#i just need to try harder bc obviously im not trying hard enough so ignore the body and just push thru :) this is how its supposed to work!!

[piplupod]

oh i think I'm going to throw myself into a ravine actually

[gringolet]

that italian?

okay okay okay i think it happened long enough ago that i can dish about the drama. she changed her url and im not including it anyway so its fine.

prepare for a fuckin. essay in responss to a TWO WORD ask but anyay

so once upon time there was an italian who hated children and loved reylo. she also hung out in the arthuriana tag and got a bunch of asks about it. so one day some poor anon comes in and asks if she has any trans headcanons for arthurian characters, and she, instead of being a normal person and saying like, no, she goes off about how trans characters in fanfic is forced representation and she cant talk about trans people bc surgery is triggering for her.

found this in the archives lol. so i rbd politely explaining that while it was fine to not have trans hcs, her justifications for it were a little offensive.

hey i dont want to start discourse or anything but i see ur asks in the tag a lot and i wanted to politely address this. firstly obviously no one is under any obligation to hc things, and headcanons and fandom is not activism. if you’d just said “no, not really” it would b fine. i mean, cringe of u, but fine. but u make a couple of points here i want to look at a bit critically. then there is “I don’t like when headcanons are pushed up as ~representation, especially when… Ehm, it’s just fandom stuff?” i dont want to misinterpret you or put words in your mouth, but the implication that theres no need for trans rep in fandom and dismissal of that is a very cis take. My initial read of your intention there was a complaint of ‘why should something like fandom spaces, which are for fun and not serious, be filled with non fun serious (bad) trans stuff that i have to see when im trying to enjoy myself.’ now that could be incorrect, you were a bit vague here. if that is what you meant, i think you maybe should examine why you feel that way. if it isnt, im unclear on what exactly youre trying to say here. the idea that trans hcs are performative wokeness and “representation” in fandom is completely ignoring the actual trans people making and wanting them. there is so vanishingly little representation of trans people in actual media and even less thats good, and i think implying trans hcs are being pushed on people and fandom for, ~representation (a world of meaning in the ~ i shant speculate on) is very dismissive and ignorant of that fact. honestly the main thing im troubled by is the idea that trans bodies are inherently disgusting and triggering, which is an incredibly harmful and hurtful idea, and since you yourself acknowledge that trans people and hcs dont predicate surgery i question why you bring it up, except as a justification for disconfort rooted in unexamined prejudice. im not accusing you of being a terf or anything, i dont believe you meant harm by this or have bad intentions, and im definitely not saying anyone has to hc anything. it was the uncomfronted insidiousness of your justification that concerned me. this is not a personal attack at all, you just have a lot of influence in this fandom space and i wanted to make you aware of some of the surely accidentally harmful things ur saying.

so she flips out and rbs that yelling at me and cursing me out in italian (she moved blogs so i dont have her whole response just bits)

basically she completely derailed the original topic and accused me of calling her a horrible person for her triggers? which i never did and would never do, and then tried to make it a wierd anti v proshipper thing

third: I never said there’s no need of trans hcs in fandoms, BUT I’ve noticed that there’s a tendency of condemning people on the basis of what they ship / the dynamics they write. ( like the infinite discourse about how ‘I ship only mlm enemies to lovers because f/m enemies to lovers are Inherently Bad and Abusive - something I personally heard on Twitter sigh ), so I feel the need to say it. blame the current fandom climate.

and were like wow, this lady is unhinged, so we look around her blog and find a. a lot of stuff like saying its racist to not like incest?? and that italians arent white?? also shes a swerf?? and kind of deniel italian colonialsm? and reblogs from a bunch of out and out terfs} there was more but this isnt a callout post lol.

valentine lanzelet made a post about this crazy italian we found and she flipped out on him (this is one of several cursey italian tag rants)

roughly means: GO SHIT YOURSELF (italian alternative to go fuck you), RACIST TERF IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER IN A WHEELBARROW (italian saying which does not translate well) AND WHAT HAS ITALIAN COLONIALISM TO DO WITH THIS YOU UGLY SHIT, and anyways lancelot sucks

(translated by claudio beheaded)

anyway so then. and this is when it gets unhinged. she goes on this server me and a lot of my mutuals n friends r in, camelot, and starts complaining about me.

(in red is the server admin, who was lovely) i asked her to move this convo to dms if she must bc it was rude to bring drama into the server, and she refused, and started insisting that she was being bullied and just wanted to be left alone, so i was like okay lets all block each other and move on, and she refused, continuing to defend everything she was being criticized for

they also said claudio was making them look bad by translating their rants which like... queen if that made them look bad they were already a bad look.

so she keeps pinging people and replying to shit despite everyone else at this point begging her to just drop it and call it a stalemate

imagine this but around n around for like an hour. also she repeatedly got me and valentine confused it was super funny. also she claimed it was an invasion of her privacy for valentine to go on her public blog and look at the things she openly said and rbd there

so the server got put in slow mode and she KEPT GOING even though everyone was just begging her to stop and not even responding

as u can see, around this point we just started spamming her with emoji reactions. she announced she was leaving then went back to arguing a full three times before finally dipping from the server

then she continued complaining about us and calling us puriteens in her tags (trying to make it a proshipper v anti thing i guess lol?)

for literally months before finally remaking. also in that time she got in an argument about how the crusades were fine actually. italianphobia works hard but she works harder i guess

anyway i prolly left out a lot but thats the italian saga

[brooklel]

my thoughts on worlds end club, under the cut because it’ll probably be long and also spoilers

so i bought the game today at around 9am and played it until i beat it at around 11:30pm ish? so ha uh yeah it took a little while but i was very enthralled in the story

the story and characters are hands down the best part of the game. compared to literally any of the danganronpa games, i like the cast of characters so much more. like there’s always one or two in a danganronpa games group that i just don’t like but in wec i loved all of them. i’d usually dislike chuko’s tsundere character type but i actually ended up liking her. my least favorite is probably dragon power ranger kid whatshisname but i don’t hate him or anything i just found him to be the weakest character tbh. but i do really like his character design

speaking of the character designs OOF they’re all so good. i didn’t realize until looking up stuff on the characters but they’re all based on the animals of the Chinese zodiac which is cool and the design elements are subtle and it’s not narratively important but i mean they didn’t need to be. there’s a few offhand remarks here and there like comparing kansai to a tiger and chuko to a rat but they’re not really shoved in your face which is nice

oh also i wanna compliment pai in particular. she’s the boar character which first of all i feel like people would usually make male, and if they made her female, then she would be angry and stubborn and probably not conventionally attractive but she’s not any of those! also she’s a little heavier than the rest of the girls which 1. makes her even more adorable, and 2. no one in the game brings up or makes fun of her for which is nice. mowchan sadly didn’t get exactly the same treatment he was still the fat comic relief character. he deserved so much better.

the art is all so pretty as well like i already loved the art style from pokemon and in wec it’s even more exaggerated and i live for it. i also like the movie they’re watching at the beginning has more realistic humans that’s just kinda funny.

the humor is pretty good i guess but what i’m really here for is the fun childish but realistic portrayal of friendship and emotions like it does kinda take me back to my own little group of friends in elementary school, where sometimes there would be disagreements, but we were still always friends

i loved reicho as a canonically mute protag and how none of his friends ever minded or even brought it up like that’s so cute. but the reveal that reicho was basically just a big puppet kinda just made it feel a little different... like idk how to explain it but yeah

ANYWAY here’s my obligatory paragraph about pochi because he’s my son now. the writers knew what they were doing by making him a kinda shy gamer kid bc they knew people were gonna relate to him even when he had a somewhat smaller role in the story before turning into the full fledged protagonist. anyway this robot puppy boy is my son i will protect him

the scene where pochi basically gets dunked on by the rest of the team is weird to me like idk it just feels out of character for most of them to be like lol yeah pochis useless RIGHT after he drove an entire train to one of the specific places that those special mushrooms grow and now they can all see vanilla

also kinda unrelated but this is my second game in the past few months where i correctly guessed one of the characters was voiced by megumi ogata because dang i just love her voice. this time it was pochi and the other one was the protag in the famicom detective club games. i legit heard one line and was like HOL UP and googled it lmao

i’m still confused on why the story takes place in the 90s. it doesn’t have a particularly 90s aesthetic and most of the technology just doesn’t match up with 90s tech. like i feel like it works better if it takes place more near present day. if there’s more cultural reasons then i’m not sure what they are but i’m really curious about this. the game is very reliant on japanese culture and locations, which isn’t a bad thing but i’m an ignorant american who was also born after the 90s so im wondering if there’s some specific reason why it’s SPECIFICALLY 90s japan

oh yeah i haven’t even talked about the gameplay yet. it’s.... shitty. maybe i’m a little biased because i’m not a big platformer girl but even so it’s just not.... good...... i kinda got myself soft locked one time because a big snowman guy was blocking my way and i had no way to kill him or get around him, luckily you can just restart from your last checkpoint but still. some of the special abilities/attacks just didn’t feel that good to use, like dragon boi’s and chuko’s felt too short range at times and jennu’s and aniki’s felt a little too slow. the rest were fine i guess. the only one i felt like was done well was kansai’s.

i played on easy mode cuz it was the default one that was highlighted and idk if it effects the platforming sections or the “puzzles” but the puzzles were way too easy. most of them just felt like they were checking that you paid basic attention to the story. the ones at the end are somewhat harder but i still didn’t have any problems with them. the stuff the outright tell you would have mad better puzzles like the xxy thing but at the same time were you even supposed to realize that? the otherworlder aka you i guess says it like no big deal but like i guess the middle x looked slightly different? but not enough to be like OH OBVIOUSLY ITS X TIMES Y. on the flipside i solved the heaven map puzzle before i even had all of the pieces. i guess i have to give it some slack though because it would probably be a bit harder if you didn’t really know english kinda like the danganronpa 11037 thing

also am i just stupid or how were you supposed to know the year the phone displayed was the y number in that puzzle? i forgot to get it before trying to solve the puzzle so i knew it corresponded to the y because it was the only clue i didn’t have so i didn’t have to think about it that hard but like did the phone have something to do with the letter y or was it just like a what clue haven’t i used kinda thing

anyway apologies for the super long post if you read the whole thing then wow thanks i guess? anyway in conclusion pochi is my son

[watchmegetobsessed]

Different - Adam Sackler (pt. 5)

OMG thank you so much for all the kind words and love you’ve showed to this series, you made me so happy! as i said, this story sits close to my heart so i’m very happy that so many of you enjoyed it! this is officially the last part of this series so thank you for reading, but i think i will surely write more about Sackler bc im just OBSESSED with him. so follow me or ask me to put you on my Adam taglist if you’d like to read more from me!

series summary: Hannah lets you move in with her and Adam as you are her second cousin and in need of a place to live. Your relationship with Adam starts rocky, but things soon seem to be taking a turn.

pairing: Adam Sackler x Reader

❗️ WARNING: SMUT!❗️

word count: 5k

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4

masterlist

If you had to specify the worst period in your life, you’d point to the three months that followed that one hell of a day, without hesitation. You never in your life would have thought you’d end up this hurt, because you somehow always thought you’d have Adam. But you didn’t, because you decided to push him away and even though it broke you in every possible way, you still told yourself it was the right decision to make. The only one you thought you’d made in a while.

He tried to call you hundreds of times for a week after everything that has happened, but you declined all of his calls, and if he left you a voicemail, you just deleted it without even listening, because you knew if you heard his voice that would just make it even harder. You wanted to call him a lot of times, when you were questioning if you’ve made the right decision, your fingers lingered over his contact in your phone several times, but you never called.

For obvious reasons Hannah broke all contact with you and you couldn’t blame her. You deserved everything you got from her and maybe even more. Her words burnt into your mind and you found yourself repeating them in your thoughts quite often, as if your consciousness wanted you to remember how horrible of a person you are. Not that it wasn’t true, to be honest.

It took you three months to somewhat settle down and be able to continue with your everydays after everything that has happened. But it doesn’t mean you forgot any of it. That void Adam left in you was still there, you just learned to ignore it and pretend like you don’t miss him every day of your life.

Tyler quit after the incident with you, being the clever grown man that he is, so at least you had one less thing to worry about. But your days started to blur into one big mess. It took you long to actually try to pull yourself out of this slumber-like state. What really helped you is that you started taking yoga classes. Twice a week you took one hour to yourself, to connect with yourself and do something for your own good.

There’s a juice bar near the studio where you go and you are heading there right now as well, dreaming about a freshly pressed green juice. Walking in you are welcomed by the tiny bells above the door and the sound brings a smile to your face as you stand in line.

When you finally get your juice and pay for it turning around you look for an empty table where you can peacefully read through your emails until you finish your juice, but you stop breathing for a second when your eyes meet a familiar gaze.

“Hannah,” you breathe out as she is looking right back at you from a table in the corner. She has her phone in her hands and a sandwich with a red juice on the table.

“Want to sit?” she offers and for a moment you feel like this is a trap. “Come on, I’m not gonna scream at you I promise,” she chuckles taking her bag away from the empty chair at the table and you take the seat shyly.

“Thank you. I didn’t know you come here.”

“I don’t. I was just in the neighborhood and got hungry,” she shrugs looking down at her half eaten sandwich.

There is a long, awkward silence between the two of you and you have no idea what you should say. The last time you saw her she was basically cursing you out for stealing her boyfriend, but now she seems cool with being around you, which is quite surprising to you.

“So, it’s been long since we last saw each other, huh?”

“Yeah,” you nod, a thousand things on your mind that you want to say, but none of them really comes out. So then you say that one thing that obviously needs to be said. “Hannah, I’m so sorry for everything then went down. I don’t know what has gotten into me, I honestly didn’t want to hurt you, that was never my intention.”

“I know,” she nods with a warm smile and you are more than surprised by her reaction.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” she chuckles. “Look I’m not saying that what you did was right and that I wasn’t supposed to be mad at you, because it was pretty fucked up, I hope you see that. But I lashed out on you a little too hard and not even for the right reason. I mean, when Adam accidentally dropped that you two have kissed, my mind went into chaos pretty fast.”

“That’s the normal reaction to finding out such thing.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t mad because you kissed. I mean, kissing is not even that big of a deal, I have kissed Elijah several times when I was dating other men. Now I know that he is gay, but you get the point, right?”

You just nod, thinking you are following her trail of thoughts though you’re not sure where she is heading with it.

“I was hurt that you two had feelings, I’ll admit that. I wasn’t expecting it to happen, but I’m mature enough to know that it’s not really something you have control over. I mean, I couldn’t control my feelings when Adam and I were just casually sleeping together and I fell for him. I didn’t mean that to happen, but it did!” she chuckles and you crack a smile as well. “Listen,” she sighs laying her hands out on the table. “I’m sorry for calling you disgusting, that was a little… too over the top.”

“Honestly, I think you had every right,” you sigh shaking your head.

“No,” she sighs. “The main reason why I was mad was because… I wasn’t the one who pulled the plug.”

You stare at her for a few moments, confused by what she meant by those words.

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, you heard it right. I wanted to be the one to break up with Adam and it bothered me that I ended up being dumped. It hurt my ego, because I was very sure I’d be the one to just end it and walk away like this badass, independent woman, but my breakup plan didn’t go as planned. When I went home that day with the pure intention of breaking up with him we quickly got into a fight and Adam just blurted it out, that he has feelings for you and that you already kissed and he wants to break up, right before I could say it so he took my chance. I didn’t get to be the one who ended it and it bothered me way more than it should have.”

“Hannah…”

“I’m sorry for being a bitch, it was really unnecessary. It still doesn’t change the fact that you fucked my boyfriend,” she adds pointing at you.

“Oh, I didn’t fuck him,” you shyly correct her and genuine surprise shows on her face.

“Really? Because I thought Adam just didn’t want to make me angrier and that’s why he said you just kissed.”

“No. When the kiss happened I felt so ashamed that I told him that nothing can happen until you and him are not officially done. I know it doesn’t make the whole situation better, but I wasn’t gonna be that girl who sleeps with someone else’s boyfriend.”

“Huh,” she huffs to herself, rearranging her whole viewing of what has happened. “Okay, this makes it a little better, still fucked up, but not that much.”

“Good to know. Not that it changes anything, but… yeah.”

“So you really haven’t talked to Adam since then,” she figures from the way you look.

“Did you?”

“I did,” she nods and you raise your eyebrows at her. This conversation is full of surprises. “We met about a month ago at Ray’s birthday. At first we were awkwardly avoiding each other, but then he actually came up to me and apologized.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah. Following that, we had a nice talk and I can really tell the guy is suffering.”

“What?” you whisper, feeling your heart immediately breaking.

“He didn’t take it well that you shut him out. And I’m not just saying this because this is what I think. He straight up told me. He told me all about how he hasn’t felt like himself ever since you didn’t let him into your place that night.”

“He told you about that?” you glance away from her. You weren’t expecting her to know so many details.

“Yeah. He really thinks he ruined you.”

“Ruined me?”

“Y/N, Adam is wired differently. He took it like he was to blame for everything and that you blame him for how everything turned out to be.”

“I’m blaming myself, not him.”

“I told him that this is probably what you think, but he would never believe it if it’s not coming from you.”

You sit there in silence, because you don’t know what you could say. You feel horrible knowing Adam has been suffering since your parting, but you still haven’t changed your mind. There’s no way Adam and you could ever make it work between the two of you, you could never do that to Hannah.

“I know what you are thinking,” Hannah speaks up pulling you out of your thoughts. “You’re thinking that you can’t be with Adam because it’s not right.”

“This is the truth. I did enough harm with my stupidity.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you got together with him.” “What?” you look at her with wide eyes. Is this a trap?

“Honestly, I’m over it. Despite everything that happened, I love you and I obviously love Adam in some way and it hurts me to see both of you like this. If it’s my blessing that’s holding you back, you have it.”

“But do you actually mean it?”

“I genuinely do. I’m working on being less selfish, something I’ve been told to be quite a lot lately and I think this is a right step towards that. I don’t really have a real reason to bring up why I shouldn’t let you be happy. It would be an egoistic move from me to watch you both suffer when I could easily help. I was over Adam when it all happened, we distanced way before that, this whole thing hurt me in a different way that has nothing to do with you or him. Would it be strange at first? Of course, but I’ve seen and been through stranger things in my life, so I’m not surprised anymore.”

This conversation has truly taken some surprising turns and you would have never thought that by the end of the day you’d have such a relief on the one thing that’s been weighing down on you for so long.

