I received none of that.”

“I’m sorry Pops. I have no excuse,” you sheepishly say.

“Everyone’s worried about you,” he pauses but then his voice rings louder once again, “Some are even outside my room trying to listen in on our conversation. But if they know better, they should leave us alone.” The sound of rushing footsteps could be heard in the background as Pops finishes his sentence.

You chuckle, imagining the crew eavesdropping. “How are you Pops?”

“I’m doing fine.”

“How’s everyone? How’s… uhm… Ace?”

“Everyone’s just missing you. You didn’t say goodbye after all,” he says. “I put Ace on a mission because he won’t stop pestering me about you. He won’t come back in a couple of days.”

“Oh.”

“He misses you a lot,” he sighs. “He strides to me everyday to demand your whereabouts. Each time I wouldn’t tell him but he never learns. Vista says he’s on his 56th attempt the other day.”

The brief image of Ace that your mind comes up with brings a small smile to your face.

“When are you coming back?” Whitebeard breaks your reverie.

“Ah, I’m not sure yet… It might take a while.”

He hums. “So how are you? Have you been eating well?”

“I’m doing fine, Pops. No one’s been coming after me yet so everything’s going well,” you respond. “But… Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“There’s this island with people who haven’t eaten in so long so I gave them everything I have.” There’s a loud growl coming from Pops so you immediately continue your speech before he could scold you for doing such a thing. “I feel really good about what I did as they thanked me. But then the longer I thought about it, I started feeling ashamed because... wasn’t it selfish since I did it to make me feel better about myself? Then I started to wonder if it was wrong to do good things just because I wanted to be absolved of my parents’ sins. Was I wrong in doing this, Pops?”

“No, you did the right thing.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you’re not an inherently bad person for getting paid in gratitude.”

“But…”

“Making yourself happy by making other people happy is how it’s meant to work. If one of your key motives to doing good things is to feel good, then you’re still doing something good and there’s nothing shameful about that.”

Hearing his words puts you at ease. You’re glad you called him. “Thank you, Pops. I’m sorry for worrying everyone there and for disrupting Marco’s report. I promise I’ll call more often from now on.”

“It’s fine. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Where will you be headed next?”

“I’m not sure. I’m just going where the sea leads me.”

“Be careful.”

“You too, Pops,” and with that, you bid your goodbye and hang up.

By morning, you start preparing your things to leave. You didn’t want to stay for too long because you didn’t want to consume even a portion of the small amount of food they have.

Sito offers you to stay another night, worried that it would be uncomfortable to sleep on a boat. “You can stay one more day. There’s still enough food for us to share.”

“Oh no, I don’t want to impose,” you decline. “But do you mind if I ask what happened here?”

There’s sadness in her eyes, it was easy to tell the memory pained her, but she tells you everything anyway. “This island is one of the few lawless areas in the world, hence, it’s a place where pirates would dock at. A group of men once docked here and kidnapped the leaders of our town. They were sold off to be slaves, because apparently the Nobles like to enslave people of power…” Her words start to fade on you upon the mention of the World Nobles.

Anger flares up in your system immediately. How low can the Celestial Dragons go? It’s sickening to think that you share the same blood as them. It’s because of this revelation that something becomes clear in your mind.

Ever since leaving Moby Dick, you’re just wandering aimlessly. But after hearing Sito talk about this island, you’re finally sure of what your destination should be.

Sabaody Archipelago.

Specifically, the Human Auctioning House.

From the sudden fury that overwhelms you, not even the fear of being within arm’s reach of the Marines, and possibly dying, could stop you from going there.

It’s reckless and foolish, but isn’t this the reason you left Moby Dick that night— to face your nightmares instead of running away from them?

You listen politely as Sito explains everything else but her words enter and leave your ears without you having to comprehend them. Fortunately, she doesn’t notice your inattentiveness, probably because she wants to pour her frustrations out to a stranger.

You offer your sympathies to her and promise her you’d come back with your crew and help them some more. It’s a simple promise yet for someone who hasn’t been offered help for so long, it means a lot, enough to even bring tears to her eyes. And just like that, you leave.

There are two more islands to stop at before you reach Sabaody Archipelago. You gather provisions on one island and buy explosives on the other.

The only thing you’re sure you can actually do alone is to blow up the Human Auctioning House. Facing the World Nobles is for another time, unfortunately. As for the Marines, well… You’d worry about that if they indeed come. You know you’d be able to handle them as long as they don’t send an Admiral after you.

The thing that worries you the most, however, is Pops’ reaction once you let him know of your plan. While you can always just not tell him, it feels wrong, and you promised you’d report to him, after all. And it’s hard for you to admit, but you secretly want to be saved in case your plan goes askew. That, and well, you still want to make up with Ace, may it be just strictly as friends, but preferably as lovers.

You decide to call once you’re about to set sail towards Sabaody Archipelago. You’re sitting in the middle of your boat, still anchored at the port when you told Pops your plan. And as expected, he’s mad.

He demands you to go back to the crew immediately. “Captain’s orders,” he says. But after a few moments, he retracts his words and says, “Your father’s orders.” You feel the weight of his words when he said that and you almost concede. But the faces of the slaves your family had flashes into your mind and it solidifies your decision.

Interestingly, despite the weeks you have spent away from the crew, their ship is nearer to you than anticipated. As confirmed by Pops himself when he angrily said, “Enough! I’m sending Ace to get you! Two or three days is enough for him to catch up with you.”

But quite frankly, that’s also enough time to execute your plan. And if the odds are in your favor, then Ace might just come in time for your escape.

Arriving at Sabaody Archipelago, you keep your face hidden underneath the hood of your cloak. It’s normal for pirates to walk around the place without having to hide their identities, but it’s a luxury you can’t afford. If someone catches wind that you’re here and reports it, the Cipher Pol just might come and capture you before you can even execute your plan. That just won’t do. So on the first day of your arrival, you only scout the area of the Human Auctioning House and retreat back to the inn you stay at.

