#not my normal area of interest but I wuv her

[mydollsaregay]

a new friend!

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Fantasies, dreams and desires, ideas of normalcy and fears of difference. A slightly queer reading of 15x14

Mrs Butters is a delightful character who is built to parallel so many things in the show. She occupies perfectly the semantic sphere that the narrative has crafted around Dean’s desires; also, you know, cake.

We could talk for days about the significance of food and drink in Supernatural. One of the biggest themes that run through the entire show is hunger (or thirst) and food is very often a symbol for an emotional need of sorts. Supernatural draws a lot folklore, and human stories have always used symbologies that put together food, desire, love, sex, family, goodness and darkness and all those human experiences.

We have discussed the shit out of every instance of food in the show, analyzed parallels to other stories and fairytales, scrutinized queer-codings and subtexts, got called nasty names by impolite people accusing us of saying that a slice of baked good means Dean likes sitting on dicks. So, yeah, I’m not gonna start explaining everything from the beginning. Let’s jump to the parallels.

- The comfort food. Motherhood, hugs, and the past that can never return: the ideal of childhood and the 50s fantasy

We’ve already talked about how Mrs Butters functions as a parallel to Mary and a symbol of the ideal motherhood that both Mary and Dean struggled with. In Dark Side Of The Moon, we see a memory from Dean’s childhood, where we learn that Mary would cut off the crusts off his sandwiches. Mrs Butters also says that she cut the crusts off, establishing a direct parallel to Dean’s ideal of childhood and child-parent relationship. Or, we should say, as both Mary’s and Dean’s ideals of a child-parent relationship, because we know that Mary set up her life with John and the kids as an elaborate “scene” according to her idea-slash-fantasy of the perfect safe life.

She strugged with that, because her ideal life could never match with reality - she had loose ends from hunting to deal with, she at some level liked having those loose ends to deal with because as much as she hated the hunting life and craved for safety and “normalcy” that was still something she was in her element doing, probably more than the perfect housewife role. Of course when she came back she attempted to recreate the scene but quickly discovered that it was impossible and dropped all attempts to do so, embracing the opposite, or at least what she perceived as the opposite (having a pretty dualistic view of hunting life-domestic life where they cannot be reconciled).

Dean, on the other hand, started out with a similar dualistic view, figuring that he’d always belong to the hunting world and could never have the domestic, “normal” thing at all, embracing his “freakness” as opposed to the concept of normalcy represented by civilians, by the middle class, by the suburbs, by the apple pie, white fence life (insert heavy queer subtext here). And yet there was always an ambiguity with him (again, he’s never one-or-the-other, he’s always both), because, while on the surface he embraces this rebellious, devil-may-care persona, that’s not quite what he is as a full individual. He grew up essentially a housewife from a very early age, has a very caregiving personality, and thrives in taking care of others.

Dean is both Mrs Butters and Mary, where the difference between him and Mary is that Mary couldn’t (didn’t have the time, support, resources?) reconcile parts of her that Dean instead was able to (and in fact recently helped her with: before dying, she’d reached a pretty healthy balance of living her own life as a hunter and having a warm relationship with her sons, at least as healthy as it can get in that kind of circumstances).

Another important parallel to Dark Side Of The Moon, borrowed by Scoobynatural, is the nightgown that feels like being wrapped in hugs: we are reminded of Dean’s “I wuv hugz” from when he was a kid, a symbol for his early life of affection and safety that he lost with his mother. Childhood hugs, comfort food, loving gestures like cutting off the crusts are all symbols of a past that cannot return.

On a level, from a “coming-of-age story” perspective, childhood, with its innocence and perception that adults will always keep us safe, is obviously something that everyone needs to accept as something that belongs to the past and cannot return, to embrace instead the responsibilities and risks of adulthood in a healthy way. In a sense, Dean needs to go through all these steps - acknowledging that his mother was a flawed person, that in fact both of his parents were flawed people who made mistakes but he can forgive them for his own sake in order to be able to let go of trauma and carry on... - to become a healthy adult able to be a good parent to his own child.

(There’s also the cholesterol thing - Mrs Butters chastizes Dean for his diet, but we know that there’s a depth to Dean’s diet, not only his extreme appreciation of food due to experiencing food scarcity and insecurity as a child, but also the memory of his mother’s comfort food, such as the “Winchester surprise”, a monstrosity of meat and cheese. While the “meat man” persona would appear on the surface as a sterotypical masculinity thing, it has layers, in a typical Dean fashion... not coincidentally, in the latest episode he calls himself the meat man while wearing an apron that we’re told he’s very fond of, painting him, again, in a mixture of different meanings, masculinity and femininity, fatherhood and motherhood, devil-may-care attitude and caregiver attitude.)