The two of you stay there in the juice bar for another hour or so, just talking and reconnecting, smoothing everything out that’s been building up in yourself through the months spent apart. She brings you the change you couldn’t give yourself and it finally pushes you out of this hell of a circle you’ve been running in for too long.

It takes you an entire week to build your courage up to face Adam. When you leave to his place that evening you’re not even sure if he still lives there, but you decide to take the chance and if it turns out that he has moved, you’ll take it as a sign that you weren’t supposed to meet him.

As you stand at the door silently, you wonder if he is on the other side. If he looks the same or if something has changed on him. Did he get a haircut? Did he maybe shave? Does he even want to see you? The questions keep flowing in and out of you until you just stop thinking and force yourself to knock on the door.

You hear shuffling from inside and then the door flies open and there he is, standing right in front of you in a pair of dark jeans and grey t-shirt, staring down at you with the most surprised look you’ve ever seen on his handsome face.

“Hey,” you shyly greet him with a small smile.

“Hey. Wha-what are you doing here?”

“I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. Is it not a good time for you?” you ask suddenly feeling like you are bothering him, after all, you just showed up unannounced, he might have plans or company over. Your stomach churns at the thought of the latter.

“No! Come in!” he shakes his head realizing he hasn’t even invited you in. He closes the door behind you and running ahead he collects some abandoned clothes from the floor and couch so you can sit down. You just smile at him as he throws them into his bedroom before joining you.

“So what’s up?”

“I… I met Hannah the other day.”

“Mm,” he hums, curiously waiting for the rest of the story.

“We talked about a lot of things and we kind of reconciled which was very nice and needed. And she told me about things I didn’t know, the reason why she lashed out so hard on me a-and that she met you a while ago.”

“Yeah, we ran into each other at Ray’s birthday,” he nods confirming the information you got from her.

“She said that you didn’t take well what happened… between us.” You glance at him and his gaze is just so intense, it’s making you feel a lot more anxious than you already are.

“I mean… Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it’s been pretty fucked up for me.”

“I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For… making you believe that I was blaming you for everything. It was never true, I blamed myself for what happened. I thought that I failed not just Hannah but you as well and that I deserve to be left alone and suffer the consequences of my own actions.”

“Fuck, Y/N, you know we were in this together, why would you blame it all on yourself?” he sighs, frustrated to find out about your feelings.

“Why would you blame it all on yourself?” you repeat his words, feeling like it’s relevant to ask the same thing from him. “We both made mistakes.”

“Yeah,” he nods pressing his lips together into a thin line.

“I’m sorry for not letting you in that night, but I really thought I don’t deserve the smallest happy thing in my life after hearing Hannah lash out on me.”

“You were really driving me crazy. You didn’t even give me a chance to actually talk to you, just shut me out right away.”

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do to change the past,” you say chuckling lightly. He nods in agreement. “Hannah told me some other things too.”

“Like what?”

“That she doesn’t want either of us to stay miserable and if she is the only person standing between us she is giving us her blessing.”

Adam sucks on his breath as the conversation just took a sudden turn he was hoping to happen, but didn’t think it would really.

“So… What does this mean?” he nervously asks and you find it adorable how this huge man, full of muscle and masculinity can look like the cutest creature on Earth.

“Adam, I’m sorry for the way I reacted back then, but I had a lot of time to think and my conversation with Hannah really put things into their place.”

“Alright,” he nods.

“And I think that… If you still want to, we can… give it a try. Give us a try,” you finally say and you see his eyes brightening up immediately, as the corners of his mouth curl up.

“Is this for real? You’re not just fucking with me, right?” he asks gasping and you can’t help but chuckle at his genuine reaction.

“I’m not fucking with you, Adam,” you say shaking your head.

You watch him let his head fall back as his fits fly into the air.

“Fuck yes!” he happily shouts before quickly bouncing back and cupping your face in his hands he kisses you the way he has imagined so many times since the first time your lips touched.

You let the sensation take over your whole body as your hands grip onto his broad shoulders while his hands slide down to your waist and he gently pulls you until you are sitting on his lap, knees on each sides of his, bodies pressed together.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes out, burying his face into your neck as you hold him tight, fingers laced through his hair, just taking the moment in, embracing every emotion as it is, letting them flowing through your body, right into him.

The heat of the moment quickly turns into something sentimental and moving, everything crashing down on you at once and you just let yourself experience it the way it comes to you.

“I really thought I lost you forever,” he mumbles against your skin, placing soft kisses below your skin. “Swear to God if you dare to do it again, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind,” he chuckles making you laugh as well while the damn tears start forming in your eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe out lifting his head and brushing his hair out of his face you just stare into his eyes, those beautiful, hazel eyes you’ve missed so much. “But I’m here now.”

“Yes you are,” he grins before kissing you again.

His lips tug on yours, taking his time with you, while his hands run up and down on your body, exploring every bit of it, but he doesn’t move further. He doesn’t try to take your clothes off or push it and you find it very comforting and securing that he still remembers the things you talked about months ago. But you feel like you are more than comfortable with him to take this next step.

“Adam,” you mumble against his lips, your hands sliding down to his stomach where you grab the hem of his shirt.

“Yeah?”

“You can… You can go for it.”

Stopping he leans back so he can look into your eyes, looking for any sign that tells him he shouldn’t, but you just smile at him shyly.

“Are you sure? Because I’m completely fine with doing nothing, just… lying in bed and being with you.”

“I’m completely sure,” you say pecking his lips shortly. He seems uncertain as you pull his shirt up, but he holds his arms up and lets you undress him, tossing the shirt to the side before laying your palms out on his chest.

Then slowly but surely he gets into action. His hands reach under your thighs and he stands up with you in his arms, carrying you into his bedroom and laying you down to his bed, getting on top of you. His large hands fumble with the small buttons of your shirt, but you reach down to help him and a moment later the shirt is gone and he is pulling your pants down before undoing his own jeans.

You feel secure and comfortable with him, but it’s still a challenging moment regarding of your general anxiety. When he looks down at your body that’s only covered by your lingerie you feel insecure about it and he quickly realizes it.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathes out as he gets on top of you, kissing you sweetly. “Fucking gorgeous,” he smiles before kissing every inch of your face, making you giggle.

Your lips reconnect and soon the rest of your clothes are gone, leaving both of you naked under his sheets.

“Just tell me when something doesn’t feel good, okay?” he asks after he rolls a condom on and you nervously nod. “Hey, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he assures you seeing how nervous you are.

“I want to, I’m just… I don’t want it to be disappointing to you,” you say quietly.

“That’s impossible. You can never disappoint me, I could come just by looking at you naked,” he jokes making you laugh.

“Oh, so how come you haven’t finished yet?” you ask smirking at him.

“I’m really struggling to hold myself back. You can’t fucking imagine,” he grins kissing you gently. “Don’t think about me, think about yourself. I’m pretty fucking sure what feels good for you will feel amazing to me as well.”

You just nod your head licking your lips as he reaches between you and him and positions himself to your center. He looks you in the eyes one last time, as if he is asking for the final permission and when you nod, brushing his hair out of his forehead, with one slow but confident push he is inside you.

You gasp at the feeling, given the fact that it’s been so long since you’ve been with someone and he is pretty gifted when it comes to his length. But he lets you take your time to adjust to the feeling, staying still and peppering your face with gentle kisses.

“Y-You can move,” you tell him quietly.

“Sure?”

“Yeah,” you nod and moving your hands to the back of his neck you let out a moan as he slowly starts rocking his hips back and forth.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he growls into your neck.

At first it feels a little uncomfortable and strange, but you start to loosen up and do what Adam told you; just focus on yourself. Pulling your legs up you let him hit a way better angle, making you moan as he thrusts inside you and you slowly start to find what feels the best for you.

“You good?” he asks breathing heavily and you just nod, biting into your bottom lip as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Do you want to switch it up?”

“Like… me on top?” you ask unsurely.

“It’s an option.” “Um, yeah,” you say, trying to keep your confidence as he wraps an arm around you and carefully flips the two of you over, so you are now sitting on him. You start moving your hips, not too sure what you should really be doing.

“Relax, just do whatever feels good for you,” he comforts you, his hands holding onto your hips as he gently starts guiding you, giving you a direction to start.

It takes a few seconds to finally find what you enjoy the most and when you do, you just go for it.

“Yes, fuck!” he moans, his head sinking into the pillow. Reaching up his hands cup your breasts as you buck your hips up and down, taking up the pace that feels just right.

“Adam,” you moan his name, hands on his chest as you keep moving, feeling your orgasm building up inside you.

“Yeah, you’re doing so fucking great,” he groans, thrusting his hips up matching your rhythm and you whimper from the feeling.

He pushes himself up into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around your body, your hands on his bare shoulders as you just keep moving and panting, your cheek pressing against his. Turning he kisses your jawline, one hand sliding down to your ass, the other one up into your hair at the back of your head.

“Fuck,” he growls and you know he is close, but so as you.

You pick your pace up, desperate for release, you let your head fall back and his lips meet the soft skin on your neck, kissing down on your throat and the moment his fingers dig into your skin at your ribcage you explode.

“Fuck!” you gasp, falling out of your rhythm as your orgasm washes over your body. You hear Adam grunting as he thrusts a couple more times before he comes as well.

Your panting fills the silence in the room in the next few seconds as you come back down from your high, eyes turning back to Adam who is already looking at you in awe.

“What?” you shyly ask.

“And you thought you would disappoint,” he grins kissing your shoulder. “You fucking… sex goddess.”

“Stop!” you chuckle, leaning down you kiss him softly, the raw passion is gone and replaced by a deeper, sensational feeling.

“You don’t regret it, right?” he asks a little later when the two of you are lying next to each other on your sides, facing each other, his hand playing with yours on the pillow.

“No, of course not,” you smile as he laces his fingers together with yours and pulling your hand to his lips he places a chaste kiss to the back of your hand.

“Alright. Good.”

“This is so crazy,” you exhale softly, watching him in awe.

“What’s crazy?”

“How this all turned out to be. So different from what I imagined.”

“What did you originally imagine?” he asks with a curious smirk on his full lips.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” you admit chuckling. “But not this for sure.”

His hand reaches out and he pulls you closer to him, legs tangling together as he kisses the tip of your nose, making you smile.

“Well, this is our life now. You are stuck with me.”

“What a tragedy,” you tease him, earning him to squeeze your hip gently. “The greatest tragedy of all times,” you add making him chuckle.

Making yourself comfortable in his arms you feel your eyelids getting heavier with each blink. Kissing his lips softly one more time you let them close and stay closed as Adam kisses your forehead.

“Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up,” he whispers and you open your eyes looking at him, seeing that need for validation in his eyes.

“I’m here to stay, don’t worry,” you reassure him before you let your eyes close again and this time, you slowly drift to sleep, feeling his fingers gently caressing your side until the very last moment you’re awake.

 You smile to yourself upon hearing the front door open and close and when you see Adam walk in a moment later you get up from your bed to greet your boyfriend the proper way on his birthday.

“Hey,” you smile at him kissing his lips softly.

“Hi, I missed you,” he grins giving your ass a gentle squeeze before letting go of you and walking over to your bed he throws himself onto it with a tired sigh.

“How was your day?”

“Just the usual, nothing extra. The guys on set got me a cupcake,” he chuckles to himself.

“That’s cute,” you say crawling onto the bed, thinking about how adorable he would look like with a tiny cupcake compared to his size.

Reaching over to your nightstand you grab the white envelope you’ve had prepared for him, his name written on it in cursive to make it look fancy.

“Happy birthday,” you hand it to him with an excited smile.

“Y/N, I told you no gifts!” he looks at you with narrow eyes. He really did say he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, just to be with you, the only person he is interested in as he said. But you just couldn’t contain yourself and you had a funny idea about his gift.

“I know, but it’s not really a gift. It’s just… something I owe you.”

“Is this a pair of your panties?” he jokes and you just shake your head at him laughing.

“Just open it!”

He gives you a puzzled look as he opens the envelope and looks inside. He pulls out the twenty and five dollar bills with an even more confused look as he holds them up while you just giggle to yourself.

“What is this supposed to be?”

“This is the twenty-five bucks you paid me when we went out with Hannah. I felt like I should pay you back.”

“But why?”

“Because… I would rather not have you paying for a moment in our relationship that was kind of significant.”

“We really bonded that night, huh?” he chuckles placing a hand on your thigh as he puts the money and the envelope away. “Did you think we would end up here back then?”

“Not then. But I was already having thoughts about you.”

“Me too,” he admits smiling.

It’s kind of crazy thinking back at that day now, two months into your relationship with him, it all feels so surreal. You’ve definitely come a long way from ignoring each other in the apartment to being so madly in love.

Leaning closer he kisses you softly, his hand holding your chin tenderly.

“I love you,” he whispers and a wide smile stretches across your face. It’s not the first time he said it, but every time feels like the first, making your heart flip in your chest, completely whipped for this tall, weird but so amazing man you get to call your boyfriend.

“I love you too,” you mumble back before he grabs you by your waist and a moment later you are lying on the mattress, him on top of you, kissing down on your neck.

“Babe?” he asks stopping at your chest, looking up at you from under his dark eyelashes.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask for one thing for my birthday?”

“Sure,” you smile down at him, curious about what he wants.

“I want to fuck you on the kitchen counter,” he bluntly states, and you just chuckle, combing his hair with your fingers.

Rolling off the bed you just walk over to the kitchen counter pushing the boxes and plates to the side before hopping onto the top and crossing your leg seductively, smirking at him while he is still on your bed, watching you completely amazed by you.

“Well, happy birthday to you, big boy,” you say in a low tone and it drives him crazy immediately. Jumping off the bed he rushes over to you, uncrossing your legs so he can stand between your knees.

“Best fucking birthday ever,” he grins before pressing his lips to yours.

-

general/forever taglist for Adam Driver

i do separate taglists for different people, but not for different works of mine! if you ask to be on my Adam taglist, you’ll be tagged in all of my Adam fics!

@superdriver @siren-queen03 @holacherrycola90 @spencer-is-amazing @unusual-kindred-spirits @hailthemightywoecloud @holy-kylo-stars @kowalskibro-adamdriverblog @hurricanesunset @writerandee @luxury-0pps @prncess91 @malefoygal @zaahidahhh @filternotincluded @fire-in-her-veinz​

if you’d like to be taken off or added to the list, please let me know!

[doesrevali]

yes hi im here to make a fanfic based off of 'panic room' bc im quirky like that

Pairing: Revalink (Revali x Link)

Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, etc.

Summary:

Link has always fought his way through everything. Who says it'll be any different this time?

It's around noon when Link and Zelda are walking to survey damage. The buildings and the fields don't affect Link as much as it does Zelda, who saw it all before with no memory loss.

She's on the verge of tears the whole time, sniffing and walking with her posture stiff. Link has half the mind to say something about it, but he doesn't. He resides to her side, as he used to before the Calamity. He supposes it was an unconscious habit, even if he hadn't had the pleasure of doing it for some time.

Link had stopped paying attention to his surroundings quite a while ago, having seen it before. It was no surprise to him anyway. What's the point in mourning what he's been around for months?

"Goddess, Link. I wonder how you deal with seeing this."

All he does is grunt, not having the heart to tell her that he didn't care.

"Link, didn't you say that you had completed all the shrines?" It's only then that he looks up, mostly in confusion. Why would that be worth asking? He gets his answer only a second later, after following the princess's gaze to that familiar pattern strewn on familiar stone.

He almost curses out loud. Why, why did I always have to deal with this? He catches that thought, and wonders. When had he ever hoped to be done with his job? He doesn't remember that.

Zelda runs over to the stone, hands shaky over where the Shekiah Slate goes. "Link, you wouldn't happen to have-" He gives the slate over to her without a second thought.

"Thank you, although I don't know if it would work for me-"

Link shakes his head, gesturing for her to try it.

Sighing, Zelda hesitates for a moment. She eventually holds it above the terminal, eyes closed and murmuring prayers. When it accepts the slate, her eyes open with the closest thing to genuine glee Link has ever seen from her. "I did it, Link! I did it! I wonder if it's because of my powers... Do you think so? Maybe- Oh, whatever! Let's go, I've only heard stories of what's inside from you and.." Link zones out, not thinking as he steps onto the platform. He wonders if he even has control anymore, watching himself.

Zelda gasps, the feeling of the platform lowering likely surprising her. Link doesn't blame her, distantly remembering the first time he did it. Everything was.. blurry?

When they get down into the shrine, there are two doors. Looking to the sides, there are chests. He walks over to them, grabbing the keys from inside. Going to the door (with Zelda hot on his heels), he tries to open it.

The door doesn't budge, and Link stops for a moment. Zelda hums, grabbing one of the keys from his hands (noticeably sweaty, although she doesn't comment on it. Why were they sweaty anyway?)

"I wonder if we have to open the doors together! Possibly.. Although I wonder how they would work like that, what's the technology behind it? Ah, Link! Stay at that door, and open it when I open that one over there, at the same time! We can see if that works!"

Nodding, Link waits for her to get to the door.

"Three, two, one!"

They both insert the keys, and dull thudding comes only a moment after. Both the doors open, and Link has to stop himself from rushing to the Princess's side, anxious about the harm behind her own door. When Zelda only looks inside, though, he calms down.

"I think we're supposed to enter them.. I'll go inside here, you go there," Link takes a step forward, about to protest, "I'll be fine. You don't worry, I have this scythe. I can handle myself enough. This is for the shrine."

He pauses before nodding. He supposes he's taught her enough moves. Zelda walks inside, and Link feels anxiety bubbling up in his chest. He waits, then walks inside his own door.

Right as both his feet step beyond the doorway, it shuts. He almost yells out, feeling his own voice die quickly in his throat. He doesn't stop himself from banging on it, though, in some hopes that Zelda had escaped and was on the other side.

Not hearing a response, he stills himself and takes a breath. It's fine, he thinks. She's okay. He turns, peering down a corridor. Walking forward, there appears another chest. He kicks it lightly, watching it pop open. A floating green orb wafts out, looking eerily similar to something Link didn't want to remember.

"I suppose I never get a break. Never with you! How many times must I be at your beck and call?"

No.

"No? Tell me, since when have either of us had a choice?"

Link breathes in, willing himself to not think.

"Ignoring me now, I assume. Nothing new."

His body appears, slowly but surely. Something Link wishes never happened. Time stops when Revali fully appears, and it only starts again when Revali waves a hand in front of Link's face.

"I don't remember you being so zoned out.. I suppose you've finally realized that you're talking to the great Revali? About time!"