You carry out your plan on the next day. You place a bomb where the side of the stage is supposed to be. It’s a distraction so people inside would leave the premises. The plan is to find the keys and free the slaves while the people are panicking from the explosion. Then eliminate the head of the place, Mr. Disco, and finally blow the place apart. It sounds simple but with you having to do all the work, you know it isn’t.

Now that you’re here, your nerves are spiking up. Arriving at the entrance of the building, you take a deep breath, your hand automatically reaching for the bracelet that Ace made you. It instantly calms you down.

It baffles you how fate works because on the very day you decide to free the slaves that are being sold off at the Human Auctioning House, Ace’s brother, Luffy — along with his crew — is at the same place to rescue their friend who was kidnapped.

Somehow even on a dangerous mission like this, there’s still something or someone who’d remind you of Ace. It makes you wonder: has he really embedded himself too deep into your life that there’s no escaping the thoughts of him? Not that you mind; the thoughts of him bring you peace, after all. But still, it’s fascinating that even in both mundane and dangerous settings, he makes himself known to you.

Upon entering the Human Auctioning House, everything happens so fast and unexpected. And quite frankly, a lot happened that wasn’t part of the plan.

Aside from finding the Straw Hat Pirates, you got yourself injured when you used your body to shield their fish man friend, Hatchi, from Saint Charlos’ gunshot. Then you confronted Saint Shalria personally despite you not planning to get involved with the Celestial Dragons. As for the slaves, it was the Dark King, Silvers Rayleigh, who actually freed them. The only things that you personally executed from your plan were Mr. Disco’s elimination and the bombing of the Human Auctioning House.

Escape is easy once the building starts to explode because the Marines would have to lessen the forces who're chasing after the pirates in order for them to successfully put out the fire. Without any Admiral on the scene yet, it’s not hard to slip away from them and/or fight them.

Even with the gunshot wound on your arm, you’re able to take down each and every one of the Marines who are chasing you. But halfway through your journey back to the grove where you left your boat at, you lose your adrenaline.

You start to feel the sharp and stinging sensation on your arm once again, yet, you couldn’t help but smile. You have gotten out alive. The slaves have been freed. With both Mr. Disco and the building gone, the Human Auctioning House will no longer be operational, or at least not yet until someone steps up. But that won’t be after a long time.

It’s a wonderful day.

You look up at the afterglow of the sunset with a serene smile. You have a feeling your nights are going to feel shorter now and less frightening than they were before.

Your peaceful moment is cut off by someone rather abruptly. You jump in surprise as someone wraps their arms around you from behind all of a sudden. “I finally caught up with you.”

Your breath hitches at the sound of the voice. “Ace? What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t answer your question, but he mumbles, “I’m sorry if I only came now. Pops wouldn’t tell me where you were, but I came as soon as I could.” Then he tightens his hug. “I was so scared, I thought I’d lose you…”

“Ace, I’m sorry about—”

“Hey, it’s on me, okay?” He interrupts. “I blew things out of proportion, and now you’re blue.”

You pull away from his hug to face him.

“Y-your arm! You’re bl-bleeding,” he stutters after seeing your injury.

But you pay no mind to that. “Ace… I’m really sorry about us—”

“Ssshhh, baby…” he rubs his hand on your back.

He looks at your figure carefully, focused on looking for any more bruises or wounds. When he doesn’t find anything more, he gently holds you by your waist. “Don’t blame yourself, I’m the one who burned us down, but… it’s not what I meant.

“It was all in my head, okay? It’s just that the Celestial Dragons are all grouped in my head as scums and that they’re inexcusable because… my brother was killed by a Celestial Dragon.”

A wave of guilt flows through your body, enough to weaken your knees. Before you could fall, however, Ace catches you and brings you to his chest. But this doesn’t stop you from sobbing on his chest. “I didn’t know, Ace. I’m so sorry.”

“No, that’s the thing, baby. It isn’t your fault. It wasn’t you who pulled the trigger. And… I have to admit I failed to see that at first,” he says as he hugs you tighter. “I shouldn’t have stood there frozen after you told me your story. I’m supposed to be the one who understands you...

“I’m not trying to make excuses and I’m not trying to make this about me but it’s just that… for so long I thought that I inherited the bad blood of my father, and I spent my lifetime failing to see that his sins aren’t my sins,” his voice cracks as he cries. “So when I found out about you… My mind automatically held you liable for the sins of the Nobles…

“But I talked to Pops and he straightened me up. I understand now. Our parents’ sins aren’t ours. It never was ours to begin with. So I’m sorry for blaming you for something you didn’t do…”

Ace stares at your crying form. He cups your face and sincerely says, “It’s so excruciating to see you low,” as he wipes the tears on your eyes. “I’m sorry if I hurt you…”

“It’s fine Ace, I forgive you. But…” You look directly into his eyes. “I’m at fault too,” you confess. “I was the one who left... I was so used to living like an island and isolating myself that it didn’t occur to me that I was punishing you with silence… I should’ve waited patiently for you but I ran away…”

Ace rubs your back gently and presses his forehead against yours, “I forgive you too.”

You smile in relief.

After a couple of minutes in silence, Ace tilts his head. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Remember when you said that you saw daylight after sleeping in a long, dark night?”

You give him a curious look but nodded anyway.

“Beside wishing that I was there for you sooner, it had me thinking...”

“What?”

“Uhm… The world is terrible and cruel, and no one can ever really stop the dark nights from coming.”

You frown. You don’t really understand what Ace is trying to say.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he rubs his neck while his cheeks starts to blush, “if you ever have to go through those dark nights, I wouldn’t want you to wait for daylight.

