#not to mention the DMs

[fuzzyhairedfreak]

um uh uh um. so. did anyone else used to follow Nate Stevenson's D&D campaign drawings back in the day or-

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

[buglaur]

i've been playing the game in my own time but i gotta share this lil angel cus she's the cutest toddler my sims have ever had

[umburgrr]

Art Commissions Open!

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- Delivery time: 3-20 days (timing might defer as I am a student, I will communicate if more time is needed depending on complexity)

[leroibobo]

really do not think people understand the extent to which palestinian sites/landmarks (especially muslim ones) were destroyed, beginning in 1948 until now, even in cities. the oldest extant mosque in jaffa (al-bahr mosque) was built in 1675, even though islam came there in the 7th century

[koutone]

Ngl i'm still living for that Thiefshipping vampire AU

me too... have vamp baku being a little shit again

[onthecrescentofthehill]

i know it’s all just joaks but idk why sooo many ppl depict laios as a messy eater in fanart like man we see him eat all the time 😭 he’s a very clean cut, organized person who was raised by strict parents and he’s truly SHOCKED at how izutsumi eats….

like ok it’s just joaks. i know. but sometimes it feels like the result of ppl thinking his unawareness of verbal/nonverbal social cues extend to every part of his behavior which isn’t true at all…90% of his faux pas are from over excitement and/or being too literal. he can be very calculating & when you look at his body language in calmer moments he really does try to be unobtrusive.

i’m going way off topic here but it’s my blog so like. i think he is quite aware of how people generally see him, considering his childhood and teen years & he talks about how alienated he feels (it’s like, a major theme in the climax of the story lol.) and i think rules like cleanliness and rote manners are clear scripts for him to follow. in post canon i don’t think he’s this lost cause mess either that people make him out to be even for jooooookes i know i KNOW. but his ability to strategize and apply knowledge is genuinely amazing, he’s soooo intelligent and yeah he will probably Fuck Up Bad bc of not picking up on the court intrigue hyper contextual social signals but he has so much help with that.

idk i just don’t see this oafishness people exaggerate and portray him with (again, for jokes, i get it.)

[suddencolds]

just read this snippet in a vanilla fic where character A sneezes and character B unthinkingly lends them their jacket. only, A realizes after the jacket is on that it's feverishly warm, and they lean over and feel B's forehead... 😵‍💫

what lack of self preservation would you need to have to lend someone your jacket so unthinkingly when you're the one with a fever?! also to feel someone's fever through the residual warmth of a clothing article?? the scene will not leave my mind

[kusogitsune]

Hijacking Fly-by-Wire is a prank, don't get your arse in a knot. It's not like I was spoofing locktones again.

It's only natural for a pixie to get into Hacking Pranks right?

[levemetal]

Have some various OG!Shangjiu brainrot + OG!Shang Qinghua design from my side - I do like to imagine he's quite different from Airplane.

I love rareships even if they're a pain cause there is like 0 content. Guess I have to do it myself then.

Disorganized OG SQH thoughts under cut

If we can believe Airplane on SQH, his upbringing wasn't too terrible nor all that great, probably some "disposable" son in a family, starting as outer disciple on An Ding. Presumably he runs into the inadvertent ambush by Mobei-Jun, and is similarly thrown to die by his fellow disciples. Assuming this happens as such in the OG timeline, it's easy to see why SQH would have no qualms betraying the sect. Overall tho, I imagine he was ambitious even before MBJ to fight his way up the ranks regardless of the cost. I don't imagine him to be afraid to climb over corpses, if only to secure himself a place as peak lord. I could see him having a bit of a two-sidedness to him kinda like NHS. Pretend to be demure and harmless/weak to get what he wants and not draw attention since everyone assumes him incompetent outside of his work as lord of paperwork, but a lot more ruthless and unfriendly on the inside. He doesn't particularly care for his fellow peak lords and thus is willing to sell the secrets to MBJ in exchange for his life Cold and calculating, ruthless, A grade actor, two faced, rude but repays debts (like mbj leaving him alive and therefore doing stuff for him; I think he'd be aware that he's hopelessly outmatched against mbj so is this technically coercion??)

Anyway with SJ probably an enemy/rivals to lovers situation starting with a spiderman pointing meme game of "I know what you are" and ending in "everyone sucks - I agree" and watching the world burn together or something it's all still vague in my head

[lunalikestowriteanddraw]

I know this was technically forever ago on my part (since I’m halfway through ep 30), but I am still REELING over the whole Gideon love curse in episode 26. Mostly because Kremy was under the aladrin curse, and Gideon WILLINGLY mentioned that he loved Kremy’s regular form just as much as the aladrin form. And then, when the love curse eventually dissipated, the DM said “you see Kremy as the sniveling alligator that he is, but you still love him”

ALSO???? THE ODDLY CONVIENENT DICE ROLLS???? LIKE WITH THE MATCHING LOBSTER OUTFITS???? Also the fact that the rest of the Krew (Twig and Torbek included) took one look at them, and basically keep saying “oh my sweet fuck just kiss already”. Hell, that one snake NPC took one look at Gideon and essentially said “I know what you are”. Why else would she bring up “falling in love” specifically????

[420technoblazeit]

dean is literally always finding new and creative ways to kill himself it's kind of impressive tbh. if he put half that energy into getting therapy mayb we'd actually get somewhere. and yet.

[seanoridraws]

Time to cook!!

[canisalbus]

Hii!!! Hello I just discovered your blog and oh my god im absolutely hooked I love machete so muchhh. I’ve known machete for a day and a half and if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself- /ref (machete: *gets assassinated* me: a.)

Anyway!!! because of that I’ve really wanted to draw him and I was wondering if you’re okay with me posting it 👀 with proper credit of course and I’d tag you! Ik not everyone is comfortable with that so I thought I’d ask.

[flecks-of-stardust]

[ID in alt text]

hi sorry still obsessed with this gif i got. it's so funny to me. my baby's little feets sticking out. the pearl in their hands. the slime mold 'walking.' the neuron glow receding. earlier i laughed so hard it hurt and it's still just as funny now watching this help

[ingravinoveritas]

Follow-up to this post from yesterday: I made it through the surgery! Had something of a rough time in recovery, as my body is not used to narcotics/anesthesia, but very happy that I got to go home last night and didn't have to stay over at the hospital. Also incredibly relieved to report that they didn't have to remove one of my ovaries! I was so afraid of surgery for a long time, but I am beyond grateful that every nurse and team member was so kind and professional and answered all of my questions. I don't think I fully processed everything that happened until today, as I did not cry once yesterday, but I did finally cry this afternoon. Feeling sore right now and standing up from sitting is nothing less than an exercise in masochism, but so, so happy with how well things went. And my absolute heartfelt thanks to everyone who left such encouraging, kind comments on my other post--it means more than you could ever possibly know... ❤️