Link nods absentmindedly, turning his gaze farther along the hallway.

"Ah, yes, we should figure out what this is. I'm not completely sure as to why I'm here, but you wouldn't be able to tell me." The words sound accusing, and Link has to stop himself from flinching away. The truth in those words was a little too obvious. He walks away, ignoring Revali's squawk and the sound of running footsteps. Why could he hear the spirit's footsteps?

They walk a little farther before Link starts noticing the walls closing in. Whether it's his mind or not, Revali doesn't say anything about it, so he assumes it's just himself. Why would he be having these problems now? It's never happened before.

When are we going to get there?

"I assume it will be soon. There can't be much more left."

Jumping, Link rounds on the spirit. Apparently, the taller understands and begins to explain. "I can't hear you, so no need to worry. But it just appears in my mind. I know what you say, even if I don't hear it. Trust me, it's not like I want this either." Revali huffs.

Link turns back, trying to calm himself before continuing. Soon enough, another door shows up. There's no lock to be wary of, so with no hesitation the blond opens the door. There's a familiar room, one of which looks eerily similar to the 'Minor Test of Strength' in a shrine he can remember being hell. Not that it was hard in terms of how strong he was; the bot just had some new moves that confused him to no end.

A shiver runs up his spine (something he doesn't remember ever feeling beforehand). It only takes a few steps more before the floor in the middle of the room lifts to reveal a guardian bot. Link is driven by instincts, running forward and unsheathing the Master Sword from off his back.

His mind was drowned out, and he couldn't hear anything. This wasn't a surprise, it happened every time, and he didn't have anything against it. It was just sorta hard when there was somebody else trying to work with him.

"Link, Link! Can you hear me? Goddesses' sake, are you deaf now too? There's another one! Link, there's ANOTHER ONE!"

When Revali yelled, Link whirled around, facing another bot. He back flips out of the way just in time, and momentarily sees the Rito in the air with a look of relief strewn across his face. "Thank Hylia, I never thought you would hear me!"

Link finishes off the two bots easily, obviously, but is still left winded. He has to stop himself from collapsing. He briefly wonders why he's acting like this before he remembers that Revali would know. Straightening up, he trudges over to a chest that had been at the other side of the room. Opening it, Link finds another key.

"There's no door here, which leaves the assumption that this is going to take a lot longer than we thought."

Yeah, I know that, Link thinks bitterly.

Revali's wide eyes say enough as the blond turns and storms down the corridor.

———

Time passes slowly as Link fights off more monsters, and Revali ignores him. The shock seemed to get the the bird, seeing as he wouldn't look at the fight even once. Unfortunately for the Hylian, this meant that there was no warning when it came to the boblikin sneaking up behind him.

It's only when Link lets out a pained yell that Revali's eye snap back to the fight. The smaller is holding the Master Sword in one hand, while the other is holding his injured shoulder. Revali curses himself for not noticing sooner, and feels himself panicking as the black colored monsters corner Link.

"Be careful, and focus!"

It turns out that it wasn't the right thing to do, as only a second later Link's eyes widen in surprise and he trips over his own feet. He lands on the floor with a thud, the sword in his loose hand thrown to the other side of the room.

"Get UP! Get up now! Goddess, I never knew that Hylia's Champion would be such a wimp-"

"Shut up! I'm trying!"

There's a moment of silence that seeps between the two before Link gets back up on unsteady footing. It's the first time Revali has ever seen Link use his fists, but it turns out that there was no reason to be worried. By the end, Link's shoulder and knuckles are bruised and bloody.

Link fixes Revali with a stare he doesn't think he'll ever forget.

Just don't say anything.

"Don't say anything?! The first words I hear from you are telling me to shut up!"

And what do you think your first words to me were?

The words hit harder than the Rito thought they would. The brat wasn't wrong. So all Revali does is watch and follow as Link takes a sharp turn down the corridor.

———

Breathing is hard, Link concludes. He's not sure what his problem is today; all he knows is that he's two more shallow breaths away from running back to the entrance.

He takes a quick look at his sword's grip, feeling a pit in his stomach when he realizes his hands are shaking. Not a good sign.

He looks away, bot wanting his lovely companion to notice. They had been walking down a simple hall the entire time, so when another doorway appears, Link is rushing to get it done. He touches the door, and feels himself stop as a wave of whatever the fuck this is waves over him. He clutches his chest, a choked gasp coming out. His gaze latches onto Revali, who doesn't seem to be paying attention. He dimly realizes his entire body is shaking. He tries to take a step forward, and has to lean on the door so that his legs don't buckle from under him. He sucks it all up and throws open the door, his breath leaving him completely as he falls through the doorway, landing on the floor. He props himself up on his elbows, bringing in knees under him and leaning on his hands.

The room is suddenly leaving, and his mind wanders through a different one. An empty one, full of something that he can't see. His throat is closing up as he takes hoarse breaths, gripping the cold floor. The things he can't see close in, and he feels himself be wrapped up in what he can't understand. Soon enough, what he can't understand takes home in his own body, and he can't hold himself on his hands anymore. His head hits the ground, and his fingers dig into his hair, pulling.

He feels the wetness at his cheeks and he claws at his face, wondering what the fuck is happening to me?

What's happening? Where am I? Why? Where? How? Fuck- why?

How long have I been here? How long have I been on the floor? Where's Revali?

A cold seeps into his head, and he gains his control again, exhaustion hitting him like a train. His hands fall next to his head, and his eyes fall shut. He's left the empty room, and he can hear Revali.

"Link! Listen, please! What happened? Shit-"

Link thinks about his answer, thinks of all the question the Rito is throwing at him. He knows what to respond, but he can't think. His head feels heavy, and his mouth is partly open, deciding that he just doesn't want to answer.

He's stuck in sludge, and as much as he wants to at least lift a finger to his mouth, tell Revali to be quiet, he doesn't. Even so, Revali seems to understand that he won't get anything from the blond, and shuts his beak with a clack.

They stay there for a while (a few minutes? a few seconds? hours?), until Link pushes himself up, willing himself to not throw up. Standing on unsteady feet, he leans against a wall. Eyes downcast, mouth still open, he stays stuck in time for about 10 seconds, before fixing his hair and continuing.

"Link! How could you- Do you- What the fuck? Link, why won't you just speak?!"

The Hylian only nods, then shrugs, trudging along.

He doesn't know what happens next, just knows that he pulled in an embrace. He feels feathers, and smells the open sky. Eyebrows shooting up, Link's hands shoot up to the bird's shoulders, pulling away to see Revali's shocked face.

You could- You could touch me this entire time?

"I didn't- I wasn't aware, no."

You...

"What is it?"

If you can...

Revali tilts his head, something that reminds Link of the dogs he's met at the stables. It's.. endearing.

Revali clicks his beak, looking to the side. "Would you stop looking like that? It's weird-"

Link pulls forward, wrapping his arms around the Rito's waist. Sqwaking, Revali almost pushes the small Hylian off- but he quickly thinks better of it. He's quite lucky he has feathers covering him, or else he'd be in some trouble.

He can feel Link's breaths, and when the Hylian nuzzles into him he has to calm down.

Boy is he lucky, he thinks. Without the feathers on his face, he'd be screwed.

———

They keep going on, the moment before forgotten. Link's surprised to see that there are no monsters, and Revali's relieved. He doesn't think he can watch Link like that again.

He doesn't remember feeling so scared- not since windblight, anyway.

Revali watches Link closely the rest of the way. There's no signs of him falling again. Sure, he still shaking, but that's to be expected. When they climb a ton of stairs, Revali doesn't think twice about it. He's looking at Link so much that he doesn't even realize that they had reached yet another door. When Link goes to grab the handle, Revali takes a step forward. The blond looks back at him, raising an eyebrow. It becomes clear that he understands, though, because Link nods, and starts opening it slowly.

Light floods through. Not just generic light. It's natural. He hears a gasp from the Hylian; something that reminded him a little too much of the.. problem earlier.

"Revali- We're outside!"

The smaller's voice eases the Rito's mind, and he has to stop himself from smiling.

"Yes, I see that."

The both of them step out into the light, and Revali feels a weight off his shoulders.

"Link! I was afraid you would never come out! I had some time to think, and I think the shrine was us having to face our fears-"

He watches as Link runs towards Zelda, the man immediately checking her for injuries.

"Link, I'm fine! You look a little worn though, are you okay?"

He smiles, holding up a sign which Revali assumes means okay.

"I suppose it is my time to leave. I believe I will see you again."

Zelda startles, eyes whipping to the Champion. "You had a champion with you too?! I had Mipha, I had thought that it was just because she could help me through my fears but- wait, did Revali help you?"

"Zelda, If you could give us room to think, it would be great."

He looks back to the Hylian, stuttering when he sees Link's eyes cloud with unshed tears.

"I'm sure you'll be fine without me." He huffs.

Link shakes his head, going to hug him again. Zelda doesn't say anything; something that Revali is endlessly grateful for.

He hears Links sigh, and freezes at his next words.

"Thank you, Revali."

It's only then that Revali smiles, nodding his head. "You'll be fine."

Link nods, then lets go. Revali vanishes into the air.

"I'll watch over you from now on. You'll be fine."

[nightmaresorpromises]

🍄✨💐

OKAY THIS GOT REALLY LONG BC I FEEL THE NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF SO LIKE IM SORRY LMFAO. Also pls no one yell at me I’m just saying how I feel and what I think, I recognize that everyone will have different views/opinions/experiences and that I can only speak based on my own. I am not a doctor

🍄: do you support self diagnosis?

This is kind of a difficult question, I know most people hate the self diagnosis stuff, but personally I think their are certain mental health issues that you can become aware of without a medical diagnosis.

That being said, many mental health issues and disorders are incredibly complex and I think those DO need a medical diagnosis, especially since from what I understand a lot of disorders can mimic and or cause symptoms of other ones.

So for me personally, my eating disorder, anxiety, and depression (which I honestly don’t call that I just say I’m depressed bc I’m not medically diagnosed?) are all self diagnosed, but I’ve seen myself develop my eating disorder and was willing to die for it, I frequently have anxiety attacks to the point I feel like I’m going to faint and I can’t breathe, I’m terrified to order my own food sometimes because of the social interaction, and I’m borderline suicidal and struggle with self harm as a result. So like? I feel, I don’t want to say justified because that sounds kind of wrong, but I feel okay in going “I have these issues, and this is what I struggle with”

but I don’t think I’d ever self diagnose with something complex like bi polar disorder, borderline personality disorder etc, because those are much harder in my eyes to determine, or understand without a medical diagnosis. (Obviously that’s just my opinion and example as someone who A.) doesn’t have the option to get medically diagnosed regarding my mental health issues and B.) who has never struggled with any of those disorders or known anyone who does.)

So like? I’m definitely not pro “identify with whatever mental health issue you have a symptom of!” But I also think to an extent individuals who struggle with their mental health can have enough sense to go okay, this is my life, this isn’t healthy or normal, I’m struggle with these things so maybe I’m dealing with anxiety, or whatever else.

But I understand the frustration around self diagnosis because you obviously have ignorant people going “omg lol I can’t focus on this thing I totally have adhd or add” or “lol I got so angry out of nowhere! Clearly I’m bi-polar” and like... I won’t even get into that. *facepalms*

💐: do you believe in recovery?

This is hard for me. I guess yes and no.

Yes because sure there are things you can overcome, and recover from like addiction, and eating disorders, and there are things you can treat like depression and other mental illnesses,

But no because (pessimistic bitch over here sorry) at the end of the day you’ll still struggle with those things. So you can get better at coping, you can get treatment, but even for me personally now that I’m no longer restricting my food unhealthy, and I���m not terrified of food, I still get ED thoughts, I still get triggered. Like the mental health issue is always going to be in the background of your mind and you’re still going to have to deal with it, even if the strain isn’t as harsh because you’ve gotten better and developed a healthier way to handle it.

So I guess that depends on your definition of recovery. Of course I believe in getting better, and not having your issues hit you as harshly even if they still lurk in your mind.

But, part of me despises the fact that a lot of those issues are still gonna lurk. (I guess I don’t believe in being “totally cured!” Or whatever ? Idk)

But that’s just my take on it, everyone’s different and everyone’s issues are different. And obviously getting better through treatment and developing better coping mechanisms and whatever else can greatly help you and ease your struggles. So it gets easier, and I guess that’s what recovery is supposed to be about. Getting better even if you aren’t “cured”

✨: do you have any advice to others (especially young people) about how to recover?

Oh god. Okay so like, as someone who hit rock bottom at like 15 emotionally I think one of the biggest things is you have to want to recover.

And to a lot of people that sounds obvious but it got to a point where I, and a lot of my friends who struggled with their mental health stopped wanting to get better.

If you’re going to recover, you need to want it. Not necessarily be ready, because you might never feel “ready” it’s a huge jump, but you have to WANT it. Or else no help or advice will ever reach you, and you won’t give an honest try to do whatever it is you need personally to recover.

2.) you have to be willing to change in whatever ways are possible and necessary, because obviously there are things such as living situations that you might not be able to change giving your situation. But the things you can change like how you respond to situations, who and what you surround yourself with (social media, toxic friends, toxic online communities etc) you have to be willing to cut those out.

And obviously, that’s easier said then done, especially when you may already feel alone and like cutting them off will only add to that lonliness, but guys, you have to do it. And I know it’ll be hard at first but getting rid of those toxic relationships will lift a weight off of your shoulders and I promise you will make new friends. Shit like that happens when you least expect it and it’s annoying and weird and dumb. But cut out that toxic shit in your life.

Overall change though, if you don’t like the way you treat people take a step back and go “okay why do I react this way? Why do I treat people this way?” And don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t attack yourself seek to understand it, and that will enable you to then go, “okay how I respond isn’t fair, how can I change that?” And that goes for how you treat yourself too. If you can change those negative thoughts, behaviors and treatment to both yourself and others it will help your mental state a lot.

3.) patience and understanding I guess? I’m sure there’s a lot of feeling like you might be a horrible person out there, a lot of anger and pent up frustration with yourself and the world because of all the shit you’ve had to deal with and like, those feelings are justified, but you should also be patient with yourself and understand that people do stupid, cruel, fucked up shit. We make mistakes, we treat people kinda poorly, but don’t destroy yourself over it.

Understand or seek to understand why x y z is happening and use that to do what you can to change the situation, even if it’s scary or hard. You can regret actions, but regretting them forever won’t help you grow or get better it’ll only make you sink ya know? So like, accept how you’re feeling, but don’t succumb to it, and work to change the negative behaviors or energies that surround you.

Oh my god okay 4, and like SUPER FUCKING IMPORTANT. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE. Stop IT. NO ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Where you are is based on your own path, and you’re on your clock not anyone else’s. Everyone has so many different experiences it’s impossible and not fair to sit and judge yourself based on someone else’s capabilities.

Because we all have different experiences while you may be struggling to learn how to respond or handle social situations, which might be something others know how to do, those same people might be struggle to process grief and loss, which maybe you experienced already and learned how to handle.

(Idk if that makes sense,) but basically like, you’re where you need to be in life and you’re learning what you need to learn when you need to learn it. We aren’t all on the same track. Some of us are learning things our friends learned at sixteen, some of us are working towards things 35 year olds haven’t gotten to yet. Everyone is different and because of that we are going to have different experiences. Different bodies, different personalities, different struggles

And that’s OKAY that’s how we’re supposed to be

(Thanks for coming to my I just woke up and chugged coffee ted talk. Obviously take everything I say with some salt, those are just my opinions and views and I understand that they won’t be helpful or apply to everyone and their situation. I’m just trying to explain how I see or feel about things given my life. Obv I’m not a doctor or anything I’m just a college student no one come for me thank you I’m sorry have a nice day)

[spin-birdie]

there was a conversation in the rk1k discord about a spiderman au a while back and i decided to try write something about it bc its consuming like 30% of my brain

idk if i’ll write more (im way better at writing ideas down as bullet points instead of prose) but man it just seems like a neat idea idk

word count: 1.6k

pairing: general

additional tags: human au, physical violence, gavin is an unsympathetic rat boy

Look, Connor considers himself a calm person. He’s level-headed at the best of times. But he’s pretty sure even the calmest person would panic at least a little if they got stuck to their bedroom wall.

One hand is completely splayed out on the ceiling, the other one still stuck to his sneaker. His feet aren’t quite flat on the ceiling, but he certainly wouldn’t have a comfortable fall if he stopped sticking to everything. Why he’s sticking to everything, he still doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know why anything that’s happened to him today has happened; he grew a good three inches taller overnight, he accidentally stuck to his biology textbook - and subsequently tore it to shreds - this morning, and it’s like he’s jumping at the slightest provocation. There’s been a foul taste in his mouth all day, and he swears he somehow burned a piece of paper he chewed on, but he hasn’t got a fever. It doesn’t make any sense.

Even so, the thought sends Connor’s anxiety through the roof…more to the point, his anxiety is making him stick to the fucking roof.

For no good reason, he keeps thinking about yesterday. The field trip to the CyberLife Lab, the spider that crawled onto his hand and left him a painful, bruising bite. The tour guide said something about the experiments they were running on arachnids and other small animals, genetically enhancing them with nanobots in an attempt to slow or prevent extinction, or…something. But that doesn’t make sense. There’s no way to confirm the effects are transmittable to humans.

It’s probably not helping him at all to scream his head off, but he’s not sure what else he can do. He’s pulling his hand away from the ceiling as hard as he can, even trying to pry it off with the sneaker in his other hand, but it’s not working. He’s just putting more cracks in the paint.

He can’t see the door opening from his angle, but he hears it, followed by his dad’s voice: “Connor, are you o-- What the fuck?!”

At the same time as his dad swears, Connor finally frees his hand with a startled yelp. Drywall flakes off with it, but it doesn’t quite fall into his face before his entire upper body falls down with nothing to hold it up. The upside-down view of his room, of his dad’s confused and horrified expression, makes Connor nauseous.

And just a second too late, it strikes him that he’s hanging from the ceiling of an old house by nothing but the balls of his feet. With a dull crunch, the drywall above him gives out and he plummets to the floor. Connor’s fall is half-broken by his bed, but his knees land straight on the floor. Carpet be damned, it’s a rough landing.

And now there’s a perfect handprint of missing drywall on Connor’s ceiling.

---

Okay. So maybe Connor has unhuman abilities thanks to a genetically altered spider. That’s fine, probably. Kind of. Once he figures out how to ignore them, everything can go back to normal.