“I want to be there with you on those nights until they’re over. I don’t want to leave you when things get rough and only show up when you’re better. I know you see me as your daylight but I don’t want to be just that.”

His words warm your heart, and makes it skip a beat. “You know, Ace, there are remnants of light that linger in the sky even when the sun has long gone down and the night starts. It’s the afterglow,” you mumble.

“Yeah, but that goes away too after a while,” he frowns.

“Well, lucky for you the moon reflects the sun’s light during the night, huh?”

He grins. “Yeah, yeah. I like that. I want to be your source of light, may it be the daylight, moonlight, or the afterglow.”

A moment of silence engulfs the both of you. Under the soft afterglow of the sunset with your arms wrapped around each other, you feel at peace.

Once upon a time, you used to believe love is black and white— that it’s straightforward. It was either you love Ace or you don’t, there were no gray areas. No matter what he feels, says, or does, your love for him never ceases.

But then some other days you believed that love is burning red— that it’s full of passion, lust, and romance, much like the nights you spent entangled in the sheets with Ace.

However, right now in Ace’s arms, all you could ever think about is that love is golden. It was warmth and comfort, like what daylight brings. It was contentment and serenity too, much like the feeling of lightness one gets when seeing the afterglow of the sunset. Either way, it’s Ace who makes you feel those.

No matter what color love actually is though, for you it’s always embodied by Ace.

[it-was-summer]

Video Killed The Radio Star - Chapter 2 (Spencer Reid x Reader)

A/N: I’ve gotten so much positive feedback and a lot of people seem to like so I am so happy to share another chapter with you all! In this chapter I will put Asterisks  (***) before anything that might seem triggering to some viewers just to give you all a heads up! I would also like to add that virginity is a concept made by man and if you are/aren’t one that is valid as hell!- much love, Em❤️

Warnings: torture, blood, cursing, distributing individual / content, sex talk, sensitive material ahead.

Plot: The team works to find you before the situation escalates, you spend time in a less fiery version of hell.

Word Count: 2.2k

“This girl made my job easier,” Garcia was logging into your computer with a smile “, It was never difficult, but now I get to skip a few tiny steps.” She was searching through your emails, looking for any messages that could have been from your stalker, there was nothing so far. So she moved to your phone records, unknown calls, texts, anything that could help.

She did find one call from an unknown number that had left a voicemail a few minutes before two in the morning on the night of your abduction, but the only thing that she could get from it was the sounds of sobs before the line goes dead.

The rest of the team was combing your apartment in Richmond. The most impressive thing about this whole case was how you knew something was going to happen and the evidence you left behind for them. Sticky notes decorated your desk, labeling everything from your passwords to the gifts your stalker had left you. Another thing that shocked the team was seeing photos of almost all of them, you didn’t get one of Garcia, with little sticky notes next to them.

The sticky notes contained little comments like “Fine as hell,” that one was for Reid, Morgan teased him about it before he looked at his own picture that had the note of “Arms?? Yes?”

It seemed like you had a sense of humor that you didn’t let on in your videos. It made Prentiss laugh, but as soon as she did her eyes looked down at the carpet, seeing a single rose petal near your nightstand. Instead of being red like all of the others, it was the pale color of pink. “It looks like the Unsub is in love with her,” she bent down to pick up the petal with a glove “, or whatever their demented version of love is.”

Reid was focusing on the books, you had a tiny library growing at your house filled with classics, some fiction, others nonfiction. He took note that you already had copies of the Brontë sister collection in your library, and they looked slightly worn down. He couldn’t help but wonder why the Unsub would give you books you already owned. Was it just for their notes? Why couldn’t they use the copies you already own?

Hotch tore Spencer away from his thoughts “The bed was neatly made and there are no signs of struggle, indicating that our Unsub probably made the bed and had time to clean up.”

“Or that she was too afraid to sleep, either way, they probably drugged her and got her out of here as fast as they could,” Prentiss added as she searched the bed for any other evidence.

Reid hummed as he watched Prentiss flip pillows over “It could have been someone she knew, a friend maybe?”

“We can’t rule out anything.” Hotch said as he looked at his wrist for the time “Ried, go with Morgan to the library. Prentiss and I will visit the family.”

                                                      ***

March 6, 20XX

The night of your abduction you were sitting on your couch, holding one of the decorative pillows close to your chest as you watched the black screen of your television. You felt numb, after you recorded your video you broke down. It started off as crying and then slowly developed into a panic attack, but now you were on your couch trying to think about anything but this horrible situation. You glanced over at the time seeing it was nearing two in the morning, you had already called your mother. She told you to come home and you said you would in the morning.

You couldn’t think about her right now, you started to cry, finding it surprising that you still had enough water in your body to cry again. Sobs escaped your mouth, then something pricked your neck and the world was gone.

When you woke up it all felt so soft. You felt like you were laying on the softest bed ever created, your eyes fought against you, opening slowly in fluttering moments. The room was illuminated in a wondrous pink light, you smiled in your drugged state before it all registered. You suddenly felt hot, on fire, everything was on fire. You attempted to sit up on the bed, slipping back down with a yell, red rose petals flying up around you as you collided with the bed. You carefully sat up, looking down at the bed, if you hadn’t just been kidnapped you would think was romantic.

You tried to pull your legs up to your chest, but you screamed out in pain. Your eyes darted around the bed, in a terrified attempt to stay calm as you looked down at your leg. Bile found its way into your throat, burning in your esophagus as you looked down at your snapped ankle. You vomited off the side of the bed, your body shaking vigorously.

“Catherine,”  A terribly sweet female voice spoke, “ My sweet Catherine, you’re awake.”