On another level, a more political level, there’s the 50s fantasy element. We all know the significance of the idealization of the post-war period as the “good ol’ times” in American culture, and it’s an ideal that Mary definitely drew from when she built her perfect life with her family. Mrs Butters represents this in a very literal way, being literally from 1958 when she “froze” herself, and acts as a very stereotyped governess for a bunch of men that feel like they are above housework, what is considered women’s work. Dean initially comments “how progressive”, knowing exactly how bullshit these conversative ideals are, but then appreciates the comforts of the perfect caretaker.

In fact, Dean’s “giving in” to the comforts of a governess makes me think of that famous feminist manifesto “I want a wife” by Judy Syfers... because housework is very much Dean’s work in the bunker. It’s interesting that Mrs Butters immediately comments negatively on the cleanness of the bunker and their clothes: we know that Dean cleans and washes, and, while it’s likely that he cannot keep everything super perfect like a governess would because he’s busy doing many other things, it’s a way Mrs Butters uses to establish roles that she knows and is comfortable with. She is used to being the one who does “feminine” work while the Men of Letters have absolutely zero skills in that regard, and doesn’t really even stop to question if that’s the case with the men in front of her.

Anyway, let’s go back to the 50s fantasy. The show has repeatedly made commentaries on the vacuity of it. Peace Of Mind is the most obvious instance, but there’s plenty of subtext in the show that deals with that typically American aspect. Just like the childhood aspect, the narrative tells us that the “good ol’ times” are also an idealized thing that cannot return (if it ever existed, because Dean’s childhood was built on a fantasy, and the “good ol’ times” are also a fantasy, because the real 50s were horrible for anyone who didn’t swim in privilege). Mrs Butters cannot stay, the 50s fantasy-slash-childhood fantasy cannot last, and Dean embraces his role as an adult-slash-modern housemaker. Blah blah gender, blah blah cake. (Yeah, sorry, but you can fill in the blanks.)

- The contaminated drink. Poison and weakness from the forbidden sexual desire to the forbidden family domesticity

Aaaand now the second branch of parallels that Mrs Butters pinged on my radar, which sends us in an even more queer-subtext-heavy territory. We’re going to talk about the smoothies and the tomato juice. Yes, I know, the smoothies are given to Jack, not Dean, but symbolically Dean and Jack share the same semantic area; both are given a magically conjured drink, and both end up locked away waiting to be killed. For this analysis, they basically overlap.

Let’s start with the tomato juice. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Dean is given something that visually reminds of the blood the vampires drink. The tomato juice is a stand-in for blood, and blood in relation to vampirism has a long history of subtext in the show that connects to sexuality, sex, sexual fears and contamination. While vampires are not necessarily always invested of those meanings every single time they appear in the three-hundred-whatever episodes of the show, their main symbology is connected to sex and sexual fears, as vampires do in modern western literature, after all.

You’re probably going to think, wait, what? What has Mrs Butters got to do with sexual fears? Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out.

The tomato juice - a stand-in for blood, with a vampire reference - parallels Mrs Butters (who represents trauma, remember) to 6x05 Live Free Or TwiHard. Sexual assault, blood, contamination via the poisoning liquid.

Next to the tomato juice there’s the smoothie. It’s a poison in disguise, a contaminated drink that makes Jack weak. We have, in fact, a pattern of Dean being given contaminated drinks that place him under another’s power. Not just the vampire’s blood, but also Jeremy from 3x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, who offers Dean a beer through which he connects him to his dreams. There’s Nick the siren from 4x14 Sex And Violence, who contaminates Dean through the flask. The venom in the siren’s saliva parallels straight to the gorgon Noah in 14x14 Ouroboros, and I don’t have to start explaining what all those things represent, right? (I have written posts about these things, it would be nice if tumblr didn’t suck and showed them to me when I go look for them.)

(Oh, there’s also Crowley’s human blood addiction, which is not, as one might expect, a parallel to Sam’s demon blood addition, but Dean’s First Blade/Mark Of Cain issue, and the First Blade/Mark Of Cain arc is all imbued by the queer subtext of the Dean-Crowley-Castiel triangle.)

Basically, Mrs Butters is inserted in a history of queer subtext, although it appears as obvious that Mrs Butters hardly represents homosexual desire, unless we go a pretty stretchy route of her occupying Cas’ space in the Dean-Sam-Cas-Jack family (I mean, that’s true, but it’s not simply that). It is also true that Mrs Butters represents Cuthbert Sinclair, and here the radar pings, because Cuthbert Sinclair is totally inside the pattern! He wanted to make Dean part of his collection just like the vampire in 6x05 wanted to make Dean part of his pack, with supernatural means of exorting control over Dean and heavy heavy rapey tones. (I know we don’t like to talk about this, but the show does play with incest subtext, John mirrors are often rapey.)