And for a few weeks, it’s almost like Connor gets away with telling himself that blatant lie. Ignoring them during school is hard and stressful, but at home, he’s free to throw theories (and himself) at the wall to see what sticks; and once he’s done that, he knows how to avoid triggering them. It gets a little bit easier to stop sticking to everything, to stop burning whatever enters his mouth or visibly jumping whenever something sets off his fight-or-flight reflex.

Maybe it’s a smarter idea to tell someone. Or maybe telling someone would be the fastest way to be locked up in a government facility and experimented on until someone wrote a book about him. Or maybe he’s being paranoid, but still, Connor has a bad feeling that he doesn’t want anyone to know what’s happening to him. And apart from his poor father, no one seems to know.

“Hey, jackass! I’m talking to you!”

That might change if this guy doesn’t leave him alone, though. Connor’s sharpened foresight allows him to step out of Gavin’s reach before he can grab Connor by the back of his sweatshirt. Instead of turning back to face Gavin, he pulls up his hood and keeps walking as fast as he can without looking conspicuous.

Gavin reaches out again, successfully pulling Connor back by his backpack. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

As Connor is forcefully spun around, he barely stops himself from glaring. “I’m pretty sure I’m not. And I’m pretty sure this isn’t even the way to your house, so you ought to turn back and go home.”

Predictably, Gavin ignores him. “Don’t play coy. You promised to help me out with exams, remember? I just need your English notes; I’ll bring them back safe and sound tomorrow, alright?”

“When I promised to help you, I thought that meant tutoring you. I’m not letting you copy my notes. Especially if you’re copying them word-for-word.”

“That was one time--”

“If you don’t want to listen in class, that’s your own problem.” Connor can’t quite stop spite creeping into his voice when he continues: “I’m not letting you get us both in trouble just because you don’t want to stop being an asshole.”

“Watch the tone, robot,” Gavin sneers.

“If you literally ever watched your own, I’d consider it. Instead, you have to waste all your energy on being the biggest dickhead on the planet and pretending you’re not just like every other mediocre straight guy ever.”

He shrugs Gavin off and steps back. “Ask someone else for help. I’m done talking to you.”

That proves to have gone too far as soon as Gavin shoves Connor back into the wall of a nearby building. His backpack stops his body from colliding at full force, but his head still gets knocked pretty hard. Right before Connor recovers, Gavin moves forward and punches him straight in the diaphragm. He doubles over for a moment before Gavin grabs him by the jaw and shoves his head back against the wall.

“Alright, smartass! I’ll give you one more opportunity to do this the easy way.”

It dawns on Connor just then; they’re alone. Connor is the only kid who goes home this way, and he doesn’t live in the nicest part of town. At school, there are always witnesses, no way for people to get away with beating each other up for very long. Out here, people probably won’t step in unless Connor runs for help, and he’s not sure if he can get away fast enough. At least, not without setting off his powers.

Connor bares his teeth. “Smartass this, retard that, do you even know my real name? Is your brain that small?”

Gavin hits him in the stomach again. And again. Connor thinks he hits a kidney on the third strike. And then he makes a snap decision, jerking his head to the side and biting down, hard, on Gavin’s finger.

“Ow, what the fuck?! Ow!”

Gavin recoils, clutching his hand like it’s on fire. Connor didn’t expect such a strong response, but he’s just glad he hasn’t got his back against a wall, and he wants to keep it that way. Without thinking, Connor grabs Gavin by the ears and headbutts him with all the force he can muster.

He promptly realizes a human skull is harder than he thought, so he hurts himself just as much as he hurts Gavin. And he’s within range for Gavin to reel back and knee him directly in the groin. As he curls in on himself, Gavin throws him to the ground and kicks him again in the stomach. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

He doesn’t stop, he even kicks and stomps on Connor’s ribs and face a few times for good measure. There’s blood in his mouth, and he’s not 100% sure it’s Gavin’s. He pulls his hood all the way over his face in an attempt to protect himself.

And a few moments later, it abruptly stops. Gavin breathes like he’s tired, but he’s not kicking Connor anymore.

“What are you doing?!” an unknown voice shouts. “Leave them alone!”

Gavin swears through gritted teeth, and Connor hears footsteps sprinting away. He doesn’t get up. The newcomer murmurs under his breath - their? It’s a masculine voice, at least - before more steps are heard. A hand rests on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

It takes Connor a few moments to find his voice. In the meantime, he drags himself into a sitting position, wincing at the pain. He’s definitely going to have some spectacular bruises, and that’s a best-case scenario. “I think so,” he grits out.

“Can you tell me your name?”

Connor lifts his hood enough to look at the stranger. A tall guy with tawny skin, who looks to be a little older than Connor. His head is shaved, but there’s a ghost of stubble on his jaw. His eyes are heterochromatic, focused intently on Connor even as he not-too-subtly gawks at the stranger’s arms. He’s obviously athletic, and the tank top he’s wearing doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.

Oh, right. Still bi.

And still in immense physical pain. Connor leans over and cradles some of the worse pain spots. “I’m Connor.”

“Markus,” the stranger replies.

Something feels amiss all of a sudden. It’s close to that distinct feeling Connor gets when he’s in danger, but there’s something off about it. It’s pulling him towards something instead of away; towards Markus, specifically. Some unheard epiphany is pulling at the corners of Connor’s mind, stronger and stronger until it snaps. Almost simultaneously, they speak:

“You’re like me…”

[tonystarkstan]

you’re still young (that’s not your fault)

Summary: Being a superhero? Hard. Being a superhero in high school? Harder. Luckily, he’s got Iron Man on his side.

or, five times Tony goes to Peter’s school and one time Peter goes with him to work.

Note: This is posted on my AO3, but it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, so I thought I’d share it here! I hope you guys like it.

“So like, the issue is that I like learning and I need to go to school to get a good education in order to be qualified for an actual career,” Peter tells Ned as they stand at their lockers.

“How is that an issue?” Ned asks in confusion.

Peter sighs dramatically. “I hate school,” he says, as if that explains everything.

Ned nods sympathetically. “Makes sense. Oh, the joys of social hierarchy. Also, I forgot the solubility rules, so I totally bombed that part of the quiz today. Which means I’m probably going to fail, which means I’ll be kicked out of school, which means I’ll have to work at McDonald’s for the rest of my life and live off of a minimum wage salary.”

Peter pats his back consolingly. “You and me both, man. School just proves what we already knew: the world is conspiring against us.”

Ned scoffs. “Okay, but at least you have Spider-Man,” he points out, saying the name quietly so no one overhears.

Peter gives him a weird look. “Oh yeah, loved getting bitten by a fucking radioactive spider. It was like getting a kiss from Mother Nature.”

Ned shrugs. “Who cares? You’re staying with Tony freaking Stark. How is that, by the way?”

“Oh, it’s great!” he says enthusiastically. “The man has, like, zero parenting skills, so I get to eat whatever I want, and we just stay in his lab all night.”

“Dude, your life is so not real,” Ned says incredulously. “Have you heard from May?”

“Yeah, she said she’ll probably be home this weekend. I think she feels bad, but her work really needed extra hands with the hurricane relief, so it’s fine.”

“Gotcha. Hey, what do you – whoa!” Ned exclaims. “What’s going on?”

As they turn the corner, as large mass of students clogs the hall, all trying to peer over each other to get a look at whatever’s caught their attention. Before Ned and Peter can get any closer, though, the crowd parts down the middle by a seemingly invisible force.

That is, until Tony Stark steps through.

As usual, he’s wearing a three-piece suit, his trademark sunglasses, and in his hands is – what the fuck? – a Spider-Man lunchbox.

Tony’s eyes lands on the pair of them, and he casually makes his way over to them, as if Iron Man walking through a high school is normal.

“Hey, Pete! I was just looking for you,” he informs Peter.

“Hi, uh, Mr. Stark. Um. Hi. What are you, uh, doing here?” he asks, trying to ignore all the blatant stares that are now focused on them.

“What? A billionaire can’t just come by to see his favorite mentee?” He’s smirking though, and Peter knows the superhero is taking great pleasure out of embarrassing him.

“No,” he retorts flatly.

Tony puts his hand on his chest dramatically. “Oh, how you wound me. Betrayed! By one of my very own! What ever did I do to deserve such treatment?”

“Jesus Christ,” Peter mutters. “What do you want? Ned and I were just about to head to lunch.”

“Ah ha! And that is where I come in. I am, as usual, here to save the day.”

Peter raises an eyebrow and gives him an unimpressed look. Tony huffs. “Sheesh, tough crowd to please, apparently.” He holds out the lunchbox. “Lunch. You left your’s.”

Peter thinks back, suddenly remembering that oh yeah, he definitely did leave his lunch on the counter. However, it’d been in his old Star Wars lunchbox that he’d had as long as he could remember.

Noticing his look, Tony gestures to the bag. “I took the liberty of getting you an upgrade. We all know how much you like Spider-Man.”

Yup, I’m definitely filling his Iron Man helmet with ramen noodles now.

“Wow. Thanks,” he says, sounding anything but. He takes the bag gingerly. “Now I won’t starve. A true hero you are. Really living up to your name.”

Tony pretends to blush. “You’re too kind. I’m just here as a completely selfless act of service.”

“Sure. So, can you, like, leave?” Peter says impatiently.

Tony shoots him an affronted look. “Well, I know when I’m not welcome. Which, let’s be honest, never actually happens because I’m a famous genius billionaire. But I really do have to get going.”

“Oh, thank god,” Peter breathes. Tony laughs and ruffles the kid’s hair, knowing it’s all in jest.

“See ya later, kid.” He turns to Ned. “And you – be sure he actually eats it.” Ned looks like he’s about to faint. And with that, Tony turns on his heel and struts out, leaving behind a bunch of astonished high schoolers. Peter’s pretty sure Flash’s jaw is about to hit the floor.

After a second of stunned silence, Ned looks over at Peter and smirks. “What was it you were saying earlier about ‘zero parenting skills’?”

Peter groans. “Shut up.”

Ned’s laughter is drowned out by the mass of students headed excitedly in their direction.

-

“Dude, you look like shit,” is how Ned greets him.

Peter doesn’t even have the energy to be offended. He certainly feels like shit, flashes of hot and cold racing through his body and forehead beading with sweat.

“It’s fine, we’re fine,” Peter says, not at all reassuringly.

“Yeah, okay,” Ned scoffs. “Why are you even here?”

Peter sags against his locker tiredly. “We’re supposed to be going over Shell integration and the Trapezoidal rule in calc today. I can’t afford to miss it. Also, we have decathlon practice after school today and MJ will kill me if I miss it. Again.”

He startles when a light slap meets the back of his head.

“Speak for yourself, loser. We don’t want your disease,” MJ says from behind him.

“Sorry, May raised me to always share,” Peter jokes. “Anywho, it’s too late for me to go home now. May’s already left for work. What a shame.”

MJ just rolls his eyes but Ned tosses him a doubtful look.

“Come on!” Peter protests. “Seriously, I don’t even feel that bad!”

Three class periods later, Peter’s more than ready to retract his earlier statement. He definitely feels that bad.

He’s in the middle of Anatomy class, and he can’t, for the life of him, keep his head up. His muscles are aching just with the small bit of effort it’s taking to use an arm to prop his head up, and he’s so, so hot but can’t seem to stop quivering.

At this point, he’s completely tuned out the teacher, entirely focused on trying to keep himself from throwing up in the middle of class because God knows Flash would never let him live that down.

His phone buzzes.

Chair Guy: dude

Chair Guy: you look like an actual zombie

Peter groans internally.

Friendly Neighborhood Peter: thanks.

Chair Guy: hey I have a great idea bc im a genius who goes to a smart kid school!!!!

Chair Guy: go :) home :)

Friendly Neighborhood Peter: no :)

Peter quickly puts his phone away, and he sees Ned shake his head in exasperation. The rest of the class passes by in a cloudy haze of sickness, and he blinks up blearily when a shadowy figure stands in front of him.

“Peter. Peter! Yo. Dude, come on, class is over. Even Dr. Arrington has left,” Ned informs him.

Peter groans, tossing an arm over his eyes with the thought that maybe if he doesn’t look at Ned, he’ll just go away.

No such luck. “Peter, if you don’t get up, I’m calling May.”

Immediately, Peter’s head shoots up, and he winces as the dull throb in his head intensifies.

“You can’t! She’s at work, her phone’s off anyway because she’s not allowed to be on it. Plus, I still have Calc! And Decathlon!” he protests, but even he can hear how weak it sounds.

Ned just rolls his eyes. “I’m pretty sure at this point, MJ would kick your ass if you showed up to practice. Go home and we’ll all send you a ‘Thank You’ card.”

Peter swats at him weakly.

“Peter, seriously. We gotta go,” Ned says, hoisting Peter’s bookbag onto his back. “Think you can get up?”

The vigilante stares at him blankly. Ned sighs.

“Yeah, okay,” he mumbles to himself. “We are not fucking doing this.” Louder, he says, “Peter, give me your phone.”

The exhausted teen tiredly reaches into his pocket, groaning at how heavy an achy his arms are. He hands his friend the phone. If he were more aware of what’s going on, he ‘d be much more suspicious. However, at the moment, Peter wants nothing more than for his friend to stop talking so the pounding in his head will cease.

“Thank you. Stay here for a second,” Ned tells him, and Peter doesn’t even question it. Not like he could move even if he wanted to.

Maybe I can Uber to my Spanish class, his feverish brain thinks.

He’s not actually sure how long he drifts in and out of clarity, but at some point, he opens his eyes to feel a gentle hand carding its way through his hair, and he instinctively leans in towards it.

“Hey, Pete,” a soft voice says. It’s a nice voice, Peter thinks. Not too rough, but just enough gravel in it to create a low comforting sound. And it’s… vaguely familiar.

Peter lowers his eyebrows in confusion and wills his eyes to open – when did he even close them? – so he can see the owner of the familiar voice.

“There we go. He’s alive! A true miracle.”

Peter nearly closes his eyes again, because obviously he’s still dreaming. There is no way that Tony freaking Stark is kneeling in front of him, stroking his hair, and gently coaxing him awake. Not possible.

“Yeah, it’s me, kiddo,” Tony says, obviously reading the surprise on his face. “To be fair, I’m probably just as surprised at this development as you are, but your friend Ted, here –“ he gestures to said teen who offers nothing more than a shrug “ –called Happy saying that you’re dying, and we just happened to be in the area, and I also happen to be a superhero. So.”

Unreal, Peter thinks, and closes his eyes, ready to let unconsciousness swallow him whole.

“Ah ah – no. Nap time for the spider baby later,” Tony jokes, but Peter cracks his eyes open to see the worry lining his mentor’s face. “I say we blow this popsicle stand.”

Peter nearly sags with relief at how good that sounds. He’d do just about anything to sleep. But then he remembers why he’d been so determined not to stay home in the first place.

“I can’t!” he protests, finally speaking up. “Calc. Integration.”

Tony stares at him in disbelief, and then turns to Ned, who’s still watching the exchange with a look of awe.

“Did he just say what I think he just said?” he asks incredulously.

Ned just gives him a long-suffering look and nods. “Yeah. He’s dumb.”

Tony scoffs. “That’s an overstatement,” he grumbles under his breath. Louder, he says, “Peter, you do realize that you’re literally talking to a genius, right? An actual engineer who literally built a flying suit? And the arc reactor? I think I can teach you some damn calculus. Goodness gracious.”

Peter just blinks at him. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh,” Tony repeats, but he can’t help surge of utter fondness that rushes through him at the sight of the tired kid, still pressing into the hand in his hair.

“Come on. Happy’s waiting for us. I’ve never actually dealt with a sick – anything – before, so this’ll be a great learning experience for the both of us,” Tony says conversationally. He gets up, groaning at the ache in his knees, and takes Peter’s bag from Ned.

Peter immediately lets out a whine at the loss of contact. The noise strikes a chord deep within Tony, and he tries not to think too hard about it.

“Sorry, kid. Come on, up you go,” he encourages, hoisting the kid to his feet. Peter sways tiredly on his feet, and Tony is quick to steady him.

“Whoa, I got you,” Tony soothes. He runs a quick hand over the kid’s forehead and lets out a low whistle at the heat that meets his hand. “Sleep. You need lots of it. So do I, actually. What do you say we get to Happy before the evil man makes us walk?”

Peter smiles weakly and nods, stumbling beside his mentor, thoughts going blurry again as they make their way to the front of the school.

As promised, Happy is waiting for them, and it takes a little while longer to wrestle the kid’s lanky limbs into the car and across the backseat. Again, Peter lets out a whimper at the loss of contact, and Tony coughs to cover the soft smile that’s threatening to appear as he slides in next to the teen.

And if his hands end up back in Peter’s hair?

Well, no one ever has to know.

-

It was a stupid argument, if you could even call it that. Really, it was just Flash being a dumbass, as usual. Which, usually is a thing that Peter can handle – is used to handling – but today is just not one of those days.

Patrol last night had been rough, more mentally taxing than usual. Peter’s not exactly sure what about it made it so, but it left him wired up with an anxiety that followed him into sleep, prompting unwelcome nightmares and flashbacks of a variety he hadn’t experienced in a while.

Truth be told, he knows it’s kind of his own fault. He’s been overworking himself, staying out longer and longer as Spider-Man, coming back by May’s curfew only to sneak out hours later when he hears her breathing even out.

Then he comes back and works on homework and studying, getting a mere two or three hours of fitful sleep, surviving mostly on coffee and pure, stubborn willpower throughout the day. This all does nothing to calm the ever-growing wave of anxiety.

So, to be fair, this was probably a long time coming.

Flash just happened to be the catalyst.

Peter and Ned sat in their usual spot in the cafeteria, Peter comparing his homework answers with Ned’s. When Flash walks up, Peter immediately tenses, already preparing himself for an onslaught of insults.

(And how stupid is that? He’s Spider-Man and yet he’s reduced to nothing at the mercy of a stupid high school bully.)

“Hey, Penis! Ready to get your ass beat in the science fair this weekend?” Flash mocks. And to be honest, Peter finished his project weeks ago in the confines of Tony’s lab, analyzing how robotics can be used to enhance prosthetics and make them more effective and efficient.

And, at this point, he’s so tired, he doesn’t actually care who wins. He never did, really.

“Isn’t ‘Penis’ a little old by now? Surely you can be more inventive than that,” Peter taunts. And yeah, maybe not his smartest move ever, but whatever.

Flash flounders for a second, unsure of how to respond, before his face clears again. “I could, but this one suits you best. It’s kind of iconic, don’t you think?”