You coughed lightly before spitting the rest of the vomit out of your mouth, turning your head to look towards the sound of the voice seeing a familiar and beautiful brunette woman smiling over at you. “My name isn’t Catherine,”

“Yes, it is. You’re Catherine Earnshaw, Jane Eyre,” she walked closer, her hair swaying to and fro gently “ Hell, You’re Emma Woodhouse and I am,”

“Crazy, you’re fucking crazy!” you screamed.

“I’m Heathcliff! I am Mr. Rochester! I am Mr. Knightley!” She screamed back at you, her happy demeanor changing in a second, rage decorating her face for a simple second before she let out a calming sigh and smiled once again. “I’m sorry, my sweet, I didn’t mean to scream at you like that. I love you.”

Tears were streaming down your face as you nodded, slowly “You love me,” too afraid to speak out against her again, you nodded through your tears.

She sat on the edge of the bed, that you were slowly realizing was indeed heart-shaped. She reached her hand out, you flinched feeling it land on your head, her hand petting your hair gently.

March 8, 20XX

Morgan was smiling a considerate smile across the table at one of your coworkers, Noelle. She was a pretty blonde, had a sweet smile. The only thing they got out of her was that you were single, her eyes stayed on Reid when she said that, and that you were nice to everyone. Baked for people on their birthdays, or days they were struggling, you were… you are considerate.

Reid hated to admit that the nicest people always seemed to capture the attention of the most dangerous people. Unwanted, cruel, attention.

Spencer excused himself, stepping away to take a look around the vast library. There was a small cafe in the corner of the library, it was possible that the unsub first met you here, checking out a book or something of that kind. He went back to Noelle, “Would you say that Y/N had admirers?”

“Not really, but there was something in December,” she let out a soft sound as she gathered her memories “,this woman came in, beautiful, said she knew Y/N from college or something. It was a weekend so she wasn’t working, but uh she was nice, wanted to buy Y/N a Christmas gift, and asked what she would like. Y/N likes roses, she likes romantic stuff so that’s what I told her.”

Morgan’s eyes widen, holding back his comments as he thanked Noelle for her time before turning back to Reid “A Woman?”

Spencer nodded, trying to make connections in his head. The books and the roses made sense, why the blood-soaked panties?  The roses because of what Noelle said, Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre were classic romance books. He had read them both, but he wanted to see your new copies of the books, your annotated versions.

As for the blood-soaked pair of panties, his mind went to one thing, innocence. Assuming that you weren’t a virgin anymore the blood covering them would mean that your innocence was already taken from you. The unsub might’ve given them to you to remind you what you’d lost or to make the threat that you should have stayed a virgin, that you should’ve stayed innocent. However, despite your so-called ‘ruin’, it seems that she still loves you, hence the gifts.

Spencer assumed that the unsub thought that the two of you were connected through romance, maybe even a taboo type of romance. The romanticism of Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre made that fairly obvious to him, as well as the rest of the team. Red roses symbolized romance, while the pink rose symbolized admiration and grace, indicating that your relationship with the unsub could have been anything but new.

“Can we get a map of all of the florists in the area?”

                                                            ***

You pressed your face into the cushions, it was a weekday and she had yet to come in. Heather, after a day or two you finally remembered who she was, Heather Alexander, she lived on your floor your freshman year of college. She was quiet, sweet, and, apparently, crazy. In college, she seemed less glamorous, wore glasses, had quirky hair, complete with a babyface. You used to invite her over whenever you would bake something sweet, till one day she was gone. Dropped out.

Now, almost seven years later, she seemed so broken. Living in a delusion, thinking that she was some hero or romantic interest of yours. The two of you were destined to be together, well that is until you live out the fate of Catherine Earnshaw and die.

You found it painful to cry at this point, you were so dehydrated and tired that you didn’t even try to force the tears out. It wasn’t that you were too tired to fight, well that was to be debated, you still had plenty of fight left in you. You were playing it safe, the thing that was holding you back from fighting was your mother. You couldn’t bring yourself to put yourself in danger, you needed to hold on to her, you needed to see her again and you knew she needed to see you again. So, you did what you thought was best, for now, lie in bed and feel numb.

It wasn’t that hard to feel numb, given that Heather had you hooked up to a morphine drip. You learned that whenever she was mad at you she would call you Emma, sometimes Jane, but for the most part you were Catherine. When you were Catherine,  she would give you all the morphine you wanted for your broken ankle and when you were Emma or Jane she would ween you off till she saw fit. So if you were Catherine, you would feel numb, feel okay at least for now.

You were staring up at the ceiling, feeling especially stoic, when you heard keys jingle at the door. It opened, showing a glimpse of a regularly lighted room, fluorescent as ever, before leaving you and Heather in this disgustingly pink room. “Catherine,” she threw her keys off towards the counter in the corner of the room. You were too drugged up to think about an escape plan, too drugged up to do anything but stare up at the ceiling. It felt so desperately good to be numb, you barely noticed when she touched you, but as soon as you did her touch felt like fire. “Catherine,” she leaned in close, her lips meeting yours in a second. Heather kissed you with her eyes closed, you always kept your eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling waiting for her harassment to be over. You never kissed back and she didn’t seem to mind so long as she was enjoying herself.

Heather pulled away with a childlike grin “Did you enjoy yourself today? I wish I could have stayed with you, but duty called!” Your eyes traveled down to the name on her uniform, it was the name of a floral shop near your work, the roses.

Your speech was slow and slurred, causing Heather to reach over to the morphine drip, fixing it so you would get lower levels of the drug, but that wouldn’t start working for a couple of hours. Heather seemed to know that so she simply got up, walked away, grabbed her keys, and went towards the door “You can answer in a few hours. Till then, my Catherine.”

                                                           ***

Prentiss watched your mother as she played with her hands, her mouth trembling as she spoke “Y/N called me when it all started,” she looked up, her eyes shifting between Prentiss and Hotch “I should have listened, oh I should have listened!”