So, we have all this semantic area of poison, weakness and submission to external control painted in overtones of sexual assault and sexual fears especially in relation to homosexual desire. (I am NOT linking homosexual desire to sexual assult, nor the show is, it’s a wide and volatile semantic area where the common denominator is fear, fear of being hurt FOR being different sexually, it’s about vulnerability because of being different. It’s a horror narrative, guys, remember, queer fear is a recurrent theme in the genre. Dracula was about the horror of what happened to Oscar Wilde, we’re running in circles.)

Now, what kind of fear is explored in 15x14? Well, the episode is about the fear of losing family. The plot is about Dean’s feelings towards Jack after he killed Mary. Dean doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to lose Cas soon also because of Jack. Mary and Cas are both very noisy absences in the episode, and we know that Dean is going to suffer something horrific again that will shatter his family again. This goes past the fears regarding forbidden sexual desire: we’re in the territory of forbidden familial desire, so to speak, Dean’s craving for a domestic peace with his family.

Jack is both the culmination of Dean’s process of family-building, as the son figure of the family, and the element of destruction of that family-building. Not a coincidence Jack’s birthday was referenced, as Jack’s birth coincided with Cas’ death and Mary’s supposed death or at least separation. Now Jack has supposedly killed Mary (or is it a inter-universe separation again? @drsilverfish​’s theory always pops up, and we keep getting reminded of other universes - the telescope is broken...) and we know that Cas’ ultimate death hangs above us.

We’re always running in a spiral, Dean’s relationship with Mary, Dean’s relationship with Cas, Dean’s relationship with motherhood and gender roles, Dean’s relationship with sexuality. There’s a big picture of mirrors in the semantic area of fantasies, idealizations, desires and dreams. I hope I managed to make this post make sense, but I’m always open to requests of clarification or elaboration. Thanks for reading!

[rockmiyabideusexmachina]

2020 Megaman Valentine’s Day Contest - Cat. 1 (Talent) Results!

Thank you to everyone again for your patience! This is getting posted way later than I wanted to. As much as I try to keep it short and sweet, I never do, so bear with my walls of text. 

For the talent category this year, the theme was about killing Mega Man with kindness. More specifically, entrants had to create their own original love/Valentine’s-themed Robot Master or equivalent boss character that was created to defeat Mega Man with the power of love! Even though the theme title and concept alluded more to the classic Robot Master character contests, designs for any series were acceptable. But other than one Navi and one Reploid entry, everyone stuck to a Classic-series themed creation. So you were all pretty consistent! 

There were a total of 16 entries for this category this year. Thank you all for your participation! It was extremely hard to choose winners for this category, because you all had really clever and creative concepts based off of this theme. So thank you for thinking up such clever and cool characters!!

Also thanks to Reploid 21XX for the coloring book prizes and for some additional insight. 

Again, raffle prize winners will be contained in both posts, so keep an eye out between your name and your art. Not all raffle prize winners are contained in this post. I’ll be contacting all winners soon enough, so sit tight! Might be late after work tonight, so don’t panic if you don’t hear from me right after this is posted.

Your category winners and full gallery of entries are right here, after the break:

Category 1 (Talent) -  Dr. Wily’s Greatest Creation: Killing Mega Man With Kindness

[Full Talent Gallery]

1.) @mo-sketchbook​:

*For coming in 1st, mo-sketchbook has won $100 via Paypal, or a prize of their choice up to that value AND a Rockman 7 Coloring Book.*

First and foremost, I appreciate all the effort you put into covering so many aspects of your creation, from the various design viewpoints, weapon get form for Mega Man, and showing the weapon in action. I really loved all the things you integrated into the design to give off the feeling that it is a love-based character. The “love bug” form, cherub-like Heat/Plug-type facial features, and how you utilized hearts in different ways for his design and powers. 

I’m no Keiji Inafune, but I feel like this is a concept he would greenlight, in terms of it following his Robot Master design formula. It doesn’t need to be super detailed or flashy, but still fits the mold very well! The thought of the hearts missing their target and love energy then getting weaker is actually pretty clever, too. Cute, and I wuv it. 

2.) @peachycircuits​:

*For coming in 2nd, peachy has won $50 via Paypal, or a prize of their choice up to that value AND a Rockman 7 Coloring Book*

As usual, on the technical side of things, your art is one of the more polished and clean entries of the bunch. Combining a couple different aspects - swans as a creature known as a symbol of love, bonded for life like in marriage, and turning that into an inseparable pair of Robot Masters, was a clever way to think about your design, in terms of the theme of this category. 

And then echoing that with the iconic Swan Lake, making them ballet dancers, is like taking Tundra Man and Gemini Man’s concept up another notch. Plus, not gonna lie, amused seeing Mega Man getting equipped with a tutu. LOL So even if it’s not as heart-themed as most of the other entries, I totally liked how you thought outside the box a little bit for this. 

