#not productive to be upset. cbt and everything says ur just supposed to let it all go and be fine w everything
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oh i think I'm going to throw myself into a ravine actually
#i need to . do something. idk what. everything is bad#boy i hate the feeling leading up to a meltdown#and then when it never happens u get to just edge on this feeling basically for days until u finally break#tonight was supposed to be so good. I was so set. i had my dinner plan and i was gonna watch aew#and then parents happened and the second spider of the day and i just want to tear all my skin off or something#im. so frustrated. missed all the wrestling. and my dinner is all skewed bc my routine is so fucked now. hate this#this all sounds so trivial and those parts of it are but theres other shit i dont want to mention bc i Can't Think About It rn#i just. god. fuck!!!#idk what to do lmao i am so tired i am so so tired. this is all hell#i am supposed to just let it go and move on but goddamn im upset. but im not allowed to be. supposed to just move on#not productive to be upset. cbt and everything says ur just supposed to let it all go and be fine w everything#change your thoughts :) i am not being abused i am not being fucked over :) i am fine and all i need to do is eat :)#my feelings dont matter and i have no wants :) my needs dont matter past basic survival things and even then those are flexible :)#i just need to try harder bc obviously im not trying hard enough so ignore the body and just push thru :) this is how its supposed to work!!#you got your plans you've been looking forward to for several days fucked over well too bad just move on :)#no being upset because you can just think past it :) you have to control your feelings :)#i just want to go to bed#vent /
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