“Mrs. L/N, you didn’t know this would happen. You can’t blame yourself here.” Prentiss offered comfort towards your mother only for her to let out a heartbreaking wail of pain.

“She’s all I have.”

Hotch and Prentiss were walking down the porch steps with a tin of chocolate chip cookies, a habit of her’s that you had picked up on. Prentiss looked over at Hotch, whose eyes betrayed him, she didn’t say anything about the look in his eyes. She knew that he probably didn’t want her to ask. She blew out a sigh as they got into the car

“Need a cookie?”

[jujutsubabe]

Library

Synopsis: (This is set when Gojo and Getou were in highschool) You are all in the library trying to practice presentations but Gojo can’t stop being distracting.

(I mean,,, no ship tbh? Kinda platonic reader insert but u can take it as Gojo flirting)

Word count: 1.7k

—————

A library is supposed to be silent, filled with studying and well focused people. It’s a place meant for peace and quiet, so everyone there can get a good grasp on their subjects without any distractions.

The library is known for being the best place to work in, you are surrounded by peers and books and computers of all kind. The amount of resources is unlimited, mixing alone and social time all into one setting, a beautiful design.

However, if you mix a quiet respectable place with three idiots, you tend to get the opposite of what a library is supposed to be.

The library was filled with your quiet snorts and giggles as you sat in the back of the room, you putting your hand over your mouth did nothing to silence you as you shook.

Gojo bit down on his lip as he tried to contain his laugh as well, waiting for the right timing to say another dumb joke.

You felt the stares of a few of your peers, but couldn’t help from giggling in your corner. It was one of those rare moments where you felt air escape your lungs in a good way, the crunching of your sides was a ticklish feeling. It was so carefree and fun, a simple memory you would keep every time you entered a library.

You turned to Gojo at the same time as him, trying to put on a serious face but when you saw his struggling one you couldn’t help but crack a huge smile and fall back into your lap cackling. He turned away snickering to his side as well.

You had been here for what felt like hours, you trying to go over your presentation but barely getting through the first slide with how Gojo suddenly wanted to be a comedian. Not letting you catch a break each slide.

It didn’t help that you were already behind in your presentation, he just fed into your procrastination. Making this workload ease into other hours of your day, it seemed like the only thing you could do for the day was work on this presentation.

Getou rested his chin on his hand, “You egg him on when you do that.”

“I know!” You wheezed, “But its so—so hard, I can’t focus.”

Gojo leaned in to whisper something else but Getou tilted his head, “Satoru, you’re a distraction.”

He pulled back, fixing his sunglasses with a wide grin. The class clown couldn’t help but make light of such a boring atmosphere, what was he even supposed to do in here? (Study Gojo… study…)

Picking on you two was way more fun than doing his fifty-billion already missing assignments.

“What?” He looked over his glasses, “It’s not my fault I’m this funny.”

“No, he’s right!” You took deep breaths, pulling into your center, “He’s right, let me try again and don’t distract me!” You pointed with a warning intent.

He grinned at you, playing on his innocent expression, which didn’t come across as very genuine.

It was like he called for attention to himself just by entering a room. No one could ignore him. So imagine how much harder it would be to ignore him if this giant ray of sunshine was sitting right next to you, pestering you every second.

“So,” you skimmed over your notes, “for this presentation, I wanted to research how the possible extinction of polar bears is such a condenen— conquential—conquista-- conse-”

“Are you trying to say consequential?” Geto asked.

There was a slight moment of silence, maybe half a second before, like a burst of a bubble, Gojo snorted and turned his head to the side giggling away. It didn’t help that his laugh was so contagious. It was like a yawn, when one person did it everyone else did.

Geto looked away, covering the slight curl of his mouth. He tried his best to be the mature one in the group but sometimes Gojo broke down that expectation with something as simple as giggling like a child.

Him trying to not smile mixed with Gojo’s actual laugh made it so much harder to not give in yourself. These two really couldn’t stop goofing around, no matter the situation.

You forced a frown, “Guys, It’s not funny!”

Gojo made a look at Getou, and Getou let out the lightest huff of air before shaking his head. “You’re right. Continue.”

“Thank you,” you cleared your throat, getting your notes in order, “I think it’s important to note that a big factor that could lead to their extinction are greenhouse gas em… emm...emnio—”

You squinted at the page, pulling it closer, you ignored Gojo’s pestering smile beside you. If you even looked at him you knew this would be all bad, he had a way of pulling you from work and not letting you get back to it.

Getou tapped the paper, “What’s wrong?”

You slid the paper to him, “I don’t know how to say that.”

He pulled the paper to his face with a slight frown. He blinked a few times, trying to not let confusion seep onto his face. With a little bit of inspecting, he eventually slipped the paper across for Gojo to help.

Gojo blinked back at the paper, a smile curling onto his face, “Is this your handwriting…?”

Getou hid his face while Gojo’s smile widened into a grin, then a chuckle, then a full on laugh, the both of them snickering onto themselves. You rolled your eyes, as Gojo banged his hand on the table like he saw the funniest thing on the damn planet.

These two were rolling over themselves over your sleep filled handwriting! It wasn’t even that funny!

You scoffed as the two went into hysterics over your handwriting, trying to fight off the smile crawling it’s way onto your face. It took so much to not give in.

It was all fun and games until a few students started to share a few looks from across the room. A few glared your direction, some actually leaving the place for a quieter place to study. No one seemed to enjoy your table's joy the same way you all were.

The three of you were being a nuisance to the quiet work environment, contradicting the point of a library with your presence. But why was laughing in the library more fun than laughing in your room with each other?

Was it the concept of breaking the rules that tickled you? Or maybe it was the hysteria of working on something for too long without breaks, forcing you all into taking a different kind of break.