3.) Komito Amae:

*For coming in 3rd, Komito has won $25 via Paypal, or a prize of their choice up to that value*

I figured a cupid-styled arrow theme would pop up in a bunch of entries, but your Reploid, Beta, here caught my eye. Both in terms of the hearts, arrows and wings incorporated into her armor, and the pretty sweet looking buster that she and X both have equipped. 

While I’m not sure how it would play out in the game, I think it would be interesting to suddenly take control of random enemies in a stage, and be able to change perspective as them for a short time, after you have shot them. Whether it would be to take out an enemy horde, or perform a task X can’t that the enemy could, it would be different! Can’t see it quite having the same powerful effect on a Maverick boss, but it’s certainly neat to think about how that could work!

And the rest of the wonderful entries, in alphabetical order by alias: 

@autobot-bumblebee​:

*Raffle Prize Winner*  Dreamwave Comics: Issue 4 Page 15

I’m sorry you didn’t win a cash prize this time! Please don’t take me hostage! I totally loved the creative vintage chocolate factory mascot backstory, along with making your entry like an Ariga-styled character sheet page. Certainly get that retro feel with her clothing design. Her rose blade kinda reminds me of other hand-turned-blade-like-weapon characters, such as Alan Gabriel in the Big O or Ed transmuting one in FMA. Which is always a snazzy transformation for a robot!

@drewblossom​:

In all honesty, if I hadn’t placed you in the humor category, I think this would have very likely been somewhere in the top 3 for this category. A cuddly teddy bear with a massive Ariga-Quick Man-sized heart for a chest, extending flailing tube arms, who just wants to hug Mega Man to death is so amusing and awesome of a design. Hugs for everyone!

FluffyFrostyFury:

Your take of heat-seeking arrows and the added high jump powers were certainly a different take compared to the other cupid-styled creations. Definitely would be nice gameplay bonuses when equipped. I like how Mega Man also has the wings sprout out of his head, to mimic Cherub Woman’s pigtails, rather than the usual spot you would assume, on his back. 

HealerCharm:

Hahaha, I love how your creation has caused Mega Man to wave the white flag after falling in love...wait, it isn’t White Day, and he should be giving her a gift if it was! XD Her hair tied up into a heart was a creative touch, much like how her dress flows into all those heart shapes. Adorable!

@inanehipsterslang​:

Um, can...can I count on you to vote for Bernie this election year?

Remember kids, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, looks don’t matter. Everyone deserves love, even those you consider ‘vermin.’ This was certainly an unexpected take on the theme, and gave me a good laugh, too. ‘Boiling-hot water...with a hint of citrus!’ It burns, but it smells so lemony-fresh!! XD But the two different moves fit together well, to protect and attack. 

I like how you still incorporated a heart shape into Rodent Woman’s design with, both in her chest shape and the “nostril” area which is echoed in the Rodent Rover. And also props for giving her the non-armor form, unique compared to other entries. 

Mattasaurs:

On the one hand, your design feels so different for a Robot Master, and maybe more Navi-like. But then I get the Astro/Galaxy-type eye vibe, and sort of a Plant Man~ish body with Devil hands feel, and see how it’d fit into Classic. It’s a unique look, and I liked it the more I inspected it. I really do love the idea of the heart bubble entrapping more and more enemies, and the big ol’ group hug ending up bursting their love bubble. It’s a different concept that stood out!

Minnie:

Our Navi of the bunch combined the love bug and cupid design, but your concept changed up the attack to suck out the energy of it’s target. Which almost made me think she should have an arrow-like mosquito nose, to feast on her target that way. XD I liked your wing shield concept and RiCO-styled skirt of hearts. Rock gets some cool shades in his Love Soul/Cross form, and I get the ProtoSoul vibe, with the shield transferring to his arm as well.

@pstart​:

Another Heat/Plug-type design Share Man looks cute and sleepy, but is also “clumsy and weak.” His ability is to share body parts, so “the danger is in him sharing his less than ideal parts with his opponents.” It’s a totally neat concept, to see Mega Man lose his buster almost by accident, and now be powerless to stop Share Man. His split color scheme drives home the concept that his parts might not all be his own, and sort of a Frankenstein bot at times. Props to that idea!

While his weapon gives Mega Man the power to make enemies docile and sleepy, I really almost want to see Mega Man get dumb parts of enemies, too! Helmet switched to a Met helmet, Batton wings, a big Suzy eye! It’s now I’ve got your power...but...but what am I supposed to do with it? XD

RetroNinjin:

Unlike most others, your entry pushed the heart theme heavily in her armor design around the entire head and shoulder parts, so I definitely felt the love vibe. The color scheme fits well. Just would have liked to have had seen a little more information about her attack and concept.