“Hey, Flash, you know what’s funny?” Ned steps in suddenly, and Peter groans. “How Peter’s smart enough to land an internship with Stark Industries, and you haven’t even heard back yet.”

Flash flushes with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “Yeah, and how much do you suppose your little sidekick has to pay just to polish Tony Stark’s shoes? You know, there’s actually been speculation that there’s a something a little more – should we say? – kinky going on there,” Flash says with a suggestive smirk, and Peter immediately sees red at the very implication of his hero doing something like that.

“Shut the fuck up, Flash,” Peter snarls angrily, and Flash narrows his eyes at him coldly.

“What was that, Penis?”

Peter stands up, well and truly angry now. “I said ‘Shut up.’ You don’t know anything about him. And I’m sorry you couldn’t get an internship with him when I could, but I guess Stark Industries knows talent when it – “

A sudden flash of cold and wet leaves Peter sputtering. He barely registers the fact that Flash is standing in front of him, the cup in his hand totally empty, because the wave of anxiety that’s been building up the last few days decides then and there to pull Peter under.

No longer is he in his high school cafeteria. No, he’s back in the lake, alone and tangled and trying so hard to break free of his confines. The water is cold, seeps straight to his very bones, and against his will, his lungs take a desperate breath in, but all he gets is more water.

He can’t fucking breathe.

God, what if he dies like this? Just a useless body floating on a lake, and maybe it’ll be days before he’s found, and May – oh god, May! – will be left completely alone to deal with another bout of grieving.

And Peter – god, he doesn’t want to die, he’s not ready to do that yet, he’s supposed to graduate and watch the next Star Wars movie release with Ned and there are so many more people he needs to save, and also he’s just plain scared.

If only he could breathe.

“Peter!”

The unexpected and familiar voice shocks him, and he flails towards it, hoping it’ll bring him closer to the surface.

“I’m right here, bud, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you,” the voice tells him, and it sounds so convincing and real and soothing that he tries with everything in him to believe it.

“Hey, it’s me – Tony. I’m right next to you, and we’re both in your crappy school cafeteria,” the voice – Tony – informs him, and Peter frowns in confusion because Tony shouldn’t be here, he’s going to drown, too.

“Tony,” he gasps, hands finding purchase in warm fabric. Dry. It’s dry! But – what?

“Yeah, kiddo, it’s me. Open your eyes and look at me. It’s okay, I promise,” Tony coaxes him. And because he’s never had a reason not to trust him mentor, Peter cracks his eyes open, immediately cringing at the water that drips into his eyes.

“That’s it, good job,” Tony encourages, and Peter tries to let the sight of his mentor drown out the feel of water burning his nose.

“Mr. Stark?” he asks in a small voice. “W-what? I-I don’t – “

“Shhh, it’s all fine. You’re at school. You had a pretty bad panic attack. Your aunt wasn’t picking up, so they called me,” Tony explains. Peter takes in everything around him, drinking in the sight of the now completely empty cafeteria, save for him and Tony.

“I didn’t – I didn’t mean – I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, cheeks flushing red with shame. Tony gives him an incredulous look.

“Peter,” he says gently, reaching out to tilt the boy’s face up. “Look at me. You didn’t do anything wrong. You never have to apologize for something like this.” Tony’s gaze darkens suddenly. “The only person who should be apologizing for anything is the childish, cruel, immature bully who did this to you.”

Peter opens his mouth to protest. “No – it wasn’t his fault! He didn’t know that would happen.”

“And that makes it okay?” Tony scoffs. “No, kid. That’s all on him.”

Peter stays silent, not willing to admit the man is right, as usual. Tony studies him for a moment, then lets out a heavy sigh.

“How are you feeling now?” he asks the teen.

“Fine,” Peter lies instinctively. Tony just raises an eyebrow at him. “I don’t know. That – that wasn’t supposed to happen. Usually I have it under control,” he says, looking frustrated.

“It?” Tony prompts.

Peter tugs anxiously on his shoelace. “I guess sometimes I still think about the lake? Because I was tangled and stuck and it was – “ He cuts off, throat closing abruptly. Tony puts a hand on his shoulder, grounding him.

“Scary,” Tony finishes for him. Peter just looks down. Tony sighs again, looking more tired than ever. “Pete, you gotta keep me in the loop with these things. And if not me, then May or Ned or someone you trust. It’s okay to feel like this. Hell, I’m scared all the damn time.”

Peter looks surprised at the confession. “What?”

Tony laughs bitterly. “How do you think I became Iron Man in the first place? It was because I’m scared. My suit? It literally just started out as a physical manifestation of my anxiety.”

“Does it get better?” Peter asks, and he looks so small in this moment that Tony’s heart cracks right down the middle.

Tony hesitates before answering. “Yeah, kid. It does. But it takes a while, and it might not ever go completely away. You just have to communicate with us. Think you can do that?” Tony asks, looking Peter straight in the eye.

Peter swallows thickly and nods. “Yeah.”

Tony looks intently at him for another moment and then nods in satisfaction. He moves to get up and groans. “Fantastic. I think all that emotion just gave me heartburn,” he complains, rubbing his chest dramatically.

Peter smiles, the somber atmosphere broken. “Or maybe you’re just old,” he jokes.

Tony pretends to look offended. “Rude. Offensive. You owe me one whole compliment for that.”

“Nope,” Peter says. Tony nudges him gently.

“Oh, come on. No nice things to say about your favorite superhero?”

“Who said you’re my favorite superhero?” Peter smirks deviously.

Tony’s eyes widen in mock hurt as Peter gets up and starts to walk out without him. “Two compliments! Now you owe me two!” Tony calls as he walks after him.

And Peter’s answering laugh? Totally worth it.

-

First of all, the fact that aliens decided to attack New York City during school hours? Rude.

Which is Peter’s first thought when Tony calls him right before his fourth class of the day. It goes a little something like this:

“Kid. We’ve got aliens attacking New York – again, don’t they ever learn? – and it’s all hands on deck,” Tony informs him.

Immediately, Peter lights up with excitement, already feeling the first shots of adrenaline at even the thought of fighting with the Avengers again.

“Yes, of course!” he gasps excitedly, making a beeline for his locker to grab his suit.

“Great, meet us at – “

“Hey, loser,” MJ greets, not caring that Peter’s on the phone. “Where are your safety glasses? You need them for lab today.”

“Shit,” Peter mutters, feeling his heart drop to his feet, because normally, hell yeah, he’d skip class to go fight with the freaking Avengers! Except today’s lab counts as one of three big exam grades and he literally cannot miss it.

“What was that?” Tony asks, sounding preoccupied.

“Uh, Mr. Stark? Can the emergency wait, like, an hour?” Peter stammers. Immediately Tony’s full attention goes back to the teen.

“What?” he demands sharply. “Why?” There’s a pause in which Peter is more than reluctant to answer, but Tony catches on quickly and groans. “Oh, Jesus Christ. Let me guess: Spanish test?”

“Chem lab,” Peter mumbles. He can practically hear Tony rolling his eyes.

“Kid, you can make it up. New York needs you right now,” Tony says matter-of-factly.

“But, Mr. Stark! I won’t be able to make this up, she said the only way we can miss it is if we’re in the hospital dying or it’s an extreme emergency,” Peter protests.

“So aliens aren’t an emergency now?” Tony deadpans.

“I mean, yeah, but I can’t exactly go up to her and say that I need to leave for something like that!” Peter says delicately, conscious of MJ standing nearby with a bored expression. “Anywho, I’ll be there in like an hour tops, I promise,” he says quickly before hanging up, and oh boy, he’s going to get an earful for that later.

Immediately, his phone starts buzzing again but he stuffs it in his bookbag hastily. MJ gives him a weird look.

“Your boss is fucking weird,” she comments.

“Tell me about it,” Peter mutters as they walk into class.

They sit down at one of the lab benches and wait for their teacher to start giving them instructions. Today’s lab is the Synthesis of Aspirin, and yeah, nothing they’ve done so far is nearly as cool or advanced as his web fluid or the stuff he makes in Tony’s lab, but he’s still excited. And nervous. Because he really needs a good grade on this.

Once instructions are given, Peter and MJ start methodically setting up lab equipment. Peter’s getting the hot water bath ready while MJ measures out the salicylic acid when a sudden hush falls over the room.

Curious, Peter and MJ both look up to see what’s going on and Peter immediately wishes the ground would swallow him whole.

Tony is standing in the doorway.

He strolls in with calm strides and a casual confidence and walks right up to the teacher.

“Hello, Dr. Mead. I’m terribly sorry, but we need to take Peter out of class. There’s an emergency at Stark Industries, and it’s sort of all hands on deck. He’s our best intern, after all,” he says charmingly.

She looks flustered in a way that Peter never imagined he would ever see of his usually very collected teacher.

“Um, I understand, but this lab is an exam. Is there any way it can wait after?” she asks hopefully, and honestly, Peter admires her for not just immediately caving into him.

Then Tony takes off his trademark sunglasses and looks at her with such a stern look that Peter immediately resolves to buy her the best teacher appreciation gift ever.

“I’m afraid not. This is a matter of utmost importance. Surely you have make-up labs?” he asks in such a way that implies the only correct answer is yes.

Dr. Mead opens her mouth as if to protest before finally just settling on saying nothing at all, before turning to the back of the class, where Peter is resisting the urge to hide under the lab bench.

“Mr. Parker, you may be excused. We can discuss make-up times later,” she announces, and Tony smirks, triumphant.

Peter’s face burns with embarrassment as he grabs his bag and walks out the room, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

Tony ruffles his hair, and Peter swats at it in mock irritation.

“Was that all really necessary?” Peter demands when they’re alone in the hall. Tony shrugs.

“Nah. But then you hung up on me, and I’m petty,” he says. “But actually, I was already on my way to come get you. Cap, Nat, and Rhodes have got the situation contained, but they could really use some help, and we’re the only ones around.”

Peter, now that he’s not so worried about his grade, perks up with excitement again. “Man, this is so exciting!”

Tony gives him a fond look. Only Peter would find an alien attack exciting.

“Sure, kid. Now let’s go kick some alien ass.”

-

At first, there’s nothing to indicate why Peter’s spidey sense is suddenly going off like a blaring alarm.

His whole body is seizing with panic, everything in him screaming danger! But he strains his ears to listen for anything out of the ordinary and turns up empty, so he just shrugs and chalks it up to his anxiety going into overdrive.

Later on, he’ll hate himself for it.

Not even five minutes later, deep he hears it, clear as day: the crack of a bullet, one after another.

He shoots up in his desk, on high alert, and everyone around him starts looking around in confusion, not really comprehending the noise. For a second, he’s right along with them, not quite willing to believe that he’s hearing what he’s hearing, because no fucking way is this happening right now.

Then he hears the scream.

It cuts through the haze of the confusion that had clouded the room, and immediately Mr. Johnson runs to the door, knocking off the lights and covering the door window, and everyone is pushing to the back of the room.

Peter takes the moment of chaos to grab his suit out of his bag, and quietly slips out the other window, hoping that everyone was too preoccupied to notice.

“Hello, Peter,” Karen greets pleasantly.

“Karen!” Peter says urgently. “Call 911 and tell them there’s a shooter at Midtown. Contact Mr. Stark. Activate Stealth Mode.”

“Got it,” she says, and then a silence follows wherein Peter assumes she’s following his directions.

Without further pause, Peter quickly follows the sounds of students screaming and gunshots, praying and praying that no one’s bit hit.

“Peter,” Karen says, “Mr. Stark says to stay put; he and some of the crew are on the way, and so are the police. You are not to engage with the shooter.”

All it takes is another piercing scream for Peter to decide that’s definitely not what he’s going to do. He can hear students near the exits evacuating, but as he goes deeper into the school, it becomes eerily quiet. He tries not to focus on the hundreds of heartbeats skyrocketing in fear.

He rounds a corner and finds a student curled up under a water fountain, shaking and crying. She jumps and whimpers in fear when he enters her line of sight, eyes flooding with relief when she realizes who he is.

“Sp-Spider-Man,” she gasps, tears streaming down her face. He quickly shushes her, not wanting to draw any attention to them in case the intruder is nearby.

She shakes her head insistently. “H-He already c-came by. He’s at-at the classrooms b-by the audi-auditorium.”

Peter nods in determination. “I’ll take care of it. You need to stay hidden. If other people start running, join them. Stay quiet. You’re doing so good.”

And fuck, Peter doesn’t even know if that’s the right advice, because this is so much different than anything he’s ever dealt with before. These are his classmates – his friends – who’s lives are being threatened.

As he nears the auditorium, everything seems more still and foreboding, and he can hear a single set of footsteps walking calmly across the floor. Peter leaps up to the ceiling and rounds another corner.

He nearly falls back down at the sight that meets him.

The first door to his right his open, a body lay strewn in the doorway, and something in Peter’s brain shuts down, absolutely refuses to acknowledge the reality of the sight before his, refuses to go into the room in fear of what else he might find.

He hears gasps and soft sobs, but he pushes it all away and lets his gaze zero in on the figure at the end of the hall, gun raised towards another classroom.

The sound of the bullet, this time, is deafening, and Peter wastes no time before crawling until he’s just above the figure.

In the blink of an eye, Peter’s on top of him, wrestling the gun out of his grip and punching the guy with a ferocity that’s unfamiliar. He hits. And hits and hits and hits, because this guy attacked the wrong fucking school and those are Peter’s friends.

Peter sees red, flashes of anger and blood and oh god his friends, are they okay? And it hits him, suddenly, the gravity of everything that’s happened in the last ten minutes, the way his school will never be the same because of one person’s decision.

“Spider-Man, stand down,” a voice cuts through the haze, but he ignores it in favor of tossing another punch, but before he can, a metal hand wraps itself around his wrist.

“No!” he snarls. “This one deserves it!” He fights against the arms that wrap around his waist, thrashing against the hold.

“Kid. It’s me, Tony. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We’ll take care of him, you’ve done great. Your job here is done.”

With those words, Peter sags against his mentor, allowing the hard armor to support him and the weight of everything to sink in.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” Tony says, gently picking the young hero up and letting the police come in and take over. No one even bothers to question him. It’s common knowledge that Spider-Man and Iron Man are close, and no one is willing to get him in trouble for beating the shit out of someone who deserved it.

Tony cradles the kid’s head to his chest, no longer caring who sees, only focusing on getting Peter out of there. Steve, Sam, and Natasha can handle the rest, he figures. There are cops everywhere, and scared students are being rushed out in a line to meet desperate parents waiting for them outside.

Happy is waiting for them, and Tony has never been more grateful for his status as Iron Man than now; no one tries to stop him.

Tony quickly deactivates his suit and gets the kid in, settling them both into the back seat, and Happy wastes no time trying to push his car through the crowd, glancing back at the duo with deep worry etched into his features.

Peter hasn’t said a word, and they’re halfway back to the Tower, where May is meeting them, when the teen starts shaking violently, clinging to Tony.

“Oh god,” Peter sobs, pulling his mask off, and Tony absolutely breaks at the raw terror and grief on the kid’s face as the weight of what’s happened hits him. “Tony,” he gasps, pulling his mentor closer.

Tony wraps his arms around the kid, hugging him with an unprecedented fervor. “Shhh, it’s okay now. I’m right here.”

But Peter’s hyperventilating now, tears soaking the man’s shirt. “I-I couldn’t – I was too late. I think – I think – Tony, I saw – “ and he doesn’t get past that, because he can’t. He can’t make the words push past his lips.

If he doesn’t say them, maybe they won’t be true.

Instead, he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his face into Tony’s chest, crying violently.

And Tony? Tony doesn’t know what else to do other than murmur soft words of comfort that he knows are falling on deaf ears. So he settles back in his seat, Peter practically in his lap, and runs his fingers soothingly through the kid’s hair. It’s going to be a long road to recovery, he knows.

But he’s in this for the long haul.

-

“No.”

Tony stands against his desk, arms crossed and sending a flat look to Pepper, who’s looking at him with an equally determined expression on his face.

“Tony, come on,” she says in exasperation. “He’d be thrilled, and if nothing else, it’d be great PR. I think people would really like seeing you be so invested in an intern, personally taking him for a deeper look at what you do.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Pep, Peter’s already seen what I do. Hell, he practically lives in the lab after school. He literally has his own room here.”

“Sure, but he only ever sees Tony, his hero, mentor, and father figure.” Tony opens his mouth to protest that last label, but Pepper cuts him off. “Shut up, it’s true and you know it. Now, as I was saying, I think it’d be really beneficial for him to see you as Tony Stark, a business man, company owner, and employer.”

“The answer is still no!” Tony says.

And yet somehow, that conversation led up to now, with Peter standing awkwardly at his side at eight in the morning, staring at the main floor of Stark Industries with awe on Take Your Kid to Work Day.

“Mr. Stark, thisissocool!” Peter exclaims in one big breath. Around him, workers are bustling about. Tony, quite frankly, can’t believe he’s never taken his fake intern into the main part of his building. A careless oversight. It’s impressive, really, that the whole “internship” story has managed to hold up for this long.

“Whoa, calm down, kid,” he says, watching the kid fondly as he practically buzzes with excitement. Peter looks at him with wide eyes.

“What are we going to do today? Are you going to boss a bunch of people around? Build stuff? Paperwork? Now that I think about it, what do you even do?” Peter asks, sounding breathless. Tony just shakes his head in awe, wondering how after all this time, the kid can look at him like he hung the moon.

(And he would. He’d hang a thousand moons if that’s what Peter wanted.)

“Well, first of all, Pepper’s usually the one who bosses me around, so I’m sure you’ll get to see some of that today. We have a press conference at one. Oh, don’t worry, it’s no big deal. We’ll introduce you as one of SI’s interns and explain that I decided to take this day, when a lot of other kids would be around, to show you the ins and outs of what I do. They’ll love it,” he reassures.

And they do.

But Tony’s not surprised, really. The kid has a way of getting everyone wrapped around his finger.

Peter, awkward and nervous at first, quickly gains a bit of confidence, occasionally answering a reporter’s questions with typical teenage sass, but always with a soft smile so as not to offend.

“How did you two meet?” one curious reporter asks. Tony puts a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“Well, this one here is a huge dumpster diver. I actually got an opportunity to see his skills at fixing and making tech with natural ease, so I encouraged him to fill out an application for the internship. His application was outstanding, to say the least, and the rest, as they say, is history,” Tony says with a smile.

“Peter, were you a fan of Iron Man even before the internship?” another reporter asks.