None of you noticed when a select few students got up to talk to the teachers about you three. Whispering to the side and pointing a teacher your direction.

Your head popped up when you heard the light tapping of heels and keychains coming your direction. A more than pissed off adult looking straight towards your table.

You shook Gojo and grabbed his arm, “Dude shut up! Shut up the teachers coming!”

Before you could grab yourselves together, the teacher already arrived by your table, tapping on the desk until she got your attention. “I’m going to need you all to quiet down or leave. You’re being a distraction.”

Gojo quirked a brow, opening his mouth, but you spoke up before he said something disrespectful.

“Sorry.” You nudged the guy next to you, “We’ll be more quiet.”

She pursed her lips as she did a once over of you all, definitely memorizing your faces. You lot were making this poor lady do more than needed on her shift. She probably couldn’t wait until you guys messed up again so she could kick you out for good.

“Thank you.” She did a last sharp look before she eventually turned, walking away to the front desk again. Full hawk eyes on your table.

You turned around to the group, trying to regain composure. It was so awkward having her stare and know that you had to be on your best behavior. Everyone sat silently, no one even moving.

Until Gojo leaned back in his seat, twisting his head to look at you. You tried your best to not look at him…you could literally feel his stare through your head. He was insufferable.

…However, you couldn’t help the curiosity and slowly turned your head to meet his eyes. Just one look and his face flooded into a winced grin, already trying to hold back laughter with a squeaking sound from him.

With that, your composure broke and you released a set of giggles while Getou covered his mouth. Just like that Gojo won, he ate this attention up, releasing his own dumb fit of laughter.

You guys really couldn’t go a minute in silence could you?

Getou smiled and stood from the table, “Were not getting anything done. Let’s get food.”

You nodded, you were surprised it took this long for someone to realize that. This was a highly anticipated break you put off for too long, not realizing just how much time was wasted goofing off until now.

“I want ice cream!” Gojo slung your bag over his shoulder.

You blinked between the two as they gathered their belongings, starting to disperse from the table. You were still getting yourself together, scrambling with your things as the tall pair strided to the exit. “Guys wait up!”

They very much did not wait up, if anything it seemed as though their pace got quicker. (Gojo even looked back before grinning that sinister smile of his and walking faster.)

When you darted out of the seat, you just so happened to glance back at the table.

It had a few balled up sheets of paper under it, (that Gojo made and threw at the both of you) the chair’s weren’t pushed in, and if you looked closely you could see a few doodles sprawled along it.

For some reason, the table setting that would definitely piss off that teacher, made you smile. It showed proof that you and your friends had been there, that a few teens were messing around and having fun before they left.

Which you did, you made a good memory today. Those small moments of laughing at dust with friends, warmth from being so happy, comfort from having a tight bond.

It was all you needed, and all you wanted to remember anyways.

[ninjago-bingo]

final month recap

wow, everyone.  we’re here.  we’ve made it.  we’re reached the end of our bingo time, and i’m absolutely floored by the sheer creative output that i’ve seen over these last four months.  everyone, take a moment to give yourself a pat on the back!!!  no matter if you made 1 piece or 10, there’s now a work of art out there in the world that wasn’t there before.  and truly, that’s super heccing rad no matter how you look at it.

so let’s celebrate!  for this recap, we have a total of 20 new pieces, bringing the total amount of ninbingo pieces up to 50.  in the span of four months, this little event has created 50 individual works (five of them in the last day!)  holy cow ya’ll.

i’m putting out this recap now, but don’t worry, it’s not the end yet!  any submissions made to the end of the 30th still count and this post will be updated accordingly :D

fic:

all the things i’ve never done by @sa-you-na-ra. tumblr || prompts: competition and teasing

It’s always a funny thing when the ninja realize new things about each other. Even though living with each other meant they had to see each other all day, there were still small habits or actions that amused the others.

(mod comments: all these little interactions made me smile so much :D looking forward to the rest!)

error 404: answer not found by @m-aster-of-spinjitzu. tumblr || prompt: memories

Akita and Zane talk after the battle in ‘Awakenings’. The conversation… doesn’t go as either of them expect.

(mod comments: the nuances in this fic are fantastic!  also Akita is always a win :D)

Five times kai was a good brother by @/master-of-fluff. tumblr || ao3 || prompts: nightmare and brother

I'm writing kai centric stuff again.

(mod comments: kai IS the big bro of the team!!! i support him all the way!!)

How Garmadon became a chauffeur by @master-of-fluff. tumblr || ao3 || prompt: driving

"um...Kai? Don't you think we should go Slower?" Garmadon asked nervously trying not to panick as they raced down the road at what had to be over the speed limit.

(mod comments: who let Kai drive?  no but honestly this is canon alskdfj)

little things by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: hugs and crying.

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things." -Kurt Vonnegut

Lloyd’s tired of being left behind. How is he meant to be the green ninja when he always has to work harder, train better, and wait longer to go on missions with his team? He wants nothing more than to be their equal.

At least, that’s what he thought he wanted.

(mod comments: a post-ep-18 resolution scene?  SIGN ME UP!)

Neither Snow Nor Rain by @fangirltakesall. tumblr || ffn.net || prompt: post-fight

After their return from the Never Realm and all its troubles, Zane is quiet and Nya is incredibly worried. A call to action to a peculiar sort of battle might be enough to change both of those things.

(mod comments: the concept of these two on their own mission together is just so good! excited to see how their dynamic plays out!!)

Never Put Off Until Tomorrow by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: video games and chores

…what can be done today, yada, yada, yada, we all know the saying. So do the ninja- when Master Wu is drilling it into their heads every minute of every day, it’s kind of hard to forget.

Naturally, it only takes them a week (and the biggest new video game in Ninjago) to do so.