RoninApprentice:

Mega Man having a “Wing Man” to set him up is a hilarious and clever idea! I give you kudos for thinking outside the box a bit on your concept and theme here. The shipping chart certainly drives the idea home, too. You still give him a classy/formal look, and keep the wing man aviation origin apparent in his attack style. Certainly a different idea having the heart bowtie transfer to Rock’s helmet in the form change, but it really doesn’t look that bad there, opposed to around his neck like it would be normally.

@star-crossed-swords​:

Different from the other cupid concepts, Eros Woman utilizes a Search-Man like targeting system to hit her targets. I like the heart scope addition over her and Rock’s eye when they go into firing mode. You took a different approach to the wing concept compared to others, echoing Cinnamon’s hairstyle in many respects. But it certainly fits with the rest of her design nicely, and looks good for Mega Man’s equipped form.

@star-shaped-soul:

Love that you were able to both include a drawing and your own sprite, to mix in with the weapon equip ones. That is one powerful crush Mega Man has on his enemies now! I feel bad for Crush Man with how big and heavy those snare trap hands of his are. This seems like a Robot Master too cute for Wily to design; more like he stole him and added horrible, cruel hands onto him! This is taking a crush on someone to a whole different level! XD

Yuri Kadry:

When equipped with Cupid Man’s power, I like the visor Mega Man gets. I think this is also a clever use of the weapon, having enemies shot attracted to one another, causing them to collide into each other. Well thought out! Love the original sprite art, and he stands out nicely against the pinks and purples in the background. 

[shintorikhazumi]

A/N: Sorry I haven’t replied anon! But I found some bored-time today sooooooo... DiAkkoSucy? NO plot  no nothin’. Just me and my thoughts... ugh... usually goes bad but...

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

Twas another boring afternoon in the Cavendish Manor’s vast living room, the sound of the midday breeze being the only sounds of the day as a butterfly fluttered peac-

CRASH-BOOM-CRASH

Scratch that, Diana wished it to be a boring one, but really, nothing was ever boring with the red team around, or the nine new witches for that matter. Having her own team over wasn’t the greatest spice addition to this fiery mix either, especially not when you were practically having a spell casting competition with your girlfriend, your (poor) subject of said spells being your other one.

With Diana trying to ward off Sucy’s highly… dangerous- Diana decided to be honest, experimental spells on their girl, and the mushroom enthusiast going nuts in her age-shifting-slash-animal transformation practice (as she claimed), Akko could only sit in the middle of it all, before getting a break as both casters were out of breath, Diana trying to return her to normal and Sucy… doing stuff (Throwing potion bottles at Akko).

Chariot squealed in delight as that pause in their battle(?) stopped at a particularly good age, Akko being merely four years of age, clothing loose around her, a tiny, fluffy, swishing tail behind her as her whiskers twitched along with her pointed ears.

-She was a little fox girl.

Lotte helpfully transformed her clothes to those of her size, Constanze keeping her still by playing with the girl her size, and everyone enjoying the change with her while the professors stared in a mix of delight, shock and something else entirely.

Regaining her composure, Chariot cleared her throat before opening her arms out to the confused Akko, head cocking to the side, sending a certain jolt through the professor as she picked up the little angel and coddled her, cooing all the way. “Hello~ Hewwo, little Akko~.” She sang, rocking the toddler back and forth as it let out a yawn, rubbing her eyes before waving sleepily at Chariot in an attempt at saying hello. “Hnnnngggg… Croix! Croix! Hurry, a picture! Take a picture!”

The modern magic’s professor took a while to register the sight before her before she could follow. Her wife was getting a bit too excited over the adorableness of their ‘child’. The pair had really taken a shine to Akko and treated her as their own, as they did to all the others in her group of friends.

“C-Calm down, Cha-“

“Hurry!”

“Yes, yes.” With a fond sigh, Croix produced a magical camera, pointing it at the ecstatic redhead and the little fox. “Smile for me, Akko?” She requested, letting the said girl finish rubbing her tired eyes.

The next words made her heart stop.

“Y-yesh, Mama!”

“…”

“…”

“Char…”

“Croix.”

“Did she just-“

“Awwww! The perfect result to my experiment!” Sucy interrupted the moment with her celebrating, stealing Akko from Chariot’s grasp. Diana swore she heard a small whimper come from their idol as she watched Akko get taken away. “Look at you~”

To the common stranger, that toothy grin and malicious gaze could only be described as frightening, Akko and Sucy painting a picture of Rapunzel as a child being taken by the evil witch. But somehow, the baby-ish Akko dismissed the thought, tiny hands planting themselves on pale cheeks and letting out the cutest of laughs.

“Shushy!” She giggled, smacking her soft hands against Sucy’s face, the pale witch sporting one of her (extremely) rare soft smiles.

“Yes, Akko?” Even her uncharacteristic softness of voice was something to behold, Sucy’s unfamiliar side.