Peter laughs. “I mean, who wasn’t? But really, I was always a bigger fan of Mr. Stark himself. The work he’s done to create a clean source of renewable energy? That’s insane! I can only dream of making strides like that. I watched a documentary on his robots over the years when I was younger, and I remember thinking, ‘I want to be like him!’ It’s actually what led me to start dumpster diving and fixing old tech. I never even imagined it could lead me to work under the man who inspired me.”

Peter shrugs, missing Tony’s stunned gaze trained on him, while the reporters listen with rapt attention.

“So yeah. Iron Man is amazing and all, but the real hero is the man underneath the suit, which I think people like to forget. The suit isn’t heroic – it’s the man underneath it that is.”

Tony is speechless. Absolutely speechless and completely overcome with an emotion he can’t quite identify as Peter looks over at him and offers him a shy small, as if worried he’s maybe said something wrong.

Tony’s throat clogs with the amounting of affection he has for the awkward, precious, genius, and selfless fucking kid, and he’s nearly knocked off his chair by the force of it. He clears his throat roughly, before addressing the crowd that’s busy melting.

“As you can see,” he says, wrapping an arm around the teen. “I brainwash my interns well.”

The crowd laughs, and the spell of emotion is broken.

However, when Tony goes down to his lab that night, long after Peter’s been dropped back off at home by Happy, he finds a sticky note attached to one of his computers, the messy scrawl deeply familiar.

There’s only four words, but they make Tony’s heart swell in his chest.

I meant every word. -P

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 2)

no. jk here.

So, it’s morning. I look around at our camp, and see everyone is at work. Karen is painting their flag and using safety scissors to cut out Monty’s head, Kevin is chanting to himself in the corner, Stoner’s been asleep so we buried him in the sand up to his neck and then sculpted a sand castle around him. Tommy is just trying to make eye contact with anyone he can and so I’m...avoiding that. I’d say we are solid but that’s probably not the truth, and so that kind of stinks. I’m hoping the newbies really fuck up, and I know that’s harsh but...that’s showbiz, babe!! Speaking of newbies I still haven’t talked to a few of them.  Emma like zoomed away the first day and I’ve given up on talking to her. Hope she goes first. That’s all I got for now, going to eat breakfast I will continue this rant later.

my truth is that i haven’t played an org game in so long i forgot i was playing and then remembered an hour ago and tried to do this wack qwop game hsksksj! my legs were not qwoperating 

I see there's an arena going on! I might go there first if the rest of the team is okay with it - gives me a chance to scope things out and get a feel for the area. I'm excited!

WE WON THE FUCKING CHALLEEEENGE AAAAA NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT WE KILLT IT WE SCORED 12 AND EVERYONE ELSE GOT LIKE 8 AND 5 OHMYGOOOD IM NOT GONNA BE FIRST OUT YALL IM SHAKING I CANT BELIEVE GSJDKDVDSNDBWSKHSD okAy okay so thank god bc my tribe has like no drama so our vote would’ve been really difficult and that gives me more time to think about my possible advantage and the possible bonds here. 

so while I am safe I still have to game a little bit and talk to the people I’ve been talking with who are going to tribal like Sammy and Jordan, funny enough who are on the same tribe.... maybe I can get them to protect each other..... hm

Well we lost because of technicalities, I choose to blame that. This tribe is apparently extremely quiet to each other, so the fact that I messaged everyone hello this morning, nearly 48 hours after the start, I am SOMEHOW one of the best social players here. Challenges are generally my strength, we got last in QWOP, so backup is social game in a social ORG. I can be in some danger here, but I think I have a TRusuT sclusTER to keep myself here. As is necessary. I don't care who goes, I have a preference, but I don't really want to set a goal right now. Flexibility is key.

I'm literally PISSED. I'm fuming right now, like wtf? OK so I haven't confessed anything yet because my tribe has been SO quiet. I've honestly talked a lot more to some of the people from ONE WORLD than I have from some of the people from my own tribe... and I'm not crazy okay? It's NOT my fault. I put in effort with these people... But some of these people are just DRY! Drier than the Sahara Desert! Drier than my chappy ass lips! They can't hold a conversation, and that's obnoxious. I'm not going to respond to you if your message has literally nothing in it worth responding to, that's why most of my messages will either have a follow-up question, or something actually of substance to comment on/reply to... YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME SO WE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK AND MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT DIALOGUE!!!!!!! But NOOOOOOO, my tribe decides to not speak... MOVING ON! The only people I've had good conversations with really are Juls and Em, and lo and behold, Em does lit rally nothing in this challenge, which sucks because I'm afraid that may put a target on her back. But I'm not sure, I definitely will vote with her and I think Juls will too. I'll move onto that later but I wanna talk about why I'm fucking LIVID RIGHT NOW. I literally made SO many suggestions on how we could tweak who does what in this challenge, or what we do on certain parts. Now I'm going to admit a TINY bit of fault here, in that I didn't say my suggestions on the tribe flag. There are some things I think we could've done to make it better, but I love Juls, and everyone had already told her it was great, so I didn't wanna make her feel that I didn't like it or was over criticizing. So I didn't say anything. That was my bad. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE, LUV? I said We should guess lower than 610... Now granted my even 600 guess still would've been too low to win, BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN OVERBOARD! HMPPHH!!!!! Or maybe we could've compromised on 605 if people hadnt IGNORED ME!!!! IDK!??!?!?! Further than that, I asked for different tweaking on the chant and nobody gave any suggestions. I'm not saying we would've won or anything had I taken the lead or that I was doing everything the right way,  obviously I wasn't since my chant got 3rd, but what I'm saying is once it became obvious the challenge was going to be about group participation and suggestion, our tribe needed to unify. Everyone in the tribe needed to have a clearer vision and talk to eachother and actually put in the EFFORT that this stuff requires. Which I'm admitting my own error, in not doing that with the flag. But our tribe was just so quiet and silent before now, which sent me down a paranoid spiral, that I was super fucking worried about my place in the tribe or where things were heading. Now I realize I'm in a good position on the tribe for sure, it's just that our tribe is STRUGGLING. ON THE (Mr.) BRIGHTSIDE!!! We lost by a tiebreaker guess, and only by 4 points.... and I'm pretty close with Juls, and it seems like a target will probably fall pretty easily onto Billy. He had the worst QWOP score, described himself as arrogant in his own intro, and just seems.. critical of others. He gives off a strange vibe. If it's not him, I'm pretty sure it'd end up being Jacob or Em. I feel that me and Juls are safe which is all that I can hope for on a tribe this freaking tiny, I instantly connected with Juls over our love of anime, the fact her name is the same as Euphoria Jules, and other stuff. As far as One World goes, I honestly keep forgetting it exists. I haven't reached out to too many of the others but have talked back to those who talk to me and it's been generally decent. I get along well with other Jacob, the not pie one. Caeleb I already know from before this and so I feel like we'd def work together, and I get good vibes from a lot of these people like Eve, Nicole, Ben, etc. Honestly I'm just so frustrated right now because things have been quiet and nervous and I'm PARANOID, and my tribe was so close to winning but fucked it up over minor things we could've tweaked had we just tried a little harder and communicated a little more. ugh, this SUCKS. now my first legacy in Tumblr Survivor is a mediocre chant (i honestly really like it and i put a LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT OKAY....) and a trip to tribal council *Sobs* Here's hoping things take a positive turn from here...? It could always be the Bronze before my Gold! ~Hamfisted olympics metaphor~

Love my tribe a lot! However, i still feel on the outside somewhat tho.... Idk this is a lot for me I just hope we win until a swap or whatever its called ahh

Alright, Darcy back here with yet another confessional!   Here is a little update since I last posted confessional, mainly the biggest difference is now I have an ally formed with Ben.   At least, I made a deal with Ben yesterday proposing just the generic looking after one another ordeal, then going to give it some time and maybe question Beck about forming an alliance, since I've been connecting with her even more past bit, but don't want to go too fast and end up asking half my tribe right away to work with me, as I don't want to be seen as playing hard out the gate and make myself a target.   Meanwhile, I decided to give the Olympic Village searching a shot, but alas was no luck in the cafeteria cabinets, so will just have to try my luck again in the future rounds.   Thinking of searching either the South or North end of Village next round, but we shall see.   Anyways, I'm glad my tribe won Immunity, so don't have to go to tribal this round, and this Olympic Arena twist sounds great, essentially one person from each tribe goes to the Arena, I believe for the immune tribes just 1 person is selected to go to the Arena, and for the losing tribes, the two voted out go to arena, where the winner of the voted out people come back in the game, and loser is out of the game for good.   Think I read that all right, but maybe won't hurt to give it another read to double check.   For now though, I shall go, so will see you all with my next confessional.

Fuck having to go to tribal first. I don’t like having to send someone home when I don’t even really know who I’m playing with yet. 

Seems like Billy pulling the "I don't want to make any moves" to me was surprisingly bullshit. Who would've thunk. I think everyone is fine with voting out Billy here, I didn't really want to initially, but yeah, uh no. I could be in danger, but if everyone is honest here, I should be fine. Fingers crossed. "I'm either going to be first boot or win" - Pia Miranda

So, the first tribal is in a bit and we were almost sent there but managed to pull through in the tiebreaker! I hope that opens some of my tribemates eyes (lets be real, just Stoner who hasn’t been doing much of anything!) Being in One World but none of the newbies talking to me is still wild to me, half of them still haven’t even accepted my contact request. Yet they’re plenty active in the chat, so what gives? Anyway, I hope it’s just that they are intimidated by the very fact that I am beauty, and grace, and Miss United States. I hope we can win the next round, hopefully first or second place so we don’t have a close call again. We are trying to get Chris to go to the Arena so he can get us that 20% but he hasn’t answered so...what gives? On the alliance front I’m good with Kevin and Karen tribewise , the bigger picture is Kevin, Jacob and Sammy want to align and then we will have a bigger alliance that includes Beck, Juls and Eve. Eventually I might wanna break off and align with Jules and Eve, but having bigger targets around is essential. Anyway that’s all I got for now. I should start making video confessionals AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING. Ya know? Anyway toodles for now see ya next round. OH, and I’m hoping Jules and Jacob are safe this tribal :( love them and hope we can work together going forward. 

Hiiii, arena results are about to come in so I'm just gonna drop a quickie confessional before that happens. I don't honestly remember how much I talked about the strategy and gameplay that was going on, so I'll give you a quick rebriefing of that. I'm really close with Juls. Em I like, but I want more out of her. Jacob is quiet, but inoffensive. Billy, I actually like him, but there are certain things about him that just.. Rub me (and others) a strange way and that's why we voted him out because certain things he did just didn't quite gel with the rest of the team. If he does return from the arena though, it's possibly I may vouch for him over Jacob because Jacob... HE JUST NEEDS TO TALK!!! But idk. One world still SUCKS and is dragging me through the MUD because nobody wants to do cross-tribe talking me included but that gets me paranoid as FUCK, luv. About the live tribal, it was fun! My camera angle was awkward and I was soo nervous though, but I think I was still able to hold it together relatively well, act normal, and give semi-decent answers. Will definitely be improving my live tribal performance for next time so I can be a bad ass bitch on call, it's GOING to happen... dskfdsf. I love Emma on call/video sooooo much, But on text she's kind of dry. Maybe I need to ask her if I can call her sometime, but I haven't done a call for a game like this in a looong time. I'm a bit nervous about that. But yeah. I'm looking forward to the game... The first tribal just makes everything real, and you realize, oh shit, we're playing Survivor. And I forgot how thrilling it was to play in a live, video environment like that, it just grips you and it feels so much more intense than when wiki results are just posted in chat and you don't have to deal with physically seeing the person you're voting out, talking to them with your actual voice, etc. All that stuff just makes the experience that much more realistic and it's so intense and fun. I'm ready to get this game on (Btw fuck the arena twist)

hey guys im really loving this game so far... keep up the good work!

i didn’t appreciate the attitude billy gave me whenever i tried to help the team out but! i’m willing to get over it because he is a nice guy. i feel fairly comfortable with my team and i’m just hoping we can avoid another tribal! 

Hello! I can not believe I'm back for a 6th time on Tumblr Survivor this is so crazy! Especially for an Olympic season because I vowed to myself that I would never do a season again that was more than 20 people after being in Japan. Now that I'm back I'm ready to play, I haven't really came into this season with a strategy but if I did it would have changed because this is a One World season and now with the arena twist I'm sweating. One World makes the season super social (probably one of my least favorite twists) it's very easy for this season to let pre-mades and majorities take over just like that and let underdogs like me in this season to get taken out especially taken out early. So I have been social not only with me but a few people on different tribes but not too much. I don't want to seem like I'm playing too hard but I wanna build relationships before swaps happen so that people choose to ally with me (A WINNER) over a newbie or a returnee who hasn't won because I already have a big target on my back. With how the tribe divisions are it gives the newbies the biggest advantage with 15 newbies compared to 5 winners and 5 non-winner returnees, which isn't bad in a Fan vs. Favorite season because the ratio is even with returnees and newbies. However, now that I'm in the minority and also labeled a WINNER, I have to do damage control to lower my target but most importantly integrate with other people which is hard because I'm not the best social player and I know that's my weakness but I still have to attempt. In terms of my own tribe I'm closest to Kevin, when I talk to him we have a good conversation I probably already irritate him but I think out of everyone I can put my trust in him the most compared to everyone else. I think having one good ally is how I want to approach this season due to the arena twist I don't want to come across as running the tribe especially the winners tribe incase we do go to tribal because if I vote in the majority and that person stays they are immune and will be mad and spill the beans about the tribe, and I want that person to be the least mad at me so the focus is not on me. So having overall good vibes and 1 strong connection is a good strategy for the long term game. It might put me at risk for being voted out in the short term but I want to play the long-term game. Preferably if it is up to me I'd want Nicole to be the next closest to Kevin and myself without myself having to make an official deal with Nicole so I'm not seen as the ringleader. Kevin says he wants Stoner to be the first one voted out on our tribe but honestly I rather it be Karen. Stoner has the reputation keeps his target bigger than the rest and I think Karen has the better chance of flipping on the winners and succeeding than Stoner does. So my target is Karen if we do lose. I also believe that there may be an alliance with Nicole, Kevin, and Karen which I hope is not an actual alliance because that's bad news for me. I hope we don't go to tribal because I don't wanna go to a tribal with only 5 people. Wish me luck!

Whew it has been one round and i've fucked up so much its not even funny. its a little funny. anyways i start this game on a tribe of 5, i allign with connor who ive never played a game with and find some similar common ground, and with jacob who seems chill. we lose the first challenge sucks and all hell breaks loose, long story short fuck sammy. I'm trying to work my way back in caeleb and jacobs good graces. its gonna be a rocky road, but its one i've driven before

[seokjins]

I’m not the original anon but I loved reading that so much, please do their strengths! It’s really interesting to hear about this stuff from people who know what they’re talking about

I’m a different anon but I’d be interested in reading what you think their strengths are if you feel like sharing. 

AAAAA wow thank you so much !!! i will try to do my best, but it’s very hard to talk about this kind of stuff because, as i mentioned in my first post, i’m not there for the rehearsal process. 

this affects my ability to talk about their strengths bc im not able to see them build a piece from the ground up. one of the things i admire the most + dancers hold to high regard is the ability to pick up choreography, how fast they can adapt to the style, and how quickly they reach a performance-ready image. additionally there’s rehearsal attitudes, how focused one can be, and how willing a dancer is to accept corrections + self correct + work w the choreographer 

this said .. !

jin

his work ethic. it’s no secret that even from AHL and pre-debut days, jin has always been one of the hardest workers in terms of his dancing ability compared to the other members. to come from a NON DANCING background for the majority of his life (it gets harder to start picking things up the older you get due to habits and posture that ur body becomes used to) and to be able to pull off any single one of bts’ dances WITHOUT standing out and looking like a true professional is something that i greatly admire. with all my dance experience, albeit in ballet, i can’t dance the way he did in NMD even now. many many many idols and dancers will never reach his level of proficiency/energy/attitude in that piece as well. 

currently i would say his greatest strength is probably his upper body movement. the only other member that rivals his loose flow is hoseok (re: mic drop dance break w the body rolls), as well as his incredible ballon. he has this ability to seem suspended when he’s doing certain dances … !!! 

he also has incredible stamina. he is stable when he sings and dances, and often isn’t pitchy or sounding super out of breath. compared to 99% of the population, this is a talent and skill that many don’t have LOL this can only come from his natural altheticism and his work ethic due to hours and hours of practice ! he also always appears at ease when he dances (unless the song is an “edgy” or “angry” song), which is difficult to accomplish TT 

yoongi

his strength as an overall dancer! he’s not just a one-trick pony. he doesn’t have any tricks (except for the recent double endehans that we saw in tokyo “so what”??????omg) but he excels in every single bts dance . there is always a point/move that he does better than his members. for a non dancer, he has such innate ability to move and feel the music, something that is rare for people just breaking into the dancing scene like he was pre-debut.

his footwork in dope is unparalleled. his stylistic choices in fake love r so fitting and unique and fjalsdhgalkhg i can’t praise him enough for opening himself up mentally (because dance is also greatly taxing on ur BRAIN) and getting to a place where it seems judgement has decreased on his OG dance abilities. this allows him more freedom in molding to new pieces and making sure he excels in them !!!!! 

namjoon

wowowowowow namjoon also has unbelievable work ethic. i cannot imagine have a stiff, non-dancer’s body (pre-debut) shape itself into the Dancing Machine it is now. there are people who are born to dance, have movement sewn into their bones, but namjoon wasn’t given all of that and yet he continued to work until he found his own rhythm. 