(mod comments: this is so in character that it’s frustrating lol.  also Pixal ftw!!)

oh take me back to the start by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: comfort and 3 am

The past should be left in the past. Or, at least, that’s what Jay keeps telling himself. Nadakhan is gone. It’s not logical to still be afraid. But he is, and now everything that he left behind suddenly feels like it’s never going to be the same again.

Cole isn’t so convinced.

(mod comments: Cole is truly the man we all deserve in our lives.)

On Our Own by @redefine-your-identity. tumblr || prompt: home

It’s been a few weeks since Kai and Nya’s parents disappeared without a trace. Needless to say, they’re struggling.

(mod comments: OU C H no poor babies 😭 the relationship dynamic here is great!)

orange and gold by @/m-aster-of-spinjitzu. tumblr || prompt: cooking

...I just need more Cole and Vania content, they seem like they'd be great friends.

Basically it's just 'Cole goes to visit her there, they almost burn down the kitchen, and make way too many puns', lol.

(mod comments: I also always need more Vania content!! the puns in this were breadful!)

permafrost by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: loss of control and promise

It’s not like this is the first time this has happened. It’s not like none of his teammates have ever suffered this kind of guilt and pain. It’s not like Zane himself hasn’t walked through hell before and come out the other side (mostly) in once piece.

Except, this time, it is. It shouldn’t be different, but it is.

(mod comments: super sweet moment between two ninja who deserve more interaction like seriously!!)

Precautionary Tale by @/fangirltakesall. tumblr || ffn.net || prompt: protective

Fighting is different now, and Zane doesn't know why. Yes, he is titanium now, but why should that change anything? It seems to be changing everything, although is all really as it seems?

(mod comments: a great start to a zane-centric fic!  interested to see where it goes next :D)

Star-Ninja! by @rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: siblings and competition 

What happens when the loveable gremlin the ninja adopted off of the streets introduces them to Starfarer comics?

Chaos ensues, of course.

stuck with you (through bright and blue) by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompt: protective

Kai only wants two things: to protect Lloyd, and to give him the best birthday ever. Unfortunately, Lloyd seems hell-bent on making that as difficult as possible. Kai’s always prided himself on achieving the impossible, but dealing with human emotions is much more complicated than beating up Garmadon’s generals or shooting enemies with fire, as he quickly learns. Movie!verse

(mod comments: happy birthday lloyd!! look at him getting the love he deserves uwu)

Take a walk in the rain. by @/master-of-fluff. tumblr || ao3 || prompt: rain

Cole had always loved the rain, the way it smelled, the way it felt on his skin, and especially the mud! Whenever it rained his Mother would put on his rain coat and boots And they'd both go out and splash around in the puddles and make mud cakes and do all sorts of things.

(mod comments: this fic made me smile a lot :D loved the way it was arranged!) 

the hues of an empty sky by @/m-aster-of-spinjitzu. tumblr || prompt: crying

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there’s one thing Jay’s leant over the last few weeks, it’s that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a ‘they tell everyone about the erased timeline’ fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don’t actually tell the other what exactly they’re alluding to the whole time’ fic that I wrote at like one am-

(mod comments: Skybound resolution? SIGN ME THE HECK UP YES)

The Make-Cole-Realize-How-Much-We-Love-Him Competition by @21st-century-ninja. tumblr || ao3 || prompts: bets and competition

Jay and Kai share a horrified look.  “He really doesn’t get it,” Jay says.

Kai shakes his head.  “We need to show him somehow.”

“Show me what?” Cole asks, exasperated again.  

“How much we love you!” Kai exclaims.  “Somehow, it’s not getting through your thick skull that we want to sit next to you because you’re you, so I’m gonna have to just prove it to you.”

(mod comments: a silly little movie fic!)

twitter was a mistake by @/21st-century-ninja. tumblr || ao3 || prompts: teasing and birthday

Kai 🔥 @flaminhotninja ☑

so who was gonna tell me that Jay used to be a game show host huh

🌺✨ the Gift of Jay ✨🌺 @zaptrap ☑

Replying to @flaminhotninja

NO WHO SHOWED YOU

(mod comments: twitter was a mistake)

two halves of a broken whole by @/rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: scars and post-fight

The Sons of Garmadon have been defeated. Garmadon is in prison. The city has been saved.

In the aftermath of the battle, Nya is more than ready to take a much-needed break. But the life of a ninja is messy. Recovery is never that simple. Although the wounds may have healed, the scars still remain.

Zane’s scars seem to match up, though. And maybe together, they can begin to heal.

(mod comments: aggressive care is my jam, and this is it!)

wait by @rosiehunterwolf. tumblr || ao3 || ffn.net || prompts: home and memories

Lloyd’s not so great at being patient. It’s not his fault though- maybe he would be better at it if waiting didn’t always end up being so disappointing- if people actually kept their promises. But this time’s going to be different, he knows it. His father will come back for him. And Lloyd’s going to wait.

As long as it takes.

(mod comments: baby.  baby boy.  baby.  protecc him plz.)

[parasite-core]

A Memory of Green

This was originally written for the Rusty Fears horror writing competition. The theme was An Animal's Viewpoint. It didn't win, but I'm still really proud of it, so I wanted to share incase anyone would like to read it.

***

A Memory of Green

I don’t know how long I’ve been in this cage. Maybe forever. I don’t know if I have a concept of forever, but the word comes to mind nonetheless. The lumbering two-legged creatures come and give me water and food twice daily, once when the lights come on and again when they go out. The creatures don’t seem to like the dark. I don’t mind waiting through the night, my eyes are sharper than theirs.