“Wu-wuv! Wuv? N-no.. Le-Llllooo.. Lo-Love! Love you!” Everyone could only squeal (even Diana) at Akko’s attempt at pronouncing the word properly. “I did it!”

Not being able to stand aside any longer, Diana approached her two loves.

“Yes you did, you sweetheart.” She smiled, taking her turn at holding Akko, thinking for once that maybe Sucy’s experiments on her personal guinea pig weren’t always too bad.

“Da-ia-na! Love you!” She grinned, wide and toothy, a little fang showing before it was hidden by two little lips pressed against Diana’s swiftly reddening cheeks. “Diana happy?” She asked as she waited for a response that came in the form of being squished tightly as Diana held back her urge to squeal so loudly, instead, opting to reply to the tiny fox-Akko.

“Yes, yes. I’m overjoyed my little fox.” She chuckled, planting a kiss on the child’s nose.

Sucy also drew nearer, Akko taking the opportunity to give her a kiss too as she color came to her usually colorless face, smiling as their noses bumped and nuzzled against each other in an eskimo kiss.

“Shushy and Daiana? No love? Each other love!” The little Akko exclaimed, clapping as she waited. The two stared at each other in surprise for a while before giving one another a kiss on the cheek.

“Like that?”

“Noooooo!!!” Akko whined, somehow frustrated at something, unsatisfied. “Like thi-“

Suddenly she was engulfed in a puff of smoke and the weight in Diana’s arms increased significantly causing her to have to let go of Akko worriedly, before it cleared and standing before them unharmed was an adult-cat, Akko seemed to have grown quite finely in particular-ahem-areas.

Gaping in shock, The green team, Hannah and Barbara and even Lotte stared, eyes the size of saucers. Croix for some reason, was covering Chariot’s eyes, blushing.

“What? What? What is it?” Chariot’s inquiries came to a stop as a voice cut her off. A familiar but not somehow, more mature voice pleading SOS.

“Umm? Do-Do.. Umm, can you help me with clothes, Someone, anyone?” Adult Akko, about twenty-one years of age, nervously and bashfully tried to cover her taller and more developed frame that popped out of her current clothing. “L-Lotte?”

With everyone still in a stupor, Sucy made a comment. “I actually quite like age gap, if you want to know.” She grinned her usual maniacal smile, hands doing dangerous looking gestures. “I’m interested as well in how much you’ve… ‘grown’.” She said the latter part to Akko who burned hotter than her eyes.

“WE DON’T!!”

“Sucy!” Diana took her earlier words back. Any experiment of Sucy’s would always end up in Side-effects. Her shaky hands half covering her eyes, she tried to make proper her girlfriend’s… s-scandalous form. “What’s wrong this time?”

“What? She might shift a couple more times because of what we were doing, changing her back and forth- thanks for the help by the way, this result couldn’t be achieved without you-“ She got a smack for that. “-but it’s all good. Just need to keep changing her clo-“

“ANTIDOTE. NOW.”

“But-!

“Now.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Sucy chuckled, relenting. “I really do love you both.” She laughed at the embarrassed glares of her girlfriends, as she began heading to the potions’ room to get started on the cure.

Diana cocked a brow as she paused in the hallway.

“As I thought, after all, wouldn’t you wa-“

“NOW SUCY!” Everyone now yelled as she sighed, grumbling.

“Fine, fine, Sheesh.”

[mrsindiesmothers-blog]

Scenes From a Mommyhood

DAY ONE—

I survived! Holy crap, there is not enough made of how painful bringing a child into the world really is. I am so happy to be holding my baby after carrying him for so long. All the dreams I had about what he would look like are blown out of the water. I have given birth to a little ball of cuteness and judging by my choice of words, the pain medicine has not worn off completely.

I wanted to do things by the book and when I say book I mean Spiritual Midwifery. I had so many ideas about what labor would be like. The book made it seem like I could have a magical experience pushing my baby out. Nothing was magical about it, no matter how much I listened to Cat Stevens or breathed through the rushes. At no point did I see colors surrounding the other people in the room. At midpoint through my labor, I believe I told my nurse that I suspect LSD played a part in their birthing stories. My nurse pointed out that all the stories were written after the fact. I liked that nurse.

I felt like a failure when I gave in and opted for an epidural. Society played a part in my decision to be all natural in my delivery, but when the time came, society was not helping me through my labor. Ten hours of pain and craziness then all at once, he is here. Not enough is made about tearing during birth. Then again, if more people knew how painful healing from that is, I think the population would drop considerably.

The rest of the day, people were in and out of my room with congratulations. It felt like my heart would stop every time the nurse would take my baby for testing or bathing. Wow, I am a mother. The last nurse has left for the night. Now what? I looked at my baby boy, sleeping so calmly. Maybe labor isn’t so bad…

DAY 30–

Wow, one month into this whole mom thing and I have managed to not drop the baby. Go me! I feel like once I am able to get through a diaper change without him peeing on me, I will receive a badge for my mommy sash or an achievement will unlock.