YES he is tall, and YES that means he has to move his body faster than everyone else in order to stay on the music, and YES that means when the group cleans a piece he has to bend lower than the others just to be on their same level – a task that can build exhaustion when it’s done over and over the course of a song – but YES he manages to pull it off EVERY TIME. 

i cannot believe the amount of growth i’ve seen from him in all different styles. i could never imagine the hard hitting NMD dancer being able to do spring day or, an even better example, FAKE LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is light in the chorus section (so less resistance compared to JM or JK) but then he contrasts that immediately after w bound-flow, showing innate understanding that dance cannot all be one energy level; you need to have contrast in order to give impact to important parts & keep the audience engaged. otherwise if U attack a piece w the same energy the whole time, it will actually end up looking flat and boring, like all the movements are the same since they will read the same way to the crowd 

hoseok

i cannot cannot cannot talk about hoseok enough. for me his greatest strength is his performance quality. ignoring everything else he does so well, i’m gonna cut straight to the chase and say he’s the best dance performer in bts. when he dances – between rehearsal and the stage – there is a clear difference; he’s engaged in both, but there’s a level of freedom that he allows himself which demonstrates his connection to the audience. 

he’s very focused on what he looks like in the mirror during practice, but like all great performers, he throws the mindset of “fix technique fix technique fix technique” away once there is an audience and actively invites them to join in on his joy. he has pure passion in his heart for his craft, and it’s never been more clear. the love he has for his art is breathtaking. his fearlessness in switching styles; he’s an absolute chameleon. from spring day to NMD to seo taiji, i’ve never seen him falter before, and all topped off w the most electric connection to the crowd 

like WOW is that breathtaking. being confident in choreography is one thing, but going above and beyond by pushing himself to be in performance mode (a whole beast and a half on its own) as much as possible requires more space within himself that i’m lacking from the other members. YES he is an idol, and he is very aware of this business of tricks, but he never forgets that dance speaks it own language, that it has its own rules, that it possesses his body and governs his movements the minute he sets foot on that stage. i can’t even explain the sheer talent thats in him when it comes to this aspect 

jimin

oh jimin TT his greatest strength is style. i know i talk a lot about how he doesn’t let go enough of it to really excel in all sorts of genres, but what he’s built from a background in classical-esque styles is incredibly admirable. i’m not sure i would be able to do what he did, coming off of 14 yrs of ballet and not much else. to establish himself pre-debut/debut as a member of dance line in a COMPLETELY different style is so unbelievable to me. he knows his body and he knows how to push his body to get the results he wants

i mean . obviously bts are overworking themselves but to have the mental strength to push thru and continuously crank out all these different pieces w a touch that’s uniquely Jimin™ is smth you can’t deny !!! homeboy knows what lines look good on him, and he adapts the choreography to best suit his body 

he also is a great camera fiend. this is more of an industry dancer situation (since great dancers ≠ industry dancers) where his idol status comes into play, but there is a good reason why his fancams get so many views on music shows ! he knows what the camera wants ! he knows how to be sexy ! he knows how to change his image ! he knows how to work with what he’s given and make a whole new meal out of that and its just ! wow ! fuckn yum ! 

taehyung

ok so let’s talk tae’s upper body. let’s talk . tae’s upper body .

he has such control and awareness over his movements, especially his body rolls. he knows how to make his torso fluid, which is something a lot of the members actively struggle with today. he has such ?? nuanced articulation thru his chest that is typically absent from male dancers , so it’s always a treat to watch him perform 

additionally he has great confidence and performance aura. as u can tell from singularity or stigma stages, he also (like jimin) knows how to work a camera well. but this also translates to his dancing. while he can’t catch all the footwork that others may, he understands that facials and his upper body will make up for the deficit. 

i’ve said this before but if you want to see how good of a technician a dancer is, you look at their legs and feet. if you want to see how good of a performer they are, you look at their upper body (arms too) . he knows how to make an impact w the way he moves & it’s so clear in the division of his energy thru his body (more towards his chest since) so ! 

jungkook

for me JK’s strength is how solid he is as a dancer. while he doesn’t excel at a particular style or have a Thing™ which sets him apart from the group, he does exactly what he’s given and he does it well. he works hard. he’s undeniably clean. there’s never a moment where his limbs are flopping around for no reason, and his energy is always portioned exactly where it needs to be. this innate cleanness and confidence in his ability is what allows him to move quickly and look like it’s not costing him much energy 

he also has incredible stamina TT i can’t even begin to explain ???begin????him singing it live???WITH THAT FOOTWORK?????? god 

his footwork is so strong. i would argue the strongest in bts ... the speed and the sharpness of what i’ve seen him do . while singing. is unbelievable. he is able to keep his wits about himself when the choreography is fast shows just how relaxed he is when he dances. he doesn’t feel the need to rush because he knows he’s just . gonna do everything right LOL (at least that’s the impression i’m getting)

again it’s just so hard to say what his tru strength it without seeing him in rehearsal. this is becoz the level of dancing ability in bts is so high already TT so the basis of my comments are a little redundant since i’m comparing members to members instead of members to regular people lmaoo

[parkjmini]

Reminisce | 4

Park Jimin “I found myself falling more in love with you as I grew older.” You and Jimin were childhood best friends until you had to move away. As years passed and you both aged, the separation between your friendship deepen and you never heard from him again. More than a decade passed and you suddenly stumble upon the man who you never stopped thinking about. Word Count: 3,314 Italics = flashback (Y/F/N) = Your Full Name

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | the end

thank you to everyone who reads my horrible writing )): im really sorry i haven’t been updating, my life has just been so hectic !! pls give me feedback bc im always looking to improve ((: this is NOT the last chapter !!

“Dad!” You yelled as the familiar man stepped out of his car. He looked tired, eyes heavy with dark circles that rimmed the bottom. His face sagged and his posture was bent. However, the sound of your voice instantly lit his sulky face.

“My dear!” He whispered as you quickly jumped onto him for a hug, like a small child would do. He laughed, hoarse and deep. He had grown older and weak, so he stumbled back to maintain his balance.

“Dad, I missed you!” You squealed, giddy and eager to see your parent after several years. 

“Honey, when did you get back?” He set you down and tried to take in your grown face.

You went on to explain how you were to be in town for the next couple of days. “Did you not hear my voicemail?”

He lightly knocked his knuckles against his temples and groaned, “I forgot to check my machine these past couple of days. I’m sorry, my love. Where are you staying?” 

“Dad, have you been well lately? I slept at Jimin’s apartment last night.” Your father looked behind your shoulder to see the cool Jimin leaning against his door frame, observing the daughter-father reunion. 

He smiled lightly, “I’ve been a little tired recently. You are staying for dinner tonight, right?” 

“Yes. I was planning on staying here now that you know I’m back—”

“–No, no, my dear. Your room is no longer here. I don’t have your bed anymore. You should go and stay with Jimin.” Your dad began walking towards your home. Confused, you followed after him.

“The last time I visited was six years ago and you got rid of my bed?” You were slightly offended that he gave away your bed, let alone demolished your entire childhood room.

“You were here six years ago?” Jimin suddenly appeared out of no where. You jumped at the sound of his voice and nodded. “Why didn’t you come say hi? Why didn’t you come and see me?”

Groaning, you were reminded by the painful memories of your shattering friendship. “Because we weren’t really.. friends.. anymore.. at that time.” A sugar coated explanation was all you could give, along with a sympathetic frown.

Jimin was taken aback and didn’t move from the doorway of your house. He was absolutely clueless. “What are you talking about?” 

“Nevermind. You don’t remember because it didn’t hurt you as much as it had hurt me.” You answered passive aggressively and tried to find your father in the big house.

“(Y/N), wait.” Jimin caught on to your wrist before you fled off. “Talk to me.”

“Jimin.. we can talk and talk, but you’d never understand how much I was hurting when I grew up without you.” Knowing that you were hurt would only hurt Jimin. Knowing that your pain was because of him made it even worse. Jimin never wanted to be the reason behind your painful sorrows. He merely wanted to be your happiness.

“I wanted to be there for you.” Jimin began to defend himself.

“But you weren’t, that was the thing.” You didn’t know where the sudden fuel of anger and sadness came from. Maybe he wasn’t allow to feel upset that you didn’t bother to see him when you came to visit in the past. 

“Why don’t you go see Jimin?” Your dad asked as you laid underneath your soft, cotton covers. 

You viciously shook your head, so hard that he was afraid your head would fall off. “I don’t want to see him.” 

“Why not, honey?” Your dad tried to be as comforting as your mother. The bed shifted due to his weight and his warm hand rested on your shoulder.

“Because we aren’t friends anymore.” 

“His graduation is today.” 

Cuddling closer against your window sill, you buried your head deeper into the mattress. “I don’t care.” Your dad hated those words and he decided that there was no point in pushing you anymore. He lacked persistence, contrasting your mom, who didn’t take no for an answer.

“Can you believe it? We’re graduating in a few hours.” A young girl’s voice traveled through your open window, into your room.

“Yeah. It’s crazy.” Jimin’s voice made you still in your blankets. The fact that he lived in the same neighborhood made it harder to ignore his existence. He was obviously walking past your house to get to his own.

“I’m going to miss you.” She said sadly. Jimin exhaled and there was a silence. You thought they had left and escaped into his house, so you peeked out your blinds. There he stood at the corner of your driveway, with a girl in front of him.

“Me too.” He had hesitated before saying it. You ducked quickly before either one of them saw. The obnoxious rattling noise of the blinds caught her attention.

“Did you hear that?” The girl asked. “I think it came from this house, that window.”

“This house? No. I know who lives here and no one lives in that room.” You heart was pounding so loud, you heard it in your ears.

“How do you know?”

“They’re a family friend of mine and I’ve been in that house.” 

“For what?”

“Are you done asking me all these useless questions?” Their footsteps picked up again.

“Jimin, you’re hiding something. I can tell.” Her voice faded and Jimin’s response was no longer audible. 

“Jimin, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” You trailed and looked behind you to see if your dad was still in sight.

Jimin shook his head, unable to let go of the topic, “we’ll talk later tonight, when we go back to my place. I mean, you still need a place to stay and I’m more than happy to offer my place.” 

You sat across from your father at your old dinner table. The once small square table use to have three filled chairs. Now, it seemed too big for only two people, let alone one. Your dad’s cooking tasted exactly the same and reminded you immensely of your childhood.  

Your house was practically empty since you and your mom moved out. It was also more dark and disheartening. Your dad completely let go after the divorce, but not enough where he was living in the streets. He also never remarried or had many friends.

You cleared your throat as you both ate in uncomfortable silence. “Why did you clear out my room?”

“I thought that you wouldn’t really need your childhood room anymore. It was too childish for a young woman like you are now.” He sipped his soup nonchalantly.

“I am barely a young woman right now. I’ll always be your little girl, Dad.” You sighed and he smiled lightly. 

“I know, my dear. However, you’re getting older now. You have a boyfriend and..”

“Boyfriend? Dad, I don’t have a boyfriend. Where did you get an impression that I had a boyfriend.” You were taken back at how your father thought you were with someone. You never mentioned anything about your dating life.

Your father stared back at you and raised his brow. His head tilted in confusion and he blinked back at you, not understanding what you meant. “Honey, what are you saying? I thought Jimin was your boyfriend.” 

“What?!” You stood up quickly. Shaking your head, you ignored any way your dad was trying to calm you down.

“I mean who else would have given you that mark on your neck–”

“Dad!” You had totally forgotten about the small mark Jimin left on your neck from this morning. You didn’t even remember which side it was on and proceeded to cover your entire neck. “We’re only friends, you know that!”

“Well, you staying over at his place and then showing up together. He practically chased you down. Now, you have this purple mark—”

“Dad! Seriously, it’s not what you think!” Your face turning a humiliating shade of red. Your father laughed and continued with his meal.

“Then I suppose you fell and hit your neck on something to get that bruise?” He was being sarcastic. That was the thing with your father — always witty and sarcastic. 

You sighed and remained silent. Anything else you would’ve said to defend yourself would have been used against you. You were already upset from the earlier conversation with Jimin, and now your own dad thinks you two are together. You didn’t want to go back to Jimin’s place so soon. He would’ve wanted to talk about the loss time, but talking about a time without him made you incredibly heartbroken. 

You texted Pilot Kim underneath the table. He responded almost immediately. You were going to take his offer for drinks to get your mind off of Jimin.

“Dad, I’m going out with someone.” You helped him put away the dishes after dinner. He peered over at you, an eyebrow raised. “No, not with Jimin. I’m going out with a coworker of mine. She wants someone to explore the city with and who else knows it best besides me?” You lied.

“Alright honey. You two girls be safe. I’m heading to bed anyways. I’ve got the early shift tomorrow morning.” He smiled and hugged you close. “I’m always thinking of you, dear.”

“I’m thinking of you too, Dad.” You returned a small smile before heading out to meet Pilot Kim.

He pulled up in a sleek black rental car. The headlights were blinding white as he pulled up to your sidewalk. You entered the car and the new car smell hit you unexpectedly. “Hello Pilot—”

“—Taehyung. (Y/N), just call me Taehyung.” He cut you off and ended his sentence with a grin. He wasn’t in uniform, so you felt strange seeing him in casual clothing. He looked ravishing. His patterned button up wasn’t buttoned all the way, his dress pants fit his long legs well. He was expensive.

“This is a uh– a fancy car.” You gulped. You were trying to make small talk, anything to fill the empty air.

He smirked and leaned back coolly. “Only the best for you.”

You turned to face him, confused. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “So how was your day?” Taehyung changed the subject rather quickly.

You sighed, remembering all the events of the long day. “It was good. I haven’t seen my dad for a long time, so having dinner with him was really nice. What about yours?”

“Ah… I stayed indoors practically day, besides going out to eat. I had breakfast with Jen, lunch with Gabriella, and dinner with Kimberly.”

“And now you’re getting drinks with me.” You laugh uncomfortably. You really meant for it to be a joke, but you couldn’t help the way it flew out of your mouth.

Taehyung was very popular among the female crew members and pilots. He was a young, probably a year or two older than you, and handsome. Taehyung had a smaller frame, but his height made up for it. He was a fresh face that everyone wanted their hands on. Also, he was single.

You two have never really spoken much, considering you switch coworkers almost every flight. However, you’ve crossed paths enough to have minimal conversation. The talk surrounding him helped with building his character. He was funny, or so people said. He had great morals and a real down to earth guy.

Even though Taehyung was everyone’s dream, you didn’t understand the hype. He was undeniably gorgeous, a work of art, but there was something missing. He didn’t have his own ambitions. Taehyung wasn’t passionate about anything really. He reminded you of a lost boy who has yet to find himself.

“(Y/N), you were the first person all day that I invited out first. The others offered to take me out and I just went along with it.” Taehyung explained.

You shook you head. “You don’t need to explain. We’re not dating or anything. You don’t have to tell me excuses.” The car came to a stop and the neon lights of the club caught your attention.

It was a small bar and it wasn’t a busy night. Taehyung and you sat at a table. You were never big on drinking, so you had no clue what to get. You merely followed along to what your colleague got.

“You don’t drink much, do you?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t. I don’t enjoy the taste of alcohol.” Your eyes couldn’t stop scanning the room, you didn’t want to make eye contact with him. Playing with your fingers, you two sat in stiff silence.

“Then why did you agree to meet with me?” He was asking difficult questions now.

You shrugged and sipped your bitter drink, “maybe because I wanted a friend.”

Taehyung sighed and leaned forward. There was a live band playing quiet jazz music. The beat was soft, something to sway to. “When will you realize you mean more than a friend to me?”

“Excuse me?” You weren’t sure if you’d heard him correctly. Right on cue, your phone buzzed with a text message from Jimin. He was wondering where you were at such a late hour. It didn’t occur to you to warn him that you didn’t need a ride back to his place.

Taehyung placed his hand on top of yours. Your head was ducked down at the device on your lap. “I like you, (Y/N). I want to spend more time with you.”

“I think you’re super cool.” Your eyebrows wrinkled together. Your table partner was scribbling compliments all over your notebook.

“You guys are so cute! Why don’t you just date each other already?” A girl across from you stated.

At your new school, people were nice. It was nothing like how it was back before you moved. You made a lot of new friends who loved your big hair and didn’t take advantage of your big heart. You were a little more outgoing than before. Eleven was a big transition in a child’s life. You were slowly becoming a preteen.

“We should. I mean I do like you, (Y/N).” The boy smiled boldly. Your friends squealed next to you and started slapping your shoulder to edge you to respond.

You were still very sensitive from Jimin abandoning you. A huge part of you didn’t want to let go of your childhood best friend. Your mind was telling you to lie to your table mate that you felt the same. Your heart, however, told you to stay true to who you felt for.

“I like you too.. but not in that way. We’re great friends. I’d like for us to stay that way.” You smiled halfheartedly.

Everyone paused at your reaction. You rejected him. It was a good thing he was an amazing sport about. “No problem. I still think you’re cool. I’ll have to like you from afar then.”

You chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. It was sad, honestly. You couldn’t ever like another guy because of Jimin. Jimin ruined every chance of a relationship for you. No one was ever going to be like him or live up to his standards. It needed to be him or no one. That was how you felt. And you felt that way for almost your whole life.

“Pilot Kim.” You addressed him formally again. You needed to be firm with him. Drawing your hand back, you stared him in the eye. “I feel it’s best if we were friends. If we were to be with each other, it would be inappropriate. You are my senior and I respect you. I think we shouldn’t cross that boundary. You’re a fine young man and you’ll find someone else.”

“Let me guess, you have a boyfriend already.” He sipped his drink and fell back into his seat. “He also just texted you, right? He was the guy you were with today, the voice I overheard on the phone.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s only a friend. My— our — job makes it difficult for us to date, you know that.” You sounded more nervous than you intended.

Taehyung nodded and asked for the bill. “Maybe you should text him back.”

You replied to Jimin with a quick, vague message. He demanded for you to come back to his apartment. You rolled your eyes at the messages he was sending and muted your phone for the rest of the night.

As you were getting out of Taehyung’s car, his hand gently grabbed onto your forearm. You shifted around and he had a disappointed, but hopeful smile. “I know you said that you want to stay friends. I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m sorry if I made you feel uneasy or—”

“—Pilot Kim, it’s okay.” You patted his hand and he nodded, letting you go. Entering the elevator, you punched in the floor of Jimin’s apartment. Anticipation bubbled up your stomach. You’ve been mainly avoiding Jimin your entire night.

There was still a chance he was asleep. You prayed that he was in bed, so you didn’t have to speak or explain yourself. Opening the door, it was revealed an angry Jimin leaning against his dining table. The lights were a fluorescent yellow and the apartment was quiet, except from Jimin’s heavy breathing.

“Don’t.” You said as you took off your shoes and shut the door.

Jimin crossed his arms and got off his table. “My room. Now.” 

You groaned and followed him to his neat, dark bedroom. As you closed the door, Jimin was pressed closely against you. You scanned his face for any clue of it being a mistake. Any sign of embarrassment. 

He tilted his head and it was the scene from earlier all over again. His sweet, soft lips roughly pressed up against yours. His hands held onto your face and lifted your head off his door. Before you had the chance to kiss him back, he pulled away aggressively, leaving you in complete shock.

“You reek of alcohol.” He rolled his eyes and stood before you again, bold and towering. “Where were you and why weren’t you answering my messages?” 

“Who are you? My boyfriend?” Crossing your arms, you traced steps around the heated man. 