I don’t know where I got these thoughts. I hear my furless captors speak, and I understand, but I don’t remember when I learned these words. They go away when I drink the bitter water they provide, that I know is laced with something to keep me calm and peaceful and quiet. My keepers write down notes, and say things like “The subject ‘Naomi’ continues to be compliant. The test is going well.” And normally I do comply. It’s so much easier to just drink and sleep and eat and exist as they desire, than to bite back and risk losing everything they’re willing to give.

But today, today I did not want to drink the poison. They did not seem to notice, or perhaps did not care. They had oh so many cages to care for after all. Creatures with fur and tooth and claw like me. Most quiet and complacent, awaiting nothing but their next meal. Others bite and howl and scream. They tear themselves apart against the bars and cry, until they’re taken away to places unknown, and never return again.

I am usually compliant. It’s so much easier that way. The furless clawless creatures give me food and leave me alone if I’m good. Some even praise me. “Good girl, Naomi. Good girl.” But the cage felt so small today. Or perhaps I felt too big. I wanted to rip apart my smooth and silky coat and stand tall and proud and flee, run free, somewhere with grass and trees and the warmth of sunlight instead of the buzz of the fluorescent bulbs that beat down on us at every waking hour.

So today I did not drink. And my mind felt sharper than it had in…I don’t know how long. Maybe forever.

And for the first time I noticed that my cage was not locked.

I waited for the lights to go out. For the creatures with their slow two-legged gait to retreat from the darkness, to wherever they sheltered while the shadows clung to the walls of their laboratory. Then I pawed at the door of my cage, pushed, and suddenly I was free. The dark corridors between cages stretched before me. All the clawed and fanged and furred and scaled creatures lay in silent stupors around me, none in any state for me to rescue, even if I were of the mind to rescue others. I darted forward, to the open door I’d often seen our lumbering masters exit through. The subtle scratching of my claws against the smooth tiled floor was the only sound. It was a foreign sound. I supposed I’d never walked on tiles before. Why I’d expected the clicking of the apes’ foot coverings, I couldn’t say.

The halls were long and lightless, but I had sharp ears and a sharper nose. To my right everything smelled of plastic overlayed with the metal tang of blood. I went to the left. I heard behind me the whimpering and howling of those creatures who could neither drink their fill nor free themselves. I heard through another door screams and yells of a different kind. Spoken in language, like the great apes spoke to us. I avoided that door. I didn’t want to know what these creatures could do to each other to cause such screams. Such whimpering begging cries for help, almost as broken as the howling of those I’d left behind.

There was a bend in the hallway, and then before me another open door, leading into a room lit by a pulsing green light. Green was good, I thought. Green brought to mind grass and trees. It brought to mind smiling green eyes. Kind forgotten words of assurance, and a hand with a golden ring. Whose eyes were they? Whose hand? When had I seen them? I couldn’t conjure up a memory. Maybe I had made it up. I didn’t remember ever being outside the cage before. How could I possibly remember grass and trees and a woman’s kindness? Love should be a foreign concept to me.

I padded softly forward, too aware of my clicking claws. My tail, held low, brushed against my back leg and I nearly yipped in surprise at the feeling despite myself. I feared that at any moment one of the apes would appear, scoop me up despite any attempt to fight, and take me back to my cage. Or worse, take me to the place where uncompliant creatures go, to disappear. I could turn back. I could hop into my cage and drink my fill and forget about the green and the grass and the eyes.

Instead, I pushed forward. Into a room of glass and metal. Wires and tubes covered the walls, connected to machines and large glass cylinders. So many glass cylinders. Almost as many as there were cages in the room I’d always been in and always remembered. And inside each was one of those creatures, the same clumsy two-legged form as my captors. Humans. The word came to my mind unbidden.

Only these humans were not as furless and scaleless and clawless as my captors. There was a man with feathers growing from his crown, his face melting together into a hard beak. A woman whose eyelids had dissolved, leaving an unblinking black snake eye to stare unfocused at me, as the flesh around it cracked and hardened into countless scales. A tall gangly human with antenna sprouting from their forehead, and their fingers fused into sharp scythes. A creature with a long body covered in sleek black and grey fur, nothing human left, save for green eyes that flickered open for but a moment, meeting mine with a look of utter helplessness and fear, before being eased back into slumber by whatever drugs kept them from twisting in pain from their transformations.

My body was trembling. I hadn’t even noticed. I tried to back away but suddenly four legs seemed like so many to coordinate, and I stumbled and fell. I remembered laughter, and a white dress. I remembered bells and joy. I remembered a future that we’d dreamed of together that was ripped away. I remembered screaming. Crying out as we were torn apart. Someone wanted us to disappear, and then we did.

I heard howling. I heard screaming. I didn’t know which was mine. Maybe both. Maybe neither. I wanted to run, but my limbs were all wrong, and I couldn’t find it in me to forget enough to remember how to use them. I writhed on the ground, willing this to be a nightmare. Willing myself to wake up to green eyes and gentle kisses. Willing myself to wake up in a cage, a mere beast with no memory outside its safe and simple cell. Something. Anything. Anything but knowing both, and being torn apart by having neither.

Eventually one of my captors came. They scooped up my limp body, and I allowed it. Maybe I could have clawed and bitten, struggled and fought. Maybe I should have, just to put up a token resistance. But there was no point. The green grass held no more appeal. The flowers meant nothing, if they weren’t woven into her hair. If I had to remember her smile and know that even in freedom I would never see it again, then what was the point?

I was returned to my cage, and I drank. And—and I forget the rest. It all blurs together now. Soon, I hope, the memory of my escape attempt will fade too.

A new creature has been placed in the cage across from mine. One with black and grey fur, and green eyes that never look at me. She cries and howls and refuses to drink. They will eventually take her away, and I will never see her again. I don’t refuse my water anymore. It’s easier this way. They give me food. They give me shelter. All I have to do is drink, and forget that there was ever anything else. And I’m happy to.