I managed a trip to the store the other day. I was so freaked out walking around with such a little baby. I felt like I was ready to box with anyone who tried to look at him too closely. I never thought about germs like this before. Those little terrorists are looking to attack my little helpless baby. Admittedly, I may be a bit neurotic about it, but I am not taking my chances. I am glad that I had the forethought to make a list, because as soon as I walked into the store all I could think of were germs and more germs.

I stood in front of the baby formula for what felt like an eternity. My doctor’s words echoed in my head, “The medicine that you need to take for your asthma will affect your breast milk, it would be best if you bottle fed him.” So, breast feed or breathe, well shit…

DAY 366—

Yesterday marked a year of keeping my baby alive. It seems like a miracle to have made it so far, but at the same time it feels like time has flown. He is teaching me not to have any expectations anymore.

I had a party for the family, but I am sure he really did not care so much. I put a cake in front of him and all he did was stare at it. I was so sure that he would grab it and make a mess, but he didn’t. Half-disappointed I put his hand on the cake and put his icing-covered hand on his face. The look he gave me was so heartbreaking! His little bottom lip stuck out and his eyes watered. He stuck his hand out to be cleaned so I cleaned it, all the while feeling like an asshole.

After everyone left, I started to clean up while still feeling bad for making my boy do something he didn’t want to. All of a sudden from the other side of the house came a loud scream. I ran to his room so fast that I set foot in the door before the sound had stopped. My heart was racing. I looked in his crib, expecting some horrific scene of pain or poop. He was standing with his arms reached out, “Mom ma up!” His little chubby hands opened and closed rapidly, I call it his gimme gimme sign. I picked him up and inspected him as I took him into my arms. As soon as he was safely in my arms, his little hands grabbed my ears and pulled my face to his open mouth. Slobbery baby kisses make everything better…

DAY 886—

I never thought that becoming a mother would make me so antisocial. Two and a half years into this and I am starting to think I have learned nothing at all. I took my big boy to the park today and we had a good walk before going to the playground area. I was making sand castles with him when other kids came to play.  Wanting him to socialize with other children, I showed him how to share his sand toys with other kids. I noticed that the other parent was distracted, talking on her cellphone. The kids were playing fine until the other child took a shovel from my son and hit him on the head with it. I grabbed the shovel with the other child’s hand still clenched on it. I turned and motioned for the other parent while saying as nicely as I can, “We don’t want to hit our friends, sweetie.”

When the other mother got to where we were, she grabbed my hand and pulled it away. “Don’t you ever touch my kid!” At this point I am wondering if I have been punked, was this person for real? “I have not touched your child. I merely moved the shovel that he had hit my son in the head with.” The cursing continued until I had finally had enough and picked up our sand toys and left. Sometimes I just don’t want to be around other people, just my bubs and I. Selfish, I know…

DAY 1,277—

Finally! No more diapers! I think this instance was the only time in my life that I did an end zone dance. No more expensive diapers and ointments, no more gross diaper changing stations at Walmart. How did we celebrate this victory? By watching Disney’s Cars for the 17 millionth time! I am sure it has been less than that, but I lost count after the 1,257th. I am not sure if the military knows of this kind of torture. I try to focus on my work, but the songs keep creeping into my consciousness. I found myself typing something about life being a highway.

Bedtime has gotten interesting; the sleeping arrangements now are mommy and daddy in Bubby’s bed or mommy, daddy, and Bubby in mommy and daddy’s bed. All night we do this dance. Mommy and Daddy lie down in Bubby’s bed and read him bedtime stories till he falls asleep. Then we creep out of his room like ninjas so we can have some alone time. We get about an hour before we hear little bare feet on ceramic tile. At this point we have a few options available to us: one of us take him back to his room and lay down with him, he come lay in bed with us, or send him  back to bed without us. So here is the rub:

If one of us goes to put him back to bed we run into the situation where whoever goes will fall asleep in the room with him. Then the other has to come and wake them quietly and they both have to ninja their way out again. This presents another opportunity for our Bubs to wake up.

If we let him lay in bed with us, he wins and we have the most uncomfortable sleep. He does not curl up snuggly and perfect in his sleep, he rolls around until we create a perfect “H” in the bed where his is periodically kicking one or both of us to the edges of the bed. This guarantees a morning of copious amounts of coffee and ibuprofen (for us of course).

Then there is sending him to bed on his own, this usually causes crying which tugs at our hearts. He makes up being scared of Lightning McQueen in order to come back and appeal his case every 20 minutes. This leads us back to letting him lay in bed with us and the subsequent coffee with a coffee chaser.

