#not to say I havent been thinking abt jackie anyways shes so silly
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Oh baby my brain is crashing
#rat rambles#the staying up til 4 am is finally hitting for realsies I am now incapable of thinking#which is very uncomfortable so I shalst be showering and then hopefully Ill go to bed before 4 am lol#not to say I havent been thinking abt jackie anyways shes so silly#she's such a bad person but shes also my silly middle aged woman#shes so passionate abt her research and abt learning but as time goes on it shifts into almost obligatory#shes no longer a scientist working in a field shes passionate about. she runs a company that is openly for profit and has forgon morals so#much that a great deal of attention much be made to making sure they are not forced to deal with the consequences of such and it just#continues to spiral downwards as jackie becomes more and more of a husk of a person#its all her fault and she sucks so much and I love her sm#because underneath it all shes still a sentimental person and she still does value olivia on some level#not nearly enough. and she sure as hell doesnt respect her. but she hasnt managed to fully shed everything abt her past self#Im sure there is a part of jackie that wants to be able to be close with olivia again. but she still fundementally does not respect her#she hides things from olivia that she knows she would be against and still expects them to remain professional when discussing said things#jackie wants an olivia who is helpful to a fault and not the woman who she loved so dearly before#jackie is just a very selfish person whos ambitious to a fault to the point she couldnt stop if she wanted to#shes dug herself into such a deep hole that she cant remember which direction the surface is#maybe she thinks shes digging upwards. perhaps she was at a certain point. maybe she is and it simply doesn't make a difference#its why I dont particularly hunger for late story jackie logs because ultimately I think its better we dont know how she handled the fall#remorceful or not it doesnt change what shes done and what is going to result from her actions. its all already played out#multiple times before and multiple times again#I do want to see more of jackie's emotional side but I rly dont think we need a full jackie being sad monologue or smth#oni is ultimately a tragedy and I think that getting to rly truly see jackie before if all started going so downhill would do wonders#and as Ive said before I want it to be soooo small and unimportant to the greater story#just smth small and everyday even non dialogue would work to me#like to be completely honest even just a grocery list from her college years would probably tell us so much abt her#anyways back to having a crashed brain and showering this got out of hand lol
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