“Answer my questions.” 

“Fine. You want to know so badly, here it goes. I went out to get drinks with my coworker to avoid coming back to you.” You exploded at him, unsure where the sudden burst of rage came from. 

He exhaled sharply and said in a low voice, “now was that so hard to say?” 

“Don’t tempt me, Park Jimin.” You spat back, your words laced with venom.

“Why were you avoiding me?” He soften up. Lending out his hands, they touched your gracefully. Automatically, you unwind in his grip.

“Because I didn’t want to talk about the past. I didn’t want you to interrogate me about why I didn’t visit you when I came back. I don’t want to relive the pain of losing my best friend.. no, more… you were more than my best friend.” You were crying now. Tears spilling onto the floor. Jimin encapsulating you in his arms.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry.” You pushed him away the instant you heard that nickname.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You sniffed.

 “Why not?” He looked down at you with confusion.

“Because you’re not my boyfriend, Jimin! What don’t you understand?” You screamed and cried harder.

Jimin was back, holding you with such care. “What if I want to be?” 

“You don’t want that..” Your voice trailed, afraid of his next answer.

“Like you know what I want, babygirl.” Peering up, he had a delicate smile on his handsome face. “I want to be with you.” 

You sucked in your breath. Standing there, you contemplated whether you were drunk and imagining all of this. It was all too good to be true. 

[empresskylo]

Fuck Buddy

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (f)

Warnings: Angst, Smut, slightly nsfw gifs, 18+!!

Word Count: 3.7k+

Summary: You and Bucky have always flirted, but after a certain night he just can’t take your teasing anymore.

A/n: Ok, so I quickly started to see that you don’t have any Bucky smut liked/ on your page, so I’m kinda hoping you still like this even if it isn’t a character you’re into? I don’t know any other tumblrs that I’d wanna send this smut to bc you’re literally my fav acc and I just luv your writing so much. Also this is my first smut so Im hella nervous, I apologize if there are any spelling errors, I re-read this a billion times to make sure there aren’t!! 

submitted by @anonmaybelol

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You laughed as you lead him through the kitchen of the tower, past where all your teammates had been eating breakfast, and up to the front door.

“No no, it’s nothing like that!” you reassured him as he had previously asked if he was that awful of a date. “You were amazing, but I just…” you looked into his brown eyes and smiled feeling a little guilty. “-I’m not ready for an actual like, you know… thing?” you finished your sentence cringing a bit at your words. He laughed and bit his bottom lip,

“Well, all I’m saying is whenever you need a fuck buddy I’ll literally be right around the corner for you sweetheart.” You felt your cheeks blush as he kissed the top of your head and opened the door to leave,

“I promise you’ll be the first person I call” you flirted back, to which he winked and left. You shut the door and sighed, turning around only to find your teammates suspiciously staring at you from the dining table. You raised your brows as if to question why they were gawking at you,

“What?!” you asked annoyed, knowing they probably heard most of your conversation. Nat scoffed, “Did you SERIOUSLY just turn down Mr. Perfect?” You scoffed back as you looked at the rest of your teammates, and feeling yourself get weak once you saw how Bucky was glaring at you.

“Literally leave me alone,” you said as you walked over to the table, grabbing a plate and placing some waffles on it and sitting down conveniently across from Bucky. “What, was he too perfect for you?” Nat asked again, obviously not picking up that you didn’t want to talk about it. “Seriously, drop it,” you warned. And of course, Tony’s interest was now peaked as he saw how unwilling you were to explain what happened. “Come onn, what’s the problem? Was he lacking some skills” Tony asked wiggling his brows. You groaned knowing they wouldn’t stop pestering you till they knew every single detail.

“You guys really wanna know??” to which everyone practically agreed. “Look I mean, he wasn’t bad, I just kinda felt like… I don’t know..” you looked over at Bucky who was still staring at you. You kept eye contact with him as you licked your lips, knowing damn well the only reason you came last night was that you imagined it was him who was fucking you.

“Well? Continue explaining why Mr. Perfect won’t be your fuck buddy?” Bucky asked in a taunting tone, smirking a bit. Everyone tried to stifle their laughs as your eyes shot him daggers. You narrowed your eyes at him as you decided to play a lil with him, you smirked back and as you picked up a piece of your waffle said,

“Because he couldn’t fuck me hard enough” To which poor Steve practically choked on his orange juice, and as everyone else slightly gasped to your unexpected answer. Bucky’s smirk however quickly faded at your answer and you almost melted under his look.  

“Not hard enough?? Honey, I’m sorry but he was built like a fucking brick house, how much harder did you want it?” Nat asked a bit astounded. You looked over at her trying to ignore his blatantly lustful stare.

“That’s the other thing! Poor guy seemed so innocent, I don’t think I’d be able to have more plain sex with him,” you responded picking up the last bite of your waffle, trying your hardest to not to glance over at him. You two had always flirted with each other, and of course, it always got you riled up but this morning Bucky was acting a new way. You couldn’t tell if it was him seeing you with another guy that was making him jealous or if he was just feeling extra antagonizing, but you kinda liked it. You stood up and stretched, 

“Well, I’d love to stay and talk some more about my sex life with you guys, knowing how long it’s been since any of you have gotten laid. But, I’ve gotta go work out, I’m sure as hell gonna sweat more than I did last night!” you joked, high-fiving Nat as you left the room, successfully ignoring Bucky, but hearing him quietly groan at your last few words. 

You had been down in the gym for the past 30 mins, just running. Although you were feeling tired as fuck, it almost felt therapeutic. As your song ended you finally decided to head over to the weights and work on some squats when you heard people walk in. You looked back towards the entrance in the mirror in front of you to see it was just Steve and Bucky messing around as they entered in, Bucky swatting Steve’s shoulder after he had leaned in and whispered something to him. You re-focused on yourself watching as you squatted down, groaning a little as you got back up. 

“Hey y/n” Steve smiled walking over to you and grabbing a couple of weights to set up on the bar. 

“Hey, Steve…Bucky” You said bending down to place the bar on the floor, catching him staring at your ass for a little bit too long. You lifted your tank to wipe the sweat off your face feeling his eyes not leaving you. 

“Catch you guys later,” you said as you picked up your phone, getting ready to head up.

“Why you leaving so early, we just got here?” Bucky asked, a bit of disappointment in his voice. 

“Hm, well I’m about to go shower so if you’ll miss me that much you can come join me, sergeant.” you joked watching his cheeks redden at his nickname. Steve laughed watching his friend get flustered. You turned back around and once again started heading back up to your room. 

It had been about an hour since you had come back up and showered and had settled in some cute white lace shorts and a simple tight, black tank top. You were standing by the kitchen sink drinking some water when you felt someone enter in. To your luck, it was Bucky and damn did he look good all sweaty. He walked over to you and turned on the water to fill his water bottle.

“Just finish working out?” you asked turning to look at him and not caring if he noticed you staring at the way his sweat made his shirt stick to his hard stomach. 

“Mhmm” Bucky said tipping his head back as he chugged his water bottle, his adam’s apple bobbing, just waiting to be sucked on. You bit your lip, you had no idea why but he really was getting to you this morning. “You already shower?” he asked taking in your figure and stopping at your shorts. You leaned back against the counter and folded your arms. 

“..yeah. I mean I waited for you Buck but you just didn’t come…” you pouted your lip knowing you were damn well crossing flirting at this point. “But don’t worry I left enough hot water for you,” 

“Hmm, don’t worry ’bout that doll,” he said leaning closer into your ear basically whispering, “I’m feelin more of a nice, long cold shower,” You sharply breathed in feeling his hot air fanning your neck. You grabbed onto his arm as you stared into those ice blue eyes that were barely seen from how large his pupils were. He tsked as he pulled your arm off of him,

“Sorry sugar, but..you can’t join me,” he cockily said, walking away. You groaned, fuck this man was getting on your nerves. You watched his sweaty muscular body walk away to his room. You settled down on the couch in the tower’s living room, with your knees up to your chest. You couldn’t help but imagine how he’d look taking a shower. Water cascading off of his god-like back, or how his muscles would move as he tugged on his rock hard cock…

You sighed, you knew you had a high libido but Jesus was this man just pushing it. You stayed out in the living room watching a movie not really paying attention. As time passed more of your teammates joined you on the couch until you were squished by Thor and Nat on your left and Steve, Banner, and the rest on your right. After arguing for 20 minutes you all decided to watch some scary movie. You finally saw Bucky from afar coming to the living room, wearing that one pair of grey sweatpants that hugged his body beyond perfectly…and even as he walked down the hallway his crotch was outlined just so deliciously, it’d be a sin not to stare.

“Y/n? y/n!” you heard someone say as you got brought back to reality. “Huh? Yeah?” you asked looking over at Steve who had been trying to get your attention. He smiled knowing who you had been staring at,

“I said would you mind making some popcorn since you said you don’t like this movie anyway?” Steve asked sweetly. You gave him a small smile, “Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back.” you said pushing yourself off the couch, abandoning your spot to Bucky who plopped down. You heard them say something as they readjusted on the couch as you walked to the kitchen. Once it was ready you poured the popcorn into a bowl and when you glanced over at the couch you noticed it was now completely full. You walked over and handed Steve his bowl of popcorn. You stood in front of their view of the tv, causing everyone to yell at you to move.

“Aaand where am I suppose to sit?” you asked annoyed seeing how all the men had taken up 75% of the couch.

“Sit next to me doll,” Bucky said as he was now in the corner of the L shaped couch that had the extended leg part.

“What do you mean next to you? There’s like..no room!” you piped back, still in front of the tv.

“Sit in his lap for god’s sake, just please move out of the way!” Tony said angrily throwing popcorn at you. Bucky smiled as you groaned walking over to him. He scooted over so you could have some space in the corner. You moved over him and laid down, but as you had stated before, there was no space which meant half of you was on the couch and the other half on Bucky’s lap. You crossed your arms and moved your ass around till you settled, and in the process of it, Bucky extended his arm around you.

“comfortable?” he asked whispering close to your ear. You looked over at him, seeing that he was enjoying you being in his lap a little too much. 

“got the best seat in the house,” you said smiling, sliding down, resting your head on his shoulder and placing your left hand on his chest. “but I am kinda cold..” you said, swirling one of your fingers around on his pec. You could feel Bucky’s heart start to race faster as he asked Tony to hand a blanket over, which he placed over the two of you. You weren’t even cold but solely wanted the blanket to cover you so nobody could see you teasing him. As the movie progressed, you often looked down whenever any scary scene popped up to avoid seeing it, as you weren’t a fan of these movies. It was during one of these scenes when you looked down and noticed something protruding through the blanket. You soon realized it wasn’t your leg. Bucky stretched his arms and legs, readjusting and causing you to now have your entire leg completely over his crotch region. As Bucky grinded his crotch into you, you slightly bit into Bucky’s side to stifle your moan, and luckily it went unnoticed. Bucky chuckled and looked over at you and quirked his brow and you were so ready to just fuck him right there. 

God was his bulge huge, you knew he was a rather well-built man but you never imagined his dick to be that huge. You started to zone out as all could think of now was straddling him on the couch and riding him to the next fucking century. The movie ended a short while after and a few started to argue about what the ending suggested, but you couldn’t care less because all you could think about now was how good his cock would feel in your-

“Doll?” you jumped a slight bit having your daydream interrupted. 

“What?” you asked him a bit harshly. “Movie ended..” he said looking down at your lips. You looked around seeing that everyone was now leaving. “And..?” you asked questioning what he was hinting at. He bit his lip, knowing how frustrated you were becoming. By now everyone had headed to their rooms and bid their goodnights. Bucky’s grin grew as he now pushed you into the corner some more. He slightly got up, leaned and caged you, with both of his arms surrounding you gripping the back of the couch, his body hovering over you. He lowered his head into the crook of your neck, gliding the tip of his nose from the base of your neck to your ear. 

“Hmm…you know what that means..” he said biting the top of your ear. You moaned reaching up and grabbing his hair and neck pulling him in. “Sergeant..” 

 He leaned back and you felt his body tense as you called him that. His pupils were insanely dilated and it just made you more riled up. He stared at your face for a bit before pushing himself up and off the couch. He stretched his arms up and you noticed how his bulge was somehow even harder from before. He yawned and said,

“Well, g’night then agent y/l/n” You sat there slightly confused and irritated. 

“What do you mean ‘goodnight’? Where are you going?” 

“Huh? I’m going to my room to go sleep, it’s night what else would I do?” he asked giving you a confused look back. 

“Sleep?” you asked almost coming out as a whisper. 

“Yeah..Y/n I just told you the movie ended, which means it’s time to head off for the night. Whatcha’ think I meant?” he asked smirking. Oh, fuck no. This guy did not just tease you throughout the entirety of the movie and lead you on to think that you’d finally, finally be getting past all the flirting to some good fucking. Only to mess with you? You sat there astounded and watched him turn on his heel and start walking to his room. You got up and chased after him through the hall. 

“Bucky” you hissed after him trying not to disturb everyone else, to which he didn’t turn around and continued walking down the hall as his sweats were dangerously low on his hips. “Bucky” you said a little louder finally getting to his door, as he had his hand on the knob and turned to look at you. 

“What’dya want, you’re going to wake everyone up screaming my name like that,” 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” you said crossing your arms and watching as he entered his room. “Bucky don’t you dare ignore me” you said angrily entering his room right behind him. He turned around and pushed your back until the door shut. He pushed his body against yours and you gasped gripping the back of his neck. 

“Doll I don’t think I could ignore you even if someone paid me to. It’s kinda hard to when you strut around here flirting with everyone as if you just wanna be fucked by them. And god those shorts, do have any idea how badly I just wanna tear those off?” he said pushing his leg in between yours. You moaned at how his thigh rubbed in against your crotch. “Hm, I’m sure you know. What’d you say earlier, that you can’t be with someone who can’t fuck you hard enough?” He asked roughly gripping the side of your neck, and his thumb slightly pressing into the center of it. You groaned a “fuck” and wrapped your legs around his waist as his metal arm supported your waist against the door. “I know that’s bullshit, y/n. Your rooms right next to mine, I heard how loud you were last night, how good he was making you feel. I had to fight against every single urge of mine to just come in and knock the fuck outta that guy.” Bucky said leaning into you again, his lip inches away from yours. “So tell me why you actually didn’t like him,” he hissed, rubbing his thigh into your thinly clothed cunt. You gasped, as one of your hands snaked to his back clutching it. 

“Because- he wasn’t you Bucky.” You said pressing against his crotch, trying to get as much friction as you could, and eliciting a groan from him. “mm, fuck. God the only reason I could even remotely orgasm was because I kept imagining it was you fucking me.” Bucky grinned and bit his lip.

“Please doll be serious, don’t mess with me like this,” he warned narrowing his eyes, not knowing if you were joking. 

“I’m serious Buck…you’re kinda mostly the only reason I ever cum by myself.  Plus knowing you were in the other room listening made me wanna moan louder..you know to give you a lil something to jerk to,” you said smiling. Bucky pulled you away from the door, dropping your legs and turned you around so you faced the door. 

“You fucking tease…” he said as his cool metal hand traced along your hot body. His fingers slowly slid into your shorts and down to your lips, giving them a squeeze as his middle finger traced around your clit. You yelped, grabbing onto his arm and wrapping your legs around it. 

“Bucky please, I need you…” and as soon as you said it he slipped two of his fingers in, brushing against your g-spot. He started sucking your neck, as he thrust his fingers in and out of you.

You moaned as your other hand grabbed the back of his head, pulling his hair as you felt yourself getting closer. As he kept hitting your spot, you felt his other hand snake down and start rubbing circles on your clit. You squealed as the sensation got overwhelming for you once you felt his hard cock rub into your backside. 

“James, yes…fuck yes just like that” you moaned your face pressed against the door. He groaned into your ear,

“Come on baby, cum for Daddy,” And you completely lost it once you heard him use that nickname. You become a moaning mess as you orgasmed, clenching around his metal fingers. He started to slow down his fingers as you rode your high out. You whined once he pulled his fingers out. 

“Don’t worry baby, I’m not done with you yet,” he said after licking his fingers clean, moaning. He lifted you up and walked you over to his bed, throwing you onto it. He stood at the side as he took his shirt off, and as he did so you got on your knees and slid his sweatpants down. You leaned over and started to suck on his cock through his boxers. Bucky sharply breathed in at the contact, throwing his shirt away. You continued to suck him through his boxers until he pulled his cock out. 

“You tryin’ to make me cum in my pants sweetheart?” he asked looking down at you, almost cumming from the sight of you. 

“I just want you to cum everywhere daddy,” you said as you jerked his cock and licked the tip of it. 

“fuuck” Bucky groaned as he gripped the back of your head thrusting in but slowly pulling out. “mm, no honey no more teasing tonight.” With his one hand he lightly pushed you aside, causing you to be on your hands and knees. You arched your back and looked around, seeing the holy sight of him jerking his cock before putting it in you. You both groaned at the feeling of him easing in, your previous orgasm providing enough slickness. Once he was completely inside you he stopped for a second and bent down to your ear. 

“Want it rough?” he asked still grinding into you. You moaned, causing him to grab your waist as he pulled out. 

“I asked-” he stopped as he smacked your ass, “do you want it rough” You audibly said yes now,

“James please just please fuck me already,” you might’ve sounded whiny but it only made him want to fuck you more. And god did he fuck you, as soon as he started thrusting into you the entire bed was rocking against the wall. He continued praising how good you felt around his hard cock and calling you dirty names. It surprised you someone from the 40’s knew how to dirty talk so well, but then again this was Bucky Barnes. His metal arm sneaked down and started rubbing your clit as he continued hitting your spot. You felt that familiar feeling all over again. 

“Yes daddy, fuck I’m gonna cum, please don’t stop” you moaned gripping the sheets.

“God I love it when you call me that you little slut” he said quickly turning you over and spreading your legs open as he continued fucking you. It didn’t take long before you were cumming again, forgetting everything but his name. As your cunt clenched around him, Bucky couldn’t hold himself back anymore as finally came with you. You both were a sweaty mess, and after calming down Bucky pulled himself out of you and toppled over next to you on the bed. 

“God that was amazing” you said staring off at the ceiling, smiling. You felt him move a little as he perched up on his side and looked at you. 

“So…you wanna be my fuck buddy?” he asked laughing, bringing up your morning’s conversation. You blushed, cringing at how awful that guy was. 

“Honestly after that I think I need you to be more than just my fuck buddy” you said turning over, looking at his dorky smile.