So the continual Cars soundtrack to my life while living on poor sleep has me ready to talk. The military should really know about this…

DAY 1,300—

Today I took my boy to his first day of preschool. A rational human being would see this as a good thing, but I never claimed to be rational. Nope. Not once. He was so strong and cool about it. He acted like this was what he did every day. How can he be so cool about this? As he let go of my hand and walked into class, I fell apart. I suddenly found myself wishing I was as cool as my son…

DAY 1,955—

Today was just so incredibly horrible; I thought I was going to burst. I woke late because my alarm was muted by little fingers. I hold over and the clock read 7:30 a.m.! I fell out of bed. Opting to skip my shower to gain more time, I ran to wake my boy and get him dressed for school. As I was trying to get him dressed he kept grabbing my face and kissing me, saying, “I wuv you.” This act would normally make me so incredibly happy, but it slowed our morning when we were so incredibly behind. I got us ready and out the door by 8:10. The kindergarten door closes at 8:15 so I had just enough time to get him to school. However, it turned out my clock was off because as I was pulling up, the door was closing. I had to park the car, walk my son through the front door of the school, and sign him in so he could get a special sheet of paper to show his teacher. After he was safely in his classroom, I walked out to my car. I just happened to look down at the ground by my car and noticed my tire was flat. So, all dressed up for my presentation at school, I put the donut on my car and limped it over to the tire shop.

Luckily I had replaced that tire recently so it only needed a patch, but the repair caused me to be even more behind. I sat in the waiting area buzzing with frustrations that I could not share with anyone. Once I was back on the road again, I made it onto the freeway just in time for the rush hour to die down. I cranked up the stereo and drove like a bat out of hell, well at least which was what the officer said I did when he pulled me over for speeding. I gritted my teeth and accepted my ticket with a “thank you officer.”

I made it to school 25 minutes late for my presentation, but luckily enough my professor accepted my ticket as an excuse. Even though my clothes were disheveled and my hair was wind-blown, I gave my presentation my all. When class was over, I headed back to the school to pick up my son. His teacher handed me his school pictures. His smile made me laugh because it was not a smile, well more like he was baring his bottom teeth. He had lost his first tooth a few days before so I am sure he wanted to document the occasion.

When we got home, the dog had managed to get into the brand new, rather expensive, locking garbage can and strewn its contents all over the floor. I had lost count of how many times I had cussed at this point, but my son reminded me by running through the house screaming, “shit, shit, shit, damn it…” Well shoot. Having given up on making anything out of the day, I ordered pizza, put on a Thomas and Friends movie, and sat snuggled next to my boy while I did my reading for class.

Apparently I had fallen asleep because I began to dream about really useful engines and devious diesels. I jolted awake and looked down. My big, little man was curled up asleep against me. I put him to bed in his room, poured a glass of wine, and cried…

DAY 2,920—

I often wonder if I am doing a good job raising my son. Today he turned 8, a fact that I still find amazing. He had a sleepover last night with 5 of his friends. He had met his friends from different places so I was not sure how they would get along together. They wound up getting along rather well, all but one. I wondered about how he would do, the last time he was over he made some questionable remarks. My son wanted to give him a second chance, so we did.

Two of my son’s friends are brothers and one of them is autistic. It never mattered to my son or me, but when my son’s other friend started to pick on him, well I was going to make him leave. Leave it to my son to teach me something. He went to his friend and explained to him about his other friend’s autism. He told him not to make fun of his friend because he liked him the way he was.

Admittedly, under my breath, I told that kid where to go, but I was glad my boy had it under control. Never again will I question whether I am doing a good job. No. That’s a lie. I will question myself every minute of every day, but I am glad for the little moments like this.

DAY 3,300—

My son had to stop going to his Kung Fu lessons today because we cannot afford them. He had been doing so well. I feel like the worst person on the planet. Will I ever be able to make it up to him? I really hope so. Major Mom Fail. Major…

DAY 3,564—

Today we went to the arcade! My husband and I felt like children again. We had so much fun showing our son how to play shooting games, pinball, and all the other games. The three of us played all afternoon, ate pizza, and then played some more. It was just so refreshing to get out and be playful. Between my husband and our son, we wound up with a lot of tickets. As we were leaving Bubby asked, “How do video games work?” This started my husband on a long drawn out explanation that lasted the entire car ride home. Today was a good day…

DAY 3,832—

Today my ten year old son came up to me and asked me what a Higgs boson was. I thought I had a few years before particle physics. I wanted to tell him to ask his father, but instead I opened my laptop and we looked it up. According to my son’s teacher he is exceptionally brilliant and what’s more he is exceedingly kind to his classmates. I cannot be more proud of him if he had won a Nobel peace prize. Through all my mistakes and fumbling through life, he became the best of me.

Soon enough he will be in high school and I will not be as cool in his eyes. I will look back on days like these and smile, because I will always be